>You are Pinkie Pie
>Your best friend who is also a colt decided to get a job at your old rock farm!
>Dad's getting old and Mom insisted that he stop working so hard, so they decided to hire somepony for the first ever time EVER!
>And guess who had a Pie family recommendation?
>That's right!
>Your bestest male friend, Anonymous!
>He's the hardest-working, least delicate colt you've EVER seen.
>Plus he was willing to work for WAY below minimum wage if it meant that he got room and board too.
>The farm gets help and all they have to do is give him a bed, 3 meals a day, and pocket change.
>Everypony wins!
>It's been WAY too long since you saw your sisters, so it's going to be such a fun adventure with you, Maud, Limestone, Marble Pie, and Anon!
>Oh, you hope they all get along.
>The girls haven't really been exposed to stallions other than Dad.
>Like, ever.
>Things could get a bit awkward if you aren't careful.
>But careful is practically your middle name!
>Not literally, but it doesn't matter.
>....it's going to be a long trip, though.
>You sure hope that Anon likes Monopony.
>Because you're REAAALLLY good at it!
>And if he thinks that you're going to go easy on him 'cause he's a colt, then he he's got another thing coming!
>They don't call you "We're Never Playing Monopony With You Ever Again, Pinkie, Now Get Out Of My House" for nothing, silly!

>You are Anon
>After a long trip filled with countless games of Monopony, you have come to the conclusion that Pinkie Pie is the devil and you are never playing another board game with her ever again.
>You're pretty sure she tried to get you to barter your soul to her at some point, but you can't really remember; that 5th round of Monopony is a bit of a blur.
>"Are we there yet?"
"Pinkie, it's YOUR house. You tell me."
>Pinkie plasters herself to the train window, nearly flattening herself on the glass pane.
>"We're here! Oh, I can't wait to introduce you to my sisters!"
>She looks around for eavesdroppers and then gets in real close.
>Close enough that you can see your reflection in her big, blue eyes.
>"Keep an eye out for Maud, okay Anon? She can be a bit of a devil in the sheets, if you know what I mean."
>You push her back and look her dead in the eye.
"I'm not going to have sex with your sisters, Pinkie."
>Pinkie pulls back and grips her cheeks with her hooves in shock.
>"What?! Anon, Mom taught me to NEVER to put that kind of pressure on a colt to do something like that! My sisters and I used to make blanket forts all the time when we were younger."
>She pulls a bedsheet out from no where and waves it in the air.
>With an audible -POP-, it unfolds into a miniature camping tent, which Pinkie places on the ground.
>She darts inside of it (despite it being too small for her to logically fit inside) and the inside goes black.
>All you can see are her big eyes peering out at you.
>Also her tail is poking out from behind the tent.
>"She's really serious about her blanket forts, Anon. Rules and everything! No running, no horseplay, and no peeing in the pool!"
>She stays in the tent for the ten minutes it takes for the train conductor to come inside your cart and tell you to get out.
>You're starting to regret agreeing to work at the Pie's farm.

>Pinkie Pie is out of the train car and onto the station before you can blink, both your and her suitcases in hoof.
>You follow her at a slower pace, having to pay more attention to where you walk.
>You're tall enough compared to ponies that if you aren't careful, you'll bump your head on the ceiling of this train (and most houses).
>You and Pinkie were the only ones taking a trip from Ponyville to Rockville, so that means that you don't have to keep your attention split between watching the ceiling and watching to make sure you don't step on any tiny horses.
>They don't like it when you step on them, let me tell you.
>You make it out of the train without any fuss (other than almost tripping over your own feet trying to use the tiny set of stairs that help passengers on and off the train) and see Pinkie waiting impatiently for you.
>"C'mon, Nonners! It's almost dinner time and the best way to introduce somepony to family is with dinner!"
>You reach down to grab your suitcases, but Pinkie Pie stops you with a hoof.
>"Nonny, you didn't tell me you were a no-fun grumper! Just sit back and let little miss rock farmer carry our things, okay?"
>That's actually kind of touching.
>Smiling, you reach out and scratch Pinkie in between the ears.
"That's sweet of you, Pinks. Which way are we going, anyway?"
>Pinkie snickers behind a hoof and walks off in seemingly a random direction.
>"You're such an airhead, Anon. We're going over here! Are you ready for fun?"
>Oh god, are you?
>You don't think you can sit through another 7 hours of Monopony (Sexy Colt Edition).
>The walk to the Pie family rock farm is pretty boring.
>Pinkie Pie tries to liven it up with stories of all the adventures she had with her friends, but you honestly aren't sure if you can trust what she's saying.
>One minute she's talking about earning her Element, and the next she's talking about a bear made out of constellations attacking Ponyville.
>You smile and nod, and take everything she says with a grain of salt.

"So what are your sisters like, Pinkie?"
>Pinkie Pie, who is walking in front of you, rotates her head to face you.
>It's incredibly unsettling to see her head do a complete 180, but you're slowly getting used to Pinkie being... well, Pinkie.
>"Ah-ah-ah! I can't tell you that, Nonny, 'cause that would spoil the surprise. What's the fun of meeting new people if you already know all about them before you even see their faces?"
>She spins her body around (keeping her head perfectly in place all the while) and starts walking backwards.
>"You'll just have to wait and see, silly filly."
>You're a boy, dammit.
"I'm not a -"
>Pinkie hops up in front of you, remaining in the air just long enough to poke you in the nose with a hoof.
>"Nope!"
"Oi. Pinkie, st -"
>"Beep boop!"
>Another nose boop.
"Would you -"
>"Dong rin - woah!"
>You grab Pinkie mid-jump and pull her against your chest, making sure that her arms are held firm against you.
>Nobody boops noses except for you.
>Nobody.
>"Ooh! Is it THIS kind of party, Nonners?!"
>She snuggles up against you and tickles your nose with her mane.
>"But you gotta let me down, silly colt. Who'll carry our luggage if you're special-snuggling me?"
>You aren't sure what she means by "special-snuggle", but you dismiss it as a pony thing.
>Either way, you let her down and the two of you carry on.
>The path quickly turns from cobblestone to dirt, and stones start popping up more and more frequently.
>At first they were little stones that you could ignore, but then they became big enough that you could twist your ankle if you weren't careful.
>Those stones, thankfully, disappeared and made way for enormous boulders that dotted the landscape soon enough.
>Their appearance marked the first sighting of the Pie family quarry - or "rock farm" as Pinkie called it.
>Pinkie Pie runs ahead of you and starts hopping, making the luggage on her back start to bounce.
>"Are you excited, Anon? I know I am!"
>Before you know it, you're at their front door.
>Pinkie Pie raises a hoof to knock, but the door swings open before she can land a blow.
>"THERE you ar - ow!"
>Pinkie socks her sister RIGHT in the face.
"Oh! A-are you alright?"
>You normally don't like it when your little pony friends get hurt, but that shit was actually pretty funny.
>You do your best not to laugh, but a couple of tenacious snickers make it through.
>The gray mare glares at you with an intensity you've never seen from your adorable animal friends.
>Pinkie, on the other hand, doesn't seem to notice what she did.
>Instead she swoops in and scoops her sister up into a hug.
>"Limestone! Oh, how's my favourite older-than-me-but-younger-than-Maud-and-Marble sister?!"
>The gray mare - Limestone, apparently - slaps Pinkie's hooves away and takes a step back, ever the grumpy expression on her face.
>"It's about time you two got here. I want the two of you out in the mine as soon as you get your things backed away."
>Limestone turns to face you.
>"And I want YOU to stay away from Holder's Boul.....der."
>Her eyes dart around your face, and her glare slowly gives way to a rather unsure (if not shocked) expression.
>"Pinkie?" she asks her sister, still staring at you, "You never told me that Anonymous was a stallion."
>Pinkie giggles and nudges her sister who, unexpectedly, doesn't react to the apparently unwanted sisterly affection.
>"Don't be silly, Limestone! Anon isn't a stallion; he's a human!"
>Dammit, Pinkie.
>If you get fired because of bizarre horse racism, it's going to be Pinkie Pie who foots the bill for a train ticket back home.
>Limestone's gaze slowly hardens to the anger you've come to know and love in all the 20 or 30 seconds you've known this mare.
>"Alright, Anonymous, don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because you're a human stallion."
>You hold up both hands defensively.
"Easy there, Limestone. I'm working at a quarry, not a bakery. I know what I signed up for."
>Ass.
>Limestone glares at you for a few seconds longer before turning around and heading back inside the house.
>"Aww!" coos Pinkie Pie, nudging you in the side with her elbow, "She likes you!"
"Fuck off, Pinkie Pie." 

>You take a few steps into the old house.
>It will be your own home for the time being, it seems.
>That is, unless Pinkie Pie has mislead her family any further about you.
>It takes your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the low light of the house.
>The only light source is from a loudly crackling fireplace at the far end of the room, surrounded by chairs and couches.
"Pinkie?" you ask, looking around the gray room for your pink friend.
>In the twenty seconds you've been inside the building, Pinkie Pie has disappeared.
"Where are... Pinkie?"
>Pinkie Pie pokes her head out of one of the three door ways and smiles brightly at you.
>"What can I do you for, Nonny?"
>You decide to keep an eye on Pinkie for the time being so that she doesn't just up and disappear.
>It reminds you of nightmares you had as a child, where you'd follow a friend around a corner only find that he disappeared without a trace.
"Where will I be sleeping while I'm here?"
>Your friend trots into the room and approaches a flight of stairs, motioning you to follow her.
>"Just up here, silly! It's a teensy-weensy bit small here, so you'll be sharing a room with somepony.  I wanted to be your bunk buddy, but Ma and Pa think that you and me are..."
>Pinkie looks left and right as though she suspects ponies might be listening in.
>When she's apparently satisfied that the two of you are alone, she cups the back of her hoof over one side of her mouth and whispers loudly across the room to you.
>"Special someponies."
>The fuck are "special someponies"?
>You want to assume that they mean "fuck buddies", but the last time you assumed anything about pony culture, you got in trouble with the ponice for public belly-rubbing.
>"Ma and Pa don't really believe in special snuggling outside of herdlock, so they don't want us to share a bed."
>You suppose that's fair enough.
>It's their house, so it's their rules.
>...Wait, a bed?
"What do yo-"
>Pinkie Pie sighs dramatically and throws a hoof across her forehead, giggling madly when she falls over onto her back.
>"Whatever Pa says, goes. And if Pa ain't happy, ain't NOPONY happy!"
>Pinke wriggles her hooves in the air for a little bit before flipping back onto all four legs.
>She motions for you to follow again and makes her way up the stairs.
>"Just put your things up in my old room for now, okay? We can talk to my sisters after dinner and decide where you'll be sleeping."
>That's when you realize that Pinkie left both suitcases for you to carry.
>You grab both by the handle and tug... only to fall onto the ground under the weight of Pinkie's luggage.
>It was like trying to lift something physically attached to the ground.
>"Nonny? You comin'?"
>You struggle to your feet (looking around to make sure nobody saw your embarrassing display) and grab Pinkie's suitcase with both hands.
"C-coming! Just... just give me a second!"
>You plant your feet wide apart, square your shoulders, straighten your back, and heave with all your might.
>For all the good you accomplished, you might as well have not even tried.
>The suitcase moves maybe an inch towards you before your strength fails you and you pitch forward, slumped over the luggage and panting.
>She did this on purpose.
>She HAD to have.
>You've sort of picked up that things here in Equestria are a little bit different than they are on Earth.
>From what you've gathered, mares are supposed to be the strongest, big-dickingest gender, and they never fail to show it off.
>You've seen Ditzy Doo carry Time Turner's clocks.
>You've seen Rainbow Dash effortlessly push clouds for Thunderlane that he was having trouble with.
>You've seen Apple Bloom try desperately to pull a cart for Big Mac, but he's the only male you've seen so far who's actually stronger than the females around him.
>And Pinkie?
>Pinkie packed the heaviest shit she could find (rocks, probably; she grew up on a quarry after all) just so that she could show you up in the strength department.
>It's total bullshit.
>If you can carry Pinkie and her supposed muscles, then you can carry her concrete disguised as personal belongings.
>You feel a great sense of resolve as you grab the handle to try lifting her suitcase again.
>Just as you start to feel like you're FINALLY making some progress in lifting the luggage and saving your pride, a voice pops up just inches from your left ear.
>"You're Anonymous."
>The voice is monotone and sounds like a mixture of boredom and pure apathy.
>It isn't loud, but its sudden appearance is enough to startle you.
>You accidentally let go of the suitcase's handle and stumble backwards, and manage to trip over your own luggage.
>You hear a -CRACK- when you slam down onto your back, but you're pretty sure that you just broke the floor and not your back.
>Just off to the side stands another pony - a mare, if you've gotten any better and discerning the differences between pony genders.
>You guess this is another one of Pinkie's sisters.
>She doesn't look old enough to be her mother, anyway.
>The mare is a lighter shade of gray than her sister - Limestone - is; light gray rather than dark gray.
>Her mane colour is the only thing on her that would connect her to Pinkie's own mane; it's a dull purple rather than the light gray of Limestone's mane.
>Unlike most ponies you've seen in the short time you've been living in horse-land, this one seems to enjoy wearing clothes.
>A "frock", you think it's called.
>Her expression is as dull as her voice.
>Glazed-over eyes stare at you from under half-closed eyelids, and you aren't sure if she looks tired or just bored.
"Y-yeah, I am."
>You get up, dust yourself off, and try to ignore that you actually managed to tear a hole in your shirt from trying and failing to pick something up.
"You're one of Pinkie's sisters, right? What's your name?"
>The mare blinks at you slowly - one eye at a time.
>"I'm Maud."
>Maud walks over to the suitcase and stares down at it.
>"You should be careful with Pinkie's things. They're heavy."
>She grabs the handle with her mouth and effortlessly throws it onto her back.
>"Like a rock."
>Maud repeats the process with your suitcase and walks upstairs.
>Before you can think to ask her where she's putting your things, she's back down in the room and half-way out a completely different door.
>She stops all of the sudden so that all you can see of her is her rump.
>The frock's ridden up, giving you a clear view of her cutie mark: a boulder.
>Cutie marks have always confused you.
>How would she explain hers to somebody?
>>"I'm good at rocks"
>Ponies are weird.
>Maud's voice startles you out of your thoughts.
>"Dinner is ready."
>And she's gone.

>The dining room is very simple and sparsely decorated.
>The floor boards are dry and uncovered by carpet, the walls are painted off-white with visible wooden braces, and the only decorations are a few side-tables pushed in the corners and portraits adoring otherwise empty walls.
>Another large fireplace burns brightly off to the side.
>The furniture radiates away from the hearth, placed so that nobody would be cold while sitting at the dinner table.
>Four ponies sit at the table, and each of them are looking at you.
>At the head of the table is an older light-gray mare - presumably their mother.
>Her dark mane - almost a milky green - is pulled up into a tight bun.
>Glasses balanced on the end of her nose and were chained around her neck so that she wouldn't lose them if she took them off.
>She wore a bland plaid collar around her neck, making you wonder if the design was some kind of coat-of-arms of the Pie family.
>The Pie sisters are sitting at either side of the table, but only three are present.
>Unless Pinkie was lying to you about how many siblings she had, that meant that one had yet to show her face.
>Limestone Pie sat to the left of the aged mare, glaring at you just as fiercely as she had when she "greeted" you at the door.
>You wonder why she's so angry with you, and hope that she doesn't think that you were in on Pinkie's little punching accident.
>You make a mental note to explain yourself to her later tonight; there's no sense in making an enemy when you can prevent it, especially if their reasons for disliking you aren't actually true.
>Next to Limestone is Maud, who looks as unbearably bored as ever.
>Whereas Limestone looked as though she were judging you, Maud's apathetic gaze gave the impression that the only reason she was looking at you was because your sudden appearance broke the monotony of sitting at the dinner table and doing nothing.
>To the aged mare's right sat Pinkie Pie.
>Her stool wobbled dangerously and threatened to throw her off as she waved at you excitedly.
>"Ooh! Oh, Anon! Nonny! Over here! You get to sit next to me, okay?!"
>Despite Pinkie speaking loudly, the other ponies' silence still felt oppressive.
>You felt a little bit uneasy breaking the silence as Pinkie had done, so you just nod and move to take your seat next to her.

>The mare at the head of the table raises a hoof to stop you before you took more than one step.
>"Excuse my manners, but I ask that thou hold. I find this arrangement of my kin to be dissatisfactory."
>She levels a glare at Pinkie Pie.
>"Pinkamena, thou knoweth that I and your father approve not of such familiarity between thyself and our guest. Switch places with Maud."
>Pinkie groans exageratedly and shuffles out of her seat.
>She meanders towards Maud's former chair, pitching left and right as she walks as though she were a child throwing a tantrum.
>When she takes her seat, however, she sends you a big wink and abandons her manurisims, starting a conversation with Limestone and acting as though nothing ever happened.
>Maud, on the other hand, makes the seat-shuffle much less of a production.
>She gets up, walks around the table, and sits down where Pinkie once sat.
>She kept her eyes forward and made no indication that she saw you or was ever even aware of your presence. 
>Once everyone is seated (yourself included), the mare at the head of the table nods and then addresses you.
>"I am called Cloudy Quartz Pie, daughter of Metamorphic Khondalite Pie. I welcome to you our home and hope your stay will be a most prosperous one."
>You've known Pinkie for a long time, and you had kinda assumed that her mother would be much the same was as she was.
>All the greetings you had thought of went out the window.
>From introducing yourself as Pinkie's secret lover, to introducing yourself as her baking partner (complete with food-related implications and innuendos), you now had to think on your feet and not completely fuck up introducing yourself to this unsettling Amish woman.
"Thank you for having me, Cloudy Quartz. My name is, of course, Anonymous, but you can all call me Anon."
>Cloudy Quartz shakes her head and bears an expression of disapproval.
>"It shan't be necessary, guest. Anonymous will be what I call you."
>Fuck.
>It still might not be too late for food puns.
>Maybe the "I put a bun in her oven" line might even work at this point.
>Cloudy Quartz' ears pick up and quirk in the direction of a door just behind her.
>A pony's hearing is much better than a human's, and this often puts you at a loss when dealing with small horses.
>Pinkie no longer includes you in on her little pranks because you can't hear her whispered instructions and signals.
>The door behind Cloudy creaks open and two ponies walk out.
>One is a stallion - you're reasonably sure - and the other is a mare.
>The stallion is a dull brown and has a strict expression on his wrinkled face.
>You wonder if he ever takes it off, considering that it was there the moment he walked in through the door when nobody was around to see it.
>For once, this pony has facial hair.
>If sideburns count as facial hair, you guess.
>Perhaps he has a long main that he's tucked down from under the sides of his black, wide-brimmed hat.
>You once met a pony who wore sideburns; she was a mare and she'd attached them with scotch tape.
>Behind the stallion trails the mare, who is almost a carbon copy of Cloudy Quartz.
>The only difference you can see between them, age lines aside, are the eyes.
>This new mare has deep purple eyes, so much more different than her mother or her father's blue and yellow eyes, respectively.
>Cloudy Quartz speaks up.
>"I introduce mine husband, Igneous Rock Pie."
>Igneous makes eye contact with you briefly before his gaze darts to Pinkie, and then back to you.
>His eyes narrow briefly, but his expression is otherwise dull.
>When he speaks, his voice is deep and solemn.
>"I welcome you, guest."
>Cloudy speaks up again.
>"Next to him is our youngest daughter, Marble."
>Marble stares at the table and nods in your general direction.
>Nobody says anything as Marble takes a seat next to Pinkie, and Igneous takes the stool next to his wife.
>"Everypony enjoy your dinner."
>Dinner is an interesting affair.
>The soup is a deep yellowish-green and appears to use a large rock as a garnish.
>You aren't sure if these ponies are trying to psych you out, or if they're using this meal as a test of what amount of bullshit you're willing to tolerate.
>Then again, this rock soup reminds you of a story your mother told you as a child.
>It was about a man who travelled into town with nothing but a cooking pot.
>The villagers were unwilling to share their food with him, so he filled his pot from a nearby stream and put a large stone in it.
>When curious villagers inquired, he told them that it was a delicious pot of "rock soup", but that it was missing a few things as a garnish.
>The villager he spoke to decided that he could part with a couple of vegetables, which were then added to the pot.
>This repeated itself with more and more villagers until the stone was removed and the soup was shared with everyone.
>Maybe this is supposed to be a subtle reminder to themselves about what they accomplished despite having so little?
>You look around at the Pies and catch Limestone smirking at you as she takes a sip of her soup, clumsily eating around the rock in her bowl and squeaking when it moves around and splashes a bit of soup onto her fur.
>Dammit, this IS just a bullshit tolerance test, isn't it?
>Fuck sake, you guy's.
>You just want dinner.