>Be Anon in Equestria
>It is the middle of summer, and it is too god damn hot in this castle to sleep.
>Turns out, air conditioning hasn’t been invented yet.
>You, with your superior human knowledge, simply need to…
>Haha, yea right.  
>Your superior human technology consisted of showing your phone off to the pretty pony princesses, right up until it ran out of charge.
>You left your charger on Earth.
>After what’s felt like hours of tossing and turning, flipping your pillow over and over, you finally give up on sleep and climb out of bed
>If you’re going to be exhausted, then dammit, you aren’t going to be bored at the same time.
>You head out into the castle in search of something to do or at least some kind of relief from the heat.
>It doesn’t take too long to see that the place is pretty much deserted.
>The high ceilings, large hallways, stained glass windows, and random statues feel more spooky than inviting at night. 
>Every once in a while, you’ll see a batpony guard patrolling.  Most of them acknowledging you with a nod.   
>How the hell are all the ponies able to sleep in this heat? They have FUR.
>After a while you spy an exit to some balcony.  Hey, maybe it’ll be cooler outside.  Or at least a breeze or something.
>As you open the door you see there’s someone there bathed in the moonlight.
>Whoever they are, their mane’s showing there’s a nice...hopefully cool breeze.
>You step out onto the balcony only to feel dead, humid air.
>Fuuuuck. Really? You’ve been here HOW long and ‘tall unicorn looking thing with long flowy mane” still doesn’t say ‘hay, maybe it’s not windy, it’s a princess-
>”Anonymous!  Thou art still awake?”
>Princess Luna apparently.	
>She looks back at you with confusion plain on her face.
“Well yea. I can’t sleep on a night like this.” 
>You wave your hand a bit as you approach.  Hey, someone to talk to, right?
>She blinks at that, staring at you, mouth agape.
>Seriously? She’s never heard of it being too hot?  Are you the ONLY one affected by the heat?
>Hang on, is she blushing?
>”We...admire those who enjoy our night this much.”
 >Oh shit, did she think you were hitting on her?
>And why is she doing the Ye Olde Speech thing? Normally she only does that when she’s pissed or miserable.
>She sure doesn’t sound either of those, though.
>”Wouldst thou care to join Our watch for this night?”
>She flicks her tail to the side at that, letting you see absolutely everything.
>Hey Anon.  I think she wants you to visit the dark side of her moon.
>Shut up penis, you always think that.  Besides, she’s royalty.
>Anon.  She’s not moving that tail away.
>No...no she is not.
>After a moment you finally tear your gaze away, looking up to meet her half lidded eyes.
>Her face is still a bright red.
“I…”
>Anon, do NOT fuck this up for me!
>Penis, she’s a horse.
>No, no! She’s the only thing that has seemed even remotely interested in you since you got here! You will shut up and do as I say.
“Yea, sure.  I’d love to.”
>You walk up next to her, leaning on the balcony as she is. 
>You wrack your brain for some sort of conversation starter, your penis coming up with “Hey BB wan sum fuk?”
>You don’t have a chance, as something nice, soft and wonderfully cold-her wing, perhaps? wraps around your back, eliciting a moan from you before you can help yourself
“Oooohhhkay…”
>A lovely giggle rises from Luna as you soon feel her head lean into your side.
>”The heat was bothering you?
“Little bit yea...on Earth, we have ways of keeping it cool indoors.”
>”Well Anonymous...as Our sister is warm as the summer sun, We are cold as the winter night.”
“I thought that was just an expression.  You know, like how friendly you are.”
>”Neigh.”  Luna pauses, frowning before asking, “Dost thou think other ponies believe it to be an expression as well?”
>This is what I meant Anon! This is fucking it up!  You fix this right now!
>You shrug.
“They might.  Maybe you’ll just have to show them you’re more lovely than your sister.”
>You look down, seeing Luna’s cheeks have turned a nice rosy red again.
>Good boy Anon!
>”A-anonymous...dost thou truly believe We to be more lovely than Our sister?”
>You reach a hand up and scratch behind her ear.
“Yes.  Yes I do.”
>She almost  purrs, closing her eyes as she tilts her head into your hand, her entire face scarlet.   
>D’aawww
>You let your hand drop once your arm gets tired, moon princess being too adorable for you to stop sooner.
>A whimper rises from her throat as she gestures her head for you to continue.
"Luna, my arm hurts."
>"Anonymous, do not make Us command thee..."
>Quick, change the subject before this gets professional!
"Are you ok? I've never seen you act like this before."
>You two have been friendly since you arrived but nothing ever hinted at THIS.
>You think you would have noticed if she liked you this way?
>"Anonymous, I am...in season. Specifically in the worst part of it."
>Score!
"What do you normally do during it? Don't you have servants to help?”
>Fuck you Anon! Fuck you, fuck youfuckyou!
>Dammit penis, I’m trying.
>Then stop trying because you suck at this!
>Luna lets out a soft sigh, “My sister has always always had a multitude of consorts for this time.  I have had naught but my hoof for over a thousand years.”
>She looks up at you, her large, teal eyes wide.
>”Unless you would like to change that, Anonymous?”
>Don’t fuck up, don’t fuck up, don’t fuck up.
“I’d be honored.”
>You swear you hear her squee before you feel yourself lifting off the ground, a dark blue aura enveloping you.
>Yes! You managed NOT to make an ass of yourself!
>You can see she’s literally prancing as she makes her way towards her room with you floating along behind her.
>Why YOU, though?  Is she just desperate? Oh god, is this the pony version of beastiality?
>Does it really matter?
>Worry about that later, right now, worry about which hole you’re going to stick it in first.
>Or you could worry about blowing your load in two seconds.
>Dammit Anon, that was one time! That route only leads to shame and misery!  Besides, it was a long time ago.
>You’re unceremoniously dropped onto her large bed, almost sinking into the Princess’s soft mattress.
>Oh god, it’s even hotter in here than the rest of the castle.
>...Is that a fire you hear?
>Looking up, you see that it is.  She has a god damn fire going in her fireplace in the middle of fucking summer.
>You don’t have much time to wat about that before the suddenly regalia-less blue moon horse jumps onto her bed, standing over you, her magic already removing your clothing.
>”How does this work with you humans?  You’ll have to help….huh.”
>She pauses once your underwear’s removed, tilting her head as she stares at your semi-hard junk.
>”So that is what a human penis looks like.”
>She looks up, staring into your eyes.
>”It gets larger, I hope?”
>...
>Oh god, kill me now.
>B-but...muh human stamina…
>Luna must have seen the look on your face, because she soon lowers her head, pressing her soft lips to yours.
>Her lips feel like velvet against yours.
>She closes her eyes as you feel a hoof start to rub against your cock. 
>Not the greatest feeling ever but you’re not exactly going to protest right now.
>You reach up your hands up to rub her withers as you press your tongue into her mouth, slipping past those flat teeth of hers to meet her own tongue.
>She gives you a deep moan as her tongue begins to wrestle yours.
>You can taste the red wine she had earlier.
>Wait, isn’t it like...noon for her?
>Shush Anon, only sexy time now.
>Without breaking that kiss, she lays on you, her cool coat pushing any concerns about the heat from your mind.
>Your hands travel down from her withers, your nails scratching down her back.
>She croons out against your mouth, her free forehoof pawing at the bed as you can feel her shivering.	
>You can smell the wine with each breath you take once she starts panting, your fingers working their way over her cutie marks.  
>As your fingers slide over her moons, nearing her tail, she breaks that kiss with a gasp. 
> She leans her head back to let out a shuddering moan as her plot presses hard into your hands.
>...Well, if you weren’t hard before, you sure as fuck were now.
>You can feel something twitching back there.  Investigating, you inch your fingers closer, soon feeling the soft, twitching lips of her marevag.  
>Leaning forward, you press your head against her chest, letting you push a finger from each hand into her flower.  For how cold she is on the outside, her sex is almost an inferno.
>"Maaaahhh!"
>You're rewarded with a spurt of fluid, her passage squeezing hard around those fingers.
>Her foreleg wraps around you, her fetlock pressing to the back of your head.
>"M-more..."
>You can do that.
>You push in your middle, ring, and soon pinkie fingers into her squeezing pussy, each pair causing Luna to shudder, little whimpers rising from her throat.  
>She pushes back against your fingers, her rump pressing hard against your palms and thumbs.
>She wraps her wings around you as those cute whimpers continuing.
>All the while, she grinds against your hands, her vag winking against them as you occasionally feel a spurt of fluids coat your fingers.
>Lowering her head, she plants little kisses over the back of yours.
>Getting a brilliant idea (Thanks Penis!), you start to wiggle your fingers inside her, causing her to shudder hard, a nice big spurt of marefluids squirting over your hands and legs.
>”Nnnnaaahh! Yes, yes, yes! We command thee-do-not-dare-stop!”
>She’s barely able to get that out between her gasps and grunts, her pussy squeezing hard as it winks faster and faster.  Those wings quiver as she tenses up.
>Finally, she pulls her head back and lets out a fucking LOUD whinnie, her pussy clamping against your hand.
>Those kisses soon return once the moon princess finishes riding out her climax, her wings quivering as she leans against you.
>You can’t tell if you or the bed are more soaked at this point.
>Fuck, your ears are ringing.
>Freeing your hands from her depths, you lay back, letting the panting pretty pony princess press against you.
>You can't help yourself.
"You whinnie when you cum?" 
>Luna jerks her head up, embarrassment clear on her face.
>"O-of course not, Anonymous.  It would be shameful for a mare of Our position to make such a sound."
>A grin creeps onto her face.
>"Almost as shameful as leaving Our partner unsatisfied."
>With that, she climbs to her hooves, her legs still a bit wobbly as she turns around.
>She lays down, her moons straddling your chest with her sparkle filled tail lifted high, her sopping wet maresex mere inches from your face.
>You get a nice whiff before feeling her tongue lick over the top of your rock hard cock.
>You lay your head back, placing a hand on the back of her head as she starts licking over every inch of your manhood.
>You grip her mane as your hands ball into fists.
>If you were able to reach out and physically grab the sky, it would probably feel the same as the writhing blue mane in your hand.
>Of course, you're more concerned with the feelings below, right now.
>She never moves beyond licking, however.
>After a few minutes of slathering your shaft with her broad tongue, you hear her whimper, her rump wiggling as she scoots back a bit.
>What is she doing...?
>That's when you hear the jingle of magic and feel a force lift your head up, before pushing your face right into her sex. 
>"Good boy..." she purrs, her licking giving only the briefest of pauses.
>She winks her sex against you, giving you a splash of marecum.
>Oh fuck, it's all over your face now. 
>Still...you'd better do what the princess asks, before she makes you.
>Can she do that with her magic?
>You aren't sure if you want to find out, so you push your tongue past those blue puffy lips.
>”Ooooohhhh…”
>You can feel her shuddering as you probe your tongue deeper into her, the moon princess pushing back against you as she responds in kind on your cock. 
>Her licking is good, but not nearly enough to get you off.  
>You need more dammit. 
>Starting to push at her head, you try to get her to wrap those luscious lips around your shaft.
>You aren’t exactly in any position to ASK her right now.
>After a few rough pats, a good shove, and what felt like FAR too long, Luna takes your hint, her hot mouth enveloping your entire length.
>You vision explodes as she starts sucking.
>You bury your face against her winking sex as you start the game of “see how close you can get to her cervix,” as she’s already won the game of “see how much of your dick she can take”
>Fuck, you’re not going to last very long, this is feeling incredi-OH GOD TEETH TEETH! 
>Without thinking, you push the the moonhorse off of you, ignoring her yelp as you curl up, protecting your now chewed on manhood.
>She clambers to her hooves, her eyes wide with shock.
>”Anonymous! Art thou alright?”
>You stay firmly in that fetal position.
“No, I’m not alright! Who the hell starts nibbling during a blowjob?”
>”W-we had thought thou wast not as sensitive as a stallion.  Thou hast indicated that thee needed more.”
“That doesn’t mean fucking BITE it!  What you were doing before was perfect!”
>She blinks at that, looking down like a scolded child.
>”We apologize, Anonymous…”
>She steps over to you, head still lowered.
>”Woulds’t thou like us to try again?”
>Penis, what do you think?
>The teeth bro! I don’t wanna die!
“I...no, Luna. I think I’m done.”
>You sigh and roll/scoot off the bed and head towards the door, not even bothering with your cloths.
>No one else wears them, and you need a damn shower anyway.
>”Anonymous, wait!”
>It’s Royal Canterlot voice time!  Luna leaps in front of you, her rear facing you.  
>”Please...We-I need this.  It has been so long...I need thee to rut me, to give me thy foals...please, I beseech thee.”
>She lifts her tail, her slick cunt winking furiously at you. Begging you.
>What do you say penis? No teeth this time.
>Let’s do this brosef.
“Luna? Two things. First, cut the yee oldee speek, I can barely understand you.  
And two,”
>You reach out and boop her nose.
“Get on the bed,”
 >Luna blushes, before climbing on the edge of the bed, laying on her belly with that wavy tail still raised high.
>”As you wish, Anonymous. “
>She looks back at you and raises her moons (See what you did there?) until her still winking pussy’s the perfect height for you.
>Approaching her, you grab her wing with one hand, lining things up with the other.
“You ready?”
>The moon princess nods her head, that cute forelock. “We are ready, Anonymous.”
“Just Anon.”
>You push forward, your cock easily slipping past the wet, puffy lips of her pussy.  You can’t help but grunt a bit as you feel those soaked walls envelop your cock.
>”Ooohhhh…” Luna whimpers out as she pushes back against you.
>In no time at all you hilt inside of her, both hands clutching her wings as you just hold it there, panting a bit as her wavy tail rubs over your chest.
>If you thought her mouth was good, then her pussy’s paradise.  She’s amazingly tight back there.
>Almost like she hasn’t been fucked in over a thousand years.
>You gasp through clenched teeth as she winks against you, her already tight passage squeezing hard around your dick.
>You have no idea how long you’re going to be able to last.
>Pulling back, you take your time as you thrust into the blue mare, wanting to savor the feeling of your first pony pussy.
>You’re rewarded with little “mmmss” from the princess of the night.
>She winks every time you push in.
>As you start to speed up, she looks back at you, the non-wavy parts of her mane plastered against her sweat covered neck.
>”Anon...dost thou love me?”
>Without a thought, the words fly right out of your mouth,
“Yes, I do.”
>”Say it.  Please,”
>At this point, you would say anything. 
>”I love you Princess Luna.”
>You feel a spurt of marecum get all over you again as she winks hard, whimpering.
>”Then prove it.”
>Ooohh, you can do that.
>You speed up your thrusting, causing short, gasping cries to rise from the moon princess.
>You lean forward, one of your hands leaving her wing to wrap around her chest, your face pushing into her mane.
>Ignoring the weird sky mane, you start kissing over the back of Luna’s head.
>No rhyme or reason to where and when-just to give her the love and affection she craves.
>”Naaaah! Anon!” 
>She screamed out as she starts bucking back against you, her winking soon growing erratic as she keeps squirting marecum all over you.
>Oh yea, she likes that.
>You let go of her other wing, instead wrapping it around her neck, you’re more hugging her at this point.
>A very, VERY sexual hug at this point, but still.
>She tilts her head back, forcing you to kiss higher and higher as you feel her tense up against you.
>You suddenly have the urge to cover your ears.
>”Anooon!!” She screams out before whinnying yet again, her wings spreading out as her pussy clamps down on your cock, a wave of marecum properly soaking you once more.
>You last about two seconds of this before you let out your own cry, hilting your spasming cock as you shoot your thick cum into her.
>You hold her tight as she rides out her climax, her panting joins your own.
>Once you start to pull out, you feel her magic push you back against her.
>”Neigh, Anon...please.  Just hold until thou can...not.”
>You’re more than happy to oblige her, half laying on the nice and cool mare as the post orgasmic sleepiness starts to overtake you.
>Only once you’ve gone completely flaccid do you pull out of her
>You drape yourself over her back, your arms limp.
>She lifts you up with her magic and drags herself over to a dry portion of the bed before setting you down next to her.
>”I thank thee, Anonymous...I love thee too.”
>She wraps all four of her hooves around you, draping a wing over you as she clutches you to her belly.
>She starts kissing over the top of your head again.
>But you barely notice as you drift off to sleep.
-
>Wake up as Princess Luna.
>WOW, you have a massive hangover.
>Apparently you need to cut back to only two bottles of wine per meal.
>Being drunk is the only way to get through estrus.
>You used to just use mead, but noo, now everypony starts crying about how the princess is an alcoholic unless you drink something “classy.”
>”Classy,” of course refers to something your sister would drink.
>Buck it.  Lower your moon, then get back to bed before it gets too bright in here.
>You clip clop back in from performing your ONE royal duty, not even bothering to put on your regalia.
>You freeze as you enter your room.  There’s somepony in your bed.
>You ready an offensive spell, ready to obliterate the intruder as you creep up to the oddly large lump. 
>If this is Discord again, you’re going to kill him.
>With great trepidation, you lift up the blanket revealing...Anonymous?
>...
>How drunk WERE you last night?!
>You rub your eyes.  This has to be a hallucination or something. This doesn’t make any sense.
>Nope. The human, your sister’s masseur, is still asleep in your bed.
>YOUR bed.
>Maybe it’s not that bad, maybe..maybe you had him give you a massage last night?
>You eye the damp spot at the hoof of your bed.
>Right. A massage.
>Okaaay...you slept with the human.  The alien.
>You can’t tell if that’s an accomplishment, or a sign of just how sad your life is.
>You need to….to…
>Buck it.  Your head is hurting far, FAR too much to deal with this right now.  You just want to crawl back in bed and deal with this later.
>BUT YOU CAN’T DO THAT, NOW CAN YOU?
>You need a healing potion then you can deal with this.  
>You’ll deal with the outcry of “Why does the princess need a hang-over cure help we’re being run by addicts” later as well.
>It’s not exactly like you good reputation in the first place.
>You pause with your regalia half on.  How badly do you smell of sex?
>You curl around and sniff.
>By Mother’s Mane, you can’t even tell.  You must have been stewing in this for hours.
>Right.  Bath, healing potion, THEN you can deal with the human.
>Donning the rest of your regalia, you step out of your chambers.
>Oh look, sun’s up, your guards are gone. 
>Once again, you lament how absolutely terrible the security in this place is.  Your sister didn’t install a SINGLE trap!
>What if there was an assassination attempt? 
>Ok, you technically don’t need to worry about that, what with being the nigh immortal Mistress of the Night.
>But it would still hurt!
>The important thing is, without a good trap door or ceiling blade, they could get away..
>You squint as you work your way through the halls towards the Royal Baths, feeling as though you’re wading through a swamp.
>You always hated how bright this place was during the day.
>It’s even fairly bright at night.
>But now?
>Right now you’re contemplating giving in to the Nightmare again.  
>Night Eternal is sounding better and better with every stained glass window you pass.
>Those have always been a pet peeve of yours and Celestia knows it-during the day they’re bright and gaudy, and are as functional as curtains at night.
>You miss the old Castle.
>”Your highness! Good morning!” one of your sister’s guards calls out, his voice like a knife twisting in your ear.
>It takes every ounce of your willpower to smile and nod at the unicorn.  Have to keep up up appearances after all.
“Good morning guardspony.”
>”Interesting night last night, your highness?”
>He knows!
>Quick, come up with something!
>...
>Luna.choir has stopped singing.
>Would you like to try again? [Y/N]
>Y
>...
“They all are!” 
>You manage to blurt out after far too long.  Before the words have left your throat, you canter 
away
> Hopefully you can make it to the baths before you run into anypony else.
>Turning the corner, you're soon met with "Good morning Princess!"
-
>Be Private Trottski for just one second
>You just ran into the infamous sister of Princess Celestia, who looked like she just crawled out of the depths of Tartarus.
>You tried to make small talk with her and she screamed in your face before running away.
>You’re glad you aren’t on the night shift.
-
>You are the Princess of the Night again.
>You swear on your stars, it feels like you’ve run into half the castle’s staff.
>Of course, each and every time you have to stop, smile and acknowledge them whenever one of them says hello, which is everypony.
>”Good morning Princess Luna!”
>How many bucking servants does your sister have?!
>You could count yours by the number of spirals on your horn.
>Even then, only about half of them manage to consistently stay awake for the whole night.
>You’re going to have to have a talk with your sister about this discrepancy.
>You mumble a greeting back, not even registering who it was.
>Huzzah! You’ve made it.
>You cast the spell to open the door, only to find that it’s already unlocked.
>Did you forget to lock it?
>You wonder for the second time tonite (today?) just how drunk you WERE last night as you push the door open with a hoof.
>”Good morning Princess Celestiiii-Luna!”
>”Princess Luna!”
>“Good morning Princess!”
>A trio of brightly colored mares screech out out a greetings, their voices like hooves on a chalkboard.
>Peasants? In YOUR Bathing Chambers?  It’s more likely than you think.
>You had decreed that nopony’s allowed in here, unless they’re an Alicorn.  That’s why you have a very complicated lock on the door.
>A lock you apparently forgot to set, and now they’re sullying this place with their presence.
>They’re REALLY twinkling your stars.
>You take a deep breath, your teeth clenched.
“You three have ten seconds to explain what you think you’re doing in here, before I send each of you to the darkest cave beneath Canterlot.”
>The three mars look at each other before one of them speaks up.
>”Princess? We’re here every morning to bathe Princess Celestia.”
>What.
“Mine sister...has servants specifically to wash her each morning?”
>The three of them nod.
>This...this is an outrage.  Do your decrees mean nothing?  Does nopony understand the concept of Hallowed ground?
>Of course they don’t.
>You’ve washed yourself ever since your return, and your sister has a group to do it for her.
>You are going to have a long chat with her about this.
>However...they’re here, they’ve probably already smelled the sex on you like everypony else has...you’re going to take advantage of this.
“My sister is not here.”
>You walk over to the recessed swimming pool sized tub, seeing that they’re already drawing a bath.
>The gleaming marble is not doing your head any favors.
“As the only royal here, I command you to prove it.  Wash me as you would Celestia.”
>Removing your vestments, you hop down into the hock level water with a splash and instantly regret it.
>The water is absolutely frigid. You’ve forgotten your sister likes cold baths to wake up.
>It doesn’t physically bother you, the cold never has...it just reminds you of your time on the moon.
>It’s not something you like thinking about.
>You look up at the three mares.
“Well?”
>They look at each other again, before one of them blurts out “Of course your highness!” the other two joining her with their own ear grating acquiescences. 
>They start chattering  amongst themselves as you cast a spell to heat up the water.
>There we go, just below scalding, just the way you like it.
-
>This bath is both Elysium and Tartarus.  It would be absolute bliss, except the three never. stop. talking.  
>They’re either chattering amongst themselves, or attempting to make small talk with you.  
>You’re currently fighting the urge to find a fork, and just start jabbing it into your ear until you can’t hear anymore.
>Other than that, it’s been wondrous.
>They’ve had an easier time washing your mane and tail than you EVER had, their brushes have the perfect amount of force behind them, and they even managed to wash your horn without making you feel nauseous.
>They are just getting to your wings, when you hear the door open.
>The three of them cry out “Princess Celestia!” in unison, their attending towards you ceasing as they gallop away.
>Story of your life right there.
“Good morning, dear sister.”
>You crack open an eye.  Wow.  She looks worse than you feel.
>Her mane is such a mess that it’s not even flowing, her wings look like they’ve been chewed on, her eyes are bloodshot, and without her torc on, you can see a rather nasty furless scar on her breast.
>That was where you impaled her.
>If this is how she looks every morning, you could understand why she would have servants for this.
>Wait a moment, she isn’t wearing her regalia.  She SLEEPS in it.  Something’s amiss.
>”It’s good to see you’re awake, Luna.  We have much to discuss.”
>That’s not good. 
>That’s your sister’s code for ‘one of the eldritch abominations we’ve sealed away has escaped, and we need to ready a backup plan if Twilight fails.”
>Twilight failing.  Top jest.
>Impending apocalypse aside, you rarely get to spend any quality time with your sister.  You can suffer through your hangover a little longer.
>Unfortunately, the servant issue will have to wait.
“Come join me then sister.  The water is lovely.”
>You pat pat the surface with a wing for emphasis.
>”If you’re sure,” Celestia says, with a soft smile on her face.
“Verily.  Should we have them leave?”
>You nod towards your sister’s servants.
>One of them speaks up, your hind leg twitching as her voice grates on your nerves, “Nothing said in this room leaves these walls.”
“Well.  That is good to know, then.”
>You sister ducks down to submerge herself as she works her way over to you.
>Did one of the servants truly turn the water back on? It’s already up to your withers.
>You’re going to have to start swimming if it gets much higher.
>Once Celestia emerges next to you, the trio of servants swarm around her, quickly getting to work.
>Not a single one of them could be bothered to finish the job on your wings.
>You aren’t sure why you expected any different.
>It doesn't take long before their relentless chattering starts up again-this time without anything to mitigate the harpy like shrieks.
 >You stare at your wings as you would if stuck on a page while reading.
>Your concentration's already impaired. These three have utterly destroyed it.
>”Celestia mutters something to those servants as you stare at the same three primaries that you have since they began.
>You shiver as you feel a feather-comb start to run through your other wing.
>The water stops.
>You look up to see your sister kneeling next to you, her head level with yours, her horn glowing as...with a quick glance to confirm, yes, she’s the one taking care of your wings.
>Meeting her gaze, you can’t help but smile.  
>Even when you’re hating everything, even when nopony else seems to care, you know you can count on her now.
>Ever since your return, she always goes out of her way to prove she cares.
>Giving her a nuzzle, you start to wonder if Anonymous would be the same way
>Wait, what are you thinking? He’s not even the same species!
>For all you know, he purposely took advantage of a drunken mare in heat.
>But nopony has ever even attempted with you…
>No.
>Now is not the time for these thoughts. That comes later.
“What is it this time, sister?  Have the Windingos returned? The Hungering Shadows? Another former student gone rogue?”
>Celestia chuckles, her voice the only thing that ISN’T irritating your hangover.
>”Thankfully, it’s nothing like that.  It’s about you, I’m afraid.”
>That’s never good.
“What, pray tell do you mean, sister?”
>”Regarding last night, Luna...I understand that all ponies have certain needs…”
>Your smile fades. No…
>”But could you be a bit quieter next time you fulfill them? I couldn’t sleep.”
>One of the servants pipes up,“I wouldn’t be surprised if half of the city heard you last night, Princess!”
>You contemplate whether it’s possible to drown yourself right now.
>Could you tell your sister you were drunk?
>Neigh.  
>You couldn’t do that to her.
“My...apologies, dear sister. I had no idea I was that loud.”
>It’s technically true.
>Celestia smiles and leans in, nuzzling your cheek.
>”It’s alright, Luna.”
>A rather uncomfortable silence settles in.
>Even the bath serfs shut up.
>You fiddle with your hooves a bit as you imagine the newspaper headlines.
>”Nightmare Moon Terrifies Canterlot with Demonic Screeching!”
>Breaking the silence, Celestia speaks up,
>”Why didn’t you tell me you and Anonymous were in a relationship?”
>Your stomach sinks.
“W-what?”
>”I’m just surprised. I didn’t even know you two were dating. He never mentioned anything to me either.”
>Never had you thought you’d wish to be back on the moon.
“You’ll-I...ask him. We must go.”
>You climb out of the tub and trot away, water pouring from your fur as you don’t even bother to dry off.
>”Luna, wait! I didn’t mean-”
>She’s cut off as you close the door, probably too forcefully.
>You don’t care who sees you-you don’t even acknowledge the various staff as they greet you.
>Half the city.
>Half the city heard you with Anonymous.
>”Nightmare Moon Copulates with Monster from Another World! Kingdome Cowers at Mutant Offspring!”
>You are Princess Luna, Fuck-Up Extraordinaire. 
>You are going to find an empty room and cry.
-
>Be Anon.
>Wake up in a pool of sweat and marecum.
>It’s more or less how you always fantasized waking up.
>It’s sweltering in here-that fire’s still going, turning this place into an oven.
>You told her you love her.
>What the hell is wrong with you? You two were roughly around "friendly co-worker" level.
>Not to say you don't like her.
>She's always fun to talk to, you just rarely saw her for more than a couple minutes at a time.
>And you fucking said you love her.
>Bro.  She said it too.
>...She did, didn't she? Hell, she ASKED you if you did.
>Maybe she did the dream thing on you a bunch and you don't remember?
>You still said it back.
>Penis, what do you think?
> https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o
>That is not helpful.
>Still.  She proclaimed her love for you.  Before you do anything else, you need to figure out what the hell you're gonna do.
>Do you even WANT a relationship?
>Of course you do, you've posted enough "tfw no gf" pics online for everyone to know that.
>But, she's not human.
>Worse yet, she's goddamn royalty.
>Even IF you had been considering dating a marshmallow pony, you never would have thought a fucking PRINCESS would have ever been even remotely interested in you.
>Wait.  She asked you.
>Hell, she seemed to get off more from affection than she did anything else.
>Could you see yourself in a relationship with her?
>If she wants you?
>...Yea. 
>You totally could.
>You open your sleep caked eyes and roll over to look at the woman/mare you spent the night with.
>The only thing that greets you is an empty bed.
"Luna?"
>The fire crackles away in response.
>You roll out of bed.  
>Alright, the girl you slept with is MIA.
>Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?
>Locating your clothes, you contemplate how nasty you are before giving up and donning them anyway.
>For some reason it feels weirder to wander around naked during the day than it does at night.
>Even if 90% of the time you're the only one wearing clothes.
>With your trademark suit on (trademark because it’s what you were wearing when you drank bleach. You wanted to look good for your funeral), you head out the door to the rest of the castle.
>As you make your way down that tower, you settle on checking the dining hall first.  
>Hopefully she’s just hungry.
>You don’t make it too far into the castle proper before you hear a guard shout “Anonymous!”
>Turning around, you see a pair of pegasi approaching you.
>”Princess Celestia requires your presence immediately.”
>You hold up your hands.
“Hey, isn’t it a bit early for that? I didn’t even get breakfast yet.”
>Celestia keeps you around as her personal masseur, having said something about how much better hands are than hooves for massages.
>You aren’t even any good at it, you mostly just give her ear scratchies and belly rubs.
>Bitches love ear scratchies.
>The guards seem unamused by your protests, extending their wings to make a sort of wall between them. 
>”Now, Anon.” One of them growls out as they approach in a trot.
>That’s never a good sign.
>You’re soon half shoved along as they manhandle you as best as waist high ponies can.  
-
>You are currently trapped in the Throne’s waiting room to see Celestia.
>The guards dragged you in here and decided you aren’t allowed to leave.
>A third one’s peaking through the cracked open doors to the throne room waiting for...something.
>You’re hungry and you feel nasty and sticky without a shower.
>’Celestia needs to see you immediately.’  Assholes.
>”Now!” the guard at the door calls out, prompting the two who escorted you to leap to their hooves, their wings doing the shoving thing again.
“Do you really have to-”
>”Ssh!”
>This nigger just shushed you. 
>HELL no.
>You get ready to say something scathing that will no doubt make him cry, when they push open the doors with your face.
“Ow! What the hell?!”
>You rub your face as they push you along.
>You look up to see Sun pony herself, just now sitting down on that throne with a half dozen scrolls hovering before her.
>She’s looking as regal as ever.
>”Your highness! We found him!”
>Celestia sets the scrolls down. 
>“Perfect timing, thank you Hoplite, Golden Shield.”
>Your ASS perfect timing.
>Regardless, you bow once you’ve approached.
“You said you wanted to see me?”
> You know better than to piss off the horse god.  She can do a lot worse than fire you.  
>Wait.
>Are you supposed to be pissed off on Luna’s behalf over the whole moon thing?
>You don’t even know.
>”Yes, Anon.  I was talking with Luna this morning, and she told me to ask you.  Why did you two think you needed to hide your relationship from me?”
>How the FUCK does she already know this?
>Hang on, you haven’t hidden shit.  Hell, you’ve only been awake for a couple minutes.
>...is Luna saying you two have been dating?
“What exactly did Luna tell you?”
>Celestia puts on her “warm and slightly inviting” smile.
>You swear, that’s her default expression.
>”Unfortunately, she didn’t say much. I’m afraid I embarrassed her by bringing it up in public.”
>...she says, in the Throne room.  The most public place in the castle.
>”But what she DID say, was that I should ask you. So again, why did you feel the need to hide it from me?”
>You rub your forehead to hide your expression.
>At least you didn’t stick your dick in crazy.
>You still aren't sure how to respond.
>Alright, quick! Stall!
“Ok, how did you find out about this?”
>”It’s not obvious, Anon?”
>Bitch, if it was you wouldn’t be asking.
“Not really, no.”
>Celestia chuckles softly.
>”You two woke up the entire castle last night.”
>She winks.
>Now that puts a smile on your face.
>...Muh superior human stamina.
>Wait. You haven’t had a chance to figure this out yet.
>Are horses ok with one night stands?
>If they were, would Celestia probably really be asking this?
>Screw it. Time to fall back on your usual excuse for spaghetti spillage.
“It’s a human thing, Celestia.”
>”Really? You never mentioned anything like this before.  Does it have anything to do with that odd face you make when anypony says the word "feel?"”
>Yea, you only have a couple more times you can use this one.
“Not quite, Suuu-ellie.”
>You almost called her Sunbutt again.  She HATES it when you call her that
“On Earth, it’s kinda taboo to date your boss, or anyone related to them.  Especially if you’re a hot chick, because then everyone knows what you’re doing.”
>Celestia raises an eyebrow at that.
>Shit, she’s not buying it.
“So I didn’t want everyone to think ‘Oh, the only reason you’re working in the castle is because you’re dating one of the princesses,’ because that’s what humans would think.”
>”But why would anypony care about something like that?  Nopony ever questioned Shining Armor’s competence when he was courting my niece.”
>Fuck. You forgot about that.
>The spaghetti rises.
“I guess I’m still used to how humans would react?”
>Celestia closes her eyes and sighs.
>”Anon…”
>With a look of exasperation, she adopts a well practiced lecture tone.
>”You must get used to the fact that Equestria is much different than your world.  Nopony would ever be petty enough to call your competence in question because of who you love.”
>Yea that’s bullshit.
>You’ve seen what kind of magazines they have.
>But you aren't dumb enough to call her out on it in her own throne room.  Maybe tonight when you’re “at work.”
“I’m trying, Celly. It’s kinda hard to ignore a lifetime of experience.”
>She chuckles at that.
>”Oh, I know that all too well. I’ve been having to help Luna with the same.”
>Right, the reason you got up.
"Speaking of Luna, where is she? I woke up and she was missing."
>"That is a good question. Hoplite?"
>Mr. Used-Your-Face-As-A-Battering-Ram speaks up,
>"She is in one of Princess Twilight Sparkle's old rooms, your highness."
>Wow, that's a mouthful.
>This right here is why you don't bother with honorifics.
>Or their name half the time.
"Alright, could you show me where?"
>Hoplite wordlessly looks at you, then to Celestia.
>Fucking really?
>"I would advise against it, Anon. I've known Luna longer than anypony's lived, and I can assure you, it's best to wait until she comes out on her own."
>Yea, that’s not happening.
>Not after what she said last night. You have a duty to her now.
"Look, I appreciate the advice but my relationship with her is um..."
>You wave your hand a bit, searching for the right word.
>You settle on something vague, since ‘newly romantic’ won’t fly.
 “Different...than it is with you two.”
>Celestia raises an eyebrow.
>”Anonymous, really, there’s no reason to be lewd.  You got that point across last night.”
>Wait, what?!
>You half facepalm, rubbing your temples.
“That’s not what I mean in the slightest...I was trying to find the right word.”
>Technical truth is best truth.
>”Oh!” She lets out a giggle.
>Damn, you like hearing her properly laugh, it’s almost musical.
>A trait her sister definitely shares.
>You aren’t quite sure who has the sweetest laugh...but you’ll guess the one you’re potentially dating.
>”I’m sorry, I’m still learning to speak hand.”
>It didn’t take you very long to ‘learn how to speak hoof,’ as she just put it.
>Bro, you aren’t running a country.
>Shut up Voice of Reason, no one likes you.
>If you listened to that guy last night, you wouldn’t have gotten that sweet, sweet horse poon.
>And a girlfriend!  Maybe.
>Wait is it marefriend because pony?
>”Regardless.  If you feel you know my sister better than I, then go ahead.  However, there will be no one else to blame if you do not like the outcome.”
>Riiiight.
>Sunny Delight thinks you’re a gigantic spaghettimancer.
>You’re trying dammit.
“Thank you for the vote of confidence, Celestia.”
>You try to keep your sarcasm from staining the carpet too badly.
>”You’re welcome. Hoplite?” 
>She sounds completely sincere.
>The pegasus salutes and whirls around.
>Good.  
>Now you can start thinking of what you’re going to say to Moonbutt.
>You two make it about halfway to the door before you hear Celestia call out,
>”Oh, Anon, one last thing.”
>Of course.
>You make a bit of a show as you turn back around.
“Yes, Celestia?”
>She’s floating those scrolls in front of her again.
>”I hope that your newly exposed relationship won’t cause any disruption of your duties.”
>Ah hell, you didn’t even think of that.
>Nothing gets between the sun princess and her belly rubs.
>Is it even appropriate anymore?
“I...don’t see any reason why it would, Celly.  Seven o’clock, same time as always.”
>You flash her two thumbs up for reassurance.
>Her brow furrows.
>”Those are  the...good fingers, right?”.
“Every one but the pinkies”
>You wiggle your little fingers for emphasis.
>They must never know.
-
>”Here you are,”  Hoplite says as he stops at a nondescript door, derailing your train of thought.
>You were wondering if marrying moonbutt would get you immortality.
“Thanks Hoppy.” 
>The pegasus starts clippy clopping back the way he came.
“Uh, you aren’t gonna open the door? Come inside or anything? Make sure I’m not gonna assassinate her?”
>He pauses and looks back.
>”Human, if I had a death wish, I’d be in the Night Guard.”
>So he’s a dick to everyone, not just you.
>Good to know.
>You take a deep breath before pushing the door open.
>Allegedly, Luna’s in here.
>There’s also presumably furniture.
>But you don’t see either of those, as everything seems to be covered by various piles of books.
>You start to work your way through the Prose-mir Mountains.
>How the hell can one pony read this much?
“Are you in here? Luna?"
>You hear something shift, before Mt. Lore-tse collapses, a rumbling landslide of literature just out of sight.
>Oops.
>Rushing around the closest book mountain, you soon see the mare you slept with last night.
>You'll come up with a mountain pun later.
>Specifically, you see Luna, her eyes red, she's half buried in books, and looking like she’s about ready to burst into tears again.
>Oh shit.
>”A-anonymous…?” 
>Her voice is shakey.
>Fuck the potential spaghetti, you have a job to do.
>She loves you, bro.
>With four long strides you make it over to her, taking a knee, you wrap your arms around her neck.
>She goes stiff as you press your head to the side of hers.
“Hey, it’s alright. I got ya.”
>...Why is she damp?
>Probably magical princess thing again.
>She relaxes in your embrace, a cold,  wet wing wrapping around you as she nuzzles into you.
>”Oh Anonymous...E-everypony knows…”
“Hey, no one will believe that those noises came from a...
>How did she say it again?
>Right.
”a mare of your position.”
>You feel her stiffen again.
>”W-what noises…?”
-
>You are the snivelling foal named Luna.
>You aren't worthy of any of your titles.
>At least you finished crying.
>That human...
>You're stuck with him.
>The only thing worse than a Princess marrying a monster, is a Princess who casually rutted a monster.
>It’s the only way for you to keep up appearances.
>You two will have to be...together, for the rest of his life.
>That's not so bad, is it?
>Humans only live for...you don't actually know how long.
>Oh Mother, what if it's centuries?
>You're only 1800 years old, you can't deal with something that long.
>"Are you in here? Luna?"
>You jump in surprise. 
>As is fitting for today, your wing knocks a book from the nearby pile out of place.
>It soon becomes apparent that it was a keystone.
>The large pile soon comes crashing down on top of you, pinning your still wet mane as the books covers your back half.
>You...you can't deal with this.
>The sheer indignity of everything is too much for you to handle.
>Your tears start to well up again.
>In less than half a night you’ve been reduced from the supreme co-ruler of Equestria to a laughingstock.
>A joke.
>And the worst thing about it is that you’re STILL horny.
>Estrus just makes every problem worse.
>The human responsible for this appears from behind one of the innumerable piles of literature.
>What is he doing here?
>...Are you hallucinating again?
>It was your favorite past time for a thousand years or so.
“A-anonymous…?”
>...How dare he be here?!
>You haven't had a chance to regain your composure.  
>You still don't as he runs to close the gap between you two, soon wrapping you in a warm, tender embrace.
>”Hey, it’s alright. I got ya.”
>...
>You have no idea what to think.
>He’s hugging you.
>Before your banishment, touching you or your sister like this would have been a capital offense.
>But..why is he doing this?
>Could it be out of affection?
>Does it matter?
>This...creature...is the first being who has ever sought you out solely to comfort you because you’re upset since…
>Since Mother was still around.
>Even Twilight just wanted to lecture you.
>Wrapping your wing around the warm human, you hold him close.
>You’ll take what you can get.
>You nuzzle against him, enjoying the sensation of another being holding you.
>You haven’t felt like this since you were a foal.
>Before you realize it, you whimper out,
”Oh Anonymous...E-everypony knows…”
>...Why did you say that?
>Does he have a magical aura that destroys your inhibitions? 
>Is that it?
>”Hey, no one will believe those noises came from a…a mare of your position.”
>Yet again, you feel your stomach drop.
“W-what noises?”
>Anon brushes a few of the books aside, freeing your mane.
>He pulls back to meet your gaze with his beady little eyes.
>He smiles as he says, “Remember? You said that as a joke after you whinnied.”
>...No...
>That’s just disgraceful.
>A whinnie is about the most...vulgar, base noise a pony can make.
>At least it was before your banishment.
>”I think you screwed up my hearing with that first one," Anon adds unhelpfully.
>That was what everypony heard.
>For a Princess to make such a noise...
>Well.  It could be played off, depending on the circumstance.
>If the royal was well respected.
>At your silence, Anon pauses, raising an eyebrow.
>”Wait...that wasn’t a joke, was it?”
“Neigh, Anonymous...tis quite shameful.”
>You weren’t even thinking and reverted back to your old speech patterns.
>Because if there’s one thing you needed, it’s yet another reminder of how much you lost from your banishment.
>You feel those tears coming again.
>On cue, he hugs you tight again, his hand soon stroking through your mane.
>It feels wonderful.
>”Luna, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that shame is overrated. Sometimes you gotta let the spaghetti flow.”
>References to pasta aside, that is a filthy lie, and he knows it.
“Yes.  That is why thee continues to have dreams where thou art ridiculed by all the other humans.”
>”Exactly.  I let it get to me, and it messed me up real bad.  I don’t want YOU to feel the same way.”
>His hand slips from your mane to your ear and starts scratching.
>It's pure, unbridled bliss.
>Any argument you had for why that logic is ridiculous melts away under his gentle ministrations.
>You can see why sister keeps him around.
>His other hand removes those books covering you, but you barely register it.
>You instead tilt your head into those scratching fingers.
>You do manage, however, to resist the urge to let one of your hindlegs kick.
>Once the offending literature has been removed, he lifts his hand from your ear and looks into your eyes again.
>”Feeling better?”
>...The next few centuries might not be all bad.
>You take a deep, shaking breath.
>But it doesn’t help your current predicament.
“A bit, Anonymous.  I thank thee.”
>You’ll worry about your language later.
>Tonight has been awful.
>”Come on Luna, it’s Anon.  You were doing so well last night.”
>...You need to tell him.
>If anypony is going to know, it should be him.
“Anonymous...thou must not have been aware.  I was a bit...inebriated, earlier.  Verily, my memory on the fine details is a bit...spotty.”
>You can’t bring yourself to say tell him the truth.
>The very last thing you remember was going out onto your balcony to rearrange the stars.
>"Wait, is THAT why you thought it was a good idea to bite in the middle of a blowjob?"
>What?
>You don’t even know what a blowjob entails.
>Apparently not biting.
>You feel your cheeks burning as he studies your expression.
>After far, FAR too long, he speaks,
>”You know….a wise human once said that being drunk means your true self comes out.”
>His arms squeeze you as he buries his face in your mane.
>”I guess that means you’re a horny mare who loves me and can’t into sex.”
>This is all quite possibly the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard.
>You have to ask.
“Was this the same human who said that drinking poison would make all your dreams come true?”
>You shiver as his hand strokes over your back.
>”I dunno. I think that guy might have been right.”
>...he can’t possibly…
>You plant a hoof on his chest, pushing him backwards.
>"Whaah!"
>Even YOU realise when a stallion's laying it on thick.
>He lands on his rump with grunt.
>You scowl and look down at him as you should.
>He’s no better than the rest of the peasantry.
>You were an idiot to think otherwise.
“Do you beleive me to be a common harlot?  A few sweet words and I’ll lift my tail for you, is that what happened last night?!  Did you whisper those sweet nothings in my ear as you bedded me!?"
>You were right the first time  He DID just take advantage of a drunken mare in heat.
>Of course you can’t tell anypony.
>A Princess? Raped?  You could never afford to show such weakness.
>Not if you expect to keep your crown.
>”What the hell are you talking about? You were the one hitting on me!”
>You glare daggers at him.
>”You did, you hit on ME, alright? I couldn’t sleep, and YOU asked me to have sex with you! I even asked you if you were ok, because you were acting weird-you said NOTHING about being drunk!”
>That liar!
>You could end him like the monster he is.  You could-
>Wait…
>That...does sound like you.
>The second part does, anyway.  The first? You might have...it’s not like anypony’s ever just spontaneously asked YOU.
>You pause and look at him.  Truly look at him.
>The look he’s giving you...you know it all too well.
>That face is forever in your nightmares, along with Twilight’s terrible glowing eyes.
>A horrified, disbelieving look of betrayal. 
>It’s the look Celestia gave you when you turned.
>You’re the monster, not him.
“You...thou speakest the truth, Anonymous.”
>You sit down hard.
“Thou speakest the truth, and I attacked thee for it.  I’m sorry...”
>Your voice wavers at that last bit.
>Damn this estrus, damn these hormones, damn this hangover, and damn you for your stupidity.
>”Hey...it's alright, come here.”
>He crawls forward and slips his arms under your forelegs. 
>As he stands, he lifts up your front in the air, your wings flaring out as your rear hooves scrabble for purchase on the smooth marble floor.
>What in Equestria is he doing?!
>With your forelegs pressing against his sides, your fetlocks under his shoulders, he wraps his arms around your barrel, his forehead pressing to the underside of your muzzle.
>Is this how humans hug?
>...How intimate.
>It’s like cuddling properly, only while standing.
>You could get used to this.
>You meet his gaze once you notice he’s looking up at you.
>One of his hands starts to pet the back of your head.
>”Hey, I get it alright? This stuff’s confusing for ME, and the biggest thing I have to worry about is what YOU think.”
>...He truly does care for you, doesn't he?
>His dreams never gave you any indication that he viewed you as anything special but...
>Why else would he be doing this?
>Anypony else would have run away, or have cowered at your hooves.
>"If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't have done anything if I knew you were drunk."
>With a sigh of contentment, you smile to him.
>You suppose your marriage will be much more enjoyable if he continues to be this kind.
>He might even be a decent contender for bearing the Element.
"I thank thee, Anonymous...for understanding."
>Your head seems to move towards his on it's own.
>You close your eyes and press your lips to his, shifting your forelegs to embrace him right back.
>Inhaling his scent, you wrap your wings around him, showing that he’s yours now.
>The next few centuries are going to be wonderful.
>Your tender moment is soon interrupted as you feel something hard press against your lower barrel, just above your teats.
>Did he slip from his sheath?!
>You wink involuntarily.
>That is exactly what your body's craving.
>You both slowly pull from that kiss, gazing into each other's eyes.
>"Just Anon, Luna.”
>Grinning like a madmare, you respond by pressing into another kiss.
>Buck the hangover.
>You cannot think of a better way to show your newfound appreciation for him than to ride him until he physically can’t perform.
>Stallions like that, you recall.
>And there’s no risk of pregnancy.
"As you wish, Anon."
>He breaks your kiss.
>"Soooo...feeling better? Want to get something to eat?"
>You can't help but let out a giggle.
"I don't know, it seems you have a more pressing issue to deal with first."
>"What are you talkin-"
>You pull your foreleg back and press your hoof to that bulge in his clothing.
>"oh.  Here? Are you sure?  You aren't still drunk, are you?" 
>You shake your head.
“It is a private room, you’re already expressing your interest, and neigh, I’m merely hung over.”
>”Well-yes. It just seems kinda sudden, is all.”
>You raise an eyebrow before slipping out from his grasp, landing on all fours.
>You can’t tell if he is refusing or if it has something to do with the pasta he continually mentions.
>How in the name of your stars did you two end up in bed last night?
>Well.  You know one way to find out.
>You start to talk towards the door, your tail lifted high.  Looking back, you say,
“I suppose if you don’t want this, I’d understand...”
>“No, no I do!”
>Huh, it actually worked.
>Everypony else always stuttered and found something else they had to do urgently.
>...Must have always been bad timing on your part.
>Yes.
>”It just seems kinda sudden is all.  You were about ready to cry a minute ago.”
>Oh...right.
“You’ve obviously never dealt with a mare in season.”
>”Not really, no. Humans don’t have a heat cycle, Moons.”
>...Moons? Really? 
>Is he going to call you Nightmare next?
>...You’ll deal with pet names after sex.
“Truly? How do you humans know when your mare wishes to mate?”
>Anon opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.
>After a moment, he closes it.
>”That’s...a good question actually.  I never found out, I’d just kinda ask and hope to get lucky.”
>What?
>You once again cannot fathom how that species has survived.
>Even if experiencing it is awful, an estrus cycle is the only thing that makes sense for reproduction.
>You smile at him.
“It’s a good thing you’re with a sensible species, then. Now, this is how a pony tells her mate she’s aroused.”
>You give him a nice, firm wink.
>You can see him staring, his mouth slightly agape.
“And you respond by removing your clothes.”
>After a moment’s hesitation, he looks up, startled.
>”Huh? Oh, right!”
>You can’t help but giggle at that, keeping your tail raised as he starts to remove that overly complex outfit.
>You can’t understand why he insists on wearing it.
>Nopony would ever wear something like that unless it was a formal occasion, like a wedding.
>Once he’s finally removed the important part, you give pause.
>Why is he wearing two layers in the summer?
>He had just finished saying that he was bothered by the heat last night so why...oh.
>The reason becomes evident once that last article is removed.
>He doesn’t HAVE a sheath.
>No wonder he wears those outfits all the time, he must be embarrassed about his crippling disability.
>You’d better not call attention to it.
>Although now you’re imagining him running around with his phallus flapping around unrestrained.
>Despite how silly it is, the thought makes you wink again.
>”Soooo…?”
>You approach him with a grin and lower your head. 
>Wrapping a foreleg around his middle, you lick over that oddly shaped cock of his.
>”Oooohhhhhkay…”
>He grabs at your mane, tugging it as your tongue runs down the length of his stallionhood.
>Without a medial ring, you aren’t quite sure where to concentrate your attentions.
>You’ll have to settle for the head.
>Closing your eyes, you listen to the grunts and panting of your human, those sounds quickly making you nice and wet.
>But he’s not twitching like he should.
>Perhaps you’re doing something wrong?
>Pulling from his cock, you push against those hands to look back up at him.
“Why don’t you teach me how to...properly perform a blowjob?”
>”Umm…”
>He seems to mull it over.
>What is there to think about, it’s either yes or no.
>If he doesn’t decide soon, you’re about ready to hold him down with your magic and ride him.
>”Alright, fine.  Basically it’s what you were doing last night, sucking on as much of it as you can, maybe licking at it too.  But no teeth! Seriously, no teeth...teeth are bad.”
>Well that sounds...wonderfully intimate.
>It’s also something you’d never be able to do with a stallion.
“I’ve never heard of oral sex requiring such trust of the other party.  Pray tell, is it not overstimulating?”
>”No...it’s pretty much perfect.  It’s one of the best things you can do for a human.”
>Without thinking, you blurt out,
“Verily?  I would think a smaller cock would be MORE sensitive, not less.”
>You can FEEL him cringing, his hands dropping from your head.
>”Why…?” He whimpers out.
>Oops.
>You can fix this.
“Oh Anonymous, don’t fret.  It’s not THAT much smaller than a stallion’s.  If it’s any consolation, I’m not what you would call a "size queen." That would be my sister, if her mislabeled collection of unmentionables is anything to go off of.”
>You shudder at that memory.
>You had just wanted to find your ‘proper’ crown for Twilight’s coronation.
>”I guess? It just kinda kills the mood to be reminded that I’m not big enough to pleasure you properly.”
>What?!
>You study his cock for a moment, judging it’s size. 
“Now who said anything about that? If you were any larger, I wouldn’t be able to do this.”
>Using a drop of magic to steady it, you wrap your lips around the tip of his shaft.
>You start to slide down his entire cock.
>He lets out a deep groan, those hands returning, one grabbing at your ear. 
>You try to ignore his tuft of fur tickling your nose once your lips soon press to the sheathless base of his cock, the head resting comfortably near the back of your muzzle.
>It may be a problem once it flares, but you’ll worry about that later.
>You give a tentative suckle, as if it were a popsicle.
>He gasps, those hands squeezing.
>”Oh god yes, just like that.”
>You close your eyes, happy to comply.
>As you start to suck suckle away, you run your tongue over the underside of his cock. 
>”Mmmm!”
>He likes that.
>You lap at the entirety of his length, curling your tongue around his cock, making sure to get every inch of it as you suckle away.
>He starts to thrust against your muzzle, causing your horn to poke into his...barrel? belly?
>It matters not as you tilt your head to the side. 
>You possessively wrap your wings around him as you start to bob your head in time with his thrusts.
>...Why hasn’t he flared yet?
>By now, a stallion would have been reduced to a squirming, whimpering mess.
>You twitch hard, your eyes shooting open as you feel him grab your sensitive horn with one hand, his other pressing to the back of your head. 
>What is he doing?!
>With short, labored gasps, he starts to properly fuck your muzzle, pulling back to his cockhead each time before slapping against your lips.
>It’s so primal….so absolutely lust driven.
>You shudder, winking at the thought of him using your sex like this.
>You’ll make sure he’s ready for round two.
>Without warning, he slams in hard one last time, his cock spasming as his thick cum shoots into your throat.
>His hands hold you in place as you desperately try not to gag.
>Where was the flare?!
>Panting through your nose, you struggle to swallow those thick ropes of his seed.
>It’s only once you’ve swallowed the last drop does he let go.
>He gasps out,
>”That was...incredible, Luna.  You even swallowed.  Thank you.”
>You sit on your haunches as you look up at him, your fur getting noticeably damp from the puddle you’ve made.
>You’re miffed.
>But not to the point where you wish to stop.
“Why didn’t you warn me that you don't flare?”
>”Oh shit, I’m sorry.  It was just kinda...mind blowing...you ok?”
>...did he just make a pun?!
>He really has no idea how to act around a mare, does he?
>It’s a good thing you need this.
>Nuzzling against his chest, you wrap your fetlock around his softening cock.
“That depends if you’re willing to satisfy ME, now.”
>He pauses and looks down at you, his eyes wide.
>”After last night? Look, Luna, I’d love to, but as a human once said ‘The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.’”
>You’re beginning to think he’s just making these up.
>That’s FAR too specific.
“It’s a good thing I have a spell to remedy that, Anon.”
>”Huh?”
>You step back and touch the tip of your horn to his quickly softening 'lower horn' and cast.
>”Woah, hey no!“
>He jumps back, but your spell’s already cast.
>”What the hell! Don’t just cast stuff on my junk!”
>You eye his already engorging member and smile innocently at him.
“You said you were having trouble. I knew a spell that would induce arousal, with the side effect of increasing your...potency. I would be remiss if I didn't try to help.”
>He looks down and inspects his cock for a moment.
>”Huh...so it did.  Do I want to know why you know that spell?”
>Because you’ve always wanted to use it but you never had an opportunity to.
“Anonymous.  Surely you don’t believe yourself to be my first and only lover, do you?”
>He looks a bit uncomfortable.
>”I..well...I didn’t really think of it...am I?”
>Do political marriages count?
>If not,then it’s your lucky day, human.
>”Neigh, Anonymous.  I have had a good half dozen.”
>You rear up on your hindlegs, placing a forehoof on his shoulder, and plant a kiss on his cheek.
“But none have been quite as exotic as you.”
>He smiles and hugs you the human way again.
>His cock is mere inches away from your dripping sex.
>”Thanks Moona.”
>You kiss his cheek again.
“Now are you going to rut me properly, or am I going to have to make you?”
>He chuckles and squeezes your barrel.
>”Sounds like I don’t have a choice.  Pick a position?”
>Slipping from his grasp, you think for a moment.
>Which has been getting increasingly more difficult as your mind has become more and more lust addled.
>If there’s a bed in here, it’ll be far too much work to uncover.
>You’ll go with the tried and tested ponystyle, for now.
>Lowering your front, you lift your tail high and look back at him, your eyes half open.
>You give him a dripping wink for emphasis.
>”Ooohh, I know this one,”
>He kneels against your rump and almost lays on top of you.
>His hand wraps around your breast.
>That’s not quite what you expect-
>You tense up, letting out a soft gasp as you feel his cocktip press to your dripping, winking sex.
>He kisses the back of your head and pushes in.
“Mwaaahhh...”
>You moan out, shuddering as you feel that length fill your tight, soaking wet pussy.
>You press back against his cock, hilting him, needing every last inch inside you.
>His other hand wraps around your neck.
>He’s currently inside you, and his first act is to hold you in a loving embrace.
>...Anon could turn the most debaucherous sex act into something made of pure love.
>For some reason, that thought turns you on more than anything else.
>You wink against his shaft, shivering and gasping as you feel your clit rub against his balls.
>He kisses the back of your head in response.
>”You ready, Moons?”
>Right.
>Nopony needs to hear this...even if they’ll smell it on your later.
>You levitate a book of respectable size over and bite down on it.
>You look back at Anon and nod.
>He kisses the back of your head again before starting to pull out...pulling back past that sweet spot of yours just before your clit.
>No, no, what is he doing?!
>When naught but the tip is inside you, he slams his whole cock into you.
“Nnnnnnn!”
>You’re rocked forward by that thrust, given no time to recover as he wastes no time in rutting you properly. 
>Drool starts to drip down that book as you squirm in his embrace.
>He starts kissing over your head-not breaking his rhythm.
>Your vision starts to blur.
>Even when he’s fucking you like a broodmare, he’s still able to show you how deeply he cares.
>It’s too much for you to handle.
“Nnnnn-Nanoooon!”
>You arch your back as a wave of pleasure washes over you.
>Your legs tremble, threatening to give out as your vagina spasms around his cock.
>But he keeps going through it.
>He doesn’t even slow down.
>You always thought "seeing stars" was an expression-but you’re certainly seeing them now.
>Your climax barely starts to subside when the second one hits.
”Nnnneeeeiiiiiggghhh!!” 
>The book you’ve been using as a gag falls to the floor, your forelegs buckling as you start to follow.
>But Anon’s arms hold you up.
>Your forehooves paw at the floor, knocking books around as you squirm mindlessly against him, groaning and whimpering all the while. 
>How is he still going?!
>He finally starts to slow down, allowing you to get your shaky hooves under yourself again.
>But he hasn’t came yet.
>You feel his hand wipe over your thighs, wiping up your fluids.
>He smears them over your...anus?!
>Your tongue lolling out, you look back at him, your eyes wide,
“Anon, whaaa…?”
>”Sshh” Is the only response you get as he pulls out of you.
>His arm slips from your chest.
>You let out a whimper, unable to stop from squirming as the underside of his cock drags against your clit as it exits your now oversensitive sex.
>You try to relax your...ponut as they call it now, feeling the tip of his cock pressing to it.
>His arm around your neck slips upwards.
>His hand grasps your muzzle, tilting your head all the way back, letting you see his sweat covered face.
>He presses into a kiss as he pushes his slick cock into your forbidden hole.
>You moan out into his mouth, shuddering heavily, your wings twitching as his stallionhood fills your rear.
>You’ve never done this before.  Shouldn’t it hurt?
>His cock’s so slick from your fluids that it just feels incredible-it feels so much larger back there than it did in your marehood.
>You shiver as you feel him hilt within you yet again.
>His balls rubbing against your sopping wet sex, his thighs pressing to your rump.
>That arm returns to hug your breast as Anon breaks that kiss.
>”You ok?” He gasps out.
“Yes...prithee, ravish me!”
>You use your magic to pull him back into that kiss.
>His arms squeeze you as he complies, pulling back to give short, hard thrusts into your rectum.
>It feels so depraved...so unnatural.
>But the love he’s showering you with as he does so…
>Almost despite yourself, you start to feel a third orgasm building.
>You were right.
>He truly CAN make the most perverse sexual act into one of pure love.
>You whimper into his mouth, panting through your nose as he ruts your rear.
>He starts thrusting faster, harder.
>His hands squeeze you as he pants right with you.  
>After thankfully not too long, he pulls from that kiss, crying out.
>”Gaah!”
>You can feel his cock spasm within you, shooting his thick, creamy seed into your depths.
>The sheer perversion is too much for you to handle.
>You give a deep nicker as you tense around his cock, your pussy spasming and giving a spurt of cum as you reach your third climax.
>It was weaker than the other two….but that’s fine.
>You couldn’t handle another moon sundering orgasm.
>You press back against him, panting away as he continues to give spurt after spurt of his seed.
>You can FEEL the cum in your rear.
>Once his own climax finally subsides, he gently pulls out of you.
>You have to clench to keep his fluids from following suit.
>”Thank you Luna,” He gasps out.
>With his arms slipping from you, you collapse onto your belly, your rear still in the puddle of cum you’ve made.
>He walks in front of you, his legs wobbly as well.
>Facing you, he collapses onto his own rump, his legs folding in front of him nicely.
>The two of you embrace each other.
>Your forelegs wrapped around his barrel, his arms embracing your neck.
>You kiss at his sweat covered chest.
“Neigh Anonymous...thank thee..”
>You don't care about the public's reaction anymore.
>The next few centuries will be wondrous indeed.

>You are Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus, Bringer of the Dawn, Harbinger of Harmony, blah blah blah you have too many titles.
>The gryphon ambassador is making thinly veiled threats again.
>You currently have smile #42 “concerned, but still listening intently” on as he carries on with his presentation.
>It’s a subtle art, those smiles.
>There’s a new Czar, which means a new upstart little tyrant who thinks he needs to make his mark on the world.
>They’re claiming a new part of the land bridge is ‘ancestral territory.’
>Do they not realize that you were alive when the borders of the two nations met for the first time?
>You were THERE at the first gryphon-pony conference.
>It ended in bloodshed.
>But you were just a foal, that one wasn’t your fault.
>You’re fairly certain if they knew Equestria no longer had the Elements of Harmony at its disposal, that they would declare war.
>You half zone out as you mentally check over your crises for just today.
>The minotaurs are accusing Discord of locking their king in an inescapable Labyrinth, the Diamond Dogs are kidnapping ponies yet again, the dragons are STILL demanding ten-fold reparations for Spike supposedly stealing from them, you’re fairly certain half of Appleoosa has been replaced by Changelings at this point, and Saddle Arabia is in the middle of an environmental disaster-something about black goo.
>Those are just the foreign crises.
>Fillydelphia currently has some vigilante calling herself ”The Batmare” running around beating up alleged criminals, the Manehatten police are being accused of racism for targeting Earth Ponies with some policy, Cloudsdale’s weather ponies are on strike, and it’s been a week, so Ponyville’s probably on fire. 
>Oh, you almost forgot.
>Your sister is currently crying in a room somewhere because you tried to hint that she needs to learn what discretion means.
>Absolutely everypony in Canterlot knows about her and Anon’s relationship by now.
>You’ve been briefed on the media’s reaction.
>It’s not good.
>You have to handle all this while galloping on roughly three hours of sleep because of her.
>The gryphon finally stops and looks at you expectantly.
>You don’t even know how he ended his tirade...you take a quick glance at what he’s written on the map in front of you two.
>847 B.E.A.
>That’s pre-Discord.
>You can work with this.
“Ambassador Ivanovitch.  While I understand the potential historical settlement of your people in that area, all sentient races-including the gryphon’s, I might add, signed the Consonus Pactum following the fall of Discord.  In case you were unaware, given the age of the document, it declared all historical claims-”
>Your lecture is cut short by the muffled sound of your sister whinnying out in orgasm yet again.
>...Unbelievable.
>She’s really doing this NOW?! AGAIN?!
>Is this to spite you for bringing it up in front of the servants?
>Or is she just rubbing Anon in your face?
>You eye your guards, who, following your nonverbal command, immediately canter off to “investigate” the situation.
>With a deep sigh, you close your eyes and try to maintain your composure.
>Nopony can get under your skin like she can.
>...Literally.
“All historical claims before Discord’s reign of terror null and void as, due to him, they were then made impossible to prove.  I’m sorry ambassador, but the Czar cannot claim that territory.”
>You open your eyes to see the gryphon...actually looking terrified.
>”W-what was that? I heard it last night too...”
“That was my sister’s battle cry. It means somepony’s going to be injured shortly.”
>When you get your hooves on her…
>She’s going to get such a booping.