>Your ears kept ringing as you silently bore laser beams into the boulder.
>You were reaching your limit here in Equestria. Too many friendly ponies who brought each other up, who loved each other, who kept each other company.
>It was a far, far cry from how you operated in your previous life.
>When you addressed people by "Sir", when you shut yourself up whenever someone important was speaking. You did what they all asked unquestionably, because for a majority of your life, you were at the bottom of the social totem pole.
>Whether it be in family, school, or at work.
>You always pinned yourself as expendable.
>It was the life, being the top guy to volunteer yourself for anything and everything.
>To follow orders.
>The slow stepping of hooves on the grass, someone had decided to visit you. 
>"Sorry hun, ah just need to buck that tree you're lying upon." the Pony near you said.
>Welp, "back to the front" as Rick May would say.
>You don't deserve a break, not after everything you've done. Not after everything.
>You grin and bear it.
"Sorry Ma'am, just wanted to appreciate the-" you found yourself cut off.
>She snorts, "Ma'am!? Haha! Ma'am! Y'know sugar-cube, ah work for a living."
>You snap your head away from the boulder to find yourself face-to-snout with Applejack. Nearly bopping each other with your respective noses. Scandalous.
>You collect yourself and sit yourself up, you easily tower over most ponies by a head or two, but your muscle memory binds you all the same by making you stand at attention. Arms behind your back in mock parade rest.
>You never served, but you adopted it all the same.
"Sorry Miss-" No wait, "Applejack, I just wanted to rest after a day of work."
>She gets herself into position and bucks the apple tree, fruits falling into the basket perfectly.
>"C'mon Anon, trot an' talk with me." Applejack says as she moves to the next tree. You follow.
"Yeah!" you say loudly in affirmation. This made Applejack's ear twitch as you walked behind her.
>"Yer know you can relax around her on the farm, right Anon?" She says turning her head towards you. She had a bright expression.
"Sorry Applejack it... won't happen again." Damage control was always good, a honed skill in saving your hide more than once.
>So you just walked and talked, and she did those things while bucking apples.
>Things about the weather, your time in Ponyville, her family, what Sweetie Belle did in school.
>The conversation quickly turned to friends.
"Sorry Applejack, I guess I don't really have friends, aside from a few drinking buddies."
>"Ah don't believe it, you're always so nice to everypony in town. Why ah'd be willing to put in a good word or two for you if you'd give the say so!" She bucks another tree, it completely fills up the basket. A sign to head back to the cart and grab a new one.
"Sorry AJ, I got my-" not order, no, "place in the world."
>You smile with a pensive expression.
"Guys like me were always expendable, anyway." you mutter quietly.
>It was supposed to be an off-hand remark, but she heard it.
>"What? What do ya mean by expendable Anon?"
>You start breathing loudly as if you were exasperated. Before you calmed yourself by vague thoughts of caring women and good beer.
"Nothin', it's... nothing."
>She stops in her tracks. And turns around to you.
>"Nothing? Nothing? Non, if there's a mighty something troublin' you, y'know you can always come to me or the girls for help."
"I can't, it's not in the cards."
>This time at your attempt to rebuff her, she got a serious expression.
"I just can't, even if I wanted to, no one would understand."
>You drag your hand over your face.
"But if I keep my head down and follow my orders, I'll survive this. I know, I..." You mutter to yourself a bit more, your voice trailing to a halt.
>You let out a shudder of exhaustion.
"I have to keep up this act. I can't explain it, I just /have/ to."
>You ball your fist up in anger. Your eyebrows furrowed.
"I don't care if I die, if I hurt someone, if I hurt someone I love."
>Dreams of a field, with an orange pony, known for her apples and love of stetson hats come to mind...
"I have to do what I'm told. And I'll carry it out until the end."
>Moments of brevity in deep, restful sleep. Where only you and the mare you liked were together. You close your eyes to be 'there' just a little longer.
"We're... I'm... expendable."
>You open your eyes to reality.
"I... hate it." you confess, "I hate everything about myself."
>Applejack goes to your side, having put aside her baskets, and hugs you. You kneel down to return the hug.
>"Ah know you're so wound up Hon, but this ain't a way of living, this kinda thinkin'."
>She nuzzles you in the cheek.
>"It ain't healthy being like this."
>You can feel her breath being so close like this.
>"You're workin' yerself to the bone, even when yer don't need to."
>She strokes your neck with her forehoof. You feel yourself cry.
>"Ah thought ah could do everything by mahself, but truth is sugarcube?"
>She shudders next to you in weariness.
>"Ah'm just one pony, ah can't do everything by mahself."
>Then what?
>"We have friends, family and others to help us."
>"And when we're tired? Well darn tootin', we take a break!"
>You both break your hug, she disconnects and settles a little away from you.
>"So enough about all these here 'instructions' and 'commands' and your fancy pants talk."
>She then gave you an expression you can't explain.
>It can only be expressed when a woman gives you that look, the look that everything's going to be okay.
>"You'll do just fine if you'll be yourself."