Author: BadGrammarFag
Pastebin URL: iA6fbJ4n.html
Date: JAN 24TH, 2016

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>Day you forgot about the pegasi rain schedule. 
>And not for the first time, you damn, forgetful faggot.
>You're Anon, the only human in this land of colorful autism, called Equestria.
>You're currently sitting in the small cottage, located on the outskirts of Ponyville.
>Slowly sipping your morning coffee, you're watching raindrops falling down outside.
"Fuck you rain."
>Yeah, you are a little grumpy. 
>This weather ruined your plans for the morning.
>With nothing to do during this downpour, your mind started to wander.
>Why do you live so far away from the town center and so close to the dreaded Everfree Forest?
>After all it was dangerous and shit.
>Well, it was beneficial for both, you and Princess sunbutt, or what's her name.
>Your part of the deal was quite obvious.
>Being so close to this dreaded forest, you can easily obtain some meat by hunting and fishing inside of it.
>More over, you aren't constantly pestered by those colorful marshmallows, who call themselves ponies.
>Couple of work hours a day with them and their shenanigans, was more than enough. 
>Even a seasoned 4chan veteran like you, wants some normalcy in his life from time to time. 
>Like for example, to rest from weirdness of this one unicorn mare. 
>Bitch be crazy about yo hands! 
>She even asked if she can experiment with them in your free time!
>You immediately thought she'll ask you to fist her, or worse.
>You firmly said "No" to her.  
>Well, maybe it sounded more like "Fuck off!", but you're getting off track here.
>You were about to remind yourself, why you living here was beneficial for princess Sunbutt-hurt.
>For starters, she wanted you as far away from her subjects, as it was "politely" possible. 
>Of course, without banishing your sorry ass out of her kingdom.
>Can't blame her there, thou.
>when you showed up in here for the first time, you practically "assassinated" her white royal booty.
>The last thing you remember from your old world, was you driving home in your trusty piece-of-crap-on-wheels, old car.
>In a hurry.
>At night.
>In the winter, on a slippery, frozen road.
>Long story short, totally unexpectedly you found yourself driving quickly at a fuckhuge tree on the roadside, with no means to stop the car.
>Then, there was this blindingly bright light and the feeling of falling from up high.
>Before you could even utter a scream of surprise, you hit sometning soft and your right thigh exploded with a tremendous amounts of pain.
>As it lately turned out, you fell straight on the Princess Sunbutt's head. 
>She was sitting on her throne, minding her own royal business and you just showed up and impaled your right leg on her pointy horn.
"Lel, so rude."
>Now you can laugh as much as you want, but then and there, you were a little too distracted to find it funny.
>Lying on the floor and holding your bleeding leg, you were screaming like a little bitch.
>"Luckily" one of Sunbutt's personal guards fed you with an armored hoof sandwich. 
>That trick managed to switch off your lights, so to speak.
>Because of your leg injury, you spend almost entire month on their hospital ward.
>At first they thought you were some crazy assassin, who failed in his mission of bringing down their princess.
>Celestia (yeah you actually know her name) wasn't sure of it, though.
>She and her sister had more than enough time to interrogate you. 
>Finally, you were declared not dangerous enough for a one-way trip to the moon.
>Well, not until your leg healed up to the point, where pone doctors could safely use their magic to speed up the healing process.
>Which didn't worked. 
>Like, at all.
>Surprise_madafaka.avi
>It turned out that as a being from a non-magical world, your body was completely immune to any and all kinds of magic.
"Man, fuck that special snowflake shit."
>Yeah, just like the Princesses, you were not happy about that turn of events.
>All the good kinds of magic, mostly healing magic, which could be used on you, were forever out of your reach. 
>On the other hand, if some magic user wanted to hurt you, he could easily use the most basic of spells to do this.
>For example, by using simple levitation spell. 
>Throwing a rock in your head etc.
>However, Celestia was somehow concerned about this whole magic immunity business.
>She could do nothing about it though.
>She promised, to give you your chance at living in her peaceful kingdom, fair and square.
>Having no other options, she send you here.
>To this stinking shack, near the spooky forest. 
>Additionally, you were under the supervision of the local Princess Grape Intelligence Spergle and her friends.
>Luckily for you, they weren't a pain in the ass and even helped you to settle in.
>More or less you befriended them all.
>You looked at the forest nearby.
>At the moment you wanted to go there and get some firewood.
>Though, because of the rain, you simply couldn't.
"Fuck you weather pones"
>Yep, you've got no one to blame but yourself, for not checking the weather schedule for this week.
>Though, it didn't stop you from looking for someone to share your guilt with.
>You looked at your good, old axe, which was leaning against the wall.
"This sucks major balls. For how long they intend to keep this rain going, I need to-"
>Oh, look its over!
"What the-"
>It's_Magic_I_Don't_Need_To_Explain_Shit.gif
"...oh, right."
>You looked through the window.
>There was bright sun, bird noises and shit outside. 
"Woohoo!"
>Giving your best Homer Simpson impression, you quickly finished your coffee and grabbed your trusty axe.
>Before you have the chance to do anything else, you heard someone knocking on your front door.
>You quickly opened the door, to see who it is.
>Standing on the wet grass in full armour and wearing saddlebags, a royal guard unicorn looked at you.
>"Good morning, Sir. Can I take a minute of your time?"
>Resting the axe on your shoulder, you nodded.
"Sure, trees can wait."
>Reaching for his saddle bags, he pulled out something that looked like a flyer of some sort. 
>He handed, erm.. hoofed it to you.
>"Sir, did you recently saw any of the creatures depicted here?" 
>Intrigued, you looked at the sheet of paper in your hand. 
>There were four types of changelings shown there.
>A nymph, a drone/warrior, an under-queen, and of course the big, bad queen herself.
>From the smallest, to the largest.
>Thanks to Twiggles teaching you about this world, you knew some basic things about changelings.
>Also, you were aware about their turbulent history with the pony kind. 
>However, you never saw any of those bugpones IRL.
"Nah, I didn't see any of them around."
>The guard quickly searched your features for any signs of lying.
>"Good to hear that, Sir. Recently their, let's call it "activity" in the area has increased."
>You shrugged your shoulders.
"Sorry, can't help you, bro. Even living here, near this spooky forest, I never had the "pleasure" of meeting any of them changelings."
>"Believe me, Sir you wouldn't like that to happen. They can be very dangerous."
>You slowly patted your axe.
"I can take care of myslef just fine."
>Armored stallion allowed himself a little chuckle at your display of badassery.
>"I can see that. Before I leave, I need to perform a magic scan on anypony that lives here, just to be sure, Sir."
>A little perplexed, you scratched your head.
"I live alone and about that scan... well... you'll see for yourself."
>He squinted his eyes, but didn't said anything and casted his spell on you.
>Almost immediately his eyes grew wide.
>"That's... impossible! You have no magical presence! It's almost as if you don't belong in this world!"
>Holy fucking shit, it's a bingo!
"Heh, yeah that's all me. Anonymous, totally not magical man, from totally not magical world. If you want to know more, ask Princess Spergle. I don't feel like talking about myself today. I'm in a bit of a hurry, if you catch my drift."
>The white stallion quickly composed himself.
>"Yes, of course, Sir. Keep the flyer and remember to report about any changeling presence in the area. Thank you for your time."
>Later that day, you found yourself deep inside the Everfree Forest.
>Whistling some catchy tune, you were chopping some old tree branches.
>They were wet, but you didn't care.
>You could store it at the back of your small cottage and wai-
>"Aaaaarrghh!"
>A loud scream interrupted your work.
"What the fu-"
>"Aaaaarrghh!"
>One more!
>It sounded... feminine.
>Also, its source was behind the bushes, not so far away from you.
>Not thinking much, you started to run in the direction of those.
>Maybe some mare was attacked by a Manticore and it was trying to eat her?
>You'll probably end up as its second course, but fuck that noise!
>You couldn't live with yourself, if you knew you could save someone and didn't do shit.
>Suicidal white knight intensifies.
>You quickly stepped into the bushes, trying to see what's behind them.
>What you saw was no Manticore and no marshmallow pony.
>No, it was a more... bizarre sight.
>Three living, breathing, freaking changelings!
>Judging by the size and remembering what you saw on that flyer, you recognized two drones and one under-queen.
>The largest bug horse from this strange group, was lying on the forest floor. 
>She looked like shit. 
>Almoust as if she just lost a fight with a speeding train.
>The under-queen was bleeding badly from the many wounds in her shattered carapace. 
>Her blood was practically painting the ground green.
>Surrounded by her almost white mane, her jagged horn was broken in half.
>Protruding from the white part of the carapace on her back, her insect-like wings looked pretty worse for wear.
>She was breathing heavily and her yellow eyes, with slitted pupils, were half-lidded.
>All in all, she looked like if she was dying.
>One of the two blue eyed drones came closer to her.
>You noticed that the carapace on his back was also blue, only darker.
>Using his hoof, he pressed the head of the battered under-queen to the ground.
>Then, he turned to the other drone.
>You heard him "talking" in clicks and taps.
>Naturally, you didn't understand shit.
>Though, it must have been something important, because the other started nodding his head vigorously.
>When he finally stopped, you saw a bright green glow building at the end of his pointy horn.
>Seeing this, the under-queen began trembling on the forest floor.
>Using her own hoof, she was trying to remove the one that was pressed to her head.
>With no success.
>She was too weak to even move it a little.
>Then, you saw the look in her eyes.
>It was fear mixed with desperation.
>She was fighting for her life and from the look of things, she was losing!
>Those two wasn't her friends, or subjects trying to help her.
>They were going to off her!
>You squeezed the handle of your axe tighter. 
>There will be no executions on your fucking white knight watch!
>You stepped out from the bushes and started yelling at the one, who was probably building up a death magic bolt.
"Hey, you little turd! Leave her the fuck alone! I'm going to-"
>You didn't get to finish that sentence.
>Fucking dick waffle turned his head in your direction and released his deadly spell at you.
>A bright, green flash blinded everyone for a couple of seconds.
>If you weren't completely immune to magic, the caster would probably saw a steaming pile of meat, right where you were standing a moment ago.
>Unfortunately for him, you were.
>Instead of your remains, he saw a blunt end of your axe approaching his bug snout with an incredible speed.
>In a rain of teeth, blood and saliva you knocked him high in the air.
>That's a fucking home run if you ever saw one!
>The other changeling didn't wait for his friend to fall down, before he jumped at you.
>You managed to doge his attack in the last moment.
>His sharp teeth brushed your skin, drawing blood from your shoulder.
"Augh, that fucking hurt, you little shit!"
>He wasn't distracted by your insult and leaped at you again. 
>This time his teeth clenched on the wooden handle of your axe, you were holding in front of you.
>Right in the middle of it.
>His insect wings started buzzing loudly.
>Still clinging to your weapon, he was trying to wrench it out from your hands.
>Without it, you were toast.
>Luckily for you, you were probably three times heavier than him.
>Using that to your advantage you jarked hard and rammed the back of his head into a tree.
>Unconscious, he fall on the ground like a sack of potatoes.
>The fight was over.
>Breathing heavily, you approached the lying form of the beaten under-queen.
>Her eyes were closed. 
>She was looking even worse than before.
>Her breath was shallow and uneven.
>Dropping your axe on the ground, you crouched down.
>You started shaking her withers with your hand.
"Hey, hey! Don't fall asleep now! If you do, you'll probably die!"
>Yeah, you got some 'very basic' medical knowledge from all those medical documents, you watched back on earth.
>Her eyes half open and she made some kind of weak humming buzz.
"Erm, sorry I can't understand you. Though, it's good to see, you're not going into shock... yet."
>Damn it, you don't have much time!
>If you don't do something, she'll bleed here to death.
>You don't really know if you want to, but you'll probably need to take her to your cottage.
>You will be able to hel-
"GRRRROOOOOO!"
>Howlie fucken shit!
>You know the animal that can growl like that!
>It's a real fucking Manticore and pissed one at that!
>You're probably at its turf, or something and its coming here to beat the stuffing out of you all.
>As quickly and delicately as you could, you grabbed the under-queen in your arms and started running.
>Fuck your axe, you'll get a new one!
>Fuck those drone guys, they were trying to kill you and now they will turn into a Manticore shit for that!
>Aaand there goes your white knight status.
>Fok it, your shoulder stings.
>Running through the forest, you take a quick look at what's in your arms.
>White maned bug horse has her eyes closed again and her bug body was getting more and more limp.
>Not good.
>Not good, at all!
>Still holding her tightly, you shake her with all your might.
"Oi, missy! Stay here with me!"
>You felt her moving a little and her eyes barely opened.
>This time she doesn't made any insect-like noises.
>She was probably too stupefied from losing all that blood right on your shirt and pants.
>It was warm and sticky and you didn't like it.
>Also, you began to feel a little weak.
>She wasn't exactly light.
>If she was standing stright, she would be as high as Sunbutt's niece - Condense, or something.
>Fortunately, you were working at the Ponyville Day Spa as a masseur.
>Kneading horse muscles let you develop some nice upper body strength.
>Shame it wasn't the same for your legs.
>You started to feel some serious burning pain it those fucking meat sticks of yours.
>Clenching your teeth, you slow down only a little.
"*Huf*Huf* I swear *Huf* if you fucking die now *Huf* I will piss on *Huf* your grave.*Huf*"
>Nah, you wouldn't.
>You've said that just to get some reaction from her, to see if she's still conscious.
>She didn't move her head at all, but you heard a soft shrill noise coming out of her.
>A real chatterbox that one, eh?
>Btw, how did those two fuckers managed to beat her like that?!
>In the flyer they wrote that under-queens were a lot more powerful than even the best of warriors.
>Only fully developed queen was stronger than them.
>Maybe she was injured before they attacked her?
>Maybe...
>Finally, you reached the edge of the forest!
"*Huf* Oh, thank God!*Huf*"
>You really hoped you could help her with what you have in your small abode.
>There wasn't much there.
>Mostly things that you had left from that time, when you had still problems with your 'horn pierced' leg.
>Some good painkillers, drugs that help you sleep, bandages, band-aids etc.
>Shit like that.
>Luckily, you didn't shut the door to your cottage after you left this morning.
>You kicked the door open and unceremoniously walked inside.
>You quickly headed for the kitchen.
>Carefully, you laid your delicate cargo on the kitchen table.
>She was still semi-conscious, her eyes half-open, looking at you with absent gaze.
>At the moment there was probably more of her blood on you, than was inside of her.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
>Loudly chanting your sacred mantra, you collected everything, which could prove useful.
>You took a towel and put it into a bowl filled with your strongest booze.
"Listen, I need to clean your wounds and do everything in my power to somehow close them. I won't lie, it will hurt like motherfucker."
>Great work there m80, you really know how to calm your patient!
"Alright, let's get started!"
>Slowly and with utmost care, you have begun to clean and disinfect her wounds.
>When you saw some chipped parts of her chitin 'skin' inside, you used tweezers to get those out.
>The under-queen was shrieking some fierce for someone, who was practically half-dead.
>She was getting especially louder, when you were working on the bigger wounds.
>You were silently thankful that your cottage was so far away from town.
>If not for that fact, you'd surely have to deal with the equivalent of pony inquisition by now.
>Because of her hard carapace, there was no way to stitch her wounds the 'traditional way'.
>Instead of needle and thread, you used stapler, you sterilized in booze before doing anything.
>It hurt as fuck, but was doing its job.
>She was losing less and less blood.
>That didn't stop the pain, though. 
>The whole table started to wobble from her jerking around.
"I'm sorry I can't give you any painkillers right now! Those would probably put you to sleep and we don't want that! I must stop the bleeding first!"
>Or, you thought you shouldn't give her anything at that stage.
>Like you said, your medical knowledge was almost non-existent.
>Though, you just couldn't take her to the pony hospital.
>Firstly, it was to far away.
>She would be dead before you got there.
>Secondly, pones thought of them as monsters and would probably harm her more than help her.
>... probably.
>To be truthful, you had little time to think about such things.
>When you were closing her last wound, you noticed she became suspiciously calm and quiet.
>You nervously looked away from what you were doing. 
>At the moment, she was only trembling a little and  her eyes began to roll upwards into her head.
"Holy crap she's going into shock from all this fucking pain!"
>Yep, shouting didn't help, but at least it kept you sane.
>Grabbing your bag with various drugs, you quickly looked for the strongest painkillers.
>Pouring a handful of pills onto your palm, you turned to her.
"Listen, I don't know if those can help you, but you got nothing to lose! Eat those, please!"
>She didn't do shit.
>oh right, she was too focused on dying, than listening to your requests.
>You looked at her opened bug horse maw.
>Man, those chompers looked sharp enough to bite through steel.
>Decisions, decisions.
"Ah fuck it! I never liked my fingers anyway!"
>Fucking liar.
>While holding her lower jaw with one hand, you shoved the other one, down her throat.
>Her eyes opened widely.
"Believe me, this is for your own good! You must eat those!"
>You bet that being forcefully fed drugs, wasn't high on her 'to-do-before-dying list'.
>She quickly proved you right, by choking loudly, almost biting off your hand in the process.
>Luckily, you were fast enough to remove it from inside her snout, before you lose your grip on her lower jaw.
>Looking at your saliva-coated hand, you hoped that those pills won't hurt her even more.
>After all, you didn't know anything about changelings biology and whatnot.
>You heard a soft buzzing noise coming out of your 'patient'.
>You saw that her now half-opened, watery eye was focused on you.
>She was looking as if she was waiting for you to answer her 'statement'.
"Erm... you're welcome... I guess?"
>Hopefully it was a 'thank you' not a 'I'm going to kill you for this' kind of buzzing.
>She didn't 'said' nothing, but was still trembling on your squeaking kitchen table.
>In spite of yourself, you began to pet her carefully.
"Listen, we got the worst part behind us. The drugs will start working in a moment and you'll feel better. Maybe I even let you sleep."
>Running your fingers through her hole riddled mane, you noticed it was pleasant to the touch.
>It felt like if it was made from the most expensive silk, you ever lied your hand on.
>After about five minutes of your warily ministrations, you saw she began to close her eyes peacefully.
>Also, she wasn't shaking anymore and looked pretty calm.
>Fortunately, she was still breathing.
>You took your hand away from her.
"Alright, I'll let you sleep now. Meanwhile, I'll bandage your wounds and maybe clean this dried blood from you."
>You smiled a little.
"Have a pleasant dreams."
>As if on cue she shut her eyes and her whole body went limp.
>You grabbed a bandage roll from your bag and began your work.
>When you finished, she looked more like a mummy pone, than a bug pone. 
>Especially with her white mane and white parts of her carapace.
"Foken black&white changeling, who would have thought, eh? Maybe I should call you Oreo, or something."
>Yeah, that would be a pretty good name for her.
>Oreo.
>Chuckling quietly, you delicately lifted her from the bloodied kitchen table.
>It was more green now, than light brown.
"Damn, I need to get myself a new kitchen table and burn this one."
>Then, you headed to your small and only bedroom.
>You gently placed her sleeping form on your bed and covered her with a blanket.
>Living the door to your bedroom opened, you returned to cleaning your kitchen.
>The blood came off from the floor tiles, but you needed to dismantle the table and add it to your firewood.
"Guess, I have to eat in the living room for now."
>Speaking about it, you found yourself in it after shower.
>Lying on the couch, you thought about what just transpired.
>The only good thing was that it all happened in your free from work day.
>Though, you'll need to go there tomorrow and leave your 'guest' unattended for a couple of hours.
"What's the worst that could happen? She can barely breathe by herself."
>You closed your eyes.
"All in all, this was one fucking crazy day, eh?"
>Of course, no one answered.
>You were lonely as fuck, but you liked it that way.
>...
>Well, sort of.
>Not thinking much about it, you've fallen asleep.