Originally uploaded to Pastebin: December 26th, 2012
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>Day After Hearths Warming Eve in Equestria
>Wake up
>Upside down
>Look around at the weird dimensions for a while
>Everything sure does look funny
>Realise that you're dangling from your own ceiling, held aloft by a giant party banner
>It's been nailed there
>How?
>Why?
>More importantly, When?
>Notice a sleeping figure on your couch
>It's Pinkie Pie
>Speak quietly, due to a pounding headache 
Pinkie? Hey, Pink. Wake up!
>She snoozes away peacefully, kicking her rear leg in her sleep
>Repress an adoration induced squeal
>Don't want to shout because of your headache
>Nor do you want to shock her awake
>Think for a moment
>Try to swing around by moving your body 
>Start to move
>Keep trying
>The nail holding the banner in can't hold it
>It pings out and you fall to the floor, hitting it head first
MOTHER FUCKER!
>Pinkie Pie screams like a banshee and gets up, flailing madly
>"WUZZAT? WHAT HAPPENED?! ANON!"
CHRIST ALMIGHT STOP SHOUTING
>"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
AAAAAAAAAAH MY HEAD
>"AAAAAAAAAAH YOUR HEAD!"
>Scream at each other for 10 more seconds
>"AAAA- So what's wrong, Anny?"
>She looks down at you with a big smile on her face
>Fucking Pinkie Pie
Why was I attached to the ceiling?
>"I dunno. Last night got pretty wild."
Last night?
>Oh. Now you remember
>Party
>A big one.
>Hearths Warming Eve
>The whole day comes flooding back to you, it's a blur of laughter, good food, presents and parties
>Seems to have all ended at your place
>Rub your head, which is still pounding
So... Where is everyone?
>"Probably went home. Your door's wide open, by the way."
>She bounces over to it
>"Bye, Anon!"
>And she's gone
>Look around the room
>It's a tip.
>Empty bottles and upturned furniture
>Cracked kitchen window
>You can't feel your left arm
>Look at it
>You don't have a left arm
>Oh. Well then.
>10 minutes later
>Sat down at your upturned kitchen table, resting a glass of water on one of the sticking up legs
>Think for a while about what you're going to do
>You found your arm
>It was in the upstairs toilet
>Someone had drawn dicks all over it
>Fucking assholes
>Lucky it was your left. Since you do everything with your right
>Scratch your ballsack through your pants
>Everything
>Stand up and burp
>Pick up the ice-box with your arm in it and head towards the hospital
>They could probably reattach it.
>Maybe even make it stronger than your right arm
>And also make the muscles bigger
>Or replace the whole thing and give you a Dragon's arm.
>They could probably just turn YOU into a Dragon.
>They fixed Twilight's broken leg in an afternoon
>Fucking magic.
>Walking towards the hospital
>Looking at the way the blood cascades down your arm
>You should probably be blocking that, or applying pressure
>But it looks icky
>And your right arm is carrying the ice box
>You're in quite the connundrum
>Fall face first into the snow
>Your leg just gave out
>Yep. That's the blood loss kicking in.
>Stand back up and hop one-legged to the hospital
>A flash of purple light occurs in the corner of your eye
>Look and see Twilight gawping at you
Oh, hey Twilight. What's up?
>"ANON! WHAT HAPPENED?!"
Calm down, Twilight. You've got nothing to be afraid of
>Hold up the icebox
I'm 'Armless
>Beam at her
>She glares back at you
>Hear Pinkie scream through a megaphone across town
>"NICE JOKE, ANON!"
>Scream back at her
THANKS, PINKIE PIE!
>Look back to Twilight
>"Y-your arm!"
It's in here
>Shake the icebox
>"...How?"
I picked it up and put it in.
>She groans
>"No, Anon! How did you lose your arm?"
Dunno. Just another one of those days I guess. Heading towards the hospital, though. So I'll be fine
>"You won't make it that far! You're losing blood!"
>Feel roughly 40% of your brain just turn off
>You can't see the colour yellow now
>The sun just went blue
>Odd.
Welp. Guess I'd better get a move on then.
>Carry on hobbling towards the hospital
>Realise that Pinkie Pie never told you about your missing arm
>Unless SHE'S the one that tore it off and drew dicks all over it
>Son of a bitch.
>You'll have a long talk with her later
>Dicks aren't funny.
>Giggle to yourself about the thought of erect stallion cocks
>Twilight screams in frustration
>"Anon! Just... Wait here! I'll go and get help!"
>She teleports away
>Wonder where she went
>She probably abandoned you
>Applejack really annoyed you sometimes.
>You weren't even sure that was her name
>Keep hobbling towards the hospital
>Pass a sign
>"Pleez can al hunan stnd heer. pls"
>Well you aren't one to turn down a hardworking sign
>Stand there and smile at it for a second
>Blink as a giant blue dildo impales itself straight through the centre of the sign at an unmatched velocity
>Turn around and see a blue pegasus with a pink mane grinning at you and carrying a large weapon with a large belt of multicoloured dildos trailing from the ammo deposit and into a saddlebag on her back
>She laughs menacingly
>"Anon."
Rarity.
>"H-Have a good Hearths Warming Eve, Anon?"
>Look down at the icebox
Yep!
>"G-good. So did I. I got everything I asked for."
Oh, nice to know! Like what?
>A dildo flies past your head and embeds itself in a tree
>"Like this"
Cool. Well I have to be going now. I'm probably going to die in a few minutes.
>"Well if you do, a-at least you'll die eroticly!"
>You don't even begin to question it
>Well, the 60% of your brain-
>Hang on
>...
>Yeah, you can't drive a car now. 
>The 30% of your brain still active tries to question it anyway.
>Why is Spike shooting dildos at you?
>Why didn't Celestia just teleport you straight to the hospital?
>Why didn't Frodo just ride an Eagle to Mordor?
>You think about this as you try and run away from the deranged horse and towards the Hospital as fast as you can
>Dildos fly past you and strike various objects
>A really dark blue flight-capable equine flies by you
>"Heya, Anon! What's new? Why's Fluttershy chasing you?"
>A dildo flies straight into her vagina from behind
>She whinnies, orgasms, then falls to the floor unconcious
>Poor Fluttershy.
>At last, the hospital is in sight
>You're not sure why Granny Smith didn't just fly after you and restrain you. You're not exactly running at full speed here
>Another question added to the pile, along with why you can't see colour anymore
>You reach the door of the hospital and push it open
>A dildo flies past your head and jams a nurse in the eye
>She screams and falls to the floor, clutching the phallus lodged in it
>Step over it and walk up to a stunned looking doctor
>"W-what-"
Flah. Blargnah fublublu neaahhh.
>Ah. Only 5% of your brain left. No more English for you!
>It's a medical miracle that you're still standing, carrying your icebox and capable of rational thought with only 5% of your brain left
>Blood long since stopped pouring out of your arm. 
>You doubt that you have any left
>Must be running on whatever fluids are left lying around your body
>The doctor takes note of your missing arm, bloodstained clothes, decapitated arm lying inside an icebox, and the nurse writhing in dildo-agnoy on the floor
>He puts 2 and 2 together
>"Here for a checkup?"
Blah.
>30 minutes later
>Full of blood. Arm reattached. Fully functioning brain. Able to speak English. Nurse managed to get the dildo out of her eye.
>Pinkie Pie, Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity are stood around your bed.
>Twilight speaks first
>"Anon, we're so sorry we didn't help you! I wrote a letter to the princess about what I learned about friendship from this experience"
>She smiles
>Smile back
>She's such a good student
>Pinkie Pie speaks next
>"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about your arm, Anny. I thought it was a human thing!"
>Stroke her mane and tell her it's ok
>Rainbow Dash after that
>"Sorry I didn't stop Fluttershy, Anon. I was preoccupied."
>She blushes, quivers, and you hear a sound like water dripping onto tiles
>Rarity says something next
>"I don't really know why I'm here, darling"
I understand.
>Applejack nods at you
>"Apples."
>She's so wise, that one.
>Spike hops onto your bed and smiles at you
>"Hey there, Anon. Feeling better?"
Hehe. A talking dragon.
>Prod his face while he giggles
>The rest of the mane 5 laugh heartily
>Laugh with them
>Wipe a tear from your eye
>Everyone is smiling from ear to ear
So where's Fluttershy, anyway?
>Twilight composes herself and speaks with a massive grin on her face
>"She's in prison for 6 accounts of assault and 2 accounts of attempted murder"
Ok then.
>You all carry on laughing while the camera pans out of the hospital window and looks at a nearby tree with a group of birds hugging, in order to show the audience the value of togetherness or some other bullshit

The End