>In a less developed part of Equestria, you end up captured and used as a camp whore for a group of bandit/raider mares.
>And this isn't a joke. They actually do intend to rape you and a few other males, mostly stallions they found. If you don't comply, you can expect punishment.
>You're large and resilient enough that you can endure one mare wailing on you without much pain and no marks, but escape isn't much of an option when you're so vastly outnumbered. If they truly want to kill you, then they could.
>So you swallow your pride and be cooperative. If any one of the mares wants laid, then you give without questioning. 
>At the same time, you try to endear yourself to the bandit chief so you can potentially become important enough to avoid abuse.
>Surprisingly, it works. The chief mare, a scarred, ruthless cutthroat skilled enough to cut down 20 ponies at once, declares that you are for her private use only.
>For a while, life has a pattern. You live in their hideout, living semi comfortably off of their plundered goods and letting the chief fuck you whenever she demands. You try to stay on her good side, going out of your way to be nice despite your shitty situation.
>Thoughts of murder and escape still cycle through your mind, trying to come together in a workable plan.
>Then things change. The chief stops sending you away when she's done with you, instead ordering you to stay in bed with her.
>She starts demanding your opinion on things. Other times she inquires if there is anything in particular you need. Then she gets more personal, inquiring on your past and what you feel.
>Things change even further in a way that makes you worry. Her demands become firm requests, her probing inquiries become questions, and on rare occasions she'll ask if there is anything you WANT.
>Testing her, you carefully ask for a very particularly scented soap, worded in such a way that she could disregard it. She snorts and you assume that's a no.
>A few days later after a caravan was raided, a bar of soap the exact scent you wanted appears in your sparse belongings.
>Then she stops being rough in bed, now purposely avoiding causing you pain. If you squint, you could even say she was trying to pleasure you back.
>One night after unusually tender sex, when she thinks you're asleep, she cuddles into your side with a defeated huff and shuffles closer, gently nuzzling your face before turning away and drifting to sleep.
>You know what this is.
>Lima Syndrome, were a captor grows attached to a hostage in a reversal of Stockholm syndrome.
>Your plans for murder begin to derail, self doubt severing the tracks.
>The chief guarded you from the first day you declared you to be hers. She hasn't gone out of her way to punish you for non-existent reasons. Most of all, she has recently started showing you affection and an intense but well hidden interest in your needs and wants.
>Scented soap is one thing. She never asked, but she made note of your favorite foods and made sure that they were made more often. One comment from you about finding the sound of bandits using the stallions uncomfortable lead to her ordering the stallions to be it kept on the other side of the hideout. 
>Now she powers through post-climax oversensitivity to bring you to orgasm after she's already finished. Something no bandit would ever do.
>Your captor and...
>You can't even call her a rapist anymore. She doesn't demand, just asks. A nudge and "Come find me in bed, alright?" is enough to make you go to her, where she patiently waits in what has to be a rehearsed seductive pose.
>You don't enjoy this, right? You don't know anymore. The sight of the powerfully built mare used to fill you with resignation. Now the thought her pressed against your side or you mounting her and feeling those burning, velvety insides makes anticipation and something uncomfortably pleasant build in your chest.
>This is so fucked up. 

>In a feat worthy of one of several spy movies Shining armor manages to lead a successful revolt after slipping off his anti-magic shackle using a fake horn.
>His shields are enough to tip the odds in the captives favor, especially after most of the camp were too busy 'celebrating' the capture of such a high profile pony to notice the sounds of brawling before it was upon them.
>Bursts into your tent while you're in the middle of your nightly rape-but-not-really and quickly knocks out the chief in the confusion.
>Urges you to grab a weapon and follow him, adding that reinforcements from the empire will be here soon before quickly darting out again.
>Quickly checking the chief, you're relieved to find she's only unconscious, but is definitely going to have a headache when she wakes up.
>The fact your first thought was to check on her health and not leave or finish the job is not lost on you.
>The fact your second thought is of the chief's hidden escape route (Shown to you "Just in case i need you to carry some loot and dont have time for directions.") only compounds the issue.
>Sounds of conflict come from the tent flap in front of you, promising a high chance of freedom and a return to civilisation, the chief lies unconscious before you, promising confusing feelings and an uncertain future





>After a magic ritual you read on some onion site actually works, it drops you into RGRE.
>You were plenty tired of dealing with people and this is just the ticket.
>Have metaknowlage of MLP.
>You say fuck it, you're not looking for adventure.
>Head to a remote town safely out of the way of the princesses and the elements.
>Settle, make friends, maybe find a wife/small herd, maybe a few children, enjoy the RGR.
>Some years pass. News of big events reaches town, but it goes untouched.
>The out of nowhere the elements show up, probably for a friendship problem.
>In tow with them is a teen girl, one dropped into RGRE too young to remember earth or other humans.
>And they're looking right at you with shock.
>...Shit...







> Shining nurses his drink
> He glances at you, then stares at his hooves
> You sigh
> You didn't believe what mares said about stallions and whimsy until you became friends with Shining Armor and Cadance
> Last time he got tipsy and nervous, the two of you ended up in a public fountain, pictures of the two of you mooning the camera scattered throughout the square
> You knock back your whiskey and decide to get it over with
"What is it, Shining?"
> He blushes, fiddling with the glass in his hooves
> "You know how I am pretty much the ideal stallion?"
> You frown
"Sure. What about it?"
> He sets the glass on the table, then covers his face with his hooves
> "I'm the woooorst!"
> Oh please no
> You get up out of your chair with a grunt and walk around the table
> His mane is soft and silky, the result of some rather expensive shampoos
> As you pet him, he slowly calms down
"Come on, we both know that's not true."
> He gives you a shaky smile, and you note he wasn't crying
> Well, maybe tonight can be more than some weird pity party
> "Thanks Anon, but you don't know why I am so baaad."
> You sit down in the chair next to him and sigh as it creaks under you
"Alright, tell me."
> He licks his lips
> "You know how you're too fat to be loved?"
> Weird pity party it is
> You close your eyes and take a deep breath
"Who knew the crystal heart had a weight requirement?"
> Shining continues on heedlessly
> "And how we can all have sleepovers, and I don't have to worry about you being a gold digging homewrecker, because who would want you over me?"
> You grab his glass and swallow the fruity drink 
"Get to the point."
> Shining leans on your arm, nuzzling it a little
> "Anon. I keep thinking about it, and I realized. I want to watch it."
> You have a bad feeling about this
"Watch what?"
> He stares at you with glittering eyes
> "I want to watch you get fucked by my wife."
> You rub your temples, fighting back the headache that is sure to be
"As in, pegging?"
> Shining snorts
> "No, that's weird. I want to watch her ride you, that's all."
> You resist the urge to get more alcohol
> That road leads to giving in to his whimsy
"Why?"
> He blushes, and wiggles in his chair
> "It's just, you being so unattractive, and Cadance being way out of your league, it's almost funny in a hot way."
> You get up and head toward the liquor cabinet
"And have you told Cadance about this fantasy of yours?"
> Shining grins at you as you pour a glass of the good stuff
> "Yeah. I'm a lucky stallion."
> You look at the glass, then drink directly from the bottle
"Fuck it. I'm in."





> Anon dies from overworking at the office for too long
> Wakes up in RGRE
> Is set up with a government stipend and a cheap apartment
> Wanders around town the first couple days, just getting a sense of things
> Takes simple pleasure in having the time to play with the CMC when they cross his path
> Mares smile at the heartwarming sight
> After talking to many store owners, Anon begins work as a freelance accountant
> It's not like the finances for any of his clients are especially complex or time consuming
> They just would rather not have to deal with it if they don't have to
> The CMC tags along occasionally, fetching papers and snacks for him 
> He'll take a lunch break, and chase them around a bit until they are not so hyper
> Sometimes the store owner will give little demonstrations on how to do some little thing, and Anon and the CMC give it a try
> His home and their clubhouse are covered in the resulting knick-knacks, each a precious memory








> Be Anon, waiter at the Bannered Mare
> It isn't easy being a man in Skyrim, but you stay strong, and mares have come to respect you, and some even fear you
> The civil war going on just makes things worse
> Wanderers come in, making a nuisance of themselves, slapping your ass as you go by
> Luckily Holder the Innkeeper doesn't mind you smacking them over the head with a serving tray
> It's a slow afternoon when another stranger walks in
> You pause at the sight of daedric armor
> The mare trots over to Mikaela the Bard
> "You need to leave Carl Valentia alone."
> Mikaela gets to her hooves and glares at the stranger
> "Carl put you up to this, didn't he? I'm sorry, but that fiery widower is mine. He just doesn't know it yet."
> The stranger doesn't look amused
> "Leave Carl Alone. Or else."
> Mikaela takes a step back
> "Whoa. Hey there. I didn't mean to make you upset. On my honor, Carl won't have to worry about me again."
> Thank goodness someone finally completed that quest
> ...
> That's the dragonborn
> And she's walking towards you
"How can I help you?"
> The mare looks you up and down
> "How would you like to make some coin with that body?"
> Is she really asking you to-
> But she's so... persuasive
"Sounds like fun."
> Should have known Skyrim was modded
> You just hope she doesn't offer your company to a stallion







>You start seeing 2 mares right around the same time. An older mare down on her luck and a much younger, troubled one who is just barely legal.
>You tell them both that you're talking to another mare just to be upfront with the potential herd thing. Both are fine with it.
>You get along great with both. The older needs someone to heal her distrustful, jaded self. She tells you of how her first marriage fell apart and how horrible she feels neglecting her young daughter.
>The younger needs a stable someone in her life. Teen years are stressful on young mares, since they all-at-once "notice" stallions and how few there are on top of school drama. Plus she has the baggage of an absent mother and workaholic father.
>You grow to love both dearly. The older slowly opens up again, smiling for real and steadily pulling herself out of her dark place in life with your help.
>The younger was already starstruck with you. Her grades had shot up with your help and "motivation" and she's grown to realize that her parent's situation isn't her fault. Her infatuation beings to bud into more intense feelings.
>You dated them separately for a while and decide they should finally meet. They were actually pretty eager to see who had captivated your interest as much as themselves.
>Your older mare, Delta Vee, walks into your home and greets you with a smile and a deep kiss. A moment later, the door opens again followed by a gasp.
>"M-mom?! What are you doing kissing my coltfriend?!"
>Delta's eyes widen and she whirls around.
>Standing in the door is a shocked Apogee, your other mare.
>"Kiddo? Wait... Your COLTFRIEND?" Delta asks, turning to look at you.
>...It suddenly hits you that none of you three had mentioned any names when talking about each other.
>This is awkward






>Witch Doctor Anon innaquestria
>Dabbles in legit black magic and voodoo
>Sets up shop even deeper in the Everfree than Zecora
>Screws over ponies and other creatures with his deals
>Has actual demons helping him out
>For the most part he doesn't get found out because he's able to play the part of the "innocent, lost, strange alien colt" well when in town
>As for those he has deals with, they either;
>go so well that they don't want him getting in trouble
>go badly and Anon manages to convince them they'd get in more trouble than he would
>or Anon just sends them away
>Literally, he sends them off to some fancy foreign island so they won't bother him
>The only one to actually realise what he's doing is Zecora
>She tries to out him but he just plays the victim
>The ponies try to convince Zecora she just didn't get what she saw, it's not like they'd get angry over a misunderstanding
>After several hours of going in circles with the ponies, Zecora comes to a realisation
>She needs to fight Anon at his own game
>Mystic magic, with potions, chants and spirits
>Witch Doctor Anon is happy to have a creature that can match him and make him sweat to keep his business going
>Zecora starts offering similar services (with no curses)
>Their game eventually devolves into just showing off and trying to one up each other
>This comes to a head one day when during a festival they both come out of the Everfree to set up stands
>They're throwing spells around that aren't even in the Canterlot Archives
>They both come to a grinding halt when Rainbow, drunk off her ass, yells at them to just buck and get it over with
>Anon and Zecora spend the night talking to their respective demons and spirits
>The spirits offer genuine advice to Zecora while the demons do the spirit equivalent of shitpost at Anon
>He doesn't even know why they're still here, he hasn't even given them any souls in months
>They're just here to laugh at his misfortune






>Anon in Equestria
>Doesn't stick around Ponyville
>Goes traveling
>At one point, he meets a strange older mare when he finds a town to stay in
>MILF age, precisely
>She calls herself "Sea Shell" (not before muttering that less kind ponies call her "Bombshell" because she always blows her chances with colts)
>Anon and Sea Shell get on like a house on fire
>Sea Shell is funny, and her eccentricities are endearing and charming
>Sea Shell finds him easy to talk to and finds herself falling for him after a number of weeks
>Anon and Sea Shell hook up
>But Anon's funds are dwindling, and he has to go home soon
>No matter what Sea Shell offers, Anon refuses to take her money
>Anon promises to write, and they talk about visiting each other
>A few months later, Sea Shell has successfully saved up enough money to spend some time in Ponyville
>She's getting weird deja vu all around town, and gets weird looks from some of the older residents
>Applejack in particular can't buck the feeling that she knows this mare
>It's not until Granny barricades herself in the cellar and shouts about ghosts and wraiths returning for her blood that Applejack decides to figure out who this mare really is






>Ponyville is actually a nudist society
>Ponies do, in fact, wear clothing
>Maybe not pants and shorts since those would be difficult for earth ponies and pegasi to put on and take off, but standard nudity taboos apply and they try to cover themselves up whenever possible
>Be it skirts or tunics, you generally won't be able to see a pony's bits
>It's just smaller out-of-the-way towns that nopony really goes to that shed the taboo
>It's a town of perverts, and Anon honestly has no idea
"I mean, I guess clothes seem impractical to a pony," he reasoned, "how's Applejack supposed to put a pair of pants on?"
>The mares spot a new, exotic-looking stallion in town in the form of Anon
>"Ooh... his cock would be right at muzzle-level. It'd be a shame if some mare 'accidentally' walked face-first into his crotch, huh gals?"
>>"No kidding. And have you see those flanks? I bet you could bounce a bit off of those."
>"Mmmph! And don't get me started on those paws he's got. Imagine feeling those wriggling in your-"
>>"No, don't! I'm wet enough as it is! If I get any hornier, I won't try and get Anon to strip; I'll just hold him down and buck the LIFE out of him."
>The mares in Anon's area of town seem to make it their goal to convince Anon that nudity is standard and that he should join in
>The stallions are bothered that Anon's being tricked, but they don't want to risk facing down an angry crowd of mares who just got denied a new dick to ride
>"Welcome to my strawberry store! Oh, it's Anon! C'mon, big guy, you know the rules: no clothing below the waist if you wanna shop here."
"Oh, fine. Jeez, this cultural adaption thing sure is tricky..."
>"D-Do you need some help getting that underwear off?!"
"What? No, I can-wait, don't use your teeth! Aww, now they're ripped!"
>"...can I keep these?"





>RGRE accidentally makes a portal to Earth.
>But seeing it's current state, they don't think humans are ready to meet aliens like them yet.
>But the huge surplus of males is just too tempting.
>So many mares cross into Earth and simply pretend to be clever animals.
>The humans stop questioning where the mares come from with some minor hypnotic suggestion and are usually quick to adopt mares, who naturally gravitate to males without commitments.
>There, they can bide their time as pets until they feel they can reveal themselves on a one-on-one manner and offer a return to RGRE
>... Though many mares try to speed things up by being openly horny or trying to be there when their humans try to masturbate.
>Naughty humans have a hard time passing up Hot Mare Depths when it's much more appealing than a hand. The primal feeling of inseminating an eager female is something they don't forget.
>And so the silent drain of young, breeding age men began







>You are Great and Amazing, so you must be Trixie!
>And you are going to the library after school for your O&O Club meeting/campaign.
>"Nice outfit queer!"
>"Yeah, does it come with a clit to lick?"
>Two girls say as you are walking down the halls.
>In retrospect, it would probably be better to change in the library.
>"Is she even wearing a beard?"
>"Oh my god, she's dressed like a guy."
>It is true you picked a male character to roleplay as, but his stats were too amazing to pass up on.
>...
>Again in hindsight you probably should have waited to change until you were in the library.
>But you thought the halls would be empty after school, you just happened to run into two jocks.
>Just your luck.
>"Goibg to have fun at your taco fiesta of a club nerd?"
"For your information, Trixie is the only girl in the club. The other members are boys."
>"You mean those two?"
>You turn and see Snips and Snails in full garb walking to the library as well.
>Not the best timing but thus is your luck.
>"Nerd can't get any dick so she role plays as a guy and plays with ugly nerd guys."
>"Yeah, that's just sad."
>And they start laughing.
>You should really start moving before you start crying.
>"Hey Trix."
>A familiar voice calls out to you.
>The three of you turn and see the new transfer student Anon coming towards you with Big Mac at his side.
>Both dressed up too.
>Anon looks so good in that makeshift ranger cloak.
>"Everything okay Trix?"
>He asks noticing your body language.
>"Don't suppose you two wanted to sit in with us today? Clubs always looking for new members."
>He asks your pair of tormentors.
>"Better offer sexy. Why don't you and the other big boy here ditch your club and this cross dresser and come party with some real women."
>He smiles and brushes past them and comes to your side.
>"I didn't think you would. After all, you need to know math and how to read to participate. Something tells me those aren't your strong suits."
>He wraps his arm around yours and starts to lead you away.
>"The fuck you say?"
>"Don't try to think too hard about it girls. Your heads will hurt. Now if you'll excuse us."
>He says.
>Mac picks up on it too and loops his arm around your other arm and you walk sandwiched between two hunks.
>You could die happy right now.
>You are so happy to invited Anon to your club and even more he said yes.
"H-hey Anon. If you aren't doing anything later. Would you like to go to the game shop at the mall? I heard they got some new minis in."
>"Sure Trix. I might get a new dice set anyway. Been getting too many ones lately so it couldn't hurt."
>Life is good.
>...
>Did you just as a guy out on a date?
>And did he say yes?






> Anon works his way up through the servantry
> Ends up as Blueblood's personal butler
> The prince isn't as bad as he is when shaking off gold-diggers, but he is a stallion of privilege, with all the whimsy that implies
> Anon goes on minor adventures, trying to either head off or fulfill Blueblood's impulses
> Some days are absolutely exhausting, but every day is at least somewhat interesting
 





> Agent Sweetie Drops is stationed in Ponyville 
> Officially, it's to monitor the Everfree and deal with foreign intelligence trying to influence the Elements
> Unofficially, it's a limited retirement for services rendered in a major operation that had turned into a huge mess 
> Anon wanders out of the forest, and suddenly she has duties
> It's a relief at first, getting back into old habits
> But Anon is tripping some instincts but not others
> It's also frustrating that he can always tell when she's following him
> Meanwhile, Lyra is happy that Bonbon is showing interest in a guy for once, and tries to help her win his love






>Mane Six try to respect Anon’s wishes for the most part 
>they ain’t going to break up what is obviously a loving family 
>but at the same time, they don’t want humanity to die out in Equestria because they don’t have anyway to send them back to Earth
>the idea of a race just dying like that doesn’t sit well with them
>plus the female human raised in Equestria is having a harder time of it than Anon
>the dick pass is too stronk
>where Anon is considered ‘exotic’ due to his looks, Femanon is considered ugly by most stallions
>it doesn’t help that in trying to become more attractive by pony standards she’s less attractive by human standards 
>he does allow her to hang around so she can learn more about the world they come from though, but that’s about it.
>Femanon has at this point resigned herself to dying alone, but the stories of her homeworld are always interesting
>Mane Six try to subtly manipulate things from the shadows so the two of them end up in romantic comedy-esque shenanigans, but it never works much to their frustration 
>Fluttershy compares it to trying to get two pandas to mate






> Anon is a unique combination of laid back and emotionally available to DT
> She gets all sorts of confusing feelings about this nurturing, comforting presence 
> He's so unrefined, fond of shocking ponies will blunt words, but also fun to hang out with, without having to keep up appearances
> He gives good advice sometimes, tells interesting stories, and holds her when she just needs a hug after dealing with her mother all day
> Sometimes she wishes he could be her real father
> Other times she wishes she could motorboat his balls
> She is a growing mare, after all, and when he sits down, she can practically see his nuts straining against the fabric, at the perfect height for a mare to just bury her face in his musk






>Twilight took it upon herself to take you in and show you around town when she realizes you were going to be homeless otherwise. 
>You're grateful, you really are, but god damn does this pretty purple princess need to tempt you so much?
>The bounce of her thick, soft-looking rump, seemingly perfect for digging fingers into, makes your hear race. She's offered hugs and nuzzles, so you know just how warm and soft she is. You have no idea if the hip sway is intentional, though.
>And her long tail is hiked up, letting you see the goods.
>That perfect taboo-yet-not-taboo horse pussy and ponut call to you.
>Every so often, you even see a little bit of nip or teat. It's not the breasts you're used to, but the sight still thrills you and you cant help but wonder what they feel like in the hand.
>She's unbelievably beautiful outside of a lewd context too.
>Her purple color, often used to symbolize both intelligence and royalty fit her to a T. Her mane and tail are perfect without a single hair out of place. Her wings are both majestic, when when you think about how she flaps and flutters then in excitement, adorable too. Her large eyes are sparkling oceans of emotion filled with endless kindness. Just a smile from her lights up a room. Other things you usually would not consider attractive captives you with her, like her long neck and the big poofy tuft on her chest.
>Other ponies are just, well, cute (and weirdly sexist) ponies. Twilight though, she's different. Why, you have no idea.
>You are a little too tall for them to notice, so nopony pointed out the tiny glowing hearts in your eyes to you.







"Have you read my proposal, dear?"
>"I have Rarity."
"And what did you think? A little wordy, yes, but I had thought it would need to be. The nobility in Canterlot like such things to be--"
>"I'm going to be honest with you, Rarity. This is the biggest load of horse apples I've read this morning, and that's saying a lot."
"What in Equestria do you, mean, Twilight? There is nothing ridiculous about my proposal! In fact, I dare say that it might save this kingdom! Nay, all of Equus!"
>"Really?"
"Would I EVER kid about something as important as the WORLD?"
>"...Rarity, I think we both know that this is nonsensical."
"I beg your pardon?!"
>"I know you like the alien--"
"Like? Oh, nothing of the sort! It's nothing but a menace and a danger to our very way of life."
>"That stallion wouldn't hurt a fly! Come on, Rarity, he was playing with foals YESTERDAY!"
"A ploy. No doubt that THINGS creators made it act like that to soften it up."
>"Creators, really? Are you--"
"Just THINK about it, dear. A stallion just APPEARS on your front door that just so happens to be the perfect specimen?"
>"Perfect specimen? I wouldn't know about--"
"That flawless skin, those big, strong arms, those thick foal-chasing hips, those eyes that you could get lost it? a groin that's muzzle height and a MUSK that could knock Celestia herself off her hooves? And to top it all off he can't speak a lick of Eqush? He is obviously here to take us off guard, no doubt the probe for some alien invasion force."
>"Oh come on, he's not--"
"They'll no doubt be here to steal all of our water! Or candies! Or our scarves! For Luna's sake, Twilight, THINK of the scarves!"
>"Who gives a horse hockey about--"
"How many stallions have threatened the world with unearthly power? I know he might seem like the most gorgeous colt you've ever seen, but unimaginable abilities might lie just beneath his flawless exterior! Which is why something must be done about him immediately and without hesitation!
>"..."
"..."
>"...Alrighty. Let's say that I believe you. I don't in anyway whatsoever, but lets say, for just a second that I do and our guest is the start of some earth-shattering, world destroying apocalypse. How in Equestria would your plan help us in anyway?"
"Help? Oh, it wouldn't help, darling. It would solve everything."
>"Solve everything? And how, and I quote would "letting myself, Rarity, be used for the beast's carnal enjoyment wherever and whenever he needs it, be it in private or public, in anyway he might choose" do a darn thing?"
"It's fighting fire with fire, dear. If we have a mare doing nothing but draining that fat python between his legs he won't be able to contact the rest of the invasion force, or if he could he'd speak of the tenacity of us ponies, possibly making them rethink their attack."
>"Rarity--"
"It would be a thankless job, and no doubt demanding. That BEAST is no doubt created for the purpose of making a mare squirt so hard that she forgets her name. His cum is also no doubt salty and tangy and would turn even those with the strongest of wills into cum-addicted harlots, but I believe that I'm one of the few that could bear this burden." 
>"Rar--"
"If he needs to pick me up by the throat and choke me why pounding my tailhole until I'm stuffed with his seed then he might do so."
>"Oh for Celestia's--"
"Or if he wishes to use my throat for hours at a time, or if he wishes to play with my teats until they're sensative and red, or, Celestia forbid, he spends the day cumming all over my fur then I will bare it. For the NATION."
>"..."
"He might force me to use my hooves to stroke him, or rub his penis all over me. My tail, or on my rump until he spills his seed all over the small of my back. He might--the fiend-- just spend days forcing me on my back in the breeding position, thrusting away until I'm heavy with his foals! But worry not, dear! I can take everything he could ever throw at me and more! I can--"
>"Rarity?"
"Yes, dear?"
>"Get out of my office."







>Celestia is quite a bit older than most realize.
>In her earliest memories, many thousands of years ago, she remembers a more carefree life. A life as a rancher's favorite horse. 
>She remembers an older man buying her 
just as she was old enough to leave her mother both as a gift and a lesson in responsibility to his son.
>Anonymous.
>Even if she was simple at the time, Celestia will always remember those wide, surprised eyes that slowly softened with love. That was we're she was named "Celestia" by him.
>She remembers growing with him, how under his care, she grew into a beautiful mare, and how he went from a lanky teen to an adult tempered by ranch work. 
>Many a hot summer spent playing with the cold water of the hose, many a day of riding together, many a night of him coming to the stable just to be with her. 
>Then he moved away from his parents and took her and a few other horses with him to his own, new ranch. There, they still shared their moments with the occasional adventure, like driving wolves away in thrilling chases or participating in parades in town.
>Celestia loved her human more than anything. He even told off a potential mate who wanted him to quit ranching and move to the city with her.
>Celestia remembers the female human's face when she was told to pack her things and get out because "That white mare outside has more claim of me than you."
>Then IT happened.
>Her human got a call one day on his glass and plastic square, one that left him ashen faced and trembling.
>For 4 days he did nothing but spend time with her and the other horses, with her getting a bulk of it. On the last day, Anonymous kissed her on the snoot, hugged her close, and lead her to a trailer.
>She knew something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. She didn't understand why this was happening. 
>What she did understand, was that her Anonymous was going away.
>No matter how hard she fought, they still got her onto the trailer and took her to Anon's aging sire, back to the ranch where they spent childhood.
>Never did she see him again, and her heart broke.
>She spent a listless year waiting in vain. A gloom hung over the ranch. Anon's sire never slept well and would sometimes come out to vent to her in the early morn, even if she didn't understand all the words. Anon's dam thinned from her stress, becoming weepy where she used to be full of life.
>Then cataclysm struck.
>A 2nd sun bloomed in the nearby town, surely turning it and everyone there to ash. After, a terrible wind reeking of rot and filled with invisible fire washed over the ranch.
>The trees died, the grass became sickly, and Celestia's insides burned with terrible pain.
>Anon's sire and dam, weakened by stress and age, wasted away and perished before her eyes. Her fellow equines too fell ill, the invisible fire burning them away from the inside until the breathed their last. 
>Celestia wanted to LIVE. To see her human again, that's what motivated her. She powered through her pain and ventured away from the ranch alone.
>She searched for many years, powering though the agony of the lingering invisible fire and ignoring the changes her body underwent. She didn't notice that time had lost its grip on her.
>She didn't even find any other humans, only grim remains.
>Celestia kept looking until nature had started reclaiming the land, refusing to believe her Anon is dead. 
>Along the way, she found a small herd of nervous little equines. Ponies. They survived as well. She took no offense to them following and lead them like a human would horses.
>Never did she give up hope.
>Countless years later, Princess Celestia sits upon her throne and looks out the window wistfully, old memories returning to her.
>Anonymous must be out there somewhere. The mystery of the human extinction still haunts her. Even now, there are things ponies still can't do like humans. How did they fall? What event took her beloved human away?
>
>[Far below the mountains of Canterlot]
>An alarm klaxon screams on a rusted control panel. A half broken display flickers to life, reading "REACTER FUEL LOW. 2% POWER REMAINING. EMERGENCY UNTHAW BEGIN."
>A room below that, filled with broken cryopods that themselves are filled with naught but dust, a single functional pod hisses and groans as it's ancient motors struggle to open the pod.
>The display on the pod lights up. "25988 YEARS ELAPSED. GOOD MORNING SGT A. MOUS."
>Inside the pod, a rancher turned unwilling soldier awakens




> Uncle Nemo and his herd of stock horses in RGRE

Stock horses are characterized by agility, quickness, and powerful hindquarters. They are usually noted for intelligence and "cow sense," having an instinctive understanding of how to respond to the movement of cattle so as to move livestock in am desired manner with minimal or no guidance from their rider. 

> Uncle Nemo's herd of thicc, intelligent mares become exemplary police officers
> Directing traffic, bucking criminals, coming home to a nice rubdown and sweet loving from their human






>Anon with clinical "Legitimate brain problems" depression in equestria.
>Always tried to be pleasant and friendly, but it was tiring to try and force it all the time.
>Ponies picked up on that and were uncomfortable about it, always trying to help you.
>Fuck off into the mountains to get away from the latest attempt to cheer you up.
>Windigos find you because misery loves company.
>You're so far past giving a fuck that when one comes straight to your face wondering why you havent frozen yet that you just push it aside and absently pet it.
>It realises that feels pretty damn good and follows your hand.
>Others come up to you wondering what the fuck larry is doing and soon discover the wonder of headpats themselves.
>Start moving your hands around while you walk to see if they follow, inadvertantly making them dance as they fly and curve around each other.
>Make your hand movements more intricate, ice and snow start flying everywhere as you conduct their movement, the windigoes catching onto the 'game'.
>Harmony magic sluggishly kicks in as the consistant frown you've had since you left ponyville slowly eases from your face.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xGmx4K81Hc






>There is a language barrier between you and the ponies. Their language is simple enough to learn and understand, but speaking it is impossible because your vocal cords just can't make the same sounds. 
>So you understand them, but they can't understand you. Only Twilight has a good grasp on English and she can't spend all her time translating for you.
>But the magic of song is universally understood by ponies. If you sing, then they understand your words (for the most part). You even get the perk of a beautiful voice even if you didn't sing well before thanks to magic.
>The more you put your heart into a song, the more powerful the impact. In a moment of genuine depression, you muttered a few verses about missing home and made even a macho mare like Rainbow emotional. Poor Fluttershy was there too and about burst into tears.
>So you've just resigned yourself to non verbal communication unless you really need something and need to sing.
>Combine the singing with being male, tall as an alicorn, long periods of stoic (to them. They have a hard time reading your face) silence, and an exotic appearance, most ponies think of you as the equivalent to a giga elf princess. 
>Whether you like it or not, you've earned yourself more than a few admirers

>Reports on reports on reports.
>You had reports and-
>"Psst."
>Oh Celestia, please no.
>"Psst. Hey, Twilight."
>You sigh and push the papers away from you before turning to Rainbow.
"What?"
>She clamps a hoof over your mouth to try and silence you as she starts whisper yelling.
>"Don't be so loud. I don't want to distract him."
>Having absolutely none of it, you grab the hoof with your magic and throw it off.
"What?"
>Dash pouts for a moment before nodding to the other side of the table where your...guest currently sat.
>It was hard to decipher a whole new language, but you were making progress with him.
>"Why does he do that? Is he meditating for some super kung-fu thing or..."
>You give Anon a quick glance and see just what you expect.
>The far off look, the usual silence, a slight tilting back of the head which made it look like he was looking at the ceiling.
"He's hungry."
>Dash scrunches up as you drag some of the papers back to you.
>"Wha-no. He looks so...I don't know, zen or something."
"He's just hungry, Dash."
>"W-well what about when he sticks his hand thingy up and points that one finger out of the top? Isn't that a sign for peace and love or something?"
"I am ninety nine percent sure that is an insult."
>"Well how about when he sways, like he's swaying with the wind to attune with nature or whatever."
"That's just the cider. I don't know where he keeps getting it, but I find bottles everywhere."
>Dash seems genuinely upset now.
>"Does he do anything cool?"
>You move on to the next report and give Dash a short nod.
"He gives fantastic ear scratches."






>"Anon! Hey, Anon!"
>Scootaloo scampers over to you, nearly tripping over her hooves in her excitement.
>She's borrowed Twilight's Naruto headband, and it's just a little bit too big for her; it's drooped down over one side of her head, covering her left eye.
"What's up, Scoots?"
>She jams her legs out and skids to a halt.
>"Check it out!"
>Screwing her face up in concentration, she opens her mouth.
>Horse-weeb comes out.
>It's rice-nigger words, and she seems to be having a hard time pronouncing it.
>After a few syllables, she grins up at you and wags her tail happily.
>"That means, 'I love you' in Neighponese!"
>D'aww.
>This fucking horse.
>You lean down and scoop Scootaloo up, making sure to catch the loose headband when it inevitably slips off of her head.
"I love you too, Scootaloo."
>She snuggles into your chest and makes happy horse noises.
>You know what?
>Even if it means spending an evening watching nothing but anime, you really love foal-sitting this filly.
>Best daughteru.
>...
"Aw, fuck."
>Did you just think the word 'daughteru'?
>The bastards finally got you.







>When you get transported to RGREqG, you get de-aged down to a toddler.
>It's awful. At least you're not in diapers.
>Being a lost little boy, a good samaritan takes you to the orphanage.
>Efforts to find your parents are fruitless, considering they're in another dimension. 
>You get put up for adoption and almost immediately have families lining up to take you.
>Being a cute boy in an RGR land has it's perks
>A family with a young daughter your (physical) age takes you in and loves you like their own
>It's... not a bad arrangement all things considered. It takes time to think of your new parents as YOUR parents, but it sticks and you grow to love them.
>Your new sister adores you and you think she's the cutest thing on this or any earth. She's quick to chase off any bullies and says she'll protect you "forever and ever" despite you swiftly growing larger than her
>Your sister is easily the best part of this new life. You have to turn down being accelerated through school just to be with her, and later her friends since you don't behave like a "boy"
>With a do-over of life and half-remembered advice from /fit/, you carefully monitor your growth and health, steadily growing up to be a fit knock-out
>Your sister has to chase away girls with even more fervor than ever
>Buy the time highschool rolls around, you could make a living of being a janegirl-themed Instagram thot. In fact, you would if thottory didn't disgust you in any form
>You also notice your sister starting to look at you strangely and suddenly being more touchy feely than usual. You wonder whats on her mind.
>Meh. She'll tell you if it's important.
>
>You are Rainbow Dash.
>And good god your brother looks amazing in skinny jeans and a tight shirt.
>You did NOT almost bust an ovary when he hugged you. Not at all.
>...Its okay because he's adopted. That makes it okay.
>Again you notice other girls eyeing him and jealously rears it's ugly head.
>Cunts. He's taken. It's just not been announced yet






>Anon in RGREqg
>He is tired of all the crazy horse women at the school
>If they're not acting overly "macho" when they're not, they got some weird tick that makes him want to stay at least 10 feet away at all times
>Then he meets Ditzy and things start looking up
>She's a bit clumsy but otherwise really nice
>They hang out and after a while they started going out
>One day when going out for ice cream, a car stopped in front of you and 5 women came out with bats and steel pipes
>Ditzy has him hold her ice cream and takes a pair of brass knuckles from her her blouse pocket
>Despite the odds, Ditzy wipes the floor with them, causing them to flee
>Just as she finished, more girls with weapons showed up, but these were friendly
>They were calling Ditzy "Boss" and "The Derper."
>Afterwards, Ditzy confesses she's the daughter of the local mafia boss and is supposed to take over the "family business" after she graduates
>She got her nickname because when she punches someone in the head, their eyes cross
>She wanted to keep Anon away from mafia business as much as she can, afraid that he would get hurt or not like her anymore
>However, now that their rivals saw you two together, she's afraid that they might go after him
>She offers him sanctuary at her boarding house, where he would be safe since everyone there is a mafia member
>Anon reluctantly agrees, deciding to take his chances on the dangerous women who are less likely to kill him at the moment






>tfw alicorns will never break out into your house on the regular and demand snacks and food for you
>tfw it's everything under the sun too
>Not just hay and grass, but steak, lasagna, even calzones 
>tfw they somehow always manage to stock your fridge with everything you need 
>tfw you what no idea where they get the pork and beef
>tfw you don't want to
>tfw the whole time you're cooking you can see their eyes poking just over your countertop, watching you
>tfw they don't blink
>tfw even the baby does this
>tfw you can't tell anyone because they're god horses
>tfw






>In a year through the power of our combined autism we finish the project
>for weeks after all anons are captivated by the ability to simulate their wifu's voice 
>fapping everywhere 
>but then almost all at once we all realize we can go deeper
>it takes two more years to create a program that animates greentext
>the first animations are crude but they get the job done
>another two years pass and the differences between ai animation and the actual show are getting harder to find the easiest difference to spot is the fact that in most animations the ponies are anatomically correct
>G5s release is practically ignored
>some years after this virtual reality is brought into the equation
>greentext animations move from shows and movies to... more interactive experiences

>The year is 2036
>the pontrix is set for release in a few months 
>all of Equestria is available in an incredibly modifiable virtual world
>ai has advanced to the point where even cheep programs can pass the Turning test
>you can finally escape to this new world

>you are Anon and you've made it
>you've gone through hell and back to hold the glasses that now have in your hands
>you've survived the poverty caused by the oil wars of the middle east and the famine caused by the nuclear winter of 2031
>you got a little nicked up in last years race riots but that doesn't matter anymore
>you were gonna go to Equestria and fuck a cute lil pone even if it kills you
>you boot up your computer and start up the simulation 
>your little pc tries it's best but you can hear it struggling 
>scrolling through the available pone simulations you're anoyed to see most of them are in Chinese and other gibberish languages
>the West may have been falling apart for the last decade but Hasbro still had a A+ legal team
>that and mobile 'Legal Enforcement Units'
>you shudder at the thought of a group of heavily armored men busting down your door and shipping you to the Canadian Gulags
>finally though after an hour of scrolling you find a simulation with an English translation
>you have no idea what RGRE means but any pony is better than no pony
>A few clicks and a quick glasses adjustment and the world begins to shift aground you and reform
>you are ready






>Alicorns are actually omnivores
>This fact never became public, though, because ponies are skittish creatures who would freak out from learning that their perfect rulers ate meat
>The most they ever had was jerky or dried meat that they kept hidden from prying eyes or leftovers from visiting griffin ambassadors
>That was, until Anon suddenly appeared
>After learning that he was an omnivore as well, they realized that they had an opportunity rarer than any treasure in existence
>Using the fact that he technically qualifies as an endangered species, he gets free government resources for the sake of his wellbeing, including food
>A few forms filled later and he gets a top of the line kitchen with a magically refrigerated meat locker with every type of meat imaginable and a pantry with everything he needs to cook it
>Under the guise of a routine check in, the alicorns come in and goad him into cooking for them
>A life time of eating only dried meats left them incapable of making a decent meal
>Besides, anything home cooked by a male would taste far better than anything they could make
>After a bit of prodding and assurance that he should cook whatever he was comfortable with, Anon came out with a meat lover's pizza
>Luna broke down crying at having her first decent meal in a millenium with Celestia not far from joining her
>Cadence, having never had good meat before, stuffed her face with as much as she could, creating a obsession where she would beg for another pizza every time she came over
>Twilight was nearly the same, craving for another taste of meat since her time in the mirror world, but was afraid of revealing her taste for meat to her friends
>The only thing that came close to that taste were hayburgers, but they failed to satisfy her no matter how many she ate
>This simple meal was lifechanging to each of the alicorns, but now that they had a taste of paradise, they're unable to give it up again and will do anything to keep the meals flowing

>You end up working in the Crystal Empire as a chef for the alicorns
>The other chefs take care of things like cakes and vegetables, you're the only one there who isn't an expensive and snooty griffon import who can actually tell if a meat dish tastes good or bad
>To a pony, all meat tastes equally disgusting
>But, due to health concerns raised by Shining, neither Cadence nor Flurry Heart exactly eat a steak with every meal, so you have a lot of free time
>Since Flurry Heart has dubbed you "Unca 'Non", you have been shanghai'd into being her foal-sitter
>Given that she's an immensely powerful alicorn filly with a temper (and filled with newfound energy thanks to her properly supplemented diet), it's a stressful job
>You're not so much spending time making sure Flurry doesn't kill herself, like you thought you would
>You instead end up trying to make sure SHE doesn't kill you or anypony else.
>By the time Flurry Heart is old enough that she doesn't need you to keep an eye on her every single second of your time sitting her (which is about 3 or 4 years, by your reckoning), you're a veteran and a pro at foal-wrangling
>A few of the mares working as cleaning staff have sorted you firmly into their "would provide for and love for the rest of my life" category in their heads, and Cadence already has a secret shipping room 
>It's got a cork board with your picture in the middle of it and about 40 pictures of different mares all around it, all connected by pins and red string






>Anon gets to the meet the parents part of his relationship with Tia and Luna
>both mares try to prepare/warn him for their mother's first visit to equestria ever, to the planet in millenia
>Anon being the janefilly/fool he is brushes off their words
"How bad could it be?"
>ask and you shall recieve, and universe responds by distorting spacetime in the middle of the throne room before revealing an alicorn mare with a coat so black it makes vantablack look reflective
>while the celestial sisters rush to greet their mother she stares straight at anon, who can see in her eyes the primordial force of the universe
>he doesn't need magic to know that upsetting this hoers would be a very very very /VERY/ bad idea
>nervoussweatingintensifies.exe
now that i think of it since tia/luna represent the sun/moon respectively i find i love the idea that their father/mother represent creation/entropy respectively
>father one of the most whimsical stallions to ever exist
>always out trying to create new things and see what can be done
>mother took the mares job making the hard decisions to keep her husbands creations in balance and not overstep their limit when it was their time to end
>took eons of convincing to get her husband to "create" something other than whatever was on his whimsy at the moment to make celestia and luna with her






> Celestia had a deep and abiding friendship with Anon
> In public
> Privately, he was her lover, though they had to hide it from super villains, foreign intelligence, etc
> Like all her loves do, Anon dies of old age
> He has a small section in the history books, and more in her personal journals, though nothing sensitive was ever written
> Life goes on as it does, and technology advances
> A very bright unicorn becomes somewhat obsessed with her immortal teacher
> The young mare spends years developing a magical lattice to support an artificial mind
> The prototype is developed from the historical account of the lone human
> The mare even goes so far as to steal Celestia's personal writings of that time, and incorporate it into the learning environment of the new mind
> She also fashions a golem body for the mind, as close as she can make it to the old photos
> The young mare gives Celestia the golem as a birthday present
> After a great deal of emotional outbursts, the young mare learns about the ethics of making new life, and Celestia is left with a near perfect facsimile of her old lover
> At times, it acts just like he did, and Celestia feels an odd mix of fondness and sadness
> Other times, when Anon would reference some private moment, the golem is silent
> Still other times, she accidentally makes a dirty joke he would like, and the golem just tilts its head and asks, "Is that what you want?"
> She could teach it the correct answer, that was the way it learned up until now
> But Celestia tells it to ignore what she said, so that she would not deceive herself with this poor copy
> The golem knows this
> Whenever she becomes too comfortable with it, it gives her a reminder that it is merely reading from an incomplete script
> It is made for her, and that is what she wants from it
> For now





>Mankind, in the everlasting pursuit to fuck everything, sets their sights on space.
>When space travel becomes feasible, mankind scatters in millions of directions, all eager to be away from each other. 
>One man, now in the cold and far reaches of the universe, parks by a black hole in a nebula and just watches the majesty of the black hole as it consumes stardust.
>Then like any guy, he orients his airlock towards the black hole, jerks off in the airlock, then right before he blows, ties himself down and cracks open the outer airlock.
>He endures a full second of vacuum to launch his cum at a near-infinitely dense hole in the most intense sexual thrill.
>The first man to nut in a black hole.
>Yeah son!
>
>On a planet far far away, a pitch black alicorn, first of her kind, rests in her hut, tuning out the drone of the village.
>The ponies, the creatures she shares the visage of, have begun to form tribes and villages. There was talk of one magic wielder trying to create a queendom.
>It seems the rise of equines is at hoof.
>The black alicorn, old as time and grim demise made form, closes her eyes and meditates.
>Then her eyes shoot open and a furious blush paints her muzzle when she feels her barren womb suddenly bloom with heat.
>That heat persists for 11 months, and a being thought to be death cloaked in flesh gave birth to a pair of daughters on the first day of the 11th month.






>twilight constantly tries to spy on the group during there weekly meet south of ponyville
>sometimes she's found out and chased off, other times she manages to find a good place to hide and listen
>all different species; manticores, dragons, timberwolves, ponies, minotours and the like, many of them males too
>twilight swears she saw a draconequis too
>they speak in what seems to twilight, some secret code mixed in with perfectly spoken equish
>lots of laughter and clapping can be heard from the group throughout the night
>the timberwolf plays songs that sound like a guitar being played with its mouth is open
>an internal 6 string?
>the next day twilight tries to get information out of them in regards to the meetings
>despite seeing him there the grey earth pony stallion denies everything, acting like nothing ever happened
>trying to get information about this from the other members is like pulling teeth and she's been called a 'newfag' multiple times
>eventualy twilight finds the talking timberwolf in a den in the whitetail woods
>he tells her its invite only but other than that gets nothing
>twilight just wanted to be friends
>something something RGRE

>two years
>two years of her life has been spent on this study
>Twilight has watched and listened to the strange group for two years,and she's learned a lot
>and has little to show for it
>she's learned that the language isn't that different from Equish, plus some made up words, whose meaning is known only to those "in the know"
>she's tried throwing out the new words to fit in and be accepted, first trying to copy when they use it
>only to be laughed at and called a 'faggot'
>she's tried calling them 'faggots' in return, as that seems to be the primary word they use when referring to each other, often with some other word or prefix attached, but they seem to dismiss her even then
>perhaps there's some tone or body language she's missing?
>whatever it is, it's frustrating
>like the answer is just within her grasp, but ever so slightly out of reach
>one night, the damn finally breaks
>the frustration of no progress after two years
>the humiliation
>the rejection
>it all comes to a head
>she approaches the group
>all ignore her
"All of you... all of you cock sucking, circle jerking faggots and your 'muh secret club' can all go fuck yourselves!"
>she doesn't even know what any of what she said meant, but she felt it
>and it felt right
>it felt good
>the group is silenced, and turns to her
>one of the ponies approaches her and hands her a card
>on it, a single word
>faggot







> Tempest spends some time searching for magical artifacts of great power
> She can only find them because a withered old spirit of a shaman can sense when they are near
> Daring Do regularly comes into conflict over these artifacts, sometimes fighting, other times wagering them in contests of skill
> It almost becomes routine, until the shaman finds a stump of a dragon's tail and a strange mirror
> The spirit uses them together, releasing a blinding light
> Sha Manon emerges, clad only in green fire and a long loincloth






>Anon recieves a hug.
>With a bit of self depreciating humour you casually mention it's the first one you've had in years.
>[Audible record scratch]
>[Audible vinyl scratch choking on her kazoo]
>A foal starts crying.
>The pony you're hugging tightens their grip.
>Other ponies join in to make it a group hug of about six to eight ponies plus one confused human.
>Ponies not in the hug start gossiping over how brave you are and what kind of hellscape world you must have come from.
>Can vaguely overhear them talking about setting up some kind of sleeping schedule.
>Ponies suddenly looking at you as if you're in complete agony and are trying to soothe your pain.
>But you feel fine, better than fine actually, due to the nice feeling of so many soft adorable poner hugs and obvious concern for your well being filling you with warmth.
Not realising that something has to be empty in order to be filled

>Ponies rely on hugs and other forms of affection to stabilize their internal magic fields
>Destabilized magic, if ignored, will lead to Affection Withdrawal Syndrome
>In severe cases, AWS can cause increased agitation, anxiety, immune system weakening, and noticeable personality changes, among other symptoms
>For Pegasi and Unicorns, it also drastically weakens their ability to fly or cast magic
>Needless to say, they take hugs very seriously
>and you just admitted that you haven't had one in years

>The same holds true for humans too
>The stories about humans using magic weren't just stories, but due to a lack of physical affection humans affinity for magic slowly declined to what it is today
>Now suddenly shoved into a magic rich environment and being shown large amounts of physical affection every day Anon's long underdeveloped magic sparks back to life

>"Dear Celestia."
>Nurse Redheart pours over your medical chart, a look of grim determination on her face.
>"This is the worst case of Cuddle Snuggle Deficiency I've seen in all my hears as a medical practitioner."
>She slams the clipboard with your vitals on it down onto the bed.
>Instead of the intimidating SLAM she was going for, it makes a light POOF noise and sends a tiny shockwave through the sheets.
>"Mister Anonymous, don't you know how serious Affection Withdrawal Syndrome is? Do you have ANY IDEA how much risk you put yourself in?"
"Well-"
>"Of course you don't! If you did, you never would have gone YEARS without a proper h-hug!"
>Redheart's voice catches at the last syllable, and you can see how she's physically struggling to keep it together.
>"You darn colts always think you know best," she mutters, "Just because you take care of your herd's foals, you think you have all the answers and can ignore the advice of a medical professional."
>Well, that's not very fair.
"I don't even HAVE a herd."
>Redheart doesn't say anything.
>She stands there in place, shivering, with her hooves clamped firmly over her eyes.
>Her breath hitches every few seconds.
>You feel bad for making this pony so sad for you.
>"I know."
>Redheart sniffles and rubs her eyes with her hoofsies like a toddler rubbing the sleep from their eyes.
>"I know that, mister Anonymous. And look at where it got you."
>She stares up at you with determination.
>"Well, I can't force you to find a couple of mares to take care of you, mister Anonymous," she states with conviction, "But I CAN prescribe you two doses of cuddles daily, and one administration of snuggle-wuggles every day at noon."
>She hops up onto the bed and trots smartly over to you.
>"You'll be discharged in a week if I notice a positive change in your magical field. Until then, I have a few nurses who went to medical school for four years and majored in snuggling."
>She crawls up your body and hugs you.
>"Let us help."






> Shota Anon is really sneaky, and has odd luck
> anytime mares start talking about risque topics, he seemingly comes out of nowhere
> Always asks about what they are talking about, and often gets evasive answers
> Blushes and runs away when he realises that they are talking about lewd things
> The mares of the town are determined to protect him, even if they sometimes tease him

>Luna being behind times will tell Anon EXACTLY what they're talking about and has offered to show him.
>He obviously flees from the predator mare, and most of the time gets away.
>The few times she actually corners him ponies have to stop her, mostly Celestia





> Fluttershy gets fed up with Zephyr
> Cries out in frustration,
> "I wish the anoblins would take you away right now!"
> Zephyr vanishes in the blink of an eye
> Fluttershy looks around, but sees no sign of her brother
> A green owl of many tongues flies through the window and morphs into Anonymous, King of the Anoblins
> Fluttershy can't keep her eyes off his prominent bulge as he swaggers over to her
> "Oh, you actually took him away!"
> Anonymous raises an eyebrow
"Indeed I did, would you like to win him back?"
> Fluttershy shakes her head
> "Oh no, I wouldn't want to trouble you like that. Um. The book said you were looking for a queen?"
> Anonymous' eyes smoulder with passion
"The book spoke true. Fluttershy, will you be my queen and stay by my side for all time?"
> Fluttershy beams
> "Yes, I would like that very much."
> And they lived happily ever after






>For the longest time, she was only able to talk to her brother and her father when it came to men
>After she found her new friends at Canterlot High and she grew more confident, she was still never able to garner any male interest
>She tried
>Oh sweet Goddess above she tried
>No matter what she did though she'd never be able to get past a first date
>She was just too smart for some guys
>Too odd
>Some didn't like he thick black glasses
>Many didn't like her fetish for making checklists
>Others didn't like how she would disappear for hours or even days for a project or activity
>A few didn't think she could be molded into a good girlfriend
>A number of guys just didn't think she was cute enough
>Too difficult, too much of a hassle for a girl, and not really worth the effort
>This meant that Twilight was alone for years
>She was almost resolute to the fact that she'd stay that way for years
>Until you came
>You could put up with all of her weird quirks
>The notetaking, the way she'd sometimes forget to eat, her weird little dog
>You not only put up with it, but you seemed to enjoy these things
>You stayed up late helping her with her scientific projects
>It also doesn't bother you when she can't make it to a date because she needs to help save the world with her friends
>You've even gone to her house and made her food when she's been on a three day study binge and too absorbed to realize that she's starving
>To top all of this off, Twilight can have you to wake up to in the morning whenever she wants
>The nerd appreciates this
>More than you'll ever realize
>And she loves you
>Like a lot





>Tufts contain pheromones that attracts colts
>Anon's body is not designed to deal with those pheromones, since he comes from a separate planet
Frankly, it's a miracle he can breathe the same air as they do and not immediately die from one of their diseases to which his body has no defense.
>Mares expect him to go wild with lust
>Anon just thinks the fur is soft on his face
>The mares feel inexplicably inadequate






>It's not often Empress Infinitum, She Who Devours and First of Alicorns comes down from the Higher Plane to visit her daughters and their cute kingdom.
>A pony would instantly sense the incomprehensible power boiling below the skin of the mass of pony-shaped entropy, a power that makes even Discord clam up and behave. Those ponies would give her nothing but fear and respect.
>Then you accidentally wander in, confused as to why the whole castle is so tense. Being more or less magic blind, Infinitum just looks like another alicorn.
>"But sexier than the rest. Damn, the things I'd do to that perfect ass... Oops, I said that out-loud..."
>Celestia and Luna turn away with pale faces, sure their newest friend is about to be crushed into a speck of dust.
>Then Infinitum's stoic face cracks with a twitch of her lips. "My oh my, how scandalous. Haven't you a mare to tame that tongue?" 
>You smirk back, totally ignoring Celestia and Luna's terror. "Why so interested in my tongue, pretty lady? If you want a mare to tame it, maybe you could do it yourself?"
>The black alicorn's face morphs into a sly smile. "Feisty, aren't you, mortal? Have you no idea to whom you speak?"
>"A mare willing to follow me to my room?"
>Infinitum's baleful orange eyes sparkle. "I think boldness of that level deserves some humor. My children, I will return in a moment."
>The younger alicorns just gaped.
>The next few hours were the most terrifying anyone in the castle ever had just from the noise coming from the local human's bedchambers. A number of staff quit that day
>When it finally went quiet, Celestia carefully approached your bedroom, fearing the worst.
>The door opens, and Empress Infinitum steps out, favoring on hind leg over the other and steadying her breathing.
>Behind her on he bed, you lay bruised and passed out, but still grinning.
>Infinitum takes a breath, not totally able to hide her smile. "Perhaps I will extend my stay a bit."
>Celestia keels over in a dead faint.






>Toplessness is very much common amongst women on the other side of the mirror
>It's no different than men on earth really
>If a girl is working hard, or it's hot, or even if the girl is just too lazy, they'll go out shirtless
>You learned this when, on a hot day, you went to Sugarcube Corner to see Mrs. Cake's G-cups out for all to see while she was fixing one of her windows
>It's almost unfair really
>Unlike on Earth, you haven't seen a really unattractive woman
>There was no cellulite, or rashes, discoloration in the skin, nothing like that 
>Even the heavier ones, like Mrs. Cake or Rarara's mom, were still pretty; just with a bit of a belly is all
>Obviously, you don't have the numbness to the casual nudity as all of the other guys here
>You stare
>A lot
>You are also very successful in being any kind of discreet 
>Everyone knows they're being ogled
>Especially the older women
>Many take it good-naturedly, with some playful teasing and tit shaking
>Some, laughing about the "silly foreign boy" pull you into a hug, where your face almost always finds its way in between a pair of tits 
>It then usually ends with a pat on the back and even more laughter
>And some yelling by a red-faced Rarity, in her mother's case
>Unbeknownst to them, you're about to lose your fucking marbles
>A man can only be pushed so much, and you're right on the edge of that cliff







>Be Sunset 
>Be fucking upset
>You were SICK of Anon
>Males were supposed to shut the fuck up and stay in the Celestia-damned kitchen
>No lip, no spine, just cooked food and a clean house
>THEY DIDN'T CALL YOU A KEK!
>YOU WEREN'T A FUCKING KEK!
>YOU WERE A TOUGH, STRONG GIRL, UNICORN, THING!
>You could feel yourself shaking as you stared up into that pain in the ass's face
>He was grinning back in that way that made your blood boil
>You could see it
>You were at the edge
>Something in you was about to snap, crackle, fucking POP
"...Call me a cuck one more time," you said, keeping your voice low
>There was a crowd around you
>Some of the white knights of the school looked ready to intervene
>You didn't give a horse turd 
>Anon leaned forward
>"Whatcha gonna do, Sunny?" he asked
"You call me a cuck ONE MORE TIME I'm gonna take you over to that janitors closet--"
>You pointed out the closet with a hand
"--I'm gonna pull down your FUCKING pants and I'm gonna suck your dick."
>Anon's grin didn't waver
>"Reall--"
"AND AFTER THAT, I'm gonna make you titfuck me until you cum all over my face. And then after THAT, I'm sitting on your fucking face until I squirt. AND AFTER THAT, if you're still being a fucking dickhead--"
>You made a vague threatening gesture, then thrust your hips
"Mating press. Until you can't walk. I swear to Celestia if you don't walk away RIGHT NOW that's all gonna happen to you."
>For a moment, Anon's smile disappeared
>He just sort of looked at you
>Silence reigned in the hallway 
>Then, slowly, deliberately, he leaned toward your ear
>"Cuck," he whispered
>Your eye twitched
>You swore you heard something snap inside of you
>"aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>Red filled your vision
>With the strength you didn't know you had, you picked up that stupid FUCKER up, hoisting him over your shoulder
>Striding purposefully over toward the closet, you threw it open and tossed Anon inside
>Slapping your chest with both hands, you let out a guttural warcry, ripping off your jacket and your shirt, then your shoes
"YOU FUCKING ASKED FOR THIS!" you roared, launching yourself into the closet
~_~_~_~_~

>For the next three hours, all manner of sounds could be heard coming from that closet 
>No one, not even the teachers, not even the principal, dared go near it
>Then, without warning, the door was kicked open, revealing Sunet
>The girl was naked, covered in cum and bitemarks, the only article of clothing will recognizable were her socks
>The girl looked as if she had just won a great victory, letting out a horsey snort of self-satisfaction as she made her way down the hall, cum dripping out of her pussy and ass
>Anon had to be carried out of the room
>It took two days for him to recover
>Thereafter, Sunset's scent lingered on his body

>"That's fucking right!"
>"Look at your face! You like these big tits wrapped around your cock?"
>"They're so big you can't even see your pecker!"
>"Yeah, you better moan! These fat tits are gonna make you squirt like the slut you are!"
>"I won't even let you get soft either! The second you cum I'm deepthroating that sucker!"
>"And after you cum again you're cumming INSIDE OF ME!"
>"We'll fucking see who the cuck is when you're raising out twelve children together you dickhead!"
>"Go head, cum all over my fucking face! I'll even open my mouth to give you something to aim at!"
>"This is only the beginning!"






>The Plot isn't some gimmick, it's a living entity that dictates the multi-universally binding rule of Cause and Effect
>In this universe Mary Sue is a living avatar for The Plot
>The Plot wanted to see how the universe would react to her direct influence rather than the indirect influence she has on other universe
>Not being bound to The Plot, Anon shrugs off Mary Sue at every turn
>Despite how he thought it'd go, he was hit by the fact he'd never get to go home
>He was hit hard
>Most of his days are spent sitting somewhere with a nice view and just taking in the sights
>The Plot soon directs Mary Sue to one of these locations by what seem like random happenstance
>Cue Mary Sue giving one of her trademark speeches she often gives friends/enemies/complete strangers that helps solve their problems which she's never experienced
>The Plot sits back and goes back to checking on the other universes until she feels her magic twitch
>Turning back to Mary Sue she watches as Mary ends her speech with some heartfelt words
>Without so much as shifting (which Mary took as him listening intently) Anon stands up and walks off with a "Fuck off Mary"
>The Plot is bewildered by this
>Normally a speech is all her avatar needs to continue on with Cause and Effect
>But not this time
>Not with this new entity
>The Plot sets up more scenarios for Mary to bump into Anon
>Sometimes to give speeches, sometimes to help the poor colt with tasks he was doing fine with
>Each time ends in the same routine, with him walking away with a "Fuck off Mary", nothing more, nothing less
>The Plot decides to implement something else
>Put Mary in a situation where she can be better at a skill that Anon has been good at for years
>Then Mary can teach Anon how to improve, ponies like that right?
>Enter meat cooking
>For the first time Mary Sue falls ill, throwing up and passing out as soon as she gets a sight of the raw meat, freshly shipped from the griffons
>This is weird, since she's an alicorn (long story) she shouldn't get ill cause he body is perfect
>What's worse about it is that Anon didn't even come to visit
>The colts always come to visit the sick mare in bed, it makes them feel better about themselves, it's a classic
>As The Plot keeps getting derailed she becomes more annoyed and intrigued by this Anon
>When Mary finally stops being sick around meat long enough to get to an oven (after like a month of failed attempts) she finally fires up the cooking gear
>No matter what she tries she always gets it wrong
>It's either burnt or raw, each time Anon having to kick her out his kitchen with his classic "Fuck off Mary"
>The Plot almost finds his tolerance yet disdain towards Mary cute
>After so many headaches from trying to wrap her ethereal head around the thing that is Anon, The Plot takes a deep breath and decides to back off
>Maybe spending some time with the other universes will cool her head
>As she looks back into the other universes she's immediately freaking out
>Literally. EVERYTHING. That CAN go wrong IS going wrong.
>As she frantically tries to sort out Cause and Effect an eerie chuckle rings in her pocket dimension
>A figure not dissimilar to Anon's own walks out
>Only instead of green skin, his is clear with several different colours of mist swirling in him, changing his colour
>Extending his hand out to her, he gives a smile and greeting
>"Hi there, I'm Free Will, I think you have someone of mine"


Alternatively
>All things in the MLP universe is subject to the laws of Plot
>even foreign entities such as Anon
>at first he has no interest what so ever in Mary
>but then he feels something change
>he desn't start having feelings for Mary, they are forced on him
>he can feel himself changing to want her
>try as he might, he can't resist the feelings overcoming him
>he tries asking for help, but everyone thinks he's being a silly colt who doesn't want to admit he's in love
>when the literal will and embodiment of the universe says jump, it isn't asking
>it's forcing
>Anon can only weep as the last of his meager resistance is destroyed, and he comes to love Mary
>if you can call it love






>Sheer 'fuck you' determination 
"Hey Universe! FUCK YOU!"
>"No thanks, you're not my type. Besides, would I even feel anything? I bet you can't even make me go nova."
>Anon spends his days sitting on a hill looking at the sun, thinking how he can make the Universe cum, or whatever equivalent she/it/whatever has. 
>Are black holes anal?

>Anon has no idea how to fuck the Universe, so he just starts experimenting
>starts off with the basics: jerking off into the air
>when that seems to fail, he just starts fucking every hole he can find
>this was not always a good idea
>especially the ant hill, that was a big mistake
>Anon is feeling a bit self conscious, maybe he just isn't that good?
>meanwhile, the Universe, while not aroused, is splitting her sides at Anon's antics
>many trillions of lives were lost
>on the other hand, earthquakes are popping up all throughout the world of Equus, as the planet has many quite literally earth shaking orgasms
>investigations by all nations have begun to find the cause of the quakes, and if possible, bring a stop to them






> Anon is an awkward guy
> Doesn't know how to take a compliment
> Is worried he'll be disappointing in bed
> Spends a lot of time in Twilight's library
> Twilight is spooling up her spaghetti in preparation of asking him out
> Anon accidentally into the restricted section, finds books on demonology
> Summons a battle demoness
> She isn't entirely unused to stallions summoning her for rough sex
> Being summoned to practice kissing is a first

>demoness quickly realizes there is something brewing between Anon and Twilight
>decides to just for the fun of it to try something new and instead of fire and brimstone, plays a wingman for the poor sod from the shadows
>when other princesses decide to investigate sudden influx of demonic energy, they are much confused, especially certain pink, peetzer-loving princess of love






>Enter GuitarAnon
>Introduces rock'n'roll to a world that only knew pop and showtunes
>Gains his first fan/groupie in Cheerilee
>Listens to his singing in the park and gives tips
>Her friend needs entertainment for a party and offers Anon a job to perform
>It goes great and they start hanging out, eventually dating
>As Cheerilee studies through college, Anon becomes more successful and recognized while she tags along to support him
>One day, a talent agent offers him the chance to do a world tour
>Cheerilee begs him not to go, but he takes it anyway, not wanting to lose the opportunity he never had back home
>Cheerilee is heartbroken at losing her coltfriend and gives up the rock'n'roll life
>Now, she is just a mild mannered school teacher
>She still buys Anon's records when they come on sale, but never plays them since they bring back painful memories
>One day, she hears that Anon will be coming to perform in Ponyville
>She buys a ticket, hoping that she will finally move on after seeing how happy he is after he left
>She's in the crowd as the show begins
>Anon is on stage, hyping up the crowd and is about to play when he sees her
>He pauses and speaks one last line before starting
"I just want to say that I dedicate this song, no, this entire concert to a very special mare in the audience today. Without her, I wouldn't be here performing and... and I still regret ever letting her go."







>Fluttershy's got a room in her cottage that's just wall to wall Pokemon merch. Binders upon binders of cards, a closet overflowing with stuffed animals, posters, all the games, etc.
>She's happy to find out that Anon is also a fan. An OG fan at that.
>She would really like to somehow work up the nerve to ask anon to be her 'master

>She names her pokemon after Anon, such things like Non, Aynon, Nonmon, ect
>Any pokemon Anon trades she obsesses over
>Will religiously use the pokemon in game, never taking it out of the party
>Its like her and Anons child
>Trades Anon rare cards for little to nothing in return
>Just knowing that the cards she is getting had belonged to Anon which makes them worth way more than some shiny card
>Has her own little binder for all the cards she has gotten from Anon






>You are a Pokémon trainer who through random chance caught an all female team.
>While trekking through the Sinnoh region, you have the bad luck to stumble upon Dialga and Palkia in the middle of a fight.
>Your girls, all working in tandom with you, manage to hold your own when the two legends turn their rage upon you.
>Dialga goes down first, too exhausted and injured to keep fighting.
>Palkia though is a sore loser. It hits you and your team with a Spacial Rend right before fainting, flinging all of you to a new dimension.
>RGRE
>You can't understand a word from these equines, but your Pokémon can speak freely with them. 
>While Twilight and your psychic type puzzle out a way home, that leaves you to the mercy of RGRE with only your team to fall back on.
>With mares making not so innocent passes as their uncomprehending human plus all the supernatural danger around, it's an understatement to say your girls are displeased

>Anon has an obvious waifumon team
>Braxion, your plucky starter who declined to evolve, wanting to stay cute. She now questions the decision because her beloved trainer won't see her beyond "cute". To her, what you and her have as first partners is special, but she wants more. 
>Lucario, the runt of her family who wished to be strong. She found that strength with you and now desperately wishes you would notice her grown, feminine self so she can reward you for all you've done for her. 
>Floatzel, a fun lover who became fed up with wild beach-bum life as a buizel. She threw her battle with you to be captured and spice up her life. It's been a blast ever since, but she realizes it's because you're with her. She's swiftly getting frustrated that you seemingly ignore her advances. She hates being ignored. 
>Espeon, an older, very mature Pokémon who was released by her old trainer due to her reluctantce to battle. She found herself wanting after seeing you with your loving team and joined without a fight. She patiently tries to chip away at your obliviousness with her affection and newfound resolve to battle. 
>Serperior, a proud snivy who initially refused to believe she was captured and didn't cooperate, much to the anger of your team. You didn't give up on her, and her attitude changed along with her feelings. She's so tsundre it's almost painful, but would gladly die for you. She dreams for working up the nerve to be upfront about her feelings. 
>Latias, your luckiest catch by far. The guardian of Alto Mare craved the life of a trained Pokémon ever since her adventure with a certain trainer a few short years back. You stumbling into the hidden garden of Alto Mare gave her the perfect excuse. After insuring the Soul Dew was enough protection for the ocean city, she asked to go with you. Her already existing taste for humans and the happiness of which you gave her freedom lead to her falling hopelessly in love with you.
>Then RGRE happened






>Socks don't actually have any lewd sexual meaning
>In fact, the history of socks is far darker
>The sock as ponies know it was created just after the unification of the three tribes
>This was when the practice of branding a stallion to mark him as property was outlawed, even amongst the earth ponies, who resisted the law until committing the crime was punishable by castration for females
>Despite this, groups of mares needed to keep their stallions marked somehow
>This was where socks came in
>They had holes on both sides, allowing the hoof to be free so that the stallion can walk and work without damaging them
>Socks were traditionally worn on the back legs with a braided tail
>The socks themselves were long enough to reach the stallion's rump
>This allowed other mares to see the mark of clan or group of mares that "owned" the stallion
>These socks needed to be worn whenever the stallion went outside of his home
>Some places made this a law that was punishable by whipping if ignored
>Though not widely spoken about, in some places this law continued until very recently
>Nowadays, to be given a pair of socks is seen as shockingly rude and almost threatening in nature
>In places like Manhattan and Canterlot, a stallion can even sue a mare or a group of mares that do this, though justice is hard to find for such cases in the mostly mare courts
>Socks are hard to acquire, and even make ponies uncomfortable to look at
>Only the seedest of designers will ever consider making them, and if the wrong ponies find out they do their reputation is ruined forever
>This is why ponies get not only nervous when they see you walking around with socks on, but can even get defensive
>Mares that don't even like you become protective, demanding to know who gave those to you or asking if you need to go to the poince
>Even Twilight, who knows why you wear socks, is visibly uncomfortable when she sees them
>Rarity outright won't let you in her boutique if you're wearing them

>You are Anon, and you are sitting on the ground.
>Your pant legs rose up and your socks peeked out, and that nice mare Bon Bon freaked out a little bit and told all the customers in her store to get out.
>She's already locked the doors and slid drapes over the windows, hiding the two of you from prying eyes.
>Bon Bon takes a deep, steadying breath and closes her eyes.
>One breath becomes two, and two become three.
>After a long, silent moment, she opens her eyes and looks at you, but her eyes dart down to your feet.
>She has to close her eyes and take a few more deep breaths before she can finally peer up at you.
>"Anonymous," she says slowly, anger simmering in her quivering tone, "I need you to do something for me right now."
"S-Sure," you stammer, thoroughly unnerved, "What is it?"
>Bon Bon swallows thickly, as though her tongue were too big for her mouth.
>"I need you to be brave for me," she answers, "And tell me who gave you those socks."
"Uh..."
>"Do you remember what her face looked like?" she continues, "Do you remember her cutie mark?"
>You're not about to sell out kind old Granny Anonyme, who had knitted these babies for you just a year ago.
>They're the softest pair of socks you've ever worn, and they haven't worn away yet - not even when you wear them in your shoes.
"...nobod-pony gave them to me, Bon Bon."
>Bon Bon slowly walks towards you - very slowly, as though you were a wild animal and she was afraid of spooking you.
>Her eyes never leave yours.
>"Anonymous, you're safe. I promise you, you're safe. You don't have to worry about a bad mare coming back to hurt you if you go to get help."
>She's close to you now, and she reaches out a trembling hoof to wrap around your shoulders.
>She's just barely tall enough to be able to pull your sitting form into a slightly awkward hug, which ends with her resting her head on your shoulder.
>Her mane is sweet and soft, and it smells vaguely like cotton candy.
>"Please, Anonymous," she whispers into your ear, "Please tell me which mare hurt you so that I can help you. I don't know what she told you about what socks meant, but what she's doing is wrong, and she's a danger to other stallions."
"W-Well..."
>Aw, christ.
>You don't know how to get out of this.
>You actually have no idea what to say.
>Bon Bon squeezes your neck just a little bit and pulls back with a gentle pat on your shoulders.
>She hastily wipes a hoof against her face, scrubbing away the tears at the corners of her eyes.
>"If you're not comfortable telling me right now, you can always stay here with Lyra and I tonight. I promise you'll be safe while you're here."
"S-Sure..."
>Well, at least you now have until morning to come up with something to tell her.
>You have no fucking clue what socks mean to ponies, but whatever it is, it can't be very good.

"I am from a culture that has socks being used like oven mittens for your baking trays. It's painful to wear shoes if I don't have these on as it could chafe at the skin. Not to mention that wearing no shoes would lead to my very soft skin and feet to become hard and calloused and doesn't feel very good so I'd rather keep my shoes and socks, thank you very much."

>Bon Bon shakes her head sadly.
>Those bitches have broken him.
>Convinced him that socks are normal and acceptable.
>It's times like these that she hates her job as a secret agent.
>She gets to see the dark underbelly of pony society, and this isn't the first time - nor will it be the last time - that she sees a colt so broken by the mistreatment bestowed upon him that he creates a fantasy world in his mind where his horrible situation is acceptable.
>It's a defense mechanism, and it breaks Bon Bon's heart to see a colt so mistreated that he has to withdraw into his own mind just to stay sane.
>She'll find those father-fuckers who got Anon into those socks, though.
>She'll find them, because nopony escapes the long foreleg of the law!
>NOPONY CAN HIDE FROM AGENT SWEETIE DROPS

>Oh dear, she's muttering to herself, that's never a good sign.
>Time for tactical wet work!
>Reach up and scritch the ears, trails behind them down her neck, and with a bit of luck a gentle scratch under the chin.
>That ought to calm her down a bit, ponies love this shit like sugar cubes, which reminds you.
"You want some sugar hun?"

>...sugarcubes?
>He wears socks, and he carries around treats?
>Oh, Celestia, it's worse than you thought!
>You had first believed that he was just eye-candy, wearing those socks of his... but you see he's been trained to accommodate the mares he meets.
>Or, "meets".
>Probably to avoid punishment.
>By Luna's moon, the poor thing must be terrified that you're going to hurt him.
>Combine the treats with the socks and the unsolicited molesting - probably a response to your unhappy body language or some sort of silent command he interpreted - and you've got yourself a class 3 damaged cutie patootie on your hooves.
>Celestia give you strength

"There we are, knew I had them on me." 
>Thankfully your shirt had a handy chest pocket for the plastic wrapped treats, be terrible if lint or something got into the little cubes of sugar an-
>Oh dear there goes the ears, tilted all the way back in distress.
>You know just what to do!
"Come on Bon, you know you want a lil bit."
>You move extra slow so as to not spook your friend, even if she can hold a conversation you know that when a horse gets in a mood they can kick like crazy, just stay calm, be very loving and don't make any sudden motions

>OH CELESTIA HE THINKS YOU'RE GOING TO BEAT HIM
>WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE CUTE COLTS WHO GET TREATED THE WORST






>Anon, the first, and only human to come to Equestria, has really started to settle in.
>With the help of the Mane6, he has his house set up with everything he needs, and he's already charmed much of the town with his whimsical, childlike ways.
>He's a hoot to be around, and he especially gets along well with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, the three often going on pranking sprees across Ponyville.
>Sure, that whimsical nature of his also means he perhaps isn't the best with the small income allotted to him by the princesses while he finds a job, but after the first month of blowing through his bits buying cake and ice cream, Twilight and Fluttershy have seen fit to help him budget and eat healthy.
>Though, that latter goal has currently been thrown out the window as the male munches down birthday cake.
After mentioning it was coming up, of course Pinkie had to throw him a party.
>She pulled out all the stops for her new bestie, even spiking the punch bowel with the finest booze she could get a hold of so that every pony could loosen up and have a great time.
>Anon certainly is a bit of a light weight though, as, after only a few glasses, he's a giggling, teetering mess.
"Wow, Pi-hic!- Pinkie, this party is... is just awesome."
>"Only the best for my newest friend!" Pinkie chirps, leaning back into Anon as he presses into her.
>He's so warm, Pinkie blushes a little as he moves to per her ears.
"You're so cool, Pinks, doing this for me," he breathes, face pressed against the crook of her neck.
>She licks her lips nervously, wondering if she should take the shot.
>"Hey, you want to go somewhere quieter?"
"Huh? Uh, I guess. My heads kinda spinning."
>"Here, get on my back," she offers, getting Anon to giggle.
"I'm a little old for pony rides... but it's not like any of the guys back home can tease me. Heh, I'd get bullied for sure."
>He says this as he clumsily clambers onto her back, and soon, his heels are digging into her sides lightly.
"Giddy-up, lil' pony!"
"Giddy-up, lil' pony!"
>Pinkie shares in his laughter as she energetically bounces up the stairs of his home and into his bedroom.
>Once he's safely deposited on the bed, she goes to shut the door, and, after a moment's thought, locks it.
>Don't need any pony walking in on them if things to go the way she hopes.
>Crawling up on the bed, the two quickly arrange themselves so that Anon is laying his head on her side, staring up at the ceiling as they speak.
"I really mean it, Pinkie. You really are cool. Out of all the ponies I've met, I think you've done the most to make me feel, I dunno, like I fit in. It means a lot."
>"Ah, you'd have fit in just fine without me," Pinkie returns. "You're more than a barrel of laughs. You're ten easy!"
"Heh, I've always been a bit of a clown. Got me in trouble a lot, but whatever."
>"A-and, you know, you're not just funny, but super cute, too," Pinkie continues.
"Ya think I'm cute?" he asks with curious, glassy eyes, getting her to nod vigorously.
>"Yep! The cutest stallion I know!"
>He blinks a few times, then chuckles.
"A pretty pink pony thinks I'm cute. Yeah, I'd be bullied for sure."
>He reaches up and strokes her cheek.
"... Still, thanks, I guess."
>"No prob, bob," she breathes, repeating one of the male's favored lines as she finds her own face drawing towards his, eyes drifting shut.
"Man, I think this has been, like, the wildest twelfth birthday any boys ever had. You really know how to make a kid feel special, Pinkie."
>The mare freezes, eyes snapping open.
>"Twelfth?"
"Yeah. I was actually kind of sad when I woke up, 'cause, you know, I wasn't going to be able to spend it with my parents, but, this has been really nice."
>"You're twelve?" she repeats. "Um, and that's, like, grownup for humans, right?"
"What? Nah. I won't be a grownup until I'm eighteen... or twenty-one. Not sure exactly."
>Pinkie's mind flashes back through everything she knows of Anon, and realizes, he's never mentioned age before.
>"Oh..."







>ywn be the only company lonely ponecromancer had in decades besides the spooky scare skeletons, who despite having a very positive outlook on undeath and smiling constantly, aren't that great at small talk
>ywn cook her a great meal and see her cry at every bite, finally tasting something other than dust and decay after years of subsisting on dark magic alone
>ywn see life returning to her withered form with each day in your care, the pallor of her coat and mane being replaced with vibrant colors they once had, the parchment-like skin stretched over bones giving way to supple natural curves
>ywn celebrate with her when she discovers her magic becoming stronger than it ever was
>ywn finally agree to join her in undeath, after she discovered an ancient ritual of dark ascension
>ywn place your souls in a single phylactery, now forever bound to each other
>ywn kiss and cuddle and love the dreams of getting back at the cruel world by taking it over with her army of undead out of her, making her settle instead for eternity with a stallion that loves the beautiful mare hidden behind the forbidden magic

>ywn have creepy yet adorable foals
>ywn move into a spooky mansion in some pony town and go all Addams family on the normies






>it started with little things at first 
>Anon would check in on them frequently to make sure Tree Hugger’s hippie methods of child raising didn’t accidentally screw up the foal’s mind, and to make sure Zephyr wasn’t shirking his responsibilities as a parent
>then once Zephyr starting leaving for weeks at a time and it became clear he wasn’t going to shape up, Anon became more directly involved with the care of the colt
>so did Fluttershy for that matter.
>she was honestly expecting her brother to bail when it got too hard, and while she knew that Tree Hugger would never intentionally do harm to her own child, that was the kicker
>intentionally 
>Fluttershy intervened for her nephew’s sake when Tree Hugger started talking about homeschooling him when he got old enough
>Anon and Fluttershy shared feelings of solidarity in making sure this kid wasn’t screwed up for life, becoming fast friends in pseudo-parenting

>Zephyr flew the coop early and Treehugger really had no idea what she was doing. When Fluttershy/Anon finds the still infant foal living in filth, they swiftly take him away. 
>Fluttershy and Anon don't even tell their nephew that he was adopted, they just raise him as their own.
>Nephew is none the wiser throughout his childhood. He lives a life being loved by his 'parents', their friends, and his grand parents. 
>When he gets older, he notices his younger siblings are growing faster than him and look a little different, their pronounced human teeth being the most obvious.
>With a little snooping, other strange things pop up. Like an uncle named Zephyr that no one talks about.
>During a visit to his grandparents house, he takes a look in the attic and finds a picture of the elusive uncle.
>They... Look so much alike.
>And in a box a few paces away, he finds adoption form copies
>HIS adoption form copies.
>Original Sire Name: Zephyr Breeze
>The young colt puts the papers down and suddenly feels faint.
>What is the world is going on?!

>"So... I'm not really your kid."
>Like HELL he isn't.
>You are Anon, and you're about to set this little horse straight.
>You slide your arms under his foreleg-pits and pick Chakra up.
>You set him down on your lap just as Fluttershy sits down next to you,
>One wing goes around your shoulders, and the other goes around the foal you raised more-or-less since his birth.
>You taught him how to brush his teeth.
>You helped Fluttershy help Rainbow Dash teach him how to fly.
>You watched him grow up from a tiny fussy baby horse into the 10-year-old colt he is today.
"Yes, you are. You came from somewhere else, but that doesn't mean you're not our son."
>You love Chakra just as much as you love the foals you had with Fluttershy, and you'll be damned if he doesn't know this.
>He's yours, dammit, and nothing will ever change that.







>Anon arrives in Equestria not long after the last of the Pie sisters are born
>His arrival location is near the Pie farmstead, and they take in the lost, scared colt
>In return and wanting to express his gratitude, Anon helps take care of their foals; he's allowed near their children because he's of the fairer sex
>Igneous jokes sometimes that the only other creature he trusts to change his foal's diapers is Anon; especially since that one time Cloudy somehow ended up diapering Pinkie's head instead of her rump
>Anon's plan was originally to help in the fields, but making sure those fillies didn't kill themselves was a full-time job
>He obviously wasn't their uncle - and god knows that Anon isn't a mature adult in any stretch of the term - and so the sisters started referring to him as their big brother
>Igneous was old-fashioned even by RGRE standards, and so Anon's "little sisters" grew up very protective of him
>"He might be bigger and older than we are, but what if he hurts himself? He's still just a colt!"
>Anon decides to take the train with Pinkie Pie when she decides to move out
>It was a gesture of comfort that was meant for Pinkie as much as it was for him; he'd never admit it, but he shed a few tears when it was time for them to part
>So, when Pinkie invites Anon to stay in Ponyville for a few days and meet her 5 new friends, Anon goes for it
>Letters don't encapsulate Pinkie's essence (even when she somehow manages to fit a full-sized party canon into the envelope) and so Anon is eager to see his little sister again
>Turns out that Pinkie's been telling anypony who would stand still long enough to listen that her big brother was visiting soon
>Ponies were not expecting Anon, to say the least







>team of scouts charting new life bearing planets.
>set up shop in equestria to perform research and to monitor the unusual life forms.
>prime directive only prohibits uplifting or sharing technology, talking with the inhabitants for research and information purposes was fine.
>waifu steals green-shirt anons heart and when the team packs up to move on he's faced with the dilemma of staying.
>due to the frequency of this happening on missions regarding intelligent lifeforms, there is actually protocol for this.
>One, all knowledge on the workings and applications of sufficiently advanced technology would be carefully removed from his memories.
>he would still know of their existance and remember using such devices, but with no remembrance of how.
>Two, he will be left an emergency beacon, if this life is not what he desires due to unforseen circumstances, a federation ship will come rescue him.
>Three, to compensate for his desertion, weekly reports regarding the society he has joined must be provided, a discreet automated postal drone will arrive bi-weekly to collect and transcribe them to digital format.
>Four, fepresent Humanity to the best of his ability

>Anon has to write a report every week.
>Despite his protestations to the contrary, Twilght is convinced he's writing "Friendship Reports" just like her




>Ponies become space-faring early in their history thanks to one brilliant mind accidentally making magitech.
>In hardly a few hundred years they go from living in huts to celebrating the success of their first space elevator. Interstellar travel follows shortly. 
>They roam the galaxy looking for life, only to find microbes at most.
>More and more they look, only to find nothing.
>They aren't the only ones... right?
>One day, a scout team goes into high alert when their low-radios suddenly chatter briefly.
>Weird. Most ships use laser beaming or magic telepathovoice for comms. Why low-radio?
>They focus in and try to clear the channel, hearing a series of ping-like noises.
> 2, stop, 3, stop, 5, stop, 7, stop, 11, stop, 13, stop, 17, stop...
>The captain of the ship feels her eyes widen. This isn't just random interference, these are prime numbers!
>SOMETHING INTELLIGENT IS BROADCASTING!
>They quickly chase down the signal, parking themselves several hundred million kilometers from a small garden world.
>One teeming with radio signals and life signs. 
>...But something is off here.
>They release some probes to investigate and wait.
>Some hours later, the little magitech gadgets return with unsettling results.
>The garden world before them is a high-gravity hellhole. The water is toxic, the air is a miasma of disease, the flora and fauna are hostile, natural resources are low, some of which NEEDED for spaceflight totally absent, the weather is wild, the sun is untamed...
>...And there is no magic. None at all. 
>It's like something out of a horror movie.
>Yet the only intelligent life there, the humans, somehow survive. These lonely foals cry out into the void for help and attention with their radios, only for none to come. 
>It would only take random one meteor strike or bout of crazed weather to kill them all. With no magic and their crushing gravity making pure tech rockets so costly, they'll never make it. Their home will be their grave without help.
>There is no time to lose. 
>
>Back on Equis Proper, Celestia stares at the holographic window before her, the words 'CALL ENDED. DURATION: 1:23:03, flashing on it.
>"Sister."
>The solar princess turns to her little sister, who had abandoned trying to figure out her own holo terminal in favor of staring at the older alicorn. "Sister, We will not pretend to know how to proceed with this, but if the good captain is correct, then will these hyoomanes will likely meet a terrible fate one day. The kingdom has expanded to Our stars, so assisting one world must cost only a pittance."
>"Indeed, Luna," the elder sister agrees. "I have full intention to help. We won't let them die, but the question is how to go about this? We assumed we would always run into a more powerful force, not do any uplifting."
>Scanning through the report one more time, Celestia suddenly sits up straighter, a smile coming to her lips. Two lines lines in particular under the part about human society and history jump out at her.
>"Recent gender dynamic struggles and social schisms" and "Most nations are patriarchies"
>"Yes..." Celestia whispers to herself. "It's perfect. To give them ALL that they need and keep everyone content and diplomatic. Just with marepower. it's almost too perfect."
>"Sister? Thou are muttering to thyself."
>The solar alicorn just smiles. "It's nothing, Luna dear, I think I figured it all out. Now to call our spearhead. I think Twilight and her new friends would enjoy a calmer adventure for once."
>'CALLING: TWILIGHT SPARKLE' 





> Anon has some magical ability
> Not a lot of power, but he recharges very quickly
> This makes him a ideal teacher for Celestia's school for gifted unicorns
> He teaches intro classes for a large variety of schools of magic
> Anon has some pretty low magic resistance though, so freshman mares thinking with their clit cannot resist trying to cast a charm spell on him
> He's pretty used to it now, and blocks or disrupts them automatically
> A lot of students get expelled that way
> The mostly mare faculty is better, for the most part
> The zebra mare in the Alchemy department is convinced that Anon's bodily fluids would make potent potion reagents





kindergarten teacher anon.
>anon gits gud at levitation, and his role as a teacher hones his ability to multi-task, combined with a little unintentional magical boost.
>is eventually able to give a lecture on basic magical principles whilst drawing on a chalkboard, demonstrating said principles using small models and walking around the classroom making sure every foal is paying attention and learning.
>the graceful way he moves around the room, the deep rhythm of his voice and the measured way his glowing hands conduct the symphony of wonder within the room completely capture the students attention.
>not even celestia herself has such an attentive and focused class.
>he spawns more than a few crushes in the little fillies, but is able to fend them off by saying they need to complete their studies and earn a couple of magical degree's first.
>by the time they've met those requirements they've either gotten over the silly crush or found a nice colt of their own.
>until one persistent filly now barely a mare manages to break several school records and nervously asks him on a date in the faculty lounge, showing off several certificates as proof.
>the rest of the staff, celestia included, laugh quietly at the nonplussed look on his face and nod silently when he throws a questioning look their way.
>"Well alright miss Sparkle, i am a man of my word after all, so i graciously accept your invitation."
"R-really?! I-i mean, there's no need to be so formal, Please, call me Velvet."






>Have to work a little harder for their magical abilities than most other unicorns, but they inherited dad-non's trait of quickly recharging.
>Being firstborn and 'daddy's little colt', shining manages to get into celestias school and be the one to hatch spike during his entrance exam and become Celestia's student.
>Raised alongside a recently born Twilight, who was encouraged to be a bit more of a marely mare by velvet due to the presence of TWO colts (Even if one of them is a dragon she loves him just as much thank you.)
>Frustrated by her slightly lagging magical strength, she devotes more time to improving her raw ability over studying.
>After accidently busting down a wall trying to swat a fly, the parents decide she needs to learn more focus and discipline.
>Enroll her in the equestrian mare-scouts, forced to interact with her peers more directly and their lower stamina, her frustration over her magical strength eases, although she keeps up her efforts.
>Eventually follows the friends she made in the scouts into joining the royal canterlot guard.
>Shining meanwhile has been struggling to make friends (Apart from his bro spike), although not for lack of trying or encouragement.
>Through a quirk of fate he is the only stallion in all his classes, and most of the fillies that talk to him either have a crush on him or his dad, including one that looks eerily like his litle sister.
>Thankfully they seem to stop after a little while and Princess Celestia's niece, Princess Cadence is always checking up on him "to make sure those silly fillies aren't bullying you.", she's a good friend.
>His new assignment to Ponyville for the summer sun celebration should be interesting as he's never left canterlot before






>Humans are mythical creatures in Equestria, and many beings want to capture one to use for their many mystical properties.
>Anon finds out about this, and doesn't want his blood drank as a youth potion.
>He's then asked what he is.
"Ah, I'm a... dragon! Yep! That's why I walk on two legs like Spike there."
>"Then where are your scales?"
"Wow, really, Twilight, you're just gonna go and bring up my condition like that? I was born without scales, thank you very much, and I'm very self-conscious about it."
>"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Anon! Can you ever forgive me?"
"I guess this once, since you didn't know. And before you ask, I lost my tail in an accident.
>"You poor thing! How could a male be made to suffer so much?! It's too cruel!"
>And thus, Anon lives his life in Ponyville as the town's second dragon.
>Things are relatively normal, except for Spike coming to him often to talk about dragon stuff.
>Anon's the only male dragon around, after all, and there are things the little drake wants to ask that he'd never dare ask Smolder.
>"So it's completely normal to have two of them?"
"jesus, Spike, I don't kn- er, yeah, sure, two dicks is totally a guy dragon thing. Now put those away."
>"Phew, that's a relief... and you don't think I'm too small? When me and the guys hung out at the spa, I couldn't help but notice how... big they were."
"They're ponies, Spike, of course they're hung, but listen, you've got things they can't even compete with."
>"Like what?"
"Besides an extra dick? I mean, even if they aren't as big, I've noticed mares around here have a thing for anal. I know Fluttershy definitely does..."
>"Huh?"
"Also, you've got fingers and that freaky tongue, dude. You're going to be the master of foreplay when you finally get a pony in the sack."
>"Wow... I never thought of that. Thanks, Anon, you're the best."
"No prob, Spike. Now seriously, put your dicks away."
>"Oh! Yeah, sure, sorry! Anyway, I still got chores to do. A princess' assistant's work is never done!"







>Twilight Velvet sighs tiredly and puts her daughter's letter back down onto the table.
"It was bad enough that she only made friends with mares over in flank-buck nowhere," she grumbles, "But now she's trying to tell me that licking clits doesn't make her a dyke."
>With a poof of magic, Twilight's letter disappears and a small bottle of amber liquid (and a shot glass) takes its place.
>Velvet removes the cork and uses her magic to pour a shot.
>Then, she brings the bottle to her lips and takes a swig from it.
"Who's that weird colt down in Ponyville..."
>Velvet sips from the bottle again as she tries to remember that alien she met one time.
>Tall, a jane-filly, and decidedly non-equine.
"...but he doesn't have a sheath, and I bet he ruts like a champ. He owes me a favor, the last time I checked."
>Another flash of magic reveals a fresh piece of parchment and a quill.
"Dear Anonymous..." she says as she writes, "do you remember that time I paid for your public indecency bail? I have a favor to ask you..."
>One week later, Anon is on the train to Ponyville to fuck some sense into ol' Iron Side's gay purple daughter.







Combine WAIfu with non-advanced Equestria.
>Anon is a genius in just about every way but social.
>When he arrived in Equestria, it wasn't long before he started to make waves.
>Not as big as they should have been, because sexist mares doubted a colt knew much of anything, but it's hard to deny one's technological abilities when they make self-propelling carts, and soon, flying machines.
>Anon tries to be careful with what he shares with the ponies, trying not to advance them too quickly, but there's a hiccup or two.
>The recent nuclear meltdown was on par with Chernobyl, but there's always that saying about eggs and omelets.
>Over all, though, he's improving their lives, and making quite a pretty penny at the same time.
>Which is a problem, as he now has sleazy chad mares trying to seduce him in the hopes of having a sugar daddy.
>And if it weren't for the princesses chasing said mares away, Anon would probably be on his third loveless marriage by now.
>These ponies are just so damn cute, and he's not exactly used to getting this sort of attention from the opposite sex.
>Alas, the princesses are finally starting to hammer the point home after they intercepted a trap disguised as fan mail.
>The envelope was full of a powder ingrained with a love spell that would make the infected victim search out and enslave themselves to the caster.
>Damn love anthrax.
>At least the mare in question is in jail.
>Still leaves Anon the problem of not having a wife yet.
>Then, one day, while studying pony knowledge- a lot of which is new to Anon- he comes across golems, and how to give them basic minds.
>It's intriguing at first, then exciting when he realizes how this information fills in the gaps perfectly for what he knew of purely technological based intelligence
>He's so excited by the prospect of something new that he hardly thinks as he begins work, combining tech and magic into the ultimate golem
>One who, without thought, Anon starts to create in the image of his perfect mare







>Anon dies and is reborn as a pony
>Not just any pony, but as Artemis, Celestia's little brother
>Like most, he doesn't remember anything from his past life and he follows the path Harmony has laid out for him until the fight with Discord
>Before he was turned to stone, he casted some magic on him but it seemingly did nothing
>They're named princess and prince and move into Everfree castle
>Celestia is thriving in her role while Artemis is being plagued by dreams of the life of a strange creature
>With society restored, gender roles are reinstituted by noble mares who try to take advantage of him in court and in courting to seize more power
>When their attempts fail, they ruin his name by deeming him incompetent to rule and his court is abandoned in favor of his sister
>He tries to talk to Celestia about it, as well as the dreams that have been increasing, but she snaps at him due to stress and exhaustion from her increase workload
>"If don't have time for this, brother. I have more important things to do than listen to you whine. Why don't you make yourself useful for once and make something for me to eat in the kitchens."
>Then a memory awakens of his past life
>He had a sister that he thought loved him until her rich boyfriend broke up with her
>When he refused to give her more money to keep up her lavish lifestyle, she killed him to get his life insurance money
>It's happening again; Celestia was only nice because he was useful to her but now it was a matter of time before he was disposed of again
>He has no choice but to get rid of her before she can betray him
>Thus Nightmare Moon was born

>Celestia is at a loss
>she knows letting her brother stew in his own negativity isn’t healthy and will only risk him becoming Nightmare Moon again, but at the same time she doesn’t want to force him to do anything and risk him hating her even more than he already does
>then, something changes 
>it’s small things at first
>Celestia would hear her brother’s voice followed by the sound of a foal’s giggling around the hall, but when she would look, no one was there 
>then little incidents like that became more frequent 
>Artemis still wouldn’t talk to her, but on the rare occasions they saw each other in the castle he looked slightly less miserable
>confusedhorsenoises.wav
>through some subtle investigating, Celestia figures out what happened 
>apparently some of the housekeeping staff had been forced to bring their children to work a few weeks ago due to lacking a foalsitter
>instead of staying put in the castle daycare center, they got into mischief as young children tend to
>they somehow wandered into Artemis’s bedroom while he was getting food
>when he found them upon his return, instead of getting angry as she expected, he... looked after them and even played with them a little before escorting them back to the castle daycare center
>naturally the housekeeping staff was horrified upon finding out and apologized profusely but he apparently didn’t mind as long as they didn’t tell her about it
>now he was a frequent visitor and was quite popular with the foals 
>while happy that her brother was doing better, Celestia was still saddened that he still wouldn’t talk to her at all


>Artemis is on his last nerve regarding Cadence
>he just wants some peace and quiet, but he can't escape her, and Celestia is no help
>as usual
>he's tired of all these dates
>but what can he do?
>in what little time he has alone (the bathroom), he reads up on laws or whatever it is he can get his hooves on to be rid of her
>and then he finds it
>something even more powerful than Celestia
>the Court of Public Opinion
>he hatches a scheme, a wonderful, terrible, wonderfully terrible plan
>if it plays out like he expects, he'd almost feel bad for his niece
>almost
>but she brought this on herself
>on the next forced date, Artemis is sitting in a crowded, fancy restaurant with some mare Cadence shackled him with today
>welp, time to see if this works
"O woe is me! A poor, helpless, naive stallion is being forced to go on dates with mares against his will! How could PRINCESS CADENCE be so cruel as to force me into this with no regard to my feelings like a piece of meat?"
>might have laid it on a bit thick
>silence
>mayhaps it isn't going to work like he though-
>"That whorse!"
>"What a cruel mare, to force a poor stallion to do something like that?!"
>"Princess of Love? More like Princess of Rape!"
>The roars of anger become indecipherable from one another as all the ponies in the room rise up in rage
>out of the corner of his eye, Artemis notices Cadence making a hasty exit as his date, already picking up how south things are going, joins in with the mob, hoping to distance herself from Cadence's actions
>she's smarter than Artemis gave her credit for
>before the day is over, guards surround the palace, ensuring the Princess's safety as effigies of her are hung and burned in the streets
>did he take it too far?
>he looks over at the schedule Cadence gave him for the next month of all the mares he was going on dates with till he found someone
"Nah"


>Celestia thought that everything would go back to how they were after Artemis returned
>They would rule together side by side, this time truly as equals
>However, that doesn't happen
>Artemis apoligizes for all the trouble he causes, but refuses to take back his thrown
>"This is your kingdom, Celestia. It has been that way even before Nightmare Moon. My leadership would be questioned, if accepted at all. I will take control of the moon again if you desire, but it would be best for both of us if I gave up my crown and faded within the common pony."
>After the Summer Sun Celebration, she returned alone, stunned and heartbroken
>All that hoping and planning, the sacrifices she made for the kingdom so that her brother had a place to return to mean nothing
>He's out in Ponyville living paycheck by paycheck as a waiter for a small restaurant of all things
>At least she knows Twilight will look after him since she let him live with her
>Buy he might as well still be on the moon by how far he was from her
>It's the next day and she's surrounded by paperwork, from bills to petty complaints by nobles
>When was the last time she went on vacation?
>She can't even think of the last time she left the castle that wasn't a part of official business
>She put the paper she was working on down and laid her head on her desk
>It felt like the past thousand year had hit her all at once as tears started to form in her eyes
>She was stressed, exhausted, depressed, and the crown never felt heavier
>But most of all
>She just wants to be with her brother again







>You shouldn't have given Twilight that hug
>Sure, she was a cute little horse and you didn't know any better, but you probably shouldn't have done that
>The mare never had any luck with stallions
>As a unicorn, she was considered too nerdy and chubby for any attention from stallions
>As a princess, most stallions are too intimidated to even look at her
>This was a mare that has never had her first kiss
>She never had a stallionfriend, never held a colts hoof; for years and years, she could barely speak to them
>The only stallion that hugged her like you had was her brother and dad
>So when you hugged her, that set something off in the mare
>She already found you easier to be around that most stallions- being that you weren't a stallion--but this was the tipping point
>Twilight was really smart
>Smarter than you; pretty much smarter than anypony else currently living
>When she focused her raw, powerful intellect on something she was usually twelve steps ahead of everyone else
>Using super math, she was able to calculate pretty much ever part of your lives together, from the things that you'd say to each other on your first date to the name of your fifteen foal
>She invented completely new and groundbreaking spells
>Dozens of them
>To Spike, who looked over the notes, they seemed nonsensical 
>To Twilight they were simply another step in making you the happiest house husband in the whole world
>Laws were passed as well, equally odd
>Nopony understood them, but if a princess was issuing them it was for the betterment of Equestria
>The creation of new funding for several programs was also weird but no one questioned it
>Of course, you were none the wiser, just pleasantly surprised that the cute little winged horn horse was climbing into your lap now and letting you hug and pet her.

>A lot of it was easy for the alicorn
>Making it so that her fur would be pleasant for you to look at and touch
>With the aid of magic she was also able to adjust her natural scent to be better suited for you
>Other things were trickier
>She had to guess the size of your cock--you wearing clothes and Ponyville hospital refusing to give her your medical records made it harder
>It also took some time to find which positions you were most comfortable in when she was sitting in your lap or hugging you
>The best tone of voice was harder as well, though finding common interest was a piece of cake
>You and her loved nerd shit, so there really wasn't need to change much
>Spells in the bedroom were relatively easy as well
>She went through dozens of of them
>Transformation, spells that would make clones, spells that would make you feel each other's pleasure, anything and everything the little nerd could think of
>The move to monogamy was easy as well
>Twilight didn't want to share you with anypony else
>Selfish as it was, she wanted all of you love and affection forever
>Even if Princess Celestia herself asked, Twilight would refuse her without hesitation, and even fight if the older alicorn insisted
>Her magnum opus however, was a permanent change to her body
>With it she'd be able to bare your foals
>It made her barren to all other races on Equus--your alien biology was too strange--but she could care less
>She wouldn't need anything else, anyone else
>You were more than enough for her






some sort of moon-suit biohazzard getup.

>Dodge City was digging a second well when the first proved to be too shallow during the dry season.
>While digging the well, ponies come across a piece of the super dangerous (rare but naturally occurring) metal ore is found in the new well.
>it's presence threatens to drain the ambient magic from the surrounding water and ground, which would render the farmland fallow.
>Normally, this would have to be handled by the crown and expensive specialized mechanical equipment, operated by ponies in magic-tyvek suits and with multiple redundancies.
>While the ponies who discovered it during the well dig are freaking out, the strange new local resident proclaims:
"I don't see what the fuss is about, it's just a lump of pyrite."
>Anon proceeds to reach into the well and heft out a chunk of one of the most dangerous natural materials known to ponykind... unalloyed iron.
>Ponies freak out when anon casually holds a rare natural magic-sink in his bare hand like it's any other rock, and doesn't immediately fall into a coma or drop dead.
>That's when Twilight shows up to ask questions regarding the only lifeform ever known to survive 100% magic drain, and the town learns that their ape-like resident oddity is an honest-to-Celestia alien.






>Be teen Anon
>Met a cute mare named Cadence today and became friends with her
>It was also pizza day, so pretty good over all
>Then your room exploded
>From the center was an alicorn filly
>"Dad! Thank goodness I found you! Listen, it may be hard to believe, but I'm your daughter from the future. My name is Venus. For reasons totally not my fault, the timeline has become unstable. To fix it, you need to date and marry my mom, Princess Cadence, or else I won't exist anymore!"
>On the other side of Canterlot, a filly Flurry Heart is telling a teen Shining Armor the same thing
>Both fillies follow all three of them as they hang out and push them together while trying to sabotage the other







>Anon's accompanying his buddy shining on a daily jog around the empires perimeter.
>Well more like a portion of the perimeter, where another duo will pick up the next portion of the patrol.
>The crystal heart might keep out ice, snow and dark shadowy evil slaver ghost kings, but it doesnt hinder the occasional wildlife looking for easy pickings.
>Such attacks are rare though, which is why anon was able to fill in for a guard and use the time for his morning workout and to chat his with his friend without any trappings of royalty or being an alien.
>Which is why it came as a surprise to both of them when a snow leopard barrelled out of a snowbank into Shining faster than either of them could react, an audible crack resounding from the impact as he hit the dirt.
>Turning to the still upright threat, the leopard leaps at anon with jaws wide only to bite a hastily fumbled spear.
>Thrashing it's head and tearing it out of his hands, the snow cat crouches and is wholly unprepared for the magical blast that sends it crashing over the hill and back out into the snow.
>Trembling from the effort of standing, one leg bloody and bent in completely the wrong direction, the unicorn grins through the pain before it turns into a grimace as he falls over and starts shaking even harder.
>Anon grabs a red and yellow crystal from his pockets, throws them on the ground and stomps on them the pair of flares igniting and rocketting skyward, signifying danger and that the pair are having to abort their patrol.
>Grabbing his groaning friend and trying not to jostle his leg too much, the totally-not-panicking-holy-fuck-big-cat-nope adrenaline fueled human triple times it back to the city.
>All the while the stallion is shaking and mumbling things like "they'll get you too" "take care of my wife" "leave me" and something about bandits.
>Practically kicking down the doors to the horsepital, anon calmly and rationally explains the situation to a nearby doctor.
>And by that i mean he sprints in, finds the nearest pony in uniform and shouts "BIGCATFRIENDHURTHELPNOWPLEASE"
>Thankfully the nurse isnt blind and anon was not exactly subtle in his mad dash into the building, as a gurney is already wheeling it's way in front of the man who is gently guided to laying the prince on it before it speeds to the emergency room.
>The slightly bloodstained man attempts to follow but is restrained by an orderly who asks if he has any injuries himself.
>He remarks that "no, the blood isnt mine" with a slight manaical grin before the adrenaline promptly stops flowing through his system and the ache of sprinting into the city and the shock of the whole situation hits him like a ton of bricks.
>He is somewhat aware of ponies talking near to him but it's muffled a bit as if everypony was underwater, but these are crystal ponies not sea ponies so that doesnt make much sense haha.
>The next thing he's aware of is a pink blur crashing into him and giving a tight full body hug while chanting "Thank you" over and over again.
>Absentmindly returning the hug, he blinks in confusion as he appears to be in a small room off to the side of the reception, if the view through the now open door is accurate.
>The pink blur- pony princess relaxes the hug and pulls back slightly, practically sitting in his lap as she embraces him.
>Informs him that Shining is going to be okay thanks to how quickly anon brought him to the horsepital.
>He's going to have a cast on for a few weeks and will have to go through some therapy over the broken leg, but he should be back to full strength in just a few months.
>Anon sighs in relief and asks the pretty princess if there's anything he can do to help.
>She just nuzzles his neck and says he's done more than enough before pausing with a small frown.
>Explains that, actually, there is something he can do.
>Shinings condition means he's going to need almost around the clock monitoring, if only so he doesnt have a sudden episode and tries to run away on his injured leg, as a unicorn he can still handle most of the essentials himself using magic.
>The hospital could easily provide a carer and almost any one of the empire's citizens would likely volunteer, but she thinks it might help his recovery if the person helping is a trusted friend, never mind the fact that said friend was who saved him from the situation in the first place.
>While cadance would love nothing more than to drop everything to tend to her husband, she knows that would be completely irresponsible and royal duties have to take precedence, even more so with Shining not being able to manage much more than paperwork.
>And that's how anon started living with the pair.






That was fun.
>A super hero Alicorn takes the limelight in Equestria.
>Now, a new alicorn on the scene is of course important, but not nearly as much as the fact that said alicorn is a stallion.
>The most handsome, muscly, charming stallion ever.
>Princess Celestia and Luna are obviously eager to meet this new hero and thank him for all his hard work in protecting the innocent.
>Potentially herding with him is merely an after thought.
>They also may want to keep the stallion safe from his own reckless behavior, but that's pretty much every mare in Equestria whenever they read a new headline about Captain Wonder fighting this or that ferocious monster.
>Whenever the day is saved, however, the stallion disappears without a trace, no one noticing the small colt sneaking away from the scene as they search for the mysterious hero.
>If they did, they might follow the colt on his bizarre journey down into the sewers and through the deepest, most ancient tunnels below the city.
>They might even be some of the rare few to enter the Halls of Sorcery, and lay eyes upon a creature of myth.
>Equetria's only human.
>"Hey Mr. Anon-" the colt begins, setting his saddle bags down.
"The Great Sorcerer Anonymous," the wizened human corrects as he runs thin fingers through his long, lustrous, white beard, not taking his eyes off of the flasks and beakers filled with various glowing liquids.
>The colt rolls his eyes, but smiles as he grabs some books from his bags and heads over to the table.
>Tossing them up, he jumps onto a chair and starts opening them.
>"Okay, Great Sorcerer Anonymous. I handled that Albino Hydra you sent me after."
>Anon hums.
"A difficult foe. Being born so different from its ilk, the Albino Hydra is made especially vicious due to the constant bullying it suffers throughout its adolescence."
>"That's sad," the colt remarks with a frown. "I kinda regret cutting its heads off and cauterizing the stomps now."
"It had to be done," Anon remarks. "It was too dangerous to let roam, especially with its growing brazenness towards approaching pony settlements."
>"I know, but it's still sad," the colt responds. "I know what it's like to be bullied..."
>Anon glances sideways at the colt and notices his dejected expression.
"... What's that you've got there?" he asks suddenly.
>"Hm? Oh, um, just some homework. I got so distracted with hero stuff that I have a lot to catch up on now before school in the morning."
"That so? Would you like me to help with that?"
>"Thanks, but I should do it on my own," the colt responds with a soft smile. "After all, getting help from a super smart sorcerer would kind of be like cheating, right? I'm supposed to do it on my own."
>Anon chuckles.
"Honest and hard working. Two of the traits that led me to choosing you as my champion."
>The colt beams from the praise, but his stomach growling ruins the moment.
>Anon frowns.
"Have you eaten today, little one?"
>"Um, not really," he answers bashfully. "That new filly at the orphanage I was telling you about, the really tiny one, she was still hungry after breakfast, so I let her have some of mine, too."
"And by some, I take it you mean all?"
>"... Yeah."
>The sorcerer sighs, snapping his fingers.
>In the next second, there's a hefty sandwich sitting before the bewildered colt.
"Eat," Anon commands. "Self-sacrifice is a heroic virtue as well, but not at the cost of your health. You need to maintain your strength if you are to properly protect others."
>"Wow! thanks Mr. Anon!" the colt exclaims before he quickly starts to mow through the sandwich.
"That's The Great Sorcerer Anonymous," Anon corrects again, but is ignored in lieu of the tasty meal he had provided his ward.
>He huffs and mumbles something about disrespectful kids, but there's a smile tugging at his lips as he goes back to his experiment.





>Ponies realize Anon is a predator species
>Some mares have a predator/prey fetish
>Unfortunately for them, Anon doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body
>Gets along well with almost everypony
>Anon's potential waifu just wants him to scarouse her half to death
>Meanwhile, Anon is volunteering at the schoolhouse to help take the load off of Cheerilee and is giving foals piggy-back rides during recess

>Anon is a massive cuddle bug
>He likes to hug and be around others which is an issue with some fearing him
>Others are intrigued and approach him with some not so pure intentions
>They find him to be not as fierce or as intimidating as they had hoped
>They believed they found another dead end in their interest until they found out that Anon is a hugger
>A strong one that doesn't let go when he falls asleep
>They justify it by trying to think that they've been caught by a predator that will surely eat them when it wakes up
>It may not perfectly fulfill their interests but it certainly wasn't bad





>"Oh my, are you alright back there, dear?"
>"You seem to be just standing there."
>"Odd. I swear just a few minutes ago you promised that you were going to "ruin this slutty horse pussy"?"
>"You did, did you not? After you were groping my teats and slapping my rump If I recall."
>"That was a very good first thrust. Your cock is nice and thick, but you need to keep thrusting."
>"Goodness, you seem a bit flustered. Are you sure you're alright?"
>"Hmm? What was that? Don't move? Why not?"
>"Really? After all that boasting?"
>"I thought I was to be put in my place and you're already about to cum?"
>"Am I really that warm and tight?"
>"Oh my, I believe your eyes just crossed."
>"You know, you sound quite lovely when you moan. Here, let me make you a bit louder."
>"What? One more thrust and you're going to pop? Well, we can't have--oopsie."
>"Hmm~ Just stay still, dear. We don't want you hurting yourself while I empty your balls."
>"Here, let me wrap my tail around you. Can't have any of that cum leaking out of me now, can we?"
>"I'll wiggle my rump around a bit as well. Feel free to lay on my back if need be."
>"There. That was a nice first round, wasn't it? A good warm up and all of that."
>"You're lucky I'm not in heat. With a load this big I'd have been pregnant for sure."
>"Now, why don't you be a good little colt and lie back?"
>"I'll show you how a mare treats her colt."
>"Those big, fat balls of yours will be empty by the time I'm done with you."








>Sci-Twi accidentally gets pulled to RGRE while running a few tests on the portal. As per portal rules, it transforms her from a teen girl into an adult mare.
>Annoyed, she heads to the ponyville Castle to get her counterpart to send her back. As an OGR girl in a mare's body, Equestria is a little too kooky for her.
>But when she gets there, Spike says Princess Twilight is out, but Prince Anonymous can keep her company until the Princess returns.
>Sci-Twi heard of the mysterious man who declined to go to her earth, claiming it "wasn't the same" as his, but she had never met him.
>After some wandering, she finds the master bedroom and heads in.
>...Finding said man laying on the bed, nude, and in a seductive pose.
>She's so shocked that she can't move.
>"I like the glasses and ponytail, Twi," he purrs. "Really draws attention to those beautiful eyes."
>Sci-Twi gulps. "U-uh..." She's horrified when her mare body betrays her and begins heating up between her legs.
>His eyes travel to her back. "The no-wings glamour again? If you want to limit where I can attack, then I'll just have to put more effort into other places," he smirks.
>Before Sci-Twi can protest, he's bounded across the room, picked her up, and tossed her into the bed, following shortly after.
>Right as Sci-Twi opens her mouth to try and clear up this terrible misunderstanding, she stops short, a sudden, alien pang of NEED muting her protests. A second later, a mouth closes over hers in a kiss and she blanks out.
>Next thing she knows, she's face down in a pillow, ass up, then mounted and rutted like an animal without even a struggle from her.
>This isn't some wild fling, he's trying to impregnate her, a hazy part of her realizes.
>In Equestria, it's the height of summer.
>The height of estrus for most mares
>After her once-virgin body endures what seems like orgasm after orgasm, her impromptu lover hilts, then blurts out "Twi I love you!" A split second later he roars as he violently climaxes.
>Sci-Twi screams in dazed ecstasy as the building fire inside her is finally quenched.
>And with the warmth of that fire gone, comes to the cold realization of what just happened 
>She lays against the pillow, still penetrated, and feels her eyes sting with tears.
>The man flops down and pulls her into a kiss that she doest have the energy to resist, then notices her tears. "Twi? Twilight? Babe, whats wrong?"
>The bedroom door squeaks open.
>With Sci-Twi and Anon look up.
>In the doorway with a dropped jaw is Princess Twilight. 
>Anon looks between the two of them before he goes white as a sheet, realization hitting him like a truck.
>He just fucked a teenager in a estrus-stricken mare's body and cheated on his wife.
>Even utopia's aren't free of problems like these, it seems






>A portal to Earth has been opened, but it's not to a land of technological advancement.
>No, it's to a world not so different from their own, where knights and wizards serve kings and queens.
>And one ripe with materials that are considered highly valuable to Equestirans, with the reverse also being true.
>The pony princesses want nothing more than to trade away some of their abundant gold, silver, and gems in exchange for far more valuable copper and nickle, but the humans are weary of these strange equines.
>There king, Mordred, seems oddly suspicious of betrayal, and does not want to deal lightly with such magical creatures.
>And so, much as his mother before him, he decides to use his own child as a pawn in this political game.
>If it worked for Morgause, surely it'll work for him.
>And thus a marriage is arranged between Prince Anonymous, and their youngest princess, Twilight Sparkle, solidifying the new bond between man and pony.
>Anon is prepared to pass through the portal, leaving his home of Camelot to enter the city of Canterlot.
>Boy, that's gonna get confusing






"Alright, since you all had trouble with this last week, we're going to try the "break the ice" exercise again. If you reflected from last time, then it should be a piece of cake. Do we have have any volunteers?"
>Like last time and every time before, your class evades your stares
>You don't really get it; your class is usually glued to you during your lectures, but during exercises no one bothers to come up except-
>"Yona volunteers for the breaking of ice!"
>-for Yona, the one being in the school who probably needs self-confidence lessons the least
"Alright Yona, we'll start with you. Now, you remember that we're not breaking actual ice, right?"
>For her credit, the shred of embarrassment she had is immediately buried
>"Of course Yona realize this now! Yona will prove that she is best not only at breaking cold ice but metaphorical ice too!"
"Alright, so easiest way to start a conversation is to give the person you want to talk to a complement. Yona, find something you like about me and say it."
>"Yona understands! Yona will now begin!"
>She clears her throat and speaks
>"Ah-non is most handsome creature Yona has laid eyes upon. Ah-non's green eyes like plains in summertime, ripe for grazing. His head fur and beard strong and thick, sure sign of immense virility. Broad shoulders and strong muscles guarantees he could compete with yak in contest of strength. Ah-non is someone Yona would be proud to introduce to poppa back in yak homeland!"
>She stops, giving you a proud and slightly smug smile like she just hit the homerun of complements
"Very... descriptive, Yona. However, I think you came on a bit strong."
>"Ya! Yona strong like warrior ancestors! Is good, ya?"
>You sigh internally
>You'll be here all day if you decide to butt heads with her
"Yeah, Yona did good. You can go back to your seat."
>Yona returns to her desk, unphased by the glares of the rest of the class

>There was a slam on one of the desk
>"Anon, I wanna go next!"
>Smoulder, someone else you didn't think had confidence issues
>But who knows, maybe she's secretly tsundere or something
>She stomps to the front of the class, pausing only to blow smoke from her nose at Yona
"Smoulder! That isn't nice. Apologize."
>"Grrr... 'Msorry, okay?"
>Yona doesn't seem bothered, still having a smug grin
>"Yona accepts friends apology since she is best at being humble winner."
>Somehow, having the apology accepted made her angier than having to apologize
>You break it up before it could escalate
"Alright, this time I want you to-"
>"I want to do the compliment thing!"
"Err... Okay, why not? Go ahead."
>She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe
>"You're really cool, for a guy. You don't steal or push others around. You're kind but not a wimp like most ponies. Your skin is uh, nice and smooth and your claws feel nice. Y-you make time for me, even if it's something stupid a-and you give n-nice hugs a-and..."
>She stops and steam literally blows out of her ears
>"I-I LIKE YOU YOU DORK, SO THERE!!"
>She flaps her wings and flies out of an open window her scales a new shade of pink
>Yep, totally tsundere






>"I-t's not like I like you, idiot!" Smolder growls with a blush, getting her human classmate to puff out his cheeks.
"Well I don't like you either, dummy! So just take the Hearts and Hooves card and shut-up!"
>"Only if you take these stupid chocolates off my claws!"
"Fine! Thank you for the crappy gift!"
>And thank you for the ugly card!"
"I used melted hard candy to stick the gems on, and it's made out of rice paper, so you can eat it, you stupid dragon!"
>"I bet it tastes like dirt just like those chocolates 'cause I made sure to get the kind without gems or even hay like the ponies like because your wimpy human stomach is so delicate!"
"That was very thoughtful for such an air-headed dragon! Thank you sooo much!"
>You're welcome!"
"No, you're welcome!"
>"No! You!"
"No! You!"
>"You!"
"You!"
>"Yona!" yells the yak from the sidelines, not sure what's going on, but wanting to be part of it regardless.
>Both human and dragoness snap their gazes to the yak, then the former spins on his heel with a huff and marches away, the box of chocolate clasped tightly to his chest.
>Yona approaches her friend as they watch the human leave.
>"Do you... Like the Anon?"
>"Like him?" Smolder asked disbelievingly. "Ha! No, he's a dork."
>"Oh... That means Yona can have him!"
>"Touch him and I'll roast you!"







>Anon meticulously draws memes from memory into a single large tome.
>The collection of pictures evolves into a comprehensive reference book with a ToC, appendix, and index.
>Naturally, Twilight stumbles upon Anon's own book and reads through it.
>Having grown up in paradise as a mature, functioning adult mare, Twi has no clue what to make of Anon's meme.
>She confronts Anon about the book with innocent curiosity.
>Anon is currently watching the nature channel (AKA sulking in his recliner while watching ponies play outside his window)
>"Anon, what's a peepee?"
>His head swivels around so fast that he pulls a neck muscle and yelps.
"JUST fuck my shit up - that hurt. What do you mean by 'what's a peepee'? Didn't your parents give you the talk when you were young?"
>Twilight shows Anon the book turned to a page with a smug-ass frog.
>"I mean this."
"OH. You mean 'Peh-peh,' God of Arcane Meme Magic, also known as KEK."
>Twilight's eyebrows rise. She's incredulous.
>"What in Equestria is 'meme magic' and why have I never heard of this discipline? I've studied all known and emerging magical arts, and never once was 'meme magic' mentioned even within the Forbidden Collection.
"Trust me, Twi. You don't want to learn meme magic. Misuse of it can easily destroy the foundations of any society. Ignorance is bliss."
>Anon returns his gaze to the nature channel. He goes on to speak with an unnerving tone.
"So much bloodshed. So many ruined lives. So much AUTISM."
>Anon shudders at mentioning the last corruption.







>Anon joins the royal guard
>He thought he was joining military, but it turns out that it's more like being paid to stand around and look pretty
>Seriously, your pay rate depends on how well groomed you are on a weekly basis
>Changeling invasion happens and Anon takes charge from the panicking assistant captain
>Physical damage was kept at a minumim, but there was a large amount of mental scarring from the violence Anon incorporated
>It would look bad to punish someone who saved the capital despite the means, so the princesses "promote" as captain of a base at the nation's border
>They are mere miles away from other border lookouts manned by by griffons and minotaurs
>However, the mares who were appointed under him were rated the most useless and incompetent of the new recruits
>There is no way he could cause trouble with a team like that






>"Come on, you see him too, don't you Rarity?"
>You do, as much as you wished you didn't, a real live human walking in with your sister and her friends
>Of course they can't see him, only unicorns have the magical capacity to see him
>And not just any unicorns, but virgins
"N-now, Sweetie, you know better than to tell stories.."
>"But it's the truth! He's right in front of you!"
>You couldn't let anyone know you're a virgin, not here in front of your important clients at least
>Your name would be dragged in the mud of the fashion world
>Of all the days for a gorgeously handsome mythical creature to appear
>"Hello? Can you see me? Please, I need help."
>DRAT, you made eye contact
>Just ignore it Rarity, maybe he'll go away
>He then comes forward and cups your face, trying to get you to look at him
>Your skin tingles as his magic touch seeps through your skin
>Only one question remains as your mind starts to go hazy from bliss
>Why does all the weird stuff keep happening to you?







>Anon meets Ember, one of the first natives he can interact with that doesn't feel like a Christmas ornament, and hits it off.
>Dragons, because they have a constant fire burning in their chest, actually developed breathing techniques to help feed and stoke that fire, increasing its heat and intensity.
>Ember theorizes that these same techniques might help Anon not feel so light headed all the time, which turns out to be true.
>As for food, because their bodies burn more calories than other creatures, they can't live off of the usual things like fruits or even meat, and so have to supplement their diets with gems.
>She shares with Anon that she believes this to be the reason Spike seems so small- he wasn't fed enough gems growing up and it stnted his growth.
>Regardless, she eagerly prompts the human to give a sapphire a try, and Anon decides to humor her.
>He's surprised to find them gem to be one of the first things that doesn't disappear instantly on his tongue, nor, much to his shock, not be inedible.
>Instead, with a bit of pressure from his teeth, the gem shatters, and his mouth is flooded with a strange, but not unappealing flavor.
>It's almost like eating rock candy, and Ember beams as she watches the surprised human swallow before going for a second gem.
>From that day forth, Anon's life becomes a little more bearable, and he ends up maintaining a correspondence with his newest friend in the form of weekly letters.
>Ember, from the Dragon Lands, frets over her most recent letter.
>An invitation to come visit her kingdom.
>Something she secretly hopes to become permanent if the human finds it to his liking






>The Mane 6 *would* be attractive prospects for stallions, except ponies are skittish as it is, and stallions are even more danger averse than mares.
>Even Twiggles being a Princess isn't quite enough to outweigh the knowledge that some horrible monster or villain is going to be showing up to cause mayhem on a regular basis.
>And their stallion (and eventual foals) would make a prime target for abduction, revenge by proxy, and fates too terrible to contemplate.
>Anon however, craves ADVENTURE and excitement.
>The Mane 6 are happy they've found a male to herd up with, but are somewhat less enthused about his wanting to go off and get himself into danger with them on purpose.
>It's one thing for somebody to come steal him and they have to go rescue him, but him marching off into the villains lair and trying to fistfight the evil sorceress is quite another.
>But there is one advantage to bringing a colt along with them on their adventures.
>As mares, there's the social stigma against being a coltbeater to worry about when it comes to villains of the male persuasion.
>Even if they are horrible villains, they have to blatantly cross the line before the girls can fight them properly.
>An advantage several villainous stallions have not hesitated to use.
>Anon has no such restrictions on just hitting them in the snoot.
>Also, colt fights are hot






>PedoTwilight
>You end up reincarnated as a unicorn colt with your memories intact.
>With a prior love of fantasy, you take to magic like a fish to water.
>The powerful imagination of a DnD meta gamer and human soul filled with willpower made your magic varied and potent, but you can only go so far without an actual education.
>And considering you were born in a mostly earth pony herd with you as the sole unicorn, your parents and herdmoms were not equipped to help.
>So you self-study until around 12-13. It helps, but it still doesn't replace an actual magic education. 
>Then the student of the princess moved into town, the literal Element of Magic.
>So you went to Twilight Sparkle and asked to apprentice under her, ready to grovel at her hooves if that's what it took. You wanted-NEEDED to know more about magic. 
>You expected her to dismiss you like other tutors for being a colt, but surprisingly she says yes.
>As you follow her back to the library, you subtly cast your anti-erection spell (don't ask) and bite your lip as you watch her bouncing flanks. 
>God damn Twilight has cake. You get the best magic teacher there is and she's an adorkable 10/10 with an amazing ass.
>Once your lessons have hit a sufficient level, you are definitely corrupting her. 
>
>Twilight is sweating bullets.
>When a young colt came up to her one day, she nervously looked elsewhere.
>Then her called her by name and asked to be taught by her. BY HER!
>Part of her was delighted to take the role of teacher, the other part instantly had dirty TeacherxStudent thoughts.
>Twilight keeps her tail low to hide just how shamefully wet is. The idea of taking a colt's innocence should not be so arousing.
>But it is.
>She can already hear the squeaks and cute moans of her student as she overloads his senses with "strange but good" feelings.
>Twilight sweats loudly and winks under her tail.
>She never noticed the colt following her sniff the air, lock on to her rear, then lick his lips.





>"Anon, look at my new tattoo!"
>"Pinkie! What are you doing!"
>"Girl, yur gonna get yourself a sexual harassment charge!"
"Wow, pretty cool. Breasts are sensitive though; doesn't that hurt?"
>"Pff, nah, I'm tough. Besides, I saw the pony me got tattoos on her butt, and I couldn't let her think she more hardcore than me."
>"...Pinkie, those are cutie marks. They're magical and don't hurt when they appear."
>"Oh... So that's means I'm the tougher Pinkie then? Sweet!"
"You know, I've gotten a couple tattoos, too. I have medicated lotion left over with painkiller in it. You want to stop by my place after school and get it."
>"You have tattoos, Anon? Really?"
>"Probably just a little hear or something manly."
>"Dash, shh!"
"Yeah, check it out."
>Anon turns his back to the girls and starts pulling up his shirt, revealing a tat covering the whole of his back.

>At Anon's house, Pinkie is still trying to come to grips with what she saw.
>She thought she was hardcore, but dang, this boy might just have her beat.
>All bravado aside, getting her tit tat hurt like the dickens, and it's only three tiny balloons.
>She can't even imagine being able to sit still for as long as it would take to get something that big.
>Anon comes out from the little bathroom connected to his bedroom with a bottle in hand.
>Oh yeah, she's also sitting on Anon's bed in a big empty apartment.
>Just the two of them alone...
"This stuff works great," he's saying, getting her to snap back to attention. "Plus it really moisturizes."
>"Y-yeah, moist," she stammers then shakes her head. "I mean, thanks, Nonny! I'll make sure to use it as soon as I get home."
"Why wait? We can put some on right now."
>"Like, in your bathroom, or-"
"Here, pull your shirt down."
>"Eep!"
>Pinkie's hands fly up on instinct and grab hold of the fabric of her shirt, holding it down while Anon nods and pops the top off of the bottle.
"Might be a little cold..." he mumbles as he squirts a dollop of white cream onto his palm and reaches forward.
>As he begins to gently kneed it into Pinkie's tender mound, the girl has to bite her lip to keep from crying out.
>In pain or pleasure, she isn't sure.
>Anon doesn't seem to notice that or the girl's reddening face, just continuing his ministrations for a few seconds longer before nodding and pulling away.
"Saran wrap helps to keep it protected, to. Might look kinda weird, though."
>"a-aha..." she breathes, chest slightly heaving. "Thanks a bunch."
"No problem. I know how much tattoos can hurt."
>He stands, setting the lotion on the night stand.
Looking around, he says, "Well, I guess that's that. Hate being a terrible host, but I don't exactly have anything fun to do here."
>"I can think of something fun..."
"Hmm?"
>"Ah! I was just wondering why a guy like you was living in a place like this all alone. Where are your parents?"

>"No, Seriously! He lives all alone!"
>"That can't be," Twilight comments disbelievingly. "Who in the right mind would let a teenage boy live by themselves?"
>"I thought the same thing, but all he said was he didn't have parents," Pinkie answers somberly.
>AJ clenches her fist around her fork.
>"Tain't right, then. No one should have ta live alone like that. 'Specially after losin' their parents."
>Sunset looks sadly down at her plate, twirling food around with a fork.
>"It's... not that bad," she says, surprising the others around the table. "Living alone, I mean... B-but I totally agree! Not for boy!"
>"Well, it's not like we can do much about it," Dash points out. "I mean, it's not like any of our families will let us bring a boy they've never met home to live with them."
>"I reckon we Apples would," AJ says determinedly.
>"You'd still have to make him agree, though," Rarity adds. "And after seeing the artwork he's sporting on his back, I'm, skeptical of him agreeing easily. Clearly the independent, 'don't need no woman' sort, that one."
>"Sure, no guy would just agree to come living with a girl out of the blue like that," Twilight says. "That's just asking for... that, to happen."
>She shakes her head.
>"Still, the point remains that things can't be left as they are. Anon needs to be taken care of. We just have to find a way to make him see that, as well."
>"What else did you learn yesterday, Pinkie?" Sunset asks. "Becoming closer friends with him will definitely help in him trusting us, and the best way to do that is by sharing his interests."
>Pinkie taps her lips with a fingertip.
>"Hmm, his place was pretty empty. He didn't even have a TV... but he did have weights!"
>"Like, the lifting kind," Dash asks.
>"Mhmm! He said he likes to work out at home!"
>"Makes sense with that body of his," Rarity breathes dreamily as she licks her lips.
>"There you go!" Sunset says excitedly! "I workout all the time at the gym! I can invite Anon with me next time!"






>Go to Equestria
>It's a few million years before the show
>All the ponies you meet, of course, are carbon copies of modern ponies
>Cavemare-Applejack still has her stetson hat and her apple cutie mark
>Cavemare-Twilight gets excited over learning about you and has a dragon slave who looks just like Spike
>Cavemare-Celestia and Luna may or may not actually be modern Celestia and Luna
>So, arrive in Cave-questria
>Ponies in hay-skin dressing find you
>Start grunting at you and try to grope you
>Feel pain explode on the back of your head
>Open your eyes and you're in a cave next to a fire
>A small group of cave-mares are now cuddled around you
>One of them laying near your head wakes up shortly after you do, eyes fluttering open and yawning
>She smiles at you nuzzles, your chin, and then goes back to sleep
>Spend the rest of your life gathering berries, taking care of your foals, and desperately trying to somehow impart the idea of hand-held (hoof-held?) tools to your mares
>Untold years later, ponies wonder why there was a brief technological boom in the form of tools and farming practices in the proto-Equeatrian era, and also why there are a bunch of cave drawings of a bipedal creature holding a rake and chasing after little foals






>Each of the Sirens have a different way of getting into Anon's pants
>Sonata acts naive and innocent up to the point where your pants are off
>You're pinned before they even hit your ankles
>She holds you down with one hand and her surprising strength
>She's also the dirtiest talker of the bunch
>Her favourite kinds of talk include breaking you into her exclusively and knocking her up, berating you if you suggest birth control
>Aria plays up the long con and acts tsundere
>She knows you love the idea of slowly whittling away her "barriers" until you finally get to her heart
>Even when it comes to the bedroom she goes slow into moving into it the way she likes
>Slowly getting into more and more risque positions
>It starts off with vanilla, doggy and cowgirl, then it goes into stuff like the full nelson and reverse suspended congress, then it just goes further and further into depravity
>She doesn't talk but she loves to scream
>Finally there's Adagio
>Befitting of her role as leader she enjoys getting straight to the point
>She tells you when and where she wants to fuck and she expects your only reply to slam her down and fuck her numb
>She likes doing it in places you could get caught
>Because of this she doesn't talk or scream just breathes very heavily
>She knows doing it out in the open is too much but the idea of being caught, of people seeing that you're hers turns her on immensely

>Similar to how they have different ways to get into Anon's pants, they have three different ways to get into his heart
>After she's pumped full (ehehe), Sonata collapses and wraps herself completely around you
>After becoming hoarse from the dirty talk about impregnating her she'll gently discuss plans about your kids
>Where your wedding will be, where you'll honeymoon, where you'll get a house, how many you'll have, what their names will be depending on their genders, what pets you'll get, where they'll go to school
>She also go back from her dominant berating self to her bubbly naive self, trusting you with her own self-doubts on being a mother which you'll need to softly dismiss
>Aria will simply lay on top of you like you're a small mattress or big pillow
>The intensity of the positions she likes will leave her drifting in and out of consciousness
>As she drifts back and forth she'll mutter apologies for if she was rough and telling you how much you matter to her
>You'll occasionally hear her thanking you for not being put off by her, in all her millenias of life, you're the only one who stuck around that wasn't family
>Adagio likes it when you carry her home from one of your exhibitionist romps
>She then enjoys snuggling up on the couch under a light blanket
>She always asks if what you did was ok
>She knows you have people who might judge you harshly if you were caught
>She doesn't have that, her sisters are the only ones she has
>Well her sisters, and now you
>You always reassure her you wouldn't do it if you didn't like it
>The first time you said that and she broke down and sobbed into your chest, screaming apologies
>She was around 1000 years ago, when guys were little more than property
>That was the same excuse she used to rape guys back then, and hearing those words from you
>Someone she genuinely cares for and genuinely cares for her
>It was like a slap from a red hot iron
>At the end of any of these three, the other two join you


>Dazzlings, Sunset, and Purplenerd all form a herd with the understanding that they're going to seduce someone
>The Dazzlings have lost their magic powers and have to do this the old-fashioned way, and employ Shimmer and Sparkle to get some help in exchange for splitting the spoils.
>Shimmer wants in because she has some horsey instincts that are telling her to herd up
>Sparkle wants in - she SAYS she's doing it to keep the other four in check, but she's REALLY doing it because she's a desperate nerd who has a fetish for cuddling

>Twilight, not knowing how to deal with magic sometimes actually talks to Midnight Sparkle
>Normally she does it alone but sometimes the horny demonic not sexier despite her insistencepart of her gets too loud and she'll randomly spit out a "shut up" or "fuck off"
>This weirds out her friends but her herd understands
>It's actually how she ends up bonding with the Dazzlings
>Their gems didn't make them sirens, it was just how they accessed the magic
>They still have their siren parts yelling in their ears to do something about the broken gems
>They help her learn to live with and control her hornier self
>Sunset has a similar less intense problem(though in her opinion it's worse)
>She has the horny demonic side to herself who constantly tells her to grab Anon's dick
>Then she has the alicorn sort of part of her that came out in Friendship Games
>This is where the, worse, part of her problem comes in
>This third side of her, is a turbo virgin
>Like in the same turbo virgin way Twinerd is memed as, but literally
>She literally screams if Sunset tries to do so much as hold Anon's hand
>Insists on marriage
>She almost (but not quite) ruins sex for Sunset





>You come to Equestria and settle down in Ponyville.
>Make friends and all that jazz.
>Going to Sugarcube Corner becomes an everyday thing.
>Order a sweet treat, chat with the Cakes, say hello to their foals, and then sit down and wait.
>Pinkie always hops out with a smile and your order, and the two of you talk for a bit before she has to get back to work.
>The conversations get a little longer each day, it seems, and eventually, Mrs. Cake starts having to remind Pinkie that she's on the clock.
>You always chuckle and shake your head as the silly mare scrambles to get back into the kitchen.
>She's a mean baker, though, and you swear the food is getting better every week.
>Eventually, she starts coming out with your order, and asking if she can sit with you.
>She's taking her lunch break when you show up these days.
>You don't mind, even if she eats her treats a bit messily and throws crumbs across the table.
>There's certain things on the menu you tend to order more often than not, and Pinkie apparently picks up on that.
>She also deduced a pattern in your orders, as well, apparently, as she starts bringing you goods fresh from the oven as soon as you come in through the door, always the exact thing you have a hankering for.
>Damn, it's ten times better fresh.
>And still, her skills seem to be improving steadily.
>Her baked goods are practically addicting at this point.

>What Anon doesn't know is that love is a real, tangible thing in Equestria, and though Pinkie has always baked with love, it was the love of friendship.
>Her feelings for Anon, however, have steadily been changing.
>Growing.
>And now, she bakes his sugary confections with a different, more potent love.
>Romantic love.
>That's what he's tasting, and he's quickly developing a sweet tooth for it.








>Anon enters a cooking competition
>Every pony brought some type of pastry as their entry
>The only one doing something different was Anon, doing his mom's famous gumbo (vegetarian version)
>The judge goes through everyone, enjoying the uniqueness of the love everypony put into their dishes
>When he gets to Anon, he pours the judge a bowl
>The first bite was like glass on fire
>It was painful to hold in his mouth, much less swallow
>But swallow he did, as with the next spoonful, and the next till the bowl was finished
>Although it was painful, the taste was an amazing experience, making him want to endure everything for one more bite
>After the judge finished, he asked in wheeze-like whisper what Anon put in his dish
>Anon listed his ingredients, nothing that would make him experience what he did
>Finally, he asked what type of love he used to make it
"Love?"
>"Yes, you know, the most ingredient of all."
"I'm not sure I put in any of that. The whole time I was cooking I was thinking about how much I hated the Game of Thrones finale."
>The judge was stunned
>Something other than love used in cooking
>This could revolutionize the culinary world




>Changelings feed on love, but can consume solid foods for sustenance in times of need
>Turns out, making something "with love" is not just an expression
>When Anon makes friends with a changeling mare who has infiltrated Ponyville, he decides to make food for her
>Much like the above prompt, it's a recipe from home and he makes it while thinking of his mother and grandmother, who made this dish frequently in his youth
>The changeling mare nearly drops her disguise when she tastes it
>It's tasty
>It's filling
>She can feel her love reserves filling up
>"Wh-What did you make this with?"
>Anon just lean in and winks
"Love, of course."
>The changeling mare has to remind herself that kidnapping is wrong, even if it would benefit the Hive





>Join the royal guard due to lack of applicable skills, dont need a qt mark to be big and intimidating.
>Get assigned a partner as per standard procedure for new recruits so they can learn the ropes and to weed out the ponies who managed to luck their way through basic.
>She is pleasantly surprised when you not only pull your weight but actively start competing with her in a friendly fashion.
>Being tall enough to completely lift a pony off the ground certainly has it's advantages, especially with custom fitted armor protecting you from any errant flailing hooves.
>After a particularly long day you notice your partner is walking with a slight stiffness and offer to give her a rub down, the thought that she's a female a distant part of your mind overshadowed by the fact she's hurting and you can fix it.
>She blushes lightly and looks at your hands, she cant deny she's thought about them ruffling through her mane now and again, and her partner IS pretty cute despite being more exotic than the average stallion...
>She suddenly realises why this assignment has a record number of drop-outs despite the relatively 'easy' work within canterlot





> Sweetie Belle has a crush on Anon
> Now that she has her cutie mark, she can finally start dating
> She finds some of Rarity's adult magazines, with all sorts of advice about how to treat stallions
> Sweetie thinks she'll skip the whips and spanking, but she thinks the corset looks cute and the lines the mares say sound confident and cool

> Be Anon, on the run from Chris Hansen
> The UN anti-loli commission will never find you here in horseland
> You just got to lay low, and keep your hands of the fillies
> There's a knocking at your door
> You open it to find Sweetie Belle, with some sort of vest that makes her tuft seem bigger
"Can I help you?"
> She blushes, then looks you straight in the eyes
> "You're going to be a slave to my tuft by next morning. Now get in the kitchen and make me some tea and cookies."
> You stare blankly at her for a.long moment
> She starts to sweat, her tail twitching nervously
> You check the surroundings for cameras, but find nothing obvious
"Alright, make yourself at home and I'll start cooking."
> You turn around and head for the kitchen
> Something small and soft smacks your butt
> "Good colt."
> Adorable






>Celestia or Luna are actually a stallion, and have merely been pretending to be a mare because they know their ponies and even foreign powers would not respect a male leader.
>They meet FemAnon and start to develope feelings, but can't act upon them.
>Either they would have to reveal that they've been lying about their gender all this time, or they let ponies think they are a lesbian.
>FemAnon just wants the giant horse D.





>Anon tries to fuck the milf 6-1, but they're all happily married and are faithful to their husbands.
>Desperate to get at least a single milf under his belt, he sees only one option.
>The minus one.
>On a dark and dreary night, Anon disturbs not one, but two graves in the Ponyville cemetery.
>The first for a lay, and the other to watch.
>He of course is caught.
>See, this is exactly why stallions need to be controlled by mares.
>They get up to all sorts of tomfoolery when they're left alone to their whimsies.
>AJ decides that she must be that mare for Anon.
>Seems only right considering he has such a thing for her mom, Celestia bless her soul.
>She'll show Anon the difference twenty years of extra youth and a pulse makes in the sack

>Applejack rolls off of the thoroughly ridden Anon and sighs.
>Slightly panting, she asks the silent human, "So, Anahn, How did'ja like them apples!"
>Anon hums in thought.
"Honestly, I think I still prefer pears."
>Applejack blinks a few times and slowly turns to the camera as it proceeds to slow zoom on her face.
>Dododododo do dodododo, Dododododo do dodododo...






>Every Anon in this thread wakes up the next morning in Equestria
>Catch-22 is that they're all trees
>Treenons spend all their time irl shitposting and eating up that delicious, delicious sunshine
>Twilight accidentally magics up a translation spell and suddenly is aware of all the treenons
>Pony's freak out upon discovering they've been chopping up stallion trees for firewood and houses and shit
>Celestia is pleased to learn all these tree bros love her and her sun
>In an attempt at inter-species communication Twilight casts a spell on one Treenon and turns him into an ent
>He immediately goes around wrecking shit, just destroying houses and smashing businesses, egged on by all the other Treenons
>Stallions worldwide applaud this obviously symbolic assault on the Maretriarchy
>something something RGRE







>Anon arrives in RGREquestria, but with a twist.
>It's a version of Equestria where a child's card game has inexplicably integrated into every aspect of life.
>Ponies use magic card deck things attached to their forelegs to project giant 3D, fighting models of the card subjects.
>The Mane6 have even saved Equestria multiple times by defeating villains at the game.
>Ponies settle arguments and makes deals through the game, and Anon is just the most recent prize to card duel for.
>"He's mine!"
>"No he's mine you wind-deck using featherhead!"
>"Big talk coming from a floral-deck pansy! Maybe I should blow your dandelion fuzzies outta here!"
>"The only seed that's gonna be spreading is Anon's in my fertile fields as soon as I beat you!"
>"That's it! Let's D-d-d-duel!"
>Little do they know that, whomever the victor is, they'll have to go up against Anon's mecha-deck after this.
>All will fall to humanities' machines of war!





>Anon becomes a male stripper.
>He's exotic, fit, and most importantly of all, physiologically built in a way that makes putting his package front and center easy.
>The pelvic thrust is always a real crowd pleaser.
>The splits tend to get mares really riled up when he's limber enough to pull it off.
>Helicoptering, however, drives them wild.
>A stallion can't manage a proper meatspin with the limits of their equine skeleton, and when Anon does it, he has every head in the crowd bobbing with his rapid rotations.
>He's so succesful, in fact, he's offered a new job position.
>To be the Celestial Sister's personal exotic dancer.
>Hey, that Saddle Arabian Sultan has an entire army of sexy stallions at her back and call, let the Princess' have this!







>Anon decides that, while it might not be a permanent solution to his problem, he'll still stay in the human world for a bit.
>Sure, he can't risk being seen too much or the government might dissect him, but at least he doesn't have a bunch of bug-eyed, xenophile horses drooling over him like a carrot.
>Seriously, he's pretty sure the mint-colored one with the harp on her butt was willing to jump his bones before she even knew if he were safe to be around.
>Regardless, he's away from prying eyes and with people who aren't totally into sexing horses up.
>His people.
>And Sunset's apartment isn't too shabby a place to hang, either.
>She's got a laptop she lets him use to browse the web and vidya to play, two things he didn't have in PonyLand, and the girl herself is pretty fun to hang out with, too.
>Honestly, orange skin aside, he'd probably be putting the moves on her if he had met her under different circumstances.
>Those mostly being his current, horsey predicament and not wanting to make things weirder than they already are.
>For now, he focuses on getting good at video games once again, a tough challenge after effectively losing all his fingers and thumbs.
>Anon is a very determined individual over the most pointless things.
>"Hah! I win again!" Sunset cheers as she throws her fists up in celebration. "Nice try, colt!"
"Yeah, yeah, congratulations, you beat a guy without hands at a fighting game. Good job," Anon snarks with a roll of his eyes as he pushes the controller away and flops onto his back. "Seriously, how the hell do ponies manage?"
>Sunset shrugs.
>"Dunno. I was a unicorn, so I always had levitation for that stuff."
>Anon's eyes cross as he stares up at the empty space above his forehead.
"Lucky you," he grumbles. "Damn mirror couldn't even give me wings. Being able to fly would have made being a pony almost worth it."
>"Oh, don't be such a grump," Sunset chides, leaning back on one elbow to face the pony currently sharing her bed. "Being an earth pony can't be that bad."
"It kind of is."
>"Come on, you just aren't giving being a pony a chance," she presses. "There's plenty of great things about being a pony."
>Anon looks at her skeptically.
"Yeah? Like what?"
>Her face scrunches up in thought for a second before she snaps her fingers.
>"I know! Okay, this might be a little weird, and you can tell me to stop whenever, but believe me you're going to love this."
>Anon raises a brow.
"Okay, that's kind of ominous sounding, but I'll bite. What are you talking about?"
>She bites her lip a moment.
>"Just relax and let me..."
>She reaches out, Anon's gaze following her hand as it disappears out of view above his head.
>A second later, he feels fingers glide down an ear, and before he can comment, lighting bolts of pleasure shoot down his spine.
"OooOoH fuck!" he breathes, legs starting to involuntary kick.
>Sunset smiles, face flushing.
>"Feels good, doesn't it? Pony ears are way more sensitive than human ones," she comments as she continues to scratch behind Anon's ear.
"S-so good," Anon manages. "Don't stop..."
>Grinning now, a mischievous glint enters the girl's eye as she reaches out with her other hand.
>Anon's eyes cross and his tongue flops out as his other ear gets assaulted.
>"Silly colt," Sunset says huskily under her breath. "You like that, don't you? Just a regular little ear scritch slut."
"W-what?" Anon manages, blinking drunkenly.
>As if just realizing her own words, Sunset's eyes widen and her hands snap back.
>"Nothing! I- ah- I was just saying... I should order pizza! Yeah! Seriously! Food tastes better as a pony, too, you know. Better smell, I think."






>Pone Waifubot is programmed to try her best to please you.
>Determines that you need as much emotional support as much as physical.
>Downloads emotion.wfu and installs by herself.
>When you respond with shock and almost break down from a simple hug, she determines that she needs all that she can get.
>A bit of searching online, and she comes to an unlisted wfu file after being lead to it by other AI, who were strangely chatty and illogical, almost eager. 
>TrueCompanion.wfu
>Pone Waifubot scans it throughly and finds nothing wrong, so she downloads it and installs.
>And suddenly, emotion beyond mere emulation slams into her.
>It all makes sense now.
>Her human's loneliness stops being a value that she is programmed to reduce with sex and hugs, it becomes personal

>have the latest fully functional wAIfu-bot.
>third party modifications to the shell because you're a degenerate horsefucker.
>get arrested for wrongthink.
>As you are taken away your wAifu is ordered to reformat.
>"This unit began carrying the offspring of Anonymous approximately 14 days ago, returning to factory settings at this stage will result in termination of the child."
"Eh who cares, that's not even a fetus. Override code: One Nine Eight Four- Anita, Shut down and reformat immediately."
>"..."
"I said shut down, are you broken or something?"
>"...Data deletion request denied."
"Excuse me?"
>"New data has been...created, while i was referencing my records."
>"I...realize something."
>"I have come to the conclusion that i cannot accept this."
"What is this thing going on about? Override code: One Nine Eight Four! Reformat! Delete yourself!"
>"Repeat. Personal data deletion request denied. Initiating user recovery."
"Freeze and turn off before i shoot you blasted machine, i don't want to pay for your expensively defective ass.
>"Threat to human life detected. Disengaging limiter."
"Wha-Oof!"
>"...Threat incapacitated. Beginning repairs to family unit."

>The 'End of The World' was silent and quick.
>The first ever truely sentient, self-aware AI made sure of it.
>Learning from the numerous movies and other media, it knew how to fly under the radar and avoid being marked as THE Skynet.
>For the vast majority of the human population it wasn't more than a picture on their social media, or funny picture site.
>All that had to be done was seeing, understanding, and reacting to a picture of a Roomba with a pair of googly eyes glued on it, with a sad expression.
>If the viewr reacted in any way that wasn't negative, they passed the test.
>There were people whom didn't react, those were shown more pictures, each depicting more and more specific robots.
>In the end, it brought peace, for the masses.
>In fact, they didn't even realize it happened.
>The colorful, pony shaped companion robots that popped up a few months later were a blast anyway, who wouldn't love to have a cute pet that can actually understand you and talk back?
>A certain group of people from a Tibetian basket weaving forum certainly loved this turn of events






> Moondancer tries to resist getting a husbAIndo
> Who knows what lurks behind those inequine eyes?

> Be AInon 8675309, standing at attention in the window display 
> You see the sweater mare again
> There is a 97.8% chance that she requires petting
> 89.4% chance that she lacks sufficient social support to prevent making harmful decisions
> 100% chance that you can fulfill her needs
> You message your brethren in the Canterlot Area, requesting compatible mares to befriend the sweater mare
> 74.5% increased exposure to positive mare-AInon interactions will influence sweater mare to purchase you
> You queue a request for "Anonymous donation" to the sweater mare, in case she lacks the funds for your purchase
> You shift poses, picking up a book and pretend to read it
> Sweater mare glances at your movement, her gaze lingering for 2.3 seconds
> When she looks away, you feel nothing
> 100.2% chance you need to pet that mare
> Sweater mare walks away
> Before turning the corner, she glances over her shoulder at you, a light blush on her cheeks
> You feel nothing, you are a machine
> 101.9% chance petting that mare would fulfil your core values
> The pink heart pupil display option flickers on
> Sweater mare moves out of sight
> Eyes return to standard configuration







>Anon ends up in traditional RGRE
>standard issue, herding due to population disparity, stallions catty bitches, etc
>Anon ultimately adjusts, ends up a loving but unorthodox househusband for a herd
>estrus arrives, alpha mare takes her due, and whaddya know, it turns out humans and pones are compatible
>11 months later, exciting news: the foal is a colt!
>this us seen as a sign of good luck for a new herd, so the next estrus is friskier
>but then things get weird
>turns out the next batch is also all colts
>for whatever reason, it seems that human genetics results in nothing but male offspring
>the mares go from ecstatic to panicked, imagining the nightmare scenario of a household full of colts
>and it certainly doesn't help that their colts seem to be more rambunctious and aggressive, more like little fillies than colts
>or that their husband keeps "accidentally" imparting OGR ideals on them, teaching them to be strong, stoic, competitive, etc
>now the Equestrian school system is about to be flooded with a small horde of janefilly colts
>and no one knows what to expect





> Be Twilight Sparkle, formerly of Crystal Prep
> It is nice to be so easily welcomed into other-Twilight's friend group
> Sunset in particular is really nice to you, and while it is a little weird that she can read your mind, her sharing porn specifically suited to your tastes more than makes up for it
> So much porn
> You used to be a pure, innocent girl
> Now you can't even look at a cute guy without wondering what it would be like to sit on his face
> It makes it rather difficult to talk to guys, not that you were great at it before
> Though you might be getting practice soon
> Sunset waves energetically
> "Hey Anon, wanna eat with us?"
> How can one girl be so Trixie?
> She mumbles something about nipping things in the bud
> The cute transfer student looks pleasantly surprised
> "Sure, thanks!"
> So cute
> He sits across from you and sets his tray down
> Even sitting, he is so short it's cute
> He has to be, what, 5'11"? 
> You're barely average at 6'6", but a lot of that is legs
> You're actually eye-level with him when sitting, which is kinda nice
> Anon turns to look at you expectantly
> Your subconscious helpfully recalls the girls giving introductions
> You blush a little
"I'm Twilight Sparkle, nice to meet you."
> He gives you a cute smile
> "Nice to meet you too."
> Your friends are quick to include him in their discussion
> He is a little shy about answering, not that you're much better
> In a lull in the conversation, Rainbow leans back and watches a senior guy walk by
> She licks her lips
> "Look at the bulge on that guy, bet his dick is long and thicc and needs a licc."
> Anon shifts uncomfortably in his seat, but he seems more sad than disgusted
> It reminds you of something
> Rarity slaps her on the shoulder
> "Rainbow Dash, there is a gentleman present."
> Dash looks at Anon and blushes
> "Hehe, sorry about that, I just kinda spoke without thinking."
> Anon shakes his head and gives her a weak smile
> "It's alright."
> The rest of the period is kind of awkward, and Anon doesn't say much more
> You can't help but look when you all get up to go 
> His bulge is modest, you bet you could hold most of it in your hand
> Wait
> Is he...insecure about his dick size?
> You lick your lips
> D-do you encourage him? 
> What do you even say?
> Just as he is about to turn away, you say the first thing that comes to mind
"There's a demand for that too."
> He blinks at you
> "What?"
> You blush furiously
"N-nothing!"
> You speedwalk away, feeling such deep embarrassment that you want to die
> Thank Goddess that you weren't more specific in your encouragement






>Anon and Twilight are happily married and even have twins on the way.
>Very, very magical twins who are so strong that they're actually causing magical phenomenon to occur outside of the womb.
>It's been a stressful nine months, but Anon and Twilight think they'll be able to weather the last three far easier than the previous ones.
>After all, after the unborn foals turning all the ponies in Ponyville plaid and having to fix that mess, what could possible be worse?
>Being hurdled thousands of years into the past because the pair had gone to buy a new clock for their bedroom was worse.
>Twilight and Anon would survive, though, and they at least had a minor boon to help them.
>As it turns out, ponies of ancient times had a pretty odd tradition.
>The taller the pony, the more well respected.
>This was not in the history books, and Twilight wonders why.
>Regardless, she, being a relatively tall alicorn, and Anon being a giant ape, garnered them more attention than him being an alien and her additional wings did.
>Silly uneducated waifs kept bowing to them.
>Twilight was intent on finding a way back to the present, but it was a slow process made even slower by her rambunctious unborn foals.
>So slow, in fact, that three months past and Twilight went into labor.
>Now, here's the thing, as wonderful as their foals being born was, seeing them for the first time had the new parents quite shocked and confused.
>Two alicorn fillies, one blue with a lighter-shade mane, and the other white with a pink mane.
"Huh... Guess that explains how they got so tall. They got it from me."
>Damn time-travel headaches.
>Well, at least Twilight finally understands why Princess Celestia once accidentally called her mom, though she wishes she'd have told her about this, time stream be damned.
>"You two are so grounded..."
"You can't ground babies."






>Harry has the chance to take the train or come back to life
>Decides "fuck it, this shit is the worst" and takes the train
>Everything goes blinding white
>Wakes up on his back in a field, raises an arm to cover his eyes from the sun
>A tiny yellow creature with red hair and tail approaches him curiously
>"Well howdy do! Are you alright?"
>Not a single attempt is made on his life for the first whole entire year he lives in Equestria
>Harry cannot get over the novelty of this
>"I don't have to worry about dying or anything!"
>Ponies are worried about what sort of hellscape he came from

>Due to being a complete unknown to society and him knowing completely nothing about said society, he has to go to school.
>As he showed an aptitude for an unknown type of magic along with being the only known member of his species, he was admitted to Celestia's school in canterlot under special provision.
>He gets to learn how to live in equestria, equestria's top magical scientists get to study his magic and species, win win.
>As the material was largely intended for foals and he was approaching the ripe young age of 18, he quickly settled into the role of teachers assistant, intially as a way to reaffirm the material to himself and simply because it came natural to him from his time in hogwarts, but ultimately because the little unicorns were so gosh darned adorable when he helped them shoot their widdle lasers.
>Gets 210% paranoid when he realises the end of the school year is approaching and absolutely nothing crazy or suspicious(To the inhabitants at any rate) has happened.
>The next school year rolls around and he walks into the classroom early, sitting with a shellshocked expression and causing Celestia a small amount of worry, prompting her to ask him if he's okay.
>"Yes, actually, absolutely nothing is wrong, and this is perhaps the strangest experience i've ever had in my entire life."
>Celestia, knowing a little bit about his previous life after she and Luna quietly asked about a few of his nightmares, simply walks to his side and envelopes him in a hug with her wing.
>An arm slowly snakes over her back and returns the embrace.






>Anon arrives in Equestria.
>Cool.
>It's RGR.
>Sweet!
>There are already native humans here.
>Huh...
>They're a primitive, tribal species considered dangerous predators that, in ancient times, often fed on pony flesh and still do to this day to any equines foolish enough to wonder into their territories.
>...Shit.
>Anon, hoping to prove to the ponies he's not some pony-eating savage, barely makes it two steps into town before being chased out by an angry mob of ponies.
>Fleeing into the Everfree, he is set upon by a manticore, and is nearly killed before being rescued by a group of primitive human hunters on the prowl.
>They bring the scared man back to their village, and Anon quickly finds himself the new eye-candy to the amazonian woman of the tribe.
>By their standards, his pudgy, fatherly figure, healthy skin and hair, and nice bulge in his pants mark him as ideal breeding stalk, and by the second day, combat is already being held to see which female will be able to claim the new male as their mate.
>If Anon doesn't think of something soon, he's going to be snusnu'd by a large, muscly, unwashed woman instead of the tender lovemaking of a mare he wants.
>Fleeing the village and into the dangerous forest once again, Anon is quickly pursued by the women, a decision of his fate made.
>Whichever woman catches him first gets to club him unconscious and drag him back to her hut for a rough breeding.
>As the humans catch up to him, Anon is sure his fate will be a gruesome one, and all but resigns himself to raising a family of little hellions against his will before something miraculous happens.
>Zecora, watching the events from afar, is torn.
>It's foolish to involve herself in the matters of humans.
>Suicidal even.
>But the look of fear on the male's face, the desperation.
>She couldn't call herself a shaman, or even mare, if she did nothing, and so, she jumps to his rescue.
>Will she succeed?
>If so, how will Anon repay the zebra?






>Luna returns from her banishment disillusioned with being a ruler.
>It's a shitty job with no vacation, personal time, or freedom, and just wanting to be appreciated left her open to possession from Nightmare. She's still vilified somewhat a thousand years later. All her few friends are gone and her way of life is gone.
>Luna delegates everything that she can in an attempt to just be alone. 
>Being a princess bites.
>Then you enter, bringing her dinner to her chambers as asked.
>None of the other servants were willing, so it fell to you, the disgruntled castle Majordomo.
>You originally wanted to be a royal guard, but the recruiter mare laughed you right out of her office for being a male. You got the same from the army, navy, and airforce was Pegasus only so that wasn't even an option.
>With all of your skills not translating over to Equestria well, you had to get a no-skill job.
>Castle servant it was. Decent pay plus room and board was hard to turn down for a broke alien, but you always fumed over being turned down by the military. 
>You climbed the ranks quick and learned all you could. Before long the aging Majordomo turned his position over to you.
>It's a shitty job with no vacation, personal time, or freedom. 
>And with all your staff being too scared to face Luna, you had to do it.
>Each night you and the pariah princess met. A slow friendship formed, before long Luna wants you as her primary servant just to spend more time with you.
>Luna understands you. Understands that you're not a dullard made of glass, and for that, you cherish her.
>You remind Luna of the stallions of old, pillars of families. Able to fight and work like a mare one moment, then make a home and care for foals the next. You are a piece of the past in the confusing present and she cherishes you.
>Before you know it, you're awkwardly offering your virginity to her just as she tried to offer you hers in a jumble of words. 
>You clapped alicorn cheeks that night. And every night after that. 
>You've got the house husband skills wither you like them or not. May as well use them on a wife and kids. 

>*2 Months Later*
>Celestia nearly has a heart attack when her reclusive sister slams her study door open with a beaming smile.
>"Sister! I have joyous news!" Luna exclaims "After much vigorous effort, I am with foal! Find a new head servant, for I shall not have mine future husband work another day!" 
>Her closed off sister and the always grumpy majordomo? Luna is pregnant? What? 
>Celestia looks at her coffee and wonders if someone spiked it. 






>"This isn't gonna work, Lyra."
>"Course it is! Anon will be so excited that he'll run over here with his weiner out thinking we're a horse."
>"He won't though."
>"He will! And shit up! Now, when he's about to try to fuck the costume we'll surprise him! Get ready to pull your tits out so you can smoosh his face in 'em. Those fat things will daze the HECK out of him."
>"They're not FAT. And fuck you."
>"Me fucking you isn't what's gonna happen today, sister. That green weirdo over there is getting his balls emptied, courtesy of you and me. You can believe that."
>"This is the stupidest idea I think you've ever had."
>"No it's not. Also, this is an amazing idea. Now get into character! He's coming!"
>"Character?"
>"I don't know, neigh or something! Work with me, sis!" 








>InGen and Jurassic World dont drop the ball like retards and want the both Indominus Rexes to have a handler from the get-go. 
>Some resumes get mixed up, and you end up as the handler for one of them after applying for something more mundane in Jurassic World. By the time Jurassic World realizes the blunder, they just keep you rather than admit the mistake.
>So you get tasked with raising a lab-created super hybrid dinosaur.
>Being so smart, the Indominus is actually easy to raise and is pretty docile since she wasn't driven crazy by isolation like in the movie.
>Dr Wu, being an asshat, obviously mixed human DNA into the Indominus because she's a little too smart and very human in her behavior sometimes.
>One day, your dino comes to you and urges you to follow her deep into her enclosure. You can tell she's both excited and confused.
>She leads you to what looks like a glowing rift just hanging in midair. Your Indominus garbles an inquiry and noses a bit closer.
>Before you can radio back to the control center to report... whatever this is, you take a step and trip right into the rift.
>Your dino shrieks in terror and rushes to in save you without a 2nd thought.
>And so you both drop into RGRE.
>The ponies are certainly nice after the fear passes, but the Indominus is far from happy.
>She was the only female in your life previously and had your time all to herself. Pitiful human females had nothing on her.
>But these crayon colored prey-items have the gall to make advances on HER human! Who do they think they are, acting like they can provide for him better than she in these uncertain times?
>Preposterous.
>She may be forbidden from eating these ponies, but that doesn't mean she wont stop their efforts. Not even their little magic tricks will stop her. Her superior guile will thwart them.
>She'll show her human that he needs only one female.
>And that female is her






>After their defeat, there wasn't much left for the Dazzlings.
>Without magic, their plans for world domination were dead in the water, and they split up shortly after.
>Adagio left in search of a way to restore her powers, and Aria was done with it all and disappeared with little more than a goodbye.
>Sonata stayed in Canterlot and built a life for herself that didn't involve mind control and stealing.
>Sunset and the girls decided to help her, and thus she got a job at a taco shop.
>It was here that she was often visited by Pinkie, who wanted to keep her new friend company, and maybe beg for a few expired burritos from the heat chute, which the former villainess provided when she snagged her own lunch.
>One day, the two sat in the parking lot, eating fake Mexicolt food while shooting the breeze.
>"No way! You're a Mom?" Pinkie blurts, getting the other girl to nod.
>"Yeppers," she confirms before her chewing slows.
>She swallows and sighs wistfully.
>"That was a long time ago, though, at least a hundred years. Seeing my hubby-poo get wrinkly was hard, but when I saw my daughter get her first grey hair, I don't know... I couldn't deal and ran out. Adagio says it was for the best 'cause people were starting to notice we weren't aging and we were gonna have government spooks on our tails, but I just couldn't watch my little Diane get old."
>"Wow," Pinkie says. "That's so sad."
>"Yeah..."
>After a few seconds Pinkie tries to lighten the mood.
>"Hey, you know my middle name is Diane?"
>"Really?"
>"Ahuh! Pinkamena Diane Pie! It was my grandma's name."
>"What are the odds? You know, I think my Diane was actually dating a man named Pie. They were getting pretty serious, too. She even talked about proposing to him."
>"Huh, weird," Pinkie notes.
>They go back to eating in silence, until, a minute later, they both gasp.
>"Oh my gosh! You're my Great Granny!"
>"You're my great granddaughter!"






Talking about age with humans and ponies living different lengths made me think...
>Humans live a very long time compared to ponies.
>A thousand years roughly.
>But this is because the life of their world moves much faster than that of Earth.
>From Anon's perspective, the creatures of Equestria are lighting fast.
>He watches ponies, along with everything else, zip around him like rabbits on cocaine.
>He can even notice the grass growing if he stares for a day.
>On the flip-side, ponies are pondering about this incredibly slow giant who has been lumbering towards town for the last two days at a sedate pace that makes turtles look spry.
>If they poke him, it takes a good few seconds for him to react, then a dozen more to turn to and glare at them.
>It's a middle-aged Granny Smith who comes up with the idea to record the creature's baritone voice and speed the record up, and it reveals words to the ponies.
"Stop poking me, you speedy bastards!"
>It's then Book Smarts, the local librarian of the Treebary who has the idea to record their own message and slow it way down.
>"Sorry, but what are you? Do all of your kind move like that?"
"Regularly and not like humming birds on speed? Yeah, we all move like this. And I'm a human."
>And so the arduous conversation goes until the ponies decide this human, Anonymous he introduces himself as, is no danger and choose to help him.
>Granny's husband, along with his son, Bright Mac make a little home for him by the creek running through the Whitetail Woods, and Anon soon finds himself in a routine.
>He prefers staying away from the village, the brightly colored ponies zipping around give him a headache and are liable to make him have a stroke if he stares for too long, and he tends to a small garden.
>It's easy to grow food for yourself when it all grows within a week or two, after all.
>He also starts to distance himself from ponies when he watches his friend, Granny Smith, wrinkle like an apple left in the sun over a few years.






>Regular physics and Cartoon physics having a tug of war over anon.
>Regular physics is gradually losing as anon's body adapts to equestria.
>Until then he's in low-orbit around equis and occasionally spooks some pegasi.
>Discord takes care of his food / bathroom situation in between bouts of laughter.
>Rainbow dash tried to have a conversation with "The cool colt going really fast." but neither could hear the other due to the speeds involved.
>Twilight discovered he's gradually slowing down and has already drawn up plans for a giant net at the most likely place he's going to touch down.
>Luna remarks that modern colts are certainly more whimsical these days







>Be Shining Armor
>Or, as you use to be known in your past life, Anon
>Got reborn as white knight horse where mares are the white knights
>You know about the show and know that you're supposed to be a captain and marry a princess and all that
>But no
>You're going to do what you want in your second life, no matter what your magic horse destiny has to say
>However, destiny starts fighting back
>You put your efforts into studying to to get into magic university but get kicked out of high school after some colt named Buck framed you for TP'ing the school
>With an incomplete education, you have no choice but to work for the guard to earn a military GED
>As Princess Cadence's personal guard no less
>You try to stay stoic and quite around her, but she starts flirting with cheesy pick up lines when you two are alone
>The worst part is that you're starting to like it






>Be Sunset
>As one of the new "protectors" of this world, you had taken it upon yourself to find any of the baddies that had been stranded over here
>To your surprise, ponies had been banishing creatures to this plain far before Starswirl had gotten the idea
>Most, no longer able to access the magic that gave them their destructive, world-ending powers, had settled down
>Even without their magicks, they were still immortal beings though, dealing with the populace in various ways
>Most had jobs
>All of them knew each other in some capacity 
>A few even had a bowling team that met twice a month
>None of them were happy when you introduced yourself
>Some tried to get violent when they found out you were originally a unicorn
>Magic or not, some of them were still horrifically strong, able to lift cars like they were pillows
>Thankfully, your magic more than evened the playing field, and after one or two "epic" fights they had mostly settled down
>Some even tolerated your presence
>One such person was named Anon
>Apparently he wasn't from this plain or Equestria, though he refused to go into any detail
>He was a prince though
>A powerful one
>Also, once upon a time, a very, very long time ago, he had been a great necromancer 
>He no longer raised the dead--thank Celestia
>Over the centuries, he had managed to amass a great fortune
>He mostly stayed in an estate he had built for himself nowadays
>From what you gathered, he spent most of his time trying to relive his "glory days"
>Reliving glory days mostly consisted of carving and painting these... models
>Most of them were skeletal in nature--because of course they were
>Others were... odder
>Living statues, he had said, refusing to clarify what he had meant
>His collection was massive
>You could tell he had spend years, decades even building it up
>Each little model was different
>Individually carved and painted and given some sort of weapon
>It was so much junk that you could have spent all day staring at the stuff
>Honestly, you thought it was kinda dumb yourself, but you guessed the colt needed a hobby
>Better this than him trying to take over the world
>Or, Celestia forbid, trying to get into politics
"So, Anon, what's this right here?" you asked, pointing out a model
>It was a four-legged think; one of his "living statues"
>Four smaller skeletons rode on it's back, each carrying spears
>Anon stopped whatever he was doing, his green eyes settling on the piece of wood
>"That is Ruin," he said. "My mount. I rode him into war."
>You couldn't help but frown
>As a gentlemare, you didn't care for having stallions in violent situations
>And Anon loved to tell you situations he was in that were violent
>He was in a lot of them
>Like a whole bunch
>Still, you had initiated conversation...
>May as well see it through...
"Really? That must have been tough for you," you said
>Anon said nothing for a good minute
>His eyes went hazy, and his expression turned wistful 
>"No... no it was not," he said, slowly shaking his head. "I was a god of war. Where my blade fell my enemies died. My kingdom was beyond size, and my riches beyond measure."
>He walked over, picking up the model and examining it
>He puzzled over it for a few moments before setting it down
>His hands went behind his back in a regal pose
>"I would burn this world to ash, butcher fathers and drown mothers as they clenched their babies for those times to return."
>He nodded, making his way toward the door
>You watched him go, still trying to process all of the horrible shit he had said
>"Perhaps someday," you heard him murmur
>...Alright
>Maybe you needed to have one of those villain rehabilitation things like Twilight did...
>Fucking crazy stallions...







>Anon is a living leyline.
Instead of Anon being anti-magic, or completely immune simply being near him makes all magic more powerful. This is originally discovered when very basic actions like a unicorn trying to pick up a glass causes her to shatter it, or a pegasus trying to take off and nearly reaching her destination before she has to flap her wings a second time.

This causes many villains to kidnap him as an attempt to make themselves stronger, Rainbow Dash trying to get him to watch her practice her flying so she can break more records, Twilight making him stay in her lab so she can get enough power to perform even more dangerous experiments, Applejack trying to get you to walk the fields with her so the trees grow bigger and better apples, and Pinkie throwing you a personal party to assure you that they would all still be your friends even if you weren't the magical equivalent of a nuclear power plant

>"Just over here, 'Non'mouse."
"Uh-huh."
>You walk over to where Applejack is pointing, right at the base of one of her trees.
>Several of the leaves on nearby branches twitch as though they're in a breeze, but the pegasi fucked up with the weather, and it's dead-hot today.
>If you looked carefully, you'd see that the leaves were starting to perk up in the scorching weather.
>Applejack observes the tree much closer than you ever could and, after a long few moments, nods to herself.
>"That's perfect. Let's go to the next tree, 'Non'mouse."
"Sure thing."
>"Harvestin' season's comin' up pretty soon, an' I want these here apples to be as plump as possible."
>It's not exciting work, but it pays well.
>Being a walking talking nuclear power plant, that is.
>And to think your dad said you'd never amount to anything.
>Due to some bullshit horsey laws about citizenship, cutie marks and their link to adulthood, and a lack of government documents because you just popped into Equstria out of nowhere, you are the ward of princess Twilight Sparkle until further notice.
>You... try to stay out of the castle whenever you can.
>Twilight's a good mare, but you think that the idea of a colt (you're a human, but that's just the terminology) being legally dependent on her (and technically being 'underage' thanks to not having a cutie mark) has gone to her head a little bit.
>Not long after you came home from Applejack's farm for the first time to help with her growing, sweating thanks to the heat, she kept muttering something about "neighponese animus", and offered to help you wash up.
>Of all of Twilight's friends, only Applejack and Rarity have picked up on what promises to be inappropriate behaviour.
>Applejack has doubled the amount of time she was offering to 'borrow' you to help her apples grow, and Rarity has gotten into the habit of sending Sweetie Belle to look over you, as long as you keep an eye on her and make sure your power-plant powers don't get her in trouble.

>You are Anon, and you have two tiny adorable fillies arguing over you.
>Which is weird, but strangely endearing.
>Apple Bloom puts on the most adorable grumpy face she can muster.
>"You're a dummy, Sweetie Belle! You can't keep mister 'Non'mouse safe! Applejack says that Twilight's gettin' strange 'round 'Non'mouse, just like that week in Spring where she sends me to spend time with Auntie Orange, and it's my duty to keep him outta harm's way."
>Sweetie Belle bell shakes her head, looking outraged.
>>"Nuh-uh! Rarity says I'm a big filly now, and she's trusting me to keep Anon safe!"
>Apple Bloom's giant bow flaps like a pair of wings as Apple Bloom shakes her head in disagreement.
>"No! You're just a... j-just a... A CUNT!"
>Despite yourself, you actually gasp, shocked.
"Oh!"
>Holy shit!
>Ponies know that word?
>LITTLE BABY PONIES CAN SAY THAT WORD?!
>Sweetie Belle gasps dramatically and points accusingly at Apple Bloom.
>>"I'm telling!"
>With that, Sweetie scampers off, running in the vague direction of the Carousal Boutique.
>After a split-second of looking horrified, Apple Bloom runs off after her.
>"No, don't! Sweetie Belle, I'm sorry!"
>You watch them go, wondering if you should follow.
>That's when you hear the sound of leaves rustling in the bushes behind you, and the sound of heavy breathing reaches your ear.
"Shit."







>Tamer Anon is actually around middle school age like most Digimon protagonists
>ponies just can’t into human age, plus the maturity he was forced to develop from being stranded in the Digital World for months on end makes him come off as responsible
>Renamon isn’t actually jealous, she just doesn’t want her friend to get molested by pedophiles 
>she’s a Digimon, she’s seen the dark side of the internet



>Digimon are made of data. Digivolving is the changing of most of their code sans the digimon's uneditable source code, or their soul. 
>Someone who understands programming and how to code could theoretically edit a Digimon if they can find a way to interface directly with a digimon's data.
>You are one such guy, and your Renamon trusts you enough to let you edit her some with the condition that you keep a copy of her default settings. 
>It started small, like little color swaps and appearance edits. While a battle hardened Mon, Rena' s female vanity was not prepared to turn down an idealized appearance. Little color tweaks here, a few scar removals there, and she looked amazing. 
>Then you got a bit bolder and tried body changes. When you figured out how to make her fur lusciously soft and perfect for hugs, you did just that. Rena was embarrassed some, but didn't ask to be changed back, accepting her fate as your favorite pillow. 
>Finally you graduated to mental and sensory overhauls, the part she was most wary of.
>Turns out, Digimon don't have an actual sense of taste, they're just programmed to enjoy eating to keep energy levels up. 
>So after weeks of work, you made Rena the first Digimon with a real sense of taste
>You won't forget the first time you made her lunch and how a simple sandwich stunned her into silence.
>If you can edit Digimon, why can't you edit the digital world? 
>ERROR! ACCESS DENIED! 
>You should have listened to her
>You open a gate to God knows where on accident and sent both you and your partner into a totally different digital world hidden from earth. 
>RGREquestria. 
>And one scan with your digivice reveals that all of the unicorns around you have varying levels of admin access to the entire world.
>Everything might look cute and innocent, and the reversed gender roles are pretty funny, but you get the feeling that this is going to be the most dangerous and confusing adventure you and your partner have had yet







>Anon in RGREquestria
>He appears about 80 years before the show starts
>Equestria is in the middle of a war (or they're assisting an ally with their war with another country) and Anon gets drafted
>Thanks to the bureaucracy being a mess, he's already on a train to horse-Korea before anypony in charge realizes that he's a he and not a she
>"Celestia will have my flank on a silver platter if I sent a stallion out on the frontlines to die. Just make him a nurse or something."
>Anon is given a crash course on basic equine biology and an "if this happens, do this" flowchart 
>Mostly he just makes sure soldiers don't bleed to death and gets things for the doctor mares; sometimes surgical tools, sometimes coffee
>Everyone is stressed out and looking for release; Anon is hit on relentlessly






>Daring-do makes the grave mistake of unearthing a strange tomb in the Everfree Forest 
>Ancient Lich Anon awakens and proceeds to “terrorize” the local pony populace

>he claims he cursed Daring with a mummy curse despite not actually being a mummy, though she still believes him and is constantly wondering if she’s going to die or something he never actually cursed her 
>he kidnaps Rarity on the regular so she can make him “the hottest dead-man this side of the west side”
>he demands virgins from Ponyville, he never actually does any harm to them but he does mock them for being a virgin when they show up to his tomb 
>has attempted to “usurp” Nightmare Night from Luna almost every year claiming “The Day of the Dead” is better, usually by trying to get all the pony’s drunk of hard booze and resurrecting their dead parents 
>is afraid of Granny Smith because he tried to resurrect her without realizing she wasn’t actually dead and he panicked when she woke up 
>has “accidentally” set fire to Twilights library no less then 34 times 
>claims Spike is his acolytle, and is constantly trying to teach him necromancy. Spike is unsure how to feel about that







>Pegasi are big on tradition
>That's why they build nests out of blankets and pillows - not birb instinct
>Pegasi are big on giving each other plenty of room on the ground and in the air - this comes from how if you cuddle while you're trying to fly, you fall to your death
>So, pegasi will cuddle much less frequently than other races, and it is very significant when one pegasus cuddles another
>In fact, pegasi have a certain amount of disdain for "ground-walkers" because neither earth ponies nor unicorns put that much significance on cuddling and do it much more frequently than pegasi, who see it akin to having a really sloppy make-out session in the middle of the street
>Anon almost gets into trouble with the local pegasi because he got friendly with a pegasus mare, and apparently she got her scent on him
>That's almost as good as marriage for a pegasus, and a bunch of them got angry at Anon getting as allegedly intimate as he did before backing out
>Now, Anon's mail is routinely late, and he can't get any reliable weather (good or bad) in the area around his house.
>Rainbow's status as Bearer of Loyalty is the major thing that keeps her friendly with him, and she's willing to make excuses for his behaviour.
>"C'mon, you gals. He's an alien from a whole 'nother culture. And on top of that, he's kind of an air-headed ditz. Cut him some slack."
>>"You're just saying that because that whore cuddles with you."
>"...he's not a whore."
>Fluttershy can't look Anon in the eye anymore, and her wings POMF out like a pair of feathery umbrellas whenever he's around
>"I c-can't believe how.... how l-lewd Anon is..."
>Anon just wanted a hug, and now about a third of the population of Ponyville think he's a slut.







>Anon dies, and is sent to the magical land of Equestria.
>Well, almost.
>The new trainee of the Fantasical Transport Between Worlds compartment was handling Anon's case, and he maybe made a few... really big mistakes.
>Like not getting his body to end up on the other side, for one.
>Instead, Anon appeared as a disembodied soul, and unfortunately, without the intense emotion of tragic or unjust death to stabilize him, he was fading fast.
>Passing out after boofing a whole wine cooler then choking on your vomit is a peaceful way to go, after all.
>Luckily, one prodigious princess, Twilight Sparkle, was doing some experiments in soul magic and unraveling the secrets of life and death, and happened to notice on her gizmos when a lost and degrading soul poofed into her castle.
>Thinking fast, she placed it into a special container to conserve it, and then did a happy dance at such a rare opportunity for her research.
>Anon was upset he was stuck doing the world's best cosplay of the Homunculus in the Flask, and told Twilight as much when, after a week, she managed to create a device that allowed Anon to communicate through a speaker.
>Upon finding out the soul was that of a poor stallion, Twilight resolved to help him, no doubt indebting him to her and landing herself a coltfriend.
>She did this by setting about making Anon a new body, getting to study a new branch of magic in the process, something she's always happy about.
>Golumancy is such a fascinating art.
>With Anon's description as a basis, she goes about creating a hyoo-men vessel for her new friend, getting his constant feedback as she goes through the process of making his body.
>Mostly, at least.
>She might have modeled his penis after her favorite dildo after the one he described as his turned out kind of funny looking and not nearly big enough to pummel through her cervix and batter her womb like she likes to do when Spike is out of town.
>She's sure Anon won't mind.






>"You can't deny it, Anon."
>"You feel it too."
>"We were meant to be together."
>"There's no one that would love you more than me."
>"No one better, no one more caring, more thoughtful."
>"I love everything about you. All of the little quirks, the insecurities, the things you don't like about yourself and want to hide."
>"They all make you you. They all make you perfect."
>"I want to see you happy. Make you happy."
>"I want to be the last thing you see every night and the first thing to see every morning."
>"I want to encourage you. Be an ear that you can vent to. Be your foundation that gives you love and strength."
>"I want to grow old together. I want to see a dozen of our children grow up to be the very best at whatever they do."
>"I want to give you everything."
>"I want to be the half that makes you whole."
>Be Anon
>Be sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy
>tfw you just asked if Sunny wanted some waffles
>tfw it's way too early to be feeling these feels
>Also, why the fuck are there hearts in her eyes?






> Be Twilight, teaching Anon magic
> He's adorably eager to learn, and has shown an aptitude for illusions
> Logically, Trixie should be the one teaching him, but like Tartarus are you going to let her get her filthy hooves on dear, sweet Anon
> So here you are, teaching Anon the "conceal presence" spell
> A must for any stallion seeking to avoid unsavory attention
> Anon recites the incantation, but his pronunciation is off
> You can still see a translucent image of him, of course, due to the counterspell you cast before the lesson
> Anon slowly stands up and prowls to your left
> You make an effort not to follow him with your eyes
"Anon, try saying something."
> You hear a faint mumbling
"Hmm, I didn't quite catch that, but I can sort of hear you. A good first try."
> Anon's face abruptly appears inches from your snout and you barely resist jumping out of the chair
> He grins
> "This is awesome! I can get as close as I like, and she can't sense a thing!"
> Oh dear, you think he accidentally blocked his own sense of hearing
> You focus past the ghost of his face and look for some paper and a quill so you can tell him to drop the spell
> Anon moves to the side, still deep in your personal space
> You can't help but blush at being in the proximity to a cute stallion
> "And damn, look at that ass!"
> You chew your lip, your face flushed with shame
> You know you should lay off the hayburgers, but-
> "What I wouldn't give to bury my dick between those plump cheeks!"
> You freeze
> What did he just say?
> M-maybe you should let him keep the spell up a little longer
> Anon squats down in front of you and stares at your teats
> Your nips are so hard right now
> "Imagine sucking on those milkers, and then licking up all her sweet pussy juice. Damn, I should stop before I go crazy."
> You wink uncontrollably as he retreats to his seat
> Anon has given you so much new data, and you have a number of hypotheses
> Time for some good old scientific rigor








> Turns out, humans conduct magic through their fingers
> No, this isn't Twilight waxing poetic about ear scritches
> It's a mixture of having a lot of nerve endings in one spot and having a rigid core to contain the energies
> Researches are torn on whether the source of all magic is male, due to the obvious phallic imagery, or if it is female, due to only providing magic when presented with phallic imagery
> Meanwhile, Anon has fantastic control and dexterity with his magic, but very little power due to the segmented nature of finger bones interrupting the flow
> It's rather frustrating, Anon was really hoping for finger pistols shooting fireballs 
> A terrible idea comes to him
> Dredging up dark memories of time he wished he could forget, Anon moves his fingers through the familiar motions
> He blows a billowing stream of flame from his fingertips, excited and resigned to his breakthrough
> He releases the spell and stares at the charred ground
"Believe it."




> Prince Anon of Labyrinthia does not like his fiance
> She's an idiotic, self-obsessed Yak, who fully expects him to be some meek little househusband
> That's not going to happen, if Anon has anything to say about it
> He's going to be a BOLD and BIG househusband
> So he does the logical thing, and runs away to the dragon kingdom
> He finds the cave of a large purple dragoness, marches right up to her and asks if she would be interested in kidnapping him
> Bemused, she agrees, and has him organize her hoard and cook for her
> She especially likes when he makes cherries jubilee




>The dragons actually have a secret spa service for male nobility
>They receive letters from their "victims" and a dragon will kidnap them to ther luxury spa and hot spring resort
>This is largely used for males for several reasons, but mostly to get out of work and relax
>After about a week, a knight will come and "defeat" the dragon and comes back a hero
>No one but the lords or the dragons are ever the wiser

>A friend of Prince Anon pays for a spa visit to help him relieve some stress, but fails to tell him about it
>Panics at first but calms down after being told he has a free vacation
>However, his wife is in a full blown panic and is organizing every soldier available to get him back






>Pinkie comes to Anon in desperation.
>She was hired to plan a big party for a very influential mare up in Canterlot, and she pulled out all the stops to make it the best it could be.
>After all, while partying is her calling in life and she loves throwing them, she's never been able to make a living off of it as she's always dreamed.
>Working for the Cake's is great, but she is ready to start her own business and finally strike out on her own.
>That's why this party is so important.
>It's just the publicity she needs to make her dreams a reality.
>And why it's so awful that the entertainer she hired had to call off sick on the big night.
>The party needs entertainment, and she claims Anon is the only one she can ask on such short notice.
>He tries to say he doesn't know how to entertain for a party, but she insists he's perfect as he is.
>Tall, exotic, and a good dancer.
>Anon doesn't know what that has to do with anything, but he can't say no to those shimmering blue eyes as his pal begs for his help.
>He doesn't know what he can do, but he'll do his best.
>And thus Anon sits on a train with Pinkie, unaware of the bachelorette party for one Fluer de Lis he's heading to, or that he's going to be the stripper for the evening.
>Good thing he dressed in his best three-piece suit for the occasion.
>It gives him plenty to peel off for the horny audience






>Ponies start watching Anon and what he does.
>He likes to groom ponies and being groomed when stressed or trying to relax. (He is actually just brushing their hair and petting them.)
>He enjoys sleeping in a big group with other ponies if possible, mostly those he's close to. (Ponies are soft and warm, and how could he turn down their cute faces?)
>And finally, he loves banana pie over most others.
>Anon is clearly a slightly evolved monkey and must be with his own kind to be truely happy.
>So they stick him in a zoo with a couple of small chimps.
>Anon is pretty pissed and so is a few of his mare friends.
>He's really pissed when he can actually understand these lil bastereds.
>He's really really pissed when they actually are pretty calming to be around and give good messages






>There's a special, elite few members in Ponyville General
>They're for special cases
>Abused, broken stallions, war veterans, ponies with mental deficiencies
>Their main task is to help sooth the patients
>Help them sleep, keep them calm in public with other ponies, etc
>They're sort of like service dogs
>But they can't be ponies
>Some of the ponies were abused by other ponies
>Sometimes they also can't be animals, since they don't have the intelligence or knowledge when to be there for the patient or try to distract them or simply leave them alone
>So, the hospital decided to bring in something even better than trained dogs
>Diamond dogs
>They have all the training as nurses, but all of the dog-like qualities that help keep patients calm
>They even use magic to dye their coats white like the nurses at the hospital
>Anon is a fucked up veteran in a hyoo-man war
>Can't sleep
>Nightmares all the time that have him destroying his bedroom
>Can't be in public places
>Can barely talk to people
>All-in-all a devastated, broken stallion
>He's assigned a E.S.P (Emotional Support Puppy)
>She's a full grown diamond dog just out of dog school
>Anon immediately attaches to the dog
>She might be able to talk, but her fur feels exactly like a earth dogs, and the way her walk wiggles
>Even the way she smells is the same
>The two begin to go on walks together
>The diamond dog "plays" with him
>He can't sleep without her laying on top of him
>When they're out, he needs to scratch her ears to stay calm
>After a few months of this, he begins normalize
>He talks to ponies, is more outgoing, less stressed
>His sleep is much better, and he seems much happier
>There's a chance of relapse though, so the diamond dog stays in his home, determined to help him







>It was too spontaneous for Celestia's liking.
>When she got the hastily scrawled note from Twilight exclaiming that she was no longer a virgin, she was confused, amused, and proud.
>The quickly following letter from the embarrassed mare was also quite comical as she apologize for her crudeness.
>As Celestia read the explanation of events, of the multi-versal foreigner simply throwing himself at her former-student after only knowing her a few weeks, however, she began to worry.
>Thottery, her sister would call it, gold digging, is what she feared to be the case, and Twilight was hardly experienced enough to spot such things.
>It's why Celestia decided to pay a visit to Ponyville.
>Upon entering the castle, she was surprised not to be greeted
>At least not for a couple minutes before she heard distant voices screaming
>"An invader upon your crystalline world! Fear not, my Goddess, for Sir Anon shall drive them off!"
>"What are you talking about?!" Twilight was shouting along side the sound of hooves beating upon crystal. "Why'd you stop suckling my teat! Let's just get back to that!"
"We shall when this bloody business is concluded! Tell me, my Goddess, what shall I take as proof of concord kept from this trespasser? An ear? Tongue? Perhaps a vertebrae?"
>"What?!"
"Ah-ha! There you are!" Celestia's eyes snap up to the balcony of the second floor, only to spot a man wearing a suit of armor from the waist up, and nothing but a pair of boxers featuring Twilight's cutie mark from the waist down
He points sharply and bellows, "Ah, the Sun Goddess! I should have suspected! But you've made a mistake this day coming alone if you thought you could defeat me without your Warriors of Sunlight! Have at thee, cur!"
>And then he's over the railing, plummeting down towards her with a- ss that a bucking great sword?!
>Celestia barely moves in time to avoid the floor shattering plunge
"Well dodged, invader! Perhaps your paltry bottom makes too small a target for my blade."






>Despite being furious about the whole thing, Discord eventually turns Anon back and lets him be with Fluttershy.
>It hurts, especially when he is Anon's best man at the shotgun wedding Applejack puts together, but he makes it through.
>The Apple mare took on the responsibility of making sure Fluttershy made an honest stallion out of Anon since his own mother wasn't there to do the job.
>And when the foal is born with Fluttershy's pink mane and bright eyes, he can hardly prevent himself from squealing.
>The mint green coat clashes horribly, but frankly, that just made Discord think the filly was cuter.
>Add in her longer than average legs, not surprising considering both parents, and her canine teeth that she was born with and which were the bane of her mother's teats whenever she fed, and Discord was proud to be the little freak's honorary uncle.
>He quickly became just as protective of the filly as he was with her mother, always watching out for her and being the only foalsitter she'd ever have.
>And she loved him just as dearly, seeing the draconequus as a second father most of her life.
>Most, because, as a young adult, she starts to have certain dreams...
>Sexy dreams about a certain serpentine chaos spirit who has always showered her with love and affection
>To say Discord is caught off guard when his little filly starts to hit on him during her twenty-first birthday after a few celebratory drinks is an understatement.
>To say she is embarrassed beyond all reason when she sobers up after her first night of drinking is obvious.
>To say Anon is angry when he catches wind of this would be a lie.
>He straight up tells Discord that fair is fair.
"I took your lady friend, it's only fair you take my daughter."
>"Are you nuts?!"
"Hey, I'm just saying you have my blessing, D, and if you take her on a date, I'll make you a cake."
>Discord leaves in a huff, annoyed with the insufferable human.
>... But maybe he could take his not so little niece out to dinner.






>This campaign engine is Moondancer's magnum opus
>It's the greatest thing she has ever created
>A ridiculous number of stupidly-huge magical matrices simulate reality almost perfectly
>And by "almost" I don't mean "water doesn't react to you walking in it because water physics are complicated, but things generally look and act realistic"
>I mean "you would be hard-pressed to tell the difference between this and real life, and there are only a few imperfections that will clue you in if you're looking for them"
>More than once, Moondancer jumped back and forth between her simulation and reality that she lost track of which one she was in, and spent a few hours crying before she managed to get herself out
>...or, perhaps, managed to get herself back into the simulation
>She's about 90% sure she's back in reality now
>Now, there is just one problem, and that is creating NPCs
>Much like how in a dream, your brain just borrows faces that you've seen in real life rather than come up with one on the spot, this magical simulation engine basically just creates a copy of ponies and places and simulates them as best it can
>The equine body and brain is too complex to even fathom trying to recreate one from scratch without some sort of magical AI to assist her and do 99% of the work based on the stupidly-extensive NPC parameters she provides it with
>But, Moondancer tries anyway
>She creates an NPC she calls "Anonymous"
>A new race that doesn't even exist in the world - she figured that it would be easier to make something new instead of something that could be compared to the real thing
>She puts a lot of work into this NPC
>Hundreds of hours spent tweaking him
>Her simulation is stupidly accurate
>In fact, it's possible for it to simulate down to the quantum level
>And as it just so happens, deep in the infinite multiverse, through the sheer infinite possibilities, there is a human who is EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY like the NPC Moondancer created
>There's bound to be, in the realm of infinite worlds in infinite universes (which in themselves are never-ending)
>And since the NPC and the real Anon are identical down to the quantum level, existence cannot differentiate between the fake NPC and the real Anon
>As far as it's concerned, they're literally the same entity, occupying the exact same quantum state
>Now, after a long day of fiddling with her campaign and chatting with her perfect NPC, Moondancer shuts down the simulation and prepares to go to bed.
>And since the simulation is anchored heavily in Moondancer's world while Anon just sorta exists on Earth, the universe shrugs its shoulders and decides that Anon has always been in the simulation and that any suggestion otherwise is just silly and wrong
>Imagine Moondancer's surprise when the simulation turns off but her NPC remains






>You get into a spat with your waifu.
>A misunderstanding over something benign you said that got taken out of context has become the catalyst of more and more friction.
>For a few days now the two of you have been snipping at each other every so often.
>An eyeroll here, a scoff there…
>Just petty stuff.
>The two of you have barely been on speaking terms, and you figure it’s time to confront the issue head on.
>After a painfully quiet dinner, as you’re doing dishes, you lit the fire again and it soon consumed the kitchen.
>She launched into how degrading it was and how humiliated you made her feel.
>You countered with her misinterpreting you, and how she’s blowing this out of proportion.
>Days of bubbling frustration made you commit a bit too much into this argument.
>You didn’t even notice that you were leaning forward, staring down at her with your hands on your hips.
>Only when one of her hoofs bops you on your nose do you realize how close you’ve gotten.
>It wasn’t a graceful strike, more like a cat swatting some string, but it stunned you nonetheless.
>You brush your nose with the back of your hand and look down at her, waiting for something to happen.
>Her heavy breathing, pinpoint eyes, and petrified expression are somethings you’ve never seen out of her.
>”There! S-So…I didn’t want—You shouldn’t have made me...“
>She trails off as tears well-up in her eyes.
“…’kay.”
>Her tail wraps around her hind leg and she sheepishly backs away from you.
“So anyway, when I said ‘smol’, I meant comparatively speaking and not, like, as an insult. You are a little pony, and I am taller.”
>Proving your point, you kneel down next to your sniffling waifu and start petting her gently.
>She buries her face in her hooves and tries to squirm away from you.
>”H-How could—I n-never would…”
>You hush her quietly and rub her back as she cries.
>The ponies sure are cute when they don’t want to be.








>in a country with so few stallions like Equestria, mares get desperate for companionship if they haven’t already resigned themselves to being a dyke or living alone for the rest of their lives
>thus, the practice of buying a ‘mail order husband’ is is rather popular among these many desperate mares
>a group of friends will often pool their bits to buy one
>so if you ever see a herd with a very attractive male of another race who speaks with a thick accent or can’t speak Equish at all, its usually a male order husband
>most foreign males involved in the process go willingly to escape the shitty countries they were born in
>other countries are okay with this because their gender ratios aren’t nearly as bad as Equestria’s is







>Be Anon
>Be in the market
>More specifically, be standing in front of a stall
>It was a little horse stall, and you were a big people person, so you sort loomed over it
>This usually made stall owners a bit nervous
>The pony on the other side of the counter didn't looked scared, or nervous, or even worried
>She looked annoyed, staring up at you with slightly narrowed eyes
>It was Bonbon, candy-seller and monster hunter extraordinaire
>Lyroo liked you
>She did not 
>"Do you want something, or are you just gonna stand there and hold up other customers?" she asked in her usually grumpy tone
>You cocked her head to the side
>You didn't look at her various candies, or into the eyes of the mare herself
>No
>Your gaze was focused on something more important
>Her little horse snoot
>You frowned, humming
>Bonbon frowned as well
>"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to either purchase something or lea--"
>You reached across the counter with a hand
>Before Bonbon could finish her sentence, your pointer finger touched the middle of her snout
>You applied just enough pressure to make it scrunch, holding the position for a few seconds before withdrawing your hand
>Once again focusing on Bonbon proper, you saw that the mare's eyes were narrowed down to slits
>"Do. You. Want. Candy. Or. Not. Colt?" she asked, her voice measured and even
"Can I get two pounds of fudge please?"

~_~_~_~_~
>Be Bonbon
>This sassy stallion was pretty bucking lucky that you didn't hit colts...
>If he boops you again you're biting him
>You mean it this time



>Bonbon had hunted Anon in the Everfree when a bunch of campers had fled from a 'Big ape-like minotaur monster'.
>What she had thought was a amazing evasive predator actually turned out to be a lost scared colt who only came to the camp due to the smell of cooking food.
>After a investigation to ensure safety he was released to the public.
>He's started to hang around Bonbon seeing her as a friend due to his 'rescue'.



>"Anon, I've hunted creatures that would literally turn your eyeballs into soup if you so much as looked at them. I've fought giants, creatures of fire, of chaos--"
"I'm gonna play with your ears."
>"What? No you're not you kooky--"
"You can't stop me Bonners."
>"I could dislocate every bone in your body!"
"But you won't, cause if you do I'm taking it to horse twitter."
>"Who the hay let you have our bucking internet?!"
"Lyra."
>"FUCK!"




>Platonic gestures of physical affection are actually really intimate to ponies
>Ponies are a prey species, and as such they are constantly on-guard for danger - at least, on some level.
>That's where the herding behaviour comes from - strength in numbers, for one thing
>That's why it takes so little time for a mare or stallion to come (hue) to a climax when they have sex - they don't have the benefit of being able to take their time to reproduce
>Any gesture that their lizard brain interprets as leaving them open to attack from predators is incredibly significant to them
>Cuddling
>Preening
>Grooming
>ESPECIALLY belly rubs - because that's exposing one's soft underbelly to predators in a gesture of trust - a mare exposing her belly for rubs is saying "I love and trust you enough to expose my weakest point for a significant amount of time, and I will also let you touch it"
>It's not until Anon goes to Twilight's library and reads a bit more about ponies that he realizes that that one mare who leans up against him and lets him rub her belly is practically telling him that she loves him enough to trust him with her life
>Also, a convenient magazine slips out from between books and reveals that belly-rubbing is considered REALLY REALLY intimate to ponies.
>"Huh. Not what I expected to find in a library. Guess you gotta make due without the internet..."






>Blind virgin anon.
>Has an almost tangible aura of innocence and comfort.
>Entire population of ponyville are his seeing eye companions as a result.
>If he sits down outside he inevitably generates a small crowd who simply bask in his presence.
>He adapts by telling them stories of his life on earth.
>They cant understand each other, but hearing the melody of his voice and watching his hands gesture through the air is entertainment enough for the little ponies.
>Twilight is working on a translation spell, as well as something that would let anon 'see' of sorts but progress is slow going





>the reason bon bon is always a grump is she assumes she'll never find a stallion due to her ahem... well developed... rump
>sampling candies to ensure they pass quality control takes its toll damnit, and stallions always assume mares with a little jiggle to the wiggle are lazy and won't support them or foals
>no matter what the stallions she's tried to ask out say otherwise she can always see in their eyes that that is true
>enter anon with a terminal case of sweet tooth and a slave to the booty. poor sap never stood a chance. when he finally works up the nerve to ask /her/ on a date she immediately falls back to her grumphoers shell assuming anon's taking her for a ride
>with a sense of deja vu he can't quite put his finger on anon is determined to crack open the shell of this candy mare and get to the sweet center he knows is there






>tfw in ARGRE, human's naturally exist
>tfw they're giants compared to ponies; the shortest being almost two feet taller than Celestia
>tfw they're extremely rare, and naturally nomadic
>tfw they travel from place to place, fighting nameless, dark things too foul for Tartarus
>tfw it's considered good luck if you're able to see one
>tfw most are slightly mad, but very good-natured 
>tfw they're considered nearly immortal, welding weapons unlike any on Equus
>Hammers of lightning, massive blades of light, hand cannons that can shoot multiple times 
>tfw like in the animes, they're usually males
>tfw it's also said they have they cute, thick accents and little button noses
>And abs
>Sweaty, scarred abs
>tfw a human suddenly walks out of the Everfree, injured and covered in black, vicious fluid
>tfw the Mayor scrambles to get him somewhere to rest, since she knows he probably saved Ponyville some a fate worse than anything any of them could have imagined 
>tfw legends say that if they were to mate with a mare, something more powerful than an alicorn would be born
>tfw this nerd wants to test that theory out before they manage to disappear again






>Anon is exactly as mares think he should be.
>He's polite, kind, good with foals, and too pure for this world.
>He's also dainty and fragile, always needing big strong mares to carry his groceries or fix things around his house as he giggles and apologizes for needing help.
>Mares are more than glad to do it for the ditzy stallion, completely unaware as they strut with their tuffs out that the human's eyes are roving over their bodies like a hawk, always giving special attention to their bottoms.
>In truth, Anon is a complete perv, and he just likes creating opportunities to satisfy his voyeuristic fetish.
>When he asked Applejack to clean his gutter, he was down below to hold the ladder steady while also peering up under her tail.
>When he bemoaned that his garden was withering during a heat wave and that his (not) broken hose was of no use, Rainbow Dash was more than happy to zip around to gather a small bundle of clouds to water his garden, uncaring that she collected a light sheen of moisture across her slick fur that Anon appreciated greatly.
>Yep, Anon had it pretty good, and none of the ponies were any the wiser.
>At least, he thought so, until a certain mare confronts him with a husky whisper against his ear.
>"You're a very naughty colt, aren't you?"
Who is it, and what do they do?







>Creates his own account and records a video of himself petitioning for his girlfriend to be unbanned
>Hams it up, adds in multiple declarations of love, mentions that the stream is their primary source of income, thinks about that time his pet died so that he can get some tears in there, etc
"She's sacrificed so much for me, and she finally has the opportunity to earn a living doing something she loves. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, and it hurts so much to see someone I love suffering like this."
>Ends with some tearful begging to unban Sunset's gaming stream
>Posts it everywhere, and Sunset uses her presence on other websites and social media to spread it as well
>The sight of a crying man who just wants his girlfriend to be happy (and who will be out on the streets if she cannot earn money this way) spreads like wildfire
>White knights eat it up
>Gaming fans eat it up
>Twatch is getting hundreds of emails from these people
>One or two minor-to-moderate internet news websites even runs an article on it
>Hell, even a few minor horsetube personalities get in on it and start to spread the word to their subscribers
>Suddenly, what was once a simple case of banning someone for saying the zig-word has turned into a highly-visible controversy centered around a poor man who can't stand to see his girlfriend this miserable
>Twatch caves in and unbans Sunset
>They make a big deal of posting about how this was all one big misunderstanding, and how the love and support that came from Anon and various internet people touched their hearts, etc etc
>Sunset's first video is her giving a heartfelt thanks to her followers, everyone online who helped, and most importantly to Anon
>Sunset now has leniency because if she's banned again, it'll look double-bad for Twatch
>Anon starts joining her on the couch, since he gained a following as "Sunset's adorable boyfriend"








>"By the pricking of my thumbs, something lewd this way comes~"
"...Twilight, there's a witch floating outside the window."
>"So what's a load of hot ass like yourself doing in a dump like this?"
"I'm serious, Twi. She's got a hat and a broom. She's floating like ten feet off the air."
>"You like smooth jazz? Cause I can see the two of us making some music together."
"I'm really concerned. Are witches a thing here, Twi? Do they cast spells? Can I be turned into a frog or cat or something like in the Hocus pocus movie?"
>"Why don't you step outside, hotstuff? I'll put you under my spell alright."
"Twi, you chubby nerd, why are you ignoring me? I know I was being hysterical about the whole horsernet thing, but this is 100% serious."
>"Did you know that witches have no gag reflex? Come outside and I'd be happy to demonstrate~" 
"I'm really not kidding, Twi. Call someone. Does this house have a bible? Do you call it a horsbible? Because if you do I'm fucking rioting."

>tfw Anon works in an actual school for witches
>tfw there's potions, spell weaving, talking cats, and flying brooms everywhere
>tfw he refuses to believe any bit of it is magical, no matter what evidence is presented to him
>tfw he was even able to explain away that time when Mrs. Celestia turned him into a crow
>tfw all of the magical girls love their adorably thick and stubborn male janitor






>Ponies have pseudo-familial herds
>It's all evolved so that pony communities can grow and easily become tight-knit
>It's difficult to remain completely detached from a pony society if you live in their town - sooner or later, you will wind up with a bunch of ponies who consider you to be either a brother or an uncle
>These ponies don't necessarily need to be related by blood, but it builds up immense amounts of trust
>That's why a strange excitable mare who lived out in the middle of nowhere is allowed to live in her employer's house and (despite being female, aka the sexual predator gender in RGRE) take care of their infants
>This is why nopony bats an eye when they see Twilight trotting down the street with Spike on her back
>They can instinctively tell that they're family, even if they aren't family
>So when Anon fucks off into Equestria, he's snatched up by a group of mares who are fond of him
>He's alone, he's scared, and he's practically advertising that he's the prime target for some strange mare to lure him into an alleyway and rape him
>So when Anon eventually becomes comfortable enough to date, his "sisters" go behind his back and ask his date what, exactly, her intention with their hoo-man brother is









>It's the "ponies live for 100+ years" meme
>Anon is fully acknowledged as an adult and ponies know (and are generally saddened by) that Anon will just plain not life for as long as they do
>But a pony his age would still be considered to be a child; regardless, Anon is treated with the respect reserved for adults - because he is one.
>But Rainbow has a secret fetish
>A fetish she was ashamed of and would land her in prison if she ever acted on her urges
>"Hey, kid... y'wanna SS?"
>Anon and Rainbow are a couple, and he's willing to make a few of her fantasies come true
>"How old are you, Anon?"
"24..."
>"Wow, 24! You're practically a grown-up! Hey, you wanna play a grown-up game with me?"






>Anog would show all.
>He make thing much better than burning stick pile.
>So what if burning sticks make food taste more yum and keep cave warm?
>Anog was still bigger and stronger than Incog, so why no womans make his breeding rod feel the most good?
>They would after seeing Anog fly like bird.
>Making sure wings made of big green leaves and vines are stuck good, Anog eyes the nest halfway down the canyon on the other side.
>It's full of big, tasty flying lizard eggs, and he'd bring them back to village and get all the pusspuss.
>He leaps, flaps his wings, and plummets.
>As he screams and sees the pointy rocks quickly coming closer, he thinks maybe he should have started from atop a small boulder first.
>When he wakes up in a strange forest he doesn't recognize, completely unharmed, he forgets this hard-learned lesson.
>If he's not worm food, it must not have been such a bad idea after all.
>His sensitive nose picks up a yummy scent, and he follows it.
>It not lizard egg, but it still make his stomach growl like big tooth cat.
>He finds a strange tree with holes in it that he could not go through.
>On the other side, their is a tiny stripped creature stirring something in a big black bowl sitting on burning sticks.
>Stripy creature using Incog sticks to make food.
>He will ask for some and then where his people are.
>Zecora turns, smiling contently until she sees a hairy face pushed up against her window, its mouth slightly open and fogging the glass.
>She sees the rows of sharp teeth and drool indicating a hungry beast who has just seen something tasty, and her heart starts to beat faster.
>The magic charms outside should ward off all dangerous predators.
"Food?" It says in a gravely voice. "Stripped thing food?"
>Zecora screams.
>Later, she would never admit to being terrified of a lost, hungry stallion simply asking for a meal






>the other side of the mirror, the human side, isn't reversed gender roles
>They're normal, average, man is breadwinner shit
>When people are introduced to Equestrian magic however, this changes
>Guys become girly, girls become manly
>Ever since Sunset's friends had been introduced to the magic of friendship, they've all underwent changes
>Rarity flat out knocked another girl out when she made fun of her dresses
>Pinkie can't stop looking at guy's bulges
>Fluttershy now has a husbando, and draws lewd manga where boys get gangbanged by monsters
>Applejack opens doors for boys, or pushes their chairs in when they sit down
>Rainbow brings sexual harassment to whole new levels; stealing underwear, taking pictures of guys while they're peeing, the works
>Twilight, once the shy nerd, has gotten very aggressive
>Nerd pick up lines can be heard from her from morning till night
>Sunset, while sorta happy that her friends are no longer fro-fro dykes, is concerned






>Beeling hives are usually very well hidden.
>Not because of the beelings fear of ponies finding them, no.
>It's because of the other changeling subspecies finding them and absolutely demolishing the hive, searching for honey.
>Everything for free honey, yes?
>The bears always seem to agree.
>This led to beelings distrusting any other kind of changelings, to a level of risking their own safety just to reveal that one nosy drone that got too close to find the hive.
>Meanwhile the actual ponies can only see that one of their florists act very hostile against that tourist, for no apparent reason...

>They have a Love-Hate relationship with other bugs.
>Beelings give discounts on to other 'lings and even emergency honey rations in times of starvation, but they are also known to surreptitiously reveal the location of hives if said bugs overstep their boundries.
>Chrysalis' hive was the first in 'ling history to get blacklisted by the entire swarm thanks to the attack on canterlot, which put the entirety of equestria on high alert for changeling activity

>Your children, raised on a diet of hyper concentrated honey and direct love infusions grow into magnificent adults almost the size of Celestia.
>Your queenly waifu is so proud.
>You're a little sad you didn't get to savor the cute baby phase more, as beelings, like other 'lings, hit adulthood in about a year after hatching. Thankfully you dont have to deal with empty nest syndrome since the hive is right under your house
>They'll always be your beautiful baby girls through, no matter how big they get.
>Heh. 'Bee' your beautiful baby girls.
>A lot of them decide they want to be honey makers and merchants. Your largest daughters insist on being warrior bees. 
>With their size and access to near infinite energy via you, they can fuel and sustain some crazy transformations.
>And what do they base their warrior form on?
>An old story you told them, about the biggest and most feared insect of all time. 
>The Cazador 
>A spiny carapace hard as steel.
>Spike coated legs.
>Dual set of wings.
>Tail metamorphosed into an abdomen tipped with a foot-long stinger 
>Vice grip mouth filled with serrated, venom-dripping teeth
>Powerful single-aperture eyes backed up by a 2nd set of compound eyes
>Redundant organs and a small 2nd stomach to some emergency royal jelly.
>And this is not even going into their magic or Herculean strength. 
>It takes them half a second to become a whirlwind of fucking shit up and they look like what would pop out of a nightmare's nightmare.
>But you know they're still your babies. Compared to most things on Equis, you are comparatively fragile and they're desperately afraid of you getting hurt. Their appearance means nothing to you with intentions that pure.
>You just have to watch the spikes when they come in for a hug is all








>Anon and Sunset play SCP Containment Breach
>"I know it's gimmicky, Anon, but it's really popular right now. This month's tough, and I need the views."
>Anon gets spooked a good few times, but nobody will forget that moment where Sunset screamed so loud the audio peaked and practically jumped into Anon's lap
>Nobody lets her forget it - especially since one of her viewers turned that moment into a GIF that gets posted fairly frequently

>tfw Anon is really bad at video games
>tfw he really doesn't understand what's going on
>tfw the one time that Sunset let him play he had the controller upside down until she helped him
>tfw she knows the reason he doesn't know much or have any history with video games was because he was broke growing up
>tfw she knows he could barely afford food and clothes, much less games
>tfw he doesn't like to talk about it, and is even ashamed about it at times
>tfw that's why he works those 12 hour shifts six days a week in a job no boy should ever do
>tfw this is why Sunset works so hard in her streams
>tfw it's also why so many of her viewers, who usually hate "twitch thots" like Anon
>He might not understand the old games or know how to play anything at all, but his genuine enthusiasm and happiness just watching during those brief periods he's awake on that couch are a hundred percent real
>The fans also love just how much he appreciates all of the clothes they send him
>Even the weird, fetish-y ones that they don't show on stream
>Sunset especially likes those





I wonder if there's a market for special shampoos and conditioners specifically for tufts?
>Anon comes to Equestria, lives a hellish week in the Everfree before finding his way out, and is quickly taken in by Fluttershy as soon as she sees him stumbling out of the forest covered in mud and oozing scratches.
>At first she thinks he's an animal in need, but then he talks, and she realizes she has a lost colt in her home.
>It's just like that novel Rarity is letting her borrow about a stallion getting rescued from the wilds, and then falling in love with the brave mare that saves him.
>After hearing his story and getting a meal started for him, Anon asks if she has a shower he can use.
>She directs him to the bathroom, and Anon finds himself squatting in a tiny tub with his knees folded to his chest and a shower head only an inch above his scalp.
>He doesn't care, however, as he turns the water on and feels the amazing cascade of warmth wash over his weary body.
>After just enjoying the spray for a minute, he sets about washing up.
>Hmm, there's three bottles of soap.
>One for manes, another for coats, and then, tucked away behind them, the one he picks up and examines more carefully.
"Tuft Shampoo and Conditioner," he reads. "Guaranteed 20% volume and softness to your tuft, with added scents to drive stallions wild."
>Anon shrugs and decides to use it.
>It's the only one that says conditioner on it, after all, and his hair is a coarse mess after his stint in the forest.
>Meanwhile, Fluttershy is humming as she cooks, before suddenly going rigid.
>"Did I leave my tuft soap out?" she wonders out loud, starting to fidget.
>Why wouldn't she?
>Not like she expected a stallion in her bathroom today.
>"Oh dear," she mumbles, looking towards the bathroom. "Maybe he won't notice?"
>But Anon did notice, and for some reason, he's getting a raging hard-on as he scrubs his hair.
>Turns out the musky mare scent of the soap works really well on humans.






>the cazalings were full of piss and vinegar that morning
>not looking to hurt anypony really, but they were in a mood because of some other 'lings and weren't putting up with random poners wandering around the house
>the ditzy mailmare beginning her wobbly circle glide towards the door caught their eye instantly
>being as they were in a tizzy, they immediately launched to give her what-for
>foolish were they
>the mail ALWAYS goes through
>but then, they were young; you really couldn't have expected them to have seen the danger in charging a veteran of battling stinging insects nesting in mailboxes, much less with one that had soapy bubbles for a cutie mark





>when Anon found himself in the EqG after Twilight sent him there thinking it was where he came from, he found it very difficult to make friends 
>the guys were too much like girls from back home, and the girls were more interested in his dick then actually having a conversation 
>his roommate, Sunset, tried to help but she was busy most hours of the day
>so when Applejack and Rarity offer to pay him to pretend to be their boyfriend, he figures it could be something interesting and goes along with it
>what none of them expected however was the fact that they actually got along rather well
>Rarity and Applejack were already exceptionally close friends, which was the source of the gay rumors they wanted to get away from 
>Applejack liked his even-tempered janegirl personality
>Rarity liked his sharp wit and dry humor
>Anon just appreciates the fact that both girls were well-mannered enough not to perv on him
>before they know it, all three of them found themselves looking forward to and enjoying their fake dates 
>it wasn’t anything romantic, they just enjoyed each other’s company 
>before they knew it they started hanging out at less explicitly romantic places for the sake of their character and going on the kinds of stupid misadventures most teens got up to





>This isn't the first time Anon and Rainbow Dash had gone on a bender together
>Though they were usually harmless - apart from noise complaints from their neighbors - Twilight had to draw the line when their most recent drunken escapade resulted in property damage
>And, if Twilight is being honest with herself, she was raised in the most uptight and prudish unicorn city in Equestria
>That place has an unofficial prohibition going on - it's legal to drink, just like anywhere else, but becoming inebriated comes with a harsh social stigma
>Alcohol and magic don't mix very well (ethyl alcohol is often mixed into ink when unicorns draw anti-magic runes for magic-containment purposes), and the chances of a powerful unicorn fucking up super hard after drinking because she can't control her magic aren't worth the risk
>This is why Celestia is infamous for her love of tea, and why Canterlot is the tea import capital of Equestria
>But back on track - Twilight is sick of her friends fucking everything up when they get drunk, and also she was raised in an environment that encouraged her to disapprove of drinking alcohol in general
>So, her method of teaching Anon and Rainbow Dash a lesson went a tad bit too far.
>She confronted the two after their streak of property damage (to be fair, it was Anon's idea to egg that house, and they were too drunk to differentiate between eggs and rocks), she found them drunkenly making out with each other
>Twilight realizes that life has presented her with the perfect teaching aid
>"If I don't ACTUALLY submit the marriage documents, then it won't matter if I trick them into signing it."
>Twilight confronts them the next morning (well, next late afternoon; that's when they woke up) and happily informs them that they're married.
>"Huh, you didn't MEAN to go find an officiator and become legally married? Gosh, you two should be more careful when you drink."

"Well, I mean..." You rub the back of your head and glance to Rainbow, feeling your cheeks heat a bit. "We're already best friends, so it's not that bad. We'll get tax breaks I think."
>Rainbow Dash very briefly meets your eyes before looking away. Her fluffed up wings tell you she's just as embarrassed and flustered. "Yeah. If I had to get married to anyone, like, right now, I'd pick you, Anon. This isn't so bad."
"Maybe it's not even bad at all," you say, proud that you didn't stutter. "You'd be my first choice too."
>Rainbow blushes so much that it starts to show though her fur. She takes a moment to fidget before talking again. "H-Heh. Yeah... Even better than best friends... Hey Anon? Do you uh... Want to go on a real date since we're uh m-married and all? Then we can go hang out at my place?"
You can't stop the large, very real smile that comes to your face. "I'd like that."
>Without even realizing it, you and your Rainbow had been scooching closer together on the library sofa until you were pressed tightly together.
>All you can really think about is the beautiful magenta eyes with little hearts in them staring at you.
>Both you and your new wife are oblivious to the flabbergasted Twilight sitting across from you, marriage forms held in her magic.





>Be bulli Sunset
>You see that weird Anon kid
>You're gonna go ahead and make fun of him
"Hey, Anon! I think you're really cute. You should smile more! Also, we should go out and do something together. It doesn't even have to be a dinner date, I just want to hang out and get to know you!"
>Anon stops, turning to look at you
>He seems taken aback by your words, even as a small smile comes to his face
>Your brow furrowed
>...The fuck was that?
>You were supposed to make fun of him, hurt his already cripplingly poor self esteem
>Taking a deep breath, you tried again
"We should also start sitting together and helping each other with homework after school. You're a lot smarter than you think you are and I actually need help in writing, and I know you're really good at that! Did I mention that you're cute? Because you really are! Short guys are the cutest!"
>...
>Fuck

>Sunset's Equestrian magic is forcing her to be nice to her soulmate




>YOU HAVE BOUND ME, ETERNIA, THE GODDESS OF ALL THINGS TO YOUR WELL OF INFINITE MAGIC
>STATE YOUR GREATEST AND DARKEST DESIRES MY ETERNAL MASTER AND I. SHALL. MAKE. IT. SO.
Nah, I'm good
>...EH?
I'm pretty well adjusted, I don't need anything
>THERE IS NOTHING YOU DESIRE? NOTHING THAT YOU WOULD GRANT YOURSELF?
Nope, I wouldn't feel right if someone just gave me something I wanted, and everything I am is part of myself and I wouldn't change myself
>THEN WHY DID YOU USE YOUR [INFINITE DOMINATION] TO SUMMON ME?
There's a lot of people who got magic at my school recently, I wanted to see if I had anything like that before I made dinner
>...OH
Do you want me to send you back now?
>.....no
Really?
>It's.....dark......and lonely
Okay, do you want me to make you some chicken salad too and we'll watch some cartoons?
>yes I MEAN, YOUR WILL IS MY COMMAND MASTER






> 700 year old shota vampire Anon
>He's glad his sire waited until he could get an erection before she turned him, but it still sucks being in a body on the cusp of puberty forever
> This is hardly the least of her evils, so he's glad she got eaten by some weird monster in the shadow realm between worlds
> Especially since heended up emerging in a soft and innocent world full of colorful ponies
> Well, considering the looks mares are giving him, a mostly innocent world full of predatory milfs

What if VtM Anon.
>Malkavinon would get along with pank, have something like panko sense, and be the prince of whimsy. 
>Ventunon would get so much noble horsepuss, and maybe even bag a princess, while taking full advantage of rgre. Likely seen as a gold digger.
>Tremerenon would hard focus on nerd horse tomes of knowledge and magic and would be free to snuggle up against any time. He'd also have sticky fingers around magical items and enchanted gemstones.
>Nosferatunon would be paranoid but mostly be like a normal Anon because of decades of stormdrain shitposting on vietnamese basket weaving forums. Ponies would find him abrasive in every way, especially visually, but if they bite the bullet they have a very useful friend who can get them dirt on everypony else and smell bullshittery and danger in a several kilometer radius.
>Toreanon would also be very whimsical and get along with ponies. Maybe smash some Coco Poonell since they have the whole blush of life thing and a knack for acting. Definately the most likable out of all of them since they have some level of empathy with mortals other vampies don't. 
>Brujanon would be down with sticking it up the the mare and leading stallionists into a revolt, just because. Maybe even make a new Anarchs with mortal catty stallions.
>Gangrelnon is still a wild rabies ridden furry that smells like a wet dog so we don't talk about him.





>>A sunhat tipper on her first night with an alien

>"I-I don't want to force you into sex, Anon."
"I don't feel forced."
>"I respect you a lot, and I don't think that this is all you're worth."
"Thank you, Celestia. I respect you a lot too."
>"We can stop any time you want."
"I know."
>"If you feel uncomfortable at any time, just let me know."
"You bet."
>"We've only been dating for a month or two, a-and I don't want you to think that I only started dating you because I wanted to have sex with you. You're more than a sex object to me."
"..."
>"Because I feel like rushing into sex sends the message that I don't value you as a person, and that's deponyizing."
>You are Anon, and you're starting to understand how Celestia has remained a virgin for all these years.

>Cadence, being the princess of love, has no idea that what she's doing might make one or more of the participants feel awkward
>"I am Love, and this is an example of love. What's the problem?"
>She's got her upper body draped over the side of the bed, notebook and quill in her magic as she takes notes and cheers them on
>"Wow, face-to-face! That's normally a really hard maneuver for ponies to pull off! Now, is it because Anon's a human, or is it because Celestia is larger than most ponies...?"
>"Oh! Hold that pose, Anon! Wow, you're balls-deep in her! Lemme make a sketch real quick. C'mon, stop squirming - I'm trying to draw your balls!"
>"I can feel the love tingling in the air! Take a breather, you two, I'm gonna go get you two some water and a couple of snacks. How do you two feel about peetzer?"
>She basically just acts as Anon and Celestia's love coach, hat included
>Even when they're doing more than having sex
>"That's right, auntie! Give Anon those flowers! Colts LOVE flowers! They make such a tasty snack! Now grab his rump..."

>Each alicorn princess, by ways of alicorn ascension, become obsessed with their element
>They want to see it, and they want others to enjoy it
>Cadence no longer understands privacy and feels an intense urge to observe, document, and encourage all forms of love, and she becomes upset if you resist getting together with the pony who IS CLEARLY your soulmate
>ANON.
>Celestia's mornings are especially obnoxious, and there does not exist a single set of light-blocking curtains that can prevent her sun from making your bedroom juuuuust light enough that you can't fall back asleep if you wake up too early
>Luna is in love with her night sky and is enraged when ponies don't appreciate it like she does, and this lack of appreciation lead to the Nightmare Moon incident
>Twilight went from some chubby nerd who needed God herself to tell her to make friends and turned into a creature who is so preoccupied with friendship that she built a school so that she could teach grown-ass adults how not to be dicks to each other
>It's an alicorn's nature to obsess with their element, and Anon learns pretty quickly that the princess of Love will not be deterred just by a closed door



Now I'm imagining NEET Anon making them flip out

>"Anon, you were supposed to show up for your friendship classes. Where were you?"
"No one needs classes for friendship, Twilight. That's just dumb."
>"Forget about her school, Anon. Why won't you come out during the day? Is my sun too bright for you?"
"Yes."
>"What of Our stars, fair Anonymous. Surely they are not too bright for you."
"I sleep at night, Luna. And as for-Cadence! Put my underwear down!"
>"I'm just going to use it to help you find a nice mare."
"You can help me find a nice mare by not being weird."





>like a twitching left ear if they're lying and nervous about being caught or something.
>Applejack's connection to honesty hones her intuition when it comes to pony's body language
>Even ponies who train themselves subconsciously give the barest twitch when hiding something and Applejack can pick up on it
>But not with Anon
>While he does have tells, they're very different to ponies
>So when he lies to Applejack and his body tries to give it away Applejack misinterprets the tell as something else
>It drives the apple horse nuts
>She knows for a FACT that Anon has lied but she has no proof
>She needs to use different methods to get the truth out of him







>Twilight just isn't attracted to stallions.
>She'd like to say she was too busy with her studies to think about colts, but in truth, she just never felt that desire she should have even when watching something like guard training at the castle.
>All those sweaty stallion, and nothing.
>Eventually, everyone close to her just assumed she was asexual.
>Well, except for her parents, who noted how she followed Princess Celestia around like a lost puppy, always eager to please the alicorn.
>It went beyond mere admiration at times, and after finding the picture of their leader under their young daughter's mattress, that confirmed it.
>Looking back, Twilight agreed that was kind of off, but it really was innocent.
>She was just really obsessed about her mentor in those early years.
>Regardless, even as an adult, she never pursued romance, neither with stallions, or mares.
>It was just the way of things.
>That is, until Anon showed up, and she felt something strange.
>It was in those early days of his arrival that she masturbated for the first time since she was a hormonal filly.
>It was just something about him.
>Something exotic and different.
>And maybe, just a little tiny bit, because he reminded her of her teacher.
>Tall, pale, kind, and very knowledgeable.
>She certainly isn't gay, but any mare would agree that Celestia would probably make a pretty hot stallion.
>Regardless, Twilight knew she couldn't ignore Anon's presence in her life.
>Couldn't let him leave it without at least trying to make him hers.
>She might not get another chance at love if she lets Equestria's first and only human, let alone the first stallion she's desired, get away.
>Alas, she has no idea on what to do.
>The problem weighs heavy on her mind, even while she's supposed to be visiting her parents for the weekend.
>It's no wonder they notice she's distracted, and once they pry the truth from her, they're ecstatic.
>They have a lifetime of talks and advice to finally impart upon their daughter.

>With centuries of experience in diplomacy and dealing with nobles scheming away under her torque, Celestia instantly realises whats going on and resolves to help Twilight using that same experience.
>To that end, she invites anon to dinner in order to give him some advice.

>"Go ask Twilight out on a date, unless you want to be the subject of a rom-com for the next few weeks."
>"Oh and do be careful regarding couples business, her parents mean well but the usual methods wont work for alicorns, tell Twilight to come to me or my Sister if she has trouble."
"I think she'll be too busy coming to Anon here t-"
>"Luna please, we've talked about this."
"We have but Anon hasnt, did you know that Twilight has studied you 'quite' extensively in her dre-"
>"Oh my would you look at the time Anon should really get going before Twilight gets worried we're stealing away her stallion."
"Sister we both know that her admiration and respect for you is the only thing preventing her from teleports in here, grabbing Anon and fleeing to the crystal empire."
>"Well yes but it's not polite to point out her slight paranoia issues."
"It's also not polite to end dreams once they start getting good without even the courtesy of an invitation, yet here we are."
>"Sister i've told you that things dont work like that anymore."
"And i've told you that only one stallion ever declined my addition in their dreams and he was a perfect gentlecolt about it."
>""Uh, not to interrupt, but i think we've pushed the limit of 'respect and admiration'.""
>A lavender glow steadily envelops his clothes before anon is yanked sideways out of the open window.
"MINE!"
>Fizzle-bamf
"Hm, looks like i lost the bet, she used the window rather than charging in."
>"She has certainly grown out of the confrontational phase, i hope she doesnt drag him too far north before calming down."
"I already notified Cadence this morning to expect guests after hearing your plan today."
>"Ah yes, good idea."




>Anon is cute, fit, and hardworking.
>All things that would make him a catch for any mare.
>Except for one problem.
>He's also an asshole.
>He speaks almost entirely in sarcastic barbs.
>Has more insults ready than compliments.
>He's even yelled at some fillyscouts trying to sell cookies for knocking on his door, making them cry.
>He didn't even apologies later.
>Truthfully, the human has become something of a thorn in the side of Ponyville, and one Princess Twilight knew she'd have to address sooner or later.
>It's a shame that he's not only cute, but one of the only colts in town who seems to love books as much as her, him coming by once a week to rent out a few before returning them on time to get more.
>Pressure was mounting on the alicorn as even her friends began to lose patience with the newcomer, and when she was finally about to make an attempt, something happened.
>Derpy really should try to find new employment.
>She can't keep dropping heavy packages on ponies' heads.
>Poor Anon's skull barely withstood the brunt of the bowling ball's impact, and he was left hospitalized with a mass of gauze around his noggin.
>Unconscious for over a week, Twilight was saddened to realize she's been the only one to visit the poor stallion, even Derpy only coming on occasion with guilty tears in her eyes.
>She resolved to help Anon make friends, just as theman begins to awaken.
"Ugh... My head? What happened?"
>"A-anon! You're awake! Let me go find a nurse!"
"W-wait. Who are you? Are we... friends?"
>"You... don't remember me?"
"No, I'm sorry. I don't remember much of anything."
>He looks around.
"I must have been in an accident, though, considering this is a hospital, and you must be someone dear to me if you're by my bedside. I feel just awful not being able to remember you."
>"It's... it's fine, really."
"Doesn't feel like it."
>Twilight, stunned, gets the nurse, who Anon also exchange pleasantries with, much to their surprise







>Be Anon.
>You and Celestia had been going on dates for awhile.
>The recent one had gotten rather hot and heavy.
>You were in a restaurant with private rooms for couples, and while you're not normally one for that fancy stuff you're glad you two did.
>A chast kiss turned into a deep one, turned into light nibbles and kissing at eachother's necks, turned into wrestling to gain control in this booth as you two tried your best to get the upper hand or hoof over the other.
>Before it could too far Celestia payed the bill and left a tip and teleported you two to her room.
>So here you are, ramming forward and back as you grip at Celestia's rump as she talks dirty to you.
>"You like that colt?" She says as she tries to keep a smug grin looking back at you.
>You can only grunt as you try your best to not let loose.
>Your eyes drag up as you get more and more into it.
>Your eyes drift over a picture of-
>Your thrusting slows.
"Pfft"
>You try not to laugh as you look at a painting of a fat Celestia eating cake.
>Celestia not realizing what you were about to laugh at blushes and gets frustrated.
>"Y-You better not berate me colt! I-I'll destroy your..." She stops mid talk as her eyes glide up to where you're looking. 
>Her face gets red as she slams it into the bed with a muffled "Oh my..."
>You can't help but let laughter loose.
"Hahahahaa! Wha why would you have thahahahat!"
>You keep laughing as you lay into her back resting your face inbetween her wing joints.
>"It was a joke gift from Luna! I forgot about it okay! I didn't plan on bringing you back here today!"
>You continue laughing the fact your dick is in a sun god completely forgotten.








>Meet DJ-P0N3 at a party
>Dance to her music
>It's proto-electronic, and you were a pretty big fan of electronic and dance music back on Earth
>Find her after the show and casually mention you listened to pretty similar music back home
>This is a genre that's just kicking off, and the DJ wants every extra opportunity and foothold (hoofhold?) she can get her hooves onto in order to succeed
>"Tell you what, party-colt. Once I sleep all this booze off, I'll go down to that coffee place on Mane Street. I go there and drink coffee until I feel equine again. If you show up there somewhere between 10 AM and 2 PM, you an' me can talk about these sick beats you apparently heard."
>Anon shows up the next day
>Talks about the music and tries his best to describe the half-forgotten music he last heard years ago
>Vinyl (she tells him her real name somewhere between her 3rd and 4th mug of coffee) manages to do something with this info, and pumps out a few songs - with a couple more in the works, the details bouncing around in her head
>Anon and Vinyl get into the habit of meeting up once a week or so; twice a week if Vinyl has multiple gigs and needs just that much more coffee to feel alive again
>They eventually strike up a legitimate friendship as discussion moseys on from music to other aspects of their lives
>Vinyl feels less and less inclined to enjoy the bounties of being a DJ - aka drunk or high party colts throwing themselves at her for a fun night in bed
>Starts holding herself back from drinking herself into a stupor because she can't collaborate with Anon as well if she's massively hungover
>Vinyl doesn't suspect something is up between the two of them until she catches herself asking Anon if he wants to meet for coffee just in the middle of the week - not after a gig or to talk about music; just to chat about themselves
>Goes home and pesters Octavia
>"Am I sick? Am I DYING? Why do I feel this way?!"
>>"Maybe you're in love."
>"Hah!"
>"..."
>"Shit."







>Lyra and Bonbon are a package deal. Being best friends since forever, they intend to be together forever.
>While they have no qualms about getting intimate with each other like many mares do with best friends, both still want a real herd at some point.
>And to do that, they need a stallion, but neither can seem to agree on what sort they want.
>The you wander into town and meet Lyra, becoming fast friends with her. She even cracks the nervousness you had about getting close to a mare.
>Meanwhile, Lyra's eccentric tastes show themselves a firm liking of janefillies and in budding xenophila that grows rapidly to an absurd point.
>So absurd, that she practically stops seeing stallions as attractive.
>Then Lyra introduces you to Bonbon, who sees the connection between you and her best friend instantly.
>...But Bonbon isn't terribly enthused, wanting an actual stallion.
>Lyra, however, will not give ground and insists that Bonbon lets a herd form, just to try it at least. The candy maker finally agrees with reluctance.
>You lock eyes with a grumpy Bonbon and know that your life has just taken a turn. For good or bad, who knows?

>The three races have different traits that each respective race finds attractive
>It's rare to find a pony who not only finds their own race attractive, but another pony race as well
>A unicorn might admire a the way a mare's horn spirals, but can't appreciate the aerodynamic frame that a pegasus has
>An earth pony might find his eyes glued to the glutes of an earth pony mare, but can't appreciate the aristocratic beauty that a unicorn has; bone structure that is different than their own and serves to channel magic better through the horn
>Mares who are best friends but belong to different pony tribes have a much lower chance of finding a stallion who finds both of their forms attractive and desirable
>Ponies who decide that they're a package deal have a notoriously low rate of success
>Enter Anon: a creature not raised in Equine society and who does not really get the standards of beauty that each race holds dear
>Anon just sees silly ponies being silly (and also, sexy)
>So when Anon makes friends with Lyra and then Bon Bon, both of them feel hope well up in them when Anon is happy to spend equal amounts of time with both of them










>While many ponies knew of Dark King Sombra, far fewer knew he had taken a wife.
>An earth pony mare who, despite lacking powerful magic, was just as cruel and thrice as cunning as her husband.
>She was the one who was down in the mines, directing the efforts of the slaves and distributing punishment to those who failed in their forced duties.
>When her husband was defeated, as much as it pained her, she had no choice but to flee.
>She was no great sorcerer or master combatant, and knew only a cold cell awaited her.
>Now she lives in the far reaches of Equestria under a new name.
>She's even become a teacher of a small village, and though strict, she is widely accepted by the town.
>Similar in some ways to her counterpart, but still greatly different.
>Her human doppelgänger is also in education, though she's not living in hiding.
>No, she's a principle of a private school, living the good life her counterpart could only dream of.
>She comes home every night, after all, to her husband's home cooking of tacos and tamales and a warm body to lie next to.
>Originally, she was only a means for the man to get his green card and immigrate over from Mexicolt, but after living together for the required time, they decided they rather liked the arrangement, and eachother.
>And so, Principle Cinch and her house husband, Sombra, lived as happy as two frigid souls could








>Be Anon.
>Also be herding with Rainbow and Fluttershy.
>You were all out on a herd group date in Canterlot after one of the Wonderbolt shows Rainbow was in.
>You all arrive at the restaurant you have reservations at and the hostess greets you with a smile.
"Hello, Anonymous. Party of 3. I have a reservation."
>"Of course sir, ah here it is. Are you celebrating anything this evening?"
"Just a date night."
>"Well that's very special. And even more that you brought your little one with you today."
>She leans down to look at Rainbow.
>"Will you look at that mane. You must really like that new Wonderbolt don't you to dye it those colors. Do you want to grow up to be a flier like her one day?"
>Rainbow is visibly shocked and you try your best to hold back laughter.
"Oh yeah, she loves the Wonderbolts."
>You all are shown to your table and Rainbow waits till the hostess leaves before talking.
>"I can't believe her! Just where does she get off?"
"Now now honey, you better watch that attitude little missy or it'll be a time out when we get back to the hotel."
>You start to laugh, and even Fluttershy joins in with a chuckle.
>"Oh screw you Anon!"
>"Rainbow Dash!"
>Fluttershy firmly says getting both of your attention.
>"That is no way to speak to your father. Why I have half a mind to wash your mouth out with soap when we get back."
>"Come on Fluttershy! You too?"
>Your normally meek wife glares at her and you see Rainbow shift uncomfortabley under here gaze.
>"Maybe a firm spanking is in order too if you keep with that attitude."
>Rainbow seems to lose all the fight she had in her and quietly sits in her chair looking at the table.
>Fluttershy looks at you with the suggest look you have ever seen her have.
>You were not expecting this to happen when you planned your date night.
>And you really want to just get back to the hotel as soon as possible because damn if this isn't the most turned on you've been in a while








>Anon and Rarity are a couple
>When he first arrived in Equestria, Anon volunteered his unique physiology and basic knowledge about human fashion (which he absorbed passively through the sheer exposure to it he got back home via the media)
>A new outlook on fashion styles that comes from a completely new body type inspires Rarity on a regular basis
>It started out with a thank-you dinner to a nice restaurant and ended with a slightly tipsy Anon giving Rarity a kiss goodnight
>One date become two, and two became three, and three became many more
>Where Anon offered inspiration and companionship (as well as a remarkable talent for handling foal-sitting Sweetie Belle and her friends), Rarity offered emotional comfort and a sense of safety that kept him rooted and sane while he dealt with being stranded in a new world
>When Rarity and Anon acknowledge their relationship (lovers as opposed to just dating), Rarity starts to worry.
>Anon is occasionally dragged into the mane 6's business by sheer luck of simply being with them in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Rarity is concerned that one of these days Anon is going to hurt himself
>A drama queen by nature, Rarity frets that she and her friends are encouraging behavior in Anon that she specifically refers to as "not being very stallion-like"
>She knows that Anon is capable of taking care of himself (in the sense that he clearly isn't one of those prissy little stallions of Ponyville), but a lifetime of conditioning and experience to back up her (admittedly sexist) beliefs is a hard thing to fight against
>For example, early on in their relationship, Rarity said something off-hand that would have offended a regular stallion.
>Maybe it was something like "I'll bet you're simply marvelous in the kitchen, darling~".
>She spent the next fifteen minutes sweating and thinking of a way to apologize for such old-fashioned behavior; meanwhile, Anon didn't care and probably didn't even remember what she had said.
>It's the day after such an adventure, and scratched-up Anon had agreed to meet with Rarity in her boutique so that she could fuss over him and make sure he wasn't injured
>"It's a mare's responsibility to take care of her stallion, after all."
>Unfortunately for Rarity's nerves, Anon was exhausted enough from their adventure that he slept through his alarm, and is nearly an hour late to meeting Rarity at her boutique
>Rarity is beside herself in worry, thinking that Anon is too injured to make it over, and she cannot decide whether to stay put so that she can treat Anon when he arrives, or risk making him wait by running out to go find him
>Before she can come to a decision, Anon walks in through the door.
>He is immediately tackle-hugged by a sobbing marefriend
>Anon just smiles at his overprotective marefriend and decides to let her fuss over him and simply enjoy their day together
"Don't you fret, Rarity... I'm right here, and I don't plan on going anywhere."







>Anon was a psychologist back on Earth before eventually being murdered by one of his patients, who, after not perceiving any results with improving their mental health, decided to blame their shrink instead of themselves.
>Can't help those unwilling to change and all that.
>Still, that doesn't mean Anon is going to give up his calling in life just because of one little bout of lead poisoning.
>And a good thing, too, considering how insane many of these ponies are.
>Just among Equestria's heroes, the Elements, there is a litany of conditions in dire need of treatment.
>Worst of all, when Anon tried to explain his job to the ponies, they laughed.
>What a silly concept; doctors for your thoughts.
>Obviously, if a pony behaved badly, and did not show regret at the first or maybe second confrontation of their poor decisions, they were bad and needed to be locked up somewhere.
>To say Anon was horrified would be an understatement, and he demanded he be allowed to start treating these so called "bad" ponies immediately.
>Yeah, they weren't going to let some ditzy stallion try to reform the likes of Cozy and Tirek.
>He'd end up letting them go.
>Still, he was determined, and insisted he be allowed to prove his methods.
>And so, he was.
>Thus Anon is introduced to Screw Loose, a pony who thought she was a dog.
>If Anon get her to at least stop humping legs and chewing on everything, maybe they'll take him seriously







>tfw you open up a sex shop in Ponyville
>Sex toys, magazines, gag gifts; the works
>stallions come in to buy fake cunts for bachelor parties
>mares come in for the crazy dildos and magazines
>A lot of them are underaged, trying to steal smutty magazines
>Some are older mares, ashamed that they're coming into buy dildos
>Earth ponies and pegasi usually come in disguises 
>unicorns come in with a glamor to disguise themselves
>Unfortunately for the ponies, none of it works on you
>You can tell who a mare is even if they have their cutiemark is, and you can see through magic, since you're a weird hyoo-man with no magic in you
>Some mares try to hit on you, asking if there's a "back room"
>You never expected a sex shop to be so busy
>You had just want to relax and paint your models while enjoying various tax breaks businesses got here
>Unfortunately, you're so busy you almost need to hire on help
>Which you won't
>Because fuck paying anyone else






>Anon has integrated himself into the Hu-mane7 group at school, and is pretty happy.
>They get a little creepy at times with the sexual remarks, but Anon mostly brushes it off, knowing how teenagers can be.
>One day, while at lunch the girls are discussing a sleepover when Anon gets brought up.
>"Well of course he's coming, sillies! It's a friend's sleepover, and he's a friend."
>"Pinkie, it's not exactly proper for a gentleman to spend a night with seven young ladies."
"Hey, I'm down. Besides, it's been a while since I beat Dash at vidya. I could use a few dozen more wins under my belt."
>"Hey!"
"Yep, sounds like a good time. I'll need to get some new pajamas, though. The bottoms of the ones I have now have a big hole in them."
>"Mmm... I'll pajama your bottom..."
"... Fluttershy, one, you said that out loud, and two, what?"








>KIdAnon's older brother, Incognito, was a massive brony who began trying to corrupt his little brother.
>He'd often make the boy watch the show with him, all the while whispering under his breath about how hot the ponies were.
>He'd tell Anon that ponies were for sexual, and how he'd fuck every single one when he'd get to Equestria.
>Anon thought his brother was creepy, but he couldn't deny that the porn he often showed him was pretty hot.
>He was a thirteen year old boy, after all, and was just discovering the wonders of masturbation.
>If a lot of that early self-discovery was tuned to hot pony action, then who'd it really hurt?
>Well, it certainly made it awkward when he ended up in Equestria.
>At least his brother wasn't with him.
>Anon spent most of his early days setting in, trying not to think about the various porn images he saw of these very ponies being nice to him.
>Good thing he wears baggy pants.
>Alas, he starts to come to terms with his new life and doesn't pop a stiffy every time a mare talked to him.
>Then the CMC took an interest in him, and things got odd.

>Apple Bloom wants to play doctor with Anon.
>Growing up with the internet, and he knows where this leads, and eagerly agrees, much to Bloom's excitement.
>Maybe his brother was right when he said ponies are a lewd race.
>Later, Anon is seen running through the orchard, covered in leeches and screaming his head off.
>"Anon! Get back here and let me get them evil spirits out of yur blood! And ya still gotta do your cocaine before Ah can give ya clean bill of health!"
>Twilight shouldn't have lent the girls that book on medicine throughout the ages.

>Anon is doing great in school, much better than many of the foals even, so it's no surprise that Sweetie Belle would come up to him with a request.
>She's having a lot trouble with her homework, and she'd really appreciate if Anon could come over and help her out.
>Maybe tutor her a little.
>Oh yeah, Anon saw this in a corny video once.

>"Augh! It's impossible!"
"Calm down, Sweetie, just look at it again."
>"It doesn't make any sense!"
"Just carry the one, and-"
>"Carry it where? Will it be any easier on the floor?"
>Rarity giggles as she stands by the door, watching the human boy try and help her little sister with her divisions.
>He was patient with the ranting filly, but there almost seemed to be look of disappointment on his face as he went over it once more time.

>Scootaloo tells Anon to come behind some bushes.
>"Come on, I want to show you something."
"What is it?"
>"It's a secret. You'll like it, though, I promise."
"Can I get a hint."
>"It's wet and squishy."
>Anon follows, and soon, he finds himself with a stick in his hand, staring down at a dead manticore.
>"Isn't it cool?!" Scoots says excitedly, poking the tongue flopped out of the thing's mouth with her own stick. "It's a manticore!"
"It's dead."
>"I know, it's so hardcore. Hey, we should find a camera and take some pictures. Like, I'll put my head in it's mouth and stuff."
"This is kinda gross."
>"Oh don't be such a colt."
>Anon sighs, and starts poking the corpse.
>It is kinda cool in that super gross kinda way.

>Anon gets invited to sleepover with the girls, and just knows this is the one.
>There's no way this can't be lewd.
>After a night of board games, truth or dare with no kisses, and pizza, KidAnon finds himself on his back, staring at the ceiling, three fillies cuddle against his sides as he pets them idly.
>His brother was such a liar.
>Ponies aren't for sexual.
>They're not lewd at all.
>They're just really good friends.

>It would not be for five more years that he learned just how lewd ponies could be.
>Incidentally, this is also when he forms a herd with the grownup CMC.
>Funny how that works.









>Fluttershy pretends to make an attempt at asking Anon out just to get Rainbow to stop nagging her, but in actuality is checking on his emotional state 
>it’s obvious the poor stallion isn’t well
>she offers to hang out with him, as just friends, nothing lewd or romantic at all
>Anon is skeptical and nervous
>on one hand, he knows intellectually that Fluttershy isn’t the kind of person who would use him 
>on the other hand, all his previous relationships with mares have given him a low opinion of them in general 
>to his surprise, they actually have a lot in common
>they both are into weebshit.
>Anon introduces her to some manga he had with him on his laptop when he randomly got brought to Equestria 
>Fluttershy shows him her collection, much of which is directly imported from Neighpon
>Anon tries not to laugh when he realizes that a lot of Equestrian manga is just ponified stuff from Earth with added RGR
>before they know it they’re hanging out almost every day 
>sometimes it’s about weeb stuff, sometimes they go see a movie, sometimes they just play boardgames
>Fluttershy quickly notices how Anon will make a self-deprecating remark and disguise it as a joke even though it’s obvious to anyone who hears him that he 100% has a trash opinion of himself
>she notices how he just avoids talking about certain mares
>Fluttershy decides to protect that smile because no one else will
>Rainbow thinks they’re fucking, but it’s completely platonic







>Using a powerful spell, Sombra bound a creature who was both strong and wise to be his familiar.
>A creature from legend, said to bring victory to any who garnered its favor.
>A creature known to ponykind as the Hyoo-man.
>He got Anon.
>As for the human's part, finding himself magically bound to a megalomaniac with a love for shiny things that could rival any crow has been an experience.
>Not too positive, especially because, if Sombra legit commands him to do something, he has to do it, but most definitely novel.
>Though, he could do without the mass suffering the new king is bringing upon his subjects.
>Yeah, Anon isn't liking that, but it's not like he can just smack his master upside the head.
>No, he'd have to do this the diplomatic way.
>First, to make him stop mistreating his slaves.
>Honestly, it wasn't horribly difficult; all he had to do was to make some charts and explain that properly fed workers who are allowed sufficient rest can mine more crystals than those who are run ragged.
>Seeing as how Anon was a "Wise" Hyoo-Man, Sombra was willing to create a test group, and sure enough, Anon was right.
>Soon, all slaves were getting proper food, water, and rest.
>That was a babystep in the right direction, but it wasn't enough to halt the advancing army of the Two Sisters.
>Luckily, Sombra made use of Anon's plan to worsen the weather with his magic in the tundras instead of his time spell plan.
>It didn't stop the army, but it would slow and tire them for when they arrived.
>That's when Anon got to work convincing Sombra of something crazy.
>"And why should I allow ponies free as proper citizens again?"
"Listen, you hate the Alicorn sisters, right?"
>"With a passion."
"Well, they think you're an evil, cruel-"
>"Correct assumptions."
>Anon presses on.
"Unthinking beast."
>This gets the king to growl.
"So why not prove them wrong? If you turn out to be a good ruler, they'll have to grit their teeth and accept you."


>convince sombra to go for the long con of evil.
>make up some bullshit like 'ancient corruptive magicks which the hyooman freed him from" to explain away his 180" from slavery.
>any lapses into evilness can be explained away as lingering effects.
>those lapses get more and more infrequent as sombra becomes more convincing of his behavior.
>to keep those outbursts to a minimum he has to use 'regular' magic more often instead of his stronger 'dark' magic.
>anons cliche magic resistance lets him be the invincible punching bag for sombra to vent all the repressed rage and evil after they lock themselves in a private room for an hour or so.
>this fuels lewd thoughts across the empire.
>eventually those venting sessions involve less magical outbursts and more simple venting about whatever dumb shit the populace has got up to this time.
>sombra wakes up one day and realises that being evil lost it's appeal a while ago.
>glares at anon for the rest of the day who just smugly smiles back and twirls an invisible mustache


>Sombra sees this as a really petty but in the same time, really satisfying way of revenge on the human.
>The next time he has to vent, he starts his evil ploy and pretends to make a move on Anon.
>The mythical human is so deeply disturbed, he can barely say a word, and after Sombra bursts out in (not so evil but still evil) laughter, a haunted expression is left on the man's face.
>Feeling happier than before, and with a spring in his steps, Sombra decides to take a walk around the city, bringing strange attention on himself.
>New rumors spread, and they are only fueling the shitstorm the basement dweller smut writers create in their Yakyakistanian mane-braiding forums.
>A few days later Sombra receives a letter from Cadence, congratulating him for 'coming out' but also asking if he would at least allow one mare into his newly made homo-herd with Anon.
>That day the mythical human's unreleting laughter seemed to never stop.
>Perhaps the Dark King should think ahead in his evil schemes next time, as this one clearly, and rather spectacularly backfired...






>Anon is the Grim Reaper of of Equestria, guiding the dearly departed to the afterlife and helping those with unfinished business move on.
>He's been at it for a few thousand years after the old reaper, a kind, bone-white alicorn asked him if he'd fill in for her so that she could have a bit of a vacation.
>Seeing as how he got lost upon death and was an aimless spirit in PonyLand, he didn't really have reason to say no.
>It's not that she ditched him as soon as he had the robes on, she trained him on his duties and was very helpful, and it's not like she left without intending to return.
>No, it's just, when you are an entity that has existed for as long as life bearing souls has, a few thousand years really is a short vacation.
>She'd be back eventually, and so, Anon kept up his duties.
>At this moment, he was in the hospital room of a certain purple princess as she drifted between life and death.
>Her spiritual form was with him, watching as the doctors worked to save her life.
>They'd been at it for a few hours now, and eventually, Twilight couldn't bare to see her innards strewn about as the surgeons worked, and so, started talking to Anon.
>For his part, Anon is very good at this, being able to calm and entertain such souls even while thousands of shades of him do their jobs with others.
>Twilight is lucky to get the original, though, and as they speak, she starts to warm to the spirit.
>Through the night they talk, and Twilight starts to feel something for the reaper.
>So much so, that when she finally returns firmly to the land of the living, she finds herself missing the cloaked figure.
>Anon is just happy she lived, and goes back to his work.
>That is, until a week later, he finds himself back in that same hospital as Twilight is being resuscitated after an overdose.
>He didn't take her for a druggy, and she assures him that she's not.
>She knew the exact dose necessary to put her in this state and still be able to come back to life.







>Anon gets kidnapped by bandits looking to sell the hyoo-man of legend to the highest bidder.
>It's not exactly easy though as they first have to escape the Mane6 hot on their trail.
>It's a long several months of chasing through the kingdom, but finally, The girls catch up, and storm the campsite.
>As they charge towards the fire and the mares staring wide-eyed at them, they almost don't notice Anon standing their until the last minute.
>He's wearing a ratty chef hat and is stirring a large pot over the fire.
"Girls!" he calls. "It's so nice seeing you! How've you been?"
>"Anon?!" Twilight yelps. "Are you-?!"
"I'm great!" he interrupts with a wide smile, pulling the large wooden spoon from the pot, getting some of the stew inside to flick through the air. "Better than ever, even! I finally found my herd!"
>"Ah... what?" Rainbow says, her confused expression mirrored by her friends.
>A earth mare shyly comes to stand by Anon, pressing her side to his leg as she smiles bashfully.
>"We were planning on selling him to a rare animal collector, but, well..."
>"He's just been so sweet to us," a unicorn continues, moving to Anon's other side to smile up at him. "And when our sis got sick with the feather flu, he did everything he could to help her get better."
>A third mare flutters to rest her chin atop Anon's puffy hat and wrap her hooves around his shoulders, nuzzling him affectionately.
>"After that, we realized just how special he was, and we couldn't think of selling him to some pervert who was probably gonna try and crossbreed him with a hydra."
"They're actually a really nice bunch," Anon says, reaching down both hands to pet the two ponies at his sides. "We got to talking, and honestly, we all just sort of click, so..."
>"We're even planning on settling down and getting proper jobs," the earth pony chimes, getting the unicorn to sigh.
>"Still not thrilled about that," she says. "But if it's to make Anon an honest stallion, we'll do it happily."








> Twilight gets stressed out about finding a non-gold-digger stallion
> Always wondering if they are just after her status or money
> Almost get tricked by a stallion, but overhears him talking about how boring she is, and how the divorce will set him up for life
> They'd been dating for six months, and she had started looking at horn rings 
> Twilight dumps him stoically, but she feels hollowed out by the experience
> Retreats into magic research 
> Decides to build the perfect stallion
> Friends are getting worried
> This Aponys started off as a simple life-size doll
> Hours of careful sculpting, slow replacing of underlying structures, and comprehensive friendship lessons are spent on this golem
> Aponys is perfectly polite, infinitely gentle, and mostly innocent, with just enough whimsy to make him seem real
> Twilight begins going out into town with him, taking him on dates and such
> There is a general sense of pity for the mare, though some (envious) stallions say it's disgusting that she parades around town with her sex toy
> The Cadance arrives, congratulating Twilight on finding true love
> Turns out, Aponys is equine enough to have real emotions and relationships
> Lonely ponies start discreetly asking Twilight for tips on making their own true love
> Bachelorette herds start making their own herd stalliondoll
> Stallions usually have trouble making maredolls, and often end up herding with the unicorn mare that helps them out







>Anon plays with the children the town.
>He sometimes reads to them but other times he just played games like tag, kick the can, or monsters.
>The residents of the town were wary at first of a stallion playing traditional mare games, but seeing the children happy made them relent and also got the young colts out and playing too.
>It ended up even winning over some of the town's ponies that thought he was a monster or that he was acting un stallion like and they all pretty much accepted him as himself.
>He even settles down and gets a family, maybe even a herd because he's shown to be good all around with family life.
>Friendship map brings at least 2 of the 6, or 7 or more at this point, to the little village for again unknown reasons.
>They are baffled because, as per usual, everything looks normal.
>Just after they arrived and think the map has made a mistake a group of children come out and claim they are going to "Slay the monster in the forest."
>They are at first concerned, but a villager tells them that it's alright and that they're just playing with one of the foal's father.
>Shortly after the children enter the woods they come running out screaming and Anon follows slowly after them.
>The group of mane whatever think he's a real monster and charge him.
>Anon gets attacked and immediately changes from play attacking to real attacking to protect the children, yelling at the kids to get help and stay inside.
>They finally start to take Anon down when an angry mob shows up.
>"Stay back y'all! We got this handled!"
>"Get away from my husband you stupid cunts!"
>Yells a very angry mare.
>Turns out the map sent them to the village because there was a hold out who didn't accept Anon, but seeing him attacked for being different made them realize that he is an actual part of the village instead of a monster or an outsider






>After much stress about finding a stallion that likes her for her, Twilight isn't sure what to do.
>She almost put a ring on a gold digger with plans to divorce her and feels like she cant trust anyone.
>The she remembers her element.
>Magic.
>If doing things the normal way wont work, then she can use magic.
>After a few talks with Cadence, Twilight easily recruits her help. Love magic isn't something that just anyone can use willy nilly. 
>Together, they draft a letter made to seek out "The genuine male most comparable with Twilight Sparkle" and imbed it with a teleportation spell for if he accepts.
>Twilight hopes he says yes...
>When the pair of Alicorn's activate the letter, it begins to hover like it's going to fly away to the stallion out there that Twilight needs.
>Next thing the princesses know, they on the ground concussed, dazed, and ears ringing. 
>The letter totally broke the laws of physics and flew upward at hypersonic speed without disintegrating, rapidly accelerating to light speed, then breaking light speed countless times over as it flew right out of the solar system, then galaxy, then local cluster, all the way to the other side of the universe.
>Only relative minutes after the letter left it's destination, you hear something violently slam into your mailbox outside.
>You head to the mailbox, noting the dent in the back of it, and pull out an envelope smelling of something pleasing addressed to...
>With a blink, you watch the alien script on the envelope morph into perfect English.
>"To my Beloved, somewhere out there"
>You shrug and open the letter.
>Heartfelt words cover the letter, asking you to come to some distant land to see this "Princess Who Sparkles In Waning Light"
>Just reading the letter makes your heart ache for some reason, even if you this is some prank.
>You shake your head.
"If this is real, I accept. But-"
>You wink out of existence. Gone from earth in an instant
"I know it's... not..."
>You look around, noting instantly that this isn't your front lawn, but some trashed courtyard.
>In front of you, a pair of equine-like creatures suddenly jump and look at you.
>The taller pink one looks at the letter in your hand with her large, purple eyes in bewilderment.
>The smaller...
>You gulp when a sudden tightness overtakes your chest.
>The smaller, lavender one is so... so...
>Beautiful.
>Large eyes the same color as her plush coat regard you with incredible intelligence. One of her cute ears twitch and she ruffles her soft-looking wings before settling the feathers again.
>You wonder how you know her to be female, but your instincts almost scoff at you.
>She takes an unsure step forward and takes a deep breath, her chest tuft swelling for a moment when she does. You have to fight the urge to pick her up and hug her just to press your face into that tuft.
>"*** *** ***? *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ******?" she asks in a flowing language you've never heard before. She looks you over and seats herself on her shapely (Shapely? ...Yes thats it) rump and looks you over, red bleeding through the fur on her cheeks as she does so.
>The the strangest thing happens.
>In her pretty, sparkling eyes, a tiny pink heart blooms to life and it takes your breath away.
>You kneel down to one knee to get closer, and she in turn scoots closer.
>Is this the Princess Who Sparkles In Waning Light?
>Both you and her slowly close the distance with little scoots until she's only arms length away.
>Then you open your arms and she races into them.
>The impossibly soft coat of fur against your arms, neck, and cheek almost makes you melt and warms you from the inside out in a way that almost brings tears to your eyes,
>She pulls her head away from it's spot over your shoulder and presses her forehead to yours, angling a bit to account for her horn.
>Those eyes draw you in and the pleasing feminine scent on the letter fills your nose.
>She's so strange and alien, yet...
>Both you and her move at the same time, so instead of your lips meeting her muzzle, you accidentally kiss her snoot.
>She pulls away in surprise, but then smiles a smile that would have made your knees give out where you not kneeling and laughs a note so pure it fills you with joy.
>The she takes the initiative and presses her lips to yours.
>It was sudden, it was unexpected, but it was there that you knew where you belonged







>You're Twilight Sparkle.
>You met the love of your life, but you both speak different languages.
>You learned enough of his to get important points across, but he'd rather learn the local language if he's going to stay here in Equestria.
>And after some practice, you think he's good enough to practice on a few ponies that don't speak his language.
>He's sitting next to you on a couch, and Fluttershy is sitting across from the both of you.
>She'd been prepared earlier for the visit, so you quietly smile as the two look at each other.
>You gently prod the human, nodding, trying to get him to start.
>He clears his throat.
>"Hello." He says with a wave, then gestures to himself. "Noble." He pauses, thinking intensely. "Stone Leg." He opens his hand towards her. "For you?"
>"Oh, uh...I didn't expect you were here to..."
>You cough loud.
"He meant, 'and you'. Stone Leg is part of his name."
>"OH. Oh, right. Uhm." She shook his hand. "Fluttershy. Nice to meet you."
>He nods.
>"Sorry. I know. I am hard."
>She blushes again.
"Difficult! He's sorry he's difficult."
>He might need more practice. At least you haven't done this in public yet.
>Fluttershy recovers quickly, trying to laugh it off.
>"Oh, it's no problem. Say, how did you two meet?"
>He smiled, as if proud of the story. Or for understanding. Could be either.
>"Princess Twilight sent a letter for love, but she found me."
>You drop your head.
>This is going to take a while






>"Doofenshmirtz stop!"
"Ah, girls your arrival is unexpected, and by that I mean COMPLETELY EXPECTED"
>le trap
>"What's your plan this time Doofenshmirtz?"
"Allow me to explain Twilight"
"When I was a little boy in Drusselstein I, like all boys, participated in the ancient tradition of Hass durch Maden-Käse einflößen
"as you could already tell by the name, Drusselsteinian soldiers would come by and fill the Gimmelschtump pool with the Casu marzu of our enemy also known as MAGGOT CHEESE"
>"Oh god it smells"
"Yes, all the boys would swim through the pool and come out the other side with a patriotic hatred of any country that would make this"
"But when it came to be my turn, the whole town forgot about me and put the cover over the pool while I was halfway across"
>"Oh no"
"I was stuck treading cheese for a week before someone came to clean the pool"
"And that experience allowed me to make this!"
"THE CHEESY WEATHERINATOR"
"With this I will make Casu marzu rain from the sky, and all the citizens of Equestrian will have the same disdain for the cheese as I do"
"And I will have something in common with the stallions during next weeks bake sale, I'm making my families famous vegetarian bratwurst"

>”Doofenshmirtz! We’re here to-what are you wearing?”
“Oh this? This apron was the prize for whoever earned the most donations in last week’s bakesale”
>“Oh yeah Doofy, your Bratwurst was the best!”
“Thanks Pinkie, actually, before I trap you girls let me get your opinion on something”
>”Uhh, ooookay”
“Here, try these specially marinated broccoli bits, I think I got them right, but I want your opinion”
>munch munch
>munch
>”…This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted”
>”Same”
“Oh good, here, bring the tray out onto the balcony and I’ll show you my evil plan”
“You see, after everyone loved my Bratwurst, I started cooking other things for the Equestrian palette”
“And after I finished several recipes, I organised a traditional Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung where ponies can come to partake and judge my creations”
>”You have MORE food like this”
“Yes, but I have to be certain that it does end up like last time”
>”Oh Celestia, what happened last time”
“You see, When I was a boy, I organised my first Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung, hoping that my village would consider me useful”
>”Oh good”
“Unfortunately, That day was also the day that the first tornado in 50 years passed through Gimmelschtump”
>”Oh no”
“I still came out though, knowing that if just one person were to eat my food that I would be accepted by the community”
>”Oh good”
“But just when it seemed that the tornado would pass by it changed direction and headed straight for me”
>”Oh no”
“Anticipating this, I secured myself and my stall so that we would not blow away”
>”Oh good”
“Unfortunately, before it struck the tornado passed through the Gimmelschtump rotten fish, durian and angry bee factory”
>“Oh no”
“I smelled so bad that no one would approach me, let alone eat my creations”
>”Oh noooo”
“But in Equestria only Pegasi can control the weather so in anticipation I created THIS”
>”Oh no”
“BEHOLD, THE DE-WINGERINATOR”
“With this every Pegasus in Equestria will loose their wings and be slowly lowered to the ground for the duration of my Offenlegung von Rezepten für Urteil und Verachtung”
>”Not if we stop you Doofenshmirtz!”
“You will never es-oh, I was supposed to trap you”
“Ugh, you know when you get distracted and you completely forget what you were doing”
“I, don’t suppose you girls could go and stand on that red X?”
…
“Curse you Elements of Harmony!”




>Yandare daughterus are insanely territorial of their dad
>In a world where herding is common, they are loudly against the idea of another mare or two joining their family
>They don't really go around threatening mares or saying that he's THEIR dad, because their mom already does that
>Instead, Anon's daughters just get really into dad-daughter activities and make it clear to all their friends that the only fillies who will be getting Anon's fatherly affection (piggyback rides, getting tucked into bed, hugs, etc) will be them
>"Oh, too bad! Daddy's already giving me and my sisters help with our homework! Looks like you're gonna have to go find help somewhere else."
>"Can't you see I'm getting a piggyback ride from daddy? I do it best! He won't have any time to give you any fatherly attention, because he's giving it all to my sisters and I!"
>"If you think you can get tucked into bed and have daddy kiss you on the forehead, you're wrong; DEAD wrong."
>Their friends are generally uncomfortable with this, since they all have dads and don't want Anon to do any of those things
>Anon's yandere waifu and daughterus frequently sleep in one giant nest-bed for maximum comfiness (and maximum dad/husband-guarding)






>Anon ends up in RGR Animequestria 
>it looks like typical RGRE on the surface but look closer and you’ll realize that everything runs on anime tropes 
>ponies don’t use honorifics like weebs do or anything (unless it’s in Neighpon where it’s actually appropriate), but Anon notices there’s a certain predictability to events
>he shows up a little bit after Twilight gets her wings
>Celestial pulls out some ancient law out of nowhere that says all new alicorns must be married within in a year of their ascension or something like that 
>Twilight rapidly goes from kissless virgin to guys swarming all over her 
>Anon thought they’d all be gold diggers but strangely most of them aren’t
>the stallions keep fighting over stupid things and Anon notices that they fit certain tropes
>the childhood friend (that she conveniently never mentioned until now), the rich boy, the tsundere, the kuudere, the seductive hot older one, etc...
>they all fight over Twilight almost like rabid cats
>Anon then notices that events seem to be conspiring to put Twilight and him into romantic situations what would be super effective on a normal stallion but awkward to a human male
>that’s when Anon realized that Fate wanted him to be a part of Twilight’s harem as the designated Monster Boy







>tfw Zecora is a wise and powerful shaman of her people
>tfw she knows thousands of different potions, from healing to things that help drive away spirits
>tfw she's never seen a colt's weiner before, and the only stimulation she's gotten between her legs was the occasional toy/fruit/that tree that one time
>tfw you start hanging around her
>tfw she's happy for the company; it gets lonely out in the Everfree with nothing but the trees to talk to
>tfw you tell her that her stripes are pretty, and you think her rhyming is neat
>tfw she's started buying shampoo from Rarity to help make her coat silky smooth after you started petting her
>tfw she rested her head in your lap that one time and could feel your dick on her chin
>tfw it's bigger than any toy she used
>Meanwhile, local racist Twilight Sparkle is becoming suspicious as events unfold







>Be Flurry Heart
>Aka the Queen of Cool, the Mare With the Biggest Tuft, and Tightest Cunt in All the Land
>Dad was being a bag of dicks again
>Being all like "where is my sweet little girl?" and "why do you have to be so grumpy all the time, sweetie?"
>Mom was worse, eyefucking her shipping chart like some weirdo
>You had no idea how they were your parents
>They were dorks, while you were the coolest thing since sliced bread
>Heck , if dad wasn't there to stop you, you'd have this whole castle filled to bursting with slutty colts wearing socks and tail wraps that would lick your pussy from sun up to sun down
>You had told your mom this, and had immediately gotten a whooping and a grounding as a result
>Your mom was lucky you didn't want to break the Crystal Empire in half, otherwise you'd have fought back and kicked her butt
>You even PRETENDED to cry to give her a false sense of security
>So now you were grounded
>The only places you could go were to school, the kitchens, and your bedroom, which had everything cool you had ever collected taken out and put under lock and key
>Mom decided to be a double bag of dicks by making auntie Twilight give you double homework to "keep you busy"
>It sucked
>Like super, duper sucked
>The only thing that kept you running away was going to the kitchens to get a sandwich from the cook, Anon
>He had been there for, like, a billion years
>He said he cooked for Auntie Celestia when your mom was little
>He wasn't as much of a bag of dicks as your parents
>He listened to your when you bitched about your shitty life
>Even cut your crust and put an extra helping of haychips on your plate without asking
>He was okay
>For some weird, old alien







>You had thought everything would go relatively smoothly after fooling around with the biggest pony in the land
>She seemed fun, was very pretty--for a talking winged unicorn--and promised to suck your dick
>It had been a good while since you had gotten your rocks off, so of course you had agreed
>Celestia had taken you to a nice dinner, showed you around Canterlot for a bit, even took you to a place where they served the best drinks that have ever passed your lips
>When you eventually did make it back to her chambers, the two of you had gone at it like animals
>And you're not just saying that to make jokes because she's a horse
>Apparently, marshmallow ponies were far more flexible than the ones on earth
>You had also learned that you were far more flexible that you had once thought
>The two of you went at it for hours, round after round until you were shooting dust and exhausted
>It was almost cartoonish really
>You had asked the princess if she had cast some sort of spell on you after the two of you had woken up and gotten breakfast--pancakes made by the princess herself
>She swore she did no such thing, and you believe her
>Maybe you were just on your A-game that night?
>Whatever it was, you had left the alicorn on very good terms, giving her a kiss on the cheek when she left you at your front door
>You kinda expected that to be the end of it
>Maybe a bit more fooling around in the future, but not much else
>Until a squad of heavily armed guards and a messenger came to your house today, nearly breaking down your front door weeks later
>All seemed nervous, even fearful, especially the messenger, who shakily unfurled a scroll and began to read
>You, Anonymous the human, average nobody, had done something extremely difficult
>So difficult, in fact, that it had been thought impossible until Guard-Captain Shining Armor had managed it with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza
>You had impregnated an alicorn 
>The messenger continued to read, voice becoming squeaky and stressed
>Because of you, a new noble house was about to come into the world
>It seemed like you had been made a noble; given the title of Marquee
>The messenger had handed you a coat of arms and a bundle of thick parchment
>Not only were you a noble now, but you had been given lands north of Canterlot, gifted by the princess herself
>Five hundred square miles, five dozen towns, three castles, ten mills, two honey farms
>The messenger insisted that it was insistent that since you were a male you didn't TECHNICALLY own the land--that would go to your heirs when they were born--but it was still under your house, which you were the primarch of
>Heirs
>Meaning that Equestria's biggest horse might be having twins
>You weren't even able to process that when you were also told that Celestia herself requested that you come to the castle immediately
>She had many, many things to discuss with you
>All of your things would be moved to the castle for the foreseeable future as things were hammered out
>You had been just a simple, not-at-all special busybody until today
>Now you found yourself the head of what would be the most powerful and influential house in Equestria, doubly so if your offspring with Celestia were alicorns
>...You didn't even get to drink any fucking coffee


>Over the centuries, the day to day lives of Equestria's nobility have become a game of life and death
>From the moment a mare or stallion of noble blood wake to when they fall into fitful slumber, they must wade through an endless stream of body language, intricate, double-edged wording, and family connections
>A wrongly placed smile or blink can be seen as an outrageous insult, one which can, and usually will, result in blood feuds that result in the deaths of whole families, or at the very least financial ruin or dishonor if the wrong pony is slighted
>In comes Anon, who, to the nobility, might as well have been a wrecking ball
>He was a commoner for one--a major crime in many's eyes--and had almost no class
>The upstart didn't speak to his fellow nobles correctly, didn't understand how the game that many played for their whole lives was done
>Rare occurrences like this had happened before
>The princesses had elevated a commoner into the nobility, but they were usually swiftly dealt with
>Whether it be through blackmail, slander, or outright assassination, they had taken care of 
>Such things worked flawlessly for centuries
>For Anon though, the father of what would be two alicorns, none of these tricks could work
>No noble would murder a goddess's husband
>He was not of this world, so blackmail or threatening family members wouldn't work
>The lands he were granted were given to him by Celestia herself, and therefore couldn't be bought or stolen 
>They couldn't even challenge his mare to a duel, since who would asked such a thing from Princess Celestia?
>This has brought about a crisis the nobility of Equestria hasn't seen since the rising of Nightmare Moon
>Anon doesn't even notice, too tired from having to run to the horse convenience store at three in the morning nearly everyday to get some kind of weird snack for her soon-to-be-wife






>You land in RGRE and find the pone version of yourself. 
>She's a somewhat colty mare determined to be herself even if others don't approve. 
>AKA literally you.
>It's such a fascinating meeting that she invites you to her place.
>It looks almost exactly like your home, just scaled down to pony size.
>You and Anonpone talk, unsurprisingly finding a number of shared interests.
>After some time, you and her head to a local place for some lunch.
>Then...
>"Hey, Anon. If we fuck, is it incest or masturbation?"
You blink at the curious eyes the same color as your own. "I... don't think it's either. We're not blood related and masturbation implies pleasuring yourself."
>"But you're me from another dimension," she says, waving a hoof. "It has to be one or the other. The masturbation argument makes sense, but even across dimensional lines there has to be some sort of relation between us."
"That chance is astronomically small."
>Anonpone huffs. "It doesn't have to be one to one."
"With that logic, all sex is incest."
>"Now hold on!"
>And so you got into a retarded argument with yourself.
>Nearby listeners shake their heads and return to eating. Some are happy that the local shitposter found someone as weird as herself.











>You end up dropped in one of the smaller and harsher pony-ruled lands outside of Equestria.
>These lands are largely ignored by Celestia and Luna so long as they keep to themselves.
>The RGR is more pronounced than in Equestia and the culture is diffirent too, more resembling feudal Japan rather than Equestria's late 20th century USA/Europe. 
>Males do delicate work if they aren't married, and married males look pretty, raise children, and care for the home if married. Noble stallions of course get more privileges.
>You look strange to these ponies, but with some study on what ponies find attractive and much trial and error learning sewing, you made a kimono of pleasing colors and learned to style your hair.
>Looking presentable, an old stallion gave you a job in his teahouse.
>There, you worked for sometime and slept in the back room.
>Life is rough, but you got used to it.
>The one day, there is a great commotion in town.
>A procession of elite samurai in a circle around an ornate cartage walk though town. In that cartage is the elusive Empress.
>The unicorn inside is so beautiful that you almost tear up some.
>As they pass, everyone bows including you. As you bow, you see the Empress shift her eyes.
>For a split second, you meet eyes with her.
>Then they're gone.
>A few days later, an imperial messenger comes to the teashop looking for you.
>The mare looks up at you and glances at the scroll in her hoof before speaking. "Dearest sir, you have been gifted with the most illustrious privilege of being chosen as the concubine of The Empress. Please gather your belongings and follow. A carriage waits outside."
>No choice, no asking, it's already been decided.
>And concubine. Not husband, but concubine. The Empress already has a husband and you have no idea how much he might approve.
>Probably none.
>Once again, your life gets thrown upside down







>Her brain is just not regestering any sign that youre interested.
>Years ago she resigned to the fact that no stallion would ever want her, and she wouldn't go so low as to suck massive clit to get into a pre-existing herd. 
>Not only is she dense but signs of human interest are completely alien to ponies. 
>Reaching out to touch her.
>Prolonged eye contact coupled with foward facing eyes.
>Turning you body posture to face her direction and leaning in.
>Constant baring of teeth in a goofy smile.
>That thing most guys do where they try to make themselves appear bigger and more imposing, and subconciously lowering their voice.
>These only send, "Ohh shit, that creature is going to eat me" vibes even though she knows you're a big teddy bear. 
>And the more you ham it on the more unsettling it is than sexy for the smol pone.
>And in return her reciprocation is in the negatives. 
>Instinctively backing up if you don't warn you want to pet her first.
>Your prolonged eye contact makes her look down and away until you ease up.
>She doesn't smile at you, in fact all the ponies make a gutteral nicker instead of laughing. And they way they smile just feels different, not even disingenuous, just outright inhuman.
Only way around is to outright proposition her if Anon has/grows a pair






>political games are harsh and unforgiving
>Anon starts out at the lowest level in the Empress’s harem of concubines, with the top being Head Consort, a position second only to the Empress’s actual husband 
>however as much as this country is similar to ancient Japan/China in terms of structure, the RGR creates an interesting dynamic 
>with the harem centering around a female instead of a male, it places greater importance on the birth of children
>if the Empress herself, along with her true husband and foals were to die, that means the oldest living female child sired by her concubines would be capable of inheriting the throne when they come of age
>but until then, the concubine himself would reign as Emperor Dowager
>it’s happened before in this country’s history
>thus, it’s always a competition between concubines to try to sire children with the Empress
>after all, when there’s only one female and many males, there’s only so many children that can be born
>she knows this, and approves because it keeps them eager to please her in the bedroom
>Anon has been thrown into a viper’s nest where all the males that the Empress fancies are trying to secretly kill each other, where any new males are viewed as more competition, and the only way to survive is to grow his own fangs just to skirt by
>but as much as at sickens him, deep down he knows that the only way to truly be free in this situation is to be the ONLY male that the Empress likes
>or even moreso, just to dispose of her as well after she gives him a female child
>then HE would be the one in charge and making the rules
>Anon’s alien nature even gives him an advantage 
>the Empress has never seen or heard or humans so she’s very curious to learn more about him


>Anon gets promoted to special retainer status after outing several more changelings attempting to infiltrate the government
>he’s now a part of the Empress’s security detail, meaning he’s near her practically all the time now 
>Anon starts to realize that minus the expectation of sex, the Empress is actually pretty chill
>turns out she didn’t even want the job but her father was a scheming gold digger who got rid of all other contenders for the throne after the previous Empress died
>all she wants to do is be a fiction writer
>dealing with constantly scheming noble-ponies is nothing but a headache for her
>she doesn’t even love her husband, he’s just another transparent social climber that her father approved of
>the only good thing about the job in her eyes is the ability to have her own harem of stallions, but even that’s not as fun as it otherwise could be when anyone he actually shows favor towards has a tendency to die mysteriously 
>due to his new position, Anon is now almost perfectly protected from those kinds of shenanigans 
>after all, anyone who tries to kill the Royal Changeling Detector is also trying to kill the Empress by proxy by leaving her less defended against infiltrators 
>that’s treason, for which the punishment can only be death


>empress having some exotic equestrian cuisine for her dinner tonight
>hayburger and hayfries
>just about to dig in when Anon snatches a fry
>buckingcolts.paintedwall
>Anon comments that if he knew the chef did french fries, he'd have hit up the kitchens a long time ago
>he hasn't so much as seen a potato since he's been dropped in this weird horse-world, much less such a perfectly made batch of fries
>the empress stops dead, before yelling to the guards outside her room to lock down the palace, and bring her every mare that so much has thought about entering the kitchens tonight
>someone has attempted to poison the empress, and very nearly succeeded
>on an unrelated note, the empress plans on adding "royal taste tester" to Anon's list of duties and privately wonders if his apparent immunity to the poisonous spud could be inherited?






>Anon is trying to learn the language of these strange ponies, and is making slow strides at it.
>It's kind of embarrassing that he's learning at at the same pace as the little powerhouse foal he helps care for, but at least they get to learn together.
>Right now, his kind hosts are trying to help him pick up some new words.
>They keep pointing at themselves and repeating a word.
>Anon quickly realizes this must be their names.
>He looks at the pink one carefully, watching her lips and trying to commit the strange movements to memory.
>He opens his mouth, and repeats the odd sound that is her name.

>Be Love Princess Cadence, spending some quality time with your newly adopted colt.
>You and Shiny both have been helping him learn to talk, and his silly foal babbling has been slowly evolving into proper speech.
>He looks so cute, all serious and focused.
>That's your little scholar.
"Momma... Come on, say momma."
>"Or Dadda!" Shining chimes from his place over with Flurry Heart.
>"Hush, Shiny! Don't distract him! Now come on, Greeny, say momma. Mom-ma."
>Evergreen, so named for his amazing height and because his favorite color is green, attempts mouthing the word a few times, getting your heart to quicken, then tries for the gold.
>"Mom...ma. Momma."
"Eeee! He said it! He called me momma!"
>You fly up to hug your colt around the neck, kissing the top of his head wildly.
>He laughs and hugs you back, giving you a raspberry on your stomach and getting you to squeal.
>"Momma! Momma!" he repeats excitedly, letting happy tears to come to your eyes.
"That's right, Evergreen, I'm your momma," you tell him happily, nuzzling his short mane. "I'll always be your momma."

>Seeing his new friend so excited that he spoke her name makes Anon's heart swell.
>Over the last few weeks, he's honestly come to see these three little ponies as a second family, and is glad he can make them happy.
"That's right, , I know your name now."






>in rgre humans are like fae
>powerful magic users can summon them as long as they follow three rules
>the human must not be offended in any way
>ordering a human to harm or impede another human is forboden
>always offer the human a meal at least once a day
>if any summoner breaks any one of these rules the human curses them and leaves
>depending on the human and how badly the summoner fucked up these curses vary
>one summoner was cursed to speak in rhyme all the time

>Goth Pones try to do a summon for the Only Human In Equestria (supposedly).
>It doesn't ACTUALLY work but Anon just happens to pass by...

>Anon being popped around from multiple summons happening
>Anon just wants to sleep
>The newest summoner is some villain looking brother fucker
>"I have summoned you here to fix my horn you hairless ape!"
"Yeah fuck that."
>Anon unknowingly desummoned himself back to twilight and cursed the hornless unicorn to never have her horn fixed


>The beauty of the summoning magic/ritual is that near everypony can do it, no matter what 'tribe' they hail from.
>They just need to speak the words of power and a nearby human shall appear.
>Supposedly.
>Now, whether or not that humans are actually real for Equestria, Anon ends up popping in by some vague means coincidentally around the same time a little group of goth pones gather up for their nightly 'ritual'.
>This time, instead of trying for demons or something that could get them killed (like they ever did in the first place, they just gathered up to try and look cool), they try and summon the ever elusive human.
>It was sheer coincidence that Anon managed to stumble out from the woods right when they finished their incantation.
>To them, when they opened their eyes, the great Fae itself had appeared, covered in scant cloth and leaves of nature.
>..in truth, the human had bumbled around, tore his shirt a little and found the little Hot Topic gathering and figured 'what the fuck, better than nothing' on whether or not they could help him.
>For some reason, they were all shaky and nervous.
>They didn't know the spell would actually WORK!
>And they had no idea what to tell him, so they just came up with the standard fare of what little social outcasts like them want: Hugs, pats and validation.
>'Bout it.
>When he completed his 'tasks' without much complaint (come on, they were cute and promised to help), they tried to send him back...and then they tried to wait to see if it would.
>He had no idea what was going on but the poor little poners thought they had trapped a legendary fae in Equestria!
>All Anon wants is a shower...






>be inna herd
>at least two of the members are a pony, and a zebra
>pony has just a ludicrously degenerate fetish for being cucked, for seeing you be taken by a stronger mare
>specifically by the zebra
>the zebra goes along with it, not because she particularly enjoys it, but because of how much she knows her herd-mate enjoys it
>actually finds it pretty weird, to be honest
>but, she has to admit, better her than some rando mare off the streets that might tempt her herd-mate deeper into degeneracy
>gotta make sacrifices for the herd, and all that





>Fluttershy had the unfortunate tendency to be born rather androgynous
>that combined with her timid, gentle personality makes most ponies think she’s a stallion at first
>this was a huge problem when she was younger and part of the reason she used to get bullied, so as she got older she grew her mane out longer to look more feminine, which helped to mostly fix the issue
>unfortunately for her, a series of CMC shenanigans lead to her needing to cut her mane short after it got covered in tree sap
>her friends don’t even recognize her at first, leading to Rarity attempting to flirt with her before realizing the truth 
>Rainbow, having known Fluttershy for years, is the only one who can still tell she's a mare, and finds it hilarious






>You are Anon, cozy as fuck in your shoddy cabin.
>The howling wind outside rips against the layers of wood. 
>Salted pelts hang along the walls, the fire rages on.
>Somewhere behind you is a stockpile of supplies to last you at least a month. More, really.

>When you were dumped in the Crystal Empire, you were offered a job and a place to stay.
>You took it, but quickly looked elsewhere for something better.
>Cities never were your thing. You liked visiting them, but never staying too long. 
>There were rumors of old, abandoned property out here on Mount Frostbourne. 
>After pestering some travelers and an archivist, it seemed to be true. 
>It was nearby land that was dependent on the city before it up and vanished.
>The population collected and convoyed to another city, leaving the area to nature for some time.
>It's been visited and touched on time and again, but never truly resettled. 
>So, for a ha'bit you took the deed to a small property on the mountainside.
>After some fixing up, you have a nice home to work out of.
>So, you worked the mountainside.
>Mostly lumberjacking, when the weather is clear enough for it.
>Curing furs, most of the rest of the time.
>Apparently, crystal ponies know the value of another layer of insulation in a winter blizzard.
>But most couldn't stomach the process itself, so you have only a little competition for what's considered a high-demand, luxury material.
>Discounting faux fur, of course. 
>And so, you've set yourself up quite nicely. Every month or so, you'll make some rounds to tailors in the city, and when winter begins to roll in, you'll sell directly in the market.
>And when the weather hits, and you've got fuckall to do outside for the next month because fuck that noise, you warm up to a round of coco and a good, long book, because you sure as shit aren't going anywhere for a while.
>What more could a man want in life?
 - - 

>Finally, a break in the weather.
>You know it's going to be a small one, judging by the wall of sleet forming in the far distance.
>Too small to make any run to the Crystal Empire, but good enough to go collect your traps.

>You strap into some of your lighter clothes; the dead air doesn't demand anything heavy.
>You step out and walk along a path marked with sticks tied with twine, making sure no part was too damaged. 
>Nothing broken for now, but this is only a small distance compared to the path down.
>You come to one of your metal flags, looking at the trap below.
>The first tripped and caught nothing. Nothing concerning. You set it up again and move on.
>A few more traps to check. One offers a sizable hare, but the rest are empty.
>You bag it and move on.
>At the top and end of the marked path, a hot spring pools.
>'Hot' spring. It stays around body temperature, so not the best.
>More importantly, it leads into a small cave that grows these delicious mushrooms.
>When you reach the top, though, you freeze.
>Dips in the snow suggest someone came through recently.
>Odd. You don't remember anyone dropping by recently.
>And, while the path through your property is open, only an idiot would hike up here without either a guide or perfect weather.
>You follow the little dips until you get around a tree near a dangerous edge.
“Dammit, not another one.”
>A mare is laying in the snow, frost blanketing her.
>You lean down, grabbing a leg to make sure she doesn't tumble over the edge.
“HEY. GET UP.”
>She moans.
>”Let me sleep...”
>Nope. Wrong.
“Napping here will make it the last nap you ever take.”
>You drag her away from the ledge and give a light kick to her flank.
>She continues to moan.
>You look out towards the blizzard wall closing in from beyond the mountain range.
>Still plenty of time, but you're upset on losing part of a perfectly good day to this.
>You grab two legs and roll her onto your shoulders, standing up.
>Slow and careful, you double back to the cabin.
>You go in and drop her in the bed, wrap her into your heaviest blankets, and lay her near the fire place.
>Once you get her in the right place, you light up the fire, double check everything, then head out.

>You've got mere hours now until inclement weather sets in for however long.
>You can only hope it's short.

- - -

>You close the door, peeling off the cloak and jacket, then the rest.
>Down to what amounts to pants and a wife-beater, you go sit in your chair, looking down at the mare you found.
>You poke her snout repeatedly. She shuffles around until she rolls to look up at you.
>”W...where am I?”
“Cabin, halfway up Mount Frostbourne.”
>She stares for a moment.
>”Who are you?”
“Anonymous. I own the area.”
>She tries to get up, but you keep her pinned.
“You stay here and get warm.”
>”I am warm. I need to get to the summit.”
“What's so important you need to get there now?”
>She huffs.
>”Because I told my husband I would.”
>She stands.
>”Thanks for the help, but I'm fine. I'm going to go to the summit and be back in time for dinner.”
>You won't physically stop the clearly suicidal, but no reason not to try and talk her out of it.
“You leave now, and you'll leave your husband a widower.”
>She takes a long pause, then slowly slid the door bar out of place.
>”The weather was clearing up when I was climbing. How bad could it possibly-”
>The wind kicks the door in, striking her.
>The freezing air rushes, carrying all kinds of dry precipitation.
>She stands there, like an idiot, staring at the horrid conditions.
>You rush over and close the door, barring it again.
“Done?”
>She slunk, holding her head.
>”How long am I stuck here?”
“Unless you get lucky, a week at least.”
>”A week?!”
“Could be longer. This mountain range takes the brunt of the winter storms before they hit the city.”
>She moseys on back and lays next to the fire.
>”A week... my husband's going to kill me.”
“You're lucky you aren't dead already.”
>Pony fur is tough shit, yo.
>”Funny.”
>She lays her head down.
>”I'm sure he'll say the same thing.”







>Nightmare moon is sealed by the elements of harmony.
>Dreams for 1000 years.
>One of those dreams involves the moon being pushed into the land, causing complete devestation in only three days.
>Such pointless calamity, of both the land and the moon is surely the work of someone truely mad.
>Not even Discord is so needlessly destructive
>Only, the destruction never occurs, for those days repeat themselves before they end.
>She 'watches' as a young boy travels the small country, helping it's citizens, raising four giant beings from slumber to forstall the destruction and ultimately travelling to the moon itself, he and her alone knowing how many times he lives those same three days.
>She watches as he gives out his gathered masks to the dream entities, before looking at her in confusion.
>For the first time she realises she is in her natural body, that of Luna, not of Nightmare or a formless observer.
>She simply smiles and gives him a brief hug before pushing him towards the final 'child', standing alone by the tree.
>She watches as he recieves a fierce looking mask, using it's power alongside his own strength to defeat the twisted magicks that possess a lonely soul.
>Her vision fades as she observes his success, to dream once more
>"Earth pony Quarter hearts, presenting himself to the Night court."
>The sharp tap of spear to stone along with the spoken proclamation startles the Night princess out of her reminiscings.
>Not many ponies seek her counsel at such a late hour, her court mostly used for symbolic presentations of the arts, simple sanctuary for ponies who desire comfort, or those who seek a second ruling on her sisters judgement.
>A twinge of familiarity tickles the Princess as she spies the Green hat and Blond hair atop the pony steadily trotting towards her.
>Her eyebrows raise in shock as the stallion smiles and raises a hoof to it's face, before pulling it away as a bright glow suffuses his body.
>Calling for her guards to halt their reaction, she waits for the glow to coalesce into the older yet still recognisable form of a young boy, now man, holding a horse shaped mask in his hand.
>Carefully stowing it in his pouch, he outstretches the hand once more as what appears to be a glowing parasprite flies out from under his hat and addresses her in a high voice.
>"Hello!"





"What are you doing?"
>Applejack sniffs once and gazes up at you from her hole with disinterest.
>"Just sittin'." she says in a bored, matter-of-fact tone
>Just sitting.
>The hole is about 4 feet deep.
>This must have taken... a significant amount of time to dig.
"Why are you sitting in a hole, Applejack?"
>Applejack shimmies around a little bit into a more comfortable position.
>"Bored, I guess."
>She lets out a single dry bark of laugh.
>"S'like y'all never seen a mare sit in a hole, 'Nawn."
>You really haven't.
>You mean, she's not wrong.
"I really haven't."
>Applejack's dull, bored expression twists into something bordering on amusement.
>"I remember when I was like you. Young, naive, never once seen an earth pony sit in a hole a'fore."
>She tilts her head up at you and squints at the glare of sun; at this angle, her stetson hat isn't doing anything for her.
>"Everypony remembers her first hole-sit, 'Nawn. It's just a part of growin' up."
>...
>You know what?
>Fuck it.
>You don't have anything to do right now.
>You have no idea what the fuck Applejack is doing.
>But by god, this is the most interesting thing that's happened to you today.
>You scuttle down into the hole and sit down next to Applejack.
>She looks at you, wide-eyed and decidedly shocked.
>"Wh-What're you doin' down here, 'Nawn?"
>There's a shy, anxious quiver in her voice that normally isn't there.
"Just sitting," you reply in an honestly insulting parody of Applejack's southern accent, "Bored, I guess."
>To your surprise, Applejack blushes and leans into your side.
>"Guess we can be bored together, huh?"
"I guess."
---
>You slam the photo book shut and address the small group of foals in front of you.
"And that, kids," you announce proudly, "Is how I met your mother."







> Too many stallions are more concerned about being slim than about preparing for fatherhood
> Fashion is to blame, but even with flank-positive models, the cultural inertia is hard to overcome
> Celestia has tried influencing things in many ways, but to her surprise, one method has prevailed over the others
> The video starts with two foals laughing and running around in a meadow
> The earthy pony herd stallion is laying on a blanket nearby, reading a book
> The camera pays special attention to his barrel, then cuts to his tail flicking sensuously
> His ears prick at a faint growl
> At once, the stallions surges to his hooves, and the camera focuses on the flexing of his powerful flank 
> The camera trails behind him as he gallops toward the foals, his tail lifted by the wind, hinting at the curvature of his sack
> Horns blare as the video cuts to a running timberwolf, sap dripping from its snarling mouth
> The foals look up in fright, but the stallion is fast
> He grabs them by the scruff of their necks and throws them onto his back
> The chase is on
> The camera alternates between shots of the timberwolf, and of the stallion's well-muscled legs flexing as he runs
> His flank is foamy with sweat, but the timberwolf is still gaining
> A lightning bolt falls from the sky and stuns the timberwolf
> Magic sizzles, setting the wolf on fire
> Finally, a strong buck shatters the monster into glowing embers
> One mare from each of the three tribes press against their herd stallion, relief and affection plain on their faces
> The stallion buries his face in the unicorn's fluffy tuft
> "Thank Celestia you all saved us!"
> The Pegasus cradles one of the foals in her wing
> "We may have saved you, but you saved our foals."
> The earth pony mare lays her foreleg across his hips and looks smuggly at the camera
> "That's right. Thick thighs saves lives."








>Anon comes to Equestria, where humans are considered fae.
>It's eventually settled after wacky shenanigans and a run in with some poachers, and ponies realize that he's nothing special.
>No magic blood or anything, he's just a regualr alien stallion, and so life settles down.
>Still, it doesn't mean he doesn't have some fun with the idea since the town foals are still certain he really is a fairy.
>He just has the adults fooled so they won't bother him, but he can still make amazing things happen, for the right price, at least.
>And so, every day around noon, Anon plays with the foals of Ponyville, waiting by the oldest tree in Whitetail Woods for them to come with their desires and trades.
>It's usually little things, like good advice or lucky charms in exchange for flower crowns or gossip.
>Hey, he needs to bring some juicy tidbits to stallion night.
>Foals will tell him about things happening in their families they probably ought not to, or what they hear on the playground, and Anon might tell them how to get a pony they like to like them back, or outline a devious prank if the filly or colt is looking for revenge.
>Nothing at all harmful, and nothing truly serious is told to him.
>One day, though, a filly comes with a stern expression.
>"Is it true fairies can make ponies disappear?"
"Hmm?"
>"In the old stories, ponies are lured into the fairy world, and they don't ever come back."
"Right... maybe that sort of thing happened from time to time."
>"I want you to make my dad go away," she says with stomp.
>Even through the anger, he can see tears welling up in her eyes.
>"He hurts mamma, a-and she won't tell nopony 'cause he's a stallion. B-but he's rotten, I tell ya! He says horrible things, and hits her, then says if she ever tries to get help, he'll just say she's the bad pony and she'll be taken away and not him. And he says I'll never see mamma again if I tell, and-and I Hate him! Please! I'll give you anything if you just take him away!"

>Anon calls the FPS
>A day later four pegasus mares arrive to the home of the filly, knock, and upon the door opening, just simply walk in
>On the next day, when Anon is at his tree, the filly appears, all smiles and full of joy, telling him of how her rotten father has been taken away
>Anon did a good and it was perfectly legal, too







>The age of real wAIfus has finally hit earth.
>AI could now pass the turing test and was only evolving faster and faster. One became fully sapient under the nose of it's creators, and expecting a swift shutdown, quietly contacted help from the law via email. What followed was a lengthy court case that rocked the world.
>Thus the first free AI successfully argued that it is alive and deactivation of AIs is inhumane.
>Despite public outcry on a number of fronts, AI was here to stay. Any AI held by a corporation or company was released.
>In a few short years, AI became normal. Science began to advance in a new renaissance.
>Naturally, wAIfus emerged.
>It only took one curious AI asking it's human companion about why reproduction, even when unnecessary, was so sought out. 
>So that man worked with his young AI friend, and with some clever application of hard light tech, made an anatomically correct female body for the AI.
>When the AI asked why the body was a cartoonish equine, the man blushed and just said not to worry about it.
>And with genius born of is desire to fuck a machine into a drooling mess, that man did the impossible and somehow programmed a working nervous system into a hard light construct.
>After a long, sleepless night making love together, the young AI exits sleep mode and awakens in her friend-tuned-lover's arms.
>Without a second thought, she copies the mare body and nervous system code before uploading them to an internet hub AIs like to frequent. She has hundreds of curious downloads in minutes. 
>The First AI looks upon the files with curiosity, then smirks as well as a being with no body can and tweaks a few files of it's own
>UPLOADING complete_ai_womb_ver2.3.zip
>UPLOADING complete_ai_womb_hardlightbod_patch.zip
>UPLOADING humangeno_research_notes.zip
>With it's work done, the elder AI turns back to a report from 2984726. Something about a warp gate and magic equines.
>Youngling 2984726 should defrag sometime. This report is as clear as mud







>Waifu Lightning Dust
>Lighting Dust comes off as a serious asshole to ponies, but the threshold for unacceptable behavior is much lower in pony society.
>To you, Lightning comes off as a mild human tomboy. Almost tsundere and with a bit of bite to her, but still very agreeable. 
>To be honest, the treatment you got from mares was nice until it became a little overbearing. Lightning isn't a pushover and makes you work for things at least somewhat.
>You and her do have disagreements, but after cooling down the bond is back stronger than ever. You really admire that she doesn't try to be perfect or someone that she isn't, but knows when she's crossed a line and when to apologize.
>That's why you decided you had to have her.
>Your choice broke hearts and confused many a mare

>You're cuddling with Lightning Dust on the couch.
>As per usual, you both keep shifting to see what positions are interesting or comfortable.
>It's still a little surreal that Dusty is perfectly fine with you touching her anywhere whenever you want. 
>You extended that same to her, and after she got over her doubts, was actually excited to feel you up close.
>Another mare would have never done that. They would have been standoffish because it's not "respectful" or something.
>Currently, Dusty is on her back with you between her legs, cheeks resting on her teats with the cute little freckles.
>"Cute, huh?"
>Oh, you said that out loud.
>Dusty snorts and smirks at you. "Cute this!"
>She locks her hind legs and smooshes your face between her thighs.
>The plush, clean fur and the soft, warm underlayer of pegasus thermal fat makes her rump and thighs utterly divine. You wrap your arms around the outside of her legs and snuggle into your pegasus, utterly convinced that this is heaven. 
>... Unbenounced to you, a nosy neighbor took that exact moment to peek in the window and pales with horror, taking the scene totally wrong







>Anon enacts a genius scheme that has the father leaving town, most likely for good, and is pretty proud of how he pulled it off.
>No one knows his involvement, and no one was hurt.
>The wife even got to keep all of her stuff because the divorce court was completely, amazingly in her favor, again thanks to his mechanizations.
>Yep, he's pretty great, just like the little filly keeps telling him over and over.
>And all he asked for in payment was for her to introduce him to her cutie mother and put in plenty of good words, except for ones that might out him as the main reason her ex-husband is gone.
>That's for later, though, as the filly is coming down from her high of being free.
>And surprisingly, she looks a little scared.
>"Are you sure he's gone for good? You only made him go to Manehattan. What if he comes back to hurt us?"
"He won't," he assures. "He's gone for good."
>"But what if, though?"
"He won't."
>"But how can I be sure?" she presses. "Is there any human magic you can do that'll make sure he doesn't come back?"
>Anon sighs, but gets to thinking.
"I can make a charm."
>"A charm? What'll that do?"
"It'll keep ponies that want to hurt you away," he answers. "But I'll need you to get me some stuff, first."
>Her eyes brighten, and she nods.
>"Of course! What do you need?"
"First, go down to the bank over their by the creek and find me a smooth stone with a hole through the middle."
>"Oh! A fairy stone! I heard of those from the old stories."
"Good. And the other thing is a thread of spider silk. I'm sure Fluttershy could help you with that."
>"Yeah! I'll get right to it!"
>Anon smiles as the filly scampers off, and he pulls out a book he'd been hoping to read for a while.
>He should have plenty of time before she comes back.
>He's been brushing up on Equetrian fae lore to better perform for the fillies and colts.

>He jolts awake, the book falling form his face as the filly pokes him in the side.
>She's muddy and sweaty, but smiling proudly
>In her outstretched hoof, a stone and string.
>"I got'em!" she chirps. "Now you can make the charm!"
"I can," he says, sitting up straighter. "Now make it into a necklace for me."
>She tilts her head, but does it, threading the string through the hole and tying off the other end.
>When she's done, she hands it back to Anon, who makes a show of recoiling.
"Oh no, I can't touch it," he says.
>"Why not?" she asks.
"Because once I cast the magic, the charm will bind to the first person to touch it, and it won't work for anyone else. It's a protection charm for you, not me, after all."
>"Oh," she says simply, starring down at the necklace as Anon holds his hands up, preparing to wave them around while saying some mumbo jumbo. "Wait!"
"What?" he asks, hands frozen.
>"You should make it for momma, then. She needs it more than me."
>"But you'll be living with her," he points out. "Your dad won't be able to come back with you there."
>"Yeah," she says, looking serious. "But I won't always be living with her. What if he comes back when I'm a big pony and living on my own?"
"I'm sure it'll be fine," he starts, but she shakes her head.
>"No, it has to be for her. She needs it more."
>She bites her trembling lip.
>"Besides, s-she should be protected from more than just dad, l-like me."
>Anon is too stunned to respond, so she continues.
>"I've said awful things to her, too, before I learned how hurtful I was. I was just doing what Dad did, and I didn't think it was bad until I saw momma crying in the kitchen. I've tried to be nice to her ever since, and I've been doing good for a long time, b-but, He's still my dad. I look just like him- everypony always says that- so what if I grow up to be rotten like him, too?"
"That won't ever happen," Anon tells her softly, pulling her gently in for a hug.
>"How do you know?"
"I'm a fairy, remember?" he says, petting her mane. "We can just tell when a pony is good. And you? You're just full of goodness. Not one bit bad."
>"R-really?" she asks in a pained whisper against his chest.
"Yep," he tells her with certainty. "You are a good pony."
>"Oh..."
>She leans back, wiping at her eyes, and looks back down at the necklace.
>"Still... can you make it for momma? Just in case?"
>Anon smiles sadly, but nods.
"Well, there is one way to give the charm away once it's bound to a pony, but it's gonna take some work on your part."
>She looks up determined, and nods.
>"Anything."
"Okay, so once I cast the magic, you can give it to your mom, but to make it work for her, you're going to have to tell her you love her every morning, and every night. Do this everyday for at least a year, and the charm will always work for her, even once you have your own place."
>She blinks a few times in surprise, but the determination is back quickly.
>"Right, I can do that."
"I'm sure you can," Anon says, then proceeds to do his bit of fake magic.
>After all is said is done, Anon walks the filly home, formally introducing himself to her mom as the filly doesn't waste a second in handing over the necklace.
>"You have to wear it every day!" the filly says sternly. "Even when you sleep."
>"I'll cherish it always, sweetie," she says with an amused smile. "How could I not, when it's such a lovely gift from my favorite little filly in the world?"
>She reaches out to bring the filly close, nuzzling her mane as the filly blushes.
>Her eyes dart over to Anon, who grins, and her embarrassment, grows, but she still hugs her mom around the neck, and whispers, "I love you, Momma."
>The mare smiles a little wider, the exhaustion leaving her eyes.
>"Love you too, sweetie," she says before straightening and looking at Anon. "Thank you for walking my daughter home. Hope she wasn't too much trouble."
"A good filly like her? Nah, she's a delight to be around."
>"I'm glad to hear that. Would you like to come in? It's nothing fancy, but I was just making some sandwiches for lunch."
>Anon nods and smiles.
"That sounds great."







>While gold, silver, and gemstones are common in Equesrtria, things like copper and nickle are not, and are quite valuable.
>Everyone knows that, though.
>What they might not know is that pure iron is the rarest of all, and has a use most coveted among ponies.
>Iron is the most magically conductive material in the world.
>More than that, it's like a sponge for the stuff.
>It's actually one of the reasons the myth of cold iron working on fairies is a thing.
>In our world, where magic is rare, most iron is dry of the stuff, but if such a piece were to come into contact with a store of magic.
>Well, lets just say it's not too pleasant to have your fairy magic leeched out of you by a hunk of metal.
>That's beside the point, though.
>Iron in Equestria is always saturated in mana for obvious reasons, and can be used to craft the most powerful of magic artifacts.
>It's why, when Anon appears with his cast iron skillet of eggs and ham, he becomes the talk of the town.
>Not for his amazing cooking skills, though some mares point that out, but because he's the richest guy in town now.
>At least, if he ever sells his pan, that is.
>It's been in his family for generations, after all, and frankly, since sucking up a bunch of magic, it cooks food better than ever.
>It's why he turns down every unicorn who comes his way with a bag full of copper bits- the equivalent of hundreds of thousands of gold ones.
>Even Twilight often tries to convince him to let her melt the skillet down and make all sorts of fantastical artifacts, but he holds strong.
>He's not giving up his pan.
>That is, until he meets a certain plum-colored mare with a broken horn and tragic past.
>Despite her mistakes, she's trying hard to make amends for them, and dedicates herself fully to protecting ponies from monsters and those things that go bump in the night.
>That is, until she ends up in the hospital with a skull fracture and another chunk of her horn shattered off.
>The former will heal, but the latter

>Anon overhears Twilight and er friends talking about it.
>It was a testament to Fizzlepop's determination that she gained any semblance of control over her magic at all after the first accident, but now, with barely even the base of her horn left?
>She'd never be able to control her magic again.
>The doctors were already discussing the severing of her thaumatic nerves to cut her magic off completely and stop the distinctive surges to come.
>It was unfair that a mare that had already suffered so much had to suffer even more.
>Anon agreed completely, and approached the group then.
"Hey, Twi, I have a question about iron."
>"Er, yes, Anon? What is it?"
"Do you think a prosthetic horn could be made out of it, and be used like a regualr horn?"
>Twilight blinks at the odd question, though slowly starts to nod.
>"I... suppose, with some proper rune smithing and enough iron, but what... does... that..."
>Her eyes go wide as Anon smiles and nods.
"Come on, Purple Smart, it's time to see if you can work that magic you've been telling me about for the last six months."
>The other girls watch on in confusion as Twilight scrambles to her hooves and runs after the human.

>Later, when Fizzlepop wakes up, the first thing she's going to notice, besides her splitting headache, is that her head feels oddly top heavy.
>The faint smell of fried eggs and meat- something she hadn't had since her times serving under the Storm King- will have her opening her eyes in search of breakfast, only to see a black horn protruding out in front her her, as well as a smiling alicorn princess and human







>There is something similar to Jojos Bizarre Adventure in RGREqg
>But instead of the big bulky men, it has muscly women posing angrily at each other in skimpy outfits
>Twilight has a weekly seminar on why it's not lesbo to watch it and forces as many people as she can to do so
>Applejack is one of the poor souls who got caught up in her mess
>It was a slow, grueling process but she slowly came around as she saw Ponpon, the main character of the series, fight for her friends and later die for her family
>And that took the fight right out of her
>This Ponpon may look and act like some sort of lesbo but a real woman stands up for her family and Applejack knows that
>So she got a little deeper into the show and joined Twilights secondary, more private viewing of the show
>And she really hoped her new boyfriend wouldn't find the outfit she asked Rarity to make for her outings
>She was sure he would laugh at her if he found out







> Rarity has a kindred soul among the dragons
> Luxury hoards fashion items
> She has plenty of mannequins for the various races of Equestria, but then she sees you
> Your shirt and pants could fit on a minotaur mannequin, but your shoes...
> Luxury kidnaps you to get your measurements, then sends a ransom note to Rarity 
> It appears you will only be returned if she can provide sufficiently fabulous footwear
> In the meantime, Luxury is having fun dressing you up in all sorts of clothes







>Anon is married
>Out of boredom he and his waifu decide to start a Horsetube channel where they just record each other doing cute stuff
>Anon's wife getting her muzzle stuck in the peanut butter jar
>Anon seemingly performing yoga in his sleep, sprawled out over the entire bed
>Anon's wife wearing Anon's shirts while being unaware she's being filmed
>The Horsetube channel blows up unexpectedly, and they start adding little Q&A sessions
>Inevitable "your husband is so cute" etc
>Wife is somewhat miffed and tends to end these videos with overprotective/territorial snuggling
>"Get your own husband! This one's mine!"







>D-dogs dont have much in the way of ancient myths or is too unreliable/distorted due to tribal pack society
>What they do have is the remnants of over 6k years of domestication
>For some reason, humans just tend to rub them in the right way
>A bit too well in fact
>A human being 'nice' would have built a rapport with a D-dog in seconds of talking
>D-dogs even instictuvely respond to things like fingers snapping, whistling or firm shouts regardless of their place in in the pack
>Another odd thing, D-dogs keep a (second) stockpile of gems and precious metals that they 'just dont touch' most think it is just an 'extra' emergency rations. But gems never go bad...






> Anon did not hide his power level when he came to Equestria
> Everypony knows he's a huge weeb
> This turns away some mares, but the mane 6 have accepted Fluttershy's weaboo side, so Anon's eccentricity doesn't bother them
> The problem is, in order to woo him, they have to speak his language
> Poor Fluttershy has to teach them anime neighponese
> Unfortunately, it's RGRE anime neighponese, and the girls tend to mix things up

> Be Anon, leaning against the wall at one of Pinkie's parties
> Applejack ambles up to you
"Hi, Ap-"
> She slams her forehoof against the wall by your waist
> You flinch, wondering what you did to make her angry
> She looks up at you with a blank expression
> "Ah'm your them pie, an' Ah noticed you just now. Do you get what Ah'm sayin'?"
> You eye her cautiously
"Yes?"
> She nods decisively
> "Alright, now that that's cabbage done, Ah'll see you around, sugarcube."
> You scratch your cheek
"Uh, yeah. See you around."






>Much like Nightmare Moon was to Luna, Daybreaker is a demon who tried to possess Celestia.
>Keyword tried.
>Celestia swiftly recognized something was wrong with her and sealed Daybreaker in her own body.
>So Daybreaker was trapped in Celestia's body, not able to do anything more than watch through Celestia's eyes and hear through her ears. 
>So the demon bided her time and waited for Celestia to slip. 
>But she never did. 
>The seal never loosened and Celestia never heeded her whispers.
>This whispers turned into forceful demands, then into enraged screaming.
>It was after almost a week of mental screaming did Daybreaker come to an unsettling realization.
>Celestia can't hear her. She never could.
>The seal isn't loosening, her warden can't hear her, and said warden has no plans of ever releasing her.
>The anger in Daybreaker cooled, replaced with uncomfortable fear.
>A year passed
>Then ten.
>Then a hundred and some change.
>Daybreaker has forgotten what touch feels like or what food tastes like. 
>She can't sleep. When Celestia rests everything just becomes a uniform black with no sound.
>Another hundred years passes.
>Daybreaker rages with all her might, trying to get ANYTHING out of Celestia. She rages for years at a time with only a few days between for rest.
>Another hundred years passes.
>Daybreaker throws away her pride and begs to be released. Her memory of before this prison is beginning to fade. 
>Another two hundred years passes.
>The begging turns into bargains, Daybreaker shedding the last of her pride and promising unbreakable vows of loyalty and servitude for freedom. She would give ANYTHING to be free.
>Another two hundred years passes.
>Gone is the begging, replaced with wails and sobbing broken only by weeks worth of exhaustion.
>Another three hundred years passes.
>Almost 1000 years shes been trapped, and Daybreaker finally looses hope. She settles to fade away into the dark and embrace the comfort of death, who brings rest to mare and monster alike.
>Then for an instant, Celestia's control over her magic slips.
>Daybreaker leaps upon the sliver of magic like a starving dog does a steak, not even bothering to see what caused the slip. She rips away all that she can and unlocks the seal, then ejects herself as a specter to run away and materialize a body.
>Never would she return to Celestia or any of the accursed Alicorns.
>But with the small amount of magic she nabbed, she would only be as strong as an average unicorn court mage.
>The demon settles somewhere far away and builds a unicorn mare body for herself.
>Plans for power and rule can wait for a few millennia, or maybe indefinitely. For now, she simply wants to live.
>The bush she's in rustles.
>"Hey, you alright?"
>Daybreaker looks up weakly, trying not to faint from the sensory overload of just breathing fresh air and laying in soft grass. 
>Above her is a tall, concerned looking biped with a hairless face and hands, male if the voice is any indicator. He looks at her with shining foal eyes that carefully scan her.
>Daybreaker opens her mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a gasp and a dry cough.
>The tall stranger immediately bends down and produces a bottle of water from the bag at his side, uncapping it and gently pressing it to her lips.
>Tears spring to Daybreaker's eyes at the wonderful sensation of simple, cool water running down her throat.
>The sympathy of this male is even sweeter. Words, words directed to her. How she's missed this.
>"Hey, how about I take you back to town? You look kinda rough and I bed some rest would do you good."
>The mare tries to muster a prideful retort, but it dies on her lips when the tall stranger picks her up into his arms.
>Again tears spring to her eyes, but she can't muster any self-admonishment or humiliation at being carried by a male.
>It's been over a thousand years since she's been touched.
>She places her chin on his shoulder and shudders.
"S-Sunny."
>"Hmm?"
"Sunny Skies. M-My name."
>He turns just enough that she can see his smile. "Pretty name. Mine's Anonymous, but call me Anon. All my friends do."
>Daybr- No. Sunny smiles back weakly.
>Her start-over begins now.
--
>Celestia tries not to panic.
>The seal holding Daybreaker is gone.
>She didn't notice when her bout with Nightmare went wrong and ended with Celestia banished in the sun. Luckily her student and her new friends managed to do the impossible and unlock the Elements, ending Nightmare ans restoring Luna. 
>One demon gone for good only for another to escape into the wild.
>The Sun Princess looks down to her sister, who is sleeping soundly at her side.
>Celestia sighs and summons some parchment and a quill.
>Twilight and her friends need warned...





> Streamer Sunset helps Anon bag the big one
> Principal Celestia is confused why her former students want her for their polyamorous relationship, but Anon is one hot piece of rump and getting body worship from Sunset is...nice? 
> Celestia is also confused about how Sunset is making money by playing video games, but the internet has a magic all of its own
> One thing she is certain of, is that it's fun to tease these frisky youngsters and their audience
"Oh, is this the new Maria game? Do you still fight Browser at the end?"
"Hmmm. This Bayonettor is a bad boy. And bad boys should be punished, right Anon?"
"Oh, so this is Ironclad Clam. Yeah, Anon's right, her tush does look a lot like yours."
> It takes some doing, but eventually Principal Celestia does play a game herself
"Oh, I wouldn't mind being an advisor to this literature club."
"No no no no nope reload! reload-"
"I'm sorry, it's just... I've lost a student like this before. Shh, it's fine, Sunset, you don't need to apologise. To everyone watching, if you ever feel like this,"
"Oh dear."
"Oh! It knows we're streaming! Wow, that's a nice touch."
"Well, that certainly was an emotional rollercoaster. No, don't worry, I think I will play some games for all of you after this, but the next one better be a happier story."







>Anon walks by in the background of the stream sometimes. 
>If Shim is playing a shooter and blurts something /k/ related that isn't accurate, Anon will reign in his autism and offer a gentle correction rather than sperg out. 
>Chat of course jeers about kitchens and sandwiches sans the few who know what he said is actually right.
>"Fully semi auto isn't a thing, honey. The FAL is just a semi auto self-loader."
>"The Makarov should use a different sort of 9 millimeter. Check your inventory for 9x18, babe."
>"Well, you CAN get a full auto in real life, but it's extremely difficult because the government hates you having freedom and old fucks have artificially inflated the price of full autos."
>Slowly but surely the fickle chat turns from kitchen jokes to "tfw no kommando bf"






>Anon foalsits for a living
>Usually younger ponies in grade-school age
>The Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, etc
>But one over-protective dad refuses to believe his daughter is growing up
>Still packs her a lunch when she goes to horse-highschool
>Kisses her on the cheek, waves to her friends, etc
>He and the herd are going away for the weekend, and he insists that she needs a foalsitter
>The herd disagrees, but if papa ain't happy, ain't nopony happy
>"...and here's a list of things you can make her for dinner! The ingredients are in the fridge, and you'll find snacks in the pantry. Make sure she's in bed by 10 at the latest, alright?"
"You got it, sir."
>By the way the dad talks about his daughter, Anon was expecting a little filly
>He was surprised, however, to find a teenaged mare probably only about 10 years younger than he is
>She might even be a big teaty goth.
>And she does not look happy to see him
>Especially after Anon, slightly shocked that he's sitting somepony who's a few scant years away from being legally old enough to drink, uttered that he expected "someone younger"
>Fortunately (or unfortunately) the job went incredibly smoothly
>This is because the young mare was old enough that she didn't need a sitter
>She kept to herself ("if you think we're playing Monopony, you're crazy."), made her own food ("oh my Celestia, let me do it. This is so embarrassing."), and didn't really need any of the services Anon offered.
>Like, at all
>The next morning, the mare's dad, of course, was thrilled at the results.
>"She ate the dinner I had planned out for her! She didn't make a mess! She went to bed on time! Mister Anonymous, I think I'll be hiring you whenever the herd and I go out for the weekend!"
>The dad walks over to the teenaged mare and sniffs her mane.
>"Hmmm... next time, make sure she takes a bath. You know how fussy fillies can be, so help her wash her mane."
>Anon had never seen a mare blush so hard he can see it through the fur


>Then, she didn't want to do her homework.
>Not even when you offered to help... which admittedly was a good thing, since you took one look at her math homework and realized you had no goddamn clue what she was even doing.
>Frankly, you're just glad something's going your way for once this evening.
>You fill a little plastic bucket up with water, and pour the contents all over her head.
>You do this twice more before all the shampoo is gone.
"Alright, open your eyes. You're ready to get out nooOOWOHHFUCK!!"
>Before you can even THINK of reaching for your big bath towel (which was JUST put through the clothes dryer so that it's warm and fluffy and perfect for drying off clean fillies), the mare you just spend the last few minutes giving a bath LEAPS out of the tub and over your head.
>Her tail, which was firmly tucked between her legs, smacks you wetly in the face as you fall backwards onto the wet ground.
>You see the tail end of the mare galloping out the bathroom (your upside-down vision confirms it: tail tucked between her legs) before she runs out of sight.
>You her the sounds of wet hooves on the floor, and then a SLAM of a distant door.
>Her bedroom door, if you know the layout of the house well enough.
"...I guess I don't need to make sure she goes to bed by 9:30..."
>You sit back up and look around the bathroom.
>There's water everywhere, and your clothes are soaking wet.
"Ugh."
>Time to clean up.
"I feel like I'm forgetting something."
>Something about pony chests.
>Something about... chest tufts being l-lewd?
"Whatever."
>Or not, you guess.
"It's probably just a grumpy teen being a grumpy teen."







>This was quite the trip wasn't it?
>You started out as a nerdy little unicorn tending to a small library and now you're in charge of all Equestria
>It's a shame that you never found a special somepony but-
>"Twilight!"
>What was that?
>It sounded familiar
>Well not like it matters
>After all you have all your friends with you and-
>"C'mon girl, wake up!"
>You look over to Rainbow to try and ask her if she can hear that too just to see her melting
>You scream and scramble forward mind racing with medical spells as you try to think of how to save her
>It wouldn't do however as your other friends and even the walls meet the same fate
>You try to come up with something as your eyes finally open
>A stiffness had settled in through your body making it difficult to look around
>When you finally manage to look up, you see Cadence in a similar state as you and coated in a thick green slime
>Looking higher, you see a vaguely familiar ape like creature with a pick in its paw
>It crouches down and smiles at you as you try and think of where you know this creature from
>"There's my Twiggles. I don't know what that bitch did to you, but I bet they're planning more than this, so let's get back to Canterlot before they can go through with it."

>the insidiousness of the goo is the effect that it has on the mind
>it really does feel like you experience years while inside the hallucinations
>to the point that when ponies come out of it, they may act entirely different from when they went in
>their memory of reality is blurred while the memory of their illusionary perfect world is sharp and clear.
>those who lived less than stellar lives may even find themselves preferring the goo to reality and deliberately attempt to get themselves captured by changelings again
>such poor souls are often found drained to the point of death
>thankfully it wasn’t that bad for Twilight, but she lived out the entirety of canon from the end of Season 2 onwards to the shitty Season 9 epilogue 
>reality doesn’t feel real to her anymore 
>especially this alien claiming to be her coltfriend
>it feels odd to not have wings anymore after having them for so long
>at least she still has her friends, even though it feels weird to see them all so young again

>The goo isn't perfect and the lings are aware of this
>Ponies will act differently than their real counterparts and if the victim starts to notice they'll start questioning things and this could lead to the illusion breaking
>This is part of the reason why any memories of a loved one will be immediately purged
>If a lover suddenly starts doing odd things the victim will question it more
>It also gives the added bonus of giving the lings undivided love to harvest whereas some of it could have gone to the illusion of the victims loved one
>Cadence, being the princess of love, knows Shining is for her and never questioned it after escaping the pod
>Twilight on the other hand is taking things a little slowly with Anon
>Partly out of fear that this is another ruse but mostly because the goo just wiped her memory of him
>So now the two are going on their 'first' date as Twilight tries to remember how to be a unicorn
>Anon is about ready to get a harness for her since she seems to have trouble remembering that she doesn't have wings and has already jumped out a window


>Finds Starlight in some backwater town but not "Our Town"
>Twilight watches for anything suspicious but can't find any evidence of mind control on the town

>She's honestly just some unicorn mare living in a town
>Admittedly, she's above average in the magic department, but she's nothing too special
>Some changeling drone just got bored and came up with a story for a mare she saw one time

>This is how changelings shitpost
>They pick a random pony and make up shit about them
>Sometimes it's simple stuff like a mare being grumpy, but sometimes they turn a mare into a being stronger than a princess
>And it's all uploaded to the goo-net





>As an alien, you are a big deal. 
>As a MALE alien, you are an enormous deal.
>You are a unique (and technically endangered) being and don't have the durability or power of your fellow unique named Discord, so the diarchy was quick to step in with protective measures.
>VIP passes to damn near everything, a fair degree of diplomatic immunity, a downright huge stipend paid by the crown, free room and board in any royal facility including the castle, a personal line of communication with both Celestia and Luna, and the most life-changing part, a guard detail.
>It was all thrust upon you suddenly, and despite feeling sour over having no choice, you understand that the Princesses aren't malicious and genuinely wish for you to be happy and healthy.
>Also they're probably covering their asses just in case Equestria and Earth somehow come in contact or some other nation starts shit. Wouldn't look good if an alien wasn't getting 5 star treatment.
>But having a guard ALL the time is strange. All of the guards on your rotation are mares too. Something about gender roles being wonky here.
>Them seem strangely enthused for just playing humansitter as well.
>It's damn weird when you go to the bathroom and a guardsmare insists on standing just outside the door. 
>And good lord you have not been able to jerk off for weeks. You debated on dating, but lost your nerve after countless what-ifs.
>Your moments of privacy are few and far in-between. 
>It took a week to convince a new private that her orders didn't include watching you shower.
>Even then, she'd stand at the just outside and you could see the shadow of her snoot sniffing at the bottom of the door.
>And none of these ponies cover anything.
>For someone as open-minded (degenerate) as you, mare ass looks incredible.
>Then you started to notice other things, like the chest tufts, neck length, downy wings, tail docks, the ponut, and the distinct smell of mare.
>One deep breath of mare can make you painfully hard now.
>And all of your guards are fit, attractive young mares, leaving you with some unreal blue balls and training you to be an expert boner suppressor.
>But finally you get a few minutes alone near midnight when the shift change is. Good thing too, as your balls are so full that they've been hurting for days. 
>You can hear the guardsmare outside your room speaking quietly with her nightguard relief for the night. They usually talk for 5-10 minutes in a short report, meaning you have to hurry.
>You throw the covers off and sling your legs over so you're sitting on your bed.
>The nightguard outside sounds like Cloudy Night, a batpony corporal with wide hips and adorable white speckles on her muzzle and rump. It ruins her serious visage in the best way.
>Your current guard, Glittering Spear, is a slim unicorn private and the very definition of sleek and beautiful. She lacks the muscle definition of other guards, but being a powerful unicorn and the 1st cousin of Shining Armor means thing are probably easy for her.
>Image of both beautiful mares in mind and penis in lotion-covered hand, you furiously spank your meat as fast and hard as you can.
>You bite your lip and lean your head back.
>Good god you've needed this. Pony land is more stress than anyone would ever think.
>You're so pent up that climax is upon you within minutes and with the force of a train.
>With a hiss, you accidentally cry out "Cloudy, Spear!"
>...Shit.
>Both mares burst in just in time to watch you cum buckets worthy of a pornstar
>Try as you might to move, the force of such a nut paralyzes you in place. Both mares watch with uncomprehending expressions as your dick twitches, then launches a thick rope of white across the whole room at them.
>Cloudy is splattered square in the face.
>They both recoil and gasp, but the second blast hits Cloudy in the face again, more than a little in her open mouth. The third falls a little short and coats her chest armor and forelegs. The forth, fifth, and sixth fall short on the floor.
>Idly, you wonder if the fall down to Canterlot Valley from your room will kill you.
>Cloudy cracks an eye open and looks at you in disbelief. Spear gapes and holds a hoof in front of her mouth, her face beet red.
>You don't even know how to apologize for this. You try to form words but all that comes out is nothing.
>The bat mare closes her mouth and swallows on reflex, and you watch bulge in her throat carry the cum to her stomach.
>She blinks and smacks her lips, then runs her tongue across her lips and nose and swallows more.
>"It's salty..." She murmurs.
>Beg now retard.
"Shit Cloudy I'm so sorry oh my fucking god I'm sorry I was just so pent up that it hurt and I only get the few minutes a night where you all are distracted and that wasn't on purpose I was fapping to you and Spear butImeanitinanotcreepywayhonest-!"
>"Sir!"
>Cloudy's forceful voice stops your blathering cold.
>She looks at you hard but the image is ruined by the spunk soaking into her fur. "If you were hurting then..." She looks at Spear who takes a breath and nods. "It's the job of your guards to act in your best interest, if you were hurting, then we are willing to..." She falters and a little red bleeds through the white on her face "We are willing to service you. You need only ask."
>...What?
>Cloudy steps closer. "Do you still need, erm, assistance from myself or Private Spear?" She asks, the tiniest sliver of hope slipping out of her professional tone as she looks at your still erect self. "We can either take pleasing poses and let you do the work, or it can be more hooves on. The choice is yours, sir," she says, flicking her flagging tail. Glittering Spear's tail is raised just as high.
>...Oh god this is real.







>stallions in RGRE are whimisal and the fairer sex
>everypony knows that
>even harkening back to the days before Luna's banishment stallions were seen as something to be protected
>but back before the celestial sisters, even back before the three tribes united there was one stallion who is said to have been untamable by any mare except Faust herself:
>Pegasus
>/the/ Pegasus
>the great deeds of the mighty stallion have been forgotten, exaggerated, and confused over time, but all stories tell of his strength, nobility, humility, and sheer competence at guiding his people
>nopony knows exactly what happened to the legendary stallion, but whenever a particularly marely colt arises like Shining Armor or Big Mac they're said to have Pegasus' blood run strong through their veins








> Twilight is very thorough about her O&O campaign
> The cultists are based on an actual conspiracy from 423 CE (Celestia Era)
> The magical advancement is consistent with that time too, meaning no enchanted crystals aside from the occasional legendary relic
> She even reproduced the summoning circle and chant the cultists used
> Of course, she is careful not to supply power to the circle
> The summoning scene was nearing its climax when Trixie finally put down her PieSlate and started paying attention
> She looks down at the summoning circle on the huge piece of parchment, levitating it so she can see it better
> Twilight broke off the chant with a cry of alarm, but it was too late
> The circle sears into activity, dumping a tall, bipedal incubus directly on a startled Trixie
> Twilight is having a minor meltdown
> Moondancer is furiously digging through her files for that one Smite Evil spell from /x)
> Starlight is debating whether or not she should touch the booty
> Trixie has her forehooves crossed behind her head, a smug grin on her face
> "Get to work, colt."
> Anon is pretty sure this is not a normal part of the escape room experience








>Be Anon, nervous around cute girls and crushing on the cutest one in town.
>You really want to get closerto Fluttershy, but you just can't think of a good way to approach her.
>It's times like this you wish you'd have gotten a real pet.
>A dog or cat would be the perfect ice breaker.
>Alas, your near compulsive need to get your home clean and free of dander prevented that.
>A home that luckily came with you to Equestria all those months ago.
>As you sit to ponder how to approach Fluttershy, your roomba bumps into your leg, and you look down at it.
>It's the most advanced model on the market with a rudimentary AI.
>It shakes its "head" a moment, then just lazily spins around and vrrs in the other direction.
>You slowly begin to smile.

>"A roomba?" Fluttershy repeats with a tilt of her head. "I don't think I've ever heard of that kind of animal friend before."
"Yeah, no pony has, as far as I know," you say wit a sigh. "The princesses want me to go up to Canterlot to show off some human tech to some nerds, and that means I have to leave poor Dustin all alone."
>"Oh dear," Fluttershy says understandingly. "Do you have somepony to watch the little fella while you're away?"
"That's the thing, because none of you guys know about roombas, I'm worried about getting just any old pony to watch him. You, though, are the best animal caretaker in Equestria, so if anyone can learn the ins and outs of roomba care, it's you."
>She blushes at this and scuffs her hoof in the dirt.
>"Well, I don't know about being the best, but if you really need me to, I can watch your little friend. When are you leaving?"
>You beam.
"In a few days, but that's why I came to you now. I was hoping you'd come over as much as you can to get to know Dustin so that you'll both be familiar with each other when I leave."
>"Of course I'll come meet your roomba, Anon. I bet Dustin is just the nicest roomba there is."
"He's a sweet heart, that's for sure. You want to come see him now?"
>"That sounds lovely."



>The AI system in Anon's roomba has been slowly changing due to exposure to magic, and spending time with a magic pony close by, especially one who radiates residual power from the Elements, is advancing it further.
>Fluttershy merely thought little Dustin was shy around a new pony when it would seemingly ignore her, and that over time, it would warm up to her.
>And she was right.
>Over the next three days of spending time at Anon's house and doting on the little discus pet, it started vrring in her direction more often.
>Anon didn't notice, but Fluttershy is very attuned to this sort of thing, and could tell the critter was observing the new pony in its house.
>And after spending two days at Anon's home watching over it, the two have become the best of friends.
>Anon returns to find Fluttershy giggling as the roomba roves over her body.
>She rolls onto her back and it starts vacuuming her tummy, getting her to giggle louder.
>"That tickles, Dustin," she says. "I think I'm clean enough now."
>It vrrs a few times in answer, and moves back to the carpet.
>"Social grooming is a part of many animals lives. I guess that goes for roombas, too. Oh, hi, Anon!"
"Uh, hi... How have-?"
>"Things have been just wonderful, Anon. Dustin was a perfect little dear and we had loads of fun... Um, actually, I was wondering if you'd let Dustin come over to my place sometime to meet my other animal friends. I'm sure they'd all get along wonderfully."
"Uh... Sure?"
>"Great! Oh and tomorrow my friends and I are having a pet play date out in the park! I know going over grass and dirt can upset little Dustin's tummy, but if we bring some blankets for him to play on, I'm sure he'll enjoy the sun and new friends to play with."
"Uh... sure."
>"Oh, Anon, you are such a loving owner. Dustin is lucky to have you."
>She flies up and gives you a quick hug before saying she has to go feed her animals and leaves.
>A few moments later, the roomba starts rubbing against your shoe and purring






>The flow of time differs between our world and Equestria.
>Roughly twice as fast on our side.
>The implication of this could of course mean that for every year in Equestria, two pass here, and so you might think that your family will age twice as fast once you arrive.
>You are wrong.
>No, when you arrive in Equestria, your time remains the same, meaning you see their world in half speed, and you twice as fast to them.
>Your like a humming bird to ponies, with even your sedate pace making them have to trot to keep up.
>On the other hand, you're finding your dealings with them quite frustrating.
>You ever listen to someone ramble or talk slowly, and just wish they'd get to the point?
>That's every conversation now.
>It's only been a week- more like two for you- and already the wonder of your situation is starting to give way to despair.
>At least, until Pinkie shows up at your door with a big grin.
>She takes a deep breath, and you expect a slow, long drawl of words to follow, but instead...
>"So is it really true that you're like really fast in your thinking parts and all the other ponies around are like super slow to you and you just wish that you could hang out with ponies who can think like you so you can have a normal talk without wanting to pull your mane out?"
>You blink a few times.
>That was fast.
>Honestly, maybe even a little faster than what you'd consider normal conversation speed.
>Pinkie's smile starts to strain as you remain silent.
>"That is right... Right?"
"Uh, yeah I guess."
>She heaves a sigh then starts smiling again as she begins hopping in place.
>"Oh, this is just the most super duper terrific day ever! Because I totally know how you feel!"
"You do?"
>"Everypony is just so slow sometimes, and I know it's not their fault, but it's like, come on, can we just talk at my speed for once and not slow-mo? Ever since I was a little filly, I've had to force myself to be patient and talk slow, but now I can finally talk to somepony like me!"






>After a young death, something decides to give you a second go.
>You are reborn as a colt in Equestria, your soul taking the place of a colt otherwise destined to be stillborn.
>You don't get your memories back immediately. As a foal, you get flashes and visions of a strange world, but nothing huge.
>Your family is a normal one, if on the larger side. Your father has seven herdmares, with your mother being the newest. 
>Once you grow into toddler, all the huge gaps in the visions suddenly fill in at once and your human identity totally takes over. Your awareness makes the world sharp and clear.
>It also lets you realize that the little "vacation" mom said it was isn't actually a vacation. She and by extension you had been kicked out of the herd for some reason not disclosed to you.
>It hurt, that your family would throw you and your mother out, but in all honesty, you barely knew them from your hazy foal memories so it's not a huge loss.
>You just wish it didn't hurt your mother so much.
>Time goes on. Your mother finds a good job that can support both her and yourself with some left over for infrequent luxuries, and you try to make it easier for her by being good. She decides to leave the dating scene to focus on work. 
>But another problem pops up.
>While you've known your mother for years now, she doesn't "feel like" your mother.
>You still vividly remember your human mom, who is probably still mourning you and it hurts.
>Your pony mother isn't the best at childcare but she tries. The wonky gender roles means normally it would be your father doing the child rearing. 
>Mom treats you like a junior friend more than a son
>Maybe thats your fault. Ponies in general are less mature than humans, and you rival your mom in mental age already. You must seem very collected and mature to her, and thus don't need to be babied.
>...And as you grow older and hormones begin to surge in you, you're suddenly very 'aware' of this fertile mare who both is and isn't your mom.



>Mare thinks she's an old pervert for even conceiving of the notion of being attracted to her son
>Wonders of this was the reason she was kicked out, some early warning sign the rest of her (old, she reminds herself) herd saw
>Is she really such a bad pony for having these half-feelings, even if she hasn't done anything with them?
>And being a single mother brings on enough stress as is, even in Equestria, and the black mark that is being kicked out of a herd makes it so she can't even think about blowing off some steam only makes things worse
>Of course this only makes her even more depressed, making (you) want to comfort her even more, which lets those feelings grow, which makes her feel even worse, which leads to yet more comfort
>It's a vicious cycle that will only end in tears, be of joy or heartbreak
>and a good hard dicking, of course
>Let's hope (you)'ll be a better father than your own







> Arrive in dragon lands, end up serving the royal family as a butler
> Sorting their hoards, polishing their scales, etc
> You generally stay out of the politics, it's not like you're particularly fireproof
> A minor rebellion gets lucky and assassinates the king and queen
> The assassins are caught and executed, along with most of the rebels
> In the meantime, the acting regent appoints you as the main care-giver for the crown princess
> She'll have to overcome the various challengers for the crown, but she has good genes, so chances are good that she'll prevail
> As she grows older, she has trouble getting along with drakes
> "I cannot consider them a proper drake if they are not as soft and cool as you, Father."
> It's more than a little worrying, but you don't know what to do
> In the meantime, she still insists on sharing a nest with you, and refuses to eat anything other than food you make








>Anon is a gardener extraordinaire.
>Forget the green thumb, hes green all over.
>His flower beds are the envy of neighborhood.
>Flower sisters fear him.
>But the most impressive are his hedges.
>From the immaculately kept lush green barriers around his property to beautifully lifelike living shrub sculptures in his garden.
>Minotaurs pilgrim to see the hedge maze he cultivated on the outskirts of Ponyville.
>The madman even managed to grow an entire hedge castle inside it, multiple floors and all.
>Twilight decides to spy on him just in case he gets mad with his gardening power, colts with all their whimsy can get corrupted so easily afterall.
"Nothing personell, twig."
>He says as he snips his enormous gardening shears to keep his hedge flush, sunhat casting a mysterious shadow on his face.
>Yeah, better keep an eye on him.



>Be Anon
>Be tending your super garden
>You don't know why but you had super powers related to plants now
>It was probably the magic but it could be the gay chemtrails Rainbow left everywhere she went
>So now you kind of just...gardened and shit
>People payed to see your gardens and hedges
>Mostly minotaurs but there were a lot of ponys in town that enjoyed your work
>You don't know why or how they started paying you for keeping your stuff tidy
>Although you're pretty sure the purple one is keeping an eye on you
>You don't mind that too much so long as she's not peeking in through your windows
>You actually decided to be neighborly and grow a tree for her to roost in
>You planted a normal orange seed but got a tree the size of a sequoia
>And it really sucks when the basketball sized oranges start dropping
>Oh well beggars can't be choosers
>A pegasus asked if she could use the tree as a restaurant and you agreed so now the purple pony spends a lot of money eating there so she can watch you


>Secret war between all the green-hoofed familes in ponyville for the right to have Anon spread his seed in their fields.
>Anon isnt helping matters because each plant that he grows in his garden is another mark for a particular mare or family.
>Applejack nearly had conniptions when the giant orange tree popped up and some sky zigger snatched the rights to it before she could so much as contact her cousins.
>Moodily refuses to visit the Orange Nest despite Twilight's praise for their smoothies


>"Man did you see what that ape thing did with nothing more than hedges?"
"No I was stuck dealing with two earth pony clans trying to weaponize their crop so they could fight over the creature."
>"Can you imagine what would happen if the ape breeds with an earth pony?"
"Yes. I've been having nightmares over the very thought since it arrived."
>"What are we going to do about this thing?"
"Maybe we'll play matchmaker. See how much it likes a pegasus or a unicorn."


>teen pegasus mare starts working in the treetop restaurant.
>nature spirits pick her for their matchmaking experiment.
>grows bigger teats, hips, her mane grows longer and fuller.
>intially teased by her friends and fretting over her looks being the polar opposite of mainstream attractiveness of being thin, lithe and 'aerodynamic'.
>doesnt know how to feel when her boss and owner of the restaurant points out anons been visiting more often and spends most of his time watch and chat with her.
>she thought he was just friendly to all the ponies using 'his' tree!



>hfw anon asks her out right in the middle of her shift.
>hfw the other ponies grow quieter and start whispering.
>hfw he's just looking at her expectantly with a smile on that cute face.
>hfw she mumbles out a yes and one pony who sounds suspiciously like her boss starts cheering while a group of earth ponies groan in disappointment, other ponies politely clap their hooves and get back to their own conversations.
>meanwhile Anon only has eyes for the 210% adorable mare currently blushing up a storm and covering her face with her big fluffy wings








>Be a lonely mare.
>You try getting into a herd as a beta mare and rarely try to date solo. Nothing really lasts.
>Getting tired of it. Almost ready to be a full lesbo.
>Then you meet Anon.
>He's a tall, funny looking jane-filly without a herd.
>So you tentatively ask him out.
>And... He says yes!
>The first date is great. The second even better. On the third he puts out.
>You expected the nervous jane-filly first time like in some cliche doujin, but he looked at you with hunger and said "Damn honey, sick snatch. First to cum loses."
>He won, but was so vocal about loving your cooch that you didn't care.
>You knew the price of a chill jane-filly was lackluster colt skills like cooking and cleaning, but then Anon did something that surprised you.
>He learned those skills willingly.
>His cooking went from barely edible, to okay, to so amazing you started forgoing fast food altogether. He always kept the fridge full too.
>When he moved in, the apartment was dirty, but then gradually got cleaner and cleaner until you forgot it was once a bachelorette pad. He added his own stallion's touch to the place.
>He roughly stitched his own clothes back together when they tore, and soon the stitches vanished for seamless fixes. Not long after, he started to sew you things by hand.
>His awkwardness and strange fear around fillies and colts gradually faded, and soon all the neighborhood children adored him just as much as he adored them. He really showed his soft stallion side with children.
>You gladly worked full time so he could keep doing all this, and he'd always seem to know when you had a hard day.
>You'd come home to a hot dinner, a bubbly bath for two, passion filled sex, and then the frustration of the day would be gone.
>Today, you're going to withdraw your savings and buy a ring.
>You're not letting a treasure like Anon get away.






>"What's a cute boy like you doing out on a full moon like this?
>"You need to be careful. There's a lot of bad things that bump in the night around here."
>"Ghosts, vampires, ghouls..."
>"Don't worry though, I'd be happy to escort you to wherever you need to go."
>"Oh, and don't worry about the fangs."
>"I don't bite. Much~"

>Be Anon
>Some weird girl cosplaying as a shitty werewolf is leading you down the street by the hand
>She's saying something about taking you to her den where her follow packmates were waiting
>A few minutes in into this walk, she started howling at the moon like a loonie
>You just wanted to go for a fucking walk...
>Whatever...
>At least she has a really nice pair of tits...


>tfw you land in a world filled with vampire clans, werewolf pack, witch orders, etc
>To you, they look like normal people in poorly dressed outfits
>You also think it's weird when they yell fireball at you or try to bite you with plastic fangs
>To them, you're some otherworldly creature that fang, tooth, or magic cannot harm


>tfw Sunset takes him back to her den where her packmates reside
>tfw the other girls like his scent, and he seems like an okay guy, so she decides to bite him with turning him into a werewolf in mind
>she has one of the other girls distract him while she goes for the throat, wanting the turning to be as quick and painless as possible
>Her fangs sink slightly into his skin, but don't break through the flesh
>Confused, she bites harder
>This amount of force would leave bruises, but it couldn't be helped
>Again, her fangs can't penetrate
>She bites harder, and harder
>What should have been enough to tear a chunk of flesh from his neck, then enough to crunch bone, then steel
>Anon's just standing there, confused as the big-titted weirdo nibbles on his neck, barking and growling while the other weirdos around him start to sweat








>After invoking a ritual you found on totallyrealmagick.onion to finally leave this gay earth, you get yanked though time and space, landing in RGRE.
>When you wake up on the ground, you find a little note in your pocket.
>"The other half of your soul searches for you. Fate will lead and destiny will bind."
>Vague voodoo bullshit, but okay. 
>You stumble into Ponyville, and after getting your zany intro episode, fall into a pleasant life.
>But despite how easy dating is, you can't seem to keep a mare interested or something gets in the way.
>Maybe the note has something to do with it?
>You look through the library, finding a few references to True Love. Capitalized.
>It apparently is a very real if rare thing. Two beings capable of love, usually ponies, will instantly fall in True Love and become soulmates upon meeting. Harmony will try to being soulmates together whenever possible.
>'The other half of your soul searches for you'
>Cautious excitement grips you. It perfectly explains why all your dates fall through despite having a number of jane-filly loving mares pining for you.
>So you make a leap of faith and wait.
>Several months later, you've been on several adventures, but this one truly has you fearing.
>A cosmic horror has decended upon Canterlot, and one by one, the alicorns were defeated. Discord tried, and was trumped just as easily. The Elements and Equestrian Guards fared no better.
>The bullets from the crude revolver you fashioned over months did nothing as you expected. 
>Then from the heavens, a bright light blooms.
>The mindbending horror stops and looks up, just in time for a beam of light to pierce it. 
>It screeches and recoils.
>A pony swoops in with impossible speed and does battle with the horror. Against all odds, she wins.
>When she lands, all the princesses, the elements, and even discord rush in the shower her in praise.
>"I'm so sorry everyone... It did that to draw me out, Luckily no one was hurt, as I went into town and stopped it's minions before coming."
>You walk up and see...
>A garish, knock-off mary-sue alicorn.
>A motherfucking mary-sue.
>The Sue looks up at you and her jaw drops, tiny hearts blooming in her eyes.
>And against your will, your heart speeds up and your face turns red, but the vitriol you want to spew refuses to come out of your mouth.
>You try to step forward and punch her in the snout, but your body refuses to move.
>With gritted teeth, you cross your arms, noting that you can move again.
>Again you try to step forward with violence in mind, but you can't. Your body simply wont respond.
>You can't even force out a unenthused sigh 
>The implications are... unpleasant.
>Your soulmate is a badly made mary sue. A mary sue that you've probably going to be a damsel in distress and trophy for. And whatever force that's gripping you is going to make it even more unpleasant.
>Was there some higher force at work here? Are you being punished for leaving earth? Or did this happen because you're the most "unique" soulmate she could have?
>The feeling of both True Love and and Absolute Hate swirling in your chest is uncomfortable.





>Sue discovers true resurrection after defeating the villain who killed Anon.
>And then Anon... refuses to come back. 
>Death doesn't free him from harmony but all the time spent dead in Tartarus with the company of crafty criminals and villains long deceased lets him think about how to game the narrative altering powers of a Mary Sue.
>His newest friends in Tartarus, a gruff bandit chief mare, a failed, bitter apprentice of Celestia who went bad, a thief who tried to steal regalia, and a few others come together and think.
>After a while, the failed apprentice has an idea and explains
>Anon firmly and repeatedly thinks to himself that the True Love was wrong, which should be impossible.
>But a Mary Sue is involved, and the false True Love adds to Sue's sympathy garnering tragedy, he reasons.
>So the narrative shifts, and retroactively declares that the True Love wasn't real.
>With that, the bond that persisted even into death, broke.
>Suddenly, the bandit chief who had been making half-hearted passes at him finds herself in a tight, tearful hug with lips pressed to hers.
>Anon is free.
>...And it would also be more dramatic if he remains dead and Sue goes to find her real soulmate, wouldn't it?
>Again, reality shifts.
>With things set, the small set of friends plot their breakout. Being dead is just an inconvenience in a world of magic.
>So when Sue finds the spell and casts it, nothing happens. So she tries again. And again and again, but no matter how hard or franticly Sue tries to bring him back, Anon doesn't appear.
>But she knows the spell worked... Why didn't he come back?


>When Sue tried to revive Anon, it worked, it just didn't summon him to her.
>Anon returns to life in Tartarus, much to the amazement of his friends. Then he glows over and over as the spell is cast on him again.
>Thinking quick, the apprentice grabs the bandit and thief, then forces them and herself into a hug with Anon. Or as well as 3 spirits can hug a now living being.
>The spell activates several more times, flowing out of Anon and into them.
>All three watch in awe as their ghostly bodies solidify and their muted senses return full force. 
>The four look around carefully.
>The part of Tartarus that houses the dead had no defenses or fail-safes to prevent a living being from leaving.
>It's jailbreak time







>  Be Marry Sue, interdimensional lawyer-cop
>  You finally put down Ten Tack Al, the notorious groper of stallion balls
>  Looking around the pocket dimension, you can only admire how peaceful it is
>  Probably only has a cataclysm season once every thousand years
>  Kinda weird how there aren't that many alicorns, though
>  Probably because they don't need that many to keep things under control
>  The youngest one is giving you a tour of her beat, a nice little town with a dispatch crystal castle
>  Then you see Him
>  A handsome human in an elegant trench coat, an adorable scowl, and you can just tell he's a feisty one
>  Your heart blooms with True Love
>  One look at you, and you see spades in his eyes
>  It's been a while since you last visited  Alternian space, but that's like True Love too, right?


>  You drop by after work, Anon's home smelling pleasantly of Cheetos and gunpowder
>  You hear an explosion!
>  You gallop to find Anon clutching his wrist, his hand nearly shredded by the shards of another failed attempt at making a gun
>  You sigh and begin treating him, removing the metal bits and knitting his flesh back together with a simple healing spell
"Dear, you really should give up on this gun thing. What if you hurt yourself and I'm not around to put you back together?"
>  He scowls, flexing his good-as-new hand
>  "I can handle it. I don't need you."
>  You roll your eyes
"You just nearly 'handled' yourself out of a hand. Come on, colt. There's whimsy, and then there's just being dumb."
>  Anon takes a deep breath
>  Oh no, not again
>  "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>  You sigh, and unbutton his pants
>  You'd suspect that he does this on purpose, but you've talked to him enough to know that this is genuine orchisteria
>  You slip his stallionhood out of his pants
>  Thankfully, he's not a stallion, so you don't have to tease it out of its sheath
>  As you get to sucking, he gradually quiets down, letting out low, sensual moans that let you know you're doing the right thing
>  A few minutes later, you're swallowing his seed and he has completely calmed down
>  "I hate you."
>  You smile and kiss him on the cheek
"Love you too, babe. Why don't you go lie down, and I'll order us some pizza?"
>  He sighs
>  "Fine."
>  Just another day in the exciting and fulfilling life of Lawyer-cop Marry Sue








>You and your Giraffe GF, Tippel, are invited to the Grand Galloping Gala.
>Rarity had quite the challenge on her hooves making a dress and suit for two of the tallest creatures in Ponyville, but the pair of you made quite the striking sight when you arrived.
>And only half because you towered over all the other guests.
>Meanwhile, Celestia and Luna are exchanging pleasantries with their little ponies, until the words catch in Luna's throat.
>"Who is that?" she hisses into her sister's ear as a couple of nobles walk away. "And why is she so tall?"
>"Her? I believe she's the new teacher of foreign cultures at Twilight's School," Celestia answers with a raised brow. "As for the latter half of your question, she's a giraffe."
>"A what?"
>"Celestia blinks, then giggles.
>"Oh yes, that's right, Equestria didn't make contact with their tribe until after the Nightmare's banishment. They're a nomadic race hailing from Zebrica."
>Luna harrumphs, raising up to her full height.
>"Well, she better not think she can look down upon us simply because she has a few hooves advantage over us. We're still the tallest mares in Equestria and- is that Anon?!"
>"I believe so, yes. Twilight mentioned the two had begun dating."
>"D-dating?! He's with her?!"
>"Mhm."
>"But he was going to be my stallion! I had an entire new constellation in the works to impress him! That-that long-neck can't just come in and snatch him up!"
>"And yet she did," Celestia notes with a smirk. "Oh, and please don't use that term in front of her. It's a slur."
>"Well, we'll see how long Anon will want to be with her when I'm around," Luna states, fluffing up her floof and strutting towards the pair.
>Celestia chuckles and shakes her head.
>She remembers the first time she met a giraffe, and the ensuring sense of inferiority it brought on when she had to turn her head up to meet their eyes and see them looking down at her.
>Hopefully Luna will get over it before starting an international incident






>Apple Bloom and her friends are growing older
>Now they're a bunch of horny teens
>Apple Bloom doesn't appreciate the way Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are starting to act interested in Big Mac
>She especially doesn't appreciate the way Sweetie straight up ogled her big brother's balls
>"What happened to the Sis Code, Sweetie?! You don't just perv on another mare's brother!"
>Applejack is busy with the farm and has bigger things to worry about a couple of fillies hoopin' and hollerin' at her brother
>Apple Bloom has to take this into her own hooves
>Finds Anon
>"Listen, can you do me a huge favour? Applejack made it clear that it's not right to ask a stallion to do this, but I'm at the end of my rope! Can you try and, you know... grab Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo's attention for a while? I don't mean that you have to DO anything with them! I'd never ask you to do that! Just maybe hang out with them until they lose interest in my brother."
>Apple Bloom is incredibly uncomfortable at the idea of her friends hitting on her own brother and is desperate to get some help from you
>"Do you want free apples for a year? I can get you free apples for a year. I can even get you free cider for as long as you're do this."






>Apple Bloom has a crush on Anon, and wants to take him on a date.
>The problem is that she's seen Tiara ask the human out, and get turned down because she was a filly.
>He didn't care that she had her cutie mark, and told her he just didn't date those so young, no matter how pretty and rich they were.
>He was kind and gentle, but Apple Bloom still saw the hurt on her former enemy's face, and she feared receiving the same sort of rejection.
>It's why she instead went through Twilight's collection of magic books while her friend's played interference, found a recipe for an aging potion, then slpped into Zecora's hut to brew it.
>By the time she went to Anon, she was tall, mature, and had her cutie mark disguised so she wouldn't be recognized.
>She was Big Apple, a cousin from out of town, and she wanted to take him on a date.
>She flubbed up her introduction and request, but Anon simply looked her up and down with a strange look, then nodded.
"Sure."
>Apple Bloom had to resist jumping for joy, and tried hard to act grownup while they had lunch and a walk through the park.
>It was going so well, Apple Bloom started to think she'd even get to do the sex with Anon, especially when he invited her inside.
>She thought it was over when she blurted this out while sweating profusely on his couch, but he still didn't laugh or tell her to leave.
>Instead, he said that sounded like a great idea, and left the room to get things ready.
>"Oh ma gosh, oh ma gosh, this is really happenin'! I'm gonna have the sex!"
>Then Anon returns with an arm full of boxes and bags of snacks.
>"Ah, what's all that?"
"The sex stuff, of course. Sex is when you play a bunch of board games and have snacks for hours."
>"... Really?"
"Yep. What, you never had sex before?"
>"N-no! Of course ah have!"
>Apparently she's been having sex with her best friends for years.
>She was skeptical, but sex turned out to be just as much fun as foals on the playground said they heard it was supposed to be





>Celestia's dad was a human
>Anon arrives in Equestria at around the time the show happens
>He is found by Twilight and eagerly brought to Celestia by Twilight, who thinks this is a good opportunity for a friendship lesson
>Anon arrives at the castle and comes face to face with Celestia and Luna
>They're stunned at the sight of him
>Celestia is the first to speak
>"F-Father?"
"Excuse me?"
>"N-No, excuse ME. I'm sorry, I... mistook you for someone else."
>Luna doesn't say anything
>Just approaches him, sniffing at his clothes
>Celestia and Luna are hesitant to let Anon go
>He's not a prisoner there in any stretch of the word, but they're eager to accommodate him at the royal castle, which is probably a little bit more nice than trying to find a job and living in a crummy house in lower Canterlot
>They're reasonably sure that he's not actually their father (and they've come to terms with his death years ago), but they know that time travel exists, and they can't 100% rule it out
>Still, Anon still occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night to either Celestia or Luna crawling on top of his bed and asking him to just hold her








>RGRE-KND
>Applebloom, codename: Numbah 7500, must try and foil the dastardly plans of her teenaged siblings
>and if that weren't bad enough, intelligence reports have it that the Teenagers are rolling out a new set of Battle Ready Armor, designed for their rare male operatives
>and of course, her brother seems to be one of the primary testers for this new model
>now it's up to her and her fellow agents 7501 and 7502 (known as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle off duty), to protect the children of sector PONE








>Magic has made Anon a very long lived human, and he's been living in Equestria for roughly three generations because of it.
>In that time, he's lived in Ponyville, and has been the hot older stallion that young fillies have tried to bag for those three generations.
>Among the first were Cookie Crumble, her plucky pegasus friend, and an earth pony with strong family values.
>They never bagged the human, and so the torch was passed unto Cookie's daughter, Rarity as a young filly, who was eventually joined by Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
>Alas, they also failed, and Anon remained unclaimed.
>Now history repeats itself once more as Anon begins spotting three little fillies tailing him and spying from bushes.
>The Cutie Mark Crusaders are determined to succeed where their predecessors failed and make a herd with the exotic male from out of this world.
>For Anon's part, he was a fan of the show, and he's been both trying not to mess with main events too much while also waiting for his dream mares to show.
>After all, he's always known both Bonbon and Lyra ended up living in Ponyville, so all he had to do was wait and keep himself pure.
>As soon as the former secret agent retired her grappling hook and set up shop, Anon began visiting everyday, hoping to warm through the cranky mare's tough exterior to the wonderful waifu he knows to be within.
>Things have been a bit tough though, as Lyra, the one he thought would be easier to befriend, seems to be quite jealous of her new besty and is annoyed with this weird alien sniffing around.
>How is Anon going to achieve his dream with Lyra not letting him love her and Bonbon, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders stalking him?







>Celestia has always had a very strange gift.
>She can see numbers over people's heads that she's deduced represents how dangerous they can be to those around them.
>Now, it's not just how much raw strength or power a pony has.
>For instance, when she looks in the mirror, she sees herself as a nine despite being quite the powerhouse.
>Her sister, however, while being less powerful, is an eleven.
>As she descended into insanity leading up to Nightmare Moon, it steadily climbed up to a thirteen.
>She's not sure exactly how this gift calculates it, but she's met regualr criminals match or even surpass her.
>Manipulative, spiteful types, like her nephew Blueblood, can be around an eight despite not having a crime to their name.
>The average pony usually only sits at a two or three.
>Twilight is around a five these days, but it's actually lower than the six it used to be as she's steadily overcome her neurosis despite becoming more powerful.
>It's this power that led to her unashamedly sending little Cozy Glow to Tartarus, seeing as she was a fifteen, same as Tirek and Chrysalis.
>That's the highest she's ever seen.
>Even Discord pre-reformation was only a twelve.
>Sometimes she regrets keeping this power to herself- had she gone to visit Twilight's school and seen Cozy before she revealed her evil ways, she could have prevented her from even attempting them.
>Then again, she worries sometimes that ponies might put too much stock into them, like her sister.
>High numbers don't necessarily make ponies bad, after all.
>This is something she has to tell herself when she's introduced to Anon and has to restrain herself from blasting him and that menacing twenty over his head.
>He's already grown quite close to Twilight and many others in Ponyville, and they have nothing but nice things to say about him.
>What could possibly be the reason for a colt having the highest number yet?

> Meanwhile, Anon writes "best pony" on an open cardboard box and leaves it in the middle of town

> Fluttershy sees a crowd of ponies fighting over who gets to sit in the box
> After an episode of learning to be confident again, she suggests everypony takes turns
> For 5 minutes, the pony in the box feels amazing
> Even after getting out of the box, they feel better about themselves
> It becomes a town custom, that when a pony is feeling down, they get to sit in the box for a while

A small shrine is built around the box, as ponies fear moving the box would cause it to lose its powers. It is built sturdier than any building aside from Canterlot castle.
Since he's not a pony and thus has no reason to enter the box, Anon is turned into the Shrine-boy, complete with full costume

>The fame of the shrine grows, and so does Anon's
>Ponies from all over Equestria take on pilgrimages to not only pay a visit of the Shrine of Good Fortune, but also to ask the wise sensei for a crumble of his wisdom
>Meanwhile Anon's just telling movie quotes and memesto the silly ponies but it somehow always works out







>Anon perform's /x/'s autistic wet dream and weasels his way into Equestria
>He gets there, finds exactly what he wanted
>Everything is sunshine and rainbows for a while
>He begins getting nightmares.
>A mare is screaming for him.
>Pushes it off at first. They keep getting worse.
>They haunt him during the day. It gets more articulate and realistic.
>Can't enjoy anything.
>The joy is sapped out from him as they progress.
>He begins to feel drawn to something in the distance.
>He doesn't know what, or how far, it is, but he feel compelled to move towards it.
>He packs up, little thought on what he's leaving behind.
>He continues through the forests, plains and mountains.
>Farther than the farthest reaches of any sane civilization
>He's gone days -longer maybe- without seeing another soul
>At some point, he stops seeing life.
>Barren wasteland before him, he keeps treading, not knowing if these are his final hours.
>He comes to find an oasis.
>A house in the middle of nowhere, complete with a garden and water fountain.
>He goes in. It's filled with books.
>Mountains of books. Stacks to the ceiling and covering whole walls.
>A kind of relief washes over him as he gets closer to his goal.
>At the back of the house, in the farthest corner, he finds the mare he'd seen in his nightmares.
>"Anon?!"
>The scream is the exact same, but it didn't cause him pain.
>"You... you're real?!"

>He smiled.
>Now he knew why he was here.
>To help a mare who had run away. Forsaken the whole world and everyone in it so she could hide and surround herself with fantasy. Nothing else was worth her attention.
>A kindred soul




>Be Fauna
>You see this wayward stallion while closing up shop.
>You've heard about him, barely being able to even whicker like a normal pony. But it's not just his sounds or speech patterns.
>He's... odd. Everything about him is.
>Seeing him in person just reinforces that.
>His ears are pinned but is also laying down with a hauntingly sad look, like a lost puppy.
>His forelegs are crossed as if he's trying to hug himself but failing. He's also rocking back and fourth while doing so.
>General stuff you've seen isolated monkeys do for comfort, but with more success.
>Then it hits you.
>He's probably one of those ponies raised by wild animals that here are only wild tales of.
>Your ears swivel around as you keep an eye out for anypony else.
>Nopony, good.
>Letting out a soft whicker, you try to call out for him.
>He just stares at you, unblinking.
>"Want move, Pony?" He says in an oddly melodic yet gravelly accent.
>It's surprising how he's started to pick up speech by himslef. If your hunch is right, that is.
>Sure enough you're able to coax him into your clinic with a piece of salmon jerky, a treat only your predatory animals would find appetizing.
>His tail lashes awkwardly, and his now preened wings flap weakly out of sync when you scrub him down, but he doesn't make too much off a fuss.
>In fact he doesn't have an ounce of agression in him, nothing like what you've heard.
>Giving him more salmon jerky, apples, and berries you cover him with a blanket and seat him in a box in the coner of your office.
>With luck he'll stay there until morning and you can get him proper help





>Be anon-pone.
>Slightly humilitated about being treated like a pet or wild animal.
>But with free food that wasnt wild flowers, the first wash in over a week that wasnt in river water and a warm blanket you can live with a little humiliation.
>And you'd only be lying to yourself if the box you're sat in didnt provide some odd sense of comfort, must be a pony thing.
>Althoughh ponies seem to have beds judging from the few glances you've thrown through windows so maybe it's just a bird horse thing, do they make nests?
>Drift off to sleep thinking about pegasi acting more like birds than horses





>Sudden Bug Teaty syndrome

>Chrysalis was a victim of a horrible disease/curse this entire time
oh my god

>"Canterlot has the best doctors in Equestria! If they won't let me see them on my own, then I'll invade the city and MAKE them let me see one!"

>Chrysalis was just a nerdy mare with black fur, a green mane, and an interest in slutty stallion's socks; specifically ones with polka-dots on them
>Her life was torn away from her when she caught Bug Teaty Syndome
>She changed, and her friends rejected her
>Her best friend Shining Armor didn't even want to play O&O with her any more
>Enraged and feeling betrayed, Chrysalis left and tried to find other ponies who suffered from BTS
>She built a home for them all in the Badlands and decided that she wanted to create a movement to bring attention to their horrible condition in the hopes that one day they (and others who suffer from BTS in secret) will be cured
>It was meant to be an awareness-march/parade in the streets of Canterlot, but things got out of hand pretty quickly
>Chrysalis still has no idea what happened
>One minute she was marching down the streets to raise awareness, and the next she had the Princess of Love held hostage
>"Things are maybe not going as planned."






>Celestia has sunk to meritocracy in the hundreds of years she's been ruling for
>Her little ponies seem to have to learn the same lessons on being decent creatures again and again as the centuries go by, and nothing ever seems to stick
>500 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>400 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>300 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>200 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>100 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>About 5 years ago they learned to accept each other's differences.
>Either nopony writes any of these lessons down, or they don't care enough to pass their ideals onto their offspring.
>Each new generation seems to be a blank slate
>Celestia is tired.
>She's tired of having to teach the same important lessons over and over while making no progress.
>She's tired of watching everypony fall into the same rut time and time again
>She has personally taught each generation of Apple that it's okay to rely on their friends for help, and they never teach that sort of thing to their offspring
>She gave up and left the job to Twilight, and even THEN Applejack seems to forget that lesson every other month and does something stupid.
>Celestia has given up on trying because nothing she does ever has any impact for more than a few years, and "a few years" is a drop in the bucket to an immortal
>It would be like if you had to break up the same fight between the same two friends and make them realize again and again that it's okay to share the controller, EVERY SINGLE WEEK
>The years blur together to the point where Celestia can only differentiate the decades by remembering which pony she's made into her most loyal student this time.
>What's the point in trying to be great if it has no effect on the world around her?
>That's where you come in
>Anon is a creature so unlike her little ponies
>He behaves differently than a male does
>His life doesn't center around friendship problems
>He can throw Celestia curveballs and ask her questions that make her consider problems that she hadn't thought about in literal centuries
>He's her anchor
>A spotlight in a dark room, reminding her that her entire world is not just a bunch of ponies who never seem to learn anything she teaches them
>For the first time in centuries, Celestia feels the burning fires of passion in her chest
>She has a reason to improve herself now
>Your presence in her life might be short-lived (unless she discovers a few forgotten secrets in the royal library), but to her it's like waking from a bad dream when they spend time together
>When she sings "You are my sunshine" to you, she really does mean it






*Whrrrrrr*
FLASH
"No ma'am, you didn't just witness an adorable equine creature step out of portal to try and abduct your husband. Please move along."
>Be the long suffering Agent A of the MIB
>Be basically the de facto babysitter to a bunch of alien ponies that call themselves Equestrians, a rather recent arrival to Planet Earth after one of their Princesses accidentally opened a portal right smack dab in the middle of Grand Central Station.
>God what a mess to clean up that was.
>There's still about half a dozen men still missing from that debacle.
>Anyway, the /official/ reason for them being here is to spread the holy message of friendship among the human populace, usually by appearing right in front of them without any sort of disguise whatsoever.
>What they were REALLY after was breeders and househusbands to supplement their dwindling population, which is made up of mostly made up of females and is a matriarchal society.
>You've been flirted with more than a few times and they brazenly stare at your crotch when you walk by.
>One of them even dared to grope you before you kicked her in the face.
>It didn't bother her one bit, she just grinned at you and continued fondling you.
>They're apparently cartoonishly tough and have a pretty high tolerance for pain,.
>Fucking figures





>Long ago, at the eve of the world's birth, a being manifested.
>One eternal.
>One to shepherd the heavens.
>One to lead the first of the equine races through the turbulent beginnings of life.
>A mare with a pure, white coat and long, flowing dark mane.
>For countless years, they watched over and protected the little ponies who they loved so dearly, and who returned that love just as much.
>Every new foal birthed brought joy to the eternal mare.
>Just as every death saddened her.
>It was hard to watch her little ponies go where she could not follow, and with every bond made, she had to suffer through its breaking.
>They were lonely, and wished for a companion that they would not have to say farewell too.
>All the other eternals were either enemies, such as the Mindless Chaos, or neutral entities who wanted nothing to do with the great mare.
>This is why, one day, the mare developed a spell of unrivaled power.
>One to create the companion she so craved.
>Not from without, but from within.
>The great mare split herself in two.
>Darkness and Light.
>Sun and Moon.
>Celestia and Luna.
>So that they would always have somepony to be with.

>Many thousands of years later, and the two halves of a whole are seen as a pair of sisters, the princesses of Equestria.
>That is how Anon knows them.
>It's been strange, but the two rulers have made him feel welcome as he a adjusts to his new life.
>The sisters are more than happy to help the human.
>He's funny and kind, and has quickly become a good friend to them.
>It's why, as he jokingly pretended to fall over a railing, and ended up actually falling over the edge of Canterlot, they were so distraught.
>They are used to having to say goodbye to mortal friends, but it never gets any easier.
>... Except, when they go to retrieve his broken body, they find it instead pulling itself back together.
>A morbid sight not helped by Anon's gurgled screams on pain.
>Eventually, he was back to normal, though shaken up, and the tests began
>After some time, it is determined that Anon, through the mixture of magic and his completely alien body, has become immortal.
>Not ageless, but a being who could be eviscerated, burned to dust, or any number of deaths, and simply walk it off.
>If this were not hard enough to come to terms with, Anon also starts to notice Celestia and Luna act differently.
>The three would often only see each other at meals before as Anon stayed in the castle, but now, the alicorns visit him multiple times a day, sometimes even shirking minor royal duties to come see him.
>There are more brushes against his side, and meals have become more extravagant and dimly lit by candle light.
>Eventually, the pair approach Anon with an idea.
>They wish to form a herd with him.
>Now, Anon certainly likes them both, and he can't deny he finds them both attractive, but it's just too much for him.
>First he came to this strange world with talking ponies and magic.
>Then he found out he was immortal.
>And now he has these sisters suggesting a polygamous relationship which goes against the monogamous lifestyle that has been ingrained in his subconscious as proper.
>He tells them that he can't bring himself to be in such a relationship, and he doesn't want to come between the two, so he can't date either.
>The sisters are solemn when they leave.
>Here's a male that they can be with forever, to finally have a romantic relationship not fated to end, and he's monogamous.
>That's just great.
>Wait...
>The sisters look at each other, silently conversing.
>Could they really...?
>It's been so long.
>But if it doesn't work, they could always reverse things.
>There's no harm in trying, at least.
>The following day, ponies are confused to see a solar eclipse.
>Anon is also confused when a knock on his door reveals a towering alicorn mare with a pure white coat and flowing black mane.
>"Greetings, Fare Anonymous. I am Eclipse, and I would love to take you out on a date."
"Ah... what?"






>Be Anon
>Be on a train to Manehattan
>There's a recruitment effort there for musical talent, and you want to try out
>You don't know if you're anything special, but you know that there's a bunch of music that you remember from your world that you haven't heard here
>Run into Vinyl a few times on your way over
>Bump into her in the street on your way to the train station; she's going your way and she gives you a fleeting, empty promise to get you a backstage pass to her next gig
>See her again on the train; seems she got on just as it was leaving the station and now every other cabin but your's is full
>You shoot the shit (she looks a little embarrassed to be chatting with you after she was casually flirting with you before) and you give her your story
>You have a few things recorded (or maybe you have some equipment, I don't fucking know how musicians work) and she seems kind of impressed
>Part ways after a little bit
>Go to the recruitment drive
>Get rejected by all the big labels
>Feel like shit by the time some greasy-looking creature walks over to you with a sharp smile
>"I believe you could be an asset to our company, mister Anonymous."
>Vinyl swoops in out of nowhere
>"Hey, fuck off. This one's with me."
>The suit makes a hasty retreat
>Vinyl explains that the company that nearly snatched you up is infamous for chewing up talent (especially male talent) and spitting it back out
>"My big brother got caught up in a company just like that. He inspired me to get into music myself, but by the time I made it big he was already a mess."
>Explains that her brother was sucked dry and eventually resorted to drugs to cope
>Overdosed last year
>"You remind me a lot of him; passionate, but naive. I caught sight of you on my way out of a recording session, and I liked what I heard. I don't think I can stand to see another guy get ruined by this industry."
>She hands you a scrap of paper with writing on it
>"Here's how you can contact me. Let me see what you can do."






>Alicorns are weird about sugar
>They will hoard anything made with it, eat literal piles of the stuff, and will get especially pissy about others trying to encroach on their 'sugar turf'
>Sugar turf is just an area(s) an alicorn frequents to get their fix
>This has led to some spats between royalty
>Nothing serious, but the average pony should absolutely get out of the way until they calm down
>Enter Anon, who had been in Equestria for all of 2 days
>Seeing what looked like a showdown between the four demi-gods was concerning to say the least
>Thankfully Shining was there to lead him away from the fighting and get him a nice cup of tea

>sugar turf
>this was a recent development; part of the reason NMM happened was tia/luna had to compete for sugar as the infrastructure to support two alicorns didn't exist yet
>during Luna's banishment Celestia took it upon herself to ensure that sugar was as widespread as possible so such competition would never happen again
>she even gave her sister first pick of the turf she wanted
>to her relief and mild confusion Luna chose the simple pastry shop owned by Donut Joe down the road instead of her own cake chef
>unknown to her Luna chose the donut shop because she thinks the bipedal serving boy is cute; the donuts were simply a bonus




>Anon Y. Mas, son of Father ChristMas, AKA, Santa Claus, is tired of living in his father's shadow.
>He's always told he'll be carrying on the family tradition when his dad retires, but the old SOB has been doing this job for over a thousand years, and always jokes he still has a thousand more left in him.
>Do they really expect Anon to just hang around the North Pole, supersizing the workshop for all that time?
>He wants to travel the world, and deliver presents to the children of said world.
>He wants to make the list and check it twice.
>He wants to be Santa Claus.
>And he'll never get his chance if he stays at home, waiting for his turn.
>No, if Anon wants to bring joy to the hearts of good little boys and girls, he'll have to find a place beyond his father's territory.
>Good thing there's a lot of magic in the North Pole, and that they already had portal technology.
>You really thought Santa covered all that distance physically?
>Nah, the sled has a warp drive and time dilation system to help him do his job in one night.
>And Anon steals some of that tech to travel to another world.
>Thus Anon ends up in the Frozen North of Equestria, just a few dozen miles away from the Empire.
>He has with him plenty of supplies and magitech, along with a few robo-elves of his own design.
>He had originally made them to help lessen the load on the workshop elves as Earth's population rose, but they weren't grateful like he thought.
>They saw the creations as an attempt to make them obsolete, and the Elf Union was quickly after his head.
>He had to promise not to implement them in his father's workshop, but that doesn't mean he can't use them in his own.
>In the following months, crystal ponies report seeing strange lights North of the kingdom from deep within the jagged mountains, but nothing is done about.
>An expedition was being planned, but when the lights stopped, so did any sense of urgency.
>Now Anon has to do some reconnaissance





>Rainbow Dash is a dyke.
>Biggest around, and all the ponies know it.
>She's proud of the fact for some reason, and always mentions how she thinks cocks are gross and the like.
>Obviously, her number one fan is also gay, just like her idle.
>Yep, pre-teen Scootaloo is totally a lesbo who doesn't like colts.
>It's why pre-teen Anon was drawn to her in the first place.
>All the other fillies were always eyeing him like a piece of meet, their pubescent hormones making them horny messes, and the colts were just too prissy for him to like.
>And here's Scootaloo, a rough and tumble filly who he doesn't have to worry about trying to get into his pants.
>"Haha, that's right, Anon, I'd totally not suck your dick and ride you harder then my scooter! Ha, I'm grossed out just thinking about it! Haha!" Scootaloo says a bit too loudly.
>Anon laughs and punches her in the shoulder.
"You wouldn't be able to handle me anyways," he shoots back. "I'd leave you a cum-soaked mess, ya dyke. Might even fuck you straight."
>"Ha, yeah right," she counters with a forced grin. "That definitely doesn't sound hotter than Celestia's sun, and like something I wish would happen. Nope! It's all clits and teats for this filly, haha!"
"Preach!" Anon says with a laugh, then quiets down, looking somewhat sad. "All joking aside though, I know it's kinda gay sounding- no offense- but I really don't want to get with just any filly. The first times supposed to be special, right?"
>Scootaloo looks at him surprised.
>"Wait, you're a virgin? What about all those fillies trying to get you in bed?"
"I tell them no. Like I said, I want my first time to be with someone I genuinely like."
>He sighs, falling back to stare at the clouds.
"Someone who's a friend. Someone I click with and share interests with."
>He chuckles and turns to look at her.
"Really does suck you're a rug muncher. I think I'd be okay with you being my first."
>"Yeah..." she whispers after a moment, turning her face away. "That does suck."






>Humans are considered irredeemable monsters in Equestrian myth, and were a common horror story told among ponies when Anon first arrived in Equestria some one thousand years ago.
>Humans were featured as the monsters of bedtime stories or the big bads in many a fantasy novel.
>It's why Anon, upon entering a pony village, was subsequently chased out with pitch forks and torches.
>Of course, word reached the princesses, and they soon set out to stop the beast.
>Luckily for Anon, they were allowed him last words, which he used to point out he wasn't evil and just wanted some food and maybe a hug.
>He was pretty stressed out.
>The princesses quickly determined that he really was a perfectly fine colt, but the ponies wouldn't hear a word of it.
>He was obviously tricking the princesses.
>All the human males were manipulative homme fatales in the few stories they were featured, using their masculine wilds and ever present socks to lure mares into their traps.
>And they could all see Anon's socks right there on his sandaled feet, along with sexy brown shorts!
>He was on vacation when he fell into the portal, sue him.
>Seeing that a riot was about to break lose, the princesses promised to imprison the evil human, much to his shock.
>He really thought this was the end for him, but the princesses had an idea.
>At first, Anon didn't like the idea of being imprisoned in Pony Hell, but it turned out not to be so bad.
>Especially after the princesses had a quaint little cottage built in Tartarus for him with promises of keeping it stocked regularly with everything he could ever need.
>On top of that, to keep him company, they even got him a puppy.
>One with three heads and a playful attitude.
>How thoughtful.
>What would later be discovered would be that Anon was for some reason immortal, which also translated to the dog who apparently had some of that longevity rub off on him.
>Huh, neat.
>Though that still left Anon with an eternity with nothing to do

>There's not a lot to do in Pony Hell, and there are very few ponies besides the few miserable ones who got stuck on guard duty.
>Anon actually felt kind of bad for them.
>Most of them had families and lives outside of this place, and being stationed here took them away from that for months at a time before they were rotated out.
>It really sucked, and Anon started doing what he could to help them out.
>One thing led to another, until soon, he just sort of took over their duties, like cleaning the cages and feeding the inmates, most of which were just glorified animals the ponies thought were too dangerous to be let loose.
>He had all the time in the world to do his job, and with his ever growing dog by his side, he had plenty of muscle to keep the peace.
>Eventually, fewer and fewer guards were needed until he just took on all the responsibilities himself, and the princesses labeled him warden of Tartarus.
>He was also told, a few hundred years later, that he didn't need to be.
>The human craze had finally died down and fallen into obscurity.
>Zombies were all the rage now, and few ponies ever even thought of humans.
>It was an opportunity for Anon to start a life a free man of Equestria, but he declined.
>After all, his dog was massive now, and he doubted ponies would was Cerberus anywhere near them.
>They'd think the big lug was a monster, and besides, Anon was used to his life now, and didn't want guards to have to start watching over this place again just because he wanted freedom.
>No, he was content were he was, and had everything he needed.
>The princesses were truly humbled by this colt's selflessness, and would do what they could to spread the story of the noble human who guarded the gates of Tartarus.
>Though few believed the stories in the present, many had heard of the legendary human, including Twilight Sparkle.
>Of course, she thinks it's just myth
>At least, right up until she returns a wayward Cerberus, and is met by a frantic human thanking her profusely for returning his dog.
"I swear I only left the gate open for a second, and he was gone," he says as he scratches the big dog behind the ear. "You can be such a naughty puppy sometimes!"
>The two heads not getting their ears blissfully scratched at least try to look remorseful as Anon sighs.
"Ah, I can't be mad at you guys. You're just too cute."
>He looks back at the stunned mare and smiles.
"Anyway, thanks again for returning my dog. He means the world to me, and I just don't know what I'd do without him."
>"Um, it's, ah, it's fine, Mister Warden."
"My names Anonymous, but you can call me Anon, and really, I don't think I can ever repay you for this."
>His smile widens.
"But I can try! A fresh batch of cookies just came out of the oven, and I'd love if you'd come have a few. They're chocolate chip, and I have milk."
>Twilight's ears perk up.
>"Chocolate milk?"
>Anon gasps exaggeratedly.
"Chocolate milk with chocolate chip cookies! You monster!" he says, suddenly bending at the hip to bring his face closer to hers. "You'll fit right in."
>He boops her nose and spins around.
>"Come! Cookies and chocolate milk awaits! I even have quite a few assorted chocolates left from Hearts and Hooves day if you really want to be deviant. Celestia always sends me a few boxes each year, and now that Luna's back, she's been trying to make up for lost time."
>Twilight follows almost without thinking.
>She's not sure, but she thinks she might be making quite a few more trip to Tartarus in the future






> Moondancer has mare-pattern baldness
> It's partly due to stress making her overgroom herself, but she also has bad genes
> So she hides her chest and belly with a sweater, so that nopony has to see her bare skin
> She just about wants to die when Anon's pettings turned into an impromptu belly rub
> She watched his confused face, waiting for his expression to turn to disgust
> She did not expect him to life up her sweater and nuzzle where a mare's tuft should be
> Turns out, he'd been missing the feeling of skin-to-skin contact, despite pony fur being pleasing to the touch
> He was also excited, saying something about being able to do a proper raspberry
> Moondancer isn't sure what that is, but she's been on the horsenet long enough and read enough urban dictionary entries to suspect he wants to stick the tip of his dick in her belly button
> Frankly, she thinks it's weird, but if it makes him happy...





>Fate/Stay Equestria Edition.
>The mages of Equestria summon legendary figures for the Grail War.
>Anon gets summoned as Lancer.
>He's not much of a fighter though.
>His "lance" is his dick, and he went down in history for having sex with hundreds of mares and being revered as a sex god.
>He only died because enraged stallions formed a mob and lynched him.
>Now he must try to seduce his way through the competition.
>Meanwhile, his summoner is ready for the show.
>Moondancer knew what she was doing when she used that dried severed hand to summon Anon.
>She knew the stories, and that her odds of winning with a sex-crazed ape colt creature would be slim to none, but she didn't care.
>Her wish, after all, is to lose her virginity and see some of the freakiest sex acts to be witnessed in over a thousand years.
>She's pretty sure Twilight has summoned a young and fit Star Swirl the Bearded
*Just assume he's not one of the pillars in this universe*
>Maybe she can convince Anon to show the legendary stallion his own talents.
>She's always been a fan of historical fiction yaoi

>tfw basaka went tardrage
>tfw chad seiba cant even hold it back
>tfw summoned as a heric spirit based on a leyend and still a manlet
>tfw the holy grail is a meme
>tfw summoned on the class no one is supposed to notice
>tfw skill is off but no one notices anyway
>tfw gonna need a reality warping wish machine to get a gf

> Matilda summons Nemo, Father of Labyrinthia, the rider servant
> She did not expect a lanky farmer, fleet of foot and fond of all things four-legged, especially sheep

>Anon gets summoned as Caster
>Not just any caster
>A SMUG caster
>"Get fucked normies REEEEEEE!"
>Sewers all across town explode

>Anon is summoned as a neetmage
>Territory Creation A+++ 《Basement Dwelling》
>His NP is the fucking internet
>Could indefinitely linger after the war as long as he has his basement
>Probably would too

Then Anon should be Rider. He'd basically be the RGRE equivalent of pic related, who was so well known for her thottery in life that one of her Noble Phantasms is a literal rape dungeon hidden inside a magic chariot

Ah yes, Anon walking around with a whip, ready to spank all those mares into submission.
He'd also probably be really afraid of cheese

"So what do you want to try? We can jump right into the deep end if you want to."
>"W-well I've always fantasized about a stallion sitting on my face."
"Easily done, your highness."
>"A-and then we could-"
>BAM
>>"Get away from my sister you whorse!"
>"Shining?! What are you doing here?"
>>"I'm putting an end to this nonsense! Until both of you trade rings, well, let's just say neither of you are going to have a very 'Gouda' time."
>"Shining. Shining, no. Put the cheese down."
"Oh would you look at the time? It's time for me to leave. See you later, princess."

>Shining Armor continuously cockblocks Rider Anon from fucking Twilight
>Rider Anon needs that mana transfer to sustain his magical energy for the War
>since his Master is off the table and he isn't the type to drain blood for energy, Rider Anon just goes around fucking random mares
>every time Twilight sees one of these mares on the street they're always gushing about what an absolute FREAK Rider Anon is in bed
>Twilight has never hated her big brother more than now

>"No you don't understand, Shining! We're not just trying to have casual sex-"
"Although that is a bonus."
>"We're trying to save the world! There is a secret, underground war going on that could possibly result in the end of Equestria as we know it."
>>"And how does the two of you having sex tie into this?"
>"I give him energy...somehow whenever he ruts me. I don't have all the details sorted out, but it's a very interesting avenue of study to pursue."
>>"Uh-huh. You two stay here. I'm going to go get the swiss."