> I tucked my hooves into my pocket and shivered
> It was freezing up here. I looked up at Cherry who was steering the balloon looking unfazed by the biting winds.

"So, your family has been doing this for how many years?"
> "Over thirty years." 
"That's cool."
> “Yep, It’s been getting busy over the past couple years. You’re actually the first pony outside the family to help.”
“No problem Cherry, It’s what friends are for.”
> “Aren’t we more than friends?” She asked flicking her eyebrows

> Cherry aimed a present over the side of the basket and tossed it down the chimney
> "How's it going on your end?"
> I sat in a pile of wrapping paper covered in tape and tags.
"I think I need another drink."

> "Berry!"
"What? It's just to top me off. "
> I popped open a bottle of whiskey and nursed it for a couple seconds.
> "See, I'm fine."
> Cherry rolled her eyes

> "Have you ever heard the tale of the guards mare with a bright red nose who guided Celestia's chariot through a thick fog."
"Oh yes! That's a classic story."

> "She was an alcoholic. If you don't stop drinking, your nose will be just as red."
> I loved Cherry but she can be a real hard flank sometimes.

> “Oh, Come on! It’s Hearth’s Warming! Don’t be a buzzkill.”
> Cherry returned her attention to steering the balloon
> I felt like fool

> I hate this season because I never know what to get my friends.
> I panic all month until I resort to buying them copious amounts of booze.
> This was our first Hearth's Warming as a couple and I needed to buy her something that showed my true feelings. 

>Unfortunately, I wasted the entire month drinking because I was so worried that I would get her something she didn't like.

> Now it's Hearth's Warming night and I didn’t have anything to give her.

> I returned to my position and continued wrapping presents.
> "We're approaching Twilight’s library. Do you have her gift wrapped?"

> I picked up a box with the picture of a thick red dildo 
> "Is this hers?"

> "Who else would I get a giant red dildo for?" She replied like it was the most obvious thing on Equestria.

> I knew a number of ponies who could use a giant red dildo. Heck I would love a giant red dildo!

> But that was a secret between myself, the bank and the post office.

> "Have you seen the way Twilight looks at Big Mac? She acts all prim and proper but she's a total perv. Any observant pony could figure out she's totally wet for that lunkhead."

> Cherry was great at this. She knew exactly what Everypony wanted. If she didn't she would make a fake address under the pseudonym "Santa"
> Ponies around town would write letters telling "Santa" what they wanted and she would buy it.
>And on hearth's Warming night she took her hot air balloon above the clouds and dropped whatever they asked for down their chimney.

> She's so caring and generous.

> Then there's Me.
> A pony so selfish she spent all month loaded out of her mind just because she was worried about what her marefriend would think if she gifted something she didn't like.
> I feel like manure.
> I need a drink

> I stuck a bow on the sex toy and threw it over the edge. It landed on the welcome mat of the library.
> I hope Twilight is an early riser.

> Berry was busy reigning in the balloon.
> She was wearing her brown leather pilot's hat and goggles that she’s worn forever along with a thick red coat lined with fur.
> With her back turned I snuck a big gulp of whiskey and went back to wrapping.

> I was hitting the high watermark of drunk. Everything was spinning and I was being cradled by the warmth of the liquor.
> Feels good, mare.

> "We're approaching Derpy's house! Do you have her present?"
> I shuffled through boxes until I found a box that read "100 Mini Muffins Pan"
> It was pretty self explanatory
> A muffin pan that cooked 100 mini Muffins
> As if her rump wasn't big enough
> I doubt I'll be seeing her at the post office anytime soon after she opens this.

> I haphazardly taped some wrapping paper and tossed it to Cherry who threw it over the edge.
>Moved onto the next gift. It was a package of Lactation cookies
> I wonder who these were for.

> I started wrapping the gift when Cherry shouted
> "Oh no!"
"Yes darling?" I giggled 

> She pointed to the ground below and I saw Derpy's present perched on the edge of the chimney.

> "Oh…Is that a problem?"

> "Yes, it's a problem! She can barely see. How is she gonna find her present all the way up there!?"

> She grabbed a rope and tossed it over the side of the basket 
> "Go down there and kick it down the chimney."
> "You can't be serious."
> She gave me that nagging expression that I could only describe as her 
> "Yes, I'm dead serious." stare

> "Cherry! That's like a one hundred foot drop!"
> "You'll be fine. Just slide down."

> I went into my pocket and pulled out a pint sized bottle of whisky and downed it.
>"Ok. Here I go."

> I hopped Over the edge and slid down the rope, closing my eyes and holding my breath the entire way down.

> I landed a little rough but thankfully I made it.
> I stumbled my way towards the chimney.
And climbed to the top.
> I reached the top and dropped the gift down the chimney. Suddenly a gust of wind whipped through town and shoved me down the chimney.

> I tumbled down the chimney hitting the sides all the way down.
>When I hit the bottom I fell into a pile of ash that exploded into a giant puff of dust.
> I picked myself up and saw I was covered mane to tail in soot.
> “Gross.”

> My legs trembled as I tried to get my bearings.
> The room was dark but illuminated by a glowing blue nightlight in the corner of the room.
> I was in Derpy's house.
> I could get into so much trouble for this.
> Trying my best to be quiet, I crept through the house on the tips of my hooves.

> I exited the basement and found myself in the kitchen.
> I’ve never been to Derpy's house before. 
>It was a strange place.

> She had bubble wrap taped around the corners of dinner table and counter.
> The kitchen was spotless and she had sticky notes all over the cupboards 

> “Derpy, don't forget to turn off the oven.”
> -Derpy

> “Derpy, remember to measure ingredients.”
> -Derpy

> “Derpy, Make friends today.”
> -Derpy

> I was seeing a very personal side of her I wasn't supposed to and it made me feel like a creep.
> I had to get outta here.

> I snuck through the house
> It was so dark I somehow found myself stumbling into her bedroom
> I started to slither my way out when I saw a gift wrapped in glistening paper resting at the end of her bed 

> I slid my hooves across the room and read the tag:

> “To: Cherry Berry”
> “From: Derpy”

> A rush of excitement came over me
> This could be my chance 
> I could give this to Cherry!

> Derpy was sleeping on her side making all sorts of noises.
> I put my hooves on the gift and she started to fidget.
> I froze like a snowmare in an ice storm as she began to talk in her sleep.

> “Mmmm…Yes Mr. Muffin…You do taste good…nom…nom….nommm…”
> She yawned and fell back to sleep.
> Weird
> I swiped the box from under her bed and escaped.

> Now I just needed to find a way outta here.
> Derpy's house was eerily spotless. I always imagined her house would be a disaster but she was actually quite tidy.

> I found myself in the living room.
> She had a Hearth warming tree wrapped in a string of blue lights.
> The ornaments were all hoof made

>I approached the tree and spotted crude drawing of Celestia wearing a wreath around her neck. 
> It must have been from one of her first Hearth Warmings 
> I flipped it over and read the date:
> "Derpy's 20th Hearth Warming."
>...
> At Least she was keeping the spirit.
> I reached into my pocket and chugged another pint of whiskey.

> After a couple minutes I found the door.
> Finally 
> I charged full speed ahead but tripped over a loose floor board.
> When I hit the ground I was met with a note.
> “Derpy, watch out for loose floorboard. -Derpy”

> Oh for crying out loud
> I got back on my hooves and suddenly the lights switched on.
> I turned and saw Derpy rubbing her eyes, wearing a pair of blue pyjamas with drawings of envelopes on them.

> “What the heck is happening here…”
> Upon seeing me she froze and I did the same
> I felt like just bolting out the door but that wasn't dignified.
> I was caught.
> Time to own up to my scumbaggery 

> “Is that…?”
> “Yes Derpy, it’s me.”

> “Oh my gosh! It really is you! It's Santa!”
> Wait..
>WHAT!?

> “What are you doing here Santa? You're all dusty!"
> She approached me timidly and wiped some of the chimney soot from my eyes
> “No…No I'm fine.”

> “You have very pretty eyes Santa.”
>...
> “Why thank you…You too.”
> She started to blush and hid her face bashfully behind her hoof
> “Oh, stop it!”

> Her eye wandered to the gift in my hoof
> Santa…What are you doing with my gift to Cherry Berry?”
> Oh no
> Think you drunken piece of trash! Think!
“I’m going to deliver it to her…personally.”

> My eyes darting back and forth
> “Are you sure?”
“Yes…I hear you’re the town delivery pony and I thought you could use a break..Us delivery mares have to stick together, right?”

> She put her hoof to her chin 
“Hmmm….”
> Oh my gosh. I’m a goner.
> Her eyes shot open and she smiled
> “That's true! Thanks Santa!”
> She stared at me with wide, excited eyes bouncing from front hoof to back hoof.
>...

“Well I should probably go.”
> “Wait!”
> She dashed into the other room and fetched another present
> “This gift is for a mare named Berry Punch. Can you give it to her?”

“Ummm…Sure.”
> “I tried to give this to her earlier but when she saw me ran away…She’s a strange mare.”
> She's just going through a rough time….She don’t think she intended to be mean…Don't take it personally."
> "I understand."

> She passed me the present which I awkwardly accepted.
> I exited the house with the two presents in hoof as she waved from her doorstep
> "Bye Santa!" 
> "Bye Derpy! Happy Hearth Warming!"
> I'm an awful pony.


> “Pssst!”
> I turned to my left and saw Cherry Berry sitting beside the anchor of her balloon 
> “You delivered the present right?”

> “Yeah.”
> “What do you have there?”
> I looked down at the gifts I had stolen
> I couldn’t go through with this
> No amount of alcohol could bury the guilt if I did

“It’s our presents from Derpy."
> “You stole them!?”
“No. She gave it to me.”

> The two of us climbed up the rope back into the balloon.
> I felt awful for what I had done.

> Once we reached the top the two of us opened our gifts in the basket
> I tore open my present and was baffled
> The package read:
> “Cloudsdale Exclusive, Wonderbolts brand Flight Helmet and Glasses.”
> “I don’t want this.” I whispered to myself 

> My eyes were drawn to a shining gold seal that laid under the shredded wrapping paper.
> I opened it and it read:
> “Dear, Berry Punch: I know you’ve been having a hard time trying to find a gift for Cherry Berry. It’s hard finding a gift for mysterious mares like her. My gift to you is a gift to her, just in case you forget to buy her a present like you did last year.”

> I looked up and saw Cherry Berry holding her hoof over her mouth and blushing
> “Cherry, I’m sorry. I didn’t get you a gift again this year. I just get so worried that you won’t like it. Here’s my gift from Derpy to you.”

> She took the package and smiled ear to ear
> “Is this Wonderbolt brand flight equipment!?”
“Ummm…Sure is.”
> “How did you know?” She giggled

>She tore open the packaging and put on her brand new hat and goggles.
> “How do I look?” She asked striking a pose
“Absolutely stunning.”

> Cherry sat close to me and sighed
> “I have a confession to make. I didn’t get you anything either. You never told me what you wanted and you never wrote a letter.”
> “Oh…Well that's okay.”
> “But if I did it would be this!”

> She pulled out a giant red dildo that landed on the floor with a wet SMACK!
> I was beyond confused
> Derpy must have been going through my orders at the Post Office…
> I was turning red with embarrassment at this point

"You know me so well." 
>...
> Cherry started to giggle and I followed
> Soon we were both on our stomachs howling in laughter.
> That doe eyed mare sure is clever.

> I glanced over at the sex toy and noticed a note tied to the base of the phallus
> “To Cherry Berry: No pony is harder to shop for than Berry Punch. But after some snooping I’m sure she’ll love this. Thanks for including me in this year's festivities Santa!”

> My brain was scrambled.
“Wait….So she knew all that time….I…I’m so confused…I need a drink.”

> "We really are  the perfect couple." Cherry said wiping a tear from her eye
" Why do you say that?" 
"Because you like to get smashed and I like to get high.”
>The two of us laughed and embraced each other in a hug.
“Ok, let's finish our route. Lots of ponies are counting on us.”
> I returned to my post and began wrapping the presents 
> “Aye, Aye captain!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flA5ndOyZbI