[copied from https://pastebin.com/5J2LMeyn ]
[original author Etiquette ]
"[Cheerilee][FR, Clop] The Numbers Game, Part Apple (First)"
Flutterrape !
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>Be in the market with Twilight and Rainbro.
>Visiting Applejack's stall because it's lunchtime.
>Pick out an apple pie, an apple crumble, and some apple juice.
>You're pretty damn hungry.
>"That'll be sunflower bits, sugarcube."
>You grin and reach into your bit sack and produce a coin with a sunflower etched into it.
It's so cute how you p0nies call it a sunflower bit.
>Twilight raises an eyebrow and turns to you. "What do you mean, Anon?"
Well, I mean you call it a sunflower bit instead of a number.
Like back on Earth, Canadians call dollar coins Looneys because of the loon on it.
>You give a big smile and start chowing down on your crumble.
>"What are yah talking about, Anon?" AJ says looking confused. "Sunflower IS ah number. It comes right after apples."
>Mt. Apple Crumble has just erupted from your mouth.
>Warn all the innocent villagers of Shirtopia.
Wait... What?

>Dash can't stifle her laughter anymore. "Bbbbfffaaahahaha. Anon doesn't even know how to count?!"
>She's on her back rolling around in the air.
>Fucking wings...
Of course I can. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... How high do you want me to go?
>Rainbow is in tears now.
>Applejack has a pitying look on her face. "Well, ya got sommuvit right. It's apple, 2, ball, apples, sunflower... an' so on."
>Your jaw starts its mining operation again. We know there are diamonds down there somewhere!
You must be joking...
>Oh wait... It's Applejack...
Then how do you know if someone's talking about apples as in the food or apples as in the number?
>"Well duh..." AJ grins proudly.
>You wait for her to actually answer your question.
>She sees that you're still waiting and huffs.
>She answers like it's the most obvious thing in the multiverse.
>"Yah cain't apples the apple apples or you'd have waaaaay too many apples."
>Durriken, where the fuck did you come from?
>You look to Twilight and Rainbow who just nod in agreement.
>This fucking place...

>Twilight pipes up. "Anon, if you can't even count, then you're going to have a difficult time around P0nyville."
>Rainbro adds, "Yeah, there's no way I'm hanging out with somep0ny with less than a filly's education. So uncool."
>Real fucking bro, bro.
It's not my fault Equestria has a dumb number system. I can read, write, and speak just fine. I think I can survive.
>"No, no, no. Education is a very important part of a filly's life. It builds character, makes her more independent..."
>Oh no. You've gotten Twilight started on one of her speeches now.
>You start to lose interest and your mind wanders.
>Oh man, this pie is heavy.
>Why haven't you eaten it yet?
>And how were you even carrying an apple crumble, an apple pie, and apple juice?
>Whatever.
>This pie looks fucking delicious.
>You take a whiff. Oh god, you want it inside you.
>You lean down to start your pie make-out session.
>"-and then that baby dragon basically becomes her slave and does all her chores. And that's why school is so important."
>Twilight looks over to you to see you mid-way through eating out your pie-pussy.
>"Anon, were you even listening?!" Twilight huffs.
>Dash and AJ, who had been nodding off from the monologue, snap to attention.
>You freeze. Bits of pie tumble from your nose back into the dish.
>You really love apple pie.
Uhh... Yeah. I mean, yes! Of course.
>Twilight eyes you warily and then smiles. "In that case, I'll go sign you up for Cheerilee's class."
>Wait...
>What?

>Next day
>Guess what?
>You're sitting in Ms. Cheerilee's classroom.
>And your ass hurts because these desks are too small.
>It's like an adult trying to fit into those plastic red and yellow kids cars.
>You know the ones. The foot-powered ones.
>The ones where the person looks like a complete fucking idiot and can barely get one leg inside.
>That's what you look like right now.
>And what's worse is that all the students have surrounded you and started talking about you like you don't understand English.
>"What's a big old monkey doing in our classroom?" asks Snips.
>"Daaah... Maybe somep0ny brought it in for show and tell," answers Snails.
>"Mah big sister sahd his name was Ahnon," Applebloom says proudly.
>"Well I think he's An-oying." Everyp0ny laughs. "And he's also fat."
>Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara do some fucking hoofshake.
>"Bump bump, sugar lump."
>Fucking bitch.
>Finally Cheerilee strolls into the room.
>She sure took her damn time.
>The fillies and colts scramble to their seats.
>She walks over to her desk and straightens a few papers.
>"Class, as I'm sure you've all noticed, we have a new student today."
>"Mr. Anonymous will be joining our class for a while because Earth's number system is different from ours."
>The classroom erupts in laughter.
>"He can't even count?!" It's Diamond Tiara again.
>You're gonna have to find that bitch once school lets out.

>Cheerilee motions for you to come up in front of the class. "Would you care to introduce yourself, Mr. Anon?"
>You sigh and attempt to wiggle your way out of your seat but you're stuck.
Uhh... You know what? I'd rather you just pretend I'm not here...
>"Oh nonsense, my little po- human. Please come up and say a little something about yourself."
I uhh... really can't. I'm... umm... [mumble mumble]
>"What was that Anon?"
I'm... uhh... stuck...
>The whole class laughs again and nearly chokes on your pasta dinner.
>"Oh, let me see if I can help." Cheerilee walks over to your desk and starts pulling on your arms.
>You aren't budging.
>"Hmm... maybe if I..." She trots behind you and pushes on your butt.
>Did she just grab at it? No, no, she's just helping out...
>You squeak out most of the way, but now you're too far forward.
>She gets back in front of your desk and pushes you sideways with one hoof on your chest and the other on your... crotch?
>She must just be ignorant of human anatomy, she needed to grab there for leverage... right?
>You slide out of your desk with a cartoon POP and land on the floor.
>Cheerilee smiles. "Now, how about that introduction?"
>You make your way to the front of the class.
Umm... hi... I'm Anonymous. I'm a human from Earth and I don't really know how your counting system works, so that's why I'm here.
That's pretty much it.
>You look to Cheerilee and shrug. "That was wonderful, Anon! You may take your seat now."
>Great, so you went through all that trouble to tell everyp0ny what they already knew.
>Sounds like this is going to be a great day...

>Most of the day is absolutely boring.
>For some reason, you have to sit through every subject.
>Why in the Celestia-shipping solar system would Twilight sign you up for the entire class day?
>You'll have to have a talk with her once this day is over.
>English is a breeze. After all, you were in college back on Earth.
>Geography isn't that bad, since you watched the show so much.
>Social sciences was a little weird. There were subtle nuances that you had to wrap your head around.
>Like using everyp0ny instead of everybody.
>And all those horse puns.
>Dear Celestia, those awful puns.
>Finally it's time for math class.
>This is way harder than you'd imagined it would be.
>It's like learning a new language.
>"Mr. Anon, can you tell me what canary minus pastry is?"
Uhh... Tree?

>Cheerilee frowns. "Not quite. What about you, Snails?"
>"Daaah... It's seven, right?"
>At least this kid's just as dumb as me when it comes to this stuff, you think to yourself.
>"Very good, Snails."
>Snails grins idiotically.
>What the fuck? They have the number seven here?
>You frantically check your book.
>Yup, there it is. Right there. Seven. Right where nineteen would be in any sane universe.
>Your butthurt is palpable.
>"Maybe we should take a break. Alright, my little p0nies. It's nap time."
>Nap time? Score.
>You aren't feeling tired, but at least it'll get all these little shits out of your hair.
>Everyp0ny goes to sleep and it's just you and Cheerilee.
>"You aren't going to take a nap, Anon?"
Nah, I'm not really tired. I am getting pretty thirsty though.
>"In that case, let me get you something from the teacher's lounge." She trots out of the classroom and returns with a cup of juice.
>You down it. It tastes kind of... bitter?
>Suddenly your eyelids get heavy and you start to feel lightheaded.
What did you-
>Cheerilee smirks at you. "Nap time is for everyp0ny, Mr. Anonymous."
>And just like that, you're out like a light.

>You wake up to Cheerilee chiming a bell in her mouth.
>You yawn and stretch.
>When your eyes meet Cheerilee's, you suddenly remember why you had fallen asleep.
>You panic.
>What the hell was that all about? Did she drug your drink?
>You look down and try to make sure that everything is where is should be.
>You give your jimmies a once-over.
>They're still unrustled.
>Just what did Cheerilee do?
>You look to her confused and she simply smiles.
>"Did you enjoy your nap, Anon? Because I sure did."
>You get a chill down your spine that could make the Arctic shiver.
What the fuck did you do to me?!
>"Anonymous! Such language!" Cheerilee tuts.
>"I'm going to have to ask you to stay after class." She gives you that same smirk again.
>For the rest of the day, your concentration is shot.
>Your mind keeps racing, trying to figure out what Cheerilee might have done with your passed-out body.

>After what seems like an eternity, class is finally dismissed.
>You stay seated while Cheerilee holds the classroom door open for her students as they file out.
>As the last few leave, you get up and walk over to the teacher mare.
>She closes and locks the door behind the last filly.
Look, you're going to tell me exactly what you did to-
>In a flash, she spins around and is up on her hind hooves.
>She cuts your sentence off by pressing her muzzle to your mouth.
>She bites softly at your bottom lip.
>Shocked, you stumble backwards and fall onto the floor.
>She takes this opportunity to position herself so that she's standing over you.
Cheerilee, what the hell are you doing?
>"Anon, do you see this cutie mark?" She motions to her flank.
>"This is a symbol of how much I love to see my students smiling faces."
>"And right now, my little human..."
>At that phrase you feel a tingling down below.
>It's like someone took a feather duster to you balls and you can feel yourself getting hard.
>"I'm going to make you SMILE."

What did you put in that drink?!
>"You know, I used to teach chemistry, so I'm pretty hoofy at making potions."
>Hoofy? Are you fucking serious?
>This god damn place...
>But now's not the time for that.
>Cheerilee absent-mindedly brushes her tail across the crotch of your pants.
>Somehow you can feel the sensation through your denim jeans.
>You shudder from the stimulus and moan softly.
>What the fuck is going on?
>"It's really not very hard to make a strong, phrase-activated aphrodisiac, my little human."
>Tingle tingle.
>Those words buzz in your ear and your body goes flush.
>Beads of sweat start to drip down your face.
>Everything feels like it's getting warmer.
>No. Not just warm.
>Hot.

>You push Cheerilee off of you and rip off your clothes in an attempt to cool down.
>Cheerilee stands back up and smirks.
>Feigning ignorance, she taunts, "Anon, I didn't know you'd be so eager."
You know damn well that I'm not naked because I want to be.
>Her eyes fall half-lidded, "Perhaps I can change your mind, my little human."
>Tingle tingle.
>Cheerilee saunters over to you and places her muzzle in front of your junk.
>She grins up at you and simply breathes warmly on your manhood.
>That's it.
>No sucking, no kissing, no touching at all.
>But the sensations you're feeling are otherworldly.
>They're too much for you and your knees buckle.
>Your mind is going haywire.
>"WHERE'S THAT FILE ON MOTOR SKILLS?" The boss of Brain Corp. yells to his underlings.
>The office is on fire and everyone is scrambling to try to get things back in order.
>"I can't find anything! What do we do?"
>"Delete system 32!" someone yells.
>Hard reset.
>Your tongue lulls out of your mouth.
>Cheerilee smiles and lifts the tip of your cock with her hoof.
>The stimulus is all your serotonin-ridden body needed and you cum in spurts over the mulberry mare.
>Cheerilee grins and licks some of your seed off her hoof.
>Your body shakes and spasms as you hunch over onto the ground.
>"That was fun, Anon. I can't wait to do it again tomorrow."
>Cheerilee gives you a seductive grin and trots out of the classroom.