>walk for a few minutes
>turns out "Ponyville" is more descriptive than you thought
>dozens of pastel horses mill about in the streets
>though they all go quiet and give you and Eris a wide berth
>just staring
"Not a very friendly town, is it?"
>"Oh, she averages it out."
>turn to Eris
>she's looking through a pair of binoculars
"Who does?"
>suddenly, you are struck by a fluffy car
>perhaps you'll be double-isekai'd
>realize you're still sliding along the grass
>something warm and pink has attached itself to you
>get your bearings as you slow to a stop
>it's a pony
>groan and try to sit up
>Eris skates across the ground, ending in a pirouette
>"Wow! I think that's a new distance record!"
>the pony's voice is very high-pitched
>and very energetic
>"You're welcome, Ponkers."
>your "tour guide" picks the two of you up, then brushes dirt off your clothes with her tail
>cough a bit as some dust gets in your mouth
>did that impact mess with your eyes, or is "Ponkers" vibrating?
>"Anyway, hi! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I know everypony in town, except for you, so you must be new! What's your favorite kind of cake? Wait, no, let me guess!"
>Pinkie Pie scrunches up her face real hard
>and goes dead silent
>look at Eris
>she's grinning
"My-"
>"Is it red velvet?!"
"N- uh, devil's food cake? And my name's Anonymous, or Anon for short."
>"Great! See you later, Anonymousoranonforshort!"
>and just like that, Pinkie vanishes
>well, she leaves behind a pink trail
"What- who was- Eris, please explain?"
>"Oh, she's the best part of this town, a nice spot of chaos amidst all this dreadfully predictable mundanity. We'll drop by her place later, around cake time."
"Uh... okay. Speaking of cakes, pancakes? I'm not sure if I'll find much food by just wandering randomly."
>"But that's the best way to wander! Hmm..."
>and then Eris's fingers are in your mouth
>she pries open your jaws and peers in
>the talons aren't too uncomfortable, thankfully blunt at the tips
>but her lion-like paw takes up a lot of space
>she draws back, pulls off her scrubs, and helps you off of the dentist's chair
>can't recall getting ON the dentist's chair, but there you are
>"I suspect you can find food if you get really desperate. But! Getting food is easier and gives me more opportunities to have fun with ponies. C'mon, I know a shortcut."
>she thrusts her paw out into the air
>turns it
>and pulls open a door in reality
>looks like a diner inside
>before you can ask her about it, she shoves you in
>"Barkeep! A stack of hot ones for this colt, and a plate of your finest ketchup packets for me."
>see a flicker of fear in the cook's eyes
>but he pours on some batter and starts cooking
>Eris manages to gather all the ketchup packets from nearby tables before he flips the first flapjacks
>a plate of pancakes slides in front of you, decorated with whipped cream and strawberries
>the cook glances Eris-ward to check she's not looking, then speaks in a low voice
>"One stallion to another, run. Conquest aside, mares like her are bad news. Too focused on their own passions to care for a relationship."
>look over at Eris
>she has mobilized an army of straws against a battalion of napkins
>a pepper medic is struck down while tending to the wounded
>war is hell
"We're not dating. But, uh, I'll keep that in mind."
>he nods
>"Stay safe, guy. And enjoy your pancakes."
>do so with gusto
>IHOP can't hold a candle to this guy
>stomach sated, you flash a thumbs-up to Eris
>she fishes some coins out of her pocket
>try not to think too much about how she does that while naked
>the cook looks at them skeptically
>but ultimately accepts them
>the two of you walk out of the restaurant
>this time through the front door
>Eris leans back inside and snaps her talons
>hear a muffled shriek of surprise from one of the other patrons
>a furry paw shuffles you away from the building before you can look
>"Huh, I guess I'm still the only person who enjoys hot sauce in my syrup."
>manage to turn around
>in the window, a mare chugs her glass of water
>"So no offense, Anon, but you're kind of garbage at touring. We've been here over half an hour and all I've introduced you to are Pinkie and Quick Griddle.