>Day the names of the victims involved were used in this story in Equestria.
>What a mouth full.
>Like these mixed nuts.
>Turns out rape is a bad thing.
>Who would have thought.
>Fluttershy and Rarity are the main stars of this law and order episode.
>Sitting around the table of friendship; are the six main annoyances in your life.
>Now a good ol’ friendship cabal would not include you normally.
>Normally.
>When has normal ever been a thing you got to enjoy.
>”Please pay attention Anon. Internal monologues are hard for Pinkie to keep track of.”
>Glancing over to the pink menace, sure enough your thoughts were written out on her typewriter.
>”I even write my opinions with pink glitter marker outside the margins.”
>All you see is an exaggerated caricatures of your butt.
>Twilight clears her throat.
>”Please be serious, rape charges are not to be taken lightly.”
“Oh really?”
>”You’re not a citizen by a legal definition.”
>Throwing your hands in the air in protest, you may have tossed nuts everywhere.
“I’m still your key witness apparently.”
>Dash slams her hooves on the table, playing the part of the bailiff with too much enthusiasm.
>”I demand silence in this courtroom, or do I have to rough you up?”
>A purple glow steals the baton away from her.
>”That’s not that works, that’s not how any of this works. This is a friendship problem, not a court case. If we can solve this problem without involving anypony else then we won’t have to make this a public deal.”
>Looking up at the windows, you see ponies peering through trying to get an eye of the action.
“Yeah. Would hate to be a spectacle for others to jerk off to.”

>Rarity had been trying to scooch closer to Fluttershy, only for Applejack to pull her lasso tighter.
>”There isn’t a friendship problem. Just my dear timid Fluttershy and I were connecting on the next level of friendship.”
>Fluttershy would probably crawl in your lap to hide if she could.
>”On Anon’s porch were everypony was watching. I was so embarrassed.”
>Rarity tuts with that feminine delicacy as Applejack strains with all her might holding her back.
>”Our love made a splash on his porch.”
>Gross.
>Pinkie nods in agreement.
>“But the attraction was always there between us. The long visits over tea, sweat spa serenities, and I’m always treating you to such lovely dates. Honestly dear, we were already married.”
>”We were doing that as friends! Friends! I trusted you as my friend.”
>”Oh I know dear. All those times when you confided with me about your next plan to capture Anon’s heart made me understand you truly. Past the sweet facade lies a pony that fully understands the joys and depravities of love. Now share it with me!”
“There is nothing sweet about that pony.”
>Twilight smacks your head with her wing.
>A blanked eyed Spike walks past you sweeping away the nuts you had thrown everywhere.
>Poor little guy.
>”I want to get to the bottom of this. Rarity, aren’t you being a little dramatic?”
>It was everyone’s turn to give Twilight the look of ‘really bitch’.
>”More dramatic than usual.”
“This seems pretty much in line for ponies.”
>This time you duck the next wing attack.
>”Twilight, I love Anon. Everypony here knows this. Rarity knows this.”
>The ponies outside watching this soap opera know.
>”Wait, what?”
>Pinkie pauses at what she wrote and looks up to see the entire town enjoying the spectacle.
>”Oooh, a party.”

>”I want all of Equestria to be witness to our love? Why do you reject this union?”
>Alligator tears roll down Rarity’s cheeks.
>You know they’re fake because her mascara isn’t running with the tears.
>Fluttershy squirms in her seat.
>”I didn’t reject friendship, but that was too much. Right, Anon? You saw how I reacted.”
“It did remind me of the time you flooded my home with your estrus infused pheromones. We had to burn that place down.”
>Dash shudders, but doesn’t say anything.
>Twilight casts her classic brain bleach spell.
>A spell she perfected when you came into her life.
>”And gone. Glad I just forgot what was just mentioned. Pinkie please strike what Anon just said from the record.”
>”Okie dokie lokie!”
>She turns back to her two friends.
>”Fluttershy, why don’t you see Rarity in the same light? You two probably do the most with each other in this group.”
>Rarity turns dramatically with a pout.
>”Please my dear Shy. What can I do to overcome what holds back true consummation?”
>Butterhide couldn’t shrink anymore.
>Dash is all that stands between her and you.
>She really wants to use you like a security blanket.
“How about you explain why not if I wasn’t around. Pretend I never existed in Equestria.”
>Truly paradise.
>”That sounds terrible. I would be devastated if you didn’t come into my life. I wish you would do it more often.”
>Ew.
>”It’s just. I like Rarity and I as friends. Just friends.”
>She’s dancing around the issue.
>Looking up at the herd gathering at this event you get an idea.
“Just friends huh? Obviously you don’t want us to be just friends. What’s the difference?”
>Rarity nods enthusiastically.

>Fluttershy is trying to avoid all eye contact.
>”Really? I don’t have all day. I have a cloud to nap on.”
>Dash is ever helpful.
>If your ears were strained already, you would have missed it.
>Twilight leans in.
>”I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
>Fluttershys squeals as she shakes her head.
>”I can’t say it.”
“Good thing you don’t have to. Twilight, just ask Pinkie for the record.”
>More nuts appear in your can.
>”Good thinking, Anon. Pinkie, please repeat the record from the last few moments.”
>Pinkie Pie pulls back the manuscript and puts on her mother’s spectacles.
>”Alright. We have a few thoughts about Anon’s dick, then his cock, and finally his penis.”
>Applejack groans as she facepalms.
>”Get to the part when she answers the question.”
>”I was getting to that part. Sheesh, I don’t tell you how to buck apples. Most of the time. Anyway, so it says here she thinks mare on mare relationships are wrong.”
>There is a pregnant pause.
>Various levels of shock are shared with the ponies.
>Until finally…
“Wait a moment, I thought you were all ok with that gay faggotry. You even weaponized rainbows.”
>”You’re not gay!?”
>Dash exclaims loud enough to the town to hear.
>“Nooooo! I think it’s weird. Mare on mare is wrong.”
>Rarity wails in anguish.
>And maybe anger.
>”Mare on mare relationship is normal, Fluttershy! How can you be so bigoted?”
>Somehow Fluttershy finds her spine to retort.
>”It wasn’t normal until recently. Then we had that big movement, I wasn’t ok with it.”
>There is a commotion outside, looking up you see Lyra arguing with Bon Bon.
>Pinkie helpfully opens the window so you can hear.

>”You told me it was ok! Everypony thought it was the right thing to do!”
>”It is Lyra!”
>”We started this Bon Bon because you said everyone needed help. Did you just do this so you can bone me?”
>”Nooo dear, I don’t have a bone head fetish.”
>”We ran Caramel out of town! I had a crush on him!”
>Ponies start to argue.
>You think you see torches being brought out.
>Shrugging, you turn back to this bonfire of a disaster.
>Rarity is having such a fit, her whining has turned hot.
>”How can mare and mare relationship be wrong when you’re trying to ride an ape? That’s beastiality! He isn’t a pony!”
>”Our love isn’t wrong, he’s just as much a pony as anypony ponyelse.”
“What?”
>What?”
>”Say what again!”
“Shut up Pinkie.”
>Rarity points in your general direction.
>”He doesn’t have a soul, he’s barely alive.”
>Rude.
>”Oh his lack of soul is a problem, I thought you were accusing me of bigotry when you were drowning in your own.”
>Rainbow pipes up with her own two bits.
>”I thought it was weird you liked a guy with so few limbs.”
>Rarity tears the rope around her apart with her teeth before jumping at Fluttershy.
>”I’ll fix you! I know I can fix you. We’re going to be beautiful together darling!”
>Fluttershy screams for you to help her, but you had enough.
“Twilight, can I go home now? I think I was a good enough witness right?”
>Bookhorse rolls her eyes and opens the door for you.
>Strolling back, ponies bite each other, strangling is going on, some anarchy ensues.
>Society is collapsing, but you got your nuts.

Sequel Time!
>Day Society has collapsed and you blame the Homosexuals.
>They said those fundamentalist Celestians were being over blown and bigoted when they said the homosexuals would degrade common decency in Equestria.
>Woo the younger generation into degeneracy.
>Well they were sort of right, it just didn’t take a generation to do it.
>Ponies just love to be extra.
>Right now you are on the hunt for flour to make your favorite banana bread.
>Sadly the ruins of Ponyville have turned it into a maze of debris and open roads filled with tricycle gangs.
>So you put on your best disguise to get around town.
>An orange traffic cone on your head.
>”Hi Anon!”
>A crew of deadly filly cyclists scoot past you, kicking up a dust storm.
>Politely, you wave back.
>Damn, that was close.
>Mad Max made this look easy.
>Time to slink your way to the remains of the grocery store.
>The shingles are draped with barbwire and glass is littered everywhere in front of the store.
>Carefully you tread across the deadly streets.
>A red dot lazily snaps to your head, from the lone kirin on the rooftop.
>”인간의.”
>Nice person, she was hired yesterday during the riots.
>The kirin returns to watching the street as you go in.
>The familiar jingle of a doorbell announces your presence.
>Waltz past the trembling form of register mare.
“Let’s see flour, flour, ah there you are. Maybe a few more things while I’m here.”
>”What the buck are you!?”
>Glance over to the earth pony mare at the register, she had half dragged her body over the counter after you passed by.
“A customer. What’s your deal lady?”
>She jerks her head back to the front door, like she’s about to run.

>”I moved here yesterday. Yesterday! This town just blew up around me. There are roving gangs, there’s a weird pony thing on the roof, my house is on fire but never burns up.”
>She points her hoof at you.
>Her name tag says ‘Sweet Smiles’.
>Right, Sweet Smiles points her hoof at you.
“Then you. What are you?”
>Aw, she’s new in town.
>Probably didn’t even get her Pinkie Pie party yet.
>A pink blob appears at the window.
>Locking eyes with her, Pinkie Pie points a hoof at you.
>Slowly she makes a cutting motion across a cupcake she’s holding.
>The point is clear, she wants to ask you to get some milk.
>She facepalms with the hoof holding the cupcake.
>Grumbling, she pulls out a sign with a pink sparkly pen.
>’Don’t spoil her surprise party.’
>”What are you looking at?”
>Sweet Smiles whips her head around, Pinkie Pie is back hiding in her hay bail.
“I’m Anonymous. Call me Anon. I’m the local rapist.”
“You’re in the music industry?”
>That’s silly, you can’t drop sick rhymes like Zecora.
“No, no, think a little more traumatic.”
>Immediately Smiles pulls back from you and shrinks over the counter to hide.
>”You rape ponies!? There’s such a thing as a local rapist?”
>Rolling your eyes, you take out your bit bag to pay for your stuff.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the one who gets raped. Princess Twilight Sparkle and Mayor Mare gave me the position when I first arrived. On the account that I don’t have rights.”
>Smiles’ jaw drops as the implication dawns on her.
>”What is wrong with this town? How are you ok with this?”
>Pat her on the head.
“This is Ponyville, you’ll get used to it. Or don’t and go crazy.”

>Time to escape the mad streets.
>Carelessly, you pass by the quest board.
>It has a wanted poster of you from Fluttershy.
>Haven’t seen her much since Rarity has been trying to force their relationship to the next level yesterday.
“Do you think they drew my nose too big? It’s kind of ugly.”
>You ask a random pony next to you.
>The mare is decked out in spikes and jagged razor wire all over her makeshift armor.
>Easy to recognize Cream Heart, a dangerous MILF.
>”The drawing, dear?”
“Yeah, this wanted poster of me? Looks kind of bad.”
>Take it down to show to the mare, who has now spawned two more ponies.
>More help the better.
“See, doesn’t look very much like me.”
>”Wanted for sexy time as well.”
>Flip the poster over to look over the rest of the description.
“Of course, it’s Fluttershy. No real surprise there.”
>A large herd of dangerous looking ponies have gathered around you.
>”Does it mention a reward?”
>Sure does.
“One million bits.”
>Gently, you put the wanted poster back up on the quest board.
>All of these ponies are really pressed close to you.
>Now with a closer look, they all have some pretty scary weapons pointed at you.
>”If only it was from anypony else but Fluttershy. She has, like, no money.”
>”Who’d want to even be associated with that pervert. No thanks.”
>”Doesn’t she watch your pet Diplodocus when you're out of town?”
>”Well yeah, she has the correct cutie mark for the job. Qualifications matter.”
>Benign conversation aside, you part through the herd.
>Time to head back home.
>There is an ear piercing sound of a microphone coming alive.
>Rarity is sitting on top of her boutique with a megaphone pointed in your general direction.

>”Attention dear ponies, I have an announcement to make.”
>The entire group of ponies have their undivided attention.
>”If somepony could kill Anon for me I’ll give you a five bit coupon.”
>There is a pregnant pause.
>”For my store.”
“Well shit.”
>A hoard of background ponies let out a mighty roar behind you.
“Rarity, you jackass!”
>A donkey named Jack looks away from his newspaper at you before snorting and turning away.
“Keep me out of your lesbian love feud!”
>It was at this moment she took out a RPG (Rarity Propelled Grenade) and aimed it at you.
>”It is a love triangle, and I’m about to make it a line!”
>The pineapple blows up behind you, taking out several ponies trying to catch you.
>The hoard flows out from houses and hidden encampments.
>Most are probably just joining the fun of chasing you down.
>Can’t escape.
>Going to die.
>This is the end again.
>Like an answer to prayer, a Ford Falcon screeches to a halt at the end of the road.
>A mare throws open the door and shouts at you.
>”Get in!”
>Deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth, you’re not a dentist after all, you jump in.
>She peels off, leaving dust in the air covering your escape from the horse herd hoard.
“Hey, thanks for the lift. Could you drop me off at my house? I got a mad hankering for some banana bread.”
>The smallish mare gives you the side glance.
>”Not even going to comment about the car. Ain’t it a little dangerous to go back home?”
>You wave her off.
“Naw, it’d be fine Ms.”
>Stop a moment to get a good look at her.
>Unicorn, drab colors, wrote an overrated post-apocalyptic book.

“Shit, you’re Tinypip.”
>”Littlepip. And why do you have to be so hostile when we meet up?”
“‘Cause you keep wanting me to be part of your dumb setting. Which is still a noooooo. Human sex slaves are a dumb idea.”
>She grunts as she swerves out of the way of a pony gang trying to stop her.
>”It’s not much different from your life right now. Besides, I have to change the main appeal of my stories now that lesbian is such a hot topic. I was thinking of changing my main character to being a human fucker with a harem of slaves she keeps. Ponies will love that manure.”
>Glaring at her, you slowly bring up a middle finger.
“You have no authorial integrity, you clout chasing weirdo.”
>The car comes to a sudden halt, you step out and look around.
“This isn’t my house.”
>Fluttershy comes out of her home covered in faux leather skins and tribal tattoos, which you assume is incredibly racist.
>Not that you can confirm, Zecora stays away when Ponyville goes through a phase.
>Smart mare.
>”So here’s your dude. You got the million bits?”
>Gasping in horror at the sudden betrayal; Fluttershy hoofs over a large bag.
>”I’ve been waiting for this moment, soon I’ll prove to Rarity that I’m super straight and only have eyes for you.”
>She licks her horsie lips as she stalks closer to you.
>Pip speaks up quickly.
>”What the buck. This is all bottle caps! Where are the bits?”
>Fluttershy pauses as she starts to sweat.
>”Oh, you know. We’re living in a society where the bit rate economy has been destroyed. Bottle caps are the current currency. Like in your books.”

>In a blink of an eye Pip has produced a gun and starts to demand money.
>Fluttershy screams.
>Pip starts screaming when the squirrels with guns show up to protect their landlady.
>Bullets fly, lasers boil the air, and you skedaddle right out of there.
>Doesn’t take long to run back to your house, thankfully you don’t forget your stuff.
>What a Saturday, or whatever the pony equivalent is.
>You start to put together your baked goods when you hear a knock at the door.
“Always gotta be something.”
>Opening the door, you look down at the peach colored mare with soft red mane.
“Oh hey, the grocery store mare.”
>”Sweet Smiles.”
>She looks haggard, her mane sticks up randomly.
“How in the world did you find me?”
>”You have the biggest house in town, wasn’t hard to figure out. I’m here for your services.”
>Blinking a few times as you process her request.
“I’m not following.”
>Her eyes twitch, it’s that same twitch you see when ponies are at their breaking wit’s end.
>”Do I have to spell it out? The rape thing. I want to do that.”
>This pony can’t be serious.
“No, don’t be retarded. We ain’t doing that.”
>She nods enthusiastically.
>”Perfect. That’s the spirit.”
>Hold up a finger.
“You ain’t understanding me. You. Some random OC background pony. No one is going to give a shit. I only get raped by named main characters with some flavorful background horse.”
>Smiles stares at you.
>That smile doesn’t look right anymore.
>A pupil is larger than the other.
>”That made no sense to me. But if I’m going to go crazy, I’m going to enjoy it.”
“No, Smiles, no!
>Such is life in this lawless forsaken land.
>Till tomorrow.
>Fucking ponies.

>Day do you want a receipt for that service?
>Balls deep in this pony, Sweet Smiles is really awkward about the whole thing.
>Doesn’t help when most of the town is watching.
>Pinkie doesn’t seem to care.
>”Surprise!”
>Sweet has puffed her cheeks in embarrassment.
>”I’m sorry, what?”
>”This is your surprise party to welcome you to Ponyville, silly!”
“You mean to tell me that you set up the whole thing.”
>”Yuppers.”
“In my house?”
>”Yupperonie.”
“Without asking!”
>”I’m glad you understand ‘Nonny.”
>Bullshit you pink menace.
>Sweet Smiles slinks off you, her cheeks are as red as her mane.
>There’s a cough from somepony in the crowd.
>”Do you need a towel?”
“No! Not my towels you dorks.”
>”I think I just want to go home now.”
>Pinkie Pie wraps a hoof around the guest.
>”And miss out on a great party? I didn’t think so. Come on, turn that frown upside down and meet your new neighbors.”
>Watch as your rapist gets dragged off to meet some random horse.
>Caramel gives you one of your towels, he probably was rooting around in your closet.
“Wait, I thought you were banished last week.”
>He gives a pointed glare in Bon Bon’s direction.
>”Yeah well when a new wave mareinist movement turns out to be an inside job of a federal agent to get bed with an eccentric unicorn. Town let’s bygone be bygones.”
>Freakn’ glowies.
“Wait a moment, how long were all of you watching the new mare have her way with me?”
>”Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”
“I’m going to charge you all a voyeurism fee.”
>Wrap the towel around your body to get as much decency as possible.
>Stomp your way to the pink menace.
>”And here’s some banana bread.”

>Already your banana bread is being shared amongst the party goers.
>Sweet Smiles can’t look you in the eyes.
>Pinkie Pie doesn’t share that problem.
“All right, you know the drill. No shows are for free, you fiend.
>”Aw, come on, Nonny. Just this once for your dear Aunt Pinkie Pie?”
>Put on a pair of reading glasses and take out a calculator.
“You should have thought of that when you decided to not interrupt her.”
>Sweet Smiles gulped as she felt the urge to run.
“I’ll get back with you anyway. So the first time fee earns you a discount normally, but since you didn’t make an appointment that upcharges the whole thing.”
>She blinks owlishly.
>”Wait. Are you actually going to bill me? For the rape.”
>Look up and readjust your towel.
“Well yeah, you didn’t think you can just rape a guy and get away with it for free right?”
>Smiles looks at all the ponies in the room just milling around and chatting amongst themselves.
>”I think. I don’t know. Rape is supposed to be non-consensual.”
“So are taxes. Guess what, the mayor and princess don’t let a good ol’ rape get in the way of putting their hooves in my pockets.”
>”This town is, there’s something wrong with it. I think it’s already getting to me too.”
>Pinkie ruffles the mane of the conflicted mare, who you must remind you, dear reader, was just forcing herself on Anon between story segments.
>Don’t pity her, she’s terrible.
>”Now don’t listen to that silly human. He’s just uptight.”
>Point at an empty plate on the table.
“My banana bread was eaten before I got a slice.”
>”Listen. I know we’re going to be the best of friends. I love smiles, and you are all smiles, Smiles.”

>The mare clearly didn’t share Pinkie’s enthusiasm.
“Here’s the receipt.”
>The mare cared even less for your price.
>”I can’t pay this!? I just got into town. I haven’t even been paid yet.”
>Fold your arms as you look down at her.
“Go get a loan then. Rapes ain’t free.”
>”There is so much wrong with that statement. Wait, the entire town is a destroyed wasteland. There is no bank.”
“Actually, tomorrow is monday. Ponyville cleans up its act after a silly weekend. Everything will be back to normal.”
>”So any pony can rape you for a price.”
>Sweet Smiles looks at the room full of ponies and starts to wonder.
“No. Fluttershy isn’t allowed.”
>She actually scrunches her snout in confusion.
“Element of Kindness has a few quirks that she has to follow. Public image kind of thing. She’s been trying to find something to make it consensual ever since.”
>She nods slowly.
>”Sure. That makes sense?”
>Pinkie Pie pulls out a chart with prices on it.
>”We have a whole betting table if you want in on it.”
“Don’t take it. It’s been over a decade and the yellow menace ain’t getting any closer.”
>Smiles is breathing heavy.
>All the friendly Ponyville ponies around her just chat away.
>”Has it always been this way?”
>Pinkie practically sings her reply.
>”Be the bestest town in all of Equestria. You bet your pretty grin it is.”
>”Right.”
—
“I can’t believe she skipped paying her bill.”
>Sitting at Sugarcube Corner, you huff as you drink coffee.
>Pinkie glares at you.
>”The party was perfect. You had to be a spoilsport, and now she’s skipped town.”
“Oh sure, I’m the one responsible. Always have to blame the victim.”
>Hate it when your rapist skips town to avoid bills.