>"Anon."
"..."
>"Anon."
"..."
>"Anon?"
"..."
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
>With an angry snort you stop looking up at the sky and lean up to glare at the bane to your fucking existence
"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT CUNTDENCE?!"
>The Princess of Love, who had been sitting next to you on your lawn since this morning, leaned down and squished your cheeks together
>"What's going on my main monkey man? You seem a bit..."
>Cadence hummed while your eyes narrowed
>"...Off."
"I hate you so fucking much..."
>Cadence let's go of your face with a concerned hum, her eyebrows furrowing
>"See? Even when you say that it doesn't seem right!"
>She poked your stomach, and you couldn't help remember that you had a shovel on the side of your house that would be PERFECT for beating a big dumb pink horse to death
"I'm fine," you tell her, letting your head fall back onto the grass so you could keep looking up at that one cloud that kind of looked like a clown riding a bicycle
>"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm fucking sure."
>"Because if there's something wrong you know I'm right here to help if you need me!"
"...Thanks for the offer but like I said I'm fine. I just wanted to sit out here and have a little alone time with myself."
>"...Out in the middle of your yard?"
>You were going to kill this fucking horse
>You were going to kill her, show her stupid horse husband the body, and you were going to kill him too
>And THEN you were going to shit on both of their bodies
"Yep, out in the middle of my yard."
>Thankfully Cadence was quiet for a while after that, giving you a chance to... well do what you had been doing for the last day or two really
>Think
>You didn't usually do all that much thinking, but over the past few days you've been doing it a hell of a lot more
>Thinking of the future
>Thinking about your life
>Thinking about Lyra and Bonbon and what that candy pone said to you right after you RUINED her backside...
>Though you didn't realize it, a sigh escaped your throat and you sank just a little bit deeper into the ground
>Cadence saw the change in your mood, and the alicorn leaned down and nosed your cheek
>While usually that'd earn her a (admittedly futile) punch to the nose you didn't even bother to raise a hand this time
>Your thinker was a' thinkin' a bit too hard to even bother at the moment
>"...Did something happen between you and your marefriends?" Cadence asked gently, almost whispering to you
>You refuse to answer her for a long time, your eyes narrowing as a silent war wages on in your head
>...
>...
>...
>Fuck
>You were going to tell her weren't you?
"...Bonbon said she loved me."
>You expected Cadence to snort or start giggling or poking fun at the big bad human that had to hide away because someone said the L word to him
>But she didn't do any of that
>Instead she once again leaned down and nuzzled your cheek
>"And that bothers you?"
>Your face scrunches up
"It doesn't BOTHER me... I think," you say with the tiniest of shrugs, uncertainty in your voice. "I just don't know how I feel about it."
>You reach an arm up like you were trying to touch the cloud above you
"I mean, a couple of months ago I couldn't STAND fucking Bonbon. We'd get into fights all the time-- most of such were usually physical--, we'd go out of our way to ruin the others day, and so much other shit that I'm not even going to try to name 'em."
>Your outstretched hand opens and closes, and for a moment you just close your eyes and imagine what it would be like to actually grab that bundle of tiny water droplets
"Now I got Lyra and Bonbon living in my house, I wake up every fucking morning with them in my arms and I'm... I'm..."
>You go silent with another sigh, letting your hand drop back onto the ground
>With the tiniest of smiles, Cadence leans down and nuzzles you yet again
>Though you'd rather light yourself on fire and walk through a mile of broken glass than admit this is felt... nice...
>Comforting even
>"You're happy aren't you, Nonny?" she asked with that quiet and gentle tone
>You refuse to say anything as Cadence lays down on her stomach with her head right next to yours, one of her purple eyes looking you over
>Finally, after another rather tense silence Cadence once again speaks up
>"You know, Nonny, I've had Twily keep tabs on you for a few years."
>You snort
"Of course you fucking did..."
>Though Cadence giggled the caring, warm look on her face didn't subside
>"She'd always say that you were the textbook definition of a grump. You had a short temper, you'd get angry over the littlest things, you enjoyed yelling for yelling's sake, and you were always alone."
>...
>...
>...
>Well FUCK you too book hoers...
>Cadence scooted a little closer to you
>"But I know that ponies express their emotions in a hundred different ways."
>She booped the side of your face with her nose
>"I mean look at me and Shining! You LOVE the two of us!"
>If any other pony would have said that you would have known that they were being sarcastic
>But lovebutt?
>As sincere as they come
>You must have really looked confused because Cadence giggled again
>"Think about it, Anon! You might act mean and yell at me and Shiny whenever we're around but when was the last time you didn't let us stay with you when we asked for a room?"
>...You only let them stay at your house because they always pay you and you're too much of a jew to say no to the money...
>"When was the last time you didn't help us when we asked asked?"
>Who wouldn't help someone that needed it?
>"Heck, you went ahead and made us all something to eat this morning even though you really didn't need to!"
"I was making food for me and my mares," you instantly reply. "There just happened to be some left over for the two of you."
>The Princess of Love tickled your nose with a wing
>"I think that we both know that that's a load of horse apples, Nonny."
>It was your turn to snort
"Well you better go and find some fucking apples made out of horses then you pink putz."
>Her smile widening, lovebutt laid a wing over you
>"I know a lot of ponies think you're a grump because you don't smile when other ponies smile and you don't seem happy when you're supposed to, Nonny, but I know when you're happy and when you're not."
>Fuck you love hoers
>You didn't know this nigga mang
"Do you now?"
>Cadence nods, unfazed by the disbelief in your tone
>"Yep, and I'm pretty sure the more you seem like you hate somepony the more it means that you actually like them."
>You finally stop looking at the clouds and turn your head so that you're nose-to-muzzle with Condense
"Have you been huffing empty paint cans again?"
>Giggling again, Cadence leans forward until your noses were touching
>You finally get the urge to smack a little horse at the contact but you manage to resist
>You had to hear this stupid train of thought that she had the two of you going down
>...For science reasons of course 
>"You said that you really didn't like Bonbon all that much, and that the two of you got into fights and argued all the time right?"
>The Princess of Love points a wing over to the door
>"Well look at you know! You're letting them live in your house, you're sleeping with them, and you even put your willy in your marefriend's butt when you weren't sure about it!"
>You frown, though it's ruined slightly by the fact that a blush creeps its way onto your cheeks
>While that wasn't TOTALLY true it was true enough that you KNEW Condense couldn't know about it unless she was peepin'
>And you fucking HATED when she peeped on you
>Like with all of your heart
"What the fuck did I say about sneaking around my fucking house?!" you snap
>Cadence just giggles
>"Well if you guys weren't making all that noise me and Shining wouldn't have had to go see what was going on now would we?" she sassed. "It was a really good show by the way; I haven't gotten off that hard in a couple of months
>...Did she?
>Was she?
>...Oh fuck...
>Did Shining?...
>...In your room?!
>WHERE THE FUCK WERE THEY EVEN HIDING?!?!?!
"...You two better have fucking cleaned up after yourselves..."
>That earned you another noose-boop
>"You've done all of this stuff, you've overlooked all of the things in your relationship that make you uncomfortable and you've talked to these two mares and you've forgiven them, Anon. You want to change yourself so that you can stay with them and be happy like you are right now."
>Cadence leaned back with a smug smile
>"It doesn't take a Princess of Love to figure out that you feel the same way about Lyra and Sweetie Drops."
>You look away from her and back up at the sky and, for some reason, Cadence's smile just widens
>"You know I spent the last few days getting to know Sweetie Drops and Lyra while you were acting all moopy. They're good mares, Nonny, and they both love you more than I think even THEY know."
"That's not her name."
>Cadence blinks
>"What was that?"
"Bonbon's name isn't Sweetie Drops. Her name is fucking Bonbon."
>Cadence giggled, nosing your cheek until you finally reached up and grabbed her muzzle to shove her away
>"To everypony else she's Sweetie Drops, but to everypony that matters she's Bonbon. You, my Nonny kins, have the honor of knowing her as Bonbon WHILE she's also your Sweetie."
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"...She's also a secret agent."
>Oh here we fucking go!
"Fuck right off you fucking liar."
>With an amused huff the pink alicorn rolled on top of you, pinning you in place as she once again pressed your faces close together
>"She IS a secret agent, Nonny!"
"She's a chubby candymaker with an especially big bottom and one hell of a temper not a fucking secret agent or a monster hunter or whatever the hell bullshit I keep hearing ponies say."
>"But she fights MONSTERS!"
"And you're supposed to be a Princess and I've never seen you rule SHIT before."
>Cadence's eyes widened playfully
>"Nonny! That wasn't a very nice!"
>You tried to shove the big pink horse off of you but she wouldn't even budge
>...Fat ass little hoers...
"I'm not a very nice person. Now get off before Bonbon or Lyra see you fucking laying on top of me. I'd rather not get my ass kicked today thank you very much."
>Your reasonable demand was met with another giggle and a eskimo kiss
>"Aw, come on, Nonny, don't be like that! If me and Shiny are going to join your herd I gotta get my scent on you!"
>Your eye twitches
"The day I start dating you is the day I fucking lose my goddamn mind."
>You shoved pink hoers 2 again, this time forcing her off of your stomach with a quiet "omph"
>Rubbing her backside with a wing, the Princess of Love looked at you with a tinkle in her eye
>"Oh don't be so sure about that, my monkey man" she said, batting her eyelashes at you as you stood up. "If I have a few more days I'm sure I'll have you and your mares out on a date with me and my stallion."
>Her smile diminished just a hair and she sighed
>"...Unfortunately my work here is done I think. Time for me to get back home and back to my little ponies so I can't work my magic on you anymore..."
>Work?
>When was the last time this fucking pink horse did anything that remotely resembled work?
"The hell you talking about "WORK"? I thought your pink ass was here on some dumb vacation."
>Cadence rubbed herself against you like a cat as you stretched, your spine popping
>"Well I am the Princess of Love, silly filly, and that means that I'm there when matters of the heart are concerned."
>She walked around you a few times, trying to give your butt a squeeze, before she plopped down right in front of you
>"When I heard that my favorite human had gotten himself a couple of marefriends I knew that I HAD to come down to Ponyville to see them for myself. And, after talking with them and getting to know them and getting them... some things I can honestly say that they passed!"
>You blink slowly as the little horse before you throws up her hooves and cheers
"...Passed?"
>Cadence nodded
>"Yep! I had to make sure that they weren't just dating you for kicks or to sell you off for some freak show or something like that!"
>Bullshit
"Bullshit. That doesn't happen."
>"AND I had to make sure that you weren't going to be a baby and run away when your mares started to get all "mushy" with you mister!"
>You frown
"Run? Why the hell would I fucking run?"
>Cadence raised an eyebrow
>"You've been moping around your house for five days and you've sat out here for five hours just because one of your mare's said that they loved you, Nonny."
>...
>...
>...
>Alright
>It appears that you don't respond well to affection
>Duly noted
>"But I'm pretty sure I just fixed that RIGHT up! You love your mares and they love you and you're going to tell them!"
>You look down at Cadence as she does this weird wiggle-hop
>And that's all you could do
>Stare
>Who the hell did this horse think she fucking was?
>It was none of her business what was going on with your relationship
>You were a big man
>You could figure things out and get them done!
>You didn't need any help!
>YEAH!
>You'd show her...
>...Something...
>You don't know what that something was you were going to fucking do it!
>YOU WERE GOING TO GO IN YOUR HOUSE AND DO SOMETHING!
>YEAH!!!
>Your eyes narrow as you shove Cadence out of the way and stride up onto your porch
>Throwing open your front door you march into your own house and into your living room, where both Lyra and Bonbon happen to be sitting on your couch chatting about something or other
>Both of your mares stopped talking to look at you, watching in confusion as you stop right in front of them and look them over
>"...Are you alright there, Fingers?" Lyra asked
>"What the hay are you looking at, Monkey?" Bonbon demands as you kneel down and pull both of the mares onto a hug
>...
>...
>...
>Your stern expression breaks and you sigh when you feel their bodies against you
>Breathing in deep you savor the smell of sugar and thin mints and you couldn't help but smile when Lyra nuzzled your cheeks
>"Anon, Honey? Are you okay?" Lyra asked, sounding worried
>You nod, closing your eyes
"Yeah... I think I'm alright," you say, holding the two just a little bit tighter. "I think I'm alright..."
>You can feel Bonbon's eyes on you as you just hold them and listen to their breathing
>It felt right holding Lyra and Bonbon like this
>Natural even
>And it did make you
>...
>...
>...
>...Happy
>It made you happy...
>Cracking open an eye you look at your little ponies
>Two mares that made you happier than you've ever been in your entire life
"I love you too, Bonnie," you say honestly, kissing both her and Lyra. "I love the both of you so much..."
>...
>...
>...
>Fucking Condense...