Apparently my green wasn't >RGRE enough, so I'ma dump it here.

>It didn’t matter what Twilight Sparkle had heard; the fact she heard anything at all was the problem.
>This was Golden Oaks Library— HER library.
>Libraries, by their very nature, were supposed to be /quiet/.
>They were supposed to be places of silence, places for thoughtfulness, places for those who sought to read, to write, to work, and to ponder.
>They were the cradle of knowledge and the refuge of minds to-be.
>Twilight Sparkle knew this.
>She had tried to ensure this was so at her library, and for the first year and a half of living here, succeeded.
>Golden Oaks was a good, humble, quiet little library.
>Such as it was meant to be.
>Oh, but if only that were the case now.
>If only, if only…

>The noises had yet to yield.
>The incessant clicking and clacking denied any signs of relent for the better part of an hour.
>Those stupid, Celestia-forsaken noises from upstairs, all so distracting, so loud, so obnoxious...
>They were endless, endless, and endless.
>Every click that was clacked, every ding that was plapped, what with the ‘tiptip tiptip tiptip plakt!’ kept tapping at the back of Twilight's skull like a sculptor chipping away at marble with a hammer and chisel.
>And alone in her disdain, she was not.
>Why, it would be too convenient for her otherwise!
>No, she just had to have ponies in her library, too.
>They each looked as pleased as lepers. 
>Poor Twilight was fortunate enough to behold their silent scorn.
>She could see Bon Bon as she scowled up from the pages of her book, face puckered in bitterness; she could see Noteworthy at the table of the horsehead centerpiece, how hard his quill pen pressed into the parchment, a puddle of ink like blood as he practically stabbed at the paper; and Amethyst Star, seated just opposite of him, as she pressed the tips of her hooves into her ears, the splayed book below her unread.
>Nopony spoke.
>Nopony dared to.
>Thank the stars it was only the three here.
>Twilight knew she couldn't handle much more.
>At the corner of the room she sat at her desk where lay her catalog of books both returned and unreturned.
>She kept her face close to it, her eyes never once parted from the parchment.
>She needed to appear busy.
>Anything to not explain the noise to them.
>She could feel guilty about it later…


>And then, the noises stopped.



>All at once, just like that.
>The clicking and clacking, the dinging and schlapping, had all ceased.
>A weight lifted from the air and the library felt lighter for it, and over by the bookshelves, Bon Bon glanced up from her tome for the last time.
>Her face wore the tell-tale signs of relief; there was no scowl like before.
>Her chest sank as she let her breath escape, and with it did her shoulders droop free of the tension she held.
>“It’s over,” she then said. “It’s finally over…”
>Seated over at the horsehead centerpiece, Amethyst and Noteworthy both sighed as well.
>“Well that was awful,” said Noteworthy.
>He put down his pen and shook his head with a chuckle.
>“I was starting to wonder if my ears would bleed or if I’d go deaf first.”
>Amethyst slammed her book shut atop the table, and huffed away a stray part of her mane from her face.
>“I’ll be hearing that typewriter in my dreams,” she muttered.
>Noteworthy looked at her with a tilt of his head.
>“That was a typewriter? I didn’t know typewriters could type that fast without breaking.”
>“Oh, it was,” said Bon Bon. “Trust me.”
>She shoved her book into the shelf carved in the wall and leaned back against it.
>“Lyra uses one all the time. Sounds just like it. She’s a fast typer, too. Gives me migraines.”
>“Oh, really?” Amethyst said, and glared over at Twilight. “Someone has a migraine in the library? When it’s supposed to be quiet? Pssh! Wonder who’s fault that could be…”
>“Yeah,” said Noteworthy with a biting tone. “Commies.”
>Amethyst slapped the back of his head.
>Bon Bon's gaze drifted over to Twilight at her desk.
>“I think an explanation would be appreciated, y’know,” said she.
>“Yeah, it’s pretty rude not even to acknowledge it,” added Amethyst. “I mean, this is a library, you know. It’s supposed to be quiet.”
>Twilight Sparkle was sweating bullets.
>She swallowed the lump in her throat and gave a laugh, her eyes darting from left to right.
>“Um, sorry?” she said, her voice as steady as a modern-day Michael J. Fox. “I, uh, didn’t think you guys had noticed, eh heh heh heh...”
>Bon Bon groaned.
>“Oh, gee. Thanks, Twilight. Now that you’ve apologized quite horribly to us, I am completely and totally satisfied that both my ears have been completely tone-raped for the last hour and a half now. Gee. Thanks, Twi. Thanks a bucking lot.”
>Twilight winced in her seat.
>“Yikes...”
>“Just tell us what the heck that noise was, Twilight,” barked Amethyst. “The least you could do is tell us, which, you know, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IF YOU WEREN'T GOING TO STOP IT FROM FUCKING OUR EARS.”
>Noteworthy rolled his eyes and held up his hooves.
>“Alright now,” he said, “ the sound’s gone, so why don’t we all just take a deeeep breath and--”

𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚊-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔𝚊-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚊-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝙳𝚒𝚗𝚐-𝚣𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚒𝚙-𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔-𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚔...

>All heads turned towards Twilight again.
>There was no way out.
>She collected herself at her desk, took a deep breath in her chest, and steadied herself.
>“Okay, look,” she finally said, “you guys really don’t want to know who's behind this typing.”
>She paused to wipe the sweat off her forehead.
>“If I go up there, I promise it will only make everything at least one thousand times worse. At least.”
>“Get it to stop,” said Bon Bon, “or I will.”
>“Oh, okay,” said Twilight, “since you clearly didn’t hear me the first time, I’ll say it again: You really, REALLY don’t want to do that. Really.”
>Bon Bon left the bookshelf and strode over to the staircase along the wall.
>“Oh, heavens,” she said in a voice as monotone as possible. “Somepony’s going to take charge. Heaven help us all.”
>“Wait!” called Amethyst, “I’m going with! I wanna give who’s typing a piece of my mind!”
>Bon Bon grinned.
>“Sure. Noteworthy, you coming with?”
>Noteworthy scratched his chin with a hum.
>“Oh, I dunno. You, think they’re cute? I hear writers are sometimes supposed to be kinda cute.”
>Amethyst shot him a quick glare.
>“Kidding,” he said quickly, “I’m just kidding!”
>Amethyst rolled her eyes and got up to join Bon Bon.
>“C’mon,” she said. “He’s coming, too.”
>Noteworthy casted a glance over to Twilight, and after shooting her with a nervous laugh and wave of the hoof, walked over to Amethyst and Bon Bon.
>Twilight Sparkle shook her head at them, her eyes wide and jaw slack.
>“You don’t know what you’re going up against. I promise you. Trust me, it’s—”
>“Time to find out,” said Bon Bon, and with a nudge to Amethyst’s side, the three ponies walked up the first few steps, determined to solve this gay-ass mystery.


>But that didn’t get to really fuckin’ happen.


>Cause, next thing they knew, the whole library shook.
>Books fell off of the bookshelves, the horsehead centerpiece fell off the table, and over it all was a reverberating roar.
>Bon Bon, Amethyst, and Noteworthy froze.
>“Yeah,” sighed Twilight. “Told you.”
>“What the buck was that!?” cried Noteworthy. “Oh my gosh, did the building just shake!?”
>“Hey! This isn’t a building!” huffed Twilight. “It’s a tree! My tree...”
>“Wait a minute,” said Amethyst, her ear pointed at the staircase. “The typing! It stopped again!”

>“YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT HAS!” came a voice from the second floor, loud and grizzly.
>Twilight’s eyes shrunk to pinpricks.
>“Oh, no! Everypony, quick! Get back to where you were! He’s coming!”
>As the sound of stomping grew closer from upstairs, Bon Bon, Amethyst, and Noteworthy all scurried back to their original arrangement, their ears pulled back in fear.
>By the time they were finally settled, the stomps were halfway down the staircase, and the one responsible for them was huffing and puffing…
>“Everypony act natural!” hissed Twilight.
>Then, the source became visible as he entered the room, stomping down the last step.
>Bon Bon, Amethyst, and Noteworthy’s eyes all widened.
>“Who the FUCK was walking up those CREAKY FUCKING STAIRS!?!?”
>It was Anonymous.
>He wore nothing but a tighty-whitey, translucent from the sweat over his glistening body, a black cap on the top of his head which read ‘#Writelife’, and a pair of tall, black dad socks that went halfway up his shin.
>In one hand, he clutched a mug of old coffee.
>In the other, a pre-emptive middle finger which he stuck out at everyone.
>Twilight sighed over from her desk.
>“Hello, Anon...”
>“TWIGGLY, I’M GONNA ASK AGAIN JUST ONE MORE RAPIN’ TIME: WHO MADE THE STAIRS CREAK!?”
>“Nopony did,” said Twilight. “It was, uh, just your imagination, probably.”
>Anon tilted his head back and began to sniff at the air.
>Then, with an ape-like snort, he whipped his head over at Bon Bon.
>He pointed at her with his middle-finger hand.
>“YOUUUuu...”
>Bon Bon gulped.
>“Y-yes, Anon?” she said.
>Thank god she leaned against the bookshelf; her legs shook like the three gorges dam.
>The human leaped from the foot of the staircase over to her at the bookshelves.
>His coffee never even sploshed.
>“𝗬𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗢𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨𝗨!!!!!!!”
>And then he poured his coffee on her head.
>As Bon Bon screamed over the hissing sound of her skin burning, Noteworthy couldn’t help but notice the bulge in Anonymous’ see-through tighty-whitey begin to grow.
>He swallowed the lump in his throat and stood up from the centerpiece table.
>“Welp, this was a nice day at the library, don’t ya think Amy, honey?”
>“I’m scared,” said Amethyst. “I...Oh my gosh…”
>“Don’t worry, baby,” said Noteworthy. “Let’s go.”
>“Have a nice day!” waved Twilight from across the room. “Um, sorry about the inconvenience!”
>As the pair strode out of the library, Anon clutched Bon Bon’s hair within his hand, and tossed away his empty coffee mug to tear away his undies with the other.
>His massive erection sprung out like Superman from a phone booth as he held a squirming, squealing Bon Bon up in the air by her scalp.
>“Y’know, Twilight,” said he, “it’s hard being a writefag, especially when you over think about how to write.”

>Twilight Sparkle buried her face in her hooves.
>“Are you going to rape her?”
>“Yeh. S’wat independent colts do, Twiggy. It’s custom for my people. I must ensnare her, fornicate with her, and then be a loving house-maiden. It’s all part of the process, Tigglit Spergle.”
>Twilight sighed.
>“This isn’t how you find a strong mare-friend, Anon.”
>“𝘼𝙏 𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙏 𝙄'𝙈 𝙏𝙍𝙔𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝘿𝘼𝙈𝙈𝙄𝙏.” ;_;


The End