>It's not often you can say something on the internet has actually thrown you off.
>You've seen it all.
>Dead bodies, lemonparty, weird porn, gore, if it’s on the internet, you've probably come by it.
>You've been desensitized, like so many others.
>But, it's a simple DM conversation that's starting to throw you off.
>The conversation started off pretty innocently.
>A week or two ago someone messaged you on Twitter asking how your day was.
>Normal stuff you would find from any lonely person trying to make fake internet friends.
>A mixture of pity and curiosity led you to respond.
>And from then on you've been talking with them.
>They're sort of weird, but aren't we all?
>But, that weirdness lost its charm rather quickly.
>Today when you checked Twitter you saw a message notification. 
>Expecting nothing out of the ordinary, you opened it.
>”Now then, I must ask, why did you shut the elevator on that woman yesterday?”
>Some random thing you did and told nobody about.
>Something this guy knows about.
>A big red flag that something is off.
>The source of the jitters you have now.
>But, it's just innocent enough that you still want to play along.
>So, you start typing out a reply.
>”I dunno, just felt like it. How do you know bout that?”
>And then you wait for your reply.

>The other guy responds surprisingly quick.
>They must have been online already.
>”Really? Just like that?”
>You frown at their reply. 
>There was conveniently no answer to /your/ question.
>And that question is sort of important to you.
>So you press again.
>”Seriously, how do you know that?”
>The next reply takes a little longer.
>”Why did you cheat on your last significant other?”
>What the fuck?
>When was that, two or three years ago?
>Regardless this “stranger” should have no idea.
>Only one person knew and it was the girl you were seeing on the side.
>And it didn't even last long!
>”None of your business. I'm done talking.”
>With that you block them, putting your phone down with a sigh.
>Do you have some kind of stalker?
>Should you call the cops?
>You rub your temple, sighing.
>This is not okay. 
>Whatever /this/ is.

>Deciding not to involve the cops get, you turn on the tv to help you forget about this.
>Your hand is shaking a little as you work with the remote.
>Stuff like this online has always felt so distant to you, it was easy to be detached.
>But now it's you who's being toyed with and it's really getting to you.
>The tv is on some random game show, nothing special but nothing awful.
>So, you watch it for a bit.
>It's some sort of quiz show, basic stuff wrapped in some signature twist that makes the game look unique.
>You're almost half asleep watching it when you hear the host ask something very odd.
>”Now then, why /did/ you cheat on her anon?”
>It almost sends you flying out of your chair.
>Frantic, you rewind the show.
>This time, those host merely asked a contestant if they're a fan of quiche.
>Most definitely not what you heard.
>Is your mind playing tricks on you?
>Probably.
>But it's freaking you the hell out.
>You take a series of deep breaths to calm your nerves.
>Maybe tv was a bad idea.
>Yeah, frayed nerves can do without all that stimuli.
>Perhaps just listening to some music?
>Just good old audio to drown out your anxiety.

>You put your headphones on, turning up your phone’s volume to levels that will make your cochlea shrivel up and die. 
>And just hit shuffle.
>This is more like it.
>You, laying back, having absolutely no room to think about anything besides the music blasting your ears.
>Your eyes begin to droop a little, the worry subsiding slowly but surely.
>But just as things start to feel peaceful, the song lyrics get awfully weird.
>Hardly even lyrics honestly.
>They don't rhyme and just barely fit the beat. 
>”Why don't you want to answer?”
>”It's a simple question!”
>”Why did you want to do that?”
>”I'm not trying to judge!”
>The oddness of the lyrics is only outdone by the fact that the song abruptly ends there.
>It feels like something just cut the song short.
>The next track that plays is a podcast.
>That's odd, you never once listened to a podcast, let alone downloaded one.
>”Today on ‘The Familiar Chaos’ we ask our listener very important questions about life and motivation! Should be a very interesting show!”
>A few things come off as weird to you beyond the fact it's a podcast.
>The host’s voice sounds vaguely familiar.
>You can't quite place it but you've heard it.
>And secondly, why did he say listener and not listeners?

>Instead of just turning it off like a sane person, you keep listening.
>It's almost like you're asking for it.
>”Our first question, seeing as how the other one received no answer is as follows: Why did you make that fake dating site account?”
>You instantly take off your headphones.
>What the hell is going on?
>Why is the world grilling you on random shit you've done. 
>It's getting creepy as hell and even more annoying.
>As you try and get over this, you check the time.
>It's 12:28.
>Fuck it, it's not /too/ early to have a drink.
>You get up, pouring yourself a shot.
>You hardly ever touch that bottle of vodka, but now is damn good to try it.
>The shot burns as it goes down your throat.
>It makes you cough a bit, not at all smooth. 
>As you finish coughing, you look over at your tv.
>A simple phrase is on there in overly fancy typeface.
>”Oh come on!”
>Didn't you turn your tv off anyways?

>With everything that’s been going on today, it doesn’t take long for you to simply accept the tv turned itself on.
>You pour yourself another shot before going and sitting down on your couch, staring at the tv.
>This is probably just going to keep going on and on until you confront it, so you might as well get this over with. 
>The image changes suddenly on the screen, reacting to you finally sitting down and paying attention.
>”Finally! And here I thought I would have to try and get your attention all day!”
>The text is nowhere as large as last time, what with it being several words longer, so you have to lean in a bit just to see it.
>”Now then, I have so many questions for you, but you are just being hard to work with!”
>Yeah, because cooperating with some crazy stalker is a much better alternative. 
>Granted, you’re cooperating now, but that’s beyond the point.
>The screen’s text changes again.
>”So, I suppose a more direct approach is in order!”

>The tv’s image changes to a strange, swirling spiral. 
>It’s quite the eyesore, and you want to turn it off.
>But, something is keeping your eyes glued to the screen.
>Your peripheral vision is starting to blur, and your head is killing you.
>The headache could very well be from the shots, but that’s not really on your mind right now.
>What’s more on your mind is the fact that you’re glued to your seat, forced to stare at some gaudy animation. 
>Soon the only thing clearly in your vision is that spiral, as you feel less and less cognisant of your surroundings.
>How long have you been sitting here?
>It’s so hard to tell.
>All you can really be sure of is that you feel tired.
>Despite your eyes being absolutely stuck to the spiral, your eyelids feel heavy.
>So heavy that eventually you just pass out.
>Unable to do anything but go with the flow of whatever this was.

>There’s no telling how long you were out.
>When you do finally awake, your headache is thankfully gone.
>And you can actually look around now, so that’s an improvement as well.
>Your surroundings however are anything but what you expected. 
>A bright forest setting, practically out of a cartoon.
>Like, really, the sky is that bright blue you only see in light hearted animation.
>You sit up, getting a better look at this bright forest.
>It looks like a forest sure, but everything about it is just so simple and bright.
>You’ve seen plenty of real trees in your day, but these trees were nowhere close to realistic.
>”Enjoying the scenery?” asks that familiar voice from the podcast.
>As you look over at the source of the voice, you can scarcely believe your eyes.
>There sits a large, lanky creature, a seeming hodgepodge of countless other living beings.
>The voice makes sense now, as does the weirdly animated forest you’re in.
>But, it making sense shouldn’t make any sense at all.
>You must still be unconscious, because there’s no way Discord is talking to you right now.

>Discord smirks at your apparent confusion. 
>”Having some mental crisis there Anon?” they ask.
>You can hardly sputter out a reply, dream or not this is way too surreal for your tastes.
>Seeing your apparent struggle, Discord picks up the one sided conversation.
>”Now, I /knew/ the direct approach would be rather jarring, but you left me no choice! Now, I’ll cut to the chase- I like you Anon!”
>You’re having a hard time paying attention to anything Discord is saying.
>Right now you’re more focused on pinching yourself and acting out all the other “it must be a dream!” tropes.
>Of everything Discord has said, you really haven’t cared.
>It’s just a dream, right?
>Then again, you’ve felt every pinch so far.
>But there’s no way this can be real!
>Noticing your inattention, Discord leans in close, grabbing your attention.
>”May I continue?” they ask sarcastically. 

>Before you even reply, Discord continues his speech. 
>”As I was saying. I see a lot of promise in you Anon, promise I think I could harness! You have a penchant for testing your boundaries in little ways, do you not?”
>You think it over for a second, knowing fully well you’ll be forced to play along anyways.
“I suppose that’s true.”
>”You suppose?” questions Discord, feigning shock.
>”I’ve had my eye on you for quite a while! You mess with little things. You’ll shut a woman out of an elevator just because you feel like it! You’ll set up a dating profile just to see how people react to your made up advances!”
>Just before you can bring up the odd fact that Discord knows what a dating website is, another more pressing question comes to mind.
“What are you insinuating right now?”
>”I am so glad you asked! A curious mind is a very good thing!”
>Discord pats your head like an owner would do to their dog.
>”I have plans for you Anon! Big plans!”

>”You have dabbled in chaos, trying things just to see the outcome! But, you are far from a master at it. So, I thought why not challenge myself to foster that feeling in you?:
>Your head is starting to hurt again.
>Sure, you do some morally questionable stuff now and again, but are you really expected to believe Discord, a fictional character, has been watching this?
>”And that’s when it hit me! My next great goal!” exclaims Discord.
“And that is?”
>A part of you is scared to hear the answer.
>But, another part of you is very, very curious. 
>”To be a parent!”
>You stare at Discord with a look of utter disbelief.
“You’re joking, right? I’m an adult.”
>Discord flashes a devious grin.
>”You’re also human and male, but I can fix that. Now then, it’s time to make you more presentable! No child of mine would look so… /human/!”
>You gulp, knowing you are most likely not going to like where this is going. 

>In an instant you're strapped down in some sort of dentist’s chair.
>Leave it to Discord to warp reality in the most /welcoming/ ways.
>Discord himself has a doctor’s outfit, looking over you with a look of enthusiasm.
>”You're going to have quite the radical makeover Anon, I hope you're ready!”
>You vehemently shake your head.
>He either ignores or just fails to notice your distress.
>”Now, I think making you a filly would help you blend in better with the general population…” he mumbles, scratching his chin.
>Oh great, that's a comforting thought. 
>You being stuck as a tiny, female pony with a-
>”So we absolutely /can't/ do that! It's too easy! Too predictable!”
“Can we just… get this over with?”
>Discord stares at you for a minute.
>”You're just as eager as I am!”
>It takes all you can to strangle back a groan.
>”Tell me anon, have you ever seen a female Draconequus?”
>You ponder it for a moment.
“Oh you must be joking.”
>The eager grin on Discord’s face says that he is most definitely not.

>The next several minutes consist of Discord poking, prodding, shaping, and stretching your body.
>It feels really weird, considering you know it's probably all unnecessary.
>He's /Discord/, he could probably get this over with in an instant if he wanted.
>But, being Discord, he definitely does not want to make things easy.
>Thankfully this “procedure” is relatively easy to ignore.
>It's almost like a massage.
>A weird, life altering massage. 
>Yeah, it's really not like a massage at all the more you think of it.
>You groan, trying to clear your mind of any further weird or confused thoughts. 

>After a while the chair disappears, sending you falling.
>Your body already feels super weird.
>As you groan to yourself, you notice your voice.
>It's a much higher pitch, but not as high as you expected.
>When Discord mentioned parenting, you sort of assumed you'd be some squeaky little brat.
>You sound more like a pre teen at the very least.
>A mirror suddenly appears out of nowhere right in front of you.
>You're… certainly different.
>Almost every strange little body part Discord has, you have.
>Your body is long and lanky, and even flexing one of your altered digits feels strange beyond belief.
>It's like they've been asleep for years, and you're just now trying to wake them up again.
>You have a mane of wild white fur, looks almost like a head of human hair.
>Really accents your big, twitchy eyes.

>You glance over at Discord, who is wiping a cartoony, most likely fake, tear from his eye.
>”You look perfect Anon! I must say I've outdone myself!”
>You roll your eyes.
“Whatever Dad…”
>Wait. What the hell did you just call him?
>He picks up on your shock right away and chuckles.
>”We can't have a daughter calling their father by their name, can we?”
>The best you can do is scowl at Discord. 
>He's made you into a young, female draconequus, and is forcing you to call him “Dad”.
“This had better not have some weird sexual undertone” 
>Always one for theatrics, Discord swoons. >”Why I'd never Anon! I enjoy chaos, not… how do they describe it in your home world?”
>With a sigh, you humor him.
“Weird kinks?”
>They shrug at that.
>”Sounds right enough to me!”
>This is going to be a very taxing existence, you can tell already.

>Discord snaps his finger, and you're suddenly no longer in the lush forest you had found yourself in.
>Because you can’t just have a few minutes to adjust or anything.
>You sigh as you look around.
>It’s a room, one with overwhelming amounts of pink in it.
>Like, pink walls, a pink bed, pink, pink, pink.
>It could be worse though, at least Discord was merciful enough to make it pastels in lieu of neon pink.
>Speaking of you “father”, there’s a piece of paper on the bed.
>You have a little trouble walking at first, not at all used to this body.
>Pink carpets do not break falls all that well as you’ve come to learn.
>Thankfully you’re a fast learner, and after you pick yourself up off the floor, you manage to make it to your bed. 
>”Dear Eris” begins the letter.
>”I do hope you don’t mind the name change, “Anon” was just so unfitting!”
>You almost begin to vocalize a complaint before remembering this a letter.
>Then again, knowing Discord, he could very well be watching.
>So, to be safe, you flip off the room. 
>Thankfully your weird new hands managed to replicate a middle finger half decently.
>With that over with, you continue the letter.

>”Now, I have never had a daughter before, so do forgive me if I made any errors in your room decor. I’m going off a series of hunches and inferences here you know!”
>It’s like you can almost hear the smug enjoyment in his voice.
>He is probably watching you right now, laughing his ass off.
>You crane your head around, scowling.
>Nothing /looks/ like Discord in disguise.
>Then again, if it’s a disguise, it shouldn’t be easy to tell if it is a disguise. 
>Maybe you have something of a paranoia problem.
>But you can focus on your slipping sanity later, you’ve got more pressing issues.
>Like, where the fuck are you right now?
>Where did Discord live again?
>Your room conveniently lacks any windows. 
E: “Oh come the fuck on Dad!”
>Discord’s voice echoes in your head, because why not add on to horrible things about being here right now?
>”Now, now Eris, that’s no way to speak to your father! You’re lucky I even let you keep the ability to swear!”
E: “Well, if you’re /so/ offended by it, why let me keep it?”
>Oh fuck you sound like a bratty preteen right now.
>Note to self, do not, you repeat, do not allow yourself to slip into such behavior.
>”Well, I’m sure you’ll find something fun with the capability down the line, so why not?”
>You roll your eyes.
>Something that you feel is going to be a very common thing for you now.

>At least your bed is soft.
>Granted that’s a shitty silver lining right about now, but that’s all you’ve got.
>As you lie down in it, you can’t help but look over your body.
>It’s so unnatural.
>Granted, that’s the point, but you don’t have to appreciate that.
>What the hell are you going to do with yourself?
>What the hell are you going to do about “Dad”?
>What /can/ you do?
>Not much, at least, not much you can see.
>Discord chose you why exactly?
>Because you sometimes get your kicks on being a dick?
>So what?
>Why not get some anarchist?
>Or just about anyone who actually revels in chaos.
>You’re just a hobbyist at most.
>But, that was apparently exactly what Discord wanted in their child, because here you are. 
>How old even are you?
>Where the hell are you?
>Why did it have to be fucking pink?
>Your mind is swimming with questions. 
>So, you decide to answer the with a big fuck you by going to sleep.
>Do Draconequus need sleep?
>Who the fuck cares, you’re doing it anyways. 

>Turns out you can and do sleep.
>That's nice, sleep is a damn good time sink.
>When you wake up, you notice you've been covered by a blanket.
>You had just kind of fell asleep on top of the bed, not really covering yourself.
>Did Discord do this?
>Who else would have?
>At least he isn't being a complete ass about all of this.
>Once you feel at least somewhat awake, you reach over for your phone to check the time.
>But, no phone.
E: “Riiight…”
>You sigh softly, laying back down.
>Equestria doesn't have iPhones. 
>It's an obvious statement when you think about it, but in the moment you weren't thinking about that.
>However, there is /one/ more silver lining that you see.
>It even puts a small grin on your face.
>No work to get up and go to.
>You throw your blanket back over your body.
>Why the hell wouldn't you get more sleep?
>Sleep fucking rocks.

>Your second round of sleep goes a little quicker.
>In all honesty you weren't even that tired when you went back to sleep in the first place.
>So it's not all that surprising you only slept for…
>Well, you aren't sure how long, but it felt short.
>As you sit up, you notice another letter.
>What, does Discord just come in whenever you're asleep?
>Do they even come in at all?
>That's two more questions for your running list.
>You'll have to write these down soon, but first, might as well read your note.
>”Dear Eris, I'm sure you're wondering when you'll get to leave your room.”
>Honestly, that's not your biggest concern right now, but it is a decent one. 
>”Seeing as how unadjusted you are, it would be cruel to simply throw you into social interaction and the like! Thus, you'll be staying at home for a while.”
>It's not like you expected much in terms of personal freedom anyways.
>But, how long /is/ it going to take?
>You aren't exactly eager to go out and socialize, but being cooped up in here forever doesn't sound all that appealing.

>While you are in here though, you had best make the most of it.
>Surely there's something in here to keep you occupied.
>You start rummaging around in drawers and the like, looking for anything.
>So far no luck.
>It almost looks like other than furniture the room is empty.
>That just won't do.
>You /need/ to have something to do.
>You can already feel the cabin fever setting in.
>That or the boredom.
>Or both! 
E: “Um… Dad? You wouldn't happen to have forgotten, y’know, entertainment did you?”
>Silence is all that greets you.
>Because when you want to talk, of course he isn't here!
>Feeling more than a little upset, you sit back down on your bed.
>Just now do you notice the book on your nightstand. 
>Has it been there this whole time or did Discord just now put it there?
>Doesn't matter, it's something to do.

>You grab the book, grasping it eagerly with your hand.
>Claw? Talon?
>Whatever, it's, for all extensive purposes, a hand. 
>”A Condensed History of Chaos: Vol. I”
>What did you expect from Discord?
>Of course this would be the book you get.
>You're half tempted to just toss it aside, but it is something to do.
>So you start reading.
>The book is exactly what the cover said.
>It's a recounting of chaotic events all told in anecdotal form. 
>Based on the writing style alone you could confidently assume Discord wrote this.
>How much free time does he have on his hands anyways to be able to do stuff like this?
>Yet another question for the list. 
>All things considered, the book is a relatively good read so far.
>It's not difficult to comprehend, and admittedly Discord does have a fun style of humor in his narration.
>You've chuckled a decent bit so far in this first chapter alone.
>Not bad, not bad at all.

>”And it was then, that due to a simple swapping of plates at a dinner, that a deep resentment grew in the two warlords. Now, for warlords, they had waged very little war for a /long/ time. Thankfully, something so simple was able to fix that!”
>You’ve lost track of time as you begin Chapter Four of the book.
>This one is on “Murphy’s Law and You! How The Worst Thing Can Be the Best!”
>Like how with these two rival clans, everything went absolutely wrong, starting with a mix up at a meal, and ending with both clans being wiped out.
>Pretty metal shit for some fucking ponies.
>But, as you’ve come to learn through these three and a half chapters of content, there have been countless historical events never even touched by the show.
>Discord’s seen it all, well mostly.
>Their scope is far from infinite, but they have a rather /unique/ window into the world.
>Something in you relates to how Discord views things in this.
>Like, normally you wouldn’t find the accidental death of a warlord’s spouse while visiting a rival clan anything other than another bit of tragic history.
>But there’s some beauty in the irony of all of this.
>Both sides were trying to make things right, and it only got worse and worse!
>It actually coaxes a loud laugh from you.
>The hearty laugh throws you off, it was so… energetic.
>Suddenly feeling weird, you set the book aside.
>You’ve had enough.
>You do however quickly slide one of Discord’s notes into the book to keep your place.
>You’ve had enough… for /now/.