Originally Published February 11th, 2013

>Day…er Night “Team Peeta” in Equestria.
>You are Disc Ward: member of the Canterlot Guard’s Pegasi Division, sworn defender of the Kingdom and friend to the fillies and colts.
>Currently, you are nobly hiding in the highest branches of a tree, keeping yourself safe fro-
>SS: ”DISC WARD! LET ME HIDE WITH YOU! WE’RE ON THE SAME TEAM!”
>The cries of a colt in need activate your instincts to protect and serve…
>…yourself.
No; I already told you this is my tree…go find your own!
>You shoot out your hoof, connecting hard on Slasher’s badly bruised jaw.
>You can’t help but stare at Smudgey running in the distance, Neil Peart’s hat sitting slightly askew atop his head.
>Such a shame; it really did look better on Neil.
>Oh yeah; Slasher also fell about 40 feet to the ground.
>For the fifteenth time.
>This hour.
>You look down to see Slasher cough up some blood, and then attempt to crawl back up the tree.
>Godsdamn he was resilient.
Aren’t you going to stop? I think I sprained my leg pushing you.
>SS: “YOU WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HURT IF YOU STOPPED PUSHING ME, ASSHOLE.”
And I wouldn’t have to push you if you found your own bucking tree.
>SS: “YOU’RE ALMOST AS BAD AS MY [MOTHER]!”
>As you try to comprehend how he pronounced “[MOTHER]”, you can hear a rustling and an “eep” in the leaves below you.

>All the years of training you received at the Royal Guard Academy have prepared you for this moment.
>You spread your wings as far as they will go and dive out of the branches, letting out a heroic
THE TREE’S ALL YOURS SLASHER!
>as you rush past the confused filly on the ground.
>Looking behind you, you see a metal wall rise out of the ground, splitting the tree clean in half.
>Slasher tumbles to the ground in the most adorable manner.
>And then the tree falls on him.
>And then you fly into a metal wall.
MY ONE WEAKNESS!
>”No….my weakness is cocaine”, you think, ”why couldn’t this wall have been made of cocaine?”
>As you lament the lack of white pony in your nose and the subsequent rising of more metal walls, you can feel a tugging sensation on your tail.
>The blood rushes to your face in a rosy blush.
>Only one pony knew how to pull you tail that way.
>Could it be….
Raritan-kun?


>SS: “Who’s Raritan-kun?”
>nope.
>You land a brutal kick onto Slasher’s snout, sending him flying back a few feet.
HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!
>Slasher has red rivulets running down his body, ripped patches of fur revealing purple and black skin, and he looks slightly shorter than he did a few minutes ago.
>SS: "The tree landed mostly on my head."
THAT STILL DOESN’T EXPLAIN MUCH!
>A tinny voice comes out of a stereo on the wall.
>FS: “Save your passion for the bedroom Discy~~”
>GodsDammit…Flutterrapist is here.
Can’t you go bother J-jic-jahk…Picklehead and the picklewolf? My leg hurts, and I think I have a concussion.
>A stifled laugh comes through the speaker at the mention of “Picklehead”.
>FS: “Oh no. Those two are probably dead by now.  All that matters now is making you and Slashy into the perfect stallions.”
Oh yeah; the whole “cleaning” thing. If it means I get to live, I’ll take as many baths as necessary.
>SS: “Jackass.” Slasher’s voice sounds flat and gurgly, and there is blood flowing from his mouth.
>SS: “She meant it in a psychological way: she wants to break us into being her personal fuck toys.”
>FS: “Well, I w-wouldn’t say it’s ‘b-breaking’ you…”
>"Wait a second…break…broken...that’s it!"
>Memories of helping fallen comrades from the Royal Guard Training Academy race through your mind.
>You scoop up the colt and throw him at the speaker.
Slasher is already broken! He's all ready for whatever weird rapey thing s you want to do to him!
>As you beam with pride over your foolproof plan, you can almost feel the approving glance of Instructor Bootstraps bearing up on you from Tartarus.
>Instructor Bootstraps was a real dickweed.

>An evil giggle comes through the speaker.
>Kinda like when Instructor Bootstraps would come to the barracks for the Secrete Midnight Inspections.
>FS: “Silly Discy, that’s the kind of behavior I’m trying to clean from you.”
>A covered cage and a platform come up from the ground as she speaks.
>FS: “Your position as a Captain of the Royal Guard has made you massively self-centered; even in Slasher’s state of need, your first instinct was to sacrifice him for your own benefit.“
Your point being?
>SS: “My stomach hurts…”
>FS: “SILENCE NEIL-sorry. My point being that the two of you must reverse your roles. Slasher must become dominant, while you must become more submissive.”
>Two buttons light up red and blue, life and death, on the platform.
I’m not comfortable with being on top.
>FS: “…That’s not what I meant, but I’ll keep that in mind,” she says as the cover is taken off the cage.
>A pony with a white coat and a brown mane is passed out on the floor of the cage.
>No. It can’t be.
Raritan?



>FS: “Yes, and you can save him by listening to everything I am about to tell you.”
>SS: “Should I be bleeding this mu-MMPH!?”
>You jam your hoof into Slasher’s mouth so you can hear Flutterpsycho’s commands.
Fine. What do you want me to do.
>FS: “Oh, it’s not what I want you to do…it’s what Slasher wants you to do.”
>wat.
What?!
>SS: “MMMMPH!?”
>FS: “Well what did you think I meant when I said you had to ‘reverse your roles’?”
>”Disc?”
>D: “Yes Disc-brain?”
>”I’m starting to think that she didn’t mean sex.”
>D: “Are you sure? This IS Flutterbutt we’re thinking about here.”
>”Yes. Now figure out how to stay alive.”
>You pull your hoof out of Slasher’s mouth, and it is followed by a mouthful of blood.
>Eww.
What does he have to do?
>FS: “S-simple: Slasher will decide whether R-raritan lives or dies, and you will push the button that corresponds with his order.”
>”This seems too easy.”
And?
>FS: “If Raritan lives, then the both of you die. If he dies, the both of you live. If you disobey Slasher, then only you will die.”
>Well fuck.
>Turning to Slasher, you can see a gleam in his eye. Blood is flowing out from his now smiling mouth.
>”Shit. He’s going to get revenge on us for not sharing that tree.”
>He closes his eyes and takes a deep gurgling breath in.
>SS: “Disc Ward…Raritan is going to a better place.”
>Fuck...

>...No. Not today.
>You kick Slasher into a nearby wall, blood trailing behind him in an arc as he flies.
RARITAN WILL LIVE!
>You slam your hoof onto the red “life” button with extreme force, cracking it and causing to shoot out sparks.
>The cage begins to slowly lower back into the ground.
>FS: “Very well.” A brief static is heard as the speaker presumably disconnects.
>Shackles come up from the ground and hold you in place, and a spike begins slowly coming up from the ground under your chest.
>Turning to Slasher, you can see that he isn’t bleeding as much. That’s good.
Well Slash, anything left you want to say to me?
>He rolls over to face you, tears in his eyes.
>He’s probably sad that you’re going to die.
>SS: ”YOU SELFISH ASSHOLE!”
>wat.
What.
>SS: “I WANT TO DIE: ’VE PROBABLY LOST 80% OF MY BLOOD, A GOOD TWO-THIRDS OF MY BONES ARE BROKEN, AND I’M PRETTY SURE MY SPLEEN IS DRIPPING INTO MY LUNGS!”
B-but you said-
>SS: “’BETTER PLACE.’ AS IN ‘AWAY FROM THE YELLOW RAPIST.’ I WANTED RARITAN TO LIVE.”
>oops.
Sorr-
>SS: “FUCK YOU!”
>And that was the last sound you heard before the sharpened metal pierced your heart.




>Raritan is waking up underneath the ground.
>He presses a button strapped underneath his wing, and his entire body shimmers and changes colors.
>”This is working better than I had hoped.”
>He pushes down a wall of the cage, and runs off through the tunnels to a destination unknown.
(Good night, sweet prince:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygI-2F8ApUM)