>Death.
>Death is change.
>Death is the end.
>Death is the beginning.
>Death is the GREATEST MAN ALIVE!
>From the window that pears into the interdimensional void a blue sun in the shape of a skull descends from the nothingness.
>The blue light shines into the window and onto a magnifying glass that's tilied over a string.
>The light is amplified and burns through the string, which causes the ball it was attached to roll onto a track.
>The ball rolls down a long windy rail before exiting off at a desk and crashing into a small toy car.
>The momentum from the ball causes the car to go flying off the desk and land directly on my alarm next to my bed.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwiuR6SLy-0
>I awake.
"First fo- wait shit, I'm alone now."
>Damn I had a good one thought up too.
>Oh well.
>I throw off my sheets, revealing my already suited up body.
>Sleeping in clothes saves a ton of time when you're on a tight schedule like me.
>I enter my bathroom and grab a burrito from the medicine cabinet.
>Taking a bite, I walk to the tub and grab a measuring cup on top of the massive pile of sugar in the tub. 
>Having all I need, I head for my door and exit my 'home'...
>...And end up outside of a outhouse nearby Fluttershy's cottage.
>You see after we all made it back into Equestria as our separate beings most of us ended up with living with the ones we had the closest bond with.
>Sadly not all of us had a place to stay.
>First day in Equestria I was a homeless man.
>But thankfully since Discord gained all of his power back after Luna removed that pesky headband he was able to help me out.
>And thus he turned this outhouse into my house.
>Basically half the time when you open the door you either get a very run down toilet or the entrance to my killer pad in the chaos void.
>I call it Schrodinger's Shitter.
>Anyway I walk up to the cottage and give the door my signature three quick knocks.
"HEY TEMPERANCE! FLUTTERSHY! YOU HOME?"
>I hear a distance 'Fuck me not again' as the sound of footsteps gets closer before the door opens.
>"Good morning, Death."
>"Hello Mary."
>I open my mouth to speak but Temperance holds his hand up.
>"Let me guess. You need to borrow a cup of sugar."
>I grin
"You know it!"
>"Well your answer is no. Goodbye."
>"Temperance! Death is our friend. Of course he can borrow some sugar."
>"Shy he's been borrowing exactly one cup sugar every single fucking day! If he needs more he can buy it himself!"
"I can't afford it."
>"You hear that? It would be cruel of us not to help him out!"
>"He's clearly lying! And even if he isn't what the hell he is even doing with all of that sugar?"
"I bake."
>I feel Temperance staring at me behind his mask.
>"You bake."
"Affirmative."
>"..."
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"Just take it."
"THANK YOU!"
>I reach for a hug but all I get is a box of sugar to the face and a door slammed.
>I pour the contents of the box into my pocket and toss the box.
>This actually reminds me of that time wh-
>"Monologuing in your head again, Death?"
"Man, I told you not to interrupt my train of thought!"
>"Well excuuse me! I'll just be taking my leave."
"No no no! Dis, wait! I needed to speak to you anyway. Do you got the 'stuff'"
>"Yes yes, I have all sorts of recreational drugs."
>A coat appears on Discord's body and he opens it up.
>"What's your fancy today? Weed? Shrooms? They all cost a badger."
"What? No! I meant the letters!"
>"Oh right. That."
>A stack of envelopes appear in his hand.
"Yes you got them!"
>"Of course I did. It was a simple task for one as magnificent as myself."
>"Mhmm"
>I grab a letter and lightly open it.
>COME ON AN-
>I close it.
>It's perfect.
>How Discord was able to embed youtube links to paper I have no idea.
>I wonder if I can get him to print out some gifs for me.
>Actually if he does I cou-
>"Monologuing."
"Fuck you!"
>"By the by I quite like that image you have of me in your head, but I think I can make it better."
"What?"
>...
>I burst out laughing.
"Holy shit."
>"Oh you enjoyed that? Well you haven't seen nothing yet!"
>Discord prepares to do something but I stop him.
"Hehehaha.... That was funny but I can't stick around. I gotta carry out our plan."
>"Oh alright. Give those green men a good slamming for me. Ta ta!"
>Discord slams himself out of existence.
>...
>I'm not really sure what I just described either but he's gone.
>Anyway off to my first stop.
>Tower and Lovers house!
>Arriving at my destination I give the door my signature knock.
>"Oh hello Death. What bring you hear this morning?"
"Yo Trix! Is Tower here? I wanted to speak to him."
>"He's currently passed out in bed."
"Oh I see. Well I actually had this letter for him. Mind if I just leave it in the study?"
>"Sure go ahead, he won't mind."
>With that, Trixie leaves me to my own devices.
>Major mistake.
>He's gonna mind alright.
>Thankfully due to my habit of breaking into houses for the hell of it, I already know the layout of the place and quickly find the study.
>Once in the study I pull out the letter and look for a good place to put it.
>Then I notice something on the desk.
>Tower's mask.
"Oh man."
>The things I could do with that!
>Giggling, I take the mask and put the letter in it's place.
>Sure this isn't apart of the plan but man I can't pass this chance up.
>Anyway that's one down. Next is Justice.
>I quickly make my exit.
https://youtu.be/_MCcKyyptuM?list=PL3tZU636q_oo67AfXJAv96LT_vyIqUbka [Embed]
>"MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY!"
>Guess Tower woke up.
>Better skedaddle
>I make my way to Sugarcube Corner and enter.
>...
>And exit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XYBy1vCRQg
>"Son of a BITCH, MARY!"
>Kek.
>Next one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_XoXeSy8eM
>"MOTHERFUCKER"
>Next!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCeovAd7iOQ
>"You think that's funny Death? DON'T FORGET WHO PUT YOU IN THE RAPE CHAMBER!"
>N-n-n-next!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovWk0ODCExs
>"WHY IS THIS IN MY CLOSET!"
>Keep going!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA1hO7YfDvU
>"I'M GONNA KILL YOU DEATH!"
>Good luck! I'm behind seven proxies!
"Man I should I have said that."
>Damn.
>Anyway I'm currently crawling in Hanged Man vents to carefully place this letter above him.
>I can see him scribbling in something below me.
>I carefully tie the letter to a string and slowly descend it.
>"HAY-"
>SHIT!
>I pull it up.
>"-HANGED MAN WE'RE GOING ON A MARY RAID. YOU WANT IN?"
>"Ok, What did he do this time?"
>"SOMETHING ABOUT SLAMMING TOWER EVERYONE'S AFTER HIM. NO ONE KNOWS WHO HE WILL SLAM NEXT."
>"Yeah I'll be there in just a sec."
>Aw fuck.
>This wasn't apart of the plan.
>Okay okay. As long as I can make it back home I'm pretty much homefree.
>I make my way back out of the vents and to the outside.
>"I SEE HIM! HE'S CRAWLING OUT OF HANGED MAN'S PLACE!"
>FUCK
>I make a break for it and dart to the nearest allyway.
>"HE WENT THAT WAY!"
"NOT GONNA CATCH ME!"
>I make it to the otherside and into a crowd of ponies.
>Thank god most pones are small enough to jump right over.
>"Hey!"
"Sorry!"
>"Watch it!"
"Excuse me!"
>"Do it that again!"
"Not today Lyra!"
>As I'm hopping I take a look behind me and see the masked Legion of men making their way towards me with surprising speed.
"CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"
>"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT MARY!"
"ROOD!"
>Fuck they're gaining on me.
>My eyes dart around and I spot Purplesmart's castle.
>IDEA!
>I start making my way towards there...
>When a green man jumps from nowhere infront of me!
>"I GOT YOU!"
"NOT TODAY!"
>I move my hand faster than I knew I could and reach for my pocket.
"POCKET SUGAR!"
>"FUCK MY EYES!"
"NOTHIN PERSONELL MAGICIAN!"
>I make my way past him and finally arrive at my destination.
>I pull out Tower's Mask and equip it.
>Five steps into the castle and I'm greeted by Twilight.
>"Oh hello Tower. What's up?"
"I'm just here to pick up a spellbook for this new performance me and Trixie are doing. Mind if I grab it?"
>Please don't notice I'm not him.
>I can feel the gods roll a d20 in the heavens.
>"Oh sure no problem. Do you need help finding it? I got nothing better to do since Priestess ran out to join some 'raid'"
>I feel like I just got myself A NAT 20 BABY!
"No I got it, thanks."
>I quickly turn the corner when I hear my pursuers bust in.
>"TWILIGHT YOU SEEN DEATH?"
>"No but I did just see Tower."
>"HE'S USING TOWERS MASK. WHICH WAY DID HE GO?"
>FUCK!
>I start sprinting down the hallway.
>I make many twists and turns while slowly heading upwards...
>And on to the roof.
>Fuck there's no exit from here.
>I'm trapped.
>I make my way to the edge.
>Man it's a nice view from up here.
>All those ponies look like ants.
>Speaking of ants I-
>"Mooooooonooooolooooguing..." A familiar voice whispers from nowhere.
>Quit interrupting my thoughts!
>Fuck, what was I thinking about?
>"MARY!"
>SHIT!
>I turn around.
>"THERE'S NO PLACE TO RUN!"
>"TIME TO GET SOME PAYBACK!"
>"I WANT MY MASK BACK DAMN IT!"
"Uh. I'm sorry?"
>"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"
>"WE'RE GONNA TIE YOU UP LIKE A PINATA AND BEAT YOU!"
>"AND THEN I'M THROWING YOU IN THE RAPE DUNGEON!"
"Ha! I know for a fact that only existed inside Anon! It doesn't exist anymore!"
>"WE ALL RECREATED IT BEFORE HUNTING YOU DOWN!"
>...
"FUCK!"
>I turn around and jump off the roof.
>Death is better than going back in there.
>"OH SHIT HE JUMPED!"
>Is the last thing I hear as the howling wind blocks all sound.
>Well this is it.
>My ending.
>Never thought I would die like this.
>Huh.
>Facing my own Death is kinda peaceful.
>I wonder if it's gonna hurt?
>My life starts to flash before my eyes...
>I'm at a bar drinking with my main man Discord.
"So what did you drag me out here to say?"
>"I finally figured it out."
"Figured what?"
>"Why hot dogs come in packages of ten, but hot dog buns only come in packages of just eight!"
>"See, the thing is, life doesn't always work out according to plan so be happy with what you've got, because you can always get a hot dog!"
"Oh. That makes sense."
>I take a sip of my drink.
>...
>Wait.
"That makes no sense! Why did you drag me out here just to say that and actually, what the hell are we doing at a bar? I don't even drink!"
>"Oh Death lighten up! You're about to go splat on the ground in a couple seconds. Why not enjoy your last moments with me?"
"What?"
>Oh shit wait.
>This is my flashback.
>I guess that explains why everything's black and white.
>Man it's like a Noir flim in here.
>I just wanna put on a fedora an-
>...
"Not gonna stop me?"
>"Stop you from what?"
"God damn it. Nevermind."
>"Anyway I should get to the real point here."
>Discord hands me a small orb.
>"Use that to get out of this sticky situation. Chao!"
"Huh? Wait how do I-"
>I snap out of it and my fall resumes.
>I look at my hand and somehow I'm still holding the orb.
>The ground is approaching quickly.
>By instinct I take the orb and smash it right at the spot I'm gonna land!
>A portal rips open in spacetime...
"BAAAAAANZAAAAAI!"
>And I fall through it.
>On the other side I notice I'm still falling.
>Which would be bad if there was still ground underneath me.
>Now there's just the local lake waiting to break my fall.
"BASED DISCORD!"
"DEEAAAAATHHH WINS AGAIN!"
>Laughing, I do a cannonball and make a massive splash.
>I'm quickly submerged in water and start sinking.
>I better swim up to th-
>Oh shit!
>I forgot!
>I can't swim!

MARY DROWNED

And was probably rescued by someone later. 

THE END