> No Nose Knows >  by Irespective >
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> 1. - Whoops >
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The Grand Station of Canterlot is a sight that one must see to truly understand.
It is a grandiose place of a scale that tends to boggle the imagination, yet is
inspiring at the same time.

Anonymous looked up from his notebook and considered the words he had just
written there. As a first line in a travel brochure, it could use some work.

Well, a lot of work, but that was for the editing process later. Accentuate the
positive, eliminate the negative, and all that. Nopony outside of Canterlot
would want to read an advertising brochure that included the soot and loose
cinders blowing around on the breeze, so a little creative adjustment was in
order.

A visitor will first notice the sheer size of the building. With twenty-five
tracks entering and exiting, the building encompasses such a vast territory that
several small hamlets would be able to fit within it and still leave room for
modest gardens. The ceiling is a grand, vaulted affair, with pale yellow glass
interwoven between the steel girders and supports in oversized shield shapes and
configurations.

The walls are a simple red brick, bound together with white mortar. Large bay
windows are set every ten to fifteen feet along the sides, allowing a great deal
of natural lighting to enter, and for visitors to catch their first glance of
Canterlot proper as they leave their trains and move towards their destinations.

Several shops and open-air stalls are scattered among the tracks, offering such
sundries as luggage, newspapers, magazines and a great many basic necessities
that a pony may have forgotten in their haste to pack. The shops are surrounded
by throngs of ponies, so business is brisk. With a train arriving or departing
every seven minutes on average, one never has to wait long for customers to
filter by. Bright signage advertises the wares, both from the rooftops and from
the ground level, and one will occasionally hear the calls of the owners,
enticing any and all to come and partake.

Anonymous sighed, slid his pencil into the spiral binding along the top of his
notebook, and placed both into his saddlebag. He had gotten a good start on his
description of the station, but there was still one more stop he wanted to make
before getting some food and heading back to his hotel room for the night.

“I hope I’m not overdoing the descriptions,” he muttered to himself as he merged
into the crowd and began walking towards the exit. He was new to writing, and
with no formal training he was forced to improvise for the moment and hope he
wasn’t screwing up too badly. Still, he remained hopeful that he could perhaps
earn enough bits to pay for a modest place out in the more affordable
countryside with his tour guide descriptions, leaving enough left over to pay
for some creative writing classes.

Then, he would feel confident to write his story.

The air outside the station felt clean and a bit crisp as he walked out into
Celestia’s bright sunlight. He had been sitting on a bench in the station for a
few hours before he’d begun writing, hoping to absorb the atmosphere and the
feel of Equestria’s third largest rail terminal. Now that he was out in the
fresh air, he realized he should have left a bit sooner, but a few deep breaths
rejuvenated his spirits and sent him on his way with a sprightly step.

Indeed, he began using adjectives—or were they adverbs?—in his mind to describe
the bright marble storefronts and homes that lined the broad avenue. Words like
‘resplendent’ and ‘radiant’ and ‘respectful’ first came, then followed by
‘stately’ and ‘magnificent’ so he wouldn’t use too many words starting with ‘R’.
However he described them, the overall feel of Canterlot’s architecture was
summed up to him in one word:

Breathtaking.

There was a small part of him that would like to live here, surrounded by the
gilded trappings and the peaceful structures that made Canterlot the
world-renowned capital that it was. Despite the obvious affluence that was on
display before him, there was a definite feel of openness and acceptance, and
everyone he passed was far friendlier than he had anticipated. The overall
feeling of home that radiated from the core of this city outward was extended to
all who came, just as Equestria was open to any who wished to avail themselves
of the opportunities that could be found within her borders.

Yes, Anonymous felt that he was being treated quite well. Of course, Canterlot
was known for being very accommodating to tourists and visitors, whether they
had come to petition the Royal Sisters as they sat in court or were simply here
to take in the sights. It was delightfully easy to find a hotel room, and most
restaurants featured a ‘light and thrifty’ section, so ponies from all across
Equestria could enjoy the flavorful experience of Canterlot without breaking the
bank.

But even in this generous city you needed to have some bits in hand, and
Anonymous was quickly running out of them. Though he could possibly stretch his
purse for another week or two, he would soon find himself in a soup kitchen line
if he didn’t get some sort of income going.

Hence his trip to the station, and now his quick jog over to the Royal Gardens.

The flowers were said to be beyond compare there, with several unique varieties
that could only be found within the neatly trimmed hedge walls. One could also
stroll among softly gurgling fountains, great stone sculptures, and if one was
really lucky, even catch a glance of Princess Celestia herself. It was rumored
she frequently strolled the gardens, and while she didn’t usually have time to
meet with visitors for very long, she would make an effort to at least greet and
share a few pleasantries with those who happened to be nearby.

Anonymous didn’t believe luck would be willing to favor him with such a visit,
so he really wasn’t interested in waiting around to try and catch a glimpse of
the fair Princess of the Sun. Though she was well-renowned for her beauty and
her intelligence, he felt that nearly everything that could be written about the
daytime diarch had already been produced, and that there was nothing he could
add to the subject matter. He was content to write about the plants, and perhaps
that coupled with his train station description would be enough to get somone to
give him a serious opportunity to make his mark... no. He wanted something more
out of life and maybe he could find it here.

The walk to the gardens was a short one, with only a couple of wrong turns taken
and some cheerfully happy directions given by both patrolling guard ponies and
pleasant locals. Once Anonymous did arrive, he took a slow walk around and
admired the beauty of the reds, blues and greens before him, and he especially
enjoyed the smooth aromas that drifted past his nose. Everything he needed was
there: the neat rows of shrubbery, the patchwork planting of roses, hyacinths,
and gardenias, the soft and sweet grass, the cobble-and-flag stone paths that
meandered about the place without a care in the world. He nearly forgot the
reason why he’d come in the first place, and for several long minutes, he simply
soaked in the serenity and balance. These gardens seemed almost indescribable,
but he was determined to try.

“’The air is awash with the sweet smells of such a variety of fauna that—’” He
stopped and shook his head. “No, it’s flora for plants, fauna for wildlife.
Okay. ‘The flora is such that one can spend most of a day amongst the petals and
vines, admiring all the lush life and distinct blooms that can only be found
within this serene place.’ Hmm. Is that too verbose? Or maybe not enough?
Perhaps I need to use a few more adverbs.”

But was he really after adverbs, or was it prepositional phrases? Oh, how it
drove him nuts! He just knew he was meant to be a writer, but having a very
loose understanding of the rules made it so difficult to know if he was doing
things right or wrong.

Growing frustrated with his lack of skill, Anon moved towards a large sunflower
patch that was shining nearby and glared at them for a moment, as if they were
the source of his inability and defeats. There just had to be a way to describe
these things, and by Luna’s left leg, he was going to figure it out or he would
eat his shoes!

The best way to prevent adding far too much leather into his diet was to immerse
himself in the subject material he intended to write about, and this was
promptly accomplished by shoving his nose into the sunny suckers, and ignoring
any discomfort he might feel until he came up with a way to write what he was
sensing.  Robust? Earthy? Homely and simplistic? Relaxing? None seemed to fit
totally.

He struggled for perhaps a good fifteen minutes before deciding he needed to be
more immersed. He moved one leg into the tall green stalks. With his eyes shut
tight enough to see little lights on the inside of his eyelids, he began again:
Peaceful. Ennobling. Uplifting. Inspirational. Motivational.

Wait, what? No! That was what he was after, not what the flowers were! He
quickly shoved his whole self into the flowers so that noone could see him as
they walked by, and once again he took a stab at success. Standing straight and
lifting his nose into the air in hopes of catching either a scent or a muse, he
stood stock-still, inhaled a deep and calming breath, and proceeded to think.

So focused on inspiration was he that he began to block out anything that didn’t
pertain to the feel of the flowers. His ears slowly washed away sound into a
blissful background of white noise, his eyes clamped shut to prevent stray
thoughts from seeing something not sunflower related, and his breathing stilled
to a deathly whisper. Slowly, over a period of half an hour or so, he achieved a
sort of bizarre zen balance with the tasty seed producers, and then…

Then!

Was this it? Was this what inspiration felt like when it began to distill upon
an individual? Was he about to achieve the breakthrough he was so desperately
seeking?

And why did inspiration feel like someone was touching his nose?

His eyes slowly opened, with the hope that the words that would perfectly
describe the sunflowers would be floating before him in a grand, golden-banded,
swoopy-cursive style.

Instead, what he saw was a snow-white face, connected to a snow-white nose,
touching his own.




No Nose Knows by Sipioc


“GAAH!” he shouted, and his legs jammed into reverse. He fell over himself as he
tumbled out of the sunflowers, and then he stumbled, fumbled, flipped and
flopped for a moment to both get himself oriented on the cobblestones and to
figure out what in the world had just happened.

“Hello?” a voice called. “Who’s there?”

Anonymous’s mind took a fraction of a second to race into the past. To his
mind’s eye came a Summer Sun Celebration in Las Pegasus during a vacation when
he just came to Equestria, and he recalled how in awe he felt at the time when
he had watched Princess Celestia gracefully and dramatically raise the sun
before the assembled crowd, thus beginning the longest day of the year.

He recalled hearing Celestia’s voice. Though the exact words she had said had
been lost, he could still hear her tone, her pitch, her timbre.

Complicated math equations had never been a strong point, but his mind quite
easily managed to put this two and that two together, and was horrified when the
answer turned out to be four. The voice that had just called out a hello… was…

He had just booped Princess Celestia’s nose with his own.

His eyes went wide in shock. There had to be at least three dozen laws against
doing such a thing, if not four! He probably had committed a capital offence by
even standing in the flowers! And since he had been hiding in the flowers, and
had booped the Princess, she probably thought he was some kind of thief or
assassin who was just waiting to strike and had bungled the job!

Again his legs flew into reverse, and he tried to twist around and move as fast
as he could down the path he’d entered by. Perhaps if he just ran away fast
enough, they wouldn’t bother to pursue him, and…

“There! He’s running away!”

Well, didn’t that just bite the bark.

“Hold it! Stop!”

There was no way Anon was going to comply with that order. He could only think
of running as fast as he could back to the train station, hopefully losing the
guards in the crowd, and then hopping on a train bound for anywhere but
Canterlot and never coming back. Every other option ended in him being banished
to the Everfree Forest, imprisoned, or being imprisoned in a previously unknown
jail in the Everfree Forest.

Now, in fairness, Anonymous was a pretty decent runner. Though no all-star in
high school, he had long enough legs to be one of the faster runners among his
friends, and he had been on the long-distance track team for three years
straight. There was a somewhat decent chance of him eluding the guards who were
chasing after him, and a respectable chance he could complete his poorly devised
plan.

That was until Celestia’s magic seized him, hoisted him into the air, and began
levitating him back toward her.

“Where are you going, my little creature?” Celestia asked. “Usually everypony
runs to me, not away from me.”

I’m dead, I’m dead, I’ve died and I’m dead and I’m going to be drawn and
quartered. Maybe they’ll be nice and just throw me in the dungeon.

“Please, come here. I need to talk to you.”

“I’m so sorry!” he wailed. “I had no idea you were there, and I’ll pay whatever
fine there is for trampling the flowers! Just please don’t throw me in jail, or
banish me to the Everfree, or build a jail in the Everfree and throw me in
there, or—”

Celestia’s magic clamped Anon’s mouth shut before he could prattle along any
more. “Why does everypony believe that I’m going to imprison them in the place I
banish them to?” she asked herself. “I’ve never done that. I’ve never even
threatened it. I bet Twilight is behind this somehow, along with that silly
‘magic kindergarten’ thing I keep hearing about.”

She then took a moment to appraise him, and there was an awkward silence for
Anon before she spoke again. “Now, I’m going to let go of your mouth. Please
don’t beg for mercy when you don’t even know if you’re in trouble or not, all
right?”

He nodded, and then felt the magic release.

“There. Now, let’s just talk for a moment, shall we? I want to discuss what
happened.”

“All right, I can talk. I’m very good at talking, and—”

Her magic grabbed his mouth again. “Stop that. You’re not from around here, are
you?”

“No, Your Highness,” he replied, once the magic released again. She lowered him
enough to look him straight in the eye.

“You have a most interesting accent in your voice. It sounds a lot like a
Manehatten accent.”

“Yes, I'm from Manehatten.” he breathlessly said.

“I see I am correct.” She chuckled. Close enough, Anonymous thought. “Most
likely born and raised there. It’s not too difficult to discern individual lilts
and drawls after a few centuries of travel, you know.”

“I would imagine so, Your Highness. And you have a very keen ear, if I may say.”

She gave him an annoyed look. “Sweet talking me to get out of trouble won’t help
you right now.”

“Sorry.”

“Now, I’m going to put you down, and I’m going to let you out of this magic
field. I want you to not run away, understand?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good. Instead of running away, I want you to tell me who you are, what exactly
you are and why you were in the sunflowers. You are not going to be banished,
you are not going to be imprisoned, and you are not going to be imprisoned in
the place that I banish you to.”

“I understand.”

“Good,” she replied while she lowered and then released him. “Now, your name
please.”

“Anonymous and I'm a human, Your Highness. I was brought here by a magical
accident.”

“Ah, the anomaly I heard about 20 years ago. Mister Anon, then. A pleasure to
formally make your acquaintance.”

“Would it be out of place to say the pleasure is mine?”

“Only if you are saying it to get out of trouble. If you mean it, then I will
accept it as a compliment.”

“I very much mean it,” he said. “As for your flowers, it’s… uh…”

“Yes?” Celestia prodded.

“It’s a bit hard to explain. I was trying to describe the sunflowers.”

“You describe flowers by putting yourself in the middle of them?”

“Well, it was an experiment,” he sheepishly admitted, as one hand rubbed his
neck in embarrassment. “I came to Canterlot yesterday to start a career as a
writer, but I’m not very good at it yet.”

Celestia took a long time to respond while slowly shaking her head from side to
side. “Just yesterday? No wonder you’re having problems. You should have seen
some of the disasters Luna and I caused when we first started—”

She stopped and shook her head again. “Well, never mind about that. Did you
receive any inspiration?”

“Why do you care?” he asked. “Look, I get that I screwed up, and I shouldn’t
have been in the flowers. I appreciate you not getting angry at me, but I really
am willing to take my punishment and then to just leave and never bother you
again.”

She leaned in a bit, her eyes boring into his. The intensity made him flex
backwards and gulp loudly.

“I believe you,” she finally said, after a few agonizing moments, “but I’m
afraid I can’t just let you go, at least not yet. I will need you to remain here
for the evening.”

“I can do that.”

“What hotel are you staying at while you are visiting here?”

“I’ve been at the Shoe and Nail, not far from the train station.”

“A fine choice. I have heard good things about that particular establishment. I
will make sure your room is held for you while you are gone, and reimburse you
for the cost.”

“Uh, thank you, I guess.”

She nodded. “I would like to have you stay in the north tower this evening. It’s
a bit drafty in the winter, but in this summer heat it’s really the best spot in
the whole palace.”

“I appreciate that, I guess.”

She nodded again and smiled at him, then motioned with one hoof towards said
domicile. “You’re very welcome. I would also greatly appreciate it if you would
join me and Princess Luna this evening for dinner. I understand there will be a
very delicious rosemary salad with shredded carrots served for the main course.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” he blurted, as they began walking.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” she countered. “I try to be kind to all of my subjects.”

“Well, yeah, but this is, like, way beyond what I would think is normal and I
barely even count as one of your subjects. I don’t get the feeling that you
offer free lodging and personal dinners to everyone you meet in a day.”

“You would be correct in that regard,” she replied with a heavy sigh.

“Not that I’m ungrateful for the hospitality, really. It just seems a bit…
much.”

Celestia nodded yet again. “And it most likely is. But it is to try to help ease
you into what I need to tell you.”

“About my punishment for being in the flowers and touching your nose?”

“There is no law that says a one can’t be in the flowerbeds.” A wistful tone
slipped into her voice. “And you are not the first creature to be found in them.
As for my nose, well…”

“I can take it,” he offered when her words stalled.

“I hope you can. There is a law about—not against—touching my nose. It is a very
old law, and a very silly law. I should have revoked it many years ago, but I’m
afraid it totally slipped my mind until now.”

Her words stalled again, and Anon glanced down at the Princess of Equestria
while she apparently tried to sort her thoughts out. She was troubled, that was
obvious, but what could possibly be so bad about touching her nose? Was it just
really taboo and would create a very awkward social scene for her? He just
wished there was something he could do to help fix the mess he’d created.

“C’mon, Celly, just spit it out,” she muttered under her breath, and then she
inhaled deeply. “Mister Anon, the law states that the first male who touches my
nose with their nose is to be my husband.”

Anon instantly locked up, both physically and mentally. Celestia managed to take
four or five more steps before she realized he wasn’t by her side anymore, and
she craned her neck around.

“Hah!” he forced out a laugh. “That’s a good one, Your Highness. You know, I had
heard you could be mischievous at times, but I never really could believe it
until now. Me, forced to marry you? That’s pretty good. You had me there for a
second.”

“I’m perfectly serious,” she replied while he walked up to her again.

Anon’s legs again failed in the effort of forward motion, but he then barked out
another forced laugh.

“All right, all right. I get it. I made things very awkward for you by touching
your nose. You’ll have to explain what happened to someone, and it’ll be
embarrassing. This whole ‘marry me’ thing is just so I feel the discomfort
you’re going to feel, but there’s no way I could be the first male to touch your
nose with mine. I really am sorry it happened, truly. If you happen to know a
time travel spell, I’ll gladly go through it and pull myself out of those
flowers so this’ll never happen. I’ll write a confession, whatever. Publicly
shame me, if you have to.”

“I promise I am not trying to shame you or to make you uncomfortable as some
sort of punishment. I am as serious as the sun is bright: you need to marry me.”

There was some kind of reply trying to get out of Anon’s brain, but it was
squished like a bug under a wagon wheel as the full weight of what Celestia was
saying settled in. There was no hint of joke, no mirth, no ‘gotcha’ look in her
eyes at all. She really was serious.

She fully expected him to marry her.

“Buh…” he sputtered. “Wha… duh… buh… oh… guh…”

“Oh dear.” Celestia sighed. “Sergeant, will you run ahead and fetch some cold
water for poor Mister Anon here, please?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The guard quickly saluted, then ran off towards the palace.

“All right, Mister Anon. Take some deep breaths. It will be rather embarrassing
if you pass out in the gardens and I have to take you to the infirmary.”

“You…” he said breathlessly, “really… expect me… to marry you?!”

“There is no need to shout,” she chided. “And only for the moment.”

“For the moment?!”

“Yes. Please, do try to relax. There may be a way to resolve this issue without
resorting to drastic measures.”

“I’m all ears,” he replied as he forced himself to breathe in and out to the
count of ten.

“As I said, this is a very old law; in fact, it predates the unification of the
tribes. Since it is so old, there is a very good chance there is a loophole or a
technicality we can exploit to cancel the whole thing. As soon as I can find
that, you will be free to leave and to go about your affairs. I am asking you to
stay here as a precaution, more than anything.”

“Why in Equestria does this law even exist?”

“That is a long story,” Celestia sighed. “It might be better to explain in a
more relaxed and friendly atmosphere.”

“All right. I guess I’ll follow you, then.”

“There! That’s the spirit!” Celestia beamed at him. “Just this way, please.
We’ll soon have this sorted out, I promise.”

“Wait. You’re the Princess,” Anon spoke the sudden thought, as they began
walking again. “Why can’t you just void this law out, or veto it, or whatever
the word is for it?”

“Another long story. Believe me, I would if I could; it would make things much
easier. Suffice it to say for now that there are very powerful magics at work
with this law.”

“What happens if I don’t marry you?” he challenged. “Like, if I somehow did run
away?”

“Well, I would cease to be a Princess.”

Again, Anon’s legs failed him. The revelations he was getting were beginning to
feel more and more like anvils being dropped on his head.

Repeatedly.

“Say what?” he asked.

“It’s sad to say, but it is true,” Celestia replied, as Anon forced motion into
his feet once more. “The terminology of the law states that if I do not marry
the male who touched my nose, I will cease to be a Princess of Equestria.”

“Is this cease as in your title is stripped away from you but you go on living,
or cease as in you cease to exist?”

Celestia glanced at him with a pleased look. “I’m impressed you thought of both
options, Mister Anon, but more than my titles will be stripped from me. I would
also lose the ability to raise the sun.”

That one felt like ten anvils at the same time, with a Schwarzenegger-strength
blacksmith beating out a sword on each one for good measure.

“You… you couldn’t… couldn’t raise the sun?” he sputtered again.

“Yes. Only a Princess can raise or lower a celestial body. It helps to keep
rogue elements from messing around with things they shouldn’t be touching.”

“Why does everything you tell me just keep making the situation worse?”

“I’m just trying to be honest with you so you know what you’re dealing with. But
please remember, I said there may be a loophole that we can exploit. If we find
that, then none of this matters.”

“I sure hope so. This is sounding very horrible otherwise.”

“Would marrying me be so horrible?” she asked.

“Well, no,” he quickly offered. “I don’t think there’s a anyone in his right
mind who wouldn’t want to be married to you.”

“Shining Armor does not,” she said with a glint of playfulness in her eye that
Anon nearly missed. “He is only interested in a single mare, and that is not
me.”

“I don’t mean him, I meant anyone who is looking for a mare,” he clarified
quickly. “And I also meant that all those bad things that happen would be
horrible.”

“Is that going to be a problem?” she asked seriously. “If we cannot find a way
out of this, would you really deny me and bring all of these ‘bad things’
about?”

“Of course not!” he replied. “I would do anything to make sure you’re still
princess, just like anyone else.”

“Good.”

“I just really hope we don’t have to go that way,” he continued, but softly and
more to himself. “That’s the last time I stand in any flower patch.” > 2. - Let
Me Explain... >
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 Dear Princess Twilight,

Please forgive the abruptness of this message, but I have an urgent matter at
hoof that I am in need of your assistance with. I understand you are visiting
your brother and Cadence in the Crystal Empire, so please believe I would not
disturb you without due cause and concern.

The very first thing I want you to do is not panic! There is no great threat to
Equestria, no vile villain who will destroy everything we hold dear bent on our
destruction. I want you to now take seventeen deep breaths, calculate pi out to
the one hundred and fifteenth digit, and then continue reading this letter.

Now that you are calm again, I need you to to do some research for me. Enclosed
with this letter is a facsimile of an ancient law that was passed in the
Pre-Unification era, a law that you will soon find to be quite interesting, to
put it mildly.

And now that you have finished reading it, let me explain your task. As you can
see, if the marriage clause was to be activated somehow it could lead to great
difficulties. I would greatly appreciate it if you would review the law for any
sort of loophole, technicality, or any other discrepancy that could be used to
nullify it. If such exists, please notify me immediately of its existence and I
will use it to render the whole thing null and void.

I’m afraid I cannot offer more details at this time, but I will share them when
I am able. If it would help, please see if Shining Armor and Cadence would be
willing to assist with your task. You have my permission to share the details of
this message and the law with them.

Awaiting your response,

Princess Celestia

P.S. You may want to take a few precautions against your own nose being touched
as well. 



Celestia let out a breath she had seemed to be holding since beginning the
letter. After a last check for errors—which would only disturb Twilight—she
placed her quill back in the writing desk, capped the inkwell, and sent the
stack of papers through her magic to Spike. Only then did she remember to check
the clock, and was relieved at the hour. Twilight’s most faithful dragon
assistant was probably not eating anything at this time of day, and since food
and magic missives tended to mix during the delivery process, the probable panic
would be lessened by a foodless document.

And while the task she had set her faithful student upon was urgent, Celestia
felt quite embarrassed about having to pass her responsibilities on to others.

Again.

She then rose from her desk. Identical letters—phrased somewhat differently than
Twilight’s—had also been sent to judges, attorneys, and the finest legal minds
at the greatest universities Equestria could offer. Between that and Twilight’s
own intensive review, Celestia felt confident there was some sort of simple way
out of this little mess she found herself entangled within.

In the meantime, she really had neglected her forced-fiancé for long enough, and
it was time to give him a more in-depth explanation into what was going on.

“Uh, Princess Celestia?” Anonymous’s voice drifted in through her chamber doors.
“Are you just about done? I could really use your help out here!”

“One of the guards is giving him trouble about lollygagging in the hallways, no
doubt,” she murmured to herself, with a short laugh. “They’re always so
dedicated, so sharp…”

Celestia’s magic opened her doors, and there was Anonymous, sure as sure. But
standing before him, and giving him the most intense and critical evil eye that
had ever been given, was…

“Luna?” Celestia asked. “How did you return so quickly?

“This is your intended?” she replied, her gaze unwavering.

“Yes, but only until I find—”

“He’s a rather homely looking thing, is he not?”

“Hey!” Anon indignantly replied. “I’m no royal, sure, but that’s just rude!”

“But feisty,” Luna continued, and a small smirk emerged onto her face as she
tilted her head to examine Anonymous in a more introspective fashion. “You could
have done worse, I suppose. His sense of fashion is not displeasing to the eye,
and you have always had a weakness for the chocolate which his mane does bear a
passing resemblance to.”

“It’s just brown,” he remarked with a subconscious swipe of his hand through his
hair.

“With that green coloration, it is little wonder that he managed to disguise
himself among your precious sunflowers, Celly.” Luna’s eyes turned cold and
stern. “Tell me, cur, how long did it take you to formulate this dastardly plan,
and how did you come to know of the marriage clause?”

“I didn’t… uh…” Anon lost the ability to speak as Luna leered at him again with
even greater intensity and a slight lean forward to punctuate her point.

“Speak, cur, if you wish to remain in this household with all of your limbs
intact.”

“Enough, Luna. Quit scaring the poor human.” Celestia bumped her shoulder to
break her staredown. “This is merely an accident.”

“You intend for me to believe he somehow accidentally managed to touch your nose
with his?” Luna flatly replied. “I suppose you have a bridge in Manehattan to
sell me next, yes?”

“A rather nice one that spans the Hoofston,” Celestia replied. “Yes, Luna, I’m
dead serious. It was an accident. My accident. I was sniffing my sunflowers, and
over-sniffed.”

“Hmph!” Luna snorted. “If you insist. I shall forebear judgement against this
cur for now. But I will be watching closely for any treachery, and I will not
endure it if I find he is confederate with one of our enemies. His execution
will solve the problem rather quickly.”

“Execution?” Anon whimpered, and the color drained from his face.

“No one is getting executed,” Celestia replied. “Please, Luna, be nice. This
poor man has had an extremely difficult day, and he doesn’t need you adding
stress right now.”

Luna didn’t reply verbally, but she did point to her own eyes with one hoof,
then to Anon. She then turned with a snap and trotted out of the hallway.

“I still expect you at dinner!” Celestia called after her. She then sighed and
turned back to the quite-thoroughly-intimidated Anonymous. “Please, don’t mind
her. She’s just looking out for me, that’s all.”

“She’s certainly forthright with you, isn’t she?” he replied, though his gaze
remained on the hallway, as if fearing a surprise encore.

“She is, but it’s one of her better traits. You never have to guess what she’s
thinking. Luna does not play those kinds of mind games. Now, I believe I owe you
a better explanation as to why we are to be wed.”

The human nodded slowly, but with less panic than Celestia had expected. “I
would appreciate some clarification on that.”

“Are you hungry at all? Thirsty? I can have something light sent up to enjoy
while we discuss things.”

“Well, I don’t think I’m all that hungry, but—”

His stomach suddenly rumbled, and quite loudly. He smiled sheepishly as Celestia
giggled behind a hoof.

“—I do believe I could snack on something if you were kind enough to provide
it.”

“I know just the thing.” She then nodded to a nearby butler. He quickly moved
over to them without messing up his pristinely folded towel, and bowed to the
Princess.

“Yes, Your Highness? What can I get for you?”

“Would you please have my special blend sent to my drawing room, please? And
make it a double this time.”

“Of course.” He bowed again. “I shall have it prepared at once.”

“Thank you,” she replied, and she motioned with a hoof down another hallway as
the butler left. “Just this way, Mister Anon. Everything I need to help explain
this problem is in my drawing room.”

“Am I even allowed in there? I am just a commoner, after all.”

“Well, if no loophole can be found, then you will be a Prince, and then that
takes care of that,” she said with a chuckle. “My drawing room is really nothing
fancy, just a cozy spot with a few soft pillows, some personal books and
mementos.”

He nodded to this before following her down the hallway. It was only two left
turns to their destination, thankfully, and Celestia pushed open the door with
her magic before stepping out of the way and allowing him to enter first.

From his awestruck expression, Celestia was afraid she may have undersold the
concept of a simple drawing room. Compared to the rest of the castle, it was not
much, just over three of her body lengths to a side with a floor-to-ceiling
window on one side to allow plenty of natural light in. The cushions were plush
and overstuffed, made of the finest velvets and silks, and there was a distinct
possibility that Celestia would be unable to get Anon off of them once he setted
in. Bookshelves lined one wall, with hardbound codices of all sizes and colors
and various scrolls scattered amongst the tops of them. The other wall held a
few scenic paintings, a portrait of the Royal Sisters, and a few small
sentimental items upon some shelves. A round table sat in the middle of the room
for the final touch of elegance, with legs short enough to allow a pony to
spread out on the pillows next to it and still reach across the whole table with
ease.

“What do you think?” Celestia asked.

“I’m not quite sure,” he replied. “It’s everything you said it was, of course.
I’m just trying to think of the right words to describe it.”

“What words would you use?” she asked while they both settled down by the table.

“Cozy, for sure,” he replied. “Comforting, even. Relaxing, serene. Oh, but see?
I use the same words over and over for things like this!”

“You do?” she asked over his deep groan of frustration.

“Yes! I was using the exact same words to describe the sunflowers, and the
gardens in general! I really need to broaden my vocabulary. This is ridiculous.”

“Have you considered a thesaurus?”

“A what?” he asked.

Celestia smiled and levitated a book from a nearby shelf. “A thesaurus. It’s a
book that gives you words that are similar to other words.”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, and he took the book from her magic with the same amount
of care you would give to a crown made of glass. “I remember this. I never did
seem to pick the right words, though.”

“It would be wise to use it with a dictionary,” she replied before leaning back
slightly and giving him an appraising look.

“You sound like my eighth grade teacher did before a pop quiz,” he quipped as he
looked over a page.

“How appropriate. I would, indeed, like to give you a short questionnaire.”

“Oh, great,” he moaned.

“I am a Princess first, but I am a teacher second,” she added with a smile.
“Asking me to not question and educate is like asking me to not raise the sun. I
promise this will be a short quiz, and there will be no grade at the end. I
merely wish to get an indication of your educational level.”

“I can save you the trouble. I am not a very good example of the American
educational system.”

“Humor me, then,” she replied. “Really, I believe this would be useful for both
of us.”

“All right, all right,” he replied.

“Thank you. I’m thinking five questions should suffice. First: what is your
definition for the word verbose?”

“Verbose? Oh, well; that’s easy.” His body visibly relaxed, and he smiled.
“That’s using too many words to describe a scene, situation, or person,
especially extravagant words.”

Celestia nodded, and her smile remained pleasant. “Second: What is an
antecedent?”

“Oh, shit.” He tensed up again. “Uh…”

“Take your time,” Celestia said soothingly.

“It’s about something before something else. I honestly don’t remember how or
what, though.”

“That’s all right. Third: What is a quatrain?”

“Uh…” he grunted. “I don’t know.”

Celestia nodded again. “You’re doing fine, don’t worry. Fourth: What is a
truism?”

Anon beamed brightly. “That’s a short quote or saying, like a proverb or axiom,
that is accepted as true and sound but may not necessarily be so.”

“And lastly, what is the definition of innuendo?”

Anon sat up a bit straighter. “That’s when you say something and it has one
meaning on the surface, but there’s a subtle underlying message that only some
people will catch.”

“Very good.” Celestia smiled deeply. “In all honesty, Mister Anon, you have a
good foundation in the Equish language. I think you learned a great deal during
your schooling, but have forgotten some of it since then, most likely because
you haven’t needed it.”

“You really think so?”

“It happens to everyone in some form or fashion. Unless I can have only one
student at a time, I have to share a broad amount of information with a class in
order to hopefully cover what each pupil will need in their future. A historian
has little need for information in botany, so whatever I teach them about plants
will probably be pushed aside a few years afterward. You, up until now, have not
needed the formal rules of language, so you’ve forgotten some of them.”

A knock came at the door, and without invitation, the butler from earlier
entered, holding a silver domed tray on one hoof. He deftly weaved between the
cushions on the floor, deposited the delicious-smelling platter on the table,
and then departed with a brief bow nearly as fast as he had arrived.

“He’s good,” Anon remarked. “He has been here for a while, hasn’t he?”

“How can you tell?” Celestia asked, and Anon chuckled a bit.

“Well, I used to work in an upscale restaurant, and I had to learn proper poise,
position, and balance. It’s all in the feet, really, but it’s also something
that takes time to learn.”

“Interesting,” she replied, as she lifted the lid from the tray. “I’d love to
hear more about this later, if you don’t mind.”

“I think it would be really boring, but sure,” he replied, as his eyes swept
over the tray. “Hmm, not bad. Good presentation, nice variety. Tea, truffles,
wheat crackers, and this?”

Celestia sat back and watched as he picked up a bite-sized, pretzel-shaped
snack. He then sniffed it slowly and carefully, gently touched the tip of his
tongue to it, and then his eyes rolled back a bit as he thought.

“That’s got too much salt,” he remarked after a moment. “Always a problem with
pretzels. Ponies always go crazy with salt, usually to hide bad or bland
flavors. That’s a shame, because there’s some nice spring wheat in there, and
those slight notes of barley and oat give it a wholesome impression. But then
you hit that salt like a brick wall, and… what?”

“And you want to be a writer?” she asked, one eyebrow cocked. “I hope it is as a
food critic or cookbook author.”

“No, not about food,” he grumped, and then he shoved the whole pretzel in his
mouth.

“Fair enough. Do you enjoy chamomile tea, Mister Anon?”

She had to wait for him to finish chewing first. “Never really liked tea. It all
tastes the same to me. Chamomile is nice enough, I suppose.”

“You can’t tell the difference between teas but you can tell me what that
pretzel is made out of?”

“Food and beverages are completely different things,” he defended.

Celestia simply shook her head and laughed lightly. “You are a very interesting
person, Mister Anon. Would you care for something else to drink, perhaps?”

“No, tea is fine,” he replied, and he gently took the cup from Celestia.

“Now, before we get sidetracked anymore, let’s go over this little problem of
ours.”

“Please,” he replied as he settled into his cushion.

“But where to start?” she asked herself. She stirred in two sugar cubes into her
own cup as she thought, but then she smiled. “Well, let’s go back to my youth to
start. How did you do in your history lessons?”

“Average, I suppose.” He shrugged.

“So you know the basics of the Unification and my rise to power?”

“We didn't really learn Equestrian history where I'm from.”

“Let’s recap a little bit then, just to make sure you know all the pertinent
details. The Three Tribes had been at odds for decades. The constant bickering
and fighting between them kept ponykind repressed and unproductive, a mere
shadow of what we could be.

“I was born into this world of animosity to unicorn parents, a viscount and his
wife in fact, and Luna was born two years later. From as early as I can
remember, I felt a great deal of anxiety over the way we unicorns conducted
ourselves towards our fellow ponies. I had been told all the reasons why we
should hate and fear pegasi and earth ponies, but the reasoning and the logic
behind it was flawed to me and unacceptable. It did not take long for me to
become known as a rabble-rouser and a disruption, but nothing my parents did
could stop me from speaking out at the injustice of everything that I saw.

“Luna also fell in line with my ways of thinking, much to my parents’ dismay.
With enough time and between the two of us, we caused a sufficient enough ruckus
to catch the attention of Princess Platinum and Clover the Clever, her
assistant.

“Princess Platinum did not approve of my viewpoint, and she threatened my
parents with a loss of titles and lands if I couldn’t be brought in line.
Clover, however, was interested in our ‘rebellious nonsense’ and made
arrangements to have another meeting with us to discuss my viewpoints.

“When we met for the second time, Clover was impressed with how well thought-out
my reasoning was. Though she remained unconvinced and ultimately rebuffed Luna
and me, she did tell us that we could be great statesponies if we could give up
our views and work instead to bring about a greater Unicorn Kingdom. Obviously,
being the young idealists that we were, we chose not to do so.

“Since we continued with our verbal rebellion, my parents were again threatened.
Platinum made it quite clear that she was very serious, and that she would not
tolerate our actions any more. Luna and I loved our parents, and we did not wish
for them to suffer for our choices, so Luna proposed we leave the Unicorns and
go to the other tribes. She correctly guessed that a message of acceptance,
tolerance and unification would be received better by earth ponies and pegasi if
it was spread by unicorns, and so we left one night with little more than a
rucksack full of food and a note explaining our departure.”

Anon looked absolutely enthralled at this point. He leaned forward, as if trying
to make sure every word Celestia spoke could reach him in the least amount of
time and distance, and he held a wide-eyed look of amazement and eagerness. One
half-eaten truffle was in his hand, but it remained suspended halfway up to his
mouth, seemingly forgotten in the midst of her tale. Celestia smiled deeply as
she took a moment to sip her tea, since his overall stance reminded her quite a
bit of a certain faithful student.

“Does all of this make sense so far, Mister Anon?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied, and then he quickly stuffed the neglected truffle into his
mouth. “I mean, this is way interesting. It's not every day that you learn
history from someone who was actually there.”

“So let us keep going, shall we?” she asked as she picked up a cracker.

“Luna and me made enough of a splash in the other tribes that Smart Cookie and
Private Patsy also meet with us. After that came the Windigos.” She shuddered.
“Then a conference of the three tribes, and the Three deciding to move to a new
land to escape the blizzards. All three of them managed to get to the same
place, of course. Well, I may not have had much success with the policy-makers
of each tribe, but our message of peace for all was received a bit better by the
rank and file. Luna and I may or may not have made inroads with each of the
official cartographers and scouts, and they ended up in the same place because
they may or may not have been ‘persuaded’ to go there.”

“Of course,” Anon said with a chuckle. “I’d love to ask how you found Equestria
but that’s off topic too, isn’t it?”

“Another time, perhaps,” she offered with a wink. “So, we were in a new place
but with all the same problems. The Windigos quickly reappeared, and the
blizzards were stronger than ever. The pertinent part of this moment is that
Luna and I were at the forefront of providing shelter, warmth, and food to the
suffering ponies while the three leaders continued to fight. Thankfully, we were
able to keep everyone protected until the Three finally realized that Friendship
was far better than the status quo.

“Now, this is where it gets a bit complicated, so please stop me if I need to
clarify,” Celestia said, before taking another sip of tea. “Once the blizzards
cleared, preparations were made to establish the new Kingdom of Equestria. Luna
and I, at the recommendation of Clover, were thrust into the forefront of the
negotiations and planning that went into forming a new country. Question?”

Anon had stuck his hand in the air, but now lowered it. “Just so I have my
timeline right: you and Luna Ascended before the Three had found the magic of
Friendship, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’m good. Please continue.”

“We did give everyone a bit of a shock when we showed up with wings.” Celestia
chuckled, and she gained a wistful aura once more. “I think we spent the vast
majority of the very first meeting debating if we should be called alicorns or
unipegs.”

“Unipeg doesn’t sound right at all.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Celestia chuckled again. “But as Alicorns, we had quite a bit
of sway and pull on the negotiations; well, between the added wings and our
previous efforts at reforms, that is.

“Now, this is really important to everything: I was sixteen years old when this
process began. I was not three hundred sixteen, or eight hundred sixteen; just
plain sixteen. Despite my advanced status, I was still but a child in many
respects, and the young are prone to make mistakes.

“Anyway, Princess Platinum had a Duke by the name of Iron Hoof. Apart from
Clover, he had the most pull with Platinum because he was Duke over the greatest
number of ponies, had held the greatest amounts of land, and was the wealthiest
by far. My parents were viscounts under him, so we knew him fairly well and we
knew of his personality in private. He was not a pleasant pony to be around, to
put it simply, and I won’t deny I was dismayed when he ended up coming to
Equestria.

“He then began using his influence to change various things about the new
by-laws and regulations we were drafting. For instance, Equestria was originally
supposed to be led by a democratically-elected president, much like how the
earth ponies did things, but he successfully changed it to be a monarchy like we
unicorns had. At times, it made me so angry when I had to deal with him.”
Celestia picked up one of the room’s cushions in her magic and lobbed it across
the room with a quiet thud. “More than a few pillows met an untimely end at my
hooves.

“He was absolutely set upon Equestria being a monarchy, and argued for it
endlessly. At first, I couldn’t figure out why he was so adamant about having a
King and Queen, but then it hit me like a lightning bolt: he intended to be the
King of this new Kingdom.

“I won’t go over how we thwarted that, but the efforts that kept him out put
Luna and I in as co-rulers. It seemed to solve the problem at first, until he
countered my move with one of his own: he proposed to me in the middle of a
subcommittee on tax revenues.”

“No!” Anon gasped. He was totally engrossed in her story now, and Celestia felt
pleased that he was so enraptured.

“Yes. Obviously, I didn’t want to marry him, for a great many reasons that we
won’t get into, but therein was the problem: if I refused him, I risked losing
the unicorns. He had enough sway that he could have pulled us out of the
negotiations, and thus undo everything Luna and I had tried to do.

“Now, please remember that I am sixteen years old when he pulls this stunt.
Faced with the loss of my life’s work, I panicked. Every solution that I could
come to in those few seconds between question and reply ended in either my
marriage to him or the end of the Unification. In this panic, I did the first
thing that came to my mind: I told him that I could not because he had not
touched my nose with his.”

“Why did you…”

“Don’t ask! I can’t even remember why I did it now. I think I blocked it out of
my memory,” she added with a pained wince. “My only excuse was panic. Sheer,
dumb, childish panic. Naturally, he asked why he had to do such a silly thing to
marry me, so I picked up my shovel and promptly dug the hole deeper. I explained
that it was Alicorn Law, and that any and all Alicorns, including Luna and
myself, were bound by it.

“Then I had to actually produce the law for him to see. I promised that I would
show it the next day, and that night, Luna and I worked our tails off to come up
with something that would not only look good, but have actual weight to it.”

“You cooked this thing up in one night?”

“Which is why I am hopeful we can find a loophole for our problem,” she
answered. “Since we were rushed, there should be something in there we can use.”

“So, does that mean that Luna has to follow this Law too?”

“Yes. She was afraid that he would simply go after her once he failed to trap
me, so she signed and agreed to the terms as well.”

Celestia lit her horn and levitated a scroll down from a nearby shelf. She
unfurled the document before the visiting Anon for his perusal, and to his eyes
a tight cursive script with very little spacing between the lines was revealed,
and it threatened to make him go cross-eyed. The whole of it was perhaps as long
as Celestia was tall, and the letters of it were actually glowing in a golden
yellow hue.

“This is the original Alicorn Law that we authored. Some of it is filled with
the ideals that Luna and I had talked over and had agreed we wanted for all
ponies: respect for individual ideas, tolerance for those who are different,
kindness in the face of anger, love in the face of hate. It was how we wanted to
live our lives, and it was how we wanted to rule as Alicorns.

“This clause, though, is the one that affects us at the present.” Celestia used
her magic to highlight a rather large section of paragraphs near the middle.
“This is my ‘No Nose’ clause. You’re free to read it over, if you’d like.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” he replied. “I can’t read your old langauge, and I
don’t think I could understand the legal jargon even if I could.”

“As you can see, the script is glowing with my magic. Luna and I bound ourselves
to this document once we had finished it, with the very deepest and oldest of
magics that we could. We could not deviate from it without losing the very
magics that made us, well, us.”

“But you could still veto it, couldn’t you?”

“If I had left it like this, yes,” she replied. “But remember, I was a panicking
child at the time. To make sure the Duke couldn’t somehow trick us out of this,
I took it to the Three and asked them to be signatories to it as well. That way,
the only way it could be revoked is if all five of us agreed to do so.

“Commander Hurricane thought it was the most hilarious thing she’d ever heard
of, and she signed off on it while laughing her head off and without even
reading the details. Chancellor Puddinghead needed some convincing, but once I
promised her that Equestria would have Taco Tuesdays and free balloons on a
pony’s birthday she agreed to sign to it as well.

“Princess Platinum loved it, loved my solution to the problem, and signed it
with this big loopy signature that took up all off the empty space at the bottom
of the scroll.” Celestia’s gaze went distant again, and she turned her head to
look out the windows. “You know, for all of the agony we gave each other in the
early years, she was one of the greatest allies I had for governing Equestria.
Most of what I learned on how to govern effectively was given to me under her
tutelage. Her hooves still touch Equestria to this day, in some form or another.
I still think about her sometimes, and those lessons. The greatest thing she
ever taught me was how to be forgiving of others, and how a pony could change,
if they were just given a chance. She was the ultimate example of how a change
of heart could happen.”

There was silence for a moment in the room, and Celestia’s gaze drifted to the
portrait that hung on the wall.

“Forgive me, Mister Anon. I tend to get sentimental when I reminisce.” Celestia
cleared her throat and returned her attention to him. “So, with the backing of
the Three, the Alicorn Law was presented to Duke Iron Hoof. I’m pretty sure he
knew we’d pulled a fast one on him, but he didn’t try to fight it. He, instead,
did what you would assume he would do: he tried his hardest to touch my nose
with his.”

“I guess it’s good you picked your nose,” Anon commented. “It’s pretty easy to
keep it protected.”

“It was quite fortunate. He tried all sorts of stunts and maneuvers in his
efforts to make contact, but I always managed to elude him. As the years went by
and as we kept working to keep Equestria going, his attempts slowly tapered off,
until one day he finally stopped trying altogether. By the time he finally
passed away I’d forgotten I’d even written the thing, and it’s gone on being
forgotten until now.”

“Why didn’t Iron Hoof just ask if he could boop your nose?”

“Power. By tricking him like I did, he had to beat me at my own game, or else he
would begin to lose the prestige he had. If asked to boop my nose, that put me
in the position of control in the relationship. He wanted me to follow his
rules, not the other way around.”

There was another pause, and Celestia allowed Anon to process everything he’d
heard. The story was perhaps a bit outlandish, but it was the truth, and it was
a lot to take in. She had to admit that she’d have a hard time believing it
herself, if the tables were somehow turned.

“So, you can’t revoke the law because the Three signed on to it,” he summarized.

“I would need them to officially revoke their signatures. As you know, that
would be rather difficult now. Without a shovel, that is.”

“Because your binding magic bound them to it, too.”

“It would take me several hours to explain how that happened, but yes.”

“Great,” he sighed. “How sure are you that there is a loophole?”

“I’m fairly confident there is something in there we can use,” she replied. “A
pony does not produce their best work when they are working in a panic, you must
admit.”

“That’s true. So, we just have to find it and then we both just walk away as
friends and with a laugh?”

“Exactly. And you will have my apologies for the inconvenience. It will make for
a funny story later in life, won’t it?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I can just imagine trying to tell ponies how I was engaged
to Princess Celestia. So how long do we have to find this loophole? A month, a
year, or is there even a time limit?”

“There is,” she replied, and she took a deep breath. “We have three days to find
it.”

“What?!” he shouted, and he recoiled off the cushion in shock. “Three days?!”

“Yes, and you really don’t need to shout. I’m right here.”

“Why in Equestria did you make it three days?!”

“Panic,” she stated flatly. “Mister Anon, it has been over a thousand years
since I authored this. Despite what some ponies think, I do not have a
photographic memory, and a great many details of what I did or did not do during
those early days of Equestria have been lost to me. If I could offer you a
specific reason for what I did, I would. I’m afraid I simply can’t.”

Anon took a moment to breathe deeply and compose himself again. After those few
moments, he managed calm but looked remorseful and sad.

“I’m sorry I keep shouting. I just… it’s…”

She said nothing as he searched for the right phrase.

“It’s just a lot to process all at once.”

“That it is. I really can’t blame you for acting this way; in all honesty,
you’re probably reacting much better than most ponies would. Just remember that
I am trying to help you through this, and I will do everything I can to get your
life back to normal.”

He now smiled slightly. “I appreciate that you are trying to help. I have to
admit, though, that you’re not quite what I expected when I first came here.”

She gave him a wise, let’s-have-a-teaching-moment look in return. “Mister Anon,
when you left your hotel room this morning, if a random pony asked you to
describe me to them, what would you have said?”

“I dunno. I guess I would have told them that you’re the princess, that you
raise the sun, and that you rule with your sister.”

“How would you describe me now, after meeting me in the flesh and having the
ability to spend some quality private time with me?”

“Well, I would say you are kind, beautiful, thoughtful, that you like to teach,
and that you’re generous.”

“So your description has changed, if only slightly,” she noted. “Now that you
know me a bit better, you have different things to say about me.”

“I suppose so,” he replied while he contemplated her point.

“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
everyone does it in their own way. This compounds the situation before you, but
you’re taking it all in fairly well and with a fair amount of dignity, too.
Don’t feel bad for how you’re reacting to all of this. You’re doing a good job
so far.”

Anon didn’t respond to her, but Celestia could tell by the look on his face that
her point had made sense to him. She allowed him a minute to think things over,
but then popped several truffles in her mouth.

“You have also found out that this Princess eats like a pig sometimes, too,” she
offered with a full mouth, a prime example of what she spoke of.

“I’m going to bet you don’t do that very often,” he replied with a smile.

“I do it all the time in private,” she defended. A wickedly pleased look
overtook her features, and she leaned back to give Anon a rather sultry look as
he took a sip of tea.

“And if we can’t find a loophole, my dear Mister Anon, then you will be the
first I invite to accompany me for a roll in the hay.”

Anonymous quite nearly shot Camomile tea straight out of his nose with that
remark, but since it appeared he did not wish to spray the ruler of Equestria or
her personal books (many of which were rather old and valuable, if not
one-of-a-kind), he somehow managed to stifle most of it with a weird
gagging-honking sort of noise and by dipping his head down quickly. Most of what
did get shot out hit the table in front of him, but what did not dribbled and
dripped off the end of his chin. Celestia laughed heartily at this, but she was
also quick to conjure up a large towel for him to use.

“That—” he groaned as he dabbed at his now-burning nose “—was a good example of
an innuendo.” > 3. -  Seeds Sown in Adversity >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anonymous liked to think he was no stranger to formal dinners.

Yes, it was true that he had never attended one as a guest, but he has worked as
a waiter at a pretty high class restaurant for two years. Thus, it logically
followed to him that he should have a bit of an upper hand when it came to
eating formal dinners, since he knew which fork to use, how to place the napkin,
where to place his elbows, and what part of an individual course to eat first,
second, third and last.

So he thought that attending an ‘as formal as it gets with only Luna and myself
in attendance’ dinner with Celestia should be fairly straightforward. He wasn’t
expecting to make much small talk, he didn’t have to win over any diplomats, and
he wasn’t going to have his words dissected under a microscope by ponies who
were itching to make power plays.

He actually felt confident about attending dinner, especially with what had
happened after Celestia’s hay joke. She had invited him on a personal, private
tour of the palace to make up for making him snort tea, and the tour had been
captivating, to put it simply. She had been kind during the walk, and was even
kinder in her explanations of the history behind the baubles and trinkets that
now rested on plush velvets and marble pillars. He had been mesmerized by the
overabundance of artifacts and the history behind all of them, and Celestia had
seemed pleased that he was so interested in these trinkets from a bygone era.
When she had shown him his room in the north tower he had felt an air of
relaxing ease for the first time that day, and with said ease he dared to
entertain the notion that he could get through dinner without too much trouble.

He was now regretting ever having any such thoughts.

It had started out innocently enough, as most descents into madness do. Celestia
had escorted him from his room when the evening meal was ready, and the dining
room was as grand as he’d expected it to be. The soft and relaxing light that
filtered into the room through the large windows, coupled with the decorative
curtains and stained glass windows calmed his nerves, and the smile he received
from Celestia put his mind at ease. After sitting near the middle of the long
table that ran through the center of the room, Celestia had selected a seat
three chairs to his right, and she cheerfully called for dinner to be served.

And then it had gone downhill.

Quickly.

It started when Luna barged in through the doors, startling poor Anon and making
him jump nearly out of his seat. Each of her hooffalls were loud and solid, and
after she flung herself down into the chair that was directly across from him,
she leaned forward and proceeded to stare at him.

The Princess of the Moon didn’t need to blink, it seemed, and it seriously
creeped Anon out.

Her gaze remained fixated on him through the first course, but she made no
attempts at communication. Celestia had quickly become distracted as her
personal secretary had walked in with the fried turnips and had laid out several
books, scrolls, and other loose papers in the space around her. From what he
could hear, they were trying to clear her schedule for tomorrow so she could
review her own Alicorn Law and undo what had been done, so she didn’t notice how
intimidating Luna was being.

Or perhaps the Princess of the Night always glared at everypony, but that seemed
rather unlikely.

Then the second course was served. It was, indeed, a rather nice rosemary salad,
and Anon was able to enjoy two or three bites of it. He tried, for a few
moments, to think of how he would describe it to somepony who hadn’t ever eaten
it: subtly infused, perhaps, and strikingly balanced, with undertones of quiet
restraint and delicate touch…

And then he looked up.

Luna was still glowering at him, and her seething rage seemed to be set at
broil. She was angrily stabbing her salad, shoving large bites into her mouth,
and then chewing the poor, hapless greens with extreme prejudice, dark purpose,
and even with her mouth open.

And for a brief, horrible moment, Anonymous feared that Princess Luna might want
to add a certain green human into the greens for some variety.

So now he sat, his fork idly twirling in his salad, as he tried to avoid eye
contact with the Butcher of Red Leaf Lettuce and possibly Anonymous. With her
fuming over there like she was, his appetite had decided it was going to vacate
the premises without leaving a forwarding address and there simply no way to
enjoy the food.

It was going to be a terrible shame if dessert was something delicious and he
had to turn it down. Maybe he could throw it at Luna as a distraction if she
tried to gobble his backside.

“What if we move the Ambassador to nine fifteen, and then the Mayor’s Roundtable
to ten thirty?” Celestia’s voice drifted over.

“I’m afraid you have from ten to eleven blocked out for your class.”

“Ah, yes. I’d hate to deprive my students of the opportunity to dissect a worm.”
She chuckled.

Maybe you could dissect me, Anon idly thought. It would save Luna a fortune in
eye drops.

“What if you moved…”

Anon found his hearing focusing in on a rather loud chewing sound, one that did
not sound like Luna’s mouthy mangling. It sounded more like…

…like popcorn?

“I KNEW IT!” Luna roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice.

Before Anon really had a chance to figure out what she was shouting about, he
found himself enveloped in her magic, flung across the room at near terminal
velocity, and then slammed rather satisfyingly against the wall with enough
force to nearly make him two dimensional. The secretary screamed, Celestia
finally looked up from the paperwork before her, and Anon heard a new voice
laughing uproariously.

“I knew thou wert in league with our enemies! Sister, quickly! Thou shouldst
distract the draconequus while I deal with his inept assistant!”

“Luna, put him down!” Celestia commanded. “Discord is reformed now, remember?!”

“Oh, no, please!” the new voice that could only be Discord replied with a
howling laugh. “If it means you’ll keep scrubbing the wall with Mister Anon then
I’m as bad as they get! Please, let him have it! I want to see if he’s filled
with jelly beans or if you’ll simply refry him!”

“Luna, now!” Celestia ordered.

“But he is using this diversion to gain the upper hoof on us!” Luna protested.

“Stop, stop!” Discord wailed as he rolled on the floor. “My tummy! Ha! I can’t
take it!”

“He is not doing anything of the sort, either of them!” Celestia shouted. “Look!
Discord is rolling on the floor and Anon is turning purple!”

Anon wondered how true that statement was as the world began to go blurry and
dark, but then he wondered why oxygen was so essential for the sustainment of
life.

Thankfully, Luna seemed to finally notice that the only chaos being generated in
the room was by herself, so she gently set Anon on the floor and then retreated
back a few steps.

“What are you doing here, Discord?” Celestia demanded, as her magic now gently
picked up the battered Anon and began floating him towards her.

“Are you kidding?” Discord replied as he snagged Anon in midair and hugged him
tightly with his arm. “This perfect little human is going to be my new best
friend! You wouldn’t believe the wonderfully chaotic vibes that are just oozing
out of him!”

“Could you not squeeze so hard?” Anon moaned softly. “My ribs…”

“How can this cur be emanating anything other than idiocy?” Luna asked.

“Ah, my deliciously dark ruler, that’s where the fun really is!” he replied, and
he gave Anon’s hair a playful ruffle. “This delightful little maniac right here
has managed to create more chaos in the last twelve hours than I could in a
month of Sundays! Telling me to stay away from such a wonderful source of chaos
is like telling Fluttershy not to talk to cute little animals!”

A small image of Fluttershy then appeared in the space between Discord and
Celestia, but she promptly frowned at Discord and shook her head in
disappointment.

“You know what? On second thought, let’s not bring her into this.” Discord
snapped, and the image disappeared. “But look at the readings! They’re off the
chart here!” he suddenly donned a lab coat and safety glasses, and from behind
his back, he pulled out what looked like a thermometer mounted to a board. The
bulb at the top was pulsing and pounding like it would burst at any moment, and
Discord tapped it to emphasize his point. “By activating that ‘No Nose’ clause
in your manifesto, he managed to create enough energy to power a new small city
in the chaos zone that I’m going to name Discordland! It’s simply impossible for
me to not be around! I have to see this first hand! Or paw! Er, claw. Whatever.”

Celestia’s magic again wrapped around Anon, and she gently lifted him out of
Discord’s grasp before replying. “Discord, while I am quite sure you are correct
with all this talk of chaos generation, you do understand that this situation is
unintentional and temporary?”

“That is the only sad part of this whole affair. If you find that loophole
you’re after, then my fun will end. And just think of the poor residents of
Discordland! Where will they get their power from when the chaos runs out?”

“Discord, this is a private affair,” Celestia replied in a low and threatening
tone. “I graciously ask you to allow it to remain so until the matter can be
settled. Then you may return and laugh at me at your leisure.”

“Oh, I’m going to hold you to that one, Celly.” He smiled wickedly. “But if you
insist, I’ll leave. I am rather late for a teatime appointment with Fluttershy
anyway, she was expecting me to be there quite some time ago. But understand
that you won’t be able to keep me away if this chaos continues, and I simply
must be at the wedding. Perhaps I could be your ring bearer? I would be oh-so
careful, I really would.”

He demonstrated his ability to do so by producing a red velvet pillow with a
snap, and a ring with a comically-oversized stone on top immediately followed.
However, he promptly managed to lose his grip on the pillow, and the ring
bounced once when it hit the floor before disappearing. Discord simply offered
as sheepish smile to this, and then snapped again to make the pillow disappear.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord. But please, not a word of this to another
breathing soul.”

“Always such a downer, Celly.” He pouted. “Fine. My lips are sealed.”

He then slithered up next to her and threw a clawed arm over her withers. “But
I’m going to keep any innuendos you use. Those things are gold! ‘Roll in the
hay,’ indeed!”

And then, with an echoing laugh and a snap of his claw, he disappeared.

Anon was finally allowed back on the ground, but he grunted in pain when his
weight settled on his feet again.

“Are you alright?” Celestia asked.

“I’ve been better.” He groaned as he reached a hand up to rub his ribs. Both he
and Celestia then turned to glare at Luna.

“Oops,” she offered sheepishly.





Fool.

Foolish fool.

Anon winced as he moved to sit at the desk in his room. Despite being checked
out and cleared by the royal doctor and Celestia, it still hurt like Tartarus to
breathe, walk, talk, and even blink.

Idiotic, foolish fool.

He should never have left. He shouldn’t have come to Canterlot. Everyone who had
tried to talk him out of the trip had been so right about everything, and he had
been so wrong.

“You’re just having a moment,” Anon murmured the acidic words he had heard
before leaving. “You’ll see. Your place is here, with us. You won’t find what
you’re after out there.”

It was a shame he was just now realizing they had been right. If only he had
listened. If he’d just stayed home.

He scoffed at himself. If he hadn’t had the ridiculous notion to run away from
what he really was in an effort to find some illusion that he thought was truth,
he wouldn’t be where he was now. He’d be safely tucked away from this nightmare.
There would be no Princess Luna, who had no qualms about squishing him
underfoot. No crazy half-pony, half-dragon, half-whatever-he-was who had given
him a serious case of the heebie-jeebies.

And no ancient law that forced him to marry Princess Celestia so he wouldn’t
undo a thousand years of progress.

He was a nitwitted clod, pure and simple.

He flipped open his notebook, and glared at the words he’d written. They had
seemed like his friends when he’d penned them, eager and willing to take him to
a wonderful place where he’d have everything he ever wanted and not be judged
for it. Now they felt like spiteful enemies, laughing and frolicking in his
misery. It was as if they knew they were responsible for his current situation,
and they weren’t sorry in the slightest. They mocked him, reveling in his
predicament. They held no mercy in their graphite souls.

“Imbecile,” he grumbled. The page holding his description of the train station
was worse than trash, and deserved oblivion. He hated himself, what he’d become.
He hated what he’d done.

If only he had listened. It was a shame it took a forced marriage and a
near-death experience to finally convince him that writing was not his future.

He then flipped open the thesaurus Celestia had let him borrow, intent on
finding synonyms for idiot so he could have new ways to berate himself. He
paused for a moment, though, as his hoof ran along the outer edge, and his mind
went back to their private conversation.

“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
Luna I am a sister, and to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that
you’ve met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought
with what you now know. You know that I am not perfect, and that I made some
rather serious blunders in my early years. You know that even the Princess of
the Sun can mess things up. It takes time to make those reconciliations, and
each person does it in their own way.”

He paused for a moment more. Her unbidden words continued to rattle in his head
for a moment, and he felt a…well, a certain warmth in them. Somehow, they had
the power to burn clean through the miasma of depression that had settled onto
his shoulders, and he felt his spirits slowly begin to rise. Everything had
seemed so serene at that point, so sure. It was the mood, the feel of her words
that had made the greatest impact. It was like she was just being Celestia,
nothing more. No princess, no sun, no official duties. It had felt nice, and
dare he say normal, even. It was almost…

Almost like she wanted to be just Celestia. She wanted to hold a plain, boring,
regular conversation. Even though they had been talking about his preconceived
notions, it was the pony, not the Princess who stood to gain the most from their
shared moment.

Somehow in his musing, he put his pencil into his mouth, and he chewed on the
end in thought for a moment. He then pushed the thesaurus to one side, squared
away his notebook, and began writing.



“But why all of this secrecy, my dear Celeste? Why hide behind the masks of
illusion and deception?”

“Because, my sweet, it is those very masks that allow me to accomplish the
greatest good. I cannot move the world as just Celeste; I must be more than
that. Within these cloaks, I can leverage the power needed to bring to pass
everything and defeat all who would oppose the Crown.”

“But at what cost, love? Why destroy everything that makes you so unique? I
cannot bear to watch you bury yourself, so heedless to the shell it is turning
you into!”

“Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness is their foundation. Sacrifice has
always been the great enabler in our world. One must give all they have, down to
the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those who serve around and beneath them.
They gain because of my loss, and I would never have it any other way. Ponies
may see me a certain way, but in that way lies the greater good.”



A light tapping on his door broke his thoughts, and he spat out the pencil
before calling out to the knocker to enter. He wasn’t surprised when Celestia
opened the door with her magic; he had figured she would want to check on him
after cleaning up the mess in the dining hall.

“Hello, Mister Anon. I just wanted to stop in and see how you were recovering.”

“I think I am doing better,” he replied, and he rolled one arm slightly with a
wince. “I’m probably going to be sore for a while, though.”

“I imagine you would be; you did take a fair amount of abuse. Is there something
I can get for you to help with the pain?”

“No, I think I just need to rest and then take it easy tomorrow.”

Celestia nodded. “That should be quite beneficial. Before I interrupted your day
in the gardens, what did you have planned for tomorrow?”

He shrugged and sighed. “I don’t think I really had any plans. If I did, I’ve
completely forgotten what they were.”

“I see,” she replied softly, and her gaze moved around the room. “Are the
furnishings to your tastes? Do you have enough blankets? I sometimes think this
tower is cold even in the summer months, and the last weather schedule I saw
indicated there could be a light breeze tonight.”

“Everything is fine, Your Highness. I appreciate your attentiveness, but I
believe I have everything I need.”

Anon’s heart broke a little when he saw her diplomatic smile falter ever so
slightly. “Well, I am glad for that. I apologize if I have disturbed your
evening. I will trouble you no more, and—”

“No, wait!” he called out as she turned to leave. He then felt a burning in his
cheeks as she looked at him again. “I mean, you don’t have to go yet. Maybe you
could explain to me why Luna acted the way she did.”

Her smile became a bit more genuine, and with it Anon’s cheerfulness grew. “I
can try to, if that will suffice.”

“Please.” He then stood and offered her the chair. She graciously sat in
it—though she just barely fit on the cushion—and Anon moved to sit on the bed.

“Luna is…well, she’s very focused,” Celestia offered. “This is mostly a good
thing, but sometimes she gets a notion in her head that just won’t leave, and
she’ll become obsessed with it.”

Anon somehow caught the unspoken implication that this ‘obsession’ had been a
rather large factor in the Nightmare Moon problem.

“She usually is very accepting of other ponies, especially since…” Celestia
paused, then inhaled. “Especially since her return from exile. For her to
inflict bodily harm is very uncharacteristic of her, but I think she did so
because she worries about me. She’s a wonderful sister in that way, and she’ll
grow to accept you too. Just don’t try to assassinate me and we should be fine.”

“That’s about the dumbest decision I could ever make.” He chuckled. “And what
about that freaky, mixed-up, whatever-he-was?”

“That was Discord, a draconequus. You may remember him from such historical
events such as taking over Equestria and stealing the Elements of Harmony. Luna
and I turned him into stone a thousand-odd years ago.” She shook her head in a
long suffering way but smiled. “He’s reformed now, but he is still the Lord of
Chaos and it would have been more of a surprise if he hadn’t shown up at some
point tonight. He practically bathes in the kind of confusion I caused today by
touching your nose.”

“That’s a pleasant image.” He laughed with her. “So if he’s chaos, do you
represent order?”

“I suppose I do,” she replied, and then she snickered. “You know, a
thousand-plus years ago, I never dreamed I would be representative of so many
things. I just wanted peace and harmony for all ponies, nothing more. I didn’t
see myself as the Standard of Order, or the Eternal and Perfect Princess. I
still don’t, in all honesty. All I really see when I look in the mirror is
Celestia, the now very old mare who was given a kingdom.”

“So, is that how we get out of this marriage? I mean, compared to you I’m like a
newborn still.”

“That would be rather convenient, but since I am biologically near the same age
as you I don’t think that will work.”

“Well, it’s worth looking into, right?”

“It is. I will include that in my search.”

Anon gave a short little laugh, then sighed and rubbed one arm with the other
hand in an awkward way. “Princess, I know I’ve said it before, but I really am
grateful for everything you’ve done today. You’ve been very understanding and
accommodating, and I’m sure you cancelled quite a few meetings in order to spend
the afternoon with me.”

“One or two perhaps,” she replied slyly. “Spending the afternoon with you was
far more enjoyable, though. All of my Ministers seem to have collected a fair
amount of dust, it seems, so it was rather refreshing to talk to you about
Starswirl’s Staff of Serendipity as opposed to yet another presentation on why
we should abandon the gold standard.”

“I really enjoyed the tour before dinner, too. All of those artifacts you showed
me were really neat, especially that brass hydra thing with the five heads. If
you do ever give up the Princess gig, you’d make a great tour guide.”

She smiled a bit deeper and nodded to indicate her appreciation of his praise.

“So thank you, again. I wish I had a better way of saying it, but I don’t.”

“I think you will find this to be useful in helping you with that.” She tapped
the thesaurus with a hoof, but then she noticed his notepad. “Oh! Is this what
you’ve been writing?”

“Yeah. It’s not much of anything at the moment.”

“May I be permitted to read it?”

Anonymous, in any other place and time, would have answered that question with a
resounding no. He still felt too self-conscious about his words, still too
scared about his choice of phrases. To let another person read his uneducated
hash would be akin to asking him to sing the Phantom of the Opera while trying
to tap-dance in a vat of oatmeal with chickens for his back up chorus to a sold
out Broadway theatre.

But as he looked at Celestia to properly deliver his rejection, his eyes went
straight to hers. Somehow, in that sea of magenta, he felt his inhibitions
dissolve and his concerns melt away. It was like…

His breath caught in his throat. In those majestic pools of light, somehow, he
found himself. He had no idea how, or even why he felt such feelings, but there
they were, all the same.

For the first time in his life, he felt like he was truly home.

“I would be honored to have you read my work.”

Celestia positively beamed at him, and he could only think of one or two other
times when he had seen such a deep smile filled with as much pure joy. That
smile could melt the coldest heart in seconds. She reverently picked up his
notebook with her hooves, and her mouth moved a little as she read to herself.

“This is a fair description of the train station, if I may say,” she offered
after a moment. “You have captured the feel of it quite nicely. Why did you
write it?”

“I was hoping somepony would use it in a travel brochure, or something like
that.”

“Ah, I see. Did you not write about the gardens?”

“I didn’t get a chance to,” he laughed. “I’m afraid somepony’s nose interrupted
my musing.”

“I will have to have a word with that pony,” she offered with a wink while
continuing to read. “I would like to see what you write about it when you do pen
the words.”

“I’d love to show you.”

“Oh!” She gasped with a grin. “‘Celeste’, mm?”

“Not very original, is it?”

“Perhaps, but it works for now. What I would want to know now is what Celeste is
sacrificing for. Is it for a worthy cause, or is she needlessly throwing away
her happiness?”

“That’s one of the problems with my writing. I can get a couple good scenes here
and there, but then I can’t connect them together. I have a struggle with the
journey between the main plot points. I need to be less random.”

“What you have here is interesting, and a good start,” she replied. “Let me see.
I once thought I could be an actress, and I fancied that I had some theater
skills. Let me try this.”

She put a hoof to her chest, cleared her throat, and then turned her head to the
side in an anguished, dramatic pose. “’Don’t you see, my sweet? In my emptiness
is their foundation,’” she quoted in a soft, contemplative, and slightly
anguished voice. “’Sacrifice has always been the great enabler in our world. One
must give all they have, down to the very dregs, to claim the loyalty of those
who serve around and beneath them. They gain because of my loss, and I would
never have it any other way. Ponies may see me a certain way, but in that way
lies the greater good.’”

“Wow.” Anon whispered in wide-eyed awe. Celestia had completely nailed how he
had envisioned that scene in his head. Her voice had held the nobleness of
station, but yet the emptiness of loftiness; the desire of the forsaken that was
slowly being swallowed by the numbness of the unobtainable.

He had no idea his words could carry such pathos.

“How was that?” she asked sincerely. “Too much, too over the top? Perhaps it was
meant to be a bit lighter, a bit more devious?”

Anon slowly shook his head. “No, you were dead on. That captured the scene I
envisioned perfectly.”

And Princess Celestia, Diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria, inspiration and guide
to millions across a vast land, Standard-Bearer of Order and Mare of the
Morning…

…blushed furiously.

“Oh, well,” she stammered, her pleased embarrassment obvious in both vocal tone
and body language. She gently put the notebook back on the table and then patted
it gently with a hoof. “The, uh, the source material helps. You set the mood, I
simply vocalized it.”

Anon nodded dumbly. It was debatable if he’d even heard her.

“Well!” Celestia suddenly stood, thus breaking the trance. Anon stood quickly
too as Celestia moved towards the open door. “Thank you again, Anon, for letting
me read that. But it really is getting late—”

“It is,” he hastily agreed.

“—and I have a lot of work to do in the morning so I can review that law—”

“Naturally.” The word fumbled out of his mouth.

“—and I’m quite sure you are exhausted—”

“To a degree.”

“—and so I will bid you good night and leave you to your evening.”

“Thank you.” He concluded at nearly the same time she did. Celestia then stepped
out of the room, but she turned in the hallway to face him again.

“As for tomorrow, you’re free to leave the palace grounds if you wish.”

“Really?” he asked, the surprise in his voice obvious.

Celestia nodded. “Of course. Just come check in with me in the afternoon
sometime. I think I can trust you.”

“Thank you,” he replied with a small smile.

“Also, if you would like to join me for breakfast tomorrow I would be delighted
to host you. I like to make pancakes, and if you ask nicely I might even put a
silly fruit face on them.”

Anon laughed slightly at this. “What time?”

“Just after sunrise.”

“I’ll consider it, how’s that?” he asked, and Celestia brightened.

“That’s all I can ask. Good night, Anon.”

“Good night, Celestia.”

She then quietly trotted away. Anon softly closed the door, moved to the desk,
and flipped the pages back to his train station description.

Perhaps they were not so foolish after all. The words had become meaningful to
him again, somehow, and he almost felt like when he had first become inspired to
become a writer. He’d keep them for sure now, maybe there was some home for
them.

He would still need a job when Celestia found that loophole, after all. But as
he switched off the light and crawled into bed, one thought kept replaying in
his head, and it made him smile:

She called me Anon. No Mister, just Anon.





Princess Celestia cheerfully walked towards her own chambers, a happy nonsense
tune on her lips and a slight spring in her step. Her conversation with Anon had
been quite delightful, and—

“Oh! Good evening, Twilight!” she hastily said after her vision cleared of
lavender. She really wished her most faithful student wouldn’t just appear like
that.

“Princess Celestia! Good evening!” Twilight replied.

Celestia was suddenly very grateful she had centuries of diplomatic skill to
help keep her from laughing at her protegée. Twilight was wearing a black
turtleneck sweater, but had the neck portion pulled up and over her muzzle.
“Would it be a fair guess to say you are here to access the royal archives as
part of the request I sent you earlier?”

“Yes. But I did have one question I wanted to ask you.”

Celestia mentally braced herself. “And what is that?”

“What in the wide, wide world of Equestria were you thinking?!” Twilight
shouted. Though she was trying to look angry, Celestia could find nothing but
humor since being able to only see Twilight’s eyes made it hard to take her
seriously. “And when were you going to tell me about this law?! I’ve been
running around this whole time with the possibility of having to marry the first
stallion who bonks my nose? Why would you even write a law like this?!”

“Well, Twilight,” Celestia began, as she smiled serenely and stopped herself
from rolling her eyes, “it was a very long time ago, and…” > 4. - A Truce by
Night >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“How could you do this to me?!” Celestia roared in fury, with tears streaming
down her cheeks in anguish.

“No, wait!” Anon yelled. “Celestia, please! I don’t—”

“Save your excuses, Mister Anon! I see clearly now what is going on!”

“I haven’t done—”

“SILENCE, CUR!”

Anon fell back on his butt, and raised one arm in front of him in a vain attempt
to block the absolute terror flying before him.

“N-N-Nightmare Moon?!”

“I have seen into your soul and there is nothing worth redeeming in you!”
Nightmare Moon shouted. “Now shall you deal with ME, O Anon, and all the fires
of Tartarus!”

Nightmare Moon plunged a hoof into the earth, which burst under the impact and
formed a wide and deep trench that continued to expand. Anon began backpedaling
as fast as he could, but the fire-breathing trench was faster than he was, and
soon it split around him and isolated him inside a large circle. Nightmare Moon
cackled with wild and evil abandon as Anon ran in place, scared for his life and
unable to move in any direction.

“You have been weighed, Anonymous, and have been found wanting.” Celestia’s
condemning face appeared in the midst of the flames. “There shall be no mercy
for you. It is time to become your namesake!”

“Please, no!” he shouted, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He backpedaled
as far as he could until he felt his butt getting roasted, and Nightmare Moon’s
laughter became more sadistic and maniacal. This was the end! He’d been a fool,
and this was the price he would pay!

“That is enough!”

A beam of magic dissipated Nightmare Moon and silenced her cackle. A following
pulse of magic stopped the fires, sealed and fused the rents back together and
washed the area with a relaxing aura that smelled of lavender.

However, Anon still feared for his life. Even though he wasn’t quite sure where
she was, he prostrated himself and buried his face in the dirt.

Why else would Luna be here? She had to be coming back to finish what she had
started at dinner.

“Arise, Anonymous. You have nothing to fear from me.”

He dared to lift his head slightly. His eyes slowly moved upwards, but then they
met the intense cyan irises of Princess Luna.

His face promptly went straight back into the dirt with a whimper.

Luna let out a sad sigh. “It would seem my actions have affected you more than I
thought. Please, Anonymous. I am here to offer you an apology.”

“Y-you are?” he sniffled.

“Yes. Will you rise and speak with me?”

He looked up again, a little faster this time. Again he met Luna’s eyes, but
this time he kept looking and found them to be concerned, a bit wounded, and
inviting. His hoof reached up to take hers, and Luna smiled for the first time
while she helped him up.

Well, at least to Anon for the first time.

“That is better, thank you.”

“Are you really here to apologize?” he asked softly.

“I am. My conduct earlier was unacceptable, and I wish to make whatever amends I
need to in order to gain your forgiveness.”

“My forgiveness,” Anon repeated.

“First, let us leave this place,” Luna replied. “Nightmares are hardly the place
to discuss such weighty matters.”

He nodded. “What did you have in mind?”

Luna smiled a bit deeper. The world around them wavered and pulsed for a moment,
but then it morphed into a rather remarkable sight.

A large lake, bathed in silver moonlight, stood surrounded by a large mountain
range that was gently touched and highlighted in soft blues and greys. A
waterfall fed the lake from a distant peak, and from where they were, the steady
pounding was soothing and sweet. The two of them stood on a small island in the
middle of this lake, and Anon noticed the olive green grass beneath his hooves
was gentle and maybe a bit ticklish. There was just enough room on this island
for the two of them to sit with an arm’s length between them, and the brightly
sparkling stars that framed the moon overhead completed the overall feeling of
calm.

“This is amazing,” Anon said, as he looked around in awe. “They don’t call you
the Dream Weaver for nothing, do they?”

“’Tis but a small thing. This is your dream, so you supplied the imagery. I
simply made it appear.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a dream this vivid.” He moved to face her again,
and sat.

“Not many ponies do.”

“So why did you attack me?” he bluntly asked. There was no point in dragging
this conversation out with small talk, so he cut right to the point.

“I do not delude myself into thinking I am anything like my sister,” she replied
while settling down onto the soft grass. “Celestia has wisdom, patience,
serenity, and the true peace of soul that comes from a life lived humbly and in
the service of others. On the other hoof, I obsess over the smallest of trivia,
and lose whatever temper I have upon even the slightest provocation. I know of
my own faults, and I remind myself daily that if I am not careful I will undo
everything that I want and everything that I have accomplished. I do not get a
second chance.

“But mastering my own soul has never been easy for me. Even after a thousand
years, I still struggle with my inner self at times. At this point, I fully
accept that it will be an eternal struggle, and that means that my anger will
take over my better judgement, especially when something precious to me is
threatened.”

“A threat to Celestia, you mean?” he clarified, and Luna nodded. “But how could
I possibly be any sort of a threat?”

“I have lived, breathed, bled, and nearly died with my sister for longer than I
can even remember. When I allowed my jealousy to consume me, to guide my actions
and surrender my will unto the Nightmare, Celestia could have destroyed me. She
pulled back her power so I would only be banished, not obliterated. When I
returned, my sister…”

Luna choked back some tears, but one managed to escape and slide down her cheek.
“…my sister gave me the chance to be redeemed, to be whole again. She forgave
me, instantly, despite my most heinous crimes against her. I received from her
the most precious gift she could give, and then I found she had made a world
that would give me everything that I had said I could not obtain. The bonds of
Sisterhood are deep between us, and she will forevermore have my undying
loyalty, just as she has been, and will be forever loyal to me.

“But that means I hold high standards for the one who has given me so much, and
you do not measure up, to be frank. You were in a place you should not have
been, doing something you ought not to have done, and while I now believe that
you touching noses with her was an accident, it still should not have happened.
I am not pleased with you, nor am I pleased with the circumstances that force my
sister to marry. I am also not pleased with the fact she forgot to repeal that
stupid law when that idiotic Duke died, but I suppose I share some fault there
for not reminding her. At this point, nothing can be done to undo it, as far as
I can tell.

“So you already have my animosity, and while I will work to accept what has
happened it will take time. I attacked you because I believed you had ulterior
motives, just as I said when I met you. I see now that assumption was wrong, and
so I ask for your forgiveness for my actions. If you do not wish to give such, I
will understand.”

Anon didn’t reply to her. That was quite the load she’d just dumped on him.

“Perhaps if I offer a truce,” she said after a few moments. “If you can treat my
sister in a manner that is appropriate and becoming of a true gentlestallion,
then I will make the changes I need to come to accept you. If you behave, so
will I. Will that be equitable?”

“I suppose that’s all we can do for now,” he sighed, but then extended a hand.
“Princess Luna, I forgive you. I can understand why you attacked me, and I can’t
hold that against you. I would much rather be your friend than your enemy.”

“Then I thank you, and I promise to try to be friends as well,” she replied, and
she shook his hand with her hoof. “Though don’t expect any miracles. I’ll still
probably glare at you for some time to come.”

“I can live with glares. Those aren’t so bad.”

“Fair enough.” Luna then looked around the landscape surrounding them. “You did
say you are an aspiring writer, yes?”

“I hope to be, yeah.”

“Take this, then, as a first step in our friendship: this world you have created
is far more detailed than most I encounter. The fact that you can dream so means
that your mind is broad, open, and creative, and I believe that you will be able
to translate this into the printed form, with practice and training. You could
be a great writer, if you strive hard enough for it.”

“You really think so?” he asked. Luna laughed a bit at his eagerness.

“I do. And if you can create this, then perhaps there is a very remote chance
you could create a meaningful and beautiful relationship with my sister.”

This set his cheeks on fire, and he scuffed a hand on the ground as he stammered
and glanced around awkwardly.

“Thank you,” Anon finally managed to blurt out. “But I’m pretty extra sure
someone will find a loophole to get me out of all of this.”

“If that is the case, then I hope that you and my sister can remain good
friends, regardless. She deserves to have good friends.”

She stood, spread her wings, but then glanced backwards over her shoulder.

“You deserve to have good friends too.”

And then she ascended into the dream sky until she was lost to his sight. > 5. -
Terms and Conditions Apply >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Good morning, Mister Anon!”

“Good morning, Your Highness,” Anon replied with a smile. 

“Please, have a seat wherever you like. I will have the pancakes out shortly.
Luna may join us this morning, but I believe she will be better behaved than she
was last night.”

“I’m sure she will be,” Anon replied. Celestia gave him a broad smile and moved
back into the kitchens.

Anon was feeling pretty good about today. After his late-night discussion with
Luna, he had slept pretty well. He wasn’t sure if Celestia could alter the
brightness of the sun, but it seemed to be exceptionally shiny and perky today.
He had watched it rise that morning before preparing for the day and now he was
eager to go back out into Canterlot and to try his hand at writing again.
Perhaps he would only produce hen scratches and nonsense, but inspiration was
like catching butterflies, to use an allegory, and he felt the need to get out
into the fields to have a chance at catching something wonderful.

He was also resolved to try sending his descriptions of Canterlot out for review
again as well. He would love to gain the interest of an editor, but at the very
least he could start getting an idea of what he needed to work on and where.

Perhaps he should let Celestia look over more of his works. She was bound to be
an expert in equish, having probably been alive when half the words for it were
invented, and being a teacher she could at least give him a list of books to
read that could go over syntax and grammar. Hopefully she would be willing to,
as he suddenly realized that she probably had graded so many papers on said
subjects that she might actually hate the things. 

Just the book list, then. That would be useful by itself.

“Here we go!” Celestia reappeared with three plates of pancakes in her magic.
She sat down next to Anon, set the plates on the table, and he was pleased to
find that she had given him a funny face pancake, crafted with strawberry ears,
blueberry eyes, a whipped cream mane and decoratively placed fruit pieces around
the edge of the plate to enjoy. 

“This looks delicious, Princess. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!” she cheerfully replied. “I hope the silly face is all right. I
thought it might be kind of corny.”

“I like it,” he replied. “It’s cute.”

“Now the true test. You are the food critic here, so tell me what you think. Is
my cooking worthy?”

“I don’t know that I should be judging you,” he replied while feeling a knot of
worry develop in his gut. He didn’t want to offend her by criticizing her
cooking. There was a vacancy on the moon, after all. “I bet you’re a really good
chef.”

“I haven’t had as much practice as you think I’ve had,” she replied. “Please, I
want to know. I have a tough hide, I can take it. Be honest with me. Are they
any good?”

Anon shook his head with a small laugh. She asked for it! He picked up his fork,
cut a bite-size chunk from the short stack, stifled a giggle at cutting the
‘ear' off of the pancake head, and then he went to work.

Celestia watched him intently as he first took a deep sniff of the pancake. Out
came the tongue, a brief lick, and then his eyes drifted upward again while he
thought out his evaluation. “Hm. That’s… hm,” he said after a moment. This time
he went for actually eating what was on his fork. “This is quite interesting,
Princess. Different for sure.”

“You’re not just saying that, right?”

“No, no. I’m giving you my honest opinion. You’ve got all the expected
ingredients: flour, milk, salt, eggs, but then you’ve added extra sugar and
vanilla. Be careful with that, because you’d make this way too sweet if you get
the balance wrong. Also, make sure you take the fruit of the face into account.
The flavoring here could easily overpower the berries and banana. Hm, hm, hm.
Pure Vermount maple syrup, but I wouldn’t really expect you to have that cheap
imitation stuff. In all honesty, Princess, this is a really tasty treat. I’d
maybe dial down the sweetness a few notches, though. It’s ok the way it is, but
the syrup, fruit and vanilla all add together to make it a bit overwhelming. It
could be argued you’re trying a bit too hard with this.”

“And now I know.” Celestia gave a pleased chuckle. “Thank you for your honest
review. I'll maybe cut back on the sugar and vanilla.”

Anon made a show of eating a big bite, just to reinforce that the pancakes were
indeed good. Celestia laughed at his theatrics before cutting and taking a bite
of her own stack.

It was just then that Luna made her not-so-grand appearance.

Anon sat back a bit in surprise. He had assumed that her dream walking was easy
enough; there was no physical exertion to it. All she had to do was dream too,
right?

It appeared not. Her hooves were dragging on the floor, her head and neck were
lowered in exhaustion, her eyes were lined and bloodshot, her ears were
drooping, and even her ethereal mane seemed to have lost some of its luster and
strength. He’d almost be willing to guess she had run a marathon the night
before.

“Good Morning, Luna!” Celestia cheerfully called out. 

“Muh,” she grumbled back. 

“Long night?” Anon asked.

“Yes, and your little nightmare didn’t help anything,” she groused. “It would
have been better without that.”

“You had a nightmare last night?” Celestia asked Anon, with a note of worry.

“It was quite vivid,” Luna answered for him. “You tried to incinerate him,
Sister. Something about finding out his true motives.”

“I would never!” she protested. “Mister Anon, I have absolutely no wish for you
to be injured in any way. Please understand that nightmares tell only lies, and
that you should not heed anything they say.”

Luna shot him a mischievously wicked smile, then simply dropped her muzzle on to
her plate and began snarfing down her pancakes with noisy slurps, snorts, and
snaps of her teeth at every piece of fruit, real or imaginary. 

“Oh, Luna! Really. You should have better manners for our guest.”

“Yeah. Probably should.” Luna’s words came out slightly mumbled and with little
bits of food still stuck to them. “Good pancakes, by the way.”

Celestia gave her sister an annoyed look and muttered something under her
breath. Anon forgot his own laden fork and simply watched the pancake carnage
that Luna was creating as he contemplated the conversation he had shared with
her last night. Had things really changed between them, or did Luna still hate
his deceptive hide and was merely being civil… well, relatively civil for her
sister? 

It certainly gave him the impetus to behave, if he wasn’t going to already
anyway. He still thought Princess Luna would be a much better friend than an
enemy, and he really didn’t want to provoke her anymore. Besides, she could
probably eat him. Whole, with the size of bites she was taking.

“Do you plan on heading back today?” Celestia asked her mess of a sister.

“I am not sure yet,” Luna replied through the vanishing crumbs. Once the last
bit on the plate was gone, she stuck out her far-too-long-for-Anon’s-nerves
tongue and licked the entire plate so clean that it could have gone back into
the cabinet, then smacked her lips. Bits of pancake and fruit were still stuck
in the syrup on her nose, and Anon struggled not to laugh. “I have sent a
missive but have not received the reply. Once I do I will know if I am still
needed.”

Celestia was clearly struggling to retain her own composure despite Luna’s
antics. “You have some breakfast on your nose.”

“I’m sure I do.” Luna pushed away from the table and stood with her eyes just
barely open under hooded lids, looking back to Anon much like he was on the
menu. “Maybe your fiancé would like to help me clean it off.”

Anonymous’s official response to the offer was to choke on a blueberry eyeball.

“Luna.” Celestia gave Luna stern glare and a fierce frown. 

“Well, why not? Polygamy was still in vogue when you wrote the clause, so we
could simply say we’re following the letter of the law.”

“Luna!” 

“What? It’s not like I'm proposing we divide him down the middle. If you do not
wish to share, then fine.” Luna turned her sticky nose upwards as Anon started
to turn purple again and gagged breathlessly on his food. “You can be selfish if
you want. I shall say good day to you both for now. Mister Anon, you really
should take smaller bites.”  

And with that, Princess Luna strode away, her fruit-decorated nose held high in
the air. Anon managed to clear his airway enough to cough up the obstruction,
and Celestia patted him on the back as he tried to suck in as much air as
possible. 

“I really don’t know what’s gotten into her,” she commented. “She’s hardly ever
this hostile towards any pony.”

“Hostile?” Anon replied through his gasps for air. “I wouldn't go that far. I
think she just doesn’t like the situation.” 

“She's hardly one to make judgements on worthiness,” Celestia grumbled darkly.
“But I suppose what you say could be true. Will you accept my apologies for her
behavior on her behalf?”

“It’s fine, I don’t hold it against her. I don’t have any siblings, but I bet I
would be protective of them too.”

“I appreciate you understanding. I guess we can only hope she will tone down the
hostility as she gets to know you.”

“Or until you find that loophole.”

“Then she will be very pleased indeed.” Celestia giggled a bit. “But I’m afraid
my duties call. Did you decide what you will do today?”

“I’m thinking I’ll go back out into Canterlot and maybe try to write some more.”

“You should try the Natural History Museum, just to the south of here. There are
a number of fine exhibits that might spark your imagination.” 

“I will.” He nodded. “Thank you. When should I return tonight?”

“Let’s say around sunset. I should have at least some idea of how to get you out
of this by then. When you do return, ask any of the guards on duty to notify me,
and then just follow their directions.”

“I will.” 

“Enjoy your day!” Celestia called back as she left the hall. 





One simply cannot visit Canterlot without seeing the Equestrian Natural History
Museum. Located in the Quarter District, it a veritable treasure trove of
wonderment and enlightenment.

“Hmm,” Anon grunted in thought. What to write about next, and how? Should he
write about the exhibit on ancient fossils and the recent Mesohippus finds? Or
maybe the dioramas from the Cavepony exhibits would be a better choice. He knew
he would need to write something based on the information he’d gleaned from the
Founding of a Kingdom section, no matter what. 

It was hard to decide. 

“The Writer's Curse,” he muttered around his pencil. “Too many good ideas.”

He wasn’t even sure he liked his opening paragraph. It seemed a bit flat, with a
grandiose statement but not enough support. It probably needed a few more
adverbs –adjectives, adjectives– to get the proper feel across. 

He had wanted to stay longer, but a sudden hunger had seized him while he had
been contemplating the one and only Ode to The Waning Moon – a painting so
masterful that noone could speak of it but in hushed and reverent tones. So he
had curtailed his studies to sally forth and procure lunch with an abundance of
grandiose terms to make what he was doing sound more epic. He then planned on
taking some time to try writing before going back to the Shoe and Nail to make
sure they had held his room. There was a paranoid part of him that thought the
front desk would not believe that the palace would be paying for a random
tourist's room, and that they would give it away to the next pony in line. He
still needed a place to stay after the loophole was found, after all. 

He’d paid in advance for that room and he didn’t want to lose the bits, in all
honesty.

Unsure of what to try for lunch, he simply settled for walking up and down a
street until something smelled good and tempted him enough to try. He figured it
wouldn’t take long, given how his gut was both mourning in respect for the
long-digested pancakes and pining for another Royal meal, and he could try
writing a few paragraphs while he ate as well.

“Maybe this: Anyone with a taste for history would greatly enjoy the masterful
displays that can be— No, no. I’m using ‘masterful’ too much. I knew I should
have brought that thesaurus. This would be easier if—”

“WATCH IT!”

Anon registered the shout too late, and he collided into the side of a pony. The
force of the impact somehow took him off his legs, and he quickly found himself
sprawled across the cobblestone street. 

“Oh, feathers! Are you ok?”

“Ow,” he groaned deeply in pain as his ribs reminded him that they really would
rather be introduced to immovable objects from a distance and over time, not all
at once and with cracking results. 

“Here, let me help you up.”

Anon felt a hoof grab him and help him upright. He groaned again as he did so,
but managed to stay up and block some of the pain.

“You okay?”

“I think so,” he replied as he rubbed his injuries and looked himself over.
“That was my fault, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

He then turned to face the pony he’d collided with, and found the most intense
pair of green eyes he’d ever seen. “I'm sorry,” he finished slowly.

“It’s okay, so long as you’re not hurt,” she replied. “That was quite the spill
you took.”

A female pegasus was attached to those green eyes, with a soft yellow coat and
powder blue mane. A sunflower was tucked behind one ear to complete the look,
and Anon couldn’t help but think that she was pretty. 

“I’ve had worse. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied. “You broke my fall.”

“I really am sorry. I should have been watching what I was doing.”

“What were you doing?”

“Writing,” he sheepishly admitted. “Or, at least, I was trying to think of what
to write.”

“You’re an author?” she asked as she turned and picked up his notebook.

“I’m hoping to be, someday. I’ve still got a lot to learn.”

“I’m Sego Lily.” She smiled a bit deeper, and offered a hoof. “If you’re going
to crash into me, we should at least have proper introductions.”

“Anonymous,” he replied, and he shook hooves. He quickly snuck a look at her
flank—a trio of sego lily flowers, made sense—and then he continued. “Are you
from around here?”

“Nah, just visiting. My Nana lives nearby. You visiting too?”

“Yeah. I'm trying to get some inspiration.”

“Well, I tell you what. Since you crashed into me, you can buy me lunch. Fair
enough?”

Anon smiled. “I can live with that. Do you have any recommendations?” 





“I really don’t appreciate you being so mean to him,” Celestia stated in that
familiar, mothering tone that Luna had not missed in the slightest. “The poor
human finds out he has to marry me—which is quite overwhelming in and of
itself—and then while he’s still trying to sort that out you start breathing
fire down his neck. It’s not like he’s trying to court me to conquer Equestria,
you know.”

“Celly, I know. Just give me some time to come to terms with all of this. You
know I have impossibly high standards for any potential suitors, accidental or
not. I don’t like how this is turning out in the slightest.”

“I know. It’s not ideal, but if all goes well he’ll soon be on his way. Please
give him something positive to remember about this whole experience, will you?”

“I will try.”

“Thank you,” Celestia sighed, then smiled. “Have you heard from Blueblood yet?”

“His reply missive is what awoke me. He reports that negotiations with Prince
Rutherford actually seem to be progressing faster now—”

“HA!” Celestia blurted out suddenly. Luna gave her an icy stare as a hoof went
to her mouth in alarm. 

“I fail to see the humor in that, Sister.”

“My deepest apologies, Lulu. I have no idea where that came from. Obviously
there is nothing to laugh about.”

The icy stare continued unabated. “As I was saying, progress is being made and
Blueblood believes that he can gain more ground by himself than with me.”

“Your sudden disappearance yesterday didn’t upset the Yaks, did it?”

“It seems not. Blueblood reports that they assumed my work was done and that he
had been left to continue negotiations.”

“Good,” Celestia replied as they rounded a corner in the hallway. “How much
longer will it take?”

“I don’t think it will be anytime soon. The Yaks are temperamental enough that—”

Celestia suddenly stumbled over her own front hooves, and she careened sideways
before hitting the wall and collapsing to her knees.

“Celly?!” Luna instantly was at her side. 

“Woo!” Celestia hooted. “Me and my fat hooves, ha! Gonna need to watch them more
closely.”

“Sister?” Luna asked while Celestia began stumbling down the hallway again and
intently staring at her hooves. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Why of course, dear sister!” she called back, and her head dropped closer to
the ground. “’cept for those cracks. I knew it! They’re the source of my woes!”

She then tipped to her right, but her wings flared out and helped her maintain
her balance. Celestia stopped, looked over her shoulder, and gasped in wide-eyed
awe. “Lulu! I have wings!” she whispered. “When did this happen?”

“Over a thousand years ago?”

“You think I woulda noticed by now. Hey! I can fly then, right?”

“I don’t dare answer that.”

Celestia gasped even more loudly, and she planted her rear to put both hooves in
front of her mouth. “Lulu! You! You!”

“I have wings too?” Luna hazarded a guess.

“AND THEY'RE SO PRETTY!” she bellowed in reply. “Please say mine look jus as
pretty, pleasepleaseplease?!”

“Celly, what has gotten into you?!” Luna shouted while Celestia grabbed one of
Luna's wings and began poking through the feathers.





“…and then I decided to move to Fillydelphia. Not so crowded, but still close
enough to see everyone.”

“I could see why,” Anon chuckled. 

“What’s it like where you are from?”

“Well, take every stereotype you have about what a small town is like, and then
you’ve got it.”

“Really?”

“All right, that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he chuckled. “It’s more like if
you took a quarter of Canterlot and placed it down somewhere. We've got some
theaters and a museum and such, but there’s probably not enough there to keep a
filly like you entertained. If you go to there, you’re going to be out in the
woods. That’s our biggest claim to fame.”

“It still sounds like a nice place,” she replied. “Maybe I’ll come visit
sometime.”

Anon’s gaze stayed on those green pools before him for a moment, and then he
looked away and cleared his throat. “Well, I’m sorry again for running into
you.”

“That’s all right,” she replied. “This was nice. Where are you off to now?”

“I’m not sure. Since you’re something of a local, what would you suggest?”

“Let’s see. Have you taken the tour of the palace yet?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there,” he replied a bit awkwardly. 

“Did you visit the gardens? They’re really quite amazing.”

“I was, uh...” he stalled for a second. “I was there yesterday.”

“Did you like it? Oh! Did you get to see Princess Celestia? I visit every time
I’m here but she’s never out there. I’d love to meet her sometime.”

“You've never seen her?” he asked, in the hope that she’d forget her question. 

“It’s actually pretty rare for any pony to see her, even if you do live in
Canterlot. Her schedule and duties keep her pretty busy. She doesn’t have a lot
of time to just walk around.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t feel bad,” she replied, and she patted his hoof gently. “Even if you
don’t see her, there’s lots of other stuff to make memories with. Why don’t you
and I go check out the bazaar?”

“What’s that?” he asked, as they both stood.

“Big open air market, not too far from here. There's merchants there from all
over selling just about anything you can imagine. You ever have a macarena nut?”

“Once or twice.”

“You gotta try one from the stands. I don’t know what they do to them, but they
are delicious!”

Anon smiled wide. “Well, lead on then! Maybe I’ll find something to write
about.”

She gave him a winning smile back, took one of his hands in her hoof, and gently
began leading him towards the bazaar.



 

“Princess Luna?”

“Twilight Sparkle!” she shouted, but then she grunted as a large thump pushed on
the door she was trying to hold shut. “Thank the Great Hasbro! No time to
explain, I need you to go get a broom or mop or anything that will hold this
door shut.”

“Is Celestia in there?”

“Luna!” came the Princess of the Sun's voice, along with another loud thump.
“There's no cake in here! You lied! I’m gonna send you to the moon for this!”

“No time, Twilight!” Luna admonished. “Quickly!”

“What is going on?!” Twilight demanded.

“Hey, whas this pointy thing on my head?” The closet became quiet for a moment,
and Luna looked at Twilight with absolute horror in every line on her face.

“It is too late!” she whispered. “Save yourself!”

Celestia suddenly teleported out into the hallway, but she promptly grabbed her
head in pain. “Ow! Luna, I don’t know what this thing is, but it hurts!”

She then noticed Twilight, who smiled sheepishly and took a step backwards.

“TWILIGHT!” she roared. “My moos faifful student! I haven’t seen you in forever!
When did you get here?”

“Yesterday?”

“That long ago? Somepony needs to quit messing with time. Not nice to keep
Twilight here for so long. HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY! You have wingie dings too! Mine
are prettier but yours is okay too.”

“Luna?” Twilight asked, through her eyes remained on her oddly-behaved teacher.

“I don’t know why she’s acting so strangely, but she’s been this way since just
after lunch. I’ve had my hooves full just trying to keep her from running into
something sharp.”

Twilight watched her beloved mentor giggle to herself as she shuffled the
feathers of her own wings for a moment, but then her face then went sour in a
flash. “Discord! Show yourself!”

“I have nothing to do with this, for the record!” his voice replied. “But I have
quite thoroughly enjoyed the performance. Do you think she does encores?”

“Where are you?!”

“Shh! You’ll startle her!” he replied. A clawed arm reached out from nowhere,
grabbed Twilight, and pulled her back behind some sort of badly camouflaged duck
blind.⁽*⁾ (*) Not blind ducks, because Fluttershy seriously frowned on such
behavior. There was, however, a duck in a pair of dark glasses. 

“What did you do?” she growled at him, as Luna tried to keep Celestia from
walking away.

“I recorded the performance for future enjoyment,” he offered while he donned a
beret and held up a camera and its tripod. “I have captured the Celestia in her
natural environment, my life's work really. Now I can finally release my
documentary, which I shall entitle “Celestia: Raw and Uncut!”

“Discord!”

“Look, I really had nothing to do with this!” he protested, as something in the
hallway shattered and Celestia guffawed loudly. “I’m reformed now, remember? I
would hate to see what Fluttershy would say if I did do something to her beloved
diarch. I’m innocent on all counts.”

“Then what’s wrong with Celestia?” she asked in alarm. Discord shrugged.

“Maybe she got into a bad batch of tulips,” he offered. “Those things can cause
all sorts of trouble if you’re not careful.”

“You think she ate something that caused this?”

“I’m just brainstorming over here,” he replied as a lightning bolt hit him on
the head from a very small thundercloud. “Maybe she hit her head on something.
Maybe somepony—not me, of course, but somepony else—used some kind of magic on
her.”

“Of course!” Twilight brightened. “Magic! She must be under the influence of
some magical curse! I just need to isolate the cause!”

“Say, is it just me, but is there something different about your teacher? I
mean, other than her behavior of course. Maybe she put on weight?”

“What?” Twilight balked. Desperate to prove him wrong, she quickly jumped out
from behind the blind and looked Celestia over intently. One horn, two wings,
mane and tail, four legs. Everything that should be there was.

But then she saw it: Celestia's cutie mark had begun to fade. 

“Somepony is pulling magic out of her!” Twilight shouted. “Princess Luna, quick!
We need to find out who is stealing her magic!”

“You’re welcome, by the way!” Discord shouted, as Twilight ran off. “Ingrate. Oh
well, this’ll be perfect for home movie night.” He cackled as he began turning
the crank on the camera. “Maybe I’ll finally win an Ovation from the Moving
Pictures Club. Those guys have been snubbing me for years!”





“…and then she ate it!”

Both Sego Lily and Anon laughed. It seemed Sego had quite the animated family,
and she was a pretty decent storyteller herself.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Sego replied. “She laughs about it now.”

“That’s good. Oh, but I gotta get going,” he suddenly said, as he noticed the
sun slipping behind the horizon, although a little shaky and with an extra
wobble. “I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“Do you really have to go?” Sego pouted.

“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry. I did have a lot of fun today, though. Thanks for
showing me around.”

“No problem.” She smiled at him. “Are you leaving Canterlot anytime soon?”

“I’m not sure when I’ll be heading out.”

“Well, if you want to hang out again, I’m staying at the Shoe and Nail.” She
pulled the sunflower out from behind her ear and put it behind his. “Just ask
for me at the front desk. I’ll be there for the next two days, then I gotta head
home. I’ll show you around some more, if you want.”

“If I can, I’d love that,” he replied. “Thanks.”

“If not, it’s been fun, Anonymous,” she replied, and they shook hooves/hands
again. “Take care of yourself, eh? Try not to run into anypony else.”

“I will. You as well,” he chuckled.

“See ya!” 

With that, Sego Lily took off and flew towards the hotel. Anon sighed
contentedly, and then turned to get back to the palace. Hopefully Celestia
wasn’t too worried about him, and she’d found that frequently-mentioned
loophole. That would make his day complete.

He trotted quickly to the palace, and the guards gave him no trouble at the
gates or at the front doors. One even told him to head up towards the dining
room, and he’d probably find Celestia there, getting ready for the evening. He
did so, but found noone in sight. With a bit of confusion, he then turned back
out into the hallways and began glancing around.

“Princess?” he called out. “Are you up here?”

“Anonymous?!” Luna’s voice rattled the windows, and a light dusting of plaster
rained down and into his mane. “If that is you, get your sorry flank up here
right this instant!”

Now what had he done? He was beginning to wonder if Luna would even let him
breathe in peace anymore. He quickly moved up a flight of stairs, around a
corner, then followed what sounded like maniacally delirious laughter.

“What did you do?!” Luna thundered, as soon as he met up with the Princesses of
Night and Day in the hallway. Celestia was sitting, staring into a vase with
wide eyes and giggling slightly as she ‘ooo’-ed her reflection.

“I took a tour of town!” he replied in alarm. “What is she doing?”

“Admiring herself at the moment, which is better that what she has been doing.
You better not have done anything else today!”

“I swear, all I did was walk around and tour the city,” he replied. “I don’t
know what I could have done to make this happen.”

Celestia then turned her head, caught sight of Anon, and took in a huge breath.

"AAAANNNOOOOOOOONNN!” she shouted with unabashed glee and in the Royal Voice.
“You came back! I just knew you would. Luna said you was long gone, that you
would run to Slick Rock and hide in your bed, but I said, I said ‘No way,
Seester! He’s totally gonna come back, jus you wait! Gimme hug, Anon!”

She then reared up and spread both her arms and wings out wide, thus hitting the
vase next to her and sending Luna scrambling to catch it before it hit the
ground. Celestia then promptly lost her balance, tipped over sideways, then had
enough momentum to keep going until she was resting on her neck, upside down,
with her rump on the wall and her limbs hanging in odd directions. Her eyes then
clamped shut, and after a moment she began snoring.

“Did she just knock herself out?” Anon asked, as he took a hesitant step closer. 

“I certainly hope so,” Luna sighed and gently placed the vase back on the
pedestal. “She started acting like this right after lunch. Twilight Sparkle is
in the Archives right now, trying to figure out how somepony could pull magic
out of her. She has struck naught but dead ends so far.”

“Pull magic out of her?” he repeated.

“Yes. I fear time is short. Look at her cutie mark.”

Anon did so, and gasped. It was so faded that it was hard to make out where it
was.

“The only thing I can think of that may have caused this is something to do with
that marriage clause,” Luna continued. “I am sure she told you she would cease
to be a Princess if she did not marry you. But if what you say is true and you
simply looked at the sights, then I am at a loss.”

“Celestia,” Anon softly said, and a tear slid out of his eye. He was rapidly
beginning to figure out what had caused all this. “This is my fault.”

Luna started to say something, but then stopped as Anon quietly stepped over
towards the serenely snoring Celestia. There was something in the air; something
compelling, something magical, and it seemed to be moving Anon towards his
unintentional intended. If whatever he was doing would solve the problem, she
was all for him doing it.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, once he drew close to her. “I did this to you. I
hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t want you to lose your magic. I’m
sorry.”

He then went down on his knees, leaned in, and touched his nose to hers.

Luna stumbled back a few steps as a sudden rush of energy blasted down the
hallway. It swirled and twirled around, like some barely-contained tornado,
until it reached Anon and Celestia. Golden light began to swirl around with the
energies, illuminating the hallway and forcing Luna to shield her eyes. 

“Whatever you are doing, Anon, keep doing it!” she shouted over the rush of
wind. 

There was now an increase, both in luminosity and in energy, and Anon could feel
the individual hairs of his arms standing on end while he stumbled backwards in
alarm. Had he screwed up yet again?

He didn’t have time to ponder the question. There was something resembling a
boom, a final surge of energy pulsed through the hall, and then all of the
coalesced magic flowed immediately back into Celestia. The light decreased, the
wind died out, and Luna eagerly moved up with Anon to evaluate the hopefully
restored diarch.

After a moment, one magenta eye fluttered open, then the other. Celestia
groaned, and her legs twitched a bit, although she still remained upside-down.

“Am I on my head?” she asked.

“You are,” Luna replied. “And you look like quite the old fool doing it, too.”

“Mister Anon! So good to see you’ve returned. I suppose I should set the sun…
now…” Celestia trailed off, and her eyes darted about for a moment.

“What is it?” Luna asked.

“Did I say, at some point today, that Twilight had pretty wings but not as
pretty as mine?”

“Something to that effect, yes.”

“And by any possibility, did I slide down a banister?”

“Two,” Luna confirmed. “You made it down five flights of stairs before falling
off the second time.” 

“And,” added Celestia, still upside-down and with a long, slow blink of both
eyes, “did I at any time challenge a duck to a race across Canterlot Lake?”

“That was your dream last night,” said Luna. “Thankfully.”

Celestia paused, flipped herself down and upright again, then looked up and down
the hallway again. “I believe I have been acting most inappropriately today.”

Luna let loose a snort of amusement. “To put it mildly.”

“Twilight is trying to figure out what is wrong with me.”

“She is.”

“Will you go tell her that I am fine now, and that she need not worry anymore?”
Celestia asked, a hint of fear in her voice. “I think I will go freshen up
quickly and then talk to her about my behavior.”

“Of course.” Luna nodded, and then left. Anon gulped as Celestia looked at him.

“What have you been doing today?” she asked. “And why is there a sunflower
behind your ear?”





Celestia did not knock at doors. 

This was her house, after all. Still, she tapped very gently at this door, and
when she received no response after some time, she opened it and sighed at the
sight on the other side. There was a Anon shaped lump under the blankets on the
bed, and some slight sniffling coming from it. Luna followed after her sister,
smirked at the sight, but said nothing about it.

“I think we need to talk about what happened today,” Celestia gently said, as
both sisters sat on the floor. “Can you come out, please?”

Anon’s head poked out and rested on the bed, and Celestia shot Luna a look of
warning while she stifled a snicker. Even if he resembled a turtle, this was no
time for laughter. 

It was beyond obvious that he felt miserable. His eyes were red from crying, his
nose was raw and red from frequent nose blowings, and his gaze remained fixed in
front of him in morose misery.

“You weren’t responsible for this, Anonymous,” Celestia began with as much
tenderness as she could offer.

His bloodshot eyes rolled over to her. “I severely doubt that statement.
Everything is my fault.”

“That is a very broad statement. You’re responsible for every ill that befalls a
pony?” Luna quipped.

Anon huffed out an annoyed sigh and let his gaze return to depressingly neutral.

“Mister Anon, really,” Luna continued. “The events of today were not your
fault.”

“Ha,” he deadpanned. “Right. I’m the one who betrayed Princess Celestia, a noble
ruler of our lands and respected… everything. I'm the one who threw away
everything we talked about at the first pretty face that trampled me. My stupid
impulses nearly destroyed the magic of the sun. I’m pretty extra sure that what
happened was, indeed, my fault. I’m a walking disaster zone. Maybe you do need
to imprison me in the Everfree.”

“We are not going to do anything like that,” Luna replied. “It’s hardly fair of
us to punish you for something we do not even fully understand.”

“Anon, my sister is right,” Celestia added. “Neither of us knew that the binding
magics were so strong, or so sensitive. If we had known, we would have warned
you, and then none of this would have happened. If anything, the fault lies with
us for not taking this more seriously.”

Anon didn’t reply. There were a few moments of silence, but then Celestia had an
idea.

“Luna, may we have a few minutes, please? I think this might be better if I
speak to my fiancé alone.”

Anon sighed sadly, but Luna nodded, stood and left without further comment.
Celestia sighed as she again turned to Anon, and then she noticed a sunflower on
his desk. She picked it up with her magic, but the transfer into her hooves was
feather soft. 

“Was she pretty?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m in enough trouble already,” he replied. 

“Was she?” Celestia pressed. 

Anon sighed deeply, and closed his eyes. “Yes.” 

“What was she like?”

The look that passed over his face gave away his inner thought. After all, he
probably couldn’t make things much worse at this point. “She was loud, and
talkative. She had a lot of stories, and one reminded her of another, so it was
hard to get a word in edgewise. She liked it when ponies praised her. She had
deep, green eyes and a soft blue mane. She laughed a lot, she joked a lot. And
she spent most of the afternoon walking and talking with me around Canterlot.”

“Do you want to meet with her again?”

A tear escaped. “Yes.”

“Your sadness is not caused by what you think you did to me,” Celestia said,
“nor is it from a perceived betrayal. Your sadness comes from what you are
missing out on.”

His eyes rolled back to her with some confusion showing in them, and Celestia
nodded before she continued. “If you hadn’t bumped into me yesterday, this may
have been the moment when you found your special somepony. This kindly mare you
met was interesting, amusing, and worth getting to know better. Your depression
stems from the fact that, despite how well your first encounter with her went,
you will never be able to see her again. You will never know if there could have
been something, because my law forces you to marry me. The future isn’t what it
could have been, but rather is something totally out of your control.  

“So, in a way, most of this is probably resentment. You hate what is happening
to you and how it has happened. You are angry that you have to be stuck with me,
a mare that you have no right having any relationship with, and you hate that
your life cannot proceed on a normal path.”

Silence reigned supreme within the room.

“Well.” Celestia stood. “I hope you can forgive me, in time. I know that what
has happened has greatly upset your life, and believe me, I regret everything
that has happened as well.”

“This isn’t your fault,” he said. “You weren’t the one in the flowers.”

“But I did write the law,” she replied, “and I am the one who stuck my nose into
the flowers. I am a firm believer in placing appropriate blame in the
appropriate place, especially if it involves me. I am not above my citizens, in
any way. I must be held accountable, the same as anypony else.”

Anon didn’t reply, but he did appear thoughtful.

“I have cleared my schedule for tomorrow so I may devote my whole efforts to
finding your escape from this nightmare,” she continued while she turned towards
the door. “I will have a definite answer for you by this time tomorrow. In the
meantime, you should continue about your activities. I don’t know of any other
issues that should arise, so you should be fine.”

“Why did the magic start draining out of you?” he asked as he sat up. “We aren’t
married yet.”

“The Heart Magic I used to bind the law was very powerful and very complex, the
primordial magic of creation even. When I activated it, it began following us,
ensuring that we both followed the terms that had been laid out. When you met
that mare—”

“Sego Lily,” Anon quietly interrupted. 

“Very well. When you met Sego Lily, the Heart Magic sensed that there was the
possibility you could betray me. It can feel what is in our hearts, and it felt
that your heart was turning towards Miss Lily. The terms of the marriage clause
then began to come to bear, and my magic was siphoned from me, thus causing my
odd behavior. When you returned and touched my nose again, you reaffirmed your
commitment to me, and the Heart Magic restored everything to what it should be.
So long as you maintain professional relationships with other mares, you cannot
cause any further damage.”

“And there’s nothing else?”

“Twilight has read over the law seven times now and can find no other
‘surprises.’ If she cannot find any, we should be fine.”

“How did you explain your actions to her?”

“I told her the truth," Celestia replied casually. “There really wasn’t any
other way to explain the situation. It took her a few minutes to fully
understand and accept the news, but she’s now deeply committed to finding a
loophole too. She’s also agreed to not speak of this to anypony else, as has the
staff who saw my erratic behavior. I don’t think either of us want what has
happened to become general knowledge yet. Or ever.”

“Not really, no.”

“The staff has also been instructed to take care of any needs you may have
tonight.” Celestia stood, placed the sunflower back on the desk, and began
moving towards the door. “Simply pull the cord, and a servant will be along
shortly. You are free to do whatever you like tomorrow, as I said before. Please
just check with me again at nightfall. Good evening.”

She then drifted out of the room, but Anon groaned once she was out of sight.
“Celestia, wait!” 

“Yes?” She poked her head around the doorframe.

“Will…” Anon stalled out, looked at the floor sheepishly, then looked at her
again. “Will you be making pancakes again?”

Celestia smiled softly and warmly. “Just after sunrise.”

“Could I join you for breakfast again?”

“I would be honored.” > 6. - The Verdict >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------



To her Most Royal Highness

Princess Celestia Of The Royal Kingdom of Equestria

On behalf of the Juris Prudis Center of Law at the University of Canterlot, I
wish to thank you for your recent submission to our department. This so-called
‘Alicorn Law’ is a literal and figurative treasure, and we greatly value your
willingness to share such an historical document with us. Everypony has been
beside themselves to have a chance to review this law, and if we could trouble
you for a few hours of your time in the near future we would greatly appreciate
hearing the history and the context behind it.

As to your request, I have personally reviewed your document, as have all
department heads, professors, and a select group of undergraduate students who
are at the top of their class. We estimate that, combined, over 300 pony-hours
have been devoted to examining the ‘marriage clause,’ and I personally believe
that no other legal document has been subjected to as deep and as through a
study as this has been.

It is the considered opinion of all involved that, in all respects, this is the
most legally binding document, and by extension the most legally binding clause,
in recorded history. There are absolutely no caveats, provisions, loopholes,
extensions, mitigating factors, errors, or contradictions that we could find
that would allow for the marriage clause to be cancelled, modified, or nullified
in any way, shape, means, or form.

If there is anything else I or my department can assist you with, please feel
free to contact us at anytime.

Sincerely,

Amicus Curiae,

Head Dean Juris Prudis Center of Law University of Canterlot




 * *  ✹ * * 


“Princess?”

“Oh! Good morning, Mister Anon!” Celestia said. “I wasn’t expecting you to be
awake already. I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to make the pancakes yet; I
just finished raising the sun.”

“That’s okay, I actually wanted to talk to you for a minute, if I may.”

“Of course! What is troubling you?” Celestia asked with deep concern. “Whatever
it is, I’m sure I can help.”

“That I don’t doubt. Look, I, uh…”

Celestia said nothing while Anon sorted out his thoughts. After a moment, he
added, “I want to apologize to you.”

“For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I think I have, actually.”

Celestia tilted her head slightly and gave him a curious look.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you said last night, about me being resentful.
You were right about all of that. The problem is I should have been less of a
self-centered jerk about it.”

“Mister Anon, you have every—”

“No, wait.” He cut her off forcefully. “Just let me say all this first. I
haven’t given your thoughts and feelings in all of this the due it deserves. You
have been agonizing over what has happened, too. It’s obvious you feel bad, and
that your creation has lead us to where we are. I should have been aware of
that, and I need to remember you’re hurting as much as I am, and you’re probably
just as confused as I am about how to move forward.

“I think, really, that I’ve been coming at this from the wrong viewpoint. This
whole time, I’ve pretty much seen you and treated you as Princess Celestia, The
Great and Powerful.” He dropped his voice an octave for emphasis, and Celestia
giggled a bit at the show. “I’ve spent this whole time expecting you to waltz up
at any moment and say: ‘Mister Anon, I found the loophole. You’re good to go,’
and then we part with a laugh and no further thought on the matter. Before last
night, I figured you were just mechanically going through the motions until you
reached the end.

“But you have a heart, the same as me, and it’s a heart that cares deeply for
other people. I realized last night that you’ve probably agonized over this ten
times more than I have, and have felt ten times worse. It’s not fair for me to
have a pity party when you’ve dutifully carried on without crying on my shoulder
about it all. So, I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings. I’m sorry I’ve
been so callous. Can you forgive me?”

“I think I can,” she replied, with a somewhat stern look now. “But on one
condition.”

“Name it.”

She leaned in close to his ear. “You tell me what ‘callous’ means,” she
whispered.

“Well, it means… wait. What?”

Celestia laughed a bit as she straightened. “Well, if somepony tells me they’re
being callous, I want to make sure they know what being callous is!”

“It means I’ve been thick, and unfeeling, and probably unwanted and very much
me.”

“You’re not unwanted, Mister Anon. You’ve been a delight to have as a guest,
especially compared to some diplomats I’ve met.” She gave him a warm smile as
they began walking down the hallway. “As for unfeeling, you’ve been nothing of
the sort. Most people do see me as the Great and Powerful—” she mimicked his
deep voice “—so it’s just how you are. There’s nothing wrong with being
yourself.”

“Yeah, but that’s just it. You mentioned how I need to reconcile what I knew
with what I know now. I didn’t do that, and I should have.”

“I think you already did.”

The smile that Anon gave Celestia right then could have ignited a star on its
own.

“I hope so. But that’s the other part of it: I betrayed you yesterday.”

Celestia shook her head. “Never! All I ever told you was that we needed to
marry, nothing more. To me, that does imply that anything done before the
marriage shouldn’t matter. As I said, you are not to blame. It was my fault, not
yours. Besides, it doesn’t help that I keep mentioning a loophole. It’s just as
you said: you were expecting to be released from this law, so you lived life as
such. If I do find a way out of this for you, I fully expect you to go find Sego
Lily and to ask her out on a formal date. I’ll even hunt her down myself if I
have to.”

“And if you don’t find a way out?” he asked, and his face contorted with
concern. “What if we really do need to marry?”

Celestia glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and smirked. “We’ll figure
that out when the time comes, but for now, we should eat. It is always best to
ponder weighty subjects on a full stomach, in my opinion.”

“Breakfast does sound good.” He began walking by her side as they strolled down
the hallway.

“If you ask me nicely, I may even put a funny face on your pancakes again.”





“Anon.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Anon recoiled and fell back on his butt.

“Who said you did?” Luna remarked. “And didn’t you do something just then, thus
negating your previous statement?”

Anon blinked. “What?”

“I am yanking your chain, Mister Anon. Relax.”

“Oh,” Anon replied in relief while he plopped into a dining room chair. Luna
eyed him for a moment, but then scooped up a large bite of corn flakes, shoveled
them in her mouth and went back to intently reading the nutritional content
label of the cereal box.

“You like corn flakes?” He dared to ask the obvious after a few minutes in hopes
of further conversation.

“Helps to regulate my constipation.”

“And I’m done.” Anon leaned back, more than a little grossed out at such a
thought. “I just can’t win with you.”

“That all depends on how you keep score.” Luna glanced over to him, and offered
a mischievous smile. “And on how you play the game.”

“Game?”

“If you are going to stick around, Mister Anon—and there is a very good chance
that you will be here for quite some time—there are two things you must
understand about me. The first is that I was the bearer of the Element of
Laughter before my banishment.”

Her gaze went distant, and Anon felt a distinct chill as Luna’s demeanor
dropped. “Those were the days.

“The second thing is that I am a prankster by nature. If you can learn to roll
with my punches, you will be much better off.”

“I see,” Anon quietly replied.

Luna nodded, picked the bowl up with her magic, drained the contents in one
massive chug, then stood and grabbed the box with her magic as well. “Do you
like soymilk, Mister Anon?”

“I suppose so.”

“Good. I personally recommend it, I have found it helps to prevent bloating and
other gastrointestinal issues. Very useful for long-winded dinners and other
such formal events.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Luna smiled, nodded, then left for the kitchen area.

It was just then that Anonymous heard a humming noise, that quickly became a
scatting be-bop mix. He glanced around the room but couldn’t see any ponies.

But then he saw spikes.

Green spikes.

Green spikes and purple scales.

And while no pony is quite sure, it is entirely within the realm of possibility
that Anonymous squealed in delight.

“Oh, hi! You must be Anonymous. I’m Spike; it’s nice to meet you!”

Anonymous was up, over, and shaking Spike’s claw faster than a sonic rainboom.
“My dear dragon friend, the pleasure is entirely mine.”

“Oh, heh. Wow,” Spike replied, with a bit of embarrassed pride.

“Do you live here at the palace?” Anon asked, with the undertone that he
desperately wanted Spike to say yes.

“I used to. I live with Twilight Sparkle in Ponyville now.”

Anon felt crushed for a moment, but then brightened again. “And you’re here to
help Twilight Sparkle study Celestia’s law?”

“Yup! I am her number one assistant, after all.”

Luna then casually walked back into the dining hall.

“Wouldyouexcusemeforonemoment?” Anon managed to gasp. Before Spike could
respond, Anon zipped across the room and nearly tackled Luna.

“What are you doing?” Luna protested.

“Luna, I know you hate every hair on my miserable body and would rather turn me
in for a profit at the glue factory than talk to me but I need the greatest
favor in the history of Equestria. I swear on my own grave that I will never ask
you for anything again and you can give me nightmares for the next hundred years
if you want.”

“Uh…”

“I need you to teleport my notebook and my pencil down from my room.”

He then used the most feared and effective weapon in the history of the world:

Puppy Dog eyes.

“THANK YOU!” He snatched the items out of Luna’s magic grasp. He then skittered
back over to Spike—who had a completely dumbfounded look—sat down, ripped his
book open, and then turned his whole focus to the young dragon.

“Please forgive my enthusiasm, Mister Spike. It has been a lifelong dream of
mine to speak to a living, breathing member of your species. May I be
impertinent enough to ask you a few questions?”

“What kind of questions?” he asked warily.

“General information questions. Like this, as an example: do you shed, molt, or
lose any of your scales?”

“Well, I do get a little flakey sometimes. I find a loofah helps take care of
that.”

Anon began writing furiously. “Are you fireproof?”

Spike scoffed. “Totally! We dragons are completely flame proof!”

“They will be at this for days.” Luna chuckled to herself.





“…well, it depends,” Spike drawled. He was sitting sideways in his chair, with
one arm casually resting across the back of it while he used his other claw to
emphasize his point by waving it nonchalantly in the air. “You see, it’s all in
the mineral content. Emeralds have a distinct smoothness to them, but rubies?
Ha! Rubies punch ya right in the mouth! I prefer a nice amethyst myself, though
I’m generally not too picky about my gems.”

Anon was scribbling in his notebook with enough speed that there was the concern
he’d set it on fire.

“How long do you think they’ll go?” Twilight asked her former teacher.

“We may have to physically pull them apart.” Celestia chuckled a bit. “I would
guess Anonymous has quite a few questions.”

“…the only ones who could dig faster would be Diamond Dogs.” Spike’s voice
drifted over in the pause.

“But you find them by smell?” Anon asked.

“Yup! Ain’t no better sniffer than yours truly!”

Both Celestia and Twilight laughed lightly as Anon scrawled furiously again.

“Twilight? I need you to be perfectly frank with me.” Celestia continued, while
keeping her gaze on Anon. “Is there any sort of a loophole in my law?”

Twilight looked like she might try to hem or haw for a moment, but then she
sighed. “No. As far as I’ve been able to see, there’s no way out of this. You
somehow made this water tight. I’m more than happy to go over it with you;
perhaps we’ll see something together. But I really and truly think you’ll be
forced to marry him.”

There was a long pause between the two Princesses. Both watched as Spike told
the story of how he had heroically ‘saved’ Rarity from the Diamond Dogs, and
both chuckled when Anon called him out on it.

“Well,” Celestia sighed finally, “I did clear my entire day, after all. Let’s go
over it together. When I break the news to my—” Celestia paused for a moment
before drawing in a deep breath, “—my husband, I want to be completely sure I am
being totally honest with him.”





“There’s no loophole.” Anon repeated slowly.

“No.” Celestia sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Anon stared into his cup of tea, wishing that something considerably more potent
than mere leaves was hidden beneath the surface. Then he managed with great
concentration to return his cup to the saucer while looking at the ream of paper
on the table between them. “I assume you’re completely sure on this?”

“I am. Twilight and I went over every letter in there. We tried contextual
errors, contradictions, anarchisms. We debated for an hour on if we could cancel
it based on what the definition of ‘is’ is. Nothing worked.

“This stack of papers contains the official replies from every individual and
entity I sent my law to for review. All who looked it over are experts in the
field of law: judges, professors, attorneys, deans of law schools, and so on. I
don’t believe any law has ever had such scrutiny before.”

“And it’s all come back the same,” he replied while his left rear leg began to
shake uncontrollably.

“Most are quite amazed at what I managed to produce,” Celestia offered, in what
seemed to be a vain attempt to lighten the mood. “And I have over three dozen
requests for appointments to discuss the background of it.”

“But I still have to marry you,” Anon repeated, trying not to sound like he was
talking about a funeral.

“I realize this is a lot to take in all at once,” Celestia offered. “I’m going
to try to make this as easy and as gentle as possible for you, believe me.”

Anon nodded slowly, but it took him a moment to translate the questions in his
head into something comprehensible. “So, what’s going to happen now?”

“To make sure we don’t go over the time limit, we’re going to have the actual
wedding tomorrow afternoon. However, since there are a lot of details we need to
sort out with this, I’m not going to make our marriage public just yet. I’ll
have you stay here, inside the palace, until I can determine how to move
forward.”

“Well, I can practice my writing I guess,” Anon replied, but his gaze was not on
anything in the drawing room.

“Anon?” Celestia gently said, and his eyes returned to her instantly. The great
Princess of Equestria gave a low and mournful sigh before she continued. “Above
all else, know this: there isn’t a pony alive who feels more remorse for their
actions than I do right now for mine. I can only hope that I have not completely
ruined your life. I will try to make whatever amends to you that I can.”

“Oh, well…” he stammered. “They say to look on the bright side of things, right?
This isn’t so bad. The palace is wonderful, and I bet I can get a lot of
studying done in the main library and the archives.”

“You are also free to use what I have here as you wish.”

“But this is your personal stuff. I couldn’t possibly touch it.”

“I insist.”

“All right,” Anon replied. “But there’s that, and the good food, and I can meet
dignitaries sometimes I bet.”

“Some of them, yes.”

“And I’ll be married to you: Princess Celestia!” He threw his arms out wide in
her direction. “There’s stallions who would chew their leg off just to get a
chance to flirt with you. That’s gotta be the best part of all this.

“So yeah.” His arms dropped, and he exhaled slowly. “It could all be worse, I
suppose. It’ll take some adjustments, but I, er, we will make this work. For the
good of all Ponykind. I mean, I’d hate to be the one who succeeded where
Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra and Chrysalis failed, right? That would just
bite the bark.”

“Bite the bark?”

Anon smiled weakly. “Old saying in my family.”

“I’d like to meet them sometime.”

“No you wouldn’t,” he quickly retorted.

Thankfully, Celestia decided not to press the issue. “Why don’t we both get some
rest, mm? It’s late now, we’ve both had a long day, and we have many things to
accomplish tomorrow.”

“Yeah! Yeah.” Anon stood, but his hand kept shaking. “Should I, uh… should I
meet you at sunrise?”

“I think that will be fine. Would you like a different room to stay in? We have
nicer ones that are not as drafty.”

“No, that’s okay. I like it now, draft and all. It has a really nice view, and I
can watch your sunrise over the mountains without anything blocking the view.”

Some color flared on Celestia’s cheeks, and the corners of her mouth twitched
up. “Would you like me to escort you to your room?”

Anon thought for a moment. “No, it’s okay. I think I need some time alone to
think about this. No offence.”

“None taken. Please let me know if I can do anything for you.”

“Good night, Celestia.”

“Good night, Anon.”

Anonymous, the soon-to-be-prince of Equestria, then stood and mechanically left
the room.

His head was swimming with questions, concerns, fears and doubts. How was he
supposed to be a prince? What would they have him do? Meet with ambassadors?
Kiss foals? Make laws? Would they send him off on his own, or would he be with
Celestia all the time? Could he still write his story? Would he share a bedroom
with Celestia? Would he share a bed with her?! Would Luna ever stop picking on
him? What about Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor? Would they hate him?
Would Twilight hate him for marrying her mentor?

And the one that scared him the most: would he be doomed to live in a loveless
relationship?

So consumed was he with all of this that, although his eyes were forward, he
wasn’t paying attention to his walking. His steps were slow, measured, and he
wasn’t even heading in the right direction for his room. He was just going.

He suddenly got jarred back to reality when he rounded a corner and came
nose-to-nose with another pony. Both recoiled at the impact, and Anon’s eyes
took half a moment of blinking to focus in.

“You again, Mister Anon?” Luna grumped, as she rubbed the end of her nose.
“Really, it is bad manners to run into ponies. Could you please make the effort
to… watch…”

Her eyes went wide, her irises shrank, and she pulled her hoof away just a hair
so she could look at the end of her nose. “What have you done?” she whispered.

“I was... just… oh no!” He gasped, stumbled a step backwards before landing on
his rear and then put both front hooves on his own nose. “No! Princess Luna,
please…”

“You touched my nose,” she softly said, her eyes planted on him now.

“No!”

“With your nose!” She gasped and held a hoof to her chest.

“Oh, please no! It was an accident! No! I didn’t mean… I don’t want… I can’t…”

She dropped her hoof, her eyes returned to normal, and she gave a laughing
scoff.

“I’m yanking your chain again, Mister Anon.”

She then brushed past the shell-shocked Anon, who was frozen in the same
posture.

“But… your nose…”

“The law says the first stallion who touches my nose must wed me,” she called
over her shoulder as she strolled casually away. “I have been wed before.”

And Anonymous managed to summarize all of his thoughts, emotions, and feelings
into one fluid movement.

He fainted dead away. > 7. - The Feeling is Nuptial >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was it.

Anon took another long, deep breath while he walked out of his room and into the
hallway. In a few short hours, he would be walking down the aisle with Princess
Celestia, Princess of Just About Everything Under the Sun, and he would formally
take her as his lawfully wedded wife.

The mere thought of that was enough to keep his lungs from drawing air in the
proper fashion.

This had to be the most insane thing to ever happen to anyone in the history of
Ever. He, Anonymous, a nobody from another world and worth no more than a wooden
bit, was going to be the husband of Princess Celestia.

He swallowed hard, and he had to get his mind off of what was going to happen
or Celestia’s problem would be resolved by his timely demise via a massive heart
attack.

Anon sucked in a long breath, and he forced his thoughts into what he had
learned last night. Now that the dreaded panic of having to marry two princesses
had been silenced, he found he was both surprised and not surprised that Luna
had been married at some point. While he had never heard of her husband before,
he could understand why he didn’t know. For most of his life, Princess Luna
herself had been nothing more than a boogymare that had been used to scare him
into being a better cook with extremely limited success. Most ponies were still
learning about their lunar diarch, and it would still be many years before
Luna’s full history could be understood properly. In this light, he’d be
surprised if anyone besides Celestia knew of Luna’s husband.

Although, thinking of her did make him wonder how he had gotten back to his room
last night. The last thing he remembered was her stunt in the hallway, and
unless he had somehow walked back while unconscious, he should still be there.
The obvious answer was that either Celestia or Luna had relocated him, but he
would ask Celestia all the same about it.

“Mister Anon?”

“Princess?” Anon replied while he turned, but the next words came out before he
could think about them. “You look horrible.”

“I’m not at my best at the moment, I do have to admit,” Celestia replied with a
glance over her own disheveled coat and frizzed-out tail. “I will be more
presentable before our wedding, I assure you.”

Anon’s trembling leg threatened to rip clean away from his body. “Oh, you l-look
fine, Your Highness. You can come like that if you like.”

“You are a horrible liar,” Celestia retorted with a hint of a smile. “But I
appreciate the compliment. Were you able to get any rest last night?”

Anon shook his head. “Not very much, no. An hour at most, if it was all added up
together.”

“I thought so,” Celestia replied, and they both began moving down the hallway.
“I apologize again for all of this, Mister Anon. I spent most of last night in
one final effort to remove you from this fate, but I’m afraid there is nothing.”

“You tried, though. That means a lot to me. I suppose we’ll make this work,
somehow.”

“We will indeed,” Celestia replied with a note of deep conviction. “In fact, I
would like to speak to you about some of the details regarding your new
position.”

Anon forced himself to laugh and to smile, although he was afraid his smile was
more of a baring of teeth rather than any expression of feigned pleasure.
“There’s a lot of new hire paperwork I have to fill out, isn’t there?”

Celestia glanced up at him, and the smile they shared gave Anon a small trickle
of relief. “There is that, and we will need to fill out the tax exemption
paperwork for you as well.”

“I think I can handle that part of it, at least. Paperwork was one of the rare
things I could do well at home.”

“We’ll take care of it later, then. Right now, I believe a good breakfast would
help both of us recover from the evening.”

Breakfast. Breakfast always came after waking up, and the familiarity of that
repetition helped to calm Anon’s nerves a bit more. “I would like that, but I
don’t know that I’m all that hungry.”

“I believe I will have Chef Beet provide us with some oatmeal, then. You will
forgive me for not cooking, I hope.”

“Even the best of chefs need a break every now and then. Oatmeal will be fine.”


~*~


“And you awoke in your room?” Celestia asked.

“I did. I don’t know how I got back there, though,” Anon replied.

“I was unaware that you had even passed out,” said Celestia with a deep frown.
“Lulu should have told me.”

“Maybe she felt bad over her stunt afterward?”

“Perhaps. Luna has always been something of a trickster, so it is possible she
thought she was pulling a harmless prank.”

“Was she really married before?” Anon blurted. “I mean, forgive me for being
doubtful, but it’s the first I’ve ever heard about it.”

“I would imagine you are one of the first people she has brought into her
confidence since her return. She was married, yes, but I believe this
conversation would be best continued with her in attendance. She will be able to
correct any of my erroneous memories regarding their marriage.”

“I’ll ask her later, then.”

Celestia nodded. “Now, let us discuss your future here. I am willing to guess
that you would be rather upset if I simply confined you to your room.”

“That would be a rather dismal fate, yes,” he replied.

“The idea does not sit well with me, either. Since it is my law and my actions
that have now locked you within this gilded cage, I am willing to make whatever
accommodations I can to make your stay as tolerable as possible. You will have
free access to any part of the palace you wish to visit, and I will supply a
guard detail for you if you care to roam outside these walls, or even beyond
Canterlot. This may even prove to be an advantage for your career. You could
safely travel across Equestria and refine your writing skills in the process.
The Crown will cover any expenses you incur, without question.”

Anon thought this over while he finished his bite of oatmeal. “I think you’re
being a bit too generous again, Princess. I’d hate to run up the national debt
just so I can wander around.”

“The expense is trivial. My offer remains. Perhaps I should be asking you what
you would like.”

Anon considered the idea for another few moments. “I’m not really sure,
Princess. I don’t really like the idea of just sitting around, doing nothing.
I’ve been a worker my whole life, and I still want to be useful, helpful even.
Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but perhaps there’s something I can help you
with.”

Anon couldn’t quite be sure, but it seemed like Celestia’s mane flowed just a
bit faster for a moment with that statement. She did seem happier for sure, and
Anon felt another small round of calm flow over him as she responded.

“I may be able to find something for you to help me with. I will need to verify
a few details first, however.”

“That’s fine. Maybe while you do that, I can use a little vacation time to learn
the layout of the palace and of Canterlot. Is it a use it or lose it type of
thing?”

Celestia’s grin turned into a full smile. “I believe I can let you roll over any
unused vacation hours.”

“Oh good. That’s better than what I got back home.”

Celestia started to say something, but she was interrupted by the entrance of
Celestia’s secretary. The young mare wasted no time in crossing over to the
Princess, and she whispered something in a low but urgent tone.

“Really, she is?” Celestia asked once the whispers ended, and the secretary
nodded. “Oh dear. Mister Anon, I do apologize but it seems that there the
Ambassador from Prance needs to speak with me. This may take some time, so
please enjoy the rest of your breakfast, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to send
one of our tailors up to take your measurements. If we are to be wed, we should
look our best, and I believe a nice suit can be procured for you in short
order.”

“That’s fine. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

Celestia nodded. “Until this afternoon, then.”





This afternoon came far too quickly for Anonymous’s liking. He had spent most of
the time by sitting under the blankets on his bed and breathing deeply, in the
vain hope that this would somehow stop time and prevent the inevitable from
happening.

At noon, a tailor had knocked on the door and provided a custom-fit suit, along
with a short note from the Princess. In it, Celestia explained that she would
call for him at five minutes to three, and the ceremony would be held in an
unused office to lessen the impact to the operations of the palace. Once the
ceremony was complete, they would immediately leave, and Anon would again have
time to himself until Celestia called him for dinner.

Or threw him out a window, he dryly thought. This was definitely not what he had
expected in a wedding. There was not even cake on the schedule.

“Well, Anon, this is a fine mess you’re in, isn’t it?” he asked the frazzled
human in the mirror. The unfortunate wretch did not answer, which left Anon
holding both ends of the conversation. “What do you have to say for yourself,
eh? Nothing? Yeah. I don’t know what I could say at this point. You’re going to
be a prince, and married to a princess.”

“How am I going to do this?” he whispered, and he peered closely at his
reflection. There were no answers in the glass, sadly, just his own worried,
confused and anguished face. Whatever came at this point, he was pretty well on
his own.

And that just bit the bark.

He nearly jumped out of his own skin when there was a knock on the door. After a
moment to try to compose himself, he opened the door, and found his bride-to-be
standing before him. The sight did not help his anxiety, because Celestia looked
just as frazzled and concerned as that poor human back in his mirror. They were
going to make a truly remarkable couple, in the worst possible fashion.

But he had to admit her wedding gown looked beautiful. It was a soft yellow with
magenta trim along the edges and seams. It folded on itself in a crinkle pattern
across her chest, leaving her wings fully exposed and able to be used in case
she wanted to fly away from the oncoming disaster.

“Are you ready, Mister Anon?” came the question he was dreading.

“As ready as I can be,” he replied. One leg started to go one direction as the
rest of him went the other way with her.

There was an awkward silence in the hallway as they moved, as neither was really
sure what to say to the other. Anon opened his mouth once or twice to try to say
something nice about her dress, but the capacity to speak seemed to leave as
soon as he’d try, so then he’d shut his mouth again.

This was going quite well.

At roughly the halfway point, Celestia cleared her throat and looked down at
Anon. “You look nice, Mister Anon. Does the suit fit?”

“I believe so, yes.”

“Have you eaten anything since breakfast?”

“I have not.”

“I will arrange for something a bit more substantial tonight, then. You must be
hungry.”

“Thank you, but I don’t know if I’ll be eating at all tonight.”

Anonymous quite honestly felt more dead than alive at that moment, and he drew
in a slow, stuttering breath. His stomach was churning itself into a tangled
knot of unease, his chest felt heavy.

He then glanced up to his imminent wife, and he felt a wave of disgust accompany
his relief that Celestia looked just as harrowed as he felt. Her mane was
limping along in small waves, her eyes looked a bit sunken, and the fine lines
that had appeared at the corners of her face made her look far too old. He felt
absolutely putrid and revolted at what he’d done to the Princess.

“Perhaps something light, then,” she gently offered.

“Perhaps,” Anon echoed.

Nothing more was said as they finished the walk to the office. Inside, they
found Spike —who gave them both an awkward wave— and Discord, who was dressed in
a garishly orange tuxedo and matching top hat. His amusement and enjoyment of
the moment was obvious because he had his mouth literally clamped shut in a
tight smile and his shoulders kept jerking up and down, like he was trying to
suppress his laughter.

“Where is Luna?” Celestia asked.

“She said she had to use the little filly’s room and she dragged Twilight in
there with her.” Spike rolled his eyes. “It’s like they can’t use the bathroom
alone.”

A rhythmic tapping noise caught everyone’s attention. He briefly considered
offering the suggestion to simply wait five minutes so his heart would probably
seize up and solve everybody’s problems.

But then something came over him, something warm, and soft, and downy. It flowed
over him, starting at his shoulders and moving down, and as it went he felt all
of his fears, anxieties and concerns gently fade into nothingness.

He glanced over his left shoulder when the comforting feeling gave him a small
hug-like squeeze, and he found that Celestia had slowly draped her right wing
across his back. Looking down, he became momentarily lost in the gaze of two
sparkling magenta eyes, filled with both concern for him and a sincere wish for
him to be at ease.

A soft smile spread across both of their faces. They shared a soft boop of
mutual nose-touching.

Luna strode grandly into the room with Twilight meekly following behind. “All
right! Sister, I think I need to increase my corn flake intake but I am good to
go now. Let us get this little mess settled already.”

In the wake of Luna’s grand pronouncement, Twilight Sparkle slunk into her seat
with a look of defeated resignation, most probably due to her inability to
dictate every action Anon would be doing during the ceremony.

Maintaining her proud stride, Luna moved behind a simple rostrum at the front of
the room with a few sheets of notes floating behind in her magic. She mumbled to
herself as she sorted them for a moment, then cleared her throat and looked up
at the motley crew before her.

“Dearly beloved,” she began, but then she gave a sour glare to Discord. “And
not-really-liked draconequus who is here because we have not figured out how to
block his chaos magic yet—”

“She’s talking about me. I’m so flattered,” Discord whispered to Spike, with a
nudge and a wink.

“—we are gathered here on this fantastically fabulous Friday to join this human
and this Alicorn princess together in the bonds of matrimony because my
forgetful sister did not listen to me, the younger, more beautiful, and more
beloved Princess of the Night and she forgot to repeal her own silly law.”

“Luna.” Celestia growled much like a large dog would.

“What? You did!” Luna protested. “Now don’t interrupt; you made me lose my
place. Let me see.” Her papers floated up closer to her, and shuffled again as
she squinted at them.

“Mawwiage, that blwwesed awangement—no, wait, maybe I was here—that dweam within
a dweam… oh, I can’t do it. Let’s just skip ahead, shall we?”

The papers shuffled again, Celestia gave off another low growl, and Discord
tucked his lips into an inner pocket of his tuxedo coat, which promptly began
giving out a muffled set of hysterical chuckles.

“All right, here we go,” Luna finally announced. “Anonymous, do you take this
Princess to be your lawfully wedded wife, even though you really don’t have a
say in the matter?”

“I guess I do.”

“Smart move. Celestia, Princess of the Sun, do you take this human to be your
lawfully wedded husband since you got all nosey with him?”

“Loving every moment of this, aren’t you?” Celestia darkly replied, and Luna
nodded vigorously and with a huge smile. “Yes. I do.”

“Good, ‘cause that ball of hot air you have up there is heavy, and I always
break out in hives when I have to move it around. I do not want to be
responsible for it. And so, by the legal, lawful, and very legitimate power and
authority that I hold as a Princess of Equestria, I do hereby declare you to be
hitched, joined, connected, and/or married, and that you are now husband and
wife. You may kiss if you are so inclined; I am going to bed.”

And with that, Luna tossed her papers in the air and left the room. Behind her,
the floating papers formed into a beautiful bouquet and darted in Twilight
Sparkle’s direction, making her duck, scream, then dodge as they corrected
course and headed for her again. Putting on a burst of speed, she vanished out
the door with the bouquet close behind, calling out in a tiny voice, “Catch me!
Catch me!”

Meanwhile the completely innocent Discord grabbed Anonymous’s hand and began
shaking it furiously as he smiled maniacally. “Well, ol’ Anon, congrats. You
finally managed to snag Equestria’s most eligible mare. I knew you had it in
you. Oh, and the residents of Discordland send their thanks as well. They
estimate you’ve generated enough chaos to keep them powered up for the next ten
years!”

“Uh, you’re welcome?”

“And Celestia!” He put a clenched fist to his quivering lip. “You know, I had… I
had always kinda hoped that, well, that one day we might have made it work
between us. Oh, I know I’m a draconequus and you’re a princess, and we were
mortal enemies for a time, but there was always… always that little part of me,
that… that…”

He turned his head and loudly blew his nose into a large, polka-dotted
handkerchief. “I’m sorry, I thought I was ready for this…”

“Are you quite done?” she asked flatly.

“Wait, just a little bit more,” he replied, with an earnest, eager look. He then
cleared his throat and resumed his anguished expression. “I just hope you
remember the time we spent together fondly. Like that time I stole your tail?
That was one of the best moments of my life, it really was. And then when you
turned me to stone for a thousand years? That was… well, it wasn’t the best time
for me—come to think of it, it was actually a low point, being stuck like that
for so long, gave me one wicked crick in my neck—but, the point is we had good
times, somewhere, and I hope you come to appreciate them as you start your new
life with Anon-o here.

“And now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m afraid I have to leave. I
really would like to stay for the reception, and I mean that truly, but there’s
going to be a ribbon-cutting ceremony in Discordland to celebrate the
construction of the new high-speed snail line, and duty calls. You know how it
goes, being a ruler and everything. Don’t worry, though, I’ll come back for a
visit as soon as I can. Until then, ciao!”

He then snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash.

“Do you ever get used to that?” Anon asked Twilight, who was looking back over
her shoulder as if the bouquet that had been chasing her was lurking in hiding
somewhere for a second attack.

“Eventually, or so I’m told.” She rolled her eyes. “But Spike and I need to get
going too. I was due back in Ponyville yesterday and I bet my friends are
starting to worry. You should come visit when you have the time; I’d love to
introduce you to everyone.”

“I’d like that,” Anon replied as he bumped fists/hooves with her. He smiled a
bit deeper when Spike shook his hand.

“Congrats, I guess. Hey, if you think of any more questions, just have Celestia
send them to me. I’m happy to help you understand more about dragons anytime.”

“I’ll do that.”

“Anon, perhaps you should accompany Twilight to the train station,” Celestia
remarked while her wing hesitantly retreated from across Anon’s back, where it
had rested comfortably through the whole ceremony. “Don’t you still have some
personal effects at the Shoe and Nail to collect?”

“Yeah, I do,” Anon replied. “Guess I live here now, huh?”

“I’d love to have you walk me to the train station, Anon,” Twilight offered. “If
you want to, that is.”

“I think some sunlight and fresh air would do me good,” Anon replied. “Provided
you feel safe around me.”

“Safe?”

“Noses,” he simply said, as he tapped his own quickly. “First stallion?
Unmarried Alicorn?”

“Oh!” She laughed. “Yeah, about that…”





“So you’re safe?” Anon asked as they wove through the crowd in the train
station.

“With the way the law is worded, it only applied to the Alicorns then in
existence. Any future Alicorns are not included, so I don’t have to worry about
accidental boops.”

“Gee, that’s very thoughtful,” Anon remarked with some irritation.

“Hey, I understand how difficult this is,” Twilight stated in a resolute voice.
“And I won’t say how lucky you actually are. I’m sure you’ve heard it all
already. But I can say, unequivocally, that you are with one of the finest mares
there is. My time as Celestia’s student was about as up-close and personal as it
gets. Those years were among the best times in my life, and I wouldn’t have such
a high opinion of her if she wasn’t everything ponies say she is. She’ll be kind
to you, and she’ll take care of you. Give it enough time, and I think you’ll
appreciate being with her too.”

“Thanks,” he replied warmly, but with a frustrated huff. “All of this is a huge
adjustment for me, but you’re right. This could be a great thing.”

“Just remember she’s a just pony too. I’m sure you feel intimidated, but you and
her are not as far apart as you think you are.”

Anon didn’t say anything, but he did ponder Twilight’s words deeply, to the
point where he nearly walked into a light pole.

“Well, this is it!” Spike announced. “Track twenty nine is just over there, and
it looks like the train is waiting!”

“So, I guess I’ll see you later?” Anon asked.

“Count on it,” Twilight confirmed happily. “Just remember one thing for me, will
you?

“What’s that?”

“If you’re going to take your relationship with Princess Celestia seriously,
start by being her friend. She could really use one right now.”

“I think I can remember that. Thank you again for all of your help, Princess.”

“Just call me Twilight. All of my true friends do.”

Anon’s smile was nearly as wide as a train car, and he waved goodbye to Twilight
and Spike until they had boarded their train. He then sighed deeply, and sat
down on a nearby bench to catch his breath.

Anonymous, the Prince of Equestria, who was sitting in the Grand Station of
Equestria.

The commoner who was husband to a princess, and who was about to undertake the
most unknown, unsure, and most fear-inducing ride of his life.

He smiled at the memory of Celestia’s soft feathers covering his back in a
gentle embrace.  Perhaps Twilight was right.

As vast as the gap was between his station and hers, perhaps there was a chance
it could be bridged. It was just going to take an extremely large bridge.
Probably a toll bridge, with him out of bits.

All it would take was a leap of faith. > 8. - The Talk >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anon’s concoction needed celery.

“Celery, celery, celery…” Anon muttered, as he rummaged around the kitchen.
“Gotta be some around here somewhere. Premier kitchen of Equestria, and there’s
no celery. What’s this? Carrots. Get far in the world with carrots. Apples. I’m
not using apples. Stand aside, thou rogues. Your prince demands it! Heh, that’s
right. I’ll make a pie out of you some other day, maybe. Ah ha! There you are!
Come on, time to be cooked. Fat lot of good you do in here.”

It only took a minute for Anon to reduce the full stalk of celery into the
tidbits that his cooking needed, and he took a deep whiff of his concoction
while grabbing a spoon and starting to stir. This was one of his finest soups by
far, and he felt a twinge of annoyance at his success.

“Mister Anon? Is that you?”

“Good evening, Princess,” he greeted with a quick glance over his shoulder. “And
hello to you too, Princess Luna. I hope I didn’t disturb your evening.”

“Of course not, but I didn’t think you would still be up either,” Celestia
replied.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replied. “All the excitement of the day caught up to me,
probably. And I finally got hungry.”

“Wasn’t there any soup left from earlier?” Luna asked.

“Too much salt,” he replied, and he looked over his shoulder again to give them
a disgusted look. “Your kitchen staff uses way too much salt. It’s almost like
they’re paid by the shake.”

“That would explain why Doctor Horsenpfeffer keeps getting after me about my
sodium levels,” Celestia remarked, and she peered into the pot. “Minestrone
again?”

“Done the right way.”

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be a writer?” She took a deep breath over the
simmering pot. “I really think you’re missing your calling.”

“Well, it’s easier to be a writer than a cook when you’re married to Princess
Celestia.”

She snickered a bit. “Perhaps. But why do you avoid cooking so much? If this
tastes half as good as it smells, you’re going to make Chef Sugar Beet very
jealous.”

“It’s complicated,” he said with a sigh before looking up at her. “But you’re
probably not going to let me get away with that, are you?”

She shook her head, but with a smile.

Anon sighed again. “I thought not. Well, I guess since we’re married, you
deserve to know about my past.

“Anonymous, as he stands before you this evening, came to Equestria when he was
five years old. The pony family that took me in is steeped in chefs. My dad was
a chef, his dad was a chef, and I don’t know how many great-greats on both my
mom and dad’s side are chefs. My parents own the Zuerst, the self-proclaimed
best restaurant in Salt Lick.

“This means that Little Anonymous was obviously raised to be a chef, and to take
over the restaurant when he was older. I was taught everything from table
placement, presentation, preparation, money management, labor costs to permits.
But I learned about cooking from them. Up until I finished high school, my
parents immersed me right up to the head in food. Sometimes, literally. Remind
me to tell you about the joys of fresh grape juice from the other end of the
process sometime. Anyway, I found out how to distinguish ingredients, how to
tell when they’re at the peak of ripeness, how different flavors meld and
enhance one another, on and on. Obviously I was somewhat decent at it, and I
loved it. Cooking was fun, y’know? It was like a big coloring book for your
mouth and nose, really.

When I was in first grade, my class was taking turns reading Granon Bakes a
Cake, one of those early chapter books foals read."

Anon’s eyes drifted off. “I remember I really liked reading a section with some
added ‘dramatic emphasis.’ I remember I felt something odd and tingly, but it
wasn’t until later that I actually realized what that was.

“Of course, when I got home I proclaimed that I wanted to try writing. My family
didn't like that very much and insisted on my becoming a cook. So, I went back
to the pots, eager to continue learning, thinking it was just a spur of the
moment idea.

“Then the first hints of trouble came,” he continued as he stirred his soup
idly. “With me being in elementary school came the expectation that I be
involved more. My parents had me start working the tables, for starters, and if
you ever want to make a killing in tips, have a boy in a small tuxedo serve your
customers. I don’t know how many times someone screamed ‘so cute!’ and forked
over an extra heap of bits.

“Anyway, I didn’t like serving all that much. It was okay, but there was just
something about it that got under my skin. It didn’t help that on busy nights I
had the tendency to mix the orders up and serve the wrong thing to the
customers.

“Then I was off to actual order prep in the kitchen. That I turned into an
unmitigated mess, and I’m not sure how my parents kept the place open with me
screwing up so bad.”

“But your cooking here shows you have considerable skill,” Luna cut in. “How
could this be a problem?”

“I guess I don’t do well under stress, and I don’t multitask well. Bad
combination in a kitchen. You have me do one thing, like make one soup all
night, then I’m fine. Ask for five different soups, seven entrees, twelve
appetizers and nine desserts and everything goes to hell. Everything just gets
jumbled up in my head, and no matter what I try, I just can’t handle it.

“My parents kept me at it, though, and they were both convinced that I just
needed one more chance and then I would be able to figure out a system that
worked. I lost hope in being able to do the job as time went on, and I drifted
into a pretty deep depression. I mean, who can really be happy when they can't
even choose their own path in life? I didn't like to work in a kitchen, but I
still had to do it. It was a bit like if you hated raising the sun.”

“Well, it is terribly heavy and far too warm,” Celestia casually replied. “So if
a lesser alicorn had to work with it, I could see it happening.”

“Oh, whatever!” Luna retorted.

“You’re the one who said it!” Celestia laughed. “How many unicorns did it take
to raise it before I came along?”

“The same number it took to raise the moon, you prissy little pony.” Luna
grumbled.

Anon briefly wondered if Nightmare Moon was going to make a surprise appearance
at that moment.

“Please, continue with your story, Mister Anon.” Celestia waved a hoof at him in
encouragement. “Lulu and I do this all the time.”

“You don’t have siblings, do you?” Luna added, and Anon shook his head. “Well,
if you did you would know this behavior is normal. You only need to worry if I
grow fangs.”

“Oh. Well okay then, I guess,” he replied. “Anyway, I tried, I really did. I
took a bunch of college courses, looked over all the Haute Cuisine books my
parents have, and I ran myself stupid night after night trying to get it right,
but I never could get it. Years rolled by like this, and each year I became more
convinced that my life was a huge lie.

“I think I suffered something like a mental breakdown there at the end.” He
paused for a moment to sip the broth of his concoction. “I just… snapped. I
don’t remember much of what I did, but apparently I upended the cheese trolley,
shoved some tofu blocks in my ears and ran, screaming, from the kitchen through
the main dining room and then out the front door. My parents found me later in
my room, hiding under the blankets.”

“That sounds familiar,” Luna quipped.

“Probably goes back to childhood. Monsters can’t get you when you’re under a
blanket, right? Everyone knows that.

“Anyway, once they get me out from under the blankets we had a long talk about
everything. My Dad tells me I’m having something akin to an existential crisis,
and that it’s okay that I am. Both parents think I just haven’t quite ‘found
myself’ yet, and that as soon as I do I’ll be as right as rain.

“So, they made me a deal. They tell me to go out and explore the world and see
the sights. If I should find something that I am more passionate about than
cooking, then I’m under no obligation to them and I’m free to start my new life.
But they believed I would find my passion for cooking while I am travelling, and
once I do they will be waiting to welcome me back with open arms. Mom gave me a
thousand bits for traveling money, and the next morning I’m on a train bound for
Vanhoover.

“It was on the train that I really thought things over. I thought about how I
had gotten to this point, and why. I contemplated what I might find, and what I
could do to earn bits. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to do.

“It was in that introspection that I figured out I wanted to be a writer. I
don’t know exactly how the notion entered my thick head, but I even came up with
a ridiculous idea for a novel, one that I’m sure would be an instant flop.

“Anyway, you can guess the rest from there.” He turned his attention to the soup
again and gave it a rapid stir. “I arrived in Canterlot the night before our
infamous meeting, and I was thinking of going on to Baltimare from here. Of
course, that would have depended on if I could get more bits. I only had enough
left for a couple of cheap meals.”

“How long did you stay in Vanhoover?” Luna asked.

"Two days, I think? I’ve honestly lost track of where all I’ve been, and for how
long.”

“It is a shame you did not stay there longer.”

“Why? ‘Cause I wouldn’t have been in the royal sunflower patch?”

“No. The annual Bits and Spurs rodeo just concluded three days ago. You could
have seen some excellent cow ponies showing off their skills. I was there last
year and it was quite the show. Didn’t you go the year before, sister?”

“Yes, and it was entertaining. From what I recall, though, I didn’t win any
prizes.”

“Why would you?” Anon asked. “Don’t you just sit and watch?”

“If your name is Celestia, yes.” Luna replied smugly. “But if your name is Luna,
then you ride a bull named Mark IX for 8 seconds and win the “Best New Wrangler”
prize, along with a cash prize of two hundred bits that you generously donate
back to the rodeo. I apologized to the bull afterward,” she added. “He was quite
the gentlebull about it, and is looking forward to a rematch.”

“I can’t help that you want to act like some kind of wild animal,” Celestia
replied with a sniff. “I prefer to maintain my composure and professional
demeanor.”

“Says the mare who let her pet phoenix run loose and traumatize a poor Element
Bearer during a visit to Ponyville. You’re just more subtle about your pranks is
all.”

“I honestly thought Fluttershy knew about Phoenixes!” Celestia let out a muffled
snort of laughter. “And then she foalnapped poor Philomena and tried to nurse
her back to health! That was just a misunderstanding, nothing more.”

“Right.” Luna deadpanned. “How much longer on that soup, Mister Anon? You have
made me hungry again. Is it done?”

“Define ‘done,’” Anon replied. “The celery will still be crunchy, but I think
it’s good as is. If you want it softer, then you need to wait a bit.”

“I believe we shall try it. It is always a good idea to take the recommendation
of the chef.”

“All right. I hope you’re not too disappointed.” He shrugged and glanced around.
“Where are the bowls?”

“I’ll get them,” Celestia remarked. Three fair sized bowls floated out from a
nearby cupboard, and Luna’s magic produced three spoons.

“Did I ever mention how jealous I am of unicorns?” Anon muttered, but with a
chuckle.

“Why would you be… oh.” Celestia nodded. “I see. But you know you’re probably
the chef you are because you don't have magic.”

“Yeah, I know,” he chuckled. “More hard work and dedication and all that.”

“’Tis very noble to achieve your goals with nothing but sweat and tears,” Luna
added grandly, as Anon grabbed a nearby ladle and began serving his soup. “My
husband was an earth pony. So he was without unicorn magic as well.”

“Was?” Anon asked.

“He passed away before my banishment, so it has been a long time,” Luna replied.
She then sat on the floor as Anon served Celestia. “Though it doesn’t seem that
long at times.”

Anon then felt something sweep softly into the room. It was quite unlike
anything he’d ever felt before, perhaps akin to the sort of magic that memories
brought with them. Whatever it was, it was powerful and it was deep, and he felt
like he should be treading very, very carefully in this particular field.

“Look, Princess, if you don’t want to talk about him, I’d completely
understand.”

“On the contrary, I would love to tell you about him.”

Anon looked over at Celestia, who nodded to him with a soft smile. “It’s all
right, Mister Anon. She would not say that just to be polite.”

“You are family now, so it is fair I should tell you,” Luna continued. “Most of
what will happen to you now will come from his time as Prince. He will have
quite the influence on your life, whether you want him to or not.”

“All right. What should I know?”

“What do you want to know?” Luna replied.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, as he began eating. “How did you meet, I guess. Did
you boop noses with him too?”

“I did, but it was quite intentional,” she giggled. “I was so madly in love with
him it was hard not to until our wedding day. I held out, though, so don’t get
any funny ideas.”

“I wouldn’t dare dream of it,” he immediately replied.

“Good. We met at a ball that was being held for the second anniversary of the
foundation of Equestria. He was… oh.” She hummed, and tilted her head slightly
to put one hoof lightly on her cheek with a serene smile. “He was dark, and
tall, and mysterious. I didn’t realize I had a weakness for those types until he
came sweeping into the room, all dashing and debonair looking. He cut quite the
impressive figure, too. He stood almost as tall as I did, with a dark grey coat
and a mane and tail that was so black it almost looked blue in the light.

“We spent nearly the whole night dancing,” Luna continued, as she hugged herself
and swayed slightly. “He was so light on his hooves, so sure in his steps. He
was a stallion who could be strong when he needed to be but as soft as a rose
petal any other time. I’ll never forget the way he caressed my cheek, the way he
nipped at my ears. He was the perfect picture of romance, and it really didn’t
take long for me to fall in love with him.”

“What was his name?” Anon asked softly.

“Star Struck.” Luna purred out the reply. “Oh, and he always said he was, too.
He never let me forget how in awe of me he was. I was his polar star, his guide
in the night, his one and only.”

Anon blinked. Perhaps it was just late and his eyes were tired, but was there
somepony else sitting beside Luna?

“The two of them were horrible,” Celestia kindly added. “They were like kittens
in a way: cute and cuddly but always into mischief. They fed off each other, but
they also defended one another fiercely.”

“We were inseparable.” Luna cooed in memory. “I never understood what true love
was until I had him as my own. Oh, we had our squabbles at times, all couples
do. But he was so devoted to me, so committed to my happiness, that he never let
that drive him away. He’d tell me that those times refined him, purified him.
They knocked off the rough edges, showed him where he needed to change, and it
did the same for me.”

“Why haven’t I heard of him?” Anon asked. There was definitely something next to
Luna now, but since Celestia wasn’t saying or doing anything whatever it was
probably harmless. In fact, Anon had the feeling it was welcome.

“Oh, he’s in the history. You just have to look for him,” Luna replied
thoughtfully. “He did his work quietly, anonymously if possible, and never with
the thought of how it would help him. He lived to lift up others, not himself.
He,” Luna chuckled lovingly, “he would say often that being married to me was as
high as he could ever get, and that he wanted others to have what he had. I
learned so much from him, and he from me.”

There was a pause, and Anon felt an overwhelming rush of tranquility and…

He hesitated. The words to describe this feeling were beyond him.

But as he looked at Luna, he knew that, whatever this feeling was, it was the
epitome of Love. True Love, Pure Love, and even that only described a fraction
of the atmosphere.

This is what everyone hoped could be obtained in a relationship. This was the
stuff of legends.

And it was in that marvelous outpouring that he saw.

There was Luna. Not Princess, not Mare in the Moon, not anything but just Luna.
She was sitting in a relaxed way, her head tilted to her right and forward
slightly. Her hoof went toward her cheek, but it met and slid easily onto the
hoof of another.

Anon wasn’t sure how, or even why he was permitted to see this.

But he saw. He saw Luna.

And he saw Star Struck.



He was every bit as handsome as Luna had said and more: well-toned, as sleek as
the night sky, and with a mane that was charmingly messy and fluffy. His head
was just underneath Luna’s chin, so she was resting along both of his ears. One
hoof held hers while it gently caressed her cheek, the other had wrapped around
her barrel and was holding her in the softest and most tender hug that could
possibly be imagined. His body was pressed closely against her chest, his tail
wrapped as tightly as it could around her.

He was as real and as tender as anything Anon had ever experienced in his short
little lifetime.

“I can still remember his scent,” Luna whispered, without breaking her embrace
with her beloved. “It was always so clean, so pure. I remember the gentle joy
that would caress me every time I nuzzled into his mane, and I would repay his
kindness with all the kisses he could handle. He always held me so gently, but
yet so firmly. He always said he was afraid I was the best dream he’d ever had,
and that one day he’d awaken and I would be gone.

“Everything about that stallion was intoxicating. The dew-drop touch of his coat
against mine, the ever-so-slight brush of lips he’d tease me with, the way he’d
preen my feathers and play with my mane. I couldn’t have found perfection in any
other place.”

Anon had to hold back a sob as Luna sighed, dropped her hoof from her cheek and
allowed the vision to end. Star Struck faded away as Luna blinked her eyes open
and looked right at him. “But I’m sure you don’t want to spend the whole night
listening to an old nag talk about her long-gone love.”

Anon slowly shook his head. “You are not an old nag. You are a mare who has
loved and lost. I cannot fathom any reason why I would not want to listen. I
have no doubt that you had the type of marriage that they write fairy tales
about.”

Luna smiled warmly and dipped her head. “I did, but all good things must come to
an end eventually. My beloved Star Struck departed this life after eighty-eight
years of life. I doubt I’ll ever find his equal.”

“I don’t think you ever will.”

“But it was wonderful to have him for the brief time fate permitted.” Luna
paused in thought. “In a way, it still is. But enough about me. Since we are all
here, we should probably settle one or two things.”

“Mm!” Celestia grunted, and she quickly swallowed her bite. “Mm, yes. Mister
Anon, first things first: by Royal Decree, you are to give the recipe for this
minestrone soup to Chef Sugar Beet as soon as possible.”

He snorted out a chuckle. “Take her usual recipe, but reduce the salt by twenty
percent.”

“Good.” Celestia smiled a bit more. “Second, I would like to notify Cadence and
Shining Armor of what has transpired. I think they would like to know they have
a new uncle.”

“That’s gonna be way awkward,” he said with a chuckle. “Aren’t I close to her
age?”

“Oh, now you’ve done it,” Luna said with a smirk.

“What?”

“You said the word.”

“’Aren’t’ is not a word,” Celestia replied flatly and with an annoyed look.
“Neither is ‘ain’t.’”

“Do not use fake contractions around Teacher,” Luna admonished as she dipped her
spoon into her soup. “They drive her crazy.”

“Isn’t it a contraction of are and not?” Anon asked.

“No, it’s not. It’s a fake word,” Celestia instantly retorted.

“I’m pretty extra sure it is a real word. Like, ‘Aren’t you going outside?’”

“I refuse to have this discussion so late at night.”

“Shall I conjure down the dictionary, dear sister?” Luna asked with a coy
glance.

“You stay out of this.” Celestia’s stern glare was ignored by mirthful chuckling
while eating soup. “As for you, Mister Anon, it appears I will need to give you
some elocution lessons. I categorically refuse to allow such foul language in my
presence.”

Anon figured it was best to not rile up his new wife anymore, but he did keep
snickering at the way her nose wrinkled up when she was annoyed.

“To answer your question, yes. I believe you and Cadence are roughly the same
age. However, I don’t think that will be an issue. She is a mature, intelligent
mare. She had a changeling queen crash her wedding, so I believe she is able to
handle a minor situation such as this.”

“I believe one of the first questions she will ask is when you want to hold a
wedding party,” Luna added. “Ain’t no way she will let today be enough.”

Celestia glared extra fiercely at her sister. “You’re not helping, and now I’ve
lost track of what I was going to say.”

“I think we’ve already established you’re the forgetful one.”

“Luna.” Celestia grumbled.

“Wasn’t it about announcing the marriage?”

“Yes, thank you. Mister Anon, I believe I told you yesterday that I was not
going to make our marriage widely known until we settled all of the arrangements
for your life here. However, once we do get that taken care of, I believe we
should make the announcement as soon as is practical.”

Anon thought for a moment on this but then nodded. “I think you’re right. It’s
always best to be honest, right?”

“As the former element of honesty, that is something I can confirm. So we will
keep the news low-key for now but we won’t deny it. I don’t think it will take
long to sort out the details with you anyway.”

“What kind of details are there?”

“Mostly little, nit-picky ones. The biggest one is whether or not you outrank
Shining Armor. Both Lulu and I are inclined to say you do, since the Crystal
Empire is a vassal state to us, but we want to make sure. While we don’t think
the issue should ever arise, it’s best to have the rules laid out just in case.”

“Like if some half-baked writer is hiding in a flower patch and you boop his
nose?”

Celestia chuckled a bit. “Exactly.”

“We must also consider your names,” Luna added. When she got confused looks from
both of them, she happily continued. “There is the custom of taking the
husband’s name and titles when marrying. Does that now make you Princess
Celestia Mous? Or do you two take a more modern approach, where he takes your
name and becomes simply Anon?”

“You would be the one to think of that.” Celestia groaned as Anon laughed.

“I dunno. I kinda like Celestia Mous. Sounds like something I would serve on a
Luna Tortilla.”

Luna wrinkled up her nose. “If you just cursed me to be in a relationship with
any pony who has ‘tortilla’ as part of their name I am going to hunt you down
and make you suffer in horrifically painful but delightfully vague ways.”

“I’m not scared,” Anon replied defiantly. “Celestia will protect me.”

“That’s right.” Celestia took a quick step over and wrapped a wing over him. “No
harm shall befall my Anon, not on my watch.”

There was a brief pause as Luna contemplated this ultimatum.

And then all three of them burst out laughing. > 9. - Mind the Gap, This Way Out
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anonymous sighed as he leaned back in his chair. Before him was an empty page in
his notebook, and he was trying to figure out how to write what he was thinking.

He hated it when he couldn’t find the right words, so he settled on just using
the simplest words possible.

How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Princess Celestia.

He leaned back again, looked over his writing, and then laughed. “I’ve done it!
I have managed to write the single most ridiculous sentence in the history of
Equestria!”

He then groaned and slammed his forehead into the desk. This would all be much
easier if he was not dealing with the immortal Princess of the Sun.

But he was, and so he had to figure out something.

The thoughts that had led to the creation of this one mind-numbing sentence had
been passing through his head ever since last night. He had enjoyed the casual
conversation with Celestia and Luna last night, and a part of him wanted to have
more moments like that. It had felt so free, so easy, so natural. It almost was
like he had always been able to speak with the rulers of Equestria so
informally.

And then he would remember that he was speaking so informally with the rulers of
Equestria!

He sat up, ran a hoof through his mane, and took a deep, cleansing breath. In
all of his musings last night, he had come to one overarching conclusion: he
could either try to have a relationship with Celestia or he could not.

If he did not, he was in for a rather miserable experience. Oh, Celestia would
be kind, genteel even. She would probably offer praises when he did good work,
and assist when he needed help.

But it would be no more and no less than what she would have willingly offered
to a stray dog with a captivating, yet mournful expression. Things would remain
professional, but never have the possibility of being intimate.

Was intimate the right word? Anon reached for the dictionary he’d bought while
he had been out with Sego Lily and flipped the pages.

“Intimate, let’s see.” He looked for a moment, then smiled. “Intimate, noun: a
close friend. Adjective: Closely acquainted, familiar.”

It was an admirable goal that he could only attain if he tried. Unfortunately,
he continued to read. “Used euphemistically to indicate that a couple is having
a sexual rela—”

He slammed the book closed and took several deep breaths, trying to return to
the comforting mental state he had just departed. The memory of Celestia,
speaking quietly to him such a short time ago, made that easier than he
expected.

“Everyone sees the light from where they stand, Mister Anon. To most of my
subjects, I am the wise and graceful Princess who raises the sun and brings
prosperity to our fair kingdom. To my students, I am a teacher who enjoys
sharing deep magics and ancient history. To the rulers of other nations I am a
shrewd diplomat and skillful negotiator, to Princess Cadence I am an aunt, to
Luna I am a sister, to Shining Armor I am a military commander. Now that you’ve
met me and seen me as I truly am, you have to reconcile what you thought with
what you now know.”

He rubbed his chin again as he recalled her words. There had been a moment or
two where he had been able to see her as she truly was, and what he saw, quite
honestly, made him want to see more. While Celestia the Princess was obviously
an interesting pony and was wonderful to meet, he found that plain Celestia—the
Celestia he had seen when she didn’t have to be a Princess—was the one he would
like to know better, and even dare to know intimately.

In the first definition of the word, that is.

He stood, crossed the room, and propped himself up on the windowsill. The sun
would be coming up in just a minute, and Anon had become strangely fascinated
with watching it burst over the distant eastern hills. There was no real reason
for him to be so enamored; the sun came up all the same every morning, after
all.

Yet he watched.

His smile grew deeper once it did make its appearance. The rays swept across his
skin in gently warming tones, and he felt revived and renewed in its embrace.
This was peace, this was contentment. This is what he really wanted in life.

With the sun now up, he decided to go get breakfast and to worry about courtship
later. Food really did help him think clearer, and there was a chance that
Celestia would made funny face pancakes again.

But he shook his head at himself as he left his room, notebook in hoof. Given
that she had just lost three perfectly good working days, in essence, because of
noses she was probably overbooked and wouldn’t really have time for him today.
He was fine with that; it gave him a day to figure out how to work on his
question.

He paused in the hallway when another interesting thought hit him. He then
jogged up to a nearby guard. “Good morning!”

“Good morning, sir,” the guard replied. “May I help you with something?”

“If you wouldn’t mind. I have a question.”

“Lay it on me.”

Anon smirked at the guard, and he smirked back. “It’s going to sound really,
really dumb, but please just answer it anyway. Who am I?”

“Who are you?” he repeated, obviously confused. “Well, you’re Anonymous, a guest
of the Princesses.”

That’s what Anon figured. His new titles probably hadn’t had a chance to make
the rounds yet. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate your honest answer.”

“May I ask why you’re asking, sir?” the guard replied.

“Well, someone recently told me I was having an existential crisis. I was just
seeing how right they were.”

“Are you, sir?” The guard allowed his spear to drop a fraction.

“No, I’m not. I am who I am. Thank you for assisting me.”

The guard nodded, and Anon continued on for about five steps before he suddenly
stopped and turned around. “Wait. ‘Princesses?’”

“Yes, sir,” the guard replied. “Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have
named you as their friend and guest.”

“Did they say that together?”

“No, Princess Luna’s statement came a day after Princess Celestia’s.”

Anon chuckled. It seemed that Luna had been able to overcome her antagonistic
annoyance with him faster than either of them thought they would.

Anon thanked the guard again and moved on. While he figured Luna might not like
him, per se, she could at least tolerate him and that made him feel tingly
inside. She was making the effort, and she could be a wonderful sister-in-law,
if things ever got close to normal in his life again.

Once in the dining hall, he simply sat and waited for someone to come take his
order. He was pleasantly surprised when, after a few minutes, Celestia walked in
with two plates of pancakes in her magic. Both Anon and Celestia smiled brightly
when they made eye contact, but she was the one who managed to speak first.

“May I safely assume at this point that you are a morning person?”

“I guess so. I didn’t realize I was either until now.” He chuckled as a plate
settled down in front of him. “I guess I have something to get up for.”

A hint of blush appeared on Celestia’s muzzle. “You can just admit that my
pancakes are addictive, you know.”

“Must be all the sugar in them.”

She tried to glare at him, but the attempt failed and instead devolved into
laughter. Just then, a scroll popped in from thin air a few feet away from them.
Celestia’s magic quickly snagged it, and Anon looked at her curiously as she
broke the seal and unraveled it.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a message from Twilight.”

“Really? Does she write to you a lot?”

“Not as much as she once did.” Celestia began to read with a peaceful smile,
obviously pleased at getting a letter from her former student, but as her eyes
darted back and forth, her smile faded slightly before turning into a deeply
serious frown.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” she replied, as she stood. “Forgive me, Mister Anon, but this
does require my immediate attention.”

He nodded and watched as she trotted out of the room, although he tried not to
show the worry that had begun to build in his gut. What could possibly unnerve
the Princess that quickly? Some kind of national threat? If it was, it must be
bad since Twilight, one of the Elements of Harmony, was the one sending the
letter. Was there anything he could do to help?

He frowned at his pancakes. Whatever it was, he seriously hoped it wouldn’t take
long to fix. She had said she wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, so maybe it was
something that just needed some Celestia thrown at it to get it squared away.

“You didn’t hear anything, did you?” he asked the fruit face before him. The
banana slices that made up the mouth were shut tight, and Anon didn’t figure the
short stack would blab.

“Fine. I’ll just eat you until you confess!”

And he took a large bite to show he would make good on his threat.

“Mister Anon.”

“Princess Luna.” He turned to face her, and came nose-to-nose with her fierce
scowl.

“Did you upset my sister?”

“No?” he nervously replied while leaning back. “She got a letter from Twilight.”

“And what was in this missive?”

“She didn’t say, only that it was something she had to deal with right now.”

Luna retreated a step and relaxed slightly. “Hmm. Such a letter from Twilight
could be serious. Perhaps Discord is causing problems.”

“Oh, my dear sweet Luna.” A nearby syrup pitcher promptly sprouted mismatched
limbs and a face, which looked up at Luna with mournful yellow eyes. “Why do you
automatically assume I’m the one causing problems?”

“Because you have a great propensity for doing so.” Luna growled while the
draconequus poured himself into Celestia’s vacant chair. “Did you come here to
confess or to hide from your crimes?”

“I’m here because I want to be here,” Discord replied, as he reached across the
table and grabbed Celestia’s uneaten food. “I still haven’t done anything,
despite repeated requests from Pinkie Pie for chocolate milk rainclouds.”

“Then do you know what Twilight wrote?”

“I do,” he replied while he snapped a whisk into existence and used it to cut
the pancakes. “But Celly will be awfully mad at me if I tell anyone. I can say
it’s nothing that threatens life or limb.”

“What else could it be, then?”

“Something far more sensitive, I’m afraid,” Discord replied sadly as he scarfed
a bite. “Mm, this needs more sugar.”

Luna glanced over to Anon, but he had no idea what Discord’s cryptic comment
meant so he shrugged.

“So would it be safe to assume that, whatever this is, it will cause a great
amount of chaos?” Luna continued.

“A healthy amount, yes,” he said, as he shoved another large bite in. “And now
I’m stress eating, see? This is horrible. I’ll have to go on a diet for a month
because of this.”

“I hope you can forgive our lack of sympathy on the matter.”

Discord took a moment to clear his mouth and to dab lightly at the corners of
his mouth with a napkin.

“Yes, well, you were always known for your compassion weren’t you?”

Luna grunted and glared at him fiercely.

“Fine. I came here mostly for Anon anyway.” He stuck his nose in the air for a
moment before he teleported Anon into his embrace. “Anon-o, you’ve been mi amigo
in bedlam, so it’s only fair that I make you this offer: mi chaos es su chaos.
If you ever need a place to crash, you just give me a call. I’ll come running,
rain or shine, snow or sleet, Monday through Friday nine to five, Saturday ten
to three with time off for good behavior, closed Sundays. You’ve been such a
wonderfully unintentional deviant that I just can’t stand the thought of you
living out on the cold, cruel streets of Canterlot.”

“May I ask what you are even talking about?” Anon replied.

“Just know that I’m still here for you, Anon-o. Us chaos creators have to look
out for one another.”

And then Discord snapped his talons and disappeared. Anon flailed his limbs in
midair for a split second before he went crashing to the ground, and he groaned
in pain once there.

“I could have lived without that. Do you have any idea what he was talking
about, Princess?”

“I am afraid I do. Let me speak with my sister about this first, however. Are
you injured?”

“No, I’m okay.” He staggered back to his feet. “But will you please let me know
if I can help? I don’t want to just sit here and be dead weight.”

“I promise I will do so,” Luna replied with a quick nod of her head. She then
turned and left without another word.

Anon sighed. He was really worried about what was going on, and why he seemed to
be in the thick of it again. But since there wasn’t much he could do at the
moment, he figured the best thing to do would be to stay out of the way and to
let the Royal Sisters handle it.

He wondered if he could do some studying. It would be a shame to just sit, but
he wanted to stay nearby in case he was needed, and if he could gain access to
the Archives he could make some progress on his story. He would like to get that
started, he had to admit.

First things first, though. There were pancakes to devour.





“Mister Anon?”

“Oh! Hi, Luna. You startled me.” Anon looked up from his notebook. “Can I help
you with something?”

“My sister requests your presence in her private drawing room at this time,”
Luna replied flatly. “If you would follow me, please.”

“Uh, okay. Let me gather up my stuff.”

Anon did not like Luna’s tone. Had he done something wrong, or something just
stupid? Was he going to be punished? He didn’t think he’d done anything wrong in
the last hour, so the Princesses shouldn’t have a reason to be mad with him.

It only took a second to gather up his things, and he fell in step behind Luna
as they entered the hallway.

“So, what’s going on? Did I do something?” Anon asked.

“That is for my sister to discuss with you,” Luna replied without looking back.
“But know that you have my best wishes going with you.”

Seriously, what had he done this time?! He was getting tired of constantly being
in trouble.

The rest of the walk was in silence. Once they reached the drawing room door
Luna knocked, looked at Anon, sighed, and then walked away while keeping her
face impassive.

“Come in, Mister Anon,” Celestia called out.

Anon gently nudged the door open and slowly stuck his head in. Celestia gave him
the saddest smile he’d ever seen before motioning for him to come sit by the
table. He slowly did so, and while he did, Celestia poured out a cup of what
smelled like chamomile tea for each of them.

“Thank you for being patient and understanding today. I’m sure you realize that
I am called away for urgent matters on occasion.”

“Yes, I’m sure you are. What’s this all about?” Anon didn’t feel like wasting
time in pleasantries.

Celestia started to reply, then stalled, looking down at the table instead. Even
her proud ears drooped, and a brief rustle ran down the lengths of her folded
wings as they shuffled position behind her. “C’mon, Celly,” she muttered. “Just
spit it out.”

Taking a deep breath, she looked up and fixed Anonymous with a steady gaze that
he thought quite possibly contained a suppressed tear or two in the corners of
her lovely eyes.

“Mister Anon,” she continued in a steady voice. “Twilight Sparkle has found a
loophole for my law.”

Well, that was a fantastic way to suck the air out of the room. Anon’s right
hand began shaking wildly as the full impact of her statement sank in.

“Sh-she did?” he stammered.

Celestia nodded, then pushed a small pile of papers towards him. Anon leaned
over and read the bold words at the top:

Divorce Decree

Anon slumped back. It felt like Celestia had just slammed both of her rear
hooves into his gut at full force.

“A divorce?” he managed to weakly ask.

“Yes.”

“Uh… well, uh…”

“I’ve arranged for very generous terms on your behalf. Alimony payments will be
ten thousand bits per month, with annual reviews to account for cost-of-living
expenses. You shall have free access to the palace, the grounds, and any
services provided here, such as my personal carriage and chariots at any time
you like. You will remain a friend of the Crown as well as maintaining the title
of Duke, you may request an audience with me at any time and receive it, and
Luna has even promised to keep all nightmares away. All you have to do is sign
and date the last page, and you’ll be free.”

Anon wasn’t sure how to reply to all that, so he spat out the one question that
seemed to be overruling all others.

“Why didn’t anypony find this sooner?”

Celestia heaved the deepest sigh Anon had ever heard. “Please permit me to
answer that with a story, if I may.”

He nodded, and she continued. “When I sent Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville, I told
her to write me a letter every week to tell me about her studies in friendship.
My hope was that by doing so, she would recognize the lessons she was learning,
and that it would imprint on her heart far more that it ever could on paper. She
did so, dutifully, for well over a year. She grew by leaps and bounds, as she
does in everything, and I was pleased she was learning so much from her new
friends.

“But then a week came when there was no friendship lesson. It was a rather busy
week for me, and I didn’t notice her missing report.

“However, just before sunset on the day of the ‘deadline’ I received a letter
from Spike informing me of a most troubling development. Desperate for a
friendship problem to write about, Twilight had cast a Want It Need It spell on
and old stuffed rag doll she owned. Within the space of a few minutes, nearly
the entire town of Ponyville had fallen under the enchantment and had devolved
into fighting each other for possession of this doll. Thankfully, Spike sent
this message to me with enough time for me to teleport and to clear the
enchantment before anypony was seriously hurt.

“Now, let me ask you this: what should Twilight have done?”

Anon thought for a moment. “I can see her dilemma. If she did not have a
friendship lesson to report, you might think her studies were over. She really
should have written you to ask for your advice”

She nodded. “A prudent course of action. If she had, she would have been told
the letters were not as important as she thought they were. I would have
informed her that she could write when—and only when—a lesson happened.

“Now, Twilight is, arguably, one of the most intelligent ponies in all of
Equestria. Why would such a pony be unable to come to such an obvious answer?”

Anon shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Most behavioral experts call it ‘Tunnel Vision.’ For as smart as ponies are, we
all have the propensity to see only what is in front of us and nothing else.
Most believe it’s something that’s been passed down from our earliest ancestors,
and that it is somehow related to the Fight or Flight response we see in
wildlife.

“So, in simple terms, it means that when a pony is a presented with a problem,
their tendency is to focus on one answer only. Usually the first response works,
and normally it is an acceptable and reasonable solution, so the pony doesn’t
even realize what they did.

“This is part of the reason nopony thought of divorce. The other part, I
believe, is my fault. When I sent my law out for review, I asked if there was a
loophole in the law itself. If one looks at it from the way I asked, there is no
way to cancel it. However, there is nothing in the law that says we must remain
married. As soon as Luna proclaimed us husband and wife, the terms were
fulfilled. The only thing that binds you to me or me to you is the modern legal
bonds of marriage. I also personally believe the subject matter hampered
efforts.”

“How so?”

“Imagine if I placed before you a giant, one thousand year old boulder. The
boulder itself is visually impressive one, with all sorts of swirls and colorful
bands sweeping through it. I then give you a fork, spoon, and knife and ask you
to find a way to move the boulder and command you to report back in three days.
I then tell you that if someone manages to drill a hole into it, it will release
a terrible plume of smoke that will turn my coat purple. What do you think would
happen?”

Anon nodded as he saw the simile. It was a simile, wasn’t it? “I would probably
chip away at it with the silverware for a few days before telling you that the
task was impossible. I’d probably also laugh at the thought of you being purple,
and get distracted by the colors in the rock, too.”

“Very well.” Celestia nodded. “What if I had not given you the knife, fork, and
spoon? Just pointed to the boulder and let you go.”

“Oh.” The inspiration was dizzying. “I’d go buy some rope and a few pulleys.
Maybe hire a couple of beefy earth ponies to help pull, and we’d have that
boulder moved by the end of the first day.”

“Exactly.” A broader smile managed to work its way onto Celestia’s face as she
nodded again. “I believe this happened with my law as well. Most anypony at a
University would probably be far more interested in the insides of a previously
unknown, thousand-year-old document. Judges and Lawyers would laugh at the
subject and would assume such an occurrence is next to impossible. When we look
at the problem from the outside, it’s easy to see how divorce could be
overlooked.”

Anon didn’t reply for a few moments as he processed all this, but when he did,
his voice was soft and thoughtful. “So, all I need to do is sign?”

“Yes. You can then go back to your regular life and your own dreams. I’ll even
go find Sego Lily for you, if you want me to.”

Anon looked down at the divorce papers, and Celestia placed an inkwell and quill
next to them. His mind began churning with thoughts, and he tried to keep them
all in order.

This was, as she said, everything he had wanted. No more trying to figure out
how to date a princess, no more worrying about being a prince and doing princely
things, no more Luna glaring at him and yanking his chain. The terms were
generous enough that he could very easily buy a home out in the country and be
able to write his story uninterrupted. He would, in pretty much any way he could
think of, be set for life. He could even probably use this amusing incident to
launch his writing career.

He pondered this for quite some time, but then he made the mistake of looking
up. Celestia was sitting calmly, her body facing him but her head turned to look
out the window. She was the perfect picture of her reputation right then:
peaceful, serene, stoic and steadfast. She looked like a Princess, in every way.

But Anon could also see something else. True, he didn’t have the centuries of
experience in reading body language like she did. He really couldn’t say that he
knew her inner feelings based on how she inhaled or how she blinked.

But there was still a feeling of sadness draped across her form. It wasn’t the
sadness that came from doing something wrong. It was more like the sadness that
came from the realization that something good was coming to an end.

He ran a hoof through his mane as she took a gentle sip of tea. It had not been
a mistake to look up. As he watched her mane float on the ethereal breeze that
moved it along, he knew what his answer needed to be.

Celestia inhaled slowly and deeply when she heard Anonymous slide the divorce
papers back across the table. She then slowly turned her head and looked down.

One eyebrow moved up as her interest seemed to grow. On top of the divorce
decree, Anon had placed his notebook and opened to a page that had one sentence
written across the top.

“How to flirt with, date, court, and-slash-or woo Princess Celestia,” she read,
and then laughed slightly before Anon continued.

“Ridiculous, right? I mean, really. What chance does a commoner like me have
with you?”

He paused to take a breath. “Three days ago, when we first booped noses, if you
had told me this, I would have married and divorced you right then and there
with no further thought on the matter.

“But then I started talking to you. I got to know you better. My preconceived
notions were challenged, and I had to reconcile what I had known to what I had
learned. You acted out my little paragraph of writing. You talked to me about
Sego Lily. You made me funny face pancakes, and you ate my soup while listening
to my little sob story.

“I realize there’s still a ton we don’t know about each other, and that would
need to change. I’m also not sure if we can ever really love each other, but I’d
like to find out for sure,” he admitted while his gaze went to the window. “As
crazy as this whole thing has been, I’m delusional enough at this point to think
that maybe, somehow, we could have something. I’ve had little glimpses into what
life with you could be like, and I’ve loved them. I really would like to see if
there could be more.

“I also want to keep your feelings in mind, too. If this is too forward of me,
or if you want the divorce for whatever reason, I’ll sign the papers. I don’t
want you to be forced into something you don’t want either.”

He then heard Celestia’s magic working. He glanced back, and saw his notebook
had been picked up and she was flipping the pages of the decree. She stopped on
the last page, and Anon saw that both he and she needed to sign it, but both
places were blank.

His notebook then was placed back on the table. Under his sentence, she had
written one simple line:

Call me Celly.

“I think you are slightly mistaken in one area.” He looked up at her, and found
a completely different mare before him. The previously stoic and sad Celestia
was now a perky, smiling mare, and her eyes were sparkling with mirth.

“How so?” he asked, as a smile invaded his face too.

“You said we don’t love each other yet. If that was totally true, you would have
signed the paperwork. What we have is a start, an ember. I would like to see if
it could be something more as well.”

“You would?”

She nodded. “It’s going to take time, though, and there’s still much that could
change your mind. Let’s leave the divorce option open with the understanding
that if either of us wants out in the future, we will part as friends and with
no ill will.”

“I can agree to that, Celly.”

The smile she gave him sent a shiver of joy throughout his whole body. Even his
spine felt tingly.

“Then we are agreed. I’ll even help you add more things to that list.”

“Really?”

“But you need to add most of them,” she added slyly. “If you want this to work,
you’ve got to put some effort into it. That’s how any relationship works,
really.”

He gave his own sly smile back. “That sounds like a two way street to me.”

“As it should be, Mister Anon.”

He then pulled the notebook a bit closer, produced his pencil, and began
writing. Once done, he pushed it back towards her, and she leaned over to see
what he’d just added.

 How to flirt with, date, court, and/or woo Anonymous.

And underneath that, one simple line:

Call me Anon.

“You get to add things too,” he remarked.

“I would love to, Anon,” she said with a quick boop for his nose. > 10. - So,
Now What? >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, I guess we could have annulled the marriage too,” Anon offered in thought.

“That we could,” Celestia replied as they left her drawing room. “But that would
have left you with nothing, and I didn’t want that to happen. You have handled
everything with a great deal of decorum, and you deserved to have compensation
for your trouble.”

Anon didn’t have a reply to that, but he did blush a little.

“Oh ho!” Celestia cackled. “I was wondering if it was possible to bring any
color to your cheeks.”

“I blush,” he said weakly. “I’m not used to ponies praising me. I’m also not
used to having all this attention.”

“I’ll help you through it,” Celestia offered. “Once our union is more widely
known, you’re going to need it.”

“So long as you’re there, I think I’ll survive.”

“Sister!” Luna called out from down the hallway. “Are you done with Mister
Anon?”

“Our dilemma has been resolved,” Celestia called back as Luna quickly closed the
gap between them.

“All right, I need a straight answer, not this cryptic nonsense. Are you two
divorced?”

“No, we—”

“Good. I need your husband.”

“No!” Celestia instantly wrapped a wing around him and pulled him in tight.
“He’s mine! Go get your own.”

Luna smacked her forehead with a hoof and groaned. “Not like that! I have the
ambassador from Caballo arriving in an hour and I need his cooking skills. Some
light refreshments will help ease the tension from your reschedules.”

“That it would. Anon, would you like to entertain your first diplomat?”

“Sure, I’m willing to help,” he said as Celestia’s wing retreated with a line of
tingles across his spine. “What do you want me to make?”

“Something more to the elegant side,” Luna replied. “Ambassador Rompe Viento is
known for his particular tastes.”

“How about a Popurrí de Vendura?”

“I don’t think I can even pronounce that. What is it?”

“A traditional Caballian dish. It might be a bit heavy, but I think I can cut
back here and there to lighten it up.”

“If it will appease the ambassador, then I’m all for it.” Luna motioned down the
hallway. “Shall we?”

“Go ahead. I’ve got more than enough work to catch up on while you’re gone,”
Celestia offered.

“I don’t doubt that.” Anon chuckled. “Maybe I can help you with it later?”

“I would like that.” Celestia gave him a bright smile. “I’ll save the really
boring laws for you.”

“Oh, great,” Anon groaned with a smile, then turned to Luna. “Your kitchen staff
isn’t going to be mad that I’m taking over their job, are they?”

“Not at all. No chef has been able to satisfy all of the Ambassador’s demands to
date,” Luna replied, as they began walking down the hallway. “You’re the only
hope I have at the moment.”

“Are things really that bad between Equestria and Caballo?”

“No, so it will be fine if he doesn’t like what you have made, but it would
help.”

“Okay. Let’s go give it a whirl, then.”





“So you decided to stay with my sister,” Luna casually remarked.

“I did,” Anon said with a slow stir of the vegetables in the skillet before him.

“Why?”

“Well, why not? Who wouldn’t want to be married to your sister?”

“Nice try.” She gave him a slight glare, but the corners of her mouth were
upturned. “I need a better answer than that.”

“That you do. It’s a bit hard to explain, really. I just felt like there could
be something more. I know that I’m just a commoner.

“But last night, when we were just talking…” Anon trailed off. There was a pause
as he threw some spices in the pan, then began stirring again. “It was nice, I
guess. I was talking to two princesses like they were my old friends, and it
felt good.

“Just talking to Celly feels good, y’know? I know she has to stay professional
and be diplomatic for both her own ponies and visitors, but the little bits that
I’ve seen when she’s not being a Princess are… well, they’re wholesome. They’re
delightful. This is probably going to sound really dumb, because this all
applies to her anyway, but even in private she’s a smart, witty, and thoughtful
mare who really does care about others.

“I mean, she’s tried to make my life easier, despite everything that’s happened.
She’s trying to make up for her law, and she really wants to do what’s best. I
dunno. Maybe I’m just being weird, but when I talk to Celly—not Princess
Celestia, but just Celly—I feel like I belong. I’d almost like to say that
existential crisis my dad said I was having is solved with her. I kinda feel
like… well, like I’ve found myself.”

“What about the other mare you met? Sego Lily, wasn’t it?”

He chuckled. “Yeah. I don’t know how to explain that. She was attractive, and I
can’t deny I wasn’t enamored by her. I guess I just fell for that trap where I
let my guard down a little and I let her in when I shouldn’t have. If I could go
back and do that again I would. I would have just apologized for crashing into
her and then been on my way, and just skip getting caught in the depths of a
pity party. I guess I need to take that as a lesson in watching my decisions.”

“At least you have learned from it,” Luna replied. “If you are going to remain
with my sister, you owe her your complete fidelity.”

“She’ll have it, don’t worry. I mean, who could ever really measure up to your
sister?”

“Other than you? Somepony on stilts, maybe.”

They both chuckled at the mental image. “That’s about the only way. But I’m
going to take this seriously. Celestia deserves it.”

“You do too,” said Luna. “You will never have to worry about Celly betraying
you, either.”

“I never thought that would be an issue.”

“Celly is still a mare, Anon. She meets with a great many handsome stallions on
an almost daily basis, stallions who would turn you green with envy.  She will
have to watch herself too, but she takes her commitments seriously. If you stay
loyal to her, she will stay loyal to you.”

“Just as you stayed loyal to Star Struck?”

“Just as we did, yes.” Luna’s subdued smile made her light up like the moon. “I
can tell you it was not easy all the time. As romantic as our beginning was, our
relationship needed continual work. The same will be true for you.”

“I don’t mind a little work,” Anon replied as he pulled a saucepan off of
another burner and poured the contents over his concoction in the main skillet.
“Especially for what the reward is.”

“Is this it, then?”

“Yeah. I hope he likes it. This is something my parents brought back with them
after an overseas trip to Caballo. They said they found it during their trip
through the countryside.”

“I believe it will be satisfactory,” she replied. “He should be arriving any
moment now. We will soon see if you are successful.”





“Princess, I don’t know who made this, but I simply must offer my compliments!”
Ambassador Rompe Viento gushed. “This is the most incredible meal I have ever
had the pleasure of enjoying!”

“I will be sure to pass your compliments along,” Luna replied with a wink to
Anon. “The Chef will be very pleased to hear this.”

“Well, now that I am quite pleasantly full, I believe we can begin negotiations.
May I be so bold as to invite you to join us?”

“I have already made arrangements to join you and Minister Penny Wise,
Ambassador.”

“Fantastico! Will Mister Anon be joining us?”

“I believe he is needed elsewhere, unfortunately.”

“In high demand eh?” The Ambassador bobbed his eyebrows at Anon. “But that is
fine. I’m sure we will have an opportunity to talk later.”

“I look forward to it, Ambassador,” Anon replied.

“Just this way, Viento.” Luna motioned with a hoof down one hallway.

Anon stood still until they both had cleared the hallway, and then he let his
breath out in relief. That had been slightly nerve wracking, but at least his
meal had been received well. But now what? Should he go back to the Archives and
study more, or should he try to meet up with Celestia?

“Excuse me, Prince Anon?”

That was definitely going to take some getting used to. He smiled politely as he
turned to face Celestia’s secretary. “Yes?”

“Hello, Your Highness. I’m Wysteria Inkwell, and I’m your personal secretary
now. It’s nice to make your acquaintance.”

“Likewise,” he replied with a quick shake of her hoof. “But you’re still
Celestia’s secretary too, right?”

“Yes, Your Highness. I work for both of you now. You’ll be seeing me around a
lot since the Princess believes you’ll be spending most of your time with her
over the next few weeks.”

“Oh? Well, I can live with that.” Anon gave a quick nod. “So, what am I supposed
to be doing right now?”

Wysteria adjusted her glasses and looked over her clipboard. “Well, the Princess
is scheduled to be in Day Court until this evening. I guess you could join her
there. She didn’t really say what she wanted you to do right now.”

“I don’t know if I should join her. Wouldn’t I be a disruption?”

“Oh, not at all, Your Highness! There’s a separate staff entrance near the back.
I can bring you in there, and you can just sit off to the side until she’s
done.”

“No one will notice me there?”

“I would be surprised if they did, Your Highness. Everypony who comes to court
is so in awe of Celestia that they don’t bother to look around, and even if they
did, we’ll just say you’re an observer. You’ll blend right in.”

“Oh! Well, okay then. I guess I just follow you?”

Wysteria smiled and motioned down a hallway with one hoof. “Right this way, Your
Highness.”





Anonymous liked Day Court.

Granted, he wasn’t the one making the decisions, and he knew that made a huge
difference. But Celestia was an obvious expert, and the various petitioners were
giving him a good look at what would probably be expected of him later.

His first observation was how many ponies came to the seat of the Two Sisters to
beg for money. It seemed nearly half of the visitors wanted funds for any number
of reasons: new house, start a business, hard times, et cetera. Celestia was
uniform in her decisions. No matter what, the official policy of the Crown was
not to distribute funding, no matter how worthy the cause. Business ideas needed
to speak to a local banker for a loan (and she gladly named two or three who she
personally recommended), and individuals needed to speak to the ponies in the
Office of Personal Finance to determine what would be best for their particular
case. Anon figured that this was because money distributed by the Crown was
taxpayer bits, and that some oversight was needed to ensure the money wasn’t
wasted. Even if Celestia did approve the funds, it would have to be accounted
for somewhere so it ended up the same anyway.

The next most common request was requests for her to make some kind of
legislative change. These she listened to calmly and attentively, no matter how
strange they were. There was, for instance, a pair of goats who wished for a
‘National Feta Cheese’ day to be declared, and that made Anon giggle a bit,
since he personally disliked Feta. Celestia diplomatically said she’d look into
it, and that had worked.

Another asked for an official study into whether or not Cloudsdale’s method of
replenishing their water reserves was damaging to the local ecosystems. He
looked a bit put out when she told him comprehensive studies had been done every
year for the last two hundred and twelve years and no damage had ever been
noted. Well, other than a few confused fish that had to be screened out of the
water inlets and returned to the donating lake every time the reserves were
filled.

He was pretty amazed at how well she handled these requests, and how well she
knew what legislation was already in place, but he also realized why she had
forgotten about her nose law. With the constant influx of laws, ordinances and
the other minutiae that went into running a country, it would be easy to forget
a dusty old law that wasn’t doing anything.

The rest of the petitioners he labeled as miscellaneous. Some just wanted to
chat with her, some wanted a photograph and/or an autograph, and one old mare
asked if Celly could speak at her funeral. Celestia had danced around that one,
saying it really depended on her schedule on the day of death.

The absolute best petitioner, however, was the last pony. He was a suave young
thing, perhaps the same age as Anon, with a slicked back mane and sparkling
white teeth. He sprayed his mouth with what Anon suspected was breath freshener
just as he was announced, and he strode confidently into the room with an
all-knowing grin.

“Good afternoon, Furious Thunder,” Celestia greeted evenly. “What do you have to
present before the Court?”

Thunder cleared his throat with a practiced ease in his motions. “O great
Celestia, whose strength binds our lands together and whose wisdom shines forth
across the seas, I thank fortune and luck that I have been so privileged to be
in your presence today.”

Anon was pretty extra sure he could hear Celestia’s eyes rolling.

“But I have come here today as a humble stallion, one who seeks only for the
eternal happiness and indescribable joy of our beloved monarch. I wish to offer
a present, O Celestia, a simple token of my own undying gratitude for your
selfless work in our behalf.”

“And what present is that?” Celestia asked. Anon caught the note of wariness in
her voice and moved up and onto his feet, but he was also glad to see the Guards
in the room tense up and give the great orator their undivided and pointed
attention.

“Nothing more than a flower, my lady. A rare and beautiful flower, one that
matches your own self.”

Anonymous was no flower expert by any means, but the flower that the pegasus
produced seemed to be nothing more than an ordinary white rose. Though Anon felt
highly   confused, Celestia’s face remained even and calm. She even let a small
smile grace her features.

“What a lovely gesture! Thank you, Mister Thunder. Please, approach and present
your gift.”

The guards at the foot of the dais didn’t look very happy about this, but they
let him pass. Anon also was a bit concerned, but he figured Celestia knew what
she was doing.

Furious Thunder’s posture was confident and sure, looking like a stallion who
had just won a large prize and was about to collect it. Anon watched closely as
Thunder made the climb quickly and then kneeled before Celestia with the rose
held upward in one hoof.

“For my beloved monarch.”

Celestia’s hoof slowly moved out to take the flower.

And Furious Thunder sprung. Before Anon could even react, Thunder had pushed up
from his low position quickly, tilted his head up and booped Celestia’s nose.

“Oh! My apologies.” Celestia retreated up and back a step, and Anon caught the
mischievous wink from his wife. “I didn’t realize you were going to stand.”

“Oh, no, Your Highness. The fault was mine. I am such. A. Clumsy. Stallion.”
Thunder made a great effort at enunciating his words.

“Are you really? You should take some yoga classes, then.” Celestia took the
rose in her magic and sniffed it. “Or perhaps some Tai Chi would work better. Or
is it Chai tea? I always get those mixed up.”

“I, uh. I’ll look into it.”

“Now, I could be mistaken, but this seems like a rather ordinary rose. What
makes it so special?”

“It, um… it’s the first flower I gave to my future bride.”

“Oh! Well, that makes it far too special to give to me.” Celestia pushed the
rose back in Thunder’s face. “You should return it immediately.”

“Um, Your Highness?” one of the guards piped up, after clearing his throat.

“Oh! Do you mean me, Mister Thunder?” Celestia put a hoof to her chest in
dramatic shock. “Oh dear. You did just boop my nose, didn’t you?”

“I did, yes.” That winning smile was back in full force.

“Oh my, what a dilemma! I did write that law a thousand years ago that says the
first stallion to touch my nose with his own has to be my husband.”

“You did, yes.”

“It’s certainly a good thing that law is no longer valid, isn’t it?”

“It is… wait, what?”

Celestia nodded solemnly. “Yes, I’m afraid so. You are not the first stallion to
touch my nose. You’re operating under a misconception.”

“Somepony else got you already?” Thunder whispered in disbelief.

Celestia now frowned at him. “Yes, and it’s a good thing, too. What University
are you attending right now?”

Anon was trying very hard not to laugh at the now thoroughly routed Furious
Thunder.

“The University of Canterlot, Your Highness.” Thunder said.

“And did you read my law for yourself or did you just hear about it?”

“I heard about it from some friends on campus who’d seen it.”

“I see. Did you consider what would really happen if you were the first one?”

“Uh…”

“Because it is no easy task to be a prince. You must be calm and collected at
all times, never letting you emotions overrun your judgements and decisions. You
must handle ponies at their very worst, as well as at their very best. Despite
your own opinions and ideas, you must be open and receptive to all ponies, no
matter how different they may seem, or how offensive their personality may be.

“You must also make decisions that will be tried and tested for years to come,
and if you make an error then you will not only suffer yourself but you will
impact the lives of potentially millions. A seemingly small and simple law can
completely change the whole of Equestria.”

Anon moved over towards the dias when Celestia motioned for him. He knew all
that stuff wasn’t for Thunder, it was for him. Celestia was warning him, he’d be
in the hot seat with her in more ways than he knew about.

But that was just it. He’d be with her.

And with that being the case, he believed it could be done. He could be a
prince, and have the love of a princess. It would take everything he had, and
probably more, but it would doable.

“Mister Thunder, I would like you to meet—” Celestia stalled, looked over to
Anon, and smiled “—my husband, Prince Anonymous. Anon, say hello to Furious
Thunder.”

Anon was really grateful that only Celestia, Wysteria, and himself were present
for the big announcement, but there was still no shortage of embarrassment on
his part.

“H-hi.” Anon stammered.

“Go easy on him, he’s had a rough few days.” Celestia added quickly. “It’s not
easy adjusting to being a Prince.”

“How did you boop her first?” Thunder demanded, his face flushed with anger.
Celestia’s magic flared, and the young stallion began to float away from Anon,
held by the scruff of his neck much like a kitten being picked up by its mother.

“Now, now. Don’t be a sore loser,” Celestia chided. “My advice to you is to
forget any of this happened, resume your studies, and look for your special
somepony while doing so. You never know when destiny will strike. Now, off you
go!”

Thunder yelped when Celestia’s magic swatted him on the bum as she put him down.
He then grumbled and fumed his way out of the throne room, with a couple of
guards following for good measure. Once he was out of sight, Celestia nodded to
Wysteria.

“I believe we shall adjourn Day Court for now.”

“Very well.” Wysteria swung the double doors to the throne room shut with her
magic.

“Now then, all of that excitement has worked up my appetite. Anon, what do you
suggest we have tonight?”

He smiled. “How about a nice rosemary salad with shredded carrots, but hold the
physical assault?”

“That sounds delicious. Shall we?”





“So, I guess we have to make the official announcement now,” Anon said.

“Not necessarily,” Luna replied. “If you are still not comfortable about your
position, we can still use one of my favorite stalling tactics.”

Celestia rolled her eyes, but she laughed too. “The Crown can neither confirm
nor deny the rumor that has been spread by Furious Thunder. No further comment.”

“Exactly. It is amazing how well that works.”

“No, that doesn’t seem right,” Anon replied. “I would feel like I’m deceiving
ponies. Since I decided to stay, we should announce it.”

“Anon has spoken,” Celestia grandly proclaimed with a chuckle. “Everything will
be shut down tomorrow so we’ll make the announcement and have a press conference
first thing Monday morning.”

Anon nodded. “I guess this means we should go meet my parents tomorrow.”

“Are you sure you want to?”

“I’m pretty extra sure I don’t want to.” Anon paused while he glared daggers at
the floor. “But I don’t think they’d appreciate reading about how their son
married Princess Celestia in the morning paper. They did send me off on this
little journey, so it’s fair they should know how it ended.”

“I would not say it has ended.” Luna replied. “I think you’re still just
beginning. This is just another step along the way.”

“That’s true,” he replied, before taking a bite of salad. “Were your parents
still alive when you met Star Struck?”

“You should not talk with your mouth full,” Luna chided. “But they were, yes. It
was not easy for them to accept him, but they did in time.”

“They didn’t like him?”

“He was a mouthy, temperamental thing at first. Though he treated me kindly, he
would gladly have an argument at anytime and with anypony. He hated backing
down, too, so there were frequent ego clashes. Father was ready to turn him into
saddlebags more than a few times.”

“Our parents were also slow to adapt,” Celestia added. “The magic of friendship
takes longer to work on some, and it was hard for Mother and Father to accept an
earth pony as an equal, not to mention the additional hurdle of being worthy of
their daughter. But in time, they did. We all worked together on it and he
eventually became a beloved son-in-law.”

“Think they’d ever approve of me?” Anon asked.

“Hmm.” Luna tapped her hoof to her chin. “They would not approve of you being an
earth pony. They also would frown upon your common status, and your accidental
invocation of the law.”

“But then you stayed and took responsibility,” Celestia added. “They would
appreciate that, even if they would not admit it.”

“Taking a thrashing from me would probably add to their appreciation of your
tenacity.” Luna shook her head and chuckled. “Enduring my teasing would also be
endearing.”

“Being an excellent cook is always a good way to gain a pony’s favor,” Celestia
offered with a deep smile. “They would be displeased over your day with Sego
Lily, but then they would be touched by your remorse over the incident. Being
able to tolerate Discord would also impress them.”

“And then you stayed,” Luna concluded. “You had an out, but you did not take it.
I think, overall, they would have approved. They would be chiding Celly for
writing such a silly law, though.”

“They did when I wrote the thing.” Celestia laughed. “But even they begrudgingly
admitted my convoluted solution was better than Iron Hoof.”

“Anything was better than Iron Hoof, Sister. The foal was an idiot.”

“I sense you have a high opinion of him,” Anon quipped.

Luna snorted derisively. “Go through the archives and look into his history. You
will quickly see why I detested him. I shed no tears for him when he finally
passed.”

“He was rather unpleasant, and that’s being nice,” Celestia added. “It may be a
bit shameful but I wasn’t too sad when he passed either. He had very few
redeeming qualities.”

“Huh.” Anon took a slow bite as he thought about this information. “So, if I’m
the opposite of him I’ll be good.”

“That will be a good start.” Celestia gave Anon a serious look. “But it will
only be just that. Everything I said to Furious Thunder will apply to you, and
more. You will need to be at your very best, at every moment, and even if
everypony around you is not. And worst of all, you will have to contend with a
spouse who can be very disagreeable when she is having a bad day, who is pushy
and prefers to get her own way, and has stinky wingpits on certain days.”
Celestia made a brief sniff of her underwing area and wrinkled up her nose.
“She’s not a very pretty pony sometimes, and worst of all, she snores and hogs
all the covers in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, well,” Anon huffed. “I don’t think I can tolerate a blanket hog. I don’t
know that I can make a relationship work with a pony who has such a fatal flaw.”

“You could just fight back, you realize,” Luna pointed out. “Just poke Celly in
the ribs and she will relinquish her hold on whatever she’s stolen. She’ll also
snort like a wee little piggy.”

“Luna!” Celestia gasped loudly. “You have just given away my greatest secret!
How could you?!”

Luna blew a raspberry at her sister, then pulled Anon in close with one wing.
“If you stick with me, Mister Anon, I will teach you all of my sister’s
weaknesses. You shall emerge victorious from any tickle war my sister may dare
to wage. I will not leave my brother-in-law defenseless.”

“I’m not so sure this is a good idea, but teach me, oh great Lunar Princess.”

“A traitorous alliance! Equestria is doomed!” Celestia shouted with a loud
laugh. > 11. - A Grand Day Out >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I honestly thought it would be harder to get out of the palace,” Anon remarked
thoughtfully.

“It typically is,” Celestia replied while they both braced themselves against
the lurch of the train as it began its journey. “But every pony understands that
right now is a bit of an ‘unique’ situation. Wysteria is also very good at her
job.”

“I am also a bit surprised that the private train of Princess Celestia is so
plain. It looked like we were going to take the Express to Baltimare for a
minute.”

“There is a problem with having a gilded train like the one you describe,”
Celestia said. “With enough velvet and gold, one feels like a show pony in a
three-ring circus.”

“I can see why you would want to avoid that.”

“I also tend to feel guilty if the pegasus guards have to pull me and my chariot
long distances,” Celestia continued. “They tell me time and again it’s an honor
to do so but I know it’s backbreaking work, so when I can I travel by rail.”

“Plus, you can get more paperwork done.”

“That I can,” she smiled, and she settled in behind the desk like a mother swan
in a nest, or at least that was the image that Anonymous was trying his best not
to think about. “Sadly, there is never a shortage of it, and I believe some of
the worst offenders at creating the cursed things will see you as an opportunity
to ‘up their game’ as it is said.”

“I bet.” He chuckled while he watched her bring a stack of papers to the desk
with her magic.

“So what should I know about your family?” she asked. “I hate walking into a
battle blind.”

“Yeah, it may be a battle, I suppose.” Anon blew out a short and frustrated
breath. “What to tell you about my parents. Isn’t that the sixty-four thousand
bit question. Where do I even begin?”

“Start with the basics,” she replied as she began reading the stack of parchment
before her, and writing on another off to one side. “All I know is that you have
a mother and father and no siblings, that they took you in when you were five
years old, and that they own a gourmet restaurant.”

“Upscale,” he corrected. “I have no idea why it matters, but it’s an upscale
restaurant. From what Dad says, it means we serve real food, not just a
half-dozen microscopic blobs of stuff on a lettuce leaf for a few hundred bits.”

“Fair enough. But what are they like? What interests do they have? How much do
they travel?"

“Well, they’re earth ponies.” Anon snorted and suppressed a smile. “Mom likes to
call herself black beans over yellow rice, and Dad says he’s refried beans with
hot salsa on top, due to their colors.” He eyed Celestia’s flowing mane. “I’m
not sure how they’d describe you.”

“Rainbow whip topping on vanilla ice cream,” said Celestia with a twinkle in her
eyes. “My sister can be double-double chocolate fudge. So how did your parents
meet?”

Anon straightened up, although with most of his smile still remaining. “They’re
foalhood sweethearts, actually. They were neighbors growing up, and somehow they
always knew they would marry each other.”

Anon hesitated. Celestia was looking over one scroll quite intently and the
quill in her magic seemed to be writing quickly next to her, but she still made
an encouraging noise as if she wanted him to continue.

“They, uh, they opened the Zuerst just after they got married. They’ve done some
advertising but most of their growth has been by word-of-mouth. When I left,
they could pack the place, no matter what day it was. They haven’t let the
success go to their heads, though. They have a modest house in town, and they
insisted that I attend public schooling. I guess they thought if I had a normal
childhood I wouldn’t become an egotistical brat.”

…and she wasn’t listening, even though both of her ears were pointed in his
direction. Anon sighed and plopped his butt on a convenient chair. Why had she
bothered to ask if she was just going to get wrapped up in her work?

“What else?” Celestia pressed.

“What?”

“There was more you were going to tell me, wasn’t there?” she asked, without
looking up.

“Well, yeah. But you don’t seem to be very interested.”

“I’m listening. These things,” she twitched her ears, “are able to work
separately from these,” she pointed to her eyes, “or from this,” as she tapped
her horn.

“Oh,” Anon replied, but his gaze went to the floor. An odd concoction of
depressed, impressed, and self pity moved through him, and he twiddled his hands
while the sensation seeped into his bones. He really should have realized that
the Princess would have learned how to multitask at some point in the last
thousand years.

Anon gave a slight yelp of alarm when her magic picked him up, but then he
visibly relaxed when his eyes met hers. His own feelings turned into deep
concern when he saw the sorrow in the magenta pools before him, but he was also
astonished at how expressive those eyes were.

“That was not the best choice of words,” she simply said. “Even after a thousand
years of diplomacy, I can still say the absolute wrong thing at the worst time.”

“I don’t see how it was wrong. You’ve had centuries to learn how to multitask. I
should have realized that.”

“That’s not the point,” she replied. He relaxed further when she playfully
rubbed noses with him and then put him down. “The point is you’re not the only
one who is learning in this relationship. I’m used to dealing with diplomats, so
I suppress my frustrations until I’m in a more private setting. Like when I’m
with Luna,” she added with a pained twitch in the corner of her cheek. “And now
you.”

“Like a pressure cooker,” said Anon. “If you don’t vent, you’ll explode.”

Celestia nodded, then whistled a long, rising note, ending in a sharp popping
noise from her cheek that made both of them giggle.

“I probably should try not to be so touchy,” said Anon. “Provided you do the
same for me. I get frustrated too, but on a much smaller scale, I suppose.

Celestia made a much smaller popping noise with her lips, which left them cocked
into a sly smile afterward. “Something we both need to work on, I suppose. What
if we make a deal? If you want to talk to me about something that you feel is
important, just say so. I will stop what I am doing and give you my full and
undivided attention. Is that fair?”

“That’s fair. I’ll also try to remember that you’re not being mean or ignoring
me. You’re just being… well, a princess.”

“That will work,” she replied with a smile.

“What are you working on?” he asked, and he tried to peer up at the papers.

“This is next year’s budget. Be careful, though. Long-term exposure can be
detrimental to your health.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Makes you break out in
Stuffy, and it can cause Snooty in extreme cases.”

“I hope not, or at least I hope you have some kind of protective shield in
place.”

“Several layers, don’t worry,” she replied with a wink. “But, now that I think
about it, you could help me with this.”

Anon’s depression was sent packing, and an eager desire to help took up quick
residence instead. “Really? I’d love to help you in any way, if I can.”

Celestia chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm and pulled a chair from across the car
over for him to sit on. “I think you will be an immense help. You see, the
problem I have with budgets is that I am never totally sure how it will affect
my little ponies. I have various officials and experts who can advise me, of
course, but since they make a living out of crunching numbers I do tend to have
a small grain of doubt when they give their presentations. You, however, have
actually paid taxes and had to live with my decisions, so you can tell me if
what is proposed seems fair and decent. I don’t expect you to be an expert on
all of it, but take a look. This will be a good illustration of the concept.”

The whole stack of papers levitated, and from the middle of the stack she
withdrew a small group of papers. “This is the restaurant tax.”

Anon frowned. “Repeal that thing immediately and then incinerate it.”

“And thus you prove my point.” She giggled. “Now, what is it about this tax that
makes it worthy of a death by fire?”

The train’s whistle blasted long and loud as the journey began in earnest.





“So, how do you think your parents will respond to… well, me?” Celestia asked,
as the train bumped to a stop. She was feeling far more nervous about this visit
than she was letting on, and while she had appreciated Anon’s comments on the
budget, it had distracted them from the original topic of conversation. She was
going up against an unknown, and she never was comfortable with that scenario.

“I honestly have no idea, and that’s the worst part of all this.” Anon sighed.
“I really hope they’ll be accepting of what’s happened.”

“Will it take long to reach the Zuerst?”

“Not too long, no. It’s about fifteen to twenty minutes from here, and even
faster if you fly.”

“Do you want to?”

“Fly?” he asked, and she nodded. “Oh! You can carry me?”

“I can indeed.” She smiled as they stepped out onto the platform. “I only look
dainty. I was a warcharger at various points in my life.”

“Oh, but I couldn’t ask you to—wooOOAAHH!”

His counterargument was silenced when Celestia wrapped her arms around his
waist, flared her wings, and swept up into the sky with a mighty flap. Anon
continued to struggle and flail a little while they ascended, but then he
relaxed when she leveled out so they could look out over the city.

Salt Lick was a modest city, with modest homes and modest shops scattered about
a modest scene. It would never be anything like the bustling metropolis that
Manehattan, Baltimare, or even Fillydelphia was, but it was a pleasant-looking
city all the same, and much of its charm came from its smaller size. Surrounded
by the gently rolling Appaloosa Mountains and with the broad Misshoofi River
running along its western edge, the city had a distinct outdoorsy feel that
begged to be explored.

“So what am I looking at?” Celestia asked Anon, and her head dipped down to
follow his arm as he pointed.

“That’s city hall down there, it probably looks familiar. Over there is the
university, and the natural history museum is next to it. The dockyards are
there, markets up there. My house—well, my old house—is just over there.”

“And your restaurant?”

Anon scanned the city for a moment, the pointed. “Just right down theryyyaaahh!”

His shout of alarm turned into a whoop of joy as she built up speed, and it only
increased when she leveled out for a moment to pull a barrel roll. Celestia
caught on to Anon’s excitement, and she quickly twisted into a tight loop, and
then a couple of quick knife turns to keep the feeling going.

When they did land, Anon staggered away from her, his steps wobbly and unsure,
but only for a moment. He then turned to face her, and he had the most
deliriously happy smile plastered on his face that he’d ever had.

“That… was… awesome!” he shouted. “The way you zipped, and zoomed, and that
twisty thing you did, and… and…”

“I’m glad you liked the flight, but you need to breathe. You’re going to pass
out on me if you don’t.”

“Breathe. Right. I can breathe, I’m very good at breathing.”

“I certainly hope so.” She giggled behind a hoof.

“Can we do that again some time, please please please?”

Celestia clicked her tongue. “I suppose I could have Wysteria make an
appointment for you in my schedule.”

Anon pumped a fist in the air and gave a quick “Yes!” to himself. He then turned
and looked at the bay windows and slate-grey paint that made up the front of
what he had once referred to as his former prison. “And the good feeling is
gone.”

“I remember this place,” Celestia said thoughtfully. “I was here, oh, about
twenty years ago for the Equestria Games. The Mayor insisted we eat here. She
claimed at the time it was the best new restaurant in the city. From what I
recall, the food was quite delicious.”

“At least they left a favorable impression,” Anon said flatly.

“You would not even have been in Equestria at that point, I suppose. I also
think your father was the waiter for that evening. I know I recommended it to a
few of my advisors later.”

“He’ll be pleased to hear that.”

She now looked up at him and saw his face was drawn in consternation. “Anon, if
you don’t want to do this we won’t. You’re not obligated to do anything.”

“No, I need to do this. Just brace yourself.”

“Brace myself?” she asked, but he was already moving into the restaurant. She
followed, but she had to duck to keep from hitting the door frame.

“Anon!” a pony shouted. “Long time no see, dude!”

“Hey Sip.” Anon shared a quick fistbump with the blue maître d’. “How’s things
been?”

“Oh, you know. Shake and Bake are still at it, Grumps is still Grumps, your
parents keep trying to invent new dishes. Same old, same old really.”

“Sounds like it. Are they in yet?”

“Should be out in a moment. Shake ran off to tell them you were here when you
landed with the Princess. Oh, hey Princess, by the way.”

“Good morning, Mister Sip,” she diplomatically replied. She couldn’t remember
the last time a pony had greeted her arrival so informally, but she rather liked
it.

“Fresh in from Canterlot, are you? Heard it’s a nice place to visit but never
had a chance to go. What brings you in with Anon?”

“That’s a long story,” Anon cut in with a sigh. “To put it simply, the Princess
is—”

“Anon? Is that you, sweetheart?” a feminine voice rang out.

“Here we go,” Anon muttered while he turned to the source of the voice. “Hey,
Mom.”

Celestia smiled as Anon’s foster mother galloped from the kitchen and then
smothered him in hugs and motherly kisses. She was a shade of yellow and her
mane had a few flecks and streaks of grey creeping into it. She still looked
very dignified, despite the motherly outburst, and she gave off an aura of
pleasantness.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re back, my little Anon.” She finally pulled away. “I’ve
been so worried about you! Where did you go? What did you see? Did you have fun?
Tell me you had fun. I want to hear all about it! It’s too bad you came back
today, we’ve been so busy with the adjuster’s conference. We could have had a
welcome home party.”

“Nonny? That you?” The voice that now called out from the kitchen sounded rather
similar to Anon’s own pleasant timbre.

“Hey, Dad.”

Celestia filed away Anon’s nickname for future use, and she bit her lip to
stifle her giggles as his father now gave him a brief, stallion-to-man hug. They
both seemed rather pleasant and kindly, from their first impressions, and even
Anon had a small smile.

“It’s good to have you back, son,” his father continued. “We’ve been slammed
with the conference—”

“I just told him that, dear,” his mom interjected.

“—and we could really use the extra hands in the kitchen tonight.”

“Dear, we’re being rude.” Anon’s mom nudged Anon’s dad with a hoof. “Anon
brought a special guest with him.”

“Ha-ha! Of course. My apologies. Anon, why don’t you introduce us?”

Anon paused, and blinked once. “Um, I’m pretty extra sure you know who this is.”

“Manners, Anon,” his mother chided.

Anon sighed. “All right. Mom, Dad, this is Celestia, Princess of the Sun.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Princess.” Anon’s Father offered, as both he and his
wife bowed. “I’m Garbanzo Bean, and this is my wife, Lima.”

And inexplicably, the ceiling let out a blast of laughter.

“This whole family is one big bean pun! I love it!” a decidedly Discord-esqe
voice said from nowhere.

“You stay out of this!” Anon shouted upwards, and both he and Celestia scowled
at the ceiling fans and rafters. Anon’s parents looked at each other, and then
to Sip in confusion.

“Hmpf!” The ceiling replied.

“Is everything ok?” Garbanzo asked.

“Yes, just ignore that.” Anon replied with a huff. “It’s been happening on and
off lately.”

“Okey dokey then,” his father replied warily.

“All right, how do I say this? Hoo.” Anon exhaled sharply. “Mom, Dad. Uh..
Phew.” He shut his eyes tight. “Celestiaismywifeandi’mherhusband.”

There was a healthy pause as the news soaked in. Sip looked like Anon’s
announcement was a joke, and he was waiting for the punch line. Garbonzo merely
nodded with both a frown and a smile fighting for space on his broad, squarish
face. And Lima...

Celestia had always wondered just what expression a prospective mother-in-law
would have when she considered the concept of grandfoals from a child who she
had feared would never reproduce. It was a very nice expression, quite pleased,
and it made Lima’s face light up like a beacon of joy, although it seemed to be
moderated slightly by just who Anonymous had decided would bear those foals, and
if the concept of wings or horns would be in their future. Or both.

“Well, that is quite the announcement,” Lima said, thus breaking the tension.
“Why don’t we sit and talk about it?”

“That would be delightful, Mister and Missus Anon,” Celestia replied warmly.

“Sip? Go get us some raspberry tea, would you?” Lima asked in a tone of voice
that brooked no disobedience, and which any officer in the Royal Guard would
have obeyed without hesitation. Sip did not salute when he left, but he give a
brief nod and trotted away at a quite brisk pace “Now, let’s all have a seat and
you can tell us how this happened, Anon.”





“… and then we decided to see if we could make this work.” Anon concluded,
sounding much more relaxed than the bundle of nerves he had been earlier. “So
now I’m a prince, and I need to return to Canterlot tonight with Celestia.
There’s going to be a news conference tomorrow to announce all of this. Probably
better than I just did,” he admitted.

“Well, it sounds like you’ve been on quite the adventure,” Lima said. “And such
interesting luck! You might have just started a new trend in marriage
proposals!”

“Good grief, I hope not.” Anon groaned. “That’s what we need, ponies standing
around in hidden places, trying to boop noses and getting injured.”

“And you say you wrote this law to get out of a marriage proposal a thousand
years ago?” Garbanzo asked the Princess.

“I did, yes. Believe me, Equestria would be very different today if I had
accepted his proposal.”

“Well, it’s a lot to take in, that’s for sure,” he replied. “And to think! My
little Nonny, a prince! It’s gonna take a while to get my head around that one.”

Celestia calmly sipped her tea. Garbanzo, with that sentence, had revealed much
more than he ever intended to. Celestia knew now, simply based on his tone and
timing of delivery. She had centuries of experience with ponies trying to hide
things or deceive her in every way imaginable. This was a new situation for her,
but the clues and the ‘tells’ were the same.

Celestia could read Anon’s parents like a book. The large print edition.

With illustrations.

Lima also calmly brought her tea cup to her lips. “So, Princess, when can I
expect to have some grandfoals?”

Anon made some sort of weird gagging-honking noise, and then coughed as tea
dribbled out of his nostrils.

Celestia, however, laughed lightly. “I’m afraid we haven’t had a chance to
discuss that yet, since we’ve been so focused on other things.”

“Naturally. But Anon, you need to think about things like that sooner rather
than later. Your father and I aren’t getting any younger—”

Thankfully, Celestia managed to suppress an inner cringe enough so nopony
noticed.

“—and neither are you! Besides, what better mother could there be than a
Princess? You have a very wonderful opportunity here, so you need to take
advantage of it.”

“I don’t think I’ll be taking advantage of anything for quite some time,” Anon
muttered.

“You really shouldn’t mutter, dear.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“We should come visit some time. I don’t think we’ve been to Canterlot yet, have
we?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Garbanzo replied. “I think we’ve meant to go several
times but we never quite made it. You’d show us the sights, wouldn’t you Anon
Buddy?”

“I suppose I could.” He shrugged, and glanced over to his wife.

“It can be easily arranged. Just expect to have a guard detail accompany you.”

“Oh yeah.” Anon thought for a moment. “That’s gonna be cumbersome.”

“Not at all. I have two ponies in mind who would be wonderful. They’ve stood in
for my regular guards when they were on vacation, and they were trained by
Captain Armor personally. I’ll introduce you to them as soon as we get back.
They’re also very good at guarding without being underhoof. You’ll like them.”

“Oh! Okay then.”

“Boss?” Sip called out from the front. “Hate to interrupt but looks like we’ve
got some live ones inbound.”

“Time to get to work.” Garbanzo declared. “I really could use the help, son.”

“Dad, you know I can’t handle it.” Anon groaned. “You really want me screwing
things up during a conference crowd?”

“What if I help you?” Celestia offered.

“Help?” all three Anons asked in unison.

“I would like to, if I may,” she replied, as she stood. “Anon has spent most of
the last week helping me and learning about being a prince, so it’s only fair I
learn a little about his life too.”

“Do you know how to cook?” Lima asked.

“A little. I can also help keep track of things too.”

It was like a light bulb went off over Anon’s head, and it was clear to see what
he was thinking from the expression on his face. Celestia was good at
multitasking! She didn’t even need to touch anything, all she had to do was keep
Anon organized, and his odds of ‘screwing up’ were bound to diminish greatly.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. Grumps, Shake and Bake aren’t going to mind,
are they?” Anon asked, and then he softly added “Sorry, Celly.”

She simply gave a long suffering sigh.

“I’m sure they’d love the help,” Lima replied. “You five can run the kitchen,
while your father and I run the tables.”

“You sure you want to do this?” Anon asked Celestia, and she smiled brightly
back at him.

“I would love to.”





“Can I keep the hat when we’re done?” Celestia asked, as she straightened it
with her magic.

“Toque, but yes. If the Princess wants to keep the hat, the Princess keeps the
hat.”

She gave herself a soft “Yes!” and pumped a hoof in the air before laughing a
bit with Anon. “I always wanted one of these. I remember when they first started
wearing them in the palace.”

“When was that?” Shake’s voice carried from in the back.

“Oh, about six hundred years ago.”

“Figures.”

“The practice actually started when the judges started wearing these white cloth
caps to indicate their position. Then one of them got the bright idea that a
taller cap meant higher authority. I had to put my hoof down when the whole
bunch of them started staggering around under twice their height in hat, so they
switched to powdered wigs, which were much more manageable. The chefs in the
kitchens picked up on the idea to keep their manes out of the food, and
thankfully never went nearly as crazy with it. So, ta-da!” She adjusted the
poofy white hat. “A toque blanche with a hundred folds in it to indicate the
chef knows a hundred ways to cook an egg.”

“And that, my dear Shake, is what will happen if you spend your life pursuing
trivia,” Bake said.

“Nonny! Need a bloomer and a boomer!” Garbanzo called back.

“And thus it begins.” Anon groaned. “Okay. Bloomer is easy, I got that. Go grab
some triple-a’s from the stores.”

Celestia looked around the kitchen, then back to him with a hint of confusion.

“Right, sorry. That door there is where the produce is kept. Triple A’s are
Sweet Apple Acres apples. I need five or six.”

“Got it.”

She moved quickly and opened the door. A cellar-type room was inside, with
stacks of produce lining the shelves along both walls. Three bushels of apples
were near the back, and she moved quickly to them.

“Let’s see. Not the Greenland, he wanted... Sweet Apple, here we go.”

Six apples floated out, and she smiled as she thought of Applejack bucking these
particular apples out of one of her trees. She then swiftly moved back out as
Anon dropped something into a deep fryer.

“Okay. Core and slice those, knives are right there.”

“You think I can handle that?”

“If you can make pancakes you can cut an apple,” he dryly replied, but he gave
her a small smile.

“Three treat, the runs, and a double foxtrot!” Lima shouted back.

“Got the foxtrot,” Grumps called out.

“Three treat!” Shake yelled.

“Got the runs!” Anon shouted, and then he playfully glared at Celestia when she
snickered. “You done with those apples?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Okay. Let’s see.” Anon ran into the storeroom quickly, then emerged with a load
of mixed vegetables. These were then diced quickly and scooped into a frying
pan. He then grabbed a bottle of something from his left, poured a healthy
splash of it in, and then set it alight. Celestia flinched slightly at the flash
of flame, but then she watched as he began stirring everything with a large
spoon.

“You gonna cut those?” he asked.

“Are you going to pull whatever-it-is out of the fryer?” she retorted.

“Eep! Yes! Stir this!”

She took the spoon in her magic and stirred the vegetables as Anon quickly
pulled the whatever-it-was out of the fryer, and she saw it was a large onion.
Anon then fished it out of the basket with some tongs, placed it on a plate, and
then grabbed the knife Celestia had been using. A quick smack to the top of it
with the flat of the blade made it fall open along premade cut lines, and she
was amazed that it resembled a flower.

“Keep stirring!” Anon admonished while he rushed to her unfinished apples.
“Don’t let that sit!”

Anon rapidly sliced the apples, sprinkled cinnamon and sugar on them, and then
placed them beautifully on a plate. He then grabbed both plates and swiftly
moved them to the window countertop that separated the kitchen from the server’s
area.

“Bloomer Boomer up!” he shouted, then moved quickly back to her.

“Moo goo, three rocks and a horseshoe!” Garbanzo shouted back.

“Got the rocks!” Anon shouted, and he grabbed the spoon from her magic. “I got
this. I need a broccoli, four turnips, and two cucumbers.”

“I will be right back.”


~*~


“Lima! Psst! C’mere!”

“What? What’s wrong, dear?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Then why did you call me over, hon?”

“Nothing. Is. Wrong.” Garbanzo repeated with emphasis.

Lima processed this for a moment but then smiled. “You’re right! I haven’t had
to send anything back all night!”

“Exactly! And look at Anon.”

Both of them peered through the serving window and into the kitchen. Anon was
positively humming around the kitchen, moving quickly from one station to
another. He was also chatting with Celestia, though they couldn’t make out what
he was saying to her. She appeared to be simply standing at the moment, but her
eyes kept sweeping the kitchen and over what Anon was cooking.

“He’s been like this all night.” Garbanzo commented. “He’s been happy, and he’s
kept track of everything, and he’s holding a conversation with her.”

“Do you think it finally happened?”

Garbanzo smiled at his wife. “Yeah. I think he finally found himself.”


 * *  ✹ * * 


“That’s the last one!” Sip shouted back, while locking the door with a dramatic
flick of the hoof.

“Phew!” Anon exclaimed. “That was a rush crowd. What time is it?”

“Just a little after midnight,” Celestia replied. Anon walked over to where
Celestia was finishing the dishes. “I did mention I was jealous of unicorns,
right?”

“What, this?” she asked. “Simple ‘Scrub Yourself’ spell. This is one of the
nicer versions of the spell, too; even if I walk away they’ll keep going until
all the dishes are done.”

Anon chuckled as he looked at the magic she had worked. As soon as somepony put
a dirty dish in the magic field on the left, it would automatically float over
to a pile of similar dishes. From there, a dish would float up, dunk itself into
the soapy water, get scrubbed off by a scrubbing brush, move over and rinse
itself off, and then move to the drying racks on the right. A broom, dustpan,
and mop were also dancing around the kitchen, and a few rags were cleaning the
stations.

“Black magic of the worst kind,” Grumps grumped.

“Not at all,” Celestia countered. “With the original spell, you had to sing to
all of them. Plates, silverware, mops, brooms. Now that was black magic.
Particularly if you broke a broom in the process.”

Grumps grumbled something out, but he had a smirk on his face.

“Well, that should do it,” Garbanzo remarked. “Grumps, go ahead and take off.
Anon and the Princess can help us wrap up here.”

“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sip, you can head out too.”

“Later, Gator!” he shouted from the back door.

“Shake and Bake left earlier, so it’s just us. I guess all we need to do is
count down the till and that should do it. Anon, I think you and I can handle
that. Then you and the Princess can head out.”

“I’ll get some Linden tea made up while we wait for them.” Lima said to
Celestia. “After such a big day, I know I need something to help me unwind.”

“That sounds delightful,” the Princess replied with a soft and tired smile.

Anon hesitated for a moment, as he was feeling uneasy about leaving her alone
with his Mom. But then he realized there wasn’t really anything that could
happen, so he followed his father into the back office.

The door was shut and locked, and Garbanzo twisted the dial on the safe in the
corner. Once the door creaked open, he pulled out a sizeable tray of bits, and
Anon whistled.

“Looks like business picked up while I was gone.”

“Most of this is from the last three days. I need to run it to the bank
tomorrow. You count it down while I get the ledger ready.”

Counting was easy enough since the bits were stacked in towers of twenty five
and then in groups of eight. Once Anon had the count and verified it matched the
previous ledger entry, he and his father began stacking the bits from that day’s
sales.

“So. Your… um... wife seems like a very pleasant pony,” Garbanzo said after a
few moments.

“She is.” Anon smiled. “There’s still a lot I need to learn about her, but I
love what I’ve learned so far.”

“Love, hmm?” Garbanzo replied. “You’re positive you’re in love with that mare,
right?”

“Well, maybe not love yet, but definitely like.”

“Ah. And you are planning on returning to Canterlot with her tonight?”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t be surprised if Luna turns up here in a few minutes and gets
after me for breaking curfew or something like that.”

Garbanzo almost dropped a stack of bits on the floor. “Luna?”

“Oh, yeah. Princess Luna. I should show proper respect.”

“You should, yes.”

“Hundred here.”

“Two.” Garbanzo added his towers to Anon’s. “You should keep those.”

“What?”

“Well, you’re going to need more bits for your journey, aren’t you? I’m sure you
spent the first thousand I gave you.”

“I don’t need any more bits, Dad,” said Anon with a snicker. “For all I know,
Celestia has a giant bin of bits that she swims in every night. I’m not sure how
my expenses are covered as her husband, but I’m pretty sure neither of us will
need to borrow a bit from the guards to buy an ice cream cone.”

“Three,” Garbanzo stated. There was a long pause as coins clinked, and then he
sighed. “You know, son, you can admit the truth to me. I’m not mad.”

“Truth about what?”


~*~


“Here we are.” Lima placed the small tea set on the table. “Nice and hot.”

“Thank you,” Celestia replied kindly. “Shall I serve?”

“Please.”

Celestia poured out the tea, and there was a pause as they both added sugar.
Three lumps in Celestia’s case, because she was fairly sure she was going to
need the energy to get through what was coming next.

Picking up the teacup, Lima took a deep breath of the rising steam and let out a
contented sigh. “I needed this. I probably shouldn’t be drinking tea so late at
night, but it is a weakness.”

“It does take some self control,” Celestia admitted.

“Thank you for helping my son, by the way. I don’t know what you did, but I’ve
never seen Anon so happy.”

“It was my pleasure to assist.”

“Assist?”

Celestia sipped her tea. “Yes. I kept an eye on his cooking, nothing more.”

“Is that all?”

Celestia calmly put her teacup down. “Missus Anon, let us not beat around the
bush anymore. I know full well that both you and your husband do not believe I
am who I claim to be.”

“Very perceptive,” Lima replied, as she now sipped her tea.

“Why do you not believe your son?”

“Anon is a wonderful, wonderful son. He’s very smart, and very creative. I
believe he’s ashamed he didn’t find whatever it was he was looking for with that
writing nonsense and he doesn’t want to admit his folly. He came back with you
tonight to try and convince us he did find something so we wouldn’t worry about
him, and probably to keep us from asking too many questions. He’ll have to
confess sometime.”

“I see. So who do you think I am?”

“I’m not sure, but I would probably guess you are some sort of double, a pony
who has enchanted herself to look like the Princess. You may even be an official
stand in for her; the one they send to cut ribbons and visit schools when the
real Princess is too busy.”

“Interesting.”


~*~


“Well, you really should have come up with a better story.”

“What?” Anon growled.

“You had to marry the Princess because you bonked her nose? C’mon. The very
premise is ludicrous. Why in Equestria would the Princess write a law like that?
If she wanted to get out of a bad relationship a thousand years ago, I’m sure
there’s a dozen other things she could have done.”

Anon groaned and rubbed his temples. “I wish I could say I don’t believe this.
Dad, we flew in together, and then she used magic!”

“A simple levitation spell. Very easy for a well-studied unicorn.”

“Right.”

“You also failed to bring any of her entourage. The Princess wouldn’t go
anywhere without at least a couple of guards.”


~*~


“It wasn’t easy to get them to stay in Canterlot. I had to give a direct order
to Lieutenant Spear Point to stand down, and then he begrudgingly admitted that
there was little risk in visiting you unannounced. He’s not going to be very
happy until we get back, and even then he’s going to be all formal and stuffy
about it for weeks.”

“I’m sure. You’re also not tall enough.”

That one caught Celestia off guard. “I’m not?”

“Oh yes. The real Princess is quite a bit taller than you are, as I recall.”

Celestia snickered. “I hope not! I’ve hit my head on enough doorframes in my
lifetime. I really don’t need to be any taller.”

“Your accent is all wrong, too. You have far too much of a Vanhoover lilt in
your words.”


~*~


“And you’re an expert on Celestia all of a sudden?”

“No, but c’mon. It’s pretty obvious, son.”

Anon groaned and rubbed his face with his palms now. “Of course it’s obvious.”

“Look, Nonny. I appreciate that you didn’t want to let your mother and I down,
but it’s really okay. If you need some more time to settle your mind, take it.
Just say so. I’ll give you ten thousand bits this time, if you like. But I saw
you in the kitchen with that mare and you had it, son! You didn’t have a single
order go back!”

“You do realize that was because Celestia was helping me keep track of
everything, right?”

“If that’s what you want to believe, then fine. I don’t even really care if you
keep calling that mare out there Celestia. If it helps you get in the zone, do
whatever you have to.”

“Dad, I came here to tell you the truth. When I leave tonight, I won’t be able
to come back. I have responsibilities at the palace now.”


~*~


“Of course, of course. Just make sure he knows he can come back whenever he
wants to. We will always welcome him, and you’re even welcome to come with him.
Any friend of my little Anon is a friend of the family.”

“And if he does not come back?”

“He’ll be back,” Lima said with a grin. “He hasn’t got anywhere else to go, and
he knows it.”

Anon then stormed out of the office, slammed his way through the swinging
kitchen doors, and stamped out into the dining area with his face twisted in
frustration.

Garbanzo followed in the wake of his son with a concerned frown. “Anon, buddy!”

“I’m done with this conversation, Dad. It’s late, and my wife and I have a press
conference in the morning. Shall we?”

“Mister and Missus Anon.” Celestia stood with her words. “It really has been an
honor to meet you, and I mean that truly. You will always be welcome in our
home, and I’m sure Anonymous and I will be seeing you soon.”

“I don’t doubt that for a moment,” Lima replied with a strained smile.

“Please lead the way, Anon.”

Anon held his head high and his steps were full of determined pride. He didn’t
glance back or to the sides as he march through the kitchen and out the back
door.

But as soon as the door shut, he broke.

Celestia felt her heart ache as Anon’s face drooped with his head. He paused
near some trash cans, remained motionless for a moment, and then lashed out at
one with a leg in frustration.

“Sorry,” he immediately said. “I’m letting my anger get out of hand. I just…”
Celestia could see his inner struggle to vocalize his thoughts with the
contortions on his face. “I assume you had just about the same conversation with
my Mom that I did with my Dad.”

“I believe so, yes.”

Anon took a deep breath. “It figures, really. I could have brought you, Luna,
Shining Armor, Cadence, and a full brigade of the Guard with a song and dance
routine and they still wouldn’t have believed. I just… just…”

Celestia said nothing as he further sorted out his thoughts.

“The most important thing that’s ever going to happen to me, and they don’t even
believe it,” he muttered bitterly.

Celestia felt horrible for Anon, but she also felt a little thrill run up her
spine. Anon’s tone indicated he wasn’t talking about anything related to being a
prince.

He was talking about her.

Celestia was used to being the most important thing to ponies in an abstract
way. For a thousand years, she had raised the sun and moon, waiting for the
return of her sister. It had become comfortable to live in that isolated tower
above all the other ponies. Separate. Alone.

Then Princess Cadenza... that is Cadence had blasted several holes into the
tower of loneliness with her love, Twilight had weakened the foundations with
her insatiable curiosity, and Luna’s return had toppled the whole structure in
one glorious and tearful reunion.

But yet, it had taken bumping into a nosy human for Celestia to realize how far
she still had to travel in order to once again be appreciated for what was
inside instead of her unchanging outsides.

Unaware of the thoughts whipping Celestia’s mind into a froth, Anonymous
continued staring at the ground. Then he lifted his head, gave the restaurant a
long, determined look, and let out his breath in a huff of frustration.

“Let’s go home. There’s nothing left for me here.”

He then turned his back on the building and began walking away. Celestia came up
alongside him and walked with him for a few paces.

“Would you like to fly back to the train, or would you rather walk?” she gently
asked.

He stopped, contemplated the offer for a moment with the cool night breeze
blowing through his hair, then smiled slightly.

“If it’s okay, I’d like to fly.”

She smiled back. “I thought you might.” > 12. - Celestial Musings >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celestia drew in a long breath as she finished removing her regalia. The day had
turned into quite the emotional trip, and after everything that had happened,
she was ready for it to end. The flight back to the train had been straight and
short, but exhausted as he had been, Anon carefully thanked Celestia for the
flight before entering the train car.

It was just one more desirable trait that needed added to Anon’s how to woo his
wife list, along with the way he tried to hide his obvious depression in order
not to disturb her. Unfortunately, the signs of the war between his troubled
heart and his wounded soul were far too easy for Celestia to pick out with her
vast experience, no matter how he attempted to put on a stoic front.

Still, she found it difficult to contain her own sorrow as she watched her
husband first sit down on a cushion with a thud, then slowly collapse like a
bridge that had lost its structural supports. Even then, his eyes remained open,
darting back and forth for a few moments until the physical and emotional toil
he had struggled through took its toll, and they finally sagged closed.

Her musing was disrupted by the lurch of the train as it began the long trip
home. And it was going to be a long trip, particularly for her Anon, who had
been through so much in the last week that it was hard to believe he had not
been crushed to a pulp yet. No mortal should be forced to bear her burdens, but
he had put his shoulders to the load and lifted far more off her own back than
she had ever expected.

Then he had continued to lift. Dealing with Luna and Discord. Deciding to stay
with her despite the opportunity to escape matrimony. And that didn’t include
his dalliance with another young mare that had almost undone her before he had
even realized what he was doing.

And to top it all off, he had confronted his parents, a task that had almost
broken him.

Yet somehow he’d come through all of it with a fairly good attitude and with a
desire to do what was right. He had been fantastic about asking for directions,
and actually following them afterward, while eager to do more. It was like he
thrived on being helpful and he wanted to contribute, no matter how or where.

Her heart broke all over again when his face scrunched up in agony, and she
nearly let out a soft gasp of compassion when he began to twitch and whimper.
She had no doubt that he was being tormented by the events of the day, and this
would not do.

Celestia tiptoed gently over to his uneasy resting place, then slowly lowered
herself next to him until their sides were touching. She then spread one wing
over him with a touch as soft as the first rays of morning light, and she smiled
deeply when the tense muscles she could feel pressed against her belly began to
relax, and he began to slip into peaceful slumber.

Is this what it had been like for Lulu and Star? Was this what they had felt
when they first met? Celestia thought back and smiled fondly as the memories of
how giddy and alive Luna had been during their courtship flooded her mind. The
images were dull now sadly, yellowing and peeling in some places and the sounds
were scratchy at best and incomprehensible at worst. Yet, out of all the
remaining memories she held from that time, the ones with Star and Lulu were the
best preserved.

After a few moments of fond reminiscing, Celestia’s thoughts wandered to her own
situation and how she had gotten to this point. It was a bit astonishing, now
that she really put some thought into it, that she had gone over a thousand
years without a mate. Of course, a great many things had changed over the years:
societal customs, trends and patterns always did. But really, as she thought
about it, there were two things that had kept her single: procrastination and
preoccupation. It was easy to say marriage and a husband could wait in the early
years; she had grossly underestimated how long it takes to both form and
stabilize a country. There was always something else to do, some crisis that
took longer than expected to clear up, some foreign power that pushed on
Equestria’s boundaries. After having to push away Iron Hoof, she had simply
continued to push every time the opportunity came up due to the next crisis
being more important. Losing Luna to the Nightmare had also been a moon-sized
wrench in the works, and it had been only since her return that Celestia could
find a free moment here and there.

Always another diplomat to host, always another treaty to forge, always another
request to consider.

Perhaps it was destiny that had denied her over the years. Those mystic chords
that bound all of ponykind to one another and from past to present shaped and
directed events in strange and mysterious ways, and maybe she hadn’t found her
mate on the simple fact that his introduction on the stage of life was scripted
for a thousand years after her own debut.

She glanced down at Anon again. If that was the case, the wait had been worth it
so far. Perhaps it was even sweeter because she had waited.

Even if this had all been just one large fluke, she really had been favored to
have Anon as the one to fulfil the terms of her law. Out of the millions of
stallions who lived in Equestria, she had somehow found the one and only human
who was kind, who was thoughtful, and who was…

…well, who was innocent.

She had first thought he was naïve, but his actions had shown he was trying to
be observant and engaged. He was naïve in a very small way perhaps, simply
because the life of a royal was a complete unknown to him, but he approached
everything with amazement and a yearning to understand, and he was inclined to
make the best of whatever situation he was in.

The fact he wanted to have a relationship with her proved that.

But even there, he was being respectful. He hadn’t tried to force anything in
their relationship; in fact, he actually seemed to be holding back to ensure he
didn’t cross a line. It was obvious from his mannerisms that he wanted her to be
comfortable with how things were between them, and to not go too far and upset
her. In reality, though, she was probably more comfortable with how things were
than he was.

She smiled a bit to herself as she moved in and began nipping in his hair with
her teeth. Star Struck had always enjoyed it when Lulu did this to him, to the
point where he would freeze, his eyes would roll back in his head and his tongue
would loll out. He had claimed at the time that all stallions enjoyed such
grooming, and now she could see for herself.

The happy groan of pleasure escaping out of Anon after a minute or two settled
the matter.

She smiled more and levitated his notebook out of his saddlebags. She quickly
flipped to the How to Court page, and then pulled his pencil out of the bags.

Celestia stared at the writing utensil. Anon chewed on his pencils.

She allowed herself the smallest of frowns. Npony was perfect, not even a
non-pony, and that was something she’d just have to work on with him. She
ignored the tooth marks and moved to write down a thought, but then she saw he
had added another item for wooing her: frequent nose boops. She chuckled in
agreement, then simply wrote nipping/grooming on his side.

There were so many other little things she could have written, from the way she
loved to see that little wrinkle just above his nose when he made a face, to the
look in his eyes when he saw something new that needed new words to describe it,
but they would wait. So she returned the gnawed pencil and precious list to
their places and regarded the human responsible for them. She was content to let
him progress the relationship at his pace, especially if that made him feel at
ease around her. Above all else, that was what she really wanted. It was what
any wife would want from her husband, she suspected.

Just as any good husband would want their wife to be at ease and happy with
them.

She then let the word pass through again: wife. Wife. She liked being a wife,
despite how strangely it had happened.

“I am your wife,” she whispered to Anon. “And you are my husband.”

And there was that little thrill of joy up her spine again. It was extremely
pleasing to say it.

She had to admit, she had been a bit jealous when Luna had found love so easily
and she had to dodge Iron Hoof. She had warned herself, both then and since,
that true, meaningful love doesn’t happen in an instant. Just like the building
of Equestria, it took time, effort, and patience. There had to be foundations,
supports. There had to be understanding.

But a cornerstone had to be laid eventually, or else all one had was dreams. And
once the cornerstone was laid, the structure needed to be built.

It would come. Anon was more in love with her than he thought, and he’d realize
it sooner or later. Honestly, Celestia was confident it would be sooner. He just
needed a few little nudges here and there. Celestia smiled a bit more with that
thought and then she laid her head and neck down so her nose was as close as it
could be to his. She hummed a few bars of her sister’s lullaby, then began
singing.

“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now,
it’s time to go to bed.

Hush now, quiet now, close your sleepy eyes. Hush now, quiet now, my how time
sure flies.

Drifting slowly off to sleep, the day’s excitement behind you. Drifting slowly
off to sleep, let the joy of dreamland find you.

Hush now, quiet now, lay your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go
to bed.”

A surge of delight flowed out of her chest and through her whole body as Anon
smiled and snuggled into her side. Pressing her own body up against her husband
in return, Celestia wrapped a wing around his back, held him close, and
ever-so-gently booped up against his delightful nose.

The joy of his presence was something she was learning to love more than
anything she had experienced before in her long life, and to quote the Anon, she
was pretty extra certain the feeling was mutual. > 13. - Meet the Press >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You are a filthy traitor, and I hate you. Did you know that? I would throw you
into the fire and laugh as you burned if I did not have to promptly get another
just like you who would be twice as aggravating.”

Anon glared at his pencil in righteous fury for a moment before chewing on the
end of it in frustration. He then ripped a page out of his notebook, crumpled
it, and threw it over his shoulder.

Traitors, all of them. First the paper, now the pencil. They were in league
against him. Anon grumbled as he tried to think. He had been awakened by his own
shivering just before dawn, despite being bundled up in three blankets, and even
now he still felt cold.

Cold, and lonely. That was adding to his problems, and to his frustration. He
felt like he should know why he was this way, but he couldn’t quite make the
connection. His best guess was that it had something to do with what had
happened with his parents, but that didn’t seem to totally explain everything.

If there was a wrong side of the bed, he’d definitely gotten up on it.

Part of the worry was over what he would say at the press conference. He was
sure he’d need to say something, he really couldn’t fathom a reason why he
wouldn’t. But what? Should he say how proud he was? How nervous? Should he try
to make jokes, or just give a straight delivery? It was so maddening that he was
beginning to get a headache.

The floor was littered with his previous attempts at a speech, and now he was
going to need a new notebook. If he didn’t get this figured out soon, he was
going to make a lot of lumberjacks happy.

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts. What time was it? It wasn’t that
long after daybreak, so it couldn’t be time for the press conference already.
That was at noon, and he’d be surprised if it was any later than eight at the
moment. He slowly stood and groaned as his joints protested the movement,
shrugged off the blankets, and then dragged his feet over to the door.

He instantly forgot all his woes when he found Celestia on the other side.

“Good morning, Anon! Are you feeling all right? I grew worried when you didn’t
come down for breakfast, especially given how our evening out ended. How are you
feeling?”

Anon chuckled at her eager concern. “I’m fine, really. I actually feel a lot
better now.”

Celestia gave him a smile that warmed him down to his tail. “Wonderful! I’m glad
to hear that.”

“Would you like to come in?” he asked, but then he groaned and gently smacked
his forehead with a hoof. “That was dumb. This is your castle, and you’re the
Princess. It’s not like I can tell you where you can and can’t go.”

“This is your room, though, and I should respect that. I would like to come in
if you will permit me.”

“You’re always welcome to come in.” He smiled, and he stepped back and out of
the way. Celestia glanced around at the mess he’d made as she entered, and then
clicked her tongue.

“You should really let housekeeping come in and do their job, you know.”

“Oh, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment with a small
chuckle. “This actually was all from this morning. I got cold, and I’ve been
trying to come up with something to say to the press today.”

“May I look?”

“Yeah. I don’t think you can fix them, though.”

“Well, I have written a couple of speeches over the years, so perhaps I can
offer a suggestion or two.” They both laughed as she picked up two of the
crumpled papers with her magic and flattened them out. “Hmm, let me see.
‘Friends, Nobles, Countryfolk! Lend me your ears. No, no; illegible scribbling.’
Not very inspiring, is it?”

“Not so much,” he agreed with a small smile.

“’Today thus represents a moment of hope. We in Equestria stand ready to
cooperate scribble scribble.’ That one wasn’t too bad, why did you reject it?”

“I dunno. It felt more like I was telling some foreign power to tear down a wall
or something like that.”

“May I keep this?” she asked, and then she tucked it under a wing when Anon
nodded. “Anon, if you don’t want to say anything you don’t have to. I can do all
the talking. But from personal experience, you should always try to write your
speeches from here.”

She then gently tapped his chest, right where his heart was.

“Really?”

“Yes. That is where your true feelings on this matter reside, so that is where
you should pull your text from. It works a lot better than logic and cold facts
do.”

“All right. I’ll try that.”

“You should also come eat. No one works very well on an empty stomach.”

“I suppose I should. Did you make pancakes again?”

“Not today.” She giggled as they left the room together. “I let the staff handle
it, given the hectic nature of everything.”

“Oh.” He paused for a moment, but then added, “but there’s always tomorrow,
right?”

“I’ll make a double batch just for you.” She giggled more and booped him
quickly, and he felt a pleasant warmth in his cheeks while he thanked her.

The rest of the short walk was spent reviewing the details of the day: after the
press conference there would be a luncheon with a few of the various ministers
and department heads, then some time in the afternoon to help Celestia get some
work caught up before having an informal dinner that evening with more ministers
and nobility. In reality, the dinner was more of a meet-and-greet, mingle and
mix affair, and no one was expecting him to remember who everyone was or what
their job entailed.

“Really, it’s not anything to worry about,” Celestia concluded. “Think of it
like a very relaxed and informal Grand Galloping Gala.”

“Uh…what is that?”

“It’s a ball I throw every year to celebrate the founding of Canterlot. You
missed it this year, but I think we can get you in as my plus one next year.”

“I would certainly hope I’ll be your date,” he quipped, and they both laughed
while stopping in front of the kitchen doors.

“There’s one other thing I need to tell you. I’ve invited a few ponies to have
breakfast with us. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, that’s ok. Who did you invite?”

Celestia pushed open the door in reply, and Anon’s eyes grew wide. The dining
hall was full of…

Of…

…of the most important ponies in the whole of Equestria.

Anon swallowed hard. All six Element Bearers of Harmony were standing around the
table, laughing with one another over something humorous. Princess Luna was off
to his right, chatting lightly with Princess Cadence, and Prince Shining Armor
was standing near the door. Shining was the first to notice them, and he smiled
widely when he locked eyes with his new counterpart.

“Anonymous?” he asked.

Anon extended an only-slightly-shaking hand. “That’s me.”

Shining completely sidestepped the offered hand and instead wrapped Anon up in a
gigantic hug. “You have no idea how happy I am to meet you!”

To say Anon was confused was an understatement on the level of saying the sun is
hot. He simply stood there until Shining released him, and then he wondered what
in Equestria he had done to get a ruler of the Crystal Empire to smile like a
mad mare.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I guess.”

“This is gonna be great! Tell me, do you follow buckball at all?”

Anon leaned back a bit. “Buckball?”

“Yeah. I’m trying to get a team started in the Crystal Empire. I’ve been showing
some potential recruits the ins and outs and I was trying to take them to a game
in Baltimare.”

“What, to a Broncos game? Are you nuts?!”

“Nuts?”

“When was the last time they got to a divisional game?”

“Well, ten, twelve, fifteen… no…”

“Thirty-eight years ago.”

Both males stared in surprised wonder at Celestia, who continued on as if she
gave Buckball commentary on a regular basis.

“Anon is right; they’re not known as the Bad Luck Broncos for nothing,” Celestia
added. “Now, if you really want a good model you should try the Las Pegasus
Thunder or the Cloudsdale Manticores.”

“No, no,” Anon said. “The Thunder just lost Morning Glory, remember? I’d take
the Tidal Waves any day. They’ve got the balance and the speed.”

“You know about buckball?” Shining asked Celestia, still clearly in shock.

“Why wouldn’t I?” She chuckled. “I met with the Thunder here after their world
championship game not that long ago. The Crown can’t really show a preference,
but I have to admit, I always did secretly root for the Solar Flares.”

“All right, you three can geek out later.” Cadence gave her husband a playful
shove to move him out of the way. “Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at your service.”

She then bowed to him, but Anon remembered his manners and gave a deeper bow
back. “It is an honor to meet you, Princess.”

“Oh, please. Just Cadence will be more than adequate. May I call you Anon?”

“That’s fine.” He laughed. “Should I be worried about the Princess of Love is
here?”

“You should be worried if I stay,” she replied with a grin. “You’re safe for
now.”

“Twilight? Would you like to introduce your friends?” Celestia asked.

“I’d love to!” Twilight replied. “You know me, of course. Spike stayed in
Ponyville; he said he wasn’t interested in standing around in a press conference
all day.”

“Can’t say I blame him.”

Twilight chuckled with him. “Anyway, this is Rainbow Dash, the Element of
Loyalty.”

“Nice to meetcha, Anon.” Rainbow said, and she shared a quick hoofbump with him.

“Likewise.”

“This is Applejack, the Element of Honesty.”

“Howdy! Real pleasure to meet ya.”

“Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter.”

A blast of streamers and confetti exploded out of Pinkie’s mane, and Anon
suddenly found himself wrapped up in a giant pink hug.

“This is so great!” Pinkie shouted. “I’ve got all sorts of cupcakes and pies for
you to try when you come to Ponyville and we can compare recipes and bake all
kinds of yummy treats and talk about whether a cherrychanga will ever be a
reality. We’re going to have the bestest ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party since
the one I threw for Shining Armor!”

“And you still need to help me plan the official wedding party,” Celestia added.

Pinkie Pie froze. Her eyes went wide, her mouth went into a small o shape, and a
high-pitched squeal slowly started to emerge and grow in intensity.

“I’ll defuse Pinkie.” Cadence quickly said while snagging Pinkie and pulling her
aside.

“This is Fluttershy, the Element of—”

“CELESTIA’S WEDDING PARTY?!”

Twilight laughed with Fluttershy. “I don’t think Pinkie is going to sleep for
the next week now. Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness.”

“It’s very nice to meet you!” Fluttershy said quietly but with a grin. “Discord
told me all about you at our last tea date. He really likes you, you know.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“Oh, yes. He even said he wanted to have you come over and have tea with us.
You’ve made quite the impression on him.”

“Well, that’s nice of him. I’ll say thank you the next time I see him.”

Fluttershy smiled more. “I know you’re going to be a wonderful prince. I look
forward to working with you.”

“Me too.” Anon smiled back.

“And last but not least is Rarity, the Element of Generosity,” Twilight
concluded.

Rarity, who was wearing a pair of fashionable bifocals and had a tape measure
around her neck, stepped forward and bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,
darling, now hold still.”

“What are you—”

The tape measure sprang forward like a striking snake, leaping and wrapping
around every part of his body⁽*⁾ from inseam and waist width to hat size and leg
thickness. Rarity quickly wrote all of these measurements down in a thin, small
notebook, and then bowed to Celestia. (*) Not there. You perverts. Behave. 

“I shall get to work on your request as soon as I get home, Princess. I think I
know just the thing.”

“Thing?” Anon glanced between his wife and Rarity. “There’s a thing?”

“Never you mind, darling. It’s between me and the Princess.”

“Great. There’s a conspiracy against me already.”

“Only a small one, nothing to worry about.” Celestia giggled, as Luna now
approached him.

“Hail, fair human. I do not believe we have been formally or properly
introduced. I am Luna, Princess of the Moon and sister of Celestia. It is a
pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“It is, indeed, a pleasure to make my acquaintance.” Anon replied grandly, while
sticking his nose in the air slightly. “But it is also a pleasure to meet you
formally as well.”

“Watch it, buster. You’re still on my short list.”

The two then broke into laughter, much to the relief of everypony who wasn’t
aware of their unique relationship.

“Well, now that we’ve all met Anon, let us commence with breakfast, shall we?”
Celestia announced.

Everyone sat at the table, with Celestia at one end and Luna at the other. Anon
sat on Celestia’s right, and Shining next to him. The kitchen staff then
appeared and swiftly delivered a plate to everyone, and Anon was interested to
see that a breakfast burrito had been prepared, but the folded loaf before him
had to be as thick as his arm. With the hope that he could actually eat the
whole thing, he picked up his fork and dug in.

That proved to be a horrible mistake. The perpetual issue of too much salt
manifested itself quickly, and he wondered if the kitchen staff had gotten wind
of his complaints because now there was also enough pepper inside the lump to
make him nearly sneeze. Anything resembling taste was thus promptly bucked into
next week, and Anon really began to curse his upbringing since it appeared that
everypony else was quite enjoying the meal.

He then tried picking around the edges, hoping that maybe only one side was
ruined but it was for naught—the whole of it had been uniformly corrupted,
leaving him with unsalted toast and unsalted juice. Maybe he could declare
himself as his personal chef. He’d stand half a chance of getting something to
eat then.

Depression was not long in coming for the new prince. The last twenty four hours
had been a string of compounding misery, so it wasn’t very hard for the thoughts
of inadequacy and inferiority to move in and begin their destructive work. There
sat The Elements of Harmony, six mares who had repeatedly saved Ponykind from
destruction, and from the worst of the worst one could imagine. There sat the
Prince and Princess of The Crystal Empire, who had saved both Canterlot and the
Crystal Empire and who had rapidly and literally brought the crystal ponies out
of the dark ages and into near full integration with the rest of the world. Then
there was Luna and Celestia, who were in a league all of their own. One only
needed to say ‘The Two Sisters’ to have a respectfully awed hush come over any
group.

And then there was Anonymous: a bumbling bumpkin whose claim to fame was
standing in a flower patch and forcing a Princess to get married because he was
too uneducated to figure out what an adjective was, let alone how to use one. He
was so far beneath the caliber of those assembled that it was really a mockery
for him to even be in the same city as them. They were the true heroes of
Equestria.

He was an imposter of the highest order. A mannulus non grata.

Maybe he should sign those divorce papers after all. What right did he have to
drag Celestia down? He wasn’t even totally sure he loved her. He just wanted to
see if he could love her, by his own admission. There was nothing he could truly
offer her, other than a repeated complaint of too much salt.

This was not his place. She should not be burdened with him.

“So, Anon!” Shining leaned over. “Can I ask you something a bit personal?”

“Sure.”

Shining leaned over a bit closer. “Do you feel so totally overwhelmed by
everything that your soul feels like it’s being ripped apart by timberwolves?”
he whispered.

That was a fair allegory. Analogy. Was it an analogy? Anon nodded slightly, and
Shining had a knowing twinkle in his eye.

“I know how you feel. When I proposed and Cady said yes, I suddenly realized
what I’d gotten myself into. I spent the rest of that day trying to calm myself
down. I had the gall to ask the Princess of Love to marry me! What monkey had
broken out of the zoo in my head and pushed the button to have me ask that? Why
had she said yes, instead of kicking me over the edge of Canterlot?”

“But you’re the Captain of the Guard, and one of the strongest shield wielders
that has ever been. I would think it’s pretty obvious.”

“Love and War aren’t exactly two things that go together.”

“I heard that,” Celestia grumbled.

“Private conversation, ma’am,” he replied, and Celestia stuck her tongue out at
him briefly before turning back to her quiet conversation with Cadence.

“Anyway,” said Shining Armor, “the closer we got to the wedding the more
overwhelmed I felt. I was just some dumb soldier, how could I be anywhere near
her level, or be a prince for that matter? It got so bad that I couldn’t sleep
at night sometimes.”

“So, how’d you come to terms with it?”

“I still haven’t. Well, not fully anyway. But that kiss that Cady and I shared,
the one that banished the changelings? That moment gave me an epiphany. It
really didn’t matter that I was inadequate or unprepared. What mattered was that
I loved her, and that she loved me. Everything else would sort out somehow, and
it would actually be easier to deal with because I had a companion now, an
equal. If our love could survive the changelings, it could survive anything.

“Now, I know it’s different for you. If Auntie Celestia had bonked my nose, I’m
pretty sure I would have simply keeled over and died on the spot. All of this
has got to be so strange, so crushing really. The only way I can think of to
relate is to take what I felt and then crank it up to eleven.”

“That’s not too far off.” Anon chuckled a little.

“Well, just know I’m here if you need an ear. When we got the letter from
Celestia telling us what had happened, I was elated, and you can ask Cady if you
don’t believe me.”

“But why? I’m sure I only made things more complicated for you.”

“Numbers. Up until now there’s been four princesses but only one prince. I have
reinforcements now, a fellow male ruler to talk to now. Don’t get me wrong, Cady
is a dream to talk with, and very understanding and supportive. But there’s just
some things a stallion needs to talk to another stallion about, y’know? Sure, I
can talk to the guards and my advisors, but they can only do so much since
they’re not in my position. With another prince, I have sompony to throw ideas
off of, to talk stallion stuff over with. You and I are in the same sinking
boat, and we can help each other bail as needed.”

Anon felt a little surge of happiness fighting against his depression. “You
really think I can help you?”

“You already have. You steered me away from the Broncos.”

“Why in the name of my wife did you think they were a good team to watch?” Anon
chuckled.

Shining leaned even closer and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.
“I wanted to show them how bad a team could be, and then tell them how much
better they were.”

“Are your ponies any good?”

“Ehhh,” Shining replied with all the sincerity of a poor tipper. “They’re a work
in progress. But they are better than the Broncos.”

“Are you any good at Buckball?”

“Ehhh.” He shrugged, and then laughed. “I played some J.V. in high school but
not much after that.”

“Well, that’s better than me.” Anon laughed.

“At least you follow it.” Shining laughed with him. “Oh! Auntie Celestia?”

“Yes?”

“Can I give him the thing now?” Shining eagerly asked, and Celestia smiled
deeply.

“I believe now would be a most opportune time.”

“Everyone, can I have your attention!” Shining called, and the scattered
conversations died out. “Thank you. Cady, do you want to do the honors?”

“I would be honored. Prince Anon, would you please come over here?”

He stood and walked around the table. Cadence also stood, and she produced a
thin square box from under one wing.

“Prince Anonymous, on behalf of the ponies of the Crystal Empire, it is my honor
and joy to officially congratulate your marriage to Princess Celestia. As a
token of goodwill and to honor the occasion, I am most pleased to present to you
this gift on the behalf of the Crystal Empire.”

Anon’s eyes grew wide as the box was opened. Seated on a cushion of white velvet
was an intricate crystal, carved and cut in the shape of Celestia’s cutie mark
and at roughly half the size, with a thin band of gold attached through an
eyelet on the top. It had been fashioned out of a beautiful translucent yellow
crystal, and it caught the natural light in such a way that it seemed to almost
catch fire as it passed through.

“Prince Anon, please accept this gift as a token of the Crystal Empire’s loyalty
to the Throne of Equestria, the throne that you now share with Celestia. May
your union be long and happy, and may you find fortune in all of your
endeavors.”

Everypony in the room stomped and cheered as Cadence’s magic lifted the crystal
out and then over Anon’s bowed head. It came to rest right above his heart, and
he smiled brightly as he looked at it, then at the well-wishers in the dining
hall with him.

This was a horrible way to keep a bad mood alive, and he loved it.


 * *  ✹ * * 


Anon had come to the conclusion that he hated press conferences.

Granted, he hadn’t done anything yet, but the waiting and anticipation was
killing him. It had started long before Celestia had stepped up to the podium,
of course, but now it was coming to a head.

Celestia, ever one for punctuality, had promptly started at noon with a quick
greeting for the assembled members of the press before she launched into her
prepared remarks.

Her speech was a straightforward and simple explanation of what had happened.
This had yielded a new tidbit for him. Celestia really hadn’t seen him in the
sunflowers, but she had thought she had heard something, so she had stuck her
nose in to see if she could figure out what was there. She had been expecting to
find a mouse or chipmunk, not a human, and from there Anon knew the rest.
Celestia then spent a rather lengthy amount of time explaining her law and why
she had written it, and then she explained that she and Anon had wed to prevent
her removal as Princess.

She obviously chose her words carefully when she explained that this news had
not been shared immediately due to both the option of divorce and the need to
work out the details to keep Anon around. There were nods of agreement from the
journalists when Celestia told them about the joint agreement that now was an
appropriate time to inform the rest of Equestria.

Anon was glad that all of the Elements were present, as well as the Princesses.
He could feel their support, and it was giving him the strength he needed to
keep from passing out. He had his notes ready to go, and he was going to try to
just read them straight and be done.

He had also determined that, from here on out, Celestia would be the public
speaker. He wasn’t cut out for this.

“…and now, Prince Anonymous has a few thoughts he’d like to share. After that I
will take a few questions. Anon?”

Anon inhaled heavily. This was it.

His left hand was shaking slightly as he stepped up to the podium. There was a
furious round of flashes, and Anon looked quickly down at his notes to keep from
being blinded.

He let out the breath he’d just taken in, and then he drew in a new one.

“Good afternoon, everyone.” He flatly began reading. “I am Anonymous, from the
c-city of S-salt Lick. It’s a pleasure to be here before you today.”

Well, this bit the bark. The words on the page were doubling up and blurring on
him. Anon closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath in. He then opened his
eyes again, and he looked at his Celestial Crystal.

Speak from the heart, Anon.

He wasn’t sure if he had heard Celestia’s voice in his head or just his own
approximation of it, but it didn’t matter. He crumpled his notes up into a ball
and tossed them over his shoulder.

“Those aren’t helping,” he stated, and he heard Celestia grunt slightly, which
he hoped was a good sign. “All right. Fillies and Gentlecolts, hello. One week
ago today I was a common no one, a lonely human on a train bound for Canterlot.
I had never before visited here, and I really didn’t have much reason to come,
other than to see if I could find some inspiration for a book I wanted to write.
I had no idea what I’d find here, nor that I would soon find myself caught up in
the events that have led me to this point now.

“When I left home, I was looking for something. I didn’t know what it was; all I
knew was that my life up to that point was not what I wanted. I was trying to
find my own little place in the world, and my purpose within it. I was adrift,
lost in a sea  of confusion and doubt.

“One week ago tomorrow, I made the choice to visit the Royal gardens in the
hopes of finding a muse. I stuck myself in a patch of sunflowers in the hopes of
finding one, and…”

He paused, and smiled.

“…and I did. I really don’t know if what has happened is just one huge
coincidence, but I feel like it’s more than that. To me, this feels more like
destiny or fate, and the feeling has only grown as I have come to know Celestia
better.

“On my first night here, Celestia and I had a private talk, and she was kind
enough to read a little bit of my writing. As she did so, and as I watched and
listened to her, I felt like I was home, really Home, for the first time in my
life. There was a spark that ignited a small flame of love then, and it’s only
grown stronger from there.

“My friends, I will be the first to tell you I am inadequate to be your Prince.
I can come up with several dozen reasons why I am unworthy. I’m as common as
common gets, and I have no real qualifications for leadership.

“But I know that what I share with Celestia is special, and it completes me.” He
smiled, and turned to look at her. She was smiling brightly, but had tears in
the corners of her eyes. “And what is special to her is special to me. This is
something I don’t want to lose.

“And so,” as he turned back to the press, “all I can say right now is that I’ll
try. I’ll stumble, I’ll fall, and I will humbly ask for your patience and
understanding. But I want to help my—” he smiled deeply with the thought “—wife
to bring about a greater and more glorious Equestria. Please know, my friends,
that although I am a prince by marriage, I will not be able to call myself such
until I have earned it. I will do all that I can to serve you, to make your
lives better. And hopefully, someday, I will even be able to bring to you a
portion of the happiness that I have found for myself here. Thank you.”

Anon then simply stepped away from the podium and moved over to the
nearly-crying Celestia. Luna looked extremely pleased, for her part, and Cadence
had one hoof to her chest and an ‘Awww!’ look on her face, so he probably had
said something right. But what he wanted, more than anything, came as his wife
dipped her head down and they gently booped noses.

“You did good,” she whispered to him.

“Thanks. Can I go somewhere and faint now?”





“Holdin’ up all right there, Prince Anon?”

“I think so,” he replied with a smile for Applejack. “Though I was under the
impression that this was an informal gathering.”

“Well, it probably was, but then Twilight made the mistake of sayin’ the P-word
within earshot of Pinkie Pie.”

“PARTY!” Pinkie Pie yelled from across the ballroom.

Anon laughed a little with the outburst, but he also took a moment to fully
appreciate all of Pinkie’s hard work. Yellow streamers hung from the ceiling and
snaked in between white balloons of various sizes, the potted plants had gained
some tasteful trimmings and yellow lights, and even the buffet table seemed to
be extra festive and ready to party.

“How did she do all this so fast?” Anon asked Applejack after a few moments.

“Well, it is her thing, and she has that party cannon of hers. You give that
mare ten minutes with that thing and she’ll whip out a shindig outta nothin’.”

“If this is what she can do with no advanced notice, then I’m interested to see
what the party in Ponyville will be like.”

“It’ll be so super-fantastic that you’ll be telling all your grandfoals about
it!” Pinkie replied, as she suddenly appeared out of nowhere and hugged Anon
with one arm. “I’ve got all sorts of yummy treats planned, as well as Games and
a ‘Round with the Prince’ that will be a blast!”

“Round with the Prince?” Anon asked, but Pinkie suddenly looked up and to her
left, and then squinted in concentration.

“Hold that thought. Punch Emergency!”

There was a streak of pink, and she was gone. Anon looked back at Applejack, who
was chuckling slightly.

“Pinkie is Pinke. Ya get used to her antics over time. Don’t worry, ah can tell
ya from personal experience that Pinkie has never thrown a bad party. You’ll
have fun, and the folks in Ponyville will love havin’ the chance to meet ya.”

“I hope so. That’s one of the things that really makes me nervous right now.”

“You’re worried that ponies won’t like ya?”

“I’m worried they won’t accept me.”

“Ah hear ya there. Ah worried about the same thing once ah found out about bein’
the Element of Honesty.”

“You did?”

“Oh yeah. More ah learned about what the Elements were and who had used ‘em in
the past, the more ah thought ah wasn’t right for the job. Ah’m just a farmer,
not some kinda heroine that saves Equestria. An Element Bearer should be
somepony strong, committed, and knows just what to do at any time. Ah couldn’t
be all that, all ah knew how to do was buck apples outta trees.”

“So how did you get used to it?”

“Well, I gotta admit, freeing Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon was a durned
good start. Otherwise, there’ve been two things that have really helped. One, ah
had to have faith in my friends. If Twilight said ah was Honesty, then ah was
Honesty, hooves down. Ah had to trust that my friends would help me out, show me
the ropes, and if’n I ever found myself in a barrel of pickles, they’d be right
there with me.

“Second thing was to trust myself. Sure, ah didn’t have experience in monster
wranglin’ or purgin’ evil nightmares outta princesses, but somehow ah have used
what ah do know to get the work done. Just bein’ myself was enough, despite what
ah thought otherwise.

“Ah reckon it’s gonna be like that for you too. Probably not my place to say
what you should or shouldn’t do, but just bein’ yourself will solve a whole heap
of trouble in the long run. Honesty, even with yourself, is always the best
policy. Just do your best, that’s all anypony can ask. You do that, things’ll
work out. Shoot, you’ve got Princess Celestia for support. Don’t get much better
than that.”

Anon glanced down at his crystal, then up to Celestia. She was chatting lightly
with a pony from the press, and he smiled a bit more.

“No, I don’t suppose it does. Thanks.”

“Anytime, sugar cube. Now how about we go get ourselves an apple fritter? Ah
made ‘em fresh this mornin’, and ah’ve heard you’re somethin’ of a food critic.”

“So long as it wasn’t made here, I’m sure it’ll be delightful.”


~*~


“Your Highness, I simply have to settle one point in private,” Fleur de Lis said
with a gentle toss of her exquisite mane. “What can you possibly see in a
commoner?”

“Anonymous!” Applejack shouted, and all eyes in the room turned to watch as the
Element of Honesty began to swat the Prince with her hat while chasing him
around the buffet table. “You no account, butter hatin’, no-taste snob!”

“What?!” he shouted back while he both ran and laughed. “I made one measly
little suggestion!”

“And that sense of taste of yours needs to learn some manners! Get back here so
ah can knock that ridiculous notion out of your head!”

Celestia did not restrain the natural smile that swelled up from her heart when
she turned back to the stunned young unicorn. “Miss de Lis, I see everything in
him.” > 14. - State of Anon >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Mornin’ sweetie,” Garbanzo called out to Lima while she strode into the
pre-morning peace that permeated the kitchen of the Zuerst.

He could not help but smile. This many years, and the mare still had the ability
to make his heart skip a beat when she walked into a room. Lima was one peach of
a Bean, and he would never regret the day when she had made him the happiest
stallion in Equestria.

“Hey hon,” she replied, and she leaned over to give her husband a quick peck
while she walked by. “Counting down the bread order?”

“Yeah. Looks like they shorted us a loaf again.”

Lima let out a small snort. “Maybe we need to find a new supplier. This is just
ridiculous now.”

“I’ll look into it,” he replied, and then he looked up from the order sheet.
“Sip got some tea ready and the paper should just be right over there.”

“Thanks. Anything good in it?”

“I’m not sure, I just glanced at the bottom part. Looked like there was some big
to-do in Canterlot yesterday.”

“Did we just get another princess?” Lima moaned playfully.

“Probably.” Garbanzo chuckled. “They’re becoming a dime a dozen, aren’t they?”

“Yeah. Wonder what she is the Princess of?”

“Poached eggs I bet.”

“Be nice.” Lima giggled, and she playfully nipped his ear. “Maybe she’ll be the
Princess of wayward ponies and she can help Anon find his way.”

“So are we talking about a princess or a life coach?”

“Oh, hush up and get that finished. We still need to get the soup prepped.”

“All right, all right.”

Garbanzo chuckled as his wife grabbed the paper, placed it on the tea tray, and
then walked into the main area. He then quickly finished with the bread
paperwork, filed it, and then began whistling as he started to fill the large
stock pot with water for the minestrone.

The sound of a teacup smashing into the granite floor tile out in the main area
quickly ended the whistling. Garbanzo hurriedly shut off the water and quickly
moved to check on Lima.

“Hon? You all right?” he called out as he pushed the door open.

Lima didn’t reply, and what Garbanzo saw as he stepped through made him scramble
in alarm. His wife was white as a sheet, frozen in place, and her eyes were wide
in horror. The smashed teacup lay scattered by the feet of the chair, and the
newspaper was scattered across the table before her, with some of the pages
still floating down from the ceiling.

“Lima! What happened? Are you ok?!” he urgently asked once he reached her side.

She let out a small whimper through a tight lipped, horrified frown, and her
eyes didn’t move to meet his. Instead, one hoof tapped the page of newspaper in
front of her.

“What is…” Garbanzo asked as he glanced at the paper, but then he did a double
take. His chest began to heave wildly as he grabbed the paper in both hooves,
and his rear legs gave out on him as he read and began shaking.

“What have we done?” he asked in a gasping, breathless voice.





“Morning, Auntie Celly, Auntie Luna!”

“Good morning, Cadence!” Celestia replied with a warm smile. “Where is your
husband?”

“Out in the hallway having a ‘discussion’ with Anon about the best Buckball
team. Shining is adamant the Thunder will take the conference next season but
Anon disagrees. They will probably join us when they settle the matter, so
sometime next week, maybe?”

“Well, if they miss pancakes it’s their own fault.” Celestia hummed to herself
while she placed a plate down for Cadence.

“So, how are things between you and Anon?”

“Just can’t help yourself, can you?” Luna quipped.

“Nope!” Cadence smiled brightly. She then propped her head in her hooves, put
her elbows on the table, and gave Celestia a very eager look. “C’mon! I need
details! How serious are you two?”

“We’re married. I don’t think it can get any more serious if we tried.”

“Yes, it can.” Cadence blew a raspberry. “So, how’s he in bed?”

After a moment of absolute silence, Cadence leaned forward with a teasing grin.
“Okay, maybe that’s a little far for just a week. You’ve done some snuggling
under the sheets, though. Right? Kissing at the very least? Anything? Really?”

“If you must know, no,” Celestia slowly replied, her smile fading. “Anon seems
to be hesitant to do anything beyond rubbing noses. And even then, he’s very
cautious.” Celestia could feel that smile returning. “He’s so sweet.”

“Well, look at what he’s working with,” Luna cut in. “For his whole life, the
only way he’s known you is as Princess Celestia, The Bringer of the Day. You’re
asking him to overcome twenty-odd years of conditioning in a week. That is a
rather large jump to make. He is probably afraid of bursting into flames if he
touches you wrong.”

“Auntie Luna is right. You have to admit you’re more than a little
intimidating,” Cadence added, while waving a fork full of food in the air with
her magic. “Marriage is sharing.”

“I understand that. I haven’t tried to push anything on him because of it,” said
Celestia.

“But you’d like him to maybe give a little bit more,” Cadence said knowingly.
“Without you telling him.”

“Well, we are married and we are planning on staying together. Why shouldn’t
we?”

“I agree. You just need to encourage him a little.”

“Encourage?”

“Here we go,” Luna groaned with an ill-hidden smirk. “Cadence is going to be in
rare form today, I can tell.”

“Of course I am. I’m trying to get my beloved Aunt Celly’s love life going,” she
replied with a smug grin. “A thousand years with nopony to truly claim as your
own is quite long enough.”

“She’s got a point,” Luna conceded, as Celestia sat at the table with food for
the both of them. “My dear sister deserves more than a lump bag of an Anon.”

“I am not calling him Anon Bag.”

“Probably for the best. You’d forget he was a person and you’d sit on him.”

“How do you know he wouldn’t like that?” Cadence said with a knowing bob of her
eyebrows.

“You two are insufferable!” Celestia proclaimed with a snort of amusement.

“No, the trick is to start small and work your way up,” Cadence continued. “I
had to do that with Shiny, because the lovable dope kept locking up on me when
I’d flirt with him. Seduce him, but just little bits at a time, and only here or
there.”

“But don’t go overboard,” Luna warned. “You can gain much by simply being you. I
would say you’re doing pretty good with this already, from what I see. Anon’s
little flame of love for you has come about because he has seen Celly instead of
Celestia. Lure him in, yes, but also still be you.”

“Right,” Cadence agreed. “Honestly, just try one or two things to start, and
spread them out. Keep booping him, but maybe add a little nip on the neck, or a
quick kiss on his cheek here and there, too. Shiny likes it when I go for the
ears.” She giggled. “We play keepaway, but he always loses.”

“Ears are popular,” Luna agreed. “The neck is good too.”

“And you two really think he’ll like that?” Celestia said with a curious look.

“He’ll like it,” Cadence said slyly. “He’ll just be super embarrassed about it
first. He is cute when he blushes, right?”

Celestia didn’t say anything, but the playfully intrigued look that suddenly
overtook her was answer enough.

“Shiny is too.” Cadence said with a smug grin. “I have an idea, something we can
try and we’ll see how Anon reacts.”

Luna groaned playfully. “This should be good.”





“I’m telling you,” Shining argued as the princes finally entered the dining
hall, “Wild Wind is going to take them all the way this year.”

“But she is always on the injured reserve list!” Anon protested.

“Yeah, but when she’s healthy they’re unstoppable.”

“And when she’s down they lose everything. They really need to trade her and get
some more balanced players in.”

“Gentlecolts, good morning,” Celestia greeted. Anon and Shining stopped in
mid-stride, looked at the casually neutral faces of the Princesses, then at each
other.

“What’s going on?” Shining asked.

“Breakfast, but not for much longer. Have a seat, I will bring your pancakes out
shortly.”

The two then warily sat down, but next to each other. Anon looked at Luna, who
was quietly and politely eating, and Shining’s eyes were on his wife, who was
sitting with a pleasant smile on her face.

“Princess Luna.” Anon dared to offer a greeting.

“Anon,” she replied simply. “A pleasure to see you again.”

“Did I do something?” he jumped to the question.

“I’m quite sure you have. It is rather hard to be alive and to do absolutely
nothing.”

“No, I mean did I do something wrong?”

“Not that I am aware of. Do you wish to confess?”

Anon gulped and left the question unanswered. This reeked of some kind of setup,
and even Shining was looking worried.

The Empire’s Prince then decided to use a tried and true tactic: start
apologizing and see if that makes the wife happy. Granted, it was always a
gamble but it was all they had to work with at the moment.

“Hey, I’m sorry I held Anon up in the hallway. We should have come in sooner.”

“No need to apologize, my dear Shiny,” Cadence replied evenly. “We understand.”

Shining immediately clammed up. That had not worked, and if he kept going he’d
make things worse.

“Here we go!” Celestia cheerfully announced as she entered. “The pancakes might
be a bit cold, but you know a warming spell, don’t you, Captain?”

“Uh…”

“Wonderful! Now, I’m afraid I’m late for Day Court, so I will meet with you both
later. I’d like to go over some items relating to the Empire while you are here.
Cadence?”

“Coming!” she called, and she quickly stood.

“You’re leaving?” Shining asked, as Cadence moved over to Celestia.

“Mm-hm. I’m going to help with Court today.”

“Oh. Well, okay. I guess we’ll catch up.”

“We’ll see you both later,” Cadence called over her shoulder, and the two
Princesses began to leave.

Anon suddenly felt a furious heat burning in his cheeks as his eyes locked on to
Celestia’s swaying hips. Did she always walk like that, or was she putting a bit
more allure in to it this time? Why was he still watching it?! He couldn’t stop!
He was entranced, and…

A bit of confusion worked in. Was he really attracted to her sway? Was he
actually enjoying what he was seeing?

Celestia teasingly flicked her tail as she left the room, an impressive feat
given the ethereal nature of it. Anon’s eyes stayed locked on the doorway as he
tried to come to terms with what he had seen and felt, but he did hear Shining
giggling like an lovestruck idiot.

“Anon, my friend,” he said with a nudge to Anon’s ribs, “you and I have to be
the two luckiest stallions in the whole of existence. I’ve yet to find a better
pair of hips than on my Cady, and I’d bet my horseshoes you’re feeling the same
about Celly.”

A pleased smile began to show on Anon. “You know what? You’re completely right.”





“Did he really?” Celestia snickered furiously.

“Both of them did,” Luna replied. “For as green as he is, he blushed like a lit
match.”

“See?” Cadence said smugly. “Now, don’t do that again for a little bit. Just
throw it at him every now and then. Flirting like that will get things going for
you.”

“Thanks, Cadence,” Celestia pulled her niece into a quick hug. “Lulu, thank you
as well.”

Luna smiled and nodded. “It was my pleasure to assist, dear sister. I believe I
shall leave you, though, and retire for the day.”

“I’ll see you tonight, then,” Celestia replied with a quick hug, and she watched
her sister’s retreat for a moment before turning to Cadence again. “Well, shall
we go have lunch?”

“What are they serving today?”

“I’ve asked for daffodil salads. I hope Anon will actually be able to eat this
one.”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

“It appears my chefs have been using too much salt,” Celestia replied, as they
walked towards the kitchen. “With his background, he notices nuances like that
and he has a hard time eating. Maybe he even has different tastes, because he's
human.”

“Maybe he is just a picky eater.”

“No, he’s not,” she defended. “He just has a certain threshold for sodium.”

“Picky,” Cadence repeated.

“Dear niece, I am going to have him cook something for you to prove my point. He
made a minestrone soup a few nights ago that was the most flavorful soup I have
ever had.”

“Are you talking about me?”

“Anon!” Celestia said warmly. “As a matter of fact, we were! How long have you
been there?”

“I just came around the corner and saw you two, so only a couple of seconds. All
I caught was minestrone the other night.”

“Yes, I was just telling Cadence about that. Might it be possible to request
another demonstration of your cooking prowess? You can make anything you like,
soup or no soup.”

“You want me to cook something for you two?” he repeated.

“I’m sure Shiny would like to eat too,” Cadence replied.

Anon had a sneaky smile on his smug face now. “Whatever I want to make?”

“Yes,” Celestia answered. She then leaned up to his ear. “And if you cook
something extra delicious, I will personally see to it that you receive a fair
reward.”

She then pulled back and smiled lovingly at his furious blushing.





“Chef Sugar Beet!”

“Oh! Princess!” Sugar Beet bowed. “Good afternoon! What can I do for you?”

“There’s been a change in plans for lunch today,” Celestia replied. “Prince Anon
is going to make lunch for myself, Cadence, and Prince Armor. I need you to show
him where things are and give him whatever he needs.”

“Really?” Anonymous could not help but catch the surreptitious glance the chef
made at a nearby fire extinguisher, but he tried to ignore it.

“Is that a problem?”

“Oh no, no problem,” the ruddy mare replied. “I’m more than happy to let Prince
Anon cook. I just didn’t know he could.”

“Very well. Anon, I’m eager to see what you come up with.”

“I’ll do my best,” he replied.

Celestia then left him, and he glanced around. Pots were clanking and bubbling,
plates were being tossed around like hot potatoes, knives were flying, ponies
were shouting to each other in a sort of language that used foodstuffs as
profanities, and all about was the steam and the smells of a truly efficient
kitchen.

Anonymous was well pleased.

However, he knew that another body would really be inconvenient right now. While
he had a good idea of what to try, he didn’t want to compound things by being in
the way. “Chef, this is obviously a bad time for me to be back here. Do you have
just an out of the way corner for me, or perhaps a side kitchen somewhere?”

“Oh, it’s not a problem, Your Highness. I can get you whatever you need and get
you in wherever you want. Just tell me what you need done.”

“All right. I need tofu, zucchini, and couscous to start.”

Anon then simply marched over to what looked like an unused stovetop. If he had
stolen it from somepony, so be it. It only took a moment for Sugar Beet to bring
the requested items, but Anon frowned deeply when she deposited a large salt
shaker as well.

“What. Is. That?”

“Salt?”

“Did I ask for salt?” he asked with a great deal of self restraint.

“No, but I know you’re going to need it.”

“And how, exactly, do you know that?”

Sugar Beet obviously realized the thin ice she was on, and she took a step back.
“Because Celestia wants extra salt.”

“She does?” Anon asked, his annoyance flipping to confusion quickly. “Why does
she want extra salt?”

“I don’t know. All I know is that she has asked to have extra salt in her
meals.”

“When was this? When did she say that?” Anon asked.

“Two years ago, when she hired me as head chef. She had sent back the steamed
broccoli I had made with instructions to add salt to it and any other meal I
made for her.”

“Did she tell you that personally or was it the waiter at the time who told you
that?”

“Well, um…” She grew embarrassed. “It was the waiter.”

“And was she talking about every meal or just that particular dish?”

“Uh… well…”

Anon smiled in a kindly way. “I tell you what. She can’t fire me, so let’s make
this together and we’ll see what she says. If she likes it, then you know to cut
back on the salt.”

“I hope she does. I have really hated having to add it in every time. It really
limits what you can make.”

Anon chuckled. “That it would. Grab some knives and we’ll get to work on the
tofu.”





“Wait, wait. How could his parents not believe it was you?!” Cadence asked
incredulously.

“I had no guards or staffers with me, so that was part of it. The other part is
just that they simply didn’t believe Anon. They’re both so convinced that Anon’s
true calling is with them, cooking, so if anything is presented that runs
counter to that then they find ways to explain it away. I’m really not surprised
or offended by it; most ponies are the same way.”

“Why didn’t you just move the moon around a bit, or bring the sun up for just a
quick second?”

“I promised Lulu when she returned that I would only touch the moon in an
emergency or with her permission. It is rightfully hers, and I wish to show the
proper respect to my sister and the Princess of the Night. As for the sun, well.
I could have done as you say, but for one thing the Astrological Society would
have had a collective conniption, not to mention the panic attack it would have
given to Twilight and any other pony awake at that time. However, the more
important reason is—”

The door to the dining room opened, and both Princesses watched Chef Sugar Beet
enter with three domed trays on a trolley. Two of them were then placed on the
table before them, and Celestia smiled as a delectable aroma drifted up to her
nose.

“Where is Anonymous?” Cadence asked.

“He sends his regards and says it’s bad luck for the Chef to eat with his
patrons.”

Celestia offered a diplomatic smile. “Will you please go tell my husband—and I
want you to use these exact words—that if he doesn’t get his sorry rump in here,
I will plant him right back in the sunflower patch where I found him.”

“Uh, sure. I’ll go tell him.”

“Whatever he made smells wonderful,” Cadence remarked. “I bet I’m going to eat
my words along with this meal.”

Celestia’s smile flipped over to genuine. “Maybe I can talk him into a rhubarb
pie. I always did like those.”

“I’ve never had one. Are they any good?”

“I think they would be an acquired taste. Maybe with enough sugar you could
tolerate it.”

“Plant me in the sunflowers, huh?” Anon quipped as he entered the room.

“Yes,” Celestia said firmly. “I do expect you to spend your mealtimes with me,
cook or no.”

“In fairness, Chef Sugar Beet helped quite a bit. She gets at least equal
billing for this meal.”

“What did you make?”

Anon smiled smugly and lifted the domes off the trays. A woosh of steam erupted
as he did so, and two princess mouths began to water.

“Stuffed Zucchini Surprise. I’m sure you’ll enjoy. Please, please.” He motioned
to the silverware. “Dig in.”

“Has anyone seen my husband?” Cadence suddenly asked as she glanced around the
room.

“He’s out in the hallway discussing buckball with one of your guards.”

“Oh, for pity’s sake. Shining Armor, get in here!”

“I didn’t know you knew how to use the Royal Voice,” Anon remarked while rubbing
the inside of one ear with his hoof.

“All wives know how to use it instinctively.” Cadence took a bite.  “Mmm! And
this is really, really good!”

“You bellowed, my lady?” Shining joked as he entered.

“Quit talking buckball for five minutes and come eat.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Where is your plate?” Celestia asked once Anon had delivered Shining’s plate to
him.

“You said to feed Cadence, yourself, and Shining,” he replied smugly. “You
didn’t say anything about me.”

She gave him a very sour look. “You know full well I meant you too.”

“It’s still bad luck to eat with your patrons. Besides, I sampled enough while I
was preparing the meal to tide me over.”

Celestia stuck her tongue out at him. “Well, I expect you to eat with me next
time, bad luck or no bad luck.”

“I’ll bear that in mind. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I promised Chef Beet that I
would give her the recipe for the meal you’re enjoying.”

“Oh, no you don’t. You are going to sit down and at least make polite
conversation. You can give her the recipe later.”

“Well, if you insist. Any chance I can learn how to use the Royal Voice? I am a
royal after all.”

“It’s all in the diaphragm,” Cadence began to explain.

“Is it ever,” Shining added with exasperation.





Celestia had found over the years that Day Court typically tended to be slow on
Tuesdays, given that it was a workday. However, today was slower than normal
since Wysteria was dealing with any pony making inquiries into Celestia and
Anon’s marriage, and thus the majority of the ponies who were coming to the
palace.

She was glad that Cadence was there to chat with during the lulls in between
petitioners, and they had been able to come up with some rather fun ideas for
her wedding party in those times. They had also agreed that Shining and Cadence
should go with Anon to Ponyville, as Shining could help Anon navigate the town
while Cadence went over the party ideas with Pinkie Pie. Celestia had sent a
letter asking Twilight if Thursday would be too busy for a visit, but she had
not yet received a reply.

Anon had disappeared into the kitchen somewhere, and Celestia surmised that he
had probably gotten engaged in a cooking-related discussion with the staff
there. Shining was… well, missing, but Cadence was convinced he was doing
something very productive to move the affairs of the Crystal Empire forward.

Or, the buckball part of the Empire, at least.

It was thus that Celestia found herself near the end of Day Court, with perhaps
half an hour remaining. She and Cadence were chatting about some other
flirtatious moves to try on Anon when a guard entered and bowed before the
throne with a cough.

“Yes? What is it, Sergeant?”

“Two ponies are seeking an audience with you, Your Highness, but they are
declining to give their names. All they will say is that it is urgent they speak
with Prince Anon.”

“What do they look like?”

“One is a mare of yellow with a black mane, the other is a stallion of grey with
a red mane. They are perhaps in their late forties.”

Celestia smiled a bit. “Go ahead and show them in. I believe I know them.”

The guard nodded and left.

“Auntie Celly? Who is it?” Cadence asked.

“You’ll see,” Celestia mystically replied.

It only took a moment for the two visitors to be shown in. Like all newcomers to
the Throne, they were initially overwhelmed with the grandeur of the hall, and
the stallion removed his flat cap as he gaped at the singular scene before him.

“Garbanzo and Lima! What an honor it is to see you again, and so soon!”

Two sets of eyes grew wide, and two noses immediately went to the floor in
respect.

“O great Celestia! Please forgive us!” Lima called out. “We have been fools, and
we have come before your greatness to beg your mercy!”

“Mercy?” Celestia asked, as she quickly descended and moved across the hall to
them. Her wing then reached out and gently lifted their gazes to meet hers. “You
have no need of my mercy, for you have done nothing that requires it. You are
innocent before me.”

“But we have insulted you, deeply!” Garbanzo cried as a tear slipped out. “We
called you a fraud!”

“No. If I had been in your position, I would have not believed myself either.
You have done no wrong to me. However, I believe you have something to say to my
husband.”

More tears came, and eyes went wide in hopeful horror as Celestia’s wing
retracted and her horn glowed. She smiled warmly as her magic reached out across
the palace, found Anon, and then teleported him into the throne room, but with
his nose nearly touching the wall by the main doors.

“I mean, everypony knows the moon is made of cheese,” he stated, his eyes closed
in an effort to look wise. He then opened them and blinked a few times.

“Uh, Celly? Did you just teleport...”

His sentence stalled out as he looked over his shoulder and beheld the visitors.
He then turned, his face a picture of shocked surprise.

“Mom?!” he breathlessly asked. “Dad?!”

And to his everlasting credit, Anonymous broke out into a dead run towards his
parents.

Celestia felt tears flowing down her cheeks as the family shared both hugs and
tears of reconciliation. She had been worried that Anon would not be so
forgiving of his parents, that he would instead drive them away and proclaim the
wounds they inflicted to be too deep, but she was most pleased to find that this
was not the case. Anon's family was again as it should be.

Whole.

She smiled a bit more as Anon motioned for her to come join the hug. She had to
drop down onto her knees to do so, but the warmth and light she felt as her nose
touched his and as several pairs of arms and hooves locked with hers was so rich
and ennobling that she didn't care. This was a family that was exemplary, and
though they would still have issues and troubles in the future, this one moment
would forever change the dynamics for all of them, and in all the good ways one
could think of. The bonds between all of them were now stronger than steel, and
that was as it should be.




Dinner that evening was one of the most pleasant dinners Celestia had ever had
the pleasure of attending. As it turned out, Garbanzo and Lima had shut down
their restaurant completely and had paid for the rest of their employees to
travel with them, and so the dining room was now filled with such a wonderful
assortment of ponies that it was making for quite a lively and happy scene.

She wasn’t quite sure how it had happened, but Celestia found Lima to her right,
Anon next to her, Garbanzo next, and then Sip. Cadence was on her left, then
Shining, then Grumps, Shake and Bake, and Luna—who looked amused and a bit
perplexed—was at the end. The staff had made Anon’s stuffed zucchini, and
everyone was quite enjoying the meal – though Cadence had whispered to Celestia
that Anon’s rendition had been slightly better. There was laughter, there was a
small argument when Garbanzo’s life long support of the Broncos came to light,
but mostly there was happiness, friendship, and love.

If only all of her state dinners could be this way.

It was as the dinner was winding down that Celestia found Lima leaning towards
her. She smiled, and asked if she was enjoying herself.

“Oh, yes. This has been quite an enjoyable meal,” Lima replied. “But I wanted to
ask you something, if I may.”

“Please.”

“Why didn’t you just prove you were the princess the other night?” she asked,
the confusion obvious in her voice. “If you had just raised the sun for a few
seconds we both would have been convinced.”

Celestia smiled a bit more. “I suppose I could have. There was probably a few
different things I could have done to convince you. But I am a teacher when I’m
not a Princess, and that moment provided me an opportunity to teach you
something.”

“To trust our son,” Lima said softly.

“To trust in your son, to have faith in him,” Celestia kindly added. “He’s a
wonderful young man, and there are many reasons why I have the feelings that I
do for him. But it’s hard to accept when your children’s plans differ from
yours. By letting you suffer through what you did, I believe you have learned to
not sell Anonymous short. He can do wonderful things for Equestria, but what is
far more important is that he has your full faith and support. As time goes on
and as he assumes more responsibilities, he will need all the support he can
get. If I had used my powers to prove who I was, you would not respect and trust
your son in the way that you do now.”

“But Garbanzo and I were so worried he’d reject us,” Lima replied. “We spent the
whole train ride here worrying about what he’d do, or what he might say.”

It seemed that panic was a family trait, but Celestia did not believe it was a
bad trait. “Then perhaps this was a test for Anon, too.” Celestia put on her
best wise look. “Could he offer forgiveness to you, despite your actions? There
was the risk he would reject you, as you say. He would be understandably
justified if he did. But now we all know a bit more about his true character,
and I believe that, in the end, we have all been elevated by this event.”

Lima nodded thoughtfully. “I think you’re right.”

“Besides, now that you’re here we can go over your new titles.”

This made all three of them stop in their tracks, and both father and son looked
over to Celestia.

“Titles?” Garbanzo asked.

“Of course! I do believe, by ancient custom, that the in-laws of the Prince and
Princess are to be a Duke and Duchess. Am I wrong, Sister?”

“I do believe you are right,” Luna replied with a small smile. “Though I believe
in these modern times the titles are more symbolic than anything else.”

“Alas, that they are,” Celestia confirmed. “You both will be a Duke and Duchess,
but there are no lands or tax revenues⁽*⁾ that come with it.” (*) There was a
ten bit per year⁽¹⁾ tax on royal titles to pay for the Department of Royal
Regalia, but it had slipped Celestia’s mind at the moment. (1) The tax was
waived for Princess Luna on her return, since the sum total of fees, penalties,
and back interest exceeded the yearly gross domestic product of Equestria by a
large sum. 

“That’s for the best,” Garbanzo replied. “I’m happy with just running my
restaurant.”

“Anon, do you plan on taking your parents on that promised tour tomorrow?”

“Oh!” he exclaimed, and he looked to his parents with a broad smile. “Of course!
I’ll take all of you out, and show you everything. We’ll make a day of it.”

“Could we possibly see the sunflower patch where you ambushed the Princess?” Sip
asked.

“We’ll make that the first stop.” > 15. - Good Night >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That was an impressive thing you did today,” Celestia offered to Anon, and he
blushed slightly as they stopped outside his door.

“No, not really,” he replied. “It’s what I wanted to do. One of the greatest
lessons my Dad ever taught me was a little axiom: ‘how would you want to be
treated?’”

“That would more accurately be a proverb.” She giggled.

“I really need to have you give me some equish lessons,” he said with a groan
and a smile. “But the point of the saying is true. If I was in the wrong, I
would want to be forgiven. Besides, what good would it have done to stay mad at
them? Was it really worth it to reject them? How would I feel about myself in
the morning, or five days from now, or even five years from now? Grudges are
horrible things. I’d much rather have things the way they are now.”

Celestia then moved in close to his ear, and he shuddered in joy as her warm
breath tickled his ear. “All you say is true, and I am proud that you have
chosen this path. It helps me to love you all the more.”

She then gave him a soft peck on the cheek. She did not mean to giggle when she
pulled back and watched his reaction, but the way he blushed and stared at the
ground made little bubbles of joy filter up in her chest.

“Oh, well…gee…” he stammered in embarrassed happiness. “I, uh…”

“You know, my room does tend to get cold and lonely at night as of late,” she
lowered her voice to a husky whisper. “Has your room been having the same
issue?”

This made his whole face go red. He knew exactly where she was going with this.

“Perhaps?” he squeaked.

She then moved in close again. “When you’re ready, dear Anon. First and
foremost, I want you to be comfortable and happy with our relationship. Since we
are married, there really isn’t any reason why we can’t be together, but if you
are not comfortable with the idea just yet then I can wait until you are.”

“I, uh…” he stalled. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Celestia looked him over quickly, and then she gave him a curious look. “Really?
What is troubling you?”

“Oh, it’s not a physical thing, I hope. I just…” He grunted. “I don’t know why,
but it seems like taking that step would be taking advantage of you, somehow.”

Celestia smiled. “That’s because you’re still overcoming my Princess side.”

“Partly, but we’ve also only known each other for a week. I’m worried it’s too
much too fast, even if you are my wife.”

“And that is fine. That tells me that you have a great deal of respect for me,
and I am happy you do.”

“I do.” He nodded, and then he exhaled slowly. “I think the other small part is
that I worry you don’t see me as your husband yet. I know you’ve introduced me
as such, but I can’t help but think that you’re just saying that because we’re
married.”

“What do you think I think about you, then?”

“Mostly that I’m just some foal who needs self-worth lessons. I know it’s dumb,
but I worry that you look at me like I’m just a child who needs some mothering.
You’re not really romantically interested, you’re just thinking ‘what a cute
little boy, he needs my help.’”

“Have I given you a reason to think this? Something I have said, or that I have
done perhaps?”

“No, no. In fact, you made me really question it with that little hip-sway stunt
this morning.”

“You liked it,” she said with a giggle. “Don’t even deny it.”

“I did like it, so I know my line of thought is wrong.”

“Would you like to hear what I really think of you?” Celestia offered.

“Please?” he eagerly asked.

“I think you are a charming and delightful man who is thoughtful, kind, and
concerned about others. You show a great deal of empathy and concern, and you’re
cute when you scrunch up your face when you’re thinking, just like you’re doing
now.”

“I am?” he asked as he touched his nose.

“Yes. But I also realize you’re still adjusting to everything that has happened.
Let me offer you this, so that you may set your mind at ease.”

She moved in close to his ear again, and he found himself wanting her that
close.

“I love you, Anonymous.”

Anon just about melted into a puddle of pure joy right then.

“When we came back from Salt Lick, I had some personal thoughts about how things
had turned out and how we had ended up together. One of my musings was that,
perhaps, it was destiny that had denied me a mate over these many years. The
mystic chords that bind all of ponykind to one another and from past to present
have a way of shaping and directing events, and maybe I hadn’t found my special
somepony due to the simple fact that he—that you—weren’t due on the scene for a
thousand years.”

She then drew even closer and she smiled deeply as she heard his breath catch.
“I then thought that if that really was the case then the wait had made our
relationship even sweeter.”

She then whispered a secret into his ear, one that made him blush harder than he
ever had before. There were a few more whispered words, and then a quick nip of
his ear.

“I don’t think I’m going to be ready for that anytime soon,” he whispered with
some shame.

“That is perfectly fine, Anon. If I can wait one thousand two hundred
twenty-four years I think I can wait a little while longer. As I said, I will go
at your pace. But I don’t think of you as a foal, just as you don’t think of me
as an impossibly old mare. We see each other as we are, and as what I think we
were meant to be: husband and wife.”

Anon didn’t reply for a moment, but when he did, he looked very confused.
“You’re really that old? You don’t look a day over five hundred sixty-eight.”

“I use an anti-aging cream at night.”

“That’s some cream.” He chuckled with her.

“That it is. Goodnight, Anon.”

She then turned to leave, but she felt something quickly working its way up and
under her right wing. Anon’s adorable hunched over form soon poked out, and
Celestia smiled warmly while the rest of his charming face followed right
behind.

“So this doesn’t look like I am acting like a little child?” he asked gently.

“No,” she replied, with a quick kiss for his nose. “This looks perfect.”

“My room has been pretty cold and lonely lately, now that you mention it.
Perhaps I can stay with you tonight? Then maybe I won’t be cold anymore.”

“And neither will I,” she replied, as they began walking. “You are most welcome
to spend the night with me.”

“And the night after that?”

“And for many more.” She giggled, and she then shrieked out a laugh as Anon
nipped her wing joint.





“This is nice,” Anon remarked with a glance around her chambers while Celestia
shut her door.

“Oh, you approve?” she giggled.

“Oh, yeah. I like the curtains, and the fireplace, and...”

He stopped as he turned around and found Celestia in the middle of removing her
tiara and peytral. She glanced at him as her magic placed the gilded accessories
on a nearby velvet cushion, and she blushed a little.

“What is it?” she asked.

He shook his head slightly and blinked. “I’m sorry. I just… It’s interesting to
see you like this.”

“Is that a good interesting or a bad interesting?”

“Good. Definitely good,” he quickly said as she walked back over to him. “Seeing
you like this helps me see the non princess side of you. You’re still the same
mare, of course, but now you’re a bit more… well, more approachable, if that
makes sense. The tiara and everything puts you on a pedestal, but this is just
Celly right here.”

Anon felt Celestia’s magic gently lift his crystal off his neck, and they both
smiled as she gently placed it next to her tiara. He soon took off the rest of
his clothes so he was standing in front of her in his boxer shorts.

“Shining and Cadence agonized over that.” Celestia motioned for him to follow
her to a bed of cushions near the fireplace. “As soon as they got the word we
were married, they had it commissioned. They were concerned that you would not
like your gift since it had been rushed.”

“I’m really beginning to believe that princesses do their best work under
pressure.” Anon laughed. “You and your ironclad law, Cadence and that crystal.
It’s amazing, and probably one of the finest gifts I’ve ever received.”

“One of?”

“The gift of your love is better.”

That caused snowy-white cheeks to blush, and Celestia smiled deeply while she
laid down on the cushions. She then lifted her right wing for him, and he
happily moved under it with a contented hum.

“Do you use some kind of feather softener too?” he asked. “It feels so wonderful
under here.”

“No, no softener,” she replied warmly. “But they might have some of my spit on
them from when I preen and straighten them.”

“Ew!” He laughed with her. “I guess I’ll just have to live with it. Though that
does make me wonder…”

“What are you doing?” she asked as he rolled onto his back, but then she let out
a long sigh of enjoyment as Anon began to softly stroke the feathers on the
underside of her wing.

“Ah! So you do like this. One for the notebook.”

“Write that one down two or three times,” she said with a delighted hum. A
little more stretching left the full set of long primaries available to Anon’s
long, slow strokes, and he continued his gentle ministrations until Celestia
murmured, “That is incredibly... nice. So nice. Your hands really are
something.”

“I’m not rubbing them the wrong way, am I?”

There was no answer forthcoming, so after stroking her feathers for a little
while longer, Anon rolled back over and regarded Celestia... no, his happy wife
in the low glow of the bedroom lighting.

She wrinkles up her nose when she’s sleeping. That is so adorable.

He was afraid that laughing would wake her up, so he suppressed it to a quiet
giggle, snuggled into her side, stretched out his own legs next to hers, and
relaxed.

“Goodnight, my princess. I don’t know where this journey is going, but it’s
going to be a fun trip.”

Her wing drew in a bit closer around him, and he sighed happily while he joined
her in slumber. This is what he had expected married life to be like, and he was
pretty extra sure that, despite the unknowns that loomed before him like Luna’s
moon, he could get used to this life.

With a little help.



> 16. - Check This Out >
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luna, Princess of the Moon and Stars, grumbled to herself as she forced her
hooves down the hallway and towards the kitchen.

Those Cutie Mark Crusaders were going to be the end of her, but she did have to
give them points for originality. Somehow, those adorably destructive fillies
had given all of Ponyville a nightmare about marshmallows stacked into a bipedal
form, dressed up in a sailor’s uniform, and throwing rubber tires at everypony.

The word vexing was being used quite a bit as her fatigued brain contemplated
this.

Luna decided that the how and why didn’t really matter. What did matter was a
quick bite to eat to calm her stomach, and then sleep. Dealing with the Tantabus
wouldn’t be nearly so vexing.

It was a strange word if one really thought about it.

The dining room doors were sticking again, so Luna opted for the direct approach
of simply forcing her way inside. She mustered enormous amounts of willpower to
bridge the vast gap between her and a basket of fruit, and without looking, she
selected one from the pile and bit into it.

Pineapple. A worthy fruit foe, but its reinforced hide was helpless before
Luna’s sheer jaw power and sparkling white enamel.

Plus it got the lingering taste of burnt marshmallow out of her mouth.

She then looked up, and she let out a startled gasp. “Anon? Are you all right?”

The new prince looked absolutely horrible. His skin was pale and his hair looked
like he had tried to eat a lightning bolt, but the most concerning thing was his
eyes. They were bloodshot, sunken, and hollow, focused in on nothing but an
invisible abyss of horror. He didn’t acknowledge her in any form, but Luna was
fairly certain about what had happened to Anon.

“Celestia snores?” she offered.

Anon slowly nodded. “Celestia snores.” He paused, and swallowed hard. “Loudly.”

“Ah, a dose of reality for the newlywed.” Luna chuckled. “You shall get used to
it over time, do not worry.”

“You do?” he asked, with a bit more desperation in his voice then he intended.

“Of course. It only took Star Struck about fifteen years to get used to my
snoring.” Luna considered her memories with a smile.

“Years?” he whimpered.

“Yes. Certes you can hold out that long, correct?”

“You snore too?”

Anonymous wasn’t quite all there this morning, it seemed. “All alicorns do, even
if they deny it. I think it has something to do with the wing/horn combination
personally.”

Anon nodded slowly. “All alicorns snore…”

“A little like a tuba and a bagpipe quartet,” admitted Luna.

“Anon?” Celestia called while she entered the room. “Are you in here?”

“Yes and no,” called out Luna in return. It was intriguing to see Celestia
wandering the castle hallways without her regalia on. Usually her silly sister
would sleep in it, though that always had seemed rather uncomfortable to the
Lunar Diarch.

“Are you alright, Anon?” Celestia followed up as she trotted over to where he
was.

“Yeah, I think I’m okay. I just didn’t sleep well.”

“Oh dear,” Celestia gasped a bit as she reached over and booped him. “Another
nightmare?”

“No, not that. You… well… you, um…”

She put a hoof to her mouth. “I was snoring, wasn’t I?”

“Loudly,” Luna added.

“Oh my. This hasn’t been a problem before. Lulu, wasn’t there a spell you used
to stop your snoring?”

“Yes, but I don’t recall how it went. I’m sure a little searching in the
Archives will turn it up.”

“Fifteen years?” Anon asked Luna with an annoyed glare.

Luna shrugged. “Years, minutes. It all blends together after long enough.”

“Your hair is a mess.” Celestia stated the obvious, and she moved to be directly
behind him. “Hold still.”

“What are you—” Anon started to ask, but then his eyes rolled back in his head
and he sighed in happiness as Celestia began nipping and tugging at his hair
with her teeth. Luna simply rolled her eyes at the display and took another
large bite out of her pineapple, relishing her victory over the rugged fruit.

“There!” Celestia announced after a minute or so. “Not the best, but it looks
better that what it did.”

Anon did look better, and his eyes were back to normal when he opened them and
turned to look at his wife.

“Thank you. That was just what I needed.”

She smiled and booped him again. “You’re welcome. I’ll make sure to find that
anti-snoring spell too.”

“I hope so.” He chuckled.

“Luna, would you care to have breakfast with us?”

“I will have to decline your fair offer today, Sister. I am in need of rest more
than breakfast at the moment.”

“Oh,” Celestia flatly replied. “Well, perhaps tomorrow.”

“Perhaps. Good day to you both.”

And with that, Luna departed with the remains of her pineapple.


~*~


“I did rather hope she would stay. I always enjoy having breakfast with her,”
Celestia remarked as she sat down next to Anon.

“Well, she did look pretty rough. There were probably a lot of nightmares last
night.”

“That could be, and if so I hope she gets the rest she deserves,” Celestia
replied thoughtfully. “In any case, the day is young and there is much to be
accomplished. Are you still planning on touring Canterlot with your family?”

“Yeah, so I should probably go talk to them and get that worked out.”

“I never did introduce you to your assigned guards, did I?”

“Not yet.”

“As soon as we finish breakfast we will do so. Sergeants Hokey Pokey and Clover
Leaf will be happy to serve and protect you.”

“I guess you won’t be able to go out with me and the family for the tour, huh?”

“I do wish I could, but I am still far behind in my work. Thankfully, I think
two days of focused effort should get things caught up. I also have my class to
teach today.”

“That’s right, I forgot about that. Do you have any Twilight level students
you’re working with?”

Celestia laughed. “No, but that actually makes life easier. Twilight was a joy
to teach but she was so brilliant and so advanced that I struggled to keep ahead
of her in certain areas of study. There are times I think she taught me just as
much as I taught her.”

“That makes sense.”

“Now then, I would like to have breakfast with your family and our niece and
nephew. Why don’t we go get cleaned up?”

Anon then ran his fingers through his hair a few times. “Okay, I’m good.”

“Oh, no, no. If you are going to be a proper Prince you must at at least use a
comb.” She contemplated Anon’s suddenly awake expression with the mischievous
sense of humor that he seemed to enjoy so much. “Perhaps even... the brush,” she
added in a low, husky voice.

“Not the brush!” exclaimed Anon before popping to his feet and making a run for
the hallway. “Nooo!” he called out as he ran. “Help! I’m too ruggedly handsome
to be brushed!”

Celestia laughed out loud while taking off after him. “Brushy, brushy!” she
called, laughing even harder as he ran through the hallways.





Anonymous smiled to himself while he finished chewing his bite of breakfast.
Chef Beet had provided a most pleasant breakfast of biscuits and rutabaga gravy
for him and his family, and the conversations that floated between his parents
and their employees centered mostly on how to replicate the dish. He had felt a
twinge of sadness when Celestia had excused herself to go attend to her duties
when breakfast ran longer than expected, but he also knew it could not be
helped.

Since his family had left home in a panic without even properly closing the
Zuerst, he understood why they needed to go back soon. That did not mean he
liked it, an opinion shared by Sip, Shake and Bake. Grumps was true to his
namesake and just grumbled about everything in general, but Anon knew the
grizzled old cook never liked being far from home, even if his employer’s son
was now his Prince.

Eventually, everypony settled on touring the palace and the grounds, heading to
the flower patch where Anon had met his wife, and then catching an afternoon
train home. Cadance and Shining agreed to go with the horde on the tour, and
Shining left slightly early to check on their security detail.

A few minutes later, Shining reappeared and waved Anon out into the hallway.
“Anon, this is Sergeant Hokey Pokey and Sergeant Clover Leaf.” He pointed to
each in turn, and they saluted as he did so. “These two will be with you anytime
you go outside the palace. They both have exceptional marks and several
commendations, and they’re honored to be your security.”

“Are you really?” he asked Hokey Pokey.

“Yes sir! No higher honor than to guard the prince who is having an existential
crisis, Sir.”

“Oh, so that was you in the hallway that day?”

“It was, sir.”

“And you, Clover Leaf?”

“Pleasure to be attached to you, sir,” came the surprisingly female voice.

“You’re a mare?”

“I am?” Clover turned to Hokey Pokey and gave him an accusatory look. “Why
didn’t you tell me, Hokey?”

“I wasn’t totally sure myself,” he replied. “I’ve lost track of how many
stallions you’ve drunk under the table.”

“The Royal Guard is about even in the male to female ratio.” Shining explained
while Clover preened with pride. “Would you like to know how to tell the
difference?”

“That would be nice.”

“It’s all in the ears,” Shining said conspiratorially. “Male ears are slightly
more pointed than females.”

“They are?” he asked, as he looked closely at Hokey’s ears. “I don’t see it.”

“Right at the tips, Sir,” Pokey offered, turning one ear in his direction.

“What, right there? I don’t see it. You’re not messing with me, right?”

“Shiny is being serious,” Cadence answered as she and everypony else came out
into the hallway. “You’ll get it, don’t worry.”

“You’ll forgive me if I get you two mixed up?” Anon asked the guards.

“Not a problem at all, sir,” Clover replied with a quick laugh. “We get it all
the time.”

“Well, shall we?” Cadence asked, as she gestured with a hoof down a hallway.





“…and this is it: The Sunflower Patch of Destiny.”

There was a bit of silence for a moment as everypony contemplated the fateful
spot, but then Sip piped up with a question. “Dude, did you really not see the
sign and the fence?”

“Those weren’t there when I was here.” Anon looked at the new ‘Please Stay On
The Path’ signs and short iron fences. “I wouldn’t have shoved myself in there
otherwise.”

“Well, I can see how the Princess didn’t see you,” Garbanzo stated as he took a
step closer to the patch. “These are pretty thick. You were just standing next
to them, you say?”

“Not exactly. I was standing all the way in them with my nose up to try and
catch a muse.” Anon let out a snort of amusement. “I guess I did. If I hadn’t
been doing that, Celestia would have missed.”

“She could have missed anyway, or bumped into your butt,” Sip pointed out. “Just
a few inches in any direction and she wouldn’t have got you. That was quite the
lucky shot, Anonmister.”

“I didn’t think of that.” Anon rubbed his own nose. “That’s kinda funny.”

“It’s all history now, right?” Garbanzo added. “Nothing else to do but move
forward.”

“Very true.”

“Anon, dear, could you show us the statues?” Lima asked. “I’ve heard quite a bit
about one birdbath from Needle Point, and I would like to see what all the fuss
is about.”

“Yeah, they’re just over there if I remember right.” Anon motioned down a
pathway. “Shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

The entourage began moving again except for Garbanzo. He remained stationary,
peering into the sunflowers as if he was expecting something to jump out of
them. Anon noticed he hadn’t moved after taking a few steps, and he moved back
as Cadance led the group onward and began talking about the birdbath in
question.

“Dad? You ok?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” His father lifted his head up and took a long, deep
breath of the garden’s fresh air. “Just lost in thought, Nonny.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t know where to begin.” Garbanzo sighed. “I’m just trying to get my head
around all of this. My son leaves home, comes to Canterlot, and ends up marrying
a princess. It’s the plot to the world’s dumbest story, and yet it’s real. Oh,
no offense.”

“None taken. It is a pretty wild tale.”

“I just…” he stalled. “I guess I was wrong about things, and it’s hard to
swallow.”

“Wrong?”

“I thought for sure this writing thing was just a phase, a moment of
questioning. Even when you were teeny-tiny, I was sure you were going to be a
chef, just like all of us have been. I had grand plans for you, grand plans. You
were going to take the Zuerst farther than I could even dream of with your
skills. I agonized over the lessons we gave you when you were a child, debated
and triple-guessed myself. Would this really be useful for my Nonny to learn?
Would it make him the most respected name in cooking that ever was? Could he…”

There was a long and thoughtful pause.

“Would he carry on the family dream for me?” Garbanzo said softly. “It hurts to
think that all that time, all that effort, and I was pushing you in the wrong
direction. I was so sure of your destiny that I totally missed it. It sounds
selfish, but now all my dreams have been defeated too. I wanted… bah. Me. I.
Mine. That’s where I went wrong. Me, me, me. I didn’t pay attention to you. I
was so set on having you share the dream that I squashed yours. You gave me the
warning signs, you tried to tell me. I should have realized it was the end when
you went running with those tofu blocks in your ears. No, I had to keep pushing,
keep forcing. So long as I was getting what I wanted, who cared what else
happened? My Nonny would come around, I just had to be right. There was no way I
could be wrong. I was so in denial that I even refused to believe a Princess was
in front of me. It was all just an act. He’d come around.”

Anon put an arm over his father’s withers, kneeled beside him and stared into
the flower patch with him. “Look, I don’t know what to say about your dreams. In
all those years, the one thing that hurt the most was that I was letting you
down. I really did want to be that great chef you had envisioned. I actually
kinda hoped that once I got established as a writer that I could write a
cookbook and put all the family recipes in it, share it with the world.

“But I know one thing, Dad, above all else: you did good with me. Maybe some of
your efforts were misguided, but overall you were – and still are – a fantastic
father. You taught me things that have been more help than I probably even
realized, and all that training didn’t go to waste. I’ve already used some of
your wisdom and your lessons, and I’m sure I’ll be using a lot more as time goes
on. The only way I’ll be able to hack it as a prince is because you taught me
foundational skills to use. Maybe I won’t be a world-renowned chef, but I know
that when people look back at the odd reign of Prince Anonymous they’ll see a
strong family behind him, a father and a mother who really did care and look
after him.”

Garbanzo turned a little and gave his son a soft smile. “Thanks, son.”

“Dreams don’t always need to die, Dad. Sometimes they just need a little
adjustment.”

“Heh.” Garbanzo chuckled. “I guess so. You’re going to be a household name one
way or another.”

“Don’t remind me,” Anon said while suppressing a snort of laughter.

“We should catch up before your mother starts to worry.”

“She already is, I bet.”

They both chuckled at this. “Yeah. You do realize she’s going to keep pestering
you for grandfoals until you actually provide one, right?”

“I said don’t remind me.” Anon laughed. “One bridge at a time.”





Celestia paused for a quick moment to ensure she had written everything she
needed to on the classroom chalkboard, and then she turned back to her students.
“All right, everypony! I trust you all have your petri dishes ready?”

“Yes, Princess,” Celestia’s class droned.

“Good. Now, I want you all to take a cotton swab, and…”

“Princess?” a little filly interrupted.

“Yes, Wintergreen?”

“You look different today.”

“I do?” Celestia asked, and she glanced back at her tail while surreptitiously
checking her teeth for leftovers from breakfast with her tongue. “I don’t recall
changing anything in my appearance.”

“Yeah. You look like you’re brighter.”

“Brighter?” she giggled. “You know I don’t produce light, right?”

“I know, but you do. You look brighter, and happier too. Your smile looks nicer
than it usually does.”

A colt in the back then piped up. “That’s because Princess Celestia has a
special somepony, An’ they got married and everything!”

“That is true, but I think you could have found a better way to make that
statement, Granite.”

There was a sudden explosion of questions from the young and eager learners, but
Celestia had no chance at hearing them all. She did manage to hear “I heard
you’ve been kissing in the hallways,” “I heard Prince Anon stole your tiara and
you had to chase him down and get it back,” and “Did you really plant him in the
ground and then harvest him?”

“My dear little ponies!” Celestia laughed. “Where in Equestria did you come up
with these questions?”

“Did you really get married, Princess?”

“Yes, Wintergreen. I did,” she replied with a warm smile. “I wrote a law many,
many years ago that made me get married, but it took a long time for me to find
the one who I was meant for.”

“Do you love Prince Anon?” Granite asked. “My Mom said you just married him
‘cause you had to, and that you’re gonna kick him outta the palace once you
figure out how to get rid of him.”

“Granite, you may tell your mother that your teacher, Princess Celestia,
unequivocally loves Prince Anon. To the best of my knowledge, he is not going
anywhere. He plans on staying, and I plan on keeping him.”

“Does he love you?” Granite replied.

“He does, but he’s a bit shy about it,” she replied. “Sometimes a special
somepony needs a little extra time and that’s okay. He isn’t used to Canterlot,
or being a royal. He’s also still getting used to me.”

“Getting used to you?” another filly asked.

“Yes, Marble. He doesn’t know me as well as you all do. He still has a lot to
learn, and I have a lot to learn about him.” Celestia then had a delightful
thought enter her head, and she gave her students a sly smile. “What if I make
you this offer: if you all do well on this week’s test I will have him come
visit. Then, you can ask him all the questions you want. Does that sound fair?”

“Yeah!” the class erupted.

“Good! Now, before our bacteria goes bad, let’s get back to the lesson. Everyone
get a cotton swab…”





Anon took a moment to glance at the train that was waiting on track twenty-nine,
and he sighed while turning back to his family and friends. “Well, this is it, I
suppose.”

“Thanks for the tour, Anonmister. We’ll do this again sometime,” Sip offered,
and they fist-to-hoofbumped quickly. “Don’t be a stranger, eh?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Sip smiled and then stepped aside for Grumps.

“I’m telling ya, that Princess of yours is practicing some strange voodoo. You
keep an eye on her for me, all right?”

“I can do that, Grumps. You take care of yourself. Don’t get too happy, you have
a reputation to uphold.”

“Don’t worry about that, Prince,” he retorted, but with a small smile. Shake and
Bake were next, and the twins looked rather sad.

“Think you can get us her autograph?” Shake asked.

“I think I can, yeah.”

“Yours too?” Bake asked.

“Well, if you think it’s worth something.”

“It will be. You take care of yourself, all right?”

“I will. You keep your brother in line in exchange.”

“No promises there.”

All three laughed, and then they moved aside to let Garbanzo and Lima have their
moment.

“I wish you could come with us.” Lima sadly remarked. “But I understand why you
can’t. You’ll brush your teeth, right?”

“I don’t think Celly will let me forget.”

“And I still want grandfoals. Don’t wait too long on that.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“You should make her some of your grandma’s fudge. I bet she’d really like that.
Or maybe that sponge cake, or a nice rhubarb pie, or…”

“Mom, you’re rambling.”

“I know.” He leaned down and she put a tender hoof on his cheek and sighed. “My
little Anon grew up too fast, and then he went and turned into a prince. Oh, I’m
gonna miss you honey.”

“Hey, you’re welcome to visit anytime, and Celly and I will drop in on occasion
I’m sure. This isn’t the end, it’s just a change.”

“And it’s for the best.” She replied as they hugged. “Just be safe, ok? I don’t
want you getting hurt by some villain like Discord.”

“Funny you should mention him. Do you remember when the ceiling laughed and made
a joke about one big Anon pun?”

“That was him?” she asked, and Anon nodded. “Well, you tell him to behave or
he’ll have to deal with me.”

“I will. Between you and Fluttershy he’ll be too scared to misbehave.”

“Good. Write often, will you? I want to hear all about what you’re doing.”

“I will.”

Lima then fought back tears as she let Garbanzo in. The father and son hugged
quickly, and then Garbanzo sighed. “I always thought I’d have to tell you to
treat your special somepony like a princess, but I guess that’s a bit moot.”

“It’s still good advice.”

“It almost is. For you, I think it’s more appropriate to say make sure you treat
her like she’s your wife.”

“How could I not?”

“Because she’s the Princess. Celestia doesn’t need another worshipper; she’s got
a whole country of those. What she needs is a companion, a helper. She needs
someone to be her friend. She probably hasn’t had many of those. Treat her as an
equal, and you’ll be all right.”

Anon nodded thoughtfully. “Thanks. I’ll try to.”

Garbanzo then leaned in a bit. “Also try rubbing between her wings. Pegasi love
that.”

“Ok?”

“And if you’re really trying to turn her on, just—”

“Gah! Dad!” Anon shouted.

“What? I want grandfoals too!”

“I am not hearing this! I’m not!” Anon covered his ears with his hands for a
moment, but then he laughed with the group.

Garbanzo then nodded firmly. “You’ll do good. You’re a good man Anon.”

Sergeant Clover Leaf then cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sirs, but we need to
have you leave now in order to catch your train.”

“I hate goodbye.” Garbanzo and Lima hugged Anon together. “So we’ll see you
around instead, all right?”

“We will. Have a safe trip, Duke and Duchess.”

“Duchess.” Lima repeated, as they broke apart. “Sounds like something that would
have cream of mushroom in it.”

They all chuckled at this, and then a final round of goodbyes were shared by
everyone. Anon then solemnly watched as Sgt. Leaf escorted his friends and
family away, but he made sure to wave as they left.

He then let out his breath slowly. It was only one in the afternoon, so Celestia
would still be busy doing whatever it was that she was doing. Shining and
Cadence had left the group a short while ago to meet with a trade minister, so
he was on his own until dinner.

He played with the crystal around his neck for a moment while he thought about
what to do. He probably wasn’t needed anywhere, so he could probably go do more
research for his story. He did have to admit he was eager to get some of his
ideas down and then see what Celly thought of them.

He hoped she would like it.

And with that resolute thought, he started off for the Archives.





“He’s just over there, your Highness.”

“Thank you.”

Celestia stealthily crept up on Anon. He was totally engrossed in writing, and
he had several books scattered around him on the table. Though she was curious
as to what he was doing, she was going to have a little fun first.

Her approach went unnoticed, and she smiled as she softly blew on his right ear.
But he didn’t react.

She blew on his left ear next, and for a bit longer. This time he reached up and
scratched but still he kept writing.

She then nipped his ear. He gasped slightly, but then he smiled broadly when he
turned and found her there.

“Am I ever glad that you’re the one that did that,” he remarked. “I was going to
have a panic attack for a moment there.”

“I suppose that’s a good thing. Did your parents leave already?”

“Yeah, they needed to get back to check on the restaurant. They left just after
lunch.”

“Oh.” She pouted. “I was hoping to say goodbye as well. I guess we’ll just have
to go visit them again sometime soon.”

“I’m sure they’d love that.”

“What is all this?”

“Research. I’m trying to get my story started.”

“Really?” She asked with some excitement, and he nodded. “Do you have enough to
share yet? I would like to see what you’ve got.”

“I don’t really have a plot yet. Most of this is the facts and details of the
world, and the general outline. You are welcome to read what I’ve got so far,
though.”

Celestia quickly and eagerly moved to the other side of the library table and
smiled deeply as Anon handed her his notebook. It appeared he had started a new
one, and he already had a dozen or so pages filled in.

“Let me see.  No title yet, but that’s fine. I honestly think a title should
wait until you’ve finished the story. Ah. ‘Premise: A unicorn with extraordinary
power manages to open a hole in the universe during a science experiment and
through it he discovers a new world. Once there, he finds a strange group of
bipedal creatures who have something like claws instead of forehooves and
flattened faces, kinda like a monkey’s.’ I’m going to deduct five points for
using ‘kinda’. And I can already guess what events inspired you.”

“It’s a rough draft.” He defended.

“Mm. ‘The Unicorn (Calm Breeze) finds himself inexplicably attracted to the
females of this world, especially the ones who are virtuous and honest,
forthright and pure. Using his magic, he makes it his mission to help these
creatures resolve various dilemmas and difficulties. It ain’t gonna be’…ah! You
little sneak!”

Anon tried to keep his chortling in but he failed miserably at it. Celestia
tried to give him a sour look but it was obvious she was amused with the joke
too.

“I’m sorry, I just had to!” he managed to say after a moment. “The opportunity
was there, I had to take it!”

“Oh really,” she flatly replied. “Minus a million points for that one. I should
have seen that coming.”

“I’ll take that part out. But what do you think?”

“It’s an interesting concept. Would Calm Breeze be able to enter and leave this
world at will?”

“I’m thinking that somehow the magic portal opens when he’s needed there.”

“And he remains a unicorn while there? His form doesn’t change to match the
creatures around him?”

“No, he stays the same. I think that will be one of the challenges he faces:
he’s so different from anything they have on that world that the antagonists
want to capture him. He wants to help but he has to stay safe.”

“Does the portal just open in mid-air, or is it tied to something like a doorway
or…” she hesitated only slightly, “…or a mirror?”

“A mirror? Huh. I think it just appears. Seems a bit cumbersome to have to go
through a mirror every time.”

“Interesting. Why don’t we get something to eat and then we’ll keep going over
this?”

“That sounds good,” he replied, and they both stood.





“…but watch your tense. If you start out in past tense you need to keep it that
way. You flipped it to present tense right here.”

“Oh, okay.”

He erased the offending words, then tried again through a yawn. Celestia watched
him working under her wing, and she smiled. He had attacked this project with
enthusiasm, and had drafted out most of the first chapter already. It was
certainly an ambitious story, but he had the momentum to complete it, provided
he received support and encouragement.

She was more than happy to provide both, but then she frowned. He had stopped
writing and was chewing on his pencil, and that made the hairs of her neck stand
on end. “Stop that.”

“Huh? Stop what?”

“You are chewing on your pencil.”

“I am?” he asked, as he chewed on it in thought.

“Yes! You’re doing it right now! Look at this poor thing!” Her magic quickly
snagged the helpless instrument of writing away and she held it in front of
Anon.

“Oh. I didn’t even realize it.”

“It’s a very bad habit. I don’t tolerate it with my students and I certainly
won’t let you do it.”

“What’s so bad about it?”

“The wood can splinter and injure your mouth for one thing. The graphite isn’t
healthy for you for a second thing.”

“Just those two things?”

“It’s gross,” she finished, with her nose in the air slightly.

“Ha!” Anon touched the wing draped over his shoulder. “I seem to remember
somepony telling me how she spits all over her feathers.”

“That’s different!” protested Celestia. “I don’t chew on them.”

He smiled from his comfortable spot beneath her warm wings. “Right,” he said
with a yawn. “Totally different.”

“It is.” She looked at his mangled pencil while continuing, “I preen to keep my
feathers neat, presentable and air worthy. I don’t just idly chew on them when
I’m thinking. Chewing on a pencil serves no purpose. You don’t write any better,
it’s bad for your teeth and gums, and don’t even get me started on how bad the
dyes in the outer shell are for you. If you must chew on something when you
think you should use a piece of gum. That way you can fight cavities and have
fresh breath. Does that make sense?”

Having made her point with the most perfect of arguments, Celestia looked down
at Anon.

He was sleeping beneath her ‘spit-covered’ wings. She could not even be
irritated because of how happy he looked, and how that same look lit a fire of
joy in her chest.

“This isn’t over,” she threatened, as her magic levitated the pencil and
notebook to be tucked away for later, although after a moment’s thought, she put
the splintered pencil in the trash and conjured him a new one. “I’ll be waiting
for you.” She kissed him on the nose. “You sneak.”

Celestia then casually snagged the dragonfire scroll that popped in out of
nowhere and opened it. Though it was a bit strange for Twilight to take so long
to reply to one of her letters, Celestia was reasonably sure that her protege
had been engaged in other endeavors and had simply forgotten to write.



Dear Princess Celestia,

It’s me, Spike. Twilight has been busy helping everypony in town get ready for
Prince Anon’s visit tomorrow, so she totally forgot to reply to your letter.



Celestia smirked as she envisioned Spike secretly writing that admittance, even
though Twilight had probably asked him not to.



She says tomorrow is fine and that he may come whenever he’s ready, but she also
‘respectfully’ asks that you give her an arrival time.  From what I’ve heard
around town and from what I’ve seen, Prince Anon should feel very welcome when
he gets here.

Anyway, have a good night and we’ll see you tomorrow!



Celestia felt a glow of joy fill her entire chest with this news. A trip to
Ponyville would be a wonderful and early self-esteem boost for her Anon, and if
something horrible should happen to her, he would know who to call on for help.

And if Pinkie Pie’s last ‘New Prince in Equestria’ party was any indication,
Anon had a riotously fun event ahead of him.

She then simply placed the scroll on the table and yawned. She could understand
why Anon had fallen asleep, because it had been a long day for her too. Just as
she began to settle in next to her beloved Anon, though, she remembered
something rather important. Her horn flared and produced a golden orb in front
of her that was about the size of a golf ball, and with no joy whatsoever, she
then ate said ball. A disgusted face from the bitter taste of it immediately
followed, and she quickly levitated a nearby glass of water to herself.

“The things I do for love,” she muttered after draining the glass. “Though I
suppose one little anti-snoring spell isn’t too much to ask. We should both
sleep well tonight.”

She then sighed happily as she laid her head down next to Anon. He grunted a bit
and shuffled a little, but then he gave a matching sigh of contentment as well.

“Goodnight, my Anon,” she whispered. “Sleep well.”

And with that final happy thought, the Prince and Princess drifted into deep and
snore-free slumber together.