>It's quiet.
>Too quiet...
>You pant heavily as you run through the forest.
>Why did this have to happen to you?
>You never asked for this!
>"Anon~ Come out, come out wherever you are!"
>You take cover behind a tree.
>"Wanker, you gave away our position!"
>Peering out from your cover, you see Twilight conversing with a tall Australian man on a hill.
>"Sorry, I'm just so excited! With my brains and your marksmanship, there's no way we'll lose."
>Twilight's expression becomes menacing.
>"And then Anon will be all mine!"
>She begins to jump up and down while shouting, much to the chagrin of her partner.
>"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"
>You take this opportunity to escape.
>Twilight's companion notices you fleeing and raises his gun.
>His crosshairs center on your shrinking silhouette as his finger squeezes the trigger.
>"Yes, yes-"
>Twilight collides with his gun, throwing of the Sniper's aim.
*Bang*
>A clean miss, but you don't slow down, lest he take another shot.
>"Bloody hell, you stupid p0ny!"
>Twilight smiles apologetically.
>"Heh, heh, sorry."
 
>Ok, that's two down, ten left.
>All you need to do is-
*CLANG*
"Uck-"
>You clothesline yourself on an outstretched bat and fall to the ground.
>"That was so awesome!"
>Rainbow Dash squeals next to you.
>"Yeah, well, what'd you expect from a awesome guy like me?"
>You look up at the two speedsters standing over you.
>"I knew we'd win, who could beat the fastest p0ny in all of Equestria?"
>"Haha, yeah... After me."
>"What?"
>Rainbow looks at her Scout friend.
>"Fastest... after me."
>Rainbow snorts.
>"What, you think you can outrace ME?!"
>"Babe, I don't think, I know!"
>You just sit and watch the conflict unfold above you.
>"Let's settle this, right here, right now. Last one to the edge of the Forrest wins."
>"O~hoho, you are gonna get OWNED!"
>The two racers take their positions near a tree, with Dash performing the countdown.
>"3... 2... 1... GO!"
>The pegasus and the Scout sprint off, leaving a trail of dust behind them.
>You stagger to your feet and resume your escape.
 
>Only eight left.
>You're about half of the way through the forest at this point.
>Once you get back to Ponyville, you'll be safe.
>Through the trees, you can see a small river flowing.
>Feeling thirsty from your run, you decide to take a quick detour.
*Gulp* *Gulp*
>Ah~ That hit the spot!
>You dry your face against your arm and replace your glasses.
>once you can see clearly again, you see a beautiful woman standing on the other side of the river.
>...
>She's naked.
>Oh my~
>You look away, attempting to not make the situation awkward.
>"Dear, are you alright?"
>Glancing back at the woman-
>SWEET CRYSTAL DRAGON JESUS TAKE THE SPACE WHEEL!
>She's right next to you, breasts pressing against your chest.
>You slowly back up, but she keeps her suppleness attached to you.
>From the corner of your eye, you see a faint shimmer.
>That can only mean...
>A Frenchman suddenly appears next to you.
>"Gentleman."
>You look at the naked woman again.
>With a puff of smoke, Rarity materializes and makes a kissing motion.
>"Surprise."
>This might be it for you.
>Forever a slave to Rarity and her domination desires.
>With no way out, you're met with a terrible fate.
 
*Fshhhhhh*
>"AHHH!"
>"I appear to have burst into flame!"
>The scenery burns around you as Rarity and her Agent Provocateur ignite.
>Out of the bushes steps a psychotic creature with no remorse and a neverending desire to burn everything.
>Skipping behind that is the friendly Pyro.
>Rarity and the Spy run into the river in an attempt to put out the flames.
*Sssssssssssssssss*
>Steam rises as the duo stand in the water.
>"Murr hurr mphuphurrur, hurr mph phrr."
>"Mmph mphna mprh."
*Fshhhhhh*
>The burning buddies blast the spies with another burst of fire.
>Which is immediately extinguished by the water.
*Fshhhhhh*
>The dance of ignite and extinguish never ends.
>Using steam to hide from the crazies, you grab your trusty crowbar and sneak away.
 
>You manage to reach the edge of the forest without any more complications.
>The Apple family homestead looms on the horizon, meaning only one thing.
*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*
>You dive behind a tree, narrowly avoiding the hail of firepower assaulting the area.
>"Yee~ Haw!"
>"P0ny up boys!"
>"And just what *hic* is that supposed to mean?"
>Applejack gives her Texan friend an offended look.
>They both stare at each other before laughing.
>Several beer bottles are dislodged from their resting place, smashing on the ground below.
>A carpet of glass implies they've been drinking for some time.
>"See! I knew if we waited *hic* Anon would come crawling to me!"
>"We got 'Em!"
>The Engi removes his hardhat and waves it around.
>You sneak between the trees, avoiding the turret's field of vision and flanking it.
>When you reach position, you strike.
>With a few whacks of your mighty crowbar, the machine is broken and you make a mad dash toward Ponyville.
>"Con' sarn it!"
>Applejack takes another swig of her drink then smiles.
>"Doesn't matter much. If just one of us catches the varmint, we all get him..."
*Hic*
 
>With the rest of the mane six behind you, all that remains is Fluttershy.
>You skulk along the side of the road, watching for the yellow rapist.
>There is a huge figure lumbering towards you.
>You can hear the intimidating shouts from here.
>"Ooohhhh, run, run, I'm coming for you!"
>"Slow down, you buffoon!"
>That didn't sound like Flutterrape...
>"Uh oh! I think someone soiled diaper!"
>"T-Trixie did no such thing!"
>The Heavy Russian runs right past your hiding spot carrying a flabbergasted Trixie on his back.
>Who knew she wanted you too?
>As the unlikely pair rushes out of sight, you begin the journey to safety once again.
 
>When you reach the outskirts of Ponyville, you step out of cover and sprint along the final stretch.
>Big mistake.
>Explosions rain down upon you as you cross the open field.
>"Crocket!"
>"Couldn' y'see the bloody bombs?"
>Laughter fills the air, contrasting disturbingly with the never-ending *Boom*s.
>You see Luna and Celestia standing atop buildings at the edge of the town.
>This deal is getting worse all the time.
>"SOON ANONYMOUS WILL BE OURS, DEAR SISTER!"
>Luna bellows across the battle field.
>"INDEED LITTLE SISTER, HE WILL PLEASURE ME WITH HIS HOT MONKEY DICK!"
>"US, DEAR SISTER, HE WILL FILL "US" WITH HIS ENORMOUS GIRTH."
>Celestia glares at Luna.
>"WHY MUST WE SHARE EVERYTHING?! IF I WANT TO TORTURE ANON WHILE HE INJECTS HIS HOT COOM INTO ME, WHAT BUSINESS OF IT IS YOURS?"
>Luna is taken aback by her sister's comment.
>"GREAT SCOTTSMAN, DESTROY OUR SISTER'S SOLDIRE!"
>"G.I. JANE, THIS IS WAR!"
>The two explosives experts look at each other and shrug.
>Then open fire.
>...
>On each other.
>...
>At point blank range.
>Gibs shower the area as you enter town and make a run for the square.
>You've almost won your freedom.
 
>There it is!
>Town square.
>Once you reach the center, all these illusions will disappear and you can begin your normal, p0ny-rape free life.
>When you reach the edge of the square, a yellow mass plows into you, knocking you over.
*Sniiiiiiiif*
>"Ah~h~h~"
>Direct, isn't she?
>You try to shove the clopping rapist off your chest, but she holds you down.
>Grasping your trusty crowbar, you swing at the pegasus's head.
>She glows red as your tool just bounces off.
>Uh oh.
>A few more whacks just hurt your hand causing you to drop the crowbar in frustration.
>"Zis was doctor-assisted rape!"
>You forgot the number one rule.
>Always go for the Medic first.
>And that's how you ended up:
>Fucking Ubershy.