> Be Twilight Sparkle, at your makeshift podium of books > You have gathered together the various elements of ... > "It is this the part where I say my first name and what addiction I have?" > Awkwardness "No Anon, but you are on the right track. Welcome to the weekly ABLB meeting, where we help each other figure out how to be appropriately social." > "The Great and Sensual Trixie does not see why she is here, and she also wonders what ABLB stands for." > Patience, Sparkle > If you beat them within an inch of their life, it won't make for a good friendship letter "No speaking in the third person, Trixie. And as for what it stands for..." > You look at your note card > You might not have thought this through completely "The Association of the Blind Leading the Blind." > Starlight nods seriously > "Fitting." > You clear your throat and address your three associates "So! Does anyone have a social interaction they feel could have gone better? It could be a little thing, if that makes you comfortable." > Everypony glances around, waiting > Anon sighs and raises his hand > "Alright, I'll go first. The other day, I was patting Apple Bloom on the back as thanks for helping me pick up my groceries, and she seemed to like it. Then I went to scratch right behind her ears, and-" > You shudder and scrunch hard just imagining it > Anon smiles in relief > "Yeah, that, you get it. What's up with that?" > You exhale slowly, trying to calm down and think "It's like... Anon, you are from a predator species, right? Claws and sharp teeth?" > Anon looks dubiously as his finger claws > "Let's just say yes, and get to the point." > You don't like the way Starlight is eyeing the only stallion in the group "Right, so scratching is a normal part of your social behavior. But ponies don't have claws or sharp teeth, so our social behavior is more... rubbing, leaning on each other, that sort of thing." > Anon frowns, but nods slowly > "Alright, so the patting was okay. Is there anything else I could do to show gratitude?" > Trixie waves her hoof in the air > "The Great and Insightful Tr-" > You glare at her > She coughs, and continues > "That is to say, I believe I have a suggestion." > You beam at her, happy at how quickly she caught on to how the meeting should go > Trixie smiles a little > "Suck her clit." > Your heart sinks, while Anon tilts his pure, pure head "Trixie!" > She jolts in her seat, look at you with wide eyes > "Oh, is Apple Bloom a stallion? I mean, you could suck his cock, and I could watch, but just getting him flowers or some other colty thing should be fine." > You grit your teeth "Trixie, Apple Bloom is a mare, and that would not be appropriate. She just got her cutie mark a few months ago." > The showmare stares in confusion > "But that's the first time a stallion sucked my clit, right about then." > Normalnagsgetthehayout.neigh > As you struggle to explain why that isn't a good standard to go by, Anon makes a sigh of realization > "I get it, I'd be the older woman sucking his dick. Um, if we were gender switched or whatever. Seems like a big favor, just for helping pick up groceries." > Oh no, Trixie the Trixie is corrupting him! > Starlight hesitantly raises her hoof > You turn to her with desperate hope in your eyes > Salvage this, my apprentice > She gives you a quick smile > "What about, promoting her within your secret organization to overthrow the status quo?" > There is no hope "Starlight, do you currently have, or are you preparing such a secret organization?" > She looks at you with uncertainty > "Not counting this one?" > You sigh "Not counting this one." > "Then no, not anymore." > You raise an eyebrow "Anymore? Do I need to feed you more hayburgers to fill you with the light of Equestrian Capitalism?" > Starlight Glimmer smiles uneasily > "No?" > Right > You turn back to Trixie and Anon, who seemed to have been whispering while you were distracted > You feel you should be worried > You are worried "What did you two come up with?" > Anon smiles, innocence twinkling in his eyes > "The proper amount of thanks is showing her a little ball cleavage. Reminds me, I'm going to have to get a ball bra sometime." > ... > Does that mean he's not wearing one right now? > You try not to stare at his crotch > Why are his shorts so baggy and tantalizing? > Maybe if you tilt your head, you can look up his- > Trixie coughs, wearing a knowing smile > That bitch knows too much > You shake your head and smile sharp, pointy friendship knives at her "Moving right along then, do you have something to share? Some mistake you made?" > Trixie tosses her mane over her shoulder and sticks out her chest, prominently displaying her tuft > Trotting on thin ice, mare > "The Great- ah, rather, I didn't make any mistakes, yet for some reason mares are unreasonably hostile towards me." > You roll your eyes > Starlight licks her lips, obviously trying to put it delicately > "Perhaps it is because you pose like a marewhore and hit on everypony's coltfriends?" > Your apprentice lacks subtlety, yet she hasn't said anything wrong, exactly > Trixie looks startled at the implication > "I, a marewhore? It's not as though I steal coltfriends, except that one time in Baltimare, oh, and Fillydelphia, and hmm. But I only rut the good-looking ones, so it's fine." > Anon looks around at the group, from your raised hackles, to Starlight's cold stare, to Trixie's artificially voluminous tuft > He gets this goofy smile that makes you want to hug him and push him down to your tea- > That is, it make him look cute > "Are you serious? Little miss vainglory here is supposed to be a man-eater, or lady-killer, or whatever?" > You feel a little better at the disbelieving tone in his voice > Starlight nods > "Trixie's always get the colts, even when they are jerks." > Anon is grinning at the marewhore > "Your name is an epithet for that sort of mare? That's amazing! Come on, seduce me, I dare you!" > You start to feel you are losing control of the meeting "Now, none of that, we-" > Trixie grins back at him > "I like a stallion with spirit. Why don't we go back to my room, and I can show you how my hold on you is tight and powerful?" > Poor Anon is lost to his coltish whimsy, giggling at the vulgar pick up line > "A stallion with spirit! Oh, my sides." > Starlight trots up to him, a hopeful expression on her face > No, don't do it > "Hey Colt, are you a salt mine? Because I can lick your rocks all day." > You groan, scrunching hard > This was a mistake > No matter how much Anon is laughing, this was a mistake > Then you hear his voice > "Come on, Twilight, you give it a try." > You stare at him blankly > Is he serious? > He's smiling at you > The girls are looking at you expectantly > Oh no, you aren't prepared for this, you are a nice mare! > Think, make a pun about dicks or slits! > Why is it so hard? > Oh, maybe that will work... > You swallow nervously "I always make things too hard, when I talk to stallions." > You grin uneasily > Anon rocks back in his chair, groaning > "Oh, that was terrible," > Your ears flatten and your heart drops like a rock > "You win, nothing can top that." > What? "What?" > Anon smiles at you, a healing smile > "A pick up line's effectiveness is proportional to the terribleness of the pun. You win." > What? > Really? > You scramble for a quill and parchment, you need to write this down! > "Hey Twilight." > You glance up at Anon "Yes?" > "Thanks." > He pulls one of the legs of his shorts to the side > Your mind and magic halt, transfixed > You have seen the Holy Grail > Trixie nods > "That's right Anon, just like that." > Today you have learned that sometimes, even Trixies can be a true sis