Author: BadGrammarFag Pastebin URL: iA6fbJ4n.html Date: JAN 24TH, 2016 ------ >Day you forgot about the pegasi rain schedule. >And not for the first time, you damn, forgetful faggot. >You're Anon, the only human in this land of colorful autism, called Equestria. >You're currently sitting in the small cottage, located on the outskirts of Ponyville. >Slowly sipping your morning coffee, you're watching raindrops falling down outside. "Fuck you rain." >Yeah, you are a little grumpy. >This weather ruined your plans for the morning. >With nothing to do during this downpour, your mind started to wander. >Why do you live so far away from the town center and so close to the dreaded Everfree Forest? >After all it was dangerous and shit. >Well, it was beneficial for both, you and Princess sunbutt, or what's her name. >Your part of the deal was quite obvious. >Being so close to this dreaded forest, you can easily obtain some meat by hunting and fishing inside of it. >More over, you aren't constantly pestered by those colorful marshmallows, who call themselves ponies. >Couple of work hours a day with them and their shenanigans, was more than enough. >Even a seasoned 4chan veteran like you, wants some normalcy in his life from time to time. >Like for example, to rest from weirdness of this one unicorn mare. >Bitch be crazy about yo hands! >She even asked if she can experiment with them in your free time! >You immediately thought she'll ask you to fist her, or worse. >You firmly said "No" to her. >Well, maybe it sounded more like "Fuck off!", but you're getting off track here. >You were about to remind yourself, why you living here was beneficial for princess Sunbutt-hurt. >For starters, she wanted you as far away from her subjects, as it was "politely" possible. >Of course, without banishing your sorry ass out of her kingdom. >Can't blame her there, thou. >when you showed up in here for the first time, you practically "assassinated" her white royal booty. >The last thing you remember from your old world, was you driving home in your trusty piece-of-crap-on-wheels, old car. >In a hurry. >At night. >In the winter, on a slippery, frozen road. >Long story short, totally unexpectedly you found yourself driving quickly at a fuckhuge tree on the roadside, with no means to stop the car. >Then, there was this blindingly bright light and the feeling of falling from up high. >Before you could even utter a scream of surprise, you hit sometning soft and your right thigh exploded with a tremendous amounts of pain. >As it lately turned out, you fell straight on the Princess Sunbutt's head. >She was sitting on her throne, minding her own royal business and you just showed up and impaled your right leg on her pointy horn. "Lel, so rude." >Now you can laugh as much as you want, but then and there, you were a little too distracted to find it funny. >Lying on the floor and holding your bleeding leg, you were screaming like a little bitch. >"Luckily" one of Sunbutt's personal guards fed you with an armored hoof sandwich. >That trick managed to switch off your lights, so to speak. >Because of your leg injury, you spend almost entire month on their hospital ward. >At first they thought you were some crazy assassin, who failed in his mission of bringing down their princess. >Celestia (yeah you actually know her name) wasn't sure of it, though. >She and her sister had more than enough time to interrogate you. >Finally, you were declared not dangerous enough for a one-way trip to the moon. >Well, not until your leg healed up to the point, where pone doctors could safely use their magic to speed up the healing process. >Which didn't worked. >Like, at all. >Surprise_madafaka.avi >It turned out that as a being from a non-magical world, your body was completely immune to any and all kinds of magic. "Man, fuck that special snowflake shit." >Yeah, just like the Princesses, you were not happy about that turn of events. >All the good kinds of magic, mostly healing magic, which could be used on you, were forever out of your reach. >On the other hand, if some magic user wanted to hurt you, he could easily use the most basic of spells to do this. >For example, by using simple levitation spell. >Throwing a rock in your head etc. >However, Celestia was somehow concerned about this whole magic immunity business. >She could do nothing about it though. >She promised, to give you your chance at living in her peaceful kingdom, fair and square. >Having no other options, she send you here. >To this stinking shack, near the spooky forest. >Additionally, you were under the supervision of the local Princess Grape Intelligence Spergle and her friends. >Luckily for you, they weren't a pain in the ass and even helped you to settle in. >More or less you befriended them all. >You looked at the forest nearby. >At the moment you wanted to go there and get some firewood. >Though, because of the rain, you simply couldn't. "Fuck you weather pones" >Yep, you've got no one to blame but yourself, for not checking the weather schedule for this week. >Though, it didn't stop you from looking for someone to share your guilt with. >You looked at your good, old axe, which was leaning against the wall. "This sucks major balls. For how long they intend to keep this rain going, I need to-" >Oh, look its over! "What the-" >It's_Magic_I_Don't_Need_To_Explain_Shit.gif "...oh, right." >You looked through the window. >There was bright sun, bird noises and shit outside. "Woohoo!" >Giving your best Homer Simpson impression, you quickly finished your coffee and grabbed your trusty axe. >Before you have the chance to do anything else, you heard someone knocking on your front door. >You quickly opened the door, to see who it is. >Standing on the wet grass in full armour and wearing saddlebags, a royal guard unicorn looked at you. >"Good morning, Sir. Can I take a minute of your time?" >Resting the axe on your shoulder, you nodded. "Sure, trees can wait." >Reaching for his saddle bags, he pulled out something that looked like a flyer of some sort. >He handed, erm.. hoofed it to you. >"Sir, did you recently saw any of the creatures depicted here?" >Intrigued, you looked at the sheet of paper in your hand. >There were four types of changelings shown there. >A nymph, a drone/warrior, an under-queen, and of course the big, bad queen herself. >From the smallest, to the largest. >Thanks to Twiggles teaching you about this world, you knew some basic things about changelings. >Also, you were aware about their turbulent history with the pony kind. >However, you never saw any of those bugpones IRL. "Nah, I didn't see any of them around." >The guard quickly searched your features for any signs of lying. >"Good to hear that, Sir. Recently their, let's call it "activity" in the area has increased." >You shrugged your shoulders. "Sorry, can't help you, bro. Even living here, near this spooky forest, I never had the "pleasure" of meeting any of them changelings." >"Believe me, Sir you wouldn't like that to happen. They can be very dangerous." >You slowly patted your axe. "I can take care of myslef just fine." >Armored stallion allowed himself a little chuckle at your display of badassery. >"I can see that. Before I leave, I need to perform a magic scan on anypony that lives here, just to be sure, Sir." >A little perplexed, you scratched your head. "I live alone and about that scan... well... you'll see for yourself." >He squinted his eyes, but didn't said anything and casted his spell on you. >Almost immediately his eyes grew wide. >"That's... impossible! You have no magical presence! It's almost as if you don't belong in this world!" >Holy fucking shit, it's a bingo! "Heh, yeah that's all me. Anonymous, totally not magical man, from totally not magical world. If you want to know more, ask Princess Spergle. I don't feel like talking about myself today. I'm in a bit of a hurry, if you catch my drift." >The white stallion quickly composed himself. >"Yes, of course, Sir. Keep the flyer and remember to report about any changeling presence in the area. Thank you for your time." >Later that day, you found yourself deep inside the Everfree Forest. >Whistling some catchy tune, you were chopping some old tree branches. >They were wet, but you didn't care. >You could store it at the back of your small cottage and wai- >"Aaaaarrghh!" >A loud scream interrupted your work. "What the fu-" >"Aaaaarrghh!" >One more! >It sounded... feminine. >Also, its source was behind the bushes, not so far away from you. >Not thinking much, you started to run in the direction of those. >Maybe some mare was attacked by a Manticore and it was trying to eat her? >You'll probably end up as its second course, but fuck that noise! >You couldn't live with yourself, if you knew you could save someone and didn't do shit. >Suicidal white knight intensifies. >You quickly stepped into the bushes, trying to see what's behind them. >What you saw was no Manticore and no marshmallow pony. >No, it was a more... bizarre sight. >Three living, breathing, freaking changelings! >Judging by the size and remembering what you saw on that flyer, you recognized two drones and one under-queen. >The largest bug horse from this strange group, was lying on the forest floor. >She looked like shit. >Almoust as if she just lost a fight with a speeding train. >The under-queen was bleeding badly from the many wounds in her shattered carapace. >Her blood was practically painting the ground green. >Surrounded by her almost white mane, her jagged horn was broken in half. >Protruding from the white part of the carapace on her back, her insect-like wings looked pretty worse for wear. >She was breathing heavily and her yellow eyes, with slitted pupils, were half-lidded. >All in all, she looked like if she was dying. >One of the two blue eyed drones came closer to her. >You noticed that the carapace on his back was also blue, only darker. >Using his hoof, he pressed the head of the battered under-queen to the ground. >Then, he turned to the other drone. >You heard him "talking" in clicks and taps. >Naturally, you didn't understand shit. >Though, it must have been something important, because the other started nodding his head vigorously. >When he finally stopped, you saw a bright green glow building at the end of his pointy horn. >Seeing this, the under-queen began trembling on the forest floor. >Using her own hoof, she was trying to remove the one that was pressed to her head. >With no success. >She was too weak to even move it a little. >Then, you saw the look in her eyes. >It was fear mixed with desperation. >She was fighting for her life and from the look of things, she was losing! >Those two wasn't her friends, or subjects trying to help her. >They were going to off her! >You squeezed the handle of your axe tighter. >There will be no executions on your fucking white knight watch! >You stepped out from the bushes and started yelling at the one, who was probably building up a death magic bolt. "Hey, you little turd! Leave her the fuck alone! I'm going to-" >You didn't get to finish that sentence. >Fucking dick waffle turned his head in your direction and released his deadly spell at you. >A bright, green flash blinded everyone for a couple of seconds. >If you weren't completely immune to magic, the caster would probably saw a steaming pile of meat, right where you were standing a moment ago. >Unfortunately for him, you were. >Instead of your remains, he saw a blunt end of your axe approaching his bug snout with an incredible speed. >In a rain of teeth, blood and saliva you knocked him high in the air. >That's a fucking home run if you ever saw one! >The other changeling didn't wait for his friend to fall down, before he jumped at you. >You managed to doge his attack in the last moment. >His sharp teeth brushed your skin, drawing blood from your shoulder. "Augh, that fucking hurt, you little shit!" >He wasn't distracted by your insult and leaped at you again. >This time his teeth clenched on the wooden handle of your axe, you were holding in front of you. >Right in the middle of it. >His insect wings started buzzing loudly. >Still clinging to your weapon, he was trying to wrench it out from your hands. >Without it, you were toast. >Luckily for you, you were probably three times heavier than him. >Using that to your advantage you jarked hard and rammed the back of his head into a tree. >Unconscious, he fall on the ground like a sack of potatoes. >The fight was over. >Breathing heavily, you approached the lying form of the beaten under-queen. >Her eyes were closed. >She was looking even worse than before. >Her breath was shallow and uneven. >Dropping your axe on the ground, you crouched down. >You started shaking her withers with your hand. "Hey, hey! Don't fall asleep now! If you do, you'll probably die!" >Yeah, you got some 'very basic' medical knowledge from all those medical documents, you watched back on earth. >Her eyes half open and she made some kind of weak humming buzz. "Erm, sorry I can't understand you. Though, it's good to see, you're not going into shock... yet." >Damn it, you don't have much time! >If you don't do something, she'll bleed here to death. >You don't really know if you want to, but you'll probably need to take her to your cottage. >You will be able to hel- "GRRRROOOOOO!" >Howlie fucken shit! >You know the animal that can growl like that! >It's a real fucking Manticore and pissed one at that! >You're probably at its turf, or something and its coming here to beat the stuffing out of you all. >As quickly and delicately as you could, you grabbed the under-queen in your arms and started running. >Fuck your axe, you'll get a new one! >Fuck those drone guys, they were trying to kill you and now they will turn into a Manticore shit for that! >Aaand there goes your white knight status. >Fok it, your shoulder stings. >Running through the forest, you take a quick look at what's in your arms. >White maned bug horse has her eyes closed again and her bug body was getting more and more limp. >Not good. >Not good, at all! >Still holding her tightly, you shake her with all your might. "Oi, missy! Stay here with me!" >You felt her moving a little and her eyes barely opened. >This time she doesn't made any insect-like noises. >She was probably too stupefied from losing all that blood right on your shirt and pants. >It was warm and sticky and you didn't like it. >Also, you began to feel a little weak. >She wasn't exactly light. >If she was standing stright, she would be as high as Sunbutt's niece - Condense, or something. >Fortunately, you were working at the Ponyville Day Spa as a masseur. >Kneading horse muscles let you develop some nice upper body strength. >Shame it wasn't the same for your legs. >You started to feel some serious burning pain it those fucking meat sticks of yours. >Clenching your teeth, you slow down only a little. "*Huf*Huf* I swear *Huf* if you fucking die now *Huf* I will piss on *Huf* your grave.*Huf*" >Nah, you wouldn't. >You've said that just to get some reaction from her, to see if she's still conscious. >She didn't move her head at all, but you heard a soft shrill noise coming out of her. >A real chatterbox that one, eh? >Btw, how did those two fuckers managed to beat her like that?! >In the flyer they wrote that under-queens were a lot more powerful than even the best of warriors. >Only fully developed queen was stronger than them. >Maybe she was injured before they attacked her? >Maybe... >Finally, you reached the edge of the forest! "*Huf* Oh, thank God!*Huf*" >You really hoped you could help her with what you have in your small abode. >There wasn't much there. >Mostly things that you had left from that time, when you had still problems with your 'horn pierced' leg. >Some good painkillers, drugs that help you sleep, bandages, band-aids etc. >Shit like that. >Luckily, you didn't shut the door to your cottage after you left this morning. >You kicked the door open and unceremoniously walked inside. >You quickly headed for the kitchen. >Carefully, you laid your delicate cargo on the kitchen table. >She was still semi-conscious, her eyes half-open, looking at you with absent gaze. >At the moment there was probably more of her blood on you, than was inside of her. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" >Loudly chanting your sacred mantra, you collected everything, which could prove useful. >You took a towel and put it into a bowl filled with your strongest booze. "Listen, I need to clean your wounds and do everything in my power to somehow close them. I won't lie, it will hurt like motherfucker." >Great work there m80, you really know how to calm your patient! "Alright, let's get started!" >Slowly and with utmost care, you have begun to clean and disinfect her wounds. >When you saw some chipped parts of her chitin 'skin' inside, you used tweezers to get those out. >The under-queen was shrieking some fierce for someone, who was practically half-dead. >She was getting especially louder, when you were working on the bigger wounds. >You were silently thankful that your cottage was so far away from town. >If not for that fact, you'd surely have to deal with the equivalent of pony inquisition by now. >Because of her hard carapace, there was no way to stitch her wounds the 'traditional way'. >Instead of needle and thread, you used stapler, you sterilized in booze before doing anything. >It hurt as fuck, but was doing its job. >She was losing less and less blood. >That didn't stop the pain, though. >The whole table started to wobble from her jerking around. "I'm sorry I can't give you any painkillers right now! Those would probably put you to sleep and we don't want that! I must stop the bleeding first!" >Or, you thought you shouldn't give her anything at that stage. >Like you said, your medical knowledge was almost non-existent. >Though, you just couldn't take her to the pony hospital. >Firstly, it was to far away. >She would be dead before you got there. >Secondly, pones thought of them as monsters and would probably harm her more than help her. >... probably. >To be truthful, you had little time to think about such things. >When you were closing her last wound, you noticed she became suspiciously calm and quiet. >You nervously looked away from what you were doing. >At the moment, she was only trembling a little and her eyes began to roll upwards into her head. "Holy crap she's going into shock from all this fucking pain!" >Yep, shouting didn't help, but at least it kept you sane. >Grabbing your bag with various drugs, you quickly looked for the strongest painkillers. >Pouring a handful of pills onto your palm, you turned to her. "Listen, I don't know if those can help you, but you got nothing to lose! Eat those, please!" >She didn't do shit. >oh right, she was too focused on dying, than listening to your requests. >You looked at her opened bug horse maw. >Man, those chompers looked sharp enough to bite through steel. >Decisions, decisions. "Ah fuck it! I never liked my fingers anyway!" >Fucking liar. >While holding her lower jaw with one hand, you shoved the other one, down her throat. >Her eyes opened widely. "Believe me, this is for your own good! You must eat those!" >You bet that being forcefully fed drugs, wasn't high on her 'to-do-before-dying list'. >She quickly proved you right, by choking loudly, almost biting off your hand in the process. >Luckily, you were fast enough to remove it from inside her snout, before you lose your grip on her lower jaw. >Looking at your saliva-coated hand, you hoped that those pills won't hurt her even more. >After all, you didn't know anything about changelings biology and whatnot. >You heard a soft buzzing noise coming out of your 'patient'. >You saw that her now half-opened, watery eye was focused on you. >She was looking as if she was waiting for you to answer her 'statement'. "Erm... you're welcome... I guess?" >Hopefully it was a 'thank you' not a 'I'm going to kill you for this' kind of buzzing. >She didn't 'said' nothing, but was still trembling on your squeaking kitchen table. >In spite of yourself, you began to pet her carefully. "Listen, we got the worst part behind us. The drugs will start working in a moment and you'll feel better. Maybe I even let you sleep." >Running your fingers through her hole riddled mane, you noticed it was pleasant to the touch. >It felt like if it was made from the most expensive silk, you ever lied your hand on. >After about five minutes of your warily ministrations, you saw she began to close her eyes peacefully. >Also, she wasn't shaking anymore and looked pretty calm. >Fortunately, she was still breathing. >You took your hand away from her. "Alright, I'll let you sleep now. Meanwhile, I'll bandage your wounds and maybe clean this dried blood from you." >You smiled a little. "Have a pleasant dreams." >As if on cue she shut her eyes and her whole body went limp. >You grabbed a bandage roll from your bag and began your work. >When you finished, she looked more like a mummy pone, than a bug pone. >Especially with her white mane and white parts of her carapace. "Foken black&white changeling, who would have thought, eh? Maybe I should call you Oreo, or something." >Yeah, that would be a pretty good name for her. >Oreo. >Chuckling quietly, you delicately lifted her from the bloodied kitchen table. >It was more green now, than light brown. "Damn, I need to get myself a new kitchen table and burn this one." >Then, you headed to your small and only bedroom. >You gently placed her sleeping form on your bed and covered her with a blanket. >Living the door to your bedroom opened, you returned to cleaning your kitchen. >The blood came off from the floor tiles, but you needed to dismantle the table and add it to your firewood. "Guess, I have to eat in the living room for now." >Speaking about it, you found yourself in it after shower. >Lying on the couch, you thought about what just transpired. >The only good thing was that it all happened in your free from work day. >Though, you'll need to go there tomorrow and leave your 'guest' unattended for a couple of hours. "What's the worst that could happen? She can barely breathe by herself." >You closed your eyes. "All in all, this was one fucking crazy day, eh?" >Of course, no one answered. >You were lonely as fuck, but you liked it that way. >... >Well, sort of. >Not thinking much about it, you've fallen asleep.