Original thread: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/41650353/#41668881
-----------------------------------------------------------

>These ponies, they were an opportunity
>Living self-replenishing magical batteries, each capable of storing unimaginable magical might
>You've seen them fly, defy gravity, ignore physics, conquer nature itself!
>If only you could get a hold of a live specimen…
>Your team, however, was blind to the possibilities
>They didn't understand!
>When they saw you trying to sneak a few, small, inconsequential ponies into your laboratory, they started keeping a closer eye on you, stopping you from making any real progress
>What do they think you'll do to the ponies? You wouldn't kill them!
>They're exaggerating, you've never killed a subject that you wanted to keep alive
>That reminds you, you need to clear out the fridge with all of the with enemy spy heads, it's getting full. And you think they've started conspiring against you
>But now, you have an opportunity
>Most of your team have gone to fight the robots, and they've left you behind along with scout and spy to "guard the base"
>You know better, they don't think you're capable of shredding the tin cans into scrap as well as they can
>They're not brave enough to tell you that to your face however, or else they might wake up to find themselves with their small intestine wrapped around their backbone
>You smirk at the memory, you haven't heard any lip from scout since that little "incident"
>"Whatcha laughing at?"
>You turn around to look at your test subject
>All this reminiscing has gotten you distracted, time to get back to work
"I'm just so excited that you're here with me, now I'll get to know you inside out!"
>You cackle, the blissfully unaware pony you lured into your lab laughing alongside you.
>Well, not really lured, she just started following you around while running off her mouth
>Then, you went into your lab, and she came along
>You can't be blamed if she just came in and wandered into your lab
>Or if the only seating available was on your operating table
>This mare is so innocent, so trusting, and somewhat childish. She was... What's the word you're looking for?
>"Puerile?"
>The pink mare says helpfully with a genuine smile on her face
"Ah yes, that works. Danke"
>You take your notepad and quickly scribble on it; "Telepathy?"
>These creatures surprise you with something new every day
>Focus, you're wasting too much time
>You have to act quickly, before the others come back, before spy shows up and ruins everything
>He's undoubtedly around here, keeping an eye on you
>You're not worried about the scout though
>He's probably still fretting over the horse uterus you told him you dropped inside of him while doing his monthly checkup
>You told him that it'd induce birth if he did any sudden movements, that should keep him occupied for long enough
>You lied of course
>The uterus is activated via a remote, you can't trust scout not to move
>"You want to get to know me?! Oh I love meeting new ponies! What do you want to know first? I'll tell you everything! I was born on a Tuesday..."
>While she babbles on about whatever nonsense comes to her mind, you turn around to start preparing some containers for the upcoming thorough equine research
>One for the Heart, another for the lungs, a small one for the brain, a bigger one for the stomach...
>And a singular one for everything else you probably won't recognize
>You're getting tingles
>The vivisection tingles!
>Better get started
>You turn back around, she's not sitting on the operating table anymore, instead, she's standing on one of your desk, displacing your tools and bumping some vials into the ground
"Dummkopf! Get your dirty hooves off of my equipment!"
>The pink menace ignores you, instead focusing on a remote with a big red button on its center
>"Oh! What's this do?"
>Pinkie presses the button, basically stepping on it
>In the distance, you hear scout screaming
>Well, it was bound to happen someday
>"What'd that do?"
>She asks, a tinge of worry in her voice
"It brings us a step closer towards the next evolutionary chain: Horse men"
>Pinkie lets out an ooo's in amazement
>You're not sure nor really care if she fully understands the implication
>You quickly swipe the remote away from her before she can press it again
"Now, return to your seating, I don't want you to induce any more births before it is time"
>She ignores you of course, zooming around the room seemingly trying to touch everything and anything she can get her little hooves on
>Vials shatter on the ground, important notes are scattered, files and medical records clutter the ground, some even get wet, irreparably damaging them
>You run after her, but she effortlessly avoids you
>Before you can reach her, she opens the fridge. A dozen spy heads stare back at her, giving her side eyes as if she’d just interrupted something important
>She stares at them back, somewhat stunned at the unexpected scene
>That's when you strike
>You grab her from the back, wrapping your arms around her barrel and lifting her towards the table
>She's surprisingly light for a horse
"WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO STAY STILL?!"
>You forcefully lay her down on the operating table
>*THUNK*
>... And accidentally hit her head against the metallic surface, a little too hard
>She goes limp almost immediately
>There's no way that such a small impact to the head knocked her out
>You shine a light on her eyes, place your head against her chest, you look for a pulse, slap her face
>You were right, the impact didn't knock her out
>It killed her
"Ach Scheiße, that's not good"
>The body was still fresh, extremely fresh, maybe you could try pulling her soul back into her body while you look her over and find out how exactly she died
>...
>Well, at least she's still now. You've never been one to waste an opportunity
>You grab one of your trusty scalpels and jam it into her, you start carefully working on her
>Finally, you make a big enough opening to spread her open
>As you gaze into her gaping abdomen you see...
>Nothing
>There's nothing inside her, maybe she operates purely by magic? You better make a note of it
>When you turn around to write down your observations, you're greeted with the sight of the pink pony sitting on the desk
>The pink pony that is also lying dead on your operating table
>Smoking a cigarette, sitting in an upright position
>You cross your arms as you glance back at "Pinkie"'s body, just in time to see it slowly fading out
"Where is the pony?"
>"I threw candy out the window when you turned around, she jumped after it"
>You calmly walk to the window and sure enough, there's the pony, sleeping peacefully on the ground surrounded by numerous candy wrappers.
“You drugged her? I should’ve done that from the start”
>"I had to knock her out, couldn't risk her coming back in" 
>From your position on the window you're able to see sniper's van, inside there's the rest of your team, coming back from their seemingly successful mission
>Time's out
>You turn back around, more annoyed than anything else
>You take a breath to tell off spy
>And he's gone, as if he was never here
>This is only a setback, you'll get your chance
>It's only a matter of time