>be Apple Bloom
>bored at home
>phone rings
>AJ yells up the stairs that it's for you
>run all the way down to the kitchen because there is only one phone in the house
>it's Scootaloo
>she wants to meet up at the mall
>tell her sure
>hang up
>ask AJ to drive you to the mall
>she doesn't want to
>go ask Big Mac
>he doesn't want to either
>keep whining until finally he agrees
>Big Mac drives you all the way from the farm to the mall in his 4x4 pickup with the giant tires and the hi-beam lights on the roof
>blasting Def Leppard the whole way
>tell him to pick you up at 9 before they close
"Eeeeyup"
>drives off
>go inside, look for Scoot
>find her at the food court eating one of those big pretzels
>decide to grab an Orange Julius and some TCBY frozen yogurt
"...so then she was all like, no WAY, and I was all like, WAAAY, and then she was all like, NO. WAY.  But I was all like, WAAAAAY..."
>Scoot keeps going on and on about some bullshit that happened at school or something
>you can't even follow what she's saying
>ever since she heard "Valley Girl" on the radio last week she's been talking this way
>it kind of gets on your nerves but whatever
>she'll grow out of it soon, you hope
>interrupt her because you finally can't take it anymore
>suggest going to Sam Goody to look at cassette tapes
>Scoot thinks that would be totally rad
>in Sam Goody now
>browsing through the racks
>pretend to be looking for the new Motley Crue but actually you're looking for the new Bryan Adams
>suddenly Scoot nudges your shoulder
"Hey, look, it's your boyfriend..."
>you look up
"Oh, crap."
>it's that weird guy Anon
>he's always following you around even though he's like 25
>you try to hide behind a cardboard cutout of Cyndi Lauper
>but it's too late, he's already seen you
>he comes up, starts talking
>says he made you another mixtape
>say thank you, put it in your pocket
>he says you should listen to it right away because he worked really hard on it
>tell him you don't have your Walkman so you can't
>he points to the giant Walkman clipped to the pocket of your jeans and the headphones around your neck
>tell him it's broken and you're just wearing it as a fashion accessory
>if that's true, he wonders, then why does he hear New Kids on the Block coming out of your headphones right now
>blush
>tell him it's his imagination
>besides, you wouldn't be listening to New Kids on the Block anyway
>he says whatever, just be sure to listen to it later
>finally leaves
>Scoot immediately starts teasing you
>she wants you to put the tape in and play it
>tell her no way
>it's probably just a bunch of Oingo Boingo songs like the last one he made you
>she reminds you that "My Sharona" was also on there
>tell her that doesn't really make it better
>she keeps teasing you as you pay for your Bryan Adams tape and exit the store
>you're starting to get mad
>tell her that if she likes Anon so much then maybe she should go out with him


>Scoot makes a face
"Eeeeew, like, gag me with a spoon..."
>you're sorely tempted to grant her request
>but you threw away your spoon when you finished your TCBY yogurt
>try to change the subject by suggesting the two of you go to the arcade
>Scoot is in favor of this
>as you're walking there she starts bragging about how she just got a brand-new Atari 2600 for her birthday
>god damn it
>you already spent the whole school day listening to her yap about this
>but you don't mind it so long as she's not talking about you and Anon any more
>besides, you know that getting that Atari was a pretty big deal for her
>her family is, like, totally poor
>god damn it
>now she's even got your inner monologue talking like a valley girl
>her family is poor, you correct yourself
>meanwhile, you reach the arcade
>and she keeps talking
>and talking
>you're on your fourth game of Ms. Pac Man by now
>and Scoot still won't shut up about how she can fucking play Pong whenever she wants to and it won't even cost a quarter
>finally she suggests you sleep over at her house tonight so the two of you can play it
>as annoyed as you've been with Scoot today you can't help but agree
>you've always been curious what her house is like
>and besides, you really do want to play her Atari
>the two of you leave the arcade and go back to the food court
>there's a pay phone here, you can call Big Mac and tell him you won't need a ride
>get to the phone, realize you spent your last quarter on Ms. Pac Man
>Scoot doesn't have any money either
>big surprise there
>you go to the fountain to see if anyone threw any quarters in there
>it's all pennies though
>Scoot suggests just grabbing 25 of those and trading them for a quarter at Orange Julius
>but it sounds like too much trouble
>besides, the last time you went fishing around in the fountain you got caught by the security guard
>god damn it
>looks like you have no choice
>the two of you wander around the mall until you bump into Anon again
>tell him you need a quarter so you can call your brother
>he offers to give you a ride home instead
>tell him no thanks
>you just need a quarter
>he asks if you've had a chance to listen to the tape yet
>you tell him no, not yet
>your Walkman is out of batteries
>meanwhile "The Right Stuff" can clearly be heard coming out of your headphones
>anyway you have to flirt with him a little but eventually he gives you some money
>he reminds you to listen to the tape, he wants to know what you think of it
>says goodbye and walks off
>you can feel your whole body burning red
>Scoot is doubled over laughing
>tell her to cram it
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. So how much did he give you, anyway?"
>look at the bill he handed you
>holy shit, it's like twenty bucks
>Scoot immediately suggests seeing a movie
>tell her you need to call your brother first
>she reminds you that you need to break the bill and get change anyway
>you can't dispute the logic of this
>so the two of you go to the movie theater


>spend some time arguing about which movie to see
>Scoot really wants to see A Nightmare on Elm Street
>but you don't like those kinds of movies
>plus The Karate Kid is playing and you really, really want to see it
>you've been madly in love with Ralph Macchio ever since you saw the preview
>but you don't want to explain that to Scootaloo because she'll tease you about it
>so you give her some half-assed excuse about how it's because you want to learn karate
>she doesn't buy it for a second
>immediately starts giving you shit about Ralph Macchio
>you blush
>then she starts giving you shit about Anon again
>you blush harder
>she wonders who would win if Ralph Macchio and Anon ever got into a fight over you
>which is stupid
>obviously Ralph Macchio would win because he knows karate
>and Anon is a jerk, he's not even cute or anything
>even though it was kind of nice of him to give you the $20
>anyway, you restrain the urge to use your karate moves on Scootaloo
>you tell her that if she'll shut the hell up already, you'll agree to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street with her
>you figure the ticket guy probably won't let you guys into that movie without an adult anyway
>then you can go see Ralph Macchio instead
>but the ticket guy doesn't even give a shit, he just sells you the tickets
>doesn't ask for an ID or anything
>god damn it
>oh well, at least they have popcorn and stuff in here, you're getting hungry again
>get yourself a popcorn and a soda and a pack of Twizzlers
>Scootaloo gets nachos, a soda and a hot dog
>you've already spent like half your money but whatever
>as long as you have a quarter left over that's all that matters
>anyway, you watch the movie
>it's actually not as scary as you thought it would be
>you're actually kind of enjoying it
>you look over and notice that Scootaloo looks really scared, though
>she jumps at all the scary parts and keeps trying to cover her eyes while holding her food
>at one point Freddy Krueger makes her jump so hard she spills soda on the old guy sitting in the row ahead
>he seems annoyed
>by the time you're walking out of the theater she's recovered herself and keeps trying to laugh it off, but you're not having it
>you've finally got something you can give her shit about and you're not going to cut her any slack
>you flap your elbows like wings and make chicken noises at her
>she gets flustered and turns bright red
>she tries to turn it back around on you and starts in about Anon again
>but you just turn it back around on her
>you wonder out loud if Anon likes eating chicken
>the conversation gets pretty raunchy from there
>by the end of it you're both laughing hysterically
>the other people in the crowd keep giving both of you dirty looks
>you realize that you were both probably making a lot of noise during the movie


>also, you notice the guy that Scoot spilled her soda on complaining to the manager on your way out
>you overhear him saying something about how kids your age shouldn't even be watching a movie like that in the first place
>you feel kind of bad for the ticket guy
>he's probably going to get in trouble for letting you in
>but you're having way too much fun to feel bad about it for long
>eventually you both end up back in the food court eating more frozen yogurt
>you suddenly notice that the food court is nearly empty and some of the restaurants have those metal grate thingies pulled down
>you cut Scootaloo off in the middle of her sentence and ask her what time it is
>she looks at her cheap off-brand digital wristwatch
"Oh crap, it's 9:15 already!"
>you realize you still have like 4 dollar bills left in your pocket plus several quarters, but you completely forgot to call Big Mac
>you and Scoot go running through the mall to the exit
>sure enough Big Mac is sitting outside in his truck
>he looks mad
>he looks even madder after you explain that you are staying at Scootaloo's tonight and didn't actually need a ride
>you meant to call him but you forgot, you explain
>he doesn't say anything, he just drives off
>you can hear his Def Leppard tape fading into the distance
>you turn to see Scoot giving you a funny look
"Why did you tell him to leave, anyway? He could have just given us a ride to my house."
"Wait, isn't someone comin' to pick you up?"
"No, I just walked here."
"Oh."
>Scoot rolls her eyes
"Smooth move, Ex-Lax."
>by the time you finally get to Scoot's house, it's almost ten
>but she's been going on and on about her Atari 2600 the entire time
>you're getting pretty excited about an entire night of Pong, and you're both pretty hopped up on sugar by this point
>neither one of you is especially tired
>however, when you see Scootaloo's house you stop walking
"Uh, is this really where you live, Scoot?"
>you're looking at a beat up old house with ghetto bars on the windows and a rusted El Camino in the lawn
"Yeah, what of it?"
>Scoot seems a little defensive so you don't push it
>but you've driven past this house with your sister many times before
>you never knew anyone actually lived in it
>you always assumed it was abandoned
>or maybe a crack house or something
>when you were little you thought it was haunted
>anyway, Scoot opens the door
"I'm home!"
>a woman who sounds drunk shouts something unintelligible in response
>it turns out that Scoot lives with her two aunts
>you're not sure where her parents are and you're not sure if it would be polite to ask
>so you don't say anything about it
>but her house is...an experience
>there's furniture from just about every decade except the current one
>all of it in pretty bad shape
>most of the wallpaper is gone
>the whole place smells like cigarette smoke
>plus they've got like 20 cats
>surprisingly though, they also have a brand new color TV
>cable even
>one of her aunts is watching WWF on it


>anyway, Scoot introduces you to her two aunts
>they seem a little too interested in you and it makes you uncomfortable
>you're happy to get upstairs to Scoot's room and close the door
>Scoot's room is...interesting
>it's a complete mess of course, just like the rest of the house
>walls are covered with weird, incongruous posters
>a photo of Alice Cooper holding a rotting skull is hanging right next to Molly Ringwald in 16 Candles
>hilariously, she has what appears to be a shrine to Corey Haim taped to the mirror on her dressing table
>she quickly throws a jacket over it and scowls
>you suppress laughter
>Scoot points to the top bunk of her bunk bed
"Uh, you can sleep there tonight if you want"
>you look
>there's a giant pile of dirty clothes on top of it
>Scoot blushes
>grabs the clothes and throws them into a corner
>a cat that was sleeping under the the pile hisses at her and runs out the door
>you continue to suppress laughter
"Anyway, here's my Atari", she mutters
>she moves another pile of dirty clothes off of a TV
>it's smaller than the one downstairs
>but it's still a newer color model
>apparently TVs are the one thing this family is willing to spend money on
>you move in closer to examine the fabled Atari 2600
>it's frigging ColecoVision
>Scoot apparently doesn't know the difference
>also, she doesn't even have Pong
>you're not even sure if this thing can run Pong
>the only game she has is Donkey Kong, which came with the system
>apparently Scoot thinks this is what Pong is
>whatever though, it's a fun game
>actually better than Pong
>play it for a couple of hours
>Scoot's weird aunts keep popping in to "check" on the two of you
>they're starting to give you the creeps but whatever
>start to get hungry
>Scoot says there are some frozen pizzas you guys could heat up
>sounds great, head down to the kitchen
>heat up some pizzas
>they're the cheap but good kind
>take them back upstairs along with a two-liter bottle of store-brand fruit punch and some potato chips
>you can't really play games while eating so you switch on the TV
>Scoot has cable which is nice
>your farm is too far out of the way to get cable, so you have a giant satellite dish behind the house
>also Granny Smith is concerned about "Satanic influences" so you're not allowed to watch most of the channels
>you've never even seen MTV before
>Scoot's aunts don't give a shit though, they just let her watch whatever
>the two of you eat pizza and watch music videos
>after you're finished eating you guys end up doing impromptu karaoke, singing along with the videos
>apparently Scoot knows all the lyrics to "Take on Me"
>even the parts where he's singing in a really high voice and you could never tell what he's saying
>turns out he's saying "I'll be gone in a day or two"
>you're learning a lot today
>anyway after that, "Shout at the Devil" comes on so you pretty much have to
>Granny Smith would probably have a heart attack if she saw you singing along to this


>you don't know all the words though so you end up fudging a lot of it
>Scoot joins in too, but she doesn't know all the words to this one either
>you're both fudging through the fast parts singing different made up nonsense
>but when it gets to the part where he says "bloodstain on the stay-yay-yage" you both nail it
>then you both start cracking up
>finally one of her aunts pounds on the door and yells at you to be quiet
>you look at the digital clock on Scoot's dresser
>turns out it's like one in the morning
>whoops.jpg
>or maybe the word "whoops" spelled out in crude vector graphics and saved to a cassette backup
>or whatever they would have had back then
>anyway neither of you feel like going to sleep yet
>but you agree to be quiet
>turn the volume down a little and stop singing along with the videos
>after about 30 minutes you realize you're both hungry again and sneak back downstairs to heat up another pizza
>eat more pizza, watch more videos
>then "Heaven" by Bryan Adams comes on
>god damn it
>there's no way you'll be able to make it through this one without tearing up
>however it looks like Scootaloo is having the same problem
>turns out you both really love Bryan Adams
>you confess that Bryan Adams is the only man you'd be willing to divorce Ralph Macchio for
>you expect to just get made fun of again
>but instead Scoot gets mad, insisting that she's going to marry Bryan Adams
>this devolves into a heated argument over which one of you will actually get to marry Bryan Adams
>decide to settle it with a game of Pong
>which apparently means playing Donkey Kong for another hour
>whoever ends up with the highest score gets to marry Bryan Adams
>the competition gets pretty heated
>Scoot's aunt has to bang on the door again at one point
>but ultimately it ends with Scootaloo as the victor
>you mumble that it isn't fair because it's her game and she plays it all the time
>she keeps on giving you shit about it though
>besides, she says, it's not fair that you should get to have Ralph Macchio and Bryan Adams and Anon
>you tell her she can have Anon if she wants
>she doesn't
>this devolves into a ten minute session of making fun of Anon
>eventually Scoot asks if you still have Anon's mixtape
>you lie and say you threw it away
"Too bad, it would have been fun to laugh at it"
>at this point it's almost 4 in the morning
>you guys are getting to the point where neither one of you can think straight and every idiotic thing is really funny
>finally decide it's time for bed
>shut out the lights
>end up whispering and making stupid jokes in the dark for another half hour
>eventually Scoot starts snoring
>loud
>you're really tired but you can't fall asleep because of it
>plus Scoot's bedsheets are kind of grimy and smell weird
>you wonder when was the last time they were washed
>finally you climb down off the bunk and rummage around until you find where you put your Walkman
>listen to New Kids on the Block until eventually you fall asleep


>wake up sometime around 10 in the morning
>Scoot is already up, watching Jem on her TV
>yawn
>your hair is a mess and Scoot's bedsheets still smell funny
>ask if you can use the shower
>she tells you where it is but keeps her attention focused on the cartoon
>unsurprisingly the bathroom is filthy
>it has one of those giant old tubs with the claw feet though, which you think is cool
>even though it hasn't been cleaned in a really long time
>anyway, you start running the shower
>one of Scoot's aunts "accidentally" walks in while you're half-naked
>after that you make sure the door is locked
>anyway, you have your shower
>you don't have any clean clothes to wear but at least you don't smell like Scootaloo's funky sheets anymore
>go back to Scoot's room
>Jem is over, the Snorks are on
>watch that with her
>during one of the commercial breaks she runs downstairs
>comes back with a couple of bowls and a box of Applejacks and some milk
>watch cartoons and eat cereal for another couple of hours
>eventually the phone rings
>the aunt who walked in on you tells you your sister is on the phone
>reluctantly go down to the kitchen alone with her
>your sister really is on the phone though
>wants to know what time you're coming home
>subtle implication that she has no intention of driving all the way here to get you
>probably not even worth it to ask Big Mac after last night
>tell her you're on your way
>hang up phone
>Scoot's creepy dyko aunt says she's more than happy to give you a ride home
>realize you don't have a choice
>tell her "uh, sure, thanks"
>run back upstairs
>Scoot is still watching cartoons in her pajamas
>tell her that was your sister, you have to go home now
>she obviously is not in the mood to get dressed and shut the TV off
>it takes some cajoling but finally you convince her to ride along
>15 minutes later, you are both dressed and outside
>weird dyko aunt seems a bit disappointed it won't be just you and her, but doesn't say anything
>get in the car
>she drives this old piece of shit truck from like1935
>one bench seat
>no seatbelts
>only has AM radio
>Scoot fiddles with the dials the whole drive over
>it's all religious talk stations
>finally finds a faint signal where you can kind of hear The Bangles bleeding into a Billy Graham sermon
>decides that's probably good enough and sticks with it
>she sings along with The Bangles until it fades out completely and all that's left is static and Billy Graham
>meanwhile Scoot's creepy aunt keeps staring at your legs, not even trying to hide it
>Scoot doesn't even seem to notice, she just keeps jabbering about music and cartoons and some trick she learned on her skateboard
>whatever, at least she's the one sitting in the middle
>anyway, you drive through the town and then it's like 8 miles to the farm
>Scoot's aunt stops at the McDonalds drive through on the way there, which was actually kind of nice of her
>it's too late to get breakfast but she buys you each a cheeseburger and a Coke


>anyway you arrive at the farm
>say goodbye to Scoot and get out
>aunt gives you this long, super-cheerful speech about how you're such a nice young lady and you're welcome at their home any time and blah blah blah
>she is waaaay too enthusiastic about it and it's creepy
>Scoot seems oblivious
>you politely say 'thank you' but try not to make any more eye contact than necessary
>tell Scoot you'll see her in school on Monday
>she is cheerful and energetic, waves goodbye
>you give a cheerful smile and wave to her
>you watch the truck drive away
>pervy aunts notwithstanding, you actually had a really good time last night
>you've never really hung out with Scootaloo outside of school before but she's actually pretty fun
>maybe you guys can have a sleep-over at your house the next time around
>anyway, you're in a good mood
>before going into the house you stop by the barn
>chores are already mostly done, AJ seems annoyed with you but doesn't chew you out
>asks if you had fun at your friend's house
>you start to tell her about it and end up gushing like a retard
>some of Scoot's "valley speak" has somehow made its way into your vocabulary between last night and this morning
>AJ raises an eyebrow at it but doesn't comment
>you stop when you realize she's not that interested in the details, she was just being polite
>leave her be, head back to the farmhouse
>Granny Smith is in the living room
>she lectures you about sleeping late, missing chores, slothful behavior and all that
>she doesn't seem too mad though
>asks if you'd like to sit down and watch Pat Robertson Revival with her
"Uh, no thanks Granny, I got...some homework to do."
>she lectures you a bit more
>sin and the devil and the poisonous youth culture and all that
>politely nod like you usually do when she starts going on about this stuff
>go up to your room
>the photos of Scott Baio and Ralph Macchio and Erik Estrada hanging on your wall are there to greet you
>along with the poster of "Them or Us" by Frank Zappa over your bed
>you found it in the trash outside of Dairy Queen
>you've never heard the album before but you like the cover art
>you sit down at your desk and try to do homework because you would feel bad lying to Granny Smith
>but you can't really focus on math right now
>lie down on your bed, put your headphones on
>in your jacket pocket is the new Bryan Adams tape you bought yesterday
>in the other pocket is Anon's mixtape
>you hesitate
>then you pop in Anon's tape
>expect to hear "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo again
>but it's actually Bryan Adams
>Anon recorded the entire new Bryan Adams album for you
>you wish he had just told you this when he gave you the tape
>you could have saved yourself $6
>but at the same time
>it was nice of him
>...
>maybe Anon's not such a loser after all