> be you, anon E. mouse
> anon for short, usually
> you are many things
> idiot
> pessimist 
> snout flicker
> obscenity-that-nothing-on-this-alien-planet-understands spewer
> but most importantly, you are anonymous the problem solver
> it started way back when you first got here through some magical nonsense and happened upon some couple of horse fools hopelessly lost in the woods despite there being a clear exit only a few yards away
> their bickering was so intense they had no idea they were going deeper into the thick of it and likely going to wind up dead in a few hours judging from their meager rations and lack of expertise in exploring dense brush
> in a sort of demeaning, matter-of-fact sort of way, you pointed out a few things to the arguing fellows 
> namely, the fact that the map was not upside down, there was still plenty of daylight to go around, and the trail they were looking for was only 'invisible' because they didn't have a head six feet off the ground to see it with
> that's right folks, six feet tall
> it's fun to pretend sometimes
> despite their understandable surprise and fear at being corrected by a species they'd like never seen before in a remote stretch of woods no doubt far from home, they seemed to understand you were helping (in a kind of rude asshole way) and corrected themselves appropriately, decidedly less talkative than before
> ever since, it's been problem after problem you've been sorting out since you got to 'ponyville', which is where you were closest to when you arrived apparently
> you'd met a few ponies that stood out among the rest, such as bookhorse, faghorse and applehorse, and been put to work by the town's mayor as a sort of 'peace keeping' entity similar to how police would function back home if their guns were practical, obvious solutions and black people were shallow disagreements between colorful horses
> bookhorse gave you a place to stay at the treebrary (no one called it that but you sure did) in exchange for a few chores and life was generally pretty good
> sure, you missed home and modern technology, but equestrian magic was unique in its own way and was useful in ways similar to electricity on earth or something
> it was going to be more of the same today, but not before you kicked your feet up on the table and relaxed into the comfiest sofa you've ever owned 
> there was a particular store in town that sold only two objects: sofas and quills 
> and you had to admit, they were some of the best damn sofas and quills you'd ever laid eyes on
> you didn't have much of a use for quills because you didn't write shit and didn't intend to start but those sofas were out of this world
> it was a mystery what kind of material they were made out of (it clearly wasn't leather because cows were apparently sentient here)
> didn't matter much to you, though, because after saving up for one of your very own it turned average days like these into the makings of equisite afternoon delight the likes of which equestria had probably never seen
> nobody could relax like you
> nob-
> "Anon! Anon, are you in there? I know it's your day off and all, but you need to get your lazy butt up and come read this!" 
> well, it WAS going to be more of the same until bookhorse burst into your room with the wildest, most strung out look on her face you'd ever seen
> you knew the unicorn could get riled up over the weirdest shit, so you weren't immediately alarmed or anything, but when your eyes fell on the object aglow in her magical grip it was clear something unusual was going on here
> "Anon, this is an official summons from Princess Celestia herself in Canterlot! Do you know what this means?" 
"Uh, not really? I take it that's not something that happens every day, right?" 
> twilight violently shook her head and rushed down the stairs to your basement pad, taking a seat next to you on the couch 
> she fought the urge to completely relax into the baby-soft fabric of the sofa and kept her eyes locked on you as she spoke with barely-contained enthusiasm 
> "You're going up to Canterlot by train tomorrow to work for Celestia herself for a while, maybe forever! It doesn't say here what kind of work you'll be doing but no doubt it's something important that only YOU could do! Oh Anon, I'm so proud of you!" 
> bookhorse practically fell into your lap to wrap her forelegs around you in a tight hug, a hug which you loathed to return 
> ponies here were almost diabetes-levels of affectionate here and it was all you could do to escape from the odd nuzzle or hug every other second 
> hell, when you first got here, the pink spaz clung to you for most of the day, commenting on how differently you smelled and trying to steer you via hair pulling like that one motherfucker from the rat movie 
> you push twilight away and snatch the scroll from her magic before going over the contents yourself
>
> 
"Huh... Well, guess I can't say no to a princess, right?" 
> twilight shook her head and took the scroll from your hands before you could finish reading the tiny bit on the bottom, which annoyed you but didn't ruin your day or anything
> "That's right, Anon. You should be honored, though - it's not just ANYPONY that Princess Celestia invites to Canterlot to work directly under her! You're not even a pony!" 
"Yeah, which makes this whole thing seem kind of strange. I mean, what would I be any good at that some other horse up there wasn't already doing well?" 
> she makes a face at the 'horse' comment, which she always does since you always say it, but it does little to dampen her good mood
> "Well Anon, if I were you I'd start packing my stuff right away - the train to Canterlot leaves tomorrow at ten in the morning so you'd better get started." 
> you were going to ask her how she knew that but, knowing her, she probably checked ahead after reading through the scroll herself a few times and well before giving it to its intended recipient 
> not that it bothered you that much
> as quickly as she came, twilight hopped off the sofa and trot her happy ass back up the stairs, closing the door ALMOST all the way but not quite, irritating you greatly
> fucking ponies

> 10 am
> ten in the morning
> the big one-zero
> bright and early, ready and willing, right as rain
> no train
> it had been a solid thirty minutes you were waiting at the station, earning curious looks from travelers coming different ways that hadn't seen or heard about the SIX FOOT TALL hairless ape living among them and thinking all sorts of crazy shit about you
> 'what is that?'
> 'does it eat meat?'
> 'how big is its-' 
> "Anon! Fancy seein' you here, sugarcube. Where ya headed?" 
> here comes applehorse, apple saddlebags no doubt filled with apples or something and all 
"Nowhere special, AJ. Just got some royal business to take care of and then I'll be back here before you know it. You can have me all to yourself after I'm done, just how you like it." 
> this, like always, got a ruse out of her and her cherry-tinted cheeks gave away what her immediately guarded expression tried not to tell you
> it was so easy, you just couldn't help yourself
> "A-ah don't know what yer talkin' about, anon. Now, in the middle of all that nonsense did you say somethin' about 'royal business'?" 
"Sure did. Why, you wanna come? I'm sure there's room for two in the cabin, and if not I can always just have you sit in my lap like you used to."
> sure enough, her cherry blush returned and she gave you a swift kick in the leg, which although not backed by the full brunt of her incredibly muscular body still stung like a bitch and was enough to end the rest of the 'embarrass the shit out of applejack' game 
"Shit! All right, no more bullying. You know, I wouldn't ever say shit like that if you weren't so easy to mess with." 
> applejack stuck her tongue out at you and readjusted her stedson, crossing a foreleg over her other rather smugly
> "And you should know better than to mess with a mare's heart, Anon." 
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, Twilight gave me the news this morning that I was 'royally summoned' by sunhorse up in Camelot and now I've been waiting for the train to take me there for about forty minutes, give or take some Applejack teasing." 
> applejack's eyes grew about three times in size and she reared up to do that horse thing with her forelegs, a wild grin emblazoned across her tangerine face
> "Land sakes, Anon, yer really movin' up in the world, huh? Why, feels like just yesterday we were all sat down with Twi tryin' to find you somewhere to live and somethin' to do to make a livin' for yerself. Ah still can't believe you didn't take up our offer to stay at Sweet Apple Acres!" 
> applejack's expression soured a little and she put a hoof up to her chin
> "Though, ah guess ah can't blame you fer thinkin' you're just not cut out for proper earth pony work, bein' all thin like you are. Ah bet you ain't never lifted anything heavier'n a book or two living in that library with Twi." 
> 'did she just...?'
> did she just...?
"Did you just...?"
> "Did ah?" 
> just then, the sound of a steam engine blowing its loud obnoxious steam engine horn cleared the train station's inner building of occupants and a rush of ponies started flowing into and out of the passenger cars that'd just arrived
> applejack made her way off the platform and back into town, making you confused as to why she was in the station to begin with, but her smug little smile and wave made the questions evaporate under the heat of your frustration
"I'M NOT A FUCKING DYEL YOU ORANGE MENACE! WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING WHEN I DEADLIFT YOUR WHOLE ORCHARD!"
> if she could hear you, you couldn't tell, and her face disappeared with the others leaving the station 
> the ponies nearby, however, very much could, and visibly shrunk back from your booming monkey voice 
> "Sir, could you please keep it down in the station?" 
> some other pony stallion had approached and prodded your chest with a hoof, and you nodded your head a little sheepishly before ducking into the train car and making your way to the back to be as invisible as possible
> onward to canterlot
>
> you'd seen a few big cities in your time
> dallas, nyc, etc.
> okay, you'd only seen TWO big cities
> but nothing could really compare to the pure spectacle that was canterlot in all her alabaster glory 
> gold, royal purple and pearly accents assaulted your vision and you found yourself staring in awe at the marvel of architecture that was canterlot castle proper, hanging off the side of a cliff face in a fierce display of defiance to gravity that threatened to rip it right out of the mountain at its foundation 
> there were hundreds of ponies around, all clearly too important to show you the time of day, which served you just fine
> there was also a noticeable presence of the royal guards here as well, which made sense being their capital and all
> all of them eyed with obvious apprehension, but it wasn't anything you weren't already used to 
> after stepping out of the train station with your luggage in tow (all of a suitcase and duffel bag), you approached one stony silver unicorn guard whose suspicion of you had condensed into a physical form of matter and you had to step over it to get to him
"Right, I get that you guys are all on edge about me showing up here but it's kinda surprising the Princess hasn't told you I'm supposed to be headed here on official business... or something." 
> the guard fixes you with a blank stare, unmoving, unblinking, and even unbreathing for a solid five seconds before erupting in cold, raspy laughter 
> "R-right! Ah, that's rich! You expect m-me to believe that the Princess- THE PRINCESS requested YOU to come to Canterlot on royal business? Man, they need to send some more of you guys over here so I can get my kicks in for the day - you have NO idea how boring it is being a guard in the travel district." 
> "Well, I could have you moved if you'd like, Stormy Seas. I was told by your squad leader that you wished to be placed in the travel district to 'eye some foreign flank', as he put it. Was I mistaken?" 
> at once, all the ponies in a five mile radius hit the deck like a mushroom cloud popped off in the distance and only when you saw the wide-eyed guard drop to the ground in reverant prostrate did you realize that it was probably Princess Celestia herself that had just chimed in from behind you
> sure enough, when you slowly turned to face the rear you looked up to see- 
> well, actually, you weren't really looking up
"...Huh. Figured you'd be taller." 
> behind you the guard hissed at you something along the lines of 'you idiot, do you know who you're talking to???' but you mostly ignored it
> the beautiful chime of womanly laughter hit your ears and much like those ponies kissing the floor earlier you were immediately taken aback by the difference in presence and posture Celestia had about herself
> it was true that she was only just shy of your own height, but she still was taller than most, if not all other ponies and worthy of admiration for her impressive stature nonetheless
> you'd never stood beside a real horse, but you imagine it'd probably be about the same height-wise
> another shot of womanly laughter was injected into your bloodstream and a few bowed heads peaked up when they thought no one was watching to see what business their divine ruler had with some lanky nobody from off-world
> "And you're just as tall as I'd heard, perhaps taller. I trust you've found Equestria to be very hospitable and my ponies quite welcome so far, Anonymous?" 
> you mull it over for a serious few seconds before shrugging
> "I've had worse."
> celestia cast her gaze long around the perimeter and cleared her throat, leaning down to whisper something into the ear of the guard who'd been licking the floor earlier 
> he immediately snapped to attention and, rendering a weird hoof salute gestured for you two to follow before starting off down the road at a steady trot, which you and celestia both fell behind
> "Well, I suppose a more formal introduction will be in order at some other time, but for now I'll offer you my name and title as Princess Celestia of Equestria and my hospitality while you're here in Canterlot. I'm not sure if my student, Twilight Sparkle, made you aware, but you may be here for quite some time, Anonymous." 
> you hold a hand up, offering an exaggerated pose in response 
"Listen, Celestia - Celly? Can I call you that? You're going to be my employer for the forseeable future and all, but that doesn't mean we can't just be friends. I'm not a pony, and I'm not your subject, and as one sentient being to another I think we can agree that a more casual approach to this whole thing would benefit us more than shallow pleasantries and played-out formalities would, right? I mean, you've gotta be sick of all that by now."
> rocky road or whatever his name was spun around on the spot and looked like he was going to impale you with his horn but celestia interrupted him before he could gut you proper 
> "I think that's a wonderful idea, Anonymous. May I call you Anon, then?"
"For sure. Anyways, are you gonna tell me about this job here or are we going to small talk all the way to the castle gate?" 
> "Well, it's really quite simple..." 
>
>
>
> and now here you are, sitting at the longest dinner table you've ever seen between two of the most important creatures on the planet and things couldn't be more awkward 
> no, not because it was weird being around royalty - it was hard to really take pony princesses seriously considering, i mean, the fact that they were ponies and all
> it was most definitely because these two clearly had the most tenuous, strained relationship you'd ever seen between two blood-related siblings 
> you weren't quite sure what kind of bad blood was there but it was definitely something that would take a lot of patience and time to figure out
> that was exactly what you were supposed to be there to do, unfortunately 
> sunbutt briefed you on the situation during the long walk back to the castle
> essentially, you're to be a sort of mediator between celestia and her younger sister, luna, who's been 'out' for a while
> the exact details of where she went and what went down between her and her sister weren't made clear to you and everyone you've asked so far has been tight-lipped and hush-mouthed 
> if you had known anything about the job beforehand you would have just asked bookhorse before you left, but those rather important details were decidedly left out of the telegram you were given
> ...or maybe it was in the fine print you didn't get a chance to read
> oh well
"Well ladies, it's been as pleasurable an evening as any but I think it's about time I get some shut-eye. You know us humans - early to bed, early to rise, etc." 
> as quickly as you slipped out of your seat and began walking towards your brand new castle room you were wrapped in a honey glow and deposited right back into your gilded dining chair
> "Anon, if you leave now you won't be able to try any of the dessert! Why, I had the chefs whip up something special this evening to commemorate your employment here at the castle - I think you're going to love it." 
> these words were, on the surface level, very polite and well-spoken, but behind them was a very obvious threat 
> 'stay here and do your fucking job' is what they roughly translated to 
"...Right. Uh." 
> you turn to luna, who has been eyeing the whole exchange from her decidedly far seat at the opposite end of the table with an unreadable expression
> the mare in question was, well, kind of a show stopper like her sister
> there was the telling unicorn horn and thick, feathery wings all alicorns were apparently known for, which set them apart from the rest of the common horse fare 
> probably
> her blank stare was a little off-putting and you'd seen precious little signs of life from her aside from the rise and fall of her barrel which told you that she was, in fact, breathing and not just a weird wax replica that everyone decided to pretend was real
> she was a little smaller in frame but her ethereal mane of stars and swirling galaxies caught your attention more than once during your painful introduction to each other earlier, though if she'd seen you staring she didn't let on or just didn't care
> 'anon, this is princess luna... luna, this is anonymous. he'll be working here from now on as an informal aide to the throne, so please don't hesitate to ask him for advice or even just some friendly chatter.' 
> this of course was a cover
> your real job was to try to get her talking again and have the two make up, but she didn't need to know that apparently
> luna had been just as receptive to the conversation as she was now
> (that means she wasn't receptive at all)
> speaking of which, it seemed like celestia asked her a question just now 
>
>
>
> silence
> celestia's awkward smile was matched by luna's perfect poker face and the two held their expressions for a few moments before celestia quietly chuckled to herself and daitily stuck another bite of whatever the fuck in her mouth
> the food before you was some mixture of oats, egg whites and waffles 
> celestia told you beforehand that she liked to eat breakfast at dinner sometimes to 'make luna feel a little better' or something
> didn't really seem to work though, and by the time you finished your food it was clear that she wasn't going to touch her plate
> sun horse was about to say something but was interrupted by the rough clatter of utensils and the scooting of a wooden chair that signified an end to the awkward dinner, luna leaving her full plate behind and almost robotically slinking off to the inner castle 
> "Sister..." 
> celestia's sullen voice plucked at your hearstrings, and you eyed her sister's abandoned dinner while contemplating bringing the plate and following after her
"I can bring her food to her if you want." 
> she shook her head, neatly wiping the corners of her mouth with a magicked napkin and scooting away from her place at the table herself 
> "No, that's all right Anon. I'll have somepony bring her some food later, when she's a little more receptive - she did just wake up, after all." 
> you weren't quite following but didn't ask any more questions and departed from the table yourself, pushed aside by the castle staff as they cleaned up the remains of your ill-fated banquet as quickly as possible before disappearing into the kitchen 
"So, uh..."
> "This may be short notice, like everything else, but at some point you will need to align your schedule with Luna's so that you can be with her more hours of the day and perhaps get her to open up to you. You may take some time to adjust as needed, though. I've seen to your room in the guest wing, so you may stay there during your time here in Canterlot. You're also welcome to any of the castle amenities should you feel the need to explore, and you're welcome to the rest of Canterlot whenever you're not working here with us. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are served at regular times and you may snack as you like from the kitchen as well. Do you have any questions, Anon?" 
> you shake your head, the idea of sleeping this awkward night away seeming better and better the more you think about it
> "Well, I apologize for how things went this evening, but I hope someday we can all have dinner like this again with smiles on our faces." 
> celestia offers you a warm grin despite the sour dinner and elegantly strides off in the direction of what you assume must be her bedchambers, flanked by guards that were posted silently throughout the room during your meal
> you'd forgotten about them really since they were so quiet 
> and now you were all alone
> well, you've certainly got your work cut out for you 
///
> it's the middle of the night
> and you have a midnight hunger the size of patagotitan mayorum
> google it dumbfucks
> you wipe the grog from your eyes and start to yell for twilight but then you realize that she's not there anymore
> or rather, you're not there anymore
> twilight would stay up reading most nights and absolutely ruin her routine because of it, which she predictably shit a brick over every time 
> that being said, it made for many an interesting midnight conversation over some milk and cookies that were definitely not beaten out of spike 
> good times
> slipping out of bed and fastening your custom rarity-stitched flannel human robe over your shivering frame, you walk into your slippers and pace to the door, the rust on the hinges begging you for some wd-40 
> sorry kids, not a carpenter 
> there are a few guards down a ways to the left and a mostly empty hallway to your right, and it's there that you spot what you're looking for
> the kitchen
> to be more specific, it's one of many kitchens scattered around the castle 
> must be that one of the princesses is a major snacker and probably can't be bothered to go to one that's any more than a few pony-lengths away 
"Ah man, am I really starting to measure shit by ponies now? I need to get out of here." 
> your hollow chuckle bounces off the walls and one of the guards to the left makes a face at you, to which you give a frank wave 
> closing the door behind you a little harder than you mean to, you stuff your hands into your pockets and whistle something from a video game you used to play as one does when traipsing down an empty hallway like this on the way to get one's mean munch on
> a minute or two later and you're standing in front of the kitchen, hand on the door when a rattle from inside stays your entry 
> some based individual must have had the same idea as you
> enlivened by the kindred spirit of a fellow midnight snacker, you enter the kitchen with mirth on your face for all about two seconds
> 
> a number of things catch your attention all at once
> for one, the pantry raider inside is none other than princess poker face herself, stuffing her face with what looks like some copyright-free generic oat loop cereal barely contained within the cavity of a black-and-blue magicked spoon
> her mane is tangled and sticking out in places and it's clear she had no intention of being seen 
> wasn't she supposed to like... be doing moon duty or whatever the fuck?
> you'd later chalk it up to imagination but you could've sworn there was a tiny smile on her face while she was slurping up those delicious honey spinners (not trademarked) 
> her moon-plastered flanks are cozied up on the counter and her hind legs are tucked up to her side, sort of like how a cat sits on the kitchen table after you've insisted a billion times that cats are not allowed where humans eat
> she hasn't noticed you yet, but you've got all of about ten seconds before things go from weird to weirder 
> better break the ice
"What's cookin', good lookin'?" 
> luna's spoon pauses mid-air and she snaps towards you with an unreadable stare, star tail aggressively morphing in an unseen wind beneath her 
> you look at her
> she looks at you
> you smile at her
> and she stares back at you
> a bright flash overtakes the room and the smell of ozone scorches your nostrils; by the time you finish clearing the midnight blue smoke from your lungs, the princess is gone
> her bowl clatters to the floor, spoon flying off to the side somewhere, but before the bowl empties itself completely onto the marble below it, too, disappears in a flash 
"Huh." 
> you end up raiding the pantry anyways and taking some boxes of cereal back to your room 
>
> the rest of the night passes uneventfully and despite your late-night munchies you wake the next morning decidedly rested
> sitting up in bed, your fingers find that one awful itch along your spine and you shred it to pieces while fighting back a yawn 
> the yawn won, though
> it dawns on you that you were supposed to be 'adjusting your schedule' to better suit the needs of miss midnight snackerino but you've got time, so it's not the biggest worry on your mind
> what IS, however, is what in the fuck you're going to do in the time you're not harassing the lunar princess or stealing food from the royal pantry 
> you decide to think on it while you enjoy a hot shower, and while showering you indeed do think about it
> as you're brushing your teeth with horse toothpaste (surprisingly minty), you think about it
> and when you're changing into a fresh shirt and some jeans, you still think about it 
> despite the astronomically large number of thoughts bouncing off of your smooth, fleshy brain, you come up with absolutely nothing 
> this same nothing weighs on you for all of two steps before you're approached by a guard 
> pegasus this time, with a teal mane and bright blue eyes 
> "Anonymous, your presence is requested in the throne room; I will escort you to the Princess." 
> to this you shrug and do as you're told, following the mare with empty brain 
>
>
> "Anon? How nice of you to join me during Day Court!" 
> celestia chimes in happily and you stare at the line of commonerponies stretched out the castle doors and into the courtyard 
"...Didn't you ask me to come here?" 
> she chuckles and gestures to a vacant seat beside her absolutely massive throne, which dwarfs you in size despite your stature 
> you plop your statured rear in the seat beside celestia and have a gander at the fare before you, which is mostly just distraught looking ponies with more shallow problems, no doubt 
> "You're probably wondering why I called you here," celestia leads, shaking hooves with a bearded stallion that departs from the throne room with a smile on his face - guess he got what he wanted
"Something like that. Not like I was really doing anything, though." 
> celestia ignores you and continues 
> "Well, I'd like you to observe the normal court proceedings here so you have an idea of how they're supposed to be run. Luna has her own court too - court that she hasn't attended since she's returned. Ponies don't stop having problems when the sun goes down, unfortunately, and somepony needs to be here to address them: that's where you come in." 
> you weren't following until she leaned in to whisper that last bit to you; her honeyed breath tickled your nose and you felt awfully aware of her, unlike moments before
"...Sorry, run that by me again?" 
> celestia resumes her regal posture and dismisses another pony, who she somehow managed to sort out in the time it took for you to recover from the sudden invasion of privacy 
> "I'd like you to help Luna run Night Court - once she's able, of course. I think getting her back into her old routine might help to bring out some of the life in her." 
> you really don't think that's going to work, but you're not going to disagree with this diarch in front of her subjects so you sort of non-committally nod and wave at some foal in the back that was peeking its head out from between its mothers legs to gawk at you 
> the little pony ducks back under cover and its mother glares at you, which you rebuff with a grin
>
> celestia calls for a brief intermission around noon so you and everyone else involved can get some lunch - there was about half a dozen courtstaff that periodically chimed in for celestia when certain questions were asked, or when she just didn't feel like answering (sometimes even when she did feel like answering), so the room cleared out nicely and what remained was you and the princess, who was just picking herself up from her throne with a big, feathery stretch
> kind of weird to see such large wings up close, and you entertained the thought of celestia preening like a common city pigeon, but she must've caught you staring and gave you a faceful of feathers for it
"Shit! Don't do that, you birdmare!" 
> you swat the wing away and she chuckles to herself
> "You know, if any of my guards were to hear you talking to me like that, they would no doubt have you tried for crimes against the crown." 
> firmly resisting a sneeze, you cross your arms and fall into step beside her as she leaves the room, headed for the kitchen most likely
"And I'll tell them I 'caught you splashing around in the courtyard birdbath the other day, preening like a goose' before they lop my head off."
> for once, celestia's impenetrable, benevolent smile falters and is replaced by a meager blush, and it gives you pause 
> "...You saw that?" 
> your legs lock up and celestia is shot a confused stare 
> "I. Er. What?" 
> celestia's ears flatten against her head and she lowers it considerably, looking up at you with (you hate to admit it) the most adorable expression you'd ever seen
> "Anon, please don't tell anypony you saw me doing that - I'll do anything!" 
> at this point you're completely floored, and with your jaw locked in place you can do nothing but nod, which isn't really a proper answer to her plea 
> all of a sudden, celestia's guilty frown turns into a mischievous smile and she straightens up in an instant, whipping your chin with her tail as she strides past you 
> "Gotcha!" 
>
>
> sun horse just pulled one over on you
> 
>
> the rest of day court proceeds without a hitch and, much to your disdain, nothing interesting happens at all
> no joke requests or exceptionally idiotic questions asked of the princess 
> seems like ponies take their solar god pretty seriously and the amount of bullshit that filters into the courtroom is next to none, which is a good thing for sure
> after the court proceedings finished up for the day you retired to the kitchen for some dinner and made your way to the dining hall, bustling with the nightly chatter of nobles and clatter of dishware 
> there was an empty seat somewhere near the far side of the table and you squeezed in between two pompous looking nobleponies before chowing down 
> "I say! Dear boy, can't you see this chair was occupied?"
> you squint
"By whom?" 
> one of the nose-turned stallions, a purple unicorn with a greasy black mane, runs a hoof through it and clears his throat 
> "By our very conversation, of course!" 
> you ignore them and start shoveling food into your mouth, the sight of which causes the stallion to your left to faint and the other to harrumph and extricate himself from his seat, which was just fine with you
> aside from those two though most everyone else seemed to be absorbed in their own vain conversations
> greedy moves from the upper class, trying to play the political game and win the favor of important nobles to gain leverage and perhaps elevate their own standing in time
> it was a patient, methodical game some just didn't have the balls to play seriously
> a fake laugh here
> an insincere compliment there
> the kind of shit that made you sick, really
> tuning out the most of it was all you could do, but something odd caught your attention in the midst of the background gossip
> "...that's why the Princess doesn't show her face around the castle anymore..."
> "...the kind of thing that would make ME loathe to appear in front of my sister, too - if I had one..."
> "...a thousand years? Why, isolation like that would drive me mad!" 
> your brain now firmly attuned to this juicy tidbit about your new employers, you attempted to listen in a little more but as the night took over so did the dinner chatter die down as well
> whoever was divulging that incredibly interesting piece of information was quiet now, and all that could be heard was the dull hum of a dying ballroom meal
> shit, you may have to get the information from celestia herself
> if she feels like giving it up, that is
> it wasn't like she was keeping secrets from you or anything, since you hadn't asked, but the next time you were face-to-face it may warrant further discussion about exactly why luna was the way she was
> as you're leaving the dining hall and making your way back to your room, it comes to your attention that you'll probably be staying up tonight, lest you forget about your obligation to become the silent princess's consort 
> it's a funny thought - so funny, in fact, that it keeps you occupied enough that you don't even notice the exchange happening further down the hall, which just so happened to lead to both of the princesses' bedchambers 
> shit you're probably not supposed to be here
> taking stock of the scenery you flatten yourself against a wall around the corner and try your best to pretend you aren't eavesdropping on the two sisters
> "Luna, you haven't eaten anything in a week; I'm beginning to worry about you!"
> ""
> "Could you at least look at me? Sister, I want nothing more than for us to go back to the way things were. You know that!" 
> ""
> further silence followed, and the pressure of despair was almost enough to pop your eardrums 
> "...Well, I will see to it that your breakfast be brought nonetheless. Please set your plates of uneaten food outside of your door and I'll have one of the maids pick it up for you."
> ""
> celestia's despondency was palpable and you had no sooner begun peering around the corner to get a visual on this depressing spectacle than celestia herself appeared right in your field of view 
> you stand at attention and mock a stride as if you were walking down the hall moments before
> "Anon? Did you need something?" 
"H-haha yeah something like that. I was trying to make my way out of the dining room and got a little lost." 
> celestia's expression is ambiguous at best but she fronts a smile and takes the lead in the opposite direction of where you assumed luna's room was 
> "Are you adjusting well here in the castle?" 
> you shrug your shoulders, the hands in your pockets limiting your range of motion somewhat
"Not too bad. Food is good, at least, but the characters here are one-of-a-kind. The artificial personalities here take some getting used to." 
> a chuckle at that, and as celestia turns the corner you're familiar with the scenery ahead - looks like you're getting close to your room
> "Yes, nobleponies are definitely a breed of their own and playing their game is something that takes ages to master. I wasn't always in charge of Equestria, you know - there was a time when I was just Celestia, and Princess Luna was just Luna." 
> the wistfulness in her voice is telling, but you don't press her any further
"Speaking of Luna, you still haven't told me what's wrong with her. I mean, you two are night and day when it comes to personality - no pun intended." 
> celestia is silent, seeming to choose her words even more carefully than usual 
> "Anonymous, I'm sure you have an idea as to how complicated the situation between my sister and I is; the reason you're here at all is to remedy that, as I said the other day. That being said, I don't think it's exactly pertinent to divulge to you the precise nature of my familiar affairs to you just yet, and though you may hear bits and pieces from other ponies, the reasons behind my sister's behavior is a story only I can tell."
> there wasn't anything you could really say to that
> it was true that there was some bigger picture to this situation you weren't quite seeing, but only time would tell if you were able to get the truth out of either one of them
"It's not a big deal, honestly. I'm not one to pry, so if you don't feel like you need to tell me what's going on I won't ask you about it."
> it's a certain kind of relief that plays on celestia's alabaster muzzle and she warms you with a genuine smile, straight from that big horsey heart
> "Thank you, Anon. You have no idea how much that means to me." 
> you mumble out a 'y-you too' and jiggle the handle to your door, trying to get it open and escape the awkwardness of the warm and fuzzy alicorn outside your door
> rolling a 3 for escaping celestia, she pulls you back into a tight hug and nuzzles the top of your head
> her wings unfurl and wrap you up in additional embrace and you're suddenly feeling quite aghast 
> "Twilight has informed me of how much you loathe physical contact, but I think you just haven't had the right kind of hug yet, Anon - trust me."
"...Please... can't... breathe..."
> you fruitlessly attempt to squirm out of the furry white hug but celestia holds you tighter for a few more seconds until you finally go limp, to which she responds by dropping you to the floor with a heavy thud
> "Goodnight Anonymous!" she sings, trotting off with a smug skip in her step 
> you can't get into your room fast enough 
///
> 3am
> feels like your eyes have been banished to the sun
> your head hurts, your throat is dry and you haven't moved in at least an hour
> did you mention your eyes are on fire?
> you're currently slumped over your shitty short pony bed, tossing a tennis ball you found on a walk earlier against the wall, where it then ricochets off of the floor and back into your open hand
> welcome to the machine
> the room is filled with a groan and you peel yourself off of the sheets and walk over to the mirror 
> you can barely see the top of your head standing at full height, which annoys you, but slouching down so you're in full view annoys you even more because it hurts your knees
"I need to do something before I keel over and die." 
> you slam your fist into an open palm and, slipping on a pair of rarity-brand sneakers you slip out of your room in search of something to do
>
> and your wandering brings you back to the hallway where earlier you were privy to some family matters you probably shouldn't have been
> odd that celestia, with all her wisdom and mystery didn't mention your obvious eavesdropping, but you guess it just wasn't important enough to her
> there are guards, of course, lining the hallway leading up to the two sisters' chambers, and each of them are giving you stinkier and stinkier eyes the further you look down 
> better not do whatever the fuck your feet brought you here to do
> instead you decide to take a stroll through the palace grounds, hopefully stumbling upon the princess of the night in the process
> you were never told where exactly you should meet with her and 'get to know her' like celestia said, so short of kicking in her fucking door this was probably your best bet
> that, or heading to the kitchen for some grub again
> probably a long shot
> you pass through the big castle doors, which are opened for you by a pair of gold-plated nimrods, and the beauty of the night unfurls itself in front of you
> can't say you remember the moonlit sky looking as good back on earth as it did here, though that might be a result of the heavy light pollution (and also regular pollution) shitting up the air 
> it feels like you could connect the dots, quite literally, and form some constellations, but you were never that into astronomy so any hope of that is dead to the world
> a cool, but comforting breeze slips into your clothes and you shiver a bit before quickening your pace to the gardens, hoping to find some covered bench and admire the stars in peace
> and there she is, in all her silent glory 
> luna is sprawled out in the gardens, her tail half-submerged in a tiny pond as she gazes infinitely long into the starry sky
> she's idly etching something into the ground with a stick wrapped up in an icy glow and she hums a one-note song, which is kind of weird
> an ear flicks to the side as you step on a cliche branch trying your best to approach silently, but she doesn't stop what she's doing
> seems like she doesn't really care if you're there or not
> you get closer and dust off a space beside her before plopping down indian-style, resting your chin in your hands
"Hey."
> predictably, she says nothing
"Like what you've done with the place." 
> nada
"The sky, I mean. That's what you do, right? Your sister is the sun and you're the moon and stars or whatever. Kind of cool, I think."
> zilch
"I was never really into astronomy when I was a kid, but I did kind of wonder what was out there from time to time. There's gotta be something bigger than us, right? Something we can't even comprehend just waiting out there for us to discover it." 
> 
>
> 
> you rub the back of your head
"Yeah that was kind of gay, sorry. I dunno what to say when I'm the only one talking - I kind of just babble a bunch of nonsense."
> "Dost thou thinketh we a fool, Anonymous?" 
> the sudden blurb of ye olde rattles your brain and you realize she's staring right at you, those vivid cyan orbs tearing you apart
> "We are aware of thy purpose here in Canterlot, and what Celestia hast put thee up to; we are not a fool, as so many have thought before thee." 
> luna slowly rises to her hooves and, never breaking eye contact with you, kicks off her regalia and drops to the ground, rolling around in the dirt 
> you have absolutely no idea what's going on
"You're not really selling me on the 'we are not a fool' line there, Luna." 
> she pauses her wriggling and locks eyes with you, making for a really weird image 
> yknow, stone-faced longhorse with her legs up in the air and her coat covered in mud 
> "It doesn't matter - thine image of us, thine efforts to 'warm up' to us, or Celestia's attempts to broker peace by showering us with favor after favor; none of it matters. A thousand years hath passed, and yet another thousand more will pass, and nothing will matter."
> she abruptly stands and dusts off her coat with a hoof, kicking her regalia into the pond with neither urgency nor annoyance
> "If thou wondereth why we do not speak, it is simply because we hath nothing to say - this will likely be the last time thou heareth our voice." 
> unfurling her wings to full breadth, luna flaps once and takes to the sky, quickly disappearing into the shadows of the castle and leaving you absolutely fucking floored
"...What?"
>
>
>
> the rest of the night you neither hear nor see any signs of luna returning to the castle, and when you brought luna's slippers, crown and chestpiece (it's kind of like a bib really) to a rather unsurprised guard, it didn't seem like anyone else had any indication of her presence here either
> made you wonder just how in the world you were supposed to mediate if there is only ever one party present 
> after a few more rounds through the castle, you decided to head back to your room and think on it; luna said herself that you weren't going to have another conversation, so you figure you'd better ask celestia how to move forward with this whole thing
> you're once again smacked upside the head with confusion as you open the door to your suite and luna is snuggled into your bed, fast asleep
> all logical functions have ceased
> brain is mush
> uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
>
>
>
>rebooting...
"...Bro what the fuck is going on."
> you eloquently rouse the princess from her apparent cat nap and she slowly raises her head, blinking sleepily at you
> "Didst thou need something?" 
> you kiss your palm at breakneck speed and gesture to the bed, the dresser, the door and pretty much everything else in the room
"Yeah, you see, this is MY room. What are you doing here?" 
> hostility is not what you're going for here but it doesn't look like it matters one way or the other because Luna picks herself up off of your bed and, with a stretch, casually passes you and trots off
"Wait, didn't you say we weren't going to speak again?" 
> the lunar princess quizically tilts her head and, without turning back to you, shakes her head
> "Didst we?" 
> and with that, she's gone 
> what a fucking psycho
>
> you pass out shortly after and awake somewhere between noon and 4 pm with a rat gnawing on the inside of your belly
> really need to stop sleeping on an empty stomach
> a shit, shower and shave are easily tackled and you're out the door with pep in your step unusual of someone who slept half of the fucking day
> after you handle the hunger business you make your way to day court and, without asking, stuff yourself into the empty seat beside celestia, earning a few surprised blinks from the peanut gallery 
> guess it IS only your second time in the throne room
> "Good afternoon, Anon. Did you sleep well?" 
> you cross your legs and lean back a little in your seat 
"After I cleared Luna out from under my covers, sure."
> the ponies in the throne room let out a collective gasp and at least one stallion in the back fainted 
> it might've been the same one from the other night, actually
"...Guess I said that a little louder than I meant to." 
> celestia is genuinely blushing now and covers her muzzle with a hoof, prompting one of the court staff to call for a recess in her stead, which she thanked him for after collecting herself
> the throne room quickly emptied itself and celestia waited until every pony was out of earshot before clearing her throat
> "Well, Anonymous, would you care to explain why my sister was in your bed last night?" 
> you scoff and don a look of indignation 
"You WISH your sister was hot enough for me, mare - trust me, my tastes are more refined than you'll ever know." 
> she extends a wing over your face and you shoot back far enough in your chair to capsize the thing and spill out onto the floor, which celestia enjoys immensely judging by her cruel laughter 
> parting ways with the floor, you dust yourself off and kick the chair for good measure 
"A-anyways, it's not like that - I talked to her for a bit in the gardens, she rolled around in the dirt, and next thing I know she's passed out on my bed like a housecat."
> despite the initial confusion, celestia doesn't look too surprised to hear about her sister's unusual sleeping habits
> "This may come as a surprise to you, but a guest's bed is not the strangest place she's been known to sleep; the roof of the castle, in recent memory, is one of her favorite spots it seems."
"You have any idea why? Doesn't really strike me as normal princess pony behavior."
> a shake of her head is your answer, though she does seem to be ruminating on something 
> "Did you say you spoke to her?" 
> now that you think about it, that's probably the bigger news here
"Yeah, she talks like an old history textbook, though. Y'know, 'ye olde' bullshit." 
> you wave a hand around in a circle to emphasize just how bullshit and ye olde her sister was but celestia is as lively as you've ever seen her, positively brimming with happiness
> "Anonymous, you may not realize but that may be the first time Luna has spoken since she's returned - and to a stranger, no less! You're making great progress with her already, I see - I may just have to give you a raise!"
> you deadpan
"You aren't paying me."
> celestia stifles a chuckle with her hoof and trots towards the kitchen, likely in search of some sweets (she's a major sweet demon, you've come to find out) 
> "Are you coming, Anon? I'll be sure to save some cake for you - if you hurry, that is."
> your disgust for baked goods is immense and visible on your face but you hurry to the kitchen nonetheless, not one to miss a meal 
>
>
>
> day court wraps up for the day without incident, despite the faux pas on your part earlier
> you're mindlessly roaming the halls, like usual, when you happen to catch the sun bleeding through the clouds on the horizon through an open window
> much like the nights, the sunset was clearly a cut above the shit you knew back home 
> colors seemed to POP from the sky and were beamed right into your occipital lobe, and it was so magical you felt yourself being carried outside to oh no you were just jumping out the window right onto the castle grounds below 
"OH SHIIIII-" 
> the castle grounds were, unfortunately, several stories below and with nothing to break your fall it looks like you might be on your way to the next life sooner than you expected 
> well, this is it
> you mutter a precious few prayers and cross your hands over your chest, ready to die at the ripe age of 24 with absolutely nothing to show for your life
> there were some good times, and some bad times (mostly bad), but you can't say you were given the shittiest hand 
> 
>
> 
> the sweet embrace of death fails to claim another human soul, and you carefully squint an eye open to admire the artisan stonework mere centimeters from your face
> you're floating
> of course you're floating
> i mean, it's not like one of these many magical horses would just let a human fall on thei-
> "FUCK!"
> your head makes contact with the pavement and the lights dim just a bit, though they don't go out completely
> to your left, the fading posterior of princess luna disappears behind some perfectly trimmed hedges and you quickly follow after her
"Hey."
> luna turns her head to look at you, not immediately, but says nothing and continues walking
"You just gonna not say nothing after saving my skin like that?" 
> "'Not say anything', Anonymous." 
"Yewhat?" 
> she stops, turning her blue-furred muzzle your way and repeats herself
> "Thou didst say, 'gonna not say nothing', didst thou not?" 
> hearing what was a pretty funny mockery of your broken english spoken in a completely nonplussed manner was pretty jarring, but you play along
"Yeah, what about it? You the grammar police or something?" 
> luna seems to consider this for a moment, and after a succinct "No", she leaves you behind 
> another mysterious and nonsensical interaction with luna? check 
> you're really killing this job, anonymous
> definitely getting that raise
> rather than let her get away from you again, you decide to follow her and see just where this mysterious mare is about to fuck off to 
> after you round the corner, though, you walk right into her big blueberry ass and nearly fall back on yours
"Fucking hell, mare!" 
> upon further analysis, though, it seems she's just as enraptured by the setting sun as you were before your unsuccessful suicide attempt earlier
> more specifically, she's watching her sister
> wrapped up in a ball of golden light, celestia is levitating a few feet off of the ground, hooves outstretched to the blazing ball of fire making its descent in the sky and horn aglow in honeyed aura 
> in the final throes of its fading rays, the sun smiles once more upon the land of magical horses and disappears beyond the horizon
> well, it's not REALLY gone, flat earthers 
> quickly replacing it, however, is its pearly white cousin, which makes its graceful ascent upon a blanket of twinkling stars 
> you were fairly certain that you heard in one of twilight's 'pony history' rants that each sister was responsible for raising their respective celestial body, but it seems like celestia is in charge of both
> luna's unblinking stare brings out the awkward in you and, by the time celestia is finished raising the moon, you're itching to leave
> the younger princess doesn't seem to be in much of a hurry, though, and after her elder sister is back inside the castle she carries right on in the direction of the gardens, where you found her the other night
> nothing makes SENSE with this mare, and you HAVE to figure out why
> not like you're going to get it out of her though
> instead, you find another point of interest when, after settling down in her spot from the other night, luna's stomach growls a growl so fierce it might've put your own prehistoric hunger to shame 
> you hazard a question you know the answer to
"Luna, have you eaten today?" 
> she shakes her head
"Why not?" 
> she shakes her head again
"Okay, that isn't really an answer." 
> you shuffle around on the ground until you're facing her, and she lowers her head so she's eye level with you, rather interested in the features of your face
> hey, you're a good looking guy - no surprises there
"When was the last time you had, like, some actual food?" 
> "Centuries." 
> this seems like a joke to you so you laugh out of courtesy, but it's soon apparent that it was very much not a joke
"Haha, good one. No, but seriously, when?" 
> luna considers this question for more than a few moments, and by the time you've felt it's been long enough that you can repeat it she suddenly cuts you off
> "One-thousand years and two-hundred sixty-four days." 
> this is an awfully specific number for her to be pulling out of her ass, but you still find it pretty hard to believe 
> i mean, what, she'd have to be over a thousand years old for that to be true
> "Sorry, that was a joke." 
>
>
>
"What?"
> "Sorry, that was a joke", she repeats 
> you clear the wax from your ears with your pinkie finger and clear your throat
"You were... joking?" 
> luna blinks and nods her head, another growl erupting from the depths of her gut 
> "The truth is that we do not remember how much time hath passed since we last partook - we do not even remember what food tasteth like." 
> at this moment, you remember the incident with the cereal the other day
"Wait, I'm pretty sure I saw you stuffing some sweet sugar rings into your muzzle the other night." 
> for the first time since the two of you met, luna expresses something other than nothing 
> she smiles 
> it's an awkward, crooked, lopsided smile, but a smile nonetheless 
> as quickly as it shows, though, it fades fast
> "...That is correct. Though we knoweth not why, the oat spheres were..." 
> seems like she's searching for the right word 
> you try to help her out
"Fucking amazing?" 
> "...not dirt." 
> ...
"Not exactly sure what that has to do with anything, but hey, that's a start. Why don't we go get some more, then? I could sure use a bowl right now." 
> luna takes the lead and, without waiting, heads back to the castle, presumably in search of some more mareios, but when you round the corner to catch up with her she's nowhere to be found
> it's a little disconcerting, but at this point, nothing she does could surprise you
> you decide to head to the kitchen anyways because, as it were, you were pretty hungry and all this talk of cereal has gotten your cravings up 
> as soon as you make it to the nearest kitchen, however, it becomes apparent that stumbling upon a sleeping blue mare is going to become a running gag in your life
> looks like she didn't quite make it to the pantry before her apparent narcolepsy took over; a bowl is resting against a limp forehoof draped across the counter, and a glass bottle of milk is tucked under her chin, which rests dangerously close to the edge of the counter 
> luna herself is slumped over the countertop on the far wall of the kitchen, fast asleep, and you can't help but feel the urge to drape a blanket over her snoozing frame
> 
> you rush out of the kitchen and, passing a few bewildered guards, sprint back to your room and grab a few blankets before hoofing it (heh) to the kitchen, where luna is still out like a light
> after wrapping the sleepy princess up like a baby you relieve the glass bottle of milk from duty under her muzzle and return it to the fridge before quietly extracting a box of cereal from the pantry
> its hinges have been mercifully greased to be near-inaudible and you thank whatever thoughtful handymare fixed the shit up, unlike your poor suite's door 
> two bowls of cereal are poured and, after sliding one her way and posting up on the other side of the counter with the other in hand, you eat your fill and similarly pass out on the countertop shortly afterwards 
///
> you yawn
> it's the middle of the afternoon and, as usual, you're stuck to celestia's backside like one of her brown-nosing consorts 
> least she smells good
> the seat beside celestia in the throne room, just to the right, has become your own personal throne in a way considering how often you're in attendance 
> officially, it's because of your function as royal aide and advisor to the princesses 
> really, it's because you don't have anything better to do
> right now there's some very polite argument between celestia and some poor farmer who's asking that the sun stay in the sky all the time so that crops can grow faster or some shit
> can't make this up, man
> you can't help but root for the farmer who, despite presenting himself as a world-class genius, is dressed in some raggedy overalls and a frayed straw hat
> is there like, a store that all farmers shop in to get this standard-issue farmer attire somewhere?
> a straw hat of your own might be just what you need to start a fashion wave here in canterlot
> wouldn't rarity be proud?
> slouched down in your mini-throne, you shift towards celestia and jab her in the barrel, which gives her a noticeable start
> "Y-yes, Anon?" she sputters out, still maintaining her posturing towards the courtgoers; no one was really paying her much attention anyways, since a lot of the court matters were officially handled by her staff and she was more there as a formality than anything
> who'd show up to day court that didn't have the sun's manager front and center?
> you clear your throat
"Forgot to ask about this earlier, but Luna told me that I'm not the first chump you've hired to try and get her to crack. How many people have tried to do what I've been doing before this, exactly?" 
> a chord has clearly been struck with celestia and her surprise is barely masked by the formal smile she adopts when she waves off another pony 
> "Oh, well... I don't know, really. It's been a year since my sister returned and, excluding my own attempts to talk with her, there have been a good dozen or so licensed psychologists that have tried getting her to open up to them and undo the damage of..." 
> celestia trails off rather awkwardly, clearly having realized the secret she's trying to keep from you is directly relevant to your question 
> carefully, you press on
"Of...?"
> "If you'd like the specifics, you could speak with Busy Bee, or any of my other record keepers." 
> with a shake of your head you slump back into your seat and unfocus your eyes
> well, it was worth a shot
> seems like a lot more is gonna have to go down before you get a chance to get the story from celestia
> you COULD just ask someone else about it, who would undoubtedly be a little less tight-lipped considering this whole 'luna returned' thing happened well before you arrived in equestria and it's bound to be relatively common knowledge
> it'd feel like cheating if you did, though, and you want the story directly from one princess or the other - no bullshit embellishment
>
>
> sunlight filtered in through the multiple stained-glass facades that decorated the throne room, depicting scenes of action from the bearers of the mysterious 'elements of harmony' which you've heard no shortage of stories about but have never seen yourself; you suddenly find it hard to keep your eyes open, and the lovely hum of hushed, posh voices soothing your eardrums is almost enough to put you to sleep 
> something's off, though
> you can't quite put your finger on it
> sleepily blinking away the desperate clutches of an opportune mid-afternoon nap, you scan the room from left to right, seeking out whatever thing-that-should-not-be is currently should-not-being 
> there are guards present, lining the bedazzled crimson carpet that led up to celestia's throne; you wonder why they all wield spears despite some of them being unicorns, but you guess it'd look pretty stupid if only two-thirds of the guard had pointy sticks
> a line of patient-looking ponies stretches from a meter or so in front of celestia's throne to somewhere beyond the castle courtyard, and-
> "May the next pony please step forward! Address your Princess by her title and name, then ask your question in a clear, concise manner: any foolishness or mockery in the court will result in immediate extrication!", says some fucker from celestia's other side
> there
> right there, stepping forward before the throne now
> it's an odd sight for sure: a hooded pony with concealed features and a dark complexion uncharacteristic of the average colorful equestrian slowly removes its hood and two slitted eyes shine through the sunbeams cast upon it
> what in the FUCK is that?
"What in the FUCK is that?" 
> your outburst was uncouth, for sure, but the murmuring that began immediately following the reveal of what appeared to be some kind of bat-winged horse drowned your own impropriety out entirely
> the guards readied their spears, seconds away from charging the batpony, but celestia held up a hoof
> "Guards, please - let her speak. I will not have violence in my court, especially against a subject of mine that has done no wrong." 
> to your surprise, the mare spat on the expensive marble to her left and crossed a forehoof over the other
> "Please, a subject of YOURS? There's only one princess the batponies answer to, and it's not you, usurper." 
> a stallion guard with a white coat and sort of a stoner bro-dude voice leapt from somewhere out of sight and in front of celestia, shielding his princess from the mean words
> "How DARE you address Princess Celestia that way! You'd better render her the proper courtesies or I'll haul you out of this court room myself!" 
> the stallion's tail lashed violently behind him and he pawed the ground with a hoof, looking about ready to tear her to pieces
> batmare still don't give a fuck 
> looking about as smug as a pony with fangs and tufted ears can look, the batmare pressed a forehoof into the guard's breastplate and gently forced him a few steps back, which he nearly reacted to had celestia not step down from the throne and addressed him
> "That's enough, Shining Armor." 
> the stallion instantly straightened up and, nodding affirmatively to celestia he backed away, leaving the spotlight for the two mares
> you're on the edge of your seat honestly - this is the most exciting thing to happen in equestria since you landed 
> cautiously leaning in further to hear the exchange better, you don't fail to notice the strange look the batmare gives you before returning to her smug regard of celestia
> "Well, usurper - would you like to hear what I have to say?" 
> celestia's not smiling anymore, but not quite frowning either - she's more neutral than anything, and her tone is confident and level when she speaks 
> "Of course - the purpose of my court is to hear the concerns of any who have them, subject or otherwise. I'd appreciate it if you would stop calling me 'usurper', though - Princess Luna is just as respected and entitled to rule as I am, and nothing about that has changed." 
> the batmare snorted and rolled her eyes
> "If that were the case, she would be here now, sitting where that ape is!" 
> she thrusts an accusing hoof in your direction
> oh
> she's talking about you, isn't she?
> celestia frowns ever so slightly but doesn't take the bait
> "You know just as well as I do that our schedules are diametrically opposed - it is the very reason Luna and I have two separate courts." 
> "And when, pray tell, was the last time Princess Luna attended Night Court?"
> she took a bit longer to respond to that one, and the batmare cut celestia off before could retort
> "The answer is that she hasn't since she made her escape from that prison you and those elements banished her to! I can't blame her, really - your own SISTER casts you down as some common villain to be vanquished, and while she is hailed as the saviour of Equestria you are exiled for a thousand years to reflect on why not a single pony took your sid-"
> WHAM
> 
> celestia slams her forehoof into the marble floor below and it threatens to crack under the pressure
> the princess's eyes are now narrowed to slits, and an uncomfortable silence has fallen over the court; it might be the first time you've seen her angry, and the bat in front of her winces, a bit of fear showing through the cracks in her smug armor
> "I will not stand here and allow you to subject my court and audience to your slanderous interpretation of something that happened before you were even born. You will leave my courtroom now or I will have you removed - is that clear?" 
> the batmare is silent for a few moments, a dangerous expression playing over her features as she glances about at the guards who have inched ever closer - including Shining Armor, who unfucked off while you weren't looking
> she upturned her nose and, with an icy chuckle whipped around, trotting casually on down the carpet and towards the castle doors 
> "We thestrals serve Princess Luna and her alone; you would do well to remember that, should the need arise, we would not hesitate to help her take what is hers." 
> with that, she disappeared and the castle doors shut behind her 
> a tense silence settled over the room and no one dared to speak before the princess did
> celestia raised her head and addressed the court, expressionless
> "Day court is adjourned." 
>
> 
> you go running after the batpony because why the fuck not
> turns out she wasn't in much of a hurry because you nearly bowl the mare over on your way out of the court room 
> celestia tried to call out to you, you think, but you ignored her likely unimportant interests for the wiles of a mysterious, dark-furred bat horse instead
> bewildered, the batmare took a few steps back and regarded you with a sneer, throwing her hood back up over her head
> "What do you want, ape?" 
> you hold your hands up
"Woah, you a fucking racist or something? We're both minorities here - let's just cool it and get along, okay?" 
> with a shake of her head she steps off to avoid you but you quickly circle around her and block her path, which earns you a glare
> "Get out of my way!" 
> she tries to juke but your long human legs are just too mighty and you easily block her yet again
> this silly dance plays out for another ten seconds before she groans and slams her ass down on the ground
> "FINE! If I answer your questions, will you PLEASE leave me alone?" 
> you plop right down on the ground in front of her and offer your hand, a mad grin traced across your face
"For sure, batgirl." 
> there's a mixture of malice, confusion and just a tinge of fear in the wild expression she throws your way; this is clearly not something she was prepared for, despite having picked a fight with celestia herself just a few minutes ago
> "Then ask."
> hand unfortunately unshaken, you lean to the rear and cross your legs, rocking back and forth while collecting your thoughts 
"So... that thing that happened earlier? What's this shit about 'exile' and 'banishment' and all that jazz? I tried asking ol' sunbutt over there but she's just as tight-lipped as you'd expect, I guess. Haven't tried asking Luna, but I'm worried that she'll just shut her mouth again and quit talking to me if I do." 
> as soon as the lunar princess's name leaves your mouth, the batmare's eyes go wide - they double in size and she abruptly stands up, a bewildered gasp leaving her muzzle 
> "Did you say you talked to the Princess? That she -spoke- to you?"
> this shit again
> you nod and she does a little dance in place, her leathery wings fluttering under her long brown cloak 
> "T-this changes everything! I need to go tell the others - they'll want to speak with her as soon as possible!"
"Woah, what? Slow down, you didn't answer my-" 
> "No time!" she shouts, kicking off her cloak and taking to the sky, leaving you before you can get an answer to your question
"...Should've fucking known."
> you pick yourself up off the ground, but before you start heading back into the castle something floats into your field of view and lands squarely between your eyes
> it's a business card of some kind with some words on it
> 'For all those truly loyal to the moon, come to the Golden Teapot on West Cherry Lane in the Canterlot market district - ask for the mare who never sleeps'
> huh
> for something that's very clearly trying to be discrete this whole thing is pretty direct - no complicated riddles or problem solving on your part
"How was she even carrying this...?" 
> "Of whom dost thou speak, Anonymous?" 
> 
> you jump about ten feet in the air and spin around to see Luna's empty eyes burning into you - you notice she's still not wearing her regalia for some reason
> really though, how does she just creep up on you like that?
"Jesus, you've really gotta work on that whole 'not sneaking the fuck up on people' thing before you give someone around here a fucking heart attack. Actually, I think you might've given me one." 
> luna steps closer and leans her big ol' horsey head against your chest, pressing her swiveling ear to your heart 
> despite having invaded your privacy, which you loathe, what bothers you more is her ethereal horsehair starting to tickle the tip of your nose with its incessant magical fluttering - you're about two seconds from sneezing a family of jrpg slimes into the royal mane
> luckily she pulls away from you and slowly shakes her head before you can blow your top and you rub the motherfuck out of your nose trying to chase the sneeze away
> "Thy heart is strong - fear not trepidation from within." 
"Luna I have no idea what the fuck that means." 
> she turns to walk past you, but you step in front of her
"You know there was just a whole thing about you that just went down in day court, right?" 
> the only sign that she'd even heard and understood the words leaving your mouth was a microscopic raise of her brow, which was a gesture so minute that only a trained luna-observationalist like yourself could have even caught it before it disappeared, taking her with it
"...Okay, well, like I was saying, some shit just went down and this batmare came in and started calling celestia a 'usurper', whatever that means; care to explain?" 
> for a second it seemed as though luna was going to ask you more about it, but the question must have died in her throat and she lowered herself to the ground, aggressively removing a branch from a nearby shrub to wield with her magic as a sort of stylus before etching some shit into the ground 
> "Thou hast spoken with a Thestral, Anonymous. They are an old and secretive race of proto-ponies that hath sworn alliegance to us and our night, as we hath sworn to respect and nurture their kind for loyal service to the crown; however, I have not spoken with one in some thousand years, and it surpriseth me that thou hast seen one here in Canterlot." 
> you scratch the back of your head, a little confused
"Yeah, kind of weird that they swear 'undying loyalty' to you but haven't poked their heads around here before today." 
> luna finishes her drawing; a surprisingly accurate looking sketch of a batpony lays before her and she doodles a goofy smile onto the expressionless face of her drawing before smudging it out with her hoof
> you don't ask
> "If thou kneweth not, the Thestrals are typically nocturnal - their internal clock follows the path of the moon and it is strange for one to appear during the day, save for under unusual circumstances." 
"Right... Anyway, she got into some spat with Celly and fucked off after dramatically revealing that they wanted to help you 'take what's yours', though I have no idea what she's talking about because nobody wants to tell Anonymous a goddamn thing."
> "Take... what is ours?" 
> from what you can tell, SOMETHING is happening in luna's head, and as she absentmindedly traces a crescent moon in the dirt below you remain just as confused as ever because after doing so luna slowly rose to her hooves, dragging herself back to the castle 
> as she's walking away she mumbles something low - so low that you nearly miss it
> "...As if I were ever strong enough to do that." 
>
>
>
"...Man, am I seriously just looking for a giant fucking teapot?"
> navigating around canterlot was a nightmare, just like you'd expected 
> despite your freakish height and towering over every other living being within a hundred mile radius, you just weren't seeing this thing
> didn't help that the signs were written in 'ponish', which was a mangled abomination of pony hieroglyphs you never bothered to learn despite living in a library with tens of thousands of books to be studied and plenty of free time to do it 
> typically, twiggy would magick everything you went over, like the ad you got from celestia to come here, and you could read it just like that; without twiggy, you were nothing
> every pony you'd asked about it was also loathe to help you figure out where to go, which you expected considering their snobbish attitudes and whatnot 
> after the sixth go-around of the same intersection, you were at a loss as to where you were supposed to go, so you sat down in the middle of a busy sidewalk and began reading through the business card instructions again
> this was, of course, a terrible idea and you were very nearly trampled many times over 
> it was just a habit of yours to sit and think whenever you were stumped about something, and it hadn't gone away since you were a kid
> made for quite a bit of vicious heckling when you were younger as even after you hit double digits you were still just sitting around, thinking about middle school math problems and shit
> whatever
> there wasn't much more to be gleaned from the laminated rectangle so you found your footing again and, deftly avoiding a few angry ponies, you trudged on in search of...
>
>
> it was right in front of you the entire time
> there's a certain type of thematic design about canterlot's many districts and the vibrant purples, pinks, whites and golds all sort of meshed together into one royal soup that your brain had trouble processing 
> it didn't help that you probably needed glasses and would likely never get a pair that fit a human 
> in all its unholy glory, a giant fuckall teapot stood before you in the middle of two roads that flanked it
> a sign hung on silver chains probably read 'the golden teapot', but it's not like you could read it
> you groan and push open the front door, which chimes obnoxiously in your ear and you, of course, need to duck to enter the building 
> the establishment isn't anything out of the ordinary for canterlot business from what you've seen in your scarce outings 
> seemed to be some kind of bar, and there were well-dressed patrons seated throughout the place, sipping fine wines and slandering ponies they knew 
> yknow, the usual
> you're drawn to the barkeep, who has paused his humming and tidying up behind the bar to give you quite a look
> it's not exactly the 'oh shit what the fuck is that' look you got when you first blessed ponyville with your arrival in equestria, but it isn't really selling you on the place either
> "Welcome to the Golden Teapot. Have a seat anywhere and I'll be right with you."
> odd; you were sure that typically you ordered from a bartender and not the other way around, but it seemed like it was just another one of those ass-backwards horseland things you'd have to tuck away in your memory for later
"Sure, whatever." 
> you do as you're told, taking a window seat on the right of the entrance and you tuck yourself awkwardly into the pony-sized booth 
> though the plush seats and fluffy backrest get bonus points for being high class, it's all the same you can't get comfortable because pony establishments just weren't meant for big gangly faggots like yourself, so it's either you crush your cock and squeeze your legs together like you're hiding an erection or you stick a leg out into the isle and hope you don't send some poor stallion flying like in every bullying scene in every 80s movie ever 
> eventually, the stony barkeep made his way over to you and you tried to seem presentable; you were the only one in the place without a suit or a fancy dress, but it's not like dressing down made you stand out any more than, yknow, being a fucking human did
> "What will you be having today... sir?" 
> the pause before the sir was clearly a jab at you not being a pony, but you take a few hits to your manly pride anyways 
"Yeah, actually I'm not here to order anything. I was told to ask about the, uh... the blind... the sleepy one... Actually, can you hold on a second?" 
> you fished around in your pockets for the business card and, after studying it for a second you confidently returned to the conversation
> ...that is, you would have, if the stallion hadn't already closed the distance between the two of you and put his hoof against your chest
> "You're Anonymous, right? She told us about you - said you'd be coming here. When she told me who you were, though, I didn't think you'd be an ape." 
"Thanks, I seem to be getting that a lot lately. Can you tell me why I was told to come here, though?" 
> he shook his head and gestured for you to get up, which you were grateful for (as your balls were decidedly not enjoying being sandwiched between your thighs at forty thousand PSI), and he made his way towards the front
> following closely behind him, you weaved around empty tables and the like before making it up to the counter and, upon further instruction, entered the room with the creepy flickering lights and dusty cobwebs 
> "All right, lights out for a sec - it's just a precautionary measure, and I'm sure you'll understand." 
> before you can ask what he's talking about you're clubbed in the back of the head and-
> 
>
>
>
>
> you wake with a start in complete darkness, pressed against an icy stone
> upon stirring, everything goes bright and you have to cover your eyes to avoid third-degree burns on your corneas 
> "You're finally awake", someone says ominously 
> those words bring to the surface memories of a life once lived
> a wagon, full of destitute stragglers at the end of the world
> a friendly face rousing you from slumber
> bitter cold nips at your fingers and you struggle against your bindings
> '...walked right into that imperial ambush...'
>
>
> before you can fully succumb to todd's cold, devilish clutches you shake your head free of tamrielic memories and get a good look at your surroundings
> it's some kind of cave for sure, with both stalactites and stalagmites which you recognize respectively by their placement on either the ceiling of the cave or the ground
> you're so smart, anon!
> fuzzy green lichen is spread across the walls and a set of industrial floodlights are trained on your spot in the surrounding darkness from somewhere beyond, which makes you feel like you're trying to break into some underground vault or something
> batponies are slowly creeping out of various holes in the cave walls, poking their curious heads out to investigate the source of visual disturbance and hissing at the bright lights 
> you clear your throat 
"Several questions, but I think the one I want to ask first is: where's the fucking bathroom?" 
> the tension pours off of the batpony crowd at your casual quip and most of them visibly relax; a thestral you recognize steps forward from behind the wall of light and clears her throat, gesturing for you to follow her after the rest of the batponies return to what they were doing
> most of them crawl back into their holes and disappear, and after a moment of fiddling one thestral flicks the lights off and you're left in complete darkness, which contrary to what they might've thought meant you couldn't see where the fuck you were supposed to go
"Not sure if you were aware but I can't fucking see in the dark, so maybe if you could..." 
> an object is pushed into your open hand and you play around with it in the darkness; after a few seconds, you flip a switch and you're surprised to see a fucking flashlight in your hands
> magic flashlight, of course
> that runs on magic
>
"Neat." 
> you flash the pony in front of you with a hazy beam of light and she whips around at you, hissing loudly
> "Get that out of my face, fool!" 
> you apologetically aim it to the side and she relaxes, pressing onwards in the darkness; she stops when you arrive at some massive hole in the ground that must extend for miles underground
> "Have at it - I'll be around the corner." 
> guess you don't have to worry about flipping the seat up, huh?
> you laugh to yourself at your shitty joke and whip your dick out, pissing into the darkness while holding the flashlight steady under your chin
> true to your thoughts, you don't hear your piss hit the bottom and it gives you a strange feeling of dread -  if they wanted to, one of them could just push you in and you couldn't do a thing to stop it
> that'd suck
> luckily, you aren't murdered in this weird bat cave, and three shakes later you're walking up on miss fangs while zipping your pants up
"Never did get your name, by the way." 
> "Brimstone", she says, trotting off in a random direction which you helplessly follow 
> if you got lost in here, you had a feeling there wouldn't be any coming back to civilization
"Care to tell me where we are and why you had to knock me out to take me here?" 
> "We're still in Canterlot, if you were curious - we're actually under the Teapot." 
"Under?" 
> "There's a trapdoor in the backroom." 
"Right... You still didn't answer my question, though - what's with all the secrecy?" 
> brimstone shakes her head, admittedly looking a little guilty 
> "Bitter Drink is just a little protective of us - he's known me since I was a pup, and-"
> you raise a brow
"Pup?" 
> brimstone appears to roll her eyes at you, but it's hard to tell in the dark
> "A filly. Anyway, he's known all of us for a long time and doesn't like strangers - even strangers that want to help with the cause." 
"Which would be...?"
> "Supporting our Princess, of course." 
> you stop walking and brimstone also stops, turning to look at you questioningly
"Support her with what? I've been in the castle for like a week now and I've never seen any of you." 
> brimstone's ears go flat against her head and she sheepishly rubs her foreleg
> "W-well, she simply hasn't needed us yet."
"Have you even spoken to her? Has anyone here?" 
> again, brimstone seems to be at a loss for words
> "Er..." 
> this has gotta be a joke, right?
> a secret society of bat-pony hybrids living under canterlot that profess their undying love for luna but have never met with or talked with her?
> brimstone pipes up again, interrupting your amused thoughts
> "A thousand years ago, the thestrals served the Princess of the Night faithfully in her lunar court, just as we have been trying to do since she returned! The only problem we're having is that... Well, the Princess has not held court - not in a thousand years." 
> again with this thousand years thing
> time to get some answers
"Brimstone, I need you to be real with me - what the actual fuck happened a thousand years ago? I keep asking and all I get is hush-hush bullshit. If I'm going to be working with the princesses, I need to know what happened: where did Luna go a thousand years ago, and why?" 
> brimstone seemed a little confused at your words and held up a hoof
> "You mean they didn't tell you?" 
> you shake your head
> "Well, I guess it makes sense - the usurper is known to keep many secrets, and Luna has not spoken in a thousand years," her face sours a bit, "except with you, apparently." 
> shrug
> "Do you really want to know? It might change your opinion of your 'employers' once I tell you." 
> another shrug
> brimstone frowns but continues nonetheless 
> "Very well."
> though you're still just in some random bit of cave, brimstone takes a seat on the floor and you sit close to her, though she scoots further away from you when you try to edge closer - it's just so you can hear, but whatever
> she clears her throat
> "Once upon a time, in the magical of Equestria..." 
> you roll your eyes
///
> "...and then, a decade ago..."
> you are anon, and you've come to a realization 
> atop your stony cushion, stoking the brain fire, you listen listlessly to the droning of some black batwench who is talking about something you lost track of about an hour ago
> brimstone is, without a doubt, the shittiest storyteller you've ever had the displeasure of listening to
"You are, without a doubt, the shittiest storyteller I've ever had the displeasure of listening to."
> her forelegs in the air, still animating some part of her story that was losing relevance by the second, surprise creeps onto her face and battles a cherry-red blush; she jumps angrily to her hooves
> "Didn't you ask to hear my story?! I should have known better than to explain centuries of proud, colorful history to an ape - you probably can't even understand what I'm saying."
> hand meets face
"I asked you about LUNA! Why the fuck would I want to hear about your roosting practices over the past twelve years? Why did I need to know you slept upside-down like real bats? Who fucking cares?" 
> brimstone huffed adorably before trotting off into the darkness; you jump up in a hurry and chase her down, lest you get abandoned down here in nutty putty cave
"Okay, it wasn't THAT bad. You just never got to the part where the shit I asked about actually happened, yknow? That important thing I asked about?" 
> you should be thankful that she finally shut up, but now you were following a silent mare in total darkness (your flashlight was dying) and you STILL had no idea what happened a thousand years ago
> "...grumble grumble..."
"Didn't catch that."
> "IT GETS BORING DOWN HERE, OKAY?" 
> brimstone's cat eyes flash in the dim flashlight beam and you take a step back, bewildered 
> "Nopony cares about our history! All they want to do is talk about Princess Luna and how great she is!" 
> she creeps towards you, emphasizing with every hoofstep
> curious
> you finger your wispy chinhairs and point at the mare
"Isn't that your whole deal?" 
> her eyes go wide and she covers her mouth with a hoof, clearing her throat before letting herself speak again
> "W-what I meant to say is that it just gets to me how nopony knows where we came from. The thestrals are almost as old as Equestria itself and our legacy and history with Luna is great - too great to just up and forget. We've been down here for years and most of us have never even spoken to anypony outside of the caves, fearing that it's too dangerous to venture out into Canterlot and spook the localponies."
"So let me get this straight - you guys have been down here for centuries, all living together in a series of caves underground that span the area of Canterlot and are waiting for Luna to hold her court again so you can..." 
> "Serve! We want to serve, ape! It has been a thousand years and we have not been called upon since-" 
> that does it
"Listen here, batwoman - you're going to give me the skinny on Luna's thousand-year-gap and I'm not taking no for an answer." 
> "Luna was banished to the moon by her sister for a thousand years", brimstone replied 
"You... she... what?" 
> your bothering had won over her insistence on doing things the hard way and she sighed in exasperation before sitting down again - you sat as well
> "A thousand years ago, Princess Luna felt as though she wasn't being given her due - ponies slept during her beautiful night and she became jealous of her sister, who earned most of the adoration of their subjects." 
> you rest your chin in your hands and fake a yawn; brimstone shoots you a glare and you smile innocently back at her
> "Like I was SAYING, Princess Luna didn't feel she was getting the appreciation she deserved, and so overcome with animosity for her beloved sister was she that Princess Luna took the shadowy form of 'Nightmare Moon' and nearly bested her sister in combat; had it not been for the Elements of Harmony, an everlasting night would have overtaken Equestria for good." 
> brimstone looked a little smug saying that last bit and you rolled your eyes
"Sure you would've loved that, being nocturnal and all." 
> she ignored you
> "The elements trapped the Princess on her moon for a thousand years, and after they had come and pass she returned again as Nightmare Moon to challenge the throne, only to be bested again by the elements - which were wielded by their current bearers." 
> oh right, isn't twiggy supposed to be one of them?
"You mean Twilight and her friends, right?" 
> she nods, sticking her tongue out like a juvenile at the mention of their names
> "Yes, 'Twilight and her friends' somehow managed to beat a powerful alicorn, but only because of the elements - they contain a hardly understood harmony magic that behaves in ways nopony understands - a remnant from a great unicorn who lived before even Princess Luna's time." 
> well, this is some pretty heavy news
> moonbutt was mad cause sunbutt got all the praise and staged a coup to make the night last forever
> sounds kind of retarded when you phrase it in your head like that but it made it easier to understand
> your fingers interlock and you adopt what you think is a scholarly expression
"The Elements of Harmony are unpredictable, right? Well, what if..." 
> the conductor aboard your train of thought stops for a smoke break and brimstone looks to you with genuine curiousity - seems this is the kind of thing she's into 
"I've spent some time with Celestia over the past week or two and I've gotta say, I don't think she really meant for all this to happen; isn't it possible that she didn't mean to send Luna to the moon for a thousand years?" 
> rollercoaster of emotions flash across brimstone's face and for a second you think she's going to slap you; you lower your hands from your face when she falls into a contemplative silence
> "That... would be contrary to centuries of written word and speculative storytelling. Ponies have been telling each other that Luna was simply overcome by evil and Celestia banished her to the moon to keep it at bay."
"Yeah, but like... doesn't that kinda seem possible?" 
> brimstone looked conflicted for a moment, but the resolve that overtakes her surprises you
> "Ape, this may sound strange to you, coming from a thestral, but... I feel compelled to get to the bottom of this. Would you, er, well..."
> brimmy paws the ground like a nervous dog and you cross your arms
"Yeah, I would, but I'm gonna need you to stop calling me 'ape' first - as cool as apes are, I have a fucking name and I'd like you to use it."
> she sticks her tongue out at you, but you can tell she's warmed up to you enough for names
> probably
"Anonymous. Call me anon for short. Nice to meet you, Brimmy."
> brimstone raises a hoof and you take it in your thick, manly hands; many shakes are given and she looks a little sour about it, but who cares
> "All right, Anon - will you take me to Celestia? I don't trust her to give us the whole truth, but I don't believe she's lying about everything either." 
"Why do you need me to take you there? Seemed to me like you had an easy enough time making it there yesterday to shit on her name in front of every guard in the city."
> brimstone picked herself up from the ground and traced a hoof along the cave wall as she started off in the direction you came; hopefully, you're going back to the teapot
> hopefully
> "That's exactly the point, Anon - I'm going to be skewered if I try to approach the castle again without a good reason. If the usur- er, Celestia's pet monkey is there with me, they'll think twice about it." 
> again with the monkey comments
> you frown, arms crossing after you gesture to some gaping hole in the ground a few feet away
"I'm a lot bigger than you - I could just punt you into one of these massive gaping cave chasms here and you'd be shit out of luck." 
> brimstone's leathery bat wings flap to life and she zips off into the darkness
>
>
>
"Okay, you've made your point - please don't leave me here in this fucking cave." 
> thankfully, your voice echoes far enough into the cave that it only takes a few seconds for her to come fluttering back, smugness in tow
> "So, sound like a plan?" 
> the cave begins to open up and you see light filtering in from a crack in the ceiling a few meters away - must be that trapdoor she mentioned earlier
"Let's get this show on the road." 
>
>
>
> "Nope, I can't do that."
"What? Why in the fuck not? You've seen me around before - I'm part of Celestia's fucking court for crying out loud."
> there was something wrong here, in the fact that you were standing in FRONT of the canterlot castle gates and not strolling blissfully around the castle grounds with your friendly neighborhood batmare, not a care in the world
> instead, you were exchanging 'pleasantries' with this literal who guard standing in front of the gates who wasn't buying the fact that you lived in the castle and being refused entry meant you had no place to fucking stay, among other things
> it seemed that somehow or another brimmy here had gotten herself a lifetime ban from the capital for her childish behavior the other day and traveling with her apparently meant you were also a thousand miles deep in shit canyon 
> "Orders are orders. If you're going to make a scene, though, you're welcome to try something - anything's more interesting than gate duty." 
> the burly earth pony stallion winked at his fellow guard to the right and they both shared a trite chuckle, which absolutely infuriated you
"The gate is wide fucking open! Just let me in and we won't have a problem."
> brimstone hadn't said a word the entire trip to canterlot for whatever reason and was currently fiddling with her cloak in the background
> some fucking help she is
"Listen, I am literally your ruler's first line and if you don't let me in I'm going to-" 
> the right-sided guard snorted and waggled his spear at you threateningly 
> "You're going to what? Tell the Princess? Oh, right - you can't." 
> another pisser of a laugh that was and you're about two seconds away from tackling one of them
> despite your stature you were fully aware of what a shit idea that was though (they have very pointy sticks) and resisted the urge nonetheless
> you spin around and decide you're going to just fuck off until one of the princesses comes looking for you, but you've only gone a few feet when brimstone finally opens her unhelpful muzzle
> "Hey, you two - you wanna see something REALLY interesting?" 
> you wouldn't really call it intrigued, but the pair of golden fools cock their heads to regard brimstone's unsual question with some suspicion-laden attention
> the batmare buries her muzzle in her cloak and pulls out a magnificently sparkling hunk of blue crystal from fucking nowhere and your jaw nearly drops to the ground
> gems and other precious stones were apparently pretty common here, but this was clearly something that had been shaped by weather or by force into a sizeable sphere of pure dazzle 
> where and how the fuck
> the guards are similarly impressed and go wide-eyed at the sight of the priceless gem cluster 
> "Keep your eye on the..." 
> she cocks her hoof back, and you blink
> "...BALL!"
> brimstone chucks the priceless rock at the leftmost guard and he's collapsed on the ground by the time your eyes flutter open; the other guard was still in disbelief, likely at the speed and accuracy with which the thestral had taken his buddy out 
> you were sure he was just taking a trip down snooze lane, but it was a pretty gnarly blow and you don't have any more time to assess the damage because brimstone's chomped your hand and is pulling you through the open castle gates
> you crest the moat bridge and you can hear the guard in the background screaming the details of his situation to some guards that you hadn't seen before
> shit
> SHITSHITSHIT
> THIS IS BAD
"Brimstone, what in the FUCK?" 
> she sticks her tongue out at you after ejecting your hand from her maw and breaks into a full gallop up to the castle exterior; sadly, there are two more guards ready and waiting to apprehend you, fierce determination resting atop their stern faces 
> "In the name of Princess Celestia of Equestria, we command you to-" 
> brimstone closes the distance between her and the guards in an instant; she whips around and delivers a 'THWACK' of a buck to the first guard's chest and he's knocked back a few feet - you're close behind and you snatch her up around the barrel before bolting into the castle 
> ordinarily, you think she'd object to the treatment, but you don't get a word out of her on account of the DEFCON level 1 pursuit in progress
> as to be expected, there are several more guards in the throne room - not too many though, and considering the time of day day court must have just been called to recess or something
> luckily, the hallway leading out into the right wing and near yours and the princess's bedrooms is thankfully unguarded 
> you count your lucky stars and dash to the right, narrowly avoiding a blast of magic from some unicorn guard in the back
"SHITSHITSHITSHITFUCK THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA!" 
> brimstone wriggles around in your grip and you drop her mid-sprint, though it doesn't take much time for her to catch up to you
> "Where are we going, Anon?" 
"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!" 
> the two of you round a corner and keep moving through a guardless hallway and duck into an empty room to your left 
> unfortunately, it turns out to be one of the castle's kitchens and there are of course many entrances to the room apparent immediately 
> double unfortunately, the room is occupied 
> triple unfortunately, the room is occupied by princess fucking celestia
> sunhorse is apparently mid-snack and her eyes bug out of her head, plate of lemon meringue pie hovering lazily in front of her face; when she sees the two of you, panting and distressed as you are, she lowers her treat and looks the two of you up and down with believably disgruntled expression
> she zeroes in on your face and you cringe at the attention - you realize just how bad this looks
> "What in Equestria is going on here, Anonymous?" 
> she's stern, but still not fully convinced that you're in the wrong, and you use that to your advantage before she has any time to think
"Celly, quick, get us somewhere that isn't fucking here!" 
> "I'd be happy to, but I'd like you to explain what you're doing with the thestral who disrupted my court the other day and why you seem to be-" 
> you cut her off, dashing up to her and cupping her face with your hands, throwing on your most pathetic, pleading expression
> "Celestia, please - get us somewhere we can talk and I'll tell you everything!" 
> the helplessness in your voice must have gotten through to her because after a moment of searching your eyes for... whatever, she expels an exasperated sigh and her horn flares to life; in an instant, you're all standing in an unfamiliar room 
> the disorientation normally accompanying instant magical travel is one you're quite familiar with, but for whatever reason celestia had managed to teleport you all without any of the negative side effects; you'll have to make fun of bookhorse later for her ineptitude 
> you caution a look around the room and are met with solar artifacts lending to your immediate suspicion that celestia has taken you and your batty friend directly to her private chambers
> a small fireplace crackles to life as she tidies up a few scrolls lying about the floor and takes a seat on a purple cushion placed in front of a small coffee table; she gestures for the two of you to do the same, and both you and brimstone indulge her
> brimmy is quiet as a mouse, looking anywhere but the princess; her tail lashes about behind her and when the princess addresses her she jumps a little in her seat
> "'Usurper', right? That's what you kept referring to me as when last we spoke. Would the two of you like to explain to me what this is all about now that we're here in private?" 
> despite the words she spoke celestia's amusement shone through the tense atmosphere that'd settled between the three of you; brimstone cleared her throat and hoofed the expensive-looking carpet below nervously
> "Well, uh... This wasn't supposed to go the way it did, but I needed to talk with you about something important and your guards wouldn't let us through, so we sort of..." 
"Don't act like I had any part in this you fucking saboteur; I was only trying to get through but the motherfuckers wouldn't let me, so Brimstone here clobbered one with a rock and kicked another one in the chest, and before I knew it I was a wanted criminal in my own fucking home."
> you jab an accusing finger in brimstone's face and retract only seconds before the batmare's teeth clamp down where it was previously, clearly annoyed
> sheesh
> celestia looks the two of you up and down, appraising your stories 
> "...Well, I'm not sure why you were refused entry from the castle but I'll need to deal with those ponies you assaulted at some point - I won't just let you off with a slap on the hooves for something like that."
> brimstone frowns, though you can't help but take a little enjoyment out of her sourness - all of this was HER fault, after all
> "I accept - I won't apologize for what I said, but you can punish me however you want - as long as you give us some answers." 
> celestia cocks a brow at brimstone 
> "Answers? To what?" 
> you take the lead, rising to your feet and propping a hand on your hip
"Celestia, I think it's about time you gave me the truth - what REALLY happened between you and Luna? I don't want any bullshit, and I'm not here to judge either of you; I just want the truth." 
> if she's surprised, it doesn't show on her face; celestia gets to her hooves and paces to her enormous sun-shaped bed, where she nuzzles something out from beneath her pillow and, with a flare of her horn levitates the item over to the two of you
> you take the... diary(?) from her magical glow and attempt to read the cover, but the moment you remember you can't read you sigh and pass the book to brimstone, who seemed to be waiting expectantly to see the item anyways
> she practically snatches it from you and reads the cover aloud 
> "Diary of the Sun... did you write this?" 
> celestia nods, some unreadable look overtaking her ordinarily collected features
> "You'll want to start with page five thousand, seven hundred and ninety-two." 
> brimstone flips to a random page towards the end and lands on number four thousand, which surprises you
> was what you were supposed to be looking for only a few entries long?
> clearing her throat, the batmare leafs through the remaining few pages and then returns to a previous page
> "'The Three-Hundredth Year of Rule, Last Harvest, Day Twenty-Three'..."
>
>Day 23
Oh, how I adore my ponies! The Summer Sun Celebration, the seeds of which were sowed long before my sister and I were crowned princesses of these ponies, has become a celebration to celebrate the warmth of my radiant sun and the bountiful harvests collected after the long winter. Speaking of my sister, however, she has been strangely quiet these days; I do wonder if she has come down with something, but perhaps she will tell me when she feels up to it.
>
>Day 31
Now, I am definitely worried about my sister. Luna has been speaking with me less and less, and any time I have tried to catch her and ask what it is I might have done to offend her, she storms off without saying a word! I have even been staying up well past the setting of the sun so that we may speak after she rises the moon, but she will have none of it! I am going to get to the bottom of this - sisters should not be at odds with one another, especially when they are princesses.
>
>Day 40
There is definitely something off about Luna. She has forgotten to lower the moon several times this week, and when I went to her room to let her know she screamed at me to leave her alone! I am at a loss as to what I've done to earn this type of treatment, but if she wants to be this way then I cannot stop her; But, she will not neglect her duties as co-ruler of Equestria, and if I must drag her out of her room for her to perform her function then so be it!
>
>Day 43
This has gone far enough! It is well in the afternoon, and still Luna has refused to lower the moon. When I went to her room, I found a hoofnote posted at her bedside, telling me to meet her in the throne room. I do not know what to expect, but this little game of hers is wearing on my nerves and, one way or another, she will lower the moon this day.
>
>Day 42
In the throne room, Luna, my own sister, challenged me and refused to lower the moon. She claimed that the ponies we rule together did not love and cherish her starry sky as they did my sunlit days, and when I tried to argue, she attacked me! It was almost as if an evil darkness had overtaken her, clouded her mind, and forced her to question our bond and her worth as princess. If I could have stopped her with my own power alone, I would have, but her powerful evil whispers kept my magic at bay - she nearly took my head off! Forced as I was, I could only just destroy her evil with the Elements of Harmony, as we have done many times before to put a stop to threats to our Equestria. Left with no other choice, I sealed my sister away in the very thing which she held precious; on the moon, perhaps she will reflect on her treachery and apologize to me once she has spent enough time. I will leave her there for a week, and when she returns I will admonish her for forsaking her oath to maintaining the harmony of our nation and battling the evil that threatens it.
>
>Day 49
I do not understand; it has been a week, and I fully intended to release my sister from the moon, but the elements will not heed my command! Among all the texts Starswirl the Bearded has left for us in the castle library, there is nothing regarding the elements substantial enough for me to make light of this.
I cannot bring my sister home. I have failed
>
>Day 72
I have poured over every tome in this library, and read through every scroll left behind by Starswirl. There is no spell, or incantation, or ritual which can reach Luna in the depths of the moon. The elements do not respond to me, and the Tree of Harmony is silent; I have tried everything I can think of, and still I have not found a way to bring her back. Raising both the moon and the sun is taxing beyond belief, and in the streets word has spread of Luna's betrayal; everypony believes that I am a hero who saved Equestria, making the ultimate sacrifice to ensure that harmony was upheld and that darkness did not threaten my nation's safety.
I am not a hero. I am not a god. I am not a light to follow in the darkness. 
There is nothing in my power that I can do to fix this.
Luna, I am so sorry. 
So, so, so very sorry.
If only I had known how you felt, and how lonely you really were, and in my dreams every night I see your somber face, reminding me of my arrogance. 
How could I have sent you away?
>
>
>
> "'The One Thousandth, Three-Hundredth Year of Rule, Last Harvest, Day Twenty-Three.'"
> the thestral licked her drying lips and cleared her throat, turning the last page of the diary over
> "One thousand years. I've seen one thousand long, brutal, cruel, agonizing years pass in the blink of an eye, seasoned with the uneasy peace of a rule without you. In a different castle, in different times, I've seen those I've come to care about fall to the ages right in front of me, but I can't muster the sadness they deserve because in my heart I still grieve for you, the sister I abandoned so many, many years ago. For every tear filled night, when my sorrow carried me off to a disgustingly peaceful sleep, I would think of my beautiful, wonderful, amazing little sister, and how many of these experiences I owed you for my sins. 
But now the time has come at last. In these thousand years, I've felt your power grow, and your hatred for me grow as well. You wield your rage like a silver lance pointed straight towards my heart, and I would welcome it in an instant. Soon, you'll be strong enough to return on your own; your abilities were always greater than mine, after all, and it's no small wonder you were able to muster the strength you needed to escape the lunar prison I locked you away in. It's funny, really - I have a student now, much like we were students to Starswirl the Bearded once upon a time. She's the studious kind, a little like you, and in her research she's found my anonymous writings, which detailed your return I anticipated in the coming years. I believe she wants to stop you - to prevent your anger overtaking me like wildfire, and to prevent me from letting you. She's a smart unicorn, and I know she sees what I've kept hidden from everypony for a thousand years. 
She won't be able to stop you, though; the elements of harmony have not spoken to me since last I used them, and even with her latent magical ability she would be no match for your hate. That's okay, though.
Everything will be okay.
I can't wait to see you again, sister.
I love you, sister."
> the room was silent; brimstone had long since finished reading the last of the diary entries aloud, but it felt almost impossible to say anything else
> imagination could never do the look on celestia's face justice; a thousand years of sorrow formed cracks in the solar princess's armor that allowed her vulnerabilities to creep through and put on full display just how weak she might have been
> and then there were those elements of harmony, which had been used by celestia against her sister because of that very weakness, or so you thought; now you understood why
> luna had fought with her sister because of her own personal conflict with how much more beloved her sister was than she 
> it was easy enough to grasp on a surface level, but you couldn't begin to imagine how the pressures of maintaing an entire kingdom and fending off threats to your peace while receiving little to no recognition for your own equal part in triumph would weigh on someone's mind
> on top of that, luna was gone for a thousand years
> a THOUSAND years
> humans don't live that long, and case studies on how isolation affects the mind can only go on for so long - there aren't any noteworthy news pieces that come to mind of people spending more than at most a few years without human contact
> people are social by nature, and from what you've seen during your short time in equestria ponies are even more-so; they're like kids sometimes and you can't really see them coping with even a week by themselves, let alone an entire thousand years in the empty, bitter cold of space
> no wonder luna's so fucked up
> understand anew washes over you and with somber realization you regard luna's behavior the last few days
> unpredictable, nonsensical, and characterized mostly by her apparent lack of awareness; she was living on the outside, unconnected to the rest of the world
> and it was your job to heal her heart, broken over the course of a thousand years 
///
> business as usual
> you're listening in on day court ramblings from your fancy chair, but you've got a lot on your mind, which isn't that usual at all
> things sort of went back to normal after storytime with the princess, which struck you as a little odd considering
> celestia didn't mention the diary, or anything else for that matter, in the days following and it felt more than a little awkward on your side - though she explicitly told you and brimstone not to tell princess luna anything
> not about her diary, or about pretty much wishing she had been killed by luna, or that her thousand-year sentance was a mistake
> you could imagine how that would go through and the shitstorm that would follow, but was it really going to be okay for things to just carry on the way they were?
> she did mention though that she never decreed any sort of ban on brimstone's being in canterlot - apparently, it had been something captain shining armor (lol what a name) had done on his own, and he'd received a reprimanding shortly after
> the guards brimstone knocked around were found to have no significant injuries but were dismissed from their respective posts for a week anyway to rest up; brimstone herself was strangely excused of her crimes, despite celestia having warned her about not getting off easy, but it didn't look like the batpony was entirely happy about it to you
> whatever
> court wrapped up for the day around noon or so, celestia having to do something apparently, and you found yourself with nothing to do
> luckily, it seemed like quality rest was at a premium these days and your uncomfortably pony-sized bed was calling your name
> 'anon, you simply MUST come to bed!', it sang, its voice bouncing off the ornate castle walls and worming its way into your ear canal
> you didn't have to be told twice, and you ignored your rumbling stomach in favor of some good ol' r&r, taking the fast lane down castle lane and to your room
> 
> of course she was there
> a midnight blue lump lay where you would have been mere moments from now, curled into a ball atop your fresh linens 
> enraged, you approached the bed and fully intended to slap the top of the covers and rouse the sleepy princess, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it once you got close enough
> wasn't it possible that sleeping in her old room brought back some painful memories? 
> everything in there must have reminded her of times past, and if it were you in her shoes, you might be tempted to stay the hell away from reminders of the past if you could help it
> guess you were foreign enough that it must have seemed more comfortable to stay in here
> you get to your knees and rest your elbows on the foot of the bed, admiring luna's sleeping form 
> it was still kind of strange to you, the idea that these sentient horses behaved and felt the same way the humans back on earth did
> like looking into a mirror, ponies had their own struggles, triumphs, weaknesses and confidences
> here was a being way, way older than anyone you had ever met; it felt like you might never be able to understand here
> but she was here, nestled into your bedsheets and sound asleep, free from the waking cares of the world
> you couldn't help but wish there was something you could do
> at that moment, luna began to stir, and before you could nope out the door you were face-to-face with the equine herself 
> it felt like an eternity; luna's eyes shimmered in the dusty shade of your room, and reflected in them were a kind of hurt that had hardened over the torment of one thousand years
> the depths of her soul were laid bare, and you were hopelessly ensnared by its raw beauty 
> and then it was over
> luna yawned sleepily and rolled over in your bed, her tail swishing against your pillow as she kicked out her legs and stretched them fully
> "Wouldst thou like to know of our dreams, Anonymous?" 
> laying on her side, only one of her eyes was visible as the rest of her muzzle was obscured by her starry mane
> you considered getting to your feet, but it was a pleasant unfamiliarity to speak with a pony at eye level, so you stayed put for now
> "Lay it on me, mare."
> her expression morphed into one of brief surprise, you thought, but when her eyes slowly fell and you felt something touch the top of your head you realized she had taken you literally 
> were you able, you would have corrected her; those thoughts melted away in a swallowing darkness that set in around you as you felt yourself slip out of consciousness and into something else entirely
> 
> the void never looked so enchanting
> you were face-to-face with an endless black abyss, spanning the width of the bleak horizon 
> nothing could be felt, seen, or heard, yet at the same time it felt as though you were acutely aware of the nothingness around you
> "Our dreams art of nothing, Anonymous; such is how it hath been for one thousand years."
> luna was standing beside you, in all her regal getup that you almost never saw her wearing
> her bedazzled nebula of a mane drifted lazily in the non-wind, and her thoughts were imperceptible on her face
"Wait, so... we're inside of your dreams right now?" 
> she nodded her head once and extended a forehoof to gesture to the vast empty 
> "Within the fields of our mind there is nothing, like the great void beyonde Equestrian skies."
> so, here you both were
> in a dream
> aware of said dream
> kind of reminds you of...
> it's all too familiar now, and as you flex your muscles and become vaguely aware of your five senses within the context of the dream, a ripple spreads throughout the landscape and the swirling pitch begins to contort and hum with the beginnings of life
> luna lets out a gasp; she turns to ask you a question, and is met with an astonishingly white landscape 
> the void behind the both of you previously has turned to an expanse of snow fields, thick bunches of evergreens dotting the background while a starry sky looms overhead
> moonlight trickles down onto the snow-covered soil and a chilly wind dances through the pines, bringing with it the smell of a wintery dream - cinnamon, nutmeg, sugar and honey tickle your noses
> that's more like it
> it's cold now, but nothing colder than you can handle
> you bend down and run your fingers through the freshly-fallen snow, and the tracks they leave behind are quickly covered up by a fresh blanket of white powder
> luna is at a loss for words it seems, and her mouth parts in unladylike fashion to allow her surprise residence on her face
> "...Was this thy creation, Anonymous?" 
> you nod, scooping a bit of snow up into your hands and forming it into a tightly-packed ball of hurt
> all you've gotta do is wait for the right moment
> moonbutt is still fairly shocked by the transformation of your surroundings, and she leans down to sniff at the snow, snorting in surprise when a twinkling snowflake lands on her snout
> "Anonymous, how didst tho-"
> FIRE
> you fire the first battery at luna point-black, which smacks her square in the forehead, right below her magic skewer
> before she can react you skitter off into the flurry, leaving dark tracks behind you; there isn't really anywhere to hide, so you drop prone in the snow and fake a pair of binoculars around your eyes
> luna is blinking rapidly and attempting to rub the snow out of her fur with a foreleg - seems like you got her good
> you roll onto your back and quickly pack another snowball into your hands just as the princess is finished cleaning her face off, sending another battery her way shortly after 
> the snowball clips luna's ear this time, which flicks in annoyance while as she pulls her hooves from the snow and trots over to you before you can reload 
> "It would come as a surprise that I might meet another skilled dreamwalker; can all of your kind will dreams as thou can?" 
> you shrug your shoulders against the snow, picking yourself up out of the drift to meet her curious gaze - you don't let on that you're packing another snowball behind your back, though
"I've been lucid dreaming since I was a kid, honestly. Always thought it was kind of weird that other kids didn't know what I was talking when I told them just to change their nightmares into good dreams when they had them. Makes being single a hell of a lot easier, that's for sure." 
> you snigger a sly snigger and luna cocks her head at you in confusion; you respond with another snowball, which is bisected by her horn and spins off in two different directions behind her 
"You just gonna take that? You've gotta let the kid inside of you out, Luna - have some fun!" 
> luna shakes her head, tossing the moisture from her face in every direction; taking a few steps back, she appraises the snow piling up around her, and then looks back at you
"Go on, let me have it!"
> you gesture to your face and a giant bullseye forms on your forehead, much to your amusement 
> the alicorn dips a hoof into the snow, pushing it around a bit before grabbing a good clump of it with her magic and, after a bit of concentration hurling it in your direction
> her aim is a little off, and her pitch a little weak, but you're excited nonetheless - it's been ages since you've had a good snowball fight
> you jog a few more meters away and extend your arms, giving her as big a target as possible
"C'mon Luna, I know you've got it in you. Really give me the business, you know? Do some fancy magic shit or something, whatever you wanna do!" 
> you clap your hands together and dance around like an idiot, waiting for your potential snowy doom; after a few seconds, you notice that she's not making any snowballs
> a little disheartened, you approach the alicorn, who stares at you innocently 
"Have you, like, never had a snowball fight before? Actually, have you even made a snowball? Look, it's really easy, all you've gotta do is-"
> you're about halfway through explaining the composition of your run-of-the-mill snowball when luna's horn flashes with magic and you feel something cold and wet plop down on top of your head
> "Thou hast let thy guard down, Anonymous." 
> again, luna gives you an innocent look and as you wipe the bits off snow off the top of your head and out of your hair 
> attagirl
> you hold your hands up and menacingly waggle your fingers
"You're in for it now, Moonbutt!" 
>
> you have no concept of time here - an hour could have passed while you chased luna around with an armful of snowballs, or it could have only been a few minutes
> it plays out kind of how one would expect, and though you had the advantage of experience in snowball fights luna was just way too quick
> every once in a while, you'd think you had her, but she would teleport away when you got too close and send a dozen snowballs flying your way
> god you wish you had fucking magic
> when enough frolicking was had and it was clear she had the upper hand, you collapsed into a panting mess on the ground, laying flat against the snow and puffing like a fat kid
> pretty weird considering this was supposed to be a dream, but whatever
> luna cautiously approached from the rear, her head low to the ground as she dropped an entire mountain of snowballs out of the air
> thank fuck
> you prop yourself up on your hands and mock a glare in her direction - it really was no contest once she figured out what she was doing
"...That magic of yours is a fucking game-changer. You know, I actually tried to do something similar but it looks like throwing us into a blizzard is about the extent of my 'dream powers' or whatever."
> flopping onto the ground, luna rolled wiggled herself into the snow and rolled over so that she was facing you, her legs tucked in close to her body beside you
> "We hath put limits to thy dream magic, Anonymous; in our dreams, there art no rules, and a limitless dreamer is dangerous. If thou had wished it so, thou might hath traipsed accidentally into the dreams of other ponies." 
> you squint, wiping some snow off of your face
"Wait, what? I can enter dreams?" 
> "Perhaps; we do not yet know." 
> you cross your legs and prop your elbows on your knees, resting your head in your hands as you look down at luna's curled form in the snow
> most striking was her rich coat, a deep blue that formed a perfect contrast with the stark white around her; her starry mane and tail continued to baffle you with its independent movements and you were sure her horn was sharp enough to disembowel
> luna's shifted under your gaze now, rolling onto her back and staring up at you with her piercing cyan eyes, her legs held up in the air motionless 
> your opinion on ponies was complicated: at times, it felt like they were just a little more mature than teenagers, and you often felt like a babysitter having to interact with them and figure out their petty disagreements 
> yet other times, you could tell there was something more to them - they were intelligent for sure, and were capable of a wide range of emotions and motivations just like humans
> and sometimes, when you were alone like this with luna, you couldn't help but feel like you were just two adults spending time together 
> one of which was a blue horse goddess with wings and a unicorn horn
> despite all this, there was definitely something to admire here
> horses by nature were very vascular, efficient creatures, and though luna and most other ponies were softer and rounder than their more practical equivalent back on earth you could still appreciate her supple form
> you've been appreciating her supple form for the past few minutes or so, actually, and you're starting to realize how awkward the situation is getting
> in your daze, you didn't realize that you had a pretty unrestricted view of luna's underbelly and beyond, and soon enough you were wearing a cherry-red blush you hoped she didn't pay too much attention to
> you quickly avert your gaze and cough into your fist
"L-lovely weather we're having here, huh?"
> "Anonymous."
> luna's righted herself by the time you carefully peek back over at her, and she's looking at you with what you think is a little uncertainty
> the contrast between just the smallest hint of emotion and her typically icy exterior delights you in a sort of way - you might actually be getting through to her 
"Yeah?" 
> "Dost thou know the story of our banishment to the moon?" 
> 
> you didn't expect that
"...Yeah. I ended up forcing it out of Celestia a few days ago, but I only got the gist of it - stuff like that goes over my head sometimes, yknow?" 
> luna nodded
> "Twas a time where, in our hubris, we thought to overtake the sun and bathe Equestria in a dark unending - a foolish endeavor, for we expected not Celestia to use the Elements of Harmony against us. It was then she saw fit to banish us to the moon, and thou knoweth the rest." 
> her tail swishing behind her, luna got to her hooves and walked a short distance away, turning her head to stare right through you; you took it as a sign to follow and followed 
> you weren't sure where you were headed, but things in the dream were getting weird
> the snow was sort of melting, but in the way a wax candle might melt rather than actual snow being heated by sunbeams
> trees in the distance were slowly stretching into otherworldly shapes and the night that hung overhead was almost suffocating now, a pitch-black blanket of madness threatening to swallow you whole
> you could feel your heart beating out of your chest and you MIGHT have walked a little closer behind luna that you normally would have
> "When on the moon, the spirit of darkness spoke to us in the bitter cold, soothing our wounds and tending to our sanity - it was there we discovered our potential for dreamwalking. We did not dare make ourselves known to our ponies in their dreams, but for a thousand years we have watched Equestria's struggles and triumphs, and it may have kept us from losing our mind completely to the moon's whispers."
> feeling a little confused, you start to call out to luna, but you realize she's not in front of you anymore 
> instead lies a gaping void stretching before you, much like the one you saw when you first entered luna's dream
> this time, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't alter the landscape to your liking - you had no power here
> it was such a strange feeling, to be powerless inside of a dream despite your extensive familiarity with lucid dreaming
> made sense considering it wasn't actually YOUR dream, but it still was frightening nonetheless 
> a sense of dream was almost physically crawling up your spine, tickling your neck and latching onto your ears like a hideous black centipede seconds away from burrowing into your ear canal and right through your brain
> you tried to run, but it wasn't doing you any good; your mind was a fog and there was an absolute nothing all around you
> like a swirling vortex of what couldn't be, the absence of light penetrated your being and nearly erased your sense of being altogether
> running
> running
> running
> you can't get away
> your heart is beating a million times per second; you can feel a cold sweat oozing from your skin and it's all you can do to keep from losing your mind
> you want to scream, but you can't
> you want to cry, but you can't
> you loathe to look behind you, but something is telling you you're being followed 
> you keep running anyway
> something filters in from the cacophonous nothing and you feel like your name is being called
> it's a lazy, casual feeling, starkly different from the lightspeed nightmare sucking you in 
> "A...mou..."
> you can't hear it
> "Ano...mous..."
> you try a little harder
> "Anonymous!"
>
>
>
> it's a little hard to breathe
> not in the way you'd expect - you're not being choked or anything
> your intake of air is simply being severely impaired by something in front of your mouth and nose
> it smells... sweet? pleasant?
> there are a thousand fragrant flowers assaulting your senses, but maybe that's not the right word; it's actually not that bad of a sensation 
> your arms are wrapped tight around a massive ball of fluffy warmth and its arms are similarly draped over your back, rubbing you down tenderly 
> a comforting pressure on the top of your head completes the circle and you feel as at peace as you might have ever felt, save for when momanon would let you sleep in her bed after a nightmare 
> wait
>
"Lnnpahph."
> there's no response, but you can feel something shifting around you
> suddenly you can breathe again, and when you open your eyes (you didn't realize you'd shut them) a wave of dark-blue restricts your field of view
> "Art thou awake, Anonymous?" 
> was that...
> was that worry you heard? from luna? really?
> she had put some distance between you now and you were loosely cradled in her forelegs, still splayed out on your bed
> seemed she had you wrapped up in a full-body hug; all four limbs were wrapped around you and her chin was rested on top of your head, apparently 
> 
> for some reason, you were strangely un-sickened by the physical contact 
> despite the awkwardness of the situation, you were appraising the difference in luna's demeanor and couldn't be bothered to feel embarrassed 
> staring down at you were two very clearly worried eyes, and though her frown was subtle it was a frown nonetheless 
> "We tried to pull thee out of our dream, but the darkness that cloudeth our mind still would not release its hold on you - we had feared the worst for thee." 
> still a little fuzzy from the dream, you gently pushed yourself away from luna rolled to the edge of the bed, where you sat upright and held your head, which was throbbing like a motherfucker 
"Shit Luna, does that always happen when you take people into your dreams? Gotta warn me next time." 
> the pressure on the bed reduces significantly and luna trots over to your side, putting a hoof under your chin and tilting your head up to look at her
> seems like she's trying to look into your eyes
> "We have never taken another into our dreams - the darkness you saw has never been expelled, except by thine own dream magic, and it is a miracle the darkness had not taken thee before we could intervene." 
> huh
> so you almost died, and luna saved you (again)
> probably not the most intelligent interpretation of what she told you but it was easier to rationalize in your head
"That makes two now, Luna - I've gotta start working on paying these life debts back before you figure out a way to blackmail me into letting you sleep in my bed even more." 
> your quip is dismissed with a sigh and luna steps away from you and makes her steps to the door, pausing before she leaves
> "The whispers that occupy our mind would not have taken to thee if thy heart did not make space for them." 
> ominous words spoken, luna left your room and you to your thoughts 
///
> things have been pretty weird around the castle lately
> for starters, starmane the moon-assed has been chilling in your room for the majority of the week, regardless of your abundant protesting
> you couldn't really get a straight answer out of her, but figured it was because of that whole 'darkness in your heart' type bullshit she was giving you when you were almost vored by dream-satan
> can't a guy just brood sometimes and not have to worry about deep ones stealing him away while he sleeps?
> as angry as you are about the invasion of clandestine anon airspace, you can't exactly bring yourself to just kick her out so you've been camped out on the cold marble floor these days, sleeping about as well as you'd expect 
> and you expect it isn't very fucking well, since you're you
> poor sleep leads to a cranky anon and it's with great contempt that you've attended day court these past few days, which has sent celestia into nearly a dozen chiding spells over your beady, sleepless eyes boring into ponies with questions for their supreme ruler and sending them packing with their tail between their legs
> okay, she hasn't really been THAT upset about it
> just a little talk here and there
> a bit of chatter
> it's kind of funny that you've temporarily been suspended of your day court duties for 'attitude', considering day court wasn't even supposed to be one of your official terms of employment in the first place and had nothing to do with luna
> in fact, it meant more often than not that you were clocked out of daylight hours way before you had time to try and talk to luna about whatever the fuck
> despite her frequent snoozing and irrational circadian rhythm, you've been seeing more of luna's lucid side since celestia gave you the proverbial middle finger and kicked you out of the throne room 
> another oddity was the fact that you haven't heard a word from brimstone since the diary incident
> you weren't too keen on going back to the teapot, really, but it felt important that you had luna and the batponies make up so that maybe she'd leave you the fuck alone sometimes and go crash their cave party sometimes instead of her covetous bed-thievery at your expense 
> today seemed to be more of the same when you first arose at the crack of midnight, forcing the sleep out of your eyes with a sore thumb and bathing in the glory of having back cramps attributed to floor sleeping way past the age you could get away with it sans adverse effects 
> but by the time you finished your evening ritual, including flipping a passive-looking bedside luna the bird on your way out the door in search of some grub, you realized that today wasn't going to be like those others
> sadly
> standing outside your door is brimstone, ashen fur bristling as she lowered the hoof intending to knock on the door and cleared her throat
> "Anon, may I-"
> for some reason, she couldn't finish her sentence, and it was only after observing her slack-jawed awe for a solid ten seconds did you realize that she had likely not expected luna to be in your room, splayed out on your bed like a housecat 
> before the hooves fly, you raise your hands submissively and gesture with your head towards luna, who's nearly falling off the bed at this point
"Listen, I can explain."
>
>
>
> "You can dreamwalk?" 
> you nibble on a bagel you nicked from the kitchen earlier after explaining some of the recent events to brimstone; luna was gone by the time you came back, but nothing that mare does surprises you so only brimstone was left askew by her absence 
"Myeah, it's possible. Maybe she was just bullshitting, but it seemed to me like I had an awful lot of control over that dream--moreso than I'm used to in my own." 
> absorbing the precious threadcount of your expensive canterlot sheets, you flop down onto the bed; your feet dangle over the edge, like they always do, but you don't even mind any more because it's not the fucking floor
> brimstone gives you an annoyed sort of look and seats herself comfortably on a desk chair in the corner of the room, hooking her forelegs over the back and sitting backwards to face you
> "So let me get this straight: you ENTERED Princess Luna's dream after touching her horn, changed the landscape of her dream from void to some kind of snowy wonderland, and then you were almost possessed by evil magic and woke up being cuddled by the Princess like you were her favorite doll?"
> smacking your lips obnoxiously, you finish the last of the bagel and lick each of your five right digits for good measure; brimstone isn't impressed
"Something like that."
> the batpony groans, her black leathery wings ruffling around on her back as she leans back (forwards?) in the chair, nearly losing her balance for a split second
> you try not to laugh
> "Well, I have MANY questions, but without her here there isn't really much to talk about. Did I even tell you why I came back to Canterlot in the first place? I'm sure you're wondering."
"Not really."
> "Since you asked, I'll tell you--I can't keep this stupid secret away from the Princess anymore. Do you know how BIG a revelation it is that Celestia didn't mean to banish her sister for a thousand years is? Centuries of thestral history are pretty much dedicated to hating Celestia and staying in our ancestral caves specifically because of the belief that she was, like, evil or something! If word got out that things really were meant to be different, not only would we be able to leave our caves without fear of reprisal, but public opinion of Princess Luna would probably skyrocket!"
> brimstone bounced around in the chair, threatening its weak wooden legs, and the smile on her face was almost enough to make you forget about promising celestia not to break the news
"Did you just forget that Celestia specifically told us NOT to tell Luna about this?" 
> you cross your arms while laying in bed, and though it doesn't have the same effect a standing arm cross would have, brimstone is clearly put off after realizing you didn't share her oathbreaking sentiments 
> "Anon, you can't be serious! The Princess needs to know about this--years and years and years of hate could all be invalidated by the news and she deserves to know!" 
"You really think you're going to undo a thousand years of hurt just because you tell her, 'Oops, your sister didn't actually mean to banish you for a thousand years--no hard feelings, right?', and then everything will be fine?"
> though you definitely had a point, and brimstone knew you had a point, she shook her head and hopped off of the chair so she could march up to the side of your bed, a frustrated scowl devouring her previous exuberance 
> "Maybe, maybe not--but Princess Luna needs to know, and I'm going to tell her, and you can't stop me!"
> "Speak freely, thestral--what troubles thee?" 
> brimstone is spooked right out of her chair (you're not) when luna soundlessly creeps into the room and butts into your conversation at quite possibly the worst time; you wonder how much she heard, but judging by her relative nonchalance and general apathy you assume none at all 
> stammering, brimmy falls to the ground in an awkward pony-bow and you watch luna tap her on the shoulder with her unshod hoof, bidding her to rise 
> "P-princess Luna! I c-can't even begin to tell you what an honor it is to finally meet you! I heard so many stories about your beauty, and your grace, and your horn, and your mane, and your-" 
"What is she, your school crush? Are you asking Luna to the fucking dance? What time should I pick you up, huh? I know, I'd better let-" 
> you mock brimstone from the bed and flinch in place when she whips her head around to spear you with a frostbite glare
> ...yeah you'd better stop that
> luna exhales from her nose and you wonder if it might've been an expression of mirth
> "Deserve we not thy admiration, young thestral, for we beseech thee grant forgiveness to us for our shortcomings. We had almost forgotten, but nay--we could never forget what we owed thy kind."
> luna looked a little remoreseful, her glassy eyes focusing on something way beyond the walls of your room and casting a shadow over her face
> brimstone seemed taken aback, but remained silent, allowing luna to continue
> "Versed art thou in thestral history, young one?" 
> the batpony could all but nod, remembering she could speak a few seconds later and sputtering like an old car trying to start attempting to answer the princess's question
> "Y-yes! As a matter of fact, I consider myself a historian of sorts--I know all there is about our history."
> "Then thou mightst recall our storied history, and when we abandoned the thestrals in our lust for power, asking the impossible." 
> brimstone shook her head slowly, a complicated expression overtaking her
> "No, we... Princess, it was our fault for not helping you when you needed it--we've regretted not being there for the day you challenged Celestia and were banished for as long as you've been gone, and even through those thousand years the feeling stayed with us and brought us to where we are today!" 
> luna didn't say anything for a long time, trotting over slowly to the wall furthest the door and beside your bed; where a window lay, she unlatched it with a quick flick of her hoof and pried it open, letting a cool midnight breeze chill the room 
> "...Despite our negligence, thy kind lent us the strength to escape our lunar prison and exact imperfect revenge upon our sister--having failed, how must thou and thy ponies regard us now; we cannot imagine."
> this time, it was brimstone's turn to choose over her next words with care; a full minute passed before the thestral spoke, her floorward gaze turned to luna with renewed vigor 
> "Princess... we just want you back. We want you to re-establish your night court, and we want to serve you! It doesn't matter what's happened in the past--you being here, speaking with me, is enough that I could die a happy mare right now! We've been waiting a thousand years for your return, and come what may we would all gladly lay down our lives for you." 
> it was a little cheesy, but the loyalty in her words was tangible; there was no way brimstone was leaving the room without some kind of victory 
> you sit up in bed and kick your feet down alongside it, searching for your slippers and screaming when you accidentally fall to the floor
> 
> luna ignores you
> brimstone ignores you
> you lie on the floor in pain, possibly requiring medical attention; nobody cares
> "What is thy name, child?" 
> "Brimstone. I'm the daughter of Scorch and the current leader of the thestral tribe that lives in the caves beneath Canterlot." 
> luna nods, seeming to appraise the girl in front of her before she speaks again 
> "We would have words with them." 
>
>
>
> walking with the princess through canterlot was a surreal experience
> when you first left the castle a pathetic few guards offered to escort the princess but she'd paid them about as much mind as anything else--that is to say, she didn't pay them any mind at all
> entering the city proper you were gawked at by pretty much everyone, easily the strangest combination of travelers they had seen in a hot fucking minute
> as far as you were aware luna hadn't spoken to the public since she'd returned and despite the likelihood of celestia herself informing her subjects of the situation and that luna was now decidedly NOT evil, the stares you received walking through the castle town's streets spoke volumes as to public opinion 
> brimstone wore a permanent scowl as she strode through the cobble after luna, daring any ponies to say something about or to her beloved princess; the most she got were hushed whispers, which she did her best to challenge with ocular confrontation whenever she got the chance
> you half-expected a sort of sullen reverence from the ponies you walked by but despite brimstone's earlier demonstration there were no floorstones being kissed by unworthy mouths as they bowed at mach 1 humbly as possible
> the whole thing was fucking stupid, and you did your best to just not pay attention to any of it
> it didn't take long to reach the teapot, and upon entering you heard the collective gasp of stupefied patrons as co-ruler of equestria made entry 
> the bartender whose name you cared not to remember rushed up at once to the princess's side and bowed his head, removing the dumb pony bowler hat he wore (you didn't remember that either) and muttering praises under his breath
> "My princess! I never thought I'd see the day when you graced my humble shop with your presence. Please, can I get you anything? A drink? Some refreshments? A-"
> you tap luna on the withers and she glances in your direction; you lead her past the bumbling fool trapped in his npc dialogue and to the backroom, where the trapdoor lay that led to the caves below
> before you can open it, though, brimstone pushes you away and bars entry to the cave
> "B-before I let you in, Princess, I just want to warn you--thestrals are a rather fanatical bunch and I can't even begin to imagine what kind of reaction you're going to get. It'd be best if I could go down first and get everypony ready..." 
> the princess nods and makes herself comfortable, laying herself down beside you and crossing her forelegs in front of her; you pop a squat in similar comfortable fashion
> brimstone wordlessly enters the caves
> 
> you can hear the muffled screeching of what sounds like a thousand or so leather-winged equines below and spare a glance at luna; you're surprised to find that she looks a little lost in thought, her eyes cloudy and demeanor completely different than what you've come to expect from the passive princess 
"What's the matter, Luna? Got a little stage fright?" 
> slow as molasses, the princess shook her head at your supposition
> "It has been years long since we last were here--t'were naught but the mouth of a cave, then. Would that it had been under better circumstances, for we fear that we may be ill-received now, begging forgiveness after abandoning the thestrals to a thousand years of torment." 
"Wait, what? 'A thousand years of torment'? What happened here after you left, exactly?" 
> luna's glassy eyes fixed on your figure and you crossed your arms, a thought playing in the back of your mind to the tune of 'i wonder if she'll ever stop talking like this'; she doesn't stop talking like that
> "Thestrals suffer from a unique form of magical affliction that manifests only when they sleep--thou couldst liken it to a 'nightmare', albeit far more malevolent. We had, in centuries past, begun research on a permanent solution for their unfortunate circumstance, but... thou very well knoweth that which followed." 
> interesting
> basically, batponies as a species suffered from bad nightmares and luna was going to help get rid of them at one point--before her banishment, that was
> you consider bringing it up to brimstone sometime or another--along with that bit about helping luna escape from the moon
> a small sigh slips past the lunar princess's lips and for a moment she looked as old as she claimed to be; despite her frequent napping it was clear luna was very, very tired, and you couldn't imagine the weight of feelings she must bear on her shoulders
> it wouldn't surprise you if all this talk of what happened in the past was pushing repressed memories up to the surface--it could have taken a thousand years to lock the past tight under a protective wall of reinforced solitude, but things were much easier remembered than they were forgotten in most cases
> before you know it, you're reaching out to luna, torn between letting her mellow by herself and giving her some comfort, much like she'd done for you 
> mercifully, brimstone makes the decision for you, popping the cave hatch open and gesturing for the two of you to follow her inside; if she'd seen you and your confliction, she didn't say
> you allow luna to enter before you and keep up behind her, closing the trapdoor as you descend into the cave 
> you're met with what you expected for the most part, but vastly underestimated the amount of batponies living down here below canterlot
> when you first made your way down here what seems like ages ago, there were only a few curious individuals who spared you the time of day
> this was an entire fucking population and it brough to mind images of entire generations being born and dying in this cave
> it's a little sad, really--guess you can understand why brimstone wanted out so bad
> rank and file, among them sit individuals of all age groups and appearances 
> little batpony foals with budding wings were hushed by their mothers and fathers, indulging in weird rituals like lick-bathing their kids in front of one of the most powerful creatures in equestria; older, wiser thestrals were scattered amongst the younger ones, clearly the minority and remnants of a generation or two in the past
> brimstone said she was the leader of these guys here, but she's clearly pretty young--did something happen to her dad at some point?
> you didn't have the confidence to ask her that one
> the princess of the night stepped forward to meet the masses, her head raised and pallid eyes appraising every creature in the room
> when she cleared her throat to speak, not a soul dared to move from their place--you and brimstone were beside her for moral support, though you didn't think she really needed it (it was the batpony's idea)
> 
> "Forgive me for putting aside tradition for the moment, but I feel you all deserve a personal address from me after all these years."
> 
> with hesitance, luna continued 
> "It would surprise me if any of you sitting before me today remembered what transpired one thousand years ago when, in my foolishness, I called upon you to aid in my ill-fated insurrection against my sister, Princess Celestia. When I challenged her alone, without you, and was imprisoned in the moon, I left you to the dark dreams that taint many of your minds and fulfilled not my promise to rid you of them for good. For this, and for not meeting with you sooner, I offer my most sincere apologies." 
> and then, luna bowed
> her head hung low in pronounced shame, mane and tell sweeping the floor as she stood prostrate for all to see
> the absolute silence in the cave clawed at your throat and you fought to run back to the surface to escape the pressure; no one spoke, and no sounds could be heard save for the occasional precipitation of cave liquid squeezing itself off of stalactites and into puddles below 
>
> a few moments passed, and luna slowly raised her head to meet the concerned stares of the thousand or so thestrals in shock before her--the sight of the princess groveling in front of them was surely as unexpected as her sudden appearance 
> she regarded brimstone, who was milling about beside the princess and also trying to make herself as small as possible, from what you saw; she almost jumped out of her coat when she noticed luna was staring at her
> "Y-yes, your majesty?" 
> luna shook her head, slipping away from the two of you and approaching the awestruck crowd; without her regalia, which she frequently chose not to wear, she looked much like any other pony 
> well, except for the alicorn thing
> and being about three feet taller than anyone else in the cave (except for you) 
> "I do not expect you to fall at my hooves and kiss the ground I walk upon--you thestrals are a proud race, with a great history, and I would not dare to impose on you all. That being said, I do have a request, if you would like to hear." 
> blue alicorn could be seen weaving amongst the scattered batponies, who parted around her like the red fucking sea 
> you couldn't tell if they were reverant, fearful, anxious or mostly just confused
> their eyes couldn't help but magnetize to the princess where she walked, and with their attention she spoke gently, like an old friend waking you up from an afternoon nap
> "I have... been running from my responsibilities as a princess, despite how little I still care for the title. Celestia is but one mare, and the weight of ruling an entire kingdom should never lie in the hooves of a sole proprietor-"
> having made it to the center of the densest cluster of batponies, they circled around her at a respectful distance as she addressed them with confidence
> "-and neither can I assume my duties in this alone. To that end, I would like to establish my own defenders of the night--a group of ponies whose steadfast dedication to protecting Equestria and her interests against those that would wish her harm while ponies sleep through the night." 
> a spark jumped through the crowd--faces that once framed confusion now sparkled with anticipation and excitement like you'd never seen
> luna could have probably asked these guys to jump through a ring of fire and fend off an invasion with nothing but the rocks in the cave and they likely would have done so with smiles on their faces
> "In return, for your service to me and to Equestria, I will help in whatever way I can to alleviate your kind of the horrible dreams you have suffered for so long."
> at first, you couldn't hear anything
> it was kind of strange, you thought
> but then, what started as a few muffled hoofsteps became a roaring lion of joyous cheers
> luna looked to you a little shocked when the thestrals surrounding her all started to chant her name, stomping in place and throwing their hooves in the air, glee ringing throughout the cave and nearly rattling the lichen off of the walls
> "PRINCESS! PRINCESS! PRINCESS!"
> "LUNA! LUNA! LUNA! LUNA! LUNA!"
> you couldn't help but let a wry smile play across your lips
> the others might not be able to tell from the mute expression that settled on luna's blue-furred muzzle, but you had a feeling something positive was stirring in her empty heart as the thestrals praised her 
> even brimstone had left your side at some point to stumble through the crowd, attempting to cheer louder than anyone else around her
> 
> ...you shouldn't be here
> this was great, and your work was probably getting closer to being finished than you'd thought
> luna was going to have an entourage of stalwart bat-pegasi to follow her around and fight over her attention in the castle; brimstone was going to finally get her wish and would probably spend hours catching luna up on bat history or whatever inane stories she had cooking up in her brain at any given time
> and then there was you
> you were just anon, going through the motions and patting yourself on the back for a job well done
> it probably wouldn't be long before you were evicted from your comfy (when you weren't on the floor) castle room and sent back to ponyville to play pacifier with the townsfolk again
> 
> were you really okay with that? 
> at some point, you had slipped away from the revelry and found yourself just outside of the teapot, tracing the increasingly familiar roads back to the castle gates
> it wasn't that long of a walk, but somehow you managed to fill the time with a bunch of unnecessary thoughts and other stupid shit
> you know, things that anon thinks about when he's alone 
> standard for you as it was to stay in your thoughts and reminisce about your hopes and dreams back on earth, your day-to-day had been so hectic and pony-filled that you had completely forgot about your previous life 
> so much time had been spent following luna around and coaxing her out of her ancient shell in the past few weeks
> had it been a month already? had it been longer? 
> you had no idea
> your troubles followed you to the castle and even when you passed by a worried looking celestia, who appeared to be returning from sunrise 
> she called out to you, but you didn't bother to respond--what would you have even said? 
> it was only after the safety of your room embraced you and your muddy thoughts did you slump against the door and decompress 
> you're kind of a loser, aren't you?
> no hobbies, no aspirations, no love life, no sex drive 
> you had been cruising through life on earth much the same way, and despite having an opportunity to turn things around here in a completely different universe with its own unique rules you found yourself married to the same inoffensive lifestyle 
> can you even call it a lifestyle? 
> you don't want to be in canterlot anymore, but there isn't a whole lot you can do except internalise all of this self-loathing and wait to be fired 
> sounds like a plan, anon!
> through sheer force of will you find yourself crawling into your bed; it smells like luna, which is a weird thing you think
> you didn't know she had a smell
> guess being around her that often made you a little desensitized
> thin sheets work their way around your fingers and you clutch the fabric close to your face, drinking in luna's scent 
> you don't want to wake up tomorrow
///
> in the drowsy haze of twelve in the afternoon, in your uncomfortable pony bed, you stare at the sliver of black pointed toward the embossed 'XII' on your alarm clock's face
> why did you even have an alarm clock
> what was the purpose
> you were typically woken by some bullshit or another at any time during the day/night, so it was pointless to schedule anything that would warrant having one
> in fact, you were sure that in a few moments, luna would come busting down your door, prancing about in your room and fluffing up your luxurious bedding so she could stick her tatted-up moonbutt square in the middle and kick you to the proverbial curb 
> she didn't, of course--no one came asking after you when you retreated back to your room in the castle from the explosive revelry of the thestral cave 
> and thus, you somehow managed to fall asleep for an uncomfortable length of time and awoke at twelve in the afternoon, some six or so hours afterward 
> the concord sheets, lazily wafting the heavenly lavender of luna's natural scent, were still clutched tight in your white-knuckle grip and you were amazed you managed to fall asleep so tense
> weeks past might have been your craziest, and burdened you with a hellish rollercoaster of emotional turmoil, so it wasn't too far-fetched that you managed to pass the fuck out as soon as your head hit the pillow
> a groan rumbles in your throat and you roll over onto your back, abandoning your ticking friend in favor of the soft, seashell swirls carved into the high ceiling 
> who would've thought humble anonymous would be sleeping in a bed fit for a king in a castle twice the size of any you'd ever seen in pictures; the mere thought of luxury this undeserved was enough to get you counting blessings
> there'd come a time when it all ended, though--you'd have to be ready for it
> were you ready to say goodbye to everything you'd come to know and tolerate here in canterlot?
> could you say goodbye to luna? 
"GAH!"
> you bellow into the sunlit dust above your head, which scatters particles out of view; it does little good, and you're just left feeling like a fucking idiot 
> that's because you ARE an idiot 
> what did you even have to be depressed about?
> you had it made here, and ponies dreamed of being in your shoes, cozying up to the princesses and living the good life without a care in the world
> 
> maybe that's why you felt out-of-place
> this stuff was above your pay grade, and you were just a temporary outsider, a contractor with a job to do--once you were finished, you'd be sharing cookie-breakfast with twilight over dull books you pretended to read and beating spike over the head with them while twiggy wasn't looking
> 
> you shut the muffled whispers of anxiety out of your head and throw your pillow over your face, falling back into a fitful slumber 
>
>
>
> assimilating the thestrals into the eup (earth, unicorn, pegasus) guard was a relatively simple task--it seemed to you like most of the guard readily accepted a shift change, with some of the night-owls admitting they'd much rather work during the day and not rotate the graveyard shift like they'd been doing for centuries 
> celestia didn't have much to say when you and brimstone brought the idea up to her (luna was nowhere to be found, which was odd but not uncommon for her), and made the arrangements for captain shining armor to handle the batponies' training regimen 
> you wouldn't say he enjoyed it--in fact, he looked like he hated all of them (which ended up just making the training almost comically difficult)--but in a few weeks, they were starting to look less like feral cave-dwellers and more like a hastily thrown-together militia
> occasionally, you'd sit in the courtyard and watch as the ornery unicorn stallion drilled the thestrals for hours; you knew next to nothing about military movements, courtesies, and other guard-related hooplah, so you could only stand to observe so much before losing interest 
> there was no time-frame for their training to be complete in--they would just be ready when they were ready, you figured
> the larger issue was your missing charge
> luna had been gone for a week, and no one had seen heads or tails of her in that time
> you were surprised to learn that very little in way of searching had been done for her, as everyone had just written it off as 'normal princess luna behavior'
> sure, she was prone to extensive absences easily attributed to her unpredictable behavior and enigmatic mind, but this was the longest she had been gone and you were honestly a little annoyed that no one had done anything about it
> actually
> maybe you were annoyed because YOU hadn't done anything about it
> truth be told, speaking with the lunar mare again after ditching her gave your heart the thump-thumpies of guilt; it wasn't as if she had requested you be there, but her personal triumph over her past mistakes had surely warranted your presence for at least its entirety, right?
> if you thought so, luna might think so too--maybe her disappearance was your fault
> luna was an adult and could take care of herself, but it didn't stop you from worrying 
> after the start of the next week, worrying had become your new hobby--actually, it became your only hobby
> ...
> man
> with no luna around to work for and nothing meaningful to participate in, you decided to finally indulge one of your lesser-explored interests: reading 
> canterlot castle was massive and it would probably take you weeks or even months to see every identical hallway or colossal spiral staircase, and in all your time here you hadn't come across the royal library until you asked after its location 
> picking up the pace, you strut down a hallway identical to the last, next to a colossal spiral staircase, and spot a favorable sign; a pair of statuesque guards cross spears over the threshold of a room you've never seen at the end of the passage, and you skid to a halt before they skewer you like a summer sausage 
> "HALT! What business have you in the Royal Canterlot Archives?" 
> lowering your hands and quitting your cower, you shrug your shoulders and lean to the side, trying to get a glimpse of the knowledge horde behind them; one of the guards shimmies to the side and returns to view, which prompts an INCREDIBLY exaggerated groan from you
"Dude, you've probably seen me like a hundred times, if not more--I fucking live here. You gonna ban me from reading? I know a certain purple freak who'd have something to say about that." 
> the pair of guards lock eyes with one another, sharing their apprehension before the leftmost clears his throat
> "We've been told by the princess not to allow any visitors in the archives right now--she's working on something that requires her full attention." 
> at mention of the princess you tense, but realization soon dawns on you and your muscles relax
"Yeah, well if you tell Celestia I'm out here and I need to-"
> the stallion to your right coughs into his hoof, interrupting you
> "Princess Luna has requested that all visitors be kept from the archives until she finishes her research." 
> oh
> you're sure the two of them can probably feel the surprise shock your body from a few feet away
> SHE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME?
"Was it public knowledge that Luna just fucked off to the library for a week, or have you two just been here keeping that secret from everyone?" 
> one of the guards rolls their eyes at you and the other simply shakes his head
> "We have orders." 
"Yeah, and I've got half a mind to tickle your brain with that spear of yours after I give you a bronze enema. My ONLY fucking job here is to look after Luna, and I'm getting real tired of having to deal with you gold-plated bastards and your 'orders'." 
> "Anonymous?" 
> whatever sharp retort bubbling in the two stallions' throats was cut short as luna thrust her head into view from the left of library entrance; her expression was blank, if a bit amused, and the two guards snapped to attention, emotions drained from their face as if to compete with the princess's own apparent apathy 
> ...you're a fucking idiot--how much of that had she heard? 
> did she hear the part about taking care of her
> lining up for a field goal, you mentally punt yourself through the golden goalpost and stuff your hands into your pockets reflexively to keep from ripping your hair out
"...Uh, hey. Was looking for you." 
> really?
> is that all you can say after all that mind-numbing embarrassment? 
> luna brushes the two guards aside gently with her hoof and beckons you inside; you can only oblige her, resisting the devil on your shoulder imploring you to flip the armored stallions off as you enter the library proper 
"Did you... hear me out there?" 
> luna nods, trotting along in front of you
> "You were most audible." 
"Well, it's only because I was worried. Er, okay, maybe not worried, but it was just a big fucking deal that you were missing and-"
> "I really did not mind." 
"-so because of that, it's only natural that I overturn the fucking castle trying to find you--I mean, what kind of person I am if I just-" 
> "If anything, another set of eyes may prove useful to my research." 
"-really wanted to just make sure you were okay. NOT that you couldn't take care of yourself, of course--you're a grown woman- er, mare, so don't-"
> "Anonymous, are you all right?" 
> the midnight blue mare was inches away from your face, peering into your lunatic eyes like a scientist inspecting a speck of dirt under a fucking microscope--which was what you were compared to her, really
> okay, actually it was nothing like that
> if anything, she looked kind of worried about you
> no, that can't be right; she probably just thinks you're a psychopath, and that's perfectly fine
> is it?
> isn't it?
> her cyan gaze forces a fidget out of you and you clear your throat, trying your best to battle the heat rising to your cheeks
> since when were you a blushing maiden anime woman high school crushing mamby-pamby baby candyass faggot? 
>
"...Yeah, let's just keep going." 
> a minute or two more of her century-long inspection and she's off again, lunar tail swishing in time with her steps--why are you suddenly aware of shit like that now? 
> you try not to stare; instead, your attention is sincerely drawn to your scribely surroundings 
> canterlot's royal archives were probably a bibliophile's wet dream
> an entire wing was devoted to housing priceless tomes, no doubt containing legendary spellcraft and tales of heroism and romance otherworldy 
> to your right, spanning the entire surface of a marble facade, was a bookcase filled with a rainbow of leather-bound pages with various titles and authors scrawled on their spines; to your left, a reading nook complete with polished birch-grain tables with only the faintest dusty dew streaked across their surfaces; a gold-trimmed purple carpet flowed beneath your feet and spilled out into the open rotunda in front of you, which was flanked by many more ancient books 
> needless to say, canterlot's royal archives were filled with a ton of shit you couldn't read 
> the princess led you amongst the mazelike book-corridors and weaved amongst stacks of haphazardly-strewn pages until an oversized oaken desk met your view
> "This is where I have conducted my research on the thestrals' enigmatic dream-curse, for the better half of the week." 
> luna gestured with a wing to the many illegible field notes that all but covered the surface of her workstation, and you plucked a leaf from the top of a paper mountain and inspected it like you were literate 
> "As you can see, I have made little progress thus far. Many subjects and disciplines concerning the magic of Equestria have been documented here in these archives--even some of Starswirl's prophetic writings are housed within these walls--but sadly, there is scant knowledge on dream magic. I suspect that my absence for one thousand years has kept scholars from truly wishing to dive into the subject, for fear of reprisal as a sympathizer of Nightmare Moon." 
> though it came out with an almost apathetic objectivity, you were sure that somewhere in there having to talk about her banishment so casually and how ponies probably felt about her was putting her in sour spirits
> mistaking your mild psychoanalysis for legitimate analysis of the subject matter, luna magicked the paper out of your hands and combed its contents with her eyes after slapping it down on the desk
> "Have you found something I missed? I must admit, I have not been getting much sleep as of late, so forgive me if a key piece of information escaped my withered eyes." 
"Actually, I can't read." 
> luna inspected the document for a second more and pushed it aside, comparing it to another of similar length; the two notes floated around in a slow pinwheel as luna scanned each of them, and then another hiding behind some carelessly placed book near the back of the desk 
> "Truly? That is unfortunate--I was honestly hoping that your perspective on the topic might prove insightful in one way or another." 
> you shrug your shoulders
"Luna, I'm gonna be honest with you: I'm probably the most useless guy you'll ever meet. I don't have any hobbies, or aspirations, or really any goals, and my mild commitment issues keep me from getting the job done almost one-hundred percent of the time." 
> "You are still here assisting me, are you not? Do not think I have forgotten why you have been chasing after me." 
> the next words catch in your throat
> 'actually, i don't even care about the job anymore--i just like hanging out with you'
> you definitely can't say that
> it would sound absurd
> and did you honestly believe that yourself? 
> sure, those were the first words that came to mind to rebuff her distant assessment of your imposed duties, but was that really how you felt about luna?
> lately, it felt like you were doing a WHOLE lot more thinking about how you felt about the princess and less of your actual fucking job, which was to get her to make up with celestia 
> to be fair, it seemed like she was on the right track now, if her diligent pursuit of the nightmare-cure said anything about her present state of mind
> after she figured this out, she might just have the confidence to honestly confront celestia so they could sort out their differences--and you might have the confidence to urge her through it 
> suddenly, a purple nerd's face flashes over your mind's eyes and you slap a fist down in your open palm--a universal sign of either an incredibly stupid or incredibly brilliant idea being born
"Why don't we just ask Twiggy? She's the biggest fucking nerd I know, and she'd be all over this shit." 
> luna quits shuffling papers around in a magic circle and blinks in your direction
> "'Twiggy'?"
> she said it slowly, like she was trying to decide if what you were saying was a title, a name, or something else entirely 
"Sorry, I meant Twilight. Purple horse, about yea high, loves to slap her pet dragon around and doodle in books when nobody's looking?" 
>
> somewhere in equestria, a purple unicorn breaks into a sneezing fit
> 
> luna shakes her head
> "I know not of this purple pony, but if you believe she may provide a valuable opinion on my investigations..."
> she trails off, eyes caught on some visual snag in her research papers (if you weren't mistaken, it was one of the leaflets she had already looked over like a dozen times in the past few minutes) 
"Uh." 
> one of the desk drawers to her right is seized by a purple glow and luna snatches a quill and inkwell from inside; she slides the inkwell a good ways away from her notes and dabs the feather twice into the substance before scrawling some more illegible shit overtop of her existing notes, somehow making it even more confusing from your perspective
> maybe this was just how ponies wrote 
"Aaaanyway, I'll write her a letter if you can spare some paper and a pen or something." 
> the princess wordlessly passes you a blank scroll and looses a spare quill from a drawer underneath the one she'd already opened (and hadn't bothered to close); you take the quill and fumble with it for a minute or two, trying to figure out how in the fuck anyone actually wrote with one of them
> eventually you figured it out and, after a few generous globs of ink soaked through the quill's hollow vein, you started scribbling some english-flavored chickenscratch
> you found it odd that despite not knowing the language and your godawful penmanship, twilight had very little trouble reading your handwriting, which you discovered after she spent a day hunting you down as you ran around ponyville
> who knew writing 'spike is a flabby gay retard' in purple ink sixteen times on the cover of one of her favorite (you had no idea) books would piss her off so much? 
>
> you finish writing and sign your name underneath the final line
> actually, you just doodle a shitty-looking penis, with cum spraying out from the tip and everything
> somehow you don't twilight has ever seen one of these and will likely mistake it for an actual signature, which is going to be fucking hilarious if she ever shows it to anyone else 
"Guess I'll just have to find a post office or something to send this thing off--I'll be back at some point." 
> before you can go bitch at your armored friends some more, the letter you just took twelve whole minutes to write almost evaporates from your grip and a vapor trail lazily drifts from your hands to an open window in the distance, slipping out and into the night air 
"...S'that supposed to happen when you write letters here?" 
> "Your friend will be receiving your correspondence shortly--in the meantime, have a look at these notes here and tell me what you think."
> luna pushes about a pound of written word into your chest and you nearly drop the stack as it strains against your atrophying triceps
> you still can't read 
>
>
>
> "Never in all my days did I expect Anonymous of all creatures to ask for my help on a research project! You're lucky you caught me before reshelving day, otherwise it might have been quite some before I could get my hooves on the right books."
> giddy amongst the dusty canterlot library shelves, twilight purple nosed her saddlebag open and then levitated out a few dozen books on various pertinent topics (though why she didn't just do it all with magic escaped you)
> after writing her yesterday and your hard work mysteriously disintegrating before your very eyes, twilight made a fucking beeline to canterlot and arrived sometime in the late afternoon--you were still asleep, unfortunately, but a very KIND guardspony woke you and let you know that the little fool was asking your name
> guess they all just don't give a fuck about poor anon and his unpredictable sleeping habits
> maybe you get it from luna
> the mare in question was absent from the archives for whatever reason, despite having locked herself in for a week straight without saying a word to anyone 
> you suppose she finally needed to use the restroom, or eat, or sleep, or do literally anything that wasn't looking over the same incomprehensible scribbling for 24 hours + 7 days
"Talk to the hand, Twiggy--I wouldn't even need your help if you'd just taught me to read like I asked a million years ago." 
> purple smart's indignation gave rise to a hearty chuckle in your throat, and when she stamped her hoof and shot you her signature twiggy stare you couldn't help but snort 
> "Anon, are you EVER going to get my name right? I can count on one hoof the number of times you've actually referred to me by 'Twilight'!"
> for emphasis, bookhorse held up a hoof, obscuring little of her frustrated expression 
"Are you ever going to stop being purple and nerd? Didn't think so." 
> "Anon, that doesn't even make any se--Princess Luna!" 
> mid-snark sparkle dust hit the deck, giving you a whiff of fruit mane soap and informing you that your favorite alicorn had returned; luna strode toward the two of you with a yawn and smacked her lips sleepily 
> was she actually asleep? 
"Were you actually asleep?" 
> "Perhaps."
> her cryptic reply instantly puts you in a sour mood and you whack your forehead with a groan
"Pretty much what I expected. Anyway, Luna--this is Night Light--Moonlight, this is Luna." 
> "Anonymous, Night Light is my dad! And second, Luna already knows who I am, and I know who she is--didn't you ever hear about what happened when she returned?" 
> you'd like to answer purple's question, but luna draws your attention with her disinterested stare; if luna really had met twilight before, she certainly didn't make it obvious 
> "...You DO remember me, right princess?" 
> again with the blank stares
> luna circled twilight like a shark drawn to an injured surfer, looking her up and down for any signs of weakness (it was funnier if you imagined it that way); twilight cracked under the pressure, sheepishly smiling at the mare in return
> finally, luna exited bookhoof's orbit and cantered over to her desk, resuming the usual paper merry-go-round
> "...Er." 
> twiggy looks to you for reassurance; you offer none
"She's just like this--don't think too much about it." 
> leaving a dazed and confused twilight to deal with being forgotten, you canter over to a pile of abandoned books and rough them around until you've formed a suitable looking pile to drop your plump anonymous derriere atop
> soft... as a feather...
> recovering from her minor identity crisis, twilight ignores your abhorrent disrespect for literature and sidles up to the princess, who is still leafing through the same five or so documents 
> "Princess Luna, could I take a look at those notes?" 
> before twilight can react, luna shoves a clusterfuck of papers into her chest and gives her a nod
> "If you discover anything I missed, please do not hesitate to let Anonymous or myself know." 
> you perk up at mention of your name but immediately get pissed off because luna has forgotten three times now that you can't fucking READ
> twilight seemingly picks up on that detail, though she neglects to mention it a fourth time after possibly seeing the futility of it
"You learn fast, Twiggy--your father would be proud." 
> the purple unicorn sticks her tongue out at you and trots over a ways to your book throne, comfortably nestling herself into the floor and laying the many sheets of writing in solitaire-like fashion before her
> you watch as she looks them over, makes a variety of indecipherable expressions, glances at you a few times, then starts to turn each individual page over for good measure
> if you were to guess, you'd say she-
> "I can't read this!" 
> oh
> that's a surprise
> luna, oblivious to it all, shuffles the remaining pages in front of her, quill-in-magic; she doesn't start writing until after she lets out a massive yawn, though 
"Wait, what? It's not just me then?" 
> twilight shakes her head
> "Well, yes, you can't read anything, but even if you were able there isn't anything written in this whole stack of notes that even remotely resembles our written language!" 
> aghast, twilight abandons the notes and hovers around luna, hesitantly tapping the princess's withers with a hoof
> "Mm? Did you find something?" 
> "Um... Princess, I don't know how to say this exactly, but... none of what you have written here is legible." 
> the alicorn doesn't speak for a few moments; bookhorse begins to repeat herself, but is silenced as luna turns to face her, unreadable 
> "...Is that so? I suspected that might be the case, but I had hoped that perhaps you might be able to decipher my unfortunate hoofwriting where Anonymous failed." 
> you scream from your pile that you can't read but neither of the mares acknowledge you
> "I can't imagine you never learned to write, being a princess and all..." 
> shaking her head, luna gathered up the remaining parchment in front of her and, with a sigh, crumpled it up and tossed it behind her
> "At first I could not believe it, but... I do not remember how to write. Most of the time I have spent here in the archives, I have been attempting in vain to remember, but legibility continues to elude me." 
> her admission was punctuated by her gloomy expression and it suddenly occurred to you how obvious that should have been
> she was stuck on the moon for, what, a thousand years? 
> not much paper or ink to be found up there from what you remember reading in your school days
> with another sullen exhale luna plopped down on the ground, as defeated as you'd ever seen her
> it kind of...
> hurt
> though it was definitely good luna was recapturing a little of her emotion, watching the mare battle the cruelty of time by herself made you want to do something
> but what could you do?
> you could tell her it was all right
> it wasn't her fault
> in fact, all of it had been a mistake to begin with
> you see, there wasn't even a reason why you had been stuck on the moon in the first place
> it was all one big fuck up
> a waste of time, even
> and those thousand years you suffered alone could have been prevented if your sister wasn't so foolish
> ...
> but you could never admit that
> for one, it definitely wasn't any one pony's fault--it could be argued that celestia could have shown her sister more concern, but who were you to pass judgement on events you didn't even see take place? 
> in the midst of your depressing hypothetical-crafting, twilight had already comforted the princess in your place; rubbing the midnight-blue mare's back down with a gentle hoof, twilight spoke some reassuring words to her and offered to help her learn how to write again
> "You needn't trouble yourself with my woes, Moonlight--perhaps it is for the best that I leave you to continue where I could never succeed. If I could not find a cure for the thestrals' condition with Starswirl's best notes and research, I doubt I could ever."
> annoyance flashed in twilight's gentle magenta for a brief moment but it quickly faded in the face of luna's genuine distress; she shook her head with a determined smile
> "Princess, let me be the first to tell you how difficult it is to get any meaningful research done when you've been staring at the same words without any breaks in-between. Why don't you take a break for a bit and let me give it a shot? If I make any breakthroughs here, you'll definitely be the first to hear about it!" 
> you find yourself agreeing with twilight's advice, even if it's more than obvious purple really wants immerse herself in research on a topic she was unfamiliar with 
"I agree, actually. You've been here for, what, a week straight? The batponies aren't going anywhere, and I'm sure they don't expect a miracle cure in a day." 
> "...Perhaps a walk through the castle gardens might serve me better than staring at these incomprehensible scribbles any longer." 
> you nod, and an opportune thought crosses you 
"Why don't we... Luna?" 
> before you can get the words out you're nearly bowled over by luna's lumbering form; you manage to wrap your arms around the mare just in time to fall squarely on your rear, dragging her down with you
> laid out across your lap, luna's flowing mane ripples weakly across the floor and the soft rising-and-falling of her barrel tell you that she didn't croak on you (not that you thought she wasn't immortal or anything, cause you definitely did); her serene expression and soft whinnies as gentle exhales leave her snout tell you that it could be a while before the sleepy princess would be up again
> 
> your fingers somehow find themselves hopeless entangled in the lunar mare's shimmering mane, grasping at delicate slivers of midnight; without really thinking about it, you stroke luna's mane as she sleeps softly atop your outstretched legs
"...Princesses need sleep too, you silly horse." 
> are you smiling?
> you might be smiling
> ...and twilight has been watching you the whole time, the blush so prominently stretched across her muzzle rivaling only your own in intensity 
"..."
> "..."
"...Not a fucking word, Twiggy." 
> after a few more seconds of staring, a smug grin overtakes her
> "No promises." 
///
> "Anonymous? Can I speak to you for a second--alone?" 
> never were more ominous words spoken, and not because they came from a bat-winged equine known for her lengthy monologues and short temper
> no sooner than a week of fruitless research had passed did brimstone come and visit you in the canterlot archives, where twiggy and lulu made little headway into their unraveling of the thestral nightmare curse 
> considering the fact that you contributed to practically none of the miniscule progress they'd managed after combing the entirety of Canterlot's royal library, it was no surprise that neither of them noticed when you slipped away with the batmare, who made it very clear that she wanted to keep the details of this impromptu conversation a private affair 
> so
> here you are, standing in your bedroom with a strange mare after coming up with zero else that qualified as "somewhere we can speak freely" 
> "It... smells like the Princess in here." 
> brimstone's charcoal muzzle lit faintly with red as she squinted suspiciously in your direction
> shit, was it really that bad?
"Truth be told, it's been a while since my lovely moon-butted friend has stolen my bed for one of her all-times-of-the-day naps. What, would you rather it smell like me?"
> you sniff beneath one of your arms in an exaggerated manner and shrug your shoulders; brimstone is not amused, if the daggers she glared at you and the rough clearing of her throat were any indication
> "A-ny-ways... Look, this isn't easy to say, but I've got something I need to tell you--it's about the curse." 
> the way she shuffled about in front of you, still barely moved from the door, made her look like a kid whose parents were told he said the fuck word at school
> she could barely meet your gaze, but you held it firm and gave her the time she needed to get the words out
> "...I know how to break it." 
> ...
>
>
>
"Are you fucking serious?"
> the thestral flinched at your response, sending little pangs of guilt through your heart; still, was she fucking serious?
> "Well... Yeah. I've always known."
"And you just never thought to tell anyone? Do you know how much time Luna's spent in that fucking library chasing fairy tales for you? Did you even thank her for any of it? Twilight hasn't slept in days either, and now you're telling me they just wasted their time? Why ARE you telling me, actually?" 
> her ears splayed back against her dark fur, brimstone kicked the ground idly and failed to meet your accusing gaze
> "...I figured you'd be less angry."
> you shake your head
"Newsflash--I'm pissed. I mean, it's not like I did any of the work of course, but just in case you hadn't picked up on it this whole thing means an awful lot to your supposedly revered princess. I can't imagine I'd be willing to put in the tireless hours of research and study into something that might not-" 
> "I COULDN'T!"
> all at once, brimstone was in your face, smoldering fury in her eyes; she jabbed a hoof into your chest (kinda painfully) and backed you up into the wall
> "You'd never understand how it felt to watch as your father slowly wasted his life away waiting for somepony you knew would never come! Every morning, he'd head into the caves and suffer those terrible nightmares in hopes that she'd come rescue him--but guess what? She never came." 
> confusion seasoned the mare's questionably justified anger, and despite your size advantage you were still nothing short of scared shitless by brimstone's outburst; you tried to raise your hands and say something in your defense, but she cut you off
> "They're worse, you know--the nightmares get worse the closer you are to her, or so he said. I assume that's why we lived so close to the surface. It didn't matter to him, though, and when it finally started to wear down on him he still believed Luna would come to his dreams and ease his suffering. His wounds were HER fault, so why should I apologize to her?" 
> you weren't sure if it was a question; brimstone didn't look like she wanted an answer
> then, all at once, she backed off of you, her voice soft and sullen
> "He never told me what he saw in his nightmares, but every night he would come back from the caves looking like he'd just run a marathon. His mane frayed and his coat grayed and his eyes lost just a little bit more luster than they'd had the day before. Mom tried to get him to stay, but he was too stubborn--too sure that Luna was going to be there waiting for him if he suffered enough. Eventually, his body couldn't take it and no more than a fever stole him away from me. I stayed beside him until the very last moment, when I didn't feel his heart beating anymore. Up until his dying breath, he didn't stop believing that she would come save him."
> brimstone stood there, head low and eyes closed; you weren't sure you had ever seen someone so vulnerable 
> what did you say in this kind of scenario? 
> you still didn't have a clue what was going on
> kneeling down to her eye level, you waited
> and waited
> and waited
> then she sniffled 
> that's what you were waiting for
> your hands crept forward, hoping to scoop the mare up for a hug (in hindsight not the best idea), but she quickly swatted your limbs away with a hoof; she wiped her softly forming tears away afterward
> "...Don't--I'm fine." 
> her eyes a little redder than usual, brimstone fixes her mane and blinks away the rest of her sadness--in moments, she looks much the same when she came in
> "Guess I still haven't explained exactly what's causing our nightmares, have I?" 
> it takes a moment or two for you to recover, but you eventually shake your head
> "Right. Well, make yourself comfortable and I'll tell you what I know." 
>
>
>
"In short, there's some kind of dream demon that can only be defeated in a dream WHILE you're dreaming that lives in your ancestral cave home." 
> brimstone nods her head from the space opposite you on the bed
> "That's the long and short of it."
"And how do you know all this?"
> "Speculation."
"...Seriously?"
> "It's not like I can ASK the creature, you know? Everything I know about the Nightmare--that's what dad called it, anyway--is a mixture of speculation and whatever he'd tell me after his trips, which wasn't much." 
> that's... fair
"One thing that's still bugging me, though--why didn't you guys tell Luna about this way back when? I mean, you've ALWAYS had the nightmares, right? That means that creature's probably been there just as long." 
> brimstone shakes her head, pursing her lips in thought for a moment 
> "From what he told me, the Nightmare was only discovered after she'd been banished--pretty inconvenient, right? There was no way to do anything about it until she came back, so we waited." 
> and then, when luna came back, her dad ventured into the caves by himself to try and lure the princess into his dream in hopes that she'd save him--obviously didn't happen, though 
> that also meant that her dad died pretty recently--within the last few years, if you remembered correctly 
> shit
> you'd only been talking with brimstone for at least a half hour, but it seemed like she had all but recovered from her earlier outburst--something that amazed you
"You know, you're pretty strong--I don't know that I'd be able to hold it together as well as you do if I were in your shoes." 
> a half smile took her face and the batpony's wings fluttered a little against her side
> "I didn't have a choice, Anon. Mom was in no shape to lead our people, so I had to be the one to do it." 
> you nod
"Guess that makes sense..."
> trailing off awkwardly, you hesitate to make eye contact with the batmare; when you finally work up the courage, she's staring at you expectantly, as if she knows what you want to say
> "You want me to tell the princess now, right?" 
> another nod 
> brimstone sighs, picking her languid form from atop the covers and hopping down to the floor; you step in front of her
"Hey, I uh..." 
> the thestral's head pitches to one side and you struggle to finish your train of thought 
> goddamn anon, you really suck at this
> nervously clearing your throat, you press onward 
"...Just wanted to say that I'm sorry for giving you a hard time about not telling us what was going on. If I had known, I wouldn't have ever-" 
> brimstone trots past you, prodding your door open with a hoof
> "Don't worry about it, Anon. We should get back to the library, though, before Luna thinks you're cheating on her." 
> her comment throws you for a loop and with a laugh she leaves you and your stammering excuses behind 
>
>
>
> by the time you pulled yourself together and caught up to brimstone, she'd already filled luna and twilight in on the details
> purple smart was just as surprised as luna to learn that there was some creature she'd never heard of feeding off of ponies' dreams in the caves underneath canterlot, though the unicorn was decidedly more excited about it than the princess; luna had hardly moved since you arrived, seeming to mull the whole thing over in her head
> "I can't believe something like that has been down there this whole time--and I can't believe nopony's ever recorded anything about it! This is going to be a great opportunity to learn a little more about this kind of magic, and since we're going to be the first ones to see it firsthand, we-" 
> you sidle over to twilight and cup a hand over her rapid-fire mouth, prompting a surprised squeak and a barely-whiffed kick to graze your leg
"This isn't a field trip, Twiggy--we're going down there to kill this thing--I think." 
> looking to brimstone, she nods solemnly
> "I wouldn't settle for anything else. This beast has terrorized our people for centuries, and it's only fitting that we slay it for all the pain and suffering it has caused us." 
> luna picked that moment to interject, her contemplative silence finally broken 
> "That is if we are able to slay it, of course. Forgive me, Brimstone, but we do not know if we still possess absolute mastery of our dreamscape as we once did--we were barely able to contain Anonymous's own dream magic, after all." 
> twilight's eyes nearly bugged out of her head and she snapped her head so quickly over to you that you were ready to catch it if the damn thing flew off
> "You can dreamwalk?!" 
> her smile as wide as her ass was fat, twilight circled you like a shark, possibly trying to discover an exterior source of hidden magical potential 
"It wasn't like that--just a bit of lucid dreaming. Luna's dreams were kind of boring, so I figured I'd spice it up a little so we could have some fun." 
> "Her... dreams? You entered one of Luna's dreams?" 
> probably shouldn't have told her that
"Twi, we've got bigger things to worry about here--you can molest me to your heart's content once we get back, but I'd rather we focus on this whole dream-demon thing." 
> twiggy's stammers punctuated her hasty retreat, ears falling flat as a bright-red blush overtook her 
> "M-molest? I'd never do anything like that! At the most, it would be a series of very objective and very scientific field tests to determine what kind of magic you're capable of manipulating in a sterile testing environment without any significant groping or unnecessary physical contact unless required for those very tests!"
> twilight was left panting afterward--did she say that all in one breath? 
> damn
> the crowd wasn't buying it, and twilight sunk further into her embarrassment; brimstone cleared her throat, drawing both your and twilight's attention 
> "Well, if you two are done flirting, we can get back to breaking the curse." 
> the thestral turned to luna, who had been watching the anon-twilight exchange with an unreadable expression; when luna realized she had the spotlight, she blinked a few times and nodded quickly
> "We would agree, Brimstone--we would like nothing more than to see your curse broken and your thestrals free of its torment. Again, however, we must say that we are not entirely sure we can handle it." 
> brimstone quickly shook her head, gesturing in your direction
> "If things go south, Anon can jump into your dream and use his vague lucid-whatever to help you out, right?" 
> three expectant stares forced a wobbly agreement out of your mouth, but luna's gentle smile afterward made you feel as though if push came to shove, you'd be right there by her side no matter how pathetic or useless you'd be 
"...I can try." 
>
> the night sky was quickly fading by the time you all left the castle
> despite not really needing to prepare, twilight was off in a hurry with talks of lists that would most definitely need double checking, and you had a feeling she wouldn't be making it back in time for the expedition 
> you didn't really want her to come along, though
> giving twilight a hard time seven days a week was something you enjoyed, but the mare was the closest thing you had to family here in equestria and you don't know what you'd do if something were to happen to her
> that being said, she was a pretty huge asset and not having her wit or sheer magical power when you finally confronted the nightmare made you a little uneasy 
> the walk down to the teapot, backlit by the hazy morning oranges streaked across the sky, felt a little surreal--it was like you were in some kind of action movie, ready to confront the big bad and save the day
> typically, though, one of the minor supporting characters would be killed off to create some drama
> ...it'd probably be you
> you swallowed the macabre delusion as luna matched your stride, trotting up beside you
> "Would you be willing to assist us, should we fail to subdue the Night-mare?" 
> would you, though?
> of course you'd help if you knew that you could, but you didn't expect to honestly be of any use on this one; you were a lot of things, but a hero wasn't one of them
"I guess?" 
> luna nodded her agreement, though she didn't seem entirely satisfied or reassured in the least--it didn't really show, but you had a feeling the pressure of breaking the curse was starting to get to her
> "We're here."
> brimstone's voice sounded from ahead and sure enough, the golden teapot in all its uninspired glory now loomed before you, looking especially foreboding at the crack of dawn
> 
> you followed the mares inside, noting that the place was oddly devoid of patronage--though that might've been because of the sign hanging on the door, which you were certain spelled 'CLOSED' in hoofrunes or whatever
> the store's backroom was just as messy as it'd always been, and when the three of you slipped through the trapdoor into the caves below you were greeted with the strangely familiar bored holes and shimmering moonlight of the thestral caverns 
> "I'll take the lead--grab onto my tail so you don't get lost, Anon." 
"Do I look like a child to you, Brimstone?" 
> "No, you look like you can't see in the dark."
> oh
> you grab onto brimstone's tail without a word, clutching a few strands between your fingers
> with luna behind you, her shoe-less hooves echoing softly, it would be impossible for you to lose your way now
> didn't make it any less terrifying to wander into the mouth of hell, though 
>
> after some time had passed, and your eyes had well-adjusted to the dim darkness of the rock walls, the long path you trod along stretched wide into a clearing of scattered rubble and crystal protrusions
> was this where brimstone had gotten that crystal orb she hoofed square between that guard's eyes? 
> "This is probably where we want to stop, if my dad's stories had any truth to them."
> brimstone sniffed out some suitable place to get to work; left without a guide, you groped the crystal-lit darkness before latching onto what felt like liquid silk flowing around your fingertips
> it was luna's tail, of course
> you shy away from her and prepare a hasty apology but she interjects with an odd question
> "What will you do, Anonymous--after we have slain the spirit?"
> you shrug your shoulders
"I dunno. Guess I'll just head back to the castle and break the news to Twiggy that we already did everything when she shows up hours later with her quadruple-checklist."
> "And after? What will you do after we have resumed all of our duties as Princess of the Night?"
> you didn't immediately answer, and luna's dull blues blinked patiently 
"...I'll probably head back to Ponyville, I guess, since I'll be out a job." 
> you immediately regret the words as they leave your mouth, and before you can change your mind luna has already retreated into the darkness
>
> why the fuck would you say that?
> she was strong, and wise beyond any measure--a thousand years to oneself would probably do that to anyone (if they didn't just fucking die of course)
> that didn't mean she wasn't just like any other girl, though--you were sure she had her fears, doubts, insecurities and worries like anyone else, and locked away or forgotten as hers were it was only a matter of time before they exploded into a fiery supernova of emotional turmoil 
> you were sure you weren't helping quench those flames with your bullshit and indecision
> you should apologize
> or maybe you should tell her the truth
> maybe you should tell her that you don't want to leave canterlot
> maybe you should tell her that you can't stop thinking about her
> maybe you should tell her that she's not alone, or that everything is going to be okay, or that you really miss when she used to sleep in your room and that you love the way she smells and her playful unpredictability and her narcoleptic tendencies and the way she hated her regalia and the little bits of cute, happy mare that shone through the cracks of her crumbling fortifications that you were likely one sledgehammer-swing away from knocking down
>
> "Princess, we should get started before she realizes what we're doing." 
> maybe not
> you could just barely make out luna's frame as she padded over to the center of the cave and laid down, which told you that your opportunity to fix that incredibly stupid mistake just now had come and gone
> "We'll keep watch out here--not that I expect us to be attacked or anything. The Nightmare is going to show you your worst fears, so try to keep your mind busy and WHACK"--brimstone clopped her hooves together for effect--"the heck out of it before it has a chance to pull anything."
> luna nods, squeezing her eyes shut
> "We will do our best."
> and then, all was silent
>
>
>
When Luna next opens her eyes, she's met with a sprawling expanse of pure white, not unlike her last and most favorite dream. 
In a way, it feels just as lifeless and empty as her dreams have always been, save for the fresh coat of paint. 
No wind blows in this blank tundra, and no shivers rack her body, but the same icy isolation she'd become accustomed to met her nonetheless. 
Was this supposed to be the manifestation of her worst nightmares?
She supposed the 'Nightmare' could have done worse. 
She could have been shown her beloved Equestria, engulfed in the never-ending flame of war.
Her thestrals, perhaps, could have been slaughtered en masse while she slept, their proclaimed savior none the wiser. 
Or maybe...
The human she had become fond of, Anonymous, would leave her like all the rest. 
When had it become known to her that Luna fancied the human?
There had been many who tried to lay siege to the lunar princess's impregnible emotional defenses.
Many even had tried doing exactly what the human had, truth be told. 
What was it that made him different?
Perhaps it was the sobering honesty that crept into his bouts of self-deprecation and loathing. 
Maybe it was the way he told her what he was thinking, despite her royal status. 
Yes... that was it, wasn't it?
Anonymous saw Luna as... Luna. 
Never once did she feel under the proverbial microscope, the fragments of her heart pieced together like a young foal's jigsaw. 
The boundaries of her lifeless liminal space shuddered and heaved, as if expelling a heavy sigh. 
But.
But...
There was a certain distance between them now, wasn't there?
Lately, Anonymous had been avoiding her, it seemed.
He hardly met her gaze, and kept his door locked most nights.
It wasn't the most difficult thing in the world to trespass anyway, but the motion alone gave her pause.
Did he grow tired of her?
Were her admittedly unpredictable and confusing signals too much for the man? 
...Did he fancy the thestral instead?
A flash of blinding white seared Luna's retinas--the walls of the space seemed to grow closer, gently nudging her to the center of the dream.
An unseen force put power in her legs and she walked--slowly, she walked--until a massive weight seemed to sink into her withers.
Luna pressed her body to the ground, lacking the usual grace or ceremony of a princess with centuries of courtesy beaten over her head. 
...Anonymous has been through enough, has he not? 
Luna knew why he had shown up to the castle from the moment he'd stepped through those ornate castle doors.
He was to 'fix' her, like a toymaker would a broken doll or a seamstress a stitch that had come awry. 
And when he did?
...He would be off like the others, she figured.
No one had come close since she had returned--the way she opened up to the man scared even her. 
There were things he couldn't know--things she would never share with him, which may have caused the rift that wedged them apart now.
The absolute darkness of space, and the cold bitter rock of her beloved moon shaped her fragile psyche like clay, slowly shaving off excess memories and feelings until what remained much reminded her of unfired pottery. 
She was strong, but remained fragile.
Wise, but stubborn. 
But Luna knew it was all a facade. 
The handle of the door to her emotions nearly disappeared under years of dust and neglect, but a mare with a broken heart still sat behind that lock, waiting to be freed.
Freed she'd never be, now that she had lost Anonymous. 
Brimstone had mentioned that the Nightmare would take advantage of its victim, who would suffer their worst nightmares in the spirit's dream. 
The Nightmare hadn't done a thing, though.
It hadn't needed to.
Luna buried her face in her hooves, the beginnings of tears she'd forgotten the feeling of forming in her peripherals. 
She couldn't help it--Luna cried.
The familiar taste of abandonment had beckoned forth the pain she'd stowed in the back of her mind years and years and years and years ago.
A sensation in the back of her throat like tar almost forced Luna to vomit.
> He hurt you.
The mare tried to force herself to shaky hooves, but /she/ wouldn't let her.
> He'll keep hurting you, you know--it'll never end. 
> "Please... I have tried so very hard to keep you out... Please--just go." 
Black flames licked at the corners of Luna's vision, which had long since blurred from the steady stream of tears bleeding into her muzzle. 
> You will never, ever get rid of me, though I know you would never want to. You NEED me, Luna--just as I need you. We are one in the same, and that will never change.
> "We are nothing alike!"
Luna screamed into the void, overcome with emotions she couldn't remember how to control.
Wicked daggers of laughter filled the space of Luna's dream in an instant.
At some point, the Nightmare had shown itself to Luna, though the mare remained in her own thoughts. 
> You can't overcome this--or anything by yourself. You need me, Luna. He won't help you, nor will Celestia, or the thestrals, or anypony else. I am the only one who can truly set you free.
The Nightmare edged ever-closer, swathed in dark magic and emboldened by Luna's catatonia. 
> I will give you my power again, and this time things will be different--we will take advantage of that fool sister of ours and subject Equestria to our true and deserved rule. 
> "Please..."
If Luna had looked up from her hooves, now drenched in many fallen tears, she might've seen the Nightmare's true form.
> Give in.
The demon wasn't black like one might think--there was no color perceived by the naked eye that could describe it.
> Luna.
The Nightmare was the absence of light.
> Let me do this.
It was a rift in Luna's dream.
> You need me.
Something that shouldn't be.
> He can't help you.
And when it was upon her, there was scarce little she could do to combat the thing.
> Only I can.
>
>
>
> *ding* 
"Seven hundred and ninety-eight."  
> brimstone groans in the darkness, but fails to prevent you from picking up the same smooth cavestone you've been tossing up against the wall and back to yourself the past... whatever amount of time has passed
> "Please just give it a rest, Anon--she's not going to wake up any faster." 
> you suddenly lose count
"SHIT!" 
> hissing into the darkness, you feel around for the stone and chuck it into the inky tunnel you came from; the rock taps the wall a few times as it flies away from you. 
> there's no way to tell how much time has passed since luna dove head-first into her 'nightmare'
> you kick up a cloud of dust as you tap your foot nervously against the ground, prompting you to sneeze a few times
> it's clear that brimstone is beginning to lose her patience as well, but she's keeping her cool far better than you are
> 'I'll probably head back to Ponyville'
> the words echoed in your head like nails on a chalkboard, reminding you how hard you shit the bed with luna 
> was it really that hard just to say 'hey, i think you're pretty and i really like you. we should get a drink sometime.' 
> you probably wouldn't word it like that
> there were a thousand and one things you could say to let her know how you felt, but somehow you managed to pick just the right frankenstein's monster of words to send her off in the worst way possible
> failing to resist the urge, your eyes wander listlessly over to the princess
> you could just barely make out luna's sleeping form in front of you a ways--the rise and fall her chest was the only tell that the princess still lived and hadn't been gobbled up by the bad-dream-demon
> it had been a while, now that you thought about it
> maybe she really did need your help
> you can't imagine she'd be too happy to see you after your unkind words, but maybe you could cook up some dream magic to help her out of whatever pinch she was in and all would be right with the world
> anon, you're one brilliant motherfucker
> thanks
>
"Brimstone."
> she doesn't respond at first, and for a second you think she fell asleep, but after a bit of shuffling around she answers
> "Yes?" 
"Don't you think it's been a while?" 
> she doesn't answer 
"I mean, maybe we should go in there or something. Think about it: if whatever she's seeing right now is her worst fear or whatever, it definitely wouldn't be that scary to either of us, right? What if one of us went in there and tried to fuck things up a little--make it so that instead of one nightmare that's britches-shitting scary, it'll turn into two nightmares that are pretty scary but definitely not as bad with the two of you." 
> after a second or two of silence, brimstone trots over to you, which you can barely make out in the dark; she hoofs your chest (you've gotta tell her to stop doing that cause it fucking hurts)
> "Think you've got it in you to go in there?" 
"Not even a little bit, but I'm going to-" 
> a pale spark lit the room for an instant, like a smartphone's camera flash 
> in that instant, though, you could barely make out the faint ice of luna's eyes as they fluttered open 
> "Princess!" 
> brimstone was already at her side, nudging her to her hooves
> luna seemed none the worse for wear, despite the weighty silence that took hold of the cave 
> "How did it go--is the curse broken?" 
> she didn't speak
> from what you could see, luna actually strode right past brimstone and back through the cave tunnels
> hurrying along after her, brimstone only paused a moment so that you could grab onto her tail before adopting a moderate pace down the bleak cave halls after her savior princess
>
>
>
> after a time, when the faint light of the morning sun that filtered through the cave's trapdoor entrance caught your eye, you realized that luna was nowhere to be found
> brimstone must have been aware far earlier than you, but perhaps neglected to mention it so that she could lead you to the surface
> "I don't know how, but I managed to lose Princess Luna back there somehow..." 
> you scratch the back of your head
"Do you want me to help look for her?"
> you realize the stupid before the words leave your mouth, but brimstone just sighs and shakes her head
> "You and I both know that wouldn't help anypony. Go back to the castle and I'll let you know if I find her, Anon." 
"...Right. Good luck."
> the thestral nods and gallops back into the darkness, leaving you all alone