Originally uploaded to Pastebin: January 8th, 2013
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>Day Normal Life in Equestria
>Wake up and yawn
>Enjoy the warmth of your bed for a while
>After your indulgence in some early morning "fuggitnotgeddinouttabed-ness" you get out and walk downstairs
>Not even doing the routine today. It's gonna be a laid back weekend for you
>Sit down at the kitchen table eating a bowl of apple-slices in milk
>Because you can
>Bachelor Life 4 Life
>A knock on the door ruins your otherwise perfect breakfast
>Walk to the door, trying to get an apple pip out of your teeth with your tongue
>Open it
>You proudly stand in your boxers, morning wood in all it's glory and pulling a bizzare facial expression thanks to the damn pip in your teeth
>The Stallion at the door glares back at you
>You finally get the pip out
>Examine it
>Then eat it
>Smile at him
Morning, sir. How can I help you?
>Your smile fades when you take a good look at him
No...
>The Stallion's glare turns into a malevolent smile
NO.
>He throws the morning's paper to your feet
>You scramble to pick it up and glue your eyes to the main headline
>"GRIFFON EMPIRE DECLARES WAR ON EQUESTRIA"
>Look back at the Stallion, dressed in a sergeants uniform, grinning at you. His eyes hungrily taking in your tall, dextrous body.
>"You're being drafted, boy. Pack your shit and get your combat-ready ass in the carriage"
FUCKING GRIFFONS

>Day Boot Camp in Equestria
>By order of Princess Luna, or as you now know her, Grand High Commander in Chief Lord Warmaster Luna, all able bodied stallions, mares, and friends of Equestria are to be drafted.
>Because of your height, dexterity, agility, intelligence and good looks, you were one of the first to be dragged into hell
>You glare at the signed photo of Luna that was given to you
>She's bent over a bed presenting herself at you, a message written in dark blue lipstick next to a kiss-mark
>"See you on the front line, Anony-poo"
This fucking sucks
>An officer punches you in the leg, because he can't reach any higher
>"THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU, PRIVATE ANON. I'M HERE TO WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE AND GET YOU READY FOR COMBAT SO YOU HAD BETTER COOPERATE"
>Stand up straight
SIR YES SIR
>"Not so loud, private, some of the other officers are sleeping"
>The pony shakes his head at you
>"Of all the magical beings in Equestria we have at our disposal we get you. Absolutely pathetic"
>Say nothing. Military movies taught you well.
>"Now. Today you will be assigned to your squad. You will love 'em. teach 'em. support 'em and if necessary, fuck 'em. Am I understood?"
Sir yes sir.
>"Good man. SQUAD E. GET IN HERE."
>Ha.
>Yeah.
>Okay.
>The Elements of Harmony walk in
>Pinkie Pie bounces around the cabin
>"OOooooh this looks fun!"
>She sees you
>"ANON!"
>You brace for impact as the pink projectile slams into you, bearhugging you as hard as she can.
Hi, Pinkie...
>The other Elements stroll in, looking around the room in wonder
>And at last, she walks in. Locking eyes with you the moment she sees you
>He glum look turns into one of delight
>She flutters over to you
>Glare down at her
>"G-good morning, Anon! Is war your fetish?"
>You died in your sleep
>You have to have done
>This is hell.
>You haven't even picked up a weapon yet and you know that your current situation can't possibly get any worse
>Pinkie Pie bounces around the room, giggling happily
>TWilight pesters the disgruntled looking sergeant with questions about Military History
>Rarity critisises the dress code
>Applejack is stood in the middle of them all giving you her best "kill me" look
>Fluttershy is trying to grope you
>But Rainbow Dash is the most perculiar
>She's stood perfectly still next to you, her back straight and head held high, glaring at the wall
>Look down at her
Uhh, Dash? You ok, bro?
>The Seargant walks away from Twilight and peers closely at Rainbow's posture
>"PRIVATE! What is your name?"
>Rainbow barks her answer back without missing a beat
>"SIR. PRIVATE DASH, SIR"
>The Seargant smiles
>"Do you think you have what it takes to be a soldier, Private Dash?"
>Rainbow isn't even blinking. Infact she hasn't done so for the last 5 minutes
>"SIR, YES, SIR"
>Great. So Rainbow Dash is suddenly the model soldier. Your bro is gone.
>Sigh
>Dash whips your ass with a wing
>"STAND TO ATTENTION WHEN A COMMANDING OFFICER IS PRESENT, PRIVATE ANON"
>Your ass burns from that wing-whip
>The Seargant smiles
>"Glad to have you onboard, Dash. Think you can train this monkey to dance?"
>Dash breaks her composure and glares at the Seargant
>"I'll make him sing."
>You feel a slight push on your other buttock, the one that isn't sore
>Look down and see Fluttershy tapping it with her wing
>"D-do you like it when I whip it, Anon?"
>Look back to Rainbow
>Straight as a board
>For once
>Zing
>Look at Twilight
>Reading the Royal Army Travel Brochure
>Look at Rarity
>Stitching her name into everything she owns
>Look at Pinkie Pie
>She's crawling around on the ceiling, her head rotates 180 degrees and hisses at you
>Look at Applejack
>Her eyes reflect the pain and anguish of a broken mare. She looks like she's going to snap
>Look at the wall infront of you
God help me.

>3 hours later you're all stood outside in a line, the seargant addressing you all
>"By the tight, juicy ass of Princess Celestia."
>He looks at you all and shakes his head
>"What in the seven levels of Tartarus did I do to deserve the most limp-dicked bunch of Griffon-lovers this side of Equestria?"
>No one says anything
>"Why the Blue Sky did I have to get you losers? Look at you!"
>He prods Pinkie Pie
>"Fat!"
>Prods Twilight
>"Unhealthy!"
>Prods Rarity
>"Prissy!"
>Prods Applejack
>"Unstable!"
>Prods Fluttershy
>She faints 
>"Fucking hell."
>He moves on
>Prods you
>In the dick, since he can't reach any higher
>"Sensual!"
>Prods Rainbow Dash
>"This one! This one is the only one that seems like she can actually do anything!"
>Rainbow Dash does nothing, she remains still as a statue
>She's utterly terrifying like that
>"Now! The first thing you will be doing is an obstacle course!"
>He turns to you
>"Private Anon! Since you are deemed superior in every way to a pony, we need to train you harder than anyp0ny else!"
>Groan
>"Which is why you must do the obstacle course"
>He points at the unconcious Fluttershy
>"Carrying that!"
>"READY? GO."
>A whistle blows, causing 5 ponies and a pissed off looking ape to run foward towards the first obstacle
>A wooden wall
>Fuelled by your anger and your desire to go home, you underarm throw Fluttershy over the wall and leap over the entire thing
>The other ponies let out a "woah" and you hear the Seargent let out a moan for some reason
>Not Rainbow Dash though, she does the same
>When you hit the floor, you roll and pick up Fluttershy under your arm
>She woke up when she hit the floor
>"Whu-what's going on? Oh! Anon! A-are we running away together?"
You're supposed to be unconcious.
>"My love for you woke me up!"
Nah mate, I chucked you over a wall.
>"O-oh"
>Rainbow Dash is running alongside you, determination in her eyes
>Your long strides allow you to keep up with her four stubby legs
>The next obstacle is a running jump
>Rainbow uses her wings to boost her over it, then carries on running
>You just long-jump that shit
>Fluttershy is screaming the entire time
>"ANON! TOO FAST! SLOW DOWN!"
>You ignore her and keep running for the rest of the day, Fluttershy clinging to your back like a scared animal
>Several obstacles later you reach the end, panting for breath
>Fluttershy falls off your back, twitching
>Rainbow Dash arrives shortly after
>She hovers up and pats you on the back
>"Nice work, Soldier"
Thanks, Dash
>The Seargant was waiting for you both
>"Well done, you two!"
>He looks at you
>"Especially you, Private Anonymous."
>He holds a hoof up to his ear and mouths the words "call me" at you
>Shudder
>That night you lie in your bunk looking at the ceiling
>You called top bunk, and Fluttershy took the bottom. Saying how if you fell through the mattress she'd catch you
>You didn't argue
>Look down at the other beds
>Twilight is under the covers with a torch reading
>Applejack is muttering something about what sounds like the pony version of vietnam
>Something tells you this isn't her first time here
>You sigh and look back at the ceiling
>Your legs are dangling off the edge of the bed, since you're far too big for it.
>You feel something lick your bare sole
Fluttershy. Stop that.
>You hear an eep and the licking stops
>Close your eyes and think of your bed
>Your lovely, warm, right-sized bed.
>And your amazing breakfast of kings
>You were going to have cucumbers and custard tomorrow
>Why? Because you can.
>Eventually drift off to what precious sleep you can get in your new home
>You breathe out some words before you fall into a slumber
Fffffucking Griffons...

>You wake up from a disturbance in your bed
>Open your eyes and blink a few times
>Daylight is streaming in through the windows
>Turn your head
>The Seargant is led next to you, tracing your chest with a hoof and biting his lower lip
>He sees that's you're awake and leaps off the bed
>"WAKEY WAKEY, RISE AND SHINE, LADIES."
>You stare at him from your bed and hold back a whimper
>Before you can jump off, Fluttershy flutters shyly up to you
>"H-hi, Anon. Did you sleep well?"
No.
>"M-me too. Maybe we can sleep together tonight?"
>She blushes and floats back down, coming face to face with the Seargant
>"PRIVATE FLUTTERSHY. WHAT THE 18 GIANT CROTCHTITS ARE YOU DOING?"
>She stammers
>"N-nothing S-sir..."
>He glares at her
>"WELL YOU HAD BETTER START DOING SOMETHING BEFORE I MAKE YOU CLEAN THIS ENTIRE BARRACKS WITH YOUR TONGUE!"
>She trembles and shapes up
>"S-sir y-yes s-sir"
>He turns away and bellows at the other ponies
>"FORM UP!"
>You all do so, you nearly trip over Dash as she bolts into position.
>With as much willpower as you can muster, you straighten up and stare blankly at the wall
>The Seargant starts pacing up and down
>"NOW! TODAY YOU WILL ALL BE GIVEN NICKNAMES!"
Oh god no.
>He runs up to you
>"WHAT WAS THAT, SUNSHINE?!"
N-nothing! SIR!
>"Damn right, nothing."
>He goes back to pacing
>"NOW! I WILL NOW NAME ALL OF YOU! YOU WILL WEAR THESE NAMES WITH PRIDE AND HONOR! YOU WILL CARRY THEM INTO BATTLE AND SCREAM THEM AS YOU RAM YOUR SPEAR INTO THE HEARTS OF THE ENEMY! AM I UNDERSTOOD?"
>"SIR YES SIR"
>He smiles
>"Daaaaamn straight."
>He begins at the end, at Twilight.
>"YOU! YOU NEW NAME IS BOOKSMART!"
>"Sir, thankyou, Sir!"
>Rarity next
>"SQUIGGLES!"
>"Thankyou, darli- ahh, Sir."
>Applejack
>"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE SEEN SOME SHIT! YOU ARE NOW 'THE BURDENED!'"
>You try your absolute hardest not to laugh
>"Thankya' kindly, Sir."
>Pinkie Pie
>He looks at her incredulously, before nodding.
>"THE BICYCLE!"
>You are visibly smirking now and letting out short squeaks every few seconds
>"WOO HOO!"
>Rainbow Dash
>"THIS SOLDIER OF FORTUNE IS NOW 'MONOCHROME'"
>You can appreciate the irony
>He comes to you and stares you in the face
>You don't make eye contact
>He ponders for a while, stroking his chin with a hoof
>Then he gets a happy look
>Brace yourself
>"YOU ARE NOW 'THE SHAFT-MASTER'"
Fuck you, Sir
>He grins and promtly punches you in the leg
>"SHOW SOME RESPECT, PRIVATE."
>Finally he comes to Fluttershy
>She cowers from him and whimpers
>He looks down at the mare, who is nearly pissing herself in his presence
>"YOU ARE NOW 'BLOODLETTER - CHAMPION OF DARKNESS'
>She screams in fear and hides behind her hooves
>You stare at her, bewildered
>"NOW. YOU WILL ALL HEAD OUT THAT DOOR AND TO THE MESS HALL. DOUBLE TIME!"
>You all jog out the door, you make sure to drag Fluttershy along by her tail on the way out
>15 minutes later you and the mane 6 are sat around a table in the mess hall, surrounded by other soliders
>They don't pay you any mind
>Monochrome speaks up
>"So what do you guys think of this place? Isn't it awesome!"
Oh, so NOW you speak like a normal pony.
>Take a bit of your sandwich - Two pieces of bread and a slice of frozen cheese covered in dirt pressed between them
>"Sorry, "Shaft Master"."
>The other ponies laugh
You guys suck. I could be at home eating pumpkin right now
>Booksmart speaks up
>"It's not so bad, Shaft-master! Besides, we're all in this together! They even put us in the same squad!"
Twilight. I don't think you full understand the magnitude of what we're doing here. We're going to war.
>The Bicycle sits down with a mountain of grey shit on her plate
>She promtly swallows all of it
>"Isn't this gonna be fun, guys?!"
>The Burdened speaks at last, her voice reflecting the unspeakable horror she must have witnessed at some point in her life
>"It ain't fun, Bicycle. It stops bein' fun when ya' watch ya' best friends torn apart at the hands of a pack of Diamond Dogs, an' then her mangled remains get dragged into one of their breedin' holes and fed to the newborn pups"
>The table goes quiet and you drop your sandwich onto the plate
Fucking hell, Burdened.
>The weeks pass by and training follows the same routine
>Wake up
>Shit shower shave
>Stop Fluttershy's fetish attempt for the day - Military style
>On the last day of Boot Camp she stops you before you get out of the shower, staring at your bare cock
>"S-so is shower rape your fetish?"
>You squeeze her neck with two fingers, catch her limp body before it falls and carry her out
>The Seargant watches you pass, no towel covering you, and holding Fluttershy over your shoulder
>"Oh my. Nice privates, Private."
Go to hell, Sir.
>He smirks
>Once you're dressed and Fluttershy is woken up via cold water, you all stand in the middle of the barracks
>Everyone looks...
>...
>The exact fucking same. Twilight is still beaming, Rarity somehow keeps pulling makeup out of nowhere and making herself look stunning, Pinkie Pie continues to bounce, Fluttershy is even now still groping your butt with a wing, Rainbow Dash stands as still as a rock, and Applejack has grown a stubble.
>You aren't even kidding. Applejack has grown a fucking stubble.
>Looks manly as shit, and compliments the bags under her eyes very well
>Come to think of it, you don't remember her taking up smoking
>Or the tattoo on her left foreleg that reads "Squad AB - Never Forget"
>The Seargant walks paces up and down
>He opens his mouth and begins what you can assume is going to be an incredibly long winded speech
>"Wars over. Go home."
YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
>"Nope. Ended this morning. You were in basic training throughout the whole thing. Sucks, really."
Well who won?
>At that moment the doors to the barracks explode inwards and Grand High Commander in Chief Lord Warmaster Luna stand there, looking triamphant.
>"HUZZAH! THE WAR HAS BEEN WON! HOW MANY ELEMENTS OF HARMONY DID WE LOSE?"
>The Seargant replies without even batting an eyelid
>"None, Milady"
>"EXCELLENT WORK!"
>She points at you
>"ANONYMOUS! WE ARE INVITING YOU TO A VICTORY FEAST! COME!"
>She prances over and drags you out by your collar
>Fluttershy waves and watches you go
>"G-goodbye Anon! Take pictures p-please!"
FUCK YOU FLUTTERSHY

>8 hours later you're sat in your chair at home
>You stare at the wall, admiring your now huge muscles and perfect physique
>Boot Camp was horrible. You squadmates were horrible. Your drill seargant was horrible. The celebration-feast was horrible. The war was horrible. Everything was just horrible
>But was it worth it?
>You raise your spoon and chomp down on some Cabbage in Brine
>Yeah. It was.
>Bachelor 4 Lyfe.

The End