Originally Published April 14th, 2018

>Rock day in Equestria
>Be Anon
>You're dreaming a peaceful dream about bunnies
>Hopping to and fro, eating grass and being picked off by eagles
>So cute!
>You reach down to pick up a bunny and nuzzle it
>BOOM
OH GOD!
>A large yellow hoof smashes down on the rabbit, making you wake up
>The faint threads of sunlight peep in through the windows
>BOOM
What the hell is Fluttershy up to now?
>You mumble drowsily
>Still in your jammies, you wander down the steps and open the front door
>The sun hasn't risen fully yet, still barely peeking over the distant peaks
This is a bit early isn't it Bu-who are you?
>Standing on your porch is a purplish-grey mare, with a grey sidecut mane
>"You Anonymous?", she barks with a voice like gravel
Yes?
>She lets out a grunt of...relief? Annoyance?
>"My name is Limestone. Here's my card."
>She hands you a slate-grey card, with a picture of a lime and two rocks on it
>Must be a salesmare
So, what are you sell-
>"I go into estrus in three days."
-ing...
>"I'll come back for you then."
>With that, she turns and trots away.
>Fluttershy tries to land by your fence, decked out in clown make-up, but Limestone scares her off as she leaves your yard
>What the fuck is today, even?
>Turning over the card, you read the name embossed on its surface
Limestone Pie; Pie Family Rock Farm
>Pie family?
Oh!
>Now you get it!
>It's a late April Fools day joke!
1/

...but I know from painful, horrifying experience that estrus isn't for another month! So nice job Pinkie Pie! You really had me going for a moment there.
>You slam the business card on the counter and have a laugh
>Pinkie laughs as well
>"That's so great! Limestone can be a bit of a grump at times, but I think you'll really come to like her, Nonny!"
Haha, ye-wait. What?
>Pinkie sets down her frosting bag and giggles
>"I saaid I'm happy for you two! Mom and Dad were always worried Limey would never find a coltfriend since her cycle has always been a bit off from everypony else's, but now she's found you!"
>Squeaking with glee, she bounces around the small store
>A hidden party cannon blasts you with confetti
>Looks like this isn't a prank at all
Pinkie, look; I appreciate the support and all, but I'm just not looking to settle with a pony any time soon.
>Pinkie stops bouncing at this
>"Okey-dokey! That's fine!"
It is?
>From behind her, she pulls out two large books
>"Yup! Related to that, how much do you bench, Nonna?"
Uhh...
>On the cover of one book is "<100", ">100" is on the other
How much does the bar weigh?
>She raises a disappointed eyebrow at you, then slides you the book marked "<100"
What? I get shoulder pain.
>Opening the book, you discover it's a pop-up
>A papercut version of you is tied to a bed, while a large laughing Limestone advances on you
>Underneath, large text reads: TOO BAD FOR YOU!"
So I guess I'm shit outta luck?
>Pinkie recollects her books and stuffs them into her mane
>"Basically. Unless you got some smart ideas in your brainy parts to make up for your weak musk-culls, then you and I are going to be in-laws, Mister.", she replies, jabbing at your biceps
>Well this is some great news
>You're going to be raped, and the one pony you thought you could turn to about it is instead cheering for it to happen
>But hey, at least Pinkie let you have a free Honeyed Onion Bagel
>For "stamina"
2/

>Day 3
>You've been up for two days, preparing for the hell that will come
>No way Limestone is gonna take your pony virginity
...not without a fight, anyway.
>You say as you pat a rope that sits next to you
>You peek through your bedroom window to watch Limestone approach
>Her hooves fall confidently on the dirt road
Any second now.
>She passes through the gate, scaring Fluttershy off again
Almost there...
>She comes to a halt on your doorstep
>Raising a hoof, she then brings it down on your door
NOW!
>Grabbing the rope, you yank on it
>"WOAH!"
>A thud hits your ears
>Racing downstairs, you throw open the door
>Limestone sits at the bottom of a pit
Haha! Took me all night to dig that trap for you!
>You gloat over her, proud of your victory
>She tugs on your pants
>"Anonymous, this hole is only two feet deep.", she grumbles at you
>Looking down, you see she is level with your mid-shin
>She doesn't look too pleased
I get shoulder pain!
>Standing up, she walks towards you again
>"Alright, Anon, here's how this will work."
>You back up through the doorway
>She kicks the door shut as she makes her way inside
>"You're going to take me up to your room, and you're going to lay on the bed."
>You continue stepping back
>"And then I'm going to get on top of you, because I'm in charge."
>Her face seems to flush as she continues talking
>You feel your back touch the wall
>"And then do you know what's going to happen, Anonymous?"
>The gravel in her voice is getting deeper, yet smoother
>You gulp, trying to speak, but no words come out
>Her breathing seems to get faster
>"That's right, you're going to hold my hoof, and you're gonna like it."
3/

>"And then, if you're lucky, I'll let you p-pat my head."
>She shuffles in place, trying to balance her confident poise with her eagerness to get started on these 'lewd' acts
>It's adorable
Aren't you precious.
>She stamps her hoof, and turns ever redder
>"I'm not precious! I'm seductive! I am seducing you!"
>You have to fight back a laugh
Oh-snkrt-yes, I'm very seduced
>"D-do you think this is funny?"
>And there's the straw
>You double over in laughter, falling to the floor
>"We'll see how funny you think this is when i'm k-kissing you!"
>She drags you up the stairs to your room
>You laugh each time your head bumps on the steps
>"QUIT LAUGHING!"
Quit being adorable!
>Growling, she throws you on the bed
>"THAT'S IT, NO MORE MS. NICE LIMESTONE!"
>Climbing over you, she forces herself between your arms 
>Then starts whipping you with her tail
Ow! Ow, stop!
>You try to pull away, but her hooves are firmly locked with your hands
>She lets out a gravelly chuckle
>A mild feeling of terror fills you, stopping your laughter
Y-you know, you're right, I am sorry! You're not adorable at all. 100% seduction. Yes ma'am!
>You wiggle a hand free and pat her cutie mark, to emphasize your apology
>Straining, you try to look at her face to gauge her response
>It's twisted into a devious grin, and she is blushing furiously
>She pulls you tighter against her
But I said I'm sorry!
>She wraps her tail around your free hand
>"And I said 'I'm in charge.'", she smirks as she brings your hand back to her flank
>You're forced to spend the whole night
>Gently patting Limestone's cutie mark
4/4