Created: 2014.06.13 07:42:10 UTC
Last modified: 2014.06.13 07:42:10 UTC
Archived from https://pastebin.com/5ZaMuGnL on 2020.10.25 06:10:12 UTC


Blood Moon
>Day fortified table wine in Equestria
>Be Anon
>Only human in Equestria blah blah blah please don't
>You are pretty fucking drunk
>Your friend Twilight Sparkle (or as you like to call her T-Sparks, Twiggles, Twily-Wily, or Purple, to name a few) dragged you to some dinner in Canterlot because the last time she left you home alone with Spike, you explained to him in great detail where foals come from
>It didn't help that you used the cake toppers from her brother's wedding to demonstrate
>The kid loved playing with those things
>Now he has anxiety attacks when he sees them
>You wondered why she didn't just bring him with her and leave you at home
>Then again, ever since she found out you were using that old sock as a jizz rag, she hasn't left you unsupervised much
>Especially because that sock was actually her horn warmer
>So here you are
>In Canterlot
>[spoiler]It’s the place you’ve always dreamed about[/spoiler]
>Kickin' it at a giant-ass banquet table with Twalot, Princess Celestia, a bunch of mind-numbingly sycophantic nobles, and this one chick who's makin' sexy eyes at you from across the table
>She's sitting right next to Celestia, and because she's another alicorn and you're not retarded, you assume that would make her Princess Luna
>When you all first sat down she seemed pretty severe
>Half a dozen drinks later though (holy balls she puts that shit away) she was talking (really loudly) and laughing with everyone else
>Celestia is telling some kind of story
>Not the badass, heroic type of story that an immortal, star-moving, cosmic-power-wielding demigoddess should be telling
>No, it's one of those "delightfully humorous" stories about a conversation with some obscure dignitary where everyone laughs at the end but dies a little inside
>Twilight is listening with such rapt attention she looks like she's either going to have a stroke or an orgasm
>You elbow her in the ribs
"Hey..."
>You hiss at her out the side of your mouth
"Hey Purps..."
>Her eyes remained trained on the Princess, her perfect smile unflinching as she kicks you hard in the shin
>Fuuuuuucking hooves man...oww
>Undeterred, you prod her some more
"Puuuurrrrple"
>"Anon, I swear to her…"
>Her gaze is unmoving as she hisses back
>You harrumph just loud enough to earn another kick to the shin, your eyes watering this time
>You look at Princess Luna, who you've never seen before, much less spoken to
>She's clearly about as shitfaced and bored as you are
>You two seem to be the only two people/ponies at this table with the balls to acknowledge that Celestia's story blows
>Everyone else either has a political reason to feign interest (the nobles), or is so in love with the pony telling the story that she's ruining her seat cushion (Twiggles)
>You catch Princess Luna's eye
>It's not hard to do because she's looking right at you
>You roll your eyes and she mirrors the gesture sympathetically
>She makes a flapping motion with her hoof that you’ve been in Equestria long enough to know means "blah blah blah blah..."
>Then she points one hoof at her sister while bobbing the other back and forth at her mouth and poking her tongue into her cheek
>You stifle a laugh, and some of your neighbors give you rude glances
>You don't even know this chick and it's already obvious that she's the cool princess
>You raise your glass of beer towards her and she does the same to you
>you both go to take a sip, but she starts straight-up chugging hers
>Oh shit no
>Anon "The Keg" will not be shown up by a pretty pony princess
>Fuck she's fast
>She's not even swallowing, she's just opening her throat and pouring it down
>You can't compete with that
>You feel jelly, emasculated, and slightly aroused
>Then you feel only pain as you swallow a giant air bubble in your haste
>You grip the edge of the table as it forces its way down your esophagus
>Take it like a man, Anon
>When you finally look back up, the night princess is staring innocently at Celestia
>You try to catch her attention again, but she seems just as enraptured as all the other guests
>Suddenly, polite laughter erupts from all present
>Fucking funally
>You heave a sigh of relief as everyone pays their socail dues and then slowly goes back to conversing freely
>You can feel Princess Purple glaring at you
>You look back across the table at the only princess you’re interested in right now
>She’s chatting animatedly with her sister, who seems none the wiser to that little display from earlier
>Did you just imagine all that shit?
>You’re fucking drunk so it’s a possibility
>You glance at your plate and sigh
>No meat
>No meat at all
>Fucking ponies
>Welp, at least their booze kicks ass
>You hail a passing server and request another ale, preferably in a larger mug
>Twiggles asks for another diet lime soda
>You try to slip the guy a couple bits to put some vodka in it but he brushes you off
>You spend the rest of dinner trying to get your purple friend to loosen up, picking at your eggplant parmesan, and endeavoring to prove your assertion that beer is an acceptable substitute for food
>By the time Princess Celestia announces that there will be music and dessert in the garden, you’re sloshed beyond the point of no return
>You don’t give a fuck though, as long as “dessert” includes “dessert wines”
>You find yourself in the palace gardens of Canterlot Castle, only half-remembering walking there
>You decide to sit down, both because it feels weird being so much taller than everyone else, and because standing as an option is becoming less and less practical with every passing glass of sherry
>You’re outside the crowd, chilling on a stone bench at the edge of the lamp light
>You’re watching Purple converse with Celestia, her entire body a rigid, quivering chunk of girl wood
>You can’t even tell if it’s a sexual thing or not
>That might be part of it, but it’s more than that
>It’s love…respect…
>“Adoration,” says a voice beside you
>You blink, forcing your vision into focus and look in the direction of the sound
>“That’s the word you’re looking for”
>Well smack my ass and call me Judy, it’s her
>“My sister does inspire that in ponies, especially those closest to her”
>There is a hint of melancholy in her words
“Uhh…”
>You’re not at your most articulate right now
>“How are you tonight, Anonymous?”
“Do I know you?”
>“In a manner of speaking, though you probably don’t remember”
“Listen I’ve met two princesses, and they’re both right there”
>You point towards T-Bone and Celestia
>“I suppose I have you at a disadvantage, I am Luna, princess of the night”
“Anon”
>You hold out a hand
“But I guess you already know that”
>“Indeed”
>She smiles as you gently shake her hoof
>“I must say your dreams are some of my favorites”
>Oh shit
>Twilight told you about this
>She told you about this, bro
>Moons here is a dreamwalker, but you were certain that was bullshit
>Oh god please tell me she didn’t see that one…
>“Yes, I saw that one”
>Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
>“Fear not Anonymous, I found it quite amusing, and it’s encouraging to see that you’ve begun to consider the local female population a viable option for gratification”
>Well, she’s sure being chill about this
>“Still, I can assure you it does not taste like soda, and even if it did, I doubt many mares would enjoy being a ‘dispenser’”
“Hey, it’s gotta be someone’s fetish”
>You try not to slur
>“True”
>You polish off your fourth sherry, wondering whether you can stand well enough to get another
>“Your tolerance for alcohol is quite impressive”
>That ain’t tolerance, that’s love, baby [spoiler]hue[/spoiler]
>“Though you could increase your speed of consumption by breaking your reliance on peristalsis”
>You wish you had more drink so you could spit it out
“That did happen, didn’t it? I got out-chugged by a farkin’ pony in a tiara”
>“Are you so intoxicated that you were questioning if it did?”
“Yes”
>You feel something brush your fingertips
>It’s a glass, enveloped by her pulsing magical aura
>It’s full
>Party on
>You take a sip of the contents, only to spit it right back out, spluttering
“What the fuck is this?”
>“It’s water”
“Oh”
>“Far be it from me to suggest that you abstain for the rest of the night, Anonymous, but I do understand the value of proper hydration, and so should you”
“So”
>You attempt nonchalance
“Besides talking with strangers about their sex dreams and mocking your sister, what do you do?”
>“I am the princess of the night, I control the moon and the stars”
>She says it like it’s some grand secret
>The corner of her mouth twitches, but she stares straight ahead
>Yep, she’s fucking with you
>Okay, princess
>You wanna pretend I’m dumb?
>Let’s pretend I’m retarded
“Pfft”
>She almost snaps her head toward you, but catches herself at the last second
“Okay, okay, very funny. Everyone knows that’s Princess Celestia’s job”
>It’s her eye twitching now, not her mouth
“I mean her name is Celestia, as in she controls celestial bodies. If you’re gonna try and mess with my head, at least come up with something plausible”
>Getting really mad in 3…2…1…
>Her eyes lock with yours
>You can’t look away
>You suddenly feel fear
>Pure, raw, and intense terror
>You hear a droning chorus of deep voices ringing in your ears
>You’re pretty sure there’s blood coming out of your nose
>Oh god, dying in cursed agony because you couldn’t resist being a smartass is so something that would happen to you
>“Are you alright, Anonymous?”
>Your mind snaps back to reality
>Luna is looking at you rather crossly
>You touch a finger to your upper lip and take a look at it, expecting red
>It’s just your nose running
>For the second time tonight, you wonder if what just happened actually just happened
>Either someone put a little something extra in the booze, or Princess Luna is fucking with you on a much more profound level than you initially believed
>“Anon, I see you’ve met Princess Luna”
>You look up to see Purps
>Evidently she’s taken a break from prodding her mentor’s mindgina with her brain-stiffy
>“Indeed,” the night princess intones cheerfully, “I just had to meet the man behind the vision”
>“What vision?”
>“Anonymous here is under the impression that the liquids from mares’ nether regions taste of carbonated fruit beverages”
>“Anon, what the heck?”
>“And that if lined up on a counter, we would be like a soda fountain”
>“Anon, what the fuck?”
“Whoa, whoa, there’s some context to that, Twilight”
>“The context is that you’re grape,” Luna tells her serenely
>“EWW EWW EWW EWW”
>Twiggly dances on her hooves in revulsion, periodically raising one to slap you across the face
>“EWW! EWW! What is WRONG with you, Anon?”
>SLAP
>“You’re so…”
>SLAP
> “GROSS!”
>SLAP
>SLAP
>“EW!”
>one final slap that’s more of a punch and she spazzes off into the distance, eyes shut tight
>“Well, that was certainly unbecoming of her”
>Your nose is now definitely bleeding
>You know that book Goodnight, Moon?
>Welcome to the sequel: Fuck You, Moons?
>You turn to your alicorn companion
“We just met, why do you hate me?”
>Though your ears await some kind of response or justification, in the periphery you can hear the music transition into a bouncy, jazzy number
>“Dance with me, Anonymous”
>She raises a cloth in her aura and wipes the trickle of blood from your left nostril
>Oh okay
>So now she’s acting like it ain’t no thang and expecting you to be too butthurt to accept her offer
>Little does she know that “Machinegun Hips” Anon is both an excellent dancer and magnanimous as fuck
>You take her hoof in your hand and lead her out into the crowd, bobbing your head to the sound of the double bass
>“…what I’m saying is, there’s more to a dance than simply bending your knees and thrusting”
“No, there’s not”
>Luna snickers drunkenly
>Whatever, you looked so fucking sexy back there
>Why else would all those ponies’ jaws drop like that?
>The two of you are on the very edge of the castle grounds, walking down a lamp-lit gravel pathway that looks like it doesn’t receive regular maintenance
“I just don’t follow”
>You feign innocence
>Luna chuckles
>Not a giggle like a little girl (or filly)
>Her laugh is a hearty, confident sound, devoid of the coyness and insecurity of youth
>“Regardless, I quite enjoyed myself this evening, Anon”
“Me too, Moons”
>At some point you stopped thinking it and actually started calling her that, and she really seems to like it
>“What would you say to retiring to my bedchambers and consummating this night?”
>Exsqueeze me? A-Baking powder?
>You stare at her, dumbstruck
>Or at least you try
>You can no longer force your vision into focus
>The world has been doubled
>“Come now, Anonymous, let us dispense with the formalities. I enjoy your company, you enjoy mine, we are both adults and unattached. What say you?”
>Fuck yes is what you say
>You’ve been in this joint for well over a year now, and any reservations you may once have held about tapping some pone puss have long since evaporated
>Still, you haven’t met the right girl yet
>Hence your vigorous misuse of Twilight’s horn warmer
“I am so dow–“
>Your boot catches on a rock that you didn’t notice in your state of intoxicated anticipation
>It acts as a fulcrum, swinging you into the ground like a pendulum at such a speed that even an alicorn princess can’t catch you
>Lights out, nigga
>You awaken with a groan
>You haven’t drank that much in a long time
>You certainly haven’t stacked that spectacularly since you were learning to ride a bike
>Still, it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it should
>You shift and feel a softness against your skin
>It’s like silk
>Actually you’re pretty sure that IS silk
>Your eyes open to rough stone, dimly lit by torchlight
>This sure as hell isn’t the palace
>Instead of ornately leafed alabaster, the walls are a cool gray
>There is no brick or mortar, they are carved out of rock, cavernous
>There is a window on one wall, but it is covered by massive, heavy drapes
>You look down to find that you are in an enormous bed
>The silken sheets are midnight blue in color
>You feel very clean, as if you took several showers before going to sleep
>Pretty sure that didn’t happen though
>There’s a small nightstand to your right, upon which sits a glass, filled with a semi-opaque, cornflower blue liquid
>There is a note by it
> “Drink. I promise it’s not poisoned ~Luna”
>That wouldn’t have really occurred to you on your own, but okay
>The glass is ice cold when you touch it
>You take a sip, and your eyes go wide
>It tastes just like Gatorade glacier freeze, Earth’s greatest non-alcoholic beverage
>You chug greedily, savoring the familiar sweetness and hints of salt
>You haven’t even set the cup down and you already feel better
>You feel well-rested, barely have a hangover, and your face doesn’t even hurt anymore
>Hot damn, you haven’t felt this good since before you went to college and discovered beer
>You’re snapped out of your reflection by a knock at the door, a large, thick chunk of oak
“Uh…yeah?”
>“May I come in?”
>The voice is unfamiliar and distinctly female
“Sure”
>The door opens and in trots a small mare
>She has the lean, lithe frame of a pegasus, but a pegasus she is not
>Her pupils are slits and her wings leathery
>In place of the bright pastel tones of the average pony are dark hues of charcoal gray and moss green
>If she stood against the wall, you might not even notice she was there
>Except for her eyes
>Intense, golden yellow with flecks of orange
>“Good morning Anonymous…or afternoon I should say”
>She greets you with cheer
>“My name is Nova. How are you feeling?”
“Sup?”
>“Would you like more to drink?”
>You notice she is carrying a ceramic jug under one wing
“Yeah, actually”
>You hold out your glass
>She uncorks the jug with her teeth, and you notice a pronounced pair of fangs previously hidden by her lips
>The liquid pours clear, but as it settles in your glass, it takes on the same glacier blue that you saw earlier
“What is this stuff?”
>You take a grateful sip
>“A restorative tonic. The princess first mixed it up aeons ago to ease her head after nights of indulgence”
>If you ever make it back to Earth, you are taking some of this with you and becoming the richest man on the planet
>The strange winged pony looks at you expectantly as you drink
“Um, don’t take this the wrong way,” you begin after a few moments of silence, “but what are you? I’ve never seen a pony like you”
>“I take no offense”
>she gives you a fanged smile
>“It is a good question. We have a few different names: thestrals, noctae, children of the night…but most of us just call ourselves bat ponies, and that is what the day-ponies know us as”
“How come I haven’t seen one of you yet? I’m sort of a night owl myself”
>“We keep to ourselves”
>she gives you a good-natured nod
>“There are only a few cities in Equestria with a significant bat population, and most are content to mind their own business, so long as the day-ponies return the courtesy”
>You have a million more questions, but she presses on with her business
>“Now, would you like some breakfast? Her highness has instructed us to give you the best care possible. Our kitchen and all of our other facilities are at your disposal”
“What kind of food do you have?”
>You don’t dare to hope
>“Whatever kind you desire”
“Do you have…meat?”
>“Of course, some of us eat meat. Would you like some bacon? Roast chicken? A steak, perhaps?”
>You dart to the edge of the bed and grab her face in your hands, smushing her cheeks as she looks up at you with bewilderment and some measure of anxiety
“Are you fucking with me bat-horse? Are you seriously telling me you can get me a steak?”
>She nods as best she can, considering the circumstances
“Okay, listen carefully. I want a…”
>You’re about to say New York steak, when you realize ponies don’t have a New York
“A strip steak, the thickest cut you can find, you with me so far?”
>She nods again
“Okay, now, coat it in brown sugar, and put some salt and pepper on there too. Burn it as hot as you can, as fast as you can. If you do it right, the outside should be blackened. Can you do it?”
>More nodding
>She’s definitely a little scared now
“I swear to god, bat-horse, if you do this for me I will get down on my knees and fellate your firstborn”
>“Please don’t”
>her jaw struggles to move in your grip
>You let her go and she tries to exit the room without looking like she’s getting the fuck out as fast as she can
>You can’t even worry about it
>You haven’t had so much as a strip of beef jerky in over a year
>It’s not that Equestria is devoid of meat, it’s just that it’s quite uncommon and you don’t exactly have the bits to go gallivanting across the land in search of prime rib
>Princess Twiggles could easily get you anything you want
>For the most part she’s very accommodating
>But anytime you try to broach the subject of meat, you get a lecture on how you can get all the same nutrients from a diet rich in beans and legumes
>After an impressively short amount of time, there’s another knock at the door
>Nova enters with a tray balanced on her back, using her wings to support it
>You save her the trouble of setting it down on the bed by snatching it away as soon as it’s within grabbing distance
>Dat smell
>Charred sugar, spices, and the heavenly aroma of cooked cow flesh
>A large, serrated knife with a wooden handle and a silver fork sit on either side of the plate
>The steak is accompanied by a pile on thinly-cut hay fries
>You can’t even
>You may have permanently lost the ability to even
>You tear the thing apart before Nova can even think about leaving the room
>She watches in stunned silence
>Oh fuck oh fuck it’s so goooooood
>Perfectly marbled
>Outside is charred but not completely burnt, and the sugar is caramelized
>The center is cool and raw
>Your judgment is completely fucked since you haven’t had a steak in forever, but this may be better than anything you ever had back home
>“I-Is there anything else I can get you?”
>Nova stares at the smoking wreckage of your meal, which took you all of three minutes to consume
“Another”
>“I…of course Anonymous, if you wish, but I must inform you that her excellency wishes to dine with you when she rises, which will be soon. You may wish to save your appetite.”
>You really, really want more, but you don’t want to piss off the chick who set you up with all of this goodness in the first place
“What time is it?”
>“Just after four”
>Damn, you were out all day
“You got, like, a toothbrush I could use? And a shower?”
>“Of course, Anonymous. Your chamber’s washroom is just through that door. Toiletries have been provided, and we took the liberty of washing and pressing your clothes”
>Royal life be swanky, yo
>After the bat lady excuses herself, you handle your hygiene and step out in your newly revived digs
>Ain’t nobody dope as me…
>Every fucking shampoo, soap, and conditioner up in this piece is scented
>Even though you look manly enough to drop a manticore with nothing but a glance, you smell like a fruit salad
>Feels good man
>You’ve just finished lacing up your boots – polished to a mirror shine – when there’s another rapping at the door
>You actually open it yourself this time, but instead of Nova you see a different bat pony
>Her color scheme is starkly different
>Eggshell white with straw-blonde hair and green eyes
>She makes no introductions
>“Her grace awaits you”
>When you step out into the hallway, you find it to be identical in composition to your room
>This entire place appears to be a network of caverns
>Everything is the same cool gray
>As you walk, you have the feeling that you are steadily, almost imperceptibly ascending
>Only after she leads you through a long maze of corridors do you see a splash of color
>the tunnel-like hallway opens up into a grand chamber with walls of smooth, black marble and stained glass windows dominated by shades of blue, violet, and yellow
>This looks more like what you’d expect in Canterlot Castle, only with a much darker color scheme
>You cross into another hall, however this one maintains the décor of the room you were just in
>The mare stops in front of a large, ornate door carved of mahogany and inlaid with exotic hardwoods, as well as what you assume to be sterling silver
>It depicts a crescent moon, casting silver rays down upon the form of an alicorn and her bat-winged followers
>Inlaid beneath it in yet more silver is a single phrase
>“Luna nobis providet”
>The mare raises a hoof and knocks
>The door opens, but instead of seeing the princess and her living quarters, you are instead greeted by another bat pony and another hallway
>This one is an armored guard
>The hallway is impossibly ornate, carrying the theme laid out upon its door to the height of extravagance
>He leads the two of you to another door at its end, this one relatively modest
>He taps softly with one hoof
>“Enter”
>That familiar voice rings clear, not muffled by the material between you and its mistress
>The guard pushes the portal open, gesturing for you to step inside
>The massive room beyond is constructed of the same black marble
>The ceiling is home to a more detailed version of the mural you saw upon the first door
>“Luna nobis providet”
>The right wall is home to a bed fit for a queen (or princess), while the left houses many shelves of books
>There is a large table that could host a banquet
>The far wall opens out into a balcony, flanked on either side by windows of bluish glass, beyond which lie the towers of Canterlot Castle, framed against the deep purple of dusk
>Princess Luna sits at the table
>She nods gracefully and her servants depart, leaving the two of you alone
>She beckons you forward, and you sit down across from her
>Between you is an enticing-looking feast
>“Good to see you a bit steadier on your feet, Anonymous. I trust my thestrals have treated you well?”
>You’re pretty awestruck by this place, but you slide back into “coolguy Anon” mode
“They can cook a bitchin’ steak, I’ll tell you that much”
>You ain’t even frontin’
> “I’m delighted to hear that, though I’m afraid you may have slightly traumatized my favorite hoofmare”
>You were pretty spazztastic with Nova
“Yeh…sorry about that”
>“Fret not, Anonymous, and please tuck in”
>Oh snap
>You were so distracted you didn’t even notice the delectable second steak laid out in front of you, cooked precisely like the last
>The princess watches with amusement as you attack it like a ravenous coyote
>She takes small, dainty morsels of her own food, but they’re a bit hasty
>She’s obviously hungry, but she’s following some misguided code of propriety
>You swallow another mouthful and look at her
“You know, you can eat like a normal person. I’m not gonna freak out if you take a real bite of that”
>She smiles gratefully and then digs in to what appears to be some kind of quiche
>Neither of you say anything for a while, you just eat because you need to
>The princess finally seems sated, and she relaxes ever so slightly in her seat
>“I apologize for last night, Anonymous”
“Huh?”
>“I was rather…tipsy. Myself when I’m sober is a very different mare than myself when I’ve partaken”
>Oh god do you know that feel
>“I’m afraid I may have had a bit of a laugh at your expense, and provoked your friend Twilight”
“It’s cool, she always has some reason to hit me. I usually deserve it”
>You feel sad as you down your last piece of steak
>Sad, but satisfied
>All good meats must come to an end
>You shrug it off and look at your alicorn companion
“You got anything to drink?”
>“Oh, where are my manners, of course”
“Do I look like a guy who gives a shit about manners? Just break out the booze”
>She grins
>“Would you join me on the balcony for a drink?”
“Where are we?”
>This view is insane
>The spires of Canterlot Castle are below you
>Yeah, below
>Beyond, the rolling green of Equestria stretches all the way to the horizon
>The sky is a clear indigo, salted with stars
>The waxing moon is precisely at its halfway point
>It looks enormous, so close that you could reach out and touch it
>“This is my sanctum,” the princess of the night explains, “I have my quarters down there, but I use them only when my duties demand. My true home lies here, at the peak of Canterlot Mountain.”
>“Technically it is still part of the castle, but only by the few passages that connect the two. This is the place I created for myself and my children”
“Your children?”
>“My thestrals. I wanted to make a place where we could all be ourselves. Just us, together, away from the scrutiny of those who wake during the day”
>You look over at the princess
>Her face carries a wistful smile
“What are they, exactly?”
>“The very distant descendants of my first courtiers and most loyal followers. They are my responsibility, my charge”
>“Do you know the tale of my banishment, Anonymous?”
“Yeah, more or less. Purple told me”
>“I wish I could say that my isolation from my sister and our subjects began with my jealousy, but it is not so. I have never been able to connect with the majority of ponies. When I walk their dreams, I help them see and understand things that they might not on their own, but when they wake, I am usually forgotten, and only the realization remains”
>She sighs
>“I always cherished the few who dedicated themselves to me, and I pulled them into the same loneliness that I suffered. I kept them with me, isolated in the dark, and over the millennia and many generations they became the children of the night…my children”
>“They are misunderstood at best, and feared at worst. Yet their traditions, which grew all the more central to their lives during my absence, tell them that I am to be revered, that I am their savior, that I…provide for them”
>You can hear the tears in her voice, but they do not fall
>Emotions are no match for aeons of practice
>The princess takes a generous swig of her ale and then looks at you, her expression stony but her eyes pained
>“I damned them to this fate, Anonymous. Through my own selfishness and insecurity, I cursed them, and yet they love me for it. I understand my mistake, but it’s too late. All I can do now is nurture and comfort them. All I can do is love them back”
>You want to hug her, but you aren’t sure if it’s appropriate, so you don’t get up
>You felt close last night, but now it’s different
>Your chairs are separated by a paltry few feet, but the pervasive melancholy that hangs between you makes it seem like miles
>“I’m sorry, Anonymous, I don’t mean to burden you with my own regrets, and that is certainly not why I called you here”
“Then what is?”
>You take a healthy draught from your own mug while you await her response
>“I believe the time of our meeting was quite fortuitous”
>You are beginning to sense that there is a rabbit hole, and that you might be looking over its edge
“Oh?”
>“Yes”
>She perks up, looking excited
>The palpable heaviness of the previous conversation evaporates in an instant
>“In exactly two weeks’ time, Equestria will experience its first lunar eclipse since my return”
“Okay…”
>Luna laughs
>“Forgive me, Anonymous…”
“You can just call me Anon, ya know?”
>“Forgive me, Anon, I sometimes forget that even were you not new to this world, you likely wouldn’t be schooled in the obscure lore of the night. A total lunar eclipse occurs only once every two centuries in Equestria”
“Um, what?”
>“What don’t you understand?”
>You shake your head
“Hold up, you and your sister control the sun and moon, yeah?”
>“Yes…”
“So how can you say it only happens once every two-hundred years? You could make it happen every other day if you wanted”
>“Very well, and I suppose if my sister gets too cold during the winter, she should just leave the sun overhead until the snow melts?”
>“We are not the dictators of the natural order, Anon, we are simply its stewards. We do not bend nature to our will, we just ensure that certain preordained cycles go uninterrupted.”
>“Only once has that order been molested, and as you already know, the retribution was swift and uncompromising.”
>“Furthermore, considering the effects of the eclipse, I would not wish it to be more frequent than it is”
>You shift uncomfortably in your chair
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
>“Because I enjoy your company, Anonymous. I see in you a certain kindred spirit”
“…how so?”
>“You know despair; you know sadness. I have seen it in your dreams”
>Wow, Moons
>Angsty much?
>Granted, your life back home was pretty awful
>The addictions, the financial insecurity
>But you were a victim of nothing but your own faults
>You were a lazy bastard who lacked self-control
>Every hardship you endured was of your own making
>You dug your own grave
“Yeah, maybe, but all the worst things in my life were things I did to myself”
>“Exactly, Anonymous”
>You’re starting to get annoyed
>Mostly because she’s making you think about things you’d rather not
“Do you have a point here?”
>“My point is, as I said, that I enjoy your presence, and I wish you to be my consort during this celebration”
>You raise an eyebrow
“Celebration?”
>“The lunar eclipse is a time of festivity for myself and my court, for it is by the extinguishing and reigniting of the moon’s light that I am reborn, absolved of sin”
>Last night you could feel it, but you were too wasted to see it
>Now you do
>There is an electricity about her demeanor
>An infectious excitement
>“In the days leading up to totality, we celebrate with revelry and merriment”
“Sounds fun…”
>You try to sound casual but her enthusiasm is getting to you
>The stars in her flowing indigo mane are sparkling
>She grins, rising from her seat and trotting over to you, sitting down by your side
>“Did you know, Anon, that one of my many names is ‘the sensuous princess’?”
“I did not”
>“Indeed it is true”
>She seems proud of this fact
>“I preside over the night, and all that it entails”
>Underneath the pride there’s a hint of…something
>You’re not quite sure what it is
>“My mother gave my sister and I very different burdens. Celestia is pure of heart, as she should be. She is the shining beacon to which our subjects flock, the one they trust without question. That is quite the responsibility to bear”
>The night princess reaches out with a hoof and strokes your hair
>“But I”
>She bats her eyelashes
>“I am not pure; that is my burden”
>“The night is a time for drinking, for gluttony, and for the consummation of carnal desires”
>Oh baby, this sounds like your bag
>She kisses your forehead, and for a moment her visage becomes stony again
>Quickly enough to give you whiplash, she is somber once again
>“I do not consider indulgence an evil, but some of the things that happen at night are”
>“I must carry the weight of ponykind’s sins, both great and small. I walk through their dreams to try and show them the error of their ways when they stray from the light, but even I cannot help them all. Sometimes I am too late”
>“So I take from them their guilt, so that they might be pure again. Like my sister. Like the sun”
>You reach out shakily with one hand and touch her cheek
>Don’t cry, Moons
>“Mother knew it would be a terrible weight to carry, and that is why we have the eclipse: so that…once in a while…I can be cleansed”
>After a brief silence, she clears her throat and suddenly the gloom is once again gone
>“So, Anonymous, would you do me the honor of joining me for the Lunar Rebirth?”
>The excitement has returned to her voice
“Hell yeah, as long as there’s booze”
>She chuckles
>“More than you could ever drink, Anonymous”
>Challenge accepted
“Aight, let’s do it”
>“Anon! There you are!”
>T-Sparks rushes over to you in relief and hugs your legs
>“I’m so sorry I hit you, I’ve been worried sick!”
“Princess Luna didn’t send someone to tell you where I was?”
>“You were with my sister?”
>Oh shit
>How did you miss the giant white alicorn
>How did you miss her bro?
>Of course Celestia would be with Twilight
>They thought you were missing and Purple was probably going about her usual measure of wig-flipping
“Now hold on, princess, it ain’t like that. Yet”
>FUCK
>“Trust me, Anonymous, I have no desire to police that aspect of my sister’s life. She can use all the company she can get”
“Okay. If it makes you feel better, the only reason we didn’t go at it is because I broke my face”
>“ANON!”
>Twilight shoots you a look that could slay dragons
>She calms down in a moment after seeing her mentor’s serene look of amusement
>“Anon, we should head back to Ponyville. I told the girls I’d be back this morning and I don’t want them to worry”
>Some part of you envies her for having the type of friends who might freak out if she’s half a day late
>They’re so close they probably menstruate together
>Not now boner, not in front of the co-ruler of the free world
>Save it for her younger sister
>Damnit, that wasn’t supposed to sound hot
>“I believe the next train for Ponyville leaves in about twenty minutes, you’ll easily make it. I look forward to seeing you again soon, Twilight”
>The princesses share a hug
>You tip your invisible fedora and turn to leave with Twiggles, but that commanding voice stops you
>“I’d like a word with you, Anonymous. You go ahead, Twilight”
>Oh shit
>You barely notice how put out T-bone looks as she trots off
>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck
>Of course she was just pretending to be chill in front of her favorite former apprentice
>Sunny’s gonna fuck up your shit, and the worst part is you didn’t even get to do the bad thing you’re in trouble for
“Look, princess, I freaking swear, we didn–”
>“Anon, please, Luna is not a child, and that’s the problem”
“Um…I’m actually not a pedophile, so it really isn’t”
>“She invited you, didn’t she?”
“Uh…”
>“To that debauched insanity she likes to call the ‘Lunar Rebirth’”
“Yeah, actually”
>“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, Anon”
“It sounds pretty legit to me.”
>Her gaze is that of one who has already accepted defeat, but she speaks anyway
>“You are a good friend to my dear Twilight, despite your idiosyncrasies. I must request that you reconsider”
>Oh fuck
>This is some praying mantis shit, isn’t it
>After she mates you, Moona’s going to bite your head off for nourishment
>“No Anon. While decapitations were once a large part of the celebration, capital punishment in Equestria was outlawed aeons ago”
>Fucking mind-reading princess
>Also what the fuck
>“I simply implore you to understand that the blood moon is a turbulent period for Luna, and not necessarily the best time to be around her”
>Blood moon
>Period
>unf
>“Mind out of the gutter, Anon”
>Get off muh dick!
>“I wasn’t on it, nor do I have any intention to be”
>Can’t say the same for your s-LALALALALALALALALA
>You forcibly halt your thoughts
>Just think about fucking kittens
>No! Fuck! Just kittens!
>You collect yourself and then speak
“Are you just jelly that your sister asked me out first?”
>Procer Celestia Invictus, diarch prime of this world’s greatest nation, gives you a look that says she sure hopes you don’t do that
>“Very well, Anonymous”
>She is not amused
>“You are your own stallion. I gave you fair warning.”
“Thank you, your majesty”
>You make a show of bowing with mock-graciousness
>You’re tempted to moonwalk all the way to the train station, but you don’t want to push your luck
>You gaze absent-mindedly out the window of the train car
>You’re pretty fucking stoked
>The Lunar Rebirth sounds like the banginest party in the multiverse
>Shit, if Celestia herself was like “I dunno if you wanna do that, bro” it must be fucking spectacular
>And judging by Princess Luna’s openness last night, as long as you don’t act like a nimrod, you’re gonna get laid
>You look over at Twiggers, and she looks kind of sad
>You punch her playfully in the shoulder
“What’s up, buttercup?”
>“How did you manage to get yourself invited to spend an entire week with Princess Luna after just one night?”
>Her tone is accusatory
>Oh shit, she’s jelly
>“Princess Celestia invites me to dinners and social events and all those kinds of things, but we hardly ever spend any personal time together”
>Oh man, do you really want to do this?
>Yup, fuck it, you’re doing it
>It’s for her own good
“Listen, T, don’t take this the wrong way, okay?”
>“What?”
“Have you ever thought that just maybe, the reason Celestia doesn’t want to take your relationship beyond teacher and student is that you’re kind of immature?”
>“Immature?!”
>She huffs, puffs and…well, actually SHE had her house blown down fairly recently
>“What are you talking about, Anon? My friends and I have saved Equestria from annihilation five times, and six if you count that dragon. I’ve graduated from my apprenticeship to Celestia herself! I’m a freakin’ princess! How can you say I’m immature?!”
>She all up in your grill now
“Whoa baby, slow your roll”
>You try to think of the best way to put this
“Twi, I never said you weren’t accomplished, but if you want a romantic relationship with the princess, you need to stop treating sex like it’s going to give you cooties”
>She turns beet red
>“I-I don’t even like her like that…I-I’m straight!”
>An actor you are not, Purple
>“A-and besides, even if I did, which I don’t, we’re both mares and therefore we can’t reproduce. There would be no reason for us to engage in sexual contact”
>You poor, poor thing
>You feel like a dad telling his nerdy daughter that she really needs a boyfriend
“Twilight, people have sex for pleasure”
>“Anon! That’s lewd!”
“No it’s not, it’s normal. Look, you pull off the whole asexual nerdgirl thing really well, but if you want a shot with Celestia – and just to clear up any confusion, you ARE in love with her – then you need to grow up. Have you ever even masturbated?”
>“ANON!”
“Have you?”
>“NO!”
“Well, you should”
>“Just because I don’t touch myself at every available opportunity like you do doesn’t mean I’m immature, Anon!”
“Whatever, dude”
>You don’t push it any further because you don’t need to
>You know how her brain works
>The seeds of doubt have been planted, and no matter what, she will follow them to their logical conclusion
>Twilight is only capable of denial in the absence of well-presented evidence
>Christ, if everyone’s mind was as predictably and infallibly rational as hers, the psychologists would be out of a job
>Then again, so would sex workers
>Be Anon
>One week later
>Your time back in Ponyville was entirely uneventful
>Twilight was even quieter and bookier than what you’re used to after you gave her some food for thought
>Her friends were a bunch of wacky broads, as usual
>You spent most of your time practicing your chugging, as well as fapping to improve your stamina
>Your body is ready
>Now you’re steppin’ fresh in a brand new suit
>Ra[spoiler]rara[/spoiler] wouldn’t let you go to the sickest party of your life without some nice digs
>Be heading towards the castle
>You feel all important and shit
>Ponies in the streets stop to look at you, their swagometers reading off the charts
>Yes, swagometers are a thing in Equestria
>You’re sure of it
>And well, if they aren’t…go fuck your snake
>Two guards halt your approach at the palace gate
>You’re about to say something when a cloaked figure approaches you
>The guards back off
>The even look a little nervous
>It’s obviously a pony
>A mare, judging by the size
>But you can’t see any features beneath a thick, black shroud
>She raises a hoof and beckons you to follow her
>You cross the palace proper and trail her down a narrow corridor, at the end of which is an unremarkable door
>Once on the other side, all is dark until she strikes a match and your surroundings are illuminated by torchlight
>The hood falls back, revealing a familiar face
>“Hello, Anonymous”
>It’s Nova
“Hey bathorse, what’s with the creepy getup?”
>She chuckles
>“We bats do not fare so well in the daylight. While nothing too terrible would befall me during the few minutes it took to fetch you, I took precautions in the event that you kept me waiting”
“So…you get sunburned easily?”
>“In a manner of speaking, yes”
>She leads you down a rather claustrophobic tunnel
>It was clearly not made with humans in mind, and you have to bend your neck a bit to avoid bonking your head on the ceiling
>Though it’s dark save for the single light bobbing in front of you, you sense the upward slope
>You round one corner, and then another
>It’s a series of switchbacks, leading up and up
>This seems to go on forever
>You ain’t no scrub, but after about twenty minutes of this uphill climb you’re starting to sweat
>Just as you’re contemplating asking for a break, Nova halts, and you almost ram her from behind
>Heh
>She raps on a door with a familiar black and silver motif, and it opens
>With all the dark halls and doorways in Luna’s domain, you’d almost think she was intentionally trying to isolate herself
>You squint as the light from the antechamber beyond floods your vision
>It’s not particularly bright, but compared to the utter blackness you’ve been walking through, it’s enough to bother your eyeballs
>The two of you are greeted by four guard bats
>Three of them remain unflinching at their posts, while the fourth, who opened the door for you, relieves Nova of her cloak and torch
>“Come, Anonymous, the festival awaits us”
>The bat mare beckons once again, and you can hear the excitement in her voice
>You recognize this place
>It’s the great chamber you were lead through that brought you to Princess Luna’s private quarters
>The last time you saw it, it seemed vast and empty
>Now it’s alive with commotion
>Hundreds of bat ponies occupy it, most sitting at a collection of large banquet tables, but some roosting in the rafters, hanging upside-down
>Nova relaxes noticeably, clearly at ease among this gathering of her people
>She looks back at you
>“Her excellency will be joining us shortly. Please sit, there is plenty to eat”
>She trots off, leaving you in a sea of bats, none of whom seem to pay you any mind
>It’s funny
>You’d think these creatures you’d never encountered before a week ago would be alarmed or at the very least, intrigued by your presence
>Regular ponies certainly were when you first showed up
>But they pay you no more or less heed than they do their own
>It’s a very casual, accepting atmosphere
>You like it
>You’ve completely lost Nova, but you can’t bring yourself to feel uneasy
>The crowd is welcoming, and it’s permeated with a palpable excitement
>The bats chat and shout animatedly as they eat and drink
>You notice that many of them are eating various meats, and your stomach stirs
>You take a seat at one of the many tables
>“Hey there, you must be Anon”
>The bat pony next to you, a stallion, prompts amicably
“Do I know you brah?”
>“Word travels fast in the caverns, my friend”
>He laughs and pushes a freshly poured mug of lager toward you
>You’re thirsty after your trek through the caverns, and you take a grateful pull
>That’s the fuckin’ stuff, m8
>Even Ponyville’s finest seemed a bit bland after you sampled the booze Princess Luna had to offer
>Is this what life is like in here?
>Do they all just hang out in some cool (in both senses) caverns and drink and feast?
>What do bats even do for a living if they can’t into the sun?
>“Anyway, I’m Light Bender. Good to meet ya”
>The bat stallion interrupts your thoughts
“Anon…but I guess you already know that”
>That introduction is becoming a habit
“Cool name by the way, I’m guessing it has something to do with stars or astronomy, right?”
>“That’s what my parents thought, but it turns out my special talent is going on light benders”
>He raises his mug and takes a large gulp…but not too large
>You look at his cutie mark
>You ain’t mirin, just wanna see what it is
>It’s a mug of beer with a ray of light being refracted through it
>Huh
>Clever
“So, what’s this celebration all about?”
>You already have a pretty good idea, but you’re interested in a bat’s perspective
>“It’s a time for bat ponies to honor our princess, and thank her for all she’s done for us”
>Considering what said princess confided in you the other night, you don’t know how to feel about that
>Wait, that was a female voice
>You didn’t notice the petite mare on the other side of the stallion’s relative bulk, but now she’s peeking over at you
>She has big, gorgeous eyes
>Bigger even than the average pony
>They’re a sunburst of green, yellow and blue
>“Oh”
>Light Bender puts a hoof over her shoulder
>“Anon, this is my wife, Rum”
“Sup”
>You reach over and shake her hoof
“So, I’m guessing you’re a talented drinker as well”
>“Not really…I’m an astronomer”
>She looks a bit bewildered, and so do you
“But…your name is Rum”
>“It’s short for Spectrum”
>http://i.imgur.com/qFthBKy.png
>yfw
>You’re about to ask if they got married just to fuck with everyone, but you don’t want to be a dick
>Instead you continue to chat them up about the festival while sampling the local vittles
>You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting here, but you’re pretty drunk by the time an eerie silence falls over the crowd
>You don’t even notice until you realize you’re the only one talking
>Fortunately for you, no spaghetti is dropped because nobody notices
>All heads are turned towards the front of the hall, where a bat pony is taking her seat in front of what you now realize to be a pipe organ
>The lights dim
>She begins to play something that sounds like it’s straight out of one of Elvira’s Halloween TV specials
>The ponies around you begin to cheer
>Then you hear more instruments join in
>The thrumming of what sounds like a magically amplified double bass
>Heavy, thumping drums
>It sounds almost tribal
>You see a crack of light in the ceiling, and you realize it’s moving
>So is the floor
>As the circular hole above widens, a dais rises in the center of the hall beneath it
>Night has fallen outside, and the moon’s rays come streaming in
>There is a flash of light and billowing blue smoke, and cloaked figure appears on the platform
>The cheering reaches deafening heights
>Did you stumble into Ozzfest by accident?
>The figure throws back her hood, and the cloak itself dissipates in a swarm of bats
>Heeeeeeeeeeeere’s Moona
>There is a haughty, satisfied smile on her delicate features
>You didn’t think the surrounding crowd could get any louder, but they prove you wrong
>Next to you, Bender is whistling and Rum has actually climbed onto the table, screaming at the top of her lungs
>She’s not alone
>You take a huge gulp of your beer
>This is…intriguing
>You’ve seen the quiet reverence with which ponies regard Princess Celestia
>Adoration, as one mare so aptly put it
>But this
>This is more like…fanaticism
>They’re treating Luna like a rock star, and she clearly enjoys acting the part
>After a positively cheesy crescendo from the pipe organ, the music softens, though it continues to pulse in the background
>You hear that unmistakable voice, amplified to unnatural volume
>“My children!”
>You have to stand just to see over all the ponies hovering in the air or standing on tables
>“How do you feel this evening?”
>They go absolutely wild
>Luna’s tone is bombastic and dramatic
>“Some call you thestrals…”
>You begin to hear another noise amidst the cheering
>Screeching?
>“Some know you as bats…”
>And not excited fangirl screeching
>“Or the children of the night…”
>An unearthly cacophony of high-pitched shrieks
>“But whatever other Equestrians choose to name you, I know what you truly are…”
>There’s a slight lull in the din, as if the identities of all present hinge on her next words
>As if they need her to tell them what they are
>“My most beloved and faithful subjects!”
>You have to cover your ears
>You, Anon, veteran of countless brain-rattling concerts back on Earth, finally meet your aural match at the hooves of a crowd of screeching bat ponies
>You block out the noise of the crowd, but even the fingers firmly jammed in your earholes do nothing to impede Luna’s voice
>She may as well be talking inside your head
>“You all know why we’re here”
>“These nights leading up to totality are a time for revelry, devilry, and indulgence”
>“We shall put every Summer Sun Celebration and Nightmare Night for the past thousand years to shame!”
>You feel a rumbling as the crowd begins to stomp their hooves
>One of the banquet tables collapses on one side, and nobody spares but a fuck
>“Suppress not your hunger! Drink deeply of your wine! Slake your lust with your lovers and any willing!”
>Despite her flowery language, she is in no uncertain terms telling them to binge eat, get wasted, and fuck anything that moves
>Best Princess
>“The Lunar Rebirth has begun! Now go! Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted!”
>Holy shit, Sunny was right…what have you gotten yourself into?
>The music picks back up, and Luna disappears, whether by illusion, teleportation, or simply being swallowed by the crowd, you can’t tell
>It’s too fucking dark and there are flashes of light everywhere that you can’t determine the source of
>You grab an unattended jug of wine just in time as the table you were standing in front of is bowled over by a frenzy of bat ponies
>Oh wow
>Light Bender and the missus are going at it like ten feet away from you
>You take a huge pull of out of your bottle
>Looks like it’s time for senior year spring break: pony edition
>You’re rapidly getting genuinely smashed, and the world around you is becoming increasingly chaotic
>A flying bat pony clips the side of your head, and you are nearly knocked over by several more on the ground
>They’ve been whipped into a frenzy
>Eating, drinking, dancing, fucking, and running around like lunatics
>Emphasis on the Luna
>“Hello, Anonymous”
>Speak of the devil
>The voice rings inside your head, piercing through the droning music and the manic shouts and screeches of the ponies around you
>You wheel around but see nothing
>Well, not nothing
>You see what appears to be an orgy taking place on the wreckage of the table next to you
>You see a group of bat ponies taking turns drinking from the tap of a cask, their faces stained purple
>“Follow my voice, Anonymous”
>Though her words reverberate inside your skull, they seem to be coming from a particular direction
>You stumble forward, taking another draught of wine
>“This way”
>Her voice is breathy and sultry, and it drives your forward
>You nearly get knocked over several more times by the roiling mass of bodies dancing and fornicating around you
>Finally, you emerge from the crowd
>The flashing lights illuminate the familiar silver inlays
>“Luna nobis providet”
>You nearly fall over as the lock clicks and the door you were leaning against opens
>There is no guard in the hall this time
>The entrance to her room beyond is open
>You take one last gulp from your jug and stumble through
>The door shuts behind you and the deadbolt clicks
>“Come to me, Anonymous”
>Your head snaps in the direction of the echo that resonates inside of it
>Hello Moons
>The night princess lies casually upon her extravagant bed
>She looks…electrified
>The normally singular starscape of her mane is parted in many places
>The tendrils of midnight flow upward as if full of static, forming a swirling halo above her head
>Her eyes lock with yours, and you can’t look away
>You move toward her involuntarily as she rises from her repose
>Before you can even think, she jumps up and her forehooves are on your shoulders, her lips against yours
>She forces you into the kiss with immeasurable strength, her tongue sliding over your teeth and taking a tour of the inside of your mouth
>You’ve never had physical contact with an alicorn
>She’s not being rough, but goddamn, you can tell she could break you in half without batting an eyelash
>You’re also pretty sure you’re getting some lovin’ whether you want it or not
>But you definitely want it
>Your hands aren’t sure what to do
>She’s a little intimidating
>She breaks the kiss for just a moment, gazing at you with hungry, half-lidded eyes
>“I haven’t been bedded in over a thousand years, Anonymous. Don’t be shy, and please, don’t be gentle”
>Don’t have to tell you twice
>You grab two generous handfuls of plot
>Toned muscles with just a little squishiness
>You begin massaging, and she moans into your mouth
>Her breath tastes like red wine and chocolate
>Your roving fingertips touch wetness, and she gasps
>You can’t quite reach far enough to do anything more
>As if sensing your thoughts, her wings unfold and she beats them a few times, lifting herself off the ground long enough to wrap her back legs around your waist
>She’s light as a feather
>Now we’re in business
>You keep one hand dug firmly into her plot for support
>You set the other to work without hesitation
>Two fingers slide into her dripping sex, while another teases her pucker
>She lets out an “ummm” sound and bites your lip
>Hard
>That definitely drew blood, but you don’t care
>You can feel her tighten around your fingers, so much that they threaten to pop out
>You push them deeper
>Her lids flutter and her mouth hangs open as she looks at you, breathing heavily
>Her teeth are stained red
>Her eyes are full of lust, pleasure, and…something else
>Gratitude
>Now you understand how badly she needs this
>Step it up, Anon
>You push as deep into her marehood as you can go, and let your third finger slowly slide into her tight little ring
>You feel her hips spasm against you
>Oh, she likes that
>You bite her neck as hard as she bit your lip, and you feel the vibration as she cries out hoarsely
>Her legs tighten around you
>Your free hand reaches up and grips her mane, pulling it taut and yanking her head back
>The texture is unlike anything you’ve felt before
>Like the sky turned solid
>It writhes in your grasp, as if alive
>She’s grinding against your crotch now, guttural noises emanating from her throat
>Anon Jr. is ready and waiting
>The two of you once again lock lips as you carry her over to the bed
>You practically throw her down on the edge of it and she lands with an “oof”
>Her body rests on dark blue silk with her hind legs planted firmly on the floor
>You unzip and toss your pants aside
>She lifts her nebulous tail, her rear swaying back and forth in a tantalizing display
>You clap your hands down on her cheeks and spread them
>She growls, pushing her backside up into your palms
>You can actually see her dripping
>Above the wetness, her midnight blue rose tightens and relaxes with the undulations of her body, blowing little kisses at you
>You bend down and kiss it back, poking your tongue inside and tasting a dark muskiness
>The princess shudders and shoves her plot into you as hard as she can without hurting you
>Her firm moons caress your face as your tongue fights her tightening sphincter
>You finally prevail and push inside, licking the walls of her cavity
>Her hips begin to buck, and you hold on tight, not wanting to lose the ground you’ve gained
>You feel a spurt of liquid against your chin and chest
>Your thumb finds her throbbing clit and goes to work as your mouth continues to lavish affections on her black hole
>She’s gasping raggedly, and you feel her body stiffen and tremble
>A high-pitched wail escapes her lips as she has her first orgasm in a millennium
>Your tongue pops out as everything tightens up, so you lick up and down her crotch, teasing both holes
>She’s a bit of a gusher, soaking you with spurts of love
>She was right, it ain’t soda, but it does have a tangy sweetness to it
>You continue lapping at her until she’s completely ridden it out
>You kiss her engorged lips one last time and then peer around her ample plot and into her eyes
>You know that look
>It means “more”
>Count on it babe, it’s my turn now
>You can almost hear your boner say “about fucking time”
>Yes boner, it’s fucking time
>You give the princess’s royal posterior a few good, hard smacks, until both her sets of cheeks are equally red
>One hand pushes down on her back as you use the other to guide yourself into her glistening marehood
>It’s so swollen you can practically see it pulsing in anticipation
>The moment your tip penetrates her, she thrusts her hips back, hilting you instantly
>Oh dear god
>She’s tighter than a straitjacket, hotter than an oven, and wetter than water itself
>Even as you begin to rut her, you know you aren’t gonna last
>Welp, might as well make the most of the time you’ve got
>You grab the very base of her mane and force her head down into the mattress
>The other hand caresses her rear
>You massage her rose with your thumb seconds before jamming it in rather roughly, much to her squirming delight
>She told you not to be gentle, and you’re certain you haven’t even scratched the surface of how freaky she can get during this little vanilla soiree
>You pound her as brutally as you can, and she bucks against you in time, singing a chorus of lust that could wake the dead if the music thumping within the caverns hadn’t already done so
>You feel that familiar sensation
>This might be the most intense it’s ever been in your life
>Fuck it, if she can be loud, so can you
>There is quite literally no time like the present
>Your primal yell joins hers as you release inside her
>She rams her backside against you repeatedly with a force that would probably hurt under any other circumstances
>After a few glorious moments, you collapse on top of her, spent
>You lay your head down next to hers, releasing her mane
>She wiggles her rump underneath you and kisses your cheek
>“Mmmm”
>This is already way better than senior spring break
>And you went to fucking Chico
>“Was that satisfactory, Anonymous?”
>You see the corner of her mouth twitch
>Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone, princess
“Nice to see you again, Moons”
>“You as well”
“And yeah, that was pretty neat”
>You laugh hoarsely, still not quite having caught your breath
>She gives you a small, modest smile, the blush that had drained from her cheeks returning
>You know better than to fall for her aeons of practice at playing coy
>But goddamn she’s cute when she wants to be
>“I hope you’re not too tired…”
>Girl, who do you think you’re dealing with?
>Anon is a decorated party veteran
>Anon gets wet without even trying
>You boop her on the nose
“Nah. I am thirsty though, and hungry”
>“I shall send for some refreshments, then”
>You take that as your cue to move, and you dismount, rolling onto your back
>She makes a little “umf” sound as your still semi-erect length pops out of her
>She looks over at you
>And then at your dick
>She gives it a pensive frown
>Why is she frowning at your dick bro?!
>“So that’s what a human member looks like”
>“Reminds me of a minotaur’s”
“A-and that’s a good thing, right?”
>She smiles wryly, and gets up, trotting into what you assume to be her suite’s bathroom
>You hear water running, and after a minute she emerges looking somewhat refreshed, wearing a long, flowing robe of translucent purple, with a cinch about the waist
>It has an opening for her tail to poke through, allowing the back of the very see-through garment to drape down over her shapely behind
>Yeah, you’re pretty sure there’s no practical purpose behind that piece of clothing
>Except getting you ready for round two
>She trots over to the chamber’s door and opens it to reveal a patiently waiting Nova
>You have to wonder if she summons her servants using that same spooky headspace echo-voice thing she used to guide you here earlier
>You suddenly realize that you’re ass-naked and covered head to toe in marecum
>You grab at the sheets, trying to grasp something you can pull over yourself, but they’re tucked so tightly against the bed that you can’t get anything from your current position
>You deftly (read: slowly and drunkenly) roll toward the front of the bed and try to scootch your way under the covers
>Headfirst, because you’re smart
>About halfway down you begin to feel extremely claustrophobic
>You execute a panicked roll, falling over the edge
>The impossibly well-tucked sheets catch your torso in an impromptu hammock while your legs bang against hard marble
“Owww…”
>“Is he alright, your grace?”
>You wrest yourself from the grip of those decidedly demonic bedcovers and roll onto your back, covering your junk with your hands
>The princess is doing everything she can to maintain her royal sides, and Nova is just staring at you, neck arched backwards, head askance
>You try to think of a tactful and succinct way to explain what led you to lying on the floor and holding your crotch
“I’m naked”
>“May I take my leave now, your grace?”
>She speaks to Luna but she can’t stop looking at you
>The moon princess waves her away and closes the door
>The second the latch clicks, you snap back to sanity and stand up, shaking it off
>It’s as if the cosmos itself conspires to make that one random bat pony mare think you’re a spaghetti-spewing retard
>Moons, for her part, is quite amused
>That makes it worthwhile, right?
>Still, you feel fucking self-conscious standing around naked
>You grab your discarded pants and pull them up, cinching your belt one notch too tight
>You silently file “One Notch Too Tight” away in your archive of cool band names
>Luna saunters up and knocks you back onto the bed, hopping on top of you with elegant swiftness
>She plants her lips on yours with surprising tenderness, and for some reason you can’t quite put your finger on, you feel uncomfortable
>You felt no such uncertainty when you were fucking her brains out
“Why am I here, exactly?”
>The moment she breaks the kiss, your mouth voices your confusion before any coherent thought can form in your addled brain
>You just met her a week ago, and despite her claims that she “enjoys your company”, you’re not sure why she’s taken you on what feels like a honeymoon
>“It’s simple, Anonymous”
>Her tone is sweet, but you detect the barest hint of “why do you have to question this?”
>“During this celebration, I often take many lovers, but traditionally I pick one in particular to be my companion throughout, my consort”
> “Consummating one’s carnal desires is enjoyable to be certain, but so is companionship”
>“Please don’t try to search for any ulterior motives. There are none”
>“I simply wish to share this time with you. Please enjoy it. Enjoy me”
>You suppose that’s good enough for you
>So is the way she’s rubbing against you and removing your belt with her magic at the same time
>“Now”
>Your pants slide down to your knees
>“We have a little while before our meal arrives”
>You once again feel that heavenly, warm slickness against your shaft
>“And I know just what to do with it”
>You shudder as she gently glides you into her, your sensitivity still heightened from your recent orgasm
>She plants her forelegs firmly on either side of you, and begins slowly, deliberately undulating her body
>She wiggles teasingly every time you hilt
>Leaning down, she kisses you on the cheek before snaking her tongue into your ear
>Goddamnit, Moona
>That’s your Achilles heel
>Well, it’s your ear, but you know what I mean
>Your hands grip her legs as you concentrate on trying to last longer
>Suddenly, you hear her voice once again within the walls of your mind, assumedly because her mouth is otherwise occupied
>“If I wanted you to do that, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing”
>Your palms slide down to her hips and grab hold, slamming her down on you vigorously, again and again
>You can hear an immensely satisfied hum coming from her throat, and you realize she just testing her prowess
>As you paint her insides for the second time tonight, you decide your best course of action is to just not question any of this and ride the ride
>And the princess
>Mostly her
>When Princess Moons said she would send for refreshments, you assumed maybe a bottle of champagne and some pâté
>That’s right, pâté
>You’re classy
>You did not expect a train of servants to roll into the room with a five course meal and several casks containing various types of booze
>But that’s exactly what happened
>Where does all this stuff even come from?
>Her attendants tried to stay and wait on you, but she insisted that they go join the festivities
>She told Nova to go dismiss the rest of the kitchen staff and then take the remainder of the night off
>Now you’re alone, sitting on opposite sides of her lavish dining table
>A wonderfully mild breeze flows in from the open balcony, licking away the last of your sweat
>There hasn’t been much talking as you were both quite ravenous after your earlier exertion
>As you take another cooling swig out of a tankard of ice cold lager, she finally speaks up
>“May I ask you something, Anonymous?”
>The formality in her tone is a bit jarring
>You’ve noticed how frequently she oscillates between playful, emotional, and severe
>It’s as though there are several personas warring for dominance behind her visage
“Sure”
>“Do you miss your world?”
>You mask your scowl by taking a huge bite of a braised lamb shank, but you’re not sure if she’s fooled
>Probably not
>You collect your thoughts while you chew
“Yeah,” you say finally
>She remains silent, expectant
“Look, I was miserable there, but it was because I kept fucking up over and over again and then acting like it was everyone else’s fault”
“I miss it, sure, but…I don’t know who’d even want to see me if I went back. I’d have a lot of apologies to make”
>For a moment you can see a hint of thousand-yard stare in her eyes
>“Nobody is beyond atonement, Anonymous”
“Are you ever just gonna call me Anon?”
>Even in your hazy mental state, you sense the need to divert the conversation
>“Forgive me, Anon”
“Don’t ask for forgiveness, just do it. I feel like I’m talking to my mom”
>“Oh? I certainly hope you never rutted your mother like that…”
>She nods her head toward the bed
“Not cool, dude”
>You’re suddenly not hungry anymore
>She sniggers
>“By the by, what does that mean, ‘dude’?”
>“I hear it once in a while, but my sanctum is rather isolated from equestrian culture at large, and I will admit I’ve not spent the amount of time I should brushing up on modern colloquialisms”
“It means the same thing as bro”
>You shrug
>“And what is that?”
“Broseph?”
>“Beg pardon?”
“Homey?”
> “What?!”
>Littlejohn mode: activate
“Yeah!”
>“W-what?!”
“Okayyyy!”
>“Anon!”
>You cup your hand to your ear
“Wwwwwhat?!”
>“Stop this, I’m terribly confused!”
“Wwwwwhat?!”
>“Stop this insanity!”
“Okayyyy!”
>Now she all mad
>“You will tell me what ‘dude’ means! As your princess, I demand it!”
“Dude means bro, man”
>“I require an example!”
“Well, for example, I’m a dude”
>“I thought you were a man!”
“I am a man, dude”
>“How can you call me a dude if you’re a dude?! This makes no sense!”
“We’re both dudes, man”
>She slams her hooves down on the table
>“If I’m a dude and you’re a dude, but a dude is a man, then by proxy I must be a man, which I am not!”
>You lean back and hold up your hands
“Dude…”
>She glowers at you with smoldering fury, and the world around you goes black
>You hear that droning chorus of low voices as her icy teal eyes become your world
>The only emotion you know is eldritch horror
>Your body begins to shudder, and you feel something hot trickling out of your nose and eyes
>“Anon, are you okay?”
>You shake your head and the world returns
>You feel a sense of déjà vu as you touch your face, only to find that your nose and eyes have been watering profusely
>“You look like you’ve been stricken with a sudden allergy attack”
“Uh…”
>Your voice is shaky
“I’m…I’m okay”
>You give her a thumbs up and a hopefully winning smile
>“I apologize for losing my temper…”
“Hey, Moons?”
>“Yes?”
>She perks up
“Don’t take this the wrong way, okay?”
>“What is it, Anonymous?”
“I don’t know if you’re aware, but sometimes, when you get mad at people…uh…”
“They sorta get imprisoned in a pitch-black in-between realm of cosmic horror and madness, and they think they’re bleeding out of every orifice in their bodies…”
“I’m just sayin’”
>“Oh…that’s…not good. I thought I had that one under control”
>You pull on your tankard, starting to feel normal
“Yeah, you don’t. Can you not do that again?”
>“Of course…”
>There’s a long silence, during which both of you drink quite a bit
>In your heart of hearts you know there is only one way to stay the tide of awkwardness
“Drinking contest?”
>A menacing smile creeps onto her face
>“I will destroy you”
“Moons”
>“Urmmn”
“Mooooooooonaaaaaaaa”
>“Anooooooooooooon”
“Your mane is so pretty”
>“Why?”
>You stroke her flowing hair, relishing the ethereal texture
“Because it’s full of stars…I’ve always wanted to touch a star, and now I can”
>“Oh, Anon…”
>You are Anon, and this is the drunkest you’ve ever been in your life without puking
>A pretty pony princess is planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek
>The two of you lie on the smooth marble floor of her chamber’s adjacent balcony, the vast expanse of night stretching out above you
>Neither of you can even stand, but you wouldn’t want to
>You lie on your back, holding your princess close as you look up at the midnight sky
“It was so different back home…there was too much light and I couldn’t see the stars”
>Luna jolts in your arms with a drunken hiccup
>“That’s…horrible”
“There was this hill I would climb some nights to get a better view. Sometimes I could see a few of them”
>“Well…”
>She hiccups again
>“Now you can see all of them”
“Heh…yeah”
>You feel her lips on your neck as you run your fingers through the starscape of her mane
>“Watch,” she tells you, looking upward once more
>Her horn begins to glow
>The aura is an icy blue-green hue, like her eyes
>You follow her gaze into the nebulous darkness above
>To your astonishment, the stars are moving
>Scattered points of light coalesce into lines
>She’s not just pulling together a simple constellation
>This looks more like a mural
>You observe this casually cosmic phenomenon with wonder
>An image starts to take shape
>It’s a heart held by two hands
>Very human hands
>Your hands
>With so many stars, she’s recreated them, down to the little scars on your knuckles
>As you look over at her, she opens her eyes, the glow of her horn fading
“It’s beautiful, b –”
>“I think I…”
>She hesitates, sounding a little uncertain about what she’s about to say
>“I think I love you, Anonymous”
>Whoa
>Smack that stack back
>You were not prepared for this
>Despite generally being a drunk dingus, you’ve learned the hard way not to rush things with chicks
“Moons, we just met a week ago, I think you’re just drunk. I know you’re drunk”
>“But that’s not true”
“Uh, yeah it is. You’re really, really drunk”
>“What I mean is that we didn’t just meet. I’ve been visiting you in your dreams for a long time”
>“You just…never remember me when you wake”
>She smiles forlornly
>“I understand that such a thing makes no difference to you right now…”
“Well, I mean…”
>She buries her face in your neck
>“Even so…do you think I’m somepony you could love?”
>Now you start to understand why she brought you here
>Even if you don’t know her, she knows you
>But you think about what you do know of her
>She’s intelligent
>Interesting
>Experienced
>Charismatic
>Has a sense of humor
>Like, a real one, not just “she’s funny”
>She can keep up with you in the booze department
>You suddenly realize that you can ill-afford to fuck this up
“Yeah…yeah I do”
>You hold her tighter as you gaze up at the constellation that was made just for you
>Add “artistic” to the list
>“Then I shall do my best to make it so”
>Slowly and deliberately, she climbs on top of you
>It’s as if she’s asking
>You don’t say no
>She presses her lips against yours, and kisses all the way down your neck and chest
>She undoes your belt once again with practiced ease and tosses your pants aside
>You’re so drunk that you feel a little bit sick, and the world is starting to spin, but her gentle gaze holds you back from oblivion
>You feel her soft, moist lips sliding up and down your length once more
>You look into her eyes, and see a disarming tenderness with only the faintest trace of lust
>She continues to rub against you with her wetness
>You reach up and grab her spread wings, sliding down to the joints against her shoulders and massaging slowly
>She exhales a soft “ooh”
>She puts her mouth against yours and pushes her tongue in, licking your teeth and then worming her way to the back of your throat
>Your hands slide up her neck, grasping at the flowing tendrils of her mane
>After a moment she breaks the embrace
>She reaches down with a hoof and teases you for a moment, rubbing your tip across her swollen lips before finally placing it at her opening
>The night princess sinks down and takes you into her, letting out a heavy sigh
>She kisses you on the forehead and slowly begins to ride you
>It’s not like before
>It’s not just fucking
>She peers down at you with an uncertain expression
>Your back hurts a bit against this cold, hard floor, but you don’t care
>You look back up at her and stroke her cheek
>She leans into the touch, almost desperately
>As if no one has loved her in a thousand years
>You wrap your arms around her waist and help her rise and fall, each motion bringing you closer
>She touches her horn to your head, and your mind nearly fractures
>You remember
>Dreams
>Dreams of needles and other ugly things
>Those unrelenting bits of your old life that refuse to go away
>The hurts that manifest when you close your eyes
>You never knew, but now you do
>Luna was with you in many of those dreams
>She was with you as you watched your old friends slip away again and again, night after night
>Told you it wasn’t your fault that they never woke up
>She held you as you wept in that empty dreamscape
>She told you that you have to let go
>She doesn’t say a word or make a sound as you cum, she just moves a little faster and peppers your face with gentle kisses
>When you’re finally spent, she lies down on top of you, nuzzling your face and neck
>You run your fingers through her beautiful, starry mane and kiss her on the horn
>This is happening fast, but you can’t deny that it’s happening
“Yeah…I think this could work”
>With your adrenaline and arousal exhausted, you can barely keep your eyes open
>The spinning alcoholic haze becomes too much, and you black out in her warm embrace