Part 1

>You are Spike, and you have no idea what is going on
>One moment you’re getting chewed out in front of the last mare you want to see you getting humiliated by the last mare you want to have yelling at you
>And now you are face down in the snow

>Why is it so cold here?
>Winter Wrap Up was at least a month ago
>Is it raining? It’s too cold for rain to be scheduled, even if it’s just a drizzle.
>And why would Twilight just drop you like that?
>Was she really that mad at you?
>It didn’t seem like that big of a deal
>Something is wrong here.

>You pick yourself up
>The first thing you notice is that Twilight is on the ground and not moving

>Oh please, no
>Something is very wrong here. You need to check on her NOW.

“Twilight?”
>No answer

>Check on her, not talk to her! Something really bad just happened!
>You go over to her as fast as you can
>Snow and stubby legs are not a good combination, even if it’s only up to your shins
>Is she still breathing? Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes, please say yes-
>Yes
>Thank you! Now do something!

“Twilight?”
>Nothing happens

>You already tried that, do something else!
>You jostle her around a little bit while calling her name
>No response
>You’re not sure what to do
>Don’t look at me, I just tell you what to do. You’re the one who’s supposed to figure out how to do it!
>She’s out cold
>Wait
>Cold
>That seems like it might work


>I don’t understand.
>Just watch, I have an idea

>You pick up a clawful of snow and pack it into a ball
>And you jam it into her forehead
>You hold it there for a moment
>She’s stirring
>This is the reason I’m glad we’re together.
>I just realized that this is also sort of like revenge for her yelling at me in front of Rarity
>Slow down. I think we’ve gone through enough emotional whiplash for today.



Part 2

>Day 0, minute unknown, somewhere
>You are
>Ugh…
>You are Twilight Sparkle, and there’s something cold and wet just below your horn
>You open your eyes
>The world takes longer than usual to come into focus
>Spike is just in front of you, holding something against your brow
>“Twilight, are you okay?”
“Oogh… Maybe.”
>He pulls whatever he was holding away from you and discards it
>Your head still feels terrible
>You can hear the blood rushing through the veins around your skull
>You raise your head to look at Spike
“Send a letter to the Princess. Tell her a spell went wrong and we don’t know where we are.”
>He rummages through your bags and gets a paper and quill ready
>He scribbles it out as fast as he can
>*Fwoosh*


>You try to get up
>It’s shaky, but you manage to stand
>You don’t have the energy to stay standing, and shift back into a sitting position
>The whooshing noise you thought was your blood isn’t going away, and now it seems to be coming from a distinct direction that changes as you move
>*Belch*
>Spike grabs the letter and reads it aloud
>“Received. Await next letter.”
>He just finishes rolling up the scroll when the second one comes
>*BuUrp*
“Let me see it.”


Twilight,

Please describe your surroundings. Do you recognize anything? Are you hurt? 
Please send messages as frequently as is convenient until you believe you are safe.

Celestia


>You weakly wipe the dirt from your face and look around
>There’s snow on the ground
>Wasn’t Winter Wrap Up over a month ago?
>It looks like it’s melting, and you’re on a patch where it’s completely melted
>No, it looks like it didn’t melt
>The patch is long and narrow, and the edges are neat
>Somepony must have moved the snow
>It looks like a path that goes between a pair of bushes and ends at a small rock a short distance in front of you
>There is also your order from Sugarcube Corner, but most of the contents seem to have fallen out of the box and into the dirt
>Looking to your right, there’s a rusty chicken-wire fence that’s about your height surrounding a rectangle of snow-covered land
>On your left, there is a single, bare tree and a row of bushes that meets a row of trees at a right angle
>There’s definitely somepony else here somewhere


>Looking back towards Spike, you notice that the rock you saw was actually some sort of doorstep that is below a white door
>Your groggy mind must not have registered the house in front of you because of the similar colors
>The house itself is light green and appears to be at least one story tall
>It’s hard to tell how many stories it has, because it looks more like one and a half stories
>Looking around again, you can see other houses of similar shape and size around it
>You don’t know if you have the strength to walk to any except the one in front of you
“Take another letter.”

Princess Celestia,
I do not believe I am hurt, although I feel exhausted and may not be able to travel. Spike is unharmed.
I am in front of what appears to be a house that is surrounded by other houses. The closest has some
sort of angular piece of metal on its chimney. The weather is cold, but above freezing. I can see trees
around me, but none of them have leaves. There is a small coating of snow on the ground, and there
seems to be an overcast drizzle. I believe that wherever I have teleported to does not have adequate
weather control. What should I do next?

Twilight Sparkle

“Send it.”
>*Fwoosh*


>You take this time to pack up the baked goods again
>You might need them, dirty or not
>You pick up a cupcake with your magic
>Rather, you try and fail to pick up the cupcake as your magic sputters and fades
>You’re too tired even for a basic spell
>You have Spike pack them up instead
>How far could you possibly have teleported?
>*Burp*
“What does it say?”
>“She thinks we should go to the house.”



Part 3

>Year 21, day ‘somewhere around 350, I think’ on Earth
>You are Jake Addams, the laziest and least socially active person you know
>This is thanks in part due to investing about ten thousand dollars in videogames and videogame accessories ever since you caved in to the Pokemon craze
>No regrets
>At least it gave you some common ground with a few really good friends
>There are only a few of them, but you know them well enough to tell them about that one time you found a bunch of gay porn sites in the internet history of the last relative you expected to be a pervert
>You’re still not sure whether it was because they didn’t have antivirus or because they were masturbating furiously in their free time, and frankly you don't ever want to find out
>Videogames have probably also been your only constant interest
>You’d tried karate, the Boy Scouts, playing piano, snowboarding, and learning Spanish, in no particular order, and ended up losing interest or flat out quitting all of them


>Your father, Jon, has always loved you, but he’s been frustrated by your lack of common ground over the last several years
>You’d been a lot closer with him when you were younger, but as you grew more attached to videogames the more distant you got from his outdoorsy interests
>Foremost among those being bicycle commuting
>He’s always bragging to you about how fit he is for someone his age, and he’s sort of nutty
>You suppose he’s earned the right to that since he’s almost thrice your age, he’s allergic to every ingredient in a cheese pizza, he’s an MIT alumnus (and a chronic nerd), and he’s made a career out of advising lawyers in trials about bicycle accidents that can be as disturbing as someone being crushed by a semi-truck
>In addition, he’s multilingual in about four languages
>Which language he’s thinking in at any given moment is a toss-up, so his mind can be a little… uh…
>What’s a good word to describe it?
>Let's go with fragmented
>Thanks to him, you’re the only person you know who does not look absolutely clueless while paddling a canoe or riding a bike in traffic, so even if you didn’t love him, you’d at least owe him for that


>On the other hand, you’ve never been too close or too distant from your mother, Eliza
>She’s kind, she’s understanding, she likes to talk, she’s your main source of income when you’re buying things you actually need and is de facto head of the household because she’s the most organized
>And she’s a ranking member of a high school math department, so you can never go out in public with her without a former student saying “hello, Mrs. Gottschalk!”
>Oh yeah, and she’s a vegetarian who decided to keep her maiden name
>Sort of inconvenient because it limits family meals to vegan recipes and it takes forever to teach people how to spell her last name
>She also does the financial stuff for the neighborhood association and occasionally has you deliver their newsletter
>But you love her, and she at least fakes a passing interest in the obsession with talking candy horses you picked up a couple of years ago when you were browsing 4chan
>You didn’t get her calculus-level aptitude for math genetically, though, which is sort of a bummer
>Speaking of school, you were in and out of the principal’s office during most of your elementary school years until the doctors finally got your medication right
>Now you’re in community college and doing quite well for someone who can’t be assed to do anything more than what is explicitly assigned


>So all things considered, you have a pretty good life
>And yesterday was a federal holiday, so thank you, George Washington, for pushing the essay deadline back to Wednesday
>You decided to spend this patriotic occasion spreading liberty in Planetside for the glory of Space America
>Fighting commies and cultists is hungry work, so you go to get a snack from the fridge
>You eat some ice cream in winter because chocolate
>Eliza is working on her laptop on the kitchen table, Jon’s not anywhere else, which probably means he’s in his office next to the kitchen
>*Knock knock*
>That’s not coming from the kitchen door
>Goddamn street design must have confused another deliveryman
>Whose idea was it to have a dead end street split so it goes behind the houses instead of in front of them, and then give both of those streets the same name?
>Seriously, that’s just stupid
“Hey dad, were you expecting any deliveries for the cases you’re working on?”
>“Hmm?”
>He must not have heard the knock
>To be fair, he’s on the opposite side of the house from that door and he’s getting grey hairs
“Someone is knocking at the front door. Are you expecting a delivery?”
>“No.”
>Eliza muses aloud
>“It might be someone from the neighborhood association.”
“I’ll go check.”
>What happens next leaves you wondering whether your stoner friend somehow put diphydra-whatever-he-called-it in your triple chocolate cookie fudge swirl



Part 4
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You hope that whatever is living here is hospitable, because this sure isn’t Equestria and this architecture isn’t anything you recognize
>You motion for Spike to hide behind the bushes
>With nothing to lose, you knock
>Some muffled voices are coming from the other side of the house
>After a moment, the door opens and you’re face to face with a…
>…something
>Face to abdomen is probably more accurate
>That would explain the house’s size
>And gives you an excuse for having reared back when you first saw it
>You don’t recognize it from anything you’ve read
>Potential new species discovered: mentally record EVERYTHING in preparation for note taking
>After you lie down for a while


>Bipedal mammal, roughly six feet tall, feet are black, legs are brown and torso is red out to the joint of the pair of upper limbs
>No wait, those are clothes
>If it’s always this cold here, you can’t blame them
>Visible skin is similar in color to a light shade of pine wood and appears to be covered in a fine layer of hair unsuited for insulation
>Top of head has relatively thick brown hair; hair on brows immediately above eyes is thin but dense
>Torso appears to be uniform in width; unlikely that subject is pregnant
>Upper limbs end in grasping appendages
>Nasolabial structure does not protrude into a snout, nostrils facing downwards slightly above mouth
>Ears are roughly oval-shaped and hug close to the sides of the head
>Its jaw dropped open shortly after seeing you, giving a decent view of its teeth
>Incisors, molars, and a pair of canines on upper and lower jaws: presumed carnivorous, use caution
>Binocular forward facing vision also suggests possible predatory lifestyle, estimated field of view is between 120 and 200 degrees
>It’s been staring at you for about fifteen seconds
>You’re still visibly weak
>If it was going to eat you, it should have attacked already
>Okay, enunciate and speak slowly
>This thing might not know your language or even communicate vocally
“I do not know where I am. Would you please help me? I need to rest.”


>“Uhh…”
>Communicates vocally, syntax and vocabulary not yet determined
>“I need to go check something quickly. Please wait there.”
>It’s speaking fluent Equestrian!
>Species may be adept at learning and imitating languages, this warrants further study
“Okay.”
>It backs away and turns a corner
>You can hear it speaking again, but you can’t catch all of it
>“…something on the doorstep…have a look at…just yes or no, nothing else…say anything else.”
>Equestrian may be the native language; definitely follow up on this
>It returns with a similar creature
>This one is slightly shorter and has longer hair on the top of its head that is tied back into a tail, as well as slightly different skeletal proportions
>It reacts almost the same way
>The first one notices this reaction and then turns back to you
>“You can come in.”
>You look over your shoulder and tell Spike you think it’s safe
>The second one’s expression doubles in magnitude as Spike follows you inside and sends the “they let us inside, more details later” letter you had him prepare
>He’s nervously wringing the “something has gone horribly wrong” letter you also had him prepare
>They lead the two of you to a small and cluttered room with a bed and close the door behind you
>You don’t bother taking in any more details than the bed as you climb onto it and collapse



Part 5
>You are Jake Addams, and you just met Twilight fucking Sparkle and Spike the fucking dragon
>And now they’re in your bedroom
>Jesus Christ tap-dancing in an Olympic swimming pool sized wicker basket that he built by himself and humming “Putting On the Ritz” while god and the saints politely applaud, what the fuck


>Your mother has no idea what just happened
>“Were… were those from your-”
>Without a doubt
>They look exactly like they do in the show, just more… real
“I think so. We need to tell Jon.”
>Yes, those were characters from your silly pony cartoon
>But they can’t find out about that
>The last thing you want is to stress out someone who could tear you apart with their mind by giving them an existential crisis
“Dad? We…”
>How to word it?
“…We just took in some guests.”


>“What? Did a squirrel get into the house?”
“I’m not kidding. I mean actual houseguests.”
>“What? Who are we taking in? Why didn’t anyone tell me this was going to happen?”
>Eliza answers before you can
>“We just found them on the doorstep just now. They’re from-“
“Wait. I think I have a better idea what’s happening.”
>She’s too shocked to be indignant, or she agrees with you
“We just took in a baby dragon and a pegasus-unicorn hybrid.”
>He steps out of his office and adjusts his pair of thick gold-rimmed bifocals
>“Yeah right.”
>“Jon, Jake and I both saw them. This isn’t a joke.”
“They’re in my room right now. Take a look, but whatever you do, don’t say anything to them.”
>He plods off down the hallway
>“If you want to give me a surprise gift, you could just hand it to me, you know.”
>He gets to your door and opens it
>He leans through and suddenly stands up straight
>He quietly closes the door and returns to the kitchen, stroking his short, gray beard
“She said she was lost and she looked like she would fall over at any second. I couldn’t say no.”


>He opens his mouth a few times as if he’s going to say something, and eventually finds his words
>“So now what do we do?”
>“We can’t just throw them out. They’d die if nobody took them in.”
“Or worse. I don’t see an alternative to keeping them inside. One other thing.”
>You step in close to them
“I think they’re from the My Little Pony show I’ve been watching. Do not let them know about this. If that unicorn-pegasus is the character I think she is, she is going to be under a lot of stress. If they find out they’re not supposed to be real, it could be a catastrophe. I won’t tell you anything about them so it seems more natural, and I’ll play dumb. You can let them know that there are myths and legends about things that are like them, but don’t mention the show, and for goodness sake don’t let them use the internet while I’m not supervising them."
>You’ve changed your mind
>The last thing you want is to stress out someone who could tear you apart with their mind by giving them an existential crisis and a self-image crisis at the same time



Part 6
>Day 0(?) hour ‘that time of day when light comes in through a window and gets in your eyes’
>Exact time to be determined
>You are a well-rested Twilight Sparkle for once
>Wait, where are you?
>This doesn’t feel like your blanket
>It’s all itchy and woolen
>There’s a faint but distinct ‘someone else’s house’ smell
>Now it’s coming back to you
>You don’t know where you are, but you can say with certainty that you’re in something else’s bed
>Exactly where that bed is and what that bed belongs to is still something you don’t know
>Oh right, the notes
>You didn’t even take off your saddlebags to sleep
>You would chide yourself for being so disorganized if you actually wanted to get up
>It’s not like anything you had scheduled matters now


>Note to self: make sure friends know why you’re gone
>Especially Dash, who’s going to be offended if you don’t give a good excuse for skipping her routine
>Hopefully she thinks accidental teleportation to an unknown civilization is good enough
>It’s also going to have to be good enough to explain why you disappeared with Spike for a while
>You still feel magically minimal this from that massive misfire this morning
>You use your hooves to get your quill and paper
>As you look back to see what you’re doing, you notice Spike leaning against you
>He’s asleep
>It looks like he left a message for you

Twi,
Going to stay up as long as I can and send updates every hour. The clock is on the ceiling. One of the
things came in to get some of its stuff from the room. It seems like there are three of them.

Spike

>A clock on the ceiling?
>Seems legit


>Looking up, you see some blocky red numbers made of separate lines on the ceiling above the bed

7:48

>Oh okay
>You were expecting a mechanical clock
>Is it written up there, or something?
>Maybe it’s a perpetual transmutation enchantment
>It would have to be rather complicated to change that precisely as time passes
>Still, it’s 7:48 and the sun shouldn’t be that low at this time of the year
>Did you really sleep that long?
>Maybe you’re in a different time zone
>At least they had the foresight to put the time somewhere you can see while lying in b-

7:49

>Ohhh, so that’s what the gaps between for the lines are for!


>Pretty clever, that must make the enchantment much easier to cast
>It looks more like it’s a projection now that you’ve been looking at it for a moment
>That makes even more sense
>You should study the magical ability of this species later
>Notes, right
>You’re going to need a writing surface
>There’s a desk, but there’s some black bumpy thing with letters on it and some clutter in the way
>The wooden floor might work if you can’t find anything better
>Those shelves are out of reach even if you were standing on your hind legs
>All that’s on them is a few trophies of those things doing various activities and some clutter
>There are some drawers and a rack of small boxes crowding the bed
>You never thought about how much easier it is for bipeds to turn around until now
>The boxes are too small to write on
>There’s a piano, or at least part of one
>It doesn’t look like it has any room for the strings
>There’s a simple musical score on top of it, assuming this species uses the standard musical scale


>There’s a tall bookshelf near the bed
>You can’t reach it without getting out from under Spike
>There are titles like ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends,’ ‘Rise and Fall of the Third Reich,’ ‘Abridged, Illustrated Bible,’ ‘Halo: Fall of Reach,’ and ‘The (new) Way Things Work,’ in no particular order
>And you do mean no particular order, because you can’t tell how it’s sorted, if at all
>You don’t recognize any of the titles anyway
>The lower shelves are a total mess, but they seem to be simpler, thinner books with illustrations on the covers
>That bookshelf could definitely keep you busy for a while
>There are a couple of books close at hoof on top of a large silver box
>You grab one
>‘Understanding Social Problems, Seventh Edition’
>It’s a paperback, but that’s good enough
>Your hoofwriting has done nothing but degrade since you mastered telekinesis
>You write slowly and carefully
>Bipedal mammal…six feet tall… wears clothes… very little fur… knows Equestrian language…
>Diet may be meat-based
>Huh


>Well now they’ve had every opportunity to eat you
>Maybe they only eat certain meats, like the Griffons do
>You’d be fine with that as long as you don’t have to watch them eating it or killing anything
>But it looks like that chair Spike put the box of baked goods on is made of leather
>And so do those belts on the dresser by the door
>Why are those colorful belts made of cloth on that rack on the wall?
>There are more of those, so maybe they don’t use leather often
>How long has it been since you last ate?
>Longer than you’d like
>It looks like Spike ate the cupcakes that had dirt on them while you were asleep
>That was considerate of him, seeing how his draconic physiology could actually handle that
>Both of the scones have dirt in their frosting
>The jar of jam is cracked
>You ought to fix that once you feel up for it
>The bread is clean enough, but you don’t feel like having a jam sandwich for breakfast if you have the choice
>And you don’t have anything to spread the jam with
>You gently slip out from under Spike and turn yourself around on the bed
>You drop your bags and you
>How the hay are you supposed to use this doorknob?
>Come on
>No, you can't grip it like that
>Oh for pony's sake
>Nnnngh



Part 7
>You are Jake Addams
>You were sleeping in the living room
>Now you are awake thirty minutes before the alarm on your watch goes off because something in your room is trying much harder than it should to use your door
>Your spine wants you to get off of this couch anyway
>Wow it hurts to sleep while sitting
>You would’ve set up the folding bed if there wasn’t a ton of stuff in the way
>You also would’ve slept lying down on the couch if it wasn’t for the same reason you didn’t use the folding bed
>Maybe horse-thing is up
>Keep thinking like that until she tells you the things you already knew, and you’re on your way to the Oscars for your method-acting skills
>And your spine, oy meshuggina hummus mazel tov!
>...that’s why you never had a Mitzvah, not that you actually wanted one
>Mom’s side of the family isn’t nearly Jewish enough to care that you didn’t go to synagogue, but you still got to celebrate both major winter holidays, gifts and all 
>Fuck yeah, melting pot of culture
>AND you don’t have to go to church
>More of a ‘multi-religous study and worship group,’ but whatever
>That’s despite your mother being on the board of that group too
>Sometimes, you wonder if there’s any group she’s not involved in
>You go to your room to let horse-thing out


>You were right, it is horse-thing
>“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
>“I don’t want to be a bother”
>Too late for that, horse-thing
>“but do you have anything I could eat?”
“It depends. What do you eat?”
>“Grains, vegetables, fruits, some sweets, but no meat. I don’t want to eat another animal.”
“Well you’re in luck, because my mother is a vegetarian. We don’t keep meat around the house often.”
>You could almost hear her hopes shatter at the last word of the sentence
“It’s not like we’d eat you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re not human, but I’m pretty sure it’s unethical to kill you for food.”
>“Human?”
“I’m a human. My name is Jake Addams.”
>“I’m Twilight Sparkle. Pleased to meet you. Are the others living here human as well?”
“They’re my parents, so yeah. I can explain over breakfast. Do you want toast, cereal, or oatmeal?”
>“Oatmeal, please.”
“The kitchen is over this way. There’s a bathroom on the left if you need it.”
>“Thank you.”
>You walk ahead of her through the narrow because why do we have all these boxes of stuff hallway
>You can hear her hoofsteps following you
>They stop suddenly, but you continue into the kitchen


>Mom is on February break and Dad isn’t up yet, so you have the room to yourself
>You hear a door close as you’re getting the bowls
>There’s a plastic-on-porcelain collision
>Come on
>Come onnnnn
>Faust’s twitter no longer confirmed for canon
>Silent fist pump for things making sense as you set the table
>You retrieve your store-brand Cheerios knockoff and a container of oatmeal
>You haven’t had to make this in a while
>Is it two parts oat to one part water, or three parts oat to one part water?
>Meh, you’ll ask her when she comes out
>The door is rattling, but not opening
>…
>If you’re going to have to do this EVERY time



Part 8
>You are still Jake Addams
>And Twilight is absolutely mesmerized by the microwave, for whatever reason
>She was staring at the digital clock on the oven and your watch earlier, but not this intently
>*Beep, beep, beeeeep*
>Breakfast is served
>You bring the oatmeal over to the table for her and pour milk on your ‘Tasteeos’
>She gets into the chair at her place beside you
>She gets over the fact that her meal is warm, then fumbles with her spoon as she tries to remember how to use it without magic
>She hasn’t told you about magic yet
>Don’t say anything
>She figures out how to hold it in the joint between her hoof and fore-foreleg


>“How does that thing heat food?”
>Use simple terms, she might assume it’s literally made of magic
“The microwave? It uses waves of energy that agitate water molecules. It’s very convenient, but don’t use it on anything made of metal.”
>She seems satisfied with that explanation
“Anyway, humans are a type of primate that evolved to walk on two legs when our ancestors started living in grasslands instead of forests. There are about seven billion of us.”
>“Seven billion?”
“As in seven thousand millions.”
>”That’s… a lot. I don’t know why I haven’t heard of humans if there are so many.”
“Well I’ve never heard of whatever you’re supposed to be. Are you some kind of horse?”
>“Don’t call me a horse.”
“Sorry. What should I call you?”
>“I’m a pony.”
“You look more like a mythological mashup to me. All the ponies I’ve ever heard of can’t talk and don’t have wings or horns.”
>She almost does a spit-take, swallows her mouthful of oatmeal, then asks “WHAT?” so loud that your parents must be awake by now
>You’re a fantastic conversationalist


>“What do you mean ‘can’t talk?!’ What kind of ponies are those? What did you do to them?”
“Calm down, calm down, we didn’t do anything to them! I can explain!”
>“I- Okay. Deep breaths, deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.”
“Are you alright?”
>“I’m fine. Everything is just fine.”
“Are you sure?”
>“No. Yes. No. Where am I?”
“You’re in the United States, in the state of Massachusetts.”
>“The only state I’m in right now is panic! Where am I, relative to Equestria?”
“What is Equestria?”
>“My home! Get me a map; I need to know where I am!”
>You slide the geography placemat you’ve had since middle school over to her
“Okay, you see this city, Boston? We’re in a suburban area of that city.”
>“Eritrea, Ethiopia, England… It’s not here. What is this a map of?
>You realize your hand was on top of the scale and title of the map
>You remove it to show her
>‘The World’
>She bolts into your room and slams the door shut
>You follow after her and try to open the door
>She blocked it with something
>You knock on the door
“Twilight Sparkle?”
>“Leave me alone!”
>That’s one bandaid you had to peel off
>She was going to figure out she’s not even close to home regardless of what you did
>You didn’t even get a scratch, so she seems to be taking it well
>You probably could have done that more gracefully, but you didn’t exactly plan for the conversation to go in that direction


>Dad’s up now
>“Jake, what was that about?”
>You explain
>“Did this have to happen at 8am on a day that I was planning to sleep in?”
“Sorry, dad.”
>“Why did you say ‘twilight sparkle?’”
“She said that’s her name.”
>You check your watch
“I need to get to class. Please try to give her some quiet.”
>“You try to give everyone some quiet.”
>Fair enough
>He goes back to bed, talking to himself about the sheer absurdity of the situation
>You grab your backpack, pour some OJ and take your morning meds, get in the spare car, and drive the short distance to the on-ramp



Part 9
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You’re on a stranger’s bed trying to comprehend what you’ve done
>This is a much worse situation than you thought
>You might never see your friends and family again
>You don’t even know how you could get yourself here
>“What’s wrong?”
>Spike was sitting on the edge of the bed, toasting some bread with his flames when you came in
“We might not be able to get home.”
>“What? Why?”
“I just saw a map. We’re not on the same planet as Equestria.”
>“How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know.”
>“So, we’re stuck here.”
“Possibly forever.”
>He glares at the toast in his claw, then throws it away in disgust
>“I’m not hungry anymore.”
>He flops backward onto the bed and wraps the blanket around himself
>He mutters something as he rolls onto his side, away from you
>“This is your fault.”


“Excuse me?”
>He sits back up and looks you in the eye
>“I said ‘this is your fault.’”
“You don’t mean that.”
>“Yes I do. If you’d just walked like anypony else that has a horn, we wouldn’t be here.”
“Well I didn’t run off without even letting you know I was leaving.”
>“I did too say I was leaving!”
“I recall no such thing!”
>“Well of course you don’t! You were totally zoned out pretending to listen to Pinkie.”
“And what should I have done, told her to stop? You know she could take that personally!”
>“Yeah, you should have. After all, staying on schedule is just SO IMPORTANT to you. Didn’t you learn anything from the ‘want it, need-’”
>There’s a sudden slam and a rumble outside
>You both go to the window and peek past the windowshade, the argument forgotten
>There are some sort of metal carriages outside
>One of them is moving on its own
>It rolls away down a paved path
>No, wait, that rumble was a motor
>“What the heck was that?”
“I think it was some sort of cart. One of the humans was inside it.”
>“The whats?”
“The things we’re staying with.”
>“This place is weird.”
“Are you going to blame me for that, too?”
>“I don’t even care anymore.”
>He lays back again
>He’s staring a hole into the ceiling
>“If this is a different planet, we must be freaks to them. You saw how they reacted to us.”
“Spike…”

>He raises his arms toward the ceiling as if he’s presenting his argument as a physical object
>“What’s the point? What can we do here? We probably can’t even go outside without starting a panic.”
“Spike, we aren’t going to give up.”
>“Then what are we going to do?”
>You point towards the bookshelf
>“So your plan is to be an egghead?”
“There are two things I’m good at: magic, and being an egghead. Right now, I’m all out of magic and stranded in a civilization that’s just begging to be documented. Even if we can’t get back, this might be an opportunity that nopony else will ever get.”
>“I want to go home.”
“We’d be doing the same thing there.”
>“I still want to go home.”
“Take a letter to Celestia. If anypony has the power and resources to get us back, it’s her. Tell her we’re outside of a city called Boston, and make sure you include these notes on… hold on.”
>You get your quill and the notes you were making before breakfast
>Refer to themselves as humans
>Claim to have a population of ~7.0^9
>Confirmed omnivorous, claim that they do not want to eat me for ethical reasons
>May be knowledgeable in complex magic



Part 10
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You’ve introduced yourself to Jon and Eliza, who helped you get the door open when you wanted to eat the rest of your breakfast
>It was awkward
>Their son seems to be a bit more comfortable around you for some reason
>He’s younger, maybe that’s why he’s more open-minded 
>Hopefully your magic recovers quickly
>Rattling doors around to get the humans’ attention is getting old, fast
>Spike’s too short to open these doors for you
>You’re going to have to tie strings around the doorknobs for him, or something
>Right now he’s all moody and doesn’t want to help you study
>He dug some old toys out of the closet in the bedroom and left to entertain himself in the living room
>So far you’ve found references to manticores, Minotaurs, hydras, Cerberus, and griffons while skimming this book during the last few hours
>The preface said that this is all fiction from an ancient human culture
>The descriptions are all dead-on to what you’ve seen firsthoof
>This is bizarre
>Why would these descriptions be so accurate if they aren’t about real things?
>Pegasi
>That’s another
>They’re described as winged horses, not winged ponies
>…
>If they’re going to keep saying “horse,” you might as well know why


>Nothing about horses in the biology section of the one-volume encyclopedia you found
>And this encyclopedia keeps saying it’s ‘web enabled’ and has ‘links to more content’
>Whatever that’s supposed to mean
>The encyclopedia probably explains that, but let’s keep it organized
>Understand one subject before moving on to another
>Except now, because this shouldn’t take long and you feel both curious and insulted
>There’s a small dictionary
>Good enough
>Equine…
>Lives in herds…
>Not intelligent…
>Ridden by humans as a means of transportation…
>Well, if they were intelligent they wouldn’t be letting humans take advantage of them


>There’s an illustration
>That’s what they evolved into here?
>Not even a mother could love that thing
>Spike is right, this place is weird
>See also: Donkey, jockey, knight, mule, Pegasus, unicorn
>Knights were a type of warrior-for-hire that are held in high esteem and are the subject of many stories of adventure and conquest
>See also: Dragon, horse, unicorn
>Dragons considered fictional, myth developed separately by two cultures, may be serpentine or lizardlike in appearance
>Sea dragons blamed for poor sailing conditions, land dragons believed to kidnap maidens and hoard treasure
>Sounds about right
>Unicorns are also not considered to be real, though the origin of the myth is not as clear
>Seems to have started as a rumor among the same culture that had myths about a pegasus
>That culture also apparently worshiped things called ‘gods,’ immortal beings of great magical power
>Celestia and Luna sort of fit the bill for gods, but they’re not worshiped
>It’s more that they command so much respect and are just generally liked by their subjects
>And they don’t tie ponies to rocks for birds to eat them
>Or reproduce through their foreheads
>Or start wars over apples
>That whole ‘Trojan Horse’ story rubbed you the wrong way


>You stopped skimming just to read it thoroughly
>Not because it was about a war, or even because it kept saying “horse”
>Equestria has fought wars when it needed to, but the last one ended years before your grandparents were born
>It was how the characters were portrayed
>One of them chased another and killed him, then dragged his corpse around behind a chariot
>And that character was described as a respected hero
>This better be something that only ancient humans do
>Especially since you saw at least two ‘World Wars’ and a bunch of other wars in the table of contents of that encyclopedia
>And because that was far from being the only protagonist in those stories that was a war hero
>You also heard some humans talking about a couple of current wars in the kitchen earlier
>It didn’t sound like Jon or Eliza, but you didn’t hear any guests arrive
>Hopefully there won’t be a war here
>There’s a rumbling outside


>It’s that motor carriage again
>Jake was out all day, maybe that was him inside it earlier?
>As you look outside, it seems like it’s going backwards
>It stops, and Jake gets out of it carrying a bag over his withers
>That doesn’t seem like the correct term
>You decide to break your ‘understand a subject before moving on’ rule just one more time
>What does the encyclopedia say?
>Human anatomy…skeleton…
>Shoulders
>And those things on the end of their arms are called hands and fingers
>Back to work
>You hear Jake take a seat in the living room
>He starts talking wilth Spike after a moment

>“…was what I thought. It’s nice to know someone sees it my way. It’s too bad, though. That ice cream parlor sounds great.” 
>It’s nothing that’s important to you
>“There’s some ice cream in the fridge if you want it.”
>“What’s the fridge?”
>“It’s the really big white box in the kitchen that keeps stuff cold. You can't miss it. The ice cream is in the lower drawer. You can eat the same stuff as Twilight, right?”
>“Yeah, but I also eat gems.”
>“As in precious stones? Rubies and diamonds and stuff?”
>“Yeah.”
>“Those aren’t cheap around here. Can you live without them?”
>“If I gotta, ye-*URRRP*”
>There's a long pause, which Jake eventually breaks
>“Do you normally vomit paper?”
>“Only when she gets mail.” 
>That is something that’s important to you
>“How does that even work?”
>“I have no clue.”


>You walk out through the door that you made a point of leaving open
>Jake is on the couch with something that looks like a pair of rectangles joined by a hinge
>Spike was coming to meet you
>He gives you the scroll and tells you he’s headed to the kitchen for some ice cream
>Odd, previously unknown culture has similar delicacies
>And this is a completely different biosphere: shouldn’t the food have made you sick?
>You open the scroll


My faithful student,
The Canterlot Court Unicorns and faculty from the School for Gifted Unicorns are currently
collaborating to determine the safest and most expeditious way to return you and your assistant to
Equestria. I have sent letters requesting the presence of other notable magic experts and letters
informing your friends and family of your situation. My advisors tell me that the species you have
described appears to be an obscure but previously known animal that was believed to have gone extinct
over 20,000 years ago. Its population is estimated to have numbered only several thousand at
its peak. Fossils and written records are scarce at best. Finding even one living example of such an
obscure extinct species is a breakthrough: having discovered that they may still be alive, thriving, and
have constructed an entire civilization is entirely unprecedented. As long as you are there, you are to
study every aspect of their civilization.

We won’t stop until we find a way for you to come home.
Princess Celestia



Part 11
>You are Twilight Sparkle
>You have a purpose again
>And you have hope
>“You look like you got some good news.”
>You almost forgot there was anyone else in the room
“Great news. I might not be stuck here.”
>That is good news. How long before you can leave?”
“I don’t know yet, but there is a chance that I can go home someday. That’s all I needed to hear.”
>“If you don’t mind me asking, who sent you that letter?”
“Celestia”
>“Who is that?”
“She’s my teacher and the princess of Equestria.”
>“Oh! If I’d known you were with royalty I would have made my bed for you.”
“I’m sleeping in your room?”
>“Yeah. You can stay there until we figure out something more permanent.”
“Are all of those books yours?”
>“Yes, but most of them are actually Eliza’s. I assume you’ve met by now?”
“Yes, we have. I’m studying from some of those books.”
>“What are you studying about?”
“I’m trying to get an idea of what this world is like. Would you mind if I send the ones I finish to Equestria?”
>“Uh, probably not. I’d like to see which ones you’re sending before you actually send them. I want to be sure that you don’t send away any textbooks I need for my classes.”
“You’re a student too?”
>“At a small college, yes. I’m not sure what I want to major in yet.”
“Well, good luck with your studies!”
>“You too.”


>That’s going to be useful
>Even if you couldn’t get back, those books are going to be priceless knowledge
>And to think that he could just go out and buy them like they’re nothing special
>This place does have a market economy, right?
>And a similar education system?
>And similar musical instruments?
>This place is uncannily familiar for a culture that had been completely separate from yours
>Those are things to investigate after you’re done with the mythology
>You’re going to have your hooves full if you keep finding topics you want to study
>You wouldn’t have it any other way
>You head for the kitchen and hear Spike asking for a spoon, then clarifying that he only wants a spoon
>Eliza is there too and has a similar pair of rectangles on the table


>“You’re not going to eat straight from the tub of ice cream.”
>“But it’s easier this way.”
>“It’s also unhygienic. What if Jake or I want some later?”
>“And you’re not going to leave any for Jon?”
>“He’s allergic to dairy.”
>“Oh. Well, it’s still easier this way.”
>“And it’s still unhygienic. The bowls and spoons are right next to each other. I’m not giving you either until you promise not to eat from the tub.”
“She’s right, Spike. Besides, we’re guests. You shouldn’t be arguing with her about something like this.”
>Eliza is thanking you, Spike is grumbling
“Are you still upset about the argument we had?”
>He grumbles “Yes”
“Read this. I think it will make you feel better.”
>You give spike the scroll and turn to leave
>Returning to Jake’s room, you hear Spike quietly laughing with relief
>As you’re about to get back onto the bed, you hear something else

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueu9EFNb3rc
(Youtube video: the official instrumental version of “Gimme Shelter” by the Rolling Stones. I’m going to describe any multimedia links I put in this story in case those links somehow go dead as well as give any special instructions for the experience I’m intending to give the reader. Stop this video about halfway through.)


>That’s coming from the living room
>It’s a strange sound
>In fact, it’s downright eerie
>It sounded like a string instrument, then someone wailing inside a cave, and then some drums joined in
>You go back out of the room
>It’s coming from the thing Jake has with him
>You peek over his shoulder to see what’s happening
>He’s pressing parts that are labeled with letters and numbers on the lower rectangle and words like ‘Const DblSALES_TAX as Double’ and ‘Dim DblUserInput1 as Double’ are appearing on the top one
>You don’t understand it
>The phrases are nonsense, and the letters on the lower part aren’t in a discernible order
>Maybe it’s some sort of instrument?
“Are you making that music?”
>He slides his fingers across a smaller black rectangle on the device’s surface
>It switches from showing letters and numbers to a picture of five humans and the words “Gimme Shelter”
>he slides a finger across the black rectangle again and then taps it
>The music stops
>“Huh? No, that was a recording. That song has been stuck in my head for months and I wanted to hear it again.”
“Months?”
>“I usually don’t get songs stuck in my head that long, but it’s a classic and it is way too catchy.”
“It must be.”
>Shared psychological phenomena; investigate later
>Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up!
>Let’s spread some holid-
>Darn it all, you’d gone a week without that melody invading your mind


>“That was actually the instrumental version. Do you want to hear the one with lyrics?”
“Yes, do you have it?”
>“Just a moment.”
>he pushes some of the letters on the larger rectangle that doesn’t change
>Now it’s showing a list of smaller pictures on the other large rectangle
>And you thought the timekeeping enchantments were impressive
>All of the pictures have the words “Gimme Shelter” or “Rolling Stones” next to them
>“Here it is. Do you want to hear the version the original band played live in Amsterdam, the extended studio version, or a cover that I like?”
“I wouldn’t know which is which.”
>“Let’s go with the cover band, then. It doesn’t have the intro. That’s probably the best part of the song, but it will get to the lyrics sooner and I like the primary vocalists in this version more. The backup singer just steals the show in the ones by the original band.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJtq6OmD-_Y
(Youtube video: A cover of “Gimme Shelter” by Playing for Change, with nearly twenty musicians from The Bahamas, Brazil, Jamaica, Japan, Mali, India, Italy, Senegal, Sierra Leone, and the United States. Play this one fullscreen.)


>It seems like the device is showing a movie now
>There are humans playing guitars (some of which don’t look acoustically feasible), drums, those strange semi-pianos, and singing into microphones
>There are some exotic looking instruments that you don’t recognize, and even a washboard
>Their skin colors vary from a pale shade of beige to dark brown
>It lists where each musician is from
>Thinking back to the map this morning, they’re all thousands of miles apart
>How did they organize this?


>“Oh, there’s a storm threatening/my very life today.”
>“If I don’t get some shelter/ooh yes, I’m gonna fade away.”
>There doesn’t seem to be good weather control here, so you suppose this makes sense
>It’s obviously a metaphor, but for what?
>“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”
>“It’s just a shot away.”
>Oh, a metaphor for war
>And it seems like this is the chorus, so that’s the point of the song
>“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”
>’Hey kids, you could have a war! Do you want muskets, or bows and arrows? War is just a shot away!’
>Ugh
>They’re playing in these beautiful locations, and all they care about is war
>They went to the effort of writing a song and getting all these musicians to play about how war is great
>Right?
>“Oh, see the fire is sweeping/our very streets today.”
>“Burns like a red coal carpet./Mad bull’s lost its way.”
>No, that can’t be right
>That wouldn’t match the tone of the song at all
>Don’t jump to conclusions
>You must be missing some context
>Storms, fire, a mad bull
>Give me shelter
>It’s a warning
>“War, children, It’s just a shot away/It’s just a shot away.”


>They fear war
>“It’s just a shot away.”
>Then why have they had so many?
>“It’s just a shot away.”
>Is war something that just happens here, like their weather?
>“It’s just a shot away.”
>Why do they idolize warriors?
>“It’s just a shot away.”
>It doesn’t add up
>“Give me love, my brother./It’s just a kiss away.”
>Did they just change the chorus?
>“It’s just a kiss away.”
>They realize how horrible it is
>“It’s just a kiss away.”
>They want an end to war
>“It’s just some love away.”
>Is it that much of a threat to their existence?
>“Let’s give some love away.”
>What would it take to end all war?
>“Let’s give some love away!”


>“So what do you think?”
>You’re not sure what to think
>You had so many conflicting feelings during that song
“I like it.”
>You weren’t trying to say anything
>It just came out
>Did you mean that?
>You’re horrible at lying
>But he’s not calling you on it
>Maybe you did mean it
>There’s only one way to be sure
>Once more, with a clear mind
“Let me hear it again.”