(WARNING SERIOUS BAD VIBES AHEAD)

>you remember when mommy used to love you
>or maybe you had a different mommy
>you weren’t really sure
>it was so long ago to your small child brain
>in your mind there  are flashes of a white mare with a rainbow mane playing with you as a baby
>she seemed gentle and kind
>not like your mom, if she even let you call her that
>last time you did she hit you in the face and threatened you
>before walking off laughing
>at least she didn’t burn you like she did when she was really mad
>as several burn marks attest to
>but it’s ok, the maids are nice to you!
>though they don’t last long
>so you still wanted that first mommy back
>you’re pretty young but you don’t 
>anyways right now your mom is gone, thankfully and you’ve “snuck” into the library to read some daring do
>snuck is the wrong word, the librarian and ‘Head necromancer’ Skull Whisper was really nice to you even if he smelled weird, and ponies didn’t like him
>sometimes he wasn’t nice to grown up ponies but he was always seem nice to foals and whatever you were
>he taught you how to read Unicornian and showed you all kinds of cool books
>he was also the one pony who was nice to you who mom didn’t get rid of
>something about him being super necessary to her regime
>you hated the regime, besides Skull whisper and occasionally the maids, they were cool
>as you continue to the part where Daring kicks the Azhiuotl in the face you notice something outside the window
>at first that’s a loud zapping sound, something you are unfortunately used to
>then the sky starts to go from reddish orange to blue, and it keeps getting bluer
>Skull Whisper told you the sky used to be blue
>you also vaguely remember another blue pony who was nice to you
>so blue was your favorite color
>but it didn’t stop
>it was getting darker
>and darker
>in fact it was darker than you ever remember seeing it outside
>you start to hear gasps
>then you hear ponies cheering as guards scream
>you’d be worried but the sight in front  of you is too astonishing
>as the sky reaches an almost blue black a huge white ball comes up 
>it’s more beautiful than anything you ever seen in your life
>but it gets better! 
>there’s a slight twinkling in the sky 
>and then the twinkling is stronger
>the sky is filled with lights
>not just one big light
>a bunch of them
>you think you remember one of the maids talking about them
>stars or something
>you drop your book on the floor for once unconcerned about your mother’s punishment 
>they’re just too beautiful not to
>it’s cool too!
>but not dank! 
>nice and cool!
>the sound of fighting is gone, you hear cheering
>a knock on the door
>not just a knock
>you instinctively catch your breath and lean against the wall in fear of what awaits you
>you aren't supposed to be here
>you especially aren't supposed to be reading Daring Do
>and whenever your mom did something big or lost she always came back madder than usual
>you back up further than you ever thought you could onto the stone wall as you prepare for the worst
>but instead of mom and a batallion of pegasi in red armor
>there's a darker though less menacing Alicorn surrounded by Batponies in blue armor
>her face is serious but doesn't bare the book of malice your mother did
>she says something to the guards as they begin to check the room
>then she looks at you with her big blue eyes
>and she smiles
>a smile that oddly enough puts you at ease
>she's crying?
>"ANONYMOUS HOW WE HAVE MISSED THEE DEARLY!"
>before you can move she's lunging at you causing you to squeak in fear
>she wraps her forehooves around you
>you prepare for the worst
>but the worst never comes
>she just sits there sobbing over you as her head and starry mane brush against your face
>"We art so happy thou art alive, our dearest Nightsong."
>your blood freezes in a good way
>you remember that name
>this is the other Alicorn
>not your mommy but still
>you hug her back and cry unused to this level of love and concern
>this mare who you didn't even know the name of was showing you more love in this second than you got in your life
>you cry into her tuft as she makes shushing noises along with promises that it's all over
>it feels like hours
>you remove your head from her chest your tears reduced to a reasonable level as you look at her big beautiful blue eyes bursting with love for you
>they were equally tear stained
>you heard more hoofsteps as the bat guards started to look nervous
>a smaller white Alicorn with a pink mane came out
>the guards instinctively jerked away from her but you weren't sure why, she didn't look mean
>she looked sad
>maybe she needed a hug too?
>you turn to look at her closer but when she locks eyes with you she flinches and backs away
>your mom must have really hurt her if she was afraid of you of all creatures
>you understood that with other foals
>but she seemed like a grown up or at least a teen
>though alicorns were bigger so maybe she was a foal
>maybe she was the big blue one's daughter
>you feel a wing gently stroke your face
>you look back to the blue Alicorn who is now beaming at you
>"Come nephew we have much to take care of."
>she was your aunt
>your mom said lots of bad things about your aunt Luna
>but then again you didn't put much stake in her word anyways 
>so that means the white Alicorn is probably your new cousin!
>maybe you'll get to live with your aunt now!
>you have only one thought as you walk underneath your aunt's wing pressed against her soft body
>this is the best day... no best night ever!
>"Auntie Luna, ca-can, can we get some food.. please?"
>your stomach growls
>she looks at you
>you flinch
>normally your mom would chastise or mock you for such a request
>"Of course dear, if thy stomach tis as hungry as it sounds we must get you fed post haste!"
>she's smiling
>it's a nice smile
>the kind only Skull Whisper  gave you
>but without as much sadness
>you've only really known her for 20 minutes but you already love your auntie Luna a lot
>"Guards! Continue thine securing of the castle! We must attend to our nephew's stomach at the moment."
>you've heard your mom give commands but this is less yelling at and more shouting towards
>you don't really know what that means but it seems nicer
>one guard comes up, it's a stallion and a big one too
>he's kinda scary looking with his sharp fangs and eyepatch but if he's with Aunt Luna he's probably nice and just looks scary
>plus he also looks afraid
>you realized that you looked weird but you had a hard time thinking you were that scary
>"Princess, what about.. Celestia?"
>you heard that name before
>Mom didn't like ponies saying it almost as much as she didn't like other ponies saying Luna
>your Aunt's happy face turns to a frown
>you know what happens when your mom frowns at guards and close your eyes
>instead of a gory inferno she sighs
>"Princess Celestia is in no state to challenge us, nor does she have any desire to."
>the guard nods but still seems hesitant as he begins to take a majority of the batponies out of the library and into the corridors
>the white alicorn is nowhere to be seen as your aunt talks your ear off on the way to the dining hall of the castle
>all while the happy cheers and shouts of ponies fill the streets of Canterlot

>you are Celestia
>no
>you aren’t
>not anymore
>you were Celestia 
>but you aren’t anymore
>you don’t deserve that name
>you are a monster and all you deserve is the worst form of death imaginable
>you just want to crawl into a hole and die but you doubt there’s a hole in tartarus deep enough for your crimes
>you betrayed your ponies
>and enjoyed it
>you enjoyed hurting them
>you enjoyed crushing their hopes
>showing them just how dependent on you they truly were
>you killed most of the elements
>you killed half the team you set up!
>you killed Twilight! 
>the mare you practically raised slowly in cold blood
>all while she tried to talk to the good still in you
>she failed
>on a more important note, though it is selfish
>you hurt your sunshine
>and you didn’t care
>and you kept on hurting him
>to the point of tears!
>over and over again
>physically and emotionally
>any attempt at him reaching out was callously rebuked
>HE ‘S AT MOST 7 AND NOW HE’S PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE
>and you’ve only felt horrible for it for around hour after being forced to!
>all because of frustration at their supposed ‘pathetic dependence’ and lingering thoughts of your divine right
>how can your face your subjects
>how can you make it up to Anon when you’ve been everything a mother shouldn’t be?
>you were supposed to give him comfort and you gave him fear!
>you were supposed to give him safety and you gave him pain!
>love instead of cruelty!
>security instead of attacks!
> you literally went back on every promise you made to him when you first found him
>by the maker you want to die
>you are followed by a silent cadre of Luna’s guards 
>they aren’t corralling you… yet but they follow you
>silently they stalk through the halls as you wander aimlessly through the twisting hallway, trying to avoid the boy whose life you’ve ruined 
>you know that if it wasn’t for your sister’s orders they most likely would have killed you on the spot to the rejoicing of all of your former subjects
>you don’t blame them
>in fact if you had your way you would have had them kill you instantly
>that way you’d never have to face anon
>if the religions of the older times are right you clearly are going to two very separate places
>he and Luna would be happy assuming she died, and well at least you could take some solace that your punishment will be well deserved
>you stop as the heaving sobs take you
>the clanking of arms stop as the guards follow suit 
I’m hic.. so sorry Sunshine..
>your eyes shut with tears as your pink mane hangs limply over your face
Mommy is so sorry
>you let him down
>you boldly rush towards one of the balconies making a break for it before the guards can stop you
>normally such a fall would merely hurt but in a weakened state it would kill you
>the guards are too slow as you feel the cold night air and look upon the moon for the first time in years
>it’s light filtering through your tears
>you pause for a second and look at the drop
>it’s a common idea that suicides don’t go to Elysium 
>luckily that wasn’t an issue for you at the moment
>with a last flap of your wings you leap and fling yourself off the castle balcony
>finally 
>though it will never make up for what you did
>it will at least give hope to many ponies out there
>then you feel tingling
>you’re being picked up
>NO NO FAUST DAMN It!
>WHY?
>you struggle as you try to break free but this time your weakness goes against you
>as you’re roughly plopped onto the stone balcony you stare at Luna’s guards
>picking out the two dark grey Unicorn mares who saved your wretched life
Why? Why did you save me?
>the one to the right looks at you stoically
>”Princess Luna’s orders.”
>you aren’t sure whether to laugh or cry
>so you do both