Author: BadGrammarFag
Pastebin URL: Uykk6aNY.html
Date: MAR 1ST, 2015

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Forced Moon chapter3

>You are one unlucky bastard - Anonymous.
>Being bruised and beaten is your game.
>Also sleep deprived and drunk, don't you forget that! 
>At the moment you're on the verge of conciousness, lying on the bar floor in "The Drunken Mare".
>There's some blood pouring out of your smashed face and there's this red stallion fucker who's pointing a broken bottle at you.
>His pink pegasus alpha mare is trying hard to calm him down.
>There's fear in her eyes. 
>"Come on honey, leave him alone! Look at him, he's had enough! Let's get the buck away from here, before you do something we're all gonna regret!"
>He wasn't listening.
>His drunken gaze was fixed at you.
>There was saliva and blood dripping from his mouth and he was growling like a fucking mad dog.
>He started to wave his makeshift weapon before your face.
>"Hey, let's destroy something beautiful, shall we?"
>Looks like it's time to say your final prayers.
"F-ffuck y-you!"
>Good boy!
>That amazing prayer is sure to get you a nice and warm place in heaven!
>Red scumbag smiled viciously. 
>"Buck me? No, buck you!"
>He lifted the bottle high over his head.
>So, this is it.
>You sware, if he will off you now, you'll come back as a ghost and haunt his ass to the rest of his miserable life.  
>Right before he got the chance to bring the bottle down at you, something hit him hard.
>He fell like a ton of bricks on the floor, his assailant on top of him.
>"Nopony moves!"
>There were a bunch of night guards present around you and the herd, which attacked you.
>One of them was standing on your would-be red executioner.
>A beige earth pony mare started shouting at the guard. 
>"G-get your dirty h-hooves away from him! Right now!" 
>Hey, she was the one who punched you in the balls at the beginning of this fight.
>Guess she wasn't only eager to hit a man in his family jewels, but she also had a pair of her own.
>No, no, no don't you dare to imagine a futa version of that p0ne!
>Fuck... to late.
>You're gonna need a long and painful therapy now, to get rid of this image of your memory.
>One of the night guards, lightly armored grey mare, trotted over to the ballsy troublemaker.  
>She positioned the sharp tip of her spear right before beige p0ne eyes.
>"Pray tell, what are you going to do if he doesn't listen to your request?"
>Guard mare smiled dangerously.
>"Choose wisely, citizen."
>Courage left the beige mare almost instantly.
>She started to shiver a little.
>"I.. I-I w-won't do nothing, nothing at all!"
>All in all, you're not surprised with her reaction.
>Night guards is an elite unit that answers only before Luna.
>There's not many of them, but they are the best of the best.
>Even one guard would be capable of mopping the floor with the members of this fucked up herd.
>Also, night guards were known for their short temper in comparison to the reasonable Celestia's royal guards. 
>So yeah, you don't envy her now.
>"Lie on the ground, all of you!"
>See.
>They were not playing games.
>Good you were already lying.
>All of red bastard's mares obeyed the gray guard mare. 
>However, he himself started squirming under the armored hooves of the stallion that was on top of him.
>"Hey, you don't understand! That bald ape was the one who attacked us, not the other way around!"
>The armored stallion quickly silenced him, by pressing his head to the floor.
>"That's for me to decide, citizen! As of now, you're all under arrest!"
>Fuuuuuu.jpg
>You were just trying to help for fuck's sake!
>Anyway, you don't care, your consciousness was about to give up.
>The last thing you saw, was one of the guards, which you recognized as the one guarding the entrance to Luna's room.
>He made his way to the armored p0ne, who was probably his commander and started to whisper somethig to his ear, pointing his hoof at you.
>Because of your condition, you didn't understand anything he said.
>After that, you lost your consciousness.

>"No! Anonymous!"
>A loud scream woke you up.
>You bearly opened just one eye.
>There was a reson you did just that.
>You felt like your senses came back only for a few moments, so you didn't want to start any commotion.
>You were lying on something softer than the bar floor, but not as soft as the bed.
>Probably you were on some kind of a gurney or something, because the ceiling was moving.
>You noticed that there was a few p0nes trotting beside you.  
>There was this funny, old unicorn stallion with a mustache, who was wearing a stethoscope, probably a doctor.
>Also, there were a few night guards around and of course Luna.
>She looked disturbed like all hell.
>Apparently, she was the one who woke you up.
>She was shouting at the doctor, who had a scared look on his face.
>"What do you mean?! You have used all of the healing spells known to ponykind and he's still unconscious?!"
>Dock p0ne combed his mustache with his hoof and looked at you.
>"Apparently, the main reason for his current state is the fatigue his body is experiencing. There's no way to replenish his strenght, even with magic. We must wait for his body to regenerate on its own."
>Luna didn't look too happy with his answer, but let him continue.
>"We're taking him to the hospital wing now. We'll be able to monitor his state there and care for him when he'll regain his senses."
>Luna stopped the gurney abruptly.
>"No. You won't take him there."
>Her tone was calm, but at the same time very firm.
>"W-what, but your highness we-"
>She interrupted him, turning to one of the guards.
>"Sergeant Eventide, did I stutter?"
>It was that lightly armored gray mare, who you saw at the bar.
>She knew what was going on and looked at the old doctor, responding more to him than to Luna.
>"Of course not your highness. Everything was crystal clear."
>Mustachioed stallion sighed heavily, but didn't tried to argue more.
>Luna put her hoof on your head and started to cress your hair.
>"Good, now tell me sergeant what exactly transpired? Why was my Anonymous beaten?"
>She have said the last part through clenched teeth and with a glint of anger in her eyes.
>Scary princess is scary.
>Eventide answered without even a flinch.
>"Well, your highness, from what we have gathered from witnesses and primary suspects, excluding Anonymous, there was-"
>You didn't hear the rest of her explanations.
>Your consciousness decided to leave you once again and close the door behind it.

>This time when you regained your senses, you were lying on something really soft.
>Damn, this bed is so comfortable!
>You have the impression that you're lying on a cloud.
>Actually, it is quite possible that this is one.
>You learned from your "former" boss at "Quills and Sofas" that p0nes had some magical method, that allowed the usage of real clouds in furniture creation.
>Fucking magic, how could you live without it.
>Oh right, you had the superior human technology and shit.
>The p0ne you were working for, was never selling that "cloud beds" though. 
>They were just too expensive for your average Ponyville resident.
>You never had a chance to try and sit on one when he wasn't looking, but this bed is amazing. 
>You thought that guest beds in the palace couldn't be so comfy, so cozy, so plesant-
>Wait, wait, wait, when did you became so crazy about beds, are you fucking "bedsexual" now?!  
>Oookay, time to see where you are at the moment and open your eyes.
>This must be a room designed for a foreign diplomat, when one is visti... crap. 
>There's a fuckhuge fresco of the full moon depicted on the night sky, on the ceiling above you.
>Also, there was so much royal swag around you in here, you already knew where you are.
>Luna have brought you to her room.
>The same fucking room, in which you have nowhere to run from her.
>The same fucking room you never wanted to be in!
>The sa...
>By the way, where is she?
>You can see the first rays of the morning sun illuminating everything around you.
>She should be here by now, sleeping or something, right?
>Maybe this isn't her room after all.
>Maybe she respected your opinion and put you in a room reserved for her private guests?
>...
>Naah mate, of course it's her damned room!
>You just heard there's someone shouting behind the double doors leading to it.
>"What do you mean I'm not in the right state of mind to see them?!"
>Wild Luna appeared!
>"I mean you're very upset and 'could' accidentally hurt them right now, dear sister." 
>Hey, you recognize this voice, it's Celestia.
>As if this whole "sister" part didn't gave it away, eh?
>"What are you insinuating?! I have every right to see those degenerates, they hurt Anonymous!"
>Celestia was having none of it.
>Her tone was very firm. 
>"I'm affraid I can't let you see them, Luna."
>Luna's voice was dripping with venom.
>"Why dearest sister? Is it because they are 'your' little ponies and only you can judge them?!"
>Dayum son!
>Luna wasn't holding back!  
>"H.. How DARE YOU!"
>This, this is the first time you ever heard Celestia's version of traditional royal canterlot voice!
>The power of her caps lock was so intense, you almost jumped out of the bed.
>Luna decided it was time to press her's as well.
>"HOW DARE I?! HOW DA-"
>Celestia shouted even louder.
>"SISTER STOP! YOUR EYES, THEY..."
>She didn't fished that.
>Luna started panicking.
>"WHAT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM? WE DEMAND TO KNOW!"
>Back to the "royal We" huh?
>This can't be a good sign.
>Celestia stopped shouting, but now her voice have a hint of worry in it.
>"For just a second they... they turned into the eyes of a predator, the eyes of-"
>Luna finished that for her, barely whispering.
>"...Nightmare Moon."
>"Luna I beg of you, don’t let this what happened to Anonymous get under your skin so much. I know your instincts are acting up and you're under a lot of stress lately. Mainly because he's so 'difficult' to handle. However, please let it go, just let it go."
>Man, you hated that song.
>Hope she doesn't start to sing it now.
>On the other hand it would be hilarious to hear it from Celestia's lips.
>Luna seemed to agree with her.
>"Yes, forgive Us um... me, forgive 'me' Celestia. I know you have only the best of intentions. I... I just need to rest now."
>Celestia didn't have anything against it.
>"Of course, sleep well dear sister."
>There was a characteristic sound of retreating 'hoofsteps'.
>You have noticed that the door had begun to open.
>Shit, what are you going to do?!
>Think, quick!
>You decided to pretend you're still sleeping.
>Maybe she won't notice because of her tiredness.
>Luna went quietly into the room, closing the door behind her.
>She quickly made her way to you on her bed.
>You felt her warm body pressing against your side. 
>She draped her wing over your chest and stomach.
>Her head found its way on your shoulder.
>Her snout close to your cheek.
>You felt her gentle breathing on your skin.
>"Don't worry Anonymous, I will always protect you, even from myself. I won't let you down."
>She planted a little, soft kiss on your cheek.
>After that her body seemed to gone limp. 
>Damn, she was mighty tired and that whole "eye changed for a second" thing must have really got on her nerves.
>Lying there with a sleeping dark blue alicorn on your shoulder you start thinking. 
>Guess you'll have to tone it down a little with your 'fuck you attitude' towards her, or there could be troubles.
>Being constantly rejected she might turn into Nightmare Moon once more and go medieval on yo' ass.
>This wasn't looking good, not at all.
>You were really screwed, right?

>You were lying like that, lost in thoughts, for about an hour.
>Luna didn't changed her position.
>Her breathing was gentle and steady.
>There was a small smile on her muzzle, she looked really peaceful.
>Okay time to get away from this bed, without waking her up.
>Theme from 'Mission Impossible' started to play in  your head.
>Slowly, you began to lift her wing out of your chest. 
>Her feathers felt very soft to the touch.
>You started to remind yourself how actually a wing like that bends and folds. 
>You would be royally fucked, if by mistake you would broke it.
>Probably the guards outside would turn you into a fine paste, before she could stop screaming from pain and tell them to back off.
>Carefully you put her wing away, how and where it should be.
>Luna moaned quietly and lay her front hoof where her feathery appendage was just a second ago.
>Fuuuuu.jpg
>Fucking deal with it faggot!
>Steadily and with the utmost attention, using your cheek, you pushed her head from your shoulder on the pillow.
>You were improvising, but still you felt like you just forced a kiss on the cheek from her.
>All in all, the worst was behind you.
>Only her hoof remained.
>The music in your head started to play louder.
>Using your back muscles, you managed to get yourself on the side of the bed.
>During your 'squirming', her limb fell on the sheet from your chest.
>Looks like it's time to get up from the bed.
>You're trying to do that like a true boss.
>Slowly you rose upper body, sitting up.
>Luna was still sleeping soundly.
>Solid snake got nothing on your stealth skills!
>Unfortunately, none of your legs was wrapped up in her starry tail.
>Because of that, you got up out of the bed, with a grace of a gazelle addicted to denatured alcohol.
>You know, blind and stuff.
>Face meet floor.
"Fu-"
>You silenced yourself with the palm of your hand, at the last moment.
>You managed to free your leg and finally stood up straight, beside the bed.
>Looking down at Luna, you saw that her hoof started to search for you, feeling the empty space you left behind. 
>You quickly grabbed one of the many pillows around and put it where you once was.
>She caught it firmly and hugged it tightly to her side.
>She let out a silent giggle and began to delicately nibble on its corner.
>Normally, your ear would heave been there.
>Hnnnnngg.png
>Sometimes you hated her guts, but that was fucking adorable.
>The next thing you saw, was your two travel bags.
>They were behind the bed.
>Damn that moon dictator, she probably ordered them to be brought here after your last fight.
>Well, good for you.
>In her last night's insanity attack, she commanded to lay you here in your dirty and smelly attire.
>How come she wasn't bothered by this?!
>Maybe she has some weird booze smell fetish?
>Whatever, you just need to grab a new set of clothes from the bags.
>After that, scratching your butt like a true gentleman, you made your way to the double doors.
>You'll need to find yourself some shower or a bathtub, before you could wear your new outfit.
>Sure as hell you won't be bathing in Luna's private bathroom.
>When you came out of the room, you noticed there was four armed guards protecting it, instead of the standard two.
"Um... Don't mind me, just passing through."
>Two of them didn't gave a single fuck about you.
>However, the other "extra" pair, was looking at you intensely.
>In a gray mare with a silver mane, you recognized Sergeant Eventide.
>She was one of the two p0nes staring at you.
>What was she doing here?
>Strange_vibes_intensifies.gif
>No matter, slowly and peacefully you started to walk away from there.
>Almost immediately, you heard some hoof steps behind you.
>You looked over your shoulder.
>Eventide and the other guard were following you.
>Soon they'll catch up with you.
>You quickened your pace, turning a simple walk into a slow run. 
>They also changed to second gear.
>Time to test some theory of yours.
>You started running down the stairs at full speed, like there was a fedora tipping Freddy Kruger chasing you.
>During that mad dash you risked a little glance behind you.
>The night guards were right behind you, half-flying and half-bouncing off the walls.
>Their speed matched yours without any problems for them.
>You're sure they could be a lot faster than you.
>The stairs ended quickly.
>Gasping for breath, you stopped and turned to the pair.
"Hey, why are you following me? What's your problem?"
>Yep, subtlety was never your forte.
>Eventide was the one who answered you.
>"We're your personal guards, Sir."
>You raised your hands before you.
"First of all drop the "Sir", I'm not some nobleman or royalty. Secondly, I don't need anyone guarding me, I'm just a simple palace guest."
>Eventide looked at you, as if you were an idiot.
>"With all due respect 'Sir'. We both know that's bullshit. You're our princess special somepony and we were instructed to never leave your side."
>Everybody say whaaaat?!
>Did you just fucking lost all of your privacy and freedom in this place?!
>Now you're pissed off.
>You pointed at the stairs.
"Alright, by the power bestowed on me by being super special and shit for princess Luna, I order you to fuck off and get back to guarding the door to her room!"
>Silver maned p0ne had a smug grin on her face.
>"No can do Sir, after what has happened yesterday, princess would have our heads for abandoning you like that."
>You wanted to argue more, but you heard steps behind you. 
>When you turned, you saw princess Celestia walking in your direction and talking with someone.
>Oh shit son!
>You knew exacly who that 'someone' was.
>It was none other than that griffon ambassador Bella.
>Great, simply great.
>They both saw you, there was no chance for escape now.
>Looking and smelling like a piece of crap, you bowed down before Celestia.
"Your highness."
>She winced a little, seeing your present state.
"Um.. dear Anonymous, fancy meeting you here."
>You just reached a new rock bottom.
>On the other hand Bella looked delighted with your unexpected presence.
>She started to approach you.
>There was a predatory smile on her beak.
>"My, what a... manly smell you have on you."
>What the fuuuuck, another wierdo!
>Maybe she was just trying to get into your good graces, because you were like a tasty piece of sexy meat for her?
>'Your' guards didn't let her come near you.
>They stood before you and crossed their spears, not allowing her to pass.
>Of course she wasn't happy about it.
>She turned to Celestia.
>"What is this impudence princess, do you treat foreign diplomats like that here?"
>Celestia bowed slightly in front of her.
>"Please forgive me this affront. I have no control over my sister's personal guards. They can be very "committed" when it comes to performing their duties.
>To add meaning to her words, Eventide squinted her eyes menacingly and growled loudly at Bella.
>It was like she just told her "come at me bro"!
>Damn, this mare knew her job well.
>Bella stared at her.
>"Yes, I can see that."
>She began to walk away from you.
>"Doesn't matter, I'm in a bit of a hurry now and have one more thing to discuss with you princess before my departure. Let us go."
>It was Celestia's turn to have a smug grin on her snout, though Bella didn't saw it.
>Before princess followed after the griffon ambassador, she turned to you.
>"If you want to make yourself more presentable, you can use one of the showers designed for the palace staff. I'm sure your guards can show you the way. After you do that, please come see me. I'll be at the throne room."
>You just nodded your head.

>During your shower you thought only about one.
>Maybe it's time to run away from this nut house?
>The attitude of your personal guards didn't help at all in making a 'wise' decision.
>They didn't decide to wait for you outside the doors leading to the staff's shower.
>At that moment the both of them have stood at the other side of the shower curtains.
>Their zealotry was legendary, or they were just fucking trolling your ass!
>You were done with your shower and turned to them. 
"Okay I'm done, can you go out for a while so I can just dress in peace?"
>They didn't even budged.
"Guys, please?!"
>No reaction.
>You know what, fuck it!
>You came out of the shower without a care in the world.
>You didn't even try to cover yourself.
>Grabbing your things you started to look for your damned pants.
>You looked at the armored p0nes.
>Their gaze was absent, but you knew they can fully see you. 
>Fucking perverts.
>Just for some shit and giggles you shook your hips before them, setting anon junior in motion.
>Stallion who's name you didn't know yet, look unresponsive and didn't really cared.
>Eventide though. 
>Her pupils shrank a little and her tail twitched slightly.
>Kek.
>Everybody wants a piece of Anon!
>Man, you're fucking pathetic.
>Wait, that's it!
>You 'need' to be pathetic.
>This could be your ticked out of this place!
>Celestia have a real impact on Luna's decisions, right?
>Maybe, if she'll found you to be 'unfit' for her sister, she'll start to put pressure on her to just let you go.
>You could have your life back and Luna her mind.
>Everybody wins!
>You hated to do this to Celestia , you actually respected her, but you need to try.
>After all, you're a survivor.
>With a brilliant plan forming in your head you started to dress up.

>When you made your way inside of the throne room, Celestia was waiting there for you as she promised.
>She was sitting on her throne, looking at the one of the stained-glass windows and lost in her thoughts.
>Tough princess job is tough.
>She acknowledged your presence, only after you approached her as close as her guards let you.
>"Oh, it's you Anonymous."
>Nope, just Chuck Testa!
"Yes, you wanted to see me, your highness."
>She rised her eybrow.
>"Tell me, why do you refer to my sister and Twilight without using their titles, but not to me? It's always princess this, your highness that."
>Interesting question.
>Actually, you have a good reason for that.
"Well, Twilight is a really good friend of mine. She helped me settle in ponyville and teach me about this world. You can say I owe her my new life here."
>Celestia wasn't surprised by this, she just nodded her head with a smile.
>"Yes and what about my sister?"
>You scratched your chin.
"When Luna started to visit my dreams I was really freaked out by this. She wasn't some royal figure for me then, so when I calmed down, I just acted like she was just one of the ponies I already knew. She never had anything against it. All in all it was quite fun for some time, but then suddenly, lets say, 'her instincts activated'. From then on it was more of a running away from her than talking. The rest you already know."
>White alicorn leaned in your direction.
>"And what about me Anon?"
>You just shrug your shoulders.
"I guess it's a habit of some sort. After all you rule this land. Also, everyone else do this, so why should I be any different."
>There was some mysterious glow in her eyes for a moment.
>"I see. Please from now on just call me Celestia. I think that the recent events showed, that we'll be seeing each other more than I could've ever anticipated."
>Wouldn't count on than sunbutt.
>She rose from her throne.
>"Have you eaten already? If not, let me invite you for a small snack."
>Why the fuck not.
>It was actually perfect occasion to set your plan in motion.
>You and your guards went behind her to the royal kitchen.


>The kitchen was a real maelstrom of activity.
>Every p0ne was running, shouting and doing all kinds of wierd shit.
>It was like watching that 'Hell's Kitchen' show back on Earth, but with p0nes in it.         
>There was even one of them that looked like a pony version of Gordon Ramsay, who was shouting at the others.
>"This dish is so weak a breezie could beat it in a fair fight!"
>Did.. Did you just heard that?!
"Your High... I mean Celestia. Is it always so lively in here?"
>A small smile bloomed at her snout, when she heard you calling her without any honoryfics.
>She shook her head.
>"No, not always. As you can see they are preparing for a big event, that's ahead of us."
>You don't say.jpg
"And what's the big occasion?"
>She looked at you in disbelief.
>"Why of course it's-"
>You didn't get a chance to hear what kind of event was that.
>One of the p0nes, who was carrying a pie, slipped on some shit and launched her burden in the air.
>Naturally, it landed with a splash on your fucking ugly mug.
>Ehem .. You meant, your divine features.
>You started cleaning your eyes and ears from the vast amounts of cream, that wasn't there a while ago.
>When your hearing and vision was clear enough, you saw that Celestia was shaking. 
>She was pressing her front hoof to her snout.
>You could hear a barely suppressed laughter from her.
>With a hint of tears in her eyes and red, inflamed cheeks she was looking like a big, damned, white frog. 
>Who was experiencing a stroke.
>You pointed a finger on her.
"Breathe Celly, breathe, or your eyes will pop out of their sockets."
>She cleared her throat loudly.
>"Pardon me, Anonymous. I just couldn't help myself. By the way, calling me "Celly" already? You're a bold one Anon, let me tell you."
>She was smiling broadly when she said that.
>You didn't replied her.
>You had other things on your mind at that moment.
>There was this clumsy, yellow, earth pony mare standing before you. 
>Shivering like crazy, she was looking at you with her big, frightened eyes.
>She wanted to tell you something.
>Before she had a chance, you stopped her with your outstretched hand.
"Please, wait a second."
>You turned your pie covered head to your guards.
>It was about time to start behaving like an asshole and set your brilliant plan in motion. 
"What is wrong with the both of you? I thought you were supposed to protect me from anything?"
>The pair of Luna's night guards looked at you.
>Each, with different expression painted on the face.
>Sergeant's Eventide version: "Bitch please, it was just a fucking pie!"
>Namless stallion version: "Shit happens, deal with it and grow up, you man-child."
>Ugh, so much butthurt.
>Maybe, but just maybe they didn't appreciated your little hip dance, back there at the showers?
>They must've let that pie hit you, as a part of their revenge for the unwanted show.
>No matter, asshole Anon is on the loose now!
"Hey, don't give me that looks guys! That pie could've been poisoned or there could've been a rock put inside of it! You're both completly incompetent!" 
>The grey armored mare's pupils shrank and she almost gasped offended.
>However it was the stallion, who showed bigger reaction to your words.
>"Fine!"
>He made his way to the still shivering yellow mare and started shouting at her.
>"You! On the ground, now! You're under arrest for assasination attempt on princess Luna's personal guest!"
>Whole kitchen stopped in motion, everyone looking what was going on.
>Poor mare collapsed on the floor, shaking all over.
>There were tears in her eyes.
>"I didn't do this on purpose! I'm sorry!"
>She folded her front hooves in a begging gesture.
>"Please forgive me Sir! I'm a single mother and I have two little foals waiting for me at home! What would happen to them, if you let them take me away!"
>Oh, for fucks sake!
>Face meet palm.
>SLAP!
>You never anticipated such strong reaction from your guards.
>You wanted to show Celestia, that you're an ass, but not at the cost of others suffering!
>What is she even doing?!
>She should have acted somehow a long time ago, at least at your harsh words to your personal guards?!
>You looked at her from between your fingers on your face.
>Yep, they were still there after the facepalm.
>She stood there watching the whole event closely, but it didn't look like she had something to say.
>Taking your hand away from your face, you turned to the armored stallion.
"Ehh.., you know you're taking things way too far, don't you? Nobody ever teached you about sarcasm? Leave her alone and let her get back to work."
>Your guard helped her stood from the ground.
>"You can go, but remember that I'll be watching you."
>She bowed before you and Celestia.
>"Oh thank you, thank you kind Sir and princess. I'll be more watchful of where I'm going next time!"
>You waved your hand at her.
"Yeah, yeah just go before I call the cliche police on you. Because you know, that 'pie in the face' stunt is older than my grandma and she's fucking dead."
>Man, pretending to be an asshole wasn't easy.
>Especially when it felt out of place to be one.
>You really wanted to say some kind words to the frightened mare and apologize for your guards behavior, but you must be strong in your asshole crusade.
>Fuck that sounded gay!
>When the clumsy mare was nowhere to be seen, you looked at Celestia.
>She had the same little smile on her muzzle.
>Is this shit one of her default settings or something?! 
>How can you make it disappear without overdoing things too much?!
"Can we order something at last and get away from this hideous place?!"
>She came up to you.
>Yeah, maybe she will rebuke you for your boorish behavior and remind about the need for good manners and shit! 
>Her horn started to glow.
>She touched your dirty shirt with it.
>All the pie that was on you has disappeared in a bright flash.
>"Now we can. What would you like to order?"
>Fuuuuuu.png

>After placing your orders, you and Celestia have found a table for yourselves, in a well known to you, royal dining room.
>Being there with her, you never stopped trying to fulfill your plan, to look bad in her eyes
>At that moment you decided to not only to play an asshole, but also an idiot.
"You know what, this 'pie situation' in the kitchen reminded me of something. Would you like to hear about one of my famous recipes for a cake? It's my favourite. Back on Earth, I was preparing it all the time!"  
>Of course, you modified it a little bit.
>At first, you wanted to talk about a recipe for something, with a lot of different types of meat in it.
>However, finally you vote aginst that idea.
>You wanted her to found you to be unfit candidate for Luna's heart , not shock her to the very core.
>It was even quite possible that, when she would hear just how humans loved thier meat in your world, she wouldn't like it, to the point where this would bite you in the ass.
>For example, after your talk, she could add you to the list of dangerous creatures, sentenced to be banished from Equestria.
>For now though, she was intrigued with your recipe from Earth.
>"Why of course. I'm very curious what type of food you have in your world."
>You started to move your hands in the air, pretending that all the ingredients was in front of you.
"Good, now here is what we need. Two eggs, three cups of flour, cup of sugar, one teaspoon of salt and one of baking powder. Also, two cups of milk and the most important ingredient of them all, a bottle of Applejack Daniel's whiskey." 
>Celestia nodded her head, showing she was listening to you carefully.
>Hey, she wasn't even surprised with the booze being a part of your recipe.
>Maybe she heard about it from Ponks?
>No matter, the ingredients wasn't the secret here.
"Alright, let's start. We'll need a large bowl. Inside of it we mix together the flour and baking powder. We drink one sip of whisky, stright from the bottle. Then we add the eggs and drink two sips of whisky, stright from the bottle. After that, we add other ingridients, every time taking more spis from the bottle as we add them, it's very important."
>You started pretending that you were mixing something.
"We stir the batter once to the left and we took one sip of whiskey."
>You were drinking the invisible whisky before Celestia.
"Then, we stir once to the right and yes, we pour the golden liquid into our mouth."
>You played the drinking scene once more.
>If not for a fact you were scared of them, you could be a mime!
"Then we take the bowl with the batter and throw it out the fucking window! After that, drinking the rest of the whisky from the bottle, we lie on the ground. There is no cake, but it's still super fun and we're too drunk to even give a shit! TA-DAH! 'Anonymous cake' ready!" 
>You could cut the tension with a knife.
>All of the guards in the room rolled their eyes disapprovingly, like you were some fucking clown.
>Great success!
>Celestia sighed loudly.
>Wait.
>She was fucking smiling!
>"Anonymous, I know what you're trying to do." 
>Wut?
>"You're trying to humiliate yourself before me, so you could look bad in my eyes. You hope, that if you pretend hard enough, I'll took action aginst your 'relationship' with Luna. I'm not as naive as to think, that my sister could fall in love with somepony who would treat everypony like dirt and was a complete imbecile."   
>Holy Fucking Chicken-Fried Shit Patties!
>She knew from the start!
>Okay, last chance.
"Celly you're wrong. I am an asshole and you know what?"
>You pointed at the piece of cake she was eating.
>YOLO
"I think you should stop with the cake. Royal flank is big enough as it is. Soon you'll need to use a boomerang to put on a dress on that white big booty. I mean your ass is fuckhuge and-
>She hit the table with her armored hoof.
>Some cracks appeared on its surface.
>You heard like one of her guards gulped loudly. 
>Yours were nowhere to be found at your side.
>Temperature the room increased slightly.
>Did.. Did you overdid it?
>"Anonymous..."
>Celestia was still smiling, but you could feel an ominous aura around her and one of her eyelids was twitching.
>"... do you really want to prove so badly, that you're a hideous person?"
>Don't you wuss out on me man!
>The power of YOLO compel you to act like you mean it! 
"Y-Yeah. I-I mean yes."
>She closed her eyes.
>"Alright, you'll get your chance. You see, I didn't invite you here only for the meal and a little chat."
>You rised your brow.
>It was never that easy with her, eh?
>She turned to one of her solar guards.
>"You can bring her here."
>He saluted and left the room.
>When he was back, there was 'somepony' else with him, whom you recognized almost immediately.
>It was that ungreatfull 'beer maned', dark blue pegasus mare, who's honour you tried to protect last night.
>What was she doing here?!
>Celestia nodded her head at her.
>You were not prepared for what was about to happen.
>In a blink of an eye the dark blue mare threw herself at your feet and started to cry loudly. 
>""Please, please, listen to me. My stallion and the rest of my herd never meant to hurt you so badly. We were just drunk and a little mad at your intrusion. Things just got out of hoof so quick. I beg of you, have mercy and don't press charges against my loved ones!"
>Well_that_escalated_quickly.jpg
>Holy crap, there was snot coming out of her nose!
>Ugh, she was rubbing it against your leg.
>"I-If you decide otherwise, then tell them that I attacked you also. Then they could throw me into jail with my herd. I-I want to be with them, more than anything! Please!"
>She was fuckind delusional!
>That piece of shit poured a whole mug of beer on her head, why was she defending him now!
"I can understand why you want to be with the mares from your herd. Still, I don't get why you would care about that red turd, who almost cut me with a broken bottle last night? He was treating you like trash!"
>She started to shake her head energetically.
>"No, no, he's a good and caring stallion. He was having a really tough day yesterday and he drank way too much. I talked with him today and when he learned what he did to me, he couldn't forgive himself. He was apologising with tears in his eyes and said that he won't touch alcohol ever again, if its making him hurt his herd!" 
>Yeah, guys like him always say something like this.
>You turned your head to Celestia.
>She was looking at you with a very serious glare.
>"This decision belongs to you Anonymous. Will you press charges against her herd mates?"
>Holy Shitballs Anon, you dun goofed.
>Time to stop pretending.
>You'll need to find other way, to get away from this place and Moonbutt.
>You want to say it was fun, but nah, it wasn't. 
>It was 'potato/10', so not so amazing.
"I won't press any chargess aginst anyone from her herd, but only on one condition."
>You focused your eyes on the dark blue pegasus in front of you.
"I want you to promise me, that next time something like that happens you'll going to report his stupid ass to the authorities and leave him forever."
>For a moment, there was a small conflict on her features.
>"I-I promise. T-thank you. I, no. We, me and my herd, we won't forget you this."
>Celestia nodded her head again at her solar guard. 
>Closing the door behind him, he escorted dark blue mare out of the room.
>Sunbutt turned to you.
>"See, you're not a bad person. You even assured that she's well treated by her stallion before you made your decision. If anything, you gained a lot in my eyes today."
>Ehh, why can't you hold all these fails!
>She bested you at your own game.
>By the way, there was still some of that menacing glow in Celestia's eyes.
>"Now tell me something, my dearest Anonymous. What you told about my flank, was it true?"
>This time, it was you who gulped loudly.

>After a long and tiring apology session, you decided to cool off in the palace gardens.
>You know, because of reasons.
>That small snack with Celestia was some serious wackshit.
>You sat your not so happy ass, on one of the numerous benches there. 
>Of course 'your' personal guards was standing next to you.
>The both of them were like fucking leeches, always clinging to you.
>It was official, you have lost all of your freedom in this place.
>You hid your head in your palms.
>Maybe, those two wasn't really here to protect you?
>Rather they were playing the roles of your jailers in here.
>Even if you decided to run away from here, you can't outrun them or hide from them.
>Why did you had to act like some fucking Mary Sue back there, at the bar and got your sorry ass kicked?! 
>You must admit that you yourself, gave Luna a great excuse to keep tabs on you like that.
>You sighed loudly.
>She was about to wake up any minute now and start searching for you.
>You already have enough excitement for today.
>You don't wanna even think what crazy shenanigans she planned to make you like her.
>All in all, you even liked her.
>When she wasn't in her 'crazy mode', she was quite fun to be around.
>However, when you tried to look at her in a romantic light, words of your dad resonated in your mind.
>"Remember Anon, no matter how much you like the lady, never stick it in the crazy."
>So yeah, it was like that between you and Luna.
>You heard hoof steps approaching you.
>You bet it was Luna.
>Welcome darkess my old friend.
>You took away your hands of your face to look at who was approaching. 
>Surprisingly it wasn't her.
>Dark blue pegasus mare stood before you once more.  
>This time she was in a lot better mood.
>"H-hi, I'm sorry to bother you again, but I um.. didn't got a chance to even properly introduce myself. My name is Shy Vision." 
>You extended your hand in her direction for a little hoof/hand shake.
"Hi, I'm Anonymous, but you probably know that already. You know, you remind me of one of my friends back in Ponyville. Have you ever meet a mare named Fluttershy?"
>She shook her head.
>"No, never had a pleasure."
>You thought as much.
"So, do you have any other reason to find me, except telling me your name?"
>She nodded her head vigorously.
>"Yes, yes I have. As a part of my thanks for what you did, I would like to use my special talent for you. I-If you want of course.
>Damn , she was almoust exacly like flutters.
"And what is your special talent?"
>She showed you her cutie mark, it was a crystal ball on a cloud.
>"To an extent, I can predict one event from somepony's future."
>Huh?
>Madame Ponk ver.2.0?
"Sorry to say that, but you're not even a unicorn. How can you do that?" 
>She didn't look too surprised with your answer.
>"Don't worry everything's fine. My talent allows me to resonate with somepony else's internal magic, for example by holding one's hoof. It can be done only once in their lifetime. Because of that I can took a glance into one randomly selected event in the near future of that pony. Of course after the vision is done, I can't remember anything, so you will have to listen to me very closely."
>There is one problem though.
"You know, there is something I have to tell you. I'm not from this world. I don't have any internal magic inside of me."
>She smiled at you.
>"Of course you have. Every living being have, but not every one have means to see it or use it. Sometimes that magic is called luck, or fate, but its still there."
>Hmm never thought that your luck could be the magic inside you. 
>Seeing your current situation you must have an 'amazing' amounts of it.
>Probably like a fucking fruit fly or mosquito.
>All in all it's magic, you don't need to explain shit.
"Alright, let's give it a try. I wonder if you'll be able to see anything though. Like I said I'm not from this world."
>She looked around.
>"Good, but there is one more thing before we start. Because I'll be resonating with your magic, only you will understand me during my vision. Other ponies will only hear a very unpleasant screech, so I would advise you to tell your guards to cover their ears."
>You turned to the pair of armored p0nes.
"You heard the lady."
>Reluctantly, they did what she asked.
>After that she took your hand into her front hooves.
>"Ready?"
"Um.. No, but please do what you must."
>She closed her eyes and started massaging your palm with her hoof. 
>You felt a strange prickling sensation on the entire length of your arm.
>Suddenly she freezed in motion and opend her eyes.
>There was some raw, bright magic coming out of them.
>"I can see you in a very dark place."
>Her voice was barely recognizable, like she was two or three mares speaking at once.
>"You are angry and screaming something loudly."
>Say what?
"What am I screaming and why?"
>She was silent for a moment.
>"You're screaming princess Celestia's name and you are holding somepony in your arms."
>Without warning her features changed.
>She looked realy disturbed now.  
>"She, yes i think it's a mare. She is badly burned and her breathing is very shallow!"
>What the flying Mcfuck?!
"Who is she, please tell me. Who am I holding?!"
>She was looking more and more tired. 
>Probably this will be the last thing you're gonna hear from her about your so called bright future.
>Shy Vision gasped unexpectedly.
>"Oh no! The badly wounded pony in your arms its... its princess Luna!"
>Okay this, just now, this hit a mark 10 in your weird-shitOmeter!
>You knew exactly there was no higher mark.

End of chapter 3