>be sterling spanner
>the one mare in your agrarian village that fixes the plumbing
>at least you don't do it for hotpockets
>saturday night wasn't for fixing shitterpipes, though
>it was time to post on your favorite yakyakistani cloth weaving image forum
>the new episode of MLH came out today
>10/10 it was okay
>you're currently politely reminding other marefillies that their taste in humanbandos was inferior to your own
>feels good
>then some mare posts those dreaded words
>"he isn't real"
>the punch of that reminder hurt
>like, a lot
>you'd almost cry
>but you're a big mare
>you can wait for him, that one husbando out there
>you don't know when you'd finally meet him
>you don't even know if they like ponies
>but there's that glimmer of hope
>that one day, the longing for love can be satiated
>that you may be held by him
>cuddled by him
>m-maybe even some more intimate, steamy stuff
>the fantasy of union goes deep...
>maybe he longs for a waifu of his own...
>if you weren't so deep in thoughts and fantasies, you would have noticed the funky light show going on in the distance
>the deep, lound rumbling following it cut you out of your daydreaming
>looking out of a window, you see what was causing the problem
>did a friendship problem coalesce into something greater?
>did Princess Twilight fuck up an experiement?
>you were now a little spooked
>on the other side now
>be anon
>chilling out at home
>spent all fucking day doing hard labor
>boss is a contractor
>not really that bad of a guy, just...very dedicated to finishing a project
>even if that means grilling someone's ass if they aren't pulling their weight
>that's neither here nor there for your cozy night tonight
>just you, your computer, and calling other anons niggerfaggots over the internet
>browsing your frequented yukhagir horse ranching forum 
>filled with shitposting, a couple generals and an occasional green
>life is mildly satisfying
>beyond the chilling and emotionless void of loneliness that sometimes weighed down on your soul like Atlas carrying the weight of the world
>a happening thread is posted when you back out into the catalog
>looks like some faggot OP has posted links to live news coverage
>thinking it's bait, you decide to investigate
>oh, well, shit
>looks like there's some sort of weird strobefest coming from a city square
>looks like it's close to your corner of Bumfuck Nowheresville.
>a bright explosion of light later, and something you'd wager as a sort of portal opened up
>maybe you were wrong, but there really wasn't much else you could imagine it being
>checking back in the thread, it looks like the anons went ballistic
>shitposting and happenings are everywhere
>you could even see some doomguys in there, spouting that it may be demons
>others were giving their own whack-ass take
>the wait to see what it was ticked on by... 
>after around a month had passed, the sudden rip in dimensions that opened up between Equestria and Earth became slightly more understood
>both sides had timidly begun contact with what was on the other side
>why go in guns blazing if there was an endless horde of butt-feasting satan skellingtons on the other side?
>might as well try and not provoke either side
>that made things like talks and other faggy diplomatic shit much easier
>most world leaders didn't have much more than a fascination with the curiosities of these marshmallow horses
>marshmallow pones on the other side would certainly be fascinated with the other mammalians on the other side of this conflux
>the official egghead explanation of what happened was some sort of "rift," linking two dimensions together at that point and potentially allowing travel to either side
>scratch that potentially, as some travel had already been achieved
>overall, most reactions were somewhat tame
>the same could not be said about /mlp/ and /mlh/
>mares had their spagooters spilled at a rate unseen since the last Spaghetticon
>anons were freaking out that they may be able to finally have their waifus for real
>the internets were slowly starting to see the specified molten spaghorium containment sites were failing
>the overload of spagh would be remembered
>never forghetti
>During the talks, one colorful Proncis of Peetzer wasn't there
>instead, Princess Condense could feel the autistic screeching of mare waifus and humanbandos through time and space itself
>her job as the Princess of Love was faced with the most daunting task thus far
>finding which autists pair best with the other 
>looking through every filing cabinet and arcane tome on the topic of Love was at her disposal
>and yet, Princess Cadence was at a loss for how to even get close to organizing the pairings of Autismus Maximus
>interdimensional love may have been the more unique case she had to figure out
>she'd probably have to call in favors to get the 
waifus and husbandos together
>along with getting personalized forms for the husbandos and waifus she figured would fit pretty good together
>oh, and use that crystallized love rock to find out who would fit best with atomic clock accuracy
>after an all-nighter in brushing up on her shipping skills, she was ready
>now just to find a pairing between two lovely autists...
 
>be Sterling Spanner again
>your life has gotten exponentially better since the portal opened up
>you could get your husbando now!
>there were supposedly a lot of humans on the other side
>there had to be your perfect humanbando out there...
>the sound of your door's mail flap opening and slapping shut breaks you from more fantasizing
>you got up from your battuhlstashion
>it's some fancy as fuck letter, that's for sure
>as you opened it, the thing's contents really jumped out 
>The Princess of Love sent you a form...about what you'd be willing to give for a humanbando?
>did she hear your desperate requests in your heart?
>does she browse the Autism Mecca that is /mlh/?
>while you couldn't answer those questions, you got to work filling out what you would go with
>even though Earth was a serious shithole in some areas, maybe your humanbando would make anywhere golden!
>of course not a maybe, he would make every second of living a slice of heaven in Eque- Eart- wherever you may end up with him
>all you wanted was just someone to love
>just a sweet human who you could share the greatest moments of your life with
>a human who could make even the worst days shine with happiness
>someone to cuddle with on those cold, lonely nights
>make your dreams reality... 
>each part of the form you felt you spent an eternity on
>you searched deep into your soul
>dug up every last one of your spergalicious dreams for a human to call your husbando
>you wanted this to be from the heart and all that, wanting this to work out so well to have a happy life with the human of your dreams...
>stop judging yourself
>you can be as sappy as you want with your fantastical thoughts
>maybe your husbando will be like you that way, too?
>love kinda has that to some degree, right?
>oh celestia, you really didn't think about how long you've been alone, did you Sterling Spanner?
>now you're kinda getting sad again
>the house was now made of feel
>and you were still there, without your husbando
>your heart longed for him...you needed him in your life...
>you almost wonder how you've made it this far into your life without the humanbando being so tantalizingly close
>after you finished the thing, you could see fine print telling you to look on the back of the form mailed to you
>something about a picture of what your husbando may look like
>...well, he looks kinda cute...
>your mind begins to wonder what he did for living
>what he was like, how he might like you
>maybe how he might show affection for a mare?
>your mind was racing with what you might need to do to make yourself most appeaing to him
>if Princess Cadence utilized the Crystal Heart, you know you two would be an unflinching match...
>you just had some anxiousness about the future
>being a turboautist meant that your romantic options were fairly restricted
>but there really wasn't much need to worry if there was a lovely husbando just for mares like you in the human world
>now, you and other turboautist mares had a chance at the human love all the fanfics could only dream of
>you would almost have noticed that the other side that everything else had disappeared, the Peetzer Princess herself having gotten all she needed to know
>you were too busy 'mirin that human bean in the image 
>be anon, taking a day off to admire just how /mlp/ lost its shit
>yes, you'd rather shitpost than make monies through gainful employment
>why wouldn't you when a real portal to equestria opened up?
>every second of this board having achieved Autistic Transcendence had filled you with joviality you haven't had in a long time
>your perpetual kek machine soon lost its motion when a particular thread popped up...
>some anon posted a picture of a letter they received
>apparently it was from Peetzer herself
>something about a waifu-husbando joining program, as she had felt the esophagus-crushing void of loneliness on both sides of the portal
>oh, and an obligatory "waht do?" posted beneath the thread title
>clicking on the thread gives you exactly what you'd expect out of /mlp/
>cum on it
>eat it
>shove it up your ass
>that sort of thing
>you doubt the anon would do such a thing with a letter that important, but you'd wait to see if he was really not pretending to be a retard
>he better not be
>some anons began to nervously discuss the possibility that Peetzer was trying to ship anons and pones
>they discussed their feelings of insecurity and such that they may not be good enough for their waifus
>it strikes a chord with you
>if there's a waifu for every anon, is there one for you?
>is there an end to being a lonely construction Anon?
>can you hug the pone sensually?
>the sound of your fax machine gearing up to shit out a faxed letter directed your attention away from the shitposting
>oh fuck what now
>is your boss about to tell you some shit you really don't wanna hear?
>...
>...
>hol up
>this looks alarmingly familiar
>is it...no, it couldn't be
>you look to the thread's OP image, then back to the letter faxed to you
>to make double-sure, you give your left nut a squeeze
>the resultant distilled agony made sure you weren't dreaming or hallucinating
>taking the finished letter with a whimper, you see what Peetzer had to say to you 
>Princess Peetzer opened the faxed letter with some prose, introducing herself to you and all that
>the following lines are some particularly important ones
>"After the opening of the portal, I could feel the powerful loneliness; the emptiness without love on the other side..."
>wow, that was a pretty salient review of your world
>it almost hurt to read that
>"...So, within my role as the Princess of Love, it would bring me unending joy to return love to this void. Using the Crystal Heart, I can bring husbando and waifu together. No longer will anypony have to live alone, without the light of love in their lives. There is, however, a catch..."
>oh shit nigger what is it
>do you have to do something drastic?
>is it something only few anons could stomach?
>"...The portal that links Equestria and Earth together can only send regular ponies and humans through once, but to either side. If you go to Equestria, you can never return to Earth. If you choose to stay on your side and your waifu chooses to go to Earth, she can never return to Equestria."
>well, shit
>now it's getting pretty heavy
>these are some serious life choices you'll have to make from a fucking fax machine's printout
>then again, your waifu will have to do the same...
>this weighs on the anon more than it should
>continuing on, you find out more about the sweet mares in Equestria that might be important to know
>some you learned from watching the episodes
>others are pretty new to you
>after going through, it looks like Peetzer left a form for you to fill out
>just what you'll be willing to do for your waifu
>where you'll be willing to go
>that sort of thing
>you have a hard fuggin time making this choice, however
>so, you do the easy way out
>the beta way
>you'll let your waifu decide
>if she's going to be the one who brings you happiness unending, then wherever she was your heart would accept
>after getting everything filled out, some fine print tells you to look on the back for a picture 
>when you flip it over, the photograph introduces you to her before your first meeting
>the mare in question looked so sweet and adorable
>her amber eyes
>her dusty coat
>that long, silky, silvery mane
>that smile made your heart melt
>from the looks of it, she was a Unicorn
>and her name was Sterling Spanner
>you let that roll in your mouth for a while
>trying to imagine what her cutie mark looked like
>and by extension, her special talent
>you'd guess she was handy with a monkey wrench
>while your quandary continued, you couldn't tell too much else about her
>it was just one of those album-style photos
>guess you'd have to see what she was like in person...
>when you flip the form around, nothing is there
>well, if you wanted to change anything, you sure as shit couldn't now
>you'd almost be worried how these pretty ponies' magics could still work in your world
>guess it has something to do with the portal
>fukken magic how does it work?
 
>the wait for both responses to come through wasn't that long for Princess Condense
>she had both their responses, and they were both pretty beta bitches
>were they that desperate for affection?
>she'd became a little worried that all these mares who were so lonely may not have had a husbando to without the portal
>she would have to intervene
>maybe get one of them to make the bold choice
>or just do it herself
>fug it, might as well make the big choice for them if they didn't specify
>she decided they might as well be in Equestria
>now to send them a notice to prepare them for coming together
>they should be able to gather their shit, and meet up at the junction between worlds
>Cadence doubted they would want to avoid coming together
>that would just be silly
>who doesn't want any love in their life? 
>be Sterling Spanner
>and you were waiting in the encroaching, icy grasp of the Crystal Empire
>why did the portal have to open up here
>why not in a place a little warmer
>you weren't a finngolian human
>and under the coat you wore you were pretty chilly
>this was the day Anon would be coming through, accoridng to that little brochure
>you'd wait for him as long as you could
>even if that meant you were freezing your flanks off
>after you'd waited for the longest while, the portal just seemed to...open up?
>and the figure of this humanbando, just for you was walking through...
>you were almost about to spill your spagooters
>this was totally not good
>you needed to not let the parmesan form at the edge of your vision
>so, you smoothly opened up to him
>"H-Hello...you're Anon, right?"
 
>now be Anon
>after just coming through the portal
>looking down at the pony that you see in front of you instantly reminds you of the picture you saw back home
>and good lordy lord that voice was like ten thousand angels serenading your ears with the silkiest of songs
>you could feel your heart skip a beat
>and it wasn't from all that fast food you ate on the worksites
>you gave a nod when you came back to your senses, and introduced yourself
>don't fug this up, Anon
>"Yeah...that's me, a-alright...you're Sterling Spanner, right?"
>smooth as teflon, Anon 
>James Bond would be proud
>a nod from the poner confirms this is your waifu, according to that blue love rock
>you never thought about how weird that was...
>some magic rock having the incredible power to know who is perfect for who
>how it was unflinchingly accurate
>you wouldn't have any regrets if she was your waifu
>you just hadn't had the thought cross your mind
>no going back now, Anon
>you made your peace to seek love
>cutting those ties to Earth as you would come to Equestria
>and now you were here, feeling the biting cold of the Crystal Empire with your waifu
>when you see the poor mare shiver from the biting winds, you think it's time to get out of the cold
>"So...uh...ho about we get out of the cold?"
>your words break the palpable silence and schoolyard admiration between man and mare
>after Spanner composed herself, she nods in agreement with you
>the poor mare has been out for far too long
>now you're starting to feel bad, like you somehow forced her to stay here for the whole while
>while you were kicking yourself in the ass mentally, you thought maybe it would be a good idea to get to know her
>ask what her life was like
>maybe it was more interesting than yours
>"You look pretty uncomfortable out here...you live a little more south?"
>she nodded between shivers, certainly not a tundra mare
>>"Y-Yeah...a little village near...the W-Whitetail Woods. I-It really isn't much, A-Anon."
>you guessed she might be insecure about the small details like that
>hell, you would be
>being with someone who was to be your waifu and getting to know them for the first time was a wee bitty bit nerve-wracking
>she was starting to make a good impression on you
>the cute little mare
>looking over her, even in that coat she wore...
>the pictures sure as shit didn't do her enough justice
>the sweetest little thing was so adorable and beautiful
>you could just cuddle her right here and now
>the finnish weather out forcefully made you reconsider
>when you were indoors and warm, cuddles would totally commence
>you could feel your inner autist squealing with joy
>walking with your pony waifu
>starting a new life
>seeing equestria and wondering how many other nignogs were gonna be invited
>maybe you'd see another of your shitposter brethren with their own pony waifu
>equestria may never know 
>be Sterling Spanner
>with Anon
>going to the train station
>and you are struggling to contain your spaghetti
>your marefilly joy is simmering towards boiling over
>you could swear frozen meatballs were slipping out of your pockets and out the door
>bowtie pasta left in your hoofprints
>how long before you'd just have to gush about humans to him?
>would he accept you as an autistic shut-in mare who spend way too much time shitposting on /mlh/?
>you could amost dread the inevitability
>when you were able to board the train with your humanbando, you claimed the window seat
>the dastardly Sterling strikes!
>when Anon joined you, he rested his arm on your back
>...and began to pet your mane
>sweet celestia above, is this what affectionate contact felt like?
>it was the most magical sensation you could describe
>you could barely notice the crimson blush across your muzzle
>your eyes closed as you enjoyed every second of it
>Anon was almost worried
>but a content sigh amid your shiverring dissuaded him
>the train ride back home began with you being adored by a human
>what good deed had you done to deserve this?
>could a mare do anything to deserve this kind of pure love?
>from that first moment of contact, you could tell
>Anon was the one for you
>as your heart was aflutter, his hand moved up, going through your mane and playing with individual locks
>it was cute to watch him be so fascinated with mares
>it was sweet to feel him this close...
>even if coats were separating you two from the closest contact...
>a few silent hours of pettings go by before he tries something else
>he began to give gentle scratches near your ears
>by Luna's fetlocks, he's going all out
>you melted to his touch before
>but now?
>there was going to be no resistence on your part
>just feeling him petting you was better than sex
>giving the tender affection you had been starved of for so long...
>you could almost cry at your good fortunes 
>the interdimensional calamity that brought you two together was nothing more than a blessing in disguise
>an marefilly receiving such a wonderful partner?
>nothing short of incredible, divine generosity
>you would be sure to do anything in your power to not bite the gentle hoof that handed you this gift from heaven
>you huddle closer to Anon as the train ride continues
>it was starting to get a little dark out now
>the glass on the windows was covered in ice crystals, each glittering in the moonlight
>while you were laid down, cuddling and happy with Anon, you decided you wanted to ask him a question of your own
>couldn't hurt to get to know what your humanbando was like, no?
>"Anon..? C-Can you...tell me what it's like? In the human world?"
>he looks down to you, still playing with your mane as he began
>>"Well...it's hard to say. It feels like there's always something missing, y'know?"
>you nodded, knowing what he was talking about to a degree
>Equestria sure had that in droves
>>"Sometimes...I think there's a longing to return to a different time. Like the world is confused."
>the next line was...a little more disconcerting
>from what you've watched from your little foal's cartoons, humanity changed a whole lot
>maybe what Anon was talking about was what one of the turboautist mares on /mlh/ was talking about a while ago?
>that the next few arcs might revolve around the dissonance of tradition?
>you nodded once more, perhaps a little disheartened to hear what Anon had to say
>perhaps you should lighten it up?
>"Uhm...what did you do in the human world? Did you have a talent?"
>his free hand gently rubs the side of his face you can't see entirely
>>"Honestly? Never found much of a special talent. Just found something simple, and went from there. I did a lot of construction work."
>the human world sounded a little more sad now
>humans didn't know what they were good at, and there was a homesickness a place they didn't know?
>you cuddled closer to Anon 
>you wouldn't want him to be sad...
>remembering things like that might make him sad
>you rest your head in his lap
>Anon rubs your head, sighing as he looked out the window
>>"Equestria's gorgeous, though...the night skies are so muc brighter and clearer than on Earth."
>your amber eyes drift back up to him, listening intently
>"Why isn't it so bright on Earth?"
>Anon looks back down to you, meeting your gaze as he explained
>>"Light pollution, too many damn clouds, regular pollution...all these are just problems of living in the city. I lived...a little out of it. Not nearly as beautiful as it is here."
>next thing you know, you feel his hands - worn from years of hard work - as they cup your cheek
>>"And...well...being with a cute mare a-ain't so bad, right?"
>well if that wasn't the most romantic thing
>both of you not being quite sure how to handle the romance
>yet it's like the bond has already set in
>like damn-fine superglue
>really, you don't want to part from Anon
>your little heart might not be able to handle it
>how else will you get your gentle, tender human loving?
>a mare like yourself wanted only to be with her human
>to know she was loved and to reciprocate it
>that was what made you happy
>and if you were happy with Anon at your side, you could conquer anything
>being as much of a dreamer as you are, you can't help but wonder what your future with your humanbando will be like...
>will his cute, awkward attempts at romantic talk stay like they are?
>will he like your home?
>is there anything you could do to make yourself even better for him?
>are you already perfect for Anon?
>these questions and more swirled around in your mind, until you became drowsy
>you had forgotten that you'd been up since early that morning
>and it was super late now
>with a gentle, cute poner yawn, you lay there with your Anon
>"G-Goodnight...Anon..."
>you wish him in your half-functional state
>sleep overtakes you as Anon keeps you close
>in his embrace 
>be Anon
>and your heart was warm
>you had all these fuzzy >feels
>this little pony was so adorable
>and you didn't even know if she was trying to be
>they're even cuter than on your manchurian 8-bit atari animations
>running your hands through her mane felt like the finest silk
>and how she seemed to really like your touch made you feel happy
>you really had no idea what you were doing
>the first time you pet her, you were worried
>like, oh shit nigger what were you doing
>but you guess these delightful marshmallow equines loved pettings like this
>your hands may not be as smooth as her mane, but she looked like she really needed some affectionate touch
>even if that touch came from a man who had hands that felt like sandpaper
>your petting of the sweet, tender pone soon came to a stop when the train did
>she was still asleep, tho
>waht do?
>you don't wanna wake that sweet thing up
>maybe you could carry her?
>t-that's not degenerate, right?
>going with this idea, you wrap your arms around the pone
>it wasn't hard to life her up
>unicorns must not be as heavy as earth pones
>you kept her close to your chest as you left the confines of the train car
>never let your waifu go
>never give her up
>walking out to the village, it was...
>moderately chilly
>not as bad as the Crystal Empire
>after walking around for a while, you realize something
>you have no idea where Spanner lives
>looks like you need to wake her up after all
>reluctantly, you gently rock her in your arms
>that should wake her up, right?
>"Hey...Spanner...can you tell me where your house is?"
>that gets her attention
>her ears perk up at your voice
>her beautiful amber eyes open and look around
>she notices she was being carried
>and a blush threatening to turn her entirely pink
>you feel a bit of warmth flood your own cheeks when you realize that this might be interpreted as a bit romantic
>when she comes back to reality, Spanner looks around before guiding you
>>"Just...h-head down this c-curve...my house is the, uh...second one o-on the right."
>copy that
>you make the turn, and see a nice, small little house
>you were gonna be honest
>it looked pretty cozy
>is that a real chimney?
>aww_yiss.yml
>carrying your mare, you try your best fiddle with the door
>yellowy-golden magic stops you as she opens it for you
>well, no need to stand out in the cold
>with waifu in your arms, you march on inside
 
>be Sterling Spanner
>in Anon's arms
>your heart was threatening to beat out of your chest
>is he a lucky clueless bastard of a romantic?
>or is he just trying to impress?
>your thoughts came to a bit of a halt as you realized something
>your MLH merch was still out
>you were probably about to reveal your power level to Anon
>forelegs getting sweaty
>kness are weak
>a little bit of tomato sauce came out
>it was still pretty dark in your house...
>did Anon see what you had strewn about?
>oh sweet celestia, did he notice any of your more shameful merch?
>you thought you left it in a drawer somewhere
>SECURE_SPAGHETTI_CONTAINMENT_FAILURE
>Anon speaks up while you have internal panic
>>"Uh...nice posters. What, eh, what show is that?"
>is he freaking out?
>you don't know
>but there's no reason to hold back the floodgates
>your spagooters had already been spilled
>"I-It's, uhm...i-it's MLH...My Little H-Human..."
>your power level surged to heights never before seen
>hopefully Anon wouldn't be as judgemental as non-turboautists...
>>"Is it any good?"
>ayo zigga
>hol up
>"Uh...yeah...it's pretty good..."
>was he interested in your cartoon for foals?
>>"Neat...maybe we could watch some episodes?"
>you nodded as you were still dumbfounded
>maybe you could get used to not having to tread around your spaghetti
>your power level would probably would have been revealed against your will anyway
>you realize wearing a coat in a moderately warm house isn't comfy
>"Anon? Can y-you please put me down?"
>you asked of him politely
>you didn't want to give the impression you disliked this
>in fact, you loved it when he was this close
>showing just how much he loved you
>being sweet with his mare
>but you had to get down for important reasons
>like taking off that stuffy coat
>though reluctant, Anon obliged, setting you gently on your hooves
>smiling up at him, you go to your fireplace
>moving the metal curtain out of the way with your magic, you toss some timbers inside
>one of those fire start assists as well
>a quick light from a struck match makes it all complete
>the fire rises
>slowly but surely
>using magic and hoof, you slip out of your overcoat, letting Anon look over your form
>you felt a little vulnerable as his eyes drifted over you...
 
>once more, be Anon
>begin taking off your own coat
>your waifu is doing it
>so why not you, too?
>it was also kinda warm
>you may be used to heat, but you didn't like being sweaty
>this was also the first time you got a good look at the rest of your waifu's form
>Spanner's cutie mark was a pristine monkey wrench, with a few brass hex nuts arranged in a star next to it
>her coat looked well-kept, and was probably about as smooth as her mane
>and were those unshorn fetlocks?
>how scandlaous...
>you couldn't resist
>you knelt down to hug your waifu
>after a few second, you could feel those freakily flexible forearms hug you back
>how could you resist the cutie?
>pones were made for hugs
>very cozy hugs
>whenever you part from her, your internal clock started autistically screeching at you
>you had stayed up later than normal
>and your body did not like that
>you didn't even have anything to stay up later with
>like trucker pills that might kill you forty years before you would actually die
>or those energy drinks that for all you could tell were made from industrial runoff 
>so you knda needed a bit of naptime
>"Spanner? You got any spare blankets?" 
>for a minute there, you thought she looked worried
>did she think you didn't want to spend your first night in Equestria with your mare?
>you decided it was ample time to make sure she didn't think you wanted to be separate from her
>"Y'know, sleep by the fire? To be warm? The two of us?"
>losing_control_of_the_situation.ogg
>after she gets what you're saying, she mouths 'oh'
>crisis averted
>>"Y-Yeah, I have a couple...they're in the closet by the bedroom."
>and so you valiantly continue on your quest
>the quest for cozy blankets
>so you and your waifu could share a spot by the fire
>you were a fuggin genius
>this would be the best way to hug your waifu
>together and in front of a cozy fire
>opening the door, the first blanket you come upon is, well...
>it looks like the flag of the Russian Empire
>well, it looked to be the largest one in there
>ooh shit nigga it felt soft, too
>this was a goodie right here
>you pull out the sloppily-folded blanket, bringing it to the living room
>your waifu, Spanner, has taken up residence on the couch nearest to the fire
>setting the blanket on the top of the couch, pick up your mare, surprising her a bit
>you rested her on your chest after laying down on the couch
>she seems right at home
>Spanner notices the blanket, using her magic to gently unfold it and cover the two of you
>now trapped in a fort of snug
>giving the poner the affection
>running your fingers through her mane and along her neck
>she hugs her legs along your torso
>who knew that these sweet pony waifus were as cuddly as they are?
>every second spent tenderly loving her fills something you almost didn't know you needed this badly
>the feeling of someone you could love
>the closeness of them to you
>sitting on the fireside with them
>you were pretty content to remain /comfy/
>you had Spanner with you
>and with her, life seemed so much better
>you could almost fail to understand what life was like without her
>a life alone no more 
>under the colors of the black, yellow, and white you lay with your mare
>content in the fact that you would never be alone again
>the pure, sweet, loving bond between a man and his mare
>between husbando and waifu
>and so, you drift off to sleep while cuddling your waifu
 
>be a very comfy Spanner
>laying with your husbando
>and under your favorite blanket, too!
>under it, no bolshevik mare was gonna redistribute your Tsarevich
>his Tsarina would protect him
>they could never hope to separate the two of you
>as much as you would like to describe the sheer strength of this bond
>you could not
>those wonderful hands were treating you so well
>giving you the gentle affection a mare needs in her life
>the gentle cracking of the fire was akin to a gentle lullaby to draw you to rest
>calling you to follow your husbando to rest
>to join him in the realm of Luna's curated dreamscape
>but you could not yet
>you just wanted to spend a little longer awake
>just a little longer to admire this gift from heaven...
>he wasn't a prettyboy, but he had a sort of charm to you
>his coarse hands contrasted amazingly with that gentle touch of his
>his cute, unsure attempts at being romantic with you
>you thought it may have been a little cheesy
>maybe a little sappy
>but that's who you were
>a sappy little Unicorn mare hopelessly in love with her humanbando
>and you loved every second of it
>going from being a turboautist to a mare with the love of her life
>it really made you see the world much better
>with him, anything was possible
>and so, you hugged him a little tighter
>his strong arms holding you as you could not bear to stay awake any longer
>you whispered sweet little things to him
>you didn't know if he would hear you
>but you just wanted to shower him with the affection he bathed you in
>because you loved him
>because he loved you
>the song of the fire gently whispering in your ears as your eyes closed
>you resting your head against his chest, rising and falling 
>sunlight
>fookin' sunlight bleeds through the windows
>nooo....
>you wanted to stay here...
>you didn't wanna get up!
>you needed more snuggle times...
>with the stirring of the human benath you, the appropriate response was prepared
>a pathetic whine of a mare desperate tostay where she was emanated from you muzzle
>hearing that must've influence your humanbando
>a playful fussing of your normally straight mane 
>and a hug to go with it
>...
>you are satisfied now
>the skilled touch of Anon was enough to quit your bellyaching
>continuing to rest your head on him, your eyes open
>that smile on his face was a hell of a thing to wake up to
>it was also pretty infectious for a sappy mare such as yourself
>your own smile was small, but nothing hid the joviality of starting a new life
>as he began to gently play with the tip of your ear, he greeted his little mare
>>"Morning, Spanner...you sure look cozy."
>dumbly, you just nodded before coming back to rest against his chest
>gently, you place your hoof over where you presume his heart was
>even through the dense keratin, you could feel it
>strong and steady, and so close to you
>as you were awkwardly enjoying the closeness of your human, he starts to move a bit, like he was trying to get up
>y tho
>he explains when he sees that you just don't want to let go
>>"I'm just going to wash up. If we're gonna be spending this much time huddled together, I at least don't want to smell like concentrated ass-in-a-can."
>a little bit of a marely chortle at that
>you reluctantly get up, allowing Anon to leave to get cleaned up
>you wonder how Anon would fare with pony showers...
>he wasn't a jolly green giant, but he was a wee bitty bit taller than an average pone
>with him away, you were left by yourself for the moment
>it gave you time to think about what exactly you two would do
>just spend all day keeping warm and telling the cold to go fuck itself?
>maybe see what the baker might've made?
>take a woodland stroll? 
>you know what?
>that may not be a bad idea
>sure, it's not as cutesy as going through a forest that's doused in snow
>but those ponies with wings decided they didn't feel like snow should come too early
>it's mostly just barren of leaves
>and the grass has that sandy color it makes when it finds the weather outside a tad frightful
>you'd ask to out there
>after grabbing food
>what?
>he might be as hungry as well
>for now, it's just waiting on him to finish washing up
>this might be a good time to decide on what you might wear
>maybe one of your more subtle scarfs?
>it shouldn't be that cold out...
 
>be Anon
>in a pony shower
>a bit of a squeeze
>you're trying to be careful 
>it's got a slippery floor 
>and you don't wanna fall down
>both because of a waifu nearby and it would be extremely painful
>most of the soaps on selection were those grease-buster kinds
>even the shampoo & conditioner
>guess you weren't too surprised
>they weren't that bad
>you were quick about taking your shower, soon climbing out
>drying off with a couple of smaller poner towels
>and putting on your old, drab clothes
>they even still have a couple oil stains from the time your boss called you in to lube up the heavy machinery
>you'll have to find some place that sells human clothes
>unless you want to roam around the house in the nude until your clothes were clean
>keeping those thoughts in the back of your head, you go downstairs
>and see your Spanner with a yellow wool scarf and black sock-shoe-things
>you swore this little mare got more adorable every day
>>"You, uh...y-you wanna go get something to eat, Anon? It shouldn't be too cold out..."
>you will never not love hearing that siren's song of a voice
>you nod, becuase not eating for, like, a day has caught up to you
>"What is there out here? Anything good?"
>she uses her magicks to pull your hand, as well as yourself with her
>>"There's this bakery t-that's wonderful! It's like re-experiencing good foalhood memories!" 
>once Spanner's got you going, she lets go of you with that strange little something called magic
>outdoors, the weather was pleasant
>a bit cool out, but the wind wasn't too intense
>a few of those wispy-looking clouds lazily drifted across the sky
>all in all, a comfy morning
>Spanner thought it must've been a wonderful day to explore the area
>get to know where you will likely end up living for the foreseeable future
>looks like not a lot of ponies were out and about today
>most that were gave a wave
>a handful looked excited to see you
>maybe something to do with that whole program Peetzer started
>or something else you probably shouldn't inqure about
>heading into the town square, there was a little joint that reminded you of those old walk-in donut shops on earth
>hot damn, was anything in this sleepy town not comfy as fuck?
>this was much better than the confined, rushed pace of city life
>just so...quiet
>a moment's respite
>the slower country life felt like it was already growing on you
>a poke with a hoof from the Unicorn that led you here brought you back to reality
>>"A-Anon? You there?"
>you give confirmation that your mind hasn't exited your skull
>"Yep...just...breathing in Equestria. This the place?"
>she notices your astute skills of observation
>>"After this, you, uhm...you don't mind if we go out and walk around in the woods, right?"
>going around the woods and pointing at dead tree limbs with your waifu?
>why the hell not?
>"Sounds like a great idea, Spanner."
>that sweet little smile of hers bloomed once more
>and your heart melted with it
>this little qt3.14 was your everything
>one day, you must figure out the secret
>why were mares the best thing for cute?
>disregarding a question that would require years of study, you ventured forth to get the sweet morning treats
>the moment you walked in, you realized this was no ordinary realm of baked goods
>it was a site of pilgrimage for those who wanted to enjoy the finer things in life
>perhaps it was the divine scent of fresh bread and sweets baking
>maybe it was how inviting the place felt
>or it could be the friendliness of these ponies
>you really didn't know, Anon
>all you knew was that you had ceased to be in Equestria
>and you had arrived in the Twelfth Heavenly Realm of Breakfast Delight
>the call of delicious food draws you to the counter, intent to order a slice of heaven
>for you, that would be a box of assorted iced donuts and a cup of coffee
>can't go wrong with a classic like that, right?
>Spanner decides on something more bold a choice
>a cinnamon roll and chocolate milk
>the wait wasn't that long, since everyone else was already served or just wanted that daily dose of morning sludge
>before you're even at the table, you can't resist
>you just need a quick taste
>one bite from the classic glazed
>and it tastes like no donut you've ever had before
>have you proven your valor to Odin and been allowed to sample the great feasts of Valhalla?
>this place would have to become the hajj of your morning pilgrimage
>as those delectable tori were worth braving almost any condition for
>it was not long before you had cleared the entire box on your own
>a moment of sorrow upon the realization
>but then you realized you had coffee
>that made up for the lack of food in your book
>your waifu certainly was taking her time to enjoy that cinnamon roll
>unlike how you just wolfed down those donuts
>so, you were left with just looking out to the village and Spanner
>you think you saw some slavic moonrunes on the fringes of that scarf
>if you took a stab at what she liked about the show, she was probably a Tsar-fag
>just a bit of a stab in the dark
>you needed a whole season of Rick and Morty to foster that kind of brain-power, huh?
>with your ever-increasing skills of observation, you noticed that there really weren't that many humans here
>perhaps there weren't that many of your fellow nignogs in Equestria yet? 
>the more you think about it, it does make you feel a bit...
>you don't know, isolated?
>used to be you were surrounded by human beans
>but now you are but one in a town full of marshmallow pones
>you weren't necessarily lonely, becuase you had a special someone
>a little pony named Sterling Spanner
>you wouldn't be lonely ever again
>and maybe all the other autists out there soon to experience this joy
>you wonder if Equestria was prepared for this kind of spaghetti magnetism
>at least if Anon's can have childuns with pones, they won't name them stupid shit like Chuckles Helicopter Wigwam Jones
>now that you thought that, there's gonna probably be one fucker who does that
>fug_dis.madden
 
>be Sterling Spanner
>'mirin your husbando
>he sure doesn't talk that much...
>he didn't strike you as the strong, silent type
>guess he just doesn't have a whole lot to say
>right now, he was just looking between you and the window
>when he'd turn his attention to you, you'd sometimes try to fix your mane
>make sure it wasn't too messy
>maybe pull up your scarf a little
>sometimes, you'd even get a little smile out of him!
>with Celestia's sun overhead, your day was going nicely so far
>though, after waltzing around in the woods...
>you hadn't a clue of what to do
>perhaps you could show him your spaghettitoons?
>he might get a kick out of it
>Anon might even enjoy watching daily new episodes
>that would be a good excuse for cuddling on the couch together!
>you had all this shit figured out
>feels good pony
>speaking of strolling in a forest that had shed its leaves...
>you finished that succulent cinnamon roll with a swig of chocolate milk
>and it was [spoilerworth the [/spoiler:lit]weight
>you wave to your humanbando to break his deep thinking
>"H-Hey Anon, you ready to go?"
>he gives you the slow nod of a colt who's been ready
>excited to spend your day with Anon, you hop down from your seat at the counter
>the day was young and full of adventure! 
>well, as much adventure as a mare could ask for without doing anything dangerous
>that was not what a mare such as yourself wanted
>with human in tow, you begin your journey to the woods
>it was gonna be...
>well, you were gonna be honest 
>probably not a romantic as a walk through autumn woodlands
>or a winter wonderland...
>but it was still gonna be somewhat romantic, right?
>luckily, it wasn't that far to enter the quiet Whitetail Woods
>when ponies weren't running through it, it certainly was a lot calmer
>Anon sure seemed to like it
>looking between the trees, the trees, and more trees
>thinking he was being overwhelmed by the sight of so many trees, you elect to ask him a few things
>break up the existential silence you two were bathed in
>"A-Anon? You don't mind if I...ask any questions about you...right?"
>with you breaking the ice that smoothly, you were surprised stallions didn't just fall at your hooves before
>he looks down at you, giving a shrug of his shoulders 
>>"Sure, why not? If we're waifu and husbando, I don't see any problem with that."
>now, what to ask the man...
>surely you can't screw this up if you're already such a smooth talker, Spanner
>"Hmm...can you tell what y-your work was like? Back in the h-human world?"
>he strokes his stubble a bit as he thinks about what to say
>>"It was long and hard, wake up early and get to a jobsite. Work'd last anywhere between most of the day to the whole thing."
>well that was pleasant to have him bring up
>but you suppose there wasn't going to be much deviation in what you'd get out of him
>you now didn't know if your Anon was feeling a bit bad about all that work he did back home...
>to brighten the mood, you share a little about yourself
>"I-I, uh...I'm a plumber...it's my special talent. I always thought it was mundane...pays okay, though."
>he smiles a little, playing withthe tip of your ear 
>you blush a little as you realize he's doing it again
>those hands feel so good
>so gentle, yet so worn from the calluses
>something about it made your heart skip a beat
>>"Don't worry about it, Spanner. Y'know...if I had a special talent...something I was good at, something that just clicked..."
>the pause in his words is enunciated with a gentle scratching of your scalp
>>"...it still doesn't compare to this."
>it seemed he just lost his train of thought with no survivors
>simply nodding, you feel it might be time for another question
>"A-And, uh, where were you from...?"
>>"That story begins in a busy, noisy city. Surrounded by nothing but corn."
>you couldn't immediately tell
>but you'd wager he came from Agrarian Jerusalem
>also known as the Midwest
>at least, that's only what you'd understand from your yakyakistani cartoons
>before you can ask him another question, Anon surprises you with his own inquiry
>>"If you'd humor me...mind telling me what that 'My Little Human' show's about?"
>the scent of parmesan is on the wind
>you nervously guffaw, before you start to explain
>"W-Well, i-it's a show about...uhm, history lessons...of course, n-not Equestrian ones, but just a little thing to get foals interested...c-cool stuff and g-good music..."
>it was kinda in the title
>'My Little Human: History is Metal'
>some mares thought it was trying too hard 
>but its animation
>its hot booty jams
>the fuckton of details in the storylines
>not to mention the husband material
>how could anypony not be interested in it?
>he seems a bit surprised, having still somewhat been in the dark about it
>because he had never watched it, you silly mare
>>"Not really sure what I was expecting...sounds like worth a watch or two. May also help me remember what I, uh...kinda didn't learn in history class."
>he chuckles with embarrasment 
>this made your idea about watching MLH even better
>not only are you spending quality time with the husband
>you also get to learn some knowledge with him!
>you would call yourself a dork, but the idea just sounded too perfect
>all the dominoes fell into place
>and so, you giddily pranced a little next to him while on your walk
 
>be Anon
>taking a late autumn stroll
>kinda cool out
>you're a little warm though
>mostly from embarrassment
>you had just realized that this little mare from your favorite kid's show might know more about your own world's history than you
>all from a TV show
>and for some reason, she was getting really happy
>seeing her happy made you happy to no end
>but you were curious
>either you were later to be indoctrinated into another spagooterooni cult, or you were too slow to know what got her excited
>you chose not to put your thought into that
>but instead admire sweet, lovable pone waifu
>you'll probably figure it out later, anyway
>continuing to walk innawoods with your waifu
>just the peaceful air of Equestria's majesty overwhelmed you
>a place where you'd begun a new life
>abandoned the Old World you'd known
>just for the hope of happiness
>and to be honest, Spanner was worth the journey
>the hard times of earth will come again no more
>and that was what you hoped for most
>in between your own philosophical introspection, you'd come across some neat sights
>a stream here or there
>some freaky-looking trees
>eventually, though, the journey through the woods was getting a little repetitive
>you were also worried you might end up lost innawoods
>the possibility of something spoopy popping out in the Whitetail Woods may have not been as high as in the Everfree
>but non-Forest Anons might not feel comfortable as the sun begins to set
>while in the middle of a vast land of bare timbers
>you thought it might be time to go home
>or at the very least just go back into town and admire a sunset
>or some other cheesy romancing 
>"Mind if we head back now? It's gettin' a bit da-"
>Spanner quickly answers the question, leaving little time for guessing
>>"Of course! I-I mean, yeah...l-let's get back before it gets too cold..."
>Spanner sure was excited about going back
>this was probably all a part of her master plan
>one that you had yet to unravel entirely
>your little mare began to lead the way back home
>she must know these woods quite a bit
>if anything, you'd wager she came out here every so often
>how else would you explain that she could figure her way through the depths of the Whitetail Woods?
>she must be a true innawoods pone
>unlike your more urbanite self
>an just under a quarter of an hour, you're out of the woods
>and hot damn, the sunset is gorgeous from where you stood
>it's like Celestia painted the sky with a most disciplined artform
>that of the Happy Painter himself
>the sun's golden-orange rays tinted the clouds accordingly, each of their wispy forms akin to a gentle brush stroke of color
>a few of the night stars were visible, but their brightness was nothing compared to the brilliance of the radiant sun
>you probably already thought this to yourself earlier, but damn is Equestria a beautiful place to live
>taking in the crafted scenery for but a moment, you continue to follow your waifu pone to return home
>a cold gust of bring brought you both a shiver
>the day of snow was on the horizon, and with it would come the frigid claws of emotionless winter
>when the two of you return, most ponies were inside
>like hell they wanted to be out in the cold
>Sterling Spanner and yourself were among those who didn't want to stay out for too long
>both of you were more accustomed to a nice, temperate climate
>you, a prairie human
>Spanner, a forest pone
>returning to a lukewarm indoors environment took little time at all
>home_sweet_home.painting
>while you got to work on the unspoken necessity of starting a fire, Spanner was preparing the moderately-sized television
>be Sterling Spanner
>Anon's getting the fireplace ready
>and you think this will be a pretty cozy night of revealing your power level
>turning the television on prompts you with the question
>where do you start with the show?
>do you show him where the show currently is at right now in the Great War arc?
>or do you go with the classic way of beginning from the pilot episode?
>in the end, you choose to go with the pilot
>that probably would make it more interesting
>how else will your human see the insane number of twists and plot developments if you skip all the juicy parts of the show?
>with the first episode chosen, on the electronic screen, you look back to Anon
>he's effectively wrapped up with getting the fire going
>now all that's left it to cuddle on the couch and let the auditory autism flood the room
>"Y-You ready to watch the show, Anon...?"
>you ask, timidly awaiting his response
>he gives a smile, and a nod
>>"Why not? There probably isn't gonna be much else we can do...looks like snow's coming early"
>looking out the windows, Anon was right
>snow had finally come to douse your sleepy little village
>the flakes came first in a small flurry, and then it grew
>looks like the weather ponies wanted to start early this year
>you get the feeling it might be a pretty bad winter...
>coming back to the fact that your show was due to start, Anon was on the couch, waiting for you
>you wasted no time, trotting to the throne of sedentary comforts
>your blanket is still shoved off to the side couch, crumpled and waiting for the return of husbando and waifu
>when you join Anon, you lay at his side, cheek brushing against his arm
>the speakers begin to flood the room with the opening theme of the show https://youtu.be/T-MtgvI3eLQ
>for a show about making history metal, the theme ironically was more orchestral
>images of human heroism from the Bronze Age to the Great War flash on screen, those fading off to bring the logo front and center
>you remember the first time you watched this episode...
>it was like an eternity ago
>the show began with a simple view of a map, it being of the middle east
>more specifically, the fertile crescent for reasons that were obvious
>it's where most human civilizations that met a lot of the tick marks for the matnle of 'civilization'
>there were others, but for now they would be given a passing mention
>on the map were many nation-states, those of Arabia, Phoenicia, the Medes, Urartu, Babylon, and more each all vying for control
>cue the entrance of one of the early conquerors in the MLH timeline
>Ashurnasirpal II
>this arc of MLH was the beginning of seeing vast empires be forged in fire
>and the action that came with it
>the emblem of Assur rose over an empire ready to conquer, and the first battles would begin
>the narrator for events begins to describe the path taken by Ashurnasirpal II, along the Euphrates
>the first battles were shown of the ancient warriors, most of which in light armor
>the battle tactics of the Assyrians were shown between the sick battle montages the animators were capable of producing
>those were kind of fun to nerd out over, but most of the adoration of the show came from these action-packed sequences and the world-building episodes
>you snuggle with Anon, hugging him as you watch the pilot
>he wraps his arm around you, your heart beginning to soar as he did so
>the sheer joy of sharing one of the things you enjoyed most made it like you were watching the whole series anew
>it made starting so far back all the more worthwhile
>you'd have more to share with your husbando
>the narrator delivers commentary in timely fashion about the grand conquests, and the innovations the growing Assyrian Empire would make in human history
>along with many important discoveries, they were the earliest to start utilizing a standing army
>and one by one, all the nearby kingdoms would fall to Assyria's might 
>be Anon
>cuddling with your waifu
>and watching her favorite shows
>it was pretty cool to be getting learned some new knowledge
>and that you had someone to watch it with
>the mare at your side was quite physically affectionate
>with each development of the show, Spanner would ocasionally point excitedly while snuggling beside you
>sometimes she would gasp at some of the surprises
>you'd respond with some hugs of your own
>maybe even run your hand alongside her walnut-colored coat
>all in all, you had yourself a comfy night
>a comfy, snowed-in night
>it was a smart idea to have a fire roaring
>because you could feel the wintry chills start to seep into the home
>it must not have been insulated properly around somewhere...
>you kept perfectly warm, though
>between the fire, the comfy blanket, and a qt3.14 mare to snuggle with - you were gonna stay nice and toasty
>Spanner huddled a little closer as she felt the outside cold try and get at her
>a perfect excuse to hug the poner a little tighter
>and try something a little more...deviant
>y-you attempt to hold her hooves with your hands
>that seemed to really catch her attention
>her blush was readily apparent
>her concentration on the pony-shows breaks
>the power of hoof-holding is simply too strong
>Spanner rests her side against you, letting you continue
>you could see a bit of that sweet smile you loved to see
>and that was what made life now worth living
>you continued to gently hold her hoof, her head coming to rest close to your shoulder
>the first episode was coming to its conclusion, the brutal conqueror Ashurnasirpal II soon about to pass
>his conquests extended far into the lands of the ancient Near East
>and his successor, Shalmaneser III was certainly keen on continuing this legacy of conquest once his father was no longer the head of the Assyrian Empire
>how might the great Assyrian state fall, if at all in the foreseeable future?
>the pilot episode had ended on this opening bookend
>the rise of one of the great empires of old
>and it was eager to assert its dominance
>it had you interested so far, and the battles looked very entertaining to watch
>you certainly couldn't help but notice that it seemed to hold a sense of valor
>that these wars were a greater part of a larger warrior culture
>you'd give the episode a 4/5 chicken sandwiches
>your mare snuggled a little closer to your chest, trying to hug you tight
 
>be Sterling Spanner
>y-your husbando just held your hoof!
>it's just like out of your neighponese cartoons!
>you didn't even know you could blush this fiercely
>it felt like your muzzle was on fire
>in a good way
>you could barely even focus on the show while he was doing that
>you could even swear he ran his thumbs against your unshorn fetlocks
>hot damn if you didn't love being touched in that kind of way you didn't know what sensual meant
>everything about his gentle, loving nature towards you brought forth a spring of neverending joy
>and you tried your best to show him just how much that meant to you
>cuddles and hugs were among the ways you knew how to show your Anon how much he meant to you
>you would have to learn something to show it even more...
>but where would you start?
>being comfy and watching shows together certainly was quite sweet when it was snowing out
>and the village was not known as a center of fine dining...
>excluding that donut shop, it is pretty amazing, though
>you'd resolve to plan something romantically-cheesy with him one of these days
>now that you think about it, perhaps some more human-themed stores will open up?
>maybe you could see what fine culture humans had 
>inb4 it's just nothing but fast food joints
>for now, though, it would be a snowed-in night watching foal's cartoons until either of you dropped from exhaustion
>"Y-You...you liked th-that episode, right?"
>Anon gives an interested nod 
>>"It was...pretty good. Got learned a whole, brand-new knowledge."
>his smile was all the more pleasing to see
>you doubt you would ever get tired of seeing him happy
>it made you just as, if not more happy
>"I'm glad you did! You, u-uh...you wouldn't mind watching a few more episodes, right?"
>he messes with your mane, letting it come to rest over your eyes
>>"Not at all. Let's sperg out together."
>with Anon's willingness to continue, you select the next episode in line
>this next one happened to be a slower-paced, more worldbuilding-oriented one
>this time, away from the front, it began to document the culture of the Assyrians and their significance in human history
>they were, indeed, among the strongest of the ancient empires of their time, fielding the first standing army and making viciously-effective usage of it
>their renown militarism was also made manifest in how brutal the conquests of other nations were
>how harsh they would put down any dissent and rebellion
>Ashurbanipal would go on to have flayed chiefs against a pillar, and even entombing them inside of said pillar
>pretty fuckin' brutal for a kid's show
>but they at least cut down on the more vivid imagery for now
>the blood was only acceptable during glorious warfare
>and they had to try and not scare away their target audience
>soon, though, the Neo-Assyrian Empire would begin to lose the territory it had gained, a twist added in
>and to be honest, it was still a little shocking to witness
>some mares were put off with how such a powerful state could lose control of its territories
>but you thought it allowed for new potential rivals to be added to the show
>their fall would allow a new power to begin
>Sinsharishkun was being defeated again and again by Nabopolassar
>the previously-unknown figure had begun to subjugate the Assyrians
>A Chaldean whom would go on to found the new Babylonian Empire
>Sinshariksun would die in the wars against Babylon and the recently-freed Medes. 
>>"Damn...sure didn't expect that."
>"I'm tellin ya, Anon, the writers really know what they're doing!"
>you succinctly explained to him
>the sudden change in the plot was enough to keep you interested
>it was probably one of the things that kept you coming back
>how would the story of your precious little humans unfold?
>you were almost quivering with excitement for what would happen in the Great War!
>the beginning of that arc was enough to be a serious trip on the ride
>it had mares spinning!
>oh, the theories and threads those /mlh/ NEETs had posted
>it was among the most magical of experiences to witness the shitposting to pierce the heavens
>while you and Anon continued to watch where the ride was gonna take you, something spur-of-the-moment enters your mind
>you haven't the foggiest where it came from
>but you know that it was a powerful compulsion
>something spontaneous on your part
>deftly, you surprise Anon with a kiss
>it was just a longer-lasting peck on the cheek, but you just had to do it
>your heart raced as you did, beating as though you had just competed in the Iron Pony competition
>you slowly parted once the kiss was over, the first you'd give your human
>it was exhilerating, a rush of emotion swarming your heart
>Anon was certainly surprised by your sudden, impulsive act
>a part of your mind dwells on the thought that you pushed it too suddenly...
 
>be a very flustered Anon
>Spanner surprised you with a sudden peck on the cheek
>you had no idea why so suddenly she did it
>not that it wasn't unpleasant, quite the opposite in fact
>the poor thing looks at you nervously, like she feared she had done something wrong
>carefully, you cup her cheek in one hand
>Spanner didn't know what you would do, both frightened and curious
>with subdued passion, you returned a kiss
>this one, right on this lips
>Spanner seemed greatly relieved, letting herself enjoy every moment of the love shared between man and mare
>a bond that could never be severed 
>reluctant to part from the kiss you were
>but you must
>your mare's eyes were closed, her breathing shaky
>the feeling of the kiss hung over her, the rush that came with it still having yet to leave her system
>when she opened her eyes, it seemed that she was tearing up
>the fear of being a fuck-up was squashed as she hugged you tought
>it was a good feeling
>husbando and waifu sharing the solace of their company
>sharing the love that ran eternally from their large hearts
>deeper than the sea and wider than the sky above
>as you held Spanner, she whispered to you
>>"N-Never change, Anon...never ch-change...I love you...more than you could know..."
>your_heart.exe
>"I won't, Spanner...I love you, too..."
>you promised your sweet, gentle mare
>and so the cuddles and warmth lasted long into the night
>a couple sharing their intimate feelings with one another
>and the bitter wintry cold kept at bay
 
>a month had passed since you, Anon, entered Equestria
>from what you could hear, more of your fellow nignogs were migrating to the land of colorful marshmallow equines
>all in the name of finding the one to make their lives complete
>the winter had been getting progressively worse and worse
>more snow being piled onto the town and the woodlands
>it was starting to get hard to stay out for too long
>and the snow was getting thick enough to warrant you and Spanner spending time outside shovelling this white shit to the side
>you loved a wonderful white winter
>but this was getting to be a little much
>right now, you were on a train to head back to the village
>since you didn't live in a big city as most anons might be, you had to ride in to get human stuffs
>your diet could not consist of beans & flowers for the rest of eternity
>a damn shame Spanner didn't come with you this time...
>you wonder to yourself curiously of what she had needed to stay home for
>perhaps she had to wait for some mail that needed her signature
>whatever it was, it would be a surprise 
>be Sterling Spanner
>be at home, reading the new booklet on humans you ordered
>this time, with a deeper understanding of those gentle giants
>of course, since you were among the first mares to receive a husbando, you had to order this in
>and it was certainly full of information very relevant to your interests
>this edition was about what humans found most attractive about ponies beyond their loving nature and general cuteness
>though it varied between humans, they could all appreciate the right kind of pone lingerie
>you could almost catch yourself blushing hard at the detailed information Cadence had compiled
>just how did she get all of this?
>she did add as an addendum that she was totally not into peeping, so stop asking
>there more you went on, the more...lurid the booklet became
>then again, this was one meant almost specifically for couples looking to start exploring the other side of love
>one part, however, deserved the most attention
>the one about mares whom wanted the culmination for a couple in love
>the beginnings of their own family
>you intently read every word, each being engraved into your brain
>'...So, you're ready to start a family with your husbando. That's wonderful news! Entailed in this booklet is everything you need to know. When you and your husbando have decided to have foals, you'll need to ingest a complimentary potion to this package. It will allow you to bear foals from a human stallion, and start your family today!'
>a footnote is included
>'Please use this potion when you mean it, as it's expensive to produce. All future potions must be ordered at a price of 50 bits.'
>a bit steep, but you doubt Princess Cadence was a shekellord when it came to love
>the knowledge of this really lingered in your mind...
>when should you bring this up with Anon?
>it had only been a month since you met...but you feel ready for this
>ready to start a family
>all you needed to do was talk it over... 
>you thought about how to approach it, the question
>you didn't know if Anon was ready to have foals
>he had shown just how much he loved is mare waifu
>and it was without bound
>nothing could ever keep him from showing his mare just how much he loved her
>you thought he might want that...
>becoming a father to a bunch of adorable little foals
>the icing and cherry on top of starting a new life in Equestria
>but you wanted to know for sure
>you wanted only to make your Anon happy, and feel beloved
>and you thought this was a natural next step from beyond just being husbando and waifu
>a knock on the door breaks you from your thoughts
>fug
>it must be Anon
>you panic for a moment, not sure where you should hide your delivered package
>you didn't want to come off as too desperate
>that might spook Anon
>you prance around, looking for an ideal spot
>in a panic, you decide the best place to hide it must be under your bed
>the best place to make sure things you didn't want seen stayed put, obviously
>after it was tucked away from the world, you open the door
 
>be Anon
>with a bag of groceries for human needs
>like meat
>you could not live without it, metaphorically and literally
>it was your fuel back home
>and you just had to go out today and get some more
>the knock on Spanner's door seemed to not really register
>you went to knock again, but the door swung open before you could
>and there was a little pony, happy as always to greet you
>>"H-Hey, Anon! How was that t-trip?"
>you step in, playing with the tip of her ear and giving a smile
>"It was...a journey."
>truth be told, it could have been better
>lines are getting longer where you go
>made everything else last a little too long for your liking
>Spanner closed the door behind you, looking up with some concern
>>"Was it real bad...?"
>you shake your head, pulling some of the groceries
>among them was some good thicc milk (it was really eggnog) and what you'd be making into dinner
>normally, you'd buy round steak for this, but you didn't want to scare Spanner
>you'd have to mallet the shit out of it to make it anywhere near tender enough to eat
>so you bought a new york strip
>tender without too much marbling
>"Just is a long journey. Package come yet?"
>your question was answered quicker than the door
>>"U-Uh, yeah, it did. I-It's just the new info booklet P-Princess Cadence curated for the H-Husbando Immigration!"
>well, ain't that just neat
>you wonder how this would compare to the old one
>maybe some nice, new things
>maybe you'd get to share some laughs with your waifu about how different things are
>"See anything you like in it?"
>mare has executed nervous_sweating.wad
>>"...Y-Yeah..."
>she sounds a little nervous
>must've been something she really wanted to talk about
>"Want to discuss it over dinner?"
>she nods, believing that was a good idea
>your mind wanders off into the realms of curiosity, focused on your mare
>something had to have really stuck with her after reading through that booklet
>you could only conspire with your trusty tinfoil hat as to what it was
>perhaps it was something good, just needing a talking-over?
>your heart drops slightly as the possibility of something bad
>you became silent as you got out a cutting board, slicing the meat into strips
>tonight was making something you could remember grandmama making you
>and then teaching you how to make yourself
>it was some mutha fuckin steak fingers, and some bomb-ass gravy to go with
>you waifu watched as you showed off your mad skills at preparing food
>she was...not as much a cook, choosing to make herself some daffodil-oat sandwiches
>after bathing the strips of meat in flower, you let it fry
>the sound of sizzling, popping meat was almost orgasmic
>a wistful reminder of home
>and though you've become quite acclimated to Equestria
>the things that bring back the memories and feels is nice, too
>you just hope Spanner doesn't mind that much... 
>be Sterling Spanner
>setting the table with mejick
>Anon's busy making one of those human delicacies of his
>the sizzling sent a couple of shivers down your spine
>you wer a big mare
>you could handle the sounds
>besides, hayfries were fried like this, right?
>you couldn't deny it for much longer
>you were close to fainting from how nervous you were to discuss this with Anon
>a part of you was chastising fear, condemning the thought of him being upset over it
>the other devil on your shoulder continued to whisper your fears into your ear
>it forced you to take a breather
>you shouldn't be this worried with your husbando
>he was the one for your heart
>a lover that had proved himself to be your most faithful companion
>a sweetheart that was there for you come rain, sleet, or snow
>the one you shared your first real kiss with
>you just wanted to be happy with him...
>give him all the love your heart had for him
>and make him the happiest human in Equestria
>by the time he was done with his dinner, you were still there
>trapped in a landslide of nervousness
>debating on what you should share with him
>>"You looked a little troubled, Spanner...are you alright, sweet thing?"
>Anon seems a little worried for you
>you feign a nod well enough
>"I'm...f-fine, don't worry."
>that may be stretching the truth thinner than tailhairs
>but you did want to at least ease your way into the conversation about this
>Anon probably didn't buy it as much as you'd hoped he would, setting his dinner down as he got seated
>joining him at the table prompted him to ask what's on your mind
>>"Spanner, sweetheart...can you tell me what's got you so nervous? Was it something from that package?"
>you could not lie
>a nod and a sigh came from your end of the table
>"Yes...it's something I really wanted to go over with you..."
>Anon's attention was all yours
>now all you had to do was seize the day and tell him the truth
>tell him what was on your mind
>if you could just say those words 
>it felt like it took every ounce of courage to talk to him about it
>but you couldn't hold back your thoughts on what that booklet said
>it just...held you in a gravitational pull
>and so with timid steps, you began
>"The package was, y'know, the new edition of that Husbando Program's hand-out...it goes into a lot more detail about humans...from the tropical beach humans to the ones in the far north..."
>he followed your words, starting on his meal of fried food
>>"That so? They go over cornfield humans and the more isolated steppe humans?"
>his jest helped bring a little comfort as you continued
>"Uh...yeah...they kinda did...it also got a bit more...lewd later down the line..."
>that certainly catches the Anon's attention
>>"Well, that is...that's something. Guess they just needed that for reasons?"
>you could catch yourself blushing a little at the memories from reading those passage
>how in Equestria could informative words be so lewd?
>"M-Mhmm...the part next is...what I really wanted to talk about."
>you began to gently run one hoof down your foreleg, doing your best to keep your words going
>he was waiting on you
>waiting to hear what you had to say, Sterling Spanner
>"I-It was about...what men and mares can do to...to...take their relationship..."
>as you tried your best, the words caught in your throat
>come on, you marefilly
>speak up and tell him what it was
>he would never know if you didn't tell him
>"...to have a little g-gift from heaven..."
>you think that was sufficient
>Anon looks to have stopped what he was doing
>did you present it the wrong way?
>should you have waited longer before talking to him about how you felt about this?
>it was something many a mare dreamed about
>having their own little foals to care for
>to see them grow up and become wonderful ponies themselves
>you just prayed to whomever would listen that Anon was understanding about all this...
>that he would understand the wants of his waifu... 
>be Anon
>Sterling Spanner just dropped quite a bombshell on you right there
>was she giving you the talk?
>the one about starting a family?
>you did not expect this at all
>it was just a wee bitty bit shocking
>nothing too major
>now you understand why the poor mare was so nervous about 'fessing up on this
>it was something she didn't want to come off the wrong way about
>now she was as timid and nervous as the first time she kissed you
>you needed to say something for your mare
>let her know on your thoughts
>"...Uh, well...can ponies and humans...do that?"
>she responded with a bit of a shaky nod
>>"They can, t-through the aid of magic...a-all in a little potion..."
>that made sense to you
>seemed like the only real way for that to work out
>"You...you been thinking about this for a while?"
>she ponders her words, choosing what she wanted to say carefully
>>"From t-time to time...that l-little booklet made me think about it more..."
>she takes a pause; a shaky breath and looking straight at you
>her gorgeous amber eyes convey the sensation of anxiety she felt with her confession
>>"It made me realize...t-that mares do have a...sort of need for that...a mare kinda looks forward to that..."
>you nod slow as you listen carefully, not wanting to come off as uncaring during such a talk
>>"A-And it would be...very nice to have...I don't want to force you into it, though...I can't stand the thought of making you miserable..."
>emotional critical hit
>now what would you respond with, Anon?
>Spanner just confessed one of the most important things a mare could confess to her beloved
>the question is now how to handle this
>you guesstimate that freaking out was wrong here
>she didn't deserve such cruelty
>you needed to take this with a cool head
>you needed to talk this through and see if the two of you were ready for this
>ready to take this step on the journey of your love for one another
>you began your part in this conversation, needing to comfort the mare 
>"W-Well...it's been...a month, give or take, since we first met...right?"
>she nods, anxious and waiting for your thoughts
>about her wishes for the future
>"And you...want a foal of your own...I'm reading this right, Spanner?"
>she cusps her hooves together, tapping them while looking down
>>"...yes...I...I think it would be...a joy. A joy we'd share."
>you mulled over her words for a short while
>you had only known her for a month
>and in that month?
>you felt love that you hadn't felt before
>attachment and belonging was the only thing you know without a doubt you felt about being at your mare's side
>the purest of love was shared between the two of you
>bonds of matrimony unshaken since the moment you heard her angelic voice
>and coming to your conclusion, you think this would not be terrible
>a step on the long road of sharing a wonderful life with one another
>you get up, walking to your mare
>you had to express yourself to her just how you felt
 
>be Sterling Spanner
>the your throat feels like it's constricting itself
>Anon came over to your end of the table
>the wait for how he would react is incredibly suspenseful
>he reaches down to your level...
>...and sweeps you up in a big, gentle hug
>Anon would unseal the gates, and let loose the cheese of war
>>"In the time I've known you, Sterling Spanner...this whole month...it's been nothing short of magical. You've filled this hole in my heart. A hole...that...really only love could fill."
>here comes the tears, ever so slowly
>>"I know this is going to sound as corny as a plot of Nebraskan farmland...but...you're my everything. A real purpose came into my life the moment that portal opened and I met you...something I wouldn't have had if I didn't come to Equestira. If...you want to start a family...have a little foal..."
>he holds you closely to his chest, running his hand along your mane sllowly
>>"..I'd be willing to make you happy. Give back for all the love you've brought into my life."
>upon hearing Anon, you take a moment to fully react
>the rush of emotion after having been so worried over what he would think of your desires was a bit unprecedented
>why can't you hold all these >feels?
>you begin to cry as you hold onto him
>a big mare you were no longer
>he gently runs his hand along your mane, comforting you as you get past your emotional overload
>it lasted for a good long while before you were back to reality
>Anon comforting you all the while
>he eventually asked you about the question of your desire for foals
>>"Spanner, sweet thing...if you're feeling better, do you want to make that dream of yours a reality?"
>you rest your head into his chest, nodding
>you would like that very much
>having a few foals of your own would bring you such joy
>the call of motherhood resounded with every mare
>and who were you to defy it?
>you had high hopes that this would be something to make you happy
>"...I'd...v-very much like to..."
>he gave you a kiss, something to raise your spirits and give you a bright smile
>it never failed to make your day shine when he did something like that
>soon, you had to get up
>if you were to culminate your love and hidden savage lust
>you needed a special little gift
>while you were heading to the bedroom, you could feel his gaze
>was he sizing you up?
>did he like your flanks?
>did he think they were too big? maybe you shouldn't have had all those sweets...
>damn delectable donut shop, why were you the best place to have breakfast?
 
>be Anon
>your waifu was heading to the bedroom
>underneath your support for her, you were a sweating-towel guy
>she had identified the thing that titillated you the most
>[spoiler]consensual sexual for procreation[/spoiler]
>you know, so damn deviant of you to enjoy that degeneracy
>as you admired the pone, you could see that she slightly raised her tail
>holy moly do you want the pone
>you wonder how this was going to go
>probably very awkwardly
>after the wait passed, your pone came back from her trip to the bedroom
>she was wearing a set of socks
>it's a tricolor of black, white, and red
>and good lord, she was definitely cute
>Spanner tried being sultry, inviting you into a more private realm for the act
>but she was so unsure about it
>as though she really didn't know how to work this out
>it was endearing to watch, but you were delaying this for too long
>the time for sexings was coming upon you
>you abide the requests of your mare, beginning to come over
>she also pulls you with her magic, very interested in accelerating this encounter
>the door behind you was shut, for a bit of extra privacy
>the mare nervously smiled up at you, trying to come off as sexy
>it was a little clumsy, her first time with a human
>hell, probably with a stallion in general
>>"S-So...uhm...t-the bed will work, right?"
>looking at it, it was pretty big for just a single pony
>you give a nod as you start to undress for your mare
>she watched with anticipation, anxious to begin
>her own lust simmered close to boiling over
>when you had undressed enough for her, Spanner lept onto the bed, the aber glow of her magic pulling you with her
>a soft, comfy landing welcomed you
>and a mare at your side whom you most certainly loved
>there was a little anxiety on your end, as this would usually begin with new couples
>the unicorn mare affirmed her position atop you, coming to rest on your chest
>her socks were luxuriously-soft against your skin, matching her fur to a tee
>before beginning anything more lascivious, she broke the ice with a kiss
>this one an order more carnal and passionate
>every second that it lasted with you brought both of you to a greater state of arousal
>a deep-deated longing for one another
>your hands drifted to her haunches
>drifting closer to her inner thighs
>the shudder of excitement racing down her spine followed close on the heels of your touch
>>"A-Anon...d-don't keep teasing me this whole time..."
>you wouldn't deny her this kind of pleasure
>at her behest, you guide your shaft against her marehood
>you didn't stick your peepee into human women because you were afraid it might be a bad idea
>and so this sensation was a powerful, strange, but not unwelcome one
>whoa mama, feeling yourself venture deeper into her equine sex was like a magical journey
>the way it massaged the entirety of your manhood
>how it felt like it was begging for you to release your seed unto her fertile ground
>you could not suppress that moan of yours
>it was made even louder by Spanner's clumsy start at shifting herself up and down your cock
>you were afraid the assault of pleasure would only last for but a few minutes
>but the pleasant surprise of being able to hold back from the bliss you were experiencing did come
>you give each of those beautiful, plush flanks a good squeeze
>feeling them almost mold with your hands
>and hearing a surprised gasp from the unicorn who was claiming her prize
>even that was adorable
 
>be Sterling Spanner
>and here you were, culminating your relationship with Anon
>as you found your pace, you became more sure of yourself
>as Anon savagely kept hold of your flanks, your hips came down on Anon's shaft with ever-increasing speed
>each lewd smack echoing throughout the room
>not noticing where one of his hands ventured until it was too late, you felt one of your teats being played with
>a yelp a little louder than you had hoped resounded as he began
>he shifted his gaze up to you with some concern, like he had done something wrong
>a cadinal sin against his mare
>you had to assuage his concerns
>"P-Please...just...k-keep going..."
>feeling like he wasn't hurting you, he kept at his devious little human tricks
>those sexy, manipulative fingers
>as he continued to pinch and play with your teats in one hand, the other was occupied with firmly grasping your somewhat voluminous flanks
>was there any place in Equestria you'd rather be?
>that was a trick question
>you would not want to be anywhere without your human
>and especially when said human was railing your brains out
>every thrust, every moment of your hips was rewarded with indescribable pleasure
>nothing your hoof alone could do
>none of your more deviant toys could hope to match this as good as  what you had right now
>your human lasted longer than what most of the shitposting mares on /mlh/ would describe that you would "never experience"
>and it was magical
>though your thoughts were soon ejected from your mind with a powerful thrust from Anon beneath you
>a low groan was all you could mouth, desperate for more from your Anon
>you could not hope to last against this never-ending assault of pleasure
 
>be Anon
>sweet heaven is where you were
>trapped between the comfy sheets and the mare who made your life complete
>and the ministrations of her marehood made each thrust into her feel exponentially more orgasmic than the last
>you could not resist her
>tactical nut incoming
>it's all over
>slamming her hips against yours was but the final impact
>and then your mind proceeded to be blown into the stratosphere
>the power of this nut was beyond your comprehension
>and you could barely even begin to come back down from that
>you weren't able to register what your sweet little pone was feeling at the moment
>but you were hoping it was good
>by the time you were coming back to reality, Spanner was nearly out
>she looked so pleased, so happy for having this
>in the afterglow of such an orgasm, you decided some cheesy, cuddly pillow talk might be in order
>wrapping your arms tenderly around your mare, you take her to your side, wanting her to be in best spooning position
>for the longest time, your affection for her manifested itself in the simple little things
>a kiss on the neck
>twirling a lock of her mane with your finger
>just the little things that set your heart aflutter
>when she giggled, it felt as though the world smiled upon you, that it had rewarded you with a special bond
>the bond of man and mare
>she was the first between the two of you to speak up
>>"That...w-was very nice...I-I'd love to do this more..."
>you could only agree with her
>it was nothing short of bliss for you
>and you had prayed that she enjoyed it as much as you did
>"Whenever you want...Sterling..."
>before you knew it, the sacandalous mare had booped you
>her cheeks flush red from the act
>you could not hide your own surprise at this, nor could you dare hold back a gentle blush
>in retaliation for this act of a most lurid nature, you launch the Anon Counter-boopfensive
>she had not anticipated this
>the situation might escalate dangerously
>and it would most certainly
>she goes all out with a combined hug-and-boop tactic
>you were helpless to her cuteness
>and she had won this time
>you would let her enjoy her victory over you for now
>>"S-So...you  wonder what they'll be like...?"
>you wrap your arm around her, resting your hand against her back
>"A bit, yeah...it's...something to think about. That stuff works, right...?"
>she nodded, hoof making circles against your chest
>>"Guaranteed to...I d-don't think Princess Cadence w-would lie about that..."
>you kind of had to agree there
>you kind of had some strong doubts that she'd want to do a 『S O C I A L  E X P E R I M E N T』 that mean to any couple out there
>a hand idly drifts to playing with her chest fluff, occasionally reaching down to the much softer belly of the pone
>>"I-I'm a little nervous...just...at the whole thing...but it feels so right...like it's meant to be. I hope the foals we have together grow up to be good ponies..."
>you kissed your mare right on the little snootle
>"Everything's gonna be alright, Spanner...thing's will only get better..."
>thinking back to your gushing to Sterling about how much you loved her, she took a deep and relaxed sigh
>>"O-Okay...I...thank you, Anon...for everything. My sweetheart."
>you held her close for the rest of the night, content in your lover's embrace
>be Sterling Spanner
>watching some more MLH:HiM with Anon
>it had been several months since you two decided on having foals of your own
>and it shows for you, now
>the added wieght of another life carried with you made any trek a bit more laborious on your part
>and it was readily apparent that your belly had distended from the foal-bearing
>the weather outside was slowly starting to warm up
>but you didn't want to leave for now
>it felt more natural to be cuddled up here, with your husbando
>under a blanket for warmth
>and with him occasionally going for the pregger-poner-tum
>you were gonna be honest, it was very sweet when he did that
>it never failed to brighten your spirits
>with a content smile as he did just that, you focused on the episode you and Anon had made it to
>finally, it was the Great War arc
>and to be honest, you were a little scared for your favorite human leader in the arc, Tsar Nickolas II
>both he was a handsome man, and you certainly didn't want your favorite nation as a Tsarfag to go the way of Rome
>that would really activate your almonds
>because they added those Bolsheviks in sometime after the worldbuilding episode with Communism
>for now, though, it was mostly relegated to the early battles of the Great War
>some of the more impressive early victories on either side surprised you
>each side seemed to have their own plan to end the war
>and seeing how it would unfolded was the most edge-of-the-seat the show had been in a long time
>the best part was now you could enjoy it with somepony
>a sweet, gentle human
>the father of your foals
>with Anon, you would never feel lonely
>with him, anything was possible
>it always is when man and mare forge the bond of love between one another
So ends the story.