Transfered over from https://pastebin.com/senUaypx
Originally published OCT 24TH, 2015 

> Another day, another bit.
> You've just finished repairing the plumbing at Quills and Sofas.
> Pipes leading from the water boiler rusted through and started leaking scalding water.
> Owner shouldn't have been so cheap when she got the plumbing done.
> Her loss - more work for you.
> The owner left your pay and bonus with the salespony.
> That's a nice development.
> Apparently, word around town was that you do a good job, and everyone trusted you already.
> Now it got even better. Maybe you'll get to work without anyone breathing down your neck!
> Nothing makes a job more miserable than a micromanaging customer.

> Anyway, this was your last job for today.
> Collecting the money, you head to the market. Groceries aren't gonna get themselves.

> Plugging pony leaks and climbing on their roofs wasn't something you dreamed of, but at least you did something useful.
> And you were good at it. Some mare even said so.
> "Are you sure you don't have a constructuion cutie mark?"
"I wouldn't call myself a cutie, and I'm not hiding any mark, ma'am."
> "Oh, aren't you a quick one!"
> Apparently, you reshingled her roof so good, it looked as if the tree never collapsed on it.
> She was rather old, so she probably wasn't hitting on you. She also didn't gawk when you took off your shirt while on the roof.
> Some pegasus did. Oh she did it, she did it so hard she flew into a tree.
> And would you look at that!
> Thinking about your life situation is almost as good as having a music player! You're there and you haven't even noticed.
> Or maybe the town is just tiny.
> You scan your surroundings, looking for the stalls you need.
> It seems that you will get everything you need today. Even the eggs...



> Some random stallion meets your gaze and recoils.
> Huh.
> What's his problem?
> And now he's talking to himself.
> Now he's looking at you and... blushing?
> ...
> Better deal with this before too late. Probably another new pony in town, scared of the resident predator.
> As you start moving towards him, he... lights up in joy?
http://imgur.com/56dh5d9
> Huh?
"Can I help you?"
> "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just, really glad to... see you here!"
"So what's your problem? And you do know my rates? 20 bits per hour plus the parts. I'm not cheap, but I know how to leave a customer satisfied."
> The colt forgot how to breathe. You sure weren't cheap, but you also got the job done much faster than ponies. He should know that, right?
> "Erm.. sir! I, I'm not sure I need anything.. I just wanted an autograph!"
"An autograph? I know I can fix your plumbing real good, but I didn't know I had a fan club."
> The colt is mad. Just roll with it. 
"I admit, I've never had to sign an autograph for anypony before. What do you want me to sign?"
> He stands still for while in stupor, then he starts frantically rummaging in his saddlebags.
> Moments later, he hands you.. a comic book?
> "Here, shir! It'sh your lawtesht ishsue!"
> You take the WonderMan comic from his mouth.
> "I know, know it's not really of you, but you are the only.. only one of your kind here, and it's, yeah, you were the inspiration!"
> He stutters like he just met his celebrity crush.
> So, get lost in the woods, get tortured by fae, then fix some horse shitters, and all you got for this was a character in a comic book?
> Actually, this is neat!
> You start slowly thumbing through the comic. WonderMan is fighting some evil plant monster...
> "If you would sign it for me, oh, the guys will be so jealous!"
> ...and the plant monster catches him in his vines...
> "All my coltfriends are reading about you, yes!..."
> ... your legs don't look like that. The torso is accurate though...
> "Uh, sir?"
> Why is this vine entering the WonderMan's anus? 



"Is this smut?"
> "Uhh..."
"This is smut. Pornography. I'm in a porno comic?"
> "... yeah. And a good one too! Pink Palette is a very talented artist!"
"You and your friends all read this. And like this."
> He blushed. He fucking blushed.
> "Very much..."
> ...
> You were not prepared for this.
> "Sir? Could you, could you at least tell me.. Is it accurate?"
> What?
"What?"
> "Your... physique. It's just... you always wear clothes, and you look fabulous! But I really wonder if Pink drew you... accurately"
> This horse is gay and wants your dick.
"No. The torso is good, but the legs and everything isn't."
> Well, he wants to know, not like it can backfire in any way?
> The stallion is mustering his courage. You can almost hear his effort. 
> "...if you have some free time, maybe you could show me? I don't take customers like you, but... "
> "...I do know how to leave you satisfied."



> All of my wat
> And that hopeful face.
> Something in your life surely has prepared you for this?
> Get your shit together, son.
"No. I'm not gay."
> "What do you mean?"
"I'm not interested in males. I'm flattered and all, but try your luck with someone else."
> "Oh. I saw how you looked at the comic, I understand... I can bottom, if you want to!"
"No."
> He is deflating like a balloon. You almost feel bad.
> He looks up at your face and starts backpedaling. 
> "Oh, ok, I understand. You're different, and that's okay. And and I don't think bad of you because, because you're bent!"
"Did you just imply that there is something wrong with me?"
> He gulps.
> "No! I understand. You only like mares, you don't want stallions. Ok! You're bent. There is nothing wrong with that! I, I have a friend who is bent!"
"Am I supposed to?"
> "No, you are your own free... human! I can't tell you who to be..."
"Look, colt, I'm new here, and you get to enlighten me. What's the norm?"
...
> And he does.
> A gay horse explains you the horse birds and the horse bees.
> He almost looks normal by the end of his lecture.
> All the horses are gay. Bi, that is.
> Why hasn't anypony explained it to you before?
> Yeah.
> Well, at least this means easy threesomes for you, right?
> Always look on the bright side of life!
> Yeah, that's a good idea
"Hey, look on the bright side, kiddo. At least now you have an alien friend."
> "Friend?..."
> You really should work on your facial expressions, the ponies are skittish as is.
> Poor thing probably thought you were going to murder him.
"Yeah. You sure helped me out here, something my "welcome committee" forgot to do. And I got the impression you and your coltfriends are pretty tight, so you'll manage without me, right?"



> "Right!"
> Your new gay horse friendo seems to have remembered something important.
> "...oh, Anon, I've completely lost track of time! I really need to get to my relatives, the Apples are expecting me. I don't want them to be worried, so I've got to move!"
"I work for the Apples sometimes. I'll see you around town."
> "See you later, Anon!"

> You've got your groceries, and now you have a gay friend!
> Take that, dirty tumblr SJWs!
> [spoiler]Oh how much would you give to actually see another human face here..[/spoiler]
> [spoiler]No matter who they are or what they believe![/spoiler]
> [spoiler]Even a nigger would do[/spoiler]
> Oh.
> The other stallions you know are probably all gay too.
> You're really checking your privileges here, Anon!
> And even if you didn't like the subject, that Pink palette sure can draw.
> Like how she did your mighty torso...
> ...
> How does she know how you look under your clothes?
> You've only stripped for doctors and to bathe!
> ...and just once you took of your shirt when you got too hot on the job.

> Is it a coincidence, or do you have a stalker?


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Stealing all kinds of neat ideas from FiMfiction:Xenophilia