>You don’t know why Celestia was so serious about Anon.
>He seems like such a nice guy.
>”Princess Twilight, there’s someone here to see you,” says one of the guards entering your circular throne room.
“Please, just Twilight will do. And send them in.”
>”The Princess will see you now.”
>The armored pony steps to the side, making way in the door for a towering figure to enter.
>Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
>The suited human walks into your throne room with a warm smile plastered on his face.
“Lord Anonymous? What brings you here?” you sit up.
>Anon makes it half way to your throne and bows his head.
>“Greetings, your highness. Do forgive me. Certain matters at home forbade me from attending your coronation.”
>He lifts his head to meet your stare.
>You giggle and wave him off.
“Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t that important anyway.”
>”Not important? All due respect, it was a momentous day—surely one for the history books.”
“You flatter me.”
>”I only speak the truth, your highness. Your coronation marks the day when friendship overcame the power of magic itself.”
>Friendship has overcome a lot over the years.
>It helped you defeat many threats. Tangible threats.
>Yeah, it is sort of cool that friendship beat magic.
>You smile and nod.
“I guess it was sort of neat. Shame you couldn’t make the event though.”
>”What I lacked in person, I gave in spirit. Was the cake to your liking?”
“That was your doing? Oh it was wonderful! I only wish I had more.”

>The human beams and claps.
>”Right so! I’ll arrange for my baker to swing by with another piece for you. You know, he’s been trying his hoof at other pastries as well. You strike me for a muffin girl.”
“I did have a few out of town. They weren’t that good though.”
>”Perhaps we’ll share some over tea. How’s tomorrow?”
>Tomorrow? Well, you actually had plans.
>You and the girls were supposed to have a big spa day together to celebrate the success of your recent adventure.
>Although you can visit the spa any time. Anon *did* come all the way out here just to see you.
>What’s one cup of tea?
“I’d like that.”
>His smile grows ever so slightly.
>”I think you’ll love the snacks.”

>As quickly as he arrived, Anon had left.
>Such an interesting fellow. You’re looking forward to tea tomorrow.
>Maybe he’ll regale you with some stories of his duchy.
>The girls will understand.
>Right?
“Spike?” you call out.
>Your tiny purple companion enters and stands at attention.
“Take a letter.”
>You say a few apologies, personalized for each of your friends of course, and send them out.
>”Anything else I can do for you, Twilight?” the dragon asks gleefully.
“No, that’ll be it.”
>”Anything?”
“No Spike, I don’t need anything.”
>”Please?”
>Persistent.
>Well, you could freshen up.
“Draw a bath, please.”
>Spike salutes and dashes off in a puff of smoke.

>The following day, you were escorted by a group of guards you couldn’t seem to shake and arrived just outside the castle.
>The sun up high said it was noon, and the large ornate carriage tugged by a pack of diamond dogs said someone was here to see you.
>You wait for the door to open but it never does.
>”Good afternoon, your highness,” a familiar voice shouts.
>You crane your neck, knocking your crown to the side, and see Lord Anonymous sitting at an already set-up table.
>Moving the crown back in place, you wave to him and trot over.
>He stands from his chair and walks around the table, pulling yours out.
“You’re here early,” you say as you take a seat.
>He pushes you in and retreats to his own side.
>”Late implies unreliability. On time implies simple punctuality. Early implies readiness and dependability. I like to put that image forth.”
>He smiles and surveys the group of guards surrounding you.
>”Shall I fetch some extra cups?”

>You shake your head and gesture for them to leave.
>The guards look at you with the same straight face they always wear.
>After another attempt, they back off a few feet, then leave all together.
>You sigh, and once they’re out of sight, remove your crown.
“They can be so annoying sometimes.”
>”They mean well.”
>Anon picks up a teapot from the center of the table and pours into two cups.
>The steam rises, and after he sets the pot down, carefully moves a cup to you.
“Lovely set. What part of Saddle Arabia did you buy it from?”
>”You noticed the markings? Sorry to disappoint, but these are knock-offs. Homemade, I’m afraid.”
“Seriously? Only magic can move a paint brush so skillfully,” you gawk at the intricate lines on the small cup.
>”Fingers have their use. You’d be surprised what I can do with these little digits. All the spaces they fit in.”
>”But,” he lifts a box from the ground and sets it on the table. “We’re not here to discuss my fingers.”
>The human opens it up and reveals two rows of muffins.
>”When I told my baker these were for the Princess herself, he was beside himself and made plenty. I’ve never seen the fellow work so hard.”
“They look delicious.”
>Taking one in your magical grip, you lift one out of the box and hover it towards your mouth.
>The sudden clopping of hooves makes you jump, and seemingly out of nowhere, a guard bursts forth and takes a large bite of your pastry.

>He chews long, thoughtfully, and swallows hard.
>You glare at him as he stands there for a while.
>”All safe, Princess,” he states.
“I’m perfectly capable of eating my own food.”
>”It could be poisoned.”
“Who would poison me?”
>The guard gives Anon a wry look.
“What, because he’s human?”
>Anon lowers his head, still smiling.
>”It’s understandable, your highness. I’m a strange creature. Perhaps hostile. How would he know? A faithful guard takes no chances, isn’t that right?”
>With that, he takes a muffin for himself and bites into it.
>”I will say though, it’d be awful lame of me to eat my own poisoned muffin. Would you like to check the tea too, sir?”
>Your guard hesitates. “That…won’t be necessary.”
>”I insist. A faithful guard takes no chances. Besides, I don’t want my honor to be further questioned.”
>He offers your guard his cup and lets him take a few sips.
>He nods and trots off back into the great unknown.
“I’m so sorry about that,” you bury your head in your hooves.
>Blast those guards. Embarrassing you in front of Anon.
>”No worries. You’re an important pony. I wish I had guards like that, to be honest. It must be nice knowing you’re loved so dearly by so many.”
“It’s just because I’m a princess now.”
>”Don’t think of it like that. You had close friends before, right? A group that would have given it all for you?”
>You nod and fetch a new unsullied muffin.
>”You were only a librarian. Now that you’re a princess, your name is out there. Your face is shown for all to adore. It makes sense the larger your personality, the larger your following, wouldn’t you say? Proportionality and all that.”
“I suppose so.”

>The rest of your time is pretty uneventful.
>He talks, you talk, he replies, you reply.
>He even laughs at all your bad jokes.
>Even the one with the mollusk and the sea cucumber. Not even Pinkie Pie laughs at that one.
>Alas, your friend had to go.
>After exchanging farewells, he retreated back to his carriage and rode off.
>The second he was gone, your flock of guards returned.
>”Did he hurt you?”
>”What did he say?”
>”Don’t you listen to him girl, you’re your own independent mare and you aint need no man.”
>You wish these stallions were mollusks so they couldn’t follow you around.
>What if Anon was a guard? He’d always be at your side.
>No, that wouldn’t work. He’s not suited for guard duty.
>Maybe you could just give him a reason to visit more often.
>Perhaps some land in Equestria? Then he wouldn’t need any special occasion to swing by.
>Yeah, you can do that.
>The girls would love him too.
>Boy, you can’t wait to tell Celestia how wrong she was.
>Anon really is a nice guy. He’s not anything like the devious and vindictive creature she made him out to be.

>”You what?” Celestia bursts.
“I gave him a few acres of land on the border. I don’t see the issue.”
>The sun princess opens her mouth to shout again, but holds her tongue.
>She plots herself heavily on her throne and sighs.
>”My faithful student, you’ve successfully accomplished the one thing I told you not to do.”
“Oh come on, Princess. You’re putting him in a bad light.”
>”You trusted him. Do you know how grave a mistake you’ve made?”
>You shake your head and trot up the stairs until beside her.
>Gently, you begin to stroke her back.
“It’s fine. He means the best, I can tell.”
>The princess is silent while you caress her.
>Actually, this is the first time in a very long time when you’ve been this close to her.
>If the circumstances were different, you’d be ecstatic.
>Oh, who are you kidding? You’re giddy now as it is.
>”Twilight, did I ever tell you about the time I first met Anon?” Celestia finally speaks.
“Not unless it was through fragments and metaphors.”
>”It was a great many years ago, just a short while before I took you under my wing, actually.”
>She picked her head up to look into your eyes.
>”You were such an adorable filly. Such a powerful filly. Your burst of magic apparently tore a hole through dimensions and brought a new being to the land.”
>Wait, how old is Anon?
>”We found him sitting in a ditch wearing nothing but old and tattered rags. When we approached him, I could feel the fear radiating from the poor thing, and he tried to run, shouting in some odd tongue.”
“And now look.”
>”Yes. Now look. Twilight, please listen to me. As a ruler, you must cut ties with that human.”

”But why? You paint him as such a monster, but he’s done no wrong by me. Besides, with his wealth, I’m sure he could be a great ally to the kingdom.”
>”I’ve known him a long time, Twilight. That human was teleported to Equestria with nothing. He had no land, no money, no allies, and not even a common language. He has since risen to great power. Do you really think it was all honest?”
“If it wasn’t, you’d have stopped him.”
>”I tried my best to show him the magic of friendship. It was so hard. So very hard. And…”
>”Well anyway, he left the country and my jurisdiction. He conquered. Now he’s dug his claws into you.”
“Fingers.”
>”What?”
“They’re fingers.”
>”Figure of speech.”
“Princess, trust me. I’m not a filly anymore. I’m a strong independent mare, and I can make my own decisions.”
>You give the Princess a big hug that she returns.
>Oh yeah, this is nice.
“What if we hold a ball right here in Canterlot? He could come and then you’d see how much he’s changed.”
>Celestia thinks for a minute.
>Slowly, she begins to nod.
>”Why don’t you go and prepare that? In the mean time, I’ve business to attend to with my sister.”
>Beaming at her, you give one final squeeze and leap away, flying off to make preparations.

>”My lord, letter do poofpoof. It say from Equestria”
>You, Lord Anonymous, set down a paintbrush and turn away from your canvas.
>A faithful doggish servant stands in the door to your chamber with a letter in his mouth.”
“Would you care to read it for me? I’m a tad busy at the moment.”
>”I’m not good read. Can give time please?”
“I’m in no hurry,” you say, turning back to canvas. 
>Where were you? There was a river somewhere on this thing.
>Blast, lost your train of thought.
“No hurry at all…”
>”Dear Lord Anonymous, we formally invite they…thee! We formally invite thee to attend a ball—ball? My Lord, will give ball?”
“Will read letter?”
>”Oh yeah. We formally invite thee to attend a ball in Can…C-Canter…Canterlot! In honor of your new post on? Piston. In honor of your new piston.”
“Position?”
>”That too.”
>Ah, there’s the river.
>You smile and pick up the paintbrush again, dab it with some blue, and get to work on the painting.
>”Do you reply?”
>You let the imaginary water flow down the canvas, clean the brush, and find some lighter hues to work with for the ripples.
“Yes. Tell them I’d be glad to, wait, not you. Find Cerberus and tell *him* to write a letter. Say I’d be honored to come and look forward to reuniting with the Princesses.”
>”Yes, my lord.”
>Scratching behind you says the dog has run off.
>The diamond dogs mean well. They just lack in the brain department is all.

>Good, with the river done, you can focus on the house.
>Well, could.
>A certain fluttering of wings draws your attention to the window.
“Well well, how lucky am I? It’s not every day a man might lay eyes on the rare green-eyed pigeon of the Bad Lands.”
>”Very funny,” it squeaks out.
>The bird flies into the room and takes a perch on your shoulder.
>”What’s this supposed to be?” it asks absently.
“I’m not sure myself. Never mind that though, what news do you have for me?”
>The bird leans in close to your ear and whispers a few things about Celestia and Luna.
>Naughty.
“And you’re sure of this?”
>”I saw it myself.”
“You lucky thing.”
>”Want To see it now? I’m quite the acrobat.”
>You laugh more loudly than intended, but that one got you right in the sides.
“That won’t be necessary, I believe you.”
>”Your loss. Now what about my gain?”
>You set the brush down once again and stand, taking the bird into your hand.
>It wriggles free and hops up on your finger.
“You’re still in the west, correct?” you ask on your way to the window.
>The bird nods.
“Then the east will be quite busy tonight. Have fun.”
>With that, you send it off.

>A fortnight passes rather quickly.
>A few times, you contemplated letting the days and nights last a little longer to push back the date in a way.
>You can do that because you’re Princess Celestia.
>But like all pebbles in the river of time, you were swept up and forced down regardless of your wishes.
>Tonight is the night of the ball Twilight insisted on.
>It’ll be the first time you’ve seen Anon in a decade.
>Well on the bright side, it’s sure to be more eventful than the Gala.
>Now that’s a day you dread.
>Well, best get yourself ready.
>A princess must look presentable for any event, wanted or not.
>After an appropriate amount of time getting dressed and grooming your mane, you set out.
>The moon has just risen ala your sister, meaning the ball should be in full swing by now.
>As you descend the stairs, the sound of music and laughter get louder and louder.
>Once you’re in sight of the ball-goers, a suited pony rushes to your side and shouts over the music.
>”We now present Her royal highness, ruler of the Kingdom of Equestria and satellite nations, Harbinger of Light, and Guardian of Friendship, Princess Celestia.”
>Titles titles titles. You should get that last one changed. It’s Twilight’s gig now.
>There is a light cheer from the ballroom floor. Many ponies take their bows, others clap.
>You smile softly and descend the stairs. 
>As idle chat is made with assorted nobles, you keep an eye out for your faithful student.
>She’s usually on you right away at these sorts of gatherings. The poor dear hates to be apart for too long.

>”Princess,” calls that voice you love.
“Excuse me, Lord River Runner, it seems I’m needed elsewhere.”
>You wave goodbye to the water wheel tycoon and turn your attention to the guest of honor.
“Twilight!”
>The lavender pony rushes up and gives you a big hug.
>”It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s only been two weeks, my dear.”
>”Only, yeah.”
>She pulls away.
“Did you just arrive?”
>She shakes her head and points off to the snack table.
>”I was preoccupied, sorry. Anon was telling me about this strange doggish custom where since they drink with the back of their tongue, if you hold the front of it out at someone, it’s some sort of insult.”
“How does that work?”
>”I don’t know, but I aim to find out one day. Come on,” she gestures for you to follow.
>The princess walks away, leading you through the crowd and coming upon the long and decorated table.
>On it are too many pastries to count, all of which are too bland for your taste. Because they were royally made for the ball though, ponies seem to love them.
>Anon stands there, plate in hand, talking to some young foal about something that has his eyes wide open.
>Ah, to be young.
>You cough to get his attention. It works.
>”Pardon me, little guy.”
>He turns and as soon as his eyes meet yours, he beams.
>”Celestia!”
>The man sets down the plate rather quickly and reaches out to give you a hug. 
>It’s a bit off putting since usually nothing is tall enough to reach your chest, but he manages to put his face right next to yours.
“Down boy.”
>He chuckles and lets go, then wipes down his suit as if you’d dirtied it.
>”Forgive me. It’s just been so long since I’ve seen you.”
“I know,” you say flatly

>He looks at you for a second and then nods.
>”Right. Well, I’m glad I’m here tonight. It’s been so nice catching up with young Twilight.”
“She’s a good conversationalist.”
>”*She* is right here,” Twilight interjects.
>Suddenly Anon seems worried. He pats down his pants for something, and then turns to Twilight.
>”Twilight, it seems I’ve left my gift in the carriage. Could you be a lamb and fetch it for me?”
>The lavender pony nods and trots off for the door, leaving yourself and the human alone.
>He sighs and picks up the plate again.
“Gift?” you ask. 
>Gifts weren’t required.
>”You haven’t aged a day, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
>”Don’t play coy. You look as radiant and young as you did the day we first met. Those were the days, weren’t they?”
“You mean with you wreaking havoc through the castle and annoying the maids? Coming late for lessons? Pulling all numerous pranks on me?”
>”I can almost remember it like it was yesterday. But then, for you, it was.”
>You frown and hover a snack plate over for yourself.
“You learned fast ‘yesterday’. Even I was shocked at how quickly you picked up our language and culture.”
>”Maybe it just seems fast for you. I’m sure everything does.”
“What are you getting at?”
>Anon holds his hand out and brushes your mane, sending a shiver down your spine you hide with the bite of a cupcake.
>”I’m just a goldfish swimming around in his cramped little bowl. Every revolution takes an eternity to make, but to you, the onlooker, it’s but a few seconds. Celestia, you haven’t forgotten, have you?”
“Forgotten what?”

>”You’re not a pony. You’re nothing close to one. Ponies live out their lives like candles. Fast, and occasionally bright, but they all die in the end. You’re immortal. You’ll never know the trials of a goldfish, or the pain of a candle that knows it’s nearing the end of its wick.”
>He steps away from you.
>”I’m getting old, Celestia. The river of time has done cruel things to me, but you stand in the center like an immovable boulder, immune to age and the dripping sands.”
>You study his face.
>It looks deeper than a decade ago. The lines are more pronounced. The eyes more intense.
>He looks almost pained, but it’s clearly just a lie.
>”You have eternity to rule Equestria. What have I got?”
“Money you stole? Land you tricked away from my student?”
>He sighs ”Money and land. That’s all everything boils down to, isn’t it? How much gold you can stuff in your pocket, and how big of a house you can hide in when things get tough.”
“Are things getting tough for you?” you prod, thinking you’re getting to the bottom of his game.
>”Things are things. Don’t think for a second I’d hide from them, though. No no, life is too short to hide. That is, life is too short for me.”
“So what do you intend to do?”
>”I can’t take my money to the grave. I can father no sons to give my land to. Everything I am will die with me. What do you expect me to do? I’ll have fun.”
>He takes another bite of the dull muffin on his plate.
“This is fun to you? The game of politics?”
>The human smiles and shakes his head.
>”The political aspect is quite boring, actually. No, I’ll have fun getting what I want. I’ll have fun playing with it until father time strikes me down and the gods above judge me for my sins.”
“And what do you want?”
>”Things to play with. Money, land, power.”
>In a bolt, he closes the distance between the two of you and whispers into your ear.
>”You.”

>”I found it,” calls Twilight as she arrives back at the scene.
>You can just barely feel the air on your ear from the human’s low laugh as he retracts.
>Twilight holds a rather large, though thin, box in the air.
>She pushes it towards Anon, but he gestures for her to open it.
>It’s for her, he says.
>The princess tears into the box like filly on Presentmas.
>When the wrapping is gone and the box it open, out floats a framed painting.
>It looks familiar.
>”Wow, did you make this?”
>”Consider that your coronation gift.”
>Now you recognize it. It’s a near replica of one of the paintings in your royal gallery.
“You must have a good memory. You haven’t seen that picture in fifteen years at least.”
>”Quite the terribly memory, actually, but that one is precious to me. Who am I to talk about precious, though? I’m sure you know a great deal more than me on the subject.”
“How so?”
>”Why, your dear sister must be very precious to you after a thousand years apart. I know I’d be spending every night with a sibling if we were separated that long.”
>You gulp.
>”Tell us, Celestia. How are you and Luna making up for lost time?” he asks with a smug grin.
>Twilight looks on obliviously.
“We talk.”
>”Kinky?”
“Excuse me?” 
>You break out into a slight sweat.
>”Are there any kinks in your relationship?” he clarifies.
>With a smile, you shake your head.

>”Are you sure? I would have thought it’d be very kinky after the rough patch you had.”
“I don’t know what you’re implying.”
>”I think you do.”
“How do you know all of this?”
>The human sets down his plate and rests a hand on Twilight’s head.
>He ruffles her mane and gestures for her to follow as he walks away.
>”A trained ear catches many whispers, Princess.”
>”See, Celestia?” Twilight speaks up.
>You look down at her.
>”He’s concerned for you. He does mean well.”
“I…well I…”
>”I’ve got to go, Princess. We’ll catch up later?”
>You give a slight nod and watch as she trots off, catching up to Anon.
>Twilight was right.
>He’s nothing like what you thought he was.
>He’s gotten worse.

“So we tax cheaper foreign goods in order to create competition that keeps our own market strong and healthy,” you, Twilight Sparkle, recap.
>”Exactly. You’re such a good student,” replies your human friend.
>You giggle and nudge Anon.
>Since the ball a few days ago, he’s been so helpful to you, what with taking time out of the day to visit you in your study and go over royal duties.
>Kind of being thrown into the princess position, you didn’t really know what to do yourself, and all the books on it were a tad confusing.
>Apparently it never occurred to Celestia you might need help. Or maybe she respected you too much to offer.
>Yeah, she respected you too much.
>Does that mean Anon doesn’t respect you though?
>”If you need help on anything else, just ask me. I’m always there for friends.”
>No, he’s just your friend.
>Silly Twilight.
>A good, tall friend who also happens to be knowledgeable of the finer arts, a good workman with his hands, well-rounded, generous…
>Even the marks of age are appealing.
>He’s pretty much the perfect stallion in human form.
>You’re so glad he’s your…friend.
>”Everything alright?” he asks.
>You’re suddenly aware of the hard, pensive face you’ve been wearing.
“Yes, yes everything is fine. I was just thinking.”
>”Penny for your thoughts?”
“What?”
>”Human phrase, sorry. What were you thinking of?”
“Nothing. Just Celestia. Yeah, I was thinking about her.”
>”I feel you. It’s hard to keep her off the mind sometimes.”
“What do you mean? You’re not thinking of her now are you? Not when you’re with me?”
>He laughs loudly, much to your embarrassment.
>”No, but I will say you remind me of her,” he says, regaining control of himself.
>Your ears flick up at that.
>”She’s such a strong mare, isn’t she? You’re both brave, so brave, and kind too. Maybe a bit ditzy at times, but I can see bright as day a spark of great intelligence behind your eyes.”
>A strong blush washes over your face, followed by a giggle.
>Not only do you remind him of your idol, but he thinks you’re smart. That’s almost as cool in itself.
>As you open your mouth to speak, he puts a finger against it and makes a soft shushing noise.
>”Excuse me, my dear. It seems a poor bird has lost its way. I’ll be right back,” he says.
>The human rises from his chair and heads over to the window where a peculiar green-eyed bird sits.
>He cares about animals too!

>”And then he implied you and I do naughty things in our free time,” Celestia huffs, sprawled out across your bed.
>Thou, as Princess Luna, shrug.
“Tis not a fabrication.”
>”Of course it isn’t. The problem is he knows.”
“Does he really? Might it be a mere bluff to ruffle thy feathers? It appears to have been most effective.”
>The sun princess glares at thee and rises from the sheets.
>Once more, she goes into a rant detailing how the human is a devilish force aiming only to stir trouble with his free pass to Equestria.
>Tis becoming quite tiresome, truthfully.
>How many days hath thee been troubled with such simple matters?
>Thou hast more pressing items to attend to, such as…well, more important items.
>The names of such will become clear later.
>When such items come forth into existence.
>The point is, thou art drained.
“Dear sister, find it in thy heart to silence thyself. I grow weary of thy tales.”
>”Wha, I—but Luna. You need to know about this. You can’t let him dig his claws into you too.”
“I know well enough to take his words with generous amounts of salt.”
>”That’s what Twilight said.”

“Is it?”
>”Well, not as eloquently.”
“Dost thou find mine words agreeable?” thou ask as a smile works its way upon thy face.
>”Most.”
“Sophisticated?” thy words grow quieter as the distance closes.
>”Very much so.”
“Art thou aroused?” 
>Tis but a whisper.
>”Incredibly,” the princess replies.
>Thou steps back and revels in the sudden pout that dances on Celestia’s visage.
“Thou art most easy to play with. Tis foalplay to worm beneath thy skin, dear sister.”
>The princess huffs and removes herself from thy sheets.
>”Have your laugh. I’m leaving.”
>Suddenly, thou rest a hoof on her shoulder.
>With none too much effort, thou force her to lay down once more on the bed.
“How now, Celestia. When did I dismiss thee? Thou hast done a fantastic job at boring me, now I require recompense.”
>A lewd look comes over her.
>”And how do I make up for that?”
“I will find ways.”

>Anon finally lets the pigeon go and turns to you, Twilight.
“Interesting conversation?” you joke.
>”Oh, you know animals. Chatty things.”
>”You’ve spent long enough in this stuffy castle, don’t you think? Tell you what,” he says, approaching you and laying his hands firmly on your shoulders. “Since you’ve been such a wonderful host to me, let me show you the same hospitality.”
“All the way in the Diamond Dog Kingdom?”
>”Let me make you a nice dinner as thanks for all this.”
>He walks away and flexes those dexterous digits of his.
>”I’m quite the cook, you know.”
>You didn’t even know how bad you wanted this until he said it.
“It sounds wonderful. I’d love t—“
>All the way in the Diamond Dog Kingdom. That’s actually pretty far away.
>Not to mention another whole kingdom.
>You sigh, realizing your guards would never allow that.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. My keepers would never let me get that far away from them.”
>”By all means, bring them. There’s more than enough room at my manor, I assure you.”
“You mean it? I couldn’t impose like that.”
>”I insist! That place is too big anyway; it could do with a nice cramping.”
>He’s so enthusiastic about it.
>Your guards may like the mini vacation themselves.
“I’d have to move a few things around,” you say, trying to play up your importance. “So when do we leave?”
>”How’s right away do you for?”
“I’ll call the guards.”

>After many hours of Twilight rambling on about this and that, all of which you listened to intently, you arrived at your manor.
>Finally. You’d kill for some time alone in the kitchen at this point.
>The door to your carriage opens, and you hop right out.
>After a mighty stretch that sends a wave of tiredness through you, you help Twilight out.
“Cerberus, could you tend to the others while I take our guest inside?” you ask the suited dog at your door.
>His head slowly pans to the train of much smaller, less decorated carriages numbering in triple digits.
>His ears flop back, but he nods and gets on the task.
>When you said Twilight should bring her guard, you didn’t expect this many.
>It works better for your plan, but you certainly didn’t think you were having a ball tonight.
>”It’s so big,” Twilight says in awe.
>The massive structure stands two, three stories tall?
>Several towers sprout from the front and sides, so maybe a bit taller. It’s not like they lead anywhere important though.
>Except for that one on the left. That’s your favorite room in the whole manor.
>It gets constant sunlight the whole day and has a wonderful view of the lake down the way.
>On the really nice nights, you can see the moon reflecting perfectly off the still water.
“It was built way back when the kingdom was smaller. Less land was needed to house the dogs, so everything was built larger. Would you like a tour?”
>She nods and follows you inside.
>You push open the huge oak door and let the lavender princess in, only to hear her gasp.
>”It looks just like the Canterlot castle inside.”
“I guess there are just some things I couldn’t part with when I left.”
>”I had a hard time leaving the castle too. I was almost tempted to have the whole treebrary done over in marble. Pretty crazy, huh?”
“You’re an absolute madmare,” you joke and begin walking her through the place.

>”Why did you leave?” she suddenly asks halfway through your grand tour.
“Why? That’s an involved story.”
>”We’ve got all night.”
“Correction, I’ve got all night. I don’t want to return you to your keepers tomorrow all tired. You still need your beauty sleep, young girl.”
>”Oh come on, I’m not a foal. Just tell me.”
>She looks on at you with those huge puppy eyes.
>One story never killed anyone.
>That’s a lie. *This* story never killed anyone, at least.
>You concede and walk to the end of the hallway where a large red couch sits.
>Plotting yourself down, you think of a place to start.
>”Should I get popcorn?”
“It’s not that exciting, sadly. Now, I guess I should say it all started back on Earth, but that’s boring. You don’t want to hear about all that junk, so I’ll skip to my little jump.”
>A rather rude one. You were just going about your day when suddenly a huge…you still don’t know how to explain it, appeared in front of you.
>It was like a hole, but when you examined the sides, it was 2D. It didn’t lead anywhere.
>Touching it was probably the worst mistake you ever made. But then, it may have also been the best decision too.
>You traveled through an LSD-fueled rollercoaster for a little while before being spit out in the middle of nowhere. At least, what you thought was nowhere.
>Horses. Clearly not a sign of civilization, right?
“And that was when I met her. My appearance caused quite the ruckus, and the princess went out to investigate right away.”
>”That was my fault, sorry.”
“I know all about your little outburst. Don’t worry, I’m not mad. Anyway, there she was. This giant animal clad in gold, surrounded by teams of armored ponies. It was all so new to me, and it happened fast. I was so scared I just up and ran away.”
>A small laugh escapes your lips. “Ponies are fast.”

“This strange pony took me under her wing as a student of sorts. With her, I learned your colorful language. Once that barrier was down, I think we really started to bond.”
>”She’s a good teacher, isn’t she?”
“Exceptional.”
>”How many good noodle points did you get with her?”
>You shoot the princess a wry look. “I was a dumb man, not a foolish child.”
>She pouts and hangs her head a bit.
>Holding her head, you nudge it into your chest and begin stroking her mane.
>She sighs contentedly and relaxes in your grip.
“Things were great. I had the entire castle to run around in while she was busy with other duties like running the country or teaching her favorite unicorn. After I messed something up, she’d make me apologize to whoever it was, and then she’d scold me. Sometimes I caused trouble just to hear her rant afterwards.”
>Twilight giggles at that.
“I hoped those days would never end. But…they did. One day, I saw you walking through the halls. You were half my height, Twilight. When you first arrived, you barely reached my shin. It suddenly hit me how much time was passing. I went to the mirror and saw the losing war age was waging on my face. I went to Celestia with my problems, hoping she could help. Do you know what I saw?”
>”What?”
“Her, Celestia, sitting regal as ever on her high throne. The sunlight danced off her pristine coat. Her ethereal mane flowed in that imaginary breeze. She was stunning in every sense of the word. More than that, she was the same. She didn’t look one day older than when I first met her in my ditch.”
>You were scared.
>You were aging every second, and Celestia was frozen.
>She was the breathing reminder of your mortality.
>You would wither away and die, and she would live on as if you never existed.
>That thought chilled you to your bones.
>You didn’t want to die. You didn’t want to be forgotten.
>”Anon?”

“Huh?”
>”You’ve been quiet for a while.”
“Oh…have I?”
>She nods.
>”So you were in the throne room?”
“I…yes, the throne room. I saw her and I realized I’d done nothing with my life so I left. I left and made something of it.”
>You left to go become something worth remembering.
>Years of playing this game have taught you otherwise.
>There is no remembering.
>The same fate that befalls all mortals will one day befall you, and nobody will so much as whisper your name afterwards.
>It’s not that that scares you though. It’s the idea that at least while being remembered, your memory will live on. As it stands, everything will just…end.
>Story over.
>Close the book.
>The darkness. The void. The nothingness.
>You don’t want to be a part of that.
>You want to live, even if as a fragment.
>You *will* live. If everything goes as planned, that is.
“We should get going. I don’t want to be up until midnight making you lot dinner.”

>This is some stellar chow. You, Twilight Sparkle, didn’t even know food like this existed.
>Anon said it was a delicacy from his home world.
>Hayghetti, only made from wheat instead of hay, and in the shape of little elbows.
>Not only are they adorable, but they’re delicious when he mixes it with the melted cheese.
>Apparently you’re not the only fan.
>You crane your neck and look down the absurdly long mahogany table to see your entire string of guards chowing down as well. 
>Their content faces are off you for once, so that’s good.
>You would ask him to cook for them more often if you weren’t sure this little soiree depleted his food stores.
>Turning to catch Anon, you notice his plate is still full.
>His stare is distant, almost like he’s looking right through the plate.
“Anon?”
>He jerks up and looks at you surprised.
“Are you ok?”
>As quickly as that happened, he reworked his face into a smile.
>”Very well, thank you. I’m just not that hungry after such a big breakfast.”
>Seems reasonable.
>You divert attention back to your own food and finish up the meal.

>After dinner wrapped up, a pack of diamond dogs entered the room and cleaned the table.
>You gave the guards leave, and Anon permission to roam around the place, so they walked aimlessly while the human took you to the sun room.
>Within minutes, he had a roaring fire going in an old and worn brick fireplace.
>It was more than enough to counter the night’s chill.
“This is lovely,” you say, taking a seat nearer the blaze.
>You feel like nothing could go wrong tonight.
>”Would you like a book?”
>Oh yeah. Nothing is going wrong tonight.
“What do you have?”
>”They’re mostly doggish, but I have a few Equestrian tomes I couldn’t part with if you’d like those.”
“This place is just filled with Equestria, isn’t it?”
>He gestures for you come.
>Sadly, you part ways with this comfy chair and trot over to see what he’s going on about.
>Before him stands a bookcase as tall as the room itself and maybe ten feet wide.
>It’s absolutely filled with books.
>You gasp and unfurl your wings, taking off to examine them all.
>What a selection! There’s everything from romance novels to tales of espionage. You can easily find legends of doggish heroes, books detailing history of what must be every country and kingdom, and even lengthy books on philosophy.
>You’re going to have a ball with these!

>”Princess, princess!” 
>A shouting alerts you to the blackness of the world.
>Wait, that’s just a book.
>You lift the thing off your face, and around groggily.
>Catching a clock in view, you see that it’s quite a bit later than when you started reading. Must have fallen asleep.
“What’s going on?” you ask and rub your eyes.
>A frantic guard runs up to your side, rambling on about something back home, but he’s too wild and scattered to make anything out.
“Slow down,” you say. “Start from the beginning. What’s wrong?”
>”It’s terrible! Word just came in from the castle. Ponyville is…is…”
“Is what?”
>You’re a little worried now.
>A little? No, you’re pretty worried.
>You’re the princess and you’re gone while something presumably terrible is going on in your home.
>”It’s under attack!”
>Yeah, you’re pretty much the worst princess ever.
>Your eyes go wide as a heavy dread washes over you.
>”What do we do?” he asks.
>You can only stare at him
>Do? You don’t know.
>You’re not a general. You can’t plan an attack.
>You’re not even a princess, apparently. How hard can it be to stay in place when ponies need you?
>Too hard for Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Failure.
>”Princess, what do we do?” he asks again, climbing on the arm of your chair.
>”Know thy enemy,” comes a deep voice out of view.
>You slowly turn your head to see Anon standing in front of the fire.
>He stares at it intently and after a bit of silence, speaks again.
>”You have to know who you’re fighting before you fight them. Do we know who’s attacking Ponyville?”
>He asks it so calmly, like this was an everyday event.
>Your guard nods quickly and blurts out “Changelings.”

>Anon looks away from the fire and to the guard.
>”That’s impossible. Princess Cadence destroyed their army years ago in the Battle of Canterlot.”
>”It was them, I swear! That’s what the letter says!”
>The pony shuffles around and pulls a crumpled scroll from underneath his armor and holds it out to Anon.
>He snatches it away and unravels the messy tome.
>While his eyes scan the page, your own mind wanders off to the horrors of home.
>What are they doing to your subjects?
>You’ve fought changelings. You know they’re vicious.
>”You, guard boy, collect your men and stay here with Twilight,” Anon says with authority.
>”You don’t give me orders. She does,” he retorts.
>You gulp and look at the two men as they argue.
>”She’s not fit to give orders right now. Can’t you see she’s scared?”
>You are scared.
>”I can see the crown on her head.”
>You are the princess.
>”She’s just a delicate little girl. You can’t expect her to put on a brave face right now when her home is under siege, can you?” Anon presses.
>You’re…not delicate.
>”She’s not the seasoned ruler Celestia is. It makes sense she would be too scared to make a move on her own, even if her subjects need her. It’s your job to protect her, got it?”
>He’s right. Your subjects need you.
>You can’t just sit here.
>Move Twilight, move!
>Your wings shoot out from your side, and you take off through an open window and into the night sky, destined for Ponyville.

>That’s right, little princess; fly away home.
>You, Anonymous, look the dumbfounded guard who had been questioning you earlier.
“I guess you were right. She’s more of a princess than I gave her credit for.”
>He gawks at the open window as the purple gleam from Twilight fades away.
>”I-I need to get to the carriage! Come on, men, the princess needs us!” he shouts and runs off.
>The house practically shakes as hundreds of armored stallions clank about and rush outside.
>Before long, the place is empty.
>Every pony is gone and running down the way to reach the carriage lot.
“Cerberus.”
>Your faithful doggish servant scampers into the room.
>”Yes, my lord?”
“Did you check the carriages for ‘bugs’?”
>He wags his tail and salutes you.
>”Got rid of plenty I did. No more small things in those carriages.”
“Good boy.”
>As if on cue, you can hear splintering wood in the distance, followed by the distressed cries of hundreds of guards realizing their princess would be alone tonight.
“Now boy, I want you to lock down the house and send out a distress letter.”
>”What go in letter?”
“Say the Princess of Magic’s guards have gone rogue and are attacking my home. They’ve destroyed my property and are collecting outside.”
>”What property they did break?”
“One hundred and seventy three carriages. They clearly want to limit my escape options.”
>”Right away, my lord.”

>The wet and earthy smelly of changeling slime fills your nose as you, Princess of Magic and Friendship, near Ponyville.
>Even in the dark of the night, you can plainly make out the insect invaders.
>The moonlight shines off their shells and beady teal eyes.
>You could land right in the center of town and start blasting them away. You’ve put a lot of practice into magic bolts after your bout with Tirek.
>However, you don’t know where the ponies are.
>Doing a flyover, you can’t see their pastel selves running around. You can’t even hear the screams.
>Causing trouble right away could get them hurt. You need to find them first.
>What would a good holding place be?
>Surely all of Equestria knows their presence by now, so it would have to be something that could survive a siege.
>Sugarcube Corner has the room, but there are too many indefensible spaces.
>The Apple Farm only has a small barn and doesn’t offer any escape routes.
>That leaves…oh no.
>Your ears perk up to a cackling you wish you could forget.
>You’d heard it once and could never forget it.
>The deep, double voice laugh of the changeling queen.
>Your spine shivers as you jeer towards the tree castle.
>Closer and closer, the balcony comes into view.
>There standing, wearing her old disheveled green mane and flaccid crown, is Queen Chrysalis.
>”Welcome home, Princess!” she calls.

“Chrysalis! Where are the ponies?” you shout, coming to a stop a few yards away from the balcony.
>”Already off with the questions? Don’t you want to catch up?”
“I’m not interested in bonding. Tell me where my subjects are.”
>The queen cackles again, making you out to be a joke.
>Her horn glows and from inside the crystal castle come several larger, bulkier changelings.
>Behind them, dragged along the cold floor, are several ponies you recognize from HayMart.
“Let go of them!”
>You rush towards the guards, horn glowing bright.
>Quicker than you can fire, one of the Changeling Brutes raises its hole filled hoof and presses down on one of the pony’s heads.
>You’re sure you could hear a crunch if not for the overpowering wail of the victim.
>You stop dead in your tracks and glare at the bug, depowering your horn slowly.
>”Won’t you come inside?” Chrysalis asks again.
>You shoot a look at her and land on the balcony with a clop.
>The queen holds her smug head high and trots past you, into your own bedroom.
>Her little monsters follow close in step, dragging the now crying ponies behind, followed by you.
>The insect queen moves triumphantly through your room. You examine the place for both damage and your subjects.
>A few are spotted lying on your bed in those disgusting goo pods.
>You grimace at the sight and upon making it into the hall, see similar displays all over the place.
>Ponies are attached to the walls and ceilings—some not even in pods yet.
>”H-help us, Princess!”
>”Twilight, please!”
>”Bad touch! Bad touch!”
>”Like what I’ve done with the place?” Chrysalis chimes in.

”I hate it. Where are we going?” you ask impatiently.
>”No where far. Just my new play room,” she says with a rise in her voice.
>Her play room?
>Any questions you had are put to rest when you arrive at the regal double doors that push open to your six-seat throne room.
>Great googly moogly.
>It looks like a goth’s wet dream.
>The entire place has been blacked out, even the windows.
>Five of the thrones have been destroyed, leaving only their crystal legs jutting out of the floor like pillars of failure.
>All that stands is a mutated version of your throne. A certain sheen suggests it’s wet.
>”Go on, take a seat.”
“I’d rather not.”
>”I insist,” she says louder.
>You know where the ponies are now, Twilight.
>The halls were also more or less empty of the bugs, so there shouldn’t be any immediate threat to them.
>You could take her out right now.
>The queen gives you a toothy smile and points to the throne.
>Your eyes travel up her face and to that ugly, jagged excuse of a horn.
>The same one she beat your teacher with using only a small bit of love from your brother.
>She currently has the whole of Ponyville.
>You’ll need to catch her by surprise, or else it’s game over for you too.
>Hesitantly, you make your way over to your thro—…the new seat.

>You shiver as the goopey chair brushes against your soft fur.
>”A princess needs her throne, does she not?”
“This isn’t a throne,” you mutter.
>”And I suppose you’re not a real princess, hm?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
>“Oh come on, Twilight. You had one job. Stay in place and rule your people. You fantastically did the complete opposite of that. Moreover, you made sure there was nopony here to protect the place.”
“I was—“
>”Busy? Yes, I know all about your little crush. How scandalous! A pony princess getting googley eyes for a doggish lord?”
“I do not!”
>”You can lie to me, sweetie, but don’t lie to yourself,” says the queen as she sashays towards you.
>Her hips sway hypnotically. You don’t even notice how close she’s gotten until her hoof touches your chin.
“H-how do you know?”
>”A trained ear catches many whispers, Princess.”
>That sounds familiar…
>Hey wait!
“Have you been spying on him?”
>The changeling breaks into laughter and ruffles your mane, then walks away again.
>”Oh yes, I’ve been very close to him recently.”
“You leave Anon alone! He’s done nothing to you! I’m the one that ruined your wedding, remember?”
>”I remember very clearly,” she growls.
“He and my subjects have lived happily without you for this long. Don’t ruin it all for them now. You want revenge? I’m right here.”
>”Self sacrifice. How noble.”
>You jump off the throne and…
>You jump off the throne. 
>Go on. Jump.
>Funny, you don’t feel like you’re in a trance. You still have full control of your body.
>Looking down, you see the black goop of the chair has since stuck itself to your fur.
>In some areas like around your hooves, it even formed cuffs that lock you in place.
>You struggle against the bindings to the background music of Chrysalis’ triumphant laughter.
>”Look at yourself! Poor little Twilight stuck to a flimsy chair. You’re so inspiring right now!”

“Let me go!”
>”Not in a million years.”
>Enough is enough. 
>You charge up a magic bolt and prepare to fire.
>Before you let loose, the queen casts a spell of her own.
>Some ugly trail of good sprays from her horn and latches onto your own.
>The trail drops down and splashes onto your face and trickles down your body, effectively covering you in the thick green sludge.
>While spitting some out of your mouth, you can feel the tell-tale tiredness of depleted magic.
>You look up in horror at your horn and see the goop around it is glowing, as if it’s sucking away your magic.
>”You’ve been promised as my prize for all this hard work, little princess. I could never let you go,” the queen says happily, but with a hint of venom on her tongue.
>”I’m going to have a lot of fun playing with you, breaking you, and making you my personal servant.”
“You’ll never get away with this. Love and friendship stopped you before! They’ll do it again!” you shout indignantly.
>”Not this time, Twilight. Not this time.”
>With that, she exits the room and slams the door shut, leaving you alone with nothing but the dimly glowing sludge on your horn.

>The throne is suddenly no longer soft.
>You, Princess Celestia, feel quite tense given the information you’ve just received.
>In the dead of night, Ponyville was struck by invading forces.
>Reports say they flew in from the west while Twilight and her entire guard was gone.
>The town had no defenses and fell before the hour was up.
>Now the citizens, as well as their captors, are held up in Twilight’s castle whilst changeling magic transforms the once peaceful town into a twisted parody of itself.
>Oh Twilight, you fool. Why would you go alone?
>She was safe outside of town. You could have done something while the insects were still running around the city.
>Now with her captive, they’re gone.
>You can’t even raze the tree since everyone is inside it.
>You slump back in your seat, racking your brain on what to do.
>It’s not like you can run out there yourself.
>Chrysalis got the better of you once while feeding off one stallions love. Now with a whole town? Not to mention your faithful student?
>You wouldn’t stand a chance.
>Besides, if you leave Canterlot alone, a similar fate may befall your city.
>Where was Twilight anyway?
>It would have had to be something important.
>…Or someone very convincing.
“Gods be damned.”

>Just then, a mailsmare trots in quite winded.
>”Your Highness, this scroll just came in from the Diamond Dog Kingdoms for Twilight, but I’m too scared to go to Ponyville.”
>Sounds reasonable.
“Why are you bringing it to me?” you ask the grey Pegasus.
>She stares at you long and hard, peering into your very soul.
>You look back, gazing into the amber pools of her misaligned eyes. You see the abyss. And the abyss…
>Shrugs.
>”I don’t know.”
>The mare flutters over and drops the scroll in your lap, then turns tail and heads out the door.
>Such a strange pony.
>May as well.
>You take the scroll in your magical grip and unroll it.
>It’s a letter from King Ferrus. Why would Twilight be receiving mail like this?
>”Twilight Princess of Friendship, You guards am harassing my Anonymous Lord. He say not want dumb pony mob at house. Make leave or we am not promising safety. Thank for reading, Ferrus King.”
>This is making more and more sense by the minute.
>Somehow, Anonymous lured Twilight and her guards to his manor. The changelings conveniently strike right then, and he sends your faithful student to her capture.
>He’s clearly in league with those monsters!
>Time to write an angry letter and get him over here.
>First you’ll have to disperse that “mob”.

>The following day, Ponyville is still being held by the changelings.
>You remain on your uncomfortable throne while a certain suited human stands before you.
>”Good afternoon, Your Highness,” says he, bowing his head like he cares about manners.
“Don’t play coy with me,” you state. “Tell me why you did it.”
>He lifts his head and shrugs at you.
>”I’ve done many things. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“I’m in no mood for your games, Anonymous. You’re in my castle now without a single dog to defend you. You’ll answer me seriously or I’ll—“
>”Have my head?”
“It could be arranged. Now, tell me why you’re helping the changelings. Dig deep for this, Anon. I’m getting either the full truth or a piece of you for every lie I hear.”
>The human lets out a small laugh and wipes a fake tear from his eye.
>Maybe you’ll take a piece of him anyway.
>”Oh Celestia, do you honestly think I’d throw all my hard work away for a few minutes in the spotlight? Moreover, a spotlight I’d share with those chitinous cretins?”
“Yes.”
>”You clearly don’t know me at all. I’ve built my name from dust, and nothing short of god himself could make me endanger it.”
>You snarl at his words and stand up. He’s still as tall as you though, so you raise your chin up and look down at the man.
“I warned you. Guards, come take Lord Ano—“
>”Really, I don’t know why you’re making such a big fuss now.”
“Excuse me?”
>”Why go through the trouble of bringing me to Canterlot? You had your spies right outside my door.”
“Spies? What are you talking about?”

>”Come now, do you take me for a child? I find out about your little night games with Luna, and suddenly my own home is under attack? You should have finished me off there instead of calling off the guards. But then, it would look rather bad if a pony spilled blood on doggish lands. You really saved yourself with that last second thinking.”
>You lower your head and raise an eyebrow at him.
“I ordered no such attack. That was likely the result of your own antics.”
>”Oh sure, just like I’m a secret changeling agent, huh? Tell me dear, what is the public more likely to believe? Kind old Lord Anonymous, friend of the Princess of Friendship herself, duke of the Doggish Isles and Southern Equestrian Territories, is actually a spy for the dreaded Changeling Horde?”
>He shakes his head.
>”I think they’re more inclined to eat up the idea that their perfect little princess got upset when he found out her dirty secret, so she tried to have him eliminated. The threat of a war with the Diamond Dogs made her rethink her plan though, so she brought him to Equestria.”
“Guards, take him.”
>”Either way, my King would be most upset to find even a mark on me. You’d be starting a war by attacking me at home or on your own land.”
>Two larger armored ponies flank him and forcefully take his arms into their hold.
>”No need to be so rash. I can help you.”
“As if you’d help anyone but yourself,” you scoff and wave him off.
>The guards begin their trot for the door, but the human doesn’t stop talking.
>”Oh, but I am helping myself. I’m about to be thrown in jail. Wouldn’t you try and bargain your way out of it?”

>Every word out of his mouth is sickeningly calm. 
>You hate how well he keeps his composure.
>You hate him.
>”I know you hate me. This can be your chance. Let me offer myself to the changelings, Princess. I’ll free your precious student, and you may well get rid of me.”
>You’re not hearing this.
>”If I really was the villain here, why would I waltz right into your own castle?”
>It’s too good to be true.
>There’s no way you would ever be lucky enough to get this human off your back.
>Still though, even a chance…
>You eye him as the guards cart his smug ass away.
>He’s too confident.
>You can’t make any reading on him.
>”Every second you waste pointing your sword at an innocent man is another second our beloved Twilight is driven deeper into the clutches of that insectoid temptress.”
>He’s lying.
>He has to be.
>You don’t make mistakes like this.
>Twilight does. She trusted him and now she’s captured.
>And you still have no way of getting her back…
>Biting your tongue in frustration, you turn from his distracting image and try to think it through.
>You’ll have him in a dungeon. Ferrus will be mad and retaliate.
>Or, you send him to get Twilight. Worst case scenario, he really is with the changelings and your situation doesn’t change.
>Best case, you’re up one princess and down one lord.
>Are you really going to do this?
>A heavy sigh leaves you, Twilight’s name carried on its wind.
“Wait…” you call to the guards.
>The clacking of their hooves stops.
“Let him go.”
>Turning, you see Anon standing back up and dusting his sleeves off.
>”Thank you for seeing reason. I know it must sting you to see me a free man, but believe me when I say I want Twilight back as much as you do.”

>It’s good to be queen.
>You can say that because you’re Queen Chrysalis.
>Trotting through the castle, you make sure to absorb those precious emotions of your captives.
>Leaving the families together was a good idea. The fear makes their love all the stronger and even sort of seasons it.
>You also took the liberty of pairing the uglies with the pretties.
>Who would have thought fear would be such wonderful erection fuel?
>They *do* have to put on a show for the ladies, after all.
>You’re almost tempted to pay a visit to Twilight, but that’s not how this sort of thing works.
>Now, what you’re supposed to do is leave her alone for two or three days.
>The cold and quiet begin to eat at her, making her all the more welcoming to your presence.
>It’s worked before. Even did wonders with Cadence.
>You nearly had her broken before that lavender bitch ruined everything.
>Out of the corner of your eye, you catch one of your Brutes stomping up, chittering about something.
“What do you mean the green monkey?”
>”Chk chk chk”
“In the suit? Oh, Anon. That’s odd, I didn’t expect him to come by. Did he say why?”
>”Chk chk chk chk chk”
“So early? Well, I suppose I can make an exception. He did go through all this trouble just for us.”
>Thanking the Brute, you walk by him and down to the front door of the castle.
>You open the door just a creak and spot Anon with his hands in the air like he just doesn’t care.
“What are you doing?”
>”Stretching. Can I come in?”
>You nod and step aside so he can squeeze through.

>Once the human is in, you slam the door shut and lock it up.
“Awkward way to stretch.”
>”I’m sorry you had to see that,” he says, surveying the foyer.
>His nose wrinkles as he sniffs.
>The man takes slow steps to a piece of blackened furniture and rubs his finger over it.
>Watching him try to pull away from the sticky substance brings a slight smile to your face.
>After he yanks himself free and cleans his finger, he claps.
>”You have done a fantastic job flipping this house.”
>Cue the dramatic bow.
“Thank you, thank you. I really tried this time.”
>”I remember stories from Canterlot and there was no mention of this black glue. What’s the deal with that?”
>You smile and waltz over to him, shaking your hips.
>He keeps his eyes on yours, the darn prude.
>One day you’ll catch him slip.
“I designed this special to keep our little Princess occupied.”
>”Is she encased?” he asks.
>You shake your head and lean in close to whisper.
“She looks a little something like this.”
>With that, you shove him over.
>He flails, trying to gain balance, but it’s all for naught.
>He lands with a thud on the…you think that used to be a couch.
>He grunts and tries to get up, but quickly finds that just isn’t an option.

>”Very funny,” he says shortly. “Now let me up.”
“What’s the magic word?” you coo.
>”This is a very expensive suit.”
“I think you need to be a bit more convincing. Beg me.”
>”You’re one of the only things I’ve ever seen as an equal in my life. I’m not begging you.”
>He does care.
>You chuckle and wave a hoof.
>After a few seconds of him struggling on the couch, one of your smaller drones brings a bottle of tomato sauce.
>Anon stops and looks at you.
>”Chrysalis.”
“It’s quite the substance. Of course, with something as sticky as that, I wanted something that could dissolve it. You know, for emergencies.”
>”I don’t like that look on your face.”
“I also wanted that ‘something’ to be somepony wouldn’t expect.”
>You open up the jar and hold it over the human.
>”Stop. I said stop.”
“Do you think anypony would expect this?”
>You turn the jar over and pour a generous helping of the red sauce onto both the couch and Anon.
>You can practically hear him screaming internally and oh does it make you happy.
>The black goo on the couch seems to melt away and frees the human.
>Slowly like a glacier, he stands up and gives several abrupt wipes to his suit, sending globs of tomato sauce and black glue flying on the floor.
>You can’t contain your laughter anymore and burst out.
>Anon smiles too pats your back.
>”Oh ho ho, good one. I’m totally going to kill you later.”
>This guy. Always the kidder.

“So I heard you wanted to discuss the terms of our alliance,” you say once the laughing has died down.
>He nods and takes a seat on the now clean—or as clean as it’s going to get—couch.
>”Things have been getting a bit, shall we say tight, at home. I want to cement our relationship before it’s too late for me.”
>Taking a seat next to him, you gesture for the drone to go.
>Anon takes the empty sauce jar from your hooves and sets it in his lap.
>”I’m keeping this safe.”
“Understandable.”
>With a wave of your horn, you conjure up a small black ring that hovers in front of Anon.
>He reaches for it, but you float it away before he makes contact.
>The man looks at you, confused.
“I need you to understand what this means.”
>”We’ve been over it all before, Chrysalis.”
“This is more than just a toy. It’s a symbol.”
>He puts his hands back in his lap rather impatiently.
>”A symbol of our trust, yes. Look, I’ve risked my entire career even associating with you. I helped you take over Ponyville, I gave you the Princess of Friendship, and now I’m giving you my own life. Do you think I don’t trust you?”
>You smile and shake your head.
“I just wanted to hear it for myself.”
>The ring floats back into reach, and he snatches it out of the air.
>He must really want to make it official.
>You watch so proudly as Anon slides the ring on.
>Once it reaches the base of his finger, it glows and contracts. The man winces in pain once tiny spurs jut out and dig into his finger.
>As soon as the ring takes root, you feel another little blip in the hivemind.
>You bolt across the couch and wrap him in a big hug.
“Oh Anon, you don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”
>”It’s done then? This works now?” he asks without returning the embrace.
“Yes. You are now, as far as the hive is concerned, the King. You’ve as much power as myself.”
>The human wriggles out of your grasp and stands up.

>He looks like a mare examining her new jewelry.
>”I can’t believe it. After all this time…”
“After all this time, I finally have what I want. What Twilight stole from me.”
>”I never thought it would happen so fast.”
“Fast? You said it yourself. The road was long and hard, but our alliance seems to have worked out in the end. I can’t believe how much I hated you when you first proposed this little arrangement.”
>”Well, life just hits you sometimes.”
“And now between my unrivaled power, and your sharp wits, we can rule this land together.”
>He looks up at you with a blank face.
>Funny, you thought he’d be happier to finally have a wife.
>”Are you still talking?”
“What, did you have something better to be thinking about?”
>”Yes, actually. I was thinking of how to explain to Cerberus that I was widowed on my first day.”
“What?”
>That sauce jar he’s holding suddenly smashes against the side of your face and shatters to bits.
>You’re thrown from the couch and onto the ground.
>Dizzily, you try to get back to your hooves, but a hard kick sends you sprawling across the floor and onto your back.
“What are you doing?” you shout.
>The absolute madman!
>There’s a stinging in your face where one of the shards of the jar cut deep.
“Guards! Attack! Attack him!”
>All the drones and Brutes lining the walls stand completely still.
>No, of course they wouldn’t attack a king.
>Anon walks over to you, still holding the jagged rim of the jar.
>”I know we never said our vows, but let’s get that out of the way,” he says nonchalantly.
>You charge a spell to do away with this monster.
>His foot comes down on your horn, stopping that plan dead in its tracks.
>Once more he stomps, and this time it breaks your horn right off.
>”I, Anonymous, take you, Chrysalis, to be my unlawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold,”
>He falls down on top of your chest and knocks the air out of you.
>“From this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health,”
>He raises the broken glass high above his head so it gleams in the light.
>You squirm and hit him right across the jaw.
>A bit of blood leaks from his lip, but it doesn’t deter him.
>”Until death do us part.”
>He swings the jar down faster than you can block with your legs.
>This can’t be it.
>This ca—

>Well that was messy.
>You get up off the queen, careful to not let your pants touch the blood pooling around her neck.
>Such a nice girl.
>She did mean well.
>You examine the black ring rooted into your finger. That thing is never coming off.
>While it does grant you full power over the Changeling Horde, you don’t think walking around with a black wedding ring for all the ponies to see would be your best idea.
>Lucky for you, you always come prepared.
>From your pocket, you draw two snow white gloves and put them on.
>The will cover the ring.
>Now to find Twilight.
>According to your late wife’s earlier bragging, she’ll be attached to that damned black gunk.
“You,” you point to the drone that brought over the first jar. “Bring me more sauce.”
>The insect salutes and scampers off.
>You look down at the exsanguinating corpse bride sprawled out on the floor and sigh.
>Better clean that up.

>How long has it been?
>You’ve been alone in this room too long.
>The slime on your horn has long since stopped glowing.
>Oh, you’re Twilight Sparkle, by the way.
>Twilight Sparkle.
>Twilight Sparkle.
>Please, somepony say your name.
>You miss the ponies. You’d kill to see one right now.
>Well, anything for that matter. Even a griffon.
>Even…no, not her. Never her.
>Chrysalis can plot herself right down on one of those broken crystal pillars.
>That damned bug.
>Everything is so wrong now.
>It’s all her fault.
>When you get out of here, you’re going to show her what for.
>When you get out…if.
>Oh who are you kidding? You’re never getting out of here.
>She won.
>Well she may have won, but you’re going down swinging!

>For the first time in forever, a sound runs through the expansive darkness.
“Ready to let me go? Fight me like a real mare?” you spit.
>As the door opens, blinding light fills the room.
>It stings your eyes and you’re forced to shut them. Oh well, you’re sued to the dark now anyway.
>”I’m pretty sure I’d lose that fight,” comes a…great voice.
>Great doesn’t do it justice.
>This is probably the happiest moment of your life.
>You pry your eyes open despite the painful light pouring into them and track down the silhouette of a certain human approaching you.
“Anon! You’re here!”
>As he gets closer, the light is gentler on him, and you can make out his features again.
>His suit jacket is torn up and covered in some red substance.
>Likely tomato sauce, given the jar he’s holding.
>…
>Forget it.
>”Long time no see, huh Twilight?”
>Oh gods, your name.
>Someone said your name.
>You’d be so wet right now under different circumstances.
>As he undoes the lid of the jar, you begin a very embarrassing and completely out of your control ramble fest, complete with sobs and tears, about how horrible this whole experience was and how glad you are he’s here.
>After he applies a generous helping of the sauce to both you and the chair, that cursed binding goop undoes itself.
>Now free, you leap from the chair and latch onto Anon hugging him with all your might.
>He laughs and strokes your mane, then takes you into his arms and cradles you.
>”You’ve been through a lot, huh?” he asks, concerned.
>You nod, bury your face in his shoulder, and begin to cry again.
>”Don’t worry. We’re going home now.”

>Anon walks slowly and steady, making sure to keep you from jostling around.
>You peel your head away from his shoulder and look over his body/
>This nice jacket is in ribbons. You’re party surprised it even still hangs on him.
>His white shirt is stained red with sauce and blood, and even it has a few holes, exposing what look to be deep cuts in him.
>Not a pretty sight, so you turn your head elsewhere.
>A part of you would love to see the destroyed changelings littering your hallway.
>Now if only you could find them.
>Huh. It’s pretty clean around here, save for the hive gunk.
“Where are all the changelings, Anon? Didn’t you have to fight to get to me?”
>He closes his eyes and sighs.
>”I’d love to say I battled them all valiantly to find you, but in truth, my path was relatively changeling free.”
“What do you mean?”
>”After Celestia’s hounds threw me in, the queen’s guards jumped me. I did well enough holding them off that she was willing to listen to my bluff about reinforcements. She and her children escaped, and I managed to find you.”
>He braved all those trials just to save y—
>Wait, Celestia’s hounds?
“What did Celestia have to do with anything?”
>He winces at her name and turns away from you.
>”I’d rather not talk about her, if it’s all the same to you. It’s not right to speak ill of a princess.”
>You cup his face in your hoof and drag it your way as to lock eyes again.
“Tell me what happened.”

>Oop, there are the stairs.
>He winces with every step, probably from the gashes in his sides.
>”Well,” he starts, “Not long after news of your capture went out, I traveled to Canterlot to see how the rescue effort was going.”
>A whole rescue effort? That sounds like Celestia.
>”When I arrived, she had her guards capture me. She said something about how I was poison to you, how it’s my fault you were apprehended. I was thrown right into the castle to ‘try and rescue you’. Of course she had other hopes, though.”
“But that’s crazy. You tried to keep me safe at your manor. My guards will vouch.”
>”Forgive me, but after the party they threw at my place and the abuse at Canterlot, I have a distaste for guards.”
>Once you reach the bottom of the crystal staircase, he sets you down on the floor.
>Anon leans on the railing to ease himself down and sit on the steps.
>His hand travels to that still leaking wound, and he laughs.
>”This must look pretty pathetic. I’m falling apart, Twilight.”
“Don’t say that.”
>His tattered jacket glows purple in your magical grip and tears off without much effort.
>You wrap it around his gut and tie it tight, much to his discomfort, but you need to keep the blood in.
“All I see is someone in need. I could never call that pathetic.”
>”What did I ever do to earn a friend like you?” he smiles and gets back up to his feet.
>Friend.
>That’s an…ok. 
>There’s time to work on that.
>The both of you get back on the way out.
>As you near the door, you spot the painting Anon made for you hung next to it.
>It’s crooked!
>You rush over to put it back in place.
>A shiver runs through you when you touch the frame.
>It’s as slimy as a changeling’s hide, not to mention practically dripping with blood.
>There’s even a trail of the stuff running down the wall underneath it, like someone stuffed a bleeding body behind it.
>Luckily the painting itself is fine. The river is still blue, the house is still white, and mountains are still grey. No unwanted bits of red and black.
>Not a single mark on it, in fact. How odd.

>Of course.
>You hang your head in a mix of shame and disappointment.
>You, Princess Celestia, have made a big mistake.
>You’re glad that Twilight is back.
>What you’re not glad about is that not only is *he* back as well, but he’s managed to turn your faithful student against you.
>The two of them stand before your throne. Well, one of them is standing.
>Anon is having a nice sit-down because his poor little sides hurt.
>What a joke.
>Everything about him is a joke and a fabrication.
>”How could you?” Twilight asks. “I’ve known you for so long, Princess. I thought you were better than this. Taking your anger out on an innocent man? That’s childish at best, lethal at worst. It almost was!”
“Twilight, I told you before not to trust him. Now look at you.”
>”Look at me? I’m a free mare because of this man.”
“A free mare accusing me of what amounts to attempted murder. You’re right, Twilight. You have known me a long time. Since you were a filly. You’re like a daughter to me. Why would I lie to you?”
>You rise off your throne and walk over to the angry princess.
“You have to understand, my dear. Everything I do is for the good of my people, yourself included. It’s my duty to remove those who would hurt you, and he most certainly is one of those beings.”
>”What does shagging your sister have to do with protecting Twilight?” that damned monkey blurts out.
>You step back in shock of both his bravery and vulgarity.
>”Shagging? As in…”
>No Twilight. Please don’t.
>Oh, there it is.
>A look of horror.

>”P-princess! Tell me it isn’t true!”
“Ignore him. He’s only trying to drive a wedge between you and I!”
>”I’ve no interest in such things. The wedge is all yours to drive into whichever family member you want.”
“Quiet!” you snap at him.
>Twilight’s face is beet red with blush by now.
>”C-Celestia, tell me it’s n-not true. You and…it w-would never happen,” she stutters out.
>”Well when two mares love each other very much…”
>”Y-you wouldn't l-lie to me, right? Tell me…i-it’s not true.”
>She’s making this very difficult.
“No no, it’s uh…well it’s complicated. I did no—“
>A very loud and very fake cough comes from the human.
>”My bad, sorry. What were you lying?”
“Alright! Alright. Fine, I admit it. Twilight…he’s right.”
>”Now admit you tried to have me killed because of it.”
“I will not. That is a lie, and I have witnesses to prove it.”
>Twilight stands there silently, wearing the thousand yard stare.
>That hurts. That really hurts.
>She’ll probably treat you like a foal molester.
>You’ll have to work hard to gain her trust back, but that can wait.
>First you need to free her from him.

>Your gaze falls on the two guards that were escorting Anon out the other day.
“You two, come forward.”
>The two stallions march up and flank the human.
>Good. You want him thrown out as soon as Twilight sees the scoundrel he is.
>You look right into the emerald seas of their eyes.
“Tell us what you saw in regards to my discussion with Lord Anonymous the other day. Tell us why you escorted him away.”
>They bow.
>”Princess, you said that he was a liar and a fraud, and that it was his fault Princess Twilight was captured.”
>That’s right. Keep it coming boys.
>”You said he needed to pay for his crimes, and the best way would be to give him to the changelings.”
>What?
>”If he died, then it would be a blessed weight off your shoulders.”
>Well that’s true, but you never said that.
>”We were to escort him to a carriage that would bring him to his fate.”
“No, no go back. I never said that.”
>Your eyes dart from them to Anon and back.
“Oh I see how it is. Manipulating my guards now, are you? How much are you paying them?” you shout.
>”Celestia!” Twilight yells over you. 
>Your head whips around to retort.
>Speaking right now is very hard given the sight.
>Twilight…poor girl, she looks absolutely heartbroken.
“Twilight…”

”Twilight, please,” you plead.
>Your eyes start to burn as she shakes her head and backs away.
>”No.”
>She arrives next to Anon.
>The man groans as he stands up and rests a hand on her mane.
>”You’re not the mare I remember, Celestia. The mare I knew would never be so blinded by rage that she would sentence someone to death,” spouts she again.
“But I didn’t!”
>Well…alright, that’s debatable.
>”Twilight, aren’t you being a bit harsh? She only did it because she cares about you,” that wretched human chimes in.
“Silence! I’ve had enough of your lies!”
>”So you don’t care about her?”
>”You don’t care about me?”
“No, I do. I so very much care about you, but—“
>”But what?”
“Can’t you see this is all a part of his game?”
>”There is no game, Celestia, only your misplaced hate and jealousy,” Twilight states. 
“Oh there is a game. We’re all pawns in his game.”
>You’re done.
>You’re done with him. You’re done with his lies, his cocky attitude, and all those political shields he puts up.
>You lower your head and your horn begins to hum.
>He might stop the law, but you’d love to see him try and stop a magic bolt.
“But a game can’t be played if the player is gone.”
>He won’t win. He’s not taking your Twilight away.

>The air around your head heats up as magic collects in your horn.
>”Celestia, stop it!” Twilight shouts.
“Step away, Twilight!”
>You look up to see her standing in front of Anon, her own head lowered and charging a spell.
>The human behind her seems surprised for once. Scared, even.
>You remember when he used to be scared.
>You remember all those years ago when he was a different man. He was nice, caring, and mischievous to an extent.
>He didn’t hide anything from you then. He never kept secrets, he never lied, and he never hurt.
>How could such a good friend turn so sour?
>”Celestia, I’m warning you,” Twilight says again.
>And Twilight. Such a cute filly she was.
>She would run around the castle with whatever book she was into that day and find a nice hiding place.
>During lessons, she would cuddle up until there was no more space left between you. 
>When it was time to practice, she’d go and go until she’d just fall asleep next to you.
>And now she’s standing ready to fire upon you with alicorn magic.
>Where did the good times roll to?
>When did everything become so horrible?
>The magic in your horn disperses into the air and you drop on the floor.
>The hum of Twilight’s own spell dies down too only to be replaced with quieting footsteps as she leaves.
>”I’ll remember you how you were, not how you are,” she says.
>With that, the door to your throne room slams shut.
>It’s all quiet now.
>All quiet save for some light sniffling sounds and tears hitting the stone.

>You left so angry.
>That Celestia.
>You, Twilight Sparkle, thought she was better than that.
>She used to be your idol.
>Now she attacks innocent men because they’re stealing her precious student away.
>How low. 
>How sad.
>Not sad as in crying sad. No, you’re not sad.
>You’re not. You swear.
>Keep your head high, Twilight. You can’t be sad in front of Anon.
>Even if you did just almost kill what amounts to your mother.
>Even if you did just practically cut ties with your oldest friend.
>Even if you did just…just…
>”Hey now,” comes his voice, soothing as ever.
>You feel a set of arms wrap around you and pull you close to his warm body.
>”It’s ok, it’s ok. You did the right thing.”
“Then why does it feel so awful?”
>You clench your eyes shut to stop the tears, but that only makes them flow harder.
>The stinging water drips down your face and collects on your chin, plittering onto Anon’s pants when one drop gets too heavy.
>Your legs shake and give out as you fully lean against him and bawl.
“Celestia, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
>”Don’t say that. You saved her, Twilight. If you let her go through with that, she wouldn’t be the same mare.”
>That should make you feel better.
>It doesn’t.
>You’ve lost her forever.
>How can words make you feel better?
“D-does it ever stop?”
>”Stop?”
“Does it ever stop hurting? When you leave something behind?”
>He doesn’t talk for a while.
>He just holds you as you sob and dirty his pants even more.
>Just when you think he’s fallen asleep, he speaks up in a barely audible, broken voice.
>”No.”

>Everything is going perfectly.
>Ponies are so easy to manipulate.
>You, Lord Anonymous, ease back in squeaking leather chair that’s been warming in your study during your little stint in Equestria.
>Celestia still raises that sun of hers.
>Of course she would. 
>No matter the circumstance, her sense of duty and honor always overpower her emotions.
>The kingdom of Equestria could be destroyed and she’d raise the sun just for the ashes.
>You could kill her sister before her eyes and she’d sentence you to death, but she’d never kill you herself.
>That’s why you knew there was no risk in the throne room. 
>Even with all the connections you’ve made over the years, all the friends you’ve made, and all the swords you’ve bought, by her side is still the safest place you could ever be.
>Celestia could never hurt a hair on your head.
>She’s too honor-bound, too kind, too gentle.
>She deserves all the admiration she gets.
>The ponies aren’t wrong to worship her. She’s modest, but everything they say about her is true.
>She is a goddess through and through.
>You’re...just a monster.

>”Apple.”
“Gadrooh.”
>”Aaah…puh.”
“Aaagh…puk.”
>”App.”
“App.”
>”Ell.”
“Hell.”
>”Ell.”
“Ell.”
>”App…ell.”
“App ell. Appell. Apple!”
>White horse puts down the red thing. It’s an apple.
>You’re pretty fond of apples. You’ll eat that one later.
>Who knew interdimensional travel could make someone so hungry?
>It’s not like they’ve been starving you or anything, but a full plant diet can only fill someone so much.
>You’re almost always hungry and seconds are off limits for the castle’s special demon monkey.
>You might not speak their language, but you know that’s what they think of you. You’re not dumb.
>They’ve been giving you those strange looks the whole week you’ve been here in magic horse land. Well, all but white horse.
>You’re not sure why she’s so nice, but she seems to be your meal ticket for now, so whatever.
>As you ramble on in your head, she picks up something else. A picture of a tree.
>”Apple tree.”
“Apple kreef.”

>”Anon, what did I tell you about messing with Green Hoof’s cabbage stand?” Celestia scolds you.
“Something something don’t do it,” you reply nonchalantly.
>”So you do listen to me,” the princess rolls her eyes. “I guess that’s a start. Honestly though, I’d think after ten years you’d know not to put a stick in the poor stallion’s wheels.”
“Yeah, I’m in the wrong here. I suck.”
>Look at her get frustrated.
>Jesus Christ how adorable.
>The princess huffs and shakes her head at your seeming lack of remorse.
>”I’m going to have to punish you this time.”
>Wow what? No, no this part doesn’t happen.
>When have you ever been punished?
>”No more early and late hours in the city. From now on, you’re allowed to leave for lunch and lunch alone.”
“Indefinitely?”
>”Are you going to keep messing with the cabbage salespony?”
“Probably.”
>”Then probably.”
>Oh come on. It’s just one guy.
>The tomato merchant doesn’t whine. Neither does the apple stallion or the bread salespony.
>You’re so going to fuck with him tomorrow. For lunch.
>Your brooding makes you unaware to Celestia’s stare until she coughs to get your attention.
”Huh?”
>”You’re just standing there. Is there something you needed?”
>Something you need?
>Well you can sure think of something.
“Now that you ask—“
>”Am I going to regret this?”
“Do you often regret,” you pause shortly to think of a ‘need’ “Slumber parties?”
>Her ears perk up at that.
>”I’ve never actually been to one.”
“Perfect! I’ve been to plenty, so I can totally show you the ropes.”
>That was a lie. 
>She doesn’t know that though. You’ll both learn together is all.
>Is this going to be the first night you’ve spent with Celestia?
>Huh. Time flies you guess.

>You walk through the hallways of Canterlot castle, making your way to the courtyard.
>Moving at a quick pace, you pull up your sleeve to check the watch.
>You’re to have tea with Celestia. It’s best not to keep a princess waiting.
>You even wore the nice shirt today with all the buttons. 
>You never much liked the feel of dress clothes. They always felt too restrictive.
>As you round a corner, you spot a small lavender dot down the hall coming your way.
>That happens to be Twilight Sparkle, Celestia’s star pupil.
>She’s such an odd thing—always distant save for the polite hello.
>But then, she’s always been like that. You and her have been here for twenty years and she hasn’t changed. Why start now?
>The filly passes by no—
>”Hello, Mr. Anonymous,” Twilight says cheerfully as she trots off beyond you.
>You stand there, frozen in place by what you just saw.
>That…was no filly.
>Fillies barely reach your shins.
>They’re able to bite at your kneecaps.
>That *thing* that just passed you reached your waist.
>You slowly turn back to see Twilight Sparkle, a full grown mare, pass around the corner and disappear.
>How did she grow up so fast? Why, only yesterday you were watching as she fumbled around in the courtyard playing whatever children’s game Celestia laid out that day.
>You run off to your chambers and throw open the door.
>Making a mad dash for the bathroom, you flip on the lights and stop dead in front of the mirror.
>What do you see? The spry young man that came into Equestria? 
>Can you find his full head of vibrantly colored hair? His happy eyes and wide smile?
>No. The edges of your head forest are grey. It leeches up from your ears and cups the top of your head like a stone bowl overflowing with normal people’s hair.
>Your eyes sit on a chair of purple-green bags that make them look hard and intense. Wrinkles above them cover your forehead and form a bridge to your hairline where there was once a vast ocean of skin.
>You’re…old.
>That can’t be. Men don’t get old until they do something with themselves.
>They need to have kids or find a high paying job they can brag about. They need to make a lot of friends they can rely on to help them through old age. They need to have crutches, to be supports, and to have a legacy.
>You have one…two…no wait, none. You have all of none of those things.
>Great. Now you need to go buy a sports car to put yourself into debt.
>Or…sports carriage with the never ending flow of Equestrian gold.
>Scratch that. Just go to tea and talk about it with Celestia. She always knows how to cheer you up.
>Hell, she probably went through the same thing.
>Slowly, and with all hop in your step gone, you make your way back through the castle and out to the courtyard where your princess awaits.
>Yep, there she is behind the fountain as usual, soaking up all the sun.
>Man, look at her.
>How old is she now? Two? Three thousand years old?
>Celestia’s ethereal mane flows in the same imaginary breeze it always does.
>The beating rays of the sun bounce off her pristine coat, making her shine like polished porcelain.
>Her giant magenta pools look as happy to be looking at whatever it is they’re focused on as they did the day she found you lying in a ditch twenty years ago.
>This young goddess hasn’t aged a single day since you first met.
>Why? She’s allowed to get old. Lord knows she’s done more in forty days than you have in forty years.
>The sole ruler of Equestria has raised the sun and moon every day for a thousand years. She’s stopped threats that would see the world thrown into chaos, thrown into slavery, or thrown into darkness.
>She’s even raising…has raised…a mare to carry her magic and knowledge onto the next generations that will too have her for their own princess.
>She’s so damn perfect. What are you?
>An old sack of meat that’s done nothing with his life to earn her friendship.
>You’re not worth remembering.

>You shoot up from your old leather chair.
>It’s cold now.
>You look outside and see the moon has risen.
>It’s night?
>Moving your eyes around the study, they land on a small cup of tea on your desk.
>A note stands propped up against it.
>”For when the master wakes,” it reads.
>Brining the cup to your lips, you take a sip of the tea and nearly gag.
>Boy, that’s cold. It must have been here for a while.
>What a trip down memory lane.
>You wipe tiredness from your eyes, as well as something wet, and head off to your chambers.
>You’ve got a lot to do in the coming days and you’ll really need the rest.
>We don’t want to keel over from sleep deprivation before the festivities, do we?
>No, you don’t plan on dying. Not now, not ever.

>You enter your chambers and strip down.
>As your white gloves fall to the floor, the dull black ring catches your eyes.
> It reflects no light even in the candlelight of your room.
>The roots that sprout and dig into your finger would be hurting, you’d think, but you can’t even feel them. 
>Every ring you’ve worn before has had weight. This is nothing. It doesn’t register to you at all.
>Even as the surrounding flesh rubs around it, it feels like, well, your skin. 
>It has become one with you, you suppose.
>Just as well. You’d hate for it to slip off and lose control over the changelings after you murdered to their queen.
>Locating some pajamas, you don those and lay down for the night.
>Tomorrow will be a big day and you expect to need all your strength for it.
>You lay there in bed for a while, just looking at the ceiling.
>More time than you’d like passes, and eventually even the candles burn out before sleep embraces you.
>After sitting in darkness for another hour, your eyes finally close.
>Sleep comes hard, and with it, dreams.
>”I was beginning to worry thee would refrain from entering my world tonight,” says a deep voice in that distinctive trying-too-hard-to-be-soft tone.
>The world forms around you like color being splashed onto a black canvas.
>It’s a bit wonky at first, and it takes a second or two for all the shapes to stop jiggling and become rigid structures like the table you—fully clothed of course—and a certain blue pony are sitting at.
>You watch from afar as if it were some out of body experience, which you suppose it is given the whole dream thing.
>Well, it is in your head. Does that count as in body?
>Regardless, it seems like she’s designed some recreation of the Canterlot castle for you to speak in.
>The large marble floor and Doric columns give that away.
“Princess Luna. To what do I owe the honor?” your body asks from its chair at said table.

>”Thou art a great pain for my sister, and by proxy, art become one for me as well,” she states.
“Is this going to be another lecture? Look, princess, I’ve had a long couple weeks recently and I would really appreciate it if I didn’t have to waste my downtime getting reprimanded for my crimes by another steamed royal.”
>The night princess gives you a wry look.
>”Thou art brave to strike such a tone with me.”
“I’ve nothing to fear from a true and honest princess if I’m innocent, do I?”
>She mulls that over for a second and gives a nod.
>”If thou art innocent.”
>Flattery will get you everywhere.
>”Mine sister believes thee to be a liar and a scoundrel. Do her claims hold true?”
“Yes, I am a liar and a scoundrel,” you say mockingly. 
>She furrows her brow and leans over the table.
>”Thou would be wise to watch thy tone with me. Innocence will only get thee so far.”
“Right, sorry.”
>”Now, Celestia also protests that thou hast conspired with the changelings on Princess Twilight’s capture.”
“She’s also right about that. I’m on a roll, aren’t I?”
>”Remove thy sarcasm. Answer me truthfully now. I am sure thou art aware of what I can do in one’s dream.”
“Oh, I’m well learned on your powers, Luna.”
>”Princess Luna.”
“You’re able to stretch time out years in a single real world second. You can rob someone of full control of their dreams. You’re even able to make the effects of the dream so powerful that pain in here is felt in the real world.”
>She nods, smiling slightly that someone bothered to put that much effort into reading up on her.
>”Thou art correct. Well done.”
>Her smile drops instantly, and you can feel the air get very cold all of a sudden.

>”Then thou can guess what would happen to a person should they lie to me.”
“I’m not lying.”
>She reels back from the table, her serious expression deformed into one of shock.
“What, are you surprised? Come on, Luna, you know Celestia as well as I do. She doesn’t lie.”
>”I was hoping her tales were exaggerations at best. Thou seemed like such a well-rounded and kind man.”
“I fell short of your dreams, I suppose.”
>”To say the least.”
“Well as a great man once said, when you throw yourself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifts your way, no amount of fire or freshness can challenge what you will store up in your ghostly heart.”
>She stares at you.
“I paraphrased.”
>”Thou shall answer for thy crimes against the land and the crown.”
>You shake your head and stand up from the table.
“No, I don’t think I will. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and go about my day like normal.”
>”Thou art in my realm. As long as I will it, thou shall remain asleep.”
“You can lock me in a dream for eternity, I know. Tell me though, you can only do that when you yourself are asleep, can’t you?”
>She sneers at you. 
>”Mine sister will know where my mind resides. She will have you arrested by nightfall tomorrow.”
“Do you know what time it is?”
>The princess raises an eyebrow.
“Humor me.”
>”The last we checked, a quarter to two,” she says.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
>”What makes thee so confident?”
“Because you’re about to wake up.”
>You pull off your glove and put your dark ring on display.
“Tell them hi for me.”

>You wake up feeling less refreshed than you would have preferred, but that’s to be expected when half of your three hour night was spent in some dreamy wrinkle in time.
>You sit up and stretch, letting out a yawn that shakes your whole body.
>Standing up, you go to your closet and head to the closet for today’s attire.
>You pick out your best suit for this very special day.
>The whole thing is pitch black.
>You want to seem strong today. You want to seem powerful.
>Red is a powerful color, but you wouldn’t be caught dead in a red suit. That’s just a little too cliche for the devil role.
>White may have worked too. It could have been symbolic of the new life ahead of you. You know, a blank canvas sort of thing. It is a little too new-wave for your taste, though.
>Black though, has a clear, crisp feeling and a sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives your appearance a big boost.
>You head to the mirror and give yourself a once-over.
>You’re very monochromatic today. The grey hairs that cover your head, those which you stopped counting years ago out of fear and disgust, actually match your suit quite nicely.
“Cerberus,” you call out.
>Seconds pass by.
>Soon enough, the door to your chamber creaks open, and your small blue friend pokes his head in.
>”Morning, my lord,” he says with a bow.
“And what a fine one it is. Tell me, is everything ready for my departure?”
>Cerberus nods vigorously, his tongue flopping out of his mouth.
>”Yes! Little bug friends say Luna is good.”
“And what of Twilight? Did our friends in the north pull through?”
>He nods again.
>”Caribou king was be dead by mysterious causes. Sons all am wanting crown and fight, so Twilight is go and solving it.”
“And my carriage?”
>”Ready.”
>You waltz over and rub his head.
>You know what? It’s a good day.
>Going the extra mile, you snake your hand down behind his ears and give the area a light scratching.
>His eyes practically roll back in his head, and you can head his leg thumping on the ground behind him.
“You are such a good boy.”
>”Y-yeah, right there...oh yeah.”
>When you take your hand away, a slight whimper escapes his lips.
>He looks at you with puppydog eyes, trying to coax you back to scratching him.
>You merely laugh and step by him.


>Upon reaching the front door, you stop and turn around to take in your home one last time.
>It all comes back to you. All these years, right from your very first step in these halls to this second.
>Your first meeting with Cerberus.
>Your first ball.
>All your dark dealings.
>Oh, the webs you wove.
>It almost brings a tear to your eye.
“Cerberus, I have one more task for you,” you say to the diamond dog standing a few feet away.
>Kneeling down, you place a hand on his shoulder and smile. A real smile, for once.
“I need you to be the best boy you can be. This is your house now, alright?”
>”My lord?”
“Thank you for all your years of loyalty. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you helping me every step of the way. You’re the best diamond dog a man could ask for. You know I’m going to be gone for a while, so I want you to have this house.”
>He stares at you, visibly trying to absorb all the information you just spat out at him.
>After a bit, it looks like he finally got it.
>The dog’s eyes begin to water, and tears flow freely from them.
>He lunges forward and wraps those huge meaty paws around you.
>Cerberus cries into your jacket, and though a small part of you wants to dash his brains against the wall for that, you suppress the urge.
>This is his moment. Let him have it.
>”Th-thank you, my lord. These years with you was the best in my living.”
>Much to his dismay, you have to break the hug.
>You have a schedule to keep. Time to go, Anon.
>You exit your home in the Doggish Isles one more time and head to the beautiful carriage parked in front.
>You’re Equestria bound.

>Your ride there is quiet, save for the sound of your own breathing or creaking wood as you run over bumps.
>You wonder what she’ll look like.
>Will she be strong and tall like usual? With her mane flowing in some imaginary breeze like an otherworldly flag displaying her might?
>Will she be slumped over and depressed, moaning and groaning about the pitiful state of things?
>After far too long, you arrive at the grand castle of Canterlot.
>The sun has just begun to set when you finally exit your carriage and enter the structure.
>How many times have you walked this path?
>How many of them were you being escorted by guards?
>The answer is too high to count for both those questions.
>Your mouth does curl up slightly at the memories though.
>As you reach the door to the throne room, you steel yourself for whatever may happen.
>There are several guards surrounding the gilded entrance. They all look upon you with their emerald eyes and nod knowingly before stepping aside.
>Throwing open the doors, you stroll inside with an artificial hop in your step.
>Lo and behold, there she is.
>Celestia sits at the end of the room, on the top of the stairs, nestled in her throne.
>She’s slumped over in the thing, and although he mane does in fact wave, it is very slow.
>It a dying flame at forty eight frames per second.
“Celestia,” you shout across the room.
>Her ears droop at your voice. How rude.
“How’s my favorite girl doing today?”
>You saunter through the room, waiting for a response you never get.
>As the distance between you two closes, you can see how rough she looks.
>Her eyes are sunken in with the fur around them matted. They’re red and puffy like she’s been crying.
>Those luscious locks of hers are not uniform in their flow. There are random strands of hair that stick out and maneuver in their own manner, perverting the beauty of her mane.

“Oh, come now. Surely you have something to say to me.”
>Celestia’s magenta orbs slowly lock onto your position.
>”What do you want with me now?” she asks in a whisper.
“What do I want? What, I can’t just stop by and chat with a friend?”
>”Friend? You’re no friend. You’ve taken everything from me.”
“Hey, at least Twilight is probably still alive.”
>Her face wrinkles in confusion.
>”What do you mean?”
“I mean unless the caribou haven’t slaughtered her for interfering in their personal lives yet, you still have one ex-friend who still has a pulse.”
>”What are you talking about?”
>Worry sounds in her voice.
“Well let’s see. You used to be friends with Chrysalis. I caved her skull in with a jar of tomato sauce. Luna was your sister, and now her cold body lies at the bottom of a river by a small red house. I used to be your friend, but I sold my heart a long time ago. Wow, being your friend is really dangerous, huh?”
>She rises from her throne, her eyes as large as dinner plates.
>”What did you do to Luna? What did you do to my sister?”
“I mean, I didn’t do anything directly. I had my changelings take her away in the night and dispose of her.”
>”You mean she’s…”
“Dead. Yes, Princess Luna is dead. Let that sink in.”
>Her breathing becomes ragged. The once mighty princess can’t support herself anymore, and her legs crumble beneath her.
“Your favorite student hates you. Your oldest and dearest friend, the nigh invincible Luna, is dead. Your country thinks you’re a monster. What do you even have left? You have the sun, the moon, and this ugly little throne.”
>She weeps, or rather, makes the sound of weeping. Her eyes themselves are dry. She probably cried herself out before you got here.
“Actually, scratch that. I think I’ll take your throne too.”

>Her reply, fixed to account for the sobs and breaks that would make writing it all out more tedious than anything else, is as follows:
>”I won’t let you have this throne. You may have taken everything else from me, but I have a duty. I won’t let my land fall into your hands, you monster.”
“Monster? You wound me.”
>”You...know nothing of pain.”
>She wipes her eyes, regaining a bit more of that regal composure.
>You shrug.
“Perhaps not, but then, you know nothing of finality.”
>”W-what are you going on about?”
“Don’t play coy with me. In our years together, I learned a lot about you. About how perfect and godly you really are. You’re not some pretend god like your sister; you really are immortal. Your magical well is practically bottomless. As long as you live, your reign will never end. Everything about you is eternal. You don’t know anything about what it’s like to see an end. You don’t know what it means to have everything crumble around you! At least...you didn’t.”
>”Is that what this is all about? You wanted to teach me about finality?”
“Are you daft? No, even I’m not that petty. I don’t want to teach you about the end, I want to make sure I survive my own.”
>You gesture to the stained glass window behind her.
>She turns around just in time to see it shattered to pieces by a burst of green energy.
>The usually blue sky is as black as your suit with all the changelings buzzing in the air.
“You’re going to give me that throne or I’ll take it by force. Either way, I’m going to be king of this god forsaken country, and my name will echo through the ages. I may die, but like Caesar, I will never be forgotten. That’s how I’ll escape my finality, Celestia.”

>”A-anon?”
>Funny, Celestia didn’t even move her mouth when she said that.
>She also sounded completely different. A little higher pitched, maybe more nerdy. 
>There was less sadness in her voice and more of that “oh my god my world is destroyed” vibe.
>Wait a minute…
>Replay that.
>”A-anon?”
>That voice…
>No. No no no no no.
>No, it can’t be.
>Cerberus said...you were sure of it!
>You slowly turn from Celestia to the front of the room.
>The door to the throne room is wide open. Your implanted changeling guards lie unconscious at the hooves of the lavender princess.
>Twilight Sparkle.
“Twilight...what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be up north.”
>”I decided on the way there that foreign affairs were beyond me, so I came to see Celestia and ask for her advice as well as apologize. What...what is going on here?”
>Wow, life.
>Worn a guy before you bend him over and fuck him in the asshole.
>You didn’t plan on two alicorns.
>You orchestrated regicide to get Twilight out of the country, for fucks sake.
>”You wanted to apologize?” Celestia asks.
>What?
>No, don’t change the subject!
>”Yes. I shouldn’t have acted that way towards you. I know you have a reason for everything. I shouldn’t have been so judgemental.”
>You’re right here! You’re taking over the country!
>You’re the center of attention!
>”That means so much to me, Twilight. Thank you.”
“Enough! I will not be upstaged during my own takeover!”
>You wave your hand, bringing thousands of changelings into the throne room.
“Two alicorns? So what! I can take you! I can take you all! This is my time! My takeover! My legacy to be made!”

>You shout into a void, black and so loud it may as well be soundless.
>Changelings buzz by you.
>Their wing beats for an unholy symphony.
>Their hoofbeats drown out what must be Twilight and Celestia screaming for their lives.
>Well, except for Celestia.
>She’s got that whole immortal thing going on.
>Then, in a golden flash of light, bright as the sun itself, every changeling in the room was gone.
>Celestia stands tall before you, her mane waving with fervor now.
>A teleportation spell directed at your changelings.
>Well! She may have quality on her side, but you have quantity.
>You motion again, bringing even more changelings than the last time into the room.
>Just as quickly as they appeared, they’re gone.
>You growl and raise your hand again, but it is enveloped by a soft purple glow that keeps you from moving it an inch.
“Twilight!”
>”Stop it, Anon! You’re going too far!” she exclaims.
“Too far? Look who’s talking! You’re an alicorn now too! You’re going to live on just like Luna did! Just like Celestia always will!”
>Speaking of the princess of the sun, she decides to throw in her two cents as well.
>”Anonymous, when you first came to Equestria, I sensed great potential in you. Potential for something. I thought that you would grow into a being of great kindness and love...but I was wrong. You chose to view the world as a collection of ends rather than beginnings. Because of this, you allowed your heart to fill itself with evil.”
“Oh don’t you fucking lecture me!”
>Her horn glows, and within the purple aura, your pitch ring shines like gold.
>It’s lifted off your finger.
>She hovers the thing in front of your face, and with no effort on her part, crushes it into dust.
>”Anon, I’m sorry it has to be this way,” Twilight says, “But the lies you told me...to everyone, they have to stop. You’ve lost.”
>No.
>”Don’t worry, Anonymous, I won’t execute you for killing my sister. I’ll let you live on. You’ll get to spend the rest of your life rotting in the bowels of the Canterlot dungeon. I’ll even afford you the best medical care Canterlot can offer. Just think of the long, healthy, and meaningless life you’ll live from now on. All the things you’ll never accomplish. Isn’t it wonderful?”
>No.
>”Anon, please. Could you...are you at least sorry? Do you feel any remorse?”
>No.

>Your plan...in less than five minutes, the last ten years of your life turned to dust.
>Your entire future is gone.
>Everything you aspired to be...everything you had in mind for yourself…
>”Do you have anything to say for yourself, Anonymous?”
>These two alicorns.
>These two physical examples of eternity.
>You hate the finality of the world and how everything has an end.
>You hate eternity and everything that refuses to just fucking die like everything else is doomed to.
>Most of all, you hate them.
>You hate these two mares who have rendered your entire existence meaningless.
>They think they’ll have the last laugh.
>That you’ll just roll over and let them win like this.
>That you’re a joke!
>That you struggled all this time, but now for them you’re going to do nothing!
>No!
>”You could have lived a peaceful life. It may not have been so grand, but you would have lived on in the hearts of those who cared about you. Instead, you sought power. You let greed and hate consume you. Now in your rush to be remembered, you’ll be forgotten.”
>Right then, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
>She’s right.
>Celestia is 100% right.
>You don’t need to live out this grandiose life to be remembered by all.
>As long as you live in someone’s heart, you’ll last.
>Whose heart is better to live in than an immortal’s?
>A smile spreads across your face.
>”Did I say something funny?”
>You hate her, and now…
>You pull a dagger out from your jacket.
“Hate me, Celestia. Hate me for all eternity.”

>You slash at her, cutting across her eyes.
>She screams and reels back.
>At the same time, the energy around your hand releases.
>”Celestia!”
>Twilight comes rushing to her side.
“Not so fast!”
>You grab her by the mane and yank hard, pulling her over onto her back.
>Her legs kick helplessly in the air as you hold her head down.
>The dagger shines high above your head.
>You can see it in Twilight’s eyes, as well as your own black reflection.
>You plunge it deep into the young alicorn’s chest, taking from her the false eternal life her sister aimed to live.
>You can practically feel the fear bleeding out of her along with the actual blood.
>Yes, that’s it. Let it sink in.
>This is the end, Twilight.
>Everything she is is over.
>Every plan she had for the future, everything she ever wanted...gone.
>The final look in her eyes is priceless.
>Eventually, her strength fades and the kicks cease.
>The sound of armored hooves on tile fills the room as Celestia, blind as a bat, feels around the floor for Twilight.
>She’s sobbing again. Her eyes are no longer dry; blood spills from them like tiny rivers.
>”Guards,” she shouts, “Arrest this man!”

>The ponies grab you roughly, but you don’t fight them.
>It’s not like it’s within your abilities anyway.
>You’re a decrepit old man.
>Besides, you won.
>You’ve taken everything you possibly can from Celestia.
>Her sister, he prized student...
>Anyone she could feel close to, anyone to share eternity with, is dead.
>Even her sight is gone now.
>She’s going to remember you.
>Her heart will be heavy with hate.
>So long as she may live, your memory will survive.
>You’ve finally secured your own version of immortality.
>The blind princess hugs her lifeless student, crying into her chest, getting her face all bloody in the process.
>You’re dragged off to the dungeons with a smile.