=BiE 71=

>Year 2 in Equestria.
>Hour 3 in Canterlot.
>"How about this one?" Lotus asks.
>You look the building over.
>"It's kind of big for a spa, don't you think?"
>Lotus trots up to you. "Dear, half of our current spa is underground."
>"And most of this towers above the street. The old spa worked fine with one story, why does this one need two?"
>Lotus huffs and walks down the street. "You just don't want to have to walk up stairs."
>You follow Lotus.
>"My sloth aside, isn't a two story spa a bit extravagant for our second location?"
>Lotus stops in the street and turns to you. "We have to make our mark here. We need something that these big Canterlot spas can't compete with."
>You raise your arms and silently flex your fingers. "Something else dear."
>"Oh, I see how it is. You've had your fill of my awesome fingers, so now we have to buy a building."
>"We need something, some sort of hook, to get p0nies to come to our spa. You're good, but you're not -that- good." Lotus says.
>You throw your hands behind your head.
>"I blame my teacher."
>"Yes, this is clearly her fault."
>"If she had spent less time with her tongue down my throat, I could compete with these heavy hitters."
>Lotus stops in her tracks and glares at you.
Might have taken this a bit too far...
>You roll your eyes.
>"Sorry."
>Lotus silently turns back and continues down the street.
Great...
>Silent treatment...

>You followed Lotus a few feet back as she continued not talking to you.
>"I thought this move was a long while away, why are we here now?"
>Nothing.
>"You're acting like a filly."
>Lotus continued to stare straight ahead.
>"I find your mother attractive."
>Lotus stops in the street and stares at you.
That got her.
>"Can we talk now?"
>Lotus's eyes narrow. "No."
>She then continues trotting down the road.
>Goddamnit.
>"Babe. This is ridiculous."
>Lotus mumbles something as she puts distance between the two of you.
>"What?"
>"I said I don't care and to stop following me!" Lotus shouts from down the road.
>What!?
What is this?
>Is she-?
She's ditching us here!
>You were more than a bit annoyed, this was stupid.
>You cup your hands around your mouth. 
>"Those fritters you ate on the train are going to your ass!"
>Lotus flicks her tail at you as she turns onto another street.
>You stand there for a moment before you notice that you are surrounded by p0nies staring at you.
>"What!?"
>The p0nies snap back to their own business and continue walking.
>That's what you thought...

>You stomped through Canterlot, ignoring the looks you were getting.
>Eventually, you decided the take a seat on a park bench.
Why's she leave like that?
>She's probably PMS'ing, p0nies do that, right?
Makes the most sense.
>It's not like we lied or anything.
We didn't! If we had spent less time making out, we'd be better at massages!
>You sit and stew for a little while.
>You're still trying to wrap your head around what you did.
>You were always a bit rude, but that had never bothered Lotus before.
>You weren't acting any differe-"Alone in the park?" A voice asked.
>"GAH WHAT THE FUCK."
>A shrill laugh resonates from behind a nearby tree as an enormous stark white p0ny steps out from behind it.
>"Cunting hell, Celestia. Do you just stalk Canterlot in the off chance that I show up? The citizens are going to talk."
>The monarch recomposes herself and speaks. "I happened to be taking a stroll through the city when what did I hear but my favorite human shouting about fritters and rear ends."
>Fuck your life, she heard that.
>You turn your head away as she continues. "I decided to follow you to see if I could gather any clues, but I'm afraid I came up emptyhoofed."
>You dismissively wave a hand and walk down the path out of the park. 
>"Good. Stay out of my damn business."
>The clinking of golden horseshoes tells you that isn't going to happen. "Oh come now, Mous. I have been alive for over a thousand years, you couldn't ask for better advice."
>"I could ask somep0ny who isn't trying to stick her nose in my damn business.
>Celestia trots up next to you. "That doesn't sound like you telling me what happened." She sings out.
>You sigh. Can't hurt...
>"Okay, what happened was..."

>You walked with Celestia for a while as you both recanted what had happened and answered any of her inane questions.
>"Was she annoyed when you came here?"
>"Did you actually call her fat?"
>"Did she catch you looking at other mares?"
>Eventually you reach your admittedly short limit.
>"No. I did not piss her off and home, or call her fat, and stop projecting your problems on me."
>Celestia chuckles. "Then it sounds like she simply got tired of you being an ass."
>"What? I wasn't being an ass!"
>"Mous, you always act like an ass."
>"Fuck you. I am not."
>Celestia cocks an eyebrow. "Yes. Clearly."
>"That's because I'm annoyed right now!"
>You turn away and lean on a nearby wall.
>Celestia walks up to you. "It's true Mous."
>"Then why has nop0ny said anything?"
>"Perhaps they have. Mous, think to yourself, how many friends do you have?"

>You turn to face the monarch. "What is this?"
>"Answer the question." She says.
This is stupid.
>"Anon, Lotus, You, Rainbow...Derpy, Aloe?, Uhh...Applejack...Twilight...Blueblood..."
>"You don't sound too sure about some of those." She says.
>"Piss off, I'm sure about the first four."
>"So, your best friend, his wife, your special somep0ny, and me. We are all the friends you have?"
>"Have you never wondered why?" Celestia asks as she orbits around you.
>"I'm not a p0ny person."
>"That aside, it's because you're an ass. You have four friends because you're a horrible jackass."'
>"Then why they hell has nobody ever said anything?"
>Celestia sighs in exasperation. "I told you. because they're either your best friend, his wife, or your special somep0ny."
>You glance at her. "And you?"
>Celestia chuckles. "I am incredibly old and incredibly patient, I can tolerate some rudeness."
>Tch.
>"You forgot to mention humble."
>"Celestia releases a laugh. "Especially when that rudeness is entertaining."

>You stood outside the hotel room you were staying at.
>"This is a bad idea."
>Celestia nudges you forward. "That's never stopped you."
>"She's probably not even here."
>"You won't know until you check."
>You have your hand on the door knob.
>"You should talk to-
>A flash of light and a popping sound interrupts you.
>You look back to see Celestia has made herself scarce.
>"...You bitch."
>You take a deep breath the open the door.
>Lotus turns to look at you as you silently stomp into the room, drop yourself onto the couch, and cross your arms.
>Lotus glares at you for a moment before returning to what appears to be her choice of spa locations.
>"So..."
>Lotus remains facing forward. "So...
>That's good. At least she's talking to you.
>"So, I talked to a friend."
>"Anyp0ny I know?"
>"Uh...an older one."
>Lotus silently nods. "And?"
>You throw our arms into the air and lean back on the couch.
>"And I found out that I'm apparently a gigantic asshole all the time and that you should probably break up with me."

>Lotus turns to you. "You found out exactly that?"
>You look at her out of the corner of your eye.
>"I may be paraphrasing."
>She goes back to her list. "It's true, you are an asshole."
>You snap your fingers.
>"See? I knew it."
>"Almost all the time."
>"Preach."
>"Your constant complaining is one of the most grating things I've ever experienced." She says.
>"It makes sense."
>"And any mare with more than half a brain would leave you in the dust."
>"I always knew you were smarter tha-oof!"
>You lean forward to see Lotus's head in your lap.
Uhh...
>"Am I missing something?"
>Lotus turns her head to you. "I'm a twin, sweetheart. I had to split a brain."
>"So...you're not mad at me?"
>Lotus stretches in your lap. "Oh, I'm still mad. But you'd be amazed at how much having to walk around an unfamiliar city all day looking a buildings makes you long for some company."
>Your hand falls from the couch and runs through Lotus's mane.
>"Sorry...That I was an asshole."
>"Anything less wouldn't be you." She says.
>"Wouldn't that be better?"
>Lotus giggles. "Dear, you're an incredible amount of fun to be around. It just has to be in doses sometimes."
>Doses?
>"Uhh...I can work on that, if you want."
>Lotus looks up at you. "All for me?"
>Your eyes dart around the room. 
>"Yes?"
>Lotus pulls herself up and rests her head on your shoulder. "I'd like that..."
>Your arms loop themselves around her.
>"How much of a reduction were you looking for?
>"A you who is half as much an asshole would be spectacular."
Hmm...
>"I can give you 75%"
>Baby steps.