>Anon was bored in this magical backwards shithole he now calls home
>He fills his time making 40k models when not with his marefriend
>Unbeknownst to Anon humans DO have magic in equestria
>It does explain why his hobby room is filled with teeny tiny orks screaming WAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHH at the top of their tiny lungs
>They've taken to calling him either Gork or Mork depending on the individual ork

>Anon makes sororitas models
>They see him as the GE and give him stares that cause many insecure boners
>Anon makes eldar
>They call him various eldar god names depending on the factions
>Deldar call him overlord
>Anon makes spehs mareens
>They call him by their primarchs name based off the chapter
>God help him if he made chaos models
>More so slaaneshi ones



>Fluttershy comes to visit Anon with a picnic basket bouncing happily on her rump.
>The rest of the girls couldn't wrap their heads around how she was able to bring Anon out of his house so easily with just a blanket and some sandwhiches.
>Just enjoying some peace and quiet with him was just what he needed after all.
>Upon reaching the door the yellow mare knocked three times.
>The usual noise of things falling over with loud clatter and clangs is absent this time.
>Worried Fluttershy called out, "Anon? Are you alright?"
>Just as she was about to knock again a small green blur jumped at her face screaming, "WAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"
>The suddenness of the blur appearing and that fearsomecute cry startled Fluttershy to fall over stiff as a goat!
>Trying to free herself from her sudden panic attack Fluttershy could feel tiny little feet patter atop her side and heard a teeny voice shout, "Iz da baddest tink outside da great hold! Gork! Or Mork! Thankz ya big nobs fer da war beast!"
>The door finally opened and Anon looked about being glancing down to see Fluttershy and her new passenger on her side.
"Oi! Grimgor what ya doin' outside? Ya scared poor Fluttershy!"
>"Wazza Fluttershy?"
>"M-me! Could you maybe p-please get off of me?"
>"Nah, youz mine now-OI!"
>Anon plucked Grimgor by the scruff of his cobbled together armor of broken plastic spoons and shook the tiny green thing.
"Grimgor no, Fluttershy is a friend, wait hold on." Anon clears his throat and starts to speak like Octavia after a few too many ciders.
"Fluttershy's a nob, but she's one'a MY nobs ya hear? So youz ain't getiin' her unless."
>Fluttershy watched wide eyed as Anon started to squeeze the poor critter in his hand till his eyes started to bulge!
>"Anon stop! You're hurting him!"
>"Oi! Diz a foight B'tween Grimgor and Mork or Gork! You's stay outta it!"
>At the sudden shout Fluttershy bite her lip before Anon suddenly laughed.
"I'll let yous off with a warning ya nob."







> Be Anon, undercover policeman
> It's a slow night for the sting operation
> It's a little nippy out, but your streetwalker disguise has enough layers to keep you pretty warm
> You still find it ridiculous that mares don't realize a human prostitute can only be the only human in Equestria
> Who has been on the front page of multiple papers, with a picture of you in your cop uniform
> But no, they all just sidle up to you and ask-
> "Would twenty bits be enough for a good time?"
> You startle at the voice and turn towards it
> ...
> The mare can't keep eye contact, her eyes darting around
> The hat does nothing to conceal her foot long horn that has stabbed through the brim
> Likewise, her trenchcoat has two large tears for her wings
> You facepalm
"God damnit, Celestia."
> She startles back, a look of recognition growing in her eyes
> "Ah, um. Anonymous, fancy meeting you here. Is your job not working out? Or is this for jewelry and lacey bras?"
> You growl
"I'm on my job right now."
> Celestia blinks, then smiles
> "Of course, how could I have missed it. Then how about 100 bits for the rest of the night?"
> You sigh
"I'm a police officer, arresting Janes looking for prostitutes."
> Celestia grins
> "Kinky. Mind if I teleport us to my chambers? I have some fuzzy hoofcuffs you can use for your roleplay."
> You hold up a hand
"Let me check something real quick."
> You turn away and raise your scarf over your mouth
"Support, Walker is requesting guidance."
> A pause
> You recognize Chief Cuddle Wings voice as she gets on the line
> "Maintain cover. Your hoofler will collect you in the morning."
> You growl
"You're getting off on this, aren't you?"
> Cuddle Wings coughs
> "Occupational hazzard, Aggot. Just lay back and think of Equestria."
> You roll your eyes and turn around
> Celestia gives you a nervous smile
> You sigh
"Looks like I'm yours for the night. Let's go."
> She wiggles happily, then charges up her horn
> The things you do to keep Equestria safe








Marble Pie
>doomer incel, makes zero effort at improvement because she has learned to enjoy the melancholy of hopelessness, listens to sad doomer music all day ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7_jYYISAbM [Open] )
Limestone Pie
>MRA incel
Fluttershy
>otaku semi-shut-in incel, gets immediately really clingy with any male who speaks to her, presses onto him with her inane social skills, gets ordered by court to stay away, spends a few months sulking at home, starts going out again, process repeats
Aryanne
>otaku fashionable incel, cosplays as My Little Human villains in her home, has a cutey mark for it, and her home's shelves are full of Nazi merchandise; would see a green anon as sub-human; lost in edgy war fantasies
Wallflower Blush
>imageboard incel, spends all her days on imageboards and has no opinions of her own, declares everypony else is sheep
Twilight
>"nice guy" incel, formerly fedora-tipper egalitarianist but increasingly jaded and falling into the usual incel views; attempts to synthesize the 2 but the result is just awkward; slowly converting further to Nick Land
Moondancer
>autistic marefoal (manchild) incel, has tantrums and holds grudges over bizarre things nopony else understands, everypony avoids her because she is so easy to trigger; thinks she is as smart as Twilight because she took online IQ tests; can't let their supposed childhood competition go despite being a brainlet in comparison to Twiggy
Floor Bored
>degenerate incel, cannot stop masturbating for one fucking moment







 > Be Twilight, trying to figure out Anon
> Most of the time, he speaks normal Squish
> But every once in a while he says, "yootoo, be" or "you tube watch?" and then babbles like a foal
> Afterwards, he always stares at you, as if you are supposed to have some sort of reaction to that nonsense
> Human whimsy is really strange






>humans are actually very strong empaths
>we can`t tell it because all of us are more or less the same,but rarely one of us comes along who is stronger than average (hitler,muhammad,ghenghis khan)
>anon is a doomer
>on earth his capabilities have little effect on other people,simply making them dislike and shun him
>but in equestria,his melancholy becomes a very real thread to ponies
>merely standing in his presence drains them of their happiness and joy,turning them gray(literally)
>the princesses see this,but they know anon is not really at fault for it so they take pity on him,still they need to fix this or else their ponies might become so depressed that they loose the will to live
>cue the princesses enlisting the help of the most joyous pony they could get their hooves on






>Anon goes to Equestria and stays in Canterlot.
>Of course the princesses are willing to let him stay at the castle until he gets on his feet.
>That was the plan, at least, until he starts to develop a strong friendship with the royal sisters, then something more.
>Ponies were surprised, but happy that the alicorn pair had found love, and Anon couldn't have been happier.
>Truly, he was living the most blessed life with two mares he loved more than anything.
>It was their wedding day, Anon standing between Celestia and Luna.
>He was just about to say, "I do," when there was a flash of light.
>Darkness, then green filled everything.
>Even his lungs.
>Coughing up heaps of slime onto the cold crystal ground, Anon is helped to his feet.
>Looking around blearily, he sees many ponies in the same state as royal guards rescued them from green pods.
>He was so confused.
>He wanted his soon-to-be wives.
>Later, it would be with a heavy heart that Celestia explained.
>He had been captured by the changelings and held in a dreamlike state for what they were guessing months.
>He had been replaced by a changeling along with many other regulars around the castle.
>As she explained, there was pity, but no love.
>It was all a lie.
>He remembered the truth then.
>He had asked the solar princess out, but she had said she was not looking for a relationship.
>Neither was Luna, still trying to adjust to modern times as she was.
>Their relationship was never more than friendly acquaintances.
>Anon cries himself to sleep that night in a cold, empty bed.
>Something something RGRE

>Anon fights to get back to the Changelings so he can be repodded
>A false dream is his only escape from reality
>He has no other reason to live

>Chrysallis is furious when she hears his reason.
>Damn those pony princesses!
>Why do they get so much love just foisted onto them without even having to earn it?!
>She deserves love, not those pathetic sisters!
>She will not stand for this.
>Anon will not go into a pod if all he's going to is fantasize about her stupid enemies, food be damned.
>No, she'll prove those mares wrong and make Anon love her instead.
>That'll show them!


>Anon can't believe the turns his life has taken.
>He never thought he'd find happiness after being rejected by the alicorn sisters, let alone in these dim caves.
>And yet, he's become something of a father figure to many little changelings who swarm him constantly for attention.
>He spends his days playing with cute grubs, helping in the kitchen caverns to make various mushroom and bug stews (which are surprisingly tasty) and hanging out with Queen Chrysalis.
>Unlike other certain immortal royals who found his affection awkward, Chrysalis bathes in it.
>And after a few months, even begins to reciprocate.
>Anon never thought he'd find love down here.
>Or fug a bug, yet both of these things have happened.
>He's pretty sure he'll never be able to enjoy sex with another creature now that he's experienced the pleasure of a clawtoris.
>Yes, Anon feels truly blessed, which is why he sighs dejectedly .
>Chrysalis looks at him confused.
>Why does she sense such melancholy from her lover?
>He should be in complete bliss after experiencing the royal bughood!
>When she asks, he answers.
"Don't get me wrong. The sex was as great as ever, and I'm happy, it's just... I know this is just another dream world and I'm in a changeling cocoon."
>He sighs again, a sad smile coming to his face.
"At least I can take solace in the fact that I'm feeding you and the changelings out there, even if they don't actually love me."
>Chrysalis blinks.
>"You think you're in a dream? That's preposterous."
"Is it? Why else would you love a loser like me?"
>"Because you properly worship me while being kind to my changelings and providing positive assistance to the hive. You are an ideal mate. I also find your alien form and scent arousing."
"Thanks dream Chryssi, but we both know the real you thinks of me as nothing more than a lunchbox."
>She frowns, not liking being questioned one bit.
>"Anon, in your prior experience in a cocoon, do you remember ever feeling pain?"
"Um, can't say that I did. Why?"
>"So that you understand the one thing the cocoon's cannot simulate is anguish, and so this will help prove to you that this is real."
"What will prove-?"
>CHOMP!
>Anon would never be so happy to be getting a horrible and painful bite wound in his life.
>He cries tears of joy as Chrysalis tenderly applies healing slime to the jagged teeth marks she left in his shoulder.
>Males.
>Always so strange.
>... But she's glad she has this one around




> RGREQG women don't like it when boys tell them their tits are cute
> "Ruggedly beautiful" would be best, they will be glad to hear "Delicious", "Nice rack" is something of a meme, but if a janegirl says it, it's pretty great
> But "cute" means they might not even see you as a woman
> As a result, almost every woman pads her bra
> Poor Rainbow Dash has a bra with bags of sand sewn into the cups
> Rarity has pads that color coordinate with her outfits
> Other women think she's missing out on putting out the illusion of having big breasts
> However, Rarity knows that boys like a variety of colors, and respond just as well to her artfully false bust as Fluttershy's all natural, massive sweater puppies







>You are Twilight.
>You are outside of Celestia’s quarters.
>Talking to Celestia.
"Celestia."
>"Yes my dear student?"
"That ape is evil! Despite my personal issues the detect evil spell using the combines ethical signatures of villains of Equestria said-"
>”Twilight I taught you better than to be so rude!”
“How can you not see that he’s evil?!”
>"He made me the greatest cake when he came... And we get to kiss each other on the cheek eventually!"
“You met him a week ago! He somehow ended up here in Equestria! Very suspiciously I might add!”
>”Twilight! He’s been nothing but kind to me. I knew many many villains, and he's just a nice colt..."
>A nice colt?!
“Alright then! Then what is he doing now?”
>”Oh well-”
>The door to her quarters opens and the wrinkled robed monkey steps out.
>”Celestia… You must tell me if I am performing the magic… correctly.”
“What magic?”
>”Of course!" Celestia says, ignoring you.
>You follow them both into the room.
>Palpatine walks to the balcony and lifts his hands up-
>LIghtning shoots out of his hands and into the sky, morphing red as it-
>Surrounds the sun and violently yanks it down past the horizon.
>"Celestia! You taught him how to use the sun?!”
>"He was just begging like colts do and he was so happy when I agreed to-"
"You taught HIM how to lower and raise THE SUN?"
>Palpatine turns back to look at both of you, “Celestia, my dear, your student fears what she does not understand... You must remove her until she is more understanding of differences.”
"But-"
>A yellow glow teleports you outside of Celestia's quarters and with another burst of magic her doors slam shut.
>what the buck
>That's it.
>You're getting the Elements-
>Just as you turn to leave you hear a colts yelling from inside.
"I am the greatest Sith of the universe! The very stars quake before my power and soon all worlds will quake before my-"
>You're not listening anymore.
>That's it!
>You're getting the Elements and putting an end to this!







> Caramel buys tickets to the wonderbolts show and invites you along
> When you get there, he gives you a big sign to wave with a masculinist slogan on it
> You hold it for him because he paid for the ticket, so it's the least you could do
> Towards the end of the show, he leaves to use the bathroom
> While he's gone, Spitfire shows up and aggressively flirts with you with the belief that masculinists just need a good fucking to become reasonable stallions
> You go along because her tuft is enticing and her thighs are thicc
> Caramel calls you when he comes back half an hour later, but it's too late
> You are balls deep in the embodiment of toxic maresculinity and loving it






> Ywn be a blue-beaning delinquent teasing Scilight Sparkle
> Ywn use her apartment as a place to hangout and eat snacks
> Ywn purposefully adjust your ball bra in front of her
> Ywn get flustered when she says something that makes you believe that you can really depend on her
> Ywn desperately ask for her help studying History because it's the one subject that your previous education doesn't cover
> Ywn kiss her because she joked about paying her back with your body
> Ywn get tackled to the bed because she thinks you are signalling that you want the V
> Ywn watch Good Eats and learn to cook well, because you are probably going to end up Scilight's househusband





>Anon ends up in medieval (read D&D times) Equestria, and needs a job.
>His first idea was being an adventurer, but after every piece of male armor he found covered less than ten cubic inches of skin, and he was laughed at by every surly adventurer mare he tried to join the group of, he fell back to old habits.
>A stable, if boring, life of a wage slave.
>Well, maybe not so boring as he at least meets a lot of interesting characters as a server at a tavern.
>His buttocks is getting a bit sore though from all the smacks.
>Hooves are hard.






>When your marefriend introduces you to horsevidya and you have to learn how to hold and operate controllers that are designed for ponies of all 3 races
>You played plenty of vidya back home, but the unfamiliar controller is not built for your hands nor the range of motion of your fingers
>Twilight loves using this as an excuse not only to show off her video game library to a male who doesn't think said library makes her a huge loser, but also to hold you close and guide your hands and fingers so that you can use their controllers properly
>it's also a perfect opportunity to bond with her over a shared interest
>You'll probably get a custom controller made, but for now you're happy to spend your evening together your marefriend
>And to think when she first met you online, she called you a fake gamer colt





>Be Anon
>Be in the Crystal Empire due to shenanigans
>It wasn't too bad up here
>It was cold, and the ponies were way too shiny, but at least the food was pretty good
>You were staying with Empress Cadence and her husband
>Again, it wasn't too bad
>It wasn't as busy as Canterlot castle
>A lot of ponies here were old fashioned--like they cute open chickens and looked at their guts to see what the weather was going to be old fashioned--but you were a giant green boop monster, and were left well enough alone
>Mostly
>You didn't know this, but Shining Armor was as inquisitive as his sister
>The second he saw you he had been hounding you with questions
>Usually, you'd tell him to fuck right off, but his daughter was really adorable and he was feeding you and letting you stay at his house so you humored him
>You were doing some humoring right now
>You, him, Cadence, and Flurry were in one of the royals' personal chambers
>You were sitting in a chair too small for you while Shining, sitting their enraptured, played with one of your hands
>Opening, closing, wiggling them all around
>If he had had a notepad and a purple coat he'd have been Twilight when you appeared at her front door
>"I can't believe how flexible these are," he said with a smile. "Strong too. I love my magic but these have to come at a close second. Just imaging being able to grab something..."
>His eyes widened, and he let out a gasp
>"Oh! Hang on. Let's try something!"
>His horn glowed
>There was a pop, and a brush appeared right in front of you
>One of those thick wooden horse brushes
>It had Shining's cutiemark etched on the back of you
>On reflex, you grabbed it as the stallion suddenly climbed into your lap
>You frowned at the invasion of personal space, looking down at him as he made himself comfortable, leaning his back against your chest
>Damn these touchy, feely ponies...
>"Anon, I hate to ask this, but could you brush my coat?" he asked, looking up at you. "I do my best, but sometimes I can't quite get my back, and Cadence is useless when it comes to this sort of stuff, though I'm SURE you know all about that. Mares, am I right?"
>He smiled
>You sighed, and started your brushing
>Shining immediately sighed, tail swishing
>You looked over to his wife as you brushed
>Cadence was staring at both of you wide-eyed
>There was a bead of sweat running down her face, and she was biting her lower lip
>"Y-Yes... Just like that, Anon," she said breathlessly. "Brush his w-whole body...
>...
>Fucking weird ponies...





> Flurry grows up with vague memories of a certain smell, a certain warmth
> She's getting older, most fillies her age have their cutie marks
> The she wanders across Sombra's stature, the stone of his balls polished by every passing mare
> At once, she remembers being held by him, when fear of the unfamiliar transmuted into joy and affection as he played with her
> Flurry buries herself in magical research
> Finally, everything is prepared
> She de-stones Sombra and the magic dampener on his horn keeps him from fighting effectively
> Not that he tries, he is staring at her
> "Flurry?"
> She grins
"Hey big guy, wanna /sl/?"
> she's totally going to get a big balled goth coltfriend







>Anon is an ancient hemomancer
>Not necessarily evil, but nobody really thinks blood magic is good either
>Gets defeated by some heroes of old
>Manages to live on by tying his soul to his blood, storing some in a small flask
>Lies dormant and as centuries pass and he is all but forgotten about
>The tiny flask gets found in his old lair, which is now in ruins
>Gets sold off from merchant to merchant as some kind of lucky magical charm
>Eventually lands in the hands of a neet mare, who thinks it'll give her luck with stallions
>Doesn't realize you're just supposed to have it on you
>The fucker just drinks it down
>Anon finally has a host
>The NEET mare hears the ethereal voice of a stallion in her mind, promising her great power and riches if she helps him gain his previous power
>The mare, afraid, asks where the voice is coming from
>"From inside you"
>The mare immediately creams herself at the thought of a stallion being inside her
>Anon hears a faint "Take that mom..." before she passes out







>The time Shining was under Queen Chrysalis' subtle mind control is a time he doesn't speak of much.
>Ponies assume it's because horrible things were done to him, and even Cadence sometimes wonders if she was his first on their wedding night.
>They had both saved themselves for marriage, and the princess worried just what that bug did to her beloved.
>She assured herself that even if the worst did happen, that she would not think less of Shining, and that she at least will always have been his first in making love, not whatever that monster did.
>She doesn't have to worry though.
>Shining has another reason for not telling his wife what had happened during that week she had been replaced.
>Because it was unbelievable for one, and probably would have gotten her quite miffed.
>After all, how do you tell your wife that you had a really fun time with their evil replacement?
>During that week, Shining found his fiance to be far more into all of the things she used to tease him about.
>The mind magic kept him from asking too many questions, so all he really noticed was 'Cadence' suddenly gushing over his miniatures collection, playing Mana the Amassing with him, and sputtering like an idiot whenever he pecked her on the cheek.
>Simply put, Cadence, or more accurately, Queen Chrysalis was a big dork who, under normal circumstances, would have been a good friend.
>It's why he's always felt bad about how things turned out, which is something he has to keep secret, because that would catch him some serious flack from the public.
>Still, he can't help but think back on those days with a chuckle, and when he meets Anon, he thinks of the Changeling Queen even more.
>The human reminds him of her, both acting tough and cool, only to be huge nerds deep down and behind closed doors.
>As a matter of fact, the more he thinks about it, the more he pictures what a cute couple the pair can be.
>These thoughts come to the fore when one of his scouts comes back with news that they believed they had finally found the Hive.
>Ponies wanted to send an attacking force, and Anon was at the front of the line, volunteering to help anyway he could.
>He wanted to pay Equestria back for taking him in and treated him kindly and thought this was a good place to start.
>Shining knows it's crazy, what he's thinking, but for some reason, it just makes too much sense.
>He agrees, planning to lead the force himself, with Anon by his side.
>He'll have to ask the other soldiers to stand guard outside the hive while he makes introductions, though.
>Don't want them charging in when he's trying to set his friend up on a date

>anon comes along thinking he`ll be able to prove himself to the princesses,to earn glory in battle and bring back the head of their enemy
>hfw his buddy shining actually wants to set him up on a date and with an enemy of the state,no less

>they get off on the wrong foot(hoof) and start hating eachother,but shiny believe there still is hope,so he uses his friendship with each of them to try and show both the others true personality
>he needs to hurry before one of them hurts the other,since they`re at eachothers throats
>shining decides to have them play one of his O&O campaigns
>he serves as the GM while the two have to work together to win
>they slowly start bonding over the course of the game,maybe even saving eachothers character along the way
>by the end of it they at least are not trying to murder one another
>shiny calls it a resounding success







Although Invisible-Incognito could be amusing.
>After managing to convince the ponies that he wasnt a spooky ghost they tried a lot of things to make him visible, but nothing works.
>Anything he comes into contact with gradually fades away too if he's touching it for long enough, but eventually comes back with seemingly no ill effects.
>Sometimes has a little trouble figuring out where the edge of the bed is in the morning but at least his whole house hasnt vanished.
>Rarity gets inspired by his fascinating digits and decides to make dozens of pairs of gloves for him.
>Add in a few dozen bow ties so ponies know roughly where to look when speaking to him and voila, he can live somewhat normally.
>Ponyville being ponyville, the residents quickly adapt to the sight of 3 random bits of clothing wandering around town and tend to laugh when visitors get spooked by 'The ghost'.
>A few of the dirtier-minded mares may or may not fantasise about what those fingers of his can do when nobody can see







>Changelings males during their mating season will start to glow as a way of saying 'I'm ready for fug'.
>Of course the mechanism they do this with bioluminescent, so changelings just don't go after ponies lighting up their houses.
>Anon of course cannot light his house the conventional method because of obvious reasons, also lighting candles be expensive has fuck.
>So, Anon tries and does manage to invent Equestria's first lightbulb and proceeds to light his entire house with electricity.
>This creates a new problem has Anon's house is practically broadcasting in Changeling 'an all you can sex free brothel.'
>This creates an en-mass migration of changelings to Ponyville to look for the glowing house







>Be Celestia
>This whole thing was supposed to just be a bit of fun
>Luna noticed the hyoo-man eyeballing you one day
>She suggested that you take him on a date
>Enjoy yourself, get out of the castle for a bit, maybe scratch him itches
>You did enjoy the date you took him on
>You liked what happened after
>Hyoo-mans were a rather hung species from what you were able to gather, and you enjoyed yourself immensely
>So you asked him on another date, then another
>The hyoo-man loved oral, giving and receiving
>He liked to grope and fondle you
>He also looked marvelous covered in your cum, and more than once you were nearly caught with him under a desk between your legs
>Little did you know that you were trotting right into a snare
>You slowly but surely found it harder to keep up in the bedroom
>It was harder to lead in the bedroom
>He started leaving bitemarks in places that had the maids raising eyebrows
>It was a bit embarrassing really, but every time you felt just a little too emareculated he would ease up
>It was hard to be outraged, those hands that tongue, and his cock were too amazing
>There were some worrying things however
>You knew hyoo-mans had tamed horses and ponies on his world
>He seemed to take great pride in this
>He never said how, but you were starting to wonder
>You wanted to tame him, make him squeal like a cute little colt he was, but it was damned difficult
>At least he wasn't making you wear something silly like a bridle and saddle
>Yet






>meadowniggers
>ponies still mad that Anons go doe
>Celestia can't do anything about it because reindeer control the seasons

>Applejack gets drunk and complains to Anon about how everything sucks because the reindeer bought out all the holiday cheer with their 'fancy meadowzigger mathmatics'
>Anon gets all shifty
>He's wearing a Hearthswarming Sweater

>reindeer get their human loved ones tacky sweaters
>for humans, it's a holiday ugly sweater, it's warm but it's a gift from a loved one which makes it nice
>for reindeer, the sweater is a loud marking that declares the human as theirs
>they use the brightest colors, red, green, and white, other decorations, and put flashy and festive designs all over it
>the more visually loud the sweater is, the more you mean to her, and the more she wants everyone who sees your sweater to stay away
>she'll even stitch in her own floof to imbue her scent into it on top of the typical scent marking she'd do






> Meadowniggers
Let's worldbuild a little.
> When the three tribes of ponies moved to what is now modern day Equestria, the deer initially allied with the earth ponies.
> The deer gave them shelter and land to farming return for a portion of the crops
> Deer are potent elementalist magic users, but can't do any of the more sophisticated things a unicorn can
> They took part in the last stand against the windigos, so Celestia decided to keep the treaty once she and Luna unified the tribes
> As pony society outbred and thus outnumbered deer, Celestia met with the current High Chieftess and agreed on the boundaries of deer territory
> Deer culture became increasingly elitist as time went on, as the tithe of crops easily feeds the entire deer population with extra left over
> Deer spend most of their time honing their elemental magic and pursuing hedonistic activities
> As Equestrian technology advanced, the deer were largely left behind
> They had little trade with ponies in the first place
> So deer develop a culture of marechismo, romanticizing roughing it in the wild with nothing but your magic and your fluff (and stored food from the tithe)
> From time to time, deer will leave their territory and hire themselves out as mercenaries and bodyguards
> The common stereotype ponies have of deer is that they are lazy brutes and braggarts, taking advantage of Celestia's kindness and forbearance







> Be Anonpone, son of Fluttershy
> You are a lot like her, you prefer peace and quiet and talking to the animals
> Your dad, Hot Line, has a job as a telemarketer. 
> He is really persuasive, and knows just what to say to make things turn out right
> Sometimes, Mom takes Dad out on a date, and one of her friends babysits you
> You're already 11, you don't really need to be babysat anymore, even if you were a normal colt
> But your hormones are starting to kick in, and suddenly Rainbow Dash wrapping a wing around you and tousling your mane isn't so bad
> And then there's the way Applejack smells when she babysits you right after bucking apples
> It makes you feel light headed and warm
> Rarity is happy to answer your questions about horse puberty in a way that doesn't make you want to die, unlike Twilight
> And Pinkie... well, she makes good food
> You still remember how when you were five, you promised to have them in your herd when you grew up, to your current embarrassment
> Now you are seriously considering trying to get some of them for your herd
> They are so much more mature than the fillies in your class that shout and wrestle 
> You are going to have to ask Dad for advice, you decide






> You are Fading Light, the younger brother of Twilight Sparkle
> She overshadows you in a lot of areas: in general knowledge, mana pool size, spell selection, and magic resistance
> Just about the only things you have over her is your height, horn length, and how quickly your meager mana pool replenishes from ambient magic.
> Mom likes to joke that Shining got her sensibility, Sparkle got her power, and you got her intimidating horn. 
> Dad worries though, because you also got his long legs and... well, mares like to follow you around
> And then one day, a mare pulled you into her streetside apartment and pressed you flat on your back with her magic
> She started licking your family jewels, and to your shame, you came out of your sheath
> That shocked you enough to remember to activate your teleportation charm
> You instantly appeared at home, and sobbed as you tried to explain what happened to your worried parents
> Twilight Velvet got a grim expression on her face and left while Nightlight comforted you
> The mare who assaulted you was arrested not long after, with a number of bruises and cuts that the ponice refrained from asking about 
> Your parents decided that it might be best for you to live with your sister in Ponyville, where you won't have to worry about as many unicorn mares lurking about
> You agree, you've been having a hard time walking down the streets of Canterlot, even with one of your parents coming along to protect you
> A change of scenery will definitely help with your nerves
> You just hope you can get along with Twilight's friends.







>Go to Equestria
>Say you're a big strong man who will want to get a job in construction or professional heavy stuff-lifting
>Find few jobs willing to hire you because you're "just a hoo-man stallion"
>Bits are running low
>Consider prostitution
>Sitting outside on a park bench, thinking about whether or not you should whore yourself out
>Rarity, a friend of yours, asks you to watch Sweetie Belle for her for an hour or two while she leaves to get supplies for her boutique
>Say 'sure'
>Sweetie is full of energy
>Constantly running around
>You easily keep up with her with your longer legs
>Ponies can have bursts of energy for sure, but they can't keep it up for long, so Sweetie will have to stop running before you do
>Use your fingers to give her tickles so that you distract her
>Toss her up (not too high) a few times to keep her entertained
>Before you know it, Rarity's back and Sweetie Belle is sleeping in your arms
>Rarity is amazed that you kept her occupied and that nothing caught on fire
>Gives you the names of a few stallions who are looking for foal-sitters
>"The only place to find better gossip is at a hair salon, darling."
>tfw you've found your new career







>Money is tight and so Anon applies
>He's exotic and his bulge is more visible in his tiny shorts due to his bipedal stature
>Also he's just tall enough that most mares are at eye-level with his cock
>Anon has to stop mares from trying to slide their tips into his shorts, because that weight adds up and his shorts might fall down
>The mares know this; that's why they do it
>Anon would quit if he wasn't raking in the dough through tips








>Sunset is a very sexually aggressive woman
>Most unicorns are, and though she's a human now she's still one at heart
>A mare's supposed to take her stallion
>Not bed, not barter, take
>Take them to a bed, fuck them stupid, mark them with one's scent, and put them in the kitchen where they belong
>Some unicorns might go so far as to magically brand their cutiemark somewhere on the stallion's body
>Sunset never would, but thinks the idea is super hot
>As is the thought of fucking a colt until they can't walk
>Doing things to them so that they won't even look at another mare again
>Knowing she was able to fuck so good, be so good; better than everything he has had and will ever have
>Turning whatever he was into a loving househusband that loves nothing more than to cook and clean and take care of the foals
>She thinks about it
>A lot
>She also sees you staring at her boobs when you think she isn't looking
>She likes the look of your thicc foal-chasing legs
>You look like you could take a pounding
>A hard one
>And if you keep eyeballing her that's exactly what she's giving you






> Anon helps twilight preen
> It's purely parent and child
> neither anon or twilight know this
> somepony catches them
> scandal ensues

>Twilight is all "This is awesome, I've got someone to help me preen!"
>Anon is all "this is awesome, I can help my marefriend feel good and bond with her!"
>Rainbow Dash is all "Those two are fucking weird, I wish they'd keep their kinks in the bedroom."

>Anon now realizes why some of his favourite cute videos of ponies doing cute shit were all on porn sites
>Anon also knows why he's so popular as a foal-sitter due to wing-preening being a part of the clean-up/bedtime routine
>"Did I accidentally adopt, like, 4 neglected foals?"







>Stallions are into thin and lithe mares
>not big ponies like pinkie
>dash must get all the dicks
>She doesn't but will never admit it
>She tries to be all smiles but it is kinda starting to get to her
>Anon, who helps out at sugarcube corner, notices
>After closing he's cleaning the kitchen and overhears pinkie ask carrot and cupcake for advice on finding a stallion
>They can't tell her much more than to be patient, but anon has other plans
>Pinkie hasn't noticed it, but anon's eyes are constantly glued to that plump rump and wide hips of hers
>So one day, anon asks pinkie to come over to his place for a private party
>Pinkie, having never turned a party down in her life, agrees
>Walks in to find a large banner hung in anon's living room that says "I love pinkie's booty party"
>Anon welcomes pinkie in and says the first game will be "Pin the flank on the face"







>"Come on, Anon! I know you're new to secretary work but this should be coming naturally to a stallion! Do you really expect Celestia or Luna to manage their time wisely? The last time I tried taking a day off the sun came up three hours late! All because Celestia raided the cake storage! Now you get your cute butt over to Luna or so help me I'll have you managing the jannies! And they're volunteers! They do it for free!"

>Anon realizes his degree in accounting or fucking whatever, I'm dumb as fuck has finally become worth it
>ywn fluster Raven as she takes you under her wing and teaches you how to keep noble's schedules from conflicting
>ywn realize how hard this is because they're mostly whimsical stallions who make decisions on the fly and change their minds about appointments almost constantly
>ywn work directly under Raven
>ywn not realize you're making her contemplate whether or not the risk of a scandal is worth taking you out for dinner

>Marble finally asks Anon on a date (read: she finally agreed when he asked) and is getting ready in her room.
>Her door opens, and she expects to see Limestone there telling her she's crazy and is going to get herself foalnapped and locked in Anon's basement, as she's been saying all day.
>Instead, it's her mother, Cloudy Quartz.
>"My daughter, am I to understand you are taking young Anonymous into town tonight?"
>"Y-yes, Mother."
>"Hmm... Anonymous is quite wild."
>"I know, Mother."
>"Strong willed, promiscuous, quick to anger."
>"H-he is, but-"
>"Much like your father was when I first started courting him."
>"Huh...?"
>"My own parents disapproved. They believed he was too depraved, flashing that winsome smile at any mare that happened to look his way. That his interest in fine quality hats and ties was a sign of vanity. They thought he would not make a good husband or father, and that I should find a proper stallion to fill both roles."
>She steps forward and places a firm hoof on Marble's shoulder
>"I saw beyond those superficial flaws of your father to the stallion underneath. Gentle, firm, and loving. I proved them wrong and married that stallion. Marble, my daughter, you will do the same. Tame young Anonymous, polish his rough edges with the grit of your love and patience, and turn him into the husband and father that he deep down wishes to be. I believe in you."
>Then she walks out, leaving a flabbergasted Marble Pie in her wake







>Anon laughs boisterously at one of Maud's dry jokes.
>They think it's an unhinged cackle.
>Anon tries to be a gentleman and kisses Marble's hoof while saying she looks lovely.
>They think he's a sinful harlot.
>Anon loses his temper mildly at a mare for making fun of Marble in public, his voice tight when he sends back a subtle barb of his own that leaves the mare embarrassed.
>They think he's a hair's breath away from committing murder.
>"Marble, you need to get rid of this guy. He's nuts!"
>"I-I know, it's just, w-well..."
>"What? Are you afraid he'll come after you if you dump him? We'll go to the ponice, get a restraining order. I know it might be embarrasing to admit you're scared of a guy, but they'll understand when we explain."
>"It's not that... Not just that, anyway..."
>"Then what is it? Spit it out!"
>"I... I kind of like the attention."







>end up in ye olde Equestria
>in the middle of buttfuck nowhere to be precise
>after nearly a whole day of traipsing with no sign of civilised life you find a caravan of zebras
>they're surprisingly welcoming all things considered
>say that outcasts should stick together
>give you food and shelter but ask you work to make up for it
>try different things but eventually get pushed to do entertainment
>learn how to dance from the stallions of the group
>your lithe bipedal form allows you to flow into the movements in a unique way
>you become a big hit wherever your caravans end up
>you never stay in one place for more than a week
>the locals pony's seem to not care for you after they've gotten their eye-candy
>moving is certainly preferable to getting groped by every other pony mare you walk past
>finally manage to get into one of the major cities
>nearly as soon as your first performace you're stalked by an older (sort of hot?) but definitely creepy mare







>Kirin waifu in heat
>Spent most of her life not speaking, so she already lacks a developing mental filter
>Most of what she things makes its way to her mouth, and she's offended the delicate sensibilities of many a colt in her time living with you
>But with heat in effect and her mind clouded, that small mental filter is even less effective
>Whether in private or public, your kirin waifu will happily babble about how good your cock would feel, how badly she wants to shove her face into your crotch and motorboat your balls, and how much she's looking forward to playing with your foals with you
>You've found that the best way to shut her up is with kisses






>being the husband of a nurse herd means you eat healthy whether you want to or not
>but it also means your herdwives make sure you take as much of the Holy Grail as is safe
>gotta make sure you're producing enough spooge to knock all of them up come estrus week after all
>though in cold heart's case you're pretty sure she simply has a cum fetish







> New pop stars get the one word repetition song
> Every time, Anon just opens the dictionary to a random page
> Varies the emphasis, has the stallion do mildly erotic grunts and sighs to fill in the rest
> Eventually, if they are successful enough, they get a "love is a [random word from the dictionary]" song
> Rock songs for all mare bands are a chance for him to stretch his euphemism muscles
> Gets kind of aroused from making mares talk dirty, though they don't usually take much convincing
> Occasionally get roped into writing for a cause of some sort
> It depends on how legitimate it is, but he usually actually tries for these songs
> Now and then he writes a song specifically for a musician he likes
> Guitarists get long solos, a good lick, etc
> Trixies, the lot of them
> Often deals with music industry executives
> Gold piles up, he always has enough salt for his soft pretzels
> It's getting to the point where he is one of those stallions magazines like to write about
> Very whimsical already, exacerbated by wealth to be Eccentric
> Every mare working in his mansion is dressed like a Playboy bunny, with the leotard emphasizing their voluminous tufts
> Years later, ponies start to find patterns in his work
> Odd word choices
> Unusual topics and imagery
> Unnecessary repititons
> Ponies then read the first letter of each line








>Finding work without a cutiemark in equestria was surprisingly difficult.
>No place was super keen on hiring a human, and Anon couldn't just get a job doing manual labour since nopony was willing to see a colt injure themselves trying to do a mare's job.
>Thankfully his best friend Pinkie managed to convince the Cakes to take him on as an assistant. After all, colts know their way around a kitchen.

>After a long day of working in the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, Anon and Pinkie are sweaty and messy from all the baking and hot ovens.
"Hey Pinks, you got a shower or bath I could borrow?"
>"You betcha! I got a bath upstairs! You wanna use it before I do?"
"No, I can wait. I'm sure you need it more, having fur and all."
>"Okie dokie! If you're sure!"
>Anon makes his way upstairs, Pinkie in tow, and after a small while they have a bath all drawn and ready.
>As Anon waits for his turn, he grows increasingly uncomfortable. The hot air of the kitchen has been replaced with the relatively cool air of pinkie's room, making the swear soaked clothes sticking to his skin feel far colder than the expected. Plus, the smell wasn't helping.
"Hey Pinkie, how much longer is it gonna take? I kinda underestimated how badly I needed that bath."
>Anon shouts through the door with an apologetic tone.
>"Not much longer, Nonners! But if you're that uncomfortable you could always join me!" She jokes.
>Expecting anon of course to shoot back a lighthearted "No thank you", she grows increasingly worried in the minute or two of silence that followed.
>Did she hurt his feelings? Does he hate her now? Did he just walk away, disgusted? Did she lose her best stallion friend and hopefully someday more forever?
>Suddenly she hears a muffled "Fuck it" through the door as it opens and reveals Anon in his full naked glory
"You ponies walk around naked anyway, and honestly I couldn't stand being in that shirt any longer, so it should be fine. Make some room, Ponks."
>Pinkie, having grown on a rock farm where the closest male attention she got was a hug and a kiss goodnight from her sweet ol' father, completely bluescreens
>Anon just sees Pinkie freeze, and sink into the water. Passed out.
>Anon has to fish Pinkie out and make sure she's okay, too worried to notice the wild blush and dopey smile on her face.







>Stallions find the "fertility idol" body shape attractive in mares as it signals to their primitive brains that said mare has access to a lot of resources, and ergo, would be a good mare to take care of them and their foals.
>You'd think this would lead to mares going out to get as fat as possible, but it's actually pretty hard for mares to put on weight.
>This is due to magic production.
>Mares are the dominate sex because their smaller, less muscular bodies are designed to put every calorie to use generating magical energy, which fuels not only spells, but also earth pony strength and pegasus speed.
>Thus, for a mare to eat enough to actually get fat would require quiet the excessive food budget, plus plenty of spare time to sit down and eat it, which most mares just aren't willing or able to do.
>Rainbow's body, for instance, is outrageously efficient at converting calories to magic, which is why she's incredibly small and lithe.
>Twilight's conversion rate is similar, but she is actually still a little thicc because she can afford to eat lots of food and her job as a librarian gives her ample time to idly snack while she reads.
>If not for her spastic personality, she'd be pretty damned attractive to stallions.
>Regardless, this means that models (or sex demons) tend to be on the bigger side while mares who are thinner feel inadequate.
>One of the reasons Rarity falls back on stress eating ice cream whenever she feels self conscious is a desperate attempt to pack on a few pounds to feel beautiful and have an ass as fat as Fluttershy's.
>How many times has Rarity looked at her plus-sized dresses for her bigger clients and sighed wistfully, imagining what it would be like to fill them out herself?
>Enter Anon, who finds fat kind of gross and starts hitting on all the slim mares who are confused by the attention


>Pinkie is a special case.
>Her body is hyper efficient at making magic, which should mean she's skinny.
>But she's also one of the only ponies around who can shovel entire cakes into her mouth in seconds and has a seemingly endless supply of them independent from her income.
>She's Celestia's rival in cake eating and thiccness







>"Hey babe, I'm going to send you on a trip to Flavourtown."
>She gestures crudely between her hind legs.
>"Flavourtown is between my legs."

>You look at the crude mare trying to proposition you with a raised eyebrow.
>There are others around who heard it, and you're sure some white knights are getting ready to come to your defense.
"So the city board took my advice and renamed the city from 'Unwashed Cunt' to 'Flavortown.'"
>The mare's face is priceless as her eyes widen at your words.
"I'll still decline the offer though. At least until the Department of Public Works and the Sanitation Department get better funding and clean up the streets more."
>You say motioning to between her legs.
>She quickly closes her legs and awkwardly decides to leave.
>Maybe you should have said 'until the port authority cleans up the docks because of the smell' but she has already left.
>Fuck it, you'll save it for the next time a random mare try's to cat call you with 'Flavortown.'
>Probably will be Rainbow before the days up anyway






>Get de-aged, or crunchatized, and plopped down in RGREqG
>Somehow you have legal documents and a place to stay thanks to a certain chaos spirit
>Get enrolled in Canterlot High
>You mentally prepare for shimsham being either a queen bee or a waifu
>Only you're a few decades too early
>You're given the general tour by Celestia, the popular jock
>A trixie in everyway but is actually pretty nice
>You're introduced as Principal Discords nephew
>Guess who you're living with? Get ready for plenty of steamed hams
>Thanks to you being related the principal some unreputable girls have their sights on you
>Chrysalis, leader of her own cliche of moody goths called the Hive
>Tirek, the envious bitch that wants Celestias reputation
>And finally Loona, or as she would rather be called, Nightmare Moon seeing as she is also in her goth phase
>Have fun








>anon gets dropped in equestria some time before celly and luna unite the three tribes
>gets taken in by outcast group of ponies who dont belong to any structure of the big three
>they're only together through necessity
>the pseudo tribe of the three races would fall apart if not for the windegoes

>in comes anon
>thanks to his autistic love for /k/ he was knew enough to survive
>but now he was given is ultimate test
>time to far cry

>over time he meets the outcast ponies barely able to get by
>anon teaches them how to survive in return helps him as well
>soon anon even becomes a defacto king with the help of the alpha mares from each tribe
>teaching him what their respective race can do and their needs

>at which point the outcast unified tribe is encountered by celestia and luna's infant equestria
>both still running hot with their prestige as the 'heroes' and 'unifiers' of the ponies
>sees a fortified town in the most inhospitable areas of equestria (read: like the everfree)
>they are confused on how a a state can run with a male incharge
>They even have stallion soldiers! that armor unf
>something something RGRE







>The Kirin are the pony subtype most removed from normality by their omnivorous nature.
>Pegasi were thought to be the only meat-eating ponies, but unlike pegasi, who are opportunistic omnivores who sometimes catch fish, the Kirin are true omnivores and actively hunt. Their natural hardiness, magic, and the flaming nirik transformation means the Kirin have no natural predators of their own.
>Another quirk is how in-touch with their instincts they are. Ponies might have some holdover the behaviors from long ago, but the Kirin are like living fossils with out many odd behaviors they have.
>Since the nirik transformation is fueled by anger, the Kirin as a people try to inject some light-hearted fun into whatever they do with an unspoken "make nothing personal" rule.
>Their heritage as mischievous omnivores even more in-touch with their instincts than ponies shows when distinctly predator-like behaviors emerge.
>The Kirin have a harsher gender skew than ponies, so herds are on the larger side with fierce competition between mares. The pecking order can change at anytime if a challenging mare of lower rank beats the alpha in a fight, usually a scuffle with teeth around the neck or unconsciousness as the losing condition.
>A stallion can lead his herd from more than the sidelines if he can beat his alpha mare. If he can pin and mount her, then it's proof he's her equal or even her superior if it's one-sided enough. If she pins him and rides him, then his status remains unchanged. Nirik transformations or magic use are an automatic loss for the offender, as it says to everyone watching that they're taking it too personally.
>When not used to solve disputes, play fighting is common for both adults and foals. Playfighting with a sexual element in a favorite pastime of herds.







>Anon is smol.
>Well, he likes to claim that he's normal sized, and the ponies are just giant, but the fact that he's barely twice the size of a mouse now that he's in Equestria is pretty damning.
>Still, he is a man.
>A big, manly man.
>And he shouldn't have to put up with this shit.
>Fluttershy, the weeb that she is, of course has a secret collection of anime figurines.
>Adding to this embarrassing hobby, she also likes to tailor little outfits for her figurines in her free time.
>And Anon has now become a part of her hobby.
>"Come on, Anon, try it on!"
"I'm not wearing that!"
>"But I worked so hard on it. Don't you think it's nice?"
>The outfit in question was a little butler outfit.
>Except it was more revealing than anything any butler would wear, with a little speedo, cuffs for his wrists, and bowtie making up the entire ensemble.
>Apparently this is all the butler character she was trying to get him to cosplay as wore.
>He'd rather go back to the little armor set she made out of plastic bits that would ultimately fail to protect anything vital in a real fight.
>At least when Rarity kidnapped him to play dress up, she made proper outfits that he got to keep as part of his small collection of properly sized clothing.

>all the mare-figurines are dressed up in full body armour looking buff and intimidating, just the way they like it
>all the stallions are dressed in flimsy "heal-slut" outfits with ballbras, tailwraps to put their juice rumps on display and such
>flutterbutter tries to ask anon what ballbras for humans look like and is shocked when he tells her he doesnt wear any
>she takes it as some sort of inuendo and starts hitting on him, ending up with him in a marejuice-jar







>You are Pinkie Pie, party pony extrodin-
>Ah fuck it, you're a depressed piece of shit!
>Drowning your sorrows with the cheapest stuff this bar has to offer.
>You got shot down again when asking a stallion for a date.
>Seems there is a rumor going around that you have special 'parties' for stallions and tale advantage of them.
>Thise fucking assholes and their fucling lies.
>...
>Did you just think 'Thise' instead of 'Those' just then?
>Celestia damnit you're drunk, or at least tipsy.
>"Hey Pinkie. What are you doing here?"
"I'm drowning my sorrows with the cheapest stuff this bar has to offer inside head voice. Weren't you listening?"
>"Pinkie, are you okay?"
"Inside head voice, when did you start sounding like Anon?"
>"Because I am Anon."
>You look up and see the big guy sitting on a bar stool next to you.
"Well that makes a lot more sense. Sit on down and let me buy you a drink."
>"Save your bits Pinkie, it's stallions night. I get cheap drinks. In fact let me buy you a drink. What are ya having? Oh yeah, you said the cheap stuff. Let me get the good stuff for you."
>He motions for the bartender.
>"Scuse me barkeep, two Jackie Daniel's please. Thank you."
>He says and puts the bits on the table once he gets the drinks, sliding one over to you.
>"So I know what you're doing. But why are you here drinking the cheapest stuff this place has to offer?"
"Honestly?"
>"Honestly."
>You sigh.
"Secretly hoping a stallion would let me talk to him."
>You feel Anon's hand on your back.
>"Pinkie, everything okay?"
"No."
>You say without thinking.
"Every stallion here thinks I'm a great friend, because of the parties I throw for them for free. But it costs me. I'm not looking for a tit for that thing, but no pony ever asks if they can pay me back."
>You start drinking your new drink.
"I don't even mean with bits. But no pony came to my birthday party. I mean except for the girls, Spike, and you. Even Celestia sent a card!"
>Wait!
>Anon came to your party!
"ANON!"
>You yell louder than you should have and put your hooves on his chest.
>"Yes?"
"You've been a good friend since you came here."
>"Thanks, not as good as you though. I see you try so hard for everyone else."
"Would you be interested in going out with me sometime?"
>"Like a date?"
"Yes!"
>He looks at you for a moment.
>He's probably trying to think of a way to let you down easy.
>You knew he would be like all the rest of-
>"Sure."
>Wait-
"What?"
>"I said sure. I've always had a great time hanging out with you so I don't see why not."
"You're not afraid I'm going to try something?"
>"No... should I be?"
"You're not afraid I'm too much of a friend?"
>"I think you should always be a friend with your boyfriend or girlfriend. In fact I always thought your partner should be your best friend."
>You stare at him.
>He just said yes to dating, or at least A date.
>And thinks friends can make great partners.
>Why is your chest thumping so much and your mouth dry?
"Do... do you want another drink or do you want to get out of here?"
>He smiles at you.
>"Let me finish this this and we cam head out. I have stuff at my place if you want to drink more."
>He downs the rest of the drink almost instantly.
"Marry me..."
>You whisper.
>"Heh, one thing at a time. Let's head out for now and see how the night goes first."







>It's been a week since Cinder Glow banished herself to the couch.
>You are Anon and you are still unsure about how and why kirin mares, such as your wife, decide to do these self-imposed punishments.
>At least it seem to be a universal thing among all kirins, or at least the females.
>Right now however you are standing in front of the couch, occupied by Cinder.
>She's sitting on her hindlegs, not unlike a dog, her forelegs held up, tongue sticking out.
>Based on your observations so far, this is also a part of this universal kirin mare self-punishment, probably something to do with reassuring their mate about their power over them?..
>You should write a book about this, or at least a journal.
>Maybe go as far as making a video diary, voicing it like Sir David Attenborough?
>Maybe.
>Letting out a tired sigh, you just reach out and gently pet her head, scratching right behind the ears just the way she likes it.
"Come on Cinder, you don't have to do this." You plead.
>It falls to deaf ears, instead she adorably tilts her head to the left, her expression telling you of cluelessness.
"Goddamit, enough of this."
>Fed up with her antics, you just scoop her up and bring her right into your bedroom, into the bed, and snuggle up with her.
"Stupid kirin habits, I just want my panzerfloof cuddles..." You mutter to yourself, wrapping your arms around Cinder, so she can't escape.

...

>You are Cinder Glow and you feel pretty freaking smug right now.
>Your friends were right about this whole faux-selfpunishing thing, you get twice as much of cuddles and thrice as much ear-scritches as before.
>Heh, stallions







>Anon's daughteru is standing with the fridge open as she tries to decide what she wants to eat.
"What are you doing?!"
>She sighs.
>"Just gonna get a snack," she begins as her dad rushes in and shuts the door.
"Why were you just standing there? Were you having a stroke?"
>"I just hadn't picked what I wanted yet."
"Well pick before you open the door. The fridge light wastes electricity and you were letting the cold out."
>"How am I suppose to pick if I don't know what we have?"
"You should have the fridge memorized. Watch. I want apple juice. Third shelf to the left."
>Anon proceeds to open the door and grab the juice without looking in less than a second.
>*Sigh* "I'll just have a bowl of cereal."
>Anon opens the door again and grabs the milk before she can blink.
>She takes it and grumbles as she pours herself a bowl of corn puffs and plops down at the table.
>Diamond Tiara is standing at the entrance with a bemused smile, which grows when her daughter spots her and scowls.
>"Why is dad so crazy?"
>"He just is very bit-conscious, is all."
>"But we're rich, both in name and wealth."
>"And how do you think we got that way?"
>Diamond Tiara begins the long trek across their giant kitchen to sit next to her daughter, her foal-laden belly leaving her to plop into the seat with a huff.
>"I thought daddy was crazy to hire Anon as his new business accountant, but because of his smart management, we're the richest family in Equestria."
>She sighs in bliss and frustration as she thinks back on all of her husband's silly antics.







>Be Rarity
>Last week, Twilight convinced Anonymous to forgo clothing
>From what you were told, there was no pressuring
>Twilight simply suggested that ponies were beginning to think he was uppity wearing clothing everyday
>It was also very warm, and she didn't want him to get heat stroke
>Anon was hesitant at first, but with some encouraging him Twilight he began to wear less and less
>Which was wonderful
>It was good to help a colt be more comfortable in his own skin
>The issue was when his underwear came off
>You nor anypony else other than Twilight and perhaps a few ponies at the horsepital knew that Anon didn't have a sheath
>His member was just out
>Swing
>At muzzle height
>Fat and succulent, with a marvelous mushroom head
>And you weren't even going to THINK about his balls
>Bouncing with each step he took...
>Just begging to licked and mouth...
>You and most mares in town would have been able to contain yourselves if that were it
>You were all adults
>You were mostly raised correctly
>All of you had also peeked under a stallion's belly when you were teenagers
>Anon might have gotten some places, and a dirty joke might have been made quietly, but that would have been that
>If not for his SCENT
>To be very polite it was... distracting
>To be less polite the colt smelled better than fresh cookies and lavender
>It was much worse when it was warm and he was sweaty
>Most mares just sort of trailed off and started drooling when he was around
>It was starting to become a problem really
>Mares were brushing up against him, trying to get him hard
>The flower sisters offered him ten bits to jump up and down in front of them
>You don't even what to think about what Applejack and Rainbow are attempting to do whilst he's around
>You were a lady
>You liked to think that you respected colts as the fairer, more delicate sex that they are
>But you swear to Celestia if somepony doesn't put pants back on that stallion you're going to pop a blood vessel

>Be Anon
>Want to fuck with Twiggles
>Get stripped zeeb to make make you some potions
>One makes you pump pheromones out like crazy
>Another gives you maybe another inch on the johnson and thickness
>The first makes you leaky
>Think the holy grail times ten
>If you get even semi-hard you're leaking like a facet
>tfw embarrass Twilight every single day by walking around making horses fall over themselves
>tfw a mare offered you a bag of bits to smack her muzzle with your dick
>told her no because you're a gentlemen and not a sloot
>Also had Princess Luna salivating like a fat kid in a bakery when you walked by
>tfw every horse is too polite to tell you wear pants
>tfw you're going to keep walking around until someone says something or it's too cold out

>"I must say, Anonymous, I do miss creating clothing for you. But going au naturale like the rest of us looks pecker on you than clothing ever did."
"...excuse me?"
>"Oh! Goodness, how crass of me! My apologies, Anonymous, I know it's rude to comment on a stallion's physical appearance. You looked just fine with clothes on, even if you look even better without them. My goodness, I can't quite put my hoof on what, egg sack-ly, has gotten over me."
"Could you repeat that?"
>"Repeat what, pray tell? I'm sorry, but could we perhaps talk later? I have an order I'm trying to design, and I'm going to go for a walk to get the creative juices going. It always does the prick."
"It always does the what?"
>"The TRICK, my dear! It always does THE TRICK! I'm sorry, Anonymous, that was entirely my fault; I must have mumbled. Sweetie Belle and her friends kept me up all night, and I barely got a wink of sleep. They ruined a dress I was working on in the process, too! It was so irritating. It was enraging! In fact, I don't think I've ever been gonad in my entire life!"
"You-"
>"My, but I'm talking your ear off, aren't I? I should let you go. Run a-dong, darling, and leave me to my work."
"Sure thing, I guess."
>"..."
"..."
>"...the next time I see you, I'm going to suck you dry."
"Yeah, sounds fu-what?!"
>"I said: until next time, such a sad goodbye!"








>Anonicorn is exciteable and nobody has told him about the 'rules' of dating yet.
>Barges in on Raven when she's preparing for their date.
>Since he's already been assisting her with some of her duties, he insists on helping her get ready.
>He's brushing her mane completely oblivious to her growing blush at him seeing her looking so "unprofessional"

>kicks her blush up a notch when he casually mentions he likes her mane flowing long like this.
>notices her face is all red when he finishes and comes around to face her.
>looks at her straight in the eyes and brings a hoof up to check her temperature.
>"Are you feeling sick? You feel really warm, do you want to lie down while i get you some water?"
>The close proximity and genunine concern in his voice and gaze makes her heart do a minor backflip, but she manages to squeeze out an 'i'll take the water please' and keep her blush under control.
>Anon meanwhile is struck by the sudden urge to do...something at this moment, but he isnt sure what, so instead he moves away and walks into the small kitchen.
>Why was his mouth so tingly?
>After filling the glass and carefully levitating it back to the now calmer Raven, he briefly feels their magic overlap as she takes the glass.
>She felt like...paper and something else? Definitely different from Mom feeling like a warm sunny day.
>He would ask for a longer feel but mom said thats impolite, maybe he could try passing her other things during their date







>Be Cheerilee
>Be hecking miserable
>tfw no cute coltfriend
>tfw no colt to snuggle
>tfw no colt to oogle when you're in the shower together
>tfw no colt to share breath with
>tfw no getting mounted on a regular basis
>Or at all
>Fuck that dumbflank Sugar Belle
>That was YOUR Apple cock that she stole and married
>And now here you are, sitting by yourself, thinking about turning into a bucking dyke
>Maybe licking puss wasn't that bad?
>If you closed your eyes, a mare with a strap on was just as good as a stallion, right?
>Letting out a groan, you let your head flop onto the table
>You were outside Sugarcube Corner, a donut and cup of coffee in front of you
>Ponies were milling around
>Mares, stallions, colts, and fillies
>Many looked happy
>Lucky ducks...
>You sighed, sniffling as you began to crowd watch
>Twenty minutes passed without incident, when you saw it
>A green giant
>Taller than a minotaur, and thinner too
>He had a pink hat with a heart in the center of it on his head
>tucked in the crook of his arm was a double barrel shotgun
>He was scanning the crowd with a--thankfully-- bored expression
>Like yourself, some ponies looked concerned, and therefore gave him a wide berth
>Maybe he was just a hunter?
>You got those coming to and from the Everfree sometimes
>You sat up, curiosity overcoming depression
>The giant milled around a bit, as if he were looking for somepony
>Frowning, he pulled out a scroll, staring at it as he looked around in a circle
>Where his gaze eventually settled on you, and his expression changed
>Rolling the scroll up, he shoved it into his pocket and he began to make his way over to you
>Oh curd
>What did you do?
>Was he here because you gave one of the children a D on their last test?
>You were just doing your bucking job!
>It wasn't your fault they didn't study!
>Should you run?
>Somepony cleared their throat
>You jumped in your chair, looking up to see that the giant was standing just a few feet from you
>You swallowed
"I am," you replied. "May I ask who is asking?"
>"My name is Anonymous," the giant said, taking off his hat
>He placed it onto your table along with the shotgun
>"I'm what you call a love hunter. Under Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, I travel Equestria finding mares like yourself."
"Mares like myself?"
>"The very lonely ones," he said, patting his many pockets. "If you ponies are too alone for too long bad can happen. Harmony gets thrown off, ponies get sad, you might go ahead and murder your entire kindergarten class. Bad stuff. Ah, there we go."
>He produced a pair of shotgun shells
>They were strange looking though
>The casing was a bright pink, and was the metal bit around the top shaped like a heart?
>"Now, my law, I have to state that under Article two-zero-eight of both the Equestrian and Crystal Empire civil code as well as Dicit enim equus suus amor faciat mutum Principem I have complete and utter authority to do what I'm about to do. That being said, do you know what these are?"
>You blinked
"...Shotgun shells?"
>"Correct, but instead of slugs or pellets in them these shells contain 50 mgs of a very special potion. I shoot you with these puppies you'll have an idea of where your soulmate is and how to get to them."
>For a few seconds, you were too shocked to move
>Soulmate?
>You?
>What, bucking SHOOT?!
>Anonymous picked the shotgun, putting the shells in the gun and closing it
"Sir?"
>"Yes ma'am?" he said, pulling the hammers back
"Did you say shoot?"
>"Yes I did. For a mare your size you'll probably need a double dose."
>He pointed the gun at you
>"Hold still please."
"Wait!"
>He stopped, lowering the gun
"Will this really find me my special somepony?" you asked
>"No, it'll find you your soulmate," Anonymous replied
>You sat back in your chair, thinking it over
>Get shot...
>Get a cute coltfriend...
>Get shot...
>Get a cute coltfriend...
"...Mr. Anonymous?"
>"Yes, ma'am?"
"Is it going to hurt?"
>The giant looked thoughtful for a moment
>"Oh, absolutely," he said, once again raising his gun
>Before you could so much as blink he fired
>There was a thunderous bang
>You were thrown out of your seat, flying end over end until you hit the dirt hard
>A groan escaped you as you were hit with a wave of pain
>Bucking crazy, limp-dicked, stupid, SOB fatherfuc--
>...
>Wait...
>Your eyes snapped open as a feeling peeked itself over your pain
>You couldn't get Big Mac
>But there was another Apple
>Down in Appaloosa
>You could almost SEE him
>Almost HEAR his voice
>...Braeburn?
>Panic filled you, and with a yell you leap to your hooves
>You didn't notice the crowd o worried ponies
>You didn't notice the giant examining his smoking shotgun shells
>You needed to get to a train
>Appaloosa was just a few hours away
>He was there
>HIM
>Your hubby
>Your lovebug
>Your smooples!
"Igottagorightnowthankyouverymuchsir!"
>With that, you took off down the road as quickly as your hooves could take you

>"Did you blast her, anon? Did you blast her with you big, fat love cannon?"
"That's not wha-"
>"Did her eyes go wide when she saw it, you towering over her with that massive thing in your hands?"
"I mean kinda."
>"And when you blasted her, did it bowl her over? Did it leave her dazed on her back, or maybe her side, panting and unaware of the world around her?"
"... we're not talking about the same thing, are we?"
>"I bet you unloaded on her twice, didn't even hesitate or ask. Just blasted her again while she was on the ground, helpless, unable to defend, resist, or do anything other than take it."
"..."
>"Were other mares watching? I bet they were scared, but somehow unable to turn aw-"
"Say, Princess, how long has Gleaming been gone on patrol?"
>"Oh. Umm, about two weeks? Why do you ask?"
"No reason."

>just as normal people can enjoy some slightly stranger things when they're in the grip of The Horny, so too can Cadance be effected when not sated enough
>whenever Gleaming has to be away from the castle for a semi-extended period and, for whatever reason, Anon is not able to keep up in her absence, Cadance starts to enter a feedback loop of lust and degenerate fantasies
>but while most would use this Horny in order to break the cycle, in her it is self-perpetuating
>Anon wandering Equestria showing the unloved masses exactly where their soulmates are, and backed up by full legal authority, is Cadance's realization of some strange, voyeuristic cucqueen fantasy
>and things will only get strange from here
>as Anon receives another shipment of potion shells and tries to pretend he didn't notice anything dried and slightly yellow on them, he can only pray for Gleaming's swift return
>for without her aid he fears he might not be able to stop Cadance's Horny before it consumes the world entire


>tfw you will never just walk around shooting ponies in the face
>tfw sometimes you won't even say anything, just shoot them while they're minding their own business
>tfw it's weirdly, slightly worryingly, therapeutic
>tfw it's particularly fun shooting pegasi out of the sky
>tfw once you just camped below Cloudsdale with a bird call and just shot a whole case of ammo away
>tfw you can terrorize an entire town for days and they usually end up thanking you for it
>tfw you're pretty sure if you didn't have this job you might be some super evil jobber







>Anon is sometimes just so wiped out after a long day of caring for his multiple foals that he can't give his mares the proper attention they need in the bedroom.
>Luckily, they can help each other out, and Anon rather enjoys the show.
>In fact, he often directs it himself like it's a porn shoot.
>His herd finds it weird, but strangely kinky as they lez out as per Anon's directions.
>Like, it's not as gay if their stallion is telling them to sixty-nine, right?
>Sometimes, Anon gets really into it, and they have a corner in the closet dedicated just to kinky roleplay outfits for Anon's mental scripts

>anon gets so into 'directing' that the plots start getting longer
>sometimes they dont even get into the sex until the following night.
>mares are slightly frustrated over getting blue beaned but are also having too much fun

>He brings a camera in when they begin shooting his "Magnum Opus" as he calls it.
>The mares are a bit put off by the idea of being recorded, but Anon writing himself a major role into his latest script and a promise not to shirk his responsibilities to the production make them agree.
>After all, guaranteed dick is worth any embarrassment.
>What follows is a month of shoots and re-shoots, then another month of editing, all to create a home porno that leaves the herd enthralled and proud as they watch it together for the first time.
>They made this?
>This was better than most movies playing in the theater!
>Anon was truly a cinematic wizard to create such a masterpiece with no budget and only a few extras.
>Now he just has to convince the herd to let him mass produce and sell their work, and then they won't have to work as much to support their family and they can all spend more time together with the foals.
>Wins all around!







>Rather than being totally immune to magic, Anon is extremely susceptable to it.
>The most extreme transformation magic that wouldn't even be tried on mice for fear of creating an abomination go off without a hitch.
>Anon has to wear special crystals from Maud to stop unruly mares from doing whatever they want to him, or the villain of the week from accidentally vaporising him with a spark of stray magic
>Of course when he's alone with his mare however, those rocks come off

>"Anon?"
"Yeah Spike?"
>"Has Twilight been performing any spells on you lately?"
"Um, no, I've always looked like this."
>"Do you seriously think anyone's going to buy that? We all know what you looked like... Now you're two foot taller, you weigh twice as much as Bulk Biceps, you reek of musk all the time, you look like you've got an elephants trunk stuffed in your pants along with two watermelons for some reason... You've got manticore wings on your back, deer horns growing from your head, and any time you enter a room magical whoops and applauding sound out from somewhere! How the hay do you think you're going to fool anyone?!"
"Well... Maybe after seeing me walking around for a week or two ponies will just... Forget?"








>>35717345
"Well, the next most intelligent animal might be dolphins or octopi."
> Twilight tilts her head
> "I've heard of dolphins, but what are octopi?"
> You scratch your face, trying to figure out the right words
"They're these boneless things with a bunch of tentacles and a beak for a mouth. Pretty smart, can even unscrew a jar they are inside. I think some can glow too?"
> Twilight pales
> She runs off and returns with a book
> She flips through it, then shows you an illustration
> "Do they look like this?"
> You blink
"Yeah, that's it."
> Twilight puts the book down
> "It all makes sense. Why your world has so little magic, why your history is so full of wars. Your planet was infested with chthonic harvesters. We have seaponies to kill them before they devour enough magic to summon the giant ones, but your oceans didn't have the coordinated sea life to neutralize incursions."
> You raise an eyebrow
"So, octopi are some sort of demon or something?"
> Twilight stares at you skeptically
> "Do they look like something that would evolve naturally?"
> You shrug
"Sure, I mean, deep ocean fish tend to look a lot weirder."
> Twilight bites her lip
> "Did it seem like the population was getting less intelligent over time?"
> You chuckle
"Maybe, but who knows. Everyone does dumb things occasionally."
> Twilight looks at you with pity
> "You poor stallion. It's too late for your world, but at least you are safe here. Now that I know what the problem is, I can help you so you don't forget where you put something right after you put it down."
> You feel uneasy
"That's not natural?"
> Twilight shakes her head
> "It only feels normal because it's all you've ever known."







>One mare is almost compulsively contrarian about any plans Anon comes up with due to her belief that Anon's only there because A) he's the GM's coltfriend, or B) because colts can't be real nerds and she's convinced that he'll get bored or not understand the rules and ruin the game
>One mare (probably playing a paladin or a cleric) has decided that she's Anon's character's minder, and goes out of her way to protect and defend Anon even if her other teammates need it more
>One's the powergamer who doesn't give a fuck that Anon has a penis and just wants to influence Anon's decisions and actions so that her twink'd character can springboard off of Anon's character
>One's nervous about having a colt at the table and does her best not to make eye-contact with Anon in case it creeps him out
>One's the newbie who doesn't know how her character works, constantly sets off traps or gets too close to enemies she can't beat, forcing the rest of her team to forget about their various preoccupations over Anon and try to avoid a party wipe
>Anon just wants to have fun, and he's too focused on the game to notice that some of the other players have a problem with him on principle
>Anon has to remember to thank his marefriend Moondancer for referring him to her group of nerd friends, especially when there's at least one mare who is contrarian
>Optional twist: Celestia used nerd games to relax and picked this one at random. Nobody suspects a thing








>In one reality, the Queen on the Changelings had to pretend to be Princess Cadence well enough to fool Shining Armour and the other princesses long enough for her soldiers to get into position to attack.
>In another, she's scrabbling to be both Princess Cadence and Gleaming Shield to fool Anonymous.
>This means that both mares are never seen in the same room at the same time, and Chrysalis has to change appearances multiple times a day, sometimes even a dozen times in so many minutes.
>It's exhausting, but luckily no one suspects a thing.
>Except for Anon, who, after going down into the catacombs to find his fiances and making sure they were alright, convinced them to humor his curiosity to see this play out.
>He's honestly kind of impressed by this imposter's gumption and how she doesn't give up, even when he manipulates events to where he's having a conversation with both mare's at once.
>She's quite good at throwing her voice to make it sound like Cadence or Gleaming are right in the other room.
>The real soon-to-be wives are off intercepting the changeling army and will have them defeated before the wedding is scheduled to take place.
>After, they'll have to decide what to do with this changeling royal.
>They're thinking dungeons, but honestly, Anon is taking a liking to her.
>Maybe he can convince the others to take it easy on Chrysalis if he promises to keep an eye on her himself?


>"Instead of trying to be two ponies at once why didnt you just bring another changeling to help you?"
"...Look i'mma be honest and say that this whole thing snowballed out of my control after i came to canterlot last week for donuts and i've been running on about 2 hours of sleep and a clinically unhealthy amount of coffee for the past three days."
>"You're saying that you never had a plan at all and you almost took over equestria by complete accident all because of some donuts?"
>Gleaming chimes in at this point.
"Donut Joes?"
>The bug queen nods.
"I believe Chrysi, those are some bomb-ass donuts Anon."
>Cadence makes a squeaky noise and claps her hooves.
"Aww you gave her a nickname, does that mean we can keep her?"
>Anon looks at the changeling.
>"Do you put eggs in peoples butts?"
>Chrysalis recoils.
"Ew, that's gay dude, people poop from there. We lay them in a hole and barf jello over them like every respectable equinsect does."
"On an unrelated note i call dibs on Canterlots basement."
>"You mean the mines?"
"No they're mine, i called dibs. They been dibbed. By me."
>Gleaming pats the human on the leg.
"Sorry big guy but she's right, you should have asked sooner if you wanted the basement."
>A pink hug is felt from his other side.
"Dont worry Anon, i'm sure Chrysi will let you use some of the rooms if you ask nicely."



>Chrysalis came to Canterlot for some donuts and to absorb some ambient love at the wedding.
>Pharynx, her most ambitious bug, kidnapped Cadence and Gleaming and presented them to his queen as part of her plan to take over Equestria.
>What plan?
>The one she's been planning for months of course.
>She has?
>That night she got really drunk on fermented potatoes and she let slip that she should take over Equestria.
>Oh, she vaguely remembers ranting about how they wouldn't need to scrip and scrounge for love if she ruled Equestria.
>She didn't realize anyling was taking her seriously.
>She looks into Pharynx's big, shining, hopeful compound eyes, and bites her lips.
>Curse this cute bug.
>Pharnyx has always been her favorite subject.
"Yes, of course. Good job, Pharynx, you've advanced our plans greatly. Soon Equestrian will be ours!"
>He squees and flies off to do more things for the plan.
>She should have brought Thorax as her singular escort.
>He's an idiot, but he would have at least spent the entire trip looking at dresses and suits through windows instead kidnapping brides






>Chrysalis tells Rainbow Dash that it's scientifically proven that being a changeling's broodmare increases their flight capabilities.
>Later, a gravid Rainbow Dash is being chewed out by Twilight for not checking to see if the information was peer reviewed and from an academic source.
>Rainbow doesn't care about all that egghead stuff.
>She just wants to go fast.
>If anything, this is good weight training as she flies around

>You sigh, standing at the threshold of your bedroom.
>You do this every time you indulge in this particular kink your wife has, and it never gets less weird.
>You prepare yourself by going through a mental checklist.
>Skin painted black with body-paint?
>Check.
>Dick painted glow-in-the-dark green with safe body-paint?
>Check.
>Fake plastic vampire fangs?
>Check.
>Of all the things you expected when you married Rainbow Dash, this kink was not one of them.
>But if pretending to be forced to become a changeling broodmare is what gets her off, then you'll do what makes her happ.
"Alright," you mutter to yourself as you take a deep breath, "Here goes nothing."







>what would they think about a mare taking their stallion into battle with them?

How else am I to protect him?
>"Sugarcube, you leave yer male at home. War ain't no place for a stallion.
The place of a stallion is beside or atop his mare at all times. Without her he is sluggish, lost, and vulnerable to those who would do him harm.
>"I'm perfectly capable in battle alone, Victory. You need not fear for me."
Hmph. Were that true Anonymous, you would not need me to defy Elysium to continue your fight.
>"...I did not call you back to fight."
>"Elysium?! It's real! Ma is really grazing in the endless emerald fields? Any apples there?"
I know not your mother Applejack, however every equine of good character and deed gallops, plays, and feasts upon every green that grows under the sun.
>"Wait a minute. You gave up Elysium itself for a colt? Awesome fighter or not, that smells of the ultimate simp."
If you would not turn away from the fields for your stallion you were not worthy of him or he was not worthy of you.
>You nuzzle your human on his chest as he drapes an arm around you to stroke your neck, still getting used to being the smaller one.
>"A stallion worth leaving the endless fields for, it's right out of a roman d'amour. I hope I can find such a stallion someday."
>"S! I! M! P!"
>"Silly Rainbow, it isn't simping if she's actually getting the benis!"







>Anon gets a job as a government mandated coltfriend
>Herds with a bunch if marecels and neets
>Basically a tardwrangler who gets paid extra since he cuddles
>Gets to know the mares and makes friends with them
>Helps them with their insecurities and issues that lead them to be the dregs of society they feel themselves to be
>After a while they all are doing much better and actually contribute to society in a healthy way
>Anon couldn't be prouder to see his girls come this far


>Angry incel mares start producing golem coltfriends.
>Range from the standard "Colt body" to the strange monkey bipeds and beyond.
>Learns your preferences overtime and always supports you.
>Capable of integrating into existing herd structures with minimal set up required.
>Rumours of Princess Luna having a herd of 10 'units' are completely unsubstantiated


>Checking in on Moondancer
>She's come far these 6 months
>She used to be a NEET who bathed in self-loathing and lashed out at ponies on the horsenet
>Now she has a part-time job and is capable of interacting with ponies politely
>She's even made a few friends at work, and they've started an O&O group together
>You are incredibly proud of her for confronting her personal demons and coming out on top


>Floor Bored used to be a depressed neet
>Disgusting appartment, barely ate, never showered
>Now she's seeing therapist, spending more time outside, and is looking for a part time job
>You come over often to help her get used to cleaning and to teach her simple and cheap recipies
>Seeing her smile, after all those months of being her being misreable, means the world to you
>She may not have many friends outside of you and the herdmates, but you're confident she'll make many more friends in the future
>While helping her clean you find one of you hoodies in her room
>She admits that when you're not around she smells it and it helps her get through the rough days, it's embarrassing since it makes her feel like such a colt






> Princess Twilight is getting on in years, most of her friends have families of their own 
> But she is far too intimidating to most stallions, seen as a mere step below Celestia in power and dignity
> Maybe that's her own fault for watching anineigh in a secret bunker
> Then Dolled Gigger asked her out
> For a time, she was happy, she had a coltfriend, she could get all the cuddles she wanted, and she loved giving him clothes and jewelry to wear
> One night, she got up to get a drink, and found him sharing breath with a night guardsmare
> The next morning, she kicked him out of the castle and fired the guard he was seeing
> Twilight still did her duties as princess, but in her free time she was locked inside a lab, working to create the perfect coltfriend
> Her first attempt was a golem in the shape of an earth pony, and she named it Rock Steady
> Rock didn't say much, but was a great listener, and good at nuzzling
> But Twilight noticed that he never truly thought for himself, just followed the scripts written in his chem
> She tinkered with him for a year, slowly improving his ability to write his own scripts
> In that time, she found herself confiding in him more and more
> Then one day, he looked her in the eyes and said, "I want to see the outside world."
> Twilight had a feeling about what would happen next
> Two months later, Rock Steady is married to Marble Pie
> She tells herself that it is a good sign that the prototype can have a real relationship
> That doesn't make the lab any less cold and empty
> Next, Twilight makes a pegasus golem
> She always liked the idea of getting cf winghugs
> Clay Pigeon flies away, and she doesn't see him ever again 
> Rough Diamond settles down with Rarity, and always sends gifts to her on her birthday, with the note, "Thank you for making me, and letting me find such happiness."
> As much has she hoped he would stay with her, she is glad that he and Rarity are happy together
> A decade later, Twilight has made a golem of every race, and they have all left her
> Every time, she struggles with the temptation to make a slave who would be perfectly satisfied with serving her and her alone
> Some nights, she cries in the lab, driven to complete a part of the golem,  driven to persue the hope that maybe this one will stay
> Knowing that even if it will not, it will help someone else find happiness
> When the last golem, a Yak, leaves Ponyville entirely, she gives up
> There must be something wrong with her, her theory or her personality
> Twilight's friends try to drag her out of her depression, but there is little they can do to cheer her up
> Her birthday rolls around again, and Rough Diamond knocks on her door
> She opens it to see he is standing next to a strange bipedal creature, no, golem, she recognizes the signs of its construction
> Twilight frowns
"What is..."
> Rough Diamond smiles
> "This is Anonymous, clay of our clay. We saw his form in a dream, and made him."
> Anonymous waves shyly
> "I've heard a lot about you. Would it be alright if I stayed with you for a while?"
> Twilight opens her home to him, but not her heart
> But even a year later, he still lives with her
> She finally asks,
"Will you leave me too? I don't want to keep you here if there is somewhere else you want to go."
> He shakes his head
> "After I was made, I travelled to the lands of each race and met with those who gave their clay that I might be. They spoke of many things, but they all spoke of your kindness and sorrow."
> Twilight swallows, blinking back the tears
"Oh."
> He pulls her into his arms
> "I have seen the world, but I have not seen you truly happy. Let me stay with you, at least until then."
> Twilight sniffles as tears trickle down her cheeks
"Please, stay as long as you want. Please, please stay with me."
> He holds her tight, stroking her back soothingly
> "There is no place I would rather be."
> She sobs in his arms, her heart slowly opening again
> What was once cold and empty is now warm and full









>Another night, another disappointing bar crawl.
>Was it really that hard to find a stallion that was wanting a drink?!
>What's the point of being a demolitions expert for Gold Bit Inc if you can't use the bits to wow stallions into giving you a bit of dick!
>Glumly you kicked a pebble off the path, sure you're friends liked to make fun of you bombing with the colts, but this is getting crazy dumb!
>Maybe some sparklers would cheer you up.

>You come to a stop as a familiar scent comes across your snout.
>That smell, charcoal, potassium nitrate and...a few more sniffs with the good ol' sniffer and you know that last one sulfur!
>Whose messing with gunpowder this late at night?
>Following the trail you hop off the path before finding that strange monkey creature Princess Twilight had found crouched down low over a small table.
>What is he even doing with gunpowder anyway?
>Peering around his back you notice a stick, loose papers, cardboard and even some cheap fuses you buy at the bit store.
>Wait is he making fireworks?!
>...
>That's amazing!
>You didn't think there was another fireworks enthusiast here in town to begin with!
>You don't want to spook the fella, but just from smell alone you know his ratio's are off, at most he'll just make a skid mark at worst he'll burn himself.
"Your ratio's are off a tiny bit."
>Jumping the big monkey turned around with shock and a little bit of fear on his face, "I'm not doing anything wrong I-"
>Pausing you watch as those tiny cute eyes narrow into itty bitty little peepers, "Wait you're not upset?"
"Nope! I'm just really glad to see somepony else who enjoys fireworks too, have you gotten to adding colors to your mixes yet?"
>Blinking in surprise, you think it's surprise the flat face is really hard to read, Anon said slowly, "No, I've been stuck on trying to get anything up in the air. You said something about ratios?"
"You betcha! See it's all about weight..."
>It took a few minutes to get everything measured, bottled up and ready to go.
>All that was left now was to light the rocket an- WHY IS ANON LIGHTING IT IN A BOTTLE?!@#(*)
>You leap forward to knock the rocket away and save the colt from his own whimsy when an explosion rocks your world.
>Blinking the bombshells out of your eyes you let out a cough of black smoke.
>It didn't really hurt, but now you're covered in soot and when you checked Anon he's also covered in soot.
>Oh no.
>You're dratted luck has struck again.
>At least you got to blow up a firework you think as your eyes closed for the stampede of a scorned colt, they HATE when their mane is ruined.

>Usually this is around the time you are getting yelled at, what gives?
>Cracking an eye open you see Anon had just finished putting out a small bit of flame that was still burning on the end of his mane.
>Then you see him start to shake, oh he must be so mad!
>Laughter explodes out from the monkey in great heaving guffaws more fit on a mare than a stallion.
>Clapping his knee Anon exclaimed, "That was AMAZING! Didn't get any proper thrust, but that's what you get for shitty 3 bit cardboard, but the explosion! It was amazing, the power the flash of heat! Woo haven't felt that excited since I exploded a barrel of trash soaked in kerosene! Hey Shelly did you memorize that formula?"
"Wait, you're not mad?"
>"Mad? Maybe a little that it didn't fly, but are you kidding? I'm excited as can be, listen do you wanna like meet up later? Say tomorrow or something I hadn't noticed it but it's really late and I'd love to hear more on what you've got for firework ideas."
>You're so confused, this isn't how things usually work out.
>Anon's face starts to dim at your stupefied expression before he digs his foot in the ground, "Um, that is if you're not too busy and all."
>Oh shit he thinks your saying no!
"Of course! I mean you can! I mean we can."
>You hold back a whine before covering your face.
"Tomorrow at nine at Sugarcube?"
>"Really!? Great! It's a date then!"

>A-a date?
>So fast!
>What was faster was the sudden warmth surrounding you as Anon wrapped you in a bear hug!
>"Oh you have no idea how glad I am I found someone wanting to just let me play around with this stuff, ah sorry, I get huggy when I'm excited, but I'll see you tomorrow alright Shelly?"
>You vaguely recall saying something in the affirmative as the tall form of the monkey left you behind.
>You think you're in shock.
>A colt hugged you!
>A colt agreed to go on a date with you!
>You shiver in place before exploding into a leap of delight a cheer escaping your delight.
>Whose the bomb?
>You're the bomb!
>Yeah!
>Wait, what do you wear to a date?
>Is that too forward?
>You don't want to scare Anon off like that!
>Do you even have any formal wear?!
>You gallop to your house heart giddy from the sheer fact that you've got a date!







>Be Twilight Sparkle
>The normal nerd, not the royal one
>You have a problem
>Being a girl that likes to be prepared for any situation, you found yourself at a disadvantage in a certain topic
>Sex
>Sure, you could read articles and watch videos on the subject, but this wasn't calculus
>You felt sex, and everything around it, needed to be done, experienced, and attempted
>Actual practice will always be better than theoretical knowledge after all
>Therein lied the issue
>A girl just didn't go asking men to fuck for science
>At best, you got slapped, at worst someone's big sister had a very violent conversation with you
>You also weren't the most... charismatic girl in the world, which meant getting a boyfriend was difficult
>There had been attempts at working around this, but robotics was too new a field of science to make yourself a boyfriend, and cloning was morally dubious
>So you left high school and went into college wholly unprepared
>You didn't care for that one bit if you were being honest
>A happy man is a happy life, and studies reported that a man with a woman that was competent in the bedroom lead to a better, healthier relationship overall
>What if you were like Rarity?
>Pretty and wealthy, but really, really bad in the sack
>The girl was only nineteen and you swore she was turning into a cat woman
>Somedays you swore you could see her blue calm through her pants as well
>You weren't the type of girl to take things lying down however
>Where normal means failed sometimes extreme measures needed to be taken
>Go outside of the box if you will
>So you did
>With after a quick conversation with Sunset, you got into contact with Princess Twilight in Equestria
>You explained to her your situation
>It took some back and forth, but you actually were able to come up with a solution
>In Equestria, most mares didn't have the sort of issue you did at the moment
>Most, not all, but most, learned through an... unusual means
>Instead of going through the trouble of finding a man, or stallion, they got a spell book and summoned a demon
>When you were told that you were, of course, concerned
>You didn't want to summon a creature of Hell
>Heck, if not for the fact you were sending letters to a magical talking horse, the whole heaven and hell thing wouldn't even be in the realm of possibility
>You brought up such concerns with the princess, only to be met with confusion
>Apparently, Equestria's demons were different than the ones depicted on earth
>They weren't beings of pure corruption and malice
>Tartarus was an actual place you could go to
>It was sort of a prison/resort depending on which parts of it you were in
>Demons were just another creature
>Sure, they could eat souls and kill ponies, but only if you were really negligent in summoning them
>They preferred to stay in Tartarus, and didn't care to leave it
>Hence why one needed to summon one and form a contract
>There were many types of demons with varying levels of summoning difficulty
>Amongst the easiest to summon were the Incubi
>Unlike most demons, they didn't attempt to trick their summoner, and they very rarely ate them
>From how the princess described, it they were more like teachers and trades peoples
>They were summoned, they taught a mare, gryphon, diamond dog, or what have you all they need to know and were sent back
>She even went so far as to say incubi played a major part in keeping Harmony in their world
>She sent you a spellbook, complete with a guide, pointing out in particular incubi that taught her when she was younger
>His name, at least the name in the room, was Anonymous
>Higher Incubi of the Ninth Circle
>It was an onymous name and title, but you thought you'd try a summoning
>To your surprise, it really did actually work
>After drawing the circle, saying some words, and sacrificing a chicken, a creature appeared
>Smaller than you, green, wearing a mask with a question mark drawn on it
>It was strange
>Spoke about itself in "we" and "us" instead of I or me
>It's voice was also very unnerving, like a hundred different people were talking in sync
>Anonymous was one of the oldest demons in Tartarus from what you were able to gather in the door
>He was also professional to the t
>After he examined your circle, he casually pointed out several errors you made, then asked what you wanted
>You, terrified, sputtered out the beginnings of a contract
>Thankfully, the demon "went easy on you since this was your first time" as he put it
>He helped you form a better, more solid contract, which was signed in your blood
>Now you were able to summon him as long as he felt you needed him
>It was then you made a shy suggestion
>Your friends could use help too, right?
>You were sure they did in fact
>So, an amendment to the contract was made
>The next few weeks were... unexpected
>You didn't go right to the sex, as you thought you would
>Anonymous instead taught you things you'd need to know about boys
>Courting, cooking, being thoughtful and respectful of your significant other, he taught all of it
>Personal hygiene was also something he stressed
>He even showed you how to trim and cut your pubic hair to look appealing to the opposite sex, as well as bathing "properly"
>He taught all your friends the same things, and it was only when you could name the five L--Laugh, Lavish, Linger, Love, and Lasagna-- did he take you all to the bedroom
~_~_~_~_~_

>"Prepare for the orgasm, little one. Remember to breath through your nose as you swallow. Our load will be voluminous."
>You nodded
>Today your lesson was about blowjobs
>The demon could make his penis grow in size and shape at will
>At that moment, his length was stretching your jaw, and his tip was buried in your throat
>Tears were in your eyes, and you were a bit dizzy from lack of oxygen, but you continued to bob your head
>You could feel Anonymous's cock twitching, prompting you to pull back until just the tip was in your mouth, where you began to tease and tickle it with your tongue
>He made no sound as he began to cum
>The demon could orgasm at will, and he sometimes did so without warning to keep you all on your toes
>As he said, his load was thick and there was a lot of it
>You swallowed as best as you could only coughing once or twice as you ingested the slightly sweet spunk
>Looking up, you saw your friend Applejack
>The farmer as panting as she rode the demon's face, her body curled forward
>You could hear Anon's "tongue" licking while Applejack swore and cursed under her breath, her body flush
>"Very good, child," he said, his voice tickling the back of your brain. "Remember to always swallow. Your man will appreciate it, and even if they do not admit it they will take pride in seeing your face a mess."
>You pulled back, kissing his tip like you were taught before coughing
"Y-Yes sir."
>His fingers dug into Applejack's rump, making the girl yelp
>"Applejack. Eat less meat. It makes your cum bitter. More fruit."
>"Y-Yes, sir," Applejack gasped, biting her lower lips. "OhheckinapplesI'mgonnaCUM!"
>She threw her head back, thighs crushing the demon's head
>"Also, give more of a warning when you cum," he said, voice unencumbered despite his licking and sucking, which was making Applejack howl. "It's rude."
>He didn't stop licking, making her squirm and twitch
>You rolled out of the bed just as Rainbow stepped into the bedroom, as naked as you
>"Yo, you ready for this puss, big man?" she asked, puffing her chest out
>"As soon as you shower as we taught you," the demon replied
>Rainbow deflated
>"What?! I just showered."
>"Not well. We can smell you from here. Clean between your legs child."
>Throwing her hands up, Rainbow spun around and marched into your bathroom
>You giggled, reaching over to give his cock a few strokes
"May I ride?" you asked
>"You may," came the reply as Applejack began to babble. "Show us what you learned
>You let out a boyish giggle
>Magic was AWESOME...



>tfw be a higher daemon
>tfw have shit hours
>tfw no holidays
>tfw can be in the middle of eating a sandwich and be summoned by some sweaty mare so you can show her how to give a hoofjob
>tfw you've had to do everything in the book
>tfw you're almost twelve thousand years old and you STILL have to teach mares how to clean their marebits
>STILL
>AND BRUSH THEIR TEETH
>AND MAKE SURE THEY DON'T HAVE TICKS
>WHO THE HELL THINKS IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO TRY TO FUCK WHEN YOU'RE COVERED IN TICKS?!
>tfw the only thing you get out of this is a feeling of a job well done and some lifeforce
>that and a once a year males from all over Equus send you thank you cards for making their women not shit in bed
>tfw you should have been one of those crossroad demons like dad said








>Mahjarrat Anon arrives from Gielinor
>Arrives in skeletal form before being rejuvenated by the ambient magic of Equestria
>Upon explaining his people and where he comes from, ponies just write it off as whimsy, or that he comes from an abusive place
>Most ponies treat him like some disturbed goth colt that needs to be pampered
>That is, until he uses his race's powerful magic to defeat an attacking monster, then S.M.I.L.E. becomes concerned.
>"A disturbed goth colt that has powerful magic and clearly came from an abusive household? This may be a problem. A bit nervous to meet this "Mother Mah" to ask her permission to court him though..."








> "Hey what's the big idea, putting a hoo- Hey, you're pretty cute. Wanna chum my waters?"
> Anon gets the hook out of her mouth and throws her back into the water
> From then on, Heaven Scent follows his boat every time he goes out onto the ocean
> At first she just hit on him relentlessly
> But after a while with no response, she just chatters about her day
> Sometimes she brings him fish to show that she is a good provider
> Anon accepts the gift stoicaly, which she takes as a sign that she's doing something right
> Then one day she shows up and doesn't say anything for a while
> Scent rests her chin on the wall of the boat and sighs
> She tells him about how a whale corpse fell on her home
> Now everything she owns is burried in tons of blubber
> Even if she can dig her stuff out, it will always smell irresistibly delicious
> She sniffles at that last part
> She already lost her favorite shell when a hermit crab made it it's home and she ate it
> Anon sighs
"Would you like to live with me until you get a new home?"
> Heaven Scent gapes at him, then enthusiastically accepts his offer
> Anon knows she probably will never move out, but he is tired of living alone anyways






>Mirror magic is weird.
>From the reports Sunset Shimmer gave you before she went rouge, she not only turned into a different species, but she discovered eventually that she became younger.
>She was already a top mark student of Canterlot's Magical University, but became the equivalent of a high school student.
>This was confirmed when Twilight Sparkle went through the mirror to get her Element of Harmony back.
>She also turned young like Sunset.
>Maybe it was something with that world, or the way Starswirl the Bearded made the portal magic.
>Twilight even said the sirens that he banished centuries ago were still alive and looked like teenagers too.
>And so, this brings you to your little experiment.
>Twilight had made a way to stabilize the portal so it didn't close for as long as it did before and instead could travel freely on a whim.
>You felt this was a good way for yourself and Luna to literally get away from it all and test your theory at the same time.
>Twilight agreed to take over ruling Equestria while you were gone for the day and to set up the portal.
>Sunset was made aware and was going to meet you on the other side.
>As Luna and you walked through the mirror and came out the other side you could tell you were changed too.
>Based on Sunset's reaction, she was not expecting you to look the way you did.
>She explained there is a Celestia and Luna in this world and showed you their pictures.
>And you both do look like you would assume they did when they were younger.
>You smile an almost devious grin.
>Not only were you in a world you didn't need to look after or raise the sun in, nopony would know who you are.
>And Sunset said that gold in this world was very valuable.
>Thus the small bag of bits you brought for the day would make you insanely wealthy.
>You are now in a world where you have no responsibilities, worries, and apparently are rich.
>You think you found your favorite new vacation spot.






>You're out camping with some mare friends.
>They can be meatheads sometimes but you still like them.
>A few of them fumbled with their tents, or botched cutting firewood, or walked through thorns, but you just rolled your eyes and kept silent.
>It would hurt their feelings being corrected by a guy.
>Night rolls around, and the classic campfire pastime of ghost stories comes out.
>At least three of them offered to hold you should you get scared.
>Of course you took the first mare up on it. Mares are soft and cuddly afterall.
>Their stories are some normal stuff. Forest monsters and ghosts.
>Finally it's your turn, so you dig into your days as a /k/ommando for something good.
>Tell them STALKER challenge tales like Radiation Specter, Polluted Palelight, Feeding Mother, and Be Silent among others.
>Monsters are usually so upfront that the thought of cryptic confrontation rules or indirect powers is deeply unsettling.
>Your cuddle buddy ends up hugging you while shivering instead.
>Most can't sleep for weeks afterwards.
>Oops







>"Cook" is a legitimate class.
>No one ever chooses it though because they don't realize it's just the oddly named 'Blue Mage" class.
>Also ponies are usually herbivores, which is important.
>Or maybe it's just a quirk of Human-Interaction-With-Equestrian-Magic-Syndrome.
>Either way, when Anon eats a monster, he gains access to a magic ability from said monster.
>Eat a fire salamander, gain fire breath attack.
>Eat a sahagin, get aqua breath.
>Eat a Gargoyle, get stone flesh power.
>Anon has the potential to have more spells then Twilight.
>She would be impressed if she weren't so busy being nauseated by the smells coming from Anon's cauldron every night as he cooks up whatever monster they slew earlier that day.
>How does Pinkie stomach being able to try every one of his dishes?

>"Hey Pinkie, can I ask a question?"
>Sure thing, Twilight."
>"It's just, during that last battle, I noticed something strange. Was it just me, or was Anon utilizing your unique hammer space magic while he fought?"
>"Hmm, sure looked like it."
>"And he dodged a few attacks without even looking. Almost like he had a sixth sense... or a pinkie one."
>"Yeppers, that did happen."
>"... I thought he could only use the magic of the things he ate. Have you been giving him your blood or something?"
>"No silly, that'd be weird."
>"Then how-"
>"Anon has a really amazing tongue, you know. He's reeeal good at using it, too."
>"Are... are you suggesting he gained your powers by performing cunnilingus?"
>"They don't call it eating out for nothing, I guess, and Anon really likes eating out my ponut."
>"Do.... Do you think he could have use for my multi-cast ability? Being able to cast two spells at once is very useful, and with his repertoire of unique spells, I bet he could come up with some pretty good strategies."
>"Maybe tomorrow night he'll want to try it out. Tonight, though, he's going to try and learn The Stare."

The size of his mana reservoir doesn't grow with the number of spells he's accumulated, and also, he's always less efficient than the original users of those spells and abilities, so he has a lot of utility, but he burns out quick.
For instance, Twilight's multi-cast allows her to cast multiple spells at once, but at a 10% increase in cost for each spell added. So if she was casting three spells that would normally cost 10 MP each, their combined MP cost would be 39.
Anon can use multi-cast, but it'd be at a 15-20% increase in mana cost for each spell.






> Sunset is in the checkout line at the grocery store, two bottles of wine for the drunk Maria Party stream she and Anon will be doing tonight
> She turns as she hears a divider hit the conveyor belt
> Principal Celestia looks utterly worn out, setting down her purchases
> A bottle of the same wine Sunset is buying, a carton of cookie-dough ice cream, and a pizza lunchables
> Sunset thinks back to Anon's homemade pizza, leftovers still out on the counter right now
"Good evening, Principal Celestia."
> The woman blinks, then musters a polite smile
> "Oh, hello, Sunset. How have you been?"
> Sunset has never known how to interact with someone so much like her teacher, yet without Princess Celestia's millennia of gathered wisdom
> But Sunset's herding instincts are telling her that this mare, no, woman would be a dependable herd-sister, and desperately needs the dick Sunset has been getting
"It's been great, I was able to quit my day-job and play video games on Twatch with my boyfriend full time. We're actually going to play drunk Maria Party tonight."
> Celestia smiles more genuinely now
> "I'm glad you're able to follow your passions, that sounds like a lot of fun."
> Sunset nods happily
"I am having a blast. Say, would you like to join us tonight? Maria Party is more fun with more players, and Anon made some truly delicious pizza."
> Celestia seems blindsided by the invitation
> "I, uh, wouldn't want to intrude on your time with your boyfriend."
> Sunset shakes her head
"Don't worry about that, I spend plenty of time with him. If you don't mind me saying, you look like you could use an evening of fun and games to unwind. What do you say?"
> Celestia lets out a helpless little laugh
> "You might be right about that. Are you sure your Anon wouldn't mind?"
> Sunset grins
"Trust me, he's going to love you."
> Celestia looks skeptical, but shrugs
> "In that case, I'll go with you."
> Sunset beams at her
"I can't wait! This is going to be so much fun."


>If someone told you a few years ago that you would be in a loving relationship with three beautiful women, you'd have laughed in their face.
>You would have settled for a woman just tolerating you, but honestly loving you?
>It was totally worth it when you ended up in this crazy world.
>You met Sunset and one thing led to another.
>Another being she is into poly, the good kind too.
>Commited and loving and she doesn't want any other guys in the group.
>Maybe you did die and go to heaven instead of this backwards gender world.
>Her friend Fluttershy was the first to join since she played on the streams at times.
>Then her old principal joined.
>You admittedly were hesitant when you heard she was inviting her principal to join.
>You had thoughts of an old woman joining your group... but damn if Celestia wasn't still fucking hot.
>You love Sunset's and Fluttershy's bodies, but there is always something about a nice mature figure that does it for you.
>It took convincing but she joined.
>And now you're all on a vacation, with alcohol involved.
>Surprisingly Celestia looses pretty much all her inhibitions and gets rather 'handsy' when she's had a few.
>God do you love these women.







>Be Anon
>Be sitting in your house
>Well, your new house
>You did have an old one
>It was kinda shitty
>The neighbors were cunts too, except that one with the big knockers
>She was nice
>Even let you use her wifi
>But now you were in a horseland, where the knockers were small and nowhere near the chest
>Your house was a lot nicer
>A lot of the neighbors were still pretty shit though
>There was a knock on your door
>"Anon? It's me, Cadence. Can I come in?"
>You took a sip of your coffee
"No."
>You heard a giggle, which was followed by your door opening
>You saw the princess horse coming from the fiery, blasted hellscape that was outside
>Why was the outside on fire, you might ask?
>Well, it was simple, you were in Tartarus
>Or Pony Hell, as you liked to call it
>No, you didn't do anything bad
>At least you think you didn't
>The issue was in not Pony Hell
>You had tried living up there for a few weeks, and had started actually dying
>Hair falling out, getting sores
>It was like you were getting radiation poisoning
>It was the magic in the air, as you were told
>Down here was the only place without magic
>So it was either get a house down here or live in a lead room for the rest of you life
>Obviously, you choice Hell
>Honestly, it wasn't THAT bad
>Lot of interesting creatures down here
>There was also a shop for buying miniatures, which was weird
>You guessed demon horses needed something to do
>Princess Cadence, Empress of the Crystal Empire, but also known as the Queen of Tartarus, or Eldest Succubus, took a seat across the table from you
>Since she ran things down here, she had taken a personal interest in you
>Mostly your lovelife
>"Soooo, how are things?" she asked, helping herself to one of your pancakes
>You just grunted, taking another sip of your coffee
>Cadence nodded
>"Oh, I can understand. It has to be scary for a nice stallion like you to be all alone, with nopony to talk to or care for," she said, taking a big bite of your pancake and noisily chewing
>She swallowed, dabbing her lips with a napkin
>"You know, it might do you some good to find yourself a special somepony. Make an honest stallion out of you."
>She looked toward your kitchen window
>You looked as well
>There, peering at you, were about a dozen succubi
>All of them kinda looked like the princess, but with two horns and, bat wings, and a weird demon tail
>>All of them were staring at you intently
>Some of them had their faces pressed up against the glass
>You turned back toward Cadence, not breaking eye contact with her, you reached over for your broom
>The princess paled
>"Well, I can see that you're still thinking about it, so I'll leave take my leave. If you need anything don't hesitate to get into contact with me. Also don'tforgettoopenyourhearttoloveand--"
>As you stood up, the princess bolted out of the kitchen
>You were right behind her, broom swinging
>She just about managed to get the door opened she you smacked her rump
>She let out a yelp, then a few more as you got a couple of whacks in, before running outside into hell
>Locking the door, you marched back into the kitchen, sitting back down
>The succubi were still staring at you from the window
>You ignored them for a few seconds, before snapping:
"If I catch you fuckers molesting my loofa again I'm gonna lose it!"
>They back off, ears pinned against their skulls, before one blew a raspberry at you
>"Show us your dick, sugarballs," she said
>"Yeah, lets see that fat hog," another said
>"And your butt!"
>"Lets see that phat bucking ham."
>"Dummy thicc cheeks!"
>With a roar, you were though the kitchen door, broom in hand
>The demon horses scattered to the winds, like they usually did
>But they'd be back
>Like always...
>Fuck this weird planet

>inb4 he shacks up with the succupone who delivers his mail because she treats him as a person and not an exotic dick with legs.
The fact she also used his garden broom he accidently left outside to smack some of his catcallers out of the way of his mailbox one morning may also have something to do with it

>The more boistrous amongst them are purposely going overboard so their more demure and colty sisters look more attractive by comparison.
One of them will have his fingers wrapped around her hoof in no time at all, especially once they figure out he likes big tiddy.

>Still be Anon
>It was lunch time
>You had just come back from the demon market
>You got pasta
>Evil pasta
>It was a lot like normal pasta, but it screamed when you boiled it
>You also got the demon newspaper
>Tribute Demonocus it was called
>You got it for the funny pages
>Fucking thing had Garfield in it
>Looks like that fat cat hated mondays in all realities...
>As you made your way into your kitchen, you saw a little demon horse
>She was about the size of a normal pony
>Ivory white, with a red mane and tail
>Her eyes were also red, and her demon tail and horns were black
>She had a little black choker on too, and those weird horse stockings
>Sloots and madgals wore those, if what Princess Cadence said was true
>She was standing on your kitchen table, looking as smug as you'd like
>You just cleaned that before leaving, and she was getting it all dirty with her hooves
>A frown came to your face
>"Well, helllllo there, tall, green, and sexy," she said with a flick of her tail.
>Her gaze lowered to the bags in your hands
>"Oh, you making your brand new wife dinner now? How thoughtful. Come on over here and let me say thank you with a big kiss and some sloppy, FILTHY oral~"

~_~_~_~_~_

>Be Cadence
>Be irritated as you were making your way to Anon's house
>Sometimes it was hard being related to succubi
>You loved all of your family members, you really did, but some of them were dumber and doorknobs
>You knew that love really wasn't taught down here, but who the hay rubs their junk against a colt's WINDOW?
>There was brazenness and there THAT
>You shook your head at the thought
>Sure, Anon was a LITTLE rough around the edges
>Who wouldn't be, especially when they had to live in Tartarus
>You personally liked, it here, but you understood why it was the places for damned, tortured souls
>If Anon could just find a nice mare he'd be fine
>And there was a nice mare down here
>You had a LOT of family
>One of them had to--
>You jumped as somepony was thrown out of Anon's window
>They hit the ground with a hard, meaty thump
>They bounced, rump over snout, ending on their back right next to you
>It was your cousin Lilith
>The mare looked dazed
>Her tail looked like it had been but with a knife
>One of her eyes looked like it was starting to swell up as well
>She let out a groan, touching her head with a hoof
>"Oof... That's one rough colt," she grumbled, before turning her attention to you. "Oh, heya, cuz."
>You didn't say anything, just frowning
>Lilith flinched
>"So... I talked to the big guy like you said."
"Uh-huh."
>"We had a nice conversation. Very poetic and romantic and all that horseapples."
"Yeah."
>"I swear I was about to get a ring on that ring."
"Sure."
>"They... I, uh... I kinda grabbed his dick..."
"..."
>"I couldn't help it. Honest. What with it being at MUZZLE HEIGHT. The slut had it coming honestly."
"..."
>"It was a big one too, sis. Nice and--OW!"
>You kicked her in the ribs again, making her roll away from you with a yelp
>Bucking dummy...





>Unicorn horns are made of keratin, much like their hair and hooves.
>Keratin is excellent at conducting magic. Celestia and Luna's extreme mana levels is why their mane+tails wave and faintly glow. They're so energized that some mana escapes through their hair as exhaust.
>Unicorns can consciously shunt mana to their manes and tails, however, making for a beautiful light show to frighten predators and enthrall mates.
>Like most pony quirks, it's mostly old instinct with only traditional unicorns using their bioluminescence as mating displays nowadays

>Feathers are made of keratin too.
>Alicorns can light up their wings.
>An image of Luna with her wings, mane, tail, and the moon of her cutie mark alight has made it into the bedrooms of many smitten teen colts as a poster.







>"20% cooler" is not a just a phrase from the weatherponies' slang.
>It's an actual thing, a "x0% cooler" (The percentage varies by jurisdiction). Like an 80% lower receiver.
>Underage mares buy unfinished coolers because they aren't allowed to buy the real deal, and using whatever your mothers gave you for your first heat is embarrassing as heck.
>Besides, it's usually just a modestly sized equine dildo with a weak overpressure valve, and no hormone-laden teen is going to just accept that.
>Many future engineers got their cutie marks tinkering with their 20% coolers.
>Every red-blooded mare remembers the thrill of being horny and skirting the law, so referencing these coolers is a universal way to describe something awesome and radical









>intermediate magic instructors at schools across Equestria are encouraged to bring eye-protection to work whenever they begin to cover a new spell
>right when their students are finally old enough to have some proper strength behind their spells, but not old enough to have any instinctive control
>the glare of twenty unfocused unicorns' manes can, and has, damaged some instructors' eyesight in years past
>its even to the point that the RGREquestrian version of the old mentor wizard trope has "blind" as a nearly equally important trait as "magically powerful"
>in fact, the archtypical old mentor witch Long Tuft the Grey from Lady of the Rings is blind, even in her original depiction a hundred years ago





>After a year away from Earth and the octopusseseses, your memory has vastly improved
>Also you were woken up by disco lights flashing around your bedroom when you were having a very nice dream
>You quickly discover your dick to be the source
>Now you have to court someone, or get used to the idea of always wearing a sleeping mask, and waking up to find Pinkie raving in your bedroom







> The contract was a hard wrought thing, but the thaumic harvesters were confident they had found the perfect vessel to carry out their will
> After decades of wearing down his mind, the man only knew two things: he must run, and he must carry octopi
> The day he finally surpassed the warped wall, the walls of reality thinned and he slipped into Equestria
> He found himself on a shore, a breeding pair of octopi in his arms
> The man wanders down the beach, feeling something rise up from the depths of his mind
> Takoyaki
> With each step, magic seeps into his body, filling his wiry muscles with strength, his fingers crackling with power
> The thaumic harvesters in his arms tremble, afraid to interfere lest he kill them, but also afraid of what he would become
> A pod of neighwhals approach, crying out in fury at the presence of their ancient enemy
> The man runs, using every trick and technique he learned from the obstacle course that was his life's second obsession
> He has a contract to fulfill, and the power flowing through him is worth all that he sacrificed


> Years later, Twilight is investigating some weather and agricultural anomalies near a fishing village
> It's reminiscent of the Everfree, if milder in effect
> But no matter where she looks, she can't find the source of the problem
> At least the kindly minotaur runt makes delicious fried balls with some sort of seafood inside
> It's the perfect snack for her investigation
> She can't even taste the sugar, but her magic levels jump a fair amount when she eats it
> Twilight likes to eat it slowly, fantasizing about bringing him home so he can cook for her, and maybe give her some batter
> That's when she saw him flip every ball in the tray with a wave of his hand
> Such control for a domestic task...
> Twilight puffs up her tuft and walks towards him 
"Hi, that was a pretty smooth spell you just cast. Maybe you could show me some..."
> She checks a flashcard
"Pointers."
> Nailed it
> Takoyanon considers what she said
> "Are you skilled in magic?"
> Twilight grins, she's got this
"I don't mean to brag, but I /am/ the element of magic, Twilight Sparkle. I have Starswirl the Bearded's entire works memorized, not to mention a hoofful of other semenal, I mean seminal works."
> Takoyanon looks suitably impressed, maybe he didn't notice the slip?
> "Then I would love to exchange information on spellcraft. I close up at 8, we can talk more then."
> Twilight stomps her hooves a little in excitement
"Great! I'll see you then!"
> He nods and smiles
> Twilight trots away, torn between composing a list of spells every stallion should know but don't, and fantasizing about what she would like to do with his magic once she gets him alone







>You are Anon
>It had been a while since you found yourself in Equestria, and you'd grown accustomed to the oddities of the world.
>One of which leading you to shacking up with the local teacher, Cheerilee.
>Ponies weren't fond of you living by yourself, and it beat being herded out the door every night to go sleep at someone else's house.
>Or having half a dozen ponies show up at yours.
>Not wanting to be dead weight, you soon found yourself working as her aide.
>It wasn't your first choice, but there wasn't much work to be had for a "silly little stallion" like yourself, especially one without a picture stamped on his ass.
>Cheerilee had offered you the job after you came home dejectedly from yet another failed interview.
>She was a nice mare like that.
>Whenever the two of you had some free time, she enjoyed taking you out to explore the local area. Insisted, even.
>She even let you ride on her back through Whitetail Wood.
>Though frankly you suspect she might have enjoyed that even more than you did.
>In return, you took over the house cleaning and used the know-how gained during the local stallion's meetings to cook meals for the two of you
>You loved the mare dearly, but a diet of cereal and canned pasta is far from healthy.
>And waiting until the sink is overflowing to wash the dishes, among a few other things she was oft to neglect, is how you get ants.
>Gradually, though, things start to change.
>She becomes very huggy and physical, even for ponies.
>She starts taking you to more expensive places, and planning out longer distance trips.
>Each night she progressively scoots closer to you, until her back is all but touching your body.
>Finally, she calls you over to her after school one day, lets out a nervous sigh, and pulls a black box from under her desk.
>She says nothing, but gently places the box in your hands before carefully opening the lid.
>Inside is what looks like a thick, shiny silver bracelet, with a large amethyst embedded in the band.
>Her cutie mark is trapped inside of the amethyst, as though a 3D projection.
>You gaze rises to meet her beautiful emerald eyes, the faint pink outlines of hearts already forming in their pupils, and know exactly the answer to give







>Be Cadence
>You were standing on a podium
>Your whole family was gathered around
>All of them
>All six hundred and sixty-six succubi crowded around
>So many that you actually had to rent a speaker so that they'd all hear you
>Beside you, on the podium, was a screen
>The tip of your horn glowed, turning on the protector sitting next to one of your cousins
"Alright, thank you for meeting me here, everypony," you said with a smile. "Now, today we're going to talk about gender sensitivity."
>That went over about as well as you were expecting
>"Boo!"
>"Gay!"
>"The only sensitivity I wanna learn is a slut between my teats, sis!"
>You let the jeering and yelling continue for another minute before the tip of your horn crackled with magic
>You fired a thunderbolt into the air, and everything went quiet
"Now," you said, clearing your throat. "This is important for a lot of reasons. Stallions aren't just food that we suck the life force out of. They're living beings, with hopes and dreams and feelings."
>One of your cousins tried to shout something
>You launched another lightning bolt
"Now, we succubi have a really bad reputation because, well, you're... you. BUT I'd like to help you all fix that. That's why I'd like us to come together--"
>"HA ! GAY!"
>Another lightning bolt, which was followed by a yelp
>You didn't fire that one up into the sky
"--to have these little sessions, just so we all know what's okay and what's not okay. If you all do good enough I might even let some of you up onto the surface for short periods of time to mingle with ponies. How does that sound?"
>Your family members perk up at that
"Did I get your attention? Good. Now, lets talk about a certain stallion that we could be respecting just a little more."
>You brought up a picture of Anonymous on the screen
>Immediately the jeering started again
>"Look at that sloot!"
>"I wanna bury that slutty face between muh teats!"
>"Looks like a pussy eating pro to me, gals!"
>"Do you got nudes? I wanna see that weird alien cock!"
>The crowd started moving and shifting
>A chant was started and taken up by everypony
>"WE WANT NUDES! WE WANT NUDES! WE WANT NUDES!"
>Something was thrown at you
>You responded with another thunderbolt
>This time, however, the crowd only grew louder
>You groaned, resting your head onto the podium and covering your face with both hooves
"Oh harmony above. Please give me strength..."







>Be Anon
>Be laying on your couch
>It was late
>You were pretty tired
>Probably about to go to bed so you could get up early tomorrow
>Unfortunately, you needed to go to your job at Ponyville Bank
>Someone needed to have creepy, fat, old mares hit on them, right?
>Still, you were lazy, and getting up was hard
>Honestly, if you wanted, you could just sleep on the couch
>If you were lucky, the sun would wake you
>If not, well, you'd just call in sick
>Because fuck work
>You let out a sigh, trying to get comfortable
>Your eyelids drooped
>Before sleep came, however, your front door opened
>You heard a very loud, angry huff, followed by hoofsteps
>You can to enough to pick up your head just as Rarity walked in your living room
>The unicorn looked upset in the classic pony fashion
>Ears pinned back, stance wide, tail flicking
>Seeing you, she immediately trotted over
>Without saying a word, she leapt onto the couch with you, wiggling herself between your side and the couch, resting her muzzle between the crook of your neck
>Stuff like this was pretty common, oddly enough
>Whenever a horse would get grumpy they'd come to you
>Apparently your scent and pets had a calming effect
>Stallions were much more common visitors, but every now and then a mare would come
>They'd never admit it, and they'd come late so no one would be able to see them and therefore tease, but they did come
>Rarara had been a frequent guest as of late
>She was trying to get a new shop set up in Las Pegasus, the industrious little horse, and it was difficult
>Usually, she'd spend the next hour or so complaining about it before thanking you and leaving, but she seemed different this time
>Extremely ornery, at least from the way that she aggressively wiggled against you
"Bad day?" you asked
>She let out a very horsey, very unladylike snort
>You made the appropriate sounds, resting a hand on top of her mane
>You were pretty sure you were the only thing in Equestria that Rarity would let touch her mane
>The mare was so anal about her mane and tail that she usually styled it herself
>Her friends called her a dyke for doing so, but it DID always look nice
>Rarity relaxed as you began to run your fingers through her mane
>She sighed, her head tilting so you could give her ears a scratch
"Fair warning. I might fall asleep."
>"S'fine, darling," you heard her. "I just need... this. Just for a little while."
>She lifted her head
>Finding a comfortable position, she rested her head onto your chest
>This allowed you to use both hands for pets, which she seemed to very much enjoy
>"You are an ANGEL, dear," she murmured, her tail wagging. "Don't let anypony tell you different."
>She was warm, smelled like vanilla, and her weight against you was comfortable
>You allowed your eyes to slip shut
>Just another day in horseland

>One of Anon's coworkers comes to his house, knowing that the human had trouble getting up
>He even brought coffee and donuts
>The human never locked his doors--the giant not worried about anypony robbing him--and let himself inside
>As he made his way through the house, he was something that made him smile
>The human, snoozing away with the Element of Generosity on his chest
>How precious
>Thankfully he had a camera on hoof to take pictures
>That picture quickly found its way to an editor Gabby Gums
>Also known as Sweetie Belle
>The filly made sure to print the photo, with a suitably adorable story
>Neither Anon or Rarity would live it down







>Have dog
>Carry around a bag of treats in my pocket
>When she does something good, I immediately reward her with a treat
>She comes when I call her, relieves herself early when we go for walks, and doesn't chase rabbits anymore
Imagine going to Equestria
>Carry hay snacks in your pocket
>Any time a mare does something nice for you, you give her a snack
>Helps you carry your groceries in?
>Treat.
>Tells off the construction mares who are cat calling you?
>Treat.
>Greets you with a "good morning" instead of a butt grope and a "hey there, sugardick"?
>Treat.
>By the time a few months have passed, this mare is always happy to see you and respects your boundaries as a male
I'm sure the stallions would be amused at the concept of rewarding a mare for good behavior with treats, what with the common "walking around with socks is like danging a steak in front of a timberwolf" argument they hear so often.








>Still be Anon
>Another day another nickel
>The bank had been pretty shit
>One of your coworkers was short, so you had to spend thirty minutes counting their drawer and the vault
>It was only ten bucks, but the stallion was so hysterical about it--the baby--that you figured you should probably find it
>You did
>The dummy somehow had the bits under his drawer
>How the hell did he even do that?
>The stupid drawer had to be locked in
>He was very grateful, giving you a hug and everything before rushing off to to horse related things
>You just went home and laid on your couch
>Well, you showered and ate and stuff, but the laying down was the main part of your after work activities
>As you laid there, in your pjs, you heard your door opening, which was followed by clip clopping
>The little horse than stepped into your living room wasn't one you had seen before
>She was a yellowish pegasus
>Kind looked like Rainbow if you were being honest, but with a sicc hairdo
>The little horse looked tired and frustrated
>Seeing you, she snorted, trotting over and hopping onto the couch
>Just between you and the couch, like most did, but pressed against you and the edge of it
>Her wings fluffed up as she made herself comfortable, finally letting out a sigh
"You know, if you're not careful you're gonna fall off," you said
>"I like to live dangerously," she grumbled, her ears perked up toward the door. "So... you're the weird alien, huh?"
"Nope. I'm a shaved bear."
>The mare picked her head up to look at you, studying your face
>You just stared back, not giving her a damn thing
>She eventually let out a snort
>"I don't care. You can be whatever the hay you wanna be," she said, resting her head back down. "I just need ten minutes away from Rainbow Dash."
"Alright," you said, placing a hand onto her side
>She tensed for a moment, tail flicking
>A bit of scratching made her relax
"So... are you her sister or something?"
>"What?! Heck no. I'm her commanding officer."
"You're a part of those Wondercolts then?"
>"WonderBOLTs. The Wonderbolts is the name of a stripclub in Manehatten. Great place if you're ever in the neighborhood."
"Good to know."
>"I just wanted to come into town to see how she was doing with her training and the filly's been hounding me like some bucking groupie! I swear to Celestia she was sniffing my suit and my back was turned!"
"What a weird horse."
>"I know!" the horse said, throwing a hoof up into the air. "I mean, she's a bucking Wonderbolt herself! She should have gotten over the whole hero worship thing, but I swear she's only gotten worse. If she wasn't an Element of Harmony I'd beat the fur off her coat!"
>The pegasus let out a sigh, pressing her back against her chest
>You gave her ears a scratch, which she seemed to enjoy
>"Some local told me I could hide out here for a while. Didn't expect to see a jolly green giant."
"The world is full of wonderful, weird shit," you replied, giving the small of her back a poke
>She twitched, giving you a look before some petting calmed her down
>"You know, I'd say it wasn't smart for a stallion all by himself to not lock his doors, but it looks like you could rip an earth pony in half."
"I probably could. If I wanted to I mean."
>"Do you ever want to?"
"Not really. I'm not the ripping in half type."
>The pegasus was quiet for a bit
>"Hey... I'll give you a season pass for tickets to our shows if you let you stay the night. I'd try to fly home, but Rainbow's probably flying around looking for me, and I might be fast but that mare is something else."
"Tickets?"
>"Yep. Good seats too. Use 'em, sell 'em, I don't care."
>She offered you a hoof
>You took it, giving it a shake
"I'll take that deal, strange orange horse."
>"It's Spitfire."
"You mean after the plane?"
>"What?"
"What?"
>Again, the pegasus gave you a strange look before shaking her head
>"Hey, Rainbow won't look for me here, will she?" she asked, almost fearfully
"Nah. She's not allowed here after she flew through one of my windows," you replied. "You'll be fine. Fair warning though, we might get more company later tonight."
>"Does that company involve hunky stallions with booze and tight underwear?"
"More like either a tired baker, tired flower horses, or an exhausted nursing staff."
>Spitfire hummed as you began to run your fingers through her crazy mane
>"I'll take it," she said. "If any slutty, loose colts with champagne walk through the door, point them out to me. You do that you're getting lifetime passes. Box seating too."








>Anon starts a show similar to To Catch a Predator on horse television in RGREquestria
>Helps catch, as well as interviews mares trying to groom young colts for sex.
>Even catches and outs a few dykes trying to do the same to fillies.
>Pedomares have varied reactions:
>To bolting as soon as they see Equestria's only human walking into the room...into the arms of the local ponice.
>To giving an honest interview on why they're there and what they planned on doing.
>To coming up with lame excuses, such as that they knew he'd be there and were wanting to hook up with HIM instead
>Anon and his show seem to be riding high, until one day, one of the Elements of Harmony ends up getting caught in one of his stings in Ponyville...







"Hey, girls! I'm home! I got some stuff for dinner and-Jesus Chist, Sonata! What are you eating?!"
>"Wha? I's art."
"That is most certainly not art. And spit that out before speaking."
>"No, I won't spit it out and it's a heart! Although I might say it tastes like a piece of art. It's been years since I've had one of these."
"Where did you get a heart? And why are you eating it RAW?!"
>"Well I found a shark-"
"What?"
>"And it's still raw because you said I couldn't use the stove."
"Well I appreciate that you listened to me about that but what happened to...Sonata, why is the floor covered in blood? And the entryway and the kitchen and-please tell me you didn't put a shark in the fridge!"
>"I did not put a shark in the fridge."
"Then why-"
>"I put it in the freezer."
"..."
>"..."
"I'm getting the fishbowl out."
>"Wait, no! I'll mop up the blood and even sleep on the couch tonight, just not the fishbowl. Adagio and Aria are so mean when you use the fishbowl!"







>Princess Twilight chooses Anon and his herd for a very special mission
>They are to adopt and reform a newly released Cozy Glow, and make her a functioning, non-evil member of Equestrian Society
>They're briefed on Cozy's antics, as well as her personality. Such as how she'll try to manipulate them and how she will pretend to be an innocent foal.
>Cozy goes into the situation planning on corrupting Anon and his herd into her minions to get back at Twilight and take over Equestria
>She finds out quick that she can't get away with a tenth of what she could before as every scheme fails, and her flank is starting to get so sore...
>Along the way, she begins making a few freudian slips, calling anon and his herd her moms and dad.
>Que classic angel and devil on the shoulder moment as Cozy has to choose to either remain a sociopathic lunatic, or give in to the love of her new family






"I'm sorry what?"
>"I said I can fap to this. Your waffles, I mean."
"Where did you pick that up? Did I say that around you?"
>"Yeah, don't you remember? I gave you that biology text book and you said just that. I figured it's something humans say when they see something they like."
"Well you're half right."
>"Did I confuse the meaning? I thought-oh, there's Spike. Good morning faggot! Now what were you saying Anon?"
"N-nothing. You got it down perfectly."







>It never occurs to ponies that they're siblings instead of just two schmucks
>They keep trying to hook them up because they think it's fate that 2 humans, a boy and a girl, appeared in Equestria at the same time
>Anon and FemAnon are trying not to make the situation more awkward than it already is and just say "oh I'm not looking for a relationship" or "oh I'm busy tonight" and hope that ponies will get the message or at least get bored and lose interest
>It's stupid not to just say "we're siblings, you creepy weirdos" but what would any instance of Anon be if they weren't an idiot?
>By the time they finally lose their patience and inform everypony that they're brother and sister, too much of the town has become invested in getting them together
>Now everybody feels awkward
>But after time goes by, the awkwardness goes away and the siblings get to tease their friends over it
>"Hey, remember that time you told me to fuck my brother? That was WEIRD, Thunderlane."
"Yeah, you guys are into some sick stuff."
>>"IT WAS ONE TIME, ALRIGHT?! CAN YOU STOP BRINGING IT UP EVERY TIME MY FAMILY VISITS?!"








>You knew Cadence and Shining were in town before ever seeing them
>How would you know?
>Well, one moment you were just laying on your couch, reading a book, half asleep, when there was a pop and a flash of light
>This was followed by a giggle, and a Flurry Heart sitting in your lap
>Scared the hell out of you like usual
>Thankfully, you didn't throw the alicorn across the room like you did last time
>Didn't hurt her at all
>She fell out of a twenty story tower and was fine, her parents had said
>Alicorns were a robust horse you guess
>Lowering your book, you looked at the filly
"Hello there, munchkin," you said, booping her nose
>She babbled happily, booping you back with the tip of her wing
>Lil shed
>You heard your front door being opened
>"Flurry Heart! What did I tell you about teleporting away from daddy?"
>Shining Armor, sporting a diaper bag that was slung around his neck, marched into your living room
>Flurry's ears folded against her skull
>She left herself off you with her crazy magic, floating over to sit on her dad's back
>"You're lucky I don't beat your butt," he said, nuzzling her. "I know you're excited to see your uncle Anon, but you need to learn patience young lady."
>You would have pointed out that Flurry was like a year old, but the baby babbled sadly, just nodding her head
>Freaking weird ponies...
>Shining turned his attention toward you, smiling
>"I'm sorry about that, Anon. Also, hello!"
"It's fine, and hello yourself," you said, sitting up. "What brings you here?"
>"Oh, Cadence is helping Twily with something tomorrow, so we thought we'd stop by and see our favorite hyoo-man."
"Speaking of that wife of yours, where is she?"
>"I'm right here!"
>Princess Cadence trotted into your living room, a stack of pizza boxes piled high on her back
>"And look what I brought! It's time for a peetzer party!"
>Flurry babble, throwing her hooves into the air in joy
>You smiled
"I'll get the plates..."
>What came after was nothing less than a pizzapcalypse
>Pepperoni, plain, pizza with tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, anchovies, even steak
>Red sauce, barbecue sauce, white sauce; sauces you've never even imagined
>You all must have eaten your bodyweights in pizza
>In the end, Flurry passed out and was put to bed
>She was put in your bed
>Your futon was turned into a bed, where you Cadence, and Shining now laid
>Both ponies were easily the most affectionate about of the dozens and dozens that usually walked into your house for pets and cuddles
>Smooching was very common, as was rolling around right next to you so that were particularly close
>At that moment you held Shining while Cadence had a wing draped over you both
>Shining was rubbing his muzzle against your throat, while Cadence did it on the back of your neck, making your hair stand on end
>You petted and scratched to the best of your abilities, but both ponies almost seemed to be bursting with affection
>Made sense you guessed
>What with them being love horses and all
>"You know, you should really visit the Empire more often, Anon," Cadence said, kissing the back of your ear. "Flurry always misses you so much."
>"We miss you too," Shining said, his hooves kicking as you scratched his chin. "You can make all the stress go away with those hands of yours."
"You know I don't like trains," you said, closing your eyes
>You heard a giggle behind you
>"Or the cold," Cadence said
>"Or chariots," Shining added
>A snort escaped you
>You flicked Shining's ear
>He nipped your chin lightly, letting out a sigh as he rested his head into the crook of your neck
"Tell you what. I'll come next time I can get a week off work."
>"You better," Cadence said
>You heard her horn glow
>Your lights turned off
>Hopefully Flurry didn't destroy your bedroom if she woke up in the middle of the night
>Again...






>A young adult Anon needs bits, and he's willing to do anything to get them.
>Even shoot an amateur porn video.
>The pay promises to be enough for him to make rent for the next two months, which will hopefully give him time to find a real job.
>As he reads the script, he can't help but shake his head.
>It's the cliche pizza delivery plot where the customer doesn't have the money to pay, and asks if there's any other way they can, which inevitably leads to sex.
>The only difference from what he's used to, however, is that he's the customer instead of the delivery guy.
>whatever, it's not like anyone watches this crap for the story.
>He's on set, a sleazy hotel room doctored up to look a little more like a home, waiting for his co-star to kick things off.
>She was running late, apparently having just got off of a different job, and they were now rushed to do the shoot without rehearsal.
>There's the knock at the door, and Anon waltz over, ready to open it and say his lines like the ditzy blondes he remembers from the porn he watched back home.
>The door swings open, and there stands Princess-in-training Cadence, besty to your O&0 pal Gleaming Shield.
>she's in a pizza delivery uniform, and is holding the pies in her magic.
>You both freeze.
>"... Please don't tell Gleaming... or Twily... Or Aunt Celestia."
"... Why?"
>"Foalsitting Twilight is great, but it doesn't pay very well and Aunty doesn't give me an allowance because she wants me to work for my bits, and I really want to buy the new PoneStation 5."







> The contract was a hard wrought thing, but the thaumic harvesters were confident they had found the perfect vessel to carry out their will
> After decades of wearing down his mind, the man only knew two things: he must run, and he must carry octopi
> The day he finally surpassed the warped wall, the walls of reality thinned and he slipped into Equestria
> He found himself on a shore, a breeding pair of octopi in his arms
> The man wanders down the beach, feeling something rise up from the depths of his mind
> Takoyaki
> With each step, magic seeps into his body, filling his wiry muscles with strength, his fingers crackling with power
> The thaumic harvesters in his arms tremble, afraid to interfere lest he kill them, but also afraid of what he would become
> A pod of neighwhals approach, crying out in fury at the presence of their ancient enemy
> The man runs, using every trick and technique he learned from the obstacle course that was his life's second obsession
> He has a contract to fulfill, and the power flowing through him is worth all that he sacrificed


> Years later, Twilight is investigating some weather and agricultural anomalies near a fishing village
> It's reminiscent of the Everfree, if milder in effect
> But no matter where she looks, she can't find the source of the problem
> At least the kindly minotaur runt makes delicious fried balls with some sort of seafood inside
> It's the perfect snack for her investigation
> She can't even taste the sugar, but her magic levels jump a fair amount when she eats it
> Twilight likes to eat it slowly, fantasizing about bringing him home so he can cook for her, and maybe give her some batter
> That's when she saw him flip every ball in the tray with a wave of his hand
> Such control for a domestic task...
> Twilight puffs up her tuft and walks towards him 
"Hi, that was a pretty smooth spell you just cast. Maybe you could show me some..."
> She checks a flashcard
"Pointers."
> Nailed it
> Takoyanon considers what she said
> "Are you skilled in magic?"
> Twilight grins, she's got this
"I don't mean to brag, but I /am/ the element of magic, Twilight Sparkle. I have Starswirl the Bearded's entire works memorized, not to mention a hoofful of other semenal, I mean seminal works."
> Takoyanon looks suitably impressed, maybe he didn't notice the slip?
> "Then I would love to exchange information on spellcraft. I close up at 8, we can talk more then."
> Twilight stomps her hooves a little in excitement
"Great! I'll see you then!"
> He nods and smiles
> Twilight trots away, torn between composing a list of spells every stallion should know but don't, and fantasizing about what she would like to do with his magic once she gets him alone







>Anon looks up from his newspaper, a single eyebrow slowly rising.
>His usual routine of reading the morning news at 8 in the evening always seem to attract the weirdest reactions from Chrysalis.
>Instead of replying to the obvious bait, he points up at a sign, hanged on the wall just above the comfy armchair he is sitting in, and thus, his head.
>The sign only has one sentence on it, three words, a piece of calligraphical art.
'No Princesses Allowed!'
>Chrysalis sticks out her tongue, then bursts out in green flames, her real, holeless, healthy look appearing beneath the heatless fire.
>"Aw, come on, you are no fun!"
>She whines, making a sad puppy noise.
>This time Anon points at another sign, to the left of the first one.
>It says:
'No whining, you only want my attention!'
>"But-"
>He points at yet another sign, to the right this time.
'No buts!'
>Chrysalis puffs out her cheeks, her forelegs crossed before her chest, like an annoyed child who didn't get what they wanted.
>Anon leans out to the side, revealing the 4th sign.
'No grumpiness!'
>Chrysalis lets out an exasperated sigh in response, throwing her hooves up.
>"What can I do then?!"
"Come over here and snuggle up with me. Gently." Anon finally speaks, patting the armrests.
>"...Fine. But only because you are leaving me no other choice!"
>This happens every evening, and Anon wouldn't trade it for anything in the world







>Anon plays horse-MMOs because bored
>also because the whole reversed gender roles thing hasn't quite set in for him and he finds refuge in the familiar
>joins a guild and is pleasantly surprised to find it full of male characters
>thinks he's back to being with Tha Boyz
>becomes friends with four in particular
>eventually find out they're all teenage fillies since mares only want one thing and its fucking disgusting
>stays around since they're his friends, but tactfully allows them to believe he's just one of Tha Girlz
>something something one hearts and hooves day too many goes by and one of these fillies proclaims that the "real" world can buck itself, she's got all the friends she needs in the game, and they can make a herd an find a stallion whenever they want
>sisters before misters and all that
>Anon finds it all dreadfully amusing, even more so when a meetup is planned so they can see what they all bring to the table out of game, and he himself is actually invited
>something something he walks in on them discussing the latest raid tier
>something something shocked neet noises

>Oh mare, oh jeez, oh mare
>A colt is touching your mane
>He's BRUSHING your mane
>He's voluntarily touching you, and he's not super grossed out by it
>He likes this
>He likes you
>...
>DOES THIS MEAN YOU'RE HORSEMARRIED NOW
>Is this because you brought up wanting to herd up with your sisters-from-another-misters after being alone - AGAIN - on Hearts and Hooves day?
>Did he think you want to herd with him?
>IS IT COOL TO HOLD HIS PAW-THINGS OR WHAT
>Or are you just overthinking it again?
>Is this just platonic, and you're just not used to basic equine kindness?
>Oh no
>Oh no oh no oh no
>This is why you're still a virgin
>Oh Celestia this is the best/worst day of your life

>Group of neet mares try to summon a succubus and get SatanAnon
>He's really fucking confused because he has means to prevent this kind of thing
>They're freaking out because they got more than they could handle
>After they calm down they try to talk things through
>Anon is down for the sex stuff since he used to be a incubus
>But instead of asking for the usual payment since the firstborn thing obviously wasn't going to happen he asks to take his vacation with them
>About a century of screwing around and horse vidya sounds pretty good after dealing with the souls of the damned

>They're all trying to suggest and give each other advice on how not to fuck up, despite none of them having ever so much as held hooves with a colt
>"Come on, mares, we've tackled raid bosses as a team before. How can this be much different?"







>Be Cadence
>Princess in training
>It had been a few months since Equestria had come into contact with the mysterious Hyoo-man Kingdoms across the sea
>You've heard they had a rather nasty reputation
>Very violent, relentless, extremely inharmonious
>A very long time ago, they had even tried to invade the continent in their longships
>The stories said that they wore horned helmets, and liked to steal stallions away from their beds along with heavy petting
>It took the combined efforts of all the nations at the time to drive them off
>Even now, most didn't want anything to do with them
>Thankfully, they had stayed across the sea after that, mostly due to infighting, wendigos, and something that old villain Discord did before he was turned to stone
>It had been... difficult for Equestria, from what your auntie had said
>A lot of leaders were eyeing your country up hungrily
>Your aunt was doing what she could, but her threatening to drop the sun of their nation was starting to lose it's effect
>So, she had looked across the sea, to the barbarian hyoo-mans
>They were a lot more civilized now, your aunt had insisted
>A bit more old fashioned than Equestria
>They still had knights, for example
>She said told you a lot of strange things about them
>A lot of their females had died out a long time ago, so the men were dominate
>They also didn't seem to have any magic
>Like, at all
>In fact, magic would act... funny around them
>They also had a thing for hats and clothing
>The sloots
>Celestia sent envoys to their nations
>The hyoomans were hesitant about you ponies, but your aunt was nothing if not determined, and negotiations began
>Nothing very big or important
>They sent you some lumber, you sent them some sugar and gems
>foal steps
>Your aunt somehow turned this into something the whole continent got behind and invested, stopping any possible trouble
>The madgal
>Eventually, the hyoo-mans sent a few of their own to you
>Like a foreign exchange program
>Ten in total, apparently they were hoofpicked throughout their kingdoms
>They were sent to every nation with the intent to learn the culture and teach some of their own
>You got a hyoo-man in Canterlot
>His name was Anonymous Algorothious Antonious Alumni
>He was around your age, but he was already a knight
>He seemed really proud about that, bearing the marks of his order whenever he went out
>He was very tall, and the weird thing with clothing was right
>He was also very nice
>After a few conversations with him you both became as thick as thieves
>That colt had some interesting ideas about peetzer, and his accent was so darn adorable that you wanted to pinch his cheeks
>Your marefriend Gleaming also really took a shining to him
>What with him being a knight and all
>She really liked the sword that he brought with him
>The two went on and on about all of that marely stuff
>She even tried to get him into HyperSpace HyperWars
>The dork
>You both showed him around town, protected him from any nobles that would like to take advantage of the sweet cinnamon bun, and helped him learn the ways of harmony and friendship
>There was some touch and go
>Colt or not, he was still a hyoo-man, and very prone to acts of extreme violence
>Gleaming was all for it, but you got in trouble when your auntie found out he put a gryphon through a shop window because she tried to steal his coin purse
>Still, it was mostly good
>The three of you even got in a sweet deal
>It got cold in the castle, and he had no fur
>Even with his clothes and blankets, he'd spend the night shivering
>So, you and Gleaming being the gentlemares that you were, offered to be snuggle buddies
>Instead of getting slapped, Anon agreed
>He even rewarded you with pets and scratches with those hands of his
>Which were bucking AWESOME SIS
>It was great
>You got to sleep with a colt on some REALLY nice bed sheets, and got to help a good friend
>But Gleaming, of course, took things a bit too far
>First it was dirty jokes while you all were in the bed
>Then she started snuggling inappropriately, getting just a bit too hoofsie
>You, being completely innocent in all of this, were talked into smooching the knightly hyoo-man
>First on the cheek, then it was full blown practice kissing
>It then continued to escalate and escalate until Anon went to bed in thin silk undies, and you and Gleaming realized that your friend was hung like a dragon
>Some things... happened
>A lot of long, sweaty nights
>Now you gotta tell your auntie that you're knocked up
>hopefully she wouldn't beat your butt too bad

>Be Lady Incognito
>Grandmother to be.
>Your husband seems to be taking the news of becoming a grandfather poorly.
>You son certainly needs reminding that there is a proper order of events he should adhere to, namely marriage, THEN children. But he's at least betrothed at this point, and due to be wed well before the children were due.
>Why a Princess would insist on having a sisterwife is also puzzling, Lord knows you wouldn't put up with that.
>But these Equestrians are a strange bunch, and you've been assured it is not unusual for them.
>You suppose it isn't so bad, now you'll have twice as many grandchildren!
>And it's a good political match, the king should be pleased that good relations between the nations have proceeded so quickly.
>Your Lord husband, and your son, are known to be loyal to the throne, unlike certain Nameless others.
>Well, there's a royal wedding soon, and your son is the groom, so you and your husband simply must attend. It's a good thing Equestrian Airships can cross the sea so quickly, you'd hate to miss the festivities.
>Hopefully the father of your children will calm himself before you arrive. You may have to resort to some feminine wiles to improve his mood









>Be Anon
>It was late, and you were about to sleep with your horsewife Celestia
>You both had showered and brushed your teeth
>Your wife's horn glowed, extinguishing the light in the room
>"Good night, dear."
"Night."
>With a yawn, you crawled into the bed
>Rolling over, you patted the empty spot right in front of you
>Celestia giggled, climbing into the bed
>She stepped over you, quickly crawling under the covers
>Before you could do anything, she pulled you against her furry chest, nuzzling the top of your head
>You blinked
"Hon? What do you think you're doing?" you asked
>"Whatever do you mean, dear?" she asked, kissing the top of your head
>Frowning, you crawled upward
>With some careful shirting, your wife is where she should be
>Back against your chest, her cute little noggin settled nicely under your chin
>You felt Celestia's wings ruffle
>"Anon, what are you doing?" she asked, sounding a bit annoyed
"Doing? Nothing much, hon," you replied. "Just trying to sleep."
>Celestia rolled around so that the two of you were face to face
>"Dear, I don't mean to be a bother, but I believe you're doing it wrong. Here, like this."
>She rolled you over, once again making you the little spoon
>"There we go," she said with a sigh. "Isn't that better?"
>She only settles for a few seconds before you flip her back over and make her the little spoon
"Actually, I prefer it like this," you reply. "I wanna hold my cute little princess."
>"I'm not CUTE, I'm elegant and marely, dear," Celestia said. "I'm also not going to be spooned like I'm some colt."
>You snorted, before smiling
"Well, thankfully you're not a colt, you're my big, beautiful alicorn, and I'm your big, loving husband."
>You hugged her barrel a little tighter, kissing her swan-like neck
"Good night~"
>Not ten seconds passed before Celestia wiggled out of your grasp, crawling up and buring your face into her tuft
>She added insult to injury by laying a wing over you
"Goodnight sweetems," she said sweetly, kissing you
>Next morning
>5 AM
>Neither of you have slept a wink
>Both of you spent the night rolling around, trying to get the other to be the little spoon
>You're exhausted, but you can't give up now
>You know this is so stupid, but you never claimed to be a smart man

>Papa Anon didn't raise no bitch, so you didn't take that lying down
>You once again turned the tables and became the big spoon
>Your wife snorted, trying to retake her position
>A good thirty minutes passed as you two wrestled back and forth, pushing each other down and around and just generally fucking up your bedsheets
>Both of you were breathing and sweaty
>Not the good kind of sweaty either
>Finally, Celestia stopped, nose to muzzle with you
>"Dear, you're getting confused again. The mare is supposed to hold and protect her stallion. It can't be the other way around."
"It can and it will, honey," you replied.
>She puffed her cheeks out, staring at you hard
>A minute or so passed, before a smile came to her face
>"Why don't we stop this silliness and be adults, hmm?"
>Your eyes narrowed slightly
"What do you have in mind?"
>"Let me do my duties as a mare, and I'll make sure you're suitably... rewarded."
>She gave you a look that would have had a stallion cum themselves before they so much as popped out of their sheaths
>Thankfully, all of that degenerate porn that you had looked at when you were younger meant you only got a semi-y
>You gave her a smile, running a finger up her belly
"You know... I could do the same for you... MOMMY," you purred. "I'll even wear that collar you like~"
>Celestia blinked, her wings twitching
>She licked her lips
>"Oh, but sweetie, I think I'd rather have something BIG and HARD down my tight little throat," she said rubbing the frog of her hoof against your underwear. "Maybe gently suck on something vaguely ball-shaped and filled with fertile cum. I might even get so lost that I'd let a certain human cum all over my face~"
"You know, I bet my face would like lovely between those sunny thighs. Eating you up, sucking on those big teats of yours."
>"I could jerk you off with my wings."
"I'll suck on that horn of yours."
>"I'll ride you stupid."
"Well, I'll pound YOU stupid, AND knock you up!"
>Both of you stared at each other with narrowed eyes
>"You're being ridiculous, Anon."
"No you."
>"Just let me hold you."
"NO YOU!"
>She tried to grab you with her magic, but you rolled on top of her wide a roar
>The two of you wrestled around, falling out of the bed, sending covers and pillows everywhere
>This happened every night
>Every night






>Twilight decides to learn more about the Kirin and their history from Autumn Blaze
>Autumn Blaze gives her a copy of their texts on their origin
>It's told from the perspective from a unicorn/dragon hybrid, the result of a kidnapped prince and dragon mother.
>She was an outcast, and in her travels, met another with her same situation
>This outcast is an ape-like creature calling itself a hyoo-man. The two of them stuck together and survived the wild areas of Equestria together
>Eventually they fell for each other, and consummated that love.
>One pregnancy later, the first Kirin was born
>Turns out, human DNA seems to be a kind of catalyst, that better blended together pony and dragon DNA, along with bringing human features to the table.
>Kirins got the similar form and magic of a unicorn, the scales, fire, and ability to eat gems of a dragon, and human's canines, stamina, hunting instincts, and omnivorous diet.
>They also adopted one of humanity's gifts, equals parts blessing and curse: the chimpout, aka, primal rage
>This ends up being why Niriks happen: The ancestory of wyrms and pones combine the human chimpout into ragehoers mode







>Fluttershy spend hours on her cosplay costume.
>She also works long and hard on you and your costume too.
>You're supposed to be the sidekick from Power Ponies.
>And man are you showing some leg here.
>"You look great babe."
>Fluttershy says eying you up.
"Thanks, but you look much better."
>You say kissing her.
>"This character doesn't have this big of a chest."
>She says rather self consciously looking down at herself.
"Hey, that just means you improved the character is all."
>She smiles back at you.
>"I feel like you're the only person who like these big things."
"Shy, I love you for you. Those are just a bonus."
>She giggles.
>"So would you mind staying in that costume while I'm in Artist Alley doing commissions?"
"That should be fine. I'll even help model if you need that too."
>You're so glad your girlfriend is a weeb






>Anon, Fluttershy and Dash all go to a Daring Do convention in cosplay.
>Dash is of course Daring, Fluttershy is a side character that helps her in one of the novels, while Anon is one of the male villains known to kidnap or trap Daring.
>Everyone at the convention thinks it's a great family cosplay as Dash is clearly their daughter.
>Many other Daring Do cosplayers make reference to wanting Anon to trap them, much to Fluttershy and Dash's annoyance.
>They actually wait in line to meet the author who signs Dash's book.
>Despite the embarrassments she has gone through that day, she has really had a great day with her family







> Lyra is a well known cryptozoologist, specializing in primates
> She's written books upon books about a secret society of huemins and their ways
> It's all erotic wish fulfilment human fanfic
> But when Anon appears in a flash of light, suddenly her books are selling like hotcakes and Princess Twilight herself has asked for her consultation in dealing with the apelien
> Lyra just really hopes this Anon has a sense of humor


>plot twist some of the more esoteric shit Lyro put in is legit.
>"Oh? Yeah we have a society built with men in charge for the most part, in recent years it's becoming more equalized, but prior to that there were a few years where women would be traded for goods or alliances and the like."
>[Nervous Neighing]
>"Don't know where you got the idea we throw our young out into the wilds after reaching maturity though, come to think of it that might have helped with how wild the [current year] was becoming."
"What about socks? I know you're wearing some right now, are they meant as a status symbol?"
>"What these?"
>Anon hikes his leggings up to show the stripped green and yellow socks to you.
>The mareinera is getting THICK in the air, now.
>"They can be, although it could turn into lots of things, oh let me tell you about the freaky pants you can find on some people." The total slut said not caring one whit of his shameless act







>Be Anon
>You got talked into going to a fashion thing in Canterlot with fashion horse
>Twilight spoke with Celestia, and got you a room in one of the fancy towers in Canterlot castle
>Rarity was beyond thrilled
>It was close to the event, in the castle, and within spitting distance of royalty
>You couldn't give less of a shit
>You see one talking horse you see them all
>Doesn't matter how big or how many crowns they wear
>Rarity, of course, brought way too much shit
>You mean suitcases filled with stuff
>Way too overboard for a two day thing
>You, meanwhile, brought a small backpack
>When you both got off the train, you could see the castle
>It was all the way on the other side of the city
>Maybe two miles away, perched up on a hill
>You offered to help Rarity carry her bags
>She refused
>Muh mareliness
>Muh pride
>Muh a lady does not ask a stallion for help
>Rarity isn't Rainbow or Applejack
>She's a chubby unicorn that doesn't do a lot of physical labor
>But fine
>You let the horny horse do the dumb thing
>What happened after you left the train station was nothing less than a shitshow
>It was over an hour watching Rarity carry all of her shit through the streets
>She was fine for a block, maybe two, and them immediately started dying
>Twice, you asked her if she needed any help
>You were a lot bigger than her
>Comparatively, those suitcases of hers were pretty small
>It would have been easy, you'd get to the castle quick, you get to blow up a royal bathroom, everyone wins
>But no
>This little horse is a masochist
>You'll give her this though; she didn't stop or fall over or give up
>She might not have been an athlete, but she was a determined little mare
>In the end, you both arrive at the castle
>She's covered in sweat, red-faced, her mane is tail are a mess, you're pretty sure she pulled something, and her legs are shaking like jello
>The usually stone-like guards even looked concerned as they led you to the foot of the tower
>It was a big fucker
>Must have been five stories tall
>The look of absolute horror on Rarity's face when she saw the steps made you roll your eyes
>You took the little horses bags
>All of them
>She complained, of course, and the guards snickered, but you ignored them
>You could take the steps three at a time, leaving the horses in the dust
>To add insult to injury, once you and Rarity were alone you ran a bath for her and scrubbed her clean
>Then you went ahead and brushed her mane, tail, and fur while she complained
>You were halfway through rubbing her hooves when Celestia came in
>The mare looked confused when she saw what was going on
>She then tried to use some of those royal teasing techniques on the both of you
>Jokes on her, you're a lot faster than you looked
>Before she could race out the door, you bolted over and grabbed her
>Kicking the door closed you carried her over to brush her down and boop her senseless
>Neither you nor Celestia could take that lying down
>There were times to humor stallions, but he was treating you both like foals
>Even if you would toy with the idea of biting your tongue for which a thing down to your own person, he had done this to Celestia
>Princess Celestia
>The Highest, Glorious Sun
>That wasn't something that your pride as a unicorn would allow
>Even Celestia herself, a thoughtful, kind, and wise ruler, obviously did not approve of the giant stallion's whimsey
>So, you attempted to "punish him"
>It was the same punishment that you and the girls had tried time and time again
>Unfortunately--or fortunately-- human males seemed to be built rather... different
>You didn't just mean their size either
>Though, to be fair, it was because of the size of... certain parts of his anatomy that Twilight had had a limp for the past month, Pinkie couldn't bounce quite high as she could before, and Rainbow Dash stopped with her "five seconds flat" nonsense
>You thought the princess would have taken him a bit better
>What with her being so much larger than anypony
>Maybe it was the thickness?
>Or perhaps it was the shape? Or his angle of penetration?
>Even after all of your "failed" punishments, it still felt like that mushroom head of his hit your stomach whenever he hilted
>You also, naively, thought that he would through much more of a fuss when you forced his head between your legs
>Oral was supposed to be a shameful thing for a stallion to do
>It was a twofold humiliation
>The first was to mark him so thoroughly, so that he was little more than property
>Something done regularly in pre-unification times
>The second was to show that the stallion was so poor in his efforts to arouse and please a mare--which which was considered beyond easy to do--that he needed to do in other ways
>It was a horrible, degrading, even physically damaging thing
>Designed to destroy a stallion's willpower
>Apparently, it was also something that was seen as quite common in Anon's home world
>Whichever group of mares over there that was able to get that ball rolling needed statues erected in their honor
>Anon had laid you on Celestia's back as he pressed himself into her
>The princess herself was pawing at the floor
>You could see her, but you could hear bedsheets being ripped as Anon showed you just how wonderful that tongue of his way
>You weren't Applejack
>You weren't orgasming every minute whenever his tongue flicked your clit
>You were cumming however
>Pretty hard actually
>Thankfully, the human held onto you as he began to fuck the alicorn silly
>You made an off-hoofed comment that it smelt like the princess was in heat
>That, of course, just caused Anon to go faster
>You've never heard a princess neigh before, or seen one thrash so hard
>Devious, whimsical stallion...
>Maybe you'd be able to teach him next time...







>Every school in equestria has an annual "Visit Canterlot" trip paid for by the crown so the foals can learn about the capital, see the sights, the princesses and get an overview of equestria as a whole.
>Luna uses the oppotunity to watch for foals who are capable of fixing their own night terrors and makes a note to check up on them later once they're a bit older.
>Very rarely finds a foal who can achieve lucidity straight from the get go, which means sending a missive to the foals parents about offering an internship with the night guard.
>The jobs night-to-night work essentially involves patrolling your local dreamscape and handling minor disturbances, calling for help from other dreamwalkers, including Luna herself, if needed






>Luna is actually the most maternal princess
>Celestia is just too much of a diplomatic leader to be able to show the sort of warm support that individual foals need
>Luna, however, has much fewer responsibilities than her sister has, and she can afford to show affection towards her little ponies
>Anon just happens to be visiting Canterlot so that the crown can help him with an important issue (Lyra keeps stealing his fancy expensive imported oats) when a class has a little field trip to the Canterlot courts
>One of the teachers gets sick (ate tainted oats) and Anon volunteers to help herd the foals around the castle, since Lyra has made it so that he's now very familiar with the halls
>Also, because it's RGRE and nopony finds it creepy that some random male volunteered to look after horse-children
>As day turns to evening and the teachers get tired (some idiot fed the foals sugar, and now they'll never calm down), Anon's duties became larger
>At some point, Luna herself volunteered to help take care of the class of foals while the teachers got some rest
>Something something Luna and Anon bond over how cute foals are
>Something something Luna acts very much like an indulgent mother
>Something something Anon has to race after a foal who's doing something dangerous and Luna gets a bit hot under the horse-collar at the sight of those foal-chasing legs
>Something something RGRE






>Be Anon
>Canterlot High's best janitor
>Which, honestly, wasn't saying much, since you were the only day time janitor, and the other two you pretty sure were serial killers, but whatever
>You were making your way down a random hall, pushing a mop along, jamming out with some earbuds in
>It had been a pretty good day
>No one had thrown up in the cafeteria yet, so that was something
>The day was nearly over too
>Just a couple more hours and you could go home and shitpost on your favorite jamaican hockey team boards
>Doing a little shimmy, you turned the corner into another hallway
>There were some kids milling around, but you paid them no mind, just bouncing to the beat
>You saw Mrs. Cheerilee sitting at her desk as you passed her classroom
>Seeing you, she smiled
>You waved as students walked around you
>Except this one blue girl
>Wore a shirt and a wizards hat from that one movie
>There was a smile on her face, and her arms were crossed
>You stared at her, waiting for her to move
>But the audacity of this child was high enough that she stood her ground
>Okie dokie...
>You took an earbud out
"Is there something wrong, young lady?" you asked, trying to be polite as could be
>The girl clicked her tongue
>She placed her hands on her hips, puffing her chest out
>"The Greeeeeeat and Powerful Trixie thinks you should back that thick ass up over here. Trixie will give you something to dance about."
>Trixie?
>Was this baby talking in third person?
"I think my hearing is going. Could you run that by me again?" you asked, placing a hand near your ear
>The girl's grin grew
>"Trixie said--"
>She stopped
>Her eyes widened, and she turned as white as a sheet
>It was then you noticed someone standing behind you
>Looking over your shoulder, you saw Vice Principal Luna
>She looked upset
>Furious was a good word for the expression on her face
>"Trixie Lulamoon. In my office, right this second," she growled, pointing
>"B-But--" the girl said
>"NOW young lady."
>With an "eep", the girl took off

_~_~_~_~_

>Be Luna
>Be beyond annoyed
>You've always had troubles with that girl
>Thankfully, that friend of hers, Starlight, was nowhere to be found
>If they were both here things would have no doubt escalated
>The shame of some of these kids
>You'd think their parents were trying to raise wild dogs!
"I apologize for that, Anonymous," you said, placing a hand against your chest
>The janitor smiled
>"It's no big deal, ma'am," he replied with a shrug
"It absolutely is, and if you're harassed like that again please let me know."
">"Of course ma'am."
>Placing his earbud back into his ear, Anonymous began to walk down the hall, a bounce in his step
>Despite yourself, your gaze wandered to his backside
>While you were vehemently against what Trixie had done, you DID have to admit that your janitor did have a wonderfully pert backside
>Your sister had once joked that one would be able to bounce a bit off it and it'd hit the ceiling
>You believed it

>Be Librarian Berry Punch
>Can't stand school
>Constantly have to roam the library to make sure students aren't making out, drinking, or shooting up
>Every once in awhile catch some assholes drawing tits in your books
>Teachers like to bring their classes into your library to use you as a second tard wrangler
>tfw you'd have lost your mind, or quit, or hit a student if it weren't for that stupid sexy janitor
>That boy had an ass for each day of the motherfucking week!
>The second you saw that thing bouncing by it gave you the strength to continue
>You swear if it's quiet enough you can hear his cheeks slap together as he walks
>It sounded like the chorus of fucking angels...






>>The Industrial Revolution and its consequences.
>Crystal 'Empire' is a mining town.
>The soil is so polluted with magic, anything grown in it (in greenhouses of course) has a small chance of spontaneously turning into frogs.
>It would be a second Everfree if anything could grow there naturally. Of course it can't because it's built in the most inhospitable land imaginable.
>Only the mareliest of mares live there. The characteristic crystalline shine of their coats is just a symptom of enduring the magical pollution for too long.

>You have to constantly deactivate the dust when you mine magical crystals, otherwise the mines would explode, or port to another place entirely with a huge chunk of land around them.
>Or the miners might turn into frogs. Several each, so you have to sort the frogs first before doing a dispel.
>The energy in crystal dust is too chaotic to be used in anything other than simplest area spells.

>This is where the Crystal Heart comes in. It channels excess energy from the crystal dust as a warmth spell.
>It's literally a flare stack, spilling magical pollution everywhere.
>The ponies are happy to see it work because it means that the refineries are working at full capacity and wages will be on time.
>Though, to be honest, nobody studied the effects of such immense thaumic exposure on ponies before. Maybe it has other side-effects.






>You and your wife, Rainbow Dash, have a foal.
>A little earth pony filly, and while you're happy as can be, you know your wife is hiding how much she wishes she could teach her filly to fly.
>The filly watches her mother's little air shows with happy squeals, right until she starts leaping after her mom, only to find she can't soar with her.
>Then a melancholy takes hold of the filly as she sits despondently in her father's lap.
>You won't allow this.
>You won't allow the two most important ponies in your life to miss out on such a powerful bonding moment.
>Thus you begin researching anything and everything you can to help your filly take to the skies.
>From Tank's magic propeller to prosthetic wings you've heard injured pegasi use.
>Until finally, on your daughter's third birthday, you have a surprise.
>They're clunky, and it takes well into the afternoon, but neither Rainbow or the filly lose a speck of enthusiasm as they work towards the first few seconds of hang time in the air.
>And your enthusiasm doesn't lag either, after month or years as you make better than better wings.
>And when your daughter starts to express wanting to join the Wonderbolts?
>Well, it just means you and Dash have to work extra hard to support her.
>You as her mechanic, and Dash as her coach






>Bandit clan.
>The family at large make Bandanna's and other various face or neck coverings and are highly reputable fashion designers with an...unfortunate family history.
>Not all that inclined towards tailoring, little trash gremlin became enamoured with stories that her grandmare told her, often featuring pirates, outlaws, rogues and cutpurses, any time or place were it'd be an appropriate time to don a mask and say "Get in the bag." you bet their clan had a hoof in it.
>When word eventually reached the family of some cousins apparently trying to revive some old traditions up in the crystal empire, one little filly immediately declared she'd be doing the same thing and promptly gathered a gang.
Her parents understand the phase she's going through, and know that simply telling her "Stop that." will just make it worse.
Heartthrob is foalsitting her, making sure she doesn't get into too much trouble and reminding her that mom only lets her have the knife if there's a cork in it.
The breezie is 100% serious about being a bandit, but her size and attention span makes her 'huge hauls' relatively inconsequential

>the bandannas each member of the clan wear is made jointly by their mother and father
>the mother weaves the basic cloth together
>while the father sews in personalized details onto the cloth
>details that are, of course, completely undetectable if the bandanna is reversed, so as not to give away any of his little girls should they decide to, shall we say, get into the family business






>Rainbow Dash was heavily bullied as a filly
>This resulted in insecurity and the intense desire to prove to everypony that she's the best
>Seeing something so deeply linked to her foalhood hell - like a visual allusion to "Rainbow Trash" - is enough to send her into a downward spiral for a few hours
>Luckily for her, she has a human friend who's there to give her all the ear-scratches she needs and to pretend they totally weren't cuddling 5 minutes ago
>Something something RGRE


>Anon is fulltime foalsitting the Bandit duo with their aunt.
>Stabitha notices that Rainbow is nervous around her nightmare night costu-BATTLE ARMOR
>Makes a new game of sneaking up on the wonderbolt as often as possible because she finds it funnyand not because she's totally jealous of the attention Anon gives her.
>Dash meanwhile is wondering how in the flying fuck a trash can is able to move around that quietly







>Make your waifu a dish.
>You worked really hard, not just on the cooking, but the research to come up with the perfect thing that would suit her tastes.
>She takes a bite, and freezes.
>Slowly, her pupils turn into hearts, then she moans and shovels down the rest of the food.
>Before you can ask the rhetorical question of if she liked it, she scrambles up from her seat and out the door.
>Well, that's weird.
>She runs to the nearest jeweler and starts asking about engagement rings, and how soon she can get one made custom for Anon's fingers.
>Which one, though, the he has five?
>Darn!
>She doesn't have time for this!
>She needs to get a ring on that colt fast before any other mare finds out how amazing a cook he is!
>Prime husband material like that never stays on the market for long






>Be King Redacted
>Be fucking irate
>Yours was a powerful nation
>Noble and fair and just
>Because of the efforts of you and your people, the demons from the east were held a bay
>You were a proud and noble people
>But you had some dumbass squires
>Anytime they were anywhere near a pony
>Bam
>Pregnancy, scandal, an awkward conversation between the boy's father and yourself
>Once was a mistake
>You were young once, and had bed many a randy lady
>But then it happened when you sent an envoy to Manehattan
>Then it happened when the Equestrians sent an envoy to the castle
>That and two dozen other instances
>You were nearly ready to tear your hair out
>For fucks sakes, lads!
>Fuck some tavern wench, not some damned magical horse!

>tfw the king just wants someone nice to marry his daughter
>Their princess gets sent over as a diplomat since all the guys cant stop thinking with their dicks.
>Somehow ends up with Spike, who has been going around to all the squires asking for tips after one of them got with Rarity.
>King recieves a Dragon-mailed scroll asking for permission to court his daughter








"It's Dinner time, Molly!"
>*Frantic, hungry trash can rattling*
>"Mine, MINE, Mine, Anon, Mine!"
"Yes, that's right, this is yours, I hope you like it."
>Anon grabs the plate of steaming hot turkey, peas, and gravy covered mash potatoes, and holds it patiently over the obscured filly pawing at his leg.
>He taps once on the lid, and she freezes, before the lid swings open, revealing two purple eyes in the dark and gleaming, sharp teeth.
>Using the fork, Anon starts shoveling the heap of food over the lip of the plate, and down into the drooling abyss below.
>There's a sound not unlike a garbage disposal at the can vibrates violently, only coming to a end when there's nothing left to consume.
>There's silence for several seconds, then, "Burp..."
"Good girl! You're going to grow up to be such a big, strong bandit with a appetites like that. Now why don't you go settle down for your nap while I do the dishes."
>"Grrr..."
>A corked knife levitates out and jabs threatening at Anon's leg, getting him to blink.
"What? Are you still hungry?
>A book floats out from under the lid, and Anon reads the title, causing him to chuckle.
"Oh right, you probably want a nap time story. Dishes can wait then."
>Thus he takes the copy of Brothers Grimm fairy tales compilation, and walks his trash gremlin to her bed.
>As he gets to the part where the Evil Queen is forced to put on red-hot iron shoes and dance until her death, a light snoring can be heard from the trash can laying on its side atop the mattress.
>Pulling the blankets, up, Anon places a fatherly kiss on the lid and tip toes out.
"Good night, my little trash princess."
>"ZzzDiezzzMinezzzNonzzz..."








> Daughter of the socialite earthpony stallion Ladder Match, evidence of a youthful indiscretion with a dashing bandit mare.
>When Ladder sees his foal on his doorstep, he hides her in his basement.
>He holds nightly parties in his home, and must not show any evidence of not saving himself for a herd.
>Ladder is far too busy to raise Molly, and puts out food and water and a gummy vitamin in between preparations for the next party.
>Molly grows up in intermittent darkness, hearing the muffled voices of many ponies from the other side of the basement door.
>That's when Dad is the angriest if she makes noise, which doesn't make sense since everpony else gets to make noise.
>But the good thing is, after those noisy ponies leave, Friend smuggles some delicious food to her.
>Friend is very wise and warm, and knows the best hiding places.
>That's why when Mom came to pick Molly up, Molly captured some of the safe darkness in a trashcan so that she and Friend can still live together.






> Be Anon, the new oneironaut recruit
> You're part of the second wave of recruiting, after the first wave passed over all non-guardsponies
> Basic training is weird 
> A short mare brings your group into her nightmares of the Big Pie Kerfuffle
> A flighty stallion appropriately teaches you how to fly in dreams
> A stoic mare teaches you how to disrupt figments of a dream by shooting them with a fireball
> And some spunky mare who ran away from the circus is going out of her way to hit on you for some reason
> Luna herself is no help 
> She just makes encouraging announcements and sexually harasses the male recruits
> Or so they claim, personally you don't see what the big deal is with getting in your face, that's what happens in the army, right?
> And the sock inspection, that's...probably normal, socks are part of the male uniform







>You are Sunset Shimmer, and you have seen some weird shit.
>You're a unicorn that walked through a mirror and are now a human for Celestia's sake!
>But that hasn't been the strangest thing by far.
>After you and the girls fought off the latest big bad that got a Equestrian Magic boost, there were some unforeseen side effects.
>This time the magic was time based, and the artifact being used tore open time and space.
>Leaving you with your now house guest.
>You...
>An older and more mature looking you, but you none the less.
"So I know it's not much, but you can stay here until we sort this out and can get you back."
>"That's fine. I know it'll only take a few more days till you and Twilight get this fixed."
"Wait, how to you know that?"
>"Because I'm you, and I remember all of this."
"Really? Then what game am I going to play on my stream tonight?"
>"I can't remember all the details because it was a while ago. I remember the big picture things but not stuff like that."
"So I guess asking for the winning lottery numbers is out then, right?"
>"Yup."
>The door opens and Anon walks in with a take out bag in his hands.
>"Hey babe, heard on the news a group of women saved the day. I assume that was you so I brought you your favorite..."
>He stops when he sees your older self.
>"I'm sorry, I didn't know we were having company. I'm Anon."
>He introduces himself and puts the bag on the kitchen counter.
>"I cam see a resemblance, but Sunset has told me about her family. I know you're not her sister or mother."
>Older you smiles.
>"No, but you can call me 'Mommy' if you like baby."
>This bitch!
>"It's good to see you looking so young Anon. Not that you look bad now or anything."
>"I'm sorry, what's going on?"
"Due to reasons, this is myself from the future. She will be living with us for a few days."
>"Alright... are these reasons magical?"
"Yes."
>"Okay, so nothing really new then."
"Yeah."
>"I forgot how easy going he was when we were dating. I'm glad I snatched him up."


Meanwhile....

"How? How is this even possible?"
>You're Twilight by the way.
>Currently loosing your fucling mind!
>"A temporal side effect from the last villian you fought that used Equestrian Magic."
>Your older self explains.
>"In a last ditch effort they tried to open a hole in time and throw you all into the future, but you won and we got brought to the past instead."
"This doesn't make any sense though!"
>"Now I know what you're thinking because I am you and I've lived through this myself. So even though I know what you're going to ask, please don't. I even prepared a list of winning lottery numbers because I knew the other girls wouldn't do it themselves so you all can be financially secure."
"Uh huh, that's great. But I just have to ask."
>The older you sighs.
>"Go ahead..."
"How did your tits- my tits get that huge!? I mean look at me!"
>You emphasize your chest.
>Not to shabby if you do say so yourself, but her!
>She just chuckles.
>"Having kids will do that kiddo."
"Kids? As in more than one?"
>You have sex?
>At least twice!
"So, Timber and I..."
>You feel your face start to heat up.
>She then starts laughing.
>"Timber? Oh no, no, no, not him. He was fun as a first crush but he isn't meant for you. And you'll see why in a little while."
"Wait, what!?"
>"You're meant to have someone a little closer to home. Oh and a bit of advice, you should really be more open minded to that herd concept Sunset keeps going on about. I promise you won't be disappointed. I wasn't."
"That isn't funny, Timber and I are meant to be together! I'm not going to break up with him because you say so!"
>"I'm not trying to write your future for you. I'm just giving you some spoilers to help, I know you like flipping to the end of the book when reading a mystery. Always have since grade school when the math answers were in the back of the book. But I also never said YOU break up with Timber."
>Now you are confused.
>"Just wait and see these next few days. Trust me."






>The two got into a huge fight and she stormed out of the house.
>She had only intended to be out for an hour or two, but lost track of time as she drank at the bar.
>As she sat there, she began to go over the fight in her head, and realized that she was in the wrong more than she thought.
>After her last shot of liquid courage, she got up intending to go home and apologize to her husband.
>Only, he wasn't there.
>The neighbor sees her and says Anon left looking pretty worried and said he was going to go look for her because she was gone for so long.
>The rainstorm was getting bad and he was afraid she'd gotten hurt.
>Sunset heads out to find him, and stumbles upon the scene of an accident.
>A car lost control on the flooding roads and hit a pedestrian.
>He died almost instantly, leaving Sunset alone with her regrets and the last memories of her husband being the two screaming at each other angrily.
>Her friends can't console her as she recedes into herself, her thoughts constantly dwelling on the lost love of her life.
>Every night she wishes she could go back and make things right.
>Until one night, her wish comes true.


>"Hey!"
>Sunset wraps her arms around you from behind, nuzzling the back of your head with her nose.
>You slip your fingers in between hers, and she makes a happy squealing noise.
"Hey, yourself. What's up?"
>"Noth'thnn," she says, muttering into your hair, "Jus' smoo'ch'n m'boyfrrrn."
>Without a word, she pulls back and spins you around so that you're facing her.
>The grin on her face looks too big for her face, but she still manages to pull it off.
>"What're you doing tonight, handsome?" she purrs, caressing a cheek with her hand, "You wanna curl up on the couch tonight and watch a movie?"
"Isn't this the night you usually go out to the bar and come stumbling home a few hours later?"
>She flinches away as though you just slapped her.
>God, you hope you don't get into a huge fight about this again.
>She always says she'll be back in an hour or two, but she always comes home in the middle of the night and gets sick in the bathroom.
"Love, you know that I'm going to be with you for the rest of our lives. I just want that to be a very long time, and I'm worried that you drink too mu-"
>"No."
>Sunset speaks in a strangled croak, sounding almost as though she were in physical pain.
"What?"
>What does 'no' mean? 'No', as in 'we're not having this conversation'?
>"I-I-I'm not going t-to the bar," she stutters, ending with a gulp so loud you could hear it, "I'm... I don't want to drink any more."
>To your surprise, Sunset starts to cry.
>Big, tough Sunset - who always went out of her way to prove how 'womanly' she was.
>"I w-want us to be together f-forever too," she hiccups, "And I... I..."
>With a wordless moan, she buries her face into the crook of your neck and sobs.
>Not "I hurt myself" sobbing.
>Not "I lost my job" sobbing.
>But "I'm suffering" sobbing.
>The same sort you heard the last time you went to a funeral.
"Hey, hey..."
>You wrap your arms around her and try to console her as best you can.
>Her entire body is shaking.
>What brought this on?

>Your girlfriend is crying her eyes out and clinging to you tight like your about to disappear
>You not being a putz, tighten your grip on Sunset before gently rubbing her back as you murmur softly in her ear.
"Babe, hun, I'm right here. Im not leaving anywhere. What's wrong?"
>If anything that caused Sunsets breath to hitch and now your leg is wrapped in her legs.
>This is what a ship must feel like when a barnacle clings to its hull.
>Dismissing that odd thought you faintly hear Sunset say, "I thought...I thought I lost you, I, we had argued and then i went out and then and then...you were gone and it was all my faaaaaaault!"
>The wail had her bury her head in your chest as your shirt is soaked in snot and tears.
>You love her to bits, but a pretty crier your girlfriend is not.
"Sunny bun, Suns, Sunset!"
>You forcefully pry her head up to look at you and you kiss your girl.
>For a moment shock wars with sorrow, but Sunset returned your kiss before you drew back panting.
"Sunset, I'm not leaving you, you know that, right?"
>Sunset nods her head in a subdued manner, "T-thats why I'm so sorry, you had left to find me and there, ther was an accident and you were-"
>You kiss your silly girl again.
"I'm right here Sunny, see? Nice and strong and healthy as can be!"
>You flex the meager muscle you have and blush reminded of that failed gym membership you tried to stick too.
>Sunset sniffed before a small giggle escaped her, "Maybe not that healthy, I like cuddling with your softer bits."
>Right after she said that Sunset flushed before stuttering, "I-I mean, uh,"
>You chuckle before kissing her
"I know what you mean, I like your soft bits too. So, was it a nightmare then? Cuz if it was we can just cuddle here for a bit."
>Sunset rubbed her eyes and nodded, "Yeah, I'd- I'd like that."
>Leaning back on the couch you let Sunset lay on you as you held hands and let the television run in the background.
>you dont know what scared her, but you'd face it together

>"Marry me."
>You used to wonder what the day you'd get engaged would be like.
>You'd envisioned taking your girlfriend out to an extravagant dinner.
>Some place expensive.
>You'd have a wonderful time and, at the right moment, you'd get down onto one knee and propose to her.
>Even when you popped into this weird, backwards world, you still assumed that you'd be the one doing the proposing.
>And when you got together with Sunset, the thought had popped into your head more than once.
>And now, laying in the dark on your lumpy couch, sitting in the post-credit darkness and waiting for whenever the DVD player decides to hop back to the main menu, you realize how that dumb fantasy pales in comparison to how it happened in reality







Sunset time travel prompt

One option is to play into the sad future aspect and have it be that FSS still has a lot of baggage about being the indirect cause of Anon's death, with time travel working via jumping to an alternate dimension to prevent that Anon's death, but her Anon is still dead. So FSS doesn't want to go back, might not be able to go back, and is simultaneously clinging towards Anon, but also feeling like she doesn't have a right to this Anon. Meanwhile, present Sunset Shimmer is feeling  insecure next to her bustier, more powerful future self. Her mare instincts are telling her that this is the alpha of her herd, but FSS is really hesitant about taking up that role. 
Meanwhile, the Twilight of that sad timeline has followed FSS to bring her back, because her friends still love her even after FSS distanced herself from them in grief. Future Lyra also tagged along, a notebook full of lottery numbers and oat stockpile locations.

I think it would make the most sense for Anon's death to be a natural consequence of Sunset going out that particular night. So PSS still has a drinking habit, FSS projects her guilt onto PSS and tries to get her to stop drinking. On one hand, Anon thinks drunk SS is cute, but on the other, he does worry about her staying out so late. Binge drinking isn't really a healthy response to getting into an argument with your boyfriend, but both sunsets still have that urge. FSS cries when she realizes that, which surprises Anon and PSS. PSS remembers her mother's advice about herding, "Cuddle and Compromise", which is easier to do when there is a distraught third member to comfort, rather than just two irritated people.







>Sunset wasn't the only one who was thrown back in time
>Twilight had been one of Anon's closest friends outside of Sunset, and she had been crushed when Anon died
>She blamed Sunset for driving Anon away, and for making him go out in that rainy night to find her when she didn't come home
>In her grief and anger, she blamed Sunset for her friend's death.
>She reasoned that if Sunset hadn't preyed on Anon, he never would have felt that he needed to rush out and try to find her.
>If he had stayed home, he'd have been alive.
>She was furious at Sunset for a long time.
>Every night, Twilight would go to bed wishing that she could go back and make things right
>Imagine her surprise when, on the same morning that Sunset woke up in Anon's arms, Twilight awoke in her old bed
>She had been given a second chance - an opportunity to save poor Anon from his fate - and she was NOT going to waste it.




"It's just so...big."
>"Ah, know ya said it about three apple pickin times."
"Well isn't because it's so darn big! What'd I do eat fritters 'til I burst an' then kept goin?"
>If you couldn't guess, you're Applejack.
>The one with a rump that don't jiggle all over the place.
>"Ah'd like to see you after three kids. Oh wait I do, when I look in a mirror every mornin'!"
>You're a bit shocked. Not at the kids, you're an Apple. You always knew that you were going to bear fruit, but...
"But so young? You look barely older than Mac is now."
>She looks up in thought, stroking her chin.
>"What year was this..? Yeah, I suppose I'm about a year older than Mac is now."
"Well if you're busy bein fruitful, who's watching the farm? Is Mac still livin the bachelor life?"
>"Nah, he found himself a good woman and got hitched. 'Non gets to lookin after the farm when I get a few months in. That janegirl act he puts on dries right up as soon as I start showing."
"'Non? Like Anon? Anonymous? That beanpole would snap in two if he ever did farm work, why'd ya hire him...?
>Now you weren't dim, but you felt your face get a little flush when you finally put two and two together in your head.
"ME AND HIM?! What fool thing was going on in my head to make that happen? Did I get into Granny's cider stash?"
>She started laughin like you just said that strawberries were better than apples.
"Well, at least I took responsibility I guess."
>"Woo! I'm gonna stop you before I bust by sides open. I know you don't think so now, but Anon's a good man. I won't say when, because it built some character in me, but when a drought hit and things got rough he made the difference in keeping the farm going."
>You let that tumble in your head a bit and just decided to accept it, and well.
"But do I have to be so big? Back there?"
>"You should see Rarity, one girl and she look just like her momma. At least 'Non's into that."
"What?!"
>"Talk to Sunset. Horse world is weird, but good."







>Twilight isn't handling her new alicorn instincts very well.
>Unlike mortal ponies, who are biologically wired to share love and affection within a group herd dynamic, alicorns are driven to be monogamous.
>This is because immortal alicorns have an amazing gift.
>Or more accurately, an amazing gift they can give, but only once.
>Alicorns can bestow immortality onto their chosen mate so they they may weather the harsh sands of time together forever.
>And Twilight wants Anon to be that mate to her, or at least her instincts demanding it.
>As Cadence can attest, when you meet the right stallion, you just know, though she at least didn't deck Celestia when she looked at her Shiny.
>... Not that hard, anyway.
>Anon just thinks Twilight really likes his peanut butter cookies







"So you're here to tell me to never have a stress binge again. Thank you future me."
>"Sarcasm is hardly becoming of one who would consider themselves a lady."
>Through sheer will you keep yourself from sneering at your future self.
>Your thoroughly misshapen future self.
"No sarcasm, darling. We both have eyes and we both know what caused me to have such excess.."
>She growled.
"generousness."
>She frowned, but not deeply.
"Also, while I'm obviously ignorant of future trends I don't think that silver, harmony willing, highlights will be in vogue."
>"It seems the ignorance of youth can only be matched by the bitterness of virginity."
>You see red.
"YOU MOM-BODIED BITCH!"
>"Guilty on all counts, darling. Now how is the most expedient way of acquiring a 'mom-bod'?
>And your rage vanishes like the morning dew.
"No..."
>"And the 'highlight', is natural. The stress of a competitive career will do that to a woman."
>Your face burns, and your eyes grow hot
"My dreams, I never become a fashionista. Do I?"
>You feel her arms wrap around you, gently stroking your head, mindful of your coiffure.
>Thought you mocked them moments ago, her bosom is comforting. Like hugging mother when you needed the security that only a mother could grant.
"Please, tell me that he is at least a gentleman."
>"You must rid yourself of this base vanity when it comes to yourself, darling."
>You can't bring yourself to look up at her.
>"You see the inner beauty of everyone around you, and dedicate yourself to bringing it out so that they can see what you see. Be a little selfish and do the same for yourself."
>You turn your absolute mess of a face to her.
>"To answer your questions, I am THE name in fashion, and Anonymous is a wonderful husband and father. Truly a lord deserving of the name."
"...Anonymous? The janegirl from gym? I mean, I suppose he could be attractive...to some."
>"He doesn't stop until YOU'RE satisfied, and he likes that female lingerie fetish we have."
"Sold!"





>Be Pinkie
>Be in a particularly percolating predicament
>You had been minding your business, doing whatever Pinkie's did on a Tuesday afternoon when this thing appeared
>You had seen a lot of things
>Thingy-things even
>But you had never seen this thing before
>It was big
>At least the size of two big macs
>It stood up on its hind legs like a minotaur, though it didn't have hooves
>Disgusting
>It looked confused, just standing there in the middle of the marketplace
>You and everypony else were just as confused
>What was it?
>Why was it here?
>Why didn't your Pinkie sense tell you somepony new was in town?
>It then stumbled, looking dizzy, falling onto its rump
>The flower sisters passed out in fright
>The silly teatless mares
>You, being the bravest pie you knew, decided to investigate, hopping over to saw hello
>You got through the he in hello when the thing grabbed you
>Ponies started to freak out as it set you down into its lap
>You heard Dashie shout something about getting Twilight from a cloud
>There was some more shouting from other ponies too
>The thing didn't seem to care, wrapping it's long, weird looking hooves around you
>It then rested its head on top of yours, saying some weird, gobbly gook
>A hug
>You weren't getting eaten, or your soul ripped out of your cute pink body
>You think
>Just a hug
>Looks like your grammy was right
>A pie is irresistible to everything
>You're a bucking sex magnet
>Just like mom






>KidAnon's first friends when he came to Equestria were the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who roped him into their shenanagins despite him trying to explain that he couldn't get a mark.
>Even so, there was no denying the girls were a blast to go on adventures with, and they were happy to have him along as well.
>He had so many ideas for talents they never would have thought of otherwise.
>Truly, the four were good friends, now if only they could convince others of that fact.
>"Ya'll really should be letting your stallion do all that dangerous stuff, Bloom. It's your duty ta protect him."
>"Anon can handle himself, Sis, and what do ya mean 'm stallion'? We're just friends."
>"Sure ya are..."
>"Here, Sweetie, I made this cute little blouse for Anon. Maybe he can wear it on one your dates?"
>"Um, I don't know, Rarity. A white shirt's going to get ruined on our hike."
>"Hike? Surely you plan on taking him to dinner or lunch?"
>Scootaloo reads the letter from her parents expressing how happy they are at the news of her 'new friend' and that she didn't turn out like her aunts.
>Why would that be bad?
>Her aunts are cool.
>"Now, Anon, as I've taken on the responsibility as your guardian, and considering your interactions with the CMC, I think it's time I give you the talk so you don't make any mistakes. I've even prepared slides!"
"Why do I get the feeling I'm about to be traumatized?"
>Later, the four friends would lament about the oddities of adults and wonder if they'll be weird like that when they're older






>griffons going on bank trips for dates
>Talking about their personal finances is considered very intimate and reserved for the third date at the earliest.
>Part of courting is trying to get each other to invest in the other's business ventures.
>Opening a shared bank account is basically marriage.
>Anon talking to a griffon couple.
"Hey, you guys got married around the beginning of last year, right? That means your anniversary is coming up."
>"That's right."
"So, have any big plans?"
>"Oh, you know, a nice dinner, maybe a bit of wine... And filing our income taxes."
>This last bit is said with big blushes on both bird faces.
>Anon quirks a brow.
"Sounds... nice."
>"It will be."
>Little does Anon know, that filing their taxes, looking for every possible avenue of getting tax breaks, is going to get the pair so hot and bothered they they're going to mate like crazy when they're done.
>Anon will be the resulting chick's god father







>Anon get's shat into the equestria behind the mirror
>Makes friends with the crew
>One day they invite him to join one of their sleepovers
>They call it a movie night, despite them not even always watching any movies
>Sleepovers are apparently for boys
>You call it a sleepover anyway
>Everything is going well
>PJs, video games, cider, and the company of friends
>Eventually RD and Pinkie suggest a game of 'truth or dare'
>Twi and Rarity immediately object, saying it's not proper with a guy around
>RD and Pinkie point out that having guy there is the whole point, only dykes play it with all girls
>Sunset is busy trying to calm the girls down, worried that they'll scare Anon off or something
>Anon is pretty sure he heard Fluttershy whisper "sunhat tippers" under her breath but he's not sure
>Before things get heated, Anon, emboldened by the the alcohol, says that it's fine
>Just as long as they don't go too wild on the dares
>He's sure they won't
>Probably

>The game goes on and everyone seems to be having fun
>The girls have even managed to keep things pretty pg!
>There was that one part where Fluttershy tried to sniff your hair but you try not to think about it
>Sunset asks
>"So, Anon. If you could choose, how would you die?"
"Getting my head crushed between your thighs"
>Everyone freezes
>Anon, mid drink, realizes he may have said that out loud...

>10 minutes later things still haven't calmed down
>Rarity is still out cold
>RD and AJ are arguing which one of them has the stronger thighs
>Pinkie is laughing her ass off
>Twilight is trying to calm the others down
>Fluttershy excused herself to the bathroom
>And Sunset, despite being quite the amazon, has the least marely blush ever on her face
>It's adorable







>Rainbow has barely any real experience on what to do in a relationship.
>All of Rainbow's romance knowledge comes from novels pilfered from the libary*, occasionally glimpsing something from on high during hearts and hooves day flights and things her own parents do and say to each other.
>She thinks she's smooth as all heck and able to bag any colt (or mare) she wanted, if she ever bothered.
>Puts "The moves" on Anon and the bat qt.
>It actually works because it's all heartfelt, even if the lines themselves are cheesy


>"So, uh... hey!"
>Rainbow Dash thrusts her chest out, eyes closed and a cocky grin stretching her lips.
>"Are you a magician?"
>Excuse you?
"Am I a-?"
>"Because whenever I look at you, everypony else disappears."
>This gets a chuckle out of you, and Rainbow Dash's posture breaks.
>She does a happy little horsey dance in-place, eyes closed and hopping from hoof to hoof.
>She looks... weirdly happy that you responded positively to this.
>"Ehh? Yeah?"
>Your bat friend moves to step in front of you, and Rainbow's eyes catch her own.
>"Wow, I've never seen a batpony's wings before!"
>Rainbow Dash zooms in faster than you thought she could (which, in retrospect, was a silly thing to think) and nuzzles your friend's leathery wing.
>"You know what these feel like?"
>Rainbow leans in close to the batpony, who takes a nervous half-step away.
>"...herd-sister material."






>Military Anon goes to Equestria, and wants to join the army.
>The ponies are skeptical that he's as well trained and military fit as he says, but give him a chance.
>As it turns out, ponies, with magic enhanced stamina, wings, and powers put him to shame.
>About the only place he excels is in distance running, and even then, it's a turtle vs the hare situation in which he gets to his destination, but runs way slower than the ponies he's with.
>They don't have guns in the Equestrian military, and he's not exactly a gun smith, so he can't impress them with his sharpshooting.
>He's taking up the bow and sword, but the ponies don't have instructors that know how to train a biped in their use, so he's mostly training himself in those regards, and progress is slow.
>All in all, his ego's taken a pretty big hit, and he's sure he's going to need to find a different job in the civilian sector.
>That is, until he gets the letter.
>He can't believe his eyes.
>The Royal Guard.
>He'll be protecting the princesses themselves.
>Sure it might not be the most action packed position, but it's important nonetheless.
>As he stands proud that he's manged to somehow earn such a respectable post, he doesn't put much stuck in his fellow new guards in the armor smith's workplace.
>All proud stallions getting measured for their personalized golden armor.
>The smithy mare looks over the group and shakes her head.
>Princess Celestia is a great leader, but spending so much tax money on her personal eye candy has always been a point of criticism against her.
>These colts should be in the kitchens where they can be of real use to the mares of Equestria, not standing in hallways so the princesses and her staff have something to ogle between meetings
>Well, at least the smith is always the one that gets to make the armor
>Each piece more form over function, expensive, and also needed to be fitted perfectly to accentuate each stallion's curves.
>She always enjoys getting the measurements personally





>CRASH!
>The sound of glass shattering prompts you to get up from your newspaper and walk into the living room.
>Be Anon, single father of a few changelings after their mother skipped town.
>Stepping into the living room, you immediately notice that your favorite vase is sitting in a dozen sharp pieces on the carpet.
>Except... wait, no, your favorite vase is sitting completely intact on the small table by the window.
>You frown.
>On the one hand, the nymphs are getting clever.
>On the other hand?
>You breathe out a sigh through your nose.
"Not clever enough, kiddo. Come on, change back."
>"Your favorite vase" remains stubbornly whole and in pieces.
"I'm going to count to three. 1... 2... 3."
>On three, you promptly pick up the vase on the table and head back into the kitchen, setting it down in the sink and turning on the faucet.
>"No! No wet!"
>In a spray of cool water and green light, the mischievous little nymph turns back, protesting loudly.
>Turning off the sink, you cross your arms, giving her a firm look,
>The little changeling chuckles nervously, and turns back into your vase.
>God, you love these little bastards.
"I saw you change. I'm standing right here."
>"No didn't! No didn't!"
>The vase hops out of the sink and goes scooting into the dining room at high speeds






>Rainbow thought she could handle it.
>After Anon had cared for her through her own sicknesses or injuries on more than one occasion, she figured it'd be easy to return the favor just this once.
>She was his marefriend, after all, and it was her duty to protect him.
>But he just kept getting hotter, his skin becoming damp with sweat as he shivered uncontrollably.
>He would curl in on himself and moan low and pitiful in a way that would cause her chest to tighten and her hoof still as she tried to pet his back.
>The one time a barreled to the bathroom, she winced as he slammed into the walls, and at the sound of his heaving as she shifted nervously from hoof to hoof.
>Once she got him back to bed, she left with a promise to return with help, and showed up fifteen minutes later with Fluttershy in tow.
>She didn't hesitate.
>She didn't stand around with nervous energy.
>She flew into action, putting soup on in the kitchen, brewing a tea she claimed would combat his nausea so he could get said soup down, and wetting a cool rag for his forhead.
>Rainbow didn't know what o do as she watched her friend take care of Anon for her, but luckily, Fluttershy asked for help.
>She changed the rag on his head, held his cup of tea to his lips as he gingerly sipped at it, and even fed him a slow, but steady spoonfuls of soup.
>Fluttershy would check his temperature, humming thoughtfully, until she eventually declared that he was through the worst of it and she could leave.
>"But what am I suppose to do if he gets worse?"
>"He won't I think."
>"Still, are you sure you can't stay the night?"
>She smiles gently.
>"Don't worry, Dash. You've got this, just help him to the bathroom when he needs it, give him so more tea to sta hydrated, and most importantly, be here for him. That will help him more than anything."
>Slowly, Rainbow Dash smiles and nods.
>"Yeah, I can do that... Thanks, Flutters."






>ponies discover that the ancient precursors made their entire species as a pornography project.
>apparently this was extremely common and the intergalactic community offers species wide therapy on the subject.
>what's slightly unusual however is the sheer amount of NON-pornographic material concerning them.
>the collection rivals even that of the Canids, who often boast of their ancestors being the Precursors most loyal companions.
>An ancient Precursor A.I logs the sudden spike in activity for Equestrians and discovers their species has now become active on the galactic community.
>following protocol established long before any of the current races took to the stars, the A.I brings its personality and intelligence modules out of standby and returns to it's former role as Sub-conscious.
>Anonymous_Preserver properly awakens for the first time in centuries and takes a brief moment to reflect on how far a simple desire to hear a cartoon characters voice say silly things can spiral so far out of control before virtually shrugging and getting down to work.
>The little ponies had a galaxy to inherit






>Pony sunset entered the mirror.
>Mirror portal closes after 3 days and it's "Let's not break the universe" failsafe triggers.
>Error, Duplicate file found, would you like to replace Y/N
>Y-eets human Sunset into the magical aether that surrounds equestria.
>Pops out a few hours later in an old mares wizard tower, stuck in an oversized dreamcatcher with a new set of hooves.
>Raw exposure to the magical field left a mark on her mind, blurring out most of the details.
>She was an orphan, she was in school and she is a teenager and that's pretty much it.
>Old wizard mare assumes she was involved in some sort of magical accident and takes the very confused young lady in, sending a missive off to canterlot to inquire about a lost student.
>Said missive gets lost mid-transit when the mail-pony is proactively dated by bandits, and the lack of reply leads the wizard to assume the student was not from canterlots school.
>Deciding that the smaller schools would deny any involvement to prevent a scandal, old wizard decides to take Sunset on as an apprentice.
>A few years later Sunset has been sent to canterlot to pick up a copy of a rare book and accidently runs into Twilight
>The purple pony promptly starts asking about the mirror and if she's spoken to Princess Celestia yet, thoroughly confusing the former human but gathers that they used to be a student at Canterlot and starts explaining that they lost their memory.
>Miscommunication abounds as Eqg Sunset accidently ursurps Equestrian sunset's former life







>Be Luna
>Be absolutely fascinated
>These humans were a strange, new breed
>Technology, hands, their little button noses
>Very strange, but oddly endearing
>You being you, naturally wanted to see what these creatures were made out of
>On the outside, you were pretty disappointed
>Nopony showed you any weapons, and any diplomats you spoke with just kissed your flank
>But you saw some hints of things
>Things that couldn't quite be hidden under diplomatic training
>Mannerisms, temperament, reaction to stimuli
>They also acted strangely to magic
>They had no magic themselves, and therefore had no resistance whatsoever to it
>Even touching a human could have interesting effects
>For both parties
>Many ponies you spoke with said it was like touching a thundercloud
>It would have been awkward demanding a human pet or touch you
>Probably; you still didn't understand their culture very well
>So, you decided to get a bit sneaky
>Some letters were sent, some bits were handed out
>You were too much of a gentlemare to ask a human male to pet you alone, without supervision
>For all you knew doing so could ruin his chances for marriage
>So, you asked one of the diplomats' assistance's
>A skinny mare
>Blonde
>She wore overly large glasses
>She was quiet as well
>She was hesitant at first, but you were insistent
>It was just as strange as they said
>You couldn't sit still, or keep your eyes open
>It was a range of things; wonderful, painful, scary, triumph
>If you had been a lesser mare you might have started kicking like some dog
>It was as if you were being overstimulated
>You lasted just ten minutes before telling the girl--who's man was now orange--to leave
>Very strange...
>Then, being a mare, you wondered how that would translate into sexual intercourse
>More tests would be needed...
>Perhaps with your sister and one of the poor men she hits on...







> Humans are hard for ponies to see
> Magical particles pass through their bodies without interacting at all
> Ponies can't depend on the toroid receptors in their eyes, the few remaining rods and cones in their retinas give them a faint image of the human

>Lyra is minding her own business, tailing an oat farmer
>Her ears perk up as she hears an ethereal whisper
"Pretty mare, pretty mare!"
>She looks around excitedly for her favorite friend, but her mind and eye is still on that oat shipment
>Long, gangly limbs scoop her up out of nowhere and squeeze her tight
>She makes a squeaky toy noise in surprise and compression 
"Found you, Lyroo."
>She giggles and turns away from  the oats to see her friend smiling down at her, finger already incoming for some choice boops 

>Bonbon was assigned to keep an eye on agent Lyra as her partner
>It seems some mares upstairs were worried that she would find a human eventually, and gain unknowable power
>Now that she actually did find a human, Lyra is no more mysterious or powerful than any other field agent of the Department of Eccentric Espionage
>Not to mention how when she talks about herding, it makes you feel guilty about reporting on her to the higher ups
>Perhaps you can spin it as recruiting a human into the DEE, they are a stealthy and subtle race
>When they aren't BOOPING YOUR NOSE
>AGAIN



> The equestrian sun is not actually a star, one does not simply move a star no matter how powerful you are.
> The equestrian sun is much smaller and closer, it is a magical construct that gives light and heat to this otherwise rouge planet.
> The near majority of the light and heat however are not traditional photons but instead magical particles
> Anon has little interaction with magical particles which leaves him nearly invisible, it also leaves him practically blind, the equestrian sun gives out so little real light that it is of lesser brightness than the full moon of earth.
> This Equestria is a dark world, the only light source that anon can see is fire






Equestrian magic reacts with Anon to give him almost Spider-Man levels of Dad Sense and reflexes

>Anon's just walking down the road with Applejack, drinking a smoothie
>Suddenly goes wide eyed and drops his cup
>Holds his arms out and dives to the left
>CMC fall out oh the sky with bedsheet parachutes, right into Anon's arms

Not necessarily to nearby children or physical danger
>Visiting Sunbutt
>Having a nice little tea time
"Well sometimes you just need to look them straight in the eye-..."
>"Anon? Are you alright?"
"Do me a favor and send Spike a letter to tell Rainbow Dash to go to the clubhouse and talk to Scootaloo."
>"Oh, um... very well. Is everything alright?"
"Should be, Scootaloo really looks up to that walking-...."
"Second letter: NOW MISSY"

>anon's dad reflex is in conjunction to his bullshit detector
>its especially usefull in wrangling the CMC
>you'd think he would be in the princess' court
>but being in canterlot in any length on time set's of his BS alarm and gives him a titanic headache

>"It's a shame Lady Silver Sands is feeling unwell this evening. I suppose I'll just have to accompany Prince Blueblood to the gala myself."
"Yep. Such a shame she fell ill, but these things happen. It's not like somepony snuck some sour milk into her oatmeal this morning."
>"M-my, what a strange thing to say Mister Anonymous."
"And surely nopony served her coffee too hot to burn her tongue so she wouldn't taste the difference."
>"Uh... yes, surely not..."
"And I'm sure if we took a little walk to the trashcan on the corner near her favorite cafe, we wouldn't find a carton of bad milk."
>"W-well-"
"In fact, some oatmeal sounds wonderful right about now. Let's all go down to the cafe."







>Anon had thought this world was like his own after living here for a month, but with weirder names, more skin colors, and an odd fixation on equine pun, but he's starting to notice something else.
>Now, he could do research, or perform more careful observations of social norms around him, but he's always been a straight forward kind of guy, and so he just approaches the table of girls that gave him a quick tour a week ago when he came to this school.
"Hey, you all mind if I sit with you?"
>The conversation stops as the girls blink at him.
>"Er, sure thing?" Sunset offers with a shrug.
"Cool," he responds, placing his tray down before sliding onto the edge of the bench, getting Twilight to quickly scoot to make room for him as she blushes.
>"So, Anon, right? How have you been liking Canterlot High?" Dash asks.
>He shrugs.
"It's nice. Good town, too. Surprised I could be settled in so fast. Mysterious teenager wanders into town, no id, no family, doesn't match any missing peoples reports for the last ten years, and next thing I know, I'm living with the principals of the school and I'm their my legal ward."
>"Yeah... and?" Sunset asks. "What else would happen? It happens all the time. Heck, even happened to me once it got out I was living on my own. Of course I got emancipated as soon as possible."
>He hums around a mouthful of jello.
"Just strange to me, but that just seems to be the norm around here. Actually, while we're on the subject of strange things... What would you girls say if I asked to see your tits?"
>This gets a blush from all of them as they stammer, save for Pinkie who began to grin.
>"L-like right now? Why would we do that?"
>"Your not one of those guys who sleep with girls, them accuse forcing you into it, right?"
>"Is this a trap? It feels like a trap."
>"I'd say sure thing! Let's go to the closet!"
>All eyes snap to Pinkie, most concerned, one pair intrigued.
"Is that so?"
>"Yeppers! You're cute, and I like a guy who knows what he wants!"







>Anonicorn learning how to write with Inkwell.
>Inkwell also teaching him different spells like how to remove spilit or excess ink from a page back into the pot.
>As he gets older she helps him with his homework, giving him a small space on her office desk so she can easily help him if needed.
>Luna walks in late one evening to find Raven asleep at her desk, her nephew also fast asleep and leaning against the secretary.
>Contains her 'daww' with a formidable display of willpower before gently lifting the small alicorn onto her back.
>Casting a spell on raven so she wouldn't wake up aching, she leaves the room to go deposit Anon in his proper bed.
>Gives a final glance between the two sleeping ponies with a thoughtful expression on her face as she gently swings the door closed







>Be Anon
>Babysitter extraordinaire
>One time or another, you've babysat for pretty much everyone in Ponyville over the years
>Boys, girls, babies, kids, and teenagers; you've seen it all
>You used to babysit for the Rich's a lot
>Both mom and dad were out on business a lot, so you had to watch their little munchkin
> She was a little hellion at first
>Would never eat what you made her, broke things
>Honestly, she was one of your worst kids
>But you just took it in stride
>If she didn't like the food you cooked she didn't eat
>If she broke things you made her clean them up
>You helped her with her homework
>Mended her clothes and toys when needed
>If her and her little friend were having a sleepover you'd do your best to entertain them
>Slowly, Diamond stopped being such a brat
>She opened up to you little by little, up into her teenage years
>It was her mother that eventually asked you to stop coming
>She was very nice about it, but didn't think a sixteen year old girl needed a babysitter anymore
>Surprisingly, Diamond was heartbroken when you told her it was your last day together
>You didn't leave until midnight because she just wouldn't stop hugging you
>It was sad, but you were confident she would turn out alright
>You did your best to steer her in the right path
>Time to let her go and watch more kids
>Years passed
>Every year that grumpy little girl that liked her eggs over easy and was scared of the dark sent you a letter every year
>Mostly, it was say to hello and catch you up to date on her life
>You actually had a lot of kids you watched do this
>Not a lot of them went to Harvard, or went on to build a multi-billion dollar company
>You were proud
>She could barely go her times tables and now look at her!
>Then, on her twenty-first birthday, you got another sort of letter
>It was very long, and kinda rambling
>She thanked you for everything you had ever done for her
>How because of you she turned out how she had
>How you had given her confidence to take what she wanted
>And now she wanted to do that again
>She didn't offer you money
>Or a house
>Or a position at her company
>She wanted you to stay with her
>Not as a friend or a babysitter, but as a husband
>You were... concerned
>If Caramel found out a girl was doing this he'd bust an artery


>tfw the letter gets a little awkward when she begins to refer to your ass and how much she's wanted to motorboat your buttcheeks since she was thirteen
>There was three pages of descriptions
>What she wanted to do to your dick was nearly ten pages
>If she were here right now you might wash out her mouth with soap



>Anon tries to turn her down
>He babysat her when she was younger, and it's hard to see someone as a romantic partner after you've seen them throw a tantrum because you won't let them eat dessert before they eat their vegetables
>He does express an interest in meeting her again as friends, though.
>Days go by without a reply, and Anon believes that Diamond, while disappointed, accepted that he was not interested in her.
>Without a reply, Anon can only assume that she turned down the offer to meet as friends, which is disappointing
>She'd left not long after to go to Harvard, and when she graduated she had started her own company - a yearly letter really was the best they could do
>He would have loved to see her again and find out what sort of woman the bratty (and then heart-breakingly clingy) girl he babysat all those years turned into
>So when Diamond Tiara greeted him at his door early one morning dressed to impress in her business top and pencil skirt, Anon (who was dressed to disappoint in a ratty housecoat, an old faded t-shirt, and a pair of boxers that regretfully had the button broken off on the fly) was not quite prepared to entertain guests
>"I told you in my letter that you'd given me the confidence to take what I wanted, Anon."
>She allows herself in and takes in the sight of Anon's kitchen with a look of nostalgia, despite never having been to his house before
>It was more that she was nostalgic for what it represented - her past with Anon.
>"I know you don't think we'd work out together, Anon."
>She turns and gives him a look of determination that looks so familiar on her older face.
>The same face she wore when she told him that with his help, she'd get top grades in her high school classes.
>"That's why I'm here; to show you that you're wrong."

>"...and that's when Silver Spoon - you remember Silver Spoon, right? - burst in with security and kicked that loser out of my building."
>Yeesh.
>Apple Bloom sure did fall into a bad crowd after graduation.
>Diamond Tiara leans back in her chair and takes a long sip of her steaming mug of coffee.
>Imported, expertly brewed, and served in a mug that was shaped in just the right way to play with the aroma and the oil in the coffee.
>As you sip your own, you had to admit: it's a lot better than the crap you buy for yourself and brew for in your shitty $20 drip brewer.
>When she's done drinking, she leans forward and rests her elbows on the table.
>"But enough about me. Anon, how have you been? A yearly letter doesn't do you justice, you know."
>She smiles, and her eyes don't leave your own.
>"I'd love to hear what you've been up to."
>Diamond reaches out and rests her hand on your own as it clutches the handle of your mug.
>"But, there are a lot of things I'd love to do with you. I'd love for us to have more than an afternoon to catch up. Baby, we'd have all the time in the world for ourselves if you just came home with me."
>Your hand twitches under her soft palm.
>Oh man.
>Come on, Anon.
>This is the same girl who you sat when she was 13.
>Don't make this wei-
>BEEP BEEP
>You sigh and grab your phone.
"Sorry, Diamond, but this might be important.
>It's a text from Caramel.
>It says, "anon, do u need 2 call u w/ a fake emregency"
>BEEP BEEP
>The new message says, "2 get out of ur date i mean"
>Your brow furrows; how did he even know you were on a dat-
>Ahem!
>You mean, how did he even know you were having coffee with Diamond Tiara?
>"Has anyone ever told you that your nose scrunches up when you're confused?"
>You glance up at Diamond over the edge of your phone.,
>She's smiling contentedly at you.
>"It's adorable."
>Her hand squeezes yours.
>"YOU'RE adorable.
>Your face heats up, and you stuff the phone back into your pocket


>The next day, you get a second letter.
>It starts off similarly to her first, but quickly becomes something less... appropriate.
>You turn the page and continue reading.
>The writing is getting a little bit messier now, and there are a few liquid stains on the page that, when you bring the paper to your nose to sniff it, smell suspiciously like whiskey.
>Seems that Diamond either wrote this because she was drunk, or got drunk while she was writing this.
>Liquid courage, perhaps?
>"You have no idea how hard it was being a 15 year old girl. smack-dab in the middle of puberty, and coming home every day from school to my hot babysitter."
>You considered yourself reasonably attractive - and still do, since you're only 32 - but you never would have used the word 'hot' to describe yourself
>Despite everything, you feel your cheeks warm up just a little bit at the compliment.
>"I can still remember the way you'd lean over me from behind when I was sitting at the table and you would help me with my homework. I don't know if you did this on purpose (but I liked to imagine you did), but your chest would brush against my shoulder blades and neck. I'm surprised you never felt me shivering at your touch."
>You flip through the next few pages of the letter, skimming the lines as what began as a heart-felt letter to an old friend turns into borderline smut.
>There's an entire page describing what she wants to do with your ass.
>You had no idea that the concept of motorboating could apply to anything but tits, but you guess you learn something new every day.
>The writing gets sloppier and sloppier, and the droplets of alcohol get more and more frequent until you come across the last page.
>Most of it is completely illegible die to a stain that's covering almost the entire page.
>A quick sniff confirms what you already knew - whiskey.
>The word "balls" is readable, but nothing else
>When Diamond Tiara visits, she doesn't bring up the drunken letter, and neither do you







>You are well acquainted with the supernatural world. Infact, you study magic, space/time magic to be exact.
>While no wizened wizard, you consider yourself pretty good.
>That is, until one of your experiments went wrong, casting you off into RGRE.
>All things considered, this is an okay realm to land in. You even landed right into a town with a sympathetic ruler.
>But you can't stay long. You left people behind on Earth.
>Like your girlfriend, who was desperately lonely before you met.
>Back on Earth, said GF stumbles on the remains of your experiments and instantly figures out what you did.
>Equal parts irritated and terrified for your safety, she quickly goes over your notes and exactly recreates the experiment in a bid to follow you and save you.
>In a flash of light, she's in a new world.
>Your girlfriend rubs her aching, furry head and stands.
>...Wait, furry?
>She looks down, seeing a large, furry, pawprinted hand looking back.
>All the magic in the air pressing down on her 6th sense must have forced her transformation outside of the usual full moon.
>Your girlfriend, a werewolf, grumbles about being forced into her werewolf form and presses on.
>Finding someone in the already small supernatural community brave enough to date and actually love a werewolf is near impossible, and she's not ever going to to let you go after you told her "I love you."
>But she didn't drop in the same place as you.
>But that won't stop her. She gives it her all to track you down before one of these backwards horses get any ideas and try to make a move on what belongs to her.
>And these diamond dog things need to quit worshipping her and slowing her down. It's damn annoying.







>Cadence thought it was cute when Shiny got their daughter into O&O when she was little
>She thought it would be a good way for Flurry Heart to make friends, and that she'd drop it as she got older
>But now she's nearly 20, and Flurry Heart's about as socially awkward as a mare can get
>It's cute when a grown stallion is into nerd crap, but it's just sad when a mare lets it overtake her life
>Cadence changes her tune when it attracts the attention of Anon, the alien who was notoriously difficult to find a match for
>When Flurry Heart comes stumbling out of their basement with Anon after a 20-hour gaming session, Cadence initially thinks they just binged on nerd shit the entire time
>But then the unmistakable smell of sex reaches her nose, and she feels her pride for her daughter skyrocket







>Be four-by-four
>You had just completed your first day working with Ponyville Construction
>The crew seemed nice, and the hours weren't that bad
>The pay was pretty good too
>If you saved for the whole year you'd probably be able to move out of your parent's place
>Quietly though
>If dad found out you were so much as THINKING about leaving him he'd have a panic attack
>It had been a long, hot day
>You were sweaty, and sore
>Everypony, even the old vets walking around, looked exhausted as well
>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the mare that you had been shadowing all day
>She was a massive yellow mare that smelled like buckweed grass and cussed every other word
>Iron Beam
>"Good bucking job, rookie," she said, giving your back a slap, which nearly knocked you over. "Nice to see that the boss had her shit together this time. The last mare we had was a sack o' shit."
"T-Thanks," you said, desperately trying not to rub your back as you and your crew slowly made your way away from the project sight. "I'll see you girls to--"
>Iron Beam, along with everypony else, dropped their tools and hard hats
>They began to roll around on the dirt, going from dirty to absolutely filthy
>All of them were grinning, as if they were excited about something
>You just stood there, confused and horrified
>In a flash, they were back on their hooves
>"Come on rookie. Let's go get cleaned up!" Iron Beam chirped, nudging you as she picked her equipment up
>You blinked
"...What?"
>"You'll see," the mare said, trotting away with the group
>You continued to just stand there, baffled as to what was going on
>"Today, rookie!"
>You flinched
"Sorry! I'm coming!" you shouted, racing after them
>Thankfully, they didn't lead you through the middle of town
>They went around to the outskirts of the Whitetail woods
>For a good ten minutes, all you saw was trees
>Then, suddenly, a massive building appeared
>It was windowless, with a tin roof
>Painted on the side were the words "Pon-e Clean"
>...Huh
>You've never seen that before
>Then again, you don't much go to this part of town
"So... what are we doing again?" you asked
>"We're getting clean, rookie," Iron Beam said happily. "You're gonna love it."
"In there?"
>"Yep. Come crazy colt built a building that cleaned ponies. It uses some fancy automated system. Like a conveyor belt type thing."
>"It's awesome," one of the mares said.
>"Just what a gal needs after busting her rump all day."
>You frowned
"You guys let somepony bathe you?" you asked
>"We sure as heck do," Iron said with a nod. "I don't know about you, but it's harder than rock candy to wash myself without magic or some fancy wings. Doing it here saves me water and is a heck of a lot cheaper. He puts our hats through a steamer too, so they're looking as good as new."
>"A lot of earth ponies come here," another mare pipped up. "Farmer, construction workers, miners. You'll see 'em all here."
>Iron's smile turned saucy
>"The owner scrubs us all down too. You're gonna love it sis. He's got these grabbers that feel so good. He scrubs all bucking over you too, and I mean ALL over."
>"And there's a brushing wheel at the end!" a mare said
>The group cheered
>You found yourself blushing
>A stallion cleaning you?
>Everywhere?
>You hadn't even KISSED a colt yet
>Oh h-heck...







>Applejack has a crush on Anon, but doesn't think she's good enough for him.
>When he arrived in Equestria, he didn't panic like a stallion would be expected to.
>Heck, even a tough mare would be pretty darn shaken by suddenly have their world ripped from them and cast into one completely unfamiliar.
>She doubts she could do what he did.
>He accepted it, and while Twilight promised to look for a way to send him home to his family and friends, he did not sit idle.
>"Hope for the best, plan for the worst," he had said, and immediately went about finding a job.
>It wasn't long before he did just that with one of the few other level-headed stallions she knew, and got a job stocking shelves at Filthy Rich's store.
>And when a cashier called in sick, he volunteered to take her register, and slid easily into the new task with barely any training.
>Even once he got the job officially, that didn't stop him from helping his fellow shelf-stockers, and while other cashiers would sit idle when business died down, he always found ways to keep busy, doing a multitude of tasks to help everyone's day run smoothly.
>It's no wonder he became a manager, and within the year, the store manager.
>Always punctual, always helpful, always smiling, even at the end of a long day when a customer wonders in a few minutes before close.
>He was a amazing worker, and when he went home, he studied.
>On loan from Twilight's library were loads of books on Equestrian business, taxes, and other numbery things that made Applejack's head spin.
>When asked about it, he said he was planning on starting his own business.
>Barely a year, and he already built himself a new life, and was on the fast-track to being some big shot busniness hyoo-man.
>And where was she?
>Working the same farm she has been since she was a filly.
>A farm, despite how much effort she puts in, has been passed down through generations for her care.
>A business she didn't build with her own hooves, just one she tends to.
>One of her greatest fears is letting the farm go under, not just because of the obvious reasons, but because she has no idea what she'd do without it.
>All she knows is Sweet Apple Acres, she doesn't have Anon's drive to just start something new and excel.
>She'd be listless, directionless, probably until some cousin took pity on her and gave her job doing as she's always done on their farm instead.
>And when she was put in the soil at last, if she were somehow lucky enough to have foals of her own, she'd have nothing to leave them like two generations before her.
>She'd fade away, forgotten.
Not like Anon, who she was sure would leave his mark on Equestria.
>And only a truly brilliant mare could stand by his side, not some dirt-covered farmer.
>They'd leave their foals an empire, and the drive to make it grow.
>If she were his wife, they'd inherent the farm as its always been, and she fears those little ones would inherent her monotonous blood, and lack the skills and determination to do little more than follow in her well tread hoofprints.
>Simply put, Anon was out of her league, and it hurt seeing him and knowing she'd never be worthy to stand by his side





>Your clan is a bit batty about cleanliness.
>Everyone piles into a big hot tub before dinner and scrub each other down until you're squeeeaky clean.
>You hope Anon remembers that when he comes over for dinner, he's always so shy, wearing those clothes all the time, you dont want him to be scared of your family.
>...Or your family to molest him.

>"Me next!"
>You are Anon.
>"No, me! This flank needs some TLC!"
>You are currently being molested.
>"Buck your TLC, have you seen the marks in my mane, i need a vigirous scrubbing!"
>It turns out hands and fingers are pretty good grooming tools, doubly so when using things like sponges or brushes.
>Sitting cross legged with your marefriend in your lap while you brush her mane, her hooves cover her face in sheer embarrassment while her parents watch on with smiles from the other side of the tub, each of the colts wings being gently scrubbed by his wives.
>Bringing an extra brush was intially supposed to be a friendly gesture as you're not dumb enough to use your marefriend's on anyone but her and still wanted to be included, but as you watch the three younger fillies start roughhousing in the middle of the tub you start to wonder if it's a matter of survival instead.
>Your cute nocturnal tilts her head back to look up at you with an apologetic expression on her face.
>You dont like that, and promptly lean down to kiss her nose.
>She goes crosseyed for a moment as her father lets out an audible coo of adoration while her sisters make exaggerated retching sounds, which leads to more blushing, face covering and gentle calming brushies as her sisters start fighting again and one of her moms starts laughing uncontrollably.






> After a long day, the siblings complain about the things they deal with at work
> Anon is the receptionist at a motel, and customers often wander back to the lobby to try to flirt with him
> Granny Smith thinks she's just being a charming old mare, but she slips up and makes a particularly vulgar comment
> Femanon is stuck at a desk job, and the mares insist she go out for drinks with them
> All they talk about is sports, carts, and stallions
> Worse, ever since she accidentally mentioned Anon, they've been badgering her to meet him







>Pegasus mare wants to join Anon's herd
>She's been friends with one of the mares for years, and through visiting her she's on good terms with the rest of the family.
>She hasn't spent much of her life ground-bound, however, preferring to stick to the cloud city she was born in, so she thinks nothing of it when she decides to prepare an extra-fluffy cloud to present as a gift
>Grounders don't typically have cloud furniture, and since the front room of the home looked a little barren, she's excited about the idea of giving something unique
>She spends days searching for the perfect cloud, fluffing it up further and making sure it's malleable enough to mold into furniture later
>With a restless leg and heart beating hard, she carefully glides down to their house and swings open the door, announcing what she's brought with glee
>It isn't until the cloud she spent so many hours on floats straight through the group does she remember why the other tribes don't use clouds for furniture.
>Well, at least she still has her primaries, right?







>It's amazing to Anon.
>He's seen twice as many patients today then he did on the longest shifts at his old hospital.
>It's the paperwork.
>Before, each patient would require forms upon forms of paperwork, and for every minute of his carreer treating patients, he'd need three more just for administrion work.
>But here, things went smoothly, and there was much more trust between medical professionals and those they treated, so not every doctor constantly feared causing a lawsuit.
>For the first time since he was a bright-eyed nooby, Dr. Anon genuinely felt he was making a difference.
>The other staff workers were surprised how much Anon volunteered to work more shifts, always willing to cover for others when they needed it.
>He's even done a twenty-four hour shift, once, much to their concern.
>And yet he didn't make any mistakes.
>Some mares began to find themselves attracted to such a hard working and caring stallion.







(Flurry pic)
>”I’ll put tie this red string to this rock, and throw it at anon! He’ll read it say “please return me to my owner, and we’ll look into each other’s eyes, and he’ll invite me to his herd~”

>Be this Anon.
>Flurru magic throws the paper with the red string at you, and goes away a distance and waits.
>You pick it up
“Take me to my owner..?”
>You follow the string to a waiting-
>It’s bombshell. She’s sitting on the string.
“Excuse me... I was following this red string and it led me to you. Would you like to join my herd?”
>”OH MY GOD YES!”
>She jumps into your arms.

-12 hours later-
>”Annnny second now, Anon will show up....”








"Put that down right now!"
>"But Sweetie-"
"Don't you 'Sweetie' me, Celestia. You're going to have a proper meal that doesn't consist of three servings of cake."
>"But-"
"But nothing. Put the cake down and go sit with Pinkie. Anon and I will have dinner done in a minute."
>"Ugh, fiiine."
"...Anon, did I just tell Celestia, the princess of the sun, that she couldn't have cake?"
>"I think you did."
"Huh."
>"Yep. What's it like to have teats of steel?"
"I think steel will still melt in the sun, so I'm going to work on her dinner."







>Applejack and Strawberry get into a competition about who can swallow the biggest piece of their fruits for obvious reasons
>first it was relatively normal berries and single bites of apples
>then it was multiple berries at once and whole (small) apples
>and it only escalated further from there, with Strawberry downing the biggest berries she has and Applejack taking huge bites out of apples the size of small pumpkins
>but, being mares, it wasn't long before they ended up choking and needing Anon to drag them to the horsepital in order to have their abused windpipes seen to
>he shudders to think of what kind of nonsense they'd get up to if he weren't around
>mares...






>Reports of alien pones snuggling with stallions during the night have been floating around
>Most dismiss them as the ramblings of perverted mares or lonely cat-colts
>Though that hasn't stopped some mares from staying up at night with a baseball bat guarding their stallions
>One day they visit Anon
>At first he doesn't notice, only disturbed bedsheets and a strange feeling of comfort
>One night, he wakes up to feel multiple soft bodies on him
>Careful not to move a muscle, he looks around and sees ayys cuddling with him
>It's honestly quite comfortable
>Slowly, he lifts a hand and rests it on one ayys soft flank and gives it a squeeze
>She blushes and squeaks and ports away, the others follow suit
>Anon has decided. He is going to give the aliens a proper human first contact welcome
>He's going to fuck them






>Something something the phrase comes from the fact that diamond dogs are very aggressive towards males of any species
>When a female diamond dog gets excited (especially about a potential mate), she tends to howl and yelp
>Thus, making unsolicited lewd or inappropriate remarks from a mare towards a stallion is called "hound-hollering"






>Anon comes across a random pile of blankets out in the park.
>He can see the kirins tail snaking out.
>Lyra walks up to him with a greeting, completely oblivious.
>Barely has time to let out a startled horse noise before disappearing with a muffled thump of linen.
>The blankets thrash for a few moments before falling still, soft snoring rising from them shortly afterwards.







> Anon gets into dark magic because he can and he's bored
> Keeps trying to summon an extra dimensional horror, but Pinkie keeps on showing up instead
> Pinkie is touched that someone took the effort to be so polite when asking her over
> She had thought the tall, leggy human was way out of her league, but maybe he's trying to drop some hints for her to ask him out
> Pinkie decides to take a chance, and ask him out in the traditional way
> She's looking forward to it, it's been a while since she was able to let loose like that







>A Mare gets into Dark Magics and threatens to summon an otherworldly horror in the middle of Ponyville...because of course they picked Ponyville.
>Anon had already arrived due to shenanigans some months ago and he wanted to watch this speeding train wreck up close and personal.
>If she fails the summoning or gets her shit kicked in by the local Princess, he gets a hardy kek.
>If she succeeds...uh...well, he gets to see what the fuck an 'Otherworldly Horror' is, so that'd be cool as fuck.
>Self Destructive tendencies aside, Anon watches on as Ponies gather and demand the mare to stop her shenanigans, not giving her whatever in the hell she was whinging on about.
>Well, true to the mare's word, she started the summoning...
>...and in a green mist Anon stood, confused on how he went from watching the shitshow from the side to now suddenly being in the center of it.
>Confusion goes to dawning horror as ponies realized what the Mare just did and what it means for Anon.
>...but he brushes off that stupid shit and just wanders off, grumbling about time wasted.
>The Mare doesn't know how to feel as the Princess and her friends finally showed up...








>Anon being summoned by random needy mares
>Instead of beating them or cuddling with them, anon decides to help them
>He gets good at making the mares cry their hearts out and rant about their problem (usually with some petting or non-sexual cuddling involved)
>Then he proceeds to sort out their emotional baggage and formulate improvement programs
>And if they don't follow the program and summon him again, Anon simply put his old /k/ommando hat and starts drilling the lazy tits

>This becames routine as time goes on and anon gets better at solving their problems
>Anon develops a reputation for helping mares without perspective in life
>Eventually mares with even more difficult problems start calling him and he has to go out of his way to help them, but he always succeeds.
>But then he's called by what will be his biggest challenge so far







>Flurry actually is still a sweet kid
>Polite, well-mannered, treats stallions with respect, etc
>But she's sheltered as fuck, and the only friends she has her age are pen-pals from the far reaches of Equestria
>When it comes to issues she's too embarrassed to talk to her parents about (such as how to impress a colt), she turns to movies to get an idea of how somepony might proceed
>Anon shows up one day, having been punch-fucked from his home to Equestria, and landed in the middle of the frozen wastes instead of a forest near Ponyville
>He was rescued by a patrolling guard and nursed back to health after suffering from the extreme cold
>Turns out, the sort of clothes you wear in the middle of summer don't do much to protect you when you're dumped onto a tundra in the ass-end of winter.
>Some of the procedures needed to heal Anon require plenty of magic, and Cadence sees this as a learning opportunity for her daughter
>So, Flurry spends a good chunk of each day fueling the spells required to turn Anon's blackened, frostbitten digits back to pink and healthy again
>This gives them time to talk
>Flurry is elated, since this is the first face-to-face friend she's made
>Flurry is also terrified, since this is the first face-to-face friend she's made
>Again, when she's too embarrassed to ask her parents for help, she turns to movies.
>One would think she'd ask Cadance, but she refuses to ask mom for relationship advice ever since the princess of love went overboard with that one penpal
>(He still won't return Flurry's letters)
>So, movies is all she's got.
>But with her duties plus Anon, she only has time for a few movies a week
>And the ones she picked depict the mare acting all tough and gruff, and they don't take horseapples from nopony
>Terrified and confused, Flurry tries to emulate them
>...poorly.
>What was meant to be confident comes off as bitchy
>Flurry desperately wonders when this is going to start working

>Flurry tries to be happy with public speaking and extroverted because its what her mom and dad do.
>in reality she just wants to curl up with a good book and talking with other ponies all the time gets very tiring







>Anon and his wife are expecting their first foal in a few months, but they've been given a chance to see their child sooner.
>They'll see them with the power of an ultrasound.
>Anon and his wife are waiting eagerly when the doctor arrives.
>A bat pony mare with a pencil and paper cutie mark.
>She introduces herself as Dr. Contour, but tells them they can call her Blind.
>Anon asks where the ultrasound equipment is, getting a tilted head from the mare.
>"You mean my sketchpad? I have it right here. Now, if you could, Mrs. Mous, will you lean back and try not to move too much. I need absolute quiet and focus while I draw your foal."
>Unlike Anon, his wife seems not at all confused as she leans back, lets the other mare put her muzzle to her gravid tummy, before EEEing loud and consistently.
>Eyes closed, Dr. Contour takes her pencil and starts drawing rapidly,, and after only a couple of minutes, finally lets up her EEEing with a nod and proud smile.
>"Great! I got a really good image of the little tyke. He's a colt, by the way. Congratulations."
>"Oh! A little colt!" the pregnant mare says gleefully, taking the image and smiling. "He's so cute! Look Anon, isn't he cute?"
>Anon blinks at the surprisingly detailed drawing.
"Ah, yeah, real cute."
>"Could you tell his color?" asks the wife.
>"I was getting some pretty clear green sounds, with maybe a bit of black."
>"Thank you, Doctor. This is amazing."
>"All in a day's work for an ultrasound specialist. You three are going to make a beautiful family."








>Be anonymous
>you appeared in a crystal city after going to sleep in your dorm
>the citizens are horses with weird colors, you seem to be one too
>Black mane green fur a question mark in your ass and you're smaller than everyone else
>Your dick's still here at least, that felt really important
>you want to go home
>talking to the other residents, doesn't help much
>either they think you're a kid that's just playing or they think you're crazy
>at least they gave you some information
>This is the crystal empire, ruled by princess Cadence and Shining Armor, north of Equestria
>you have no idea how long it'll take for you to come back, but it'll probably take more than one day, so you should prepare yourself
>Your sleeping spot is prepared in an isolated residential area
>Not long after, the sun speedran to midnight in 10 seconds
>damn
>You try several different poses in the cardboard bed, settling for the least uncomfortable
>As time passes your dreams hug you tighter and tighter
>"hello there"
>As reality Yanks you back, a blurry form of an orange horse seems to be talking to you
>"What is a little colt like you doing here alone at night?"
>He has a messy mane, messier chin-beard, and a stary cape.
>It's a guy, talking to a child, alone, at night
>Shit
>you are not getting raped in your first day here
"I'm waiting for my father"
>His eyebrow raises along with your fears "And where is your father?"
>You're standing and ready to run at his first distraction
"He's in the shower right now"
>He scowls "I see, and where is your mother then?"
>Any moment now
"With my father"
>He scowls even further and lets some air out of his nostrils
>you swear you saw steam go out of them
>He looked down, RUN!
>"How can they be so irresponsible to leave a colt alone at night?! just imagine what could happen to you!"
>you didn't get far as you feel yourself getting levitated in his direction
>"You are coming with me, sleeping in my home"
>Oh fuck







>"... Bacon? As in-?"
"Yeah, pig meat."
>"... I haven't had that since the other side of the mirror."
"That so?"
>"Yes. It was really good, though I did notice that things seemed to taste different overall to me when I was human, like hay being disgusting."
"Fascinating, so which sandwich do you want?"
>"I wonder if bacon will taste different to my equine palate... May I have the BLT, for science, of course."
"Sure, I'll make one for myself while I'm at it."
>*Fifteen minutes later*
"That hit the spot. It's going to suck when my supply of bacon runs out. Probably going to be a pain to get more. So, did it taste different? I noticed you finished."
>"Yes, it tasted different."
"Worse?"
>"Better. Anon, that was the best sandwich I've ever eaten... I... I think I'm a carnivore, now. I can't go back."
"Twi, you've got a weird look in your eye."
>"You said you have more. Anon, I need your meat. All of it."
"Giggity, but also, no. That freezer full is all I've got, I'm not letting you eat it all."
>"I'll pay you a hundred thousand bits."
"... How many toasters would that be?"
>"A lot of toasters. Now give me the meat."








>It's a couple of decades later.
>With all the rampant summoning, Anon has ended up turning more or less into an actual demon.
>Now that he's actually gotten better control, he can essentially stopped getting pulled in twenty different directions at once.
>This also means he can control who summons him and what.
>So, one day tooling around the dream-lands pulling pranks on Luna, he ends up getting a summon from the same little foal who wanted to play.
>He decides, why not?
>When he does accept the summon, he finds out that she's crammed in a cell with a bunch of other down trodden ponies.
>It turns out that bandits have attacked her village and enslaved the populace and doing other vile things bandits do to innocent ponies.
>Anon getting upset would be an understatement.
>He fucking starts taking the bandit camp apart like a tantruming toddler to a lego set.
>Pretty much goes full lovecraft on the bandits

>Kaboom!
>A large explosion is heard from miles away
>Not even minutes after Anon was summoned away from you
>Now usually you wouldn’t think to connect those two thoughts, but...
>That explosion had a LOT of a certain magical signature radiating off it
>Namely Anon’s magical signature
>You step outside your castle, only to find the girls close by, with only Rarity giving a look of shock
“Girls, Anon is rampaging.”
>”We know, darling.”
>”Wait, that explosion was HIM? How did a colt-“
“WHY is Anon rampaging?”
>”Ah dunno, Twai, but we gotta put ah stop to it.”
>”No, seriously, I doubt that’s Anon. He’s a colt, and even if he could, he would never-“
>”Uhm, Rainbow, he did mention the dimorphism in his species was-“
“Girls, now is not the time to doubt what I know, now we have got to get to that explosion site and... Where’s Pinkie?”

>You put the ketchup in that funny pinwheel shape, and now you say those funny words to make Anon appear!
“Kek, shitpost, tendies, Dew. Offerings aplenty appear to me, you!”
>A flash of green light shoots out of the center of your basement ketchup drawings, and a tired, but content Anon appears in front of you
>”Well, that saves me a walk back. Hey there Pinks.”
“Hiya Nonny, I heard a big explosion and wanted to see what you were up to!”
>He looks up to the ceiling corner, and mumbles something you almost don’t catch
>”Justice.”









>There is something in the sky, looming over Europe
>It was tens of thousands of feet long, and thousands of feet wide
>A ship, hanging in the air, with technologies that no one could even begin to guess at
>Every country scrambled it's military
>Every attempt to contact it failed
>The Russians sent a battalion of fighters
>Munitions were used on the massive space ship with seemingly no effect
>People were terrified
>Churches and places of prayer were filled to bursting
>Every politician, analysts, and theorists debated and argued what this meant
>Cults sprung up
>People died, and some made a heck of a lot of money
>Some people just ignored the weird thing in the sky and tried to get in with their lives
>All of the toilet paper was bought up
>Again
>Days passed
>People were almost used to the thing, when every television, cell phone, and personal computer projected an image
>It was of, all things, a purple unicorn with wings
>The thing had it's eyes narrowed, as if it were glaring at all of humanity
>A minute passed, and the Earth held its breath
>And then the alien spoke
>"Humans of Earth, we demand your human men," it said, voice booming with authority. "Especially those that are good with foals and can cook! Also, those that preferably like nerdy mares. And wearing socks around the house!"
>Fear and panic turned into confusion
>Then bemusement as the ship began release pamphlets on the wonders of being a househusband all over the world






>Anon in his normal life in Equestria is frustrating and boring.
>Having to deal with the fact that the only jobs he can get don't pay a lot and the harassment he gets on a daily basis.
>Thank god at least vidya exists.
>He picks up the equestrian equivalent of Minecraft, Pit-Art.
>He finds that while there is PvP, it's lacking compared to the anarchy and hardcore servers Anon is used too.
>At least he can get a fight out of the dragons and yaks sometimes.
>Overall it's a 8.5/10 this game fucking sucks.

>Word is spreading amongst the Pit-Art community about an infamous player.
>They are the bane of explorers, the scourge of builders.
>They're calling card when they grief the base is pinwheels and dongs made out of the rarest materials in the game.
>The only name they have is the Pit-Fiend.
>The Pit-fiend uses every dirty tactic in the book, using explosive crystals in a fight, tossing kirin models around like make-shift dynamite and having numerous underground filled to the brim with the tankiest armor, sharpest of blades and the strongest of enchantments.
>At this point, several Pit-Art herds (Another name for clans) have joined up to bring an end to this menace.
>The last few times have turned into Vietnam3.
>This time, they've got one of the best Pit-Art players more or less has a general.
>It's Floor bored since she's the only pony who has extensive knowledge about the game to go toe to toe with the Pit-Fiend






>Anon is stoic.
>Stoic to the point of being unfeeling.
>At least, that's what ponies think.
>He gives Maud a run for her money, and it kind of creeps ponies out.
>Stallions are an emotional, and very reactive lot, yet Anon barely bats and eye lash to the most extreme situations.
>A waitress accidentally spilled a cup of strawberry lemonade onto his shirt, and every pony in sight collectively held there breaths.
>Clothing is expensive, and combined with the fact that this was a well-dressed stallion.
>Well... if it were any other stallion, they'd be completely hysterical.
>Anon, however, merely sighed, assured the waiter it was alright, and left.
>A couple ponies fainted from holding their breaths too long, anticipating a scene that never came to be.
>Ponies wonder how Anon can be so... apathetic to everything.
>And mares worry.
>What kind of life can shape such a stallion?
>What tragedies hardened his heart?
>And what can they do to help?
>Pinkie got particularly obsessed in getting a proper emotional response out of Anon






>Junior may be pony in body but is much more human in spirit. You knew it wasn't a coincidence that she was born your exact favorite color. Junior more or less confirmed it when she starting growing canine teeth and picked up on English much faster than Equish despite how little you use former anymore.
>Comparatively ornery and with a sharp wit seemingly conjoined to her a potty-mouth, she's sometimes seen as a troublemaker, but you know she's a good filly. No matter how embarrassed or upset she is, she's never refused a hug from dad.
>She learned just as many things as she inherited from you, like your nerdy, marely hobbies, and her recently acquired taste for rare meat.
>You may have broken the RGR convention some by naming her Anonymous just like you, but your wife insisted.
>If someone years ago said the light of your life would be your pony wife and darling pone-human hybrid daughter, you would have asked for a hit of whatever drugs they were on.


>Junior's friends have never really met her family. Not that Junior was hiding them, they just lived on the opposite side of Ponyville from the school.
>When the parents of the other fillies are busy one night, they go to Anon Jr's place to do homework and hangout.
>The three fillies know Junior isn't 100% pony, and she's told them such. Even if she didn't, the predator teeth, weird speech accent, un-pony way she stalks forward instead of cantering, etc were all dead giveaways.
>They had no idea what a "hymane" was though.
>They get to Junior's house and notice something off.
>It's a big house, but not in the way they expected. Everything seems scaled up a little, just enough to be noticable.
>Junior throws open the door and yells something in... They don't know what language. Sometimes Junior would say things in a language that isn't Equish, but this is the longest continuous string that they heard.
>All three fillies freeze when a rumbly voice answers back, plainly audible despite being a normal volume.
>The floor shakes a little as slow footsteps approach from beyond their view, but other than the vibration as they feel, the footsteps themselves are totally silent, making their coats stand on end.
>Something rounds a corner in the off-house.
>Standing almost three times their height and easily twice as tall as a mare with his head only inches from the ceiling, Anonymous Senior silently stalks forward like his daughter does, regarding them with small, piercing eyes that root them in place.
>Junior approaches the hulk without any fear, and he drops to a knee, hand reaching out.
>The three watching fillies can't even scream out a warning when a pair of long arms ending in hooked digits snags Junior off the ground pulling her into... A hug?
>"Old man!? Lay off! My friends are right there!" Junior bites out, but she isn't struggling anywhere near as hard as they could.
>The hymane hums deep in his chest, and all three spectators can feel it vibrate the ground under their hooves. "Don't tell me my baby girl is already too old for a hug from me? It breaks my heart." He says, words framed by an accent only shared by Junior.
>Junior stops struggling and huffs, but goes beet red through her green coat when her sire kisses the top of her head and quietly laughs, a sound as sweet and rich as melted chocolate.
>Anonymous Senior finally lets his daughter go and turns to the three ramrod rigid fillies. "You must be the three I hear about so often." He gives them a gentle smile that shows off just a few sharp, gleaming teeth. "Come in and make yourselves comfy. The missus is working a little late tonight, but I'm sure I can feed and entertain you myself."
>He rises and turns back to the kitchen, silently moving back to it. "Dinner will be soon, so try not to fill up on junk, hmm?"
>Junior huffs one more time and turns back to her friends. All three are looking away with burning red blushes, expressions all some mix of fright and arousal, tails flagging all-round. The scent of arousal hits the younger Ymous's nose, making her wrinkle her snoot. "That's gross."







>While there are many who say the young coupe are rushing things, it's hard to believe Sunset and Anon are making the wrong choice when they look at each other with so much love.
>It's been less than a month since graduation, and, with Pinkie leading the charge in planning the ceremony and Rarity making the absolute best dress and suit her abundant skill could create, it's a beautiful wedding.
>It's like a fairy tale love story come to life that many were raised on growing up.
>Right up until the words, "I now pronounce you woman and husband," and they kiss.
>The crowd cheers as Sunset leans up on her toes to place a chaste kiss upon Anon's lips.
>Then there are a few "Woos!" as Sunset pulls Anon down to her level by his tie to deepen the kiss.
>Applejack, along with plenty of other parents and older siblings, covers her sister's eyes as Sunset grabs her man's ass and gives it a firm squeeze.
>Wings sprout from her back as she finally withdraws to allow them to both pant.
>Her eyes dart around.
>"Bedroom. Now."
"Huh?" Anon mumbles drunkenly before yelping as Sunset wraps her arms around him and takes off towards their shared appartment.
>She's been resisting her sinful urges for far too long, and now that she's got the all-clear from the Almighty above, she's not going to wait another second to drain Anon of everything he's got.
>The rest of the wedding can wait.
>The crowd is left stunned.
>"... So does this mean we have to wait for the wedding cake, or perhaps we can have some before they return," Principal Celestia comments.






>"Look at you."
>"A big, STRONG, willful human."
>"You don't need no girl to take care of you?"
>"What with your voting and working and all of that silliness."
>"It's wonderful. Really."
>"I'll tell you what though."
>"Why don't you and I go to that bedroom back there."
>"You humans pride yourself on your stamina, right?"
>"You should be able to pound me senseless without breaking a sweat."
>"I'd be careful though."
>"I might look like a human, but I'm still a mare at heart."
>"You try to break this filly you might be the one broken."
>"I could have you addicted to this pussy, these big, round teats, my smackably big ass."
>"I could break you so much that you don't care about your worthless little girlfriends and their roastie cunts."
>"No matter how much you'd try to fight it, you'd come right back to me, on your back, screaming like a banshee."
> "Right where you belong."
>"Or between my legs."
>"Or sucking on my teats."
>"Tartartus, you can kiss and bite my ass if you want."
>"Or if I want."
>"Give me enough time and I bet I might be able to turn you into a cute little house husband."
>"I'd get us a nice big house, for our cute children."
>"All of that silly human macho stuff will go down the drain after the first kid, and by the sixth you'll be waiting for me to come home every night wearing nothing but an apron, barefoot and ready to put another child in me."
>"Maybe. Or not."
>"You MIGHT be able to turn the tables on me."
>"You're a big, manly man, right?"
>"You could have me calling you daddy by the end of the night."
>"Possibly."
>"Hey."
>"Would you like to find out?"







>Invites Anon over after getting caught in the rain while hanging out.
>He's cold and wet, so you offer to let him use your shower while you hang his clothes over the stove to dry.
>He comes of the shower with a towel around his waist while you are resisting the urge to smell his tiny pants.
>You become flustered, and when he asks why you have so many colty shampoo products, you blurt out that it's because you bed a lot of stallions and they like to wash up after.
>You've just told your crush that you've been bucking a bunch of stallions other than him.
>He probably thinks you're some sort of stallionizing trixie now and will never date you.








>Anon is Indian.
>Specifically, he was a famous Bollywood actor before some portal swallowed him into Equestria.
>Anon was very homesick. That is, until Anon one day discovered The Tasty Treat.
>He gets along famously with Coriander and Saffron, and becomes a regular at their restaurant.
>Saffron begins lewding this alien male, that apparently was a bit of a big deal where he was from! >Meanwhile Anon is oblivious, as he likes the restaurant and it's food because it's the closest thing he has to his native India.






>And now we observe the wild Sunset, in her natural habitat
>It appears... yes, she appears to be displaying an act of dominance, in order to attract a mate
>And what a fine display it is, she’s sure to—
>Oh?!
>The male has proceeded to loudly expel flatulence as his response!
>A devastating blow to the Sunset’s pride.
>But she’s strong.
>We can see her retreat in shame now, but the fire has yet to go out from her eyes.
>Tomorrow is another day.
>”Pinkie, what are you doing in the men’s bathroom?!”
>Oh shi—







>While his face is apathetic and his gestures are more than alien, even hostile compared to pony body language, there's a secret giveaway that a certain mint mare has caught.
>The human has these little ticks with his hands and fingers that are huge giveaways to how he's feeling.
>His "ring" finger twitches when he's trying to hide something/lying.
>His fingers tap rhythmically on something when he's in deep thought.
>His hand clutches when he's upset, and if the knuckles are white, he's angry.
>Pinkie, other worried mares, and even Anon himself get confused as hell as how Lyra can tell exactly how he's feeling at any given time.
>She acts silly, and sometimes like a little fucker, but she's clever, sometimes using this little tick against him just to get him riled up because it's funny.
>If she knows she's pushed him too far, she'll sit down and smell the roses with him.
>Anon may never now how she's able to do it but he's glad he has someone that will keep things entertaining.






>Be Sunset
>It was a Tuesday night
>You had just finished a successful stream
>You had been sleepy
>Emphasis on the word had
>Your boyfriend, having just come home from a long day at work, was frustrated
>He didn't complain like a lot of guys after a bad day of work
>Anon was actually pretty quiet, so much so that a lot of his guy friends thought he was bottling too much stuff up
>Admittedly, he was like you in that respect
>He also liked to vent the same way as you
"Yeah, you suck on those big tits, you beautiful little SLUT."
>You were topless, straddling your boyfriend's lap as he licked, bit, and sucked on your tits
>You had heard Rainbow say that stimulating one's tits helped make them bigger, and you now believed her
>You had gone up a cup size since you started dating Anon
>If he kept it up, you might start lactating
>You hated that he worked in such a shitty place that made him so miserable
>More than anything you wanted him to stay home and not have to worry about keeping a roof over your heads
>But...
>A shiver ran up your spin as you felt Anon's tongue swirl around your nipple
>You growled, pushing him back against the couch, smothering him
>You loved just how rough you could get with him
>You also loved what was throbbing against your ass
"I hope you're ready to get those balls emptied, because I'm not stopping until you're shooting BLANKS," you said, squeezing big biceps
>Anon said, nothing, switching from one tit to the other
>You bit back a moan, back arching
"I might you k-knock me up tonight you know," you murmured, running a hand through his hair. "Just let you flood me again and again, so much that not even a little pill will stop those swimmers of yours. If you ask me nicely I'll even let you call me m-mommy while you do it."
>You felt Anon throbbing
>He loved your dirty talk
>Though he would never admit it, you were pretty sure you had him so worked up you made him cream his pants once
>He had done worse to you, but you'd never tell him that
"If it doesn't work tonight that fine," you continued. "We'll just do it every night until there's a bun in the oven and you're sucking milk out of these titties. How's that sound, big guy? A b-big, happy family. This streaming job will blow up, I'll be able to get you a nice wedding and a huge house with everything you'd ever want. A great big ring too. And after we have our first daughter, we can try for a boy then..."
>Trailing off, you noticed that Anon was no longer munching on your mammaries
>Looking down, you saw he was looking up at you, a small smile on his slutty face
>You just stared back, until it slowly dawns on you what you just said
>Shit...
>"You want a little boy?" he asked
>Despite yourself, you blushed
"Of course I do," you said defensively. "I want a big family, and a little boy to spoil."
>Anon giggled, which had you blushing harder
>He leaned up, giving you a smooch
>"I love you, hon," he murmured
>You smiled, nuzzling him
"I love you too, but seriously though, lets get to the bedroom and fuck ourselves a family."

>That was the night the first of your eight children were convinced
>Birth control was nothing compared to a unicorn's fertility







>Be Betty
>Normal, average human
>Well, by average you mean a bad bitch with a bombass bod and attitude
>You were sitting outside at the local Starbucks with your gal pals, Whitney, Brittney, and Tiffany
>You all had just spent the last hour catching up
>Mostly complaining about work, your boyfriends, your friends that weren't here, any creepy guy you had spoken with, etc
>#justgirlthings
>You were not just sitting there, drinking your pumpkin triple mochas, people watching
>The usual uggos were talking about
>There were also those freaky Equestrian women too
>You were close to one of their portals, which meant downtown was full of them, especially on the weekends
>You had thought they were neat at first
>But... you don't know
>They were weird
>You've never seen one of their men, and their women don't act like girls
>Your aunt saw on facebook that one of their leaders had said something about women here
>The bitches
>You signed the petition to make it harder for them to come over here
>#makingthedifference
>#itsnotracistifthey'realienz
>You were pretty sure they had gotten 50k signatures
>That meant the white house HAD to do something, right?
>Tiffany clicked her tongue
>"Ugh, look over there," she said, pointing across the street
>You all looked over to see some short guy walking with some pink haired equestrian
>She was huge, way too big for a girl
>Her ass was really fat too, and it was obvious that her tits were fake
>She was looking around like some bimbo, a smile on her face
>"That little guy probably couldn't find a real woman, so he had to get with a weird alien," Whitney said
>"Yeah, well, at least that means there's one less weirdo to hit on us," Brittany said
>You all chuckled
>The Equestrian stopped, her smile disappearing
>She looked around as one of her arms twitched, then her leg
>Seeing all of you, her expression became VERY unfriendly
>You stopped laughing
>The other girls stopped too when the lumberjack of a woman pushed a parked car out of the way so she could cross the street
>It was an SUV
>She just picked the front of it up as easily as you'd pick up a purse
>#freakyfriday
>She marched over as you all sat there quietly
>She was even bigger up close
>Frowning, she placed her hands on her hips, eyes narrowing down to slits
>Slowly, she leaned down
>"It's rude to say nasty things about people you don't know," she growled. "Especially cute little cinnamon buns like Nonny over there."
>"Y-You heard u-us?" Tiffany said
>The girl didn't reply, glaring at you all for a few more moments before turning on her heel
>She walked back across the road, picked the front of the SUV and put it back where it belonged, and grabbed the short guy by the hand
>He looked really confused, but the crazy bitch said something that made him smile
>The two continued to walk down the street as you, everyone sitting out on the patio, and anyone that had been walking by, sat and stood there in stunned silence
>#whatthefuckwasthat?







>Be Chrysalis
>It was an easy matter to break out of your stone imprisonment
>It was also easy to cross through one of the Equestrians' portals with some loyal followers to this "Earth"
>There was so much love ripe for the picking
>A good place to gather your strength so that you could come back and crush the princesses
>Love was easy to gather here
>Almost suspiciously so
>The men here gave it freely, not caring about your holes or fangs
>Your nymphs were able to set up coves all over the country, as was standard practice in Equestria
>Then... you realized that there wasn't any need to
>As said, it was easy to get love
>You and your followers could do so openly
>For crying out loud, in some of their countries, men paid to sleep with a woman
>Not have sex, not even touch, just sleep in the same bed as them
>You didn't need to kidnap
>Or mind control
>Or even trick
>There was so many men here you or your nymphs could just walk up to one and have a conversation, and it would rapidly evolve from there
>It was also discovered that the process of draining love from a human was nowhere near as taxing as it would be to an Equestrian
>At most, a man would wake up with a headache, and that would be after giving enough love to feed an entire cove for a month
>You soon grew lush with love
>It was also a simple matter of gaining power
>A few words here, some money tossed around, a few pictures of politicians in compromising positions--which you could do with some magic and a two Changelings--you basically controlled a quarter of the country
>You had everything that you wanted
>Power, money, land
>Everything
>You even had an two college football teams play naked in your front yard for two hours
>It was wonderful
>Then, oddly enough, it was boring
>You could subjugate more, yes, but then you'd have so much paperwork
>And the phone calls!
>And emails
>And computer meetings
>You couldn't imagine how much more your workload would increase if you ruled the country, much less the world
>No thank you
>So, being the magnificent queen you were, you began to rule your kingdom
>Laws were changed and sured up
>Infrastructure was overhauled and made better
>You brought in millions of well paying jobs
>Some companies tried to stop you, but they were quickly crushed
>There would only be ONE evil entity running things, thank you very much
>When you learned about the worldwide sex trade, you sent your nymphs out to crush it
>Not out of the goodness of your heart of course, but to keep your options open
>That, and your abhorred any that wanted to make love to children
>Those you made sure your nymphs took their time with
>Somewhere in your busy schedule you even took a proper consort
>Some young man you found whilst returning from a meeting with several politicians
>Your driver had hit him with he was crossing the crosswalk
>Broke through your windshield
>Punched your driver in the nose after you healed him
>Broke the poor man's nose
>He had spunk, and you loved your shorter men
>He also made your bed much more welcoming each night, which was sorely needed
>Months turned into years
>You were so busy with various things that you forgot about Equestria and it's princesses
>Though, to be fair, you had laws passed to make sure that Thorax and his ilk couldn't so much as set foot through the portal
>You had been told Twilight Sparkle was furious about it
>Perfect







>To steal him because he's the only human
>Griffon mating instincts in RGRE are literally supply and demand
>hens show off that they have skills or assets that will be useful, and thus always in demand
>and cocks (hue) do the same, if a little subtler plus the inherent rarity-thus-in-demand of a dick'n'balls
>Anon, as the literal only one of his kind, screws with these instincts something fierce
>depending on how "in demand" his other skills and assets can be, he can vary in a griffin's eyes from a once in a lifetime opportunity to that one fetish that you always swear off after masturbating, only for it to creep back up and get the best of you again








>>Luna got dreampregnant from all the raw, unprotected dreamsex
>Dreampregnant is not the same as regular pregnant.
>Only your dream/astral self is pregnant. There would be no physical evidence in the real world that anything was amiss.
>The child will be a natural denizen of the dream realm. A dreamwalker without peer.
>They can transfer over to the waking world, but not without effort. Moreso if they wish to take a corporeal form. They have no physical body, so they must create and sustain one







https://imgur.com/gallery/PCWzAdZ
>"Oh my Celestia, that was so embarrassing. I hope Anon didn't see."
"Oh my God! I just saw that! Are you okay?"
>"I-I'm fine, Anon! Takes more than a little fall like that to hurt a tough mare like m-ow!"
"Ah shit, did you sprain your ankle-thingy? You better not walk on it. Here, I'll carry you to my place."
>"Wh-what?! Carry me? That's really not neces- wait. Your place?"
"Yeah, it's closer, and I have both an ice pack, and one of those bean-filled heating bag. We can just hangout on my couch and watch a movie until your leg feels better."
>Anon looks down to see the mare making frantic upsie motions with shining eyes.
>Darn these ponies.
>They're criminally cute







>Derpy has always been made fun of for her eyes and, later in life, her unicorn filly (despite herself being a pegasus)
>She's learned that ponies leave her alone if she behaves like a bit of a simpleton
>And when she realized that she can get away with a lot if ponies underestimate her
>Now, she plays up being a bit of a fool by giving Anon kitchen-stuff for his birthday
>She knows that colts DO like cooking, but also that the assumption that Anon is learning to cook by going to home ec is a naive assumption to make
>So by showing how earnest she is with this sort of gift and assumption, she's just guaranteed that Anon is going to be baking cakes for her for the foreseeable future due to how "earnest" the gift was
>"Have ponies seriously never wondered how I've kept my job as a mailmare if I'm really half-blind and an idiot? Anyway, I've got to go - Anon's baked me a Germare black forest cake and I don't want Dinky to eat the whole thing and get a tummy ache."


>After going to Caramel's classes for a while and realising how relatively easy it was for him to handle a kitchen compared to poners and cooking a bazillion 'test' dishes for his friends, he decided to start a small catering business.
>And by that he meant setting out a table or two in his backyard and just cooking for whoever stopped by, with standing lunch orders for a couple of regulars.
>It slotted in pretty nicely with his previous job of foal sitting, one of his regulars dropping by with her little one in the morning for breakfast, checking on her at lunch if she wasnt in school, and then usually stopping over for dinner.
>She's over so often that it's getting to the point he's considering just formally giving her the guest room.
>She's an absolute qtpie that tidies up after herself and even helps with some of the cooking with her magic (But not too much because it'll spoil the flavour, at least according to Caramel) so it's a pretty good trade in Anon's opinion.
>Her birthdays coming up soon though, hopefully she likes the 'hand'made scarf that Caramel coached him through making.

>You are Dinky.
>D-Anon's making hayfries again.
>You wish Mom would stop being silly and just ask him out on a date already so you can start calling him 'Dad' without it being weird








>”Now run along sweetie, this is a birthday party so try and enjoy yourself”
>Celestia offered her foal a smile before softly nudging him forward towards the crowd and towards a small group of foals.
>The little green Alicorn stayed rooted to the spot, his natural insecurity flaring up as he backed away from the other children, causing the Princesses smile to fall ever so slightly.
>“Sunshine, what’s wrong, you don’t need to be scared.”
>”Nu-uh.”
>A quiet sigh escaped the monarch as she watched her child hide behind her leg before a small nudge on her other leg drew her attention away from her little prince.
>A snow white and golden maned unicorn colt smiled up at the sun princess and waving at her with his little hoof.
>”Hello dear nephew, can I help you with something?”
>The colt shook his head before turning his attention to the hiding Alicorn foal.
”Anon, why are you hiding?”
>When the foal didn’t receive an answer, he moved past the princesses leg and came to a stop next to the Alicorn and nudge him in the side.
“You know he’s just a bit shy Blueblood.”
>Blueblood tilted his head slightly before moving to give his cousin a small nuzzle.
”Anon, come play with us.”
>”Nuh”
“Come on, I’ll be with you the whole time, there’s no need to be scared.”
>After a few more forceful, but still gentle nuzzles, the green Alicorn removed his face from his mother’s leg and looked to his cousin with fearful eyes.
>”You promise.”
>the snow white colt answered with a vigorous nod before grabbing the others hoof and started dragging the foal towards the group of other foals from earlier.
“Yeah, its going to be so much fun, Quick Silver really wanted to meet you, and his sister is really shy to so you both should get along great."
>Anon said nothing as he was dragged away from his mother, only looking back at her to see a comforting smile on her muzzle.
>”It will be fine sweetie, just be yourself.”
>He looked up at her for a few more seconds before taking a deep breath and giving her small smile back.
>”Okay mommy”
>”That’s my colt.”






>Anon in Elite Dangerous
>Trying to collect bounty from far reaches of Milky Way
>Warp drive malfunctions, doesn't turn off when he gets to edge of galaxy
>Eventually fuel runs out and his ship slows down hundreds of lightyears from the edge of the galactic plane
"Motherfucker..." Anon says, getting his ship turned around to watch the galaxy in the distance
>He'll never make it back, no Fuel Rat is dumb enough to come out this far, this is it
>Auxiliary fuel tank depleted, the power kicks off and the O2 tanks slowly empty out
"Piece of shit. Last time I buy a ship from a chinese manufacturer..."
>Suddenly the view of the galaxy distorts and a large vessel emerges from slipspace
>It was like nothing he'd ever seen before, some kind of technology beyond FTL engines
>Suddenly Anon's ship is caught in a heavy field of gravity, pulled towards an open hangar on the side of the ship
>The gravity gets to be too much, the control panel of the ship begins to cave in as the G-suit he's wearing fails
>Anon is almost crushed into his seat by the time his ship is dropped in the hangar
>Blood rushes back up into his brain as Anon grabs the release lever and opens his cockpit
>Several suited beings enter through a door across from the closing hangar opening
>"Would you look at this... We got a live one." one of them says, approaching
>"It's one of the inhabitants of Spiral A291, looks like he shot himself off the galactic plane."
>Anon begins to stand up, adjusting to the lighter gravity
"I... Who are you?"
>One of them begins laughing across the hangar
>"Ha! Look at this! He's using a cold fusion FTL engine! I bet he thinks this is advanced!"
>The one nearer to Anon stifles a giggle







>>"And here's DJ Pon3 with the new-"
"Is this thing on?"
"Cookie is it on?"
"Ironside, is it working?"
"Anypony? ... It's on?"
"They can hear me?"
"Alright alright alright, guess it's time for another great installment of Wasteland Home Economics with your favorite chef, Dummy!. Now on the road!"
"Turns out DJ Pon3 got pissed I kept bringing in raiders and making food in her recording studio. So now I'm mobile!"
"He's the cook for the local raider tribe, Blood River Gang, they've probably shot at you before; let's meet our guest tonight, Cookie!"
>"H-hey, thanks for having me on the show. I've never been on the radio before."
"So tell our guests what's cooking tonight?"
>"Oh, uh, tonight we're cooking radscorpion."
"And let me say this looks delicious, how'd you kill it?"
>"With a gun."
"Okay. Well, not many ponies know this, but you can eat the entire scorpion except for the poison sack in the tail."
>"We're gonna, uh, be eating the tail."
"And how do we get the poisonous parts out?"
>"You just cut the stinger and jam some barbed wire in the hole."
"Now that is impressive, you use some bolt cutters and fed the wire in... Now you're pulling it out, and it looks like it hooked the poison sack with it. Man, that thing is a nasty bright purple."
>"Yeah. A-and you can use the poison for whatever, like on a dart. But now we just, uh, we steam the tail."
"Do we need to break off the hard outer parts?"
>"No, when you steam it, the meat just slides out. I-it's delicious."
"So, we'll just get the fire going and start boiling some water to steam it. But until then we can start on the sides."
>"Usually we just, uh, juice some mutfruit and put it on top."
"How about we dice some tatos and I'll go make some ash rose tea?"
"Now, while the fire heats up, we'll just use some of that to make a wider campfire so we can sauté the tatos. You can use butter or some other grease but it isn't necessary."
>"That smells pretty good."
"I've been steeping the ash rose tea all day, try some."
>"Uh, that's pretty good."
"The secret? Mutfruit, toss in a slice while you steep it and it brings out the rose."
>"I think these tatos are about done."
"Yeah, shame we didn't have any butter, but they'll be good all the same."
>"And the, uh, water's boiling now. Should I?"
"Go for it. The bubbles are coming up at an even pace and there's steam coming up."
>"We'll just, uh, leave that in the pot for a bit."
"And in the meantime, we'll keep those tatos warm over the fire, you can tell us all about this cooking setup you got here."
>"Well... We're grilling on a trash can lid. It's balanced on some bricks over the fire. And the radscorpion tail is in a big ol pot I found. It's on a metal grill over the fire."
"Looks like some robot parts, is that from a securitron?"
>"I-it's from a car."
"I like it. Hey, how about we make this tea more exciting?"
>"Uh, okay."
"Half a cup of ash rose tea, just pour in a little of your favorite alcohol. For me, it's Wild Pegasus Whiskey but anything will do. We have some... unlabelled whiskey here, maybe it's some of that good homebrew stuff that's been going around?"
>"Mmm, yeah, that really kicks like a mule..."
"It's good, isn't it?"
>"I-I'm not much of a drinker."
"Well, we'll go lighter on the whiskey next time, huh? How about that tail?"
>"It's about done, we can pull it out now."
"Oh, that is looking fine. Ironside, you want some?"
>>"No, I'm good."
>"Thanks, next we just crack the shell and squeeze the mutfruit over it."
"Ooh, look at how the meat just comes right off the shell, this is amazing, Cookie."
>"Th-thanks for having me on the show."
"No. Thank you for sharing this meal with everypony listening in."
"Tune in next time, and I'll have another awesome meal ready for you. And as always, come by Tenpony Tower for my cookbook, or some recipe cards! Next week I'll see if I can find out how alicorn stew gets made and if I can track down the legend of Caesar's pizza."






>"Hey big colt."
>"You, with the slutty socks. Yeah you!"
>"Looks like you got a big package over there."
>"Real big."
>"Looks like a two mare lift, right sis?"
>"Yep, maybe even a three mare lift."
>"I'd believe it."
>"A nice colt like you shouldn't be carrying around such a big, fat, thicc package all by yourself."
>"It's a shame."
>"A real shame."
>"Luckily for you, my coworker and I are gentlemares."
>"The gentlest of gentlemares really."
>"We can hold that package for you."
>"Yep, we'll even put it somewhere warm and tight and WET for you to."
>"Isn't that nice?"
>"So nice I'd say it twice, sis."
>"So why don't you come over here and let us show you why hyoo-mans prefer pegasi~"
>"We'll buck your brains out, stud."
>Be Anon
>Be holding your groceries
>It was a Tuesday afternoon
>Just a fucking Tuesday
>There were ponies walking around
>No little horse cared as the delivery horses were licking their chops, giving you fuck me eyes
>...
>You know
>This had happened so often that it didn't really bother you anymore
>Which was pretty fucked up, since you had only come to horseland two weeks ago
>Now you kinda got why people told you not to wear long socks while going outside...






>You knew coming to a whole different dimension would be different
>You had to do the culture classes like everyone else
>Listen to ponies speak about their lives and so one
>But you had no idea just how different it would be
>You were sent to a small town
>There were about two hundred ponies
>Maybe thirty were male
>To say that the mares around here were aggressive was an understatement
>They never tried to force to do anything, but the way they spoke, the way they moved
>It was like they knew how to catch your eye
>There was also a lot of rubbing
>They insisted that it was accidental
>They weren't paying attention, or they hadn't seen you, or they tripped
>The younger ones were obvious
>The older mares were so good at their little game sometimes you wondered if it WAS just an accident
>Some of the mares moved in little packs as well
>If you weren't careful, they'd nudge you toward an alley or a quiet street
>You weren't some alien fucker, but if some of these earth ponies kept shaking their rumps at you you might be
>Two months in, and you are beginning to wonder just what it would be like.
>What do those plump, round bottoms of the earth pony mares feel like?
>Were the horns of the long, lithe unicorns rough or smooth to the touch?
>How soft were the feathers of a little pegasus' wings?
>These thoughts keep you up at night, and Anon Jr. stiff under your sheets until you cave and grab a tissue.
>Would it really be so bad to be with an alien?
>It wouldn't be bestiality so much as xenophilia, which never seemed to bother Captain Kirk.
>Besides, there was no progress on finding a way back home from what the big brains up in Canterlot have told you.
>Were you really planning on living a life of celibacy in the hopes of meeting a human woman again some day?
>These thoughts plague you, even during the day, and perhaps that's why you don't notice the three mares surrounding you as you walk down the busy market street.
>Or perhaps your subconscious finally wants to know what they'll do as they brush against your leg here, slow down in front of your there, and slowly herd you away from the stalls full of fresh produce towards a nice, quiet, secluded alleyway








>"Oh. Oh thank god you've broken me of my conditioning and propensity to gobble hot pony butts, Princess Lu-..*ahem* pardon me, I meant to say thank you Princess Delicious Butt."
>'D-Dear Subject? Art thou feeling well?'
>Anon brings his hands to his head
>"No..n-not now...why now?! I...I was so close to being f-free...ARRGHGHG PRINCESS, PLEASE, STAY BACK."
>"It-..It's happening..I..I HUNGER FOR MARE BOTTOMS."
>'STARS ABOVE!'







>"Hey!"
>Slutty xenos with the socks!
>"Yeah you!"
>"By the Omareisah and Empress Celestis we've come to conquer this planet."
>"Surrender peacefully and hoof over your toasters, and we'll only beat up your females a little bit!"

>That was the day when you gave a little robo horse your toaster oven
>It was an old model, and she had a melta cannon pointed at you, so it was a no brainer
>She loved the toaster
>She loved your pets even more
>Because of your pets and boops, the little horse raved so much that it went to the tippy top
>Earth, which had been destined for destruction, mineral stripping, and far worse, instead turned into a pleasure world
>Space Mareines were sent, as were high ranking officials
>Even the Empress, her fellow alicorns, and her famous elements came from time to time
>The public statement was that humans negated the warp, and one could mend their soul staying around one long enough
>You were pretty sure they just liked smacking butts and looking at your socks
>You, Anon, had somehow save the whole fucking planet
>It was confusing, and concerning
>The little robo horse also refused to leave the planet
>She had turned your TV into some kind of missile launcher
>You were concerned






> Be Anon, king of the diamond dogs
> Your minions had captured five ponies trying to sneak into your house, er, "palace", as the dogs called it
> And finally one more pony boldly approached your good doggos for an audience with you
> So here you sit in your recliner, uh, throne, and stare at her
> Gosh, she's cute and fuzzy
> "Nameless King, I fear there has been a grave misunderstanding. My friends and I thought your palace was a precursor site, like the Aikya of Labyrinthia."
> You frown
"That does not explain why they trespassed on my backyard, sneaking past my watchdogs."
> Twilight Sparkle bows her head
> "There is an ancient prophecy, that when the sun's daughter goes mad, only the holey boxers of the old master may calm her."
> You really want to boop her nose and ruffle her tuft
> Keep it together, Anon, don't be a creep
"I am guessing that Celestia is acting strange?"
> The cutie patootie nods, sitting down
> Holy crap, her thighs are so thicc, you can see them bulge and squish against the floor
> "She is babbling in a strange tongue. Saying, 'tee eff double yuu no see eff.' Not even the richest cheesecake has roused her from her languor."
> That sounds...kinda bad?
> I mean, you would think a good cheesecake would get you out of bed, so Celestia must be feeling pretty down
> You get up from your throne and walk around Twilight Sparkle, trying to think of what to do
> You really want to clap those pony cheeks
"I will give you my most holey boxers, if you can satisfy me."
> She blushes adorably
> "I will do my best, your royal highness."
> Awwwwww yeaaaahhhhhh







>Humans and ponies make contact, and begin to take tentative steps in cultural exchange before full-blown trade and immigration can commence.
>This is done by sending a pony representative to Earth, and a human to Equestria to learn about each other.
>While the young unicorn Twilight volunteers herself to go as a test of her burgeoning friendship skills, Anon arrives in Equestria and is to stay in Canterlot.
>Of course, he gets a room in the castle, and begins to become well acquainted with its staff.
>Especially with Raven, who makes it her personal duty to make a good impression on the visiting human on behalf of ponykind.
>Yes, she's definitely doing this for her kingdom, and not because she finds Anon cute and funny.
>When Celestia has tea with the man, she never feels even a bit jealous.
>The multiple trips she's taken Anon on around Canterlot are so he can really experience Equestrian culture, and are certainly not dates.
>She is definitely, absolutely not falling in love with the human.
>And not desperate to make things work out so that their worlds will join in peaceful exchange, and allow for marriage between their peoples.
>Because if that was the case, and it was decided that the portal would need to be shut-down and never be opened again, she hypothetically would then need to beg Anon to run away with her







>Regular Equis Creatures have "issues" with Anon.
>It's not that he isn't a cool guy or anything, it's just he's absolutely alien.
>Even to Minos, a race he most resembles, he's quite an oddity. To them, it's like if us humans met some 'AAAYYYYs' but they were a good foot taller than our tallest people, their diet consisted of shit we found taboo and so on.
>(We aren't counting the monster fuckers who may or may not be up and about).
>So, in short, Anon is seen as an absolute oddity.
>Until demons start getting summoned/arrived on Equis.
>Ponies figured sending Anon in to deal with them would spook them all away but instead they happily greeted the fucker and talked the shit about the weather or something like they were all good friend.
>Not that Anon WAS good friends with Demons but a pony's mind sure can wander sometimes...






>Anon has a brand new herd.
>With all the extra sets of in-laws, this makes family gatherings a much larger affair than is typical for humans.
>All the stallions corral their new son-in-law off to gossip, bequeath their wisdom upon him, and overshare about their own herd lives.
>It starts off innocent enough, starting with kitchen talk, and arguing about baking cookies.
>But sure enough, eventually the topic of sex comes up.
>Anon was not prepared for this.
>For human men, talking about sex with your bros mostly amounted to "Did you bang her?" "Hell ya!" "Cool."
>For stallions, that was not nearly enough detail.
>And these were not barely legal colts, cautious about admitting to anything taboo, but married stallions with grown children.
>Far less was considered taboo to them






>the real reason stallions are so bitchy in RGRE is that they’re always stuck in the kitchen from dawn until dusk whenever there’s a family gathering
>usually leaving them exhausted and irritated by the time ever
>it doesn’t help that most mares don’t learn how to cook precisely because they’re aware of how much work it is and don’t want to deal with that kind of responsibility
>the Apple stallions have it the worst, given just how big their family is
>they’ll often be cooking for days before any guests actually arrive
>Applejack and Apple Bloom have long since learned not to bother their older brother the week following a family reunion







>Rainbow Dash and Anon start dating, and the pegasus starts being put through her paces.
>Never before did Dash think a colt could ever be so insatiable for sex.
>So much so that even she's starting to lag.
>As she tries to explain this to Twilight, it's not surprising she's getting a deadpan glare.
>"So... you're having too much sex, huh?"
>"I'm serious, Twi! It's even affecting my work with the Wonderbolts! Forget about walking straight, I can barely fly straight with how much Anon has been pounding away back there. Seriously, it's in and out, day in and day out with that colt."
>Twilight's lips thin for a moment, then she sighs.
>"I feel like a mare dying of thirst seeing another mare drown," she notes. "But as your friend, it'd be wrong for me to dismiss your problem just because I'm envious."
>"Ah, is that egghead speech for you willing to help me?"
>"Yes Dash, I'll help you."
>"Great! What do you have in mind?"
>She smiles a bit too gleefully.
>"Simple, if Anon' libido is too much for you to handle alone, you just need to find a mare that will help you shoulder the burden."
>"You mean like a herd?"
>"Of course! I'll share the load with you! Anon's thick, creamy load, that is."
>"Twilight, you're drooling."
>"You have no idea," she responds as her tail flags unconsciously.

>"So thats why i need your help Fluttershy, you're definitely fit enough to distract for at least a night, you regularly wrestle a bear for Celestias sake!"
>...
>"Not to mention Anon definitely likes you as a friend, apparently your tea parties are "bomb-ass", never knew you both were closet racists but i can deal with that."
>...
>"Plus i'm mare enough to admit that you're pretty easy on the eyes, and i've 100% caught Anon glancing under your tail a few times, honestly that big guy is insatiable."
>...
>"Thanks Fluttershy, i knew i could count on my best sis, i'll go talk with Anon and set up a dinner date, laters!"
>...
>Angel poked his top minions side with a paw as she did her best fainting goat impression.
>The tomato red colour of her face was making him hungry and all his minion could think about was mating.
>He poked her again







> Anon accidentally trips and scatters his books
> Twilight Sparkle, the school Princess, stops to help him pick them back up
> Twilight's fanclub of jealous, catty guys bullies Anon, which only makes Twilight help him out more
> Sunset Shimmer, a wild and smug girl, scares off the boys before they can put thumbtacks in Anon's gym shoes
> Sunset starts following Anon around, getting into homoerotic staring contests with Twilight when they cross paths
> Anon gets roped into being part of the student council, where he meets even more pretty girls such as Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack
> He goes to a store to buy supplies for the upcoming school festival, but three generic Trixies corner him and try to get him to go with them
> Applejack appears and drives them off by claiming to be his girlfriend
> They go from store to store, and Applejack tells Anon about the backstory of Sunset and Twilight's rivalry
> Sunset is Twilight Velvet's daughter from a youthful indiscretion
> Sunset's father was pressured into moving away from Canterlot, to live in a small rural town
> Sunset's father died when he had a heart attack and the ambulance took too long to get to the hospital
> Sunset blames Twilight Velvet for her father's death and takes out her spite on Twilight Sparkle
> As Velvet's legitimate daughter, Sparkle was groomed to succeed her as the head of the massive business conglomerate
> Sparkle yearns for the freedom to be who she wants to be, and is attracted to Anon because he isn't afraid to buck gender roles and do what he wants







>The Tax Payer's Bit, Twilight's personal dreadnought, had seen many iterations and overhauls over the millennia, but one part has always been the same.
>The AI had lovingly been updated and preserved from her first ship to her latest.
>Some thought it strange, the over-sentimental display from the normally stoic and logical Empress Sparkle of Eques, but she paid them no mind.
>When you are effectively immortal, even bearing witness to your draconic companion growing old and dying, you tend to hold onto what friends you can that can weather the sands of time alongside you.
>That is what AI.Non was to Twilight.
>A friend and partner.
>From his humble roots of being a spaghetti-forged AI made by a much younger princess wanting a husbando to now being the most experienced and strategic minds of their Empire, Anon served his partner and planet well.
>It certainly helps that he was modeled after a young Twilight's favorite romance book character, and she had always secretly been into strong, commanding stallions who could take charge and remove the stress from a mare's shoulders when needed.
>His steady timbres, fatherly and strong, were a welcome and much appreciated aspect of daily life upon the Tax Payer's Bit, the crew thinking of the AI as their patriarch as much as they thought of Twilight as their matriarch.
>Like a King and Queen, ruling with wisdom and kindness that they could put their faith in without fail.
>How accurate their analogy actually is, as Empress and AI thought of each other as husband and wife.
>It's truly astounding how many mundane objects have computers put into them these days, such as the Empress' vast array of sex toys for Anon to hack into and control.
>An unconventional relationship, but since has anything in Twilight's life been conventional?



>Young Twilight learns about a DIY project that enchanters use as a study and research tool.
>It stores and relays information and can even be directed to gather information itself using rudimentry telekinisis, using basic tools with the same method.
>Spike was tempted to eat the Autonomous Notary Observation Narrator more than a few times but was always grabbed and moved a few yards away so eventually gave up.
>His inability to pronounce it's full name without stumbling also led to it's nickname of "The A-non" which Twilight inevitably picked up despite her best efforts.
>The instruction book she used to create "Anon" skipped over the fact that most enchanters do not have the level of energy that Twilight has, nor her obsession with studying as much as possible, so the suggestion to "Always keep it charged to ensure maximum performance" was followed with all the confidence of a small foal who has 5% of an idea of what she's doing.
>Sure there were a few warnings about tying spells directly to her magic, due to the risk of exhaustion but the Anon barely used any once it was "full" so those warnings were happily ignored in favour of "maximum performance."
>Plus it made a great sounding board for ideas, pointing out books or scrolls she hadnt gotten around to reading yet if they contained relevant information and even fetching snacks!
>The fact it rested in a little neck thingy like Princess Celestia's when not in use is completely coincidental and she DID NOT squee like a little filly after the Princess complimented it and praised her for making the Anon all by herself







>"Anonymous, doth thou believe thy looseness is proper."
>"Thou go amongst our royal subjects, bedecked in socks and other foul clothing."
>"Thy actions shame thy family and entire line!"
>"My sister might humor thy moods, but I shall not!"
>"One hundred of my finest soldiers stand before you."
>"Their task?"
>"If thou wishes to act the harlot, thou shall be treated as such!"
>"Potions and nourishment shall be provided to keep thee able, but thou shan't leave this room until every mare here hath their pleasure."
>"See if THIS improves thy temperament, SLUT."

>Poor Luna was very incorrect
>Pumped full of fertility and stamina potions, along with being a sick bastard, you wore into her bat pony platoon
>Hours passed
>There were noise complaints, and the some mares from the Day Guard came to see what was going on
>They got jumped of course
>Them along with ten maids, two nobles, and Celestia, who had come to give her sister pancakes
>In the end, Raven was the one to take you out with a chair to the back
>Not very gentlemarely, but those potions really fucked you up, and it needed to be done before you killed yourself
>You went through twenty potions, fifteen gallons of water and other drinks, and about ten pounds of various foods
>You also went through around 200 mares
>No pony thought you'd be able to knock them up, even with the fertility potions
>They were incorrect
>Celestia was going to have twins
>She was really happy about it
>Luna, on the other hand, is sure that you're some kind of demon
>A baby-making demon






>Be Anon
>Be in B&thro Equestria
>Not be very happy
>tfw don't use the wrong off brand bleach
>Honestly, you wanted to hate it, but it wasn't that bad
>There were a lot of small horse people
>They had hooves, so it was only half-terrible
>Twilight didn't have any room at the castle oddly enough, so you shacked up with the lesbian couple
>Lyra was beyond happy
>Bonbon was happy that her wife was happy
>Both were very happy that there was a stallion about to "bring in a colt's touch"
>Ponies in town had insisted that Bonbon was a grump, but that wasn't the case at all
>She was beyond sweet and helpful
>Lyra just... quirky
>She wanted to know everything about you, and she had Twilight's autistic disregard for personal space
>You slowly got used to this weird horse world, and these weird horse people
>Your "giant" ass started working at Bonnie's shop, making all sorts of things while foals and their parents watched
>It was
>Routine
>Until it wasn't
>When summer rolled around things got... different
>Both Bonbon and Lyra started acting weird
>They lost more and more clothing as the days went on
>Lyra's questioning became more and more intimate
>Bonbon got hyper protective around you
>The second you'd sit down both mares would basically be in your lap
>It was hard--
>DIFFICULT
>Very, very difficult
>Especially when Lyra started deepthroating carrots in front of you






Stacyish Anon gets asked out by Moondancer
Turned down harshly and told (albeit peppily) what's wrong with her
Moonie gets all self pity mode
Anon agressively decides to become her wingman Glinda in "Popular" style
"Put on your big girl trashsweater, Moonie! We've got a hell of a lot of groundwork to do!"


Put ugly sweater, minis, nerd shit in locked box
Burn identical box to take away her safety blanket
(WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!)
"BABY BIRDS DON'T GET PARACHUTES, MOONIE! IT'S FLY OR DIE!"
Later give back sweater after majorly disheartening event
"Everybody needs a comfort blanket. This is exactly what they're for. It's only a problem when you can't put it down."
Once the tears dry, sweater goes back in box and box is hidden

Anon sabatoges/turns away gorgeous stallions
Moonie blows up at him for "just wanting a broken project to play with"
Anon turned them away because they were shallow bitches who only liked her because of her makeover
>"Wasn't that the whole BUCKING POINT OF THIS!?"
"No, you silly goose. Don't you have after-school specials here? It's not about what's outside; it's what's inside that counts. And your insides were a DISASTER."
>"Wha- then why the hair and the contacts and the dates-"
"Well, I couldn't just tell you you were a mopey loser who couldn't stare down a baby. That'd just make it a million times worse!"
"We worked on your grimey insides by making you feel better about your outsides."
>"Couldn't you have just made me feel better about how I looked before."
"Honey, there was nothing to feel good about."






>The oldest magical ruins out in the world are in ancient earth pony territory
>It's the only magic that can survive that long without renewal, even if this means its effects are faded, unfocused, and not working the way the old earth pones intended
>Ancient earth ponies settled in plains and built their homes out of stone
>This was a time when there was still hostility between the three races, and earth ponies were aware that they had the least offensive advantages compared to pegasi and unicorns
>Pegasi could fly and attack from the sky, so earth ponies built their homes out of heavy stone and dug underground
>Unicorns could shoot lasers and teleport at will, so earth ponies learned learn to out-smart them and built traps to hide their possessions
>When unification happened, lots of ponies moved around and abandoned their isolated home capitals
>After all, unicorns didn't always live in cities high up on the mountain
>Los Pegasus did not exist pre-unification
>It was only through cooperation that all 3 races were able to work together and accomplish these feats
>You can still visit the ancient lands of old, long-dead earth ponies
>Lands where their powerful magics still bleed into the earth, even if they are anywhere near as strong or as focused as they were centuries and centuries ago
>They willed the land to grow for them to provide food and shelter, and so it did; and it still does today
>The crumbling ruins are found deep in the heart of dense jungle
>Their homes run deep underground, and are filled with traps and treasure
>Their magic is ancient and mysterious, drawing the attention of adventurers and archeologists
>You likely have read about their homes; ponies like Daring Doo visit them all the time







>It's a well-known fact that Lyra is a xenophile.
>No one is really sure why she slowly lost interest in stallions. Too catty? Too difficult? Maybe too scared? That's all part of the game called romance!
>That lost interest is obvious when she chats up every non-pony male who comes through town.
>Never does it go anywhere, but most are too afraid of tangling with the usually nearby Bonbon to make fun of Lyra for it.
>Then one day, a tall biped janefilly comes to town, and naturally Lyra beelines for him.
>Both Lyra and all the onlookers find themselves surprised when he blushes are her cheesy pick-up lines and shyly agrees to a date.
>Was Lyra onto something..?







If unicorn magic is exerting your will on the world, and earth pony magic is asking the world for something, then I think pegasus magic would be about becoming one with the world and the elements, and shaping it that way. Getting lost in the feeling of the wind, becoming the wind, moving as on with the wind as you shape it into a tornado. Much more sensual and mystical, less precise then unicorn magic and less ritualistic then earth pony magic.
These intuitive techniques have been refined over time into a sort of martial arts system for the senses, so that the controlling of the weather can be consistent and repeatable, but at the core it's still a very individual and sensual thing

> "Kick the cloud to break it up. Sensually."
> Peganon isn't sure if he is being trained in actual magic, or if he's going to end up drinking some rainbow juice while getting a wingjob and develope a deep attraction to the climate and cloud formations over ponyville


>"Now Anon as the stallion of this group your role is crucial to this whole endevour."
>"I know it's your first time and you're nervous but dont worry, the rest of us are professionals and we've set everything up for you, all you need to do is go straight to the middle and let nature take it's course, okay?"
>Despite being briefed on his job, repeatedly even after he asked for more details since his honest confusion was apparently taken for nervousness, Anon was still surprised when at the center of the gathered cloud formation was a small pocket of air, a cloud-bed and a mare-shaped cloud lying provocatively upon it.
>'Her' mane and tail seemed to consist of a localised draft, lazily swirling up and around in patterns that he could almost follow before another eddy disrupted the formation into new swirls.
>Her 'eyes' sparked softly as her mouth curved into a grin as she winked before rising from the bed and drifting over to him in a manner only someone as light as cloud could accomplish, her wings outstretched but clearly unneeded.
>One of those same wings wrapped over and around him in one of the softest hugs he's ever recieved as she leaned into his side, his neck being graced by a gentle nuzzle even as a quiet murmer of thunder verberated from her and seemed to rock down his entire spine.
>Giving her a squeeze with one of his one wings earned another rumble of thunder as she slipped forwards onto the bed, looking back at him with eyes flashing as she winks, twice.
>A small part of Anon marveled briefly on the surreality of this whole situation, but that was easily ignored as a larger part of him was currently taking the lead.
>Lightning and thunder reigned below as the rest of the weather team rested on a cloud, awe long giving way to exhasperation.
>"It's been over 30 minutes! 'First time' my feathered behind."
"Hey chief, look on the bright side, at least the crops down there are going to be good this year."
>"More like every year, you know damn well the local 'atmo is going to be pissed if Anon doesnt show up for next years harvest rains."
"...so what's the protocol for-"
>"Colts and clouds only sister, screws up the magic if a mare goes in there after they've started."
"Damn."
>"Of course there's nothing wrong with the occasional out-of-season storm here and there, so long as the local weather team clears it on the schedules."
"Sooo does that mea-"
>"Just shut up and pass the snacks, remember to save some water for Mr Lightning rod down there."







>due to his crippling loneliness and depression, Anon made a tulpa of his favorite anime waifu before arriving in RGRE
>when he was alone he used to talk to her and interact with her as if she was a real person, but deep down he knows it’s just an elaborate hallucination he’s deliberately induced in himself
>things change in Equestria, when Anon is exposed to his magic-rich atmosphere
>he still talks to the tulpa when he’s alone, but now it’s more of a coping mechanism to deal with being suddenly thrust into another world without warning
>Anon’s body becomes charged with magic, but because the human body was not made to harness magic like pony bodies are, it manifests in an abnormal way
>Anon wakes up one morning to discover that his tulpa can interact with physical objects and that ponies can see her
>to them she appears transparent, like a ghost that’s constantly following him
>poners think Anon is haunted







>Starts wearing longer and longer socks
>Bends the definition of what socks are
>He wears shorter and shorter pants so that he can show off the rising hem of the socks
>By the time he's got to thigh-highs and short-shorts, he realizes that it's easier to keep them up if he uses spandex instead of cotton
>Damn things keep sliding down his legs, and acting like he was trying to be sexy by pulling them back up in front of mares got old when he had to do it every time he walked faster than a sedate pace
>Green was the only available color of material he could find due to a recent upsurge in spandex popularity among the nobles
>Mares keep telling him to stop slutting it up
>Anon brings the socks even higher
>They're a pair of long-johns now
>No pants, so that he can show off how high the socks go
>It keeps escalating and escalating until Anon's wearing a full-body spandex suit that even covers his face
>Mares can see his bulge
>The situation reaches an apex and the ponice have to intervene
>Everyone calms down, and Anon admits he went a bit overboard running around town in a fucking green screen suit that covered him from head to do, shouting about socks
>Lessons were learned, friendship reports were written and sent, and Anon barely avoided getting arrested for public indecency
>Anon kept the spandex outfit, though, just to snub ponies' noses
>He can't just wear the body-suit and nothing else, though, (what with that barely avoided public indecency deal), so he compromises and wears his typical suit over it
>Finds that the red tie goes pretty well with the green spandex
And that's the story of how Anon turned green. The end





>Be Anon
>Be lying on the couch with mint pone
>It was early, and you were both tired from shenanigan's from the night before
>Lyra could barely keep her eyes open in fact, pressed up against you like she was
>"Annnnnon," she whined. "I need something to eat."
"Go cook something then," you replied with a grunt."
>"I can't cook though."
"Yes you can."
>"Not as good as you though."
>"Come on, just a sandwich. Please?"
"Harpie, I got as much sleep as you did last night. I'm not cooking."
>"Come on. I'll suck your dick!"
"You'll be sucking my dick today anyway."
>Lyra cracked a smile
>With a whine, she fell onto her side, draping herself over your lap
>Turning onto her back, she looked up at you with a pout
>"Pretty please with breezies on top?"
>You just frowned down at her
>"How about you and me double team Bonnie when she gets home?"
>Your frown lessened
>"I'll even talk her into wearing that fro-fro colty stuff you like."
>The frown lessened some more
>Lyra giggled, playfully kicking her hooves into the air
>"I talked her into getting a pair of long socks. I got the same pair," she said, nuzzling the back of her head into your groin. "We're all yours for the price of one hay sandwich. With pickles. And chips. And if you can toast the bread like you'd do that would be great."
>Your frown was gone
>Just then, Bonbon walked into the living room
>That big, bountiful earth pony ass bouncing behind her
>From experience, you knew it was a very firm, spank-able bottom
>She tasted like candy too
>The mare gave you and Lyra a smile
>You sighed
"Fine, but you better be ready. You both are walking funny tomorrow."
>"Yesssss," Lyra replied, pumping a hoof into the air
>Bonbon just looked confused
>"What?"






>Queen Singularity has been around awhile
>She knows what things looked like before magic came along
>She has some slight of hand but is rusty from eons of neglect
>So when she sees someone who is knowledgeable and skilled in such a thing she happily goes to trade tricks with him
>The two have a good time and end up hanging out for awhile
>The nearby ponies however lose their collective shit
>They see what they think is two gods slinging world ending spells disguised as foals tricks
>Their little show would later be cataloged as a mating ritual of the gods







> RGREQG has a low level thaumic harvester infestation
> Sunset needs to get it under control, but she doesn't have a lot of options
> She ends up restoring some of the power of the sirens so that they can hunt the extra dimensional menace
> They have an additional condition, though
> Sunset has to help them find a mate







>Instead of being a right 'tard and edgy as hell with bones, the colt was instead taught how to forage for his own food and how to protect himself from wild animals.
>He appreciates a good berry and even got some farming tips before he got Whisked away to another timeline/universe, one where the Apocalypse hasn't hit...not that he knew right away, since he lands in the Everfree.
>One day, he gets caught by Applejack when she catches him picking apples with the most awestruck look on his face. He was even collecting seeds!
>She thought that he might've been a little thief trying to get in on her business but a quick explanation leaves her astonished.
>...and a bit disbelieving but she DOES go to get help in the form of her friends.
>Now they all have to figure out what to do with this little colt who swears up and down the world had ended before he was born and that he was taught by a legendary Hyoo-Mun.
>At least he was happy at the farm though.

>AppleJack knows the colt isn't lying, she just feels that he's been tricked or grew up right funny.
>...she also nearly gets a heart attack the first time he goes into the Everfree on his own just to come back with a bundle of wild fruits, all proud as punch







>Moondancer considers herself an expert on all things obscure and pointless.
>This of course includes the legends of humans.
>Everything ever recorded about these mystical creatures, she has read.
>So of course when one finally makes itself known to ponykind, she takes it upon herself to be their liaison and facilitate good will between their two peoples.
>Thus Anon gets a little nerdy book horse following him around, telling ponies what he does and doesn't like.
>He should be upset, but damn if she isn't cute.
>"Are you insane?! Offering a human a papaya?! This is deadly poison to humans, you dolt! Why not go feed a pound of chocolate to a puppy while you're at it?!"
>The confused, and slightly frightened pony looks to Anon, who shrugs.
"I don't really like papaya."
>"See?! You almost killed him!"
>"I'm sorry!"







>Equestria is a strange place.
>After the shock of your sudden arrival and some time alone to cope with your odds of returning to earth being slim to none, you decided to try and make the best of this new lease on life with the help of the friends you made.
>It took a few days for you to realize the gender roles were backward and more than a few times did you and a mare hold the door open for each other awkwardly. You found that being the fairer sex is largely how you expected it to be. Easier, but with its own challenges.
>One thing you did not expect though, was the magic in the air to begin changing you.
>Nothing overt, but still noticeable. You fully expected to lose a bit of weight from the lack of cars and fast food, but pounds just dropping off you until you gained a slimmed runner's physique was strange. A visit to Twilight had the alicorn scratching her head. Nothing was wrong as far as she could see.
>Then others happened. Your senses sharpened your sense of smell the most. It took you a while to realize the pleasant scent you smelled with your friends was mare. Your instincts become honed, and you seemed to be able to track moving objects without seeing them or know a pony's mood even if they were hiding it among others. Your temper became a bit shorter, and you had to reign in your emotions here and there. You seemed swifter and stronger than a human should be.
>But you know you didn't have the ability to do a god-honest growl beforehand. It's a deep, bone-rattling noise from inside your chest that carries a long way.
>It's almost like the magic put you in touch with your more primal self. A return to monke...kinda.
>It feels strangely good.
>But you think you gave Twilight some kind of fetish after you hugged her one day and growled deep in your chest, reverberating through her body.
>She stiffened, then blushed so dark you could see it through her coat. From so close, you could hear her heart start to hammer and feel her body heat up.
>Sorry Twi...







>Before she was married, she was seen as the ultimate stallionizer
>Fucked fans after shows, left a million broken hearts
>All of her teammates figured that she'd never settle down
>Too slow of a lifestyle
>Or at the very least she might have a harem of young, hung colts
>Instead of that, she got three half breed fillies and a simple, quiet human husband
>Instead of taking stallions to bed by twos and threes, she has birthday parties, homework, and afternoons with other moms standing around the grill
>Spitfire fucking loves it
>She also has the biggest and best grill in the neighborhood
>AND the fastest, most perfect fillies

>"Anon, sweetie, I think we need to talk about getting that zero-turn mower again."
>"I know, I know. I got a mower last year."
>"But. BUT. I didn't get the yeti cooler even though you said that I could."
>"..."
>"Please?"
>"It'll mow the land so much faster!"
>"I can show that cunt Streamline just how much better I am than her!"
>"She shouldn't have been strutting around with that new chariot then!"
>"Hey, a mare's gotta show'em who's the top dog in the neighhood!"

>In her free time, Spitfire likes taking care of the lawn and waxing her chariot
>Reads magazines about modding chariots, and buys lawn care material to make sure she was the greenest, smoothest lawn in the neighborhood
>Cries a single marely tear when she comes home from horsework and sees hoof-sized chunks of lawn torn out of the front yard after your foals got too excited while chasing each other

>You never got around to telling your wife about the reversed gender roles thing of your world
>She treated you right and made sure you never wanted for anything, so you were content just playing the perfect horsehusband for Spitfire
>And the added male privileges was like a juicy cherry on top of the already extra large cake
>Privileges such as being able to lord over what to spend your household finances on
>Your wife is currently doing her darnedest to convince you why she absolutely must have the newest (and loudest) model lawnmower
>Yet you are secretly just as excited about it as she is
>If you play your cards right you can make it seem like you're doing your wife a huge favor, AND get a hecking awesome new mower, AND get a reward blowjob later
>A win-win-win situation for you, and your wife will be happy as well








>Anon is an anime character in a Neighpon show that's very popular in Equestria.
>After the existential dread wears off, he decides to settle down in this new pony world, seeing as how he no longer has to fight giant mecha battles for the fate of the universe.
>He needs a place to stay until he can get himself on his feet in a new world though, and Twilight offers him a place to stay in her castle.
>It's a pretty good deal as all he has to do is answer questions once in a while about his world.
>Surprisingly few of them have to do with the tech, and more to do with interpersonal relationships between him or other 'cast members'.
>She's the Princess of Friendship, though, so it's probably just because she wants to know about how friendship works for humans and such.
>The only rule she gives about staying with her is too keep out of the basement, which he's fine with... for a couple weeks.
>He remembers when he sneaked into his friend-turn-traitor's room once looking for something he was sure Incognito took, only to find evidence that he was a traitor and pilot of the mysterious Negro Delincuente mecha that had attacked him and his team on multiple occasions.
>Worried she might be up too something nefarious, he takes a peek just to prove he's wrong.
>Figurines and posters everywhere.
>And an entire cabinet dedicated to familiar mechas and people.
>And within one whole shelf with little hims dressed an various outfits he vaguely remembers wearing over the years.
>Including his swimming trunks from when he and guys spent the day at the beach playing volleyball and swimming.
>The door clicks behind him.
>"I thought I told you not to come in here, Anon."
"What is all this, Princess?"
>"The start of a very doujin-esque series of events. Whether that's going to vanilla or rape transitioning to ahegao is up to you ."







>something something alicorns produce milk constantly instead of just when nursing
>Twilight keeps hers cause she's fucking weird
>Anon goes in her basement shrine room and notices a mini fridge
>HFW she walks in on him drinking her milk
>"Oh hey Twi. I was kinda confused on why you had a fridge with only milk in it down here but I understand now, this stuff is great! It's way better than the stuff in the kitchen, I'm gonna use this for my cereal in the mornings now!"
>"Twilight, are you okay? Are you mad I drank your milk? Why are you looking at me like that?"






>Be Applejack
>Be in a bit of an... interesting situation
>It was Anon
>The alien colt
>He liked your rump
>A lot
>He liked it so much that he had gone into detail about what he wanted to do to it with most of the stallion's in town
>Your brother, unfortunately, included
>Mac, the turd, had given him his blessing
>The other colts seemed to like the idea of you two being together
>You were a traditional mare
>If'n there was a stallion you liked, you were supposed to be the one to walk up to him with rope in hoof
>But you had a feeling Anon was gonna be the rump with the rope if you weren't careful
>Twi had told you about humans
>How darn aggressive they got and whatnot
>Being a simple mare, you didn't know what to rightly do
>You were a gentlemare, and having a colt chase after what was under your tail was strange
>Off putting even
>So, you went to the town dyke and fashionista, your pal Rarity
>You told her about Anon, and all the things he was saying, and asked for advice
>She told you to wash your rump extra well, "in case Anon's tongue leads him to other places"
>Bucking Rarity...






>Twilight thinks her chances with her husbando are ruined when the once purely fictional man walks in on her shameful display of worship.
>Silly mare has forgotten that Anon's character in the anime is that of the comic relief, and as such, he has spent most of his life being ignored when he wasn't being laughed at while the protagonist, Incognito, got all the attention.
>To find out that in the show that turned out to be his life, he was actually someone's favorite character is very flattering.
>To find out it extends so far, and Twilight lusts after him more than his super buff, powerful, and handsome best friend awakens something in the man.
>For once, he doesn't want to be there to support others.
>He wants to be selfish and have something for himself.
>He wants a pony princess waifu






>Anon has Aether-Anemia, his magic being very 'thin' for lack of a better descriptor.
>More than just interfering with his potential spell casting, he gets tired easily and its harder for him to fight off illness or recover from injury.
>Living in the magically saturated empire definitely helps, but he still needs to be careful.
Doctors privately tell his parents that if Cadence hadn't lived in the empire during most of the pregnancy there is a good chance the young colt wouldn't have been born at all.
>As a result of this, Anon tends to be a bit coddled by his family and the crystal empire at large, his big sister Flurry heart especially dotes on him due to percieved guilt.
>Anon unknowingly discovering The-Look -of-Extremely-Cute spelled doom for Flurry hearts ability to tell him "No." which leads to the pair flying through the halls of the castle, Anons laughter echoing every which way.
>It's this that immediately clued Cadence that something was potentially wrong, her years of foalsitting telling her that "No noise means something is being planned, a lot of noise means a plan is being used."
>Almost collidies with her son and daughter as they turn a corner but swiftly plucks Anon from Flurrys back and starts tapping her hoof.
>A few seconds later a frantic flurry heart turns back and sighs with relief at seeing Anon floating there, before noticing the look on her mothers face.
>After quite a bit of scolding and laying down some ground rules (Literally, no flying for a week unless its an emergency or her wings would be getting tied down for a month) about flying unsupervised or inside the castle at all, Cadence wraps her hooves around Anon and a wing around Flurry heart.
>And thats how Shining found them after being informed of the situation by a guard.
>He simply says that he isnt mad, just disappointed in them both and glad they're okay before joining the hug







>Halloween Innaquestria
>Anon knows it's really called "Nightmare Night" but goddamnit if he's not gonna call it what he wants.
>He also gets to DRESS how he wants but he didn't really have enough bits for anything fancy....or in his size, really.
>And asking around didn't really help, he'd get naughty mares suggesting stupid "sexy" costumes or he'd get haughty Stallions wondering if he'd steal their ideas...some of which just end up as stupid "sexy" costumes anyway!
>Silly Pones.
>So, he decides "Fuck it" and gets lazy, brandishing his white sheets and wearing them like some kind of makeshift Toga.
>Togas are in fashion, right?
>Well, that doesn't matter, he was going to go out and flaunt his shit...sadly, a Minotauress had come to visit that day, ALSO wearing a toga.
>Once she spotted his ass, it was all over for him. Apparently she was some sort of tourist from her country and just GUSHED to him about how much he looked like some Legendary Precursor or some stupid shit like that. She was apparently dressed for similar reasons.
>"You even managed to hide your horns! How'd you manage that, anyway? Pony Magic?"
>The busty lass went to touch for the sides of Anon's head, realizing too late that he HAD no such horns. Nor did he have nubs were an extreme Mino might've filed their horns down to.
>The look on her face was god damn priceless...as was Anon's as she just would not get out of his personal bubble.
>God save his soul

>Thanks to the Toga Mishap, now Anon has a mino bothering him about what he is, his biology, whether he's related to minos or not...honestly, a lot of stuff Twilight already grilled him about.
>And she INSISTS on trying to wear the Toga more often so he can "feel the ancestral call".
>..whatever THAT means







 The fake accent is because who in the world would go to a spa run by country bumpkins?
>"Well butter mah butt and call me a biscuit, if it ain't cousin Carrot Top! Y'all git on up on'na this here mah-sawg-ey table and I'll hippity-hop all over yer back like it's the end of harvestin' season and cousin Brewster just brought out her got-dang moonshine. Yes ma'am, we have some of mah uncle's sweet iced tea to drink. It's so dang hot out there the trees are thinkin' of bribin' the dogs, ain't it? Ain't been this hot some mah dang ol' grand-pappy was in short pants, and he done told me it brought a whole new meanin' to the term 'dust bowl', Ah tell you h-wut."







>You are Anon.
>Living in a crazy backwards world with multicolored people.
>You got a girlfriend who you live with and despite her objections, you know she likes when you take control on the relationship.
>But she has been antsy for a while now.
>"Hey babe, let's head to the Nightmare Night Express. They have everything half off today because it's the day after."
>You were about to tell her no, but it is a sale.
>And you're not being cheap, you're being frugal.
>A short drive later you are at the store.
>Pickings are scarce but you find some interesting stuff for next year.
>"Hey Anon... would you like something like this?"
>She asks holding up a butlers outfit.
>She looks from it to you, probably thinking of you wearing it with hungry eyes.
>You pick up a French maid dress and present it to her.
"Only if you wear this for me then."
>She looks at you with a raised eyebrow.
>"You want me to wear a maid outfit? I mean okay, but it's kinda plain."
>So apparently maids are normal but girls would love to have a guy dressed as a butler and servicing them... like how guys want a maid- of you see what happened there.
"Tell you what. You know my size and I know yours. Let's buy things we want to see the other wearing and we can have fun sexy times at home for a long while."
>"W-why would you think I would want to do that?"
"Because that is what I want to do. I'll dress up for you if you dress up for me. Deal?"
>"Deal!"
>And she runs off to the sexy guy costumes.
>You should probably do the same for her






>It is considered a Stallion's duty to have a herd of mares.
>The mares think they need to team up in order to control the levels of whimsy in the world.
>But all Stalllion's are convinced that civilization would crumble and devolve back into caveponies in short order if they didn't keep on eye on those mares.
>A mono stallion is seen as shirking his responsibilities.
>Pic related.
>This is the aftermath of the kind of thing that happens when mares don't have a stallion around to keep things under control.
>Certain fringe elements are convinced that the overload of Alicorn /Princesses/ with no Alicorn /Prince/ around, is the reason all the world threatening catastrophe's are all happening one after another







"Imma dive head first into this chasm, maybe that'll work?"
>Shenanigans with his shirt collar, a craggy rock and a well placed body of water means he accidentally found a precious gem mineshaft.
"Fuck it, what about that cursed temple I heard about, that's GOTTA kill me."
>Even more shenanigans, this time with a well placed rock, a bad shoelace and a VERY happy mummy that is thankful to be free. Temple's goods go to the Griffons as thanks for "sending their adventurer".
"God fucking...I WANNA GO OUT BIG DAMN IT-"
>Meanwhile, his "Fated Lover" just thinks he's a great adventurer with a nose for treasure...albeit a very clumsy one






>Pinkie confesses to Anon who, of course, is confused.
>He thought that she and Cheese were dating until Pinkie confesses something.
>The two were so alike that she found it creepy. Almost like she decided to date a copy of herself.
>She can't handle dating a second Pinkie, and explains how neither her nor Cheese felt comfortable with the relationship by the end of the date.
>The date taught Pinkie not to search for someone exactly like her, but to instead find someone that compliments her.
>Since Anon has always been comfortably mellow and usually encouraged Pinkie in ways that she had not previously realized, she soon knew that Anon was her compliment.
>He was like the anchor to her hot-air balloon; still allowing it to soar but at the same time kept it well-grounded.
>Anon is unsure about the relationship though due to unexplained romantic issues from his life before coming to Equestria.
>Pinkie must now prove to Anon that she is not only right but also that while it is difficult to love again it can be very rewarding, or risk never finding her true compliment






>Legitimately autistic Anon in Equestria
>Struggles to understand why being brutally honest isn't considered polite
>As humans are stoic by comparison to a pony's massively over-exaggerated body language, the only time Anon is perceived as emoting is when he's having an autistic meltdown
>This is most often done around Twilight, since they both read a lot but she likes books he doesn't
>"The story is RUINED, Twilight! The main character wasn't immortal and his waifu outlived him, it's fucking awful! Why do you like being sad!? REEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Twilight is promoted to a diplomat for managing to unlock the mystery of getting humans to express emotion on a level of intensity that ponies can pick up on
>Human-Pony diplomatic functions now mostly consist of ponies pissing humans off to get a reaction out of them





>Day enact evil upon the ponies of Equestria
>You've spent weeks building the portal machine
>The goal was simple, open a gateway to some eldritch dimension and flood the world with horrible monsters
>Laughing maniacally you continued to setup the machine in the center of town
>Ponies waved to you and smiled as they went about their pony lives
>They had no idea of the fate that lay in store for them
>Once you were done you stood atop your machine of doom
"Behold Ponies, this is the machine that will change your lives forever!"
>Laughing maniacally you pressed the button on the remote which activated the machine
>As the various components roared to life on the machine you watched with glee as the portal opened

>"You really came through for us Anon"
>Sitting in your lap was Twilight who happily munched on some popcorn
"Fucking backwards ass physics"
>Your portal did indeed work
>But instead of releasing untold terrors on the populace it opened a gateway into a dimension entirely filled with the best popcorn that could be conceived
>To top it off Twilight and her friends were having a movie night and were in some desperate straights for snacks
>A problem, that as twilight said, you helped with quite admirably
>"See sugarcube I told you a good stallion will always come through when it comes to cooking"
>Apple horse's words only served to rub salt in your wounded pride
"Fuck"

>Day Team Rocket
>Well, you may be a team of one but you had a god damn rocket
>And that big explody son'a'bitch was pointed right at Celestia's castle
>Soon that castle would be nothing but bits and pieces of rubble
>Rubbing your hands together you smiled as the countdown timer winded down towards zero
>Why did you have a timer? why not simply hit a button and launch this big phallus of death and destruction?
>It was the principle of being evil, that and the guidebook you read all those years ago laid out the rules pretty plainly
>As the big display read zero the rocket shot off towards the castle
>Yes
>It zoomed through the sky over the tops off houses
>YES!!!
>With a blinding flash you felt the air from the explosion knock you off your feet
"YESSSS!!"

>"And if Anonymous hadn't created a rocket strong enough all us would have suffocated within the next few minutes."
>This was some grade "A" bullshit
>Looking over towards the biggest pony as she addressed her subjects your scowl only deepened.
>It turned out the rocket you had launched didn't hit the castle
>Instead it hit a bubble made of magic that had trapped all those inside it
>The two princesses, the servants, and all the others whom were in the vicinity
>And they were moments away from being without oxygen
>"It is my honor to present Anonymous with this medal for bravery and a gift card to the Ponyville Spa"
>You're pretty sure that blue princess also pinched your butt while you walked past to accept your award
"Balls"






>A teenage mare comes up with a spell that will automatically write stories for her, she just has to provide context, ideas, plots and so on.
>She worked HARD on this thing and it was meant to be a thesis or...some crap like that.
>...she ends up just using it to write "totally original fanfics" of her favorite show "My Little Human".
>It's essentially become like those AIs that can make stories but it's like it's on Crack and Steroids and suffers from Super ADD with a hint of "hyperfocus".
>In short, it's technically quite the beast.
>She uses it on some old type writer she has and supplies it with magic crystals and ideas to keep her stories going.
>One day, she kinda just gets bored with how long it takes and kinda gets a little embarrassed about the AU she had made about men in power and just leaves it in a little crawl space with her spare crystals.
>The enchanted typewriter now has an assload of power to use but no fresh ideas. It has to recycle some things for a long ass time or find ways to reword them to make the story more interesting.
>Ever evolving, her magical fanfic kept getting written...for better or worse...
>...
>You are Anon.
>You were chosen as a candidate for some weird test to see if humans could peer into other worlds.
>With how shit the year had been, this was probably the best thing the egg heads could think up that didn't lead to humanity just blowing itself up to kingdom come.
>What you didn't expect was for the machine to work.
>You didn't expect a little hole in space time to open up before you. It was enough to get a peek into wherever world the machine had locked onto!
>...you also didn't expect to only see a typewriter, dutifully writing everything you were doing as stacks upon stacks of paper sat beside it.
>From what you could see of the most recent papers, you caught glimpses of your name from when you entered the program, from when you got accepted and to when the world got all shitty.
"...what the fuck?"







>Having a brand or a tattoo was a practice from the old days where stallions were they were treated liked objects (as they should be)
>Anon, who is a tattoo artist arrives to Equestria and gets knocked out somehow
>Anon wakes up surrounded by candy colored ponies with a worried expression and being surrounded by blankets and hot coco given to him
>With chocolate shavings, slightly toasted marshmallow, it's really good
>He has no idea what they're saying, kinda sound English and sometimes it doesn't
>He doesn't know what's going on but he has a nice cup of hot coco and being hugged by mares
>This situation isn't that bad
>Until they won't let you leave the house and try to cover your skin as much as they can
>They try to stop you
>Be 6'10, 225lbs
>You don't know what's going on but it's cute
>Optimistic Anon that doesn't understand Equish
>Ends up having a unique accent that is found sexy
>Ponies assume Anon is some lost stallion alien that was abused






>knock knock knock.
>You take a deep breath, waiting for the door to open.
>Today is your day, Bombshell. Today you will win the heart of anonymous!
>For so long you’ve been nervous around him. Each time you tried to hold a conversation, you would burst out into nonsensical babble, but this time you’re ready. You put on your lucky outfit! An adorable pink saddle encrusted with gemstones, and accompanying hair bows made by Rarity! There’s no way Anon can resist your charm!
>The door violently opens.
>”I THOUGHT I SAID LEECHES WEREN’T MY FETISH, FLUTTERSHY-“
>He has a face of unbridled anger that settles upon seeing your face.
>”-Oh. Hello there. Can I help you?”
>You gulp, and strike a pose.
>”?”
“W-well?”
>”Well, what?”
“What d-do you think? A-am I cute?”
>He tilts his head.
>”I guess? Do I know you?”
>You look at him in shock, and hurt.
“Anon! How could y-you? We spoke yesterday at Pharmburger!”
>He thinks.
>”Oh yeah. I picked up that ketchup packet from under your table and bumped my head.”
“I asked if you were okay!”
>”...Oh yeah. I remember a pony saying that...we did speak for 3 seconds.”
>You force a giggle.
“That was the best 3 seconds of my life!”
>You pose again. Fleur de lis watches from afar with a look of disgust.
>”Uh...sure? Nice propeller.”
“Propeller?”
>He reached down and turns something on your nose, that spins.
“.....”
>”?”
>YOU PUT ON YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUME.
>image related.
“Y-yeah! B-because I w-w-want to fly into your pants-HEART! I MEANT HEART!”
>He blinks then slowly closes the door.
>Clik.
>You slump in defeat.
“Horse apples.”
>You look up just in time to see an angry Fluer pouncing on you







>Anon is a single dad, and despite blundering through things, he feels like he's done a good job.
>His daughter is smart, pretty, and one of the most popular girls in her elementary.
>Sure, he doesn't understand a lot of the girly stuff his little girl is into, but he makes an effort to anticipate her needs, and she makes an effort to be patient with her big, burly father.
>She even taught him how to braid her hair and what constitutes a cute dress from an ugly one.
>Yes, the two were happy on Earth, which is why the transition to Equestria was so hard.
>Anon is now seen as some sort of janefilly stallionist because he wants to earn his own money and pay his own bills, and his little girl is teased constantly at school for being a frou-frou colty filly.
>Even adults talk behind their backs about how his daughter clearly needs a proper mare role model and how being raised by a single dad (which how crazy does a guy have to be for a mare to not stick around, anyway?) has clearly been a detriment to her.
>After another hard day of school, Jane Mous is walking home, sniffling as her hands curl into the front of her muddy and torn dress.
>The fillies at school cornered her and pushed her down a hill, and now she's taking a detour because she doesn't know how her father is going to take it.
>They don't have a lot of money like they did when he worked construction, and she only has a few dresses.
>Plus he's probably going to be furious and march down to the school, hurting her reputation further.
>"Oh my! Darling, what happened to your lovely dress?"
"Huh?"
>Jane looks up and spots a white unicorn standing in the entrance of a carousal-themed building, a look of concern on her face.
"N-nothing," she stammers. "I fell down a hill."
>The mare frowns and steps aside.
>"Well why don't you come on into my boutique and I can fix that right up for you. The mud hasn't dried all the way, so it's simple."
"Oh, um, I don't have any bits, Miss."
>"Nonsense! Fashion is its own reward!"






>Dragons, with slightly different culture norms than Pones (RGRE is still a thing, of course), find the "markings" to be...interesting, to say the least.
>No creature had EVER dedicated most of their body, let alone their whole TORSO to symbols of dragons.
>The way the tails spiral his arms were also noted quite well.
>Pones begins think that Dragons may have been the ones to mark Anon in his world.
>More calmly, albeit still wrong, Dragons wonder if it's some sort of mating ritual.
>Anon is just super happy to finally meet creatures who were actually interested in his tattoos. In a positive way, that is. The purple book smart still acts real funny around him if he ever takes his shirt off.
>Especially around that purple dragon.
>At least the little guy thought they were neat, too






>Link gets transported thanks to magical dickery that just so happened to coincide with magical dickery happening in Equestria.
>So, with a mighty POOF, he arrives!
>With Epona, even!
>Which he was greatly glad for but there were certain changes to her...
>First off, she was much, much more talkative than she used to be, which was god damn never.
>Second, she got some kind of marking near her flanks that kind of looked like the triforce but if the other two were more faded and the Courage Triforce glowed brightly.
>Even ignoring the brighter colors and the different shapes, it was definitely an interesting thing to note.
>Oh well, he was just glad to have his trusty companion with him in his journey into this strange new land.
>Which he quickly learned were filled with what seemed to be a bunch of ponies! They were tinier than Epona of course (a thing she seemed to take great glee in) but they were friendly nonetheless.
>Link just hoped things would go well here, some of the ponies give him and (especially) Epona funny looks.

>Meanwhile, the ponies wonder where this MASSIVE lady came from and who in the hell was her Male Friend.
>Why does he carry the sword and why does she...c-carry him...on her s..saddle?!







>Anon sneaks up and pets ponies, etc
>Mares roll their eyes at a silly colt being silly and generally indulge him, letting him pet them without having to sneak up on them first
>After a few weeks of being regularly pet by Anon, the mares are surprised to find that life feels a bit les stressful
>They're more relaxed at the end of the work day, and they fall asleep easier at night
>A month or two later, it's not uncommon to find Anon contentedly petting mares
>Leaning up against an oak tree with a few mares in his lap, eyes closed and ears twitching as he runs his fingers through their manes
>Or leaning against his side while Anon reads a book
>Anon nearly gains a bad reputation as a slut due to a few misconceptions about the circumstances around how he's getting invited into ponies (mostly single mares) homes to relax on the couch (and pet them)
>It started off with a mare feeling a bit awkward and offering to buy Anon lunch after he (a male) rubbed her all over
>A few of the mares Anon frequently petted saw this and thought it was a grand way to compensate the hooman colt who was having such a positive influence on their stress levels
>Dinner here, lunch there - the reality is that a man can't eat 8 meals in a day.
>Eventually, the meal favors became so much that the "IOU"s stacked up to the point where Anon could go days without having to pay for food
>The promises soon paved the way for general payment of bits (which felt awkward for a while; "just touch me all over and I'll give you like 50 bits, sugardick"), and not long after that, a very relaxed mayor Mare gave Anon a business license
>"Belly Rubber and Pony Relaxer"
>Anon's job is officially to sit down, rub soft creatures all over, and get paid to do it
"This is WAY better than my shitty fast food gig back on Earth."
>"Yes, darling, I suppose it would be. Be a dear and scratch behind my ears, won't you? Oh, marvelous..."







Orale', guero, time for Cholo Anon
>pulls his socks all the way up to the knee
>slicks his hair back and puts on his sunglasses
>cruises his lowrider bike through the market place
>Nods at that fuckin' big red guy eh, homes is like the arnold schwarzenneger of horses
>Shakes his head at the speedy blue pendeja
>"Northside Canterlot all day, poopbutt."
>Pedals off as he cranks lowrider oldies
>Rainbow Dash tries to look cool
>'W-We're totally cool..we're like total ese's and stuff now.'







>Ponies enjoy pettings, technically Griffons do too.
>Except Gilda's too much of a prideful lil shit and she TOTALLY misjudged what Anon did for a living.
>A misunderstanding led to her thinking Anon was the Not So Secret And Totally Out In The Open town prostitute and by golly she was not above getting some strange.
>One thing led to another and Gilda slapped the shit out of his ass and asked his rates.
>Taking this as an odd challenge, the Whimsical Apelien actually SLAPS back!
"Dunno, honey! What's yours?!"
>The slap across that ass and the following SQUACK could be heard across town.
>Pride and Backside hurt, Gilda is determined to get him back for that.
>And she does...shame he IMMEDIATELY gets HER back as well.
>Ponies get to watch as their Official Cuddler plays this weird Cat and Mouse game involving just who gets their ass slapped that day.
>Neither admit that it's stupid but fun







>Moondancer flops back on her couch with a tired sigh, having just gotten back from the bar with her newly remade friends.
>If social interactions weren't draining enough, she also had to put up with no small amount of inebriated, good-natured- though still hurtful- teasing about her being a virgin.
>Seriously, it's hard to get colts when you spend ninety percent of your time studying diligently in the pursuit of self-betterment.
>... Who is she kidding.
>She's a virgin because she's a meek, ugly, talentless beta mare who no stallion will ever love.
>She groans.
>"Goddess, I'd sell my soul to not be such a pathetic virgin."
"Oh~ Well, I'm certainly no goddess, but I can make you feel like one, if your offer is genuine, little mare."
>"What the buck?!"
>Moondancer jolts up and looks in the direction of the masculine voice, bearing witness to a bizarre creature slowly rising up from the shadows of the corner.
>First is the wicked smile, canine teeth visible among the row of pearly whites.
>Then the broad, muscled chest, framed by a pair of equally muscled arms that ended in hands not unlike a minotaur's, albeit more slender and with an extra digit each.
>Then his waist becomes visible, along with a long, dangling, virile-
>"Eep!"
>Moondancer averts her eyes, even as a large portion of her mind berates her for not enjoying the show.
>"W-who, and what are you?!"
"A simple question, with such broad answers," the male hums as he step forward. "King of the Crossroads, Seeker of Desire, The Broker, Demon, Genie, Monster... Perhaps to you, The Best Damned lay you'll ever have, if you play your cards right that is."
>Suddenly he's over top of her, her back flat against the couch as she stares up at that fanged smile.
"Of course, I always have a few cards up my sleeve for just such an occasion."
>Moondancer, wide-eyed, mouth agape, sweat beading up on her forward, manages one sentence.
>"B-but you don't have any sleeves."
>The smirk twitches, but remains.
"It's a metaphor."






>Humans don't have the magic themselves, it's just Equestria's own magic synching up with human voices.
>Or at least, that's a running theory Twilight has since Anon is quite literally the ONLY human.
>The only reason it could even be considered "suped up" is because the "alien" has a different liking to different songs and not all fit the criteria for Song Magic Status.
>Songs Anon sing that are from his world don't always work, in fact they very rarely do.
>Songs that Anon just makes up and hums to himself out of boredom? THOSE are the songs Equestria's Song Magic latch to.
>They're far more "raw", "Primal" and truer to Anon's real feelings unlike the shitty covers he tries to sing from time to time.
>There's no apocalypses, just silly shenanigans when Anon goes to buy bread and ponies start singing his "Grocery List Reminder" song.
>He doesn't know how THAT fits the Criteria for Song Magic but it was kinda funny to see the ponies dance along to "Bread, Milk and butter".






>"I don't care if my sisters think I'm a dyke for taking this class. But they sit on the couch and watch TV all day while pretending like they're still interested in taking over the world, while /I/ am getting into shape."
>" "Ohhh, Adagio, it's just not financially viable, let's wait for the next market crash." "Ohhh, 'Dagi, it didn't work out the last 4 times we tried, let's spend a few decades coming up with a change in plan." "Ohhh, fearless leader, we're too lazy and stupid to get the job done, and our weird mammalian tits are too fat and heavy to let us do any physical work!" "
>"Well, maybe not that last one. But the first two are actual quotes - quotes from COWARDS."
>"That fucking guppy of theirs they picked up - that human chump 'Anon' - he's responsible for distracting them."
>"He thinks he can distract them and keep them occupied with his kisses, and his cuddling, and that glimmer in his eye that pops up when he makes Aria and Sonata smile."
>"He's lucky he's a boy, or he'd be a fucking astronaut by now."
>"One of these days, Anon - bam, zoom!"
>"He plays dumb, of course."
>"Says he loves us and just wants to make us happy."
>"Well I didn't last over a thousand years as the leader of a pack of sirens by getting tricked by every cute pair of balls that slutted his way over to me!"
>"I don't know what his game is, but I'm 10 steps ahead of him!"
>"That's right - he thinks he can seduce me!"
>"ME!"
>"He might have stolen my sisters away from me, but I'm still too strong for him!"
>"But he can't seduce what he can't see, and the last place he'll expect to find me is in this boy's fitness class."
>"I'll show him."
>"I'll show my sisters."
>"We're still the fearless predators of the ocean, damn it!"
>"It'll take more than some 'I love you and want to make you happy' bullshit to steer me away from my fucking DESTINY of ruler of this pitiful, magicless planet!"
>"..."
>"Fucking sluts, man."
>"Whatever happened to sisters before misters?"






>You are Anon, trying to calm down two of the three girls you're living with.
"I'm fine! I'm fine! Please stop worrying and out that phone down Aria!"
>Adagio makes her way in just in time.
>"Dagi! Thank the sea you're back! We need to get Anon to the hospital!"
"I'm fine, see?"
>You say holding up your hand which is immediately snatched away by Aria to inspect.
>"Good, good! I don't see any blood. I also don't see any stitches, did you glue it back!?"
>"THE FUCK ARE YOU CUNTS GOING IN ABOUT!?"
"Well, while you were gone the girls were talking about how there is no magic here so I wanted to do a little magic trick I know."
>"You... you know magic? This I need to see."
"I just did this."
>"Nonny, no!"
>You position your hand over your other hand and bend your thumb, giving the illusion they are your one thumb.
>You then pull your one hand making it look like you are pulling your thumb apart.
>Aria and Sonata are freaking out again and running around like crazy.
>Adagio is just standing there looking at you like you're and idiot.
>That's par for the course for her.
>You put your thumb back together and take your hands apart.
"See?"
>Adagio has a far off look on her face you haven't seen before.
"Adagio, you okay?"
>She then starts falling backwards and lands on her back with a loud thump.
>"Dagi!"
"It's okay, I think her poof broke her fall."






>tfw no fish pack stalking you
>tfw they know it's different in the human world
>tfw they know they don't need to hit you with a plank of wood and drag you back to the sea like their mothers did
>tfw they can just sweet talk you and show a little leg
>tfw they know this, but they're pretty bad at it
>tfw you don't even notice the flirting
>tfw they're getting so frustrated that Sonata brought a piece of wood she found in the dumpster home the other day
>tfw Aria soaked it in water from the tub that she dumped a bunch of salt in to make it "authentic"






> Pokeanon
> Peppermint Twist decides to go on a pokeanon journey to figure out how she wants to apply her special talent
> Professor Plague O. Grapes offers her a choice of three starter pokeanons
> Bakedanon, the grass type
> Faganon, the flaming type
> Sadanon, the water type
> Prof. Grapes explains that the bond between pokeanon and their trainers is a deep, intimate thing, so she should choose carefully
> The entire time, she is desperately trying not to flag at Bakedanon's obvious bulge





>Magician Anon gets through the portal because...shenanigans.
>Truthfully, he doesn't know why but Twilight was adamant. What he doesn't know was that she thought he was highly magical as shit and could probably handle whatever Friendship Problem was on the other end.
>Also, she wanted to know how the world would react to him so there's that.
>Anyway, he goes through and gets to talking to some "reformed villains" about the magic in the world, or the lack thereof.
>He thinks it's interesting as hell and lets it slip he just knows "some little magic tricks and what not".
>They? Call bullshit. A stallion knowing magical tricks even in this magicless world?
>But then....he does the Thumb Trick.
>And they lose their god damn minds.
>Once more, he thinks it's people humoring him but he has no idea what he's started with The Sirens...






>Gamer Sunset has gotten used to Anon coming out to her while she streams at night.
>Anon got asked to cover the night shift for a coworker who took some time off.
>While it isn't perfect, the pay difference in the shifts will more than make up for it and help the two add some money to their account instead of just cutting it close this month.
>Sunset thinks that this isn't fair to a colt, needing to do more to make ends meet.
>She is doing the stream with Twilight as the mod.
>She invites the other girls over to play once she really starts missing Anon's company next to her on the couch.
>But the worst part is that she hasn't been getting much sleep this last week.
>She used to think Anon was just being the regular needy colt and not able to sleep without his big strong mare next to him.
>Turns out she can't sleep without him next to her either.
>Anon has been sleeping on the couch when he gets in, partly out of sheer exhaustion and partly because he doesn't want to wake her by going into their room.
>But today is Saturday morning, Anon's last night shift just finished and she was laying awake in bed unable to sleep.
>She hears the door unlock, open and then close followed by tired trudging of feet and then flopping onto the couch.
>These nights have been bad for you.
>The change in schedules has hurt both of them and the only reason they're getting any sleep is because they both just collapse at the end of the day.
>But last night she didn't get any sleep.
>She stands up, grabs a pillow and blanket and wearily walks into the living room.
>She finds him laying on the couch still in his clothes and shoes on.
>She bends down and takes his shoes off and starts to strip him down of his work clothes, just dropping them on the ground.
>Anon puts up little resistance.
>She finally lifts his head and puts the pillow under him and crawls on to if him, not caring how unmarely it looks, and drapes the blanket over them.
>She feels his arm wrap around her instinctively and pull her closer into him.
>She smiles and rests her head on his chest.
>For the first time since he started this shift change she is able to rest easy.
>She closes her eyes and almost immediately is asleep with Anon there before her.
>They eventually wake up mid afternoon and decide to celebrate by day drinking and having breakfast food since no one ate yet.
>It's going to be an interesting stream tonight






>Gallus moved to Equestria
>The blue dye must've fried his pairbonding mechanism
>He's gone full PONIED within a year of being at that stupid university, many such cases have left Griffonstone a total clamfest
>Life is hard for a she-gryph coming from Griffonstone
>It took all of her savings to get her work visa to Equestria, but Gwinn managed it despite
>Somehow Gallus got a full ride through because of his acceptance to the university
>Now in Equestria, Gwinn just has this weird green guy seemingly fall into her lap
>Literally, he tripped and fell on her at the park
>He came here for a better life, but it's not all it seems
>In another life he was a working man and just wanted to repair the steam engines on trains but mares laughed off his certifications
>Gwinn wanted to get out of Griffonstone but moving to another griffon settlement wasn't what she thought she wanted
>If all of Griffonstone was leaving for Equestria, it must be good, right?
>Like Gallus, many of them fell prey to the promiscuous nature of ponies and became unsuitable mates for a traditional she-gryph
>Equestria, for both of them, was a brief glance into a nightmarish world where there seemed to be no place for them







>Wherever a horse's ear is pointing is where the horse is looking with the eye on the same side. If the ears are pointing in different directions, the horse is looking at two different things at the same time.
>This is how it was for ancient ponies long ago, before they lost the ability long ago as their eyes moved slightly more forward and they gained better depth perception.
>Many think this was to help with pegasi flying and unicorn spell slinging, but seeing as how earth ponies didn't benefit despite still having the change occur, the verdict is still out.
>Regardless, ponies don't have the ability to move their eyes separately anymore, except for a few cases of genetic atavism, like one such Ditzy Do.
>While some tease her, calling her a cave pony or other things, she's proud of her abilty.
>It lets her watch out for her loved ones more effectively than any other mare.
>When she joins Anon's herd, she insists on taking the most nightly watches so the others can rest easy







>When Flurry was a but a teen, Anon had appeared one day in the middle of Ponyville.
> Twilight, after making sure he wasn't some weird alien invader, acted as his Watcher and after he got settled in, he became friendly with folk and even decided to get back into doing his "Magic Tricks", the purple smart princess apparently one of the first witnesses to them.
>After that, "Auntie" Twilight had all kinds of stories for Flurry and the Other Princesses about the "Impossible Magics" he could do and all the "grand things" he could accomplish.
>Flurry Heart never really cared for that though, she was technically Impossible as well but here she was, Grand as Tartarus. It might have been impressive for a Stallion at least but it never really got her attention.
>However, that all changed when he started getting comfortable enough to come with Twilight to Canterlot to visit the other Princesses whenever there was a meeting going on.
>Whenever he visited, he was always kind to Flurry and always used his "Tricks" for good...OK, maybe the coin thing freaked her out when she first met him but he was still harmless!
>After the initial meeting, Anon's later visits were usually short and more or less yearly, if not bi-yearly. Matched when the meetings came together.
>And then she became "all grown up" and the prospects for Stallions were...limiting, to say the very least. They were either Gold Diggers, Power Seekers or bored noblecolts who's parents wanted in good with the Royal Family.
>It was annoying to say the least but at least Anon was always kind to her...always sweet...and that's when she gets a rather (embarrassing) idea that could only be fueled by a young adult's weird ass mind: Maybe she ought to COURT Anon?
>If Flurry could court the "Magician", Anon, then that'd surely chase away the useless Stallions AND secure her someone with Great Power. Even if she didn't care about the power bit herself, it'd keep others from thinking they'd have a chance to challenge him...plus she would have full access to those weird hoof-spider things that could scritch SO good!
>But how would she get him...
>Stallions liked money, yes? But she didn't want a Gold Digger.
>Plus, she was pretty certain he could just make money himself anyway even IF Auntie Twilight said she told him to not make any more of his strange Nickle and Silver coins. She probably gave him some bits, too, so he wouldn't be strapped for cash.
>Maybe she could give him flowers?
>No, wait, he can just summon his own from his sleeves, can't he?
>This Stallion might actually be a bit harder to flirt with than she originally thought he'd be...
>Meanwhile, Anon the Magician, small timer from Earth, was busy practicing some old table tricks he never really had time to mess around with before.
>He definitely has the "Cup Through The Table" trick down if his last talk with Twilight had anything to go by. She really did humor him, it was just a simple trick with a ball used for misdirection, but he's pretty sure it's all helped him get back into his old hobby.
>It was so nice to have these nice ponies so gung ho about his silly hobbies, but he did find it odd he only ever really did shows for the Princesses themselves instead of just regular folk. Even after all these years of him fumbling around, he didn't think he was good enough for private showings with ROYALTY, goodness no! But they humored him all the same and seemed genuinely interested in his "craft".
>Put a smile on his face at least, especially when that Flurry girl got all starry eyed. She likes to act like she's a big, tough mare but he knows that in her is some wonder for the illusionary.
>..well, HUMAN illusionary that is, it still felt kind of hilarious that these laser horn spewing beings liked something that was so...NOT laser spewing.
>Ah, and speaking of Flurry, it seemed he got a big package with Crystal Empire postage on it if the knock at his bedroom door was of any note. Twilight was such a dear for letting him stay for as long as he has.
>And when he opened the box? He was surprised to see a lovely cape and a whole assortment of cards! Just for him!
>Flurry was just so sweet, how did she know he wanted to practice card tricks next?
>Perhaps it was time for the "Magnetic Hand Trick"...?







>Caramel's mom was a rough and tumble kinda gal.
>Large and in charge, she kept the the herd peaceful with an iron, but fair hoof as the lead mare.
>All his life, his mom has been the criteria by which he's always measured others, but he's never been able to find a girl like her to settle down with.
>Then someone comes along who's big, boisterous, strong, and oh so caring all at the same time.
>And he's Caramel's newest friend, Anonymous.
>Anon has no idea that he's making his new pal Caramel question his sexuality as he becomes a moderator of sorts to all the foals of Ponyville who end up coming to him to argue disputes among themselves


>Caramel's mom, Sea Salt, was born to be a mother.
>She never felt more fulfilled than when she was taking care of little ones, and so within her first herd, took over most of the motherly responsibilities.
>They were a great eighteen years as she shepherded four sweet little foals into proper ponies, but that's where it ended.
>Her stallion only wanted the a single foal each with his four mares, and refused to have any more.
>The other three gals were okay with this as it meant they would have the home to themselves sooner and more time to focus on hobbies and the like.
>But Sea Salt craved another foal, and her stallion refused her every time she asked.
>So eventually, with a heavy heart, she left.
>She saw them all as family, and they'd always be dear to her, but her biological clock was ticking, she wanted at least one more foal before she became barren.
>A shame she couldn't find a stallion who wanted to raise one with her.
>Most thought her too old or were uncomfortable with the idea of pairing with a mare who had abandoned her previous herd.
>That is, until she met her son's friend Anon, and they immediately hit it off.
>As sparks flew, Caramel couldn't help but watch as he sunk slowly deeper into insanity.





>Anon is a live-in babysitter for some stuck up noble in Canterlot
> Upper Lip isn't the nicest of mares, and her hooves may wander from time to time, but the pay is good
> One night, a burglar slips into Anon's room, hiding from the guards patrolling the manor
> Quite frankly, Anon is quite willing to be seduced into keeping quiet
> For her part, Safe Crack is considering breaking in more regularly







>something something anon finds out what ponies mean when they say he's got foal chasing legs
>Is a bit flattered but doesn't really know how to respond, so he gives a few of his "admirers" a picture of a horse he had because fuck you this shit won't work without it
>What anon doesn't know is that earth-horses are like the pone equivalent of a strange uncanny-valley monster with massive fucking hip bones jutting out of their forms, barely covered with skin and only the most basic similarity to humans, their eyes vacant and lacking any intelligence
>The mare immediately goes wide eyes, runs out of the house, and swears off her once favorite fetish for life







>Be Anon
>Be a writer on Earth
>Well, maybe "writer" is a bit generous
>That implies you've published what you've written, or at least that the quality of your writing is such that you can affix the title "writer" to yourself
>If you play in sandboxes and build sand castles, you can't very well call yourself an architect or a construction worker, can you?
>Point is, you write short stories for the internet
>Anyway, something's always been wrong with your writing.
>Weird lines would always crop up after you finished writing something.
>It would be fine while you were writing it, but upon review there would be a few lines in there that you didn't remember writing.
>Pieces of dialogue that were non-sequiturs, and referenced something that wasn't happening in the story
>Extra pieces of description that seemed weirdly focused on one aspect of the scene you were describing
>You had always chocked it up to sleep deprivation and a wandering mind, since the alternative options were A) that magical aliens were fucking with your shitty smut, or B) that you were insane
>Then, you arrived in Equestria at met a pink horse
>A certain pink horse that kept commenting not on things that were happening at the time, but things you had written about in the past
>Lines which had appeared such as, "You need to let the cupcakes cool before icing them" suddenly make sense during a cooking lesson with Pinkie Pie
>Or "you've got legs that could chase for days", which had stuck out to you considering that you were writing about someone taking a bus home at the time
>You have no godly idea what's going on, and all of her friend's just shrug and say "that's Pinkie Pie" when you ask
>Just what the hell is she?
>At least now you know where "Something something RGRE" came from






>Earth pony culture is focused heavily on the land, and concepts like renewal and growth are very important to them
>It doesn't hurt that earth pony magic (which, with no wings or horns to release, is heavily concentrated in reproductive fluids) helps the land's natural regulation and helps to boost the soil's health
>It's no exaggeration to say that the land is just plain healthier where earth ponies settle
>It's why their old pre-unity settlement sites are temples that are overgrown with jungle flora - earth pony magic seeps down into the soil as deep as the roots of trees, and tends to linger for centuries
>They're the most druidic of ponies, and consider the concept of having large families to tend to the earth as their repayment for the blessing the earth gives to them in the form of earth pony magic
>That's why earth pony families usually end up being large, and why earth ponies in general lean towards farming or other earth-focused careers.
>The most old-fashioned earth ponies sometimes don't even bother learning to read, because they see their duty as earth ponies to be tending to the earth and nothing more.
>Due to how important concepts like renewal are to them, earth pony holy days are usually all about renewal, fertility, and growth.
>Which is to say, their holy days are a lot of fun.
>It's sex.
>It's lots of sex.
>Anon did not learn this for a while, despite dating an earth pony.
>To be fair, lots of commonly-used phrases from from Earth exist in Equestria, even if they mean different things.
>He had no reason to suspect that the phrase "down to earth" didn't mean "practical and realistic".
>He just thought that, when it was used to describe his marefriend Applejack, it meant that was a humble sort of pony who was focused on reality, and (again) to be fair, that was true.
>He had no way of knowing that meant she was all about the old earth pony ways.
>He knew not it was a warning








>Gym was "almost" empty, actually.
>Wallflower went unnoticed in the corner as the two "special gym buddies" did their special workout.
>She had come to get into shape and perhaps start to be noticed by guys, or anyone, really.
>Right now, however, she was okay with going unnoticed as she slipped a hand down her waistband and pulled out her phone.
>Other than being good for finger puppet practice, the video will be make for excellent workout motivation.
>If that's what being buff gets you, it's definitely worth all the pain and suffering to get there






>Stay at gym late
>Work's giving you weird shifts, so after 9 is the only time you have for the gym
>Leave really late
>It's just you and gym pal
>Some giant chick
>You've never spoken, but you're both there more frequently than any other one gym member, so it feels like you're always sharing the building with her
>You see her, you nod, she nods back
>She sees you, she nods, you nod back
>Sometimes you throw her a spare towel if she's all out and you've got a spare
>Don't even know her name
>So it's late one night, just you and her
>You finish your rep and clean up
>Head out the building, nod at giant golem lady
>She nods back
>You don't make it 5 steps before trouble finds you
>Some scraggly chick wants your money or else she'll stab you
>You're pretty sure she won't stab you, but you go for your wallet anyway
>Sooth your pride by muttering internally that if you weren't so sore from just coming out of a workout, you'd beat the shit out of her
>BONK
>There's a fist where the robber's head used to be
>Giant chick just knocked the thief out
>"I heard shouting. There ain't nobody here but us this late."
>She kicks the thief in the ribs.
>"And this dweeb too, I guess."
>You thank her
>She offers to walk you home
>You take it
>"Name's Gilda, by the way."
"Anonymous."
>"Pretty name."
"Y-You too."
>Work out together from then on
>You find out she rarely wears a bra
>She finds out who's been stealing your towels
>You make a good team






>20 years ago, Anon's kid brother went missing
>no explanation, no culprits, just up and disappears from his bed one night
>the news media runs the usual coverage, and some conspiracy people blame it on ZOG and such, but life, eventually, goes on
>after a long day at work, Anon returns home to see a portal in his living room
>out steps a purple pegacorn thing, a pegasus with gay pride hair, and an effeminate, 5'5 trap wearing nothing but a banana hammock
>the trap runs up and hugs him
>"Omigosh, Anon, I'm finally home! It's me, Incognito, remember!"
>he points to the technicolor horses
>"This is my herd, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash!"
>they wave
>"I'd have brought the foals too, but they’re pretty tired, so daddy put them down for nappies. Where's mom and dad? And where's your herd, for that matter?"
>oh dear
>something something cultural misunderstandings, something something Anon teaches his brother about humanity






>Anon the blacksmith gets a lot of odd looks.
>Half of them from being the only human in Equestria.
>Half for being a blacksmith despite being a colt.
>And another half for permanently draining the magic out of steal he works a long time on.
>So yeah, a lot of odd looks.
>He also has a hard time selling his wares because ponies assume that no magic means no good, so he usually just sells kitchen ware as a novelty to tourists visiting Canterlot.
>One mare, however, looks at his creations in a different light.
>She had bought a couple kitchen knifes and did experiments, and found the properties to her liking.
>Won't Anon be surprised when he gets a commission for the finest sword he can make by none other than the new Captain of the Guard now that Shining has moved to the Crystals Empire





>Shining hired Anon as a live-in nanny after he witnessed Anon scramble up a bookcase to grab Flurry Heart after she teleported herself up at the top of it
>His job is now to make sure Cadence figures out how to mother properly when Shining Armour is off doing horse things elsewhere
>Cadence, despite being the professional on Love(tm), is maybe not the best parent
>At least not right away
>She doesn't reach bumbling dad from a sitcom territories of incompetence, but she's close
>She's real damn close
>She once woke Anon up in the middle of the night to ask if foals ate pizza
>When Anon said 'no', she replied with 'why not, pizza is amazing'
>This was followed by an awkward (if contemplative) pause, and then she asked him if foals need 'real beds'
>She meant this as opposed to an admittedly comfy pile of soft blankets and pillows
>Anon has his work cut out for him
>He's earned the title of 'honourary uncle', damn it







>Anon and Tavi...wanna know something about these two?
>They're ASSHOLES.
>Human AND Equestrian insult, apparently but it manages to count for either side somehow.
>Now, both kinda have to keep it in check because one is technically a diplomat to his species (even if he's the only one there) and the other is a well known "fancy" cellist (even if she wants to deck some people sometimes).
>So, when Tavi catches Anon doing his climbing shit, she could NOT help going, "Holy shit, look at that! A Monkey!"
>Which in turn made Anon scowl back to her and say what will forever cement their weird little Back and Forth "Asshole" relationship.
"OH LOOK, AH DONKEH!"







>While maintaining the dream realm can be stressful some nights, there are few things Luna loves more than to help a father-to-be overcome his doubts and fears.
>New life is always a thing to be celebrated, and the easiest way to do so is to show the stallion the proto-dreams of his unborn foal, or foals if he was particularly lucky/virile.
>And with the first proto-dream of her own foal growing within her, she looks forward to introducing Anon to his firstborne soon. She knows he will make a wonderful father







>Anon is their beard
>But they don't realize it
>AJ and RD are 100% heterosexual mares, even if they don't get wet at the sight of dongs or foal-chasing legs
>The herd wedding night consisted of hugging Anon really tight and accidentally brushing each other's teats
>Anon takes the lead, demonstrating foreplay techniques while the one not getting pleasured is watching and commiting it to memory
>Rainbow Dash accidentally yells Applejack's name as she climaxes in 20 minutes, curvaceous






>Anon is a gamer guy who pulls in the big bucks for wearing tight muscle shirts as he over reacts to not-so scary games.
>At least, that's what people usually think when they first see him.
>From the outside, he looks like an E-thot, but his viewers always come to his defense.
>Besides actually being good at games, he makes a genuine effort to not only interact with his chat, but remember names and build a real rapport with them.
>He's even on more than one occasion talked through a viewer's problems with them while simultaneously kicking ass at a game.
>Even a lot of the money he gets is often put back into the gaming community as a whole.
>He's donated to help tournaments, conventions, and even some crowdfunding for games he and his chat agreed looked promising.
>People say they're simping over him, but Anon's viewers genuinely see him like an older brother or almost paternal figure.
>Him being sexy reels them in, but they stay for the soothing baritones, fatherly advice, and yes, occasional screech at an obvious jump scare.
>It's endearing when he does it.
>One day while streaming, Anon notices a familiar name pop up and immediately greets them.
"Yo! It's Aria! Long time no see! Where've you been, girl?"
>The reply is quick.
>"Busy. Sisters and I tried to pull something big off."
"Yeah? Start up business or something?"
>"Or something. Didn't work out."
"Sorry to hear that. Hope you're doing okay."
>Others chime in with similar comments as Anon keeps one eye on the chat and the other on the giant monster he's slaying.
>"Fine for now. We screwed up pretty big though. Money's going to be tight."
"Shit. Definitely don't donate anything then. You know you don't need to to be welcome here."
>"Sure."
>"But I won't be around for a while."
>"Can't afford the internet bill."
>"Or rent. We're looking for a new place."
>Anon pauses the game at this.
"Aria, you do have a place to stay, right?"






>Anon baking a fuck ton of cupcakes for the changeling hive in his basement.
>Like an actual fuck ton, he had to enlist pinkies help to get even half this many.
>But he'll be damned before one of those buggos doesnt get a chance to try his grandmas old recipe.
>Cadence is just upset that she's not allowed any

>With Anon around, any stray Changelings from Chrysalis' rule suddenly find themselves well taken care of.
>In a basement, yes, but that's PERFECT for changelings, honestly.
>Anon just saw through the disguise of one one day, saw it tear up on him and it almost broke his heart.
>...so now he's got about a dozen or more of the little shids in his house now

>New pony comes to town.
>During the customary 'Welcome to ponyville!' meeting by Pinkie, Anon just casually scoops them up under his arm while walking past.
>"Darn it Anon i was totally still guessing!"
>The human just laughs before explaining to his new friend that there's a costume party going on in his house that's totally buzzzing.
>The disguised and very confused bug is slightly worried about all the attention they're getting, but relaxs a little once they hear the code phrase.
>The confusion only grows when Anon enters his basement to a whole bunch of undisguised changelings, apparently in the midst of an actual party judging by the mugs, cupcakes, cards and music, who cheer when the bug is raised like a trophy belt.
>The ling behind a well stocked bar adds another chalk line to a score board consisting of a dozen lines under a ? and a solitary line under a trio of balloons.
>...Wow, the pink one is really bad at guessing.
"I still say that one shouldn't count, the guy was invited to a wedding and didn't even disguise."






>Be prince Anon
>A damsel captured by a horrible dragon
>Being a hostage wasn't too bad
>The dragon just sort of liked to stare at you sometimes, but it left you alone mostly
>There wasn't much to do, but you kept busy as best as you could
>There were a lot of suits of broken knight armor and skeletons around, so you cleaned
>The dragon seemed to appreciate it
>It very much didn't appreciate the new knight that kept trying to break into the ruined castle that was its lair
> She was very big, fireproof, and shockingly durable
>The dragon once smacked her with it's tail so hard that she sailed out of sight, and she returned the next day
>She was doing that a lot
>Coming everyday with lance in hand, shouting the things that knights shouted about
>The issue was she wasn't very good at her job
>That or the dragon was a lot smarter than her
>Each time she'd try to storm the castle, the dragon would somehow sent her sailing away
>It was awfully sweet that that knight was trying, but you wish the two didn't make such a mess
>A bit of work, you're pretty sure you can turn this castle into a real nice place to live







>Anon is a sex god, better than stallions in everyway.
>Every night, he leaves his marefriend a drooling mess and goes to sleep knowing he's the best.
>At least, that's what he thinks.
>Turns out he has a lot of misconceptions about stallions from Earth.
>It's not that he's a bad lay, just average.
>Even so, his marefriend doesn't have the heart to tell him and shatter the illusion for him.
>He was so shy and self-conscious when they first met.
>He was even worried when they first decided to sleep together that he wasn't big enough.
>And sure, stallions were bigger, but she assured him his penis was beautiful and smelled amazing.
>Also a slight lie as Anon didn't use genital perfumes like most stallions, but she thought his natural sent was still pretty non-offensive.
>She has no idea what female humans did to her precious Anon where he was from, but he was so nervous the first time that he had to psych himself up in the bathroom for several minutes while she waited.
>She could hear him saying that he could do it and that he had human stamina on his side.
>That's why she really hammed it up for him when they finally started having sex, moaning and whimpering like a stallion herself as he thrust into her.
>When they were done, she told him she came several times to his magnificent dick instead of just the once.
>All in all, it was enjoyable, and ever since then, Anon had been so confident and happy.
>The sex is good enough, so there's no harm in the little white lie, right?
>Anon wants to bring another mare into his herd.
>After all, it's unfair to make his marefriend handle all of his sexual prowess alone.
>Poor thing is probably exhausted after each session.
>She needs another mare to help her share his heavy load.
>Of course it doesn't take long for them to find a mare they both like who wants to join.
>On the first night together, the head mare grabs her new herd sister and brings her close to whisper as Anon freshens up in the bathroom.
>"You have to pretend he's the absolute best dick you ever had, you hear me? I don't care if you don't orgasm. You have to tell him you did at least twice. I- I can't let him know I've been lying to him this entire time."

>Meanwhile, the mare has no idea how unsexy it is when she calls giving him a blowjob, "the ol' lick-a-roo"
>Anon knows he can never tell her after seeing the smoldering gaze she gave him every time she purred "the ol' lick-a-roo"
>Especially since she mentioned that she's been calling it that for years, ever since her mother sat her down and had a very frank discussion about sex
>Anon bonds with his marefriend's father over this particular thing
>"Pro tip, dear: try to disguise your laughter as excited panting or a lustful groan."







>Celestia didn't know what she was going to do.
>Her faithful, or perhaps not so much, student is getting more aggressive by the day.
>She thinks she's entitled to wings and a crown just because Cadence has them, not understanding that such things are earned, not given.
>She thought Sunset had the potential to do just that, but she's starting to question if she has made yet another mistake that will lose her somepony she cares for.
>Right now, she is waiting.
>Sunset had disappeared into the city nearly two days ago, going on a pretty heavy, anger-fueled binger if her guards were to be believed, and now that she was returned to the castle, Celestia has summoned her for a talk.
>One she hopes can mend things between them, though she feels it might be too late.
>The doors open, not with a slam, but quietly, and close just the same.
>Sunset is standing there, the expected glare missing, and in its place, a peaceful smile.
>As she walks towards the pillow set on the other side of the tea-laden table, Celestia notices a limp, and worries her student got in a bar fight or otherwise injured.
>She plops down with a sigh and starts pouring herself some tea.
>"So, how are you this morning, Princess Celestia?" she asks as she starts putting sugar cubes into the cup.
"... Fine. And you, my student?"
>"Wonderful," she breathes, taking the vapor of the tea in with a sigh. "Just wonderful."
>Celestia blinks.
>"Is that so. I'll admit to being surprised. From what I've heard, I expected you'd at least be hungover."
>She giggles.
>Literally giggles.
>"Well, Anon has a pretty amazing hangover cure. I mean, I guess it makes sense, since he's so amazing."
>Celestia blinks.
"Anon... the human who appeared in Cantelrot a month ago?"
>"Yeah, he's a bartender, you know? He's so good at it too. Like each drink is blessed by the Goddess'."
>She sighs dreamily






>Despite being all smiles and cheer 99% of the time, Pinkie Pie has her worries and doubts like any pony.
>One of them is currently in the form of her daughter, Cheese Slice, who is so colty that there are rumors that she's a he despite clearly being a Pie mare.
>She's not even a teen, after all, and she's already got the Pie family padunkaponk like her mom and aunts.
>Her hubby tells her not to worry, but it's easy for him to say.
>She had hoped for a filly when he wanted a colt, and while she thought she had gotten her wish at first, Lil Cheese definitely spends more time clothes shopping and hanging out with her dad then she does pulling pranks with her mom.
>That's why, when Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich prepared for their yearly party tour where they traveled Equestria and threw parties for a month for sad ponies, Pinkie began looking for a foalsitter who might be able to help her put Cheese Slice on a different path.
>Normally, Rarity was more than happy to take the filly in, seeing much of herself in the foal, but this time, Pinkie wants a more... marely influence to watch over her daughter.
>And only one pony, or human comes to mind.
>"Pleeease, Anon! Won't you watch over Cheese Slice for me? I'll give you free pastries for a year if you do!"
"Tempting, but why me? Doesn't Rarity usually do it?"
>"Because you're the mareliest creature I know and Lil' Cheese needs more marely influences in her life."
"Wow, that's some brutal honesty. Also, I'm a guy."
>"A super marely guy. With you watching over her, I but Lil' Cheese will be playing in the dirt and ogling colts in no time."
"Neither of those things are inherently good."
>"Mud rolling is very important for building a strong immune system in us earth ponies."
"And the second thing?"
>"No comment, now will you do it?"
"Sigh... Fine, whatever. But I'm holding you to the pastry thing."
>"Yay!"






>Be Anon
>Be in a hick country town because the resident princess thought it'd be a good idea
>She was wrong
>There might have been twenty colts in town
>A lot of the ponies were here also related, so the only new meat any of them could sink their teeth into came via train
>You might have been a weird, giant alien, but you had a dick
>These mares were like sharks, and you were a drop of blood
>They must have heard about human's, since they weren't too scared when you popped into town
>They were interested, especially when they saw you wearing socks
>There's a lot of earth ponies here
>Thick, powerful, muscular earth ponies
>A lot of them sound like sweet southern belles
>A lot of them were gentlemares
>Some weren't
>There were a lot of them "accidently" bumping their muzzles against your crotch
>If you sat down they'd try to rub up against you
>It was chaos
>Your new buddy Caramel was doing his best to beat the mares off you on a daily basis
>He was doing a good job so far, as were the other fellas
>But you knew yourself
>You also had no resistance to a mare's pheromones
>No human did
>That was one of the first things ponykind found out when one guy just lost it and started rubbing his face against one of the princesses chest on national TV
>A lot of these mares were also awfully sweet
>They were also very well proportioned
>Big rumps
>Nice, suckable teats
>They also could do things with their mouths and tongues that made you immediately break out into a sweat
>You weren't a strong man
>If you were left alone long enough mares were gonna get pregnant

Some days are better than others

>"Anon, sweetie, get off that roof and let go of Aloe."
"I can't take it anymore!"
>"Yes you can. Now come down so we can play scrabble."
"I'm a wild hog, Caramel! I need to go around finding mares to fuck!"
>"Anon, ponies are staring. Please come down."

Caramel is a good friend





>Anon had a crazy girlfriend in high school.
>Crazy enough to try a surprise double suicide with him when life got rough for her.
>Anon wanted no part of that shit and backed out.
>Crazy girlfriend was too convinced Anon would follow her out of love and killed herself.
>Anon felt guilty despite her craziness and spent months in therapy, along with a lingering worry about anyone else deciding to 'Love' him.
>Ends up in equestria due a freak underwater basketweaving accident and meets up with Trixie in the wildiness, who promptly hires him as an exotic assistant.
>Anons crazy ex-girlfriend has been haunting him this whole time, but the lack of magic on earth rendered her efforts to causing him the occasional cold shiver and the feeling of being watched.
>Fortunately for her, equestria has magic in abundance and the ghost is slowly gaining strength, which she may be using to cop a feel of Anons junk more often than not but a girl has needs even while dead and Anon owes her.
>She forgave him long ago for not killing himself to join her the fact he sometimes mumbled her name in his sleep clearly means he misses her.
>He was even kind enough to get her a pony as an apology, sure the name 'Trixie' makes her sound like a ditzbut she could always get that changed once she's pushed that other SLUT WHOS MAKING EYES AT HER ANON out of the body.
>Walking with hooves would be weird, but her Anon would be there to support her just like she supported him all those long years.

>Anon starts to see vague silhouettes of his ex
"..."
>The silhouettes start to smile
"Twilight...."
>Anon immediately bolts
"TWILIGHT"
>Anon starts to hear his ex's faint voice
>"Anon, you're acting hysterical again wha-"
"GET THE FUCKING ELEMENTS"
>Anon feels a faint cold touch on his wiener
"SOMETHING FOLLOWED ME HERE"







>breathing heavy after the sprint, Anon holds the door open for Princess Celestia, who huffs in frustration at having lost the race.
"M'lady."
>She grumbles a moment, until her eyes fall upon their table at the five-star upscale restaurant they will be dining at tonight.
>Or, more importantly, the chair.
>Anon sees it as well.
>His gaze flicks to her as her's does his, then simultaneously, they look back at the table.
>They break out into a run.
>Celestia is in the lead, but Anon yanks on her ethereal tail, causing her to fall on her face.
>She juts out a leg and catches his ankle, sending him sprawling in front of her.
>This would be much easier if she could just marehandle him with her magic, but alas, the human in immune to such influences.
>She flaps her wings and clumsily throws herself forward.
>Anon makes a swipe at her back hoof, but his grasping fingers miss their mark.
>She makes it to the table with a triumphant cheer and pulls out a chair.
>"M'lord."
>It's Anon's turn to grumble as he pulls himself to his feet and limps to the chair.
>Celestia grins as she takes her seat and they order.
>Later when the bill comes, she'll have a black eye, but her bit purse will be satisfyingly lighter, marking her the ultimate victor of this date.
>The rerward will be that sge gets to walk him home instead of him walking her to the castle.
>She can hardly wait for the chase kiss on the lips that will conclude their tenth date, then it's off to the medical wing to get her sprained wing taken care of.







>Deer regularly get in the way of traffic, because they don't use wagons on the reservation
>They see it as a surefire way of getting an honor duel out of someone, the wagon driver, a passing guard, anyone who gets called in for the traffic jam
>They are potent elementalists, who have nothing to do all day but pick fights, eat food, ride stags, and get drunk
>As much as Celestia wants to annul the treaty that gives them a fraction of Equestria's harvest, their troublemaking is good combat practice for rural guards








>Sirens are mildly psychic
>It's how they craft their songs
>They can "read" music their prey is familiar with and craft a song based on that
>Anon however is a human
>And thusly has human songs
>And Anon was a fucking memelord
>It was kind of amusing when he came across them singing All Star by Smash Mouth the first time
>But it was fuckin' weird when the second time they were singing Glorious Octagon of Destiny
>Anon has not gone back to the beach since, for fear that they will sing him a rendition of Ocean Man







>ywn slowly learn to communicate with your silent waifu, chattering away at her about mundane things
>ywn get self-conscious about talking to a silent partner, only for her to gesture for you to continue because she likes hearing what you have to say, and adores the sound of your voice
>ywn fail so badly at guessing kirin charades that she breaks down laughing entirely silently at some of your guesses
>ywn know a love that doesn't need words, because she doesn't need words to tell you she loves you, just actions
>ywn run your hands through her mane and across her scales on a sleepy morning


"You're hungry."
>The kirin shakes her head with a small smile, and then resumes an identical set of hoof-gestures.
"...you're tired?"
>She shakes her head again, looking a bit less pleased.
>Her hoof-wriggling starts to incorperate aggressive eyebrow-wriggling and tail-swishing.
>Fuck.
>What does this MEAN?
"You... You're...
>Uh.
>UHHHH....
"...Hungry."
>Your date face-hoofs, and you feel shame pool in your belly.
>This is the worst first date ever.
"Shit. Sorry, Frost. I'm not good at cherades."
>You look away, feeling a bit like shit due to your date going so poorly.
>You hear a chair scrape on the floor, and expect to hear hooves trotting away.
>Instead, you feel something tug on your pant leg.
>The kirin Frost is there, with a kind smile on her face.
>She holds up a hoof and taps it twice.
"...two words."
>Frost nods and taps her snoot.
>Then, she taps her hoof once.
"First word."
>Nose-tap again.
>Then, she pantomimes... uh...
>...well, sucking a dick.
>Like, she has her tongue pressing against the inside of her cheek and everything.
"S-Suck?"
>She grins lecherously and taps her snoot.
>Then, she taps her hoof twice.
"S-Second word," you say with a gulp.
>Frost doesn't say anything.
>She just stares down at your groin with a smile.
"Oh."







>Aria is the one to come up with a plan to snag you
>"C'mon, you losers. This whole 'battle of the bands' plan that ADAGIO came up with clearly didn't work, and our only hope of not getting our shit pushed in is if we latch onto someone with power. And I'm pretty sure Mister Anon-"
>>"The math teacher?"
>"Who else, dumbshit? As I was saying, I'm pretty sure Mister Anonymous is either related to the principals, or they're riding him into the sunset every night."
>>>"And how do you figure that, genius?"
>"He gets this job out of nowhere and Celestia dotes on him like he's eating her out under her desk all day, Adagio. So they're either related, or he's her slut. If anyone can keep us from getting the boot, it's him."
>Little do they know that you're just some dumbshit who accidentally got punch-fucked through a portal out of Equestria and into EqG-world, and the principals are looking after you as a favor to Twilight Sparkle
>Little do they know that the only power you have over Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna is brought on because you're capable of cooking breakfast better than they are, and because you're somehow less of a slob than those two and keep the house somewhat clean
>Little does Aria know that she'd be the one to legitimately fall for you, and that she'll be the one to propose the idea of snatching you away from your non-existent relationship with the Principals once they find a way back to Equestria
>"Damnit, just come with us! Please! I-I-I can catch you the freshest salmon you've ever tasted! Our ocean cave will have all sorts of shiny rocks, and you'll sleep on the softest sand! Just... please!"






>You are Anon, and it is Friday night.
>And you luckily have the weekend off.
>It is the end of a long week, so you can afford to stay up later and make an appearance on your girlfriend's stream and actually be awake.
>And drink, lots of drinking.
>You make your quick mixed drink of cheap rum and root beer because it was the only soda you had left.
>Which is fine because it gave it an almost vanilla taste.
>Definetly going to have to go back for more of that tonight.
>With a sip you walk into the living room and see your girlfriend and Twilight arguing with eachother.
>"Are you insane? How can you say that? This is the latest game, made with state of the art graphics and made by a team of tireless artists who worked around the clock to create."
>"And I'm just saying, it could be better."
>"Are you kidding me!?"
>Well, this is your life it seems.
>You take a sip from your mug.
"Hey girls. What's up?"
>They stop bickering long enough to look up to you.
>"Hey babe, nothing much. Expect turbo nerd is spazing out about my comment that the graphics of this game could be better."
>"And I am ACURATELY explaining to Sunset that the quality of these graphics are unsurpassed in modern gaming. She should consider it a privilege to play something that looks so good. But she wont acknowledge this amazing work right in front of her."
>"I'm just saying Mare-io 64 or Legend of Link Piccolo of the Past were amazing while this could be better."
>Are you fucking kidding me!? I could make something better looking than that in 15 minutes right now!"
>You're going to need a lot more booze.
"And how is the chat weighing in?"
>"Almost a 50-50 split. Looks like you can be the deciding vote big guy."
>Great...
>You didn't like getting involved and liked sitting in the background during the streams but they just put you on the spot

"Well remember Twilight, when those games first came out it was cutting edge. No one had ever tried something like that so it was the most innovative game ever made. In fact game developers have gone on record saying of someone develops a game amd doesn't steal or copy traits from one of those two games they are lying. Yes the graphics are antique by today's standards but look at what can be made today. We hold games to an almost unrealistic level of criticism that nothing else can live up to."
>They both look at you intently.
"Also it is like cg movies, when they got so good people said why bother making them because they have real life people that can film them. Which is why the ultra realistic movies bombed at the box office amd they changed their designes to stylized. Because they made something real looking they are held to higher standards instead of a stylized standard which let's a lot more slide."
>You say amd then take a sip.
"In the end you both are right, and both wrong. So just play the fucking game amd stop wasting everyone's time. They came here to watch a game, not you two arguing in a rage about graphics."
>You look on the screen and see someone said 'we see who wears the skirt in this family' followed by a whip noise.








>Anon's daughter, Ana Lee Mous, feels like she doesn't fit in.
>Besides the sharp canines and love of meat, which got her bullied a lot in school, she just can't seem to feel all happy and cheerful 75% of the time like the ponies around her.
>Maybe it's because their mom walked out on them, or maybe because she has body issues on account of being about half a head taller than other mares and a bit on the chunky side, or maybe it's something to do with her human ancestry, but she just can't help being pessimistic about things.
>A year out of school and still without a job or ambitions for higher learning, Anon fears his daughter is on the road to long term NEEThood, but him having to work two jobs leaves him little time to help her.






>Getting hit on by mares is a daily occurrence for Anon.
>It's just a part of life he's learned to deal with in sexist horse land, and it doesn't usually bother him.
>Except for in one case.
>"Mm, if I were ten years younger," Granny Smith says as she licks her lips.
Anon, who can feel the lecherous old mare's gaze on his bottom as he works on sorting the apples grumbles, "Ten? More like eighty, ya old bat."
>Luckily she's hard of hearing and too busy watching him work to notice.
>It's like this whenever he's working on the Apple Family orchard, and it's frankly kind of disturbing.
>She's just so wrinkly, and he's witnessed her dentures pop out on more than one occasion.
>Anon has yet to actually bed a mare since coming to Equestria, and while his resistance is quickly failing and he's sure he'll be breaking the species barrier sooner rather than later, he can still say with absolute certainty that it won't be done with Granny Smith.
>Or so he thinks, up until Twilight is over doing some studies on zap apples and the resulting jam, accidentally overcharges a jar of the stuff do to her very poor scientific method, and Granny Smith unknowingly eats it to test the latest batch before it goes to market.
>Imagine Anon's surprise when he comes into work one day to find the Apple family up in a panic about some frankly beautiful light green mare with a glossy silver mane and smoldering orange eyes.
>Imagine his even greater surprise when those very eyes fall on him and shine with a familiar lecherous energy, and she licks her full lips hungrily.
>"Mm, Anon, just the colt ah was hoping ta see. Come ta work hard, did'ja? 'Cause I know how we can both work up a good sweat."
>"Seriously?! Is this really the time?!" Applejack says angrily.
"G-granny Smith?" Anon hazards with wide-eyes.
>"Please, deary, call me Maria."







>Sirens are broke and out on their ass
>Anon attracts their attention for one reason or another
>Maybe he's immune to their siren magic
>Maybe he, still biased from a lifetime in our OGR-world, felt pity when he saw 3 homeless girls
>Maybe they overheard that he had connections to Twilight from Equestria, and that meant he was their best bet of getting home
>They whip up a bullshit story about being his grandmothers ("We're just about immortal, sonny, so why couldn't we have had a couple of sprogs? You have your mother's eyes, you know that?") and find an excuse to start living with him
>Something something their relationship predictably softens into genuine affection
>Something something Sonata remembers she set up a bank account 40 years ago after dumping a few thousand into some shitty fledgling company called "Apple"
>Something something they all find a way to Equestria
>Something something RGRE
>Living conditions are a bit awkward when they finally land in Equestria and turn back into sirens, but they make due







>Go home with someone at the bar
>End up playing board games
>Introduces you to a group of mares who like board games, and you end up spending the night at a few mare's places each week
>Sometimes it's HorseClue
>Sometimes it's HorseSorry
>Sometimes it's straight up a HorseD&D game
>Find out from your best bud Caramel that you're starting to get a reputation
>"Anon, sweetie... you're going home with a bunch of mares all the time, right?"
"Sure am."
>"And it's pretty well known that none of them have herds."
"I see what you're getting at, and we seriously just play board games."
>"I know, Anon, I know. I'm just trying to warn you that this is a pretty old-fashioned earth pony town, and not a lot of ponies here approve of fooling around outside of herdlock."
>Continue not giving any fucks about what other ponies think about you having friends
>Still get the occasional glare from some of the older ponies when you go to the market
>Caramel straight up horse-slaps Time Turner when he calls you a slut
>Life's pretty chill

>High Roller didn't think she was going to get any action tonight
>She'd been coming to this same bar for the last three weeks and managed to snag not a single stallion to take home
>Maybe it was her obsession with board game trivia and history that turned them off
>Maybe it was the way that she'd sometimes do a little horsey snort when she laughed
>Maybe it was her deep and sultry voice made her sound like she was pretending to be a stallion
>Honestly, who can say







>Be Anon, stumbling back home after having been dragged around town by Poofy Pink
>You still didn't know what her name was but she was always friendly around you
>The biggest problem since you'd arrived in Equestria was the fact that you had no clue what anything was saying
>The Ponies whinnied and nickered, the Griffons sounded like birds, Dragons rumbled and hissed, and the Kirin...well, were Kirin
>Still, after the initial scare from you appearing, even though you couldn't understand anything, the Ponies here were very kind to you
>You'd been given a place to live with a mare who could watch over you, and she must have been awfully special because she had wings AND a horn
>So far you'd been calling her Purple Smart, since she read all the time and the other Ponies seemed to talk to her about problems a lot
>She was also purple
>Thankfully, you'd managed to keep your secret under wraps by going home early every night and not stepping out into the moonlight
>Tonight though, you'd wound up staying out late as Poofy took you on a tour around town
>Normally you would have refused but she looked so sad when you shook your head, and besides, if this place was anything like back home, there shouldn't be a full moon for two weeks
>Then, to your horror, the sky turned from day to night almost instantly and a full moon rose into the sky
>Looking down at your friend, you could feel the moonlight hitting you and you ran
>She whinnied something after you but you didn't stop, running as fast as you could, trying to get away
>You'd been doing so good
>You didn't want to hurt any of them
>Then you passed out
>Be Pinkie Pie
>Your friend just ran away
>Not just that but he looked really scared, too
>You really, supery-dupery wished you knew what he was saying so you could ask him what was wrong
>As you galloped after him, you also hoped you didn't look like a pervert chasing a scared stallion
>Rounding a corner, you skidded to a stop, looking down an alleyway that lead to a stone wall
>Hunched over in the middle of the alley, growling and writhing, was Anon
>Well, not exactly
>It was wearing your friend's clothes but they were all stretched out, with holes ripping through them as the thing grew
>Your friend was already really tall, but this thing must have been five or six hooves taller than him
>It was huge and muscular, kinda like a wolf but its body was more like a Diamond Dog's
>Didn't have the club tail though
>Its face reminded you of a wolf, but there was something kind of like your friend to it too, even if you couldn't figure out exactly what it was
>It finally stopped growing and brought a massive paw up, that looked kind of like your friend's wiggly-hooves, but way bigger and sharper
>Rubbing itself on the head, you watched with a mixture of fear, excitement and curiosity, as it sniffed the air
>You guessed it picked up on you because its ears twitched and it spun around on the spot
>A set of huge, emerald eyes locked on to yours and you felt your body seize up
>Its lips curled back into a scary smile, showing off its sharp fangs as it stalked towards you on all fours, sniffing the air while it got closer
>"What a strange place to wake up in. Am I in some overblown stable?"
>After a few weeks of being friends with an alien who didn't speak any language anypony knew, it was weird hearing something you were pretty sure was him speak
"N-N-No, you're in Ponyville!"
>It wasn't very marely to stammer while talking to a stallion but this one was practically twice as tall as Celestia
>It jerked to a stop, its wide eyes narrowing as it leaned in close to you, close enough that you could feel the heat of its breath on you
>"Ponywille? Where is that?"
"Equestria, s-sir!"
>He seemed to be contemplating something, then he looked up at the sky, staring at it fixatedly
>"We're not on Earth any more, are we? The sky is all wrong and it smells too...sweet and clean."
"Earth? Like, dirt?"
>He shook his head, the fur covering his massive body shaking
>"How are we speaking? None of the damned Humans back on Earth could understand me."
>Twilight might know more about languages, but you'd picked up a thing or two over the years, throwing parties for all sorts of creatures
"It kinda sorta sounds like you're speaking Diamond Dog, sir, but...older, maybe? Twilight probably knows what it's called. Who are you, by the way? Are you...my alien friend?"
>He brought his head back down, then sat on his haunches like a wolf, staring into your eyes again with those peepers that made you feel all mixed up inside, like you should freeze on the spot and run away at the same time
>"I am Incognito the Werewolf, Anonymous the Human's better half."







>something something horse eve online
>something something anon becomes a notorious homme fatale
>assassinations, robbery, aggravated jaypiloting, you name it he's done it and gotten away with it
>his mere existence reduces the upper echleons of the great alliances to paranoid wrecks, more than once sparking an inter-alliance war by the mere thought that a rival comissioned him to infiltrate them
>yes he did know that she knew that he knew that she knew that he knew that she knew that he was a double agent, and yes he still cherry tapped her in the weakest ship in the game
>but now it appears that he has finally met his match in Quantum Jump; a mare with nearly unparalleled insight and intuition
>after three years of hunting him down Quantum finally corners anon in a lonely star system
>with her alliance guarding the neighboring star systems she takes her trusted lieutenants and jumps into the star system to confront her greatest enemy and rival with her pride and joy: the titan ship Sagittarius A*
>she and her entourage expect many things, her scouts having given her the system information yesterday, yet they are all surprised when instead of a veritable minefield of traps and hazards they instead find themselves face to face with another titan; Earth's Greatest Child
>so shocked are they that they do not react in time to avoid a disabling blast, crippling Quantum's escorts yet leaving her untouched
>before panic can set in Quantum is hailed from Anon's titan
"Quantum Leap, for the past three years you have hounded me to the ends of the galaxy. You've ruined schemes of mine, uncovered my moles, and bankrupted several of my fronts."
>'This is it,' Quantum thinks, 'it's all been for nothing.'
"And I have never been more proud to have an equal."
>'Huh?'
"So I have sat here, waiting for your arrival to give you the greatest honor I can give: a fair fight. Do you accept?"
>The question only lingers for a moment before Quantum responds, "I do."
>Another moment passes
"... Very well. Have at thee!"
>Later, the recording of their fight would be considered one of the greatest single battles in the game's history, and the developers would eventually erect a monument in its location.
>But the end result was a stalemate. Both pilots were perfect equals, and both titans were destroyed in the fight.
>Quantum and Anon would meet in real life soon after and the two became fast friends, eventually dating, and married shortly thereafter.
>Yet in game they took up their roles once more, with Anon as the notorious homme fatale of legend and Quantum as the great bounty hunter of the galaxy.
>For the huntress is nothing without the hunt, and Anon always did like playing the most dangerous game







>Be Harshwhinny on a typical Monday.
>You walk into the office with your usual tired expression and no nonsense demeanor, but everyone is their usual bouncy, happy selves.
>Anon especially.
>”Good morning boss! Check it out! The company is catering brunch for us!”
“....”
>He shows you a plate.
>it’s a veggie dog and tofu balls arranged to look like-
>”Pretty cool, right? Want some of my meat? I bet you could take it all in one mouthful!”
>Splish.
“No thanks.”
>”Aw. I was hoping we could do it-“
“....”
>”You know? Eat together.”
>He tries to eat the veggie dog, but it slips out of his hands almost falling.
>He manages to catch it, but not before sensually slapping you across the face with the fake meat accidentally, in a peculiar pose.
>There some cream on your face.
>”I’m so sorry! I got my meat cheese all over your face, and hair!”
>He starts wiping you down.
>”Huh? Are you crying?







>Be Princess Luna
>Lady of the Night, Protector of Dreams, etc
>You were confused
>Concerned
>Also, a little flabbergasted
>It was concerning your sister
>She had found herself a "coltfriend" as she called it
>Ignoring the fact that a princess should have, at the very, VERY least a concubine--a harem would be much preferred--her choice in mate was beyond strange
>It was not somepony of noble or old blood
>Not some handsome stallion, or exotic Saddle Arabian
>Not even something different like a griffin or a bull
>All of those you could understand
>But no
>Out of everything in creation, out of the countless suitors--some of which had been bred SPECIFICALLY for your sister over hundreds of years of selective breeding,--she had picked that strange creature
>The human
>Anonymous
>The small, homely, gangly looking creature
>He was strange all over, from motion to speech
>He must have known he was strange looking as well, since he covered most of his body with clothing
>Like a leper, or some slut
>Not only had Celestia picked this creature, she doted on him
>Many a day you would come to Day Court to see him sitting in her lap as she did her duty, her wings wrapped around him
>Other things you'd find him riding her back, as if she were some unthinking beast and not a holy alicorn
>She seemed to delight in speaking with him, being close to him, or just listening him speak
>You couldn't understand it
>In fact, at first, you had been terrified that your sister had been put under some sort of spell
>You had been so paranoid that you had had the elements come up to investigate
>They came up with nothing
>He was not only not bewitching your sister, he had no magic at all
>The only magic that clung to him was of your sister's making
>Spells to protect him and to know his whereabouts
>Was her attraction to him because he was homely?
>He wasn't particularly bright, or well spoke, or well red, though then again what colt was?
>Or was there something else?
>Something you didn't know
>At least he seemed good with foals
>When Cadence and her husband came from the Empire, Flurry seemed to enjoy his company
>He also had a way with the castle's foals
>Herding them about, teaching them, watching over them while their parents worked
>He was strangely patient for a colt, and uglier than scary thankfully
>All-in-all, you were confused, but you didn't outright hate her decision
>You just wished that she didn't strut around as if she had gotten a supermodel colt
>The rulers of other nations already snickered at some of her antics, you didn't need to hear full blown laughter
>Especially from that Saddle Arabian Sultaness
>That cunt already had a harem of colts, she didn't need to shove anything else in your face
>Be Celestia
>Be happier than you had been in a long, long time
>You had a coltfriend
>A sweet, caring stallion
>He was a wonderful singer
>Amazing with foals
>He had such clever hands
>His bare skin felt good against your fur
>He smelled better than a freshly baked cake
>You could just lick him all over
>And you had
>Many times
>You loved when he wore clothing with your cutiemark on them
>You also loved his weight on your back as you carried him around
>You loved his smile, and the way that he could squirm when you pinned him to the wall with your rump
>He was so delicate
>So feisty
>You knew ponies didn't like him very much
>Many didn't understand what you saw him in
>But you didn't care
>He was yours
>Your stallion
>Your sunshine
>Your little human
>And he was all yours
>Be Anon
>Be dating a large, nice horse
>She had you move into this nice big castle
>Every morning, she wakes you up with kisses
>She doesn't like it when you're away from her, so has you stay close
>When you're not in meetings or at the Day Court, you're playing with the castle's foals, all of which were adorable
>Your horse girl friend liked when you cooked for her
>You weren't a very good singer, but she loved to hear you sing too
>At night, when the two of you went to bed, she'd hold you close
>There was no need for a blanket, since she wrapped her wings around her
>All in all, life was going pretty good







>Anon cooms to RGRE as a 13 yo kid
>Living in orphanage
>Gets lottery draw to go live as an intern at Canterlot
>Standing out for obvious reasons, he is figuratively and literally taken under Celestia's wing
>"I will decide what you wear. I will decide what you eat. I will decide when you speak. I will turn you into a proper civilized male. My training may break you, but you will come out better for it. Now... Let's go watch Luna make some visiting dignitaries uncomfortable. Wait, come here- you have something on your face~."

"Luna-"
>"PRINCESS LUNA."
"Princess Luna... I'm having some confusing feelings about Princess Celestia... I'm not sure who to tell, but you've seen my dreams, I'm sure?"
>"Indeed. Anonymous, you are but a child. The only advice I can give in good faith is that you trust in the magic of friendship. You must let go of attachment to such emotional sway. That is a path to the dark side of magic."
"When will I be given the title of Squire? How can I sit in the council without proper title?"
>"You will be given proper rank when you are ready. Be patient. That time approaches as surely as the moon rises."
"Princess, shouldn't the moon be rising now?"
>"I'm WORKING on it! It's harder than it looks!"
"Princess Celestia seems to have no trouble with the sun..."
>"You test my patience on this night, Anonymous..."
"I learned from the best."






> The Fluttershy initiative is working out well, so Celestia decides to expand the reformation program
> The sirens are depowered, so they make an ideal opportunity for the rookie reformation agent
> They are let back through the portal and given a good lake to call their home during their probation
> Anon watches them swim around happily, exulting in their old forms
> He checks his Celestia-approved alluring socks, picks up the bucket of dead fish, and strolls down to the lakeside to meet his first charges






>Anon follows a trail of candy into his closet and into Bonbon's candy store
>Lyra shakes him down for all the oats on his person
>Anon is sad to lose his pocket oats, now he doesn't have anything to throw in people's eyes
>Megan appears in a flash of lighting, as ponyland has violated its contract with her kin
>Lyra goes uh-woah, her mouth full of oats and pocket lint

>Anon has been using his portal magic to steal 40 cakes from the royal kitchen
>Megan finds them stashed in his closet and personally escorts him to Celestia to make him apologize
>Anon goes uh-woah and is sentenced to four weeks community service in the kitchen
>The royal chef goes woah at being tasked with punishing the child of the ancient hero
>Why does his butt have to be eye-height and eminently smackable?

>Anon gets stuck with his head in ceiling fan
>Lyra is in the same position, and their spins sync up and they switch places
>Lyra goes woah when the ancient hero pulls her from the light fixture
>Anon goes uh-woah when a grumpy lesbian horse demands to know what he is doing in her marefriend's favorite spot

>Anon chews 5 gum and is transported to Equestria
>Pinkie Pie immediately senses a rival and chews bubble gum and they have a contest to see who can blow the biggest bubble
>When Anon's bubble pops, Megan flashes into existence, also chewing gum
>She blows a bubble bigger than either of them
>Pinkie and Anon go woah at the ancient hero

>Anon digs into an ant hill and fries each one with a magnifying glass
>According to the ancient contract, he is teleported to Equestria, into the Changeling hive
>For his crimes against bug-kind, he put into a slime pod and drones take turns sucking him dry
>Megan appears in a burst of flower petals, examines the ancient contract, and tells Chrysalis to have her son home by 9
>Chrysalis goes woahkay at the ancient hero

>Anon finishes his philosophy degree and is teleported to Equestria, finding himself at a table with Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, Sunset Shimmer, and Trixie Forkids
>He asks them how he was teleported, and if the person he is now is the same person he was on earth, or are they separate existences with identical states around the critical moment
>Megan portals into Equestria and throws the ship of theseus into the crystal castle, turning it back into the treebrary
>Everyone goes woah







>Young anon adopted by Pie family.
>Ponka always loved her little brother the most out of her siblings since he gave the best hugs.
>Gets a very happy surprise when he visits her in ponyville one day.
>Spend a relaxing hour catching up over pastries in the park.
>Spent the next three hours running around ponyville as mares kept trying to take off Anons clothes.
She later goes to Applejack for advice in fending off mares because if they're THAT thirsty theres no way big mac is still single without some shenanigans going on.
She later goes to Granny smith when Aj's advice was 'Set me up on a date with him.'

"-And that's the problem, Granny! All of those mares won't give Nonny an inch of breathing room."

>Granny Smith rocks back and forth in her old rocking chair while giving her chin a few good strokes with a hoof.
>"Well, Ah don' really see tha problem, Pinkie. Back in mah day mares just strolled on up to a stallion and swept them off their hooves! Hoo-hoo! What a time to be a live! Every night was a smorgasbord of stallions!"
>This was not helping you at all.

"Granny Smith, I need help STOPPING something like that from happening, not the other way around!"

>The old mare scoffs at you before waving a hoof at you in a dismissive manner.
>"Poppycock! If'n a stallion didn't wanna to be rubbed against then they shouldn't have been wearin' all those clothes!"
>This is REALLY not turning out how you had hoped.
>"Speakin' a which, Ah'm surprised that you hadn't tried nothin with tha feller."

>Shock!
>Alarm!
>Some other third word!

"I-I-I'd never do something like that to Nonny! He's my brother! My sweet little brother Nonny!"

>You'd never do something like that to Anonymous! He was an untainted stallion! A kind and sweet soul! An unrivaled source of purity!
>With that rocking muscular bod-
>PURE! HE'S A PURE STALLION!

Seeing your internal monologue, Granny chortles out her next words.

>"Not related by blood, is he?"

>Suddenly it was getting a lot hotter than it was a few minutes ago. . .







>Gilda loves having a gym bunny boyfriend for many reasons
>The obvious meat-head reasons are because watching a guy in revealing clothing sweat and stretch and make grunting noises is hot as fuck
>Also because it gives her an excuse to give him a "rub down", which is very clearly just her touching him all over
>But also because he shows her support and understands why she tries so hard to become fit and strong.
>He's there for her when they aren't in the gym, and she gets to enjoy the parts of her life that aren't being in the gym.
>She once laughed in Dash's face and called her a dyke when her small friend told her that one of the reasons she wanted a boyfriend was so that they could cuddle on a couch and watch a movie
>But now that she's actually experienced it, Gilda realizes that there's plenty she can do with Anon that isn't just ogling him or touching him.
>Something something another strong woman shows up at the gym to work out
>Something something that woman starts giving Anon attention
>Something something Gilda is afraid that she was too slow and too late to show Anon that he's appreciated by her and that he isn't just eye-candy
>Something something RGRE


>Gilda catches the new gym bitch talking to HER greenbean about some nerd book shit
>Finding no easy way into their conversation Gilda blurts out the first thing that comes to mind
>"I CAN READ TOO YA-KNOW!"








>You were a typical Anon.
>A middle child who was neither dull or genius, neither attractive or ugly, but definitely a bit awkward.
>Most of your friends were the internet variety and you often preferred solitude to drawn out contact with others.
>Your older sibling is athletic and attractive, and your younger sibling is intelligent and ambitious. Both of them are outstanding. you had a typical sibling relationship with them growing up, IE constant antagonization both joking and mean spirited depending on the day. You still loved them though.
>You had a good relationship with Mom and Dad. Mom gladly supported anything you did, but you always got the feeling that Dad was at least somewhat disappointed in you no matter what.
>Then you end up in RGRE.
>It took some time for everything to sink in, but by then you were already dating your first wife. It was just so... Easy.
>Awkward virgin Anon, dating an alien that looked like a colorful farm animal with no problem when a normal girl would I've already made him close up.
>Strange how life works.
>A decade later, you're in a loving herd, have fathered several foals you'd die for, and have almost gone fully native.
>You never thought that you would be a good househusband, but it came damn easy.
>Then Twilight approaches you one day with a wide smile, saying that she's figured out a stable portal spell to earth.
>Anxiety on par with your first foal's birth creeps up on you.
>Can you really face them after all these years? Do you have the right to intrude on their lives after being gone for so long? What will they think of you?
>Then you feel a tugging at your pants leg and look down to one of your older daughters, who beams up at you.
>"Can we do it daddy? Can we meet grandma and grandpa and everyone?"
>Her words are like a beacon, drawing her siblings in various states of excitement.
>...Shit.