I dredged these out of the archives at 3:00am in the morning on a work-night; I originally wrote them in late July, 2017, but I never bothered to save them. Rereading them gave me a chuckle so I thought I'd add them to my uploaded stories.

---

"What if I wanted to rape Fluttershy? What then?"
 - Anonymous

>You remove your hat and cock your head sideways, squinting at the amorphous shape in Twilight's castle cellar.
"What am I lookin' at, Twi?"
>"It's the most incredible thing, Applejack, just incredible!"
"Incredible or not, I'm still not sure what I'm seein'. This one-a those modern art thingies? I'm more of a sculpture mare myself, seein' as how you can can actually appreciate the craftsponyship that goes into those n'all."
>"No, Applejack, it's a scientific breakthrough!"
"...And ya' called -me-? I kinda think maybe Rarity would be better for this? Maybe Dash? She likes flashin' lights an' all that."
>"Shushushush-- look! Look at it go!"
"Are ya' gonna explain this or do I have to start gettin' mad?"
>"Ugh, it should be obvious, but fine."
>Twilight stands beside the tempest of colour levitating above the burnt stonework floor next to her.
>It's a constantly shifting blur of yellow, green, black, and pink.
>"Have you ever heard the feline-toast theory, Applejack?"
"The what now?"
>"The feline-toast theory."
"I... no, Twi, I haven't. I always left theories n' such to Big Mac, he understands that kinda stuff."
>"The feline-toast theory is simple. If you were to drop a piece of buttered toast onto the floor, it would always land butter-side down, correct?"
>You nod.
"Yeah that sounds about right. Annoyin', but right."
>"Right. So then consider the humble feline."
"Anythin' but humble if you've met Opal."
>"Whatever-- so if you throw a feline off a roof, it will always land on its feet."
"...How exactly did you come to that? You been throwin' cats off buildings? Is -that- where all the neighbourhood cats keep disappearin' to?"
>"Applejack shush!"
"I'm just sayin' it seems a tad queer--"
>"SHUSHJUSTLISTEN."
>Twilight composes herself.
>"A cat will always land on its feet--"
"Paws."
>Twilight sucks in a deep breath and tries not to lose her temper.
>"A cat will always land on its -paws-. So, the theory is if you attach toast to a cat butter-side up and then drop it on the floor, the resulting paradox will cause the cat to levitate above the floor in an ever-spinning cycle, since both the toast and the cat are trying to hit the floor on their more favourable 'sides' at once."
"...Okay, and?"
>"And what?"
"How does that... uh, help anyone?"
>"What do you mean?"
>You shrug.
"I mean, cats and toast don't make crops grow, Twi. Unless you're my Aunt Hayseed, now -she- taught a cat to plow a field and oooh boy could that cat plow! It's like--"
>"Applejack I don't care-- so anyway, this you see to the side of me, is that in action."
"...What?"
>"Okay, consider Anonymous and Fluttershy."
"I try not to. Pair-a weirdos."
>"Fluttershy's your friend!"
"Friends don't steal my farmin' tools to try and woo someone they're interested in."
>"Right, fine, but still, those two are always trying to rape each other, right?"
"...Say what now?"
>"Anon and Fluttershy."
"Yeah?"
>"They want to rape each other."
>You stare dumbfounded at Twilight.
"Is -THAT- what they're always tryin' to do?!"
>"I thought you knew!"
"Nobody tells me a darn thing around here, how long has this been going on?!"
>"Who cares it's not the point!"
"It's entirely the point! Why are they tryin' to rape each other? How can you even rape someone if they wanna rape you too?!"
>"AHA!"
>You jump at her outburst.
>Twilight gives you a devilish grin.
>"Therein lies the question! So, remember what you just said: what would happen if two people that both wanted to rape each other, tried to do it at the same time?"
"Uh... they'd turn into cats and toast?"
>"Exactly. ...Alright, not 'exactly', but more-or-less the same."
"I don't follow."
>"Anonymous wanted to rape Fluttershy."
"Always knew he was weird."
>"But at the same time, she wanted him."
"Always knew she was weird."
>Twilight beckons again at the prismatic blur.
>"Then this happened."
"How?"
>"Well, it's simple. If you rape someone, you want to be on top, right?"
"Seein' as how I've never tried to rape anyone I can't say I'd know..."
>"But if you -wanted- to, that's how you'd do it?"
"Well, sure."
>"So, they both wanted to be on top, right?"
"Right?"
>"Sooo...?"
>She waggles her hoof at what you now realise are--
"Land-sakes, THAT'S Anon and Fluttershy?!"
>"Corrrrect! I found them outside the Everfree, pretty cool, right? They're powering the entire castle right now!"
>You look directly up at the lightbulb hanging from the ceiling.
>It's emanating a shockingly bright light.
>You can practically feel the heat coming from it.
"How long have they been like this?"
>"Dunno. But the ground near them was scorched, I estimated they're rotating at about Mach Twelve."
"What's that?"
>"About twelve times the speed of sound."
"Holy-- that's faster than Rainbow!"
>"That's -twelve times- faster than Rainbow. That's so fast it defies Kilgroth's Magical Constant. That's so fast they are travelling at over eight thousand miles per hour."
"How are they not... dead?"
>Twilight chews her bottom lip in thought, her brow furrowing.
>"Well, about that, I'm really not sure if they're... not."
"Wh-- they could be dead! Twilight, stop 'em!"
>"I actually can't."
"What? Why not, they're our friends!"
>"I thought friends don't steal farm tools--"
"Twilight Sparkle so help me Celestia I will put my entire hoof up your perky lil' butthole if you don't help our friends!"
>She blinks.
>Then blushes.
>"You... think my butthole's perky...?"
"Agh! Now's not the time for exploratory lesbianic fetishism, Twi! Cast a spell or somethin'!"
>"That's just it, they're giving off too much energy. I can't interfere with my magic, it just has no effect."
>She comes and stands next to you, looking on sadly at the maelstrom of Fluttershy and Anonymous.
>"I fear they may be like this forever."
>...
>"...On the plus side, I calculated that they're actually generating enough energy to power half of Equestria!"
"So... so that's it then. Our friends are... gone?"
>"I'm afraid so, Applejack. Who knew that the price to pay for raping someone was to become enveloped in a vortex travelling at hypersonic speeds."
>She shakes her head.
>"A tragedy if I ever saw one."
>...
>"So, about my perky butthole..."

---

Anonymous posted an image of a Flutterrape college banner.

>Hoisting the much-laden cardboard box in your arms, you barge through the door into the tiny dormitory.
>Well, it's clean, that's always a good sign.
>You crane your neck and look for any actual signs of life.
>You can't shout, on account of the pencil-case in between your teeth.
>A nearby table is your salvation however, and you dump your box down onto it, the entire structure shuddering under the weight of your belongings.
>After pulling the pencil case from your mouth, you call out for anyone to hear.
>"Hello! Just a minute!" a voice replies from a nearby room.
>The door to it opens, and a bright yellow mare with her pink mane tied back into a neat ponytail eagerly emerges.
>When she sees you stood alone by your box, she grins.
>"Hiii!"
>Her beaming reveals two rows of braces.
>"Looks like we'll be roommates this semester!"
>You nod and give her a tired smile in return, kneeling down and extending a hand for her to shake.
>She slaps a hoof into your palm and returns the shake in a genuine, excited manner.
"Looks like it. Name's Anon, what do I call you?"
>"Fluttershy! I actually can't believe I'm bunking with a -human-!"
>She gives off an adorable squeal of delight, barely able to contain herself.
>"My friend Rarity - she's in the year above studying business - had a human roommate for her first year, and it sounded amazing!"
"Hah, well we're not all great, just uncommon. What are you taking?"
>"Veterinarian studies, I'm going to be an animal doctor when I get out of here," she brushes a stray bit of mane back behind her ear and takes a step closer, "what are... you know, you doing?"
"Autistic fanfiction."
>"Oh wow, don't you need really high grades to get into that?"
"Yup. They don't let just anyone create low-brow horse stories centred on sex and innuendo for an audience predominantly made up of horny sixteen to thirty-year old social pariahs."
>Fluttershy wordlessly mouths her amazement.
>"So you must be super smart then!"
"That's a common misconception, I'm actually a fucking moron."
>"Cool! So anyway, wanna get the grand tour over with?"
"Sure; take it away, Miss Fluttershy."
>"Okay! Sooo this is obviously the main room, that table there is our only table, so please look after it or you'll get raped."
"Wh-- haha," you give out a good-natured chuckle at her quip, "oh god, seriously?"
>"Oh yes, seriously, so anyway this right in here..."
>She leads you into the side-room she previously came from.
>There, she points her hoof at things and narrates.
>"This is the shower; toilet there, sink there, toiletries are under it in the cupboard, if you need supplies you'll have to provide your own, obviously, otherwise you'll get raped, that's the bathroom mirror - it's supposed to be able to be turned but I've never tried it because it's a bit stiff."
"I... okay? What was that about ra--"
>"If you turn it and it breaks that's a raping-- that's the shower, duh, but be careful with the shower-head, it has a tendency to fall off; if it falls off and you can't fix it you'll get raped."
>She smiles and trots back out the room.
>You follow her, somewhat less enthused.
>"Kitchen's there, please wash the dishes after you're done or you'll get raped, please mark which food is yours and don't eat my food or you'll get raped, and finally don't leave the kitchen in a mess or else--"
"Or I'll get raped, yeah."
>She blinks.
>"Oh, um, no, otherwise the dorm will just smell bad."
>She leads you to a small alcove with two doors on either side.
>There's barely enough room for the two of you to stand next to each other.
>"These are our rooms, knock before entering or you'll get raped; sometimes I talk in my sleep so don't go barging in asking me what's wrong or I might get scared, wet the bed, then rape you-- don't leave things in your room in too much of a mess or that's a raping, don't play music too loud or you'll get raped, don't have friends over after nine or they'll be asked to leave then you'll get raped, and finally movie night's Friday."
"..."
>"Any questions?"
"...What movies do you like watching?"
>"Oh I'm not going to tell you that, you'll have to guess, but if you pick one I don't like I'll rape you. Okay?"
"...Okay."
>"Anything else?"
"What if... you didn't rape me?"
>She furrows her brow.
>"I don't understand."
"Well instead of uh, raping me, why not just talk to me?"
>She slaps a hoof on her forehead.
>"Oh! Sorry, I forgot-- don't talk unless I ask you to from now on, or I'll rape you."
"This is retarded."
>"Oh dear, that's your first and only strike."

>Your classmates never figured out why you always come to classes bruised and tired.
>At least you can claim that you lost your virginity on the first day of college though.
>Scoooore.

---

"Fluttershy has a nice ass to be honest."
 - Anonymous, being correct.

>"So um, is that it?"
>You and Rarity exchange a confused glance.
"No, Fluttershy, fourth-dimensional tesseracts are not my fetish; please put it back wherever you found it."
>"Don't you mean when-ever?"
"I don't care, just take it and go."
>"It's a lovely, ah, 'thing' though, Fluttershy." Rarity pitches in.
>Fluttershy huffs, her look of annoyance offset somewhat by her clear discomfort from being stood next to - and sometimes being in contact with - an object that probably doesn't belong in this reality.
>She tucks the ever-shifting construct under her hoof and plods away (with some difficulty since the object keeps trying to pass through her physical matter).
>You watch her go with a sour expression.
>Rarity accompanies you in your staring.
>The two of you are silent for a good while as the plump, fair pegasus makes her way up the path away from Carousel Boutique.
>...
"Fuck me, she's hot."
>"She's ridiculously attractive, darling."
"I know I'm not supposed to touch her considering you and I are together, but Jesus, Rarity, it's not fair."
>"I don't blame you, I've known her for far longer than you and it doesn't get any easier."
"Those fucking hips."
>"It's the eyes that do it for me."
"Those -flanks-."
>"It's absurd how attractive she is considering how little effort she puts into her appearance compared to most mares around here."
"She was a super-model at one point, you said?"
>"Oh yes, without any effort, of course; she was just picked out because she just so happens to be the most stunning mare on the face of the planet."
"She's hotter that Celestia."
>"Well Celestia has her own appeal, certainly, but Fluttershy was built to be held down and -bred-."
"She's so hot it's fucking retarded."
>"It is."
"I'm almost -offended- by how good looking she is."
>"From this angle I really do see your point regarding her flanks, they're rather juicy, aren't they? Round, soft, like a succulent peach."
"No offence, Rare, but I want to rail her."
>"I've fantasised about her multiple times during our lovemaking."
"Oh good so it's not just me."
>"Most ponies do."
"Is she even aware of the effect she has?"
>"Not really."
"Should we tell her?"
>"She wouldn't respond well, would likely become even more of an introvert."
"Well sure, but even so--"
>"Then she won't be around so much, and we won't be able to ogle at her."
"Ohh, I get it, that's smart."
>"Mhm."
"What about the other girls?"
>"Twilight frequently consults me on how not to lose control."
"Really? Twilight?"
>"A mare that powerful is used to getting her own way."
"Christ, what's stopping her?"
>"Rape isn't a very friendly thing to do."
"I wouldn't blame her though. I wanna pin that mare down and ravage her."
>"She'd enjoy it."
"I almost want to say that would take the fun out of it. Is that weird?"
>"Were it regarding any other mare, yes, but Fluttershy is the exception."
"Would you, you know, rape Flu--"
>"In a heartbeat."
"What's stopping you?"
>"It's unladylike."
"Makes sense. What about Rainbow Dash?"
>"She turned Rainbow Dash gay."
"I thought Rainbow was always gay?"
>"Oh no, she loves stallions, and she still does, really, and she won't touch other mares."
"Except Fluttershy--"
>"Except Fluttershy, yes, she's frequently reduced to tears by it all. Going out drinking with her always results in her sobbing on me about Fluttershy," Rarity scowls, "her tears ruin my coat..."
"Poor mare."
>"She grew up with Fluttershy, I imagine it's harder for her than most."
"What about her uh, parents?"
>"Hm?"
"Fluttershy's parents. Do they see her the same way everyone else does?"
>"Oh no, they're just as oblivious as she is."
"Are they--"
>"They aren't nearly as attractive, no."
"Gotcha."
>"Would you like to go back inside now?"
"I don't know, kind of enjoying the view out here."
>"Subtle. You're pitching a tent, by the way."
"Well aware of that, Rarity."
>"...You know if you -really- want to I'll let you--"
"I'm with -you-, Rarity. As tempting as it might be, I made a commitment to -you-, not her. Also three-ways are awkward as hell."
>Rarity smiles warmly at you.
>"And that's the sort of dedication and self-control that I fell for."
>The mare flicks her tail and straightens up, a playfully determined look about her all of a sudden.
>"Tell you what, let's make a deal!"
>She sticks out a hoof.
>"I won't cheat on you with Fluttershy if you don't do so to me."
"Deal," you say with a grin, gently grasping her outstretched hoof and giving it a courteous shake.
>...
>"So would you like to go back inside and roleplay?"
"Can you be--"
>"I'll be Fluttershy, yes."
"I love you, Rarity."
>"Aww, I love you too, darling~"

---

Anonymous posted an image of a lewd Fluttershy with the caption "Who knew humans could be superior to stallions in mating matters."

>"Finally!"
>You collapse onto your bed, defeated.
>Through gritted teeth you swear at Fluttershy, the mare bearing a triumphant look as she furls her wings, landing on your bedroom floor with an elegance only she could pull off.
>Even in moments like this she manages to be poised and graceful.
>She's like Rarity, in many ways.
>The mare gently sets her syringe on the birch floorboards, a clear liquid mixed with blood dribbling from its slightly bent tip.
>You clutch your neck, a hot sensation spreading from the point where the needle entered your skin throughout your entire body.
>Legs kicking, arms struggling, you try to get away from Fluttershy, backing yourself up against the headboard.
>It's there your body gives out somewhat, the energy you once had robbed from you by a mere mare and a needle.
>Said mare climbs onto your bed, her face a picture of victorious mirth.
>She takes a moment to drink in the scene; the object of her desire at her hooves, helpless and vulnerable; laid low by something as innocent as a needle.
>Your strength and reach, which had been so reliable in the past for keeping her at bay, were now useless to you.
>And here you lie, dreading your much-delayed fate.
>"It's hard to believe how long it's been, isn't it?"
>She speaks carefully, slowly, with purpose and confidence.
>Very unlike her, but at the same time not at all surprising considering her success.
>"How long, seven months? Seven months, that sounds right. It's been so... very long."
>She takes a deep breath and releases it reservedly, her expression as calm as she can make it; her eyes and infrequent trembles betray her excitement though, despite her efforts to keep herself under control.
>"You're all mine."
>A single hoofstep forward, the mare sinking into the duvet as she walks.
>"No more interruptions."
>Another step.
>"No more convenient escapes."
>And another.
>"No more delays."
>She stands between your lifeless legs.
>"It's just you, me, and the moon."
>The mare glances sideways at your window.
>A thoughtful look crosses her face, lips drawn to a line.
>"Mm, maybe the moon can sit this one out."
>She swiftly takes flight and draws the curtains, plunging the room into a more intimate darkness, before flying back to you.
>After another moment's pause she decides to turn the bedside lamp on, a dull yellow glow illuminating the two of you.
>Shadows are cast to one side of the room; strange shapes shifting beside the two figures lying on the bed, dancing on the walls and ceiling.
>There's no noise, not even from outside.
>All you can see is Fluttershy.
>All you can hear are her uneven, heavy breaths.
>She stands over you, unsure of what to do for a few precious seconds.
>Though you're wracking your brain for a solution to the problem you're in, you see no way out.
>You'd held her off for months, but to no avail.
>She'd beaten you, and now it was time to pay the price for your complacency.
>The mare shakes herself, coming to her senses.
>"Right, right, okay, let's get started."
>She hastily, and with shaking hooves (as well as her mouth when needed), undoes your belt and unzips your pants, dragging them down your legs.
>The pegasus peels them right off, casting your clothes aside and leaving your legs bare to the cozy warmth of your bedroom.
>Your underwear soon follows, and Fluttershy delights in what she sees.
>Or at least, she does for a moment.
>A faint look of confusion crosses her eyes, and though she tries to banish it you catch on before she can do so.
"Something wrong?"
>"Oh, no, not at all, I just thought it would be uh, bigger."
>You cock an eyebrow.
"I told you several times that I'm really not as big as stallions around here."
>"Well I know but I thought you were trying to throw me off--"
"I was always honest, though in retrospect I should have said it was tiny so you hadn't have bothered."
>"I... probably wouldn't have believed you anyway," she replies with a blush, a hoof moving some of her mane away from her eyes "it's still big enough to work with, don't you worry!"
>She rubs a hoof along it.
>Her carefully maintained hooves are softer than you thought they'd be, and pleasant to the touch.
>It doesn't take long for you to harden, and the mare coos at the sight.
>"Much better! Still a bit on the small side, but... I like it!"
>She smiles sweetly at you.
>"It's... cute!"
"Ouch, here's a tip, don't ever say that to a guy you like."
>"Why, is that bad? Is being cute bad?"
"Guys don't like to have their dicks compared to small cute stuff, Fluttershy, they like to think they have huge, monstrous cocks."
>"Oh! Uh, well it's super big and--"
"No you can't just go back on yourself now, the damage has been done."
>Her ears flatten against her head.
>"Um, sorry... we're still gonna have a good time though, don't you worry."
"Oh no, please, don't tell me you're -not- going to rape me, Fluttershy." you state, your sarcasm made as painfully obvious as you can.
>"Shush, it's going to be great."
>She grins toothily.
>"Besides, this is the first time a pony will have made love to a human! We're like pioneers!"
"Sounds thrilling."
>Fluttershy giggles as she continues to lovingly tend to your member, though perhaps more delicately than she needed to.
"It's not going to break, you know."
>"Hm? What's that?"
"You're handling it like it's going to break. It's not a twig."
>"Well I know -that-, it's just--"
"Again, don't go saying it's small."
>"But it looks so fragile!"
"It's not as bulky as a stallion's cock, no, but it's still able to do what it's supposed to do, Christ."
>"I think it's about the same length though..."
"Just a bit smaller length-wise, but none of the girth. If it's too much of a problem I -insist- that you stop and leave me alon--"
>"Shush, we're doing this. ...um, is that as big as it's going to get or--"
"Yeah I think it's done now."
>"Okay! Okay, right, it looks good, I like it."
>She sucks in a breath and gives you a look as if searching for reassurance.
>You reply with silent despondence.
>"Alright, now to take you."
"You really don't need to narrate as you do it."
>"Anon, SHUSH!"
>She gives you a nervous look.
>"It's my first time, alright?"
"...Well I'm not even remotely surprised."
>"I was saving myself for someone I loved and that's you, so you should be honoured!"
"Oh. Well I do apologise, how could I have been so rude to you after you stabbed me with a needle then raped me."
>"It's not rape! Stop calling it that!"
"It's literally rape, but fine."
>Fluttershy stands up and positions her hooves on either side of your torso, her entrance hovering above your not-so-eager tip.
>She pinches her tongue between her teeth as she strains herself looking backwards.
>When that doesn't work she drops her head down, mane laying in a mess on your chest as she looks under herself at your dick.
>The mare slowly lowers her body, trying to align your softening member with her folds.
>When the two mush together in an unceremonious union, she makes a frustrated noise.
>"Why is it going soft?!"
"I'm not really -into- what's going on, not sure if you noticed."
>"Oh for--"
>She scrambles back down your body and repositions herself between your legs, scowling at you.
>"If you're going to be like that, then look at it this way: the longer this takes, the longer you're going to be here."
"I'm fucked either way so what does it matter?"
>"Just... try and stay hard this time."
>As she speaks her hooves work over your dick again, the warmth and tenderness of her touch causing you to reach full mast once more.
>With a sense of urgency she moves again, stood over your chest and trying to align herself.
>It is with a gasp and a quiver that Fluttershy hits the mark.
>The heat of her sex shocks you, and your cock throbs in response, clearly pleased with where Fluttershy was intending to put it.
>Satisfied that you being hard was no longer going to be an issue, the mare raises her head, a swift hoof shifting her mane away from her eyes again to grin at you.
>"Ready?"
"I guess?"
>With your clear consent, she lowers herself further.
>...And when your cock slips free of her folds she collapses, burying her face into your chest and letting out a maddened, barely restrained scream.
>"JUST-- ANON!"
"I didn't do anything! I can't even move my fucking limbs!"
>"Oh co-ome ooon!"
>With a whine she lines you up, and with a sigh you re-enter her.
>Her walls clutch desperately at you.
>But as she lowers herself, she winces.
>The mare rises again, and tries once more to force more of your shaft inside her.
>A soft grunt prevents her from doing so, and with a resigned huff Fluttershy steps off you, your dick flopping against your stomach, the head lightly glazed with her juices.
"Problem?"
>"The... angle's not right."
"Oh. That's a shame."
>She frowns.
>"I kinda wanted to watch your face when we made love but..."
"The angle's off."
>"Yeah. Can it not... bend?"
"You must be joking, if anyone's bending it has to be you."
>"I'm not that flexible, Pinkie could do this easily but..."
"Pro tip number two: don't talk about your friends, it'll kill the mood," you think for a second, "then again there has to be a mood to begin with."
>"Just let me think..."
>The mare sits to one side, looking at your cock longingly and trying to think of a solution to her dilemma.
>"I mean I could do it another way but it won't be as romantic."
>You squint at the clock on your wall, shrouded in gloom.
>It looks like it might read 10:15, but you're not sure.
>Whatever it is, the night's not going to be over for a while.
>Testing your limbs, they still aren't responding.
>When Fluttershy doesn't say anything, you pipe up.
"Just so you don't forget, it's really dark in here and there's a needle on the floor somewhere. Don't stab yourself with it."
>"Oh, yes, sorry..."
>She sighs.
>"Okay, new plan."
>This time she tries to sit on it like a human would, her back straight, forehooves positioned behind her propping her up.
>She clearly intends to use her rear legs to piston herself vertically, but you know she's going to have problems.
>Still, to her credit, she manages to get you inside again, and you get a good distance inside her.
>The mare shudders, clearly enjoying the feeling.
>"Y-you know, it's a lot more snug than I thought it would be!"
"Don't."
>"What? I'm just saying it's the perfect size!"
"There it is."
>"What?!"
"Seriously, you'd be hard-pressed to find a guy that takes that as a compliment."
>"Well what's the issue? Is it not good to be the perfect size?"
"It's a complicated guy issue."
>"Fine. Just be quiet and enjoy this."
>With that, she slowly begins to rise and fall on your cock.
>You watch with vague interest as her lips stretch around your shaft, enveloping your now eager dick in a hot, wet grip.
>It's a strange feeling; her walls are contracting at different points around you and you're not sure if you like it.
>A hole's a hole and all, but at least with human women it's a lot more straight-forward.
>Fluttershy's pussy seems to be trying to make your cock fit, like it's trying to mold itself around you.
>Which would be cool, if you were into it.
>But you're not, since the mare you're fucking is not only a mare, but one you're not all that fond of.
>After a few pumps your suspicions are confirmed.
>Fluttershy, a pony who not a moment ago claimed to not be very flexible, is panting and straining herself as she attempts to fuck you.
>At one point her hooves give out, and she topples backwards, your dick leaving the bizarre confines of your partner's dripping passage.
>The mare lies spread-eagle on her back between your legs, her hooves lying on your shins.
>She stares at the ceiling, panting.
>"Anon why is this so hard."
"Because it was just inside you?"
>"...Oh ha ha, very funny, no I don't mean that."
>She sits up again, with great effort, and in the darkness you can see the frustration in her eyes.
>"I wanted this to be perfect."
"Life ain't perfect, Shy."
>"Can you not... help out at all?"
"Can't move my limbs, genius, not that I would if I could."
>"Do you think it would be easier if you could?"
"Like I said I wouldn't if--"
>"No, I mean if you -could- use your limbs, do you think it would be possible to make love?"
"From a practical standpoint, sure, but I might have to be on top."
>"Okay..."
"Or you're gonna have to start working out. What was that, like ten pumps and you were done?"
>"It's really hard! Especially from that position."
"Should have really thought this through a bit more before you started."
>"The only other option is to do it with like..."
>She scrunches up her face, trying to visualise her thoughts.
>"Your um, you know, pointing forward? Can it do that?"
"Sure, a bit."
>"Yeah, you pointing forward and me sort of backing into it."
"Think that would work?"
>"Sure? I mean we -could- try it--"
"-You- could try it, you mean, I'm not doing shit."
>"Whatever, I could try it, but then it won't be all that romantic."
"Nothing about this situation is romantic."
>"I dunno."
>She looks around the quiet, tidy bedroom, the soft yellow light of the lamp beside you both brightening one side of her face.
>The mare moves her mane away from her eyes again and shrugs.
>"I think it's romantic."
"How long does this paralysing stuff work for again?"
>"Oh, uh, I don't know, actually."
"...You don't--"
>"There's an antidote, don't worry."
"Right. Well since this clearly isn't going to work and you need to go back to the drawing board and rethink your strategy, could you please administer it so I can kick you out and go to sleep or at least get my fucking limbs back?"
>"I um, left it at home..."
"Of course."
>"I didn't think I'd need it! I thought tonight would be easy!"
"Why--"
>"I didn't think of the- of the angles, Anon! I thought it would be simple!"
"Sex isn't simple. It's never simple. It's a two-way thing, you need to have both partners working in concert to make it work properly. Plus it's gross, like you're sweating -everywhere- right now."
>Her coat is shining from it.
>Fluttershy stares at you a little bit longer with wavering eyes.
>Then she collapses on your chest again.
>"Stuff it, I'm going to sleep."
"What?"
>"I'll figure it out in the morning, at least I can still sleep on you."
>With that, she closes her eyes, and shortly after she's snoozing.
>You lie there, pantsless and with a glistening, though now completely flaccid cock, and a mare you don't even like drooling on your chest.
>To be fair to her though, you hadn't imagined it being this difficult either.
>Though she had the right idea about sleep.
>So sleep you shall.
>At least tonight wasn't a complete loss.
>After all, you only ended up:
>Partially Fucking Fluttershy.

You wanted saucy sex scene between pono and humo?
TOO BAD.