Cadence and Gleaming Shield / Anon
Original Prompt
>FemShining Armor(Gleaming Shield?) and Cadence have been best friends ever since they met.
>That friendship eventually turned romantic.
>But since Cadence is royal, she's expected to not drop her standards to that of "A lonely common mare" and be strictly homo.
>To make everything work, they need a herd.
>But inviting a stallion into their relationship is asking for trouble, since all the honest ones are long since taken...
>...Leaving almost nothing but gold diggers wanting to ride on royal coattails.
>In a flash of remembrance, Gleaming recalls something she often forgets.
>Her favorite biped drinking buddy is somehow not taken, and is practically the opposite of a gold digger. 
>He's just so marely and easygoing that Gleaming forgets he's a guy sometimes.
>If they can work this out, then the pair of mares can be together, and pull in an easily lovable male while they're at it, forming a happy family.
>All they need is a cunning plan to make him say yes...
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Greentext Version
>Be Cadence
>Princess of Love
>Love-Guru Supreme
>And [spoiler]She-Who-Thirsts[/spoiler]
>Kind of a big deal
>Be dead tired after a long day of various governmental bullshit
>Also kind of a big deal
>Flop down onto your bed with a [spoiler]pomf[/spoiler]
>It's only like, three o'clock, but a nap can't hurt, right?
>You bet Aunty Tia takes, like, tons of naps
>Probably even sleeps in the throne when the nobles come around
>Lucky cunt
>Try to get comfortable
>All you do is mess up the work somepony put into making your bed
>tiredandannoyedlovehorse.scroll
>Just as you were about to get up and grab a little something from the "Royal Reserve," something in the corner of your eye stops you
>It's a picture of you and Gleaming Shield on your first date
>You smile at the memory
>For such a marely mare of maresculinity, she was quite the cute little bundle of nerves that september day
>You lay back down and reminisce, a smile on your face
>You had met Gleaming while you foalsat her little sister
>She was quite the protective little teenage filly back then
>Hardly even a mare, but she still watched you as if any moment you'd turn into a filly-eating monster
>With time you earned her trust after a certain incident involving pickles, yarn, and a hoofball helmet
>Eventually that trust turned into a deeper friendship than you've ever known
>And in turn that friendship blossomed into something more as well
>You magic over the frame and settle back in
>Oh yeah, this is just what you need
>So what if you look like a tuft-beard?
>The only thing that matters is you, this bed, and the greatest nap known to ponykind
>Which you'll be taking in three, two-
>The door opens with a slam
>"I swear, if I see another noble 'drop a bit' in front of me again, it'll be too soon!"
>Aaaand hello Gleaming Shield and goodbye sleep, it was nice knowing you
>"Candy, I don't know how you dealt with this for so long."
>Your marefriend climbs onto the bed and flops down on you
>Also hello hoof-in-your-spine, how do you do?
>Thank you, alicorn endurance, or else that might have hurt
"Well Glimmy, I had the excuse of my 'Princess Training' for the most part, so unless you spontaneously sprout some wings, I've got nothing."
>She makes a noise somewhere between acknowledgment and annoyance before FINALLY noticing her hoof and repositioning
>Her hooves are around your barrel
>Her face is buried in the space between yours and your withers
>A half-remembered lesson on pony sociology and body language springs to mind
>You smile
>Even now, tired as she probably is and annoyed in a way you've unfortunately become VERY familiar with, she's still your Shield
>You hear her take a deep breath
>[spoiler]U-unf[/spoiler]
>"I'm sorry, Candy. It's just all these noble colts and their bull today."
>You hum
"Hmm. What happened today? Somepony 'drop a bit' again?"
>She snorts into your neck
>"I wish. No, some noble colt, Fancy-something or other, got it into their head that, as captain of the guard, I must have some kind of battle-fetish. So he gets it into his head that the best way to get into us was to come up and duel me 'for the honor of entrance into our most noble and royal herd.'
>You can't surpress a laugh at her terrible accent
"Really? Was he wearing a sun hat?"
>"Nah, full plate even! It was rusted to Tartarus and he obviously had no idea what he was doing, but points on for actually doing it and not getting his sister to. Points off for, you know, actually doing it."
>"We laughed him off o'course, but I still can't really believe that happened."
>You lay in comfortable silence for a while
>Her grip tightens
>"Candy, what are we gonna do? They're just gonna keep coming and coming."
>Hello elephant, how long've you been in the room?
>You sigh
>For these past few months, starting not long after you started dating Gleaming seriously, some nobles have been pressuring you to "stop acting like a common mare and find a stallion and form a proper herd"
>While there was nothing they could do, legally anyway, there wasn't anything YOU could do to make them stop either
>Personally you had no issues with bringing in a stallion
>Princess of Love and all that
>The problem, though, was that you weren't exactly... low profile
>Princess of Love and all that
>Golddiggersasfarastheeyecouldsee.tapestry
>And all the honest stallions were taken
>That's bad enough, but it just gets worse when you toss in the nobility and their entitelement
>You were the Princess of Love, and DAMNED if you were going to end up in some loveless political marriage
>You sigh
>Why can't you just find a stallion that sees the mares underneath the crown and armor?
>That sees the two of you as more than some meal-ticket or social ladder?
>You hear a smack behind you
>Oh, were you thinking out loud?
>You must be more tired than you thought
>Well, you're marefriend's here, your work's done [spoiler]for now[/spoiler]
>Now it's just gonne be you, the bed, and some good ol' slee-
>"By the Sun I'm an Idiot. I can't believe I forgot about Anon."
>Damnit Gleaming
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>Be Anon
>Manliest man in the ENTIRE WORLD [spoiler]of little horses[/spoiler]
>Also be sitting in a booth at one of your preffered bars
>One of your drinkin' buddies asked you to come around tonight
>Even asked you to be in this booth specifically
>Didn't say why, but you were never one to turn down a free drink and good company
>You seemed to get the former a hell of a lot more often now than when you were on Earth, and Ol' Glim-Glam wasn't too bad for conversation either
>You weren't that fond when Celestia basically told you that you were expected to pretty much be a woman here
>But this whole reverse-gender-roles thing did have its perks
>Speaking of...
>Take a nice deep drink of the drink the latest group of "friendly" mares bought you
>Fruity as hell, and weaker than hell even compared to other pony drinks
>Honestly closer to a soda than anything you'd find in a bar on Earth
>Even a Rum n' Coke
>Oh, there they are now!
>Just catch their eyes...
>Fish around a little with your tongue...
>Voila! You know have a roughly pea-sized crystal in your teeth and a smile on your face
>All three mares' eyes widen
>You thought they were big before
>But now they're like Goddamn white-boards with teeny-tiny dots in the center
>They run out the door as if a hungry Usain Bolt were on their heels
>Always fun to call those date-rape fucks out
>You used to be worried about roofies, but after a few difficult shits you realized that pony-drugs were pretty much 100% magic
>And you were immune to that shit
>Unfortunately, the crystals that held that magic themselves were immune to YOUR shit, too
>Your stomach acids, specifically
>Spit that into a mug of "ice" you brought along
>Just as it passes the rim, another bit of "ice" is added to the pile
>Even though she keeps saying she's nothing compared to her sister, Gleaming can make a damn fine enchantment in your opinion
>"Ah, there's my favourite Alien!"
>Speak of the devil and (s)he shall appear
"Yo, Glim-Glam, what took you so long?"
>Thescrunchening.mov
>She hates that fucking name
>All the more reason to use it
>She hops up into seat across from you, along with a pink pegasus you don't think you've ever seen before
>Kinda looks like Cadence, from what you've heard
>[spoiler]Got the freaky hair, too[/spoiler]
>Never actually met the pinkest little pony princess
>But about 90% of what Gleaming talked about involved her
>And it just got lewder the drunker your little unicorn friend got
>You're pretty sure you can recite about half of the alicorn's life story, just from what Gleaming's told you
>They get some drinks and settle in
>"Allow me to introduce you two."
>She motions to the pegasus
>"Anon, this is my Marefriend Cadence."
>She  motions to you
>"Cadence, this is Anon."
>Wait what
>Look from Glim-Glam to "Cadence," then back to Glim-Glam
"Gleaming, I know breakups can be hard, but you probably shouldn't date someone with the same name as your ex."
>Gleaming chokes on the cider she's drinking
>You turn toward "Cadence"
"So, does she have a dildo to tape onto your head too?"
>She goes from pink to red in about a picosecond
>Gleaming sounds like she's hacking up a lung, but manages to speak
>Okay, more like whisper-shout
>"No, no Anon! This IS Cadence, we just have a glamour up to hide her horn while we're out!"
>Oh
>In retrospect, that makes a lot more sense
>Quick play it off
"My point still stands."
>Good enough
>PRINCESS Cadence looks a bit confused
>Looks to her girlfriend
>Gleaming looks like she's pleading for death, but nods once she notices Cadence's look
>They both down their drinks in what might've been an intimidating display of fortitude if you were, like, twelve
>"Anon, I- no, WE have something to talk to you about. Do you think we could head to your place for a bit?"
>Okay, things just went from zero to weird in an instant
>Still, she's your bro, so you could handle a bit of weird for her
>You nod, they pay for their drinks, and you're sitting in your living room a few minutes later
>Gleaming glances toward Cadence and takes a deep breath
>She was real fidgety on the way over
>Both of them were, in fact
>Shit, whatever it is, it must be big 
>"Anon, we want to start a herd with you."
>Wut?
>"You know how the nobles are breathing down our necks, right? Shit, I talk your ear off about it enough."
>You're still kind of in shock, but it seems Gleaming's gaining steam
>"One of 'em even-"
>She stops herself and shakes her head
>"No, better just forget that whole... thing."
>"The point is; the nobles won't stop until we bring in a colt, but we'd really rather not bring in a gold-digger or something like that."
>She looks up at you with those damn big pony eyes
>"And so me and Candy got to talking and, well, since you're pretty much the opposite of a gold digger,"
>O shit man is she blushing?
>"And you're my best friend except for Cadence, so I-I was thinking..."
>She trails off, big soulful poner eyes flitting between you and Cadence
>You lean back and heave as quiet a sigh as you can
>Shit, this was not what you were expecting when your bro asked you to go drinking tonight
>Your eyes find Cadence's
>She's been really calm about this
>Sure she's got a bit of a jitter, but she's a hell of a lot calmer than you'd be in her situation
"And what're your thoughts on this?"
>She looks a bit surprised a being adressed
>She turns to Gleaming and drapes a wing over her back
>"Well, I trust her, and she's had nothing but good things to say about you, before and after we thought about this."
>She turns back to you
>Fuck, you recognize that twinkle in her eye
>That's the glimmer Celestia always had whenever she says something that made you want to strangle her
>"And besides, anypony that can ruffle her feathers like that even though she doesn't have any is good in my book."
>Bullet Status : Dodged
[spoiler]>You weren't even in her sights[/spoiler]
>Gleaming gets redder, groans, and tries to bury herself in her girlfriend's wing
>At this rate you think she'll end up as pink as Cadence
>"I have to admit, I really wasn't expecting that big fight I heard you had with Celestia last month to be about whether or not you could have a job."
>You grimace at the memory
>Despite Celestia actually being a pretty good ruler, her motherly attitude can make her act a bit... old fashioned, you suppose
>You don't know if that was just how she was, if she had her eye on you or what and was "training" you, or something else entirely
>But she was pretty against you getting a job
>Like, REALLY against it
>Wanted you to "grow out of such coltish whimsy"
>Eventually it came to a head
>Things were said
>You packed your things and left the castle
>Now you have your own place and job
>And, if what your bro and her girlfriend were saying was true, you'd have a herd before long too
>You chuckle
>How would Celestia react when she hears that you have basically everything you could want BECAUSE of your "whimsy?"
>Damn, son, you'd pay to see that
>"-ay not be impressive to you, but I honestly can't think of a pony that'd turn down staying at a castle to stand on their own four hooves."
>Shit, you zoned out
>"And besides, with how cute you are, now I KNOW Gleaming has good taste, and didn't just get lucky with me."
>Oh
>Oh my
-X-
>You are Cadence
>SMOOTHEST OPERATOR IN ALL EQUESTRIA
>YEAH
-X-
>Be Anon
>The easily flustered, apparently
>Your cheeks burn with an unfamiliar heat
>Turn from Cadence's winning smile to your bro
>Glim-Glam is also blushing
>Not much of a change, but it seems she can't handle compliments well either
>Well...
>You can't deny they're pretty little ponies
>Nor can you deny that Gleaming's always had your back
>Hell, she was the reason you HAD a job
>Even if nothing "real" came out of this, you can't exactly deny your bro
>You weren't around them often, but those nobles could be real bloodsuckers
>You'd hate to see what'd happen if they got their fangs into the two of them
>Gleaming was always so animated when she talked about Cadence
>So happy
>Hell, even now you can see them leaning on eachother in little ways
>Gottaprotectthosesmiles.jpeg
>You look between them once more
>They're both hopeful, though you can see some worry in their eyes
>Cadence is hiding it behind her confidence, but its still there
>Shit, they're really betting on you, aren't they
>Fuck, was your mouth always this dry?
"Well..."
>Their both perk up, just like dogs
>Yourheart.gif
"I can't gurantee this'll work out, but I'm willing to try."
>Before you even know what the fuck, there's a white blur and your on your back on the couch
>By the trouble your having breathing and the two-tone blue obscuring your vision, you suspect Gleaming has hugged you at roughly terminal velocity
>She sounds like she's trying to say a million things at once
>After a few false starts, she just gives up and starts rubbing her face in your chest
>Cadence giggles from her seat and the marshmallow on your chest freezes
>"I know he said yes Gleaming, but how about we all go on a few dates BEFORE you start Marking him."
>She hops down and leans her head near Glim-Glam's ear
>"Besides, I can think of a few more... fun ways to do that."
>You barely heard it, but there's no questioning that she just said that
>You said it once, you'll say it again
"Oh my..."
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>Be Gleaming Shield
>Getting fitted for a dress
>Also probably be pink by the end of this
>You don't DO dresses
>But since you and Cadence have a date with Anon tonight, you have to wear one
>You can handle a lot of things
>Armor? Obviously, you were a guard before you were the captain
>Formal dress uniform? Does the word "Captain" mean nothing to you?
>But dresses?
[spoiler]>Ech[/spoiler]
>Shit, Cadence noticed
>You know that look
>She waves the tailor off for a moment
>"Could we get a few minutes alone, Silk?"
>The stallion looked like he wanted to argue for a moment
>Steps off her little dais while magicking each little pin to stay in place once she's out off it
>She is WAY too good with her magic for somepony born as a pegasus
[spoiler]>And why does it turn you on so much?![/spoiler]
>"What's wrong, Glimmy?"
>You fight a frown back
>Ever since she heard Anon's little nickname for you, she's been calling you that
>It's been four WEEKS of nothing but "Glimmy" interspersed with some "Glim-Glams" from Anon whenever the three of you went on dates
>At this point, you honestly wouldn't be surprised if, come Hearth's Warming, she decides to legally change your name to "Glimmy Glim-Glam"
[spoiler]>They must NEVER KNOW how much  you like it
>Fur's sweaty
>Legs are weak, hooves are heavy
>Insides fuzzy already
>Mom's Hayghetti![/spoiler]
>Most of those dates were casual things
>A lunch here
>A day just walking around one of Canterlot's parks there
>Even a rainy day spent just playing board games at Anon's place
>But not this one
>No, despite the fact that Anon's about as coltish as your patrol spear, you have to "wine and dine him like proper mares"
[spoiler]>Never mind that you were never "wined and dined," nor did the "wining and dining"
>Wait, that was probably because you couldn't drink back then[/spoiler]
>Thus the dress
>You're about 90% certain Cadence has some kind of romance fetish that hasn't been satisfied yet
>Wouldn't be surprising, really
>"Don't you want to look good for tonight? Look good for me?"
>Oh yeah, Cadence is still here
>Damn those fluttery-eyelashes of hers!
>Her look turns sly
>"Don't you want to look good for Anon?"
>O-oh, that's a blush, right there...
>When you had started this whole herd thing, you honestly just wanted it to make the nobles FUCK OFF, as Anon would put it
>That's not to say you were opposed to actually being with Anon, he was your "bro" after all, but it just wasn't your primary concern
>But now...
>Let's just say it didn't take long to bring some... unacknowledged feelings to the fore
>Feelings you haven't felt since you realized Cadence was hot
>You manage a weak nod
>Damnit, you were the captain of the Royal Guard!
>You were not supposed to get flustered this easily!
>"And do you want to know what I think?"
>Shit, when did she get so close?
>She's right in your face
>You can only nod
>"I think it looks great on you, but it'd look even better on Anon's floor tonight."
>Before you can even process what she said, she closes in with a peck on your [spoiler]snoot[/spoiler]
>And just like that, she trots back to her dais and resumes the position
>Like
>Nothing
>Even
>Happened
>It takes a few minutes for you figure out how to Pony again
>All you can do is shake your head
"Damn blue-beaning marefriends..."
>When did this dress get so warm?
-X-
>Be Gleaming Shield again
>But later
>After your fitting, you had some time to relax before your date
>Relax with a dear friend who's name starts with a B and rhymes with fuzz, that is
[spoiler]>By the sun, you thought you stopped doing this stuff once you were in a relationship![/spoiler]
>It was evening now
>About seven P.M
>Time to be a proper gentlemare and pick up your date with Cadence, once again under her glamour
>You wanted to keep this quiet for as long as possible
>Never before were you more thankful for your common coloration
>And the way nobles tend to stick their noses in the air and ignore everything they aren't concerned with
>That too
>You got a few looks, walking into an apartment complex with such ritzy dresses on like you own the place
[spoiler]>Cadence just might, what with the whole "princess" thing
>Or was it just like that for Celestia?
>Have to ask her that later[/spoiler]
>Wonder what this "traditional human formal attire" will look like?
>You find his door and knock
>"Coming!"
>Cadence starts to grin
"No."
>She starts to pout
>You WILL stand strong
"NO."
>Her cheeks just puff out more
>hecannaetakeanymore.scroll
>The door opens just as you were about to give in
>And just like that you love Anon forever
>The motion has been put forward, seconded, held to vote, and written into the Law of Gleaming Shield
>He steps out in... something
>Well, it's certainly not a saddle
>In fact, it sort of looks like those vest things you've seen some of the particularly pompous nobles wear
>"Hey girls, you ready to go?"
>Cadence says... something
>You weren't paying attention, too busy trying to decipher just what your kinda-coltfriend was wearing
>It was mostly black, a nice contrast with his furless body
>But then there was a wide stripe of white, then a small dangling bit of red cloth in the front
>Again, a nice contrast in your amateur opinion, but it was just so... unpony-like
>"What's wrong, Glim-Glam? Don't like the suit?"
>Shit, you were staring
>Quick say something
"No, it's just... weird."
>BUCK
>WHY DID YOU JUST SAY THAT
>THIS IS YOUR FIRST REAL DATE WITH ANON
>AND YOU SAY THAT
>Anon smiles, as if you didn't just insult his clothes
>"Yes, I suppose it is a bit odd compared to what you're used to."
>He steps fully out into the hall, locking up before heading toward the main doors
>"The tailor I had make this kept going on and on about making me a 'proper saddle' instead, but I managed to convince him otherwise."
>He lets out a little laugh
>"I'd like to think my piggy-back rides aren't so bad as to need padding quite yet."
>Piggy-back rides?
>What the buck is this colt talking about?
>Before you know it, you're back out in the street
>Anon looks between the two of you
>"So, ladies, you said you'd surprise me tonight, so lead the way."
>Cadence takes the lead and sets off down the winding streets of Canterlot toward the restaurant
>You love this city, but damn could it be complicated at times
>Meanwhile, you take up position at Anon's side
>You can hear them talking about something, but you aren't really paying attention
>Your mind wanders
>Just what the buck was a piggy-back ride?
>Anon said his species was related to apes, right?
>Wait, no, he said he was a hominid, a highly evolved form of ape
>Eh, close enough
>So what would be a piggy back ride, and how would he give one?
>Before you could be completely lost to your thoughts, you run into something head-first
>Or rather someONE
>"Woah, Gleaming, you alright? Thought we lost you there for a second."
>Anon and Cadence look on, amusement and the barest glint of concern in their eyes
>Before you could say or do anything, your mouth does the thing again
>You know
>The THING
>The thing where it moves without you asking it to
"Anon, what's a piggy-back ride?"
>Hoof, welcome to your new home in scenic "Mouth"
>Anon looks at you like you've sprouted a second head for a bit before shaking his head and laughing again
[spoiler]>You're beginning to suspect he finds your slip-ups funny[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>You're surprisingly OK with that[/spoiler]
>His laughter eventually peters out enough for him to speak
>"Whew, that threw me for a bit of a loop. Though, I suppose it makes sense you wouldn't have something like that, or at least not by the same name."
>He turns around and kneels down, looking at you over his shoulder
>"Here, lemme show you. Climb on up and set your forehooves up here,"
>He pats his shoulders
>"And I'll hold your hindlegs."
>Hold your hindlegs?
>Wha...?
>You look to Cadence, but for once she actually looks as confused as you
>You look back to Anon, hoping for an explanation
>But all you get is an eyefull of just how earnest he looked
>"Come on, I won't let you fall."
>Shit, why'd he have to say it like that...
>Before you know it, you're placing your hooves on his shoulders
>Sun, you feel so weird doing this
>You just KNOW you look like a colt mounting something
>Now, what are you supposed to do with your hindlegs again?
>Before you can ask, you feel a pair of hands clasp onto you just under your flank
>You wrap your hooves around Anon's neck just in time to see the ground get a LOT further away
>Holyshitnomakeitstop.carving
>You reflexively kick, but your hooves catch nothing but air
>You pull closer to Anon, forgetting that your hooves were around his neck
>You were a unicorn, mare, not a pegasus!
>You weren't meant to be this high up!
>"Gleaming, it's ok. You'll be fine, I won't let you fall."
>Eventually you noticed you were not, in fact, a splatter on the recently estranged ground
>You open your eyes and, Tartarus, you were even still alive!
>You look around, finally not acting like a totally reasonable guardsmare thrust into an unfamiliar situation without notice
[spoiler]>Yup, going with that
>Totally wasn't acting like a scared little filly at all[/spoiler]
"Woah..."
>Was this what it's like to be Celestia?
>Wait, Anon was taller than Celestia
>DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE TALLER THAN CELESTIA?!
>You feel something grow in the pit of your stomach
>You know this feeling
>You haven't felt this feeling since you really realized Cadence had said 'yes' when you asked her on a date for the first time, and before that when you got your first practice spear for hearth's warming years ago 
>You LIKE this feeling
>"Well, seems someone's enjoying her ride."
>You hear Cadence huff, but you don't care
>You were too busy taking in being the TALLEST FATHERBUCKER IN EQUESTRIA
>"She better, because of her little panic attack, we don't have much time before we lose our reservations."
>The world shifts, and you start bouncing in place
>Anon must be moving
>"You lead I follow, Cadence."
>The world passes in a mix of pretty lights and clip-clops
>Was this what drugs were like?
>Far too soon, you found yourself on your hooves again, trying to remember how to Pony for the second time in a day in front of the restaurant
>Maybe you should see a doctor about that
>Pushing the thought aside, you follow your dates to the building
>A mare dressed in her own, much more functional dress awaits behind one of those... tall not-desks on a little patio outside the restaurant proper
>Buck, where was Twily when you needed her?
>Probably forgetting to eat after her lates book-binge hit hour four, you realize
>Little sister or not, that mare needed to get OUT sometime
>But still
>She'd know what the buck that thing was called
>The mare looks up at you and smiles
>"Hi! Welcome to the Safari Sampler's, how can I help you tonight?"
>You blink
>Wow, a pony in customer service that actually likes her job?
>In CANTERLOT?
>Just... wow
>You weren't expecting that tonight
>Cadance steps forward and takes the lead
>"Yes, uh, we should a reservation here for three? Under "Dented Hoplon?"
>As the mare looks in her little book-of-names, you grumble a little under your breath
>Why's it always gotta be YOUR name that gets mangled whenever you wanna go out?
>Oh, right
>Cadance was a princess-and-household-name-in-training, and Anon was literally an alien
>You're the closest to "normal" out of the three of you
>Sometimes you wonder when your life became one of those animares you TOTALLY DON'T WATCH, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?
>Out of the corner of your eye you see the mare nod, and you realize its time to start being a normal pony again and stop screaming at yourself in your head
[spoiler]>Normal ponies don't do that, right?
>Right?[/spoiler]
>In a few minutes you're inside and seated
>As the unicorn waiter sets down your menus, you can't help but feel jittery
>This felt like a stroke of genius when you thought it up
>You really hope this goes as well as you think it will
>Anon picks up his menu and barely glances at it before his eyes go wide
>He looks from the menu, to you and Cadence, to the menu again, before "settling" on flicking between you two
>"I-is this what I think it is?"
>YES
>HE LIKED IT
>Cadence's smile is a bit more restrained and dignified than yours, but you can tell she's just as happy it worked
>"Yes, it is, Anon."
>A wing wraps around you and pulls you to your marefriend
>"One of Glimmy here's guards has a Griffin partner, and according to her this place has the best griffin food in all of Canterlot."
>"I even heard it has a few special options for ponies wanting to live on the 'wild side' for a night."
>She laughs and pulls you closer
>"With all these good ideas she's been having lately, sometimes I wonder which one of us should be the princess."
>She plants a little kiss on your cheek and winks
>"She's certainly pretty enough for it."
>Dontblushdontblushdontblush
>Please just let you have this
>Please let you look like a resourceful and respectable mare for ONCE in front of Anon
>Just ONCE
[spoiler]>Aaaand there's the blush
>BUCK[/spoiler]
>One of these days, Cadence
>ONE OF THESE DAYS
>ONE OF THESE DAYS, SHE WILL BE THE BLUSHING LITTLE FILLY
>NOT YOU
>"Thank you, Gleaming. You have NO idea how long it's been since I've had a good steak dinner."
>He reaches over and gives you a few good [spoiler]ear scratches
>O-oh yeah, that's the stuff...[/spoiler]
>After that, dinner went well
>You ate, you drank,  and you were merry
>You even tried a tofu-steak!
>But now the food was eaten and things were winding down
>Cadence and Anon were talking while you looked at a desert menu
>Would Anon mind if you got a desert to take home?
>You and Cadence were paying, of course, but this was a date
[spoiler]>A date you were hoping to get lucky on[/spoiler]
>Y-yeah, he should be fine with it
>He's chill like that
>Now, what was that chocolate thing called
>Ah, there it is-
>"Captain Shield? Captain, is that you?"
>HOLYSHITWHAT
>You totally did NOT jump about a foot in the air
>You swing your head around, trying to find who did NOT just about give you a heart attack
>Your heart very nearly does stop when you find just who it was
>Stormy Gale, the very same guard who told you about this place, was heading toward you from across the restaurant, griffin coltfriend in tow
[spoiler]>Or was it tomfriend? You never could figure that out[/spoiler]
>And by the Sun, was she MAKING A SCENE
>You try to silently scream at her to stop with your hooves, but she just KEPT COMING
>She wasn't even half-way to you, but you could already see the other patrons glancing your way and muttering to themselves
>Common colors and cutie-mark obscuring dress aside, you were still well known
>And you could see the dots connecting in their heads
>Buck desert, you need to get out of here
>You manage to wave down a waiter
>You get up, teleport a hundred-bit coin onto the table
>The meals were only about fifty bits all together, but time was of the essence
"Lovely service, thanks for the food, will be sure to tell all my friends, BYE!"
>Forgetting about the shell-shocked waiter, you try to push a confused Anon toward the door
>Cadence was already up, trying to clear a path ahead through the suddenly-crowded restaurant
>Comeoncomeoncomeon!
>Before you knew it, the LAST pegasus you wanted to see was right in front of you
>AND SHE WAS BLOCKING THE EXIT
>"Captain Shield, what are you doing here? I didn't know you liked griffin food!"
>She looks between Anon and the still-glamoured Cadence
>She scrunches
>"Who are these two? I thought you were herding with Princess Cadenza?"
>She looks between the three of you, STILL BLOCKING THE DOOR, before her eyes widen and she gasps
>"Did you break up?! Ohmigawsh, Captain, I'm so sorry for you!"
>She gets right up next to you-
>ESCAPE!
>And slips a wing around you in "support," trapping you next to her
>BUCK!
>"Don't you worry about a thing, Captain! Me and the troops have your back!"
>"Just you wait 'till I tell Morning Star, she'll set you up with-"
>You stopped listening
>By the Sun, you DID NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW
>YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET LUCKY TONIGHT
>A snarl shoves its way out of your throat
"Corporal Gale, I swear by the SUN, if you don't let me go RIGHT NOW, you will be following the maids around until YOUR GRANDFOALS CAN ENLIST!"
>That gave her pause
>Along with giving you a chance to escape
>Thankfully, you manage to get out from under the mare's wings
>Cadence and Anon watch you with concern from the door
>You don't even look at them as you exit the now-quiet restaurant
>They don't say anything, but stay close while you trudge down the street
>You were lucky that place wasn't popular among the nobles, but it was still high class
>Some say the unicorns of Canterlot gossiped before they learned to speak 
>Ponies will be talking sooner or later
>Sun, why did she have to say... Tartarus, all of THAT?
>You only manage to trot a few blocks before whatever was fueling you peters out
>You sit down on your haunches at a corner and sigh
>You look between the two of them
>The concern in their eyes
"I'm sorry about that, its just the night was going so well, then she shows up and makes that scene, and now ponies will be talking and thinking Cadence and I broke up-"
>Oh, you think you're rambling
"And now they're gonna be after us even MORE now, and only the Sun knows what they might do to you, Anon."
>Yeah, you're rambling
>Damn, you loved your family, but why did THAT have to come with it?
>Thankfully before you could continue digging your little pit deeper, you feel a pair of arms wrap around you, and wings on top of that
>"It's okay, Gleaming. It's okay."
>He gently pets your mane, voice soft
>Your eyes began to sting
>No
>No, you WEREN'T going to cry, damnit!
>You manage to blink away the tears, only a few getting out and playing Tartarus with your makeup
"But the nobles-"
>This time Cadence chimes in, making gentle shushing noises as she nuzzles your cheek
>"Let them think what they think. They'll be wrong, and whatever they do will be wasted effort, just like it already is."
>She pulls back and looks up at Anon and smiles
>"And besides, you don't think we were going to date Anon in secret FOREVER, do you?"
>She shakes her head
>"This came a bit quicker than I expected, but we were ALWAYS going to be public with our relationship with Anon eventually, Gleaming."
>She looks between the two of you, and smiles even brighter
>Knowing her, she's probably thinking of your wedding day, or when your first foals are going to be born, or something like that
>"All we need is the perfect opportunity to announce us."
>Us
>For some reason, just thinking that word makes you happy
>Hearing it makes you smile
>Makes Anon smile, too, it seems
>Cadence leans back and gently boops you on the nose with her hoof
>"And you just leave that to me, little missy. Soon as we're back home, you are going to bed, you hear?"
>You grumble, but can't deny that the dinner and the... incident after has left you feeling drained
>You nod, and she pats you on the head
>"Good. Now, in the meantime, how about we walk our date home, Glimmy?"
>All you can do is nod.
>The rest of the walk back to Anon's is spent in comfortable silence
>Before you know it, you're at his door once again.
>Earlier tonight you'd been expecting to be walking through that door and into the next stage of your relationship with the alien stallion
>But right now you can't think of anything you'd want more than the hug and kiss he gave each of you
>You walk back to the castle with Cadence
>You didn't get lucky
>Your makeup is probably ruined
>Your dress is probably ruffled in ways that would probably have the royal dressmaker burn it to "put it out of its misery"
>And to top it all off, the nobility would be on your flank the moment Gale talks to practically anypony
>But right now you just don't care
>Everything seems brighter
>From the street lights to the stars
>Even the Mare in the Moon seems to be beaming tonight
>And you can't help but join her
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>Be Cadence
>Also, apparently have a second Aunt now?
>But most importantly, be dead tired
>Again
[spoiler]>You're starting to suspect there's some kind of pattern to it all[/spoiler]
>Once again you plop down in your bed next to a still-asleep Gleaming
>Traitor
>But instead of it being at three o'clock after a tedious day's work, it was about five o'clock in the MORNING after a long night of talking with your new(?) Aunt
>Apparently yesterday somepony managed to complete some ancient prophecy to purge an alicorn of some kind of corruption
>That alicorn just so happened to be Aunt Celestia's sister, and thus your new kind-of-aunt
>But one question kept bugging you
>Why the buck was she so small if she's supposed to be only a few years younger than Aunt Celestia?
>She was only a little bigger than Twily was when you foalsat her, and she was just seven then! 
>The mind boggling difference in sizes aside, Aunt Luna's just so... disconnected from pretty much everything from the last millenia
>Though that was a bit of a given, considering she was apparently on the moon for that millenia
>Turns out SHE was the Mare in the Moon after all
>You can already hear Gleaming's dad throwing a fit, along with anypony with even a passing interest in the night sky
>What WASN'T a given though, was Aunt Celestia's odd... eagerness?
>She REALLY wanted the two of you to get along
>You could get that, but somewhere along the way, it became less "wanting my family to get along," and more some kind of... platonic matchmaking
>At least, you sincerely hope it was platonic
>You're quite content with Gleaming and Anon, thank you very much
>You're not even going to touch the "related-but-not-really" thing
>There was only so much one mare could take
>You snuggle up to your snoozing marefriend and just decompress
>Both of you will have to be up in a few hours, but you just don't care
>Right now, its just you and your marefriend
>Said marefriend mumbles a bit in her sleep, and shuffles closer to you
>You smile
>She always was a cuddler
>Anon is too, if the night-before-last and yesterday-turned-night were anything to go by
>That was one positive of all this
>You got to spend all night and day with your herd
>Your smile widens just that bit more at the thought
>You haven't done anything sexual with Anon yet, but thankfully that did not preclude a nice night of snuggling
>The more you think about him, the more you miss your big apelien coltfriend
>Or "boyfriend," as the term from his home is
>You'll have to visit him tomorrow
>Maybe even ask him to come with you and Gleaming for that big formal "Welcome back to Equestria, Luna" party/feast/thing Aunt Celestia has planned in a few days
>Gonna be lots of nobles there, cozying up to the "new" princess, and you could use the support
>Especially with the rumors spawned from last week's date
>Wait
>Your smile widens into a big, toothy grin
>This might be just the opportunity you were looking for...
-X-
>Still be Cadence
>Headin' downtown to find yo' stallion
[spoiler]>Note to self: Never do a south Detrot accent again, Cadence
>NEVER[/spoiler]
>Once again under a glamour
>Slightly edited, this time
>You huff as you remember some of the things you heard after your semi-aborted dinner date last week
>You were not "some random pegasus mare!"
>What did they think you were, some changeling slapping a disguise on for a quick lay?
>That was YOU before you grew a horn!
>You'd think you were at least important enough for ponies to wonder what you looked like before you ascended
>But nooo, you were a random pegasus
>So you took their opinions to heart, and slapped some random colors on your glamour today
>And in your honest opinion, you've never seen a single more clashing, eye-watering pony than the one you saw in the mirror before you left
>Perfect
>In just a few minutes, you're entering Anon's building again
>Though now you notice a few looks you've been getting
>Looks besides barely-hidden existential disgust from your colors
>No, these were the looks of curiosity
>Of confusion
>Of, dare you say it, scandalization!
>And even looks of envy on a couple stallions you'd passed
>Confused envy, but envy all the same
>These were the looks of ponies just a hair's breadth away from gossiping
>But why were they throwing these looks your way?
>Oh yeah, with this, it looks like Anon's been visited by three different mares in the last month or so
>One of whom was the captain of the guard
>Your heart aches at the thought of what this must be doing to your stallion's reputation
>He may be pretty much a mare at heart, but you wouldn't wish what some ponies said on anypony
>Soon enough, you're in front of Anon's door
>You knock
"Anon? It's me. Can I come in?"
>Your voice is one of the few things you didn't change with this glamour
>Had to get in somehow
>Barely a minute later, Anon opens the door
>And very nearly slams it shut again when he sees you
>He peeks around the mostly-closed door, brown knitting in confusion and probably pain
>Wow, he looks just like how you feel when you have to go to the bathroom at night and turn the light on too quick
>"...Candy? Is that you?"
>You nod, then slap on a sheepish smile when his face twitches more
>Probably from your just-as-terrible mane being in motion
"It's me, Anon. Mind if I come in, so I can 'slip out' of this?"
>Maybe he wasn't as mare-like as you thought...
[spoiler]>Oh, who were you kidding?
>You made this thing as terrible as you could[/spoiler]
>He nods and motions you in
>"Damn, Candy, you look like a bag of skittles with all the good ones taken out."
>Nope, there's the bluntness
>You drop the glamour, and hop up onto Anon's couch
>He sits down next to you and pulls you close
>"So, what brings you here today, Candy? Other than assaulting my eyes with malicious intent."
>You wriggle closer into the embrace, and he holds you tighter
>That's a good colt...
"Well, you know how the night lasted extra-long last time me and Gleaming were here?"
>He nods
"Apparently, my Aunt was the cause of that. Not Celestia."
>You feel him shift
>"Oh, you had another Aunt? I didn't know that."
>Aw, he was concerned about upsetting you
>You chuckle to yourself a little
"Neither did I, seeing as she was on the moon for the last thousand-odd years."
>Some say they can feel when other ponies stare at them from behind
>But you can feel Anon's eyebrow rising like the SUN
"She's Aunt Celestia's sister, so she's an alicorn too. Anyway, there's going to be this big welcome-back party up at the castle in a few days."
>You wave a hoof in the air
"There'll be food, drinks, a millenia-displaced princess, and nobles galore all the way into the night. It'll be..."
>"Paradise?"
>You laugh
"Yeah, paradise."
>You look up at him
"So, you want to go? Gleaming and I will be there, and I figure this might be just what we need to announce us."
>Alright, proposal's all laid out
>Now all that's left is to turn the "pleading face" up to about twenty percent
>He hums and looks away
>"Well..."
>Thirty percent
>"I'm not really all that fond of parties, Candy..."
>FORTY!
>"But for you and Glim-Glam, I suppose I could."
>YES
>He pulls you close, trapping your wings between your back and his stomach
>You can feel a laugh rumble out of him
>"And after all the crap they put you two through, I can't wait to see all those nobles' faces once we break the news."
>You smile, nice and wide
>You knew there was a reason you loved this colt
-X-
>Stil be Cadence
>What, were you expecting something different?
>You're gonna be you for a while
>The night of the party has arrived
>Anon had arrived earlier
>Normally that would've stirred the hornet's nest something fierce, but with all the nobles and dignitaries from other lands visiting, even your local apelien could slip in largely unnoticed
>Pretty sure Gleaming said something about "failing a perception check"
>You're all gussied up and ready
>Gleaming was in a dress uniform
>Anon was in his "suit" again
>And you were just in your regalia
>princessprivelageop.parchment
>Now all that's left is to wait to be called down...
>A knock resounds from your door
>"Princess Cadenza? Princess Celestia requests your presence for the night's festivities."
>And there it is
>Your herd forms up with you at the head, and you all head out
>It feels weird, not being by Anon's side, with Gleaming at the other
>You know for a fact he's only a few hooves behind you, but it still feels...
>Exposed?
>Yeah, let's go with exposed
>You didn't like it
>But you were all here to send a message, so a message you shall send
>A short eternity of staring-but-not and muttered questions later, you were in the great hall
>Normally it was only used for the Grand Galloping Gala, or the rare marriage amongst the higher nobility, but now it was packed
>A buffet filled with foods most ponies can't even pronounce lined one wall
>A stage and band already playing on it lined another
>And on the far wall were three thrones on a raised platform
>One held Celestia, picture perfect smile already in place as she talks to some griffin
>The one to her right held a little blue filly, mane full of stars and looking caught between happiness at being the center of attention, and grouchy at being so small
>And the one on Celestia's left...
>Buuuuck...
>You could've sworn you told the servants to get a minotaur chair for Anon
>You know there're some in the castle
>Buck, you could SEE some in the hall already!
>But instead of a throne, a chair, and a cushion, there was just a throne and two cushions
>Small cushions, too
>Too late now, people were already looking at you
>Can't just duck out to grab a chair for your coltfriend
>Time to mare up, Cadence
>Mare up and walk
>You step out and the crowds part
>As you near the thrones, Aunt Celestia looks up from her conversation
>Her eyes widen when she sees Anon
>Oh yeah, you forgot they weren't exactly friends at the moment...
>She looks like she wants to say something, but just nods at you
>You turn to your throne
>Now, how to deal with this "no-chair" thing...
>You're still not sure how Anon manages to stand on only two legs
>Standing on them all night, though?
>That can't be comfortable
>"Psst, Cadence."
>You angle flick an ear back towards your coltfriend
"Yeah, Anon?"
>"You said we were here to send a message, right?"
>You nod
>"Well, how about we send a message?"
>What?
>Before you can ask, he steps forward and sits down
>Right in your throne
>WHAT IS HE THINKING?!
>It feels as if your blood was cooled ten degrees in an instant
>Whip your head around to see if anyone saw
>BUCK, BUCK!
>A few are already staring in open confusion
>You look back to Anon, and he's... patting his legs?
>He nods at his lap quickly
>"Quick, sit down before we ALL look like jackasses."
>You want to ask what donkeys have to do with him sitting in your throne, but you can't deny an out when it's presented to you on a silver platter
>Golden, even, in this case
>You sit down, and motion Gleaming to do the same
>Gotta go all in
>She hesitates, likely her guardsmare training keeping her from doing something "improper" in public with the princesses so close
>You glance up and- WOW that's a lot of people looking at you
>Okay, time to hurry this along
>You give your marefriend a magical -and thankfully invisible- kick in her cute tush
>She stumbles forward, giving Anon the chance to pick her up and plop her down on his other leg
>You look back up at the crowd
>Okay, interest seems to be bleeding off of you all and back into their conversations
>You let out a breath and relax into Anon, absentmindedly wriggling deeper into his hold
"Okay, so besides giving me a heart attack, what kind of message is this supposed to be sending, Anon?"
>You feel an arm snake around your back
>"Well, you're the princess of love, right?"
>You nod, and spot his other arm going behind Gleaming now
>"And the nobles have been giving you hell lately because of your relationship, your love, right?"
>This time you both nod
>Where was he going with this?
>"So what better way to send a message..."
>Without warning, he pulls the both of you close, mashing his cheeks into yours at once
>The nuzzle was exaggerated, rough, and all around amateurish
>And from the gasps you can hear from the crowd, it was also highly visible
>Most of them were male, in fact
>"Than cuddling up here, in full view of every blue-blooded fuck within a country mile?"
>THUMP
>Aaand somepony just fainted
>Well, you DID want to send a message...
>But, as you shift around trying to both get comfortable and continue the super-nuzzle, something tells you this was a hell of a way to start a LONG night
-X-
>Grass grows
>Birds fly
>Sun shines
>And you're still Cadence
>A few hours have passed after Anon's little display
>For a bit there, you honestly thought the nobles would just charge you
>More than a few stallions looked angry, but they knew they couldn't do anything
>You've never been more thankful for the crown on your head than you are now
>Eventually, things quieted back down
>Attention drifted from your alien coltfriend back to the "new" princess
>Though, more than once you heard a few ponies' gossip drift into your ears
>For once in your life, you WANT the nobles to gossip about you
>You shake your head
>What's the world coming to?
>The time for sitting pretty on your handsome throne has passed, and now you and your Aunts drift through the party, talking to the various guests
>You, of course, keep Gleaming and Anon close
>It may have been a strong message he sent, but it shouldn't hurt to send a few more tonight
>As you bid farewell to some well-to-do zebra from Manehatten, you hear a high-pitched voice behind you
>"Fair colt? We would wish to have words with you."
>Is that Aunt Luna?
>Who's she talking to?
>You turn and, trying to look like you're NOT spying on a family member's conversation, look out the corner of your eye
>She's talking to Anon
>Well now
>This should be interesting
>He folds an arm across his chest and bows a bit
>Formal, but not excessively so
>Where'd he learn that?
>"Of course, Your Majesty. What do you need?"
>Luna waves a hoof, though it looks a bit forced
>Aunt Celestia said she was drained from her time on the moon, but was she hurt as well?
>"No need for that, fair colt. Our sister has told us how the times have changed since Our... Absence. And besides, thou art of a Royal Herd, and thus a royal thyself."
>Huh
>Seems Aunt Luna was picking up modern Equestrian better than you thought
>A bit formal, and slipping in places, but still better than you'd probably do after missing a thousand years of lingual evolution
>"And even if thou were not, We have learned a lesson on pride after Our sister's student and her companions freed Us from Our corruption."
>Wait what
>What did Twilight have to do with this?
>And what's this about corruption?
>Out of the corner of your OTHER eye, you see Gleaming's ears perk up and swivel over to listen in
>Hope that guard she was talking to didn't have anything important to say
>The little alicorn snorts 
>"But enough of that, tell Us: How didst thee come to be in Our niece Cadence's herd? We desire details, fair colt."
>W-what the buck?
>Was Luna, your millenia-displaced aunt, GOSSIPING?
>confusedlovehorse.portrait
>"Our sister claims such information is absolutely necessary when dealing with one's family in this age."
>Oh
>Aunt Celestia put her up to it
>That... actually makes a lot of sense
>Anon swirls his drink a little before looking toward you and Gleaming
>You look away, but keep listening
>"Well, I take it you saw the reaction from the nobles just after we arrived?"
>"Yes, t'was quite the brazen move... apparently."
>Anon chuckles
>"Well, before I started dating- er, courting Cadence and Gleaming, they were together."
>"Naturally."
>"And apparently the nobles weren't very appreciative of that. They kept pressuring them to 'stop acting like a common mare, and get a stallion.' They were understandably concerned about letting in a gold-digger, or someone who would simply use them to increase their own standing."
>Aunt Luna hums
>"T'was likely they were. Rife were the tales of ladies and lords with such unions in... Our time. We take it that they have since fallen from grace?"
>"Honestly, I don't know. I don't really pay attention to politics or such things like that. Anyway, they didn't want to end up in something like that, so they came to me.
>"I was a friend of Gleaming's before all this, and they knew I wouldn't do something like that. They asked me if I wanted to try it, one thing led to another, and well... I think I love them."
>Your heart flutters and everything seems a bit brighter
>He'd always been a bit shy about that
>Said you relationship was going quite fast by human standards
>But to hear him say it...
>Oh, what you wouldn't give to see his face right now!
>Aunt Luna hums once again
>"An interesting story, fair colt. We would stay, but there are others We must meet 'ere the morrow. Farewell."
>Anon bid a respectful goodbye, and you could hear your Aunt's metal-clad hooves trotting away
>After that, the night went by uneventfully
>Nobles talked, drinks were had, and people gossiped
>At this point, you honestly think the nobles came to these parties just to talk and get drunk
>Not drunk enough to do anything actually interesting, of course
>Anon, bless his heart, tried to keep up with it all for as long as he could
>But without the spells keeping everyone else up, you caught him dozing off more and more often as the night went off
>More and more guests left, but as one of the "hosts," you, and thus Anon, would have to stay for a while longer
>Eventually you decided to take pity on your colt and stayed on the throne, letting him doze with you and Gleaming in his arms
>It took a couple more boring hours, but eventually all the guests were gone
>Just as you were about to get up, you realized a snag in your plan
>How were you going to get him up to your room?
>You couldn't teleport him, or carry him with your magic
>And he was too big to carry on your back
>Maybe if you took one half and Gleaming took the other side-by-side?
>Hmm...
>That might JUST work
>But how would you even get him on your backs in the first place?
>"Cadence? Is something wrong?"
>Oh yeah, Aunt Celestia was still here
>Aunt Luna, too
"Eh, kinda... I'm not sure how we're going to get Anon back to our room so he can get some sleep, and I don't want to just wake him up and make him walk."
>Luna scrunches in confusion, and it takes a considerable effort to not daww and the millenia-old alicorn
>"Why dost he sleep? We were led to believe there were spells in place to keep the guests awake."
>You shake your head
"We don't know why, but Anon's immune to magic. That throws teleportation and, well, magic in general out the window."
>Shit, mare, how were you gonna do this?
>Your eyes idly flick from Anon, to Gleaming, to Aunt Luna, and to Aunt Celestia
>Wait
>You mentally compare the size of Anon to Aunt Celestia
>It just might work
"Aunt Celestia, do you think you could carry Anon? I know you're not on the best of terms right now, but I'd really appreciate it."
>That surprised her
>She looks at you with wide eyes, then to Anon
>Probably doing the same comparisons you were
>She nods slowly
>"Y-yes, I... I suppose I can."
>She clears her throat and shakes her head
>"Well, I suppose we'd best hop to it."
>A few minutes and one nearly-nasty fall later, Anon was slung over your Aunt's back
>Considering he didn't even stir during the transfer, you wonder if you even would have been able to wake him up to walk him to bed
>You were at Aunt Celestia's side, one wing extended over Anon like a pink blanket to keep him stable
>Gleaming brought up the rear
>And Aunt Luna was on her sister's other side
>Said she was there for moral support, but you think she just wanted to watch
>It was four in the morning after all
>Eventually you manage to get back to your room and deposit one sleeping human onto the bed
"Thank you for helping, Aunt Celestia."
>You yawn, your own spell pretty much spent
>She said... something, you're not quite sure what, and left
>Probably to go get some rest of her own before she had to raise the sun in a few hours
>Gleaming was in much the same boat
>She just chucked her uniform in the corner and hopped into bed
>You say your goodbyes and goodnights before joining her
>The spell fades completely
>Too tired to mess with the covers or even care, you settle down and fall asleep with your herd
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>You are Anon
>And you are comfy
>So comfy in fact, that it takes you a whole five seconds to start wanting to blow up the sun when it catches you in the eye
>That two seconds up from your old record!
>You bring your hand up to black the not-fusion powered menace, but your hand catches on something
>Something warm, soft, and fuzzy
>Also grumbly
>O shit nigga, were you in bed with someone?!
>THAT woke you up
>With a shot of adrenaline, you somehow manage to sit up and not overly disturb whoever the fuck you were sleeping with
>You look down and-
>Oh
>False alarm, it was just Gleaming and Cadence
>How'd you get in bed with them?
>There was that party, but you don't think you drank anything
>Neither do you think they actually had anything that COULD get you drunk there
[spoiler]>Bunch'a worthless blue-blooded fucks...[/spoiler]
>Heart rate slowly returning to normal, you look up from your sleeping girlfriends and see... the single most aggressively pink room you think you've ever seen
>Heart motifs were pretty much everywhere
>From the heart-shaped mirror on the vanity, to carvings in most of the furniture you can see from the bed, and even to the paint on the goddamn walls
>You think it's safe to assume this is Cadence's room
>But how did you get here?
>You lay back onto the bed, noting that you were still in your suit
>The same could not be said of your girls, you found out as you began to idly pet them while you cast your mind back to last night
>There was the party, your little message with the throne, a few hours of NOTHING, your chat with Princess Luna, a few MORE hours of nothing, and then...
>You frown
>Shit starts to get spotty
>Must've been tired
>It wasn't often you admitted that your immunity to magic had its drawbacks, but you distinctly remember those spells keeping the other guests up looking more and more useful as the night went on
>The last thing you remembered was sitting back down on the throne, and then -surprise!- more NOTHING
>Did you fall asleep?
>Cadence murmurs something in her sleep and pulls herself closer
>Did they carry you up here?
>Shit, that couldn't have been easy
>Cadence might've been tall for a pony, but you still had a solid two feet on her, and she had a half-foot on Gleaming
>You lay back down and pull your girls close
>You smile
>If they went through the bullshit of getting you into a bed last night, then the least you could do is stay in that bed with them for a bit longer
-X-
>The universe has a few, well, universal rules
>Light travels at C
>You are Anon
>And a man has needs
>One such need calls to you now, even as you gently lift yourself off the bed
>Ponies are like cats
>As in disturbing them while they sleep is probably against the Geneva Convention, somehow
>A few minutes and a prayer of thanks to whoever made Equestria's magical and SILENT toilets later, you were standing in front of the main door of Cadence's suite, trying to remember something that had served you well while you were living here some months ago
>Now, how did this go?
>Hope ol' Sunbutt didn't change the code while you were gone
>You knock on the door twice, slow and firm
>Then once
>Then three quick knocks
>Barely a minute later, a pony in a maid uniform pushed open the door
>"You called for us, Princess Cadenza?"
>Her eyes widen when she spots you
>Not every day you find an alien in one of your rulers' home donchaknow
>"Oh, lord Anonymous. How may I help you, m'lord?"
>Damn
>You honestly don't know if she's just being formal for the new kinda-royal, or if you just got m'lady'd
"Could you ask the kitchens to send up three plates of pancakes, and a pot of coffee?"
>The mare bowed
>"Of course, m'lord."
>Yup, you got m'lady'd
>After the mare left, you pick up one of the MANY books scattered about the room
>"Love in the Moonlight" was the book's title
>The cover had a picture of a unicorn stallion clinging to a pegasus mare with the fakest looking fangs you've ever seen
>Shit, is this what you think it is?
>You pick through a few more of the books
>"Desire in the Deep" had some kind of sea-pony... thing holding a speedo-clad earth pony stallion on what you assume is a beach
>And "Lusts of the Louisineigha Bayou" had some vaguely pony-esque bug creature watching a pegasus stallion that was apparently so incompetent that his suitcase spontaneuously detonated in the middle of the (presumably) titular bayou
>A dozen other less memorable books and their covers confirm it
>They're all as trashy as the first
>Does Cadence really read this crap?
>Okay, stupid question, of course she does
>Princess of Love and all that
>The better question is what does she read it for?
>Relationship tips, or a guide on what NOT to do?
>Before you could decide whether or not you should be scared of your girlfriend pulling something from this to use on you, the bedroom door opened and the mare herself walked in
>Plus a still-snoozing Gleaming on her back
>She looks half dead, but that doesn't stop her from shuffling over, dropping Gleaming onto you like a box of rocks, and hopping up herself
>You run your fingers through her bed-head
"Morning Candy, I've got breakfast on the way up."
>She just buried herself deeper into the couch/you and grumbled something about how "pillows aren't supposed to move"
>You smile and continue petting her
>Yup, just like cats
>The food arrived and, after some strategic use of coffee, syrup, and bribery, you manage to raise your girls from the dead long enough to have a decent breakfast
>Things were still a bit sedate until about half the pot was gone
"So..."
>They look up from their plates
>Gleaming has around two pancakes stuffed in her mouth and a dollop of syrup on her nose
>Cadence is sporting a rather un-princess-like coffee mustache
"Now that the cat's out of the bag, what do we do now?"
>Cadence hums into her drink and sets it down
>"Well, with the word out, some public appearances together would probably be for the best."
>You nod
"But with the word out, those public appearances will be that much more difficult, right?"
>She nods, and squares her shoulders
>"Yes, unfortunately. But in the end, it doesn't matter how difficult it may or may not be."
>She looks at you and Gleaming, and smiles
>"We may have started this herd to get the nobles off our backs, but now we're in this together to be together. On that note, how does a dinner and movie this thursday sound, honey bunnies?"
>Gleaming made a choking sound and you reached over to scratch the prettiest pink pony princess behind the ears
"That sounds great, but why not sooner? Some of those skulls out there have gotta be thick. It'd be better to start beating it into them sooner than later."
>She pushes her head into your hand and sighs
>"I know, but with Aunt Celestia taking care of Aunt Luna's reintegration, my own load has been increased. I'm sorry, but that's the first chance I'll even have to breathe."
>She looks up at you through her hair, eyes narrowed with a playful glint within
>"And you aren't exactly helping, young man. Charming us hard working mares with your masculine wiles."
>You laugh and quickly muss up her mane
[spoiler]>Not that there is much to muss up
>Bed-head and all[/spoiler]
>Cadence didn't look it, but she was actually the oldest of the three of you, with twenty years on you, while you had three on Gleaming
>Speaking of the mare, she finally manages to work her mass of pancake past her tonsils and speak with a pat on your back
>"Don't worry, Anon. I've got a day off today, so you won't be all alone today."
>U wot m8?
>What does she think you are, a child?
>In mere seconds, you've destroyed whatever effort she put into tidying her mane
[spoiler]>Probably none[/spoiler]
>What are you, some kind of mane-mussing machine today?
"Thanks, Glim-Glam. I already feel SO much better with you here to protect me from the big bad world."
>Your little unicorn huffs a laugh before leaning against you, idly sipping at her coffee
>Just out of the corner of your eye, you spot it
>The Alicorn Glint of Mischiveous Doom™
>Gleaming takes a deeper drink, and seals her fate as Cadance's horn lights up in a decidedly unwholesome way
>"You know, since you're both free, why don't you take Anon to meet your parents, Glimmy?"
>You never really thought you'd see a spit-take
>You certainly never thought you'd see one that REBOUNDED 
>For your sake as well as your girlfriends', you really hope coffee comes out of fur
>Shit's sticky, yo
-X-
>Be Anon 
>Be standing in front of an upper-middle class looking house
>Also be trying to defuse the nerve bomb designation UN-1C0RN
>Alternatively known as Gleaming Shield
>After you finished breakfast and washed up, you decided that it was best to bite the bullet and meet Gleaming's parents
>Many men have tried, but you just can't avoid your in-laws forever
>She was calm enough in the beginning, but as the businesses started to thin out and the houses grew more common, she started to grow more and more jittery
>You did get a few looks on the way over, along with some not-so-quiet chattering about you
>But you ain't got shit to hide anymore, so you doubt it was that
>No, you just think that it  was just starting to really sink in that she was taking her boyfriend to meet her parents
>You tried to keep her calm with encouraging words and a constant presence, but that only worked so much
>By the time you reached Gleaming's old house, the little unicorn was pacing back and forth in front of the gate
>You tried to calm her down
"Calm down, Gleaming. I know I'm not as impressive as the first person you brought home, but I'm pretty sure your folks won't toss me out on my ear on principle. You turned out alright, after all."
>It didn't work
>The unicorn's ear flicking toward you was the only warning you got before you were pulled to your knees, your cheeks in her hooves
>"Not impressive?"
>In fact, you think it just made it worse somehow
>"Nononono, Anon. No, they're going to LOVE you."
>Okay, that's good to hear, but why did she still look so nervous?
>You cock an eyebrow
"Thanks, but that's a problem... why?"
>She groaned and dropped to her hooves, her tail lashing back and forth
>"Because as soon as we step through that door and they realize I've got a coltfriend, they'll be on us like timberwolves, Anon!"
>She goes back to pacing, body tense and agitated
>"They'll ask when we're getting married, what names we have picked out for out foals, what house we'll be living in, who-"
>A throat is cleared behind you, and Gleaming freezes as she looks past you
>You turn, and see a smug looking gray mare and an annoyed dark blue stallion standing in the doorway
>The mare turns her smug look toward the stallion
>He sighs, a bit too dramatically to be natural, before magicking up what looks like a bit purse
>The mare takes it, before magicking it away... somewhere
>She walks up and gives you a winning smile
>"Hello, I'm Twilight Velvet, this one's mother. Could I invite the colt who stole my daughter's heart and made me 200 hundred bits richer inside for a chat?"
>After Gleaming's post just-got-caught lockup faded, along with the embarrassment that came with it, things went rather well in your opinion
>You were invited inside, sat down with Gleaming one one side of a table with her parents on the other, and drinks were dished out
>You looked from Velvet to Gleaming's father, a grumpy looking unicorn by the name of Night Light
>Memories of previous, human girlfriends and disapproving fathers flashed to the front of your mind, and you were suddenly very eager to break the ice that'd built up
"So... What were those bits for?"
>Gleaming perks up a bit
>Apparently she was curious too
>Night Light just huffs and opts to stare into a corner
>Shit, what'd you say?!
>Velvet must've noticed your alarm
>She waves a hoof
>"Oh, don't you worry about him. He's just a little miffed he lost. As for what the bet was, ol' Nightie here bet that our youngest, Twilight Sparkle, would at least have her first kiss by the time Glim-Glam here herds with a nice stallion."
>Wot?
"You call her Glim-Glam, too?"
>Man, you thought you were being clever with that
>She doesn't answer, instead opting to lean forward with a grin promising suffering and embarrassment for her children
>Looks real familiar
>Almost like a look a certain alicorn you know loves to use on your mutual girlfriend
>"So, since you have such high expectations for us, when should we be expecting grandfoals, dear?"
>Night Light stops pouting and tilts his head with a frown
>Was he even listening?
>"Grandfoals?"
>He looks to his wife
>"Grandfoals?"
>What is he doing?
>And is that hope you hear in his voice?
>He looks from you, to Gleaming
>Then back to you 
>Then back to Gleaming
>"G-grandfoals?"
>And that's when he faints
>As Gleaming and her mother leap to their hooves, you know you should be more concerned, but all you can do is sigh
>Sometimes this reverse-gender-role thing can be really fucking tiring
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>Be Gleaming Shield
>Captain of the Royal Guard
>Consort of Love
>And certified Spell-Mistress of shields
>Impressive, eh?
>Too bad none of those kept your dad from fainting just now
>You'd heard about bouts of fainting from your less disciplined guards [spoiler]and your romance novels[/spoiler]
>But you never though they were really... real
>You carry him to your parent's bed
>Anon tried to help, but your mom wasn't having any of it, and neither were you
>For what feels like the first time in years, your magic is actually USEFUL!
>That feeling was rare enough growing up with Twily, and you weren't passing it up now
>Thankfully the "attack" didn't last long
>Only a minute seemed to pass before you could hear the clip-clop of his hooves from the living room
>A second later you faintly heard the shimmer-pop of teleportation
>Was he even out in the first place?
>You aren't sure
>You heave an internal sigh
>Your dad always was a special kind of whimsical
>"So Anon, how did you and my little Glim-Glam meet? She certainly hasn't told ME anything, but then again I suppose that's par for the course with my daughters."
>Oh Sun....
>You cover your face, caught somewhere between embarrassment and guilt
>"Well, a few months ago I met Gleaming at a bar. She had already had a few by the time I arrived and was ranting about some recruits, if I remember right."
>You feel a hand on your head
>"I thought she was cute and fun to listen to, all liquored up like that, so I introduced myself. Well, I introduced myself again the next time I saw her. Thankfully she was sober enough to remember it that time."
>Oh, you can FEEL Mom's disappointment already
>Having your coltfriend talk about your drinking habits wasn't exactly what you were planning when Cadence had suggested taking him to meet your parents
>"We were drinking buddies for a few months, just chatting every few nights, you know? One night Gleaming asks me to come to one of our usual places. She brings along Cadence, and they ask me if I want to start a herd with them. Not the most romantic start, but we've been dating for about a month and a half now and things are good so far."
>Your mom hums a bit
>"I suppose it isn't. Contrary to what I write from time to time, not all loves are grandiose things. Not even the Princess of Love's... loves. Speaking of, where is Cadence, dear?"
>Seems Mom's done with you hiding behind your hooves like a little filly
>Your eyes were closed behind your hooves, but you know she was asking you
>It was the Tone
>The same Tone she used when you were eight and hiding in a closet
>You don't really remember how it happened, but after Mom stepped out of the room for some reason, you somehow managed to dump glue and glitter all over a three-year-old Twily
>She made you help clean it all out of Twily's fur as punishment
>It took HOURS
>Hours of sticky fur, glittery water, and a crying filly
"She had some more work than usual today. Since Anon and I were free, she suggested we come here so he could meet you."
>You drop your hooves from your face and make a few vague motions
>Jazz-hooves, you think they're called
"Here we are."
>Mom looks at you for a bit, before turning back to Anon
>"Well, now that you're here, how about you tell me a bit about yourself, Anon? I understand you're a bit famous, being an alien and all, but there's only so much a mare can glean from her husband's gossip if she doesn't listen herself, after all."
>An eyebrow rose, and Anon shrugged
>"Alright, not really much to tell, though."
>He leans back
>"I stayed at the castle for a while before I got my own place. At the moment, I'm a waiter downtown at 'Sunlight Sunnery.' Weird name, but I gotta admit it pays more than I expected. You ponies are real generous with tips."
>You manage to suppress a wince
>An exotic colt as your waiter would be something on its own, but you're pretty sure you know where those "generous" tips come from
>Especially since most ponies only come up to Anon's waist when sitting down
>You've fought the temptation yourself
>More than once, even
>T'was a hard fought battle, won only with the sacrifice of [spoiler]missing pretty much the entirety of whatever he was talking about at the time[/spoiler]
>Your mother snorts
>"Just until your acting career takes off, right?"
>What?
>Anon laughs
>"No, I can't act to save my life, Mrs. Velvet."
>What are they talking about?
>There's one mare in this room that knows whats happening, and she's not you
>Your mother smiles
>"Good, you can take a joke. Was worried you might've been one of those stallions that take every little thing as if it were the return of Discord himself!"
>She waves a hoof
>"I love my Nighty, but some of his friends just make me want to rip my mane out sometimes."
>Anon nods
>"I hear you, Mrs. Velvet. One of my guy friends, Sleepy Meadow, is always ragging on about some new diet he's on. Sometimes I just wanna pick him up, sit him down, and tell him to shut the fuck up for five minutes."
>As you watch their conversation grow more and more animated, you just settle in and stare
>Well, you reflect, there were a lot worse things that could have happened than.. this
>Sure, your dad pretty much ran away, but it could have been worse
[spoiler]>You could have brought a zebra home[/spoiler]
-X-
>The gentle rustle of leaves in the wind fill your ears as you walk in the park
>That same wind brushes against your fur and through your mane
>Seems like you're still Gleaming
>Makes sense, seeing how Anon's sitting next to you
>A bit of time has passed since you FINALLY left your parent's house
>After you left, you decided to get some lunch and make a date of it
>It wasn't quite time yet, so you've just been walking the streets of the city
[spoiler]>Times like this made you REALLY thankful your home is visible from nearly any point in the city[/spoiler]
>Eventually you ended up in this park, sitting side by side on a bench in a comfortable silence
>A small group of unicorns is playing in a gazebo some couple dozen hooves away
>"Well, I think that went well."
>You look up to him
"Are you sure? I mean, yeah, you and Mom got along, but Dad just fainted as soon as we got there."
>You look away and make a face at a bush across the path
"In fact, I'm not sure he even really fainted. Might'a just done that to run off... somewhere."
>"Really? A bit rude, but you know what they say about gift horses and all that."
>You do not, in fact, know what they say about... that
>You do, however, stuff it into the "things to ask Anon about later" box
>The comfortable silence descends once again
>It was... nice
>Your attention wanders, before settling on the unicorns
>Seems they were a small group, probably just out of school and working their talents for the first time in the real world
>You know those jitters
>Those flitting eyes, trying to see everything at once
>Your guardsmares get them whenever they go out on their first patrols
>An old memory of three fillies -two unicorns and a rare noble earth pony, just a bit younger than you- surfaces
>By the Sun, did they love music growing up
>You remember your neighbor once saying that the only thing that was greater than their love for music was their ability to wreak musical destruction
>Tartarus, you even remember hearing the earth pony nearly killed her father with a violin-cum-bow
>What was her name?
>Octagon, Otacon, Octangle?
>Whatever
>You are gently but firmly escorted from memory lane by the stomping of hooves
>Seems the performance's over
>Even attracted a bit of a crowd
>They're taking the praise well enough, but you can see them glancing to the already half-full hat they'd set down
>You smile
>Yeah, they're new to this
>Anon whistles
>"Damn. I know you ponies can do a lot of things, but it always surprises me how well you can do music with those hooves of yours."
>You smirk, and gently poke your coltfriend with your horn
"Magic, Anon, not hooves. Magic. I know you don't see it that often, but it can be useful from time to time."
>He huffs and flicks you on the horn
>Cheeky colt...
>You weren't using it, but the horn is still a sensitive organ!
>"I know, but you'd be singing a different tune if I had my phone with me when that damn sidewalk ate me. A little DragonForce and you would know the power of fingers!"
>Oh but Anon, you DO know the power of those digits
>The power they hold over you when they comb through your mane...
>When they glide across your fur...
>But best of all was when he used them to [spoiler]give you belly rubs[/spoiler]
>Unfortunately, a nearby bird chirps a bit too loudly, pulling you out of your daydreams before you could
>Probably for the best
>Don't want to get TOO into it and end up doing something inappropriate in a public park
[spoiler]>You aren't Cadence, after all[/spoiler]
>Think of the foals, Gleaming
>Gotta walk this off
>Now, where should you go for lunch?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>Body, status report!
>Brain: lethargic
>Eyes: sore and dry
>Belly: empty
>Hm...
>According to these readings, you're Cadence now
>Specifically after a few hours' work making sure the country doesn't burn to the ground while Aunt Luna's being brought up to speed
>Spending time with your herd before work has always energised you, but there's only so much that can do in the face of the tidal wave of beurocracy that had your name on it today
>Especially since Aunt Luna decided to re-establish the Night Guard
>Not that there weren't already guards out at night
>Apparently they had to wear purple to be "real" Night Guards
[spoiler]>But what did YOU know?
>You were just a princess in TRAINING, after all
>frustratedhorsenoises.scroll[/spoiler]
>THAT put an extra load on your dear Glimmy's withers
>Some nights all she can manage is a kiss goodnight before she's out like a light
>You weren't exactly asking for a three course meal, but a mare has needs
>Sometimes she wants to [spoiler]cuddle[/spoiler]
>It's just not the same if she's already asleep
>You shake your head and set down the papers (either the local tax code of Detrot, or the Canterlot fire response manual, you honestly aren't sure anymore) on your desk and get up to leave your office
>Aunt Celestia may like to call it a study
>But so long as you're the one slaving away in there, its a damn office
>Right now, by the authority invested in you as a Princess of Equestria, it is now lunch time
>So saith the Lady
>Totally not paraphrasing one of Anon's exotic sayings, no ma'am!
>Thanks to nearly thirty years' experience living in the castle, it only takes you a few minutes to get to the Royal Dining Hall
>The capitals are, in fact, important
>Vitally so, even
>Inside you find your aunts, already seated and idly chatting with...
"Mr. Nightlight?"
>Six years of etiquette training screech at you from within your soul, but you can't help but let out just how bewildered you feel
>What was Gleaming's dad doing here?
>Was he even allowed to be here?
>Aunt Celestia chuckles as you sit down
>"Just as Captain Shield is allowed to eat here, so too is her family, Cadence."
>Did you said that out loud?
>Buck it, you're too tired for this
>You order a bowl of mac n' cheese and put your head on the table
>You hear the clip-clop of hooves on the ground closing in, and suddenly there's a hoof stroking your mane
>Considering the lack of a hoof-guard, you're pretty sure it was Mr. Nightlight's
>Oh yeah, he was talking, too
>That helped with the whole "identification" thing
>"Oh, look at you, Cadence, all tuckered out. Well, don't you worry about a thing. The Princesses here just told me that they were just about done getting Princess Luna up to speed, so soon you'll be able to have a break from all this work. Does that sound nice?"
>The gentle motions of his hoof and the concern in his voice seemed to just bleed away all the accumulated stress of the day
>You even think your headache was going away
>You weren't exactly a "daddy's filly," but who are you to argue with results?
>You feel a small smile coming on and try to push yourself further into Mr. Nightlight's hoof
>It doesn't really work 
>Mainly because it's a HOOF and not a HAND
>Whatever
"Thanks, Dad."
>Things are good
>"And now that I caught you, you are going to tell me all about how you met that Anon fellow."
>The smile slides off your face
>"I can see it now, 'The Princess of Love and the Colt from Beyond the Stars.'  Ooh, Velvet's gonna love that one!"
>Oh, why did Mr. Nightlight have to be such a gossip-hound, AND a hopeless romantic?
[spoiler]>You feel that last one should mean something, coming from you[/spoiler]
>One was to be expected, but both at once just left you wanting to die right about now
>You suppose something'd have to fill his head while he stared up at the stars all night
"Buck you, Dad."
>Things are bad
-X-
>A few days have passed
>And you're still Cadence
>It seems Mr. Nightlight was right, as your work load has lightened
>But more importantly: Momma's got a date tonight!
>The first one you've had without a disguise in... Sun, at LEAST a year
>Not since your Glimmy took you out camping in one of the several forests that dotted Mount Canter's base and lower hills
>When you first got there, she was all about trying out some of the "wilderness survival contingencies" the Guard had drilled into her head that month
>You wouldn't have minded that much, if she hadn't planned to "supplement" your supplies by "gathering on-site resources"
>She wanted you to eat grass and wildflowers, like some kind of animal!
[spoiler]>Standing on the street and bored out of his mind as he waited for his date(s) to arrive, Anon suddenly felt an unusual need to bowl over laughing his ass off
>Deciding against such an autistic course of action, he instead downgraded it to a not-so-sensible chuckle[/spoiler]
>And you were certain it had NOTHING to do with how light she claimed her pack had been on the way there
>Oh no, it was OBVIOUSLY because of how the new drills were finally starting to pay off!
>Your eyes landed on the mare herself, trotting happily just ahead of you
>Her muscles flex and relax with each step, barely visible beneath her spotless white coat
>What with her... less than forward-thinking attitude, it was almost easy to forget she was, in fact, a guard
>Chiseled flesh, cultivated over years on your unicorn marefriend was starting to look more like something you'd see on an earth-pony
>Sort of like Anon's, though you weren't quite sure what he could do with what he had
>Probably a lot, given that "piggy-back" ride...
>You [spoiler]scrunch[/spoiler]
>Wait a second
>Did you like muscles?
>It's not the weirdest thing to love about a pony's body...
>And you knew a thing or two about love
>A mare's gotta be strong to defend the herd, and the stallion's gotta be able to CARRY the foals if they need to run, after all
>Your eyes fall on Gleaming again
>Just in time to see that she's pulled ahead
>Giving you the perfect view of how her flanks jiggled just right as she walked, the softer flesh supported by the powerful cords of muscle beneath
[spoiler]>U-unf[/spoiler]
>You glance back at your own flanks
>Your significatly bigger,wider flanks
>While you don't have nearly the same kind of tone that Gleaming does, you're almost certain you're stronger than her
>In a base kind of way, at least
>You were a lover, not a fighter
>She'd probably be able to dance circles around you
>Sometimes, you just aren't sure what to think of the myriad "upgrades" you'd gotten when you sprouted your horn
>Your alicorn "retard strength," as Anon had named it, definately amongst them at times
>Though you aren't sure why he called it that...
>It doesn't slow you down, as far as you know, and it certainly didn't develop slowly itself either
>Just another mystery of human culture, you suppose...
>"Hey there, pretty pony!"
>Your head is unceremoniously plucked from the clouds of sexual introspection and body modification when you hear Anon's voice
>It seems you have arrived
>Gleaming was standing there, head in a crouching Anon's hand as she enjoyed her [spoiler]ear scritches
>That slut[/spoiler]
>As you come closer, you realise that you're finally at eye-level with him
>Huh, so that's what the top of his head looks like
>Just as you opened your mouth to greet your coltfriend, you snap it shut again
>Could you...?
>You look yourself over
>Then back to Anon
>A smile creeps across your face
>Yeah, you think you can
>"And how are you doing, Cade-woah!"
>As Anon lets go of Gleaming's ear, you strike!
>You rear up on your hindlegs, wings fluttering for balance, and throw your forelegs around your surprised human's neck
>Once you were slightly more sure of your balance, you wrap your wings around him
>Your head finds the perfect place in the crook of his neck
>You take a deep breath...
>feelsgoodfilly.carving
"It's been a while since I've been able to give anypony a proper hug, Anon."
>A happy sigh escapes you
"Its good to see you."
>You feel a shiver pass through him, and your eye just barely catches those cute little bumps spread across his skin
>What were they called...
>Bird-eggs?
>Whatever
>They were cute, like how little Spike's spines used to stick up when the little drake was embaressed
[spoiler]>Looking back, that happened a lot
>Poor colt[/spoiler]
>Though they were a bit harder to see, you suppose
>Still cute tho
>Anon sees your Hug (Capitalization Is Important, just like Aunt Celestia told you) and calls it with one of his own as his arms wrap around you and... raises you up?
>waitwhatabortABORT!
>Before you knew it, you were thrust up into the air, wings slightly spread as if you were flying already
>"And its good to see you too, my pretty pink pony princess!"
>The only things that kept you from REALLY taking off were the hands clamped onto your sides and the smile on Anon's face
[spoiler]>Stupid colt, messin' up your groove, gettin' wise to your tricks...
>He's lucky he's cute[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>And you're so much luckier to have him and Gleaming[/spoiler]
-X-
>Considering just how relieved you are to be sitting down, you must be still be Cadance, the Slightly Ruffled
>You KNEW that it wouldn't suddenly be easy to have this relationship -ANY relationship, really- just because you'd had your little song and dance with the nobles a week or so previously
>Sadly, that same song and dance didn't really mean much to the common pony beyond "This is the princess' relationship now"
>And to those same common ponies, you were, suprisingly, still a PRINCESS
>Those were kinda rare, the last you heard
>You wouldn't really know, though, since you see one in the mirror every day
>But, hey, who were you to judge
>Oh yeah, you were a mare that just had to WADE THROUGH A RIVER OF PONIES THAT DON'T KNOW WHAT PERSONAL SPACE IS TO GET TO A RESTARAUNT
"UGH!"
>You ruffle your feathers as the door closes behind you
>Sometimes you just have to shake the bad vibes off
>You even know what you're talking about with that!
>You're a Guru!
[spoiler]>A love Guru, in fact[/spoiler]
>

>You are also annoyed, but thankful
>It turns out daylight savings time was, somehow, still a thing
>You don't know why, seeing as your Aunt never actually recognizes it, and you rarely remember it exists
>Like how you only just remembered it today, in fact
>But the nobles of Equestria made their voices heard when they made the damn thing, and have kept making enough noise to keep it around, apparently
>The "dinner" part of "dinner and a movie" ended up being a couple burritos-to-go from a Donkey restaurant you had been meaning to try 
>Of course, you couldn't stay long once you remembered THAT particular surprise
>Not when the hour you had alloted to dinner before the movie suddenly ceased to exist
>You knew donkeys could go fast when they wanted to, but MARE was the cook going back then!
>It was like she'd sprouted a pair of wings, at times
>After that, it was a mad dash to the theater, blitzing past the carefully selected scenery you were supposed to be romanticly strolling past, the chill of the night and your full bellies drawing you closer to eachother with each step
>You had a PLAN, damnit!
>A plan that was now in shambles thanks to some long-dead aristocrat that thought she could grow more oranges or something if she turned her clocks back an hour for three months of the year
>rankledhorsenoises.rune
>After a few minutes of running and stuffing your face with beans, you reached the theater
>Thankfully the movie hadn't started yet, so it was a simple matter finding seats, Anon in the middle with Gleaming and you on either side
>You're pretty sure you could just flaunt your position a bit and make them start over if it had, but it would have just been another hassle now
>At this point, you just wanted a nice helping of the human cuddles that your work had been keeping you from
>Maybe even sneak in a little [spoiler]grope[/spoiler]
>As the lights dim, you find already leaning into him, head on his shoulder
>A huff of amusement from the human drew your gaze "up" and across his chest
>It seems Gleaming had the same idea, her own head pinning the opposite shoulder
>You grinned, unable to help yourself
>Yeah, you show him girl!
[spoiler]>Equestria über alles![/spoiler]
>As you and your herd settle in, the screen begins to glow
>You shift in excitement
>The movie's title fades into view
>"Fifty Shades of Neigh"
>Tonight's going to be just magical, you can tell
(Needs more interaction, actually write restaraunt scene, and make sure Anon actually reacts, you goy!)
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
>You are Anon
>Sole human in Equestria
>Sole alien on this little horse-planet, in fact
[spoiler]>As far as you  know, at least[/spoiler]
>And perhaps more importantly, you do NOT have a white or pink marshmallow horse stapled to your side at the moment
>It shocked you too, after this last month and a half or so
>No, instead you were in your home and seated at your rarely-used dining table, with a blue and yellow marshmallow horse on either side of you this time
>They were Breezy Skies and Solar Sprint, a pegasus and unicorn, respectively
>They were what you could tentatively call "guy friends," despite being fruitier than a juice box in a Florida YMCA tub after a bath-bomb-blitz
>From your perspective, of course
>To them, you were an unrepentant "Janefilly," apparently, and thus the fruit in this equation you all called a friendship
>Though considering how they were sipping their drinks-with-ten-syllables and glaring into the middle distance, you weren't too sure if you still were friends
>... Nah, you were fine
>This happened every once in a while, ususally after you turn down whatever poorly-veiled invitation to one of Canterlot's MANY spas and spa-like businesses they thought up that month
>You honestly weren't sure what you did this time, though
>Breezy sets down his drink and huffs before turning to you, wings ruffling in agitation
>Apparently your confusion was visible, or they realized the silent treatment didn't work
>"Come on, Anon. You were dating the Princess of Love and the Captain of the Guard for weeks, and you only JUST thought to tell us? I thought we were friends!"
>Oh, that's what it's about
>Shoulda known
[spoiler]>Thought you were sharper than this, Anon
>Jesus Christ[/spoiler]
>You shake your head
"Well, we were kinda trying to keep a low profile for the most part. And besides, we went public, what, two weeks ago? This is the first time I've seen you two since then."
>Ha, how do you like that taste of logic, whimsical-horse-man!
>Apparently he didn't like it, because Breezy nearly slammed his drink down on the table
>Well, as close to slamming as one can get with wings
>"Exactly! Two weeks, Anon! TWO. WEEKS. It took you two weeks to tell us about this!"
>The little horse crosses his forelegs in a way you're pretty sure is impossible, and pouts
>You resist the Scrunch-Field such a disregard for anatomical physics produces, and concede that he may possibly have a point
>Barring that date at the movies, you were kind of just sitting on your hands here
>Well, that and introducing yourself to Glim-Glam's parents, one of whom you /think/ likes you, and the other... maybe isn't plotting your death?
>You really aren't too sure of what to make of Mr. Night Light's quick exit
>Wait, you've lost track
>Is this HELPING or HURTING your case for not telling them you were in a relationship now?
>Just as you were about to ask Breezy to repeat the question, you were interrupted by the doorbell ringing
>Now that's odd
>It can't be the girls, as they'd just use the key you gave them and let themselves in if they were coming to visit
>You weren't expecting any other guests, and ponies ususally had a surprisingly healthy respect for privacy
>Hell, you've only had to deal with a couple questions from reporters since the cat got out of the bag, not beat them off with a stick like you thought you'd have to
>And they NEVER followed you home
>Ponies could be odd at times
>Oddness aside, the fact of the matter was that you just didn't get visitors that often
>And yet here you are, with one ostensibly right outside your door
>Well, better get that
>Papanon didn't raise no bitch
>No sirree
"Hello-WHAT THE FUCK!?"
>"Anon, darling! C'mere, you big lug, we have a PARTY to get to!"
>Faster than you could react, the tinkling light of unicorn magic -you couldn't catch the color- lanced in through the open door before -somehow- finding purchase on you and PULLING YOU OUT THE DOOR
>OHSHITWHATTHEFUCK
>YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE IMMUNE TO THIS MAGICAL BULLSHIT!
"I THOUGHT I WAS IMMUNE TO THIS MAGICAL BULLSHIT!"
>What he said!
[spoiler]>Oh, wait
>That was you
>What you said![/spoiler]
>You reflexively squirm, trying to escape whatever intangible BULLSHIT that's grasped you, but not really expecting much...
>But instead, you were pleasently surprised to find yourself... turning?
"Interesting..."
>It seems the unicorn's Grip was on your CLOTHES, not on YOU
>Wew, good
>You weren't quite prepared to give up your immunity just yet
>It was just so much FUN messing with the little ponies
>...Your "bitch-or-not-bitch" status didn't seem to be factoring into the equation as much as you thought it would
(Anon meets Night Light, gets dragged into a quasi-bachelor party. Anon asks why he would be jumping to conclusions like that, but Night Light responds by asking what stallion would say no to herding with the Princess of Love, and the captain of the royal guard. It's simply a forgone conclusion to him, and he claims to have more eyes among Canterlot than most would believe, and its obvious that his daughter loves Anon.)