>Sleep?
>Who needs sleep?
>You don’t, you’ve been restless all night.
>Still being tormented by those fucking thoughts.
>Each time it shrinks the flame of hope you have little by little.
>You even tried sleeping pills, didn’t make you fall asleep, just more tired.
>Getting up from your bed again, you try to distract yourself.
“All I have to do is kill time, I’ll go over to my parents shortly, they will help.”
>’You honestly think that?”
>Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a long groan.
“I fucking hate this.”
>’Hate it all you want, but you cannot deny the truth Connie.’
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.”
>Heading into the living room, you see the clock says it’s still early.
>’Waiting for the right time? How sad, you really think there is a perfect time to visit them?’
>You try to ignore it and look over some papers on your desk.
>Various notes are still scattered on papers, mostly from when you were energized.
>The party you never had for getting first chair, visiting your parents, composing some music.
“Wish I had the sense to follow through some of these when I had the chance.”
>’Wouldn’t have mattered. You were being arrogant for getting first chair, you rarely visit family, and you really think you could be original enough to write your own music?’
>You grit your teeth, these thoughts are becoming unbearable.
“I could’ve tried, that’s what matters.”
>’Tried? What kind of excuse is that? No pony who mattered tried, they did it, unlike you.’
>You stand abruptly, shoving your chair aside and scream.
“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
>As you shake from adrenaline, you shake your head furiously and stomp your hoof.
“This is insanity, I have to stop acknowledging these damn thoughts. Figured I’d learn by now, but no, I keep taking the bait.”
>Breathing in and releasing it slowly, you start to get yourself under control once more.

>Relief isn’t given to you though, instead that numbness returns.
>You hear a knocking at the front door.
>Letting out a long sigh, you know who it is, one of your neighbors.
>Upon answering it, you see you’re right.
>”Hello Connie, I don’t know what’s going on, but could you keep it down?”
>You feel your eye twitch.
>Don’t unload on him, don’t unload on him.
“Yeah, sorry, it won’t happen again.”
>He gives you a smile and nods.
>You close the door and sit down.
“I can’t keep doing this. Almost all day yesterday and last night.”
>As you get up to get your things, a stray thought enters your mind causing you to pause.
“Eri says cutting herself helps with the thoughts and pain.”
>Your eyes widen and you feel dread.
“What am I saying? I would never do that.”
>But the thought remains, you could hurt yourself to silence the thoughts.
“No, I have to stop this. I’ll go now, I can’t wait any longer.”
>You gather your things as quick as you can, your heart races.
>Fear and anxiety haven’t let up, only worsened, slowing you down.
“Just get what I need, just the essentials, then head to mother and father’s home.”
>You drop a few items, and even stumble a little.
>Thoughts are racing, it’s getting harder to focus.
>Thankfully, you have what you need in your bags and you put them on.
“I have to try to calm down, I don’t want to pass out.”
>You take a moment to pause and breath slowly.
>Your heart starts to slow down, and things become a little clearer once more.
>It doesn’t stop the dread within.
“Good enough, time to go.”
>Locking up as you go out, you head outside and hail a taxi.
>The fact they live on the other side of the city doesn’t help you any.
“Just get to mother and father, that’s all I have to do.”
>Your patience starts to wear thin, as there is no taxi stopping.
“Could this get any worse? No, don’t think that.”

>A few ponies stare as you talk to yourself.
>Straightening up, you gather yourself.
>I have to stop talking to myself like that.
>Eventually you manage to flag a taxi, and you get aboard.
>Along the way, your mind starts to race again.
>Everything will be fine, mother and father will be home.
>’And what if they aren’t?’
>They will be.
>’There is a chance they won’t be home Connie, remember they have their own lives.’
>Shut up!
>Just shut the hell up!
>I’m tired of hearing these thoughts.
>You’re unable to stop yourself from tearing up.
>No, no, no, no!
>Keep it together dammit, I can do this.
>Looking around, you take in the sights in an attempt to calm yourself.
>Honestly, Manehattan can be beautiful at times.
>The various buildings, while sometimes looking similar, remind you of a jigsaw puzzle.
>Scenery passes, and it starts to soothe you.
>Exhaustion finally settling in, your eyes feel heavy
“Suppose I could rest for now, wouldn’t hurt.”
>Closing your eyes, sleep takes its hold at last.
>Dreams are a mishmash of various memories.
>The concert, meeting Eri, your first home.
>However, it is not to last, and you are woken up the taxi driver.
>”Hey, get up. We’re here.”
>You nod, letting out a yawn and hoofing over some bits.
“Keep the change.”
>He takes off, leaving you in arguably, one of the highest residential areas in Manehattan.
>A weight slowly lifts from you, and you feel some peace.
>The large house in front of you hasn’t changed since you last saw it.
>You trot up to the front door, each step you feel the flame of hope grow within.
“Everything will be fine.”
>Grabbing the door knocker, you knock three times and wait.
>Front lawn is short just like father likes it, still has that oak that you used to sit under and read.
>Minutes pass and you knock again.
“Probably didn’t hear me, not a problem.”

>More time passes, and still nothing.
>’No pony is home Connie.’
>Ignoring the thought and the rising fear, you knock again.
>This time louder.
>Still nothing.
>’No pony to help you.’
“That’s not true, they have to be home, they can’t be gone now when I need them.”
>Your heart starts to race, and you feel a cold sweat trickle down your barrel.
>’You’re alone.’
>Letting the fear get the best of you, you rear up and buck the door.
“Please answer the door, I need you!”
>A pair of hoof marks are on the door, but you don’t care.
>You start to beat on the door in terror.
“Please answer me, don’t ignore me!”
>After beating on the door and pleading for a while, your hooves and throat hurt.
>Tears flow freely down your face.
>You lay against the door and sob.
>Whatever flame of hope you once had, is now but an ember.
“Please...”
>Evening has started to roll in, and you finally ran out of tears.
>Getting up, you start the long trot home.
>You feel completely hollow, like somepony cut your insides out.
>It’s the worst feeling you have ever felt.
>Eventually, you approach a store.
>Rather than giving into those thoughts of cutting yourself, you’ll opt for drinking instead.
>Heard that drinking can numb the pain, might help.
>At this point you’ll try anything.
>You’re not sure what to buy, so you pick up some whiskey.
>’That won’t help you.’
“I don’t care.”
>As it gets darker, you keep your head low.
>’So pathetic, you really have given up now.’
>You ignore it and keep trotting along.
>Finally, you arrive on your block.
>Hooves are heavy and your heart more so.
>You pause in front of the mail boxes.
>It wouldn’t hurt to check, right?
>One last check to see if anypony wrote you.
>A few letters, but one catches your eye.
>It’s from Eri.

>You don’t hesitate and open the letter right there.
>Dear Connie, I’m sorry I didn’t write you sooner. I got both of your letters and that’s awesome to hear you earned that chair. Things have been rough here, and I have been having trouble as of recent with my problems. There are times where it feels like my loneliness will consume me. Then I read one of your letters and remember that you’re my friend. I’m still holding onto hope like you said. Maybe one day, I could come visit you like you visit me. I’m still writing poetry, I still think it’s shit, even if you don’t think so. I’ve been trying to go out more, it’s really fucking hard. The other day I went to Sugarcube Corner all on my own. Can’t believe I wrote that, it sounds like I’m a filly again. I won’t let this letter drag on anymore than it already has. Write me back soon and take care. -Eri
>You’re frozen.
“She didn’t ignore me.”
>’That was just a fluke.’
“Fuck off, you’re just trying to hurt me.”
>’Didn’t stop you from buying that bottle Connie.’
“Shut up!”
>A voice comes from behind you.
>”Excuse me?”
>Shooting around, you see Feather standing there.
“What are you doing here?”
>She looks confused and concerned.
>”I was just passing by, and I heard you yell.”
>Of course she did, you’ve been talking to yourself.
>Wait, this is not the time for internal dialogue.
>You shake your head, this is your one chance.
“You’re right I did.”
>Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself.
>’Don’t do this Connie! You can’t trust her! She’ll lie to you and stab you in the back!’
“Feather, I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I need somepony I can trust right now.”
>She raises an eyebrow.
>”Okay, is something the matter?”
>You tell her everything, the weird spike in energy and the dark thoughts.
>She stands there, listening the whole time.

>As you finish, you hold onto that little ember as tight as you can.
>Dearly hoping for her to be the one to save you.
>”That’s a lot to take in, and you’re putting an awful lot of trust in me. However, I would never turn down helping another pony in their time of need.”
>The ember finally roars into a large flame.
>With that, you cry tears of joy.
“Thank you!”
>You pull her into a hug tightly and cry into her.
>She awkwardly holds you, but tries to reassure you.
>”Everything will be okay, we will get you through this.”
>The two of you stand there for a while, and eventually, you stop crying.
>”Let’s get you inside, and we can figure things out from there.”
“Yes...yes you’re right.”
>You both make your way up to your apartment and settle in for the night.
>The days that follow are difficult, but she is there with you, helping you out.
>The medical tests came back negative, but Doctor Heart recommended you to a therapist.
>Since then, you’ve learned that you suffer from bipolar disorder.
>Unfortunately it’s not fully understood at this time.
>With therapy and some medicine, you’ve learned how to handle it better.
>Soon you will be playing with the rest of the Manehattan Symphony Orchestra again.
>Speaking of which, you’re practicing now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWEO9tAg5YA
>You feel joy and play in harmony like you used to.
>Turns out your parents were gone for the night, had you waited around, you would’ve seen them.
>It’s fortunate that you read Eri’s letter when you did.
>A part of you worries what would’ve happened, had you not.
>That’s in the past now, you look forward to the future.
>A more stable future with friends.