Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 3rd, 2013
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>Day Strangeness in Equestria
>Wake up
>Look at the wall across from your bed
>A message is written on the wall
>"Look up"
>Look up
>Fluttershy is positioned between two wooden beams, spread eagled over you, grinning
OH HELL NO
>She drops like a stone onto you and starts vigorously humping your face
>Marejuice and the smell of a zoo fill your senses
>With Fluttershy's horsevag occupying your entire vision, you stumble around the room waving your arms about and screaming
>Eventually, Fluttershy climaxes and tenses up, gripping your head in a vice-like grip before falling off you
>You fall the other way and you both lie panting on your bedroom floor
>Slowly wipe the clear sticky goo from your face and glare at Fluttershy, who is lying flat on her back, sighing dreamily
>Get to your feet and pick her up
>Carry her over to the window
>Throw her out
>Walk into the bathroom and after that rather unorthodox means of waking up, you commence the routine.

>Shit, shower, shave.
>Same as every day
>You open your kitchen cupboard and pull out a box of Applejacks.
>Pouring the bowl you lick your lips
>Can still taste Fluttershy
>It's gross
>That mare never washes herself
>You sit down at the table and chow down, thinking about what you're going to do today
>Celestia had given you a handsome amount of money, as well as several forms of income due to being an endangered species, an ambassador for your people, and she owes you a favour
>You think back to the moment where you saved Celestia from certain peril
>From a wayward leaf
>You had no idea that she had a phobia of leaves
>Apparently, fall is one of her favourite seasons; because she likes watching leaves crumble and die
>The more you know
>In short, you have a fuckton of money, and don't need to work
>You spend most of your days being lazy, indulging in food and chasing away Fluttershy, who also doesn't need to work because her parents pay for everything
>You were shocked to find out that her mother is a porn star and her father is some pretentious contemporary artist
>You've seen his work. It's terrible. Not even art. And yet people still pay for it.
>Basically they both make ludicrous amounts of money from screwing the public
>Boo yah
>You finish up and head on outside, watching your back for Fluttershy lurking in any bushes
>You turn your head and look at a nearby tree
>Squint at it
>Blink
>Fluttershy is now stood in front of it, giving you the same look a deer would use on an oncoming car
>Blink again
>She's now wearing a massive strap-on, easily the girth of one of your arms
>Blink
>She's oiled up
>Blink
>She's jumped forwards a bit, still regarding you with the same confused look and fearful eyes
>Nope
>You backpedal the other direction, still watching Fluttershy who is pawing the ground
>Turn all the way around and run into town, not looking back for a second
>Later on you arrive at Twilight's, knocking on the door and panting
>Spike opens the door
>"Hey, Anon. What's up?"
The sky
>Laugh Track
>You jump over Spike and stride up to Twilight, who is reading a book - "Creating Scientific Abominations for Dummies"
>Damn that mare and her brilliant mind
>You clear your throat
>She looks up, sipping her tea
>"Ah, good morning, Anonymous! What can I do for you?"
Fluttershy is being creepy. Make her go away please.
>Twilight sighs
>"Anon. Every single day for the last 4 months you've come to this library and said the same thing. And every day I tell you the same thing. Do you know what my routine is?"
Uhh-
>"Day X in Ponyville, Wake up, Poop, shower, brush mane, wake up Spike, go downstairs, drink tea, and while I'm doing it, you always knock on the door."
>Stare at her
Holy shit I'm Fluttershy
>"What- No! You're just annoying. Come on, Anon. We're friends, yes. But I need my space! Stop coming to my house every morning and accusing Fluttershy of rape!"
But she was humping my face this morning!
>"Oh yes, and I'm an Alicorn. Get out of my house."
>You slump and slowly walk out
>Great, so now Twilight won't even help you.
>You walk through the streets of early morning Ponyville, kicking a rock along in front of you
>You look up and are taken aback
>Zecora is at a stall, buying some supplies
>You've only ever met her once
>She's pretty cool
>Walk on over
Hey there, Zecora. What's new?
>She turns to you, raising an eyebrow
>"My oh my, great hairless ape. What's this I hear about accusing rape?"
Wait, what? How did you know about that?
>"There is no need to look so tense, I merely abused my zebra sense!"
Holy shit that's actually a thing?
>"Why of course, my tallest friend! But do not tell Applejack, or I shall never hear the end..."
Noted.
>"So what's this about the rape, my dearest ape?"
You just used 'rape' and 'ape' twice.
>"If you do not stop acting so aloof, you shall feel the back of my hoof."
Sorry.
>She frowns at you
Anyway, Fluttershy keeps trying to get into my pants. And I don't want that. So she's settled for forcing herself onto me every day. It's annoying as hell. Any hints?
>She clears her throat
>"Though a solution to your ills I cannot give, I can instead offer you a place for you to live."
Seriously? You'll let me stay with you so Fluttershy can't touch me?
>"From the correct course, you are not far. But what I offer is a most peculiar bar."
...A bar.
>"Indeed I do, a bar I offer you."
That was a needlessly complicated way to confirm what I said, Zecora.
>She scowls
>"The bar has appeared in times most recent, and its contents are far from decent."
>You motion for her to continue
>"It is a dark place of mysterious figures, who drink under the moonlight like a bunch of ni-"
Woah mare. Keep it PG-13.
>"...Though its denizens are foul, and those that cross them might die, you can find solace in the fact that they all hate Fluttershy."
So what you're saying is, somewhere in the Everfree forest, there's a bar full of horrific creatures that all share the same amount of hatred for... Fluttershy
>"This is most true, you."
Huh. Where abouts in the Everfree is it?
>"Where the plants are greenest, and the sky is ever blue, you do not find the bar. It finds you."
>With that she pulls out an orb and throws it at the ground, cracking it and releasing a torrent white smoke
>You try not to cough up a lung, and when it clears, you see Zecora running as fast as she can down an alley
>Crazy zebra
>Going about your day, the thought of this bar continues to infect your mind
>"Uhh, Anon? You gonna buy something?"
Huh? What?
>You find yourself stood at the counter in Sugarcube Corner, Mr Cake giving you an odd look
Oh, right, right, yes.
>You give the pony some bits for a pastry and sit down to eat it
>You chew absent-mindedly on the treat, enjoying the multitude of flavours it brings
>Look out the window, looking towards the forest at the edge of town
I wonder...
>"Wonder what, Nonny?"
>Turn your head towards the freakishly huge blue eyes peering at you
>You actually measured them once
>They're the size of your outstretched palm
>It's not right
>Her eyes creep out her skull and press onto yours
>You're too scared and confused to move
>You can see inside her eyes
>Jesus fucking Christ
>There are bicycles and trumpets in here
>What the fuck, Ponko Pea
>You tear your head away, your eyes peeling away from Pinkie's with a noise like pulling a wet t-shirt off skin
>Pinkie grins at you
>"So whatcha wonderin'?"
Uhh. Nothing...
>Can't let her know about the bar
>Pinkie picks up a stack of paper stapled together
>She flicks through it, her eyes darting across it in a typical skim-read fashion
>"OOoooh, you're looking for the Everfree Bar?"
>Wait what
>Your eyes widen and your jaw drops open slightly
How did you...?
>She smiles and shows you the front of the stack of paper
>"[SCRIPT]"
Fucking really, Pinkie Pie?
>"That's how I roll."
>With that, she reveals that she was a paper cut-out with an image of Pinkie on it the whole time and drifts out a nearby window on a slight breeze
>You watch her fly away on the wind, carefree and saying "WEEEE!"
>Shake your head and finish your pastry
>Walk out the door and onto the street
>The sun is high in the sky
>Summers in Equestria are ridiculously hot. The ponies don't mind, since they have short fur and don't wear clothes
>You, on the other hand, wear clothes
>Horrible, hot, heavy clothes.
>You stroll through the streets, the sun beating down on you and beads of sweat forming all over your body
>Fuck this
>You pull off your shirt and let your bare skin soak in the sun
>It's actually kind of nice without the burning hot fabric covering you
>You smile, close your eyes, and hold your arms out slightly, basking in the warmth of the sun
>Realise that there is suddenly no noise
>Open your eyes and look around
>Every single pony around is staring at you
>The mares are letting their tongues roll out
>A minty green one shouts at you
>"TAKE IT ALL OFF! WOOOOO!"
FUCK YOU, LYRA.
>Storm back to your house, clutching your shirt and fuming as ponies holler and whoop
>Some of them even throw bits your way
>Fucking ponies
>You don't need their charity
>Throw open your front door and scrunch your face up as the hot air that has been trapped in your house all morning hits you
>Growl and stomp upstairs to grab a dry shirt
>Your room smells even worse than the rest of the house
>Probably has something to do with the dried Flutterjuice on the floor
>Disgusting
>You walk over to the closet and reach in for a t-shirt
>Pulling it out you sigh
>It's too fucking hot outside
>Can't go back into town
>Ponies will throw money at you
>Can't stay here
>It's boring and smells of Fluttershy. Would probably remain smelly even if you opened all the windows
>Seriously, her smell sticks. Like something died.
>You walk back out the door and put on your t-shirt
>Would rather pass out from heat than give those god damn ponies what they want
>You look towards the Everfree forest
>All that shade
>Fuck it, why not. You've never actually gone in there.
>With your mind made up, nothing to do, and a town full of horny horses as the only other option, you head off towards the forest
>Ponies always said it was the scariest place in the world, but you never really saw it.
>Looks like any forest back home, really. Just a bit darker
>You stuff your hands in your pockets and take your time walking towards the forest's edge
>A rustling in a nearby bush alerts you to the presence of a pair of teal eyes
Oh go fuck-
>Fluttershy lunges out of the bush and tackles you to the ground
>You glare up at her
>She quivers on your chest and drools all over your face
>You try to speak
>A bit of Flutterdribble gets in your mouth
>Turn your head and spit
>Look back and slap her across the face
>She squeals
Fuckin' horse...
>Stand up and look down at the trembling wreck on the floor, the area between her legs soaking wet
>Feel your t-shirt
>It's like a soggy sponge
Yeah, of course.
>You tear it off and crumple it into a ball before hurling it away from you
>Fluttershy flies after it
>Shake your head and carry on walking to the forest
>Not 5 steps later you get tackled yet again
>Fluttershy is now stood on you, dripping onto your bare chest and your shirt stuffed in her mouth
FUCKING HELL
>"Mffffph mph mmmmm..."
>Her dripping turns into a slight trickle
>A puddle is forming on your stomach
>Growl and grab her by her mane
>Stand up and overarm throw her at a tree
>She slams into it and slumps to the floor
>You decide to get to the forest as soon as possible
>Cursing everything you can, you make your way to the tree line
Stupid fucking sun, stupid fucking heat, stupid fucking ponies, stupid fucking Flutters-
>You get tackled.
>Again.
>Fluttershy buries her face, complete with soggy mouth-shirt into your chest
ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED?!
>She spits it out
>At your face, which is close to turning purple with rage
>"D-don't shout, mister..."
>You try not to tear off your own facial skin in frustration
>The soggy, smelly, sticky t-shirt sat on it isn't helping
>You rip it off and sock Fluttershy straight the jaw
>She's lifted off you from the impact and lands on her back
>"Oooh yeah, baby... Hit me harder..."
I didn't think it was physically possible for me to hate you so much.
>"That's m-mean"
I'm would normally tear out your spine and beat you with it, but I have shit to do. Now fuck off and let me explore the Everfree
>Her head snaps up, and she looks at you fearfully
>"T-the Everfree? You're going to the Everfree?"
>Roll your eyes
Yes, coward. I am. And you can't stop me
>You turn your back to her and keep walking
>She flies after you and starts tugging on your arm, pulling you back towards town
>"N-no! It's dangerous in there!"
Birds and small furry animals aren't dangerous, Fluttershy. Stop being a faggot.
>"NO! You're c-coming back with me to my cottage..."
I for one, choose death.
>You jerk your arm out of her grasp and set off in a run towards the forest
>Fluttershy flies in front of you, flying backwards and facing you while you carry on running
>"No! I w-won't let you!"
>She hovers while stationary in the air and holds out her hooves
>You ram right into her and send her flying
>Chuckle and keep on running
>Sweet embrace of Mother Nature, here you come
>"ANONYMOUS!"
>Uh oh.
>Look back
>Fluttershy looks mad as hell
>"IF YOU DON'T GET THE SUGARCANE BACK HERE, I'LL DRAG YOU BACK HERE MYSELF!"
>Sugarcane
>She's so cute
Nah, I think I'll pass.
>She screams and takes off towards you
WOAHSHIT
>Make like a tree and get the fuck out of there
>Fluttershy chases you across the grass towards the Everfree, screaming all the while
>Surprising how fast you can move when you're scared for your life
>"YOU'RE GOING TO COME BACK WITH ME TO MY COTTAGE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT! AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO MAKE LOVE!"
NIGGA YOU CRAZY!
>"THIS IS A PG-13 STORY! PEE GEE THUR-TEEN!"
FUCK THE FCC!
>More screaming
>You finally make it to the forest
>It's even more wonderful than you imagined
>The shadows of the thick canopies cover you, cooling your body and shielding your eyes from the glare of the sun above
>Smile
>This is wonderful
>You sigh and slow down, taking in the lush undergrowth
>You walk between the thick trunks and bask in the shadows of the Everfree
I can see why Zecora prefers to live here...
>A swarm of fireflies buzzes by
>You watch them in silent wonderment
>Fireflies, during the day.
>This place is amazing
>"YOU WILL LOVE ME!"
>This place is a prison and you're the poor little white guy
>You see Fluttershy hovering above the canopy
>You duck down a ditch under a tree root and watch her through a hole in the tree-tops
>She darts to and fro, looking for you
>She must be too scared to follow you in
>Gotta use this to your advantage
>You creep through the bushes, watching the sky through the cracks in the leaves
>Fluttershy occasionally makes an appearance, before screaming in frustration and flying over to another part of the forest
>"ANON! GET OUT HERE NOW!"
>Mutter under your breath
Sure thing, psycho
>You really have no idea why she, or any other pony, wants you so badly
>You don't have this problem with Twilight or Rainbow Dash
>You momentarily flashback to a certain moment a few weeks after you arrived in Ponyville

>You kick open the door to the library, knocking spike aside and slamming the door behind you while mares lick the windows and ask you to spank them and call them bad fillies
TWILIGHT! I REQUIRE MAGICAL ASSISTANCE!
>Twilight stumbles out of her darkened room, her mane a complete mess
>Rainbow Dash follows her, squinting her eyes at you from the bright light streaming in from the windows
>She pats down her ruffled wings and wipes her mouth with a foreleg
>"Waddya want, Anon? We're... Busy."
HELP ME!
>The two look at each other then look back at you
>"Nah"
>They walk back into Twilight's room and slam the door
>At that moment, the glass windows give way and you're swarmed with horny mares, much to Spike's prepubescent joy

>Back in the forest, you are hidden in a bush, watching Fluttershy hover over a gap in the trees scanning the area
>She looks in your direction and you lower your head slightly, the bush providing ample cover
>She growls and drifts skywards again
>You wait for a few minutes, counting the seconds until you're sure she's gone
>It's been about 15 minutes since you entered the forest
>You have no idea where you're going, but as long as you're in here and Fluttershy is up there, you're safe.
>After sneaking around for 10 more minutes, you come to a large open clearing
>You have no idea where in the forest you are, but you're enjoying yourself too much to care
>Look at the skies
>Nothing
>Timidly walk out into the clearing, watching your back like some overly cautious woodland animal
>You smile as a slight breeze rolls by, causing the ankle deep grass to sway and the trees to rustle
>Giggle slightly
>Start walking to the other side of the clearing, enjoying the heat of the sun contrasting with your cool skin from so long in the shadows
>That is, until you hear a scream
>"ANON! THERE YOU ARE!"
Oh fuck.
>Look up
>Fluttershy is staring down at you, a malevolent grin on her face, and clear liquid running down her leg and hitting the grass in front of you
>She flies towards you, hooves outstretched and the look of a serial rapist on her face
>"YOU'RE MINE NOW!"
>With the rape train itself hurtling towards you, you throw your head back and scream in defiance before she reaches you
FUCKING FLUTTERSHY
>You hear a loud crack, a boom like thunder, and smell a mixture of smoke and alcohol
>Open your eyes
What the actual fuck.
>You're stood in a room, surrounded by other humans, who are sat around tables and talking to one another
>The building is made of wood, a log cabin, to be exact
>Light peeks in under thick blinds that cover the windows
>A ceiling fan slowly rotates overhead
>A group of people laugh in a corner and you hear the familiar sound of glasses clicking together
>Are you... Back on Earth?
>You spin around, trying to take in everything
>Eventually, a person sat at the bar, nursing a shot glass turns to face you
>He smiles
>"You new?"
>And then you realise something
>Everyone looks identical
>They are all copies of you.
>Slowly walk over to the bar and sit down, staring slack jawed at everything around you
Did I die? Is this hell?
>The copy of you slaps you on the back
>"Quite the opposite, Anon. If anything, this heaven."
>You glance at him
>He slides a shot of something strong smelling towards you
>"Drink up and relax. You're safe here."
Where uhh. Where IS here?
>"Oh. Right. Welcome to the Everfree Bar, Anon."
>Zecora was actually telling the truth
>This place exists
>A place filled with creatures that hate Fluttershy...
>You feel a smile crossing your face
I can't believe this... Zecora was right
>"Oh, that's how you found out? Yeah, most of us spoke to Zecora. She's a weird one."
I don't understand. What IS all this?
>"It's a bar in the middle of the Everfree Forest inhabited by clones of you from parallel universes. What's not to understand?"
Uhh. Everything.
>He drains his glass
>"Well don't worry, we've got time. Allow me to explain."
>He gets off his stool, you follow him with your eyes
>He takes a mock bow and motions to the rest of the bar
>"This - Is the Everfree Bar. It sits on a peculiar rift between parallel worlds, it also seems that only you, or people who are rather close to you, can find it."
>You raise an eyebrow
>"It is a safe haven from that... Thing... Outside. You just so happened to shout the phrase that triggers it. And trust me when we say we've tried to figure it out, but we can't."
What do you mean?
>"Well, how exactly are you supposed to explain an interdimensional bar that only appears when you scream "Fucking Fluttershy"?"
I suppose it would be pretty hard
>"Yeah, it is."
So uhh. How did you find it?
>"I got chased here by Fluttershy. She was trying to see if bear rape was my fetish"
Sounds gruesome.
>"It was. I lost an arm"
>You realise that his other arm is mechanical
Woah, where the hell did you get that?
>"Well in my world, Twilight is a genius beyond her years. Hell, you should see this other Anon. He comes from a world where she builds fully functional robot ponies capable of learning and love."
So what exactly do you do here?
>"Well, just hide out, really. Sooner or later, everyone finds the bar. And then they just need to pop on by and say "Fucking Fluttershy". The bar will appear and you can do whatever yo-"
>At that moment a massive hulk of a man materialises in the middle of the room
>He's wearing a full suit of armour and carrying a sword as long as you
Holy shit.
>"Oh, that's Anon. Hey, Anon."
>He the hulk turns to you, eyes burning red from under his spiked helmet"
>"H-hey"
>He stomps over to a corner and sits down, resting his sword against the wall, and begins talking to some other Anons at the table
Huh. What's his story?
>"Overlord. Got stranded here. Sad, really. He's a great guy."
>Anon sits back down and smiles
>"So, what else do you want to know?"
I... Do I need to pay for beer?
>"Nah. All free. You can get utterly shitfaced and not have to pay a single bit. Pretty cool, right?"
Hell yeah! So uhh, could I get a drink?
>"Sure"
>Anon motions over the bartender
>A brown stallion
Wait, how is there a pony here?
>"Oh, a handful of ponies drop by here. Bluey here runs the place. But it's rare to get any ponies here, because really, how many times is a PONY going to scream "Fucking Fluttershy" in the middle of a forest?"
Huh. I guess that makes sense.
>"It makes total sense. Now shut up and lets get drunk"
>Bluey pours you a drink and winks at you as he passes it
>You watch him go and then nudge Anon
The bartender just winked at me. Should I be afraid?
>"Nah. Bluey's cool. He just wants to keep us as drunk as possible."
How did he end up here?
>"Lost his old job, worked on a cruise liner or some shit. Somehow ended up here, and with nowhere else to go, decided to maintain the bar."
Quite a selfless act.
>"Yup. He's like the opposite of Fluttershy."
>He glares at his drink for a second when he says the name
So how did Zecora find out about this place?
>"No idea. No Anon here can get an explanation out of her. She just knows that it's here. Like Pinkie Pie."
Pinkie Pie knows about this place?
>"Honestly, Anon. How could she not?"
True.
>You both drink in silence
>You start smiling much more as you sit there, thinking about this new sanctuary you've found
>Eventually, the Anon next to you finishes his last drink, burps, and stands up, swaying slightly
>"Welp, I gotta get back home. Lyra will be missing me."
Lyra...?
>"Aye. We're married."
>He wipes his mouth
>"Fuck this shit, I'm out."
>And then he's gone
>You stare at the place where he once was
>Turn back to the bar
>Call Bluey over
Uhh, hi.
>"Afternoon, Anon. What can I getcha?"
Just a quick question, how do I get out of here?
>"Oh, just say 'Fuck this shit, I'm out'"
>Bluey vanishes
>You blink
>Then you hear a pop behind you
>Bluey walks back around the bar and smiles at you
>"See?"
>He passes you another bottle of beer
>Read the label
>'Honeymess'
>Raise an eyebrow
>Bluey grins at you and goes to serve another Anon down the bar
>You hop off your seat and look around the bar
>See a group of Anons in the corner
>Grip your bottle and walk over, clearing your throat when you get near
>One of them looks up
>"What the FUCK do you want?"
>The Anon next to him frowns
>"Don't be mean, Angry."
>'Angry' glowers at the other Anon and goes back to drinking
>The Anon in the middle gives you a neutral look
>"Hey there. Take a seat."
>You oblige and sit down
>You look at the three
>The one of the left is trying to hate his drink to death, the one in the middle has an utterly blank look on his face, and the one on the right is smiling at you
>The smiling one extends his hand
>"Hello, I'm Happynon. Or Happy, for short."
>Shake his hand
Uhh, hey. So what's your deal?
>The middle Anon speaks up
>"Well, when I got to Equestria, I got split into three."
>He motions to Happynon
>"This one, who is the physical embodiment of my happiness"
>He jerks a thumb to 'Angry'
>"And this grumpy fuck. He's Angrynon"
>Angrynon grunts and sips his beer
Doesn't seem like the most talkative of people.
>"Why would he be? He's my anger in human form. Besides, he's in a bad mood today. Fluttershy stuck a dildo in his ass while he was passed out on a park bench"
>You try not to laugh
>Angrynon's head snaps up and he glares at you
>"ONE FUCKING WORD, ANON. ONE SINGLE FUCKING WORD."
Uhh, sorry...
>"You will be."
>He goes back to glaring at the table
>Happynon speaks up
>"So what brought you here, Anonymous?"
Oh, got chased here by Fluttershy. Was about to be raped until this bar just appeared out of nowhere.
>"Ahh. Just like most of the Anons here."
>He rests his head on the shoulder of the middle Anon
>Raise an eyebrow
You two seem... Close.
>The middle Anon answers a little bit too fast
>"It's not gay if it's me."
>You hold each other's gazes while Happynon giggles 
Uhh. I'm gonna go
>Angrynon grunts again
>"Good riddance"
>Happynon answers in a dreamy voice
>"Goodbye!"
>Middlenon just bluntly says "Bye"
>You stand up and look around for more tables to sit at
>You see another Anon in a dark alcove of the bar, practically surrounded by shadows
>You walk over and take a seat next to him
>He offers a smile
>"Hey"
Hi.
>Sit down
>"So what's your story?"
Chased here by Fluttershy, yours?
>"Just happened by this place"
>You chuckle, and ask jokingly:
So uhh, what weird quirk have you got?
>He looks straight at you
>"I'm a Vampire"
>You stare at him 
...Seriously?
>"Yup. That's why I'm sat in these here shadows."
>You shuffle away from him slightly
>"Heh, don't worry. I've already eaten"
>A figure in the shadows, previously concealed, who you hadn't noticed, leans forwards
>It's Twilight fucking Sparkle
Twilight?!
>She grins at you
>"Did you enjoy your ti-"
>A whiskey bottle smashes just above her head before she can finish
>Bluey bellows at her from across the bar
>"SHUT THE FUCK UP, TWILIGHT!"
>Twilight sulks and leans back, folding her forelegs and making a "pffft" noise
>"You guys aren't fun..."
>You stare at her, and look back at Vampanon
>He seems completely indifferent to the situation and drinks his glass of what you assume is blood
>He answers your thoughts before you can open your mouth
>"It's cranberry juice, Anon."
Oh.
>"Vampires like variety too. It just doesn't sustain me."
I see...
>You look back at Twilight, who is scribbling notes down on a piece of paper, various boxes and hastily written words connected by lines
I'm uhh, I'm gonna go.
>Vampanon nods 
>"Goodbye, and welcome to the bar."
>Twilight smiles at you
>"Good bye, Anon."
>Her smile contorts into something much more sinister
>"I'll be watching."
>Vampanon sighs
>"Fucking hell, Twilight. Just shut up."
>She frowns and goes back to scribbling
>Stand up and look around the bar
>See a single Anon sat alone in the middle of the room, nursing a jet black ball
>Walk over and take a seat across from him
>He looks up at you, a frown on his face
So. What's up with you?
>"My love holds no power here, that's what."
Your... Love?
>He motions to the ball
>You look at it
>You swear you can hear voices echo throughout your head while you look at it
>Anon "Hmmms" and strokes it
>"See, in MY world, I'm a god."
>That caught you off guard
A god?
>"Yes, a god. I tore the world asunder after they stole my love away from me."
Even Celestia?
>"Especially Celestia. I turned her heart into a black hole"
Damn, nigga.
>He reaches over and slaps you
>"It's a PG-13 story, Anon."
OH COME ON!
>He smiles and pats his ball
>"Thing is, even after I had annihilated the world and eradicated Ponykind, this bar still stands."
>He frowns again
>"I just can't do anything here. Not even read the minds of people around me. My love is most fearful of this place. I'm trying to tell her that there's nothing to worry about"
Uh huh...
>He shakes his head and sighs
>"Ahh well. She's not listening. Guess I'd better head back. I'm thinking of recreating Ponykind, what do you think?"
Sounds good, I guess. Just don't include Fluttershy
>He grins
>"Oh believe me, I won't. Fuck this shit, I'm out."
>He blinks out of reality, leaving you alone at the table
>You decide to stay seated, drinking your beer and enjoying the funny aftertaste it gives
>You aren't sure if you like it or not
>Some time passes and you listen in on various conversations around the room
>Someone is planning world domination through science
>Another is complaining about how Fluttershy trapped him and herself inside the tunnels beneath Canterlot
>You smile as one recites the tale of how Fluttershy died in a storm
>You look up
>Another Anon takes a seat where the ball-anon was previously sat
>He mutters a small hello
Hi.
>He tries to smile
>Bluey drifts by and places a drink in front of him
>"Hey there, Pyro. You be careful today, ya hear?"
>He looks at you
>"Enjoying your drink, Anon?"
I'm not sure if I like the taste or not
>He laughs
>"That's what they all say. Call me if you need anything."
>He continues walking around the bar, serving the other Anons
>You turn back to the one he called "Pyro"
So, what's with the name?
>Pyro looks at you
>Then at the table
>And the coaster you're resting your bottle on catches fire
OH SHIT
>You pour beer on it and look back at pyro, a shocked expression on your face
Did you do that?
>He nods
What the hell, man?
>He smiles weakly
>"It's hard to control..."
>You mutter while you try and mop up the beer with a napkin
I feel sorry for the residents of Ponyville
>He sighs
>"There's no more Ponyville where I'm from"
>Look up at him
>He's staring at his hands sadly, you see a few tears forming in his eyes
Woah, hey. Don't cry, man. What happened?
>"I... I just couldn't control it."
>Give him a sympathetic look
I'm sorry to hear that.
>He glances up, a genuine smile on his face
>"I-I'm getting better though! Now things only set on fire when I lose concentration!"
That's great!
>"Yup... And my girlfriend found a new job too, so that's cool"
Girlfriend, eh? What kind of mare could put up with uhh, you? No offense.
>He smiles wistfully
>"Ditzy Doo. I love her so much"
>Raise an eyebrow for the 50th time that day
Derpy? Seriously?
>He scowls at you
>"Don't call her that."
>Your coaster sets on fire again
>You just watch it turn to ashes
>Pyro sits back and starts fiddling with his hands again
>"Umm... Sorry..."
It's ok, I guess. I didn't know you didn't like that name.
>Pyro picks up his own drink and starts chugging it down
>You watch him down an entire bottle in a few gulps
Damn, bro. Don't you want to at least savour it?
>"I am savouring it. This stuff is delicious! Have you tried it?"
>He shows you his bottle
>"Honeymess Deluxe"
>Oh boy
>You talk with Pyro some more about his life with Ditzy in Manehatten
>Sounds like they have a pretty good thing going
>He works as fire-fighter, Ironically. And Derpy got a job at the local antiques store
>You tried not to cringe when you heard that
>As the afternoon wears on, he announces that he's leaving
Wait! Before you go, you said you live in Manehatten?
>"Yup."
Soo, where is the bar located for you?
>"Down a back alley behind a porn theatre. Don't ask me how I found out about it. I just said "Fucking Fluttershy" after she followed me and boom, I ended up here. Got scared and nearby burnt the place down"
Huh. So it's in different places for different people…
>"Apparently s-so. But most folks here find it in the Everfree. Anywho, fuck this shit, I'm out."
>Poof
>You go back to drinking
>You're feeling pretty buzzed now, the honey drinks are starting to taste pretty good
>You watch as an Anon pops into the middle of the bar and walks up to the counter
>Bluey narrows his eyes at him for a second before sighing
>He reaches under the bar
>Pulls out a crossbow
>And shoots Anon right in the chest
>You stand up
Holy shit! What the fuck, Bluey?!
>You run over to the Anon, lying on the floor, his eyes lifeless due to the wooden bolt impaled in his heart
>Bluey trots over to you
>"Relax, Anon. It's a changeling."
>Sure enough, 'Anon's' body morphs back into that of the familiar black insectoid pony
>Green blood begins to mix with the red
>Bluey picks it up and starts to drag the body towards a back room
>He sees you staring, slack jawed
>He grins
>"Wanna help?"
S-sure?
>You help him carry the body into the back room
>Bluey directs you to a large white freezer in the corner
>"Just dump it in there"
>You pick up the body and go over to it
>Bluey stands on his hind legs and opens the freezer
>You look inside
>A swirling black vortex greets you
>The howling of thousands of souls hits your ears
>Bluey shouts over it
>"IT'S THE BACKDOOR TO THE OTHER DIMENSIONS. WE USE IT TO SEND DEAD BODIES BACK TO THEIR OWN WORLDS. SOMETIMES CHANGELINGS STUMBLE IN HERE WHEN THEY SAY THE WRONG THING AT THE WRONG TIME WHEN TRYING TO IMPERSONATE ANON. GO AHEAD AND CHUCK THE BODY IN"
>You do so, and the body practically gets torn from your arms, spiralling further and further into the vortex until you can't see it anymore
>Bluey slams the freezer shut, and silence fills the backroom, save for the banter coming from the bar in the next room
How did you know it was a changeling?
>"It's eyes were weird. And it spoke with a slight hiss."
>He clears his throat
>"Though we once got an Anon who was actually part snake, ended up killing him by accident. Nasty state of affairs, that one."
>He offers you another bottle
>"Here. On the house"
>He grins
Very funny, Bluey.
>He laughs and walks back out the room, his flanks swaying slightly and giving you a good look at his package from behind
>Suddenly he's much more attractive
>You blame the booze
>Stumbling out the back room, you return to your chair
>You sit in silent contemplation of the day’s events
>Fluttershy chased you into the Everfree Forest, where you accidently found an interdimensional watering hole full of different versions of you from other worlds, Twilight Sparkle is here for some reason, as is a strangely alluring bartender, who keeps a soul-vortex in a fridge in the back room.
>Fucking Life.
>You pick yourself up and stagger on over to the bar
>Bluey smiles at you
>"Enjoy your first day?"
Y-yeah... It was drunk.
>He chuckles
>"Well ok. You're welcome back here any time, Anon. You know what to say and where to go."
>You blink, one eye at a time
W-will I see you again?
>"Well yeah. Don't forget, I'm here forever. This bar is outside time and space. I don't age."
Sweet.
>"Goodbye, Anon. Come back soon!"
>You take a final swig of your beer, emptying the bottle
>Slam it on the bar and wipe your mouth
Fuck this shit, I'm out.

>You hear another crack and a boom
>Wind rushes past you and your nostrils are invaded with cool night air
>You look around the forest clearing, exactly where you were before
>Start walking in the direction you came from 
>You used to walk down a short road back on Earth
>Here you have to traverse an entire forest to get back to your house
>Fucking Equestria
>Miraculously, you actually reach the other side of the forest. Ponyville stretches out before you
>Stumble down the country roads and through the middle of town, too drunk to care about the catcalls thrown your way by the few ponies milling around town at night
>You reach your front door, your legs sore and eyes barely staying open
>You fumble with your keys and unlock the door
>Half fall over the threshold and into your home
>Slam the door behind you
>Lock it
>Drag yourself upstairs
>Open your bedroom door
>Fluttershy is led on your bed, sleeping
>Lurch over to her and pick her up
>She wakes up in your arms
>"Wha... Oh- OH! ANON! YOU'RE SAFE!"
>She hugs you while you carry her over to the window
>Hold her away from your chest with outstretched arms
>She beams at you
>You blink at her
Stop breaking into my house
>Throw her out the window 
>She hits the ground and doesn't move
>You're too drunk to care
>Shut the window
>Go back over to your bed
>Fall face first onto the plushy mattress
>Man, what a day
>Gotta go sleep fast
>Whatever your slumber is like, one thing is for certain
>You're gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow
>Fucking Bluey

The End