"...God fucking dammit..." >Not bothering to open your eyes you sighed >You could feel that familiar tail wrapped securely around you >And there was that same claw holding your hand >Though it seemed that Dis... Eris wanted to be the big spoon today... >So at least that was fucking different... >The draconequus let out a sleepy murmur, nuzzling the top of her head as she pushed you further into her cleavage >It seemed like Eris had forgone wearing her usual shirt today and because of it you could feel the softness of the fur on her ta-ta's against your face >...Among other things... >Today the smell of just baked bread filled your nose as you just laid there like the fucking putz that you were >This was the part where you were supposed to hop out of bed and toss your friend out of the window whilst you screamed profanities at the two of your lungs >You were supposed to be mad, jacked, pissed the fuck off >But no, you were just laying there, pressed against a soft, warm body under these warm and comfortable covers on top of this soft bed >... >Sighing again you closed your eyes and did your best to get comfortable >From what you could tell the sun wasn't anywhere close to rising >So you may as well get some more shuteye before you had to deal with this-- >"You know it's not very much fun to watch you sleep." >Bringing your face out of its pillowy prison you looked up to see Eris staring down at you with a small frown >The lass's eyes were glowing in the darkness of the room... >Freaky >Not the weirdest thing you've seen but it was freaky >"And I know what you're going to say," Eris continued, not giving you a chance to say something. "Eris, you sexy devil, what do you know about the way people sleep? It's not like you've watched a lot of ponies doing the act yourself!" >You twitched as her paw started to run up and down your back >"Well that's where you'd be wrong, my Nonnykins. Over the centuries I've watched many, many ponies sleep. I've studied their habits and everything. It's something of a hobby really." >You tried to push yourself away from the crazy bitch holding you but her grip was firm >"There's just something about watching a pony kicking their widdle hoofsies while they dream about running through a meadow that really makes me smile," she said, pressing you lightly against her collarbone. "And you'll never laugh harder when you watch a mad pony twitching and crying in their sleep. And there dreams? I swear if feels like you're swimming in a pool of fuzzy pop whenever you poke your head into their head to see what's going on." >With another sigh you just go limp in Eris's grip >It was too fucking early to fight >Or scream >Or even swear >So you were just gonna sit here and let the loony talk herself out so you could get some more fucking sleep >To reward you for your lack of struggle Eris started to run her claw through your hair >"But you don't DO anything when you're asleep! You barely twitch, I haven't heard you mutter something ONCE since we've been together, and your dreams are... bleh!" >You could feel her paw snake downwards >Though you were still half asleep you were quick to grab the thing >"There hasn't even been any morning wood that I can play with before you open your eyes and see my beautiful face in the morning!" >You twitched as the frankenstein flicked your forehead >What what you have no fucking idea >Her tail was wrapped around your leg, she had one claw running through your hair and you had her paw... >"You're lucky that you have such a nice flank, otherwise I might have to rethink our relationship just--" "Fuck off," you said with a yawn. "And we ain't in a fucking relationship you git." >Eris made a face >"SomeONE'S not a morning person..." "It's not fucking morning." >Eris was silent for a few moments before pressing your face back against her chest >"You're right; it's not morning Nonnykins," she murmured, holding you close >She once again nuzzled the top of your head >"It's nighttime: the part of the day where all good little ponies and humans need to get their sleep so they can do silly little human and or pony things." >Despite yourself you yawned again, your eyes already closing >When you woke up you were gonna toss this blighter out of your fucking house >And after you did that you were going to get Twilight to put some kind of magic over your house to keep her out of your fucking bed >...But until then you needed to sleep >You half asleep as Eris leaned down and kissed your forehead >"So get some sleep, my little humey. You and I have a BIG day tomorrow. One filled with wooing and declarations of love and chocolate bananas." >Eris tried to pull her claw out of your grasp but you held firm >Fuck no >You might be enough of a pushover to let this cunt sleep with you but you weren't getting fucking MOLESTED in your sleep >Not today >Eris giggled as you pressed her claw close to your chest >"And I can't wait~" ~Hours later~ >... >... >... >There was no tail wrapped around your leg... >And no one was holding your hand... >Your eyes snapped open and you quickly sat up in your bed >Quickly looking around you see that you were the only one in your bedroom >... >Throwing off you covers you see that you're still wearing your boxers "Thank fuckin' Christ," you groan aloud, letting yourself fall back into your pillows >It must have just been a dream... >Eris wasn't-- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX3ENRaEPFU [Embed] >... >... >... >You don't remember getting out of your bed but you found yourself walking toward your window to see where the... music was coming from >"ANON! ANNNNNNNOOOOOONNNNNN!" >Dread twisted your stomach as you drew near to the window >By the sounds of it the... music was coming from outside right in front of your house >In your heart of hearts you knew who was blasting this fucking song but you didn't want to believe it >A part of you just wanted this to be a joke from Twilight >Or maybe a new human just popped up in this world and had shit taste in music >Yeah... That'd be nic-- >"Nonny! My love!" >Lifting open the window you poked your head out your window and looked down >"AAAAAANNNNNNOOOOOOONNNNNNN!" >Eris was standing in the middle of the road with a boombox over her head >There was a pink raincloud above her head and coming out of it was... >Chocolate milk? >"AAAAAANNNNNNOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN!" >All along the road are ponies staring, whispering to each other, and laughing >...You were going to be in the paper again weren't you? "WHAT?!" you roared >"AAAAAANNNNNNNNOOOOOOONNNNNNN--omph!" >The boombox fell out of Eris's claws as your shoe flew through the air and smacked her right in the forehead >"OW!" "Turn that fuckin' shit off you moron!" >"NO! It's the only song that truly conveys my feelings toward you!" "I swear to the fuckin' holy ghost if I have to go out there and turn that shit--" >"Invite me in your house!" "...What?" >"Let me come into your house so we can having breakfast together! If you do that then I'll turn off the music." >You poked your head back into your bedroom to see if you could find anything else to throw at the ninny >...Fuck, you didn't have anything else... >Wait, where did your other shoe go? "If ya keep playin that shit Twilight's gonna come out and make ya turn that it off." >Soaked to be bone with chocolate milk rain, Eris picked her boombox (where did she even get that fucking thing?...) and lifted it over her head once more >"ANNNNNOOOOOONNNNNN!" >...No >"ANNNNNOOOOOOONNNNNNN!" >Nope >"NOOOOOONNNNNNYYYYYY!!!" >If you just waited Twilight would fix this >"NOOOONNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYKKKKIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS!!!" >She'd turn that fucking music off and you'd have your peace and quiet >"MMMMMYYYYYY LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE!" >... "FUCKING GET IN HERE!" >Eris perked up >"Really?!" "YES! Just turn that fuckin' music off and get my fucking shoe! An' dry yerself off. I don't want ya trailing chocolate milk in me house!" >"...Are you going to hit me with it again if I give it to you?" "...Hit you with what?" >"Your shoe silly." "JUST FUCKIN' GET IN HERE YA CUNT!" >Now grinning, Eris snapped her claws and disappeared in a flash >Thankfully she took her boombox and raincloud with her >Wherever she fucking went... >Hopefully to fuck off valley... >The bloody wanker... >Groaning, you smacked your head against the frame of your window "It's not even lunch time and I'm fuckin' done for the cunting, pissing day," you muttered, slamming your window closed and shuffling toward your closet >Getting dressed in a beater and some pajama bottoms you shuffled downstairs and toward your kitchen... >...Where Eris was waiting >"Mornin' Nonny!" she chirped >You looked down at your kitchen table >>There were about half a dozen styrofoam containers in the center of the thing >All but two of your chairs had fucked off >Eris was sitting on one and the other was right next to her >... >Walking over you sat beside the pain in the ass "An' what the 'ell do ya got here?" >With a snap of her claws, Eris summoned up some silverware and placed it in front of you "It's your breakfast, dear," she said. "Since I knew that my snookums would be hungry when he opened those bea-utiful eyes of his I took the liberty of getting you some grub!" >You eyed her suspiciously "Ya got me fucking food?" you asked, eyes narrowing >"Yep!" "...An' where did ya get this "food"?" >Giggling, Eris reached for one of the containers tops >You scooched back, ready for any-- >Were those pancakes? >"I got up extra early and went over to SugarCube Corner to get you something," Eris said, leaning over and planting a kiss on your cheek, which you were quick to brush off. "I didn't know what you'd like so I got a little bit of everything." >As if to quell your fears about any magicked food she grabbed one of the pancakes and took a big bite out of it >"Eash up, itsh really goodsh!" >You made a face as half-chewed food flew out of the loony's mouth "...Alright." >Not taking your eyes off your friend you started popping off containers to see everything that she got >Pancakes, waffles, cinnamon buns; everything and anything that one could think of was all right there just waiting to be eaten >And, as far as you could tell, none of it had been tampered with >You would have been all too happy to just dig in and eat until you couldn't eat anymore >...But >You had questions >Important ones "Eris?" >"Yes, my little sugar plum?" "Where did ya get the money fer all of this stuff?" >Eris's face scrunched up as you looked away from the food and turned toward her >"I feel like you're insinuating something!" "Lass--" >"I'm a goddess that can create anything that I desire with a snap of my claws." "Eris--" >"Of course I could--" "Ya can't make bits." >Eris paused mid rant >"...Pardon?" "I said ya can't make bits ya gizzard," you said, feeling a headache coming on. "An' do ya wanna know HOW I know ya fucking can't make bits?" >Looking a good deal more nervous than she had a few seconds ago, Eris quickly shook her head >"Oh, that won't be necessary, Nonny," she said, tugging at her collar. "We could--" "I know ya can't make bits 'cause every fuckin' bit made has come kind of magic in it that lets ya know that it's a real bit an' not a forgery." >Twilight had properly explained how the Equestria National Mint did it but to be honest you hadn't been paying all that much attention to that particular lecture >It had been five shots for a bit night at the local bar the day before and daddy had had to show the kiddies how it was done >But you had gotten the gist of it "An' the only ones that know how to put this fucking magic in the gold coins is the mint that makes 'em up in Canterlot." >"B-But muh god powers..." >Doing your best to look calm you leaned toward the draconequus, who scooched away nervously, her eyes darting everywhere but in your direction "Not the princesses, not you, not me, THEM. So, lass, I'm gonna ask again. Where did ya get the money fer all of this food?" >"..." "..." >"..." "..." >"I used the money from your bit bag." >Of course she fucking did... >Sighing, you grabbed six big pancakes and tossed them onto your plate >"...I could make it up to you by--" "No." >A bit of an awkward silence fills the air as you focus on your plate and do your best to shovel as much food into your gullet as you could >Though you KNEW that this food probably wasn't all that cheap, what with it being from SugarCube Corner and all, you couldn't help but admit that everything was pretty great >The pancakes were good enough to eat without syrup >The cinnamon buns were warm and gooey and amazing >And even the waffles, a morning food that you usually didn't care all that much for, were fucking awesome >It was all so good that when you finally finished eating you weren't even all that upset as you once again turned toward your mate >Eris had a small smile on her face as she looked back over at you, an odd twinkle in those red eyes of her's >"I always love a stallion with a good appetite," she mused, wiping a bit of icing from the corner of your mouth with her thumb >You tried to bat her claw away but she quickly pulled her hand back and stuck her thumb into her mouth >"It really shows me that you appreciate all of my hard work slaving over a over this morning." "Ya didn't make any o' the fucking food ya ninny." >"Stirring the icing and batter until it was perfect... Heating everything up just right." >Before you could think up of another way to tell the frankenstein that she was a git the draconequus had all but leapt out of her chair and wrapped her arms around your neck >"It might have been a bother, sure, but I did it all but a smile. Because I knew that my wonderful, amazing husbando would be happy that I made it all for him," she said nuzzling the side of your cheek >You tried to shove her off you but she held firm "I swear to Christ I'll stab ya with me fork if ya don't let go." >Eris giggled, her hot breath washing over your neck as she pressed her muzzle into it >"If you don't mind I'd prefer it if you stabbed me with something else~" "Ya know, if I just up and killed ya I bet I wouldn't get shit over it." >"I have no gag reflex~" "In fact I betcha I'd get a fuckin award if I did ya in." >"I'm not wearing any panties~" "They're be parades an' celebrations and all that shit if I up an' did it." >Eris sighed again, nuzzling into your side even more as you sat there irritated and more than a little frustrated >... >... >... >She better have fucking panties underneath that long ass shirt of her's... >"Anon?" Eris said, suddenly adopting a serious tone. "Even if you don't want me to I'm going to make it up to you for using your money to buy all of this food." >Huh, really? >That was oddly... mature of your mate >Usually he'd use your money to buy food and he'd laugh if you got pissy with him about it >A small smile came to your face, and you were about to thank your mate, when her head flew away from your neck and she smashed her nose up against your's >You tried to reel back, but her claws shot up and grabbed you by the face >"We're gonna to go out and get me some new duds! And you can watch me put everything on!" "With who's fucking money?!" you instantly demanded as Eris began to drag you to the fucking door >"With your money of course, silly! Now come on, Rarity's Boutique awaits!" "We ain't using my fucking money to buy you fucking clothes that you don't need!" >"ADVENTURE!" "This ain't no fucking adventure ya fucking moron! Now let go o' me before I--" >"ADVENTURE!!!" ~Sometime later~ >You never liked Rarity's little shop all that much >Just like every house in this little village everything was too small for you >The ceilings, the doors, the fucking chairs >It made you feel like a giant in a land of fucking hobbits, and, incredibly, Rarity's shop seemed the smallest of them all >You had to almost crawl to get in her door and when you were in the building you constantly had to watch out for the ceiling, lights, and support beams >The number of headaches that you had acquired from trying to walk around in the place was uncountable >But there you were, sitting in a too fucking small chair with your hands in your fucking lap with Rarity standing right beside you >With that smile of her's... >"Oh, stop looking so glum, Anonymous dear," the marshmallow chided "Fuck off," you grumbled, shifting from left to right to try to find a more comfortable position on the stool >Not surprisingly, it was still as uncomfortable as ever >...Fucking little chairs... >"I thought that you'd LOVE to have a marefriend that liked to dress up, seeing as you cover yourself everyday." >You eyed the door that was across the room meaningfully, then you eyed the windows >Twice you had tried to escape >And twice, though she was in the small room covered by a curtain that Rarity used as a changing room, Eris had managed to stop you >When you had made a rush for the door the door knob had disappeared >When you tried to climb out the window you had fallen right in front of your stool >So until you figured out to outsmart someone that knew what you were doing when you weren't even in the same fucking room you were stuck here >But not for long >Cause you were GOING to find a fucking way out of this shit >Because FUCK shopping for clothes "Eris ain't my fucking marefriend, Rara. An' just because I wear clothes don't mean I like sitting on my ass waitin' for someone to fucking show me what they put on." >"Don't you think you're being a LITTLE moody dear? Eris only wants to see what you think of the clothes that I made for her." >The clothes that she made with YOUR fucking money... >...Fucking Eris... "She's been in the fucking room for half an hour, Rara." >"Some ponies need a little more time than others to get dressed, darling." >You snorted "No one needs This much fucking--" >"Ta-da~!" >Throwing open the curtain, Eris suddenly strutted out of the fitting room with like she owned the place >The draconequus was wearing a longish, tight-fitting sleeveless pink shirt and a pair of lacy black panties that hugged her hips in (admittedly) all the right ways >You could see her breast bouncing in her shirt as she walked over to you with that grin of her's >"So what do you think?" she asked, doing a little twirl >Rara made some happy horse sounds as she clapped her hooves together >"Wonderful, wonderful! I'll admit that I had my concerns when you came to me with your designs, Eris dear, but look at you!" >With her little furry chest puffed out, Rara trotted over to your mate and started circling her, her head cocked to the side >"The shirt shows your figure without revealing too much, and your... undergarments... Yes, yes, VERY nice..." >Eris giggled, giving her butt a shake as she looked over at you >"What do you think, Nonny? Do I take your breath away?" >You wiggled on the stool a little more "Yer takin' something away," you grumbled, leaning back slightly >Eris's smile diminished ever so slightly >"...Wellllll, if you don't like this one..." >Her smile returned full force >"Rarity here made me lots and lots of clothes for me to try on!">Cause you were GOING to find a fucking way out of this shit >Because FUCK shopping for clothes "Eris ain't my fucking marefriend, Rara. An' just because I wear clothes don't mean I like sitting on my ass waitin' for someone to fucking show me what they put on." >"Don't you think you're being a LITTLE moody dear? Eris only wants to see what you think of the clothes that I made for her." >The clothes that she made with YOUR fucking money... >...Fucking Eris... "She's been in the fucking room for half an hour, Rara." >"Some ponies need a little more time than others to get dressed, darling." >You snorted "No one needs This much fucking--" >"Ta-da~!" >Throwing open the curtain, Eris suddenly strutted out of the fitting room with like she owned the place >The draconequus was wearing a longish, tight-fitting sleeveless pink shirt and a pair of lacy black panties that hugged her hips in (admittedly) all the right ways >You could see her breast bouncing in her shirt as she walked over to you with that grin of her's >"So what do you think?" she asked, doing a little twirl >Rara made some happy horse sounds as she clapped her hooves together >"Wonderful, wonderful! I'll admit that I had my concerns when you came to me with your designs, Eris dear, but look at you!" >With her little furry chest puffed out, Rara trotted over to your mate and started circling her, her head cocked to the side >"The shirt shows your figure without revealing too much, and your... undergarments... Yes, yes, VERY nice..." >Eris giggled, giving her butt a shake as she looked over at you >"What do you think, Nonny? Do I take your breath away?" >You wiggled on the stool a little more "Yer takin' something away," you grumbled, leaning back slightly >Eris's smile diminished ever so slightly >"...Wellllll, if you don't like this one..." >Her smile returned full force >"Rarity here made me lots and lots of clothes for me to try on!" >She disappeared with a snap of her claws and appeared at your side >Her grin grew as she hopped in your lap, wrapped her arms around her neck as she straddled you "Get off me." >Eris leaned forward, booping your nose with her's >"Make me~" >Your hands assumed the shoving position >Alright >Time to knock this bugger on her ass... >... >Right about now... >... >Now... >NOW... >... >NOOOOOWWWWWW... >"Ahem?" >You and Eris turned toward Rarity, who was blushing at your little... display >"While I might be one for public displays of affection this IS a place of business. So if you please, Eris?" >Before you had a chance to turn your head a soft pair of lips planted a little kiss on your cheek >Startled, you fell out of the stool just as Eris hopped off of you >"My apologies, Mrs. Rarity," she said with a giggle, her hips swaying as she made her way back toward the changing room. "I'm sure you know how love is." >Rarity smiled a smiley smile >That was... smiley >"All is forgiven, Eris dear. Now hop, hop! We have many more clothes that need to be seen!" >Sitting up you look around the room once more >... >Seeing a broom sitting not three feet away from you you reached over and grabbed it >Hefting your impoverished weapon, you picked yourself up and say back on your stool >"Is everything alright there, Anonymous darling?" Rarity asked with a grin "I'm fine lass," you say, giving your broom a few practice swings >"Are you sure? You seem a little flustered." "I'm just peachy, Rarity." >"And is that a blush I se--" "Fuck off ya buggering teabag." >The rest of your morning went by without a hitch >Eris tried on many, many clothes but she didn't touch you again >Though that didn't mean she wasn't doing her best to sprinkle your gingersnaps >Sauntering out of the dressing room, bending over in front of you, circling you like you were fucking prey; Eris did everything and a half >But you were the rock of of fucking Gibraltar >Even when Eris had Rarity blushing you didn't give the cunt an inch >NOT >AN >INCH >You just sat there with your broom at the ready like the man that you were >If Eris was discouraged about your lack of emotion she didn't show it >She just continued to strut her stuff, wiggle her butt, and give you "looks" >And after about four fucking, pissing hours of this hell you and Eris left the boutique with bags of clothing and bags, whereafter Eris strutted through town with her arm hooked through your's winking at every little horse that was near like everything was fine and dandy >You, not being able to do anything about the arm situation since you had to CARRY all the fucking bags yourself for some reason, had just endured it like you had endured the teasing and the flashing and the innuendos >Eventually you were gonna kill 'em >You were going to snap like a twig because of your friend's shit and you were going to take her out >Murk her >Murder >Kill >Unlife >You might not feel like doing it now, as exhausted as you were because of this FUCKING day, but you were going to do it eventually >Swear on me mum! >As if sensing your foul, foul mood the moment the two of you got home Eris had left you alone, disappearing to... wherever she went when she wasn't in your house bothering you >And what a wonderful few hours it was >You had laid around on your couch >You had fixed yourself up some dinner >You watered the upside down tree and the little grove of crystal flowers under the thing >And after that a quick shower and some light reading had finished off your day >Peace and quiet and no looney's screaming or flashing their tits at you >Truly an oasis in the desert that you had been marching through these past days >All that was needed to make your afternoon a perfect one was going to bed and getting a WELL deserved sleep >But, for some reason, there was a problem >No matter what position you were in >No matter what side of the pillow you were laying on >No matter how much you changed the thermostat >You couldn't get to fucking bed >You couldn't drift off >Not even a little bit >So, at two in the fucking morning, you found yourself staring at the ceiling of your pitch-black room, as muffed as all hell >Go to sleep... >Go to sleep >GOTOSLEEP! >GOTOFUCKINGSLEEPGODDAMMIT!!! >... "Fuckin' 'ell..." >Seeing as you weren't going to be getting any sleep tonight, you were about to throw off your covers and get out of your bed when you heard your bedroom being open >What the hell?... >Your body tensed as you saw a silhouette of someone standing in your doorway >"Nonny?" >Eris's voice cut through the silence like a knife as the draconequus floated toward you >You, relieved that it was just your mate and not some intruder or... worse, let out a sigh of relief >Goddammit... >This bitch was going to give you a bloody heart attack... >Eris floated closer toward you, fiddling with her claws nervously >...For some reason... >You had no idea WHY she'd be nervous... >"Are you awake, Anon?" >You said nothing, simply pretending to be asleep >It was too fucking late to deal with your mate's nonsen-- >She'sleaningovercloseyoureyesnigga! >You shut your eyes as Eris leaned over you, her red eyes scanning your face >"Say something if you're awake, Nonny," she whispered >You twitched as she gently touched your face with a paw but you said nothing >You'renotawake >You'renotawake! >Leavemethefuckalone!!! >The draconequus goes silent as she inspects you, her paw drawing circles on your cheek as her hot breath washes over you >"...Alrighty then..." >Suddenly, your covers are thrown off of you and your bed squeaks as Eris climbs into it >Trying to be as quiet as possible so not to wake you, Eris crawled toward you and laid down beside you >Though you weren't touching you could feel her body heat as her claw ran down your side >"Are you sure you aren't awake, Anonymous?" she whispered in your ear >Goosebumps ran down your neck as you laid there, doing your best to play dead >Another minute passed before you feel Eris pressing herself against you >Her tail quickly coiled around you and her muzzle finds its usual place in the crook of your neck as she pressed her soft body against you >Through no fault of your own you let out a quiet sigh as she threw the covers over the two of you >"Annnnnnnooooooonnnnnnn." "..." >Giving your neck a tender kiss, Eris removed her muzzle from the nook of your neck and pressed her nose against yours >Though your eyes were closed you could feel her eyes on you >"Annnnnooooonnnnnnn." >The small smile on your face quickly turned into a frown as she started poking your chest >"Nonny." "..." >"Nonnykins." "..." >"I know you're awake, honey bunny." >Your hand snapped up, covering the cunt's mouth as she tried to kiss you >One of your eyes snapped open to stare at the draconequus' glowing red eyes >Her lips slipped between your fingers >"So my little human finally caught me in the act eh?" >Your hand clamped down a little harder on her mouth "Get out of me fucking bed." >Your hand shoots away as her tongue started to lick your palm Fuckin' dirty cunt." >Eris giggled as she tried to give you an eskimo kiss >"Only for you~" >You reeled back, making a face "Get the fuck out of me bed." >She continued to lean forward, her nose at the ready >The two of you crawled across the bed until the gizzard had you at the edge of the bed >"Come on, Nonny. Give me kisses." "Fuck off." >"Come onnnnnnn!" "Fuuuuucccckkkk oooofffff!" >The two of you rolled around, wrestling for position, until you found yourself in the middle of the bed with the cunt LITERALLY wrapped around you >...Fucking part-snake women... >Though you were still frowning it was getting hard to keep your eyes open >It seemed that you body had decided NOW was sleepytime >Eris, her hair messy from your little altercation, laid her head on your shoulder >"Night Nonny." >Her claw once again found your hand >You frowned hard, keeping your gaze glued on the ceiling >... >... >... "...Good night." >"Love you." "Don't fucking push it."