Original Poster: TexAnon (pastebin.com/u/TexAnon)
Archived due to being removed from their pastebin. This was a collaborative work.

RPBN:
>EatsPears: Dang it Sunlover quit derailing the thread. If we wanted ta talk about math we'd go to /sci/
>Dreamweaver: WE WISH TO SPEAK OF ANONYMOUS AND HIS DELICIOUS POSTERIOR.
>EatsPears: Now we're talkin'. I saw him with his shirt off yesterday. He was out workin' in his yard and he done built up a sweat. I could smell the salt on him. It was all I could do ta not tackle him and run my tongue all over him.
>Unknown: Hey girls guess what? *MonkeyDick.JPEG*
>EatsPears: Oh my Celestia...
>Dreamweaver: DO YOU HAVE ANY FROM BEHIND?
>PartyMare: Meh, I've seen bigger.
>BlueFastFan: I don't have a cutie mark, what is this?
>SunLover: BlueFastFan I'm reporting you for being underage.
>DiamondEater: Pull the stick out of your butt SunLover. She was probably just kidding. *DragonDick.JPEG*
>FabulousFabric: Oh darling...I hope you have money to fall back on. That has to be the least impressive specimen I've ever seen.
>DiamondEater: Bite me you cunt.
>FabulousFabric: Not enough cider in the world dear.
>Squeeker: Ooo burn.
>FabulousFabric: I know who you are Squeeker. Get off the ponynet or I'm telling your parents.
>Squeeker: awww...

Tex:
>Sunlover: this makes me so hot; >Link to high level math talk
>PetmyCritter: Anypony else smell oatmeal cooking?
>Sunlover: You can't prove that!
>PetmyCritter: Y so flank flustered? Lel virgin mare couldn't pay some stallion enough to rut her.
>Sunlover: I'll report you!
>PetmyCritter: Good luck, I'm behind seven proxies with seven stallions behind me ready to run a train. Enjoy your oatmeal riddled clopfest little filly.
>NotaBear: #RAWR #REKT
>Sunlover: ;-;

>Fluttershy closes the window and shuts down her computer.
>"Phew, glad I got that out of my system."
>Mr. bear exits the browser on his tablet.
>"Rawr."
>"Why yes that was a sick burn. But let's keep this our little secret? Okay?"
>"Rawr."

RPBN:
>SunLover: That feel when you like somepony and they don't even notice you.
>UnKnown: Why don't you just mare up and talk to them instead of complaining on the ponynet?
>Harpy: It's because she's a part of the conspiracy that's keeping all the humans away!
>Unknown: Damn Harpy, you remember to take your meds today?
>Harpy: No! I will not be silenced! Celestia has a dungeon full of humans that she uses to make chemtrails so that the stallion birthrate will stay below 40%. WAKE UP SHEEPPONIES!
>NotCelestia: Hey Harpy, did you know that Celestia has magical tracking spells implanted in the drinking water? You think the clean water initiative she pushed through five years ago was for the public good?
>SunLover: NotCelestia and Harpy, I'm so disappointed in you. How can you believe such crazy things about Princess Celestia? She loves us all.
>Unknown: Oh god, don't feed the conspiracy trolls dumbass.
>NotCelestia: SunLover, you think she loves us? Let me tell you something you stupid little filly. She does not love you, or anypony. She's not allowed to. If she ever allowed herself to trully care then the lizard ponies would take them away from her. You think Luna is real?
>Unknown: Can't we talk about sex like normal people please?

Tex:
>Unknown: >Lizard ponies
>Unknown: I'll bet you still think Nightmare Moon will gobble you up if you don't give your parents candy to offer to her on Nightmare Night.
>Harpy: Nightmare Night was invented by the old chamber of commerce(whose puppet master was a scrawny human by the name of Ichabod Crane) as a way to increase candy sales during the lull between Hearts and Hooves Day and Hearths Warming Day.
>DreamKILLER: So it's because of ponies like you two that my coffers were light this past year? I shall envelop you both in darkness like night conquers the land when the sun retreats over the horizon.
>Harpy: IT'S HAPPENING!!!
>Unknown: Oh I'm so sure you edgy little faggot. Hang on. Fuckin ponies don't know what a locked door means I swear. Brb.
>NotCelestia: Wait! She's the lizard queen!
>Sunlover: Okay guise. Srsly. This is so against Celestia's teachings.
>NotCelestia: Bite me faglord.
>Sunlover: *Charges horn* F-CK OFF BRO!
>NotCelestia: Can't touch this.
>Sunlover: *Fires warning shot that demolishes a mountain*
>NotCelestia: Dun dun-dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun.
>Sunlover: *Ascends to Alicorn state*
>Sunlover: Leave this place now!
>Harpy: That Unknown guy's been gone for a while. What do you think happened?
>NotCelestia: Lizards. I told you mare. I TOLD you bout lizards.
>Unknown: Maybe there's some credence to that lizard thing. *checkitout.jpg*
>Harpy: FUKKEN SAVED
>NotCelestia: You killed her!?!
>Unkown: What? No, I just stuck the tip in and she came all over my living room floor and passed out. Bout to go in for seconds. Aww yea.

>OP: CrystalQueen: ITT: Nudes.(M,F,TG and everything in between)
>CrystalQueen: Rate my bod? *Prettypinkvag.jpg*
>CrystalisQueen: What a sorry little winker you've got there.
>CrystalQueen: Well let's see yours then!
>CrystalisQueen: *supersuperiorslit.jpg*
>CrystalQueen: Aww gross it's all black and does it glow in the dark?
>CrystalisQueen: only when I'm feeling REALLY naughty.
>CrystalQueer: I thought I was going gay until I saw that beautiful pussy. I'm so totally hard now bro. *glisteningglans.jpg*
>CrystalQueen: It's definitely harder than my husbands can get.
>CrystalisQueen: Oh you dirty boy. Just for you; *spreadgriffin.gif*
>CrystalQueer: Oh my goddess it's more amazing than I thought!
>CrystalQueen: EWW!!! Are those FEELERS in there?
>CrystalisQueen: You said everything in between and if look between my slick lips you'll see my feelers which will lovingly squeeze you dry.
>Unknown: This is now my fetish.
>CrystalisQueen: Pics?
>Unknown: *thethickness.png*
>CrystalQueen: Fake. I've never even seen one shaped like that or that big and I've seen them all.
>CrystalisQueen: WANT
>CrystalQueer: AAAaaand I'm gay again.

>OP: BlackMagicMare: I was assaulted today in broad day light!
>PartyMare: lol wut?
>BlackMagicMare: That wretched ape that stalks the streets of Ponyville came up to me and started speaking to me.
>EatsPears: Ya mean Anon? He's harmless unless ya irritate him somethin' fierce.
>BlackMagicMare: Check your privilege local scum! The filthy ape dared approach my greatness before reaching out and touching my head!
>FabulousFabric: Well unless he tussled your mane, I fail to see the problem. It's how he greets most of us given his height difference.
>BlackMagicMare: He's got you all under his spell! I was violated in public while you local yokels just stood and watched!
>BlueFastFan: HOW exactly did he "violate" you again?
>BlackMagicMare: Finally a pony with sense. After getting his filthy paws all over my mane, he picked me and held me against him despite my demands for him to stop he just squeezed me harder! I was almost crushed!
>PetmyCritter: Oh I just love when he does that. To be held in those big, strong arms. Better than any stallion.
>RedLeader: EYUP
>BlackMagicMare: Hormonal swine the lot of you!
>BackgroundPony: Are you that purple unicorn that farts when she gets hit on by stallions?
>BlackMagicMare: HOW DARE YOU, SOME RANDOM POSTER ON THE PONYNET, CONFUSE THE GREAT AND POWERrrr uh, no. My coat is a powdery blue.
>BackgroundPony: Oh yeah. You were pretty cute until you started talking.
>BlackMagicMare: Y-you too.
>Sunlover: I DON'T ALWAYS FART WHEN THAT HAPPENS >:(((((

RPBN:
>SunLover: Hey everypony, I just got the new Daring Doo book in. Does anypony what any spoilers?
>DiamondEater: I have something better. Princess Twilight Sparkles Diary.
>NotCelestia: This legit?
>DreamWeaver: >Princess Twilight Sparkle? Are they just giving wings away to anypony these days?
>Unknown: *oatmeal intensifies.GIF*
>SunLover: Why would anypony want to read that? It's probably boring and has nothing embarrassing in it.
>DiamondEater: Oh, it's got great stuff in it like,
Dear Diary,
Today I tried to talk to a stallion. The nice Earth pony that makes clocks. Anyway, I was doing really well when I felt the evil bloat within me. I had to be rude and ran away from him before I could embarrass myself. I made it behind the store and thought it would be a good place to release. Only I caught Anonymous on a "smoke" break. I made him Purple Promise not to tell anypony. A Purple Promise is like a Pinkie Promise, except when you break a Purple Promise I throw you in the dungeons because I'm a Princess now and no one can stop me...

I need to get laid sooo bad.
>SunLover: Princess Twilight would never do something like that. Everypony knows Princesses don't have gas.
>Unknown: Is anyone else upset that she'd throw someone into prison for something so minor?
>NotCelestia: >anyone >someone *gryphonlike typing detected.JPEG*
>Unknown: Kiss my ass NotSunButt.
>SunLover: Don't take Celestia's name in vain Unknown. I've already banned DiamondEater for posting that diary entry. I don't want to bring the hammer down on anypony else tonight.
>NotCelestia: Aww shit, that means the diary was legit. Also, you know Celestia likes to turn herself invisible and piss on ponies whenever it rains?
>DreamWeaver: She also likes to fornicate with antique furniture.
>SunLover: Why can't I ban you two?
>NotCelestia: Blah blah seven proxies blah blah.

Tex:
>OP: 2brew4you: Gather 'round little ponies, for ITT we'll trade spooky stories.
>TheLittleAppleThatCould: Alright! Ah love these threads!
>EatsPears: Too bad it's past yer bedtime, underage blank material.
>TheLittleAppleThatCould: How would you know?
>EatsPears: Because Ah'm standing right behind you.
>PetmyCritter: Well that was too spooky already. Cya l8r h8rs. *lurk mode engaged*
>2brew4you: A legend in the making. Surely there are more blank flanks for the taking.
>Squeaker: I'm out!
>TheySeeMeScootin': Hold the door for me!
>2brew4you: Now that it's just us proper adults, who will be the first to open their story vault?
>BlueFastFan: FIRST *headlessmare.txt*
>FabulousFabric: Oh that one always gets me good. But how about *thestain.txt*
>EatsPears: Well that sure was... Somethin'. But lissin' closely and Ah'll tell ya about *attackofthevampirefruitbats.txt*
>PetmyCritter: That sounds oddly familiar. And now I'm reminded of, *myshadow.txt*
>BlueFastFan: *doublefacehoof.jpg*
>Unknown: Wow, this is what passes for scary stories here? Incoming spooky dump.
>Unknown: *russiansleepexperiment.txt*
>Unknown: *smile.jpg* *smile.txt*
>Unknown: *therake.txt*
>DreamWeaver: IT'S STRANGE THAT WE RECALL HAVING GONE A SIMILAR AMOUNT OF TIME WITHOUT SLEEP PRIOR TO AN UNFORTUNATE EVENT IN OUR PAST.
>NotCelestia: This isn't your personal blog, keep it to yourself and let the pony post his stories.
>DreamWeaver: BUNDLE OF STICKS
>2brew4you: Gases and teeth and claws oh my! Surely this would make a lesser mare cry?

>In her cozy little cottage, Fluttershy has turned on every lamp, candle and fireplace she can and is sobbing quietly into Mr. bears chest as his morbid curiosity forces him to continue reading.

>Unknown: baby I'm just getting started. But maybe you guys can help me out with something. I remember this old show from when I was about 6 or 7.
>...
>BlueFastFan: NOPE! Nope nope nopenopenope! I'm gone!
>EatsPears: OKAY, well Ah can hear one of my friends at the door so Ah best call it a night. Hope this thread don't 404 though.
>Unknown: Just make sure it's actually her and not somepony wearing her skin.
>EatsPears: On second thought it's probably just the wind.
>RedLeader: E-eyup.
>BlueFastFan: So my friend doesn't appear to be home, I'm just gonna steal her wifi and wait for her to come back.
>Unknown: Maybe you should get a hotel room. Though hopefully not a red one. *theredroom.txt*
>Sunlover: Wouldn't he have been able to see her black pupils?
>PartyMare: *nofunallowed.jpg*
>EatsPears: Boy Ah'm sure glad Ah got mah faithful dog watching the door.
>Unknown: Be careful if you wake up in the dark though. Especially if you get *thelickedhand.txt*
>EatsPears: *whywouldyoupostthat.jpg*
>Sunlover: This is just morbid and gross! I'm reporting you all to the mods!
>EatsPears: Go climb a wall of dicks!
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: lol permab&
>Unknown: Ha! I like this guy.
>BlueFastFan: Mods=Gods
>PartyMare: I bet she'll kill herself for not being able to attention whore now.
>Unknown: Suicide's not really funny. Especially the suicide of a children's show character...
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: dis gun be gud.
>Unknown: *squidwardssuicide.jpg* *squidwardssuicide.txt"
>PartyMare: I don't want to laugh at death anymore.
>2brew4you: A tale most chilling. Especially when it's oneself that we are killing. You'll pardon my delayed reply. Out where I live the connection tends to die.
>Unknown: No problem OP, if you thought that was bad then you haven't heard about the children who suffered from lavender town syndrome.
>DreamWeaver: DO ENLIGHTEN US
>Unknown: Just remember, you asked for this. http://youtu.be/kLFW2t3JDzY
>DreamWeaver: Such haunting yet soothing tones. But what of the story?
>Unknown: Lol forget to turn caps lock back on?
>DreamWeaver: No, my voice to text simply recognizes differences in volumes. It's currently still in beta but it seems to be working.
>FabulousFabric: This music sends a chill down my spine to be honest.
>PetmyCritter: Do we really need to listen to the song? It's scaring some of my pets.
>BlueFastFan: Ugh, it gives me a headache. Are you gonna tell the story or not?
>PartyMare: why do I feel like crying?
>Unknown: Sorry, had to go blow it up something fierce. >all these reactions. *lavendertownsyndrome.txt"
>BlueFastFan: OMG! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!! Buck this! I'm going to the guard station and telling them I lost my house key!
>Unknown: c'mon now that's not even the scariest story.
>NotaBear: Rawr?
>NotCelestia: This is worth throwing off my entire schedule tomorrow.
>Unknown: Alright. Well, here goes.
>Unknown: So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the voice is "wat r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say, "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
>EatsPears: AAAHHHHH!!!! Ah will NEVER sleep again or kiss anymore mares!
>PartyMare: *attempts to vomit soul*
>FabulousFabric: It's okay, it's okay. It's just a story. Right? RIGHT? Oh where is my rough and tumble farm mare to hold me tight and kiss me? At least my father is still alive... Perhaps I should make a phone call.
>DiamondEater: >tfw when no marefriend to make out with
>NotCelestia: 10/10 it's shit but I think it scared the hell out of my sister, I could hear her from all the way over here.
>2brew4you: These tales I wish to soon forget. As far winning goes I present to you one ponynet.
>Unknown: That's it for me tonight. Good luck going to bed everyone.
>Harpy: Got any more hand stories?
>Harpy: Damn.

>Exiting the browser you lean back and stretch in your chair as your monster of PC powers down.
>Once the monitor shuts off you stretch your arms up and back further for maximum back popping until your hand comes into contact with something soft.
>Eyes shooting open, you look back at your blank screen and in the darkness see your own reflection and a pair of eyes glowing from behind.
"So. This is how it ends?"
>The light switch is flicked on and once you get over your temporary blindness you turn to see the other occupant in your room.
"Luna?"
>"Greetings Anonymous."
"What are you doing here?"
>"We became privy to some Eldridge horrors and find it difficult to sleep. May we stay here?"
"Aren't you a lizard pony?"
>"We got better after you defeated the queen."
"Ok but be warned I tend to molest things in my sleep."
>"That's alright, we intend to get molested."

>OP: BookLust: Princess Twilight Sparkle Best Princess or BEST PRINCESS?
>NotCelestia: Best at sucking dick.
>Unknown: If she could get any.
>DreamWeaver: *internethighfive.jpg*
>BookLust: Reasons she is best princess
>Smart
>Well read
>Downy soft wings
>Element of bucking MAGIC
>Purple
>BackgroundPony: Twilight /thread
>BackgroundPony: Second only to Celestia but more approachable as a pony
>BackgroundPony: I lub yu pwinces Twalot
>PartyMare: Sure is samepony in here.
>BookLust: NUH UH
>BookLust: Sure love me some princess twilight!
PartyMare: CALLED IT
>BookLust: sh*t
>NotCelestia: >Not being brilliant white like the sun
>Unknown: more like
>Fart(y)
>Well fed(got an ass like cottage cheese in a wetsuit)
>Down Syndrome
>Element of Beans(the magical fruit)
>Curple(old school way of saying horses ass)
>DreamWeaver: THIS ONE KNOWS HIS ASSES *hotmonkeydintheponybhole.png*
>CrystalisQueen: DAT resolution
>BookLust: STOP DERAILING MY THREAD! THIS IS A WORKSAFE BOARD! Mods pls help.
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: I don't care! lolololololol *laughingmares.jpg*
>CrystalQueer: Can you write "I <3 SA on your dick? Pls?"
>NotCelestia: SHARPIE IN HER POOPER
>BookLust: I hate you all! >.< ARGH!!!
>Unknown: *forafan.jpg* also BookLust sounds familiar
>CrystalQueer: *squees* I LOVE YOU MYSTERIOUS CREATURE WITH A HUGE WANG.
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: Smells like somepony's trying to ban evade.
>BookLust: uh, g2g bai-nee! O.o
>Unknown: based mods
>Harpy: Are those hands I see cupping that mares ass!?!
>Unknown: Gotta go fast!

>OP: MagicButt: Hey thread, am I the only one who has resigned the idea of losing my virginity to impossibility? I can't even imagine at this point that a self-respecting stallion would ever voluntarily have me in his herd. I've practically accepted that masturbation will be my sole release forever. Does anypony feel the same way?
>PetmyCritter: Stop! I don't know that feel.
>EatsPears: Omega as fuck.
>DreamWeaver: STOP DREAMING OF THE D AND GO FIND IT YOURSELF! SERIOUSLY THOUGH. STOP. DREAMING. ABOUT. IT.
>MagicButt: I can't be the only virgin mare in town!
>PartyMare: Survey says... You are! Maybe if you stay a virgin long enough you'll become an Alicorn! That's why earth ponies don't have wings or horns, because they get all the good sex they need.
>EatsPears: Ain't a stallion out there that can handle me.
>Unknown: >Herds
>You crazy ass ponies, I swear.
>Harpy: Super suspicious way of writing there Mr. MAN.
>RedLeader: >Not having a list of mares waiting for the wildest 12 second ride of their lives.
>MagicButt: Are you looking for more mares?
>Unknown: >12 seconds
>ISHYGDDT
>RedLeader: Eyup, Ah normally go 15 but Ah once went a full 30 seconds and made her squash soup all over her desk at work.
>FabulousFabric: Pics or it didn't happen dear.
>BlueFastFan: Link to vid?
>Unknown: Squash soup? Is that that thing where they cum really hard and make a mess of my couch? Every fucking time man I swear.
>DreamWeaver: WE APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING.
>Harpy: Do you know Unknown IRL?
>DreamWeaver: WHAT OF IT?
>Harpy: What kind of non-pony is he? I bet he's a griffin! No wait that pic from before didn't have talons. A Minotaur?
>Unknown: You're treading down a dangerous path little filly. Just watch this and forget about it. *spinningmymeat.gif*
>Harpy: Woah...
>MagicButt: What's with you and posting pictures of your pen*s online?
>Unknown: I'm running for mayor next year and I want the people to know what I bring to the table.
>Mayor4lyfe: BRING IT YOU COCKMEAT SANDWICH!!!
>CrystalQueer: I want you to spin your meat inside me!
>CrystalisQueen: No me! Remember this? *blackvaggapewithtwitchingfeelers.gif*
>Unknown: [heavy breathing], asl?
>CrystalisQueen: 919/yes please(female)/crystal empire.
>Unknown: 919? Also that's quite a trip for me. Sorry.
>CrystalisQueen: Uh, typo? just 19. Aww what a shame.
>MagicButt: /r9k/, /soc/, etc. --->
>Unknown: if you're such a lonelyfag, why didn't you go there first?
>MagicButt: ... F*ck you! *gallops off to find true ponynet love*
>CrystalisQueen: If you ever change your mind... [mightymorphinqueen@derpmail.net]
>Unknown: You got it babe.
>Harpy(my clopping hoof hurts): There's no telling how long you can do that before you finish. Livecam if you're brave enough!
>PartyMare: Do it faggot!
>NotCelestia: This I gotta see.
>PetmyCritter: *prepping my clop hoof*
>Unknown: I dunno guys. My marefriend might not approve.
>DreamWeaver: UNLEASH THINE MARE SLAYER AND LAY WASTE TO THE NEAREST PONY REGARDLESS OF HER SOCIAL STANDING AND ATTEMPTS TO BREAK FREE

>Looking up from your monitor, you turn to Luna who is laying happily on your bed while scrolling around on her tablet.
"Really Luna?"
>She simply brings a hoof to her forehead and dramatically states, "Oh we hope noBODY tries to rape us!"
>She then spreads her hind legs a bit while peeking at you from behind her hoof.
"Fuck it. Let's just set up a few things first."

>Harpy: I figured he wouldn't deliver, those hands must've been some sort of cosplay.
>Unknown: Sorry, had trouble setting up the audio AND video.
>Livecam.net/user/elunknown
>Harpy:!?!?! No way!
>EatsPears: Ah thought ya had the video workin'. All I hear is somepony mumblin'.
>Unknown: wait for it... And here. We. Go.
>BlueFastFan: WOAH!!! WHAT!?!
>PartyMare: Can't tell if large mare or small stallion.
>FabulousFabric: I recognize those latex designs!
>RedLeader: Why'd ya cover up her cutie mark? Ah'd scour the earth ta find that ass.
>Harpy: He's still going!
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: Must. Not. Fap.
>BlueFastFan: Wait he's pulling out! Still, four minutes is crazy...
>EatsPears: What's he doin' now? Ah thought he was done.
>PartyMare: OMG, but she poops from there!
>Unknown: Not tonight she doesn't.
>PetmyCritter: I've been recording since the minute you posted that link.
>RedLeader: This is RedLeader, standin' down. Ah know when Ah'm beat.
>CrystalQueer: Oh to be that mare.
>CrystalQueen: Oh to be that mare.
>CrystalisQueen: Oh to be that mare.
>ElReyShadow: CRYSSSTAAALLL hive mind
>NotCelestia: Clopping harder than I have ever clopped in my entire life.
>Harpy: It's been over 15 minutes... That poor mare. That poor, lucky fucking mare.
>DiamondEater: This is it. This is what I was born to see. Too bad her coats not white.
>Unknown: It's about to be.
>BlueFastFan: And RAINBOOM goes the dynamite!
>PartyMare: That's what I call creamy, creamy frosting.
>EatsPears: An apple is about 84% water and Ah'm still thirsty for some of that.
>FabulousFabric: I'm going to go sit on the washing machine for a while.
>PetmyCritter: video DL link; magicupload.com/hotmonkeyonmareaction
>KookyKrazyKhaos##MOD: Welcome to the archives Unknown!
>Unknown: You've all been a wonderful audience, but now I'm sleepy and must bid you, adieu.

>Once again shutting down for the night, you towel off some sweat before moving to the bed.
>Luna lays there limply, a heaving mass of pleasured pony.
>Undoing her bit and bridle you decide to leave the corset and stockings on her before getting in bed, pulling her in close and bundling up the blankets tight.
"Good times."
>Because on the ponynet, nopony knows you're Anonymous the human, nopony.