Author's Note: If you've ever wanted to feel a profound level of writefag circlejerkery, here's your miniseries. Enjoy.

Originally Published January 16th, 2013

>Day…you can’t remember what day it is.
>You are… you can’t remember who you are.
>Fuck. What CAN you remember?
>…
>Fuck.
>Your eyes begin to weakly flutter open, and blurry bodies begin to take shape.
>Gazing around, you can see that you’re sitting at a conference table, and that you’re not the only one here.
>7 others are the table with you: 
>A brown Earth filly,
>A plum-colored Earth Stallion,
>A Diamond Dog,
>One of Canterlot’s Pegasi Guards,
>A tiger,
>A Pegasi wearing a weird hat,
>and a lumpy thing that smelled strongly of vinegar; all of them, including yourself, are chained into your seats.
SHIT!
>There goes your Vow of Silence; it’s a shame too…you were almost on 15 years.
>As the others begin to stir from your less than polite wake-up call, you can finally remember your name: Monk.


>Everyone begins to struggle with their shackles.
>The two Pegasi try to use their wings as lock-picks, and you try to use magic to get everyone out.
>For some reason, seeing a magicky glow sets off the little filly.
>”TWILIGHT?! LET ME OUT OF THIS CHAIR YOU CRAZY BITCH!”
>”Slasher?”
>SS: ”…Disc?”
>J: ”Jchallo!”
>D: ”SHUT IT, J-jec-jesh…”
>J: ”Jchallo.”
>SS:”SHUT UP! TWILIGHT WILL HEAR YOU!”
>NP: ”Guys; we all need to relax, and then we’ll figure out where we’re at.”
Who are you?
>NP: ”I’m Neil.”
Never heard of you.
>NP: “Neil Peart…from Rush?”
Still doesn’t ring a bell.
>NP: ”I’m a Canadian with a funny hat?”
Ohh! That Neil!
>J: “Neil!”
>D: “Peart-y Neil!”
>SS: “DID TWILIGHT PUT YOU UP TO THIS?”
>A voice, one that’s all too familiar, begins to speak over the sound of turning gears.
>FS: “Don’t w-worry my little Slasher. T-twilight has n-nothing to do with this.”


>A large television screen descends from the ceiling, revealing a very familiar looking pink and yellow pegasus.
>No.
>It can’t be.
>J: “Fluttersh-”
>SS: “TWILIGHT?”
>The tiger speaks up.
>P: ”Are you going to kill us?”
>FS: “No Picklehead, I’m not going to kill anyone; whether anyone dies will be up to you.”
>P: “I’m not killing anyone you sick fuck!”
>Fluttershy laughs, and the room falls silent.
>FS: “You misunderstand me, my sweet love-P-pickle. You see, I’ve come to realize that the reason that none of you want to r-rut me is not my fault…it’s yours.”
>A collective “U WOT M8?” resounds throughout the chamber.


>After the din quiets down, FlutterNutter begins to speak again.
>FS: “None of you c-can love me because you’re all too held back by your own l-lives. I want to c-clean you of your past to make you perfect for me.”
>D: “And then what? You plan on using us as your personal brothel?!”
>FS: “Oh no; That would b-be going t-too far. ”
>A wild memory appears! It’s of Fluttershy checking if you have a scat/vore fetish…in the middle of a crowded market.
>Everyone else must be having similar memories, because the room is soon enveloped in peals of laughter.
>Except for Neil.
>He just looks confused.
>Fucking Neil Peart.
>FS: “I’m g-going to spilt you o-off into teams of two; the team that can t-transcend themselves will get to love me and live, while those who don’t will die.”
>AA: “So it’s like The Hunger Games?”
>FS: “What?”
>J: “You’re right! This is EXACTLY like The Hunger Games!”
>P: “We’re all in teams of two…”
Only one team can survive…
>S: “It’s a contest none of us want to take part in…”
>SS: “AND TWILIGHT”S PROBABLY BEHIND IT ALL!”


>FS: “IT’S NOTHING LIKE THE BUCKING HUNGER GAMES!”
>NP: “Of course it isn’t.”
>FS: “Now these are the teams you will be in: From Distr- Team One is Jchallo and Picklehead.”
>The tiger and pickle-wolf turn to look at each other for the first time, and strange pink hearts replace their pupils.
>Jchallo is struggling to pet Pickle’s coat, and Pickle is trying in vain to nom on Jchallo’s neck.
They’re gonna die fast.
>FS: “Team T-two is Monk and Alcoholic Anon.”
>Looking around, you can see what looks like a male Berry Puch…that’s probably Alcoholic Anon.
>AA: ”SHADDUP YA’ BUDDERFLY!”
>Was that a stealth pun?
> FS: “Team Three i-is Slasher Science and D-disc Ward.”
>D: “Cool.”
> FS: “And the final team is Smudgey and Neil Peart.”
>The last two, the Diamond Dog and Neil Peart, eye each other up for a few seconds.
>S: “Can I wear your hat?”
>NP: “Sure.”
> FS: “SILENCE NEIL!” The walls begin to rise, revealing an expansive field of grass and multicolored flowers.
>The chairs hiss as the pressure keeping them closed is taken away, and the restraints loosen and fall away.
> FS: “Everyone st-stay with your teammates, the game for life and l-love has begun.”
>Everyone grabs their respective teammate and runs off into the field, unsure and fearful of how the Yellow Menace may try to clean them.