The Drunk Tank by Ice 
(Celestia / Fleur de Lis)
alcohol, public

(17/01/2019)

https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/33318733/#q33409219

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>Stepping in from the east balcony, Princess Celestia stretched her wings wide once more, shook out her glittering mane, and made a beeline for the coffee service waiting on her breakfast table
>Another spectacular sunrise: accomplished
>It really never got old
>“Thank you as ever, dear sister. You will be off to bed now, I presume?”
>She really ought to set aside some time for the two of them to spend together one of these days
>“Just one more thing before I do, sister,” came Luna’s reply, in a flat tone that made Celestia glance up
at her
>“Another of our… upstanding… nobility found herself in the… umm…”
>Celestia nearly spit out her coffee
>“THE DRUNK TANK?!”
>Luna winced involuntarily
>“Must we really call it by such a vulgar name?”
>But Celestia clearly wasn’t concerned with such scruples
>With a drawn face she practically moaned, “That’s literally the third one this week…”
>“Indeed. It seems the problem is only getting worse,” intoned Luna, her eyes narrowing subtly
>Celestia sighed
>“I know you disapprove Luna.”
>“These noble ponies have a reputation to uphold… and besides that…”
>“No Luna, I mean… you disapprove of me. Or rather, of the methods I have chosen to address this problem.”
>“Yes. You have known that for some time. You have allowed the House of Peers to set the laws that govern their own conduct for centuries now.”
>And softening her tone, “But then, as you told me, I have only been back in Equestria for… a short while.”
>Celestia was certain that she saw a dark pain flash in her little sister’s eyes, and her heart suddenly ached terribly in her breast
>“And things have changed a great deal in the last 1,000 years.”
>Celestia looked plaintively into her eyes
>“What would you have me do, sister? Resurrect the methods – the punishments – we used a millennium ago? You were always better at that than me…”
>“Are you sure about that big sister?” retorted Luna, with a light laugh this time
>“In fact, I recall your being quite strict back then.”
>Now Celestia had to suppress a giggle as she responded, “Oh well now, I suppose from time to time.”
>Luna produced a rolled-up scroll from under one wing and, her smile tempered only slightly, set it on the table before Celestia
>“The guards’ office has already prepared this. You need only sign it. Good day, sister.”
>As Luna left the room, Celestia unfurled the piece of paper and read the large print at the top
>ROYAL DECREE OF PARDON
>The fine print below had already been filled out with the offending pony’s information, along with the standard language discharging her of all responsibility for the incident
>Celestia dropped her face into both hooves
>When did this become a form letter?!
>The princess quickly scanned the page for the pony’s name
>Fleur de Lis
>…really
>This was not even the first time she had been in this situation
>In fact, she had been one of the ponies most notorious for normalizing this kind of excess amongst the nobility
>Every week there had been a new headline in the papers documenting some scandal or another, typically involving her incredible aptitude for getting hammered
>That was right around the time things really started to get out of hoof in Canterlot
>The nobility and other rich and famous ponies trying to outdo one another with their lavish and bacchanalian parties
>Prompting Celestia to finally demand that something be done about it
>Canterlot couldn’t be turned into some kind of raucous party city, after all!
>So as she often did, she turned the matter over to the House of Peers
>And the noble ponies there readily resolved the issue – by ordering construction of an entire wing of holding cells for drunken revelers, adjoining the palace guard house
>Decidedly spacious and well-appointed cells
>And finally, passing a law whereby any pony among the Peers or their associates would receive an automatic pardon the following day
>Celestia couldn’t deny that she found these kinds of laws – increasingly common in recent times – to be distasteful
>They smacked of the noble privilege of centuries long past
>But with none of the noble obligation that had once come with it
>And now she was seeing the fruits of her lax approach to legislating, she thought with a trace of bitterness
>A stuck-up noblemare who helped propel all of Canterlot into its current state of woe
>Who then passed a law excusing herself and her fellow party-goers from all responsibility, into perpetuity
>And who was right about now probably waking up in a posh “holding cell” and looking forward to being let out as soon as possible
>Doubtless so she could start planning her next little fête
>Perhaps Luna had a point…
>It wasn’t the first time Celestia had considered such things
>In fact, taking on Twilight Sparkle as her personal student had done a lot to bring the “strict mother” in her back to the surface
>But to start bringing back the rules and expectations of a millennium ago?
>The princess had more or less convinced herself that the modern, gentle approach was best for her subjects
>But if she was being honest, they seemed intent on disproving her more and more with every passing year
>Celestia took her time finishing up her breakfast
>She was disappointed enough in Fleur that she was in no hurry to let her out
>Besides, a little extra time waiting would do her some good
>Taking her time with the morning reports prepared for her
>She even had the serving mare bring her a second pot of coffee
>At length, the princess prepared to head down to the guards’ quarters
>With only a few moments’ hesitation, she finally signed the scroll lying on the table before rolling it up and tucking it under one wing
>Doubtless this errant noblemare just needed a good talking-to
>A reminder of her responsibilities as one of the foremost members of society
>Yes, that would surely do the trick
>…even if it had failed to do so the last three or four times
>Striding down the hallway towards the holding cells, Celestia tried to channel all of her regal bearing
>Even if Luna’s admonishments were ringing in her ears, she couldn’t show it
>And besides, there was no cause for concern
>She might have leveled a reprimand or two at Fleur in the past
>But the unicorn had never gotten a really good lecture before
>This would work just fine
>No problem…
>As she rounded a corner to stand before the offender’s cell, she let out a cool exhalation between gritted teeth
>Here was Fleur, not awaiting the princess in contrition
>Not even awake
>But sleeping rather comfortably in the cell’s enormous bed, half covered by the thick comforter
>Celestia counted no less than five pillows piled around and under the mare
>Her eyes narrowed
>She swore that things looked even more posh in the cells than the last time she had been down here
>“Fleur de Lis!” the princess pronounced loudly, accompanied by a harsh rap on the bars with one hoof
>The white unicorn gave a small start before lazily raising her head off the pillows with an annoyed look
>“Fleur de Lis, it is time we had a serious talk about your-”
>“You’re finally here?” interrupted the unicorn in a haughty, if somewhat sleepy, voice
>“What took you so long?”
>It was pretty hard to surprise Celestia or get the better of her
>She had been around for a while, after all
>But this just about did it
>Her eyes widened for an instant
>Before glaring back at the other pony with an unaccustomed harshness
>“Excuse me?”
>But Fleur was undaunted and sassy as ever
>“Oh no, please not this,” she sighed
>“Not another lecture. Look, I’m really sorry, mom.”
>A mocking emphasis on that final word
>“Sooo I really need to get going, I have a lot of important errands planned for today-”
>She stopped abruptly
>Was it just her, or did it suddenly get hot in here?
>The princess really did look angrier than she’d probably ever seen her
>“Okayyy… what do you want me to say? Just tell me so you can sign my paperwork and we can get this over with.”
>Celestia produced the scroll from under her wing, unfurling it in front of her with the soft glow of her golden magic
>“Oh perfect-” began Fleur before halting suddenly, her jaw dropping open
>As the paper floating before her was quickly, cleanly torn in half from top to bottom
>“Wha-! That was my…”
>Just like that, she seemed to lose all of her arrogance and snark
>Blinking slowly and deliberately, she tried to process things
>Hoping that, hungover as she was, she had misunderstood the princess or was downright imagining things
>“My sister – your Princess of the Night – has urged me again and again not to spare the rod.”
>Okay, she wasn’t sure she had ever heard such a hard tone of voice coming from Celestia’s mouth
>She gulped anxiously
>“How I strove to treat you – all of you – with gentleness and understanding.”
>“Forgiving your every misstep without question.”
>“But to hear this kind of entitlement, this disrespect – this is enough. I have permitted it for far too long.”
>“Princess Luna has had it right – you yourself are proof of this. And so you will make a fine example to your spoiled compatriots – and to all of Equestria.”
>With that, and without another word, the princess turned sharply on her hooves and began striding towards the exit
>“Wait!” cried Fleur, finding her voice again as her distress finally overpowered her shock
>“What do you mean? Where are you going? I- I- …”
>“P- Please… Your M- Majesty!”
>The heavy door leading to the guard house swung shut with a resounding echo
>Fleur could feel her eyes quivering with wetness as she stared after the princess
>What did she mean “a fine example?”
>She couldn’t leave her here!
>She couldn’t have a jail sentence on record!
>A jail sentence…
>The unicorn shuddered
>That wasn’t possible – noble ponies didn’t go to jail!
>What would that even entail?
>Celestia strode down the dim, stone hallway and into a seemingly ancient storage room, flanked by two stallions of the Royal Guard
>Cobwebs fluttered in her wake
>These parts of the palace complex, buried deep beneath the guard house, had been relatively unused for many years
>Centuries, in some cases
>Of her attendants began moving the equipment in one corner of the room, shifting cabinets and strange contraptions about in his search
>“…must be somewhere around here…” he muttered to himself absently, before softly exclaiming, “Ah, there it is!”
>Remembering himself, he snapped to attention and addressed the princess
>“Here it is, Your Majesty.”
>The other stallion moved to help him pick up the item: an old wooden set of stocks, with holes sized just right for two hooves and a neck
>Stocks that would sit low on the ground, forcing an offender’s head down
>“Now, Lieutenant, see to it that everything goes just as I told you.”
>“Yes, Your Majesty!”
>His voice had an almost excited tone to it, although he did an exemplary job of reining it in
>The hint of a smile crossed Celestia’s face as she watched them lug the heavy apparatus out of the room
>While they wouldn’t say anything, she knew that the Royal Guard was one place where Luna’s ideas were widely applauded
>As Princess Celestia stepped up into her royal chariot, she paused to survey the palace gardens around her
>As she admired the lush greenery, carefully cultivated and pruned to maximize its appeal, she felt the taut muscles of her neck flexing powerfully with the sweep of her head
>The greenery, resplendent with a natural glow and yet simultaneously kept in constant check by deft hooves, hooves that guided the new shoots and branches, that carefully formed the trunks and the shrubs, that delicately chose the proper place for every flower
>So that the garden transcended a merely wild beauty
>So that it showed the perfection of form brought on by a loving and firm keeper
>She felt her powerful body moving under the sun
>The sun that she moved across the sky every day to a celestial order that she kept in rhythm
>While she neglected to even keep her subjects in order…
>No longer
>As the chariot lurched forwards – and even though it was ride of five minutes, she felt it best to take the chariot today – she admired the other tool she had removed from the old store room
>A long, lithe cane of flexible wood
>Terribly thin and light, she thought to herself with a laugh
>Not even the one that had once been used for serious offences
>Really something more suited to threaten errant foals than anything
>But it should be more than sufficient
>When, scant minutes later, the chariot pulled into the main square just outside the palace walls, there was a veritable furor awaiting the princess
>As she stepped down, a phalanx of guards cleared the space before her, pushing back the ponies that were imploring her with all manner of questions
>Their form impeccable
>Looking to the center of the square, she saw ranks of guards – how many, she thought? Hundreds? – barricading the area
>Armor gleaming golden in the late morning sun
>She could sense their tense eagerness, their loyalty, their joy at being used for a purpose rather than pacing the palace halls for hours on end
>And then she turned her gaze to the spectacle they guarded, the focus of everypony’s attention
>A terribly famous, wealthy noblemare
>Locked into the stocks in the middle of town
>Her head held low to the ground and her rear raised up
>Shackles binding her hind legs close at the knees
>And her lustrous tail wrapped tight for several inches in a supple leather strap and the rest draped over her back, out of the way
>Even from here Celestia could see the red glow lighting her face and the tears of shame that sparkled in the corners of her eyes
>The crowd of ponies jostling against the wall of guards became hushed as one moved forward
>A pony that commanded their deference
>One of the most powerful stallions in Equestria, and Fleur’s husband at that
>Fancy Pants
>“I demand to know the meaning of this outrageous and-”
>“We beg your pardon?” Celestia cut him off sharply in a voice that most of crowd had never heard before
>Celestia never yelled, but she now projected a tone of such power that it rolled across the square and a sudden hush fell over the masses
>“I- erm, well,” stuttered Fancy Pants with sudden and uncharacteristic ineloquence
>Struggling to find his voice, he began meekly, “It’s just that the House of Peers has clearly defined-”
>Celestia cut in once more in an icy tone, “Picture for a moment the House chambers, Fancy Pants. Do you recall what stands just behind the lectern, at the central and highest part of the room?”
>“I… well, yes I suppose…”
>She raised an eyebrow
>“That is… it’s the thrones… your throne, and Princess Luna’s.”
>“Our thrones, there to remind you all of the source of any power you enjoy. It seems that the House of Peers has forgotten its duties to the common ponies – and the fact that it has no power whatsoever without the royal sanction.”
>“Isn’t that right?”
>“Y-yes, Your Highness,” quickly stammered the wide-eyed stallion
>“Perhaps you will learn something from this,” she added as she resumed her stride towards the center of the square
>As the princess approached the unfortunate unicorn, the prisoner immediately started to beg
>“Your Majesty, please-”
>But when she noticed the long, flexible cane, she felt that she would downright panic
>“No, please, I’m so sorry Your Majesty, please please please-”
>Celestia bent down and gently touched her face with one gold-shod hoof, quietly shushing her
>“This is for your own good, my child.”
>The princess had always possessed an uncanny ability to soothe those around her, and now Fleur only gulped as a single tear rolled down her face
>Standing up to address the crowd, she said in a louder voice, “The excesses of the nobility have made Canterlot infamous in these recent years. No longer! No longer will this behavior be excused. No longer will the nobility, who should be the very mirror of conduct for the rest of the nation, be exempted from their own responsibilities.”
>She could feel the atmosphere of the crowd, could tell that many of the assembled – while well-to-do residents of Canterlot, still commoners the majority of them – were repressing the urge to cheer or applaud
>Turning again to the unicorn, she pronounced with finality, “Fleur de Lis, for your crime of excess, we hereby sentence you to 10 lashes.”
>The noblemare choked back a sob before quietly intoning a simple “I’m sorry.”
>Celestia nodded to the young guard stallion standing nearby, whom she had appointed for the task of counting the lashes
>He snapped to attention and rushed to the side of the prisoner, with a nervous look on his face
>The crowd was deathly silent
>No sense in dragging this out anymore, thought Celestia as she brought the cane to rest against Fleur’s backside
>The unicorn flinched at the touch
>And before she could brace herself anew, the princess drew back the implement and brought it down in one fluid, practiced motion
>A loud cry pierced the still morning air as a red stripe burned its way across Fleur’s haunches, so unused to such treatment
>She was breathing heavily in an instant, trying to process this
>The shock of the sting and her predicament worse for the moment than the actual pain
>Celestia glanced at the stallion beside her
>He tore his wide-eyed gaze from Fleur’s backside and, regaining himself, barked out a loud “One!”
>With the second stroke the sting seemed more marked, more pronounced
>The third landed low on her haunches, where she would sit down after this was over, and finally pushed her to tears
>After the fourth stroke, she was bawling in earnest, and while the numbers floated into her head she had trouble focusing on them
>She did clearly feel the last few strokes as they came more rapidly, mercilessly assailing her tender lower flanks once more
>And she was gasping for breath when she realized that the guard had called out “Nine! Ten!” in quick succession
>The square was silent save for the sobs of contrition coming from the stocks as Fleur caught her breath
>Celestia leaned down once more to look into the mare’s eyes
>She averted them in shame at first, her face wet and streaked with black tears thanks to last night’s makeup that she had never had a chance to wash off
>The ruler guided her face to look up at her with one gentle hoof
>But Fleur was the first to speak as she stammered, “I- I really am sorry, Your Highness. I k-know that my behavior has not b-been proper…”
>Celestia quietly responded, “You have paid the price for it, Fleur. Consider this your royal pardon.”
>And then, in a louder voice, “Before you are dismissed, however, and in keeping with tradition, you will remain here for everypony in town to see for the span of one hour. May it serve as a warning to them all.”
>Fleur’s face burned even brighter, but she merely nodded her head in acquiescence
>This day had quickly turned from just another hangover, to one she would never forget
>Stepping in from the west balcony, Princess Celestia fluffed her wings and sat down across from her sister
>She would dare to say that this sunset was one of her best yet
>“Thank you as ever, dear sister. The moon looks particularly lovely tonight.”
>“I am glad you think so, big sister,” replied Luna with a smile
>Taking a last sip of tea, Celestia remarked, “Well, I suppose I really should get to bed now. I believe I’ve told you most everything of importance that happened today.”
>After a pause, “Oh well, there is one other thing.”
>“Oh?”
>“Nothing big, no nothing at all really. I suppose one could call it a policy of ‘prison reform,’ perhaps.”
>“Have you drafted a new law?”
>“Oh, something like that. I don’t want to bore you with the details.”
>Rising from her chair, Celestia kissed her sister on the cheek before walking towards the door
>“Good night, sister.”
>Before adding as she left, “I’m sure the guards can tell you all about it.”
THE END