Originally uploaded to Pastebin: February 22nd, 2013
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I was told to "DO SOMETHING QUICK"
So I did.
This isn't Flutterrape. I don't even think it counts as a coherent story. Enjoy.

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>Day Odd in Equestria
>Wake up
>Feel the magic in the air
>Not a metaphorical term, you can literally feel the magic crackling in the air
>In fact, your curtains just caught fire.
>Oh god.
>Rip them off and stamp on them
>With your bare feet
>Howl in pain as the scorched fabric burns the sole of your foot
>Jump in the shower as fast as you can, taking the curtains with you
>Turn on the water
>Let the ice cold liquid sooth your foot
>And also propel you into the early stages of Pneumonia
>Fuckin A
>Dry yourself off using the wet curtains and walk downstairs
>Hey, you just woke up to fire and 3rd degree burns. You're allowed to do stupid shit
>Walk past a window on the way to the fridge
>Look outside
>The skies are raining, snowing, striking nearby trees with lightning and are also looking fabulous with a lovely patchwork pattern in the clouds
>Rainbow Dash has finally gotten on your level
>What a gal
>Smile and make yourself some cereal, munching down and gleefully watching ponies get sunburn and frostbite at the same time
>Reminds you of when Discord showed up that one time
>Funny guy
>Later got turned to stone then rehabilitated a few months later
>Now he's utterly pussy whipped by Celestia
>Finish eating walk outside
>Get immediately tackled by a pony

1/?

>Stare up at the pony sat on you
>She glares down
>Its your good friend Lyra!
Morning L-
>She starts beating the shit out of your face
>You scream and try to fight her off, opting to throw her in a dustbin and sitting on the lid
>You pant heavily, using your weight to keep it held down while she kicks and screams inside
>A massive dent appears in the side, indicating a point blank spell
>Several more dents appear
Lyra, what the fuck?
>"I'LL KILL YOU AND SKULLFUCK THE CORPSE, HUMAN!"
You don't even have a dick!
>"I HAVE A HORN, FUCKTARD!"
>Damn. She's one angry cartoon horse
>Plant a large rock on the lid of the bin and stand back, looking around
>Ponies everywhere are glaring at each other and snarling
Woah.
>You walk through Ponyville, the ponies snarling and snapping at you if you get too close
>The hell is going on here?
>Pass by Rarity on the bridge
Hey, Rarity. What's up with everyone today?
>"Oh, I just don't know, darling! Everyp0ny is so angry! I think it might be because of my clouds..."
>You now realise that it's Rarity who is making the clouds fabulous
>Pat her on the withers
Keep at it, you'll get there.
>"Thank you, darling."
>You walk off the bridge and continue to look around

2/?

>Next you come to Pinkie Pie
>How, exactly, you're not sure.
>But what you are sure of, is that she's doing Applejack's job.
>Badly.
>"Stupid... Trees!"
>She kicks a nearby tree and breaks both her back legs
>She screams in pain and you wince at the loud crack of bone
>Then, because Punkeh Poi, she's right as rain
>Fffffffuck you, logic.
>She looks towards you and scowls
Heeey... Pinkie?
>"What do YOU want, Anon?"
So uhh. Helping out Applejack today, are we?
>"What? No. I just..."
>She sighs
>"Why can't I do anything right, Anon?"
>Pat her
There there, Pinkie. There there. Just leave, I'll clear up, you go back to entertaining Ponyville.
>"Entertain Ponyville? Why would I do that?"
Haha. You crazy horse.
>Slap her on the ass 
>She squeals and runs down the path into Ponyville
>You clean up the farmyard and head on after her
>Ponyville is looking slightly better
>The ponies are looking more chipper
>Pinkie bounces by
>"Anon! I don't know why, but I'm really good at this!"
I know you are, Pinkie.

3/?

>The ponies smile wider and follow Pinkie down the streets of Ponyville
>You walk back over the bridge
>Rarity is humming and smiling
>Look up
>The clouds are looking nice and fluffy and as natural as fluffy cartoon clouds can look
See? I said you'd get it.
>She beams at you
>"Thank you for believing in me, Anonymous"
>She leans up and kisses you on the cheek
>Blush
>Walk over the bridge and on the way to Rarity's shop, which seems to have Applejack outside covering it in wooden planks
Hey, AJ. Your farm was being molested by Pinkie
>"Mah farm? No, Anon. I run this here shop"
That's stupid. You're stupid.
>"Ah know... Ah just... Why can't ah make dresses?"
Lack of creativity?
>"Ah guess, yeah."
Just do what I did when my therapist helped me. Channel your darkest thoughts and memories into your work. You'll be fine!
>"Say... That's a mighty fine idea, Anon! Thanks!"
>She laughs and tears off the wood covering the door, throwing it open and immediately getting to work on some new designs before the door even shuts behind her
>You feel compelled to go to Fluttershy's house. Since everyone else is acting Applestupid.
>Strutting down the road, a gaggle of laughing ponies runs past you
>Smile and whistle while you walk
>Fluttershy's cottage comes into view
>You hear loud screaming coming from the cottage
>That's Rainbow's scream. Not Fluttershy's.
>But how would you even know that?
>Bow chicka wow wow

4/?

>Kick open the door like GI Joe
>Hurts like a mother fucker when the door is made of solid wood and has 4 locks
>But at least it's open
>Rainbow Dash is in a pot, animals prancing around and waving kitchen stabbing devices
Hey! You taught the animals the basics of tribal civilisation! Well done, Rainbow Dash!
>She perks up
>"Hey yeah! I guess I did!"
>She smiles down at the animals, now smearing on war paint
>"Come on you guys! Worship me as your new god!"
>And so they do.
>Rainbow is released and placed atop a throne of Chicken Feed. Wearing a crowd of cucumber slices held together with glue
>Your work here done, you turn and walk out the door, listening to the sounds of a power-hungry pseudo-god as you walk away.
>Walking back into Ponyville, you notice that everyone is now wearing Gothic clothing
>Applejack waves to you from her now jet black shop, with red lace everywhere and fishnets covering the windows
>"Anon! Ah embraced mah darker side!"
Nice work, Marilyn Mareson!
>She laughs and eats the head off a bat
>Crazy horse.
>You smile and look around
>Who are you missing?
>Fluttershy is about to get in a hot air balloon
>She sees you there and waits, looking at you
>You think for a moment
>Animals are all ok
>Weather is fine
>Clothes are all good
>Everyone is happy
>Meh. We can lose her
>Wave and watch her go as she flies off to some god-forsaken hellhole.

5/?

>You look around the town and ponder
>Applejack's farm won't be producing food. This could be a problem
>Suddenly the mayor runs past you
>"Hey there, Anon! Given the recent lack of food from local sources, we've opened trade routes with other cities that were previously un-needed! Now every town in the area is benefiting from trade agreements! We're all rich now! Thank you!"
>Well that solves that problem
>Trade
>Fuck yeah
>#ronpaul2016
>You walk into Twilight's library, making this the last stop
Sup.
>Twilight looks up from a book
>"Anon! Help! I've switched around everyp0ny's destiny!"
Great job, asshole.
>"Now isn't the time for sarcasm, Anon! We need to fix this!"
I just did.
>"...What?"
I just did. Everyone is happy now. Applejack is a trend setter, the skies are downright beautiful thanks to Rarity, Pinkie is doing what she does best, Rainbow Dash is going to be responsible for an animal revolution and Fluttershy is gone! Everything is perfect!
>Twilight gawps at you
>"B-but... But.. The Princess..."
>"Is right here."
>You turn around and see Celestia smiling at you both
Cool.
>She looks down at Twilight
>"My most faithful student..."

6/?

>"You failed."
>Uh oh.
>Twilight has tears in her eyes
>"B-but Anon-"
>"Anon fixed all the problems before you could. Which is why he is clearly ready."
>"W-what?
>What.
What.
>There is a flash of light and a boom

>Next thing you know, you're in space
>Trippy.
>Look around
>Stars n shit
>...
>Well, this was fun.
>Now to get home.
>Celestia appears out of nowhere
>"Congratulations, Anonymous. You did today what nop0ny else has ever done"
What, use their brains?
>Ba dum tssssss
>"Yes! Exactly!"
>What.
>"Nop0ny in history has ever used their brains. Which is why I'm making you a princess!"
>You raise a hand
No thanks, Tia.
>You put on some shades
Princesses are fucking gay.
>You jump off the star platform as Celestia and everything around her explodes

>DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY

7/7