POP! >With the kind of reflexes that you didn't know you had, you managed to twist your body and land on your hooves before you hit the ground >Your friends, however, weren't so lucky, all of them hitting the dirt rather hard >"Omph!" >"Bucking-" >"My word!" >Weee!" >"Dangit Twi!" >... >Alright... >That teleportation could have gone a little better... >Blowing a bit of your mane out of your face, you looked up to see that you were now standing outside of Anon's gym >Well, the landing might have been a little bumpy but at least you didn't accidentally teleport anypony to Canter-- >"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GET OUT OF MY FUCKING GYM RIGHT NOW!" >You couldn't help but jump as Anon leapt to his feet, angrier than you had ever seen him >In fact, you think this was the angriest that you've ever seen ANYPONY >There were veins bulging from the human's forehead and neck, his eyes were wild and furious and if you didn't know any better you'd say that he was foaming at the mouth >... >Yep, he was foaming at the mouth... >Breathing hard, Anonymous stared at his gym with the kind of look that promised not very nice things >... >You'll talk to him in a minute... >You turned your attention away from him "Are you girls alright?" you asked as you reached over and helped Applejack to her hooves >"The trip coulda been a little better but I'm fine," the farmer dryly remarked as she set her hat properly on her head. "Are ya alright over there, Pinkie?" >The party pony, looking dazed, nodded >"Yeppers!" she said with a wiggle. "I managed to land on something super, duper soft!" >From underneath her, Rarity groaned >"Sweet Celestia above, Pinkie! What in EQUESTRIA do you eat?!" >"I eat lots of things Rar--" >"It was a retorical question, dear. Now could you PLEASE get off me?" Rainbow Dash, who thankfully didn't look any worse for wear, was frantically looking around >"Fluttershy? Fluttershy? Hey, here the heck is Flutter--" >You and the other girls jumped as the sound of metal screaming filled the air >Your heads snapped over toward the Quill and Sofa's store >There was Anon, shirtless, with a street lamp in his hands >... >Where... >Where were his pants? >Where did his pants go? >He was wearing them just a second-- >...Wait ... >The colt just RIPPED a BUCKING STREET LAMP out of the ground! >horseapplesabouttogodown.ohnoes >Twitching in rage, Anon slowly made his way toward his gym with his newly acquired weapon in hand "Aw horse apples," Applejack muttered under her breath. "Here we go." >"CARAMEL! MR. CAKE! FUCKING THUNDERLANE! GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE!" Anon roared, swinging the street lamp around >Rarity, the first one to snap out of her shock, stepped in the giant stallion's path >"Anonymous, dear, I understand that you are upset--" >[Angry Human Noises] >"--But you must approach this with some tact, simply charging--ohmygoodness!" >Not slowing down at all, Anon continued forward >Rarity, with a surprised yelp, latched onto one of his legs >This, of course, did nothing to stop him or even slow him down >[Apoplectic Human Noises] >"Anon! Anonymous! Please! I don't want to see you in the newspaper again! Applejack! Twilight! Please help me restrain this stallion before he hurts somepony!" >Though your common sense told you to stay away from the angry stallion who had just ripped out a bucking street lamp from the ground you leapt forward, your horn glowing >Applejack, using her silly pony powers, pulled out a lasso, quickly throwing it over his shoulders >As she did that you cast a spell that would keep Anon's feet glued to the ground >[Irate Human Noises] >Your eyes widened as your spell shattered into a million pieces as Anon just kept stomping forward >ohshit.scroll "Anon!" you yelled as Applejack was dragged along. "Anon, I know you're mad but you can't just go on a rampage." >With a flap of your wings, you took off into the air and flew over to the angry human >You understood that he was upset but you weren't going to just let him go and hurt a bunch of stallions >Maybe they deserved it but violence was never the answer! >You were sure if you just let them cool off for a little bit you could go back into the gym and-- CRASH! >Both you and Anon stopped as weights went flying through the gym's windows, shattering the glass into a million pieces >"This is a stallion's world!" >"Down matriarchy!" >"BUCK MARES!" >"MUH INNER BEAUTY!" >Both you and Anon looked at each other >Though you didn't think it was possible, he looked ever more angry as he looked at his now broken windows >"Those cost three hundred bits a window," he said >You could hear the metal pole in his hand screeching in protest as he squeezed it so hard that his fingers left marks >... >Oh buck >You ALL were going to be in the paper at this rate >Again >"Anon! Anon! Can you hear me you bucking housecolt!" >You turned your attention back toward the gym >Through the broken windows you could see dozens of stallions staring at you, dumbbells and barbells and plates in their hooves >"Thunderlane? I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF MY FUCKING GYM I'M COMING IN YOU CUNT!" Anon barked, shoving you out of the way >"This is for the good of stallions everywhere, Anon. You'll see that someday." >"GIVING CHILDREN DRUGS AND FUCKING UP MY GYM ISN'T HELPING ANYONE YOU STUPID FUCK! NOW GET OUT HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN! ALL OF YOU GET OUT HERE!" >"I'm afraid we can't do that, Anon. We're making our stand here and there's nothing that you can do about it." >"Nothing I can do about it? Oh that's where you're wrong twinkle dick," Anon growled, taking a threatening step forward. "There's a lot--" >"Bring out the hostage!" >Anon stopped in his tracks and you find yourself falling to the ground as you watch the stallions drag Fluttershy into view >The mare was red-faced, shaking and bound up tightly in a series of giant rubber bands >... >What was Fluttershy doing there?! >You could have swore you teleported her with the rest of you! >"Fluttershy?!" Rainbow yelled, her rosy eyes blazing. "You buckers let her go before I go over there and teach you--" >"Your threats mean nothing to us, you pig!" Caramel snapped, poking his head out of the broken window to stare hatefully at her. "We're not going to be shackled by your oppression any longer!" >"YEAH!" the stallions yelled >"We want what is rightfully ours and we want it now!" >"We want a stallion in charge with some power!" >"We want better jobs!" >"Higher wages!" >"I want mares to stop ogling me whenever I put something cute on!" >"We deserve to be treated equally!" >"MUH FREEDOMS!" >"You let Flutters go right now so I can kick your ass!" Anon snarled, waving his lamp post around >Thunderlane poked his head out of a window >"We can't do that, Anonymous," he said. "We need her as leverage so when we talk to somepony important we can get some CHANGES made." >You could see Fluttershy repeatedly mouthing "oh my goodness" as she looked around at the big, burly, angry stallions all around her >There was a blush on the mare's face and, if you didn't know any better, you'd say that her wings looked just a little bit sti-- >Wait... >You literally have a riot on your hooves... >You should probably do something about it "Gentlecolts, please! Why don't you come out here so we can ta--" >"Buck off, Twilight!" >"Get lost tubby!" >"We don't want to talk with a chubby princess like you!" >Hey now... >You took a few hasty steps backward, your ears pinning themselves against your head from the rather hurtful insults "Well, if you don't want to talk to be then who do you want to talk to?" you asked >"We wanna talk to Princess Celestia!" >"Yeah! We wanna talk to the mare who's oppressed us for so long!" >"We're gonna make her listen!" >"She's gonna give us what we want or we're gonna boop this mare senseless. SENSELESS!" >"Bring us the princess!" >"Bring us Celestia!" >"MUH COVETED RIGHTS!" >"Oh my goodness they're becoming erratic," Rarity said, stepping forward so that she was side-by-side with you >"What an' the sam 'ell gotten them in such a tizzy?" Applejack grumbled as Anon pulled off her lasso >"What are we gonna do, Twilight?" Rainbow demanded. >You bit your lip as you looked around the empty street >What were you gonna do? >What were you gonna do?! >Something like this wasn't suppose to happen! >You just wanted to help Flutter Butter out by seeing what was wrong! >Noticing that you were breathing hard, you sat down, closed your eyes and did those breathing exercises that Cadence had taught you to do when you were little >No... >Freaking out wasn't going to help >You needed to be calm >You needed to come at this with a rational mind >If you didn't then not only would Fluttershy be in trouble but this whole thing could get REALLY out of hoof >Anon, who still had a death grip on that lamp post, looked down at you >Though he looked mess than happy his rage had cooled somewhat >He might not have been known for his temper but you were guessing even he didn't want something to happen to Fluttershy <[0+0]> >"We have the perimeter secure, ma'am!" the guardsmare said, smartly saluting. "Nopony's getting in or out without our say so!" >... >Should you salute back? >You might be a princess but did royalty do something like that? >For the life of you you can't remember anything about it in the royal etiquette book that you had picked up when you started this whole alicorn gig... >... >If you DID have to salute back did you need to click your hooves together just like the guard did, or would could you be a little more lax? >Oh horse apples... >The guard, still saluting, raised an eyebrow as you continued to just stand there, staring off into space like some weirdo >"...Ma'am?" >You jumped slightly "Yes, yes, thank you," you said, with a salute of your own. "If you could just please stand by until Princess Celestia arrives--" >Oh curd, she's giving you a funny look "--and assesses the situation. While these ponies ARE disturbing the peace and destroying property they ARE still stallions--" >You weren't supposed to salute were you? >You did something dumb and now you were going to look like some lame-o "--which means that we have to come at this delicately. We don't want to hurt any of them." >The guard, still giving you a funny look, once again clicked her hooves together before she turned around and walked away from you >No doubt going to tell the other guards that you saluted to her >Cringing slightly, you looked around the street >There must have been two hundred guards, from both the Night and Day Corps, walking around in full battle armor >Some of them looked bored, others looked irritated, but almost all of them looked happy to be out of the castle >You didn't have any idea why Princess Celestia would send this many guards >It wasn't like you wrote to her that the world was ending... >They were just a bunch of angry stallions that had damaged a gym... >Your gaze wondered a bit before it settled on Anonymous >He still was just in his underwear--you have no bucking idea what had happened to his shirt and his pants-- sitting cross-legged on the street >Guardsmares were all around him, armor-less and fawning over him >In his lap was Pinkie, who's mane he was running his fingers through >Sitting beside him, with a mixture between amusement and irritation on her face, was Rarity >While Anon still didn't look very happy, having a bunch of mares around him treating him like the center of attention had calmed him down significantly >... >Or maybe it was just Pinkie in his lap that was doing it... >He DID like petting you all... >... >Whatever; just as long as he didn't go charging into the gym while you were trying to get everything figured out >From within the gym itself you could see all of the stallions staring at the soldiers with scrunched up noses >While you had, initially, thought that this show of force would make them think twice about all of this it seemed like to do the opposite >Plates were stacked all around them, many of them were carrying around barbells, holding them like they were spears, and they had this look of grim determination that told you that storming the place wouldn't be fun for anypony >...Except maybe Anon >You didn't even want to know what he'd do if one of those stallions up and threw one of those plates at him... >... >Alright Twilight! >The road as been closed off >You've cut off the entire gym from the outside world >Nopony's getting in or out there without being swarmed by dozens of battle hardened mares >At this moment, the situation was more than under control >Now you just had to wait-- >"Good afternoon, Twilight." >You almost managed to keep yourself composed >You were almost able to keep yourself from yelping with a spastic hop and a flap of your wings >But you were too deep in thought, still too concerned with that salute >And she talked right. in. your. bucking. ear. "Motherbuckinghorseapplesthedeerarecoming!" you cried, hopping into the air, your wings flapping wildly around you >Quicklandonyourbuckinghooves! >With a yelp, you hit the ground, splayed out awkwardly >Shitgetupbeforeanyponyseesyou! >With half of the guard staring, many of them chuckling to themselves, you scrambled to your hooves >Princess Celestia, with a mischievous chuckle, smiled at you are you spun around to look at her >The hoof that you had cocked back, ready to give your jokester a taste of the ol' one-two Sparkle style, immediately went down >Your nose scrunched up at her as her smile widened >Yeah, yeah... >That was a bucking good one... >Laugh it up, filly "Good afternoon, Princess," you said with an inclination of the head >You couldn't help but smile as the elder alicorn frowned >Though she never said it you knew that she HATED when you did that >Toughttittyfilly.lastlaugh >"I came as quickly as I could," Celestia said, looking over to the gym. "So those stallions wish to speak to me?" >You nodded "Yes. They refused to speak to me because of... reasons. But if I were you I would wait, Princess. There's no knowing what they'd do if--" >Annnnnd she's walking toward the gym >"Oh I wouldn't worry about me, Twilight dear," your old teacher called over her shoulder. "I'm sure these nice young stallions just wish to talk. And if they don't I can assure you that I'm more than capable of handling myself." >Just like you handled Chrysalis? >Or Tirek? >Or-- >No, no... Bad Twilight >Your old teacher always believed in you >And it wasn't like she was going to be fighting some villain with dark magic coming out of the wazoo >She'd be fine >In fact she'd probably get this whole nonsense sorted out before suppertime >... >Sure, you really didn't explain all that much in the letter >So she had no idea what was going on >And the stallions in that gym weren't acting like any stallion that you've ever met, so you honestly didn't know what they'd do when they saw her >... >As Celestia made her way over toward the gym you quickly waved one of the guards over >"Did you need something your highness?" she asked as she saluted >... >That seemed like a mocking salute... >Was she making fun of you because of that one guard? >Did you-- whatever... >BUCK. IT. >You don't even care anymore >... >Really, you don't "The Princess is about to speak to the stallions," you told her. "Even though I'm pretty sure that nothing will happen I'd like you all to be ready in case of an incident." >"Ma'am yes ma'am!" the guard said, clicking her hooves together >... >Bucking saluting... >Be Celestia >Also known as Big Momma Sol in the streets >We stuntin' out 'ere >It seems like your old student has gotten herself caught up in a bit of a predicament >Stallions rioting, a building being damaged, hostages, the whole nine yards >To be honest you were sure that she'd have been able to figure out a solution to all of... this herself but you had a bit of cabin fever >You wanted to get out of your stuffy castle and enjoy the day >Though her letter had said that the situation was a little ignitable you were sure that you'd be able to talk the stallions down >They might have been a little emotional, as stallions were known to be, but if there was one thing that you were known for it was calming ponies down >You'd have this all sorted out by dinner >You were sure of it >A small smile came to your face as you looked away from the gym for a moment >Oh? Was that Anonymous over there giving out pets? >You'd have to remember to get a few >Sweet Faust above did you LOVE your bucking pets "Excuse me. Is it alright if I come in to talk?" you called, stopping a few feet from the front door of the gym. "I heard that you all wished to speak to me so I thought I'd come to see what's gotten you so riled up." >Through the broken windows you could hear the stallions muttering quietly to each other >The poor dears were no doubt scared stiff, what with all of the guards running around with spears >You'd have to assure them that no harm would-- >You took a quick step back as the front door was open, revealing a muscle bound, giant, angry-looking stallion >"Princess Celestia," he grunted with a nod of the head. "My name is Caramel." >His gaze was steel as he stared into your eyes >It wasn't like how a stallion would usually look at you >In fact it was a good deal harsher than most mares would give you >His back was straight, his chest was puffed out and, if you didn't know any better, you'd say that his lips were drawn back into a snarl >... >Alrighty then... >Composing yourself, you smiled down at the stallion "Good afternoon, Cara--" >Before you could finish your sentence, Caramel had stepped out of the way >An unseen force, somepony's magic no doubt, slammed into your backside, causing you to stumble forward into the gym >"GET HER!" >"TOPPLE THE LEADER OF THE MATRIARCHY! >"TIE HER UP!" >"MUH CHECKS AND BALANCES!" >Quick to righten yourself, you noticed that you're surrounded by stallions >The first thing that hit you was the smell >Thick and musky, it permeated everything >It was a smell of sweat and anger and stallion >Your eyes widened as you realized that every single stallion in the room was a huge, sweaty, muscle-y beast >... > This was just like in your doujins >A bead of sweat made its way down your forehead as Caramel stepped in front of you, a rope in his mouth >"Princess," he said, stone-face. "Why don't you take a seat?" >Your nostrils flared as he leaned forward, baring his teeth >"We all have a few things that we need to talk to you about." >Out of the corner of your eye you could see dear Fluttershy, tied up and gagged and blushing hard >...Oh no... > Your fetish >Be Twilight once more >You were pacing back and forth, a small frown on your face >What the heck was taking Celestia so long? >She should have finished up by now >She should have-- >"How and the BUCK did they move so fast!" >"The package is compromised! The package is compromised!" >"Code cyan, code cyan, this is not a drill! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!" >Your ears perked up as you looked around >Guardsmares were frantically running to and fro >Officers were shouting, guards were carrying around crossbows looking like their tails were on fire >"Do I have permission to fire, ma'am?" >"No. I won't risk you hitting the princess, Sergeant!" >"I'm going to need more sand bags over here!" >"We need to get closer!" >"No! If we get closer then they might hurt the princess!" >... >Looking over at the gym you could see that the stallions were hanging Princess Celestia, bound and gagged like Fluttershy, outside one of the broken windows >... >Buck -_[0v0]_- >Be Rararararara >"Yeah, pet my ears, Nonny. A little lower, right near my--awyesh~" >You couldn't help but roll your eyes as Pinkie, with her tail wagging like some sort of mongrel, pushed herself against Anonymous's hand >Now, you knew that Anon needed to be kept preoccupied whilst Twilight and Princess Celestia sorted this whole rotten business >But where was Pinkie's sense of shame? >It was one thing to calm a stallion in his time of distress but this was going above and beyond the call of duty, sensibility and what was socially acceptable >For Equestria's sake, the girl looked nearly ready to LICK him! >To make matter's even worse the guard that Twilight had stationed around Anonymous, Equestria's finest, were staring longingly at Pinkamena as she wiggled in the stallion's lap >Had they no tact? >No SHAME? >Couldn't they see that Anonymous was far too distressed to be ogled! >... >Still, it couldn't be helped you supposed >Anonymous refused to leave for fear of his place of business being damaged further and you couldn't have him getting in the way >And, since he had insisted that he be given something to pet whilst the princesses did their duty, you couldn't really rebuke Pinkie for acting like she was >But that didn't mean you wanted any part of the nonsense >Twilight asked you to watch over the stallion and that was what you were going to do >Nothing more, nothing less >"Can you rub my tummy, Nonny? I got a scratch that--aw ya, just like that--" >Your ears perked up but you refused to look over to see Pinkie made a fool of herself further >Getting her ears and tummy scratched... >With her hooves lightly kicking as she giggled and-- >No >NO! >You are better than that Rarity "Machomare" Savage! >You are going to sit right here and you are GOING TO-- >"How the buck did they move that fast?!" >"Somepony get the bolts ready! Squad A! I want your best crossbowmare on that building up there!" >"THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!" >"WHY DIDN'T THE PRINCESS TAKE AN ESCORT?!" >"THE FOX HAS THE HEN, THE FOX HAS THE HEN!" >You looked up to see chaos erupting >The guards around you were scrambling for their weapons >The ones that hadn't been assigned to babysit Anonymous were running to and fro as if their tails were alight >Some looked grim, many looked confused as to what was happening and why they were being shout at by their superiors >Confused as well, you looked over to Twilight >The alicorn was looking at the gym, her eyes wide and her ears pinned against the sides of her head >When you noticed the look of shock and disbelief on her face you followed her gaze toward the gym >You gasped when you saw Princess Celestia, red-faced and sweaty, being dangled out of one of the broken windows >Just like Fluttershy had been, the princess was tied up but, for some odd reason, you noticed that she was also wearing a... ball gag >... >Where did those stallions-- >"Sir. SIR. I must INSIST that you don't move from you--" >"Eh." >"SIR. I'm serious. You can't--" >"Eh." >"SI--" >"Eh." >Your head quickly snapped back toward Anonymous >The human was holding Pinkie in the air by the scruff of her neck with one hand >The other was reaching for the lamppost that he had sitting beside him >There was an ugly look in Anonymous's eye as he looked over at his gym >You knew that look; you had seen Anon wear it a few times during the few years that you had the pleasure of knowing him >It was a look that spelled trouble for everypony here >The guard didn't know Anonymous or his... quirks >They hadn't the foggiest idea what he'd do if he got up and made his way over there >But you did >Oh you did "Anonymous dear. What did I say about keeping calm?" >Anon seemed to ignore you as he sat Pinkie on the ground next to him >His other hand had finally found the lamppost, and he was slowly picking it up >With wide eyes, you quickly trotted over to him "Anonymous! Anon!" >As before Anon didn't even regard you >His eyes were narrowing, and you could hear the metal in his hand creaking as his grip on it tightened >Nottoday.darling >With some hesitation, you sat in his lap, grabbed his cheeks with your hooves and forced him to look at you "You listen here, my good stallion! You will not throw a hissy fit--" >With a bear-like growl, Anonymous made to grab for you >You, of course, lightly slapped his hand away "You are going to sit here and--Anonymous!" >"Don't tell me what to do, Rare." "Violence is never the answer!" >"Says you. Now lemme up, I have orifices to shove this thing up into." >The two of you struggled--and by struggled you meant Anonymous haphazardly tried to grab you with a slightly bored/bothered look on his face whilst you struggled >It got so bad that you, a mare who would NEVER lay a hoof upon a stallion, had his face pressed up against your chest while you rocked him back and forth >You might be too much of a gentlemare to lay your hooves upon a stallion, but you had absolutely no qualms about rocking them >You'll rock the HORSE APPLES out of-- >"Look at what she's doing!" >"That bucking pig!" >"Rape! RAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEE!" >"Anon! Get away from him!" >Your ears perked up >Ceasing your rocking (for the moment) you looked up >Over at the gym, there must have been at LEAST two dozen stallions poking their heads out the windows so that they could look at you >You were taken aback at the looks of outrage, disdain and shock that they were giving you >Blinking, you looked down at Anonymous >You realized that you were straddling the stallion, and that you were forcing your tuft into his face as he "weakly" struggled against you >... >Oh... >Oh my goodness >You ARE in a rather compromising-- >"GIVE OFF OF HIM YOU CUNT!" one of the stallions roared, leaping through the window >Your eyes widen even further as, with a wild look in his eyes, that muscle-bound brute comes charging toward you >"We got a bogey!" >"Get him!" >"TAKE HIM DOWN!" >The stallion managed to make it twenty feet before he was swarmed by guards >Angry and strong though he was he most certainly didn't have the training or skill to take on battle-hardened guards, so he was subdued without much of a... >... >You looked down at Anonymous before looking back at the stallions in the gym, all of whom were GLARING at you >Slowly, you once again began to rub Anonymous's face against your tuft, making it a point to-- >"PIG! COW! RAPISTS! JUST WAIT TILL I--" >"GET HIM!" >"BRING HIM DOWN" >Your brow furrowed as another stallion was carted off to heaven knows where, nearly foaming at the mouth and firmly clamped in irons >You loosen your grip on Anonymous's head >This allowed him to stare up at you quizzically >"What the hell's gotten into you, Rare?" >Blowing a bit of your mane out of your face, you settled in the human's lap, resting your hooves on his shoulders >Though you didn't like to drag, you considered yourself a sharp mare >This meant that the pieces of the puzzle were quick to come together, giving you an idea >A scandalous one that, to be honest, you weren't particularly comfortable with, but it was an idea nonetheless "Anonymous, dear. I think I might have something."