Copied from https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/21924152/#q21924152
*Original author is Anon*
--

>Anon!
>I tripped and scraped my hind leg!
>It hurts, anon!

Behold the unicorn in the wild. We see this young mare has injured herself and has become more vulnerable to predation. She will most likely not survive the night.
>"Would you stop narrating Anon, you jerk, and help me up!"
"Her neighing for help is unanswered as nature takes it's course."

---

"Here we see the Flutterus Shyus in it's natural habitat, it's important to stay quiet, as it spooks easily."
>"A...Anon, do you need something?"
"It looks like we've been spotted, but if we're careful we won't scare it away."
>"Anon please, I need to feed the birds."
"IT'S BECOME AGITATED, WE HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE!"

---

"It is usual for the Earth Pony to cover herself in liquid mud in this way to control parasites and make herself more attractive to stallions."
>"Anon, if y'all aint gunna help with the apple harvest then at least git outta th' way!"
"The primordial drive to mate is so strong in these quadrupeds that a mare unsuccessful in finding a mate will often present herself to strapping red family members in a desperate attempt to sate her appetite for rutting."
>"EXCUSE me?"
"If we're lucky, we'll get to watch."

---

"Ahh, be careful know, we've just stumbled into the habitat of the Rainbus Dykius, one of the most dangarus animals on the planet."
>"My name is Rainbow Dash, Anon. It's Pinkie's name you always screw up."
"Careful now, its agitated. Its venom is also incredibly potent, just one bite will have you munchin the shag rug in your bathroom."
>"HEY! WHAT ARE YO.!"
"I'm going to poke it with a stick!"
>"OW! DID YOU JUST BUCKIN.!"
"ITS ANGREH!"

---

"We need to be extremely quiet. This creature will be easily startled, but if we're lucky we'll see a sight not many have ever witnessed.
And here she comes! The graceful pink Alicorn, stepping into her watering hole. With gentle movements this beautiful creature
steps under the cascading water, and we can see she is actually using tools - in this case a bottle of soap and a shower puff.
Notice how the steaming water curves round her perfect, nubile flanks... the way the soap suds pool at the softest part of her long neck."
>"Da dum dee..."
"And now she is singing a mating call, while she washes her flawless body... yes... her tricolor mane is plastered enticingly against her face... her supple hindquarters beg to be touched..."
>"Tra laaa la la..."
"Yes... that's right... years of evolution have made her perfectly adapted to lather the soap lovingly over her firm body... not missing one inch of gorgeous pink coat..."
>"Doo be doo doo..."
"Perhaps... if we move a little to the left... we'll be able to see better around that annoying bathroom curtain..."
>"Da dum - huh?"
"Her sharp hearing picked up the slight crack the branch I'm sitting on made when I moved... it is imperative we remain absolutely still, or..."
>"Shining Armor! Shining Armor!"
"And now she calls for her mate, the alpha male of the herd. But he's probably not even within earshot..."
>"Cadance? What is it my love? Are you hurt?"
>"No, darling! There's someone out there! Watching me take my shower!"
>"There's WHAT?"
"Well... unfortunately he *was* within earshot and it would probably be prudent to..."
>"HEY! YOU! WHAT THE HAY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WERE YOU SPYING ON MY WIFE!?"
"And so, throwing caution to the wind the Anon now drops from the tree..."
>"GET BACK HERE! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE!"
"The casual... observer would probably... be surprised at the ease... with which the Anon now leaps... over hedges and... small fences..."
>"YOU'RE DEAD! WHEN I CATCH YOU, YOU'RE DEAD!"