>Be Fluttershy
>You've been visiting the Ponyville hospital a lot this last month, mostly to buy surplus supplies for animals that end up hurt from playing too hard
>But for another reason too
>You most certainly were not keeping track of the right time, but now was ideal to finally talk to him
>"TO SAVE OUR MOTHER EARTH FROM ANY CHRYSSALID ATTACK!"
>There he is
>The mysterious man you know as Anon
>He's wearing a set of scrubs, so you know for sure that he must be a very respected member of the healthcare field
>Oh my, and with him is your good friend Rainbow Dash!
>They're always hanging out
>It's enough to make you blush with the most mellow sense of jealousy
>She belts out the next line, trotting at his side
>"FROM VICIOUS GIANT INSECTS WHO HAVE ONE AGAIN COME BACK!"
>"WE'LL UNLEASH ALL OUR FORCES, WE WON'T CUT THEM ANY SLACK!"
>Both of them strike action poses with invisible weaponry and cry out at the same time
>"THE E.V.S. DEPLOYS!"
>It sounds like something they've practiced dozens of times before
>They hold the pose for a few seconds too long
>Long enough that they notice you explicitly watching them
>Stuck like a pony staring down a stampede, you lift yourself up and clap with your hooves
"O-Ohh.. uh... yay. That was amazing work!"
>Anon awkwardly tries to play off of the compliment with a bow while Dash laughs at him
>"You dork, Fluttershy totally saw you!"
>"Good, it means that she can see how you were off key."
>"Wha-off key!? Screw that, you were too quiet!"
>"I was not!"
>Such tenacity and skill
>It's enough to make you swoon
"Excuse me, but, um, I certainly enjoyed it."
>Anon smiles at you
>It's enough to make your heart skip a beat
>"And that's why you're the best, Buttershy."
"Fluttershy."
>"Right on, senorita."
>Without giving you another thought, they start to stroll off
>"Alright nerd, you remember the second verse, right?"
>"Do losers wear scrubs?"
>"I'll take that as a 'no'. Alright, follow my lead."
>"No one could follow your lead even if yo--"
>"OUR SOLDIERS ARE PREPARED FOR ANY CHRYSSALID THREAT!"
>Anon belts out line after line, matching his syllables with his stride
>He has such an even tempo
>You find yourself humming the tune while you prance to the hospital
>You completely forgot to ask him if he would like to spend some time with you, though
>But that's ok
>You know when he usually takes his lunches since Rainbow Dash is usually around him when he's available
>Again, you are just a teensy bit jealous
>Later today you'll have to remember to ask him
>You still need to get those supplies, anyway
>Not wanting to make it seem like more than a coincidence, you take a stroll around Ponyville for the morning
>You see Rainbow Dash skilfully skate across the sky
>That tiny tinge of jealousy fades
>Not that you're jealous of her
>Oh my, no
>You just want to be friends with Anon like she is
>You're friends with nearly every creature known to pony
>Except the one human in Equestria
>The one man
>He is a male
>You made sure of that
>Like you do with all of your more mysterious finds, you've researched and watched him extensively
>He doesn't like hayburgers, but he does enjoy putting everything in burger form
>He eats a ton too, compared to any pony
>He's strong, too
>You once saw him run faster than Spike chasing Rarity because he saw a spider!
>You spend so much time walking around with your mind focused on him that you don't even realized it's past noon
>That means Anon's at lunch!
>In mid-step your wings spread and you launch off the ground to a blistering speed of... a light jog
>You aren't in that big a rush and it's a straight line when you're in the sky
>When you make it to the roof of the hospital, you know for a fact that you aren't late
>"God damn it Dash, every day you take my yogurt. It's exhausting!"
>"Blame yourself for making it so good, dork."
>Oh my
>You can't help but fly faster at the sound of that
>"Get off of me, you already got it!"
>"No way fag, I know you got more!"
>"You're insatiable, it's insane!"
>Your entire body burns at the sound of what could only be described as a struggle
"Hold it right there, Rainbow Dash!"
>You belt out your softest, sternest voice and point your hoof at the assault in progress
>Popping into their view like a yellow ninja, you see that... it's just Anon bracing himself against the pegasus while holding a picnic basket
>Both of them look at you
>You silently huff, glancing over the scene
>His pants are on
>There's white stuff all over her mouth
>A jar is on the floor
"...huh?"
>Both of them look at you
>"Fluttershy?"
>Anon's eyebrows raise
>He doesn't look like he's being... attacked
>"Why are you breathing so hard?"
>Thick, fluffy white drips off of her mouth, which ignites something almost too strong to bear inside of you
"I... um... th-that doesn't... I mean..."
>You tremble in place, your mouth dry
>For being his hero, you sure aren't saving him from any sort of embarrassment
>Taking your distraction as a chance, he shoves Dash away from him, nursing his basket
>"Freaking maniac... can you talk some sense into her? Every single day this little pain in the ass steals my yogurt! Do you know how hard it is to make this sort of stuff just right?"
>Dash gives you a lecherous leer, her tongue lapping over mouth to clean herself up
>You know she knows what you're thinking
>"It's good. Poor guy just gives it up to the first pony that demands it. I'm always first so I always get it."
>"I do not! You steal it from me and the one time you paid me I felt even dirtier for having sold it to begin with... my poor stuff... I have too much respect to keep letting you get away with it..."
>Anon nurses his violated jar, crushed that yet another batch had been taken from him
>You stay, frozen in place
>Dash smirks at you, her face finally clean
>"You gotta try it Fluttershy. I bet a pony like you would do anything for it."
>She flies off, the force of her departure knocking you over like a plastic toy
>Anon eventually collects himself and leaves, too overcome with sorrow to pay attention to you
>You stay in position despite laying on your side
>You could've sworn it was something else
>But then your eyes pick up something
>A dollop of white
>A tiny piece of shrapnel borne from Anon's yogurt container
>Your eyes dilate to the needlepoints
>The fire inside burns so brightly that it melts your joints enough to move again
>You slide toward it with your wings, your legs useless
>Unable to help yourself, your tongue leaves your mouth and touches the smidgen of Anon's yogurt
>Just like that, the answer to every question you ever had is revealed
>You gotta have more
>You need to have more
>You WILL have more
>After coming down from your high
>And after letting the inferno inside die down to a mere simmer
>You finally enter the hospital to pick up what you needed
>You play it cool and nice like normal but internally you're alert
>With a saddle bag full of goodies, you linger around for just a few minutes
>No sign of Anon
>Or his yogurt containers
>He's wearing pants, so of course you wouldn't see any containers
>Oh my, the thoughts are coming back again
>You sneak out before you make a mess or cause a scene
>You think of what you need to do to obtain more than a dollop of Anon's manly yogurt
>In fact, you're so devious and serious about this that you've even made a name for it!
>Operation Dollop
>You want to ask Rainbow Dash for assistance but you don't want her to make fun of you
>Or worse, you don't want her to tell Anon
>If he finds out, he may not want to share some with you
>If he finds out, he may even stop churning out such gloriously cream
>Yogurt counts as a cream, doesn't it?
>While patching up a poor iguana that got in a fight with a big bird, a thought comes into your head
>What if you were to visit Anon when he's at home?
>If Rainbow Dash wasn't around, you could be alone with him
>And you could ask him
>And maybe you could even offer something in return
>The iguana squeaks out
>It turns out you've wrapped him up into a giant ball of gauze!
"Oops... I-I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing so much."
>The iguana looks at you with a judgmental glare, as if it could tell what you were thinking
>A flicker of it's tongue in the air leads you to blush and awkwardly smile
>It surely can't taste what you've been thinking, can it?
>Or how your body has been reacting to your thoughts
"For helping you out... could you help me maybe?"
>The iguana replies only with a blink
"Once your wounds heal... could you visit a really good friend of mine? I... um, I want to learn of when he comes home."
>The iguana, skilled in subterfuge, watches you without comment
"If you do, I'll give you some of the yummiest berries I found! I promise they're the best I've found all spring!"
>You smile with a squee
>The iguana of masterful mercantilism remains stoic
"...and I'll give you some honey."
>It's tongue darts out
>Thus, the deal is struck
>Anon's privacy is now forfeit
"Yay. Thank you, I appreciate it so much."
>Operation Dollop is going swimmingly
>It might even succeed by tonight!
>Rainbow Dash won't be able to tease you once you show her that you've taken all of Anon's yogurt for yourself

>Be iguana
>Be a loyal soldier of fortune and spy of unintelligible mental acuity
>The yellow pervert of abundant honey deposited you outside of the target's home
>Outskirts of Ponyville, in a home big enough for six ponies
>Target isn't rich by any means but the ponies are quite charitable to build appropriate accommodations without gratuitous debt
>With windowsill captured, you scan the current room
>A kitchen
>Indeed, a place of dairy-focused alchemy
>Muscles twitch and spasm, leading you to a counter
>Four jars, slotted into a sort of clay container
>Using skill passed down through incalculable generations, your tongue flicks out and tastes the air
>Twice
>Thrice
>Five times over
"Holy shit, a lizard!"
>Subject acquired
>Head rotates to the right angle to view subject: Anonymous
>A lazy looking specimen, compared to a minotaur or creature of similar size
>You activate a secret skill and your eyes slowly space apart until you look like a fellow comrade known as Gummy
"Aw look at you, derpy little bud! How'd you get hurt, anyway? Looks like you got bandages on you or something."
>Eyes space apart as much as possible
>Must distract from oversight and mending injuries
"Actually... probably a friend of Fluttershy, right? She's a goofy gal, I tell you hwhat. Lemme guess, yogurt fan too? I actually traded a jar for more ingredients. It's the type of hobby that feeds itself and then some!"
>Eyes redirect to the jars that are laying in stasis
>Legs scamper and slide with skill until a jar is in front of your face
>Eyes derp out once more
"I see... interested in how it's made, huh? Well, lucky for you I got just the stuff! Check this shit out."
>One eye focuses on Anonymous while the other focuses on the jar
>Data collection is such a chore but the sexually repressed equine obviously wanted instructions on yogurt creation
>When he 'comes home' seems to vary given the variety of dirt, mud, and rock dust that has collected on his boots
>Given his focus on brewing such a concoction, it is the true target
>Eyes dart and record every motion and ingredient
>Occasional 'cute' grunts are given as responses to questions and commentary made regarding ingredient mixing and blending
>Time passes and subject Anonymous presents a jar full of ingredients
>The jar is placed into the clay container
>Mission completed, legs start to scamper into overdrive
>Except the escape route has been closed!?
>Too much forward momentum leads to collision
"Whoa now there, guy. You really going to leave before trying some? You know, you're a really good listener. Lemme grab a spoon and give you a taste."
>Scampering intensifies
>Escape must be found
>Human hands capture your body
>Abort
>ABORT
>DAIRY PRODUCT CONSUMPTION WAS NOT IN THE DEAL, YELLOW SLUT
>ABORT
"You like blueberries, yeah? Try this out. I got three more types you could like too."
>NO ESCAPE

>Being the friend to all animals is quite a time taking task!
>After sending Iguana off to... not spy, but watch Anon without his knowledge, you return home
>Or you intended to
>Evidently a lot of animals have been complaining of getting terrible, terrible tummy aches
>You took a detour into the woods, following a wild field mouse that was white all over
>It led you to a... jar?
>Whoever might be silly enough to abandon a jar that... isn't empty?
>You land beside the evidence
>It's mostly gone but there's some white stuff at the very bottom of it
>You bend over and hug your face against the grass, sniffing at the jar opening
>That scent
>Your eyes dilate and you stuff your snoot into it
>Before you even know what had come over you, you cleaned the jar of any evidence!
>It was most certainly from Anon
>You would recognize his fluffy white stuff anywhere
>You visibly tremble as you swallow, greatly confusing the field mouse
>The poor thing was coated in Anon's yogurt
"Oh.... oh my... Ms. Field Mouse, are there more jars like this? Just how are all of the animals here getting sick?"
>You stuff the now-cleaned jar into your saddlebag and follow the mouse
>You see the mouse leading you almost back to Anon's house
>He does live partially out in the wilderness, like you do
>She stops, in front of a large bowl
>It's almost a cauldron
>Large enough that you could sleep in it!
>You peer inside and see dozens upon dozens of berries, fruits, nuts and more!
>Flanking the cauldron is two jars of yogurt!
>You divebomb them, slurping down every drop
>In a blur off gooey, warm delight, you end up with two now empty jars
>You stare up at the oh so beautifully blue sky
>This is what heaven feels like
>In an instant, as if it all catches up to you, you shudder
>Hard
>And you hear yourself spray
>You really feel like you're flowing now
>Anon's love
>In your mouth
>In your belly
>All of it is just so...
>The field mouse looks down at you from the cauldron
>Even though it's only a mouse, you can't help but feel a judgmental glare
>You try to mumble out an excuse, that you were just excited
>Or that you were just tired
>But you can't bring yourself to care
>The strong, lingering scent of your mare juice mixing with the immediate scent of anon's yogurt on your lips makes you shudder again
>You giggle
>Oh Fluttershy, you are such a mare
>Eventually, you stumble back to your hooves
>You place the empty jar that had in your saddlebag next to the other two
>You would hate for Anon to not have any jars for him to pump full of his yogurt
>His masculine, delicious, perfect yogurt
>The heat on your face and the way your breathing turned to faint heaving and gasping might lead to somepony mistaking you for being in estrus
>Glossy-eyed and unable to stop smiling, you look at the field mouse
>"Oh... I think I know what you mean by having a tummy ache now..."
>Your tummy is more full yet it also feels so empty
>"I will investigate this immediately!"
>You look off into the distance
>Anon has probably gotten off work already
>And you really would not want to bother him, especially since Iguana is there
>"S-starting tomorrow, I mean... I wouldn't want to bother him and... with all of that bad... naughty... thick..."
>You can hear yourself starting to pant again
>"Um... with all of it gone, no pony else, or animal, will get another tummy ache!"
>The field mouse doesn't buy it
>You do your best to smile but given your current mindset and heart rate, it comes off as a sleazy, satisfied grin
>"I... I gotta go! Please let me know if you find anymore!"
>Not wanting to linger any longer, you take to the skies and fly straight home
>You have to clean yourself up
>And with the taste of Anon's yogurt on your tongue still, you're going to need both hooves to calm down
>Thank goodness Angel tends to stay outside during the spring season

>Be yogurt master
>Be the most important employee of Ponyville's hospital
>The one
>The only
>Anonymous
>You stand proud, watching the iguana you fed your fresh, hot yogurt to
>It kinda struggled at first but it tired out before you did
>After feeding it some of the strawberry, it mellowed out pretty well
"Now tell me that ain't the shit, homestar."
>It's eyes fully derped out, it falls over to it's side, belly distended
>It lets out a wheezy "eugh"
"Exactly. Now here's a secret between you and I..."
>You lean down and into the iguana
>It barely pays you any mind
"If I didn't waste time making this, I'd have gone crazy by now. And if everyone really likes this, I may actually start selling it. Don't tell R.Dash."
>You retreat, smirk on your face
>The lizard couldn't give half of a fuck
"Speaking of going crazy, I gotta check out what I got going for me. Building an empire, my guy!"
>You go out the kitchen door into the back of the house
>You've been striking a deal with the local wildlife
>You were always a cool guy with animals before you came to Equestria, and the ones here are far smarter
>Less violent too
>The only worry you had was a squirrel that kept coming after your nuts
>Pants are a glorious thing
>Your plan, such as it was, involved a fair trade
>You couldn't spend your free time buying fruits and crap, especially because that would start to raise questions
>So you give some of your yogurt to the local wildlife
>And they pick the landscape clean for the best ingredients
>You give them a quarter of your yields every other day, and that keeps them happy
>You don't really regulate who gets how much, but all of the goods keep coming in so you don't worry about it
>Who knew that the honor system worked so well?
>You enjoy your stroll to your supply point
>The cauldron cost you a pretty penny but keeping finances in Equestria is pretty easy
>Just took you a few weeks of working things out
>Having fingers and a human physique leads to a lot of pony-focused labor getting done in a fraction of the time
>Maybe that's why it feels like you don't do anything at work
>After a good ten minute walk, you find your cauldron
>And... three empty jars?
>Didn't you only leave two?
>Well, you were missing one from last week but still
>You also notice that part of the cauldron looks... wet?
>It looks a bit like glistening slime
>Honey?
>You kneel down and slide your finger over the liquid
>It smells...
>Well let's put it this way, it smells like anything except honey
>You stick your finger in your mouth
>It tastes very much different from honey
...
>You swipe your finger across more of the mess, tasting it
>Not like anyone could judge you
>And live
>The gears in your head turn at the rate of a mile a minute
>This taste
>This scent
>The empty jars
"RAINBOW DASH!"
>The bitch found out about your gig!
>Bitch ate your yogurt!
>BITCH CAME ON YOUR CAULDRON
"RAINBOW DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!"
>You scream up into the sky, shaking your fists
>Erection aside from tasting the evidence she left behind, you would have your revenge!
>No one steals from the gurtmeister

>You had a dream
>That you, Anonymous, had become a professional dairy slime slinger
>Everyone in Ponyville cheered for your products
>You even created a product that you could consume on the go
>Yogurt on the go
>Gogurt, even
>No one from home can copyright sue you when you're in Equestria
>There was only one issue
>One pony
>One mare
>One that never left your side, yet wasn't willing to join you
>She was a shadowy figure
>Her name was...
"Anon! Hey, Anon wake up! Wake up wake up wake up!"
>You bolt upright, to hug that mare
>Instead, when you realize you're up, you're strangling Rainbow Dash
>She's in your home
>Your room
>Again
"IT IS FIVE AM, RAINBOW DASH."
>She gargles something out
>You can vaguely hear the word 'nerd' burp out
>You let go of her, letting your head fall back onto your pillow
"I'm tired, man... and you already stole more of my yogurt."
>Dash, unrestrained, stands on your chest and looks down at you directly
>"You think I stole more from you? What, are you missing jars?"
>You close your eyes again and yawn
"If not you, someone found a jar I had been missing and brought it back. And then two I had out were taken and emptied out. I know I got a thief somewhere..."
>"Hm... where were the jars?"
>You scoff
"I'm not telling you of all ponies! I know you'll just swipe it all for yourself."
>Dash's ears flatten, hurt at the accusation
>As if she hasn't already bullied you into giving her free helpings of pure creamy goodness
>"I wouldn't do that! Not when you aren't there to shout at me, anyway. That's half the fun."
>You frown, not convinced
>But
>There is one way to tell
"...Hey Dash..."
>Dash leans down
>"Yeah?"
"Rainbow..."
>You sound serious
>Her tone grows more concerned
>"...something up?"
"Would you ever cum on my stuff?"
>You get a hoof stomped into your face for your question
>"N-no way! What makes you think I would do that?!"
>She practically squeaks at the end of her rebuttal
>But you aren't convinced
>Not that you can speak with your face full of hoof
>You grab her leg and pry it off of your face, immediately grabbing her other front leg with your other hand
>You know she'd try that move again
>She's faster but you're stronger
>Your eyes open and stare her down
>She has a serious blush on her face, and a panicked expression
"I know it was you, Dash."
>She struggles against you, unable to stop herself from getting more and worked up
>"I-it wasn't me, promise! I wouldn't do that!"
"Own up to it, featherbrain, I know no one else would do it!"
>"I'M TELLING YOU, I NEVER CAME ON YOUR SOAP!"
"YES YOU DI-wait what."
>The struggle ends right there
>You stare at her
>She stares at you
>This was about a cauldron
>Not soap
>She came on your soap?
"...my body soap?"
>She doesn't answer
"The soap I scrub my entire body with?"
>She looks away from you
"THE SOAP I WASH MY FACE WITH!?"
>"I-IT WAS A JOKE! A PRANK!"
>You whip her around and hug her torso
>Hard
>Her legs give out
>She's left facing away with you, with her hind end facing you
>From here, the scent is different from what was on the cauldron
>But such evidence is inconclusive
>"A-anon, I'm sorry, don't do it!"
>You lean your face forward
>It's dark out but you can make out a pony butt when it's in front of you
>And what is exactly under the pony butt
"Rainbow Dash..."
>You grumble
>Are you really going to go through with this?
>You need to know
>And she's sat on your face before, for various reasons
>Intimacy was never taken seriously with her, but it has been undeniably there for a while now
>"C-come on, let me go and I'll let you go back to sleep! Promise!"
"No chance. I'm getting to the bottom of this."
>You dive in
>Rainbow Dash yelps out into the darkness, her wings spreading into full bloom
>It isn't long before you get more than enough evidence
>More than enough scent and taste to count for breakfast
...
>She wasn't the one who marked your cauldron?!

>After flying home and exercising hard enough to make you dizzy, you had the most pleasant sleep
>It was good indeed that Angel wasn't around to see his mama go at it like a filly that just got her first compliment
>Not that you did that when you were younger
>You awoke to a bright and shiny new day, full of wonder and beauty!
>Surely that iguana friend you helped would be back soon to tell you all about Anon's schedule and when he came home
>You would very much like to visit him
>And perhaps
>Maybe
>Ask him for a direct dose of his creamy stuff
>No, focus Fluttershy
>You can't go at it again in the early morning, the other ponies will think an animal had an accident on you
>Again
>While making breakfast for yourself, you see your informative friend waddle up to your window!
>He looks awfully full, and kinda out of it
>Or was his eyes always so... spaced out?
>"EuEuGh."
>Oh my
"O-oh... Mr. Iguana! Are you ok?"
>You hurry over to him
>It's a wonder he can still climb up your house
>He looks like he ate a duckling, or three!
>"E e e e u g g g"
>He opened his maw
>And vomited
>It came out like he hacked up a hairball
>Except it was all white
"Oh no... don't tell me you didn't get distracted?!"
>The iguana, now purged with acceptable means, glares at you
>It is not pleased
>It slowly blinks at you, grimacing the way only an iguana can
>You rush to wipe up the spitball of a mess, too focused on gaining information to notice that what he spat up was suspiciously familiar to what sent you into overdrive yesterday
>You have more than enough rags and cloths for that sort of accident
>Sometimes it is a little challenging to take care of so many sick critters
>When you finish, you bring your face up to the friendly, yet professional reptile
"What time does he come home? What time does he leave for work? Was Rainbow Dash or any other pony with him?"
>The iguana stares at you, displeased with his experience
>You had not told him that there would be risks
>His expression says it all
>He was captured
>Made to talk
>Things
>Happened to him
>You hang your head
"Oh... I didn't think Anonymous kept his home so secured..."
>You look at the clock
>It's still early but surely it must be time for him to go to work!
>You begin to trot in place
>You want to help your little informant
>But you want to meet Anon too before he goes to work
>The longer you contemplate your action, the closer he is to work!
"S-sorry, please excuse me!"
>You sprint out of your home and glide off, going to Anon's house
>If you're lucky you can surprise him by 'accidentally' bumping into him and then striking up a conversation!
>After chatting and visiting him for lunch over the next few weeks you might be able to go out on a date and after the first date he'll offer to splatter your tongue with his yogurt and before you know it you'll be his marefriend and have access to all of his yogurt at any hour, every day!
>This makes you fly harder
>Faster
>All the way until you see him in the distance
>This is the chance!
>You divebomb down below, only to miss him
>He's carrying something in his arms
>Someone
>You turn around, preparing your speech of 'fancy meeting you here'
>Only to see him carrying Rainbow Dash
>She looks like she's absolutely blessed
>She's looking up at him in a very special way
>You have enough animal sense and empathy to know what that look is
>It's love
>You open your mouth to speak but your ears listen faster than you can speak
>"-again, that was... I don't even know what. I've never flew so fast before..."
>Anon smirks down at her
>"Consider this a warning: you steal another jar, you know exactly what I'll do to you."
>Rainbow Dash squirms in his arms
>"C-come on, don't say it like that! If you do..."
>Anon stops
>He just now notices you
>"Oh, hey Buttershy. Good morning."
>"Yeah. Hey Buttershy."
>Dash doesn't even look at you
>The only creature in her eyes is the one carrying her
>Your jaw drops and you watch him walk right past you
>He's in his scrubs so you know he's going to work
>But
>The way they were looking at each other
>You're gobsmacked
>Even after they've long left your hearing range, you can hardly believe it
"...Eee..."
>You squeak out a sound of defeat and fall over, like so many fainting goats have done before you
>Operation Dollop... was not a success

Operation Dollop: F A I L U R E
Jars Returned: 1
Orgasms Had: 7
Wages Paid: twenty strawberries, six ounces of raw honey
Hearts Captured: N/A
Human Friends Made: N/A
Human Dicks Sucked: N/A
Rank: Floozy