In a little while I'll re-write it starting from just after Anon cums inside Rainbow Dash.

prompt:
>many of Anon's friends are mares.
>most of them are already in a relationship, so their growing disinterest in Anon gradually leads to him being 'just one of the mares'.
>Anon overhears the woes of said relationships
>swear to god, it's like he's watching everyone loves raymond.
>so many stereotypes he could check them off a list 
>colts withholding sex as punishment
>colts being extra sexy when they want something
>colts being emotionally manipulative & generally catty
>colts considered the 'fairer sex'
>and since herds are A Thing in this prompt, if one colt ain't happy, then something like 8 mares are bluebeaned.
>mares expected to take it & stop whining
>anon acts on this knowledge
>anon is ideal herdcolt 

paste:

>Day 8 months in Equestria
>You are, of course, Anon.
>The shock of being torn away from your family, as well as any kind of life you may have lived has just about worn off.
>You know you're never going home, and you've accepted that.
>You had to.
>So, you've more-or-less moved on with your life.
>Got a job at a coffee shop and started paying rent to Twilight.
>She said that she was in your debt for stealing you away from everything you've ever accomplished or ever WILL accomplish, but you insisted.
>You're pretty sure she just sneaks the bits into your pockets and shit one-at-a-time, so that you don't notice.
>Anyway, your job is pretty standard.
>Turns out that the process of making coffee is just about identical to how it's made back home.
>Water temperature, pressure, bean roasts, whatever.
>Coffee is coffee. Don't matter none if it comes from the ground or from Twilight's enormous futa-dick.
>Your job as a barista (baristbro?) really lets you learn about ponies and their day-to-day lives.
>They're boring as shit.
>That's what you've learned.
>One new thing you've learned since you started working at the Rise and Grind: "Herds".
>Apparently they're a thing.
>You're not really sure why. When you think about it, you've never really seen too many stallions around town.
>Maybe there's a shortage?
>Or maybe they're all just assholes.
>Whatever. You'll talk to Twilight later.

>"Morning, Anon. Can you serve me up something hot and tall?"
>That's another thing you've noticed about ponies: the mares are way more flirty than the women back home.
>It's usually the female the approaches the male; the female who pays for the male's drink; the female who call other females "filly foolers"
>You guess that's horse-word for "faggot"?
"Sure thing, miss Rose. Black, as usual?"
>"Anon, please. You see me almost every day; just call me Rosie."
>You've worked here with these machines long enough that you don't really have to pay attention to what you're doing.
>Instead of zoning out, you decide to listen in on any interesting conversations nearby.
>>"--and he's not returning ANY of my letters. I can't figure out what I did wro--"
>>"--bring the cider, you bring the Hayritos, Cuddle Wings. And don't forg--"
>>"--but he smelled like the Devil, oh my GOD it was the most disGUSTING smell you have EVER smelled, Daring, and--"
HISSSSSS
>OW FUCK JESUS
>You yelp loudly and jump back away from the loudly-hissing espresso machine, which is now enveloped in a cloud of steam.
>Ooooooohhh fuck YOU that hurt.
>You look down at your arm, and recoil at the sight.
>Almost the entire underside of your forearm is painted an angry red, and you can see blisters forming before your eyes.
>Then the pain hits.
>You've been burned before, but not this badly, and never across such a huge area of skin.
>You try your best not to cry, but it feels like somebody is holding a hot cast-iron skillet to your arm.
>One of the mares runs up to you.
>"Anon! Are you okay?!"
>Oh hey, it's Rosie.
>Hi Rosie.

>Before you manage to hiss out a response, Rose gets a closer look at your arm, and gasps.
>"Somepony get the manager! Oh gosh, Anon, what can I do?"
>You manage to hiss a response through the pain.
"D-don't know, Rosie."
>Aaaand here the tears come.
>Right in front of everypony.
>You choke back a sob and watch as more and more ponies gather around you.
>You guess burns on exposed skin look different than burns under fur.
>You hold R2 to listen, and take an ear-gander and what the mob of concerned pones have to say.
>>"--lestia, he should have never been allowed to work with that machine--"
>>"--need to go outside. I can't stomach seeing an injured colt--"
>>"--le Wings, you're the chief of ponice. Can't you DO somethi--"
>"Anon!"
>And it looks like your manager has arrived on scene.
>"Oh Celestia, that looks bad. Anon, sweetie, what happened to you?"
>Steam Bean trots up to you and grabs your arm with his magic to get a better look at your arm.
>Magic doesn't really work on you, and all it does is make your burn sting like a MOTHERFUCKER.
"Ow ow ow oW OW LET GO STEAM BEAN" 
SB:"Sorry! Sorry! Listen, Anon, don't you worry, okay? I've contacted your herd mare, and she'll be here to collect you any minute now."
>Herd mare? Does he mean Twilight?
>With a poof of magic, your favourite purple unicorn appears in front of you.
[spoiler]>Oh hey, it's Twilight.[/spoiler]
[spoiler]>Hi Twilight.[/spoiler]

The area immediately in front of you expands and contracts simultaneously as space/time forcibly connects two locations that were never meant to touch.
>All you see is blackness as the universe folds in on itself and the laws of physics struggle to comprehend just what the hell is happening to them.
>Colours spew from the singularity in front of you, rapidly covering the entire visible spectrum. You are briefly able to see in infra-red. Twilight's glowing form seems to reverse-implode into existence before you.
>There's a flash of light and a lingering smell of ozone as the universe decides that Twilight Sparkle is, and has ALWAYS been, occupying the space where all this confusion was happening.
>And so stands your favourite purple mare in all her horsey glory.

>"I came as quickly as I could!"
[spoiler]>unf[/spoiler]
>Despite how dismissively as she regards the foundations of reality, Twilight looks at you not with condescension, but with concern.
>"Are you alright, Anon? Mister Bean said you had an accident. Did you step on a broken mug?
>She whips her head back and forth, her nose close to the ground like a bloodhound.
>She stops after a few moments, however, and looks at you with a sheepish look on her face.
>"Oh, right. I keep forgetting that you wear sho-oh."
>She's staring at your blistering forearm with a look of horror.
>"Oh! Oh Celestia, Anon, what in Equestria happened to you!? You promised me this would be a SAFE job!"

>SB: "Looks like it blew a gasket."
>In the time it took Twilight to make the universe shrug and turn away, Steam Bean's removed the chassis of the broken machine and braved the dangers of the Misses Espresso.
>Thankfully, it burned through its' entire water supply, so there was no more steam.
>Purple magic envelops the brown-coat, black-mane stallion and tugs him away.
>TS: "Stay away from that!"
>Twilight wraps you up in her sickly purple light, and you prepare yourself for teleportation. You wonder how this will feel on your arm.
>As you deal with the dual sensations of no longer existing, and also occupying two places at once, you ponder on just how BADLY THIS HURTS.
>Sometimes Twilight seems to forget things when she's panicking.
>For example, the Rise and Grind is two blocks away from the library.
>You collapse onto the floor as soon as Twilight has finished working her black-magic bullshit on you.
>Seems like your blisters have ruptured.
>Not to worry, though. More are quickly taking their place.
>She's running off towards the bathroom as soon as her hooves hit the floor, leaving you alone.
>But before you know it, she's back and is busy spreading burn cream/topical pain-killer onto your arm, before wrapping it up with bandages.
>TS: "Hold still, Anon!"
"Well, stop being so rough!"

>Day twenty minutes later in Equestria
>"Damn it, Anon, you said this was a safe job."
>Twilight's managed to calm down a bit, and the two of you are sitting on the couch together, enjoying a nice drink.
>Tea, thank you.
>You've had enough coffee for a while.
>You sigh and explain yourself for the third time.
"Twilight, it IS a safe job. What happened to day was a freak occurrence."
>Twilight won't relent.
>"But what if it had been your face instead of your arm? We don't know enough about humans to reconstruct your eyeballs, Anon."
>Yeesh. You hadn't thought of that.
>The two of you sit in silence, each contemplating what could have been.
>Twilight speaks up just a few minutes later.
>"I'm sorry, Anon."
>The fuck is she apologizing for? She didn't plan for that Misses Espresso to explode, did she?
"For what, the teleportation? Twilight, it's fine. I wasn't looking forward to wal-"
>"No, no; not that. I'm sorry that I let you get a job."
"...wait, what? How did you 'let me' get a job, Twi?"
>She's not meeting your eyes.
>"Well.... technically speaking, I have some limited legal influence over you, because I'm your Alpha-Mare."
>Your what?
"My what?"
>"According to Equesetrian law, Anon, if a mare and a stallion live together for a period of time longer than six months, they are legally considered to be a part of the same herd."
>You're silent for good stretch of time.
"....Is THAT how that works."
>Twilight flinches at your tone.

>You are Twilight Sparkle, and you have ROYALLY bucked up.
>Sure, you probably should have told Anon about the whole, time-sensitive legal marriage thing, but you didn't want him to panic and run away to who KNOWS where.
>You mean, you brought him into this world, and it's your responsibility to take care of him!
>And when you remembered the herd law, well...
>All you had to do was wait, and then you would be able to protect Anonymous from a legal standpoint.
>Look, it would be different if you had to go out of your way to fill out forms or get a license or whatever.
>Really, all you did was NOT act to prevent it.
>That's a completely different ethical dilemma.
>You were doing what any mare would do for a stallion in need. And by Celestia, Anonymous NEEDED you!
>He still does!

>And, maybe, there might have been a few personal feelings that could have factored into your decision.
>It's not like Anon is ugly, or anything.
>Broad withers; muscled forelegs; a couple of nice, hard edges on his face...
>On top of that, his belly rubs were to DIE for.
>You've never been touched like that before....
>....is what you WOULD say if you were a virgin.
>Which you aren't.
>You've done the kissing with LOTS of colts.
>It's not like you cry sometimes when you masturbate or anything.

>......

>So Anon, right?
>He isn't like any other colt you know.
>Which is lots.
>Like, he never does that passive-aggressive "say one thing but mean another" thing that your friends complain about to you.
>He hates shopping (praise the sun).
>And sometimes he does this thing where he'll pin you to the couch and rub his hands all over your body.
>Celestia you love that.
>You're pretty sure he's trying to tickle you, but those hoof-spiders feel too good to tickle.
>You thank Celestia every morning that Anon doesn't recognize the smell of mare musk.

>You are still Twilight
>And it has been a rough couple of minutes.
>He is staring at you and you can tell that he is not impressed with you.
>If you two were together (which you technically are, you suppose), you would be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future.
"Well, Anon. It really is quite simple."
>Oh fudge he's quirking an eyebrow at you. He's staring you down like your dad used to do to your mom.
"And that reason, which I am SURE you will find logical and satisfactory...."
>oh buck oh shit what do you even say
>'surprise! we're married!'
>Buckin'...
>'oops, right?'
"Here it is. As follows, my... flow of thought? Has made... the path clear to me"
>oh Celestia you are so terrible at bullshitting.
>"Twilight. Sparkle."
>The pooch has indeed been screwed by yours truly
>"I want an explination, and I want it NOW."
>Despite the danger that you know you're in, the first thought that springs into your head is, "Patient, yet firm. Good for raising foals."
>Time and place, ovaries. Time and place.
>Celestia, doesn't he realize that you were trying to keep him safe from other mares? 
>Anon is an naive sweetheart and you just know he would be ruined by CUNTS like the spa twins.
>And don't even get you started on how Mrs. Cake was behaving around him.
>Is that what he is to all of them? A fucktoy? A herdwrecker?
>You know what? No!
>No, you did a GOOD THING, dammit!

>You can't remember the last time you've felt this angry, and you're barely in control of yourself.
>You're chomping at the bits to say something; anything to Anon, just so long as it's hurtful.
>In a deceptively-calm growl, you prepare to dismantle him.
"How dare you."
>"What?"
"How DARE you, Anon! You what an explanation? You want to know what I've done?"
"What I've DONE, Anonymous, was give you a place in my house, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a warm bed to sleep in."
>Shhh no thoughts; only anger now.
"On top of all that, I have kept you safe."
>"You kept me SAFE?! From who?"
>You can't do this. You really can't do this right now. You have reached your limit of how much CRAP you can put up with, and filly, Anon's bullshit just keeps on coming.
"From RAPISTS on the STREET, you bucking idiot! With you walking around, dressed as a... as a... a SLUT, you co-"
>"ExCUSE me?!"
>Oops
>"A slut? What the hell are you even talking about, Twilight?" 
>colt BETTER not be taking that tone with you.
>"Twilight, The only skin you can see on me are my arms and my head. My bits are all covered up. That's the OPPOSITE of slutty clothing, you jackass."
>Hey, now. There's no reason to bring racial slurs into this argument.
"Exactly! You're covering yourself up like you're too GOOD for any of us; like-like we're not even worth making the effort!"
>Magicking him into a couch cushion and jumping onto his lap, you being to poke Anon in the chest to punctuate your words.
"I have done so much for you, Anonymous, and I ask for so very little in return. Don't you get mad at me for protecting you."

>You are Anon, and you want to be angry.
>Twilight just blew up at you because you didn't appreciate being non-consensually horsemarried to her, and you're too busy trying not to laugh about why Twilight called you a slut.
>These pones are genuinely insulted that you aren't aggressively helicoptering at them.
>That's the best thing you've heard all day.

>You are Anon, and you need an escape route.
>The urge to laugh in her angry, scrunchie face is too much, and you can feel yourself slipping.
>Your face hurts so bad right now, and you can feel your eyes watering.
>But you've got a weapon hidden on you, to be used as a last resort.
>You've listened in on enough conversations at work, and you know how to act like a colt.

>Be Twilight
>You can't back down now, not after what you said.
>You have to be firm and show Anon who wears the nothing in this relationship.
>If you back down now, he'll see it as a sign of weakness, and then he'll descend upon you like a flock of parasprites.
>Just gotta wait it out.
>.....
>AHA! He won't even look you in the eye!
>Alpha status achieved!
>What now, Anon!?
>...
>No, really, what now?
>Your guide to being an alpha herd-mare didn't say what to DO with the colt after you've established dominance.
[spoiler]>Maybe you should have punched him in the snout first?[/spoiler]
>Wait, no, all you did was make Anon cry.
>You didn't establish dominance.
>You've just established that you're an asshole.
>You're going to need backup for this.

>Be Anon again.
>The plan was a success
>Twilight has teleported out to god-knows-where, and she'll probably be back in a few hours with a box of rose pedals and a bouquet of chocolates.
>Maybe now she can cool down enough that you can talk to her about why it's generally considered rude to marry someone without telling them, or asking them first.
>You know, there are time that you honestly wonder if Twilight straight-up has autism.

>Not too long after you're done laughing, there's a knock on the door.
>The door of the public library that everypony can enter and use.
>"Anawn? Y'all doin' okay in there?"
>Little nigger brought backup.
>"Ah'm cummin' in, alright?"
>Applepony opens the door slowly, and cautiously eases her head past the frame.
>Is she afraid you're going to throw things at her or something?
>These fucking colts, you swear.
"Come on in, AJ."
>Your voice cracks from laughing so hard, and you wipe away a few stray tears.
>Applejack slowly trots over to you and eases herself onto your couch, just as Rainbow Dash and Rarity let themselves in.
>AJ: "Wannuh talk about whut happened, Anawn?"
>You give them an abridged version of what Twilight had don vis a vis your legal rights.

>Dash is the first to speak up.
>RD: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
>Preach it, girl.
>R: "Rainbow! That is NOT the way you talk to a-"
>RD: "I didn't even know that being alpha-mare gave her that kinda control over you. And she just let it happen?"
>Finally, a pony who gets it.
"I know, right?"
>AJ: "Mmm-mm, Twahlaht done bucked up, Anawn."
>Another voice of reason. Maybe Twilight really IS just auti-
>"She should've asked yer hoof in marriage 'stead of hiding behind law. She didn't court you none, did she Anawn?"
>God fucking dammit, AJ. You trusted her.
>Is she seriously upset that Twilight didn't propose to you properly?
>Applejack is becoming less and less of a lovable country bumpkin every day.
>R: "If you were to ask me, which I note you DIDN'T, I would say that Anonymous owes Twilight an apology."
>nigger you what
>You'll owe RARITY an apology when you've shoved your foot up her ass.
>R: "Twilight HAS supported you this entire time, Anonymous. She gave you food and a place to live. Would it really be so difficult for you show her some gratitude?"
"Don't you fucking look at me like that, Rarity."
>AJ: "Rarity, are you tryin' to 'sinuate tha' Anawn should be havin'.... 'relations' with Twahlaht? Now, Ah know tha' her heart's innuh rahght place'n all, but if'fn you think tha' means-"
"Oh for God's sake, Applejack."

>Rarity looks horrified at what Applejack is trying to say.
>R: "Oh, no no no! Not at all!"
>She turns to you and reaches forward to put a hoof on your knee.
>R: "Anonymous, darling, you don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, alright?"
>She has the smuggest, most condescending look on her face right now.
>Goddammit you DON'T want to hurt these ponies, but Rarity is making it mighty hard to keep your hands by your sides.
>R: "But it never hurts to show that you appreciate what Twilight's done for you, does it?"
>She smiles at you and magics up a quill and a sheet of parchment out from nowhere.
>R: "I'll tell you what. I know a few colts who can tell you all about how a stallion can please a ma-"

>Rainbow Dash, aka the Best Pone, flies in between you and Rarity and glares fiercely at her.
>RD: "Are you two for real right now?"
>Rainbow the anti-rape pony turns to you and gestures to the front door.
>RD: "Let's get out of this pigsty, Anon."
>You happily oblige.

>The two of you walk around Ponyville aimlessly in silence.
>Fucking Rarity.
"Thanks for getting me out of there."
>Rainbow grunts in disgust.
>RD: "You shouldn't have to thank me for doing that, Anon. It was disGUSTING, what they were talking about."
>She abruptly walks around a corner.
>RD: "C'mon, Anon. This way."
"Where are we going?"
>Rainbow Dash answers without hesitation.
>"A bar."
>You knew you liked her for a reason. It's a bit too early, though.
"Rainbow Dash, it's eleven in the morning."
>She stops and face-hoofs.
>"Horseapples, you're right. All the bars are closed this early."
>You know what? Fuck it. You're just going to crash at her place for a while.
"Rainbow, where are you staying right now?"
>Rainbow Dash's face lights up and she lightly punches you in the shoulder.
>"Great idea, Anon! I probably have a couple of bottles lying around somewhere."
>You chuckle and follow behind her.
>Sometimes you really love that mare.

>You are Anon
>It is three in the afternoon
>You are drunk as FUCK.
"N-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh, you shut yer WHORE MOUTH, Dashie! You don't know what yer talkin' about."
>"Nonners, I know 'xactly what I'm talking abou'. Look at thi'shit, okay? Jus' loogadit."
>You lurch to your feet and, upon regaining your balance, carefully make your way over to your best fucking friend in the whole entire world, Rainbow Dash the Anti-Rape Pony.
>That's her name from now on.
>That's what you're going to call her.
>You plop down onto the floor next to Dash and lean over her, making sure to wrap her up in a side-hug because god damn you love her SO MUCH right now.
>K', snuggle time is over now. Dash presents to you that thing she's been holding this entire time. 
>You know, the thing.
>Even though you're trying REALLY HARD to look at it, that little sumbitch is dancing and prancing away from your eyeballs.
>You fix this by closing one eye.
>Genius.
"Is'sa football."
>Dash throws it at you but you don't catch it. Lucky for you it just bounces off of your fingers and onto your lap.
>"You say that shit tuh me one more time, Non-mouse, an' I'm gonna face-fuck your face."
>This sends you into peals of laughter.
>"This shit's a HOOFball, you gian' fagit."
>You've stopped laughing and are now lying on your back.
>When did you lie down again?
>Gosh that ceiling is spinning.
"Dashshh, why thuh fuck do you do thiss to me?"
>You have no idea what you're planning on saying, but you aren't about to let that stop you.
>"Whuh?"
"You come innuh my house, and yer the only one who doesn' treat me like I'm like this fuckin' child or whatever."
>You sit up again; floor time is over now.
"I's like, fuckin...."
>Uhhhhh

>Oh, right.
"Fuckin' Twi doesn' want me to work for a living, Applejack's too busy being a SHIT to see that Twi's bullshit is dumb, an' Rarity is just this fuckin' bitch, you know?"
>You sit up again and prop your back against the side of the couch.
>Whoops, looks like you're holding Dash again.
>Wait, no, just a second. That fucking football thing is still in your lap.
>You clumsily kick the FOOTBALL out of your lap, and stub your toe on a nearby coffee table.
>You pull Dash onto your lap. Seems until just this moment, she wasn't really even aware that you had been holding her to begin with.
"But YOU."
>You poke her in the chest with your finger. She follows it with her entire head.
>"Wha' 'bout me?"
>You kind of just start to rub her face. God she's so soft. You fucking love ponies, man.
>"Oi, wuzzah..."
>Dash feebly tries to push your hand away, but all she does is wiggle her hoofsies at you, so you grab one of them with your free hand.
>It's yours now. It belongs to you.
"You come struttin' in'nu the room an' you treat me like an actual fucking person. You don't consider me to be one of those fuckin... colts, right? Those colts and their..."
>You try to think of exactly what colts do that you think is annoying.
>You're drawing a blank.
"...an' their bullshit."
>Nailed it.

"Yer the only one that does tha', you know?"
>"Fucking colts,man. I treat you the way I do 'cuz you ARE a person. You're jus' such a good person an' I really really like you, Moose."
>Oh dear where are these tears coming from.
>You didn't know you cried when you're happy.
>Because you're so happy right now. You love her so much that you can't express it in words. Why don't you get drunk with her more often?
>Before you can babble at her and hug her because that's what you DO when you're drunk, Dash rushes her face towards yours and...
>Faceplants your chest and blows out a raspberry.
>Dash lurches backwards (nearly falling out of your lap) and tries again.
>This time she hits her target.
>Without any hesitation, you kiss her back as hard as you can.
>You were never the best kisser, and you're pretty sure that being drunk isn't helping anything.
>But hell's bells, Dash is moaning into your mouth and everything feels too hot and too humid and you're suddenly aware that your hair is dripping with sweat.
>Nuh-uh, no going half way here.
>If you're kissing the Best Pone, then you're going all the way.
>It's gotta happen.
>It's just gotta.
>You pick her up again and slowly make your way upstairs to her bedroom, overtaking the stairs like an oiled gazelle.
>You move with the grace of a man who is all-too-well aware of just how badly his alcohol is affecting his dexterity.
>You move with-oh hey bed makeouts
>Sorry, you kind of zoned out there.
>Happened almost every time tonight you had to walk over to Dash's bathroom to empty your tiny little girl bladder.

>" 'Non. Wait wai' way, stop fer a second you prick."
>You comply.
"Whu' "
>"Anon, yer not suppos' to rut a drunk colt when he's bin drinking."
"Fuck you."
>"If we have sex, then Twilight's gonnuh come o'er to my house'n beat me up."
>Ah-hah! You know just what to do.
>You act like a colt again, and treat Dash like a man.
>You grab her crotch-tits and begin to get to work.
>No man can resist you when you're playing with his tits.
>You clumsily tear your clothes off (getting your head stuck in your shirt for nearly a minute) and crawl over to her.
>Can't wait to taste the rainbow, knowwutimsayin
>Oh fuck she's winking at you. That is both incredibly erotic and also really kind of disgusting.
>"Non, you hav'uhbout ten seconds to stick tha' thingy in me or else I will beat you like a husband."
>Don't need to be told twice.

>You place your hand in the middle of Rainbow Dash's chest (marvelling at how thick her tuft is) and gently push her onto her back.
>The look she gives you almost makes you stop; it's the look of "the fuck do you think you're doing?"
>No time for that, though. Pony pussy awaits.
>You ease the purple, spongy head of your cock in between Rainbow's dark-blue lips and enjoy the wet heat.
>She shudders below you and pushes herself against your cock, trying to ease it in herself.
>"You... you don' have to, Anon. S'not proper fer a mare to take 'vantage of a stallion."
>You love how Dash just gets casually sexist when she's drunk.
>Instead of trying to reason with her, you push yourself in slowly and enjoy the sensation.
>Eight months of nothing but your own two hands has left you unprepared for this.
>Her insides feel hotter and so much more wet than you remember a human's ever being.
>It's only when you hilt do you realize that Rainbow has been winking this entire time.
>She's peppering your groin with kisses, and you can feel a hot liquid running down your sack.

>Neither of you move an inch. You wait for Rainbow Dash to get used to your presence (and, you would LIKE to think, your size), and you take the time to get used to the gripping muscles massaging your member.
>She's tight; tighter than you had expected her to be.
>You're not sure what you expected horse pussy to feel like, but it sure wasn't this.
>You do your best not to bust a nut right then and there.
>When you start to pull out, her cunt fights you, trying to pull you back in.
>"Noooo~"
>Rainbow lets out a lewd while when you bottom out again, and then shakes her head back and forth.
>"Not like this, Moose."
>Rainbow Dash flaps her powerful wings and knocks you onto your back, and your narrowly avoid falling off of the bed.
>She struggles to regain her balance for a few seconds, and then she plants her forehooves on your shoulders, pinning you down.
>"You jus' lay back'n enjoy yerself, colt. 'The Dash' is gonna take good care of you."
>She drapes herself over your body for just long enough to whisper something in your ear.
>"Y-you'll be screamin' my name into yer pillow by the end of this."
>Christ why is that so hot?
>There's nothing more that you can do, apart from grabbing Rainbow's flanks and let her ride you.
>"Hah-how do you like it, Ahhhn... Anon? You won't find a tighter snatch aahhhhnywhere in P-Ponyville."
>You've heard THAT plenty of times at work. Seems to be something worth bragging about, if what the mares say is anything to go by.
"Christ, Dash, you feel so-"
>Without warning, Dash shudders violently and you feel her marecum flood your groin.
>She collapses on your chest in a panting, sweaty mess.
>Did she seriously just cum?
>It's been like thirty seconds.
>Does this mean you're really that good at sex?
>You sure hope so.
>Rainbow cracks her eyes open and smiles tenderly at you.
>"That was amazing, Anon. How was it for you?"
>Welp. Guess you're done, now. That was a nice thirty seconds.

"It still IS, Dash."
>She blinks in confusion, and you can feel her inner muscles rippling around you.
>"You... didn't cum yet?"
"Nope."
>She struggles to get into a sitting-up position, looking a little bit worried.
>Without a word, she continues to roll her hips and flex her cunt-fist around your meat-cock.
>Twenty seconds later, she collapses on your chest again with a loud moan.
>Wordlessly, Dash flexes her muscles and huffs.
>"What am I doin' wrong, Nonners? D-doesn't this feel good for you?"
>She's not meeting your eye, and she loses the confident "The Dash" persona she so often wears.
"You're so fuckin' tight, Rainbow. It feels like my dick is the dick that is piercing the heavens."
>She's not impressed with you. 
>In fact, she looks close to tears.
>"Be serious, Anon. How am I 'posed to make you feel good if you don' tell me whatchu like?"
>She glares at you.
>"PLEASE don't be one of 'those' colts, Anon; don't make me guess."
>From there, you two quickly realize that your respective biologies are slightly different.
>You were tickled pink to learn that the average stallion lasts only twenty or thirty seconds in bed.
>When you told Rainbow Dash about how long humans can 'rut' for, the look on her face suggested that Christmas, Easter, and her birthday had all been presented to her on the same day, and in the form of your monkey dick.
>"Dibs."
"What?"
>"Nothing." 
>What?
>"C'mon, Anon, we've got some fuckin' to do and we're burning daylight."
[spoiler]>Today you learn that you can make Dash cum by twisting her teats.[/spoiler]

>It's dark outside when you wake up.
>Shit like this tends to happen when you start drinking in the morning.
>You can hear a muffled argument coming from outside the bedroom, and you slowly get to your feet to investigate.
>Your pounding head isn't helping you keep your balance.
>You realize that you're still a little bit drunk.
>This hangover isn't going to have to chase you for very much longer.
>You push open the kitchen door and see Twilight shouting at a cowering Rainbow Dash.
>TS: "I cannot BELIEVE that one of my closest friends is nothing but a... a dirty rapist!"
>RD: "T-twilight, please, you don't understand!"
>Twilight scoffs in disgust.
>TS: "What I 'understand' is that you took advantage of Anon and touched his no-no place."
>She begins to pace; neither has noticed you enter the room.
>TS: "Anon was already CRYING when I left after our argument, Rainbow. From what AJ and Rarity told me, you practically dragged Anon out of the house and to where?"
>She glares at Rainbow Dash.
>TS: "Your OWN house, where you got him DRUNK and raped him! You disgust me, Rainbow Dash. I have half a mind to go to the ponice RIGHT NOW, and-"
>Shit, they've spotted you.
>TS: "Anon!"
>Rainbow Dash looks up at you, hope blossoming on her face.
>RD: "Anon?!"
>Twilight collides with your waist and nuzzles your belly button affectionately.
>TW: "Anonymous, I'm so sorry she did this to you! I never, ever once thought that Rainbow Dash was capable of doing something as terrible as this."
>She doesn't seem to realize that she's started nuzzling your dick.

>TW: "This never would have happened if I hadn't gotten angry at you. But it's over now, Anonymous. The healing can begi-is that blood?"
>What, on your dick?
>You don't remember fucking any corpses.
>Twilight grabs your injured arm and investigates.
>You've got rivulets of blood trailing all the way down your fingers, and you realize that you've been dripping on the floor.
>The bandages on your arm are ruined. They're stained with blood and pus.
>You guess a romp in the hay wasn't good for your second-degree burns.
>OOPS.
>Rape charges quickly forgotten, Twilight magicks your bandages off, and gasps at the sight.
>Your arm is a sea of burst blisters, irritated skin, and puffy tears in your flesh.
>You really did a number on yourself.
>Aaaand the pain sets in again.
>That hot cast-iron skillet is back with a vengeance.
>And now it's brought its' friend, "probable infection".


LAST TIME ON PONY BALL Z
>Rainbow Dash, aka the Best Pone, flies in between you and Rarity and glares fiercely at her.
>RD: "Are you two for real right now?"
>Rainbow the anti-rape pony turns to you and gestures to the front door.
>RD: "Let's get out of this pigsty, Anon."
>You happily oblige.

>Before you can babble at her and hug her because that's what you DO when you're drunk, Dash rushes her face towards yours and...
>Faceplants your chest and blows out a raspberry.

>"Dibs."
"What?"
>"Nothing."
>What?

-------------------------------------

"Urrrgh..."
>You are Anon
>And you've just vomited on the bed.
>Your head is pounding, your stomach is rolling, and you pray for a death that will never come.
>The acrid smell of vomit makes you heave, and whatever bile you had left in your stomach is now dribbling down your chin.
>You want to leave, please.
>wait
>This isn't your bedroom.
>Who did you fuck last night?
>Whose bed did you puke in?
>oh god you hope they'll think that THEY did it.
>Look
>Just
>Earuhg
>Fuck it.
>Fuck everything. Just take your shower and THEN you can work on brain-thinking.
>You lurch to your feet and stumble towards the doOORRWOAH hey settle down there buckaroo
>You're still kind of drunk.
>Oh jesus you regret everything you've ever done.

>One quick shower later, and you're feeling human again.
>Anon in his natural state.
>Naked, intoxicated, and unsure whose house he's in.
>You brush your teeth and pointedly ignore the bottle of "Smell-B-Gone: vag cream" standing right next to the tooth paste.

>The sound of an argument guides you to the kitchen.
>It's Twilight and RainbRAINBOW DASH
>OH RIGHT
>You remember now.
>Guess you lost your horsevirginity last night, huh?
>You're feeling pretty conflicted, to be honest.
>You loved that pony pussy; god knows you did.
>But that ponut was RIGHT THERE for the taking and you didn't go for it.
>Who knows if you'll ever have that chance again?
"Mornin', ladies."

>TS: "Anonymous! There you are! You have some explaining to do, mister."
>Oh god fucking dammit, Twilight.
>You don't need her bullshit right now.
>Rainbow Dash, aka the Best Pone, hoofs you a mug of steaming coffee.
>RD: "Here you go, hot stuff."
>Black.
>Ooooh, this one's a keeper.
>You smile warmly at Rainbow Dash as you sip on your coffee.
>You hope that action has some sort of sexual connotation or SOMETHING.
>Because you were trying REALLY HARD just then to be seductive.
"Sleep well, Dashie?"
>Rainbow Dash saunters over to you and nuzzles your groin.
>RD: "Nope."
>She flashes you her bedroom eyes and licks her lips.
>RD: "You kept me up the entire night."
>Yiss
>You have found your talent:
>Horse-fucking.
>You're the best at it.

>TS: "Whuh-Anon! Did you have SEX with Rainbow Dash?"
"I might have. Is that really any of your business, Twilight?"
>You haven't forgotten that "alpha-mare" bullshit.
>TS: "Yes, Anon, it is."
"That's where you're wrong, Twi-"
>TS: "You aren't aloud to have sex with anypony that your alpha-mare doesn't approve of."
>Who is she to tell you which animals you can and cannot fuck? If you weren't so hungover, you'd be furious.
>You aren't sober enough for this discussion, so you settle on just being a bit of an ass to Twilight.
"Really? That's dumb."
>TS: "It isn't 'dumb', Anon. It's the law."
"The same law that you enacted upon me without my consent?"
>TS: "Well..."
"The law that I was not informed even existed until two months after it was activated?"
>Wow, these are some pretty big words for a hungover man like yourself, Anon.
>Twilight ain't sayin' SHIT.
"That's what I thought."
>BAM
>Situation difused.
>You reward yourself with a sip of hot, bitter bean-water.
>MMMMM

>Twilight flops down her ears like a cutie and walks out of the kitchen.
>You're sure that if Rarity were here, she would be making some kind of joke about how you should feel right at home in this room.
>It's so hard to be mad at these tiny, adorable widdle ponies.
>....
>Welp, time for you to get some more of that burn salve.
>Hot, sweaty sex probably wasn't good for your bandages.
>The next morning, you and Twilight ate breakfast in different rooms.
>You aren't exactly on speaking terms right now.
>She was lucky you had agreed for her to take pictures of your wound before she re-dressed it.
>The two of you have come to an understanding regarding the whole, "herd" thing.
>She retains whatever legal rights this deal gives her, but she makes no decisions without your consent.
>The deal is, she covers your legal ass, and you let her reap the social benefits of being an "alpha-mare".
>From what you understand, her mare-dick has grown ten inches because of you.
>She still owes you for springing that bullshit on you.
>Twilight walks into your room and wordlessly drops this morning's newspaper on the floor.
>She marks a specific article for you to read, and then walks back out.
>It's just this small advice column near the back of the paper, which is normally written by Inky Wells.
>It reads: " 'P is for Penis, and That's Good Enough for Me.' "
>It starts with an interview with Rainbow Dash, who is very obviously bragging about how long you lasted in bed.
>The last paragraph is just one-sentence-long feedback from a number of mares who know you. Each of them give you glowing reviews that seem to paint you as the ideal colt.
>Low Maintenance; respects your privacy; is "just like one of the mares" (which includes a crude illustration of a mare with a giant cock)

And then the last part of the alt ending happens.
The End.





----------------------------------------------
alt ending:

>You are Anon
>You are in the Ponyville General Hospital
>Your hangover has caught up with you
>You figure that if the infection doesn't do you in, the headache will.
>And you know what? The way you're feeling, you don't think that you'd put up that much of a fight.
>TS: "Are you about to change his bandages?"
>And then there's Twilight.
>Your "Alpha Mare".
>You still need to have that discussion with her.
>Now is apparently not the time, however; Twilight's taking advantage of the medical atmosphere and equipment and is doing what she can to get some last-minute studying done.
>For example, she's trying to take a picture of your arm before the nice nurse can get some new dressings on it.
>It looks gross as hell.
>The entire area is swollen a good half-inch up off the surface of your skin, and the burn itself is a disgusting shade of milky green.
>The "good" areas are simply covered in dark purple blisters that look like they're at their bursting point.
>Some of them actually WERE.
>Remember that torn flesh you noticed before you were rushed off to the hospital?
>Well now that the area is swelling, those tears have gotten bigger.
>You're getting flashbacks to when that Minecraft update introduced chasms.
>Part of your arm has this weird, semi-translucent film over it,
>It's too late for topical cream, since the burned flesh is already ruined.
>All you can do is get some anti-biotics into your system and wait to see what the doctors want to do.

"Twilight, please let Rainbow Dash into the room."
>"Anon, I'm not sure you know what you're saying. She took advantage of you while you were in a state in which you were unable to give consent."
>You sigh in exasperation.
>You're hungover; you're sleep deprived; you're probably dehydrated; you're infected; you're burned; and you're in pain.
>And you still have to deal with Twilight's bullshit.
>Why is this your life?
"I'm a grown man, Twilight. I can make my own decisions, and drunk sex was one of them. If I wanted her to stop, I would have said something."
>"But Anon! Only yes means yes!"
"C'mon, Twilight. Please? For me?"
>Twilight glances at the door; you can see Rainbow Dash through the frosted glass.
>Twilight looks really worried, and she leans in close.
>"Did Rainbow Dash make you say this?"
>Fuck's sake.
"If you let Rainbow Dash into my room, I'll give you an interview on human sexual stamina."
>Ooooh, she tempted.
>Scrunchie face level unparalleled.
>"......Fine, but only if either I, Rarity, or Applejack are in the room at the same time."
>Close enough.
"Done deal."
>Twilight reluctantly trots over to the door and walks into the hallway.
>You can make out what they're doing through the frosted glass.
>Twilight's poking Rainbow's chest...
>Rainbow is swatting it away...
>Twilight is turning around and... pointing at her own plot?
>Rainbow's sat down on her haunches....
>She's holding her hooves apart.
>Now Rainbow's pointing to HER own plo-oh for god's sake, you two.
>These mares can't go a single day without talking about sex.

-----------------
Outside the room:

>RD: "And then I was all, 'Let The Dash take care of you, babe,' and Anon was all, 'Oh Dashie you're so tight!' And then I did that thing with my cooter muscles, but he WOULDN'T CUM. I tried again and NOTHING. So we just kept going and going and go-"

-----------
Back to Anon.

>You immediately regret your decision.


(This is the part where the rap breaks down)


>You are Twilight Sparkle, and you're beginning to rethink your decision to bar Rapebow Dash from Anonymous's hospital room.
>You're very much aware that your friend likes to exaggerate her, ugh, "encounters", but what she's saying is beyond anything that Rainbow Dash would even consider to be a believable lie.
>Do humans really have that kind of stamina? You've heard of some stallions lasting all the way up to a minute, but that's under the effects of an endurance potion.
>Okay, sure, maybe humans really DO last longer than ponies, but full entire MINUTES?
>Outrageous.
>Celestia, you're so conflicted right now!
>This is priceless information on a species of which only one member exists. You can't pass this up. Knowing Anon (and you certainly hope that you do), he'll hold your promise to let Rainbow visit him over your head if you expect to get any answers from him.
>But do you really trust your friend to behave herself? What if she tries to molest Anon again?
>But, you are a gentlemare of your word, and you made a deal with Anon.
>You'll keep a close eye on Dashie, though.
>All you have to do is wait for your other friends to show.

>Be Anon
>Be in hospital
>Be subject to really disgusting infection
>It's been a week since you've had your wound treated by the magical horse doctors.
>It's healing rather nicely, and all you really need to do is rest in the hospital until it's fully healed.
>You've made peace with Twilight, and have come to an understanding.
>She's going to give you a crash course on Equestrian law and, in exchange, you have to give her a detailed interview/study on human sexuality.
>That means she got to see your hot monkey dick.
>You were initially reluctant when she expected a demonstration (as well as a sperm sample), but things got weird when Rainbow Dash offered to help.
>That's another thing about herds, apparently.
>There's some sort of power balance between the alpha-mare and the herd-colt.
>If the herd-colt ruts a mare and the alpha-mare approves, then the first mare has the opportunity to join their herd.
>After that, any kind of casual sex between a herd-colt and a herd-mare are met with indifference by the other herd-mares.
>This surprise came BEFORE you learned more about Equestrian law, so you initially thought that Twilight was bullshitting you.
>But then Rainbow Dash stuck your penis in her mouth and Twilight "Rapebow Dash" Sparkle didn't bat an eye at it.
>A very hot and bothered Twilight left with her research notes just a week before you were released.
>With a newly-healed arm (which left you with a bit of a nasty scar), you walk out of the hospital under your own power walk home with your herd-mate, Rainbow Dash.
>You're immediately met with a small horde of ponies.
>They all have the same book in their magic/mouths, and the ones who can speak are shouting questions at you.
>One even tosses her book at your feet.
>"The Human Male: My Experiences with Anonymous. Written by Twilight Sparkle."

>Sweat beads down your forehead.
>You can feel them staring at you.
>Undressing you with their eyes
>Fucking you with their imagination.
>You can't show weakness now, or they'll all descend on you.
>To you right, Rainbow's hopping on her back legs. Her wings are spread wide, and she's making angry bird noises.
>To your left, Twilight has poofed herself up with magic. You hear what you think sounds a bit like a sparkler, but you dare not take your eyes off of the crowd.
>You pick the book up and begin to leaf through it.
>.........
>This is a picture book.
>What is WRONG with this place?
>You turn the page and a cardboard replica of your penis erupts from the book and nearly takes your eye out.
>Sorry, no, this is a POP-OUT book.
>"P is for Penis, and that's good enough for me."

>You have no words.
>Life had never prepared you for anything like this.
>You kind of want to cry, if you're being honest with yourself.
>Nobody told you life was gonna be this way *clap clap clap clap*
>The last few pages have an interview transcript between Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony, as well as a few other ponies you know.
>"Interview of Rainbow Dash, by Twilight (age 23)"
>(TS: "Explain to me, in your own words, what your night with Anonymous was like.")
>(RD: "Are you sure it's okay for me to talk about this? It's kind of private.")
>(TS: "Don't worry, I got permission.")
>I want to see the receipts
>(RD: "Alright. At first I thought I was doing something wrong. It had been a whole thirty seconds, and Anon still hadn't cum.")
>(TS: "How long did he take?")
>(RD: "Five whole minutes.")
>Yeesh. You guess you had been pretty pent-up these last eight months.
>(TS: "And he hadn't taken any kind of endurance-enhancing drug beforehoof?")
>(RD: "Uh, Twilight? You said that you tested his blood for drugs and you didn't find any.")
>(TS: "Yeah, I know, Rainbow. I have to be thorough for the interview.")
>(RD: "Fine, sure, whatever. No, he did not take any drugs.")
>The interview concludes with some medical bullshit about the wonders of human stamina.
>....And some hinting that you would be available to help during something called "estrus".
>Is she whoring you out?

>The remaining interviews go about the same way.
>Applejack says that you're a hard-worker (although she voices the opinion that you don't spend enough time putting that hard work to use in the kitchen)
>Rarity says that you have a good eye for fashion, but hints that it's more because you're a colt, and less because you come from a society where clothing isn't optional.
>Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy give generic, "he's a good boy who dindu nuffin" responses, which is fine.
>You don't really know them all that well anyway.
>That weird blue-green pony (whose name is apparently "Lyra") and her terrible horsewife go on to say how friendly and low-maintenance you are, and that they regret not snatching you up when they had the chance.
>"Anonymous, if you're reading this, Bonnie and I will buck you to sleep every night if you let us in your herd."
>Sweet deal.
>Oh hey an interview with Rosie.
>Hi Rosie.
>She talks about how she doesn't have to walk on eggshells around you, and says that you're just one of the mares.
>The quote she used was "He's like a mare except with a cock."
>...And Twilight has left a little illustration of that on the page, just in case the imagery escaped any of the readers.

>The entire thing seems like a circle-jerk that boils down to "he's a cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything"
>And the mares are eating it up.
>Looks like a unicorn has brought a sign with her.
>"ay bby u want sum fuk?"
>You are AnalplugAnon, and your story has run out of steam.
>Unsure of what else to do with the plot and with no decent opportunity for a satisfying ending in sight, you decide to end the story with a "where are they now" thing.

>Twilight was eventually forgiven by Anon for stealing his hand in horsemarriage.
>She would eventually convince him to have sex with her when she revealed that human and pony DNA is similar enough that it was theoretically possible for them to conceive.
>A big rule for a herd is that the alpha-mare has to get pregnant before any other mare. If any other mare gets pregnant first, they are cast out of the herd and will have to support a foal all on their own. Herds very rarely took in a mare with child.
>Rainbow Dash was a surprising stickler for the rules, and encouraged you to have sex, b-but only if you were comfortable with it.
>No more Rainbow sex was had until Twilight was with foal.

>Rainbow Dash had to wait months before she could fill her rainbow-vag with your human penis-cock.
>To work off the sexual frustration, she trained even harder for the Wonderbolts, and eventually made it in.
>She used the money she made to open up a small business that sold dildos moulded after your penis.
>It was a huge success.

>Applejack made an honourable colt out of Caramel.
>She saw him as her perfect virgin husbando, and he filled the role very well.
>She retired with six children, and the farm prospered.
>She died at the age of 55 when she rammed a human-dildo too far up her ass.

>Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy can fuck right off for all I care.

>Lyra and Bon Bon joined Anon's herd, and they kept their promise of fucking him to bed each night.
>The sexual exhaustion was the high point of each day for Anon.

>Anon settled down with his mares, and eventually learned to love them all.
>He found room in his heart for one more, years later: A mare by the name of Love Strudel.
>They had a foal together that they named "Midnight Magic"
>Anon had two other children: Velvet Glory with Twilight, and Thunder Cunt with Rainbow Dash.
>He fucked them every single day.

THE END.


Things feel apart either where Anon and Dash got drunk, or the hospital scene thereafter.
Like Anon suggested, I might come back to this later and fix it up.