Originally uploaded to Pastebin: March 2nd, 2013 --- Update 30/04/2021 -- After a bit of thought, as well as seeing how other writers are doing things these days, I've decided that separate pastes for chapters is superfluous. All parts of the story have now been consolidated into a single paste. Note: This story was abandoned and does not have an ending. !highlight!--- !highlight!Part 1 !highlight!--- >Day Benefits in Equestria >The sound of busy streets and early morning life rouses you from your sleep >Yawn, your dry lips cracking >Lip them and smack a few times >Stand up, cracking your joints and stretching >Look around you >Brick walls covered in posters and posters covered in grime look back >A weary smile crosses your face >A ball of mangy fluff on the floor stirs in its sleep before slowly waking up >It gets to it's feet and shakes, wagging its tail and looking up at you happily >Reach down and scratch it behind the ear Mornin' Dog. >You are Anon >Professional Hobo >Dog barks and licks your hand Got a long day ahead of us, okay? You stay close now. >Dog wags his tail some more and trots over to a nearby bin, resting his paws against it and looking at you expectantly >Chuckle Alright, alright. Let's see what we've got today >You remove the bin lid and peer inside >A half-eaten banana rests on the top >Pick it up, raising an eyebrow Now who goes and throws out a perfectly good half-eaten banana? >You eat the entire thing. Skin and all. >Go back to the bin, sticking your arm inside and searching for something >Dog whines Don't worry, gotta be- Nyugh- SOMETHING in here... >There are Griffins around here, and even a couple of Diamond Dogs. So there must be- Aha! >Your fingers grip something promising >Pull it out >A whole sausage >You and Dog stare open mouthed at it >Dog starts panting >So do you >Smile and crouch down, offering the sausage on an outstretched palm For you, my friend. >Dog wolfs the whole thing down and barks happily >Smile at him Come on, lets go kill the day. >You reach next to the bin and pick up an old looking banjo >It was handcrafted by yours truly >Ain't no banjo like a hobo banjo >The streets of Phillydelphia are a pleasant sight as you stroll down them, Dog eagerly prancing along at your heels >Ponies veer off in different directions when they go near you >Chuckle as they do >Pass an expensive looking shop >Look at the window >The store clerk's ears droop and his eyes shrink when he sees you looking >Wave cheerily at him >You don't care about the shop though, you're just checking yourself in the glass >You're dressed in an old worn brown jacket, a torn, soot covered green waist-coat and an ancient looking white shirt underneath it all >Your shoes are odd, a black boot sits on your left foot, and a fancy looking brown shoe on your right >But your favourite accessory is that which is sat on your head. >A battered, yet still surprisingly stylish gibus >You run a tongue over your teeth as you admire yourself in the glass >Dog sits patiently, licking his crotch. >The store clerk comes out a door to your right, looking flustered >"Excuse me, sir. But could you please move away? You're making customers inside feel uncomfortable" Ahh, phooey. I'm too good for this shop anyway. Come on, Dog. >Dog growls at the clerk and skulks after you >You might think that being homeless is terrible. But really, it's the best lifestyle one could ask for >Living out under the stars, eating whatever you want out of people's bins. Not a care in the world. >It's better than working. >You come to an inner-city park, and sit down on a bench, resting a leg over another and strumming your banjo >Dog lies on the bench next to you, snoozing in the morning sun >You smile at him >He's a good dog, is Dog. You found him scavenging outside a fancy cafe >He seems to understand everything you say. At first you were going to call him Seymour, but after you said "wait here while I go root through this trash" one time, you ended up sobbing and clutching him to your chest for about 30 minutes >So Dog it was. It's a simpler name. Rolls off the tongue, or something. >You play a simple tune, your gibus on the ground upside down >A few ponies walk by and drop bits in, causing you to nod and smile at them >They would then start walking much faster >You like it here in Equestria >Was creepy at first. You were in New York, just minding your own business in some lawyer's bin when there was a flash of light >At first you thought it was the fuzz. Not that you would have minded, of course. Police cells are comfy as hell. Like staying in a 5 star hotel for the night. You even get food! >No, instead, much to your chagrin, you ended up here in Phillydelphia. >You still remember the first thing you thought after seeing aliens walking around >"I wonder if they have beer" >And they did >That first night was one you'll never forget. >But the citizens just sort of ignored you. They were shocked to see you, but you just came to be known as some hyper-intelligent ape that had escaped from the zoo >The zoo people came for you >They didn't want you, though >Good riddance. You're too good for a zoo. >You close your eyes and think sweet hobo things while you strum your banjo >The banjo didn't come with you. Nay, you hand-crafted this beauty out of wood you 'borrowed' from a charity shop. >Took many days and nights to carve it with a knife, but it was worth it. >Now you can make music and make all the mares swoon >What, you think a hobo can't get a mare? >You've been with thousands of mares >You've been with hundreds of mares >You've been with lots? >A few. >... >You've been with about 3 mares. >They were all drunk at the time, and wanted to get freaky with "George of the Jungle" >You weren't complaining. Poon's poon. >You stop playing, your eyes still shut and brain still thinking. >Dog woofs in his sleep >You're concerned though >You stopped playing your banjo, but you can still hear music >That banana must have had something in it. >It can't have done. Bananas are healthy food. It's impossible for one to be bad for you. >Open your eyes and look around >A gentle melody drifts towards you on the wind >Nudge Dog and get up, banjo in hand >You both follow the sound of the melody in silence >It's beautiful. It's like a tale, high notes and low notes telling a story. The whole thing seems sombre but tells of hope. >You're not actually sure if that's what it's meant to sound like. Being a hobo means finding meaning in things that aren't there. >Like when you saw Jesus Christ in a block of mouldy cheddar >You called it Cheesus. >You come to a hillock and look over it >And there she is >Sat perched on her own park bench, much like you were, sits a minty green pony, playing a small harp thing. >You sniff >Pull up your pants >And stroll towards her >As you get closer, the pony looks worse for wear >She's got her fair share of scars, several deep wounds along her coat >She's wearing a flatcap, and has a stick with a bundle of items wrapped up in a cloth hanging from it resting next to her >She sees you coming, and her eyes widen >Sit down next to her, neither of you saying anything >Dog sits on the floor, watching her >"Good mornin." Mornin. >You motion to your banjo >She motions to her battered harp thing >And you start playing >You don't say a thing to her, nor her to you. You just sit on that bench and play your instruments long into the afternoon. >Ponies stop and watch the two of you play, your instruments complimenting each other beautifully >By the end, you blink a few times and look up >Your gibus, that was on the floor the whole time, is now half full of bits >You and the Mint Pony stare at it, then at each other >She smiles at you >"Lyra" Anon. >You and Lyra chat on the bench for the rest of the afternoon >Turns outs she's a travelling bard, and is getting ready to skip town >The idea intrigues you How are you going to get there? >"Oh, I usually just jump on a train." Could I... Join you? >Her eyes seem to sparkle >"You want to travel with me?! OF COURSE!" >She hugs you, you hug her back >Her coat is greasy >Lovely. >She lets go and you both grin at each other >Until a loud growl emits from you both >"Oh. Hehe, uhh. I guess I'm pretty hungry." Wanna get something to eat? I know a good restaurant bin near here. >She smiles >"I'd like that" >You, Dog and Lyra stroll through that city without a care in the world >Ponies be cringin' >Mares be coverin' their foal's eyes >Your stink be wiltin' flowers. >But nary a shite was given that day >You smile and let Lyra go first into the alley behind the restaurant >Just in time to see a back door open and a kitchen-hand throw some scraps out >Lyra "woahs" >You pat her on the back Now stand back, dearie. This might get nasty. >You pull out your rusty hobo knife and jump on the pile of scraps >On cue, a thousand rats, homeless ponies and griffons explode out of the nearby trash >You duck, dive, dodge and stab your way to glory, the screams of the dying echoing throughout the alleyway >Being the king of the city, and biologically superior to your adversaries, you stand victorious over them >Lyra clops her hooves >"Wooo! Go Anon!" >You take a bow Thank you, thank you. >Pull an angry rat off your sleeve and toss it to Dog >He settles down to enjoy his meal >You and Lyra take your pick of scrap veg and other food, Lyra taking care to pick out the bits with no blood or eviscerated organs on them. >You both eat hearty and rest your heads on a dead griffon, his feathers providing good comfort >Lyra snuggles up to you >So does Dog >Close your eyes and drift off to sleep, dreaming happy hobo dreams. >That is, until a blinding light forces your eyes open again >You blink and look up >A police pony is glaring down at you and shining a torch >He looks pissed >Look around >Dead rats, ponies and griffons are everywhere in the alley, following the bloodbath that you won. >More police ponies walk into the alley >"Well well well. Look what we have here. What is this, some kinda freak show?" That's not very nice, Lyra's a beautiful pony. >She stirs and wakes up >"Hmm? What is it, Anon?" >She looks at the fuzz and freezes >"OH TARTARUS, IT'S LIKE LAS PEGASUS ALL OVER AGAIN." >She somehow backflips from where she was sat over the griffon in an amazing show of dexterity and grace >"ANON! CHEESE IT!" >You pick up a rat and throw it at the police pony >Picking Dog up under your arm you run your mangy ass out of there, the sounds of police giving pursuit filling your ears >"STOP RIGHT THERE!" >Hell naw. >Sprint down the streets, the street lights showing you the way in the darkness >You jump over ponies and bulldoze your way through a gaggle of orphans, their cries of woe giving you strength >Dog barks from under your arm >You boop his nose to shut him up and continue running after Lyra, who you can just see in the distance >Lyra heads down a path towards the train station >You give chase, the police hot on your heels >Lyra gallops towards an empty cart and jumps in just as the train begins moving >The machine gives off a whistle, indicating it's departure >You pick up the pace, your heart burning and your dog barking madly >The train begins moving, rapidly picking up the pace >The police have nearly caught up >"DON'T DO IT MONKEY, JUST COME WITH US PEACEFULLY!" >Lyra extends a hoof >"COME ON, ANON! JUMP!" >You underarm throw Dog into the carriage and sprint as fast as you can, hurling yourself after him just as the train reaches it's top speed >You hear the police ponies swearing and cursing you as jeer at them >Watch as Phillydelphia pulls away, the buildings becoming specs as the various sights rush past you >Lyra is on her back, panting heavily >You scratch her belly >It's soft, like a pillow >She coos as you scratch it >Dog lumbers over and rests his head next to Lyra >You end up scratching both of them, each 4-legged friend kicking a rear leg and drooling slightly >Feels good to be an advanced lifeform >You watch as trees and rivers rush past you >You've never been out of Phillydelphia, or even New York back home. So this scenery is something completely new to you >And then it hits you Hey Lyra? >"Yeah?" Where's this train headed, anyway? >"Ponyville" >Ponyville >Sounds nice. >You use Lyra's belly as a pillow and pull Dog closer to you, falling asleep as quickly as you did in the alley >A loud whistle and a conductor calling awakens you >You stir and prod Lyra's face to wake her up >Dog just licks her >She snorts and sits up, yawning >"Mornin', Anon." Mornin'. I think we're here >Lyra pokes her head out of the car, looking towards the station >The train is long, so you're not actually pulled in yet >You look with her, and see several security guards >They probably wouldn't take too kindly to seeing two vagabonds jumping trains, so you jump all jump out and run off the tracks without them noticing. >You walk through the trees towards the town, birds tweeting overhead >Lyra hums to herself and walks ahead, Dog happily trotting alongside her >You look around at the countryside, breathing in the fresh air >You feel somewhat uneasy. There are no large buildings to duck down. And you can hardly see any alleyways. >Lyra looks back >"What's wrong, Anon?" It's just this town. It gives me the heeby jeebies. Like something depraved and sexually awkward is going to happen. >"Don't be ridiculous. What are the odds of that happening?" Never overlook hobo-sense, Lyra. It will save your life and your dignity some day >She chuckles and turns her head forward again So have you been here before? >"Many times. Even made a friend or two. I come back every now and again to catch up and to mooch off the locals" I like your style >She looks back and winks >Eyes, reader. >Eyes. >You follow Lyra to a park and both of you sit down on a bench >Dog jumps up between you and rests his head on your lap >Absentmindedly scratch his head and look around at everything >Quite a peaceful town, really. Could use some industry. And larger buildings. All this fresh air isn't good for your lungs. >Your air needs to be at least 45% polluted. >Sigh >Sometimes, you miss New York. >But a hobo can't get sad. For a hobo has no home to hold him down >Instead you turn to Lyra who is tweaking her harp thing What is that, anyway? >"It's a lyre" Cute. >"Very" >Well that solves that mystery So where should we eat? >She looks around >"Still got those bits? >You take off your hat, still half full with bits >Lyra stares at you >"How have the bits stayed in there all this time?" A hobo never reveals his secrets >You say as you flick your wrist and produce your rusty knife >Lyra thinks while you pick your teeth with the knife >"I think I know a good place nearby. You good with eating sugar?" Damn straight. >You put your hat back on, the bits staying comfortably on your head >You both walk over a small bridge and into Ponyville >Ponies keep their distance as you stroll along next to Lyra Why're they staring? >"Dunno. Probably something to do with your fashion sense" >She freezes the turns to you >"For Celestia's sake don't let Rarity see you." Who is- >"What in Equestria is THAT?" >Turn around >A purple unicorn is gawping at you >Lyra sighs >"And here I thought I could have a nice meal without this..." Is that Rarity? >"No. Worse." >The unicorn teleports, 5ft, to get to you >She stares up >"Oh my goodness! I've never seen anything like you in my books! What are you?" A hobo. >"Hoe-Boe... Interesting." >Lyra is rubbing her temple >"Lets go, Anon. She won't shut up unless you disappear from her field of vision" >She drags your arm away from the babbling unicorn and behind a large shop >She then swipes a Swiss roll from a bin and chews on it >You help yourself to one and talk over your food So what was up with that? Ain't never seen a pony take that kind of interest in me before >"Yeah, I should probably have mentioned." >She swallows her sweet >"You're not a very common species around here. Where did you say you were from?" New York >"Where's that?" America. >"Where's that?" Earth. >"Where's that?" Space, I think. >"...Huh." >She regards you with a curious stare >"Anon, are you an alien?" Technically >She scrunches her face up >"Meh, I've seen worse." >You feel Dog some of the less sugary stuff in the bin before heading off with Lyra >She takes you down an alley >"This looks pretty good!" Agreed. So, should we play some more music? >"Stellar idea! After that we can-" >She stops talking What? >You look behind you, where she's now pointing >A yellow pegasus is staring at the two of you >Lyra looks back at you and clears her throat >"Eeeeuuugh uuugh uuh uuuuuuugh" (Switch to Hobo until she leaves) Uugh. UUUUGhh eeeuuuuugh ughughugh (Okay) >You both grunt and whistle at each other while the yellow Pegasus just hovers there, looking at you >"UUUUGH" (She's still there, should we plan an escape route or split up then meet back here?) Ugg. (Capital idea. Meet you back here in a few minutes. Bring food) >With that, you both go your separate ways >Lyra shuffles past the pegasus, grunting as she does it >The pony flinches, but continues to stare at you >You sneer at her and walk away, doing your best to look hobo-like >It's not difficult. >A flapping of wings indicates that she's following you >Curses. >You turn around and tell her to piss off in Hobo Speak UUUUAUAAEEEGH UUUGH >She screams and loses control of her wings, falling flat on her back >Sprint like hell towards anywhere before she can get you again >End up hiding out in a bin for the next few hours, peering out at the world around you >You have no idea where Dog or Lyra are >They'll be fine though >Decide that it's time to go >Stand up, the bin lid still on your head >Look around >No yellow pony >Good to go >You head back to the alleyway, your hobo sense of direction leading the way >You see it in sight, and pick up the pace, nearby ponies giving you confused glances, and muttering amongst themselves >Before you reach the alley, however, you fall over. >That's... Not normal. >You try to move >Nothing. >Look around >Your arms and legs and suspended by a purple aura >Swivelling around in the air, you see 6 ponies stood in a semi-circle around you >The purple one steps forward >"You can come peacefully, or we'll hurt you" UUUUUGH (Please don't) >The orange one with the uncool hat recoils in horror >"He's rabid! We gotta put 'im down!" >Clear your throat So sorry, my dear. I often forget to speak properly after speaking hobo. >5 of the 6 ponies gain shocked expressions >The purple one doesn't, she just narrows her eyes and peers closely at you >She sniffs >And gags >You chuckle Impressed? >"H-hardly... Now, what are you doing in Ponyville, Mr Huhboh?" >Huhboh. >That's gold. I'm just travelling, my dear. Please put me down and let me continue on my travels. >The purple one laughs >"I can't do that! You're a new species! I have to document you!" And what if I say no? >"You don't have a choice" >Raise an eyebrow >Purple Pone scrunches her face up >Just then the yellow one steps forward >"T-twilight? I think we should respect his decision! He's a living creature, and we should all listen to one another!" >Twilight groans >"Fine..." >She drops you, then points a hoof at you >"But no monkey business! I'm watching you..." >You stand up and take a mock bow Of course, milady. >Twilight huffs and walks off, the other ponies skulking away >The yellow one blushes then flies off, leaving you alone >Well. Almost alone. >A single pony remains, her face one of utter contempt and horror >She's white, with a purple mane >Sniff >May as well be civil >Wipe your nose on your sleeve and extend a hand Good morning, Miss. Pleasure to make your acquaintance >She shudders >"You... You're filthy." >Look down >You've got a healthy amount of dirt all over you An accurate observation. >The pony shudders again Miss, are you alri- WOAH >She hoists you into the air with magic and gallops off, carrying you with her Lady, I don't mean to be rude, but are you insane? >"I NEED TO CLEAN YOU!" >She kicks open the door to a clothes shop, scaring a foal who is colouring on the floor >"Hiya Rarity!" >"SHUT UP SWEETIE BELLE I SWEAR TO CELESTIA" >Sweetie Belle whimpers and goes back to colouring >Rarity carries you upstairs and throws you in a room before running in after you and slamming the door >You lie on the soft carpet, looking around the room >It's absolutely immaculate. Not a speck of dust anywhere >This is creepy >Rarity is breathing heavily, her eyes looking at you hungrily Uhh, I appreciate this, I think. But I really need to get going- >"NO!" >Woahshit. >Rarity licks her lips and stalks towards you >You scoot back a bit. This is uncomfortable even by your standards. >"You're a dirty dirty ape... And I need to clean you..." >Well this took a turn for the weird >Rarity's malevolent grin grows Rarity, I must warn you, I will hurt you. Just stop... Whatever it is you're about to do. >"No, darling. I need. To. CLEAN YOU!" >With that she picks you up with magic and throws you into the en suite >You crash into the side of the bath and groan >Goddamn magic >Rarity enters the bathroom after you and turns on the water with yet more magic >Hot steamy water begins gushing into the bath >Your eyes widen NO! >"YES!" >She pins you down with her blue auras and giggles madly as she pours a multitude of smell colourful liquids into the bath >By now it smells like a bed of roses >You hate roses. >You struggle and roar at her >She simply giggles >"And now! The main event!" >She giggles even more, and you notice that she's dripping between her legs >She shudders again >Oh god. That's what she was doing before. >Gross. >She picks you up and starts slowly lowering you into the bath >You wave your arms around and grip the sides of the bathtub, refusing to let any part of you touch the no doubt toxic water >"DON'T... BE... DIFFICULT!" >She amplifies the magic, and your limbs start feeling like they're about to snap under the strain W-what do you expect me to do? Be civilised?! >"No, Mr Monkey, I expect you to get clean" >She presses you down even harder >Your left arm gives way and your forearm goes into the bubbles >The hot water scalds your arm and the various chemicals burn your skin >You scream in pain as Rarity pulls it back out with magic >Your arm is sparkling clean, and smells like a fresh summer breeze OH CHEESUS, HELP ME! >Cheesus was listening. >For your prayers are answered >The en suite door slams open and a furry ball of rabid fury tackles Rarity >The magic holding you fades, and you yell as you feel yourself falling >Only to be caught again in a golden aura >You look towards your saviour >Lyra stands in the doorway, the sunlight from the bedroom window giving her an almost divine look >She floats you over to her and puts you down >You watch as Dog violates Rarity next to the toilet >He barks and pants as she screams >Dog always was stronger than he looked How did you both find me anyway? >"Hobo sense" >Ah. Of course. >You and Lyra wait for him to finish, leaving Rarity sobbing on the floor and covered in dog semen Good Dog. >"Bark." >You nod at him and you all walk out the bathroom >You walk down the stairs and past Sweetie Belle >She jumps up and beams >"Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle! P-please don't tell my sister I said anything..." >She looks glumly at the floor >You look at Lyra >She looks at you >5 minutes later, you, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle are sat down the alley. Eating beans out of a can >Sweetie Belle can barely contain her excitement >"This is so much fun! I never get to eat beans at Rarity's!" >Dog licks her and she giggles >Lyra plays her harmonica >Wait Where the hell did you get that? >"I won it in a drunken brawl after we split. Some red stallion thought he was hot shit" So what did you do? >"I cut him and stole his harmonica." Nice. >She continues to play, you tap your foot and smile >Your arm still burns from the chemicals, but in a way, it looks good on you >A single clean part of your body will be a tale to tell to other travellers in the days ahead >And so it came to pass that Anonymous, Lyra, Dog and Sweetie Belle became the 4-Vagabonds. A travelling band of misfits who would travel from town to town, playing music and stealing music instruments from innocent ponies. >Sweetie Belle was eventually taught Hobo-speak, and took to the Hobo life like a duck to water >Lyra managed to steal an entire drum kit, after getting into a fist fight with the heavy metal band "Deathklop", while they were still playing at a concert. She killed 3 of them on stage and stole the drumkit in a daring escape that shocked the tabloids and earned her the name "The Freshmaker" >Dog knocked up a local farmer's bitch, called Winona. She now looks after 5 puppies, patiently waiting for the day her Dog in Furry Armour comes back to sweep her off her paws >Anon found a new pair of shoes lying on the side of the road. >They made a damn good meal. !highlight!--- !highlight!Part 2 !highlight!--- >"LEFTLEFTLEFTLEFTLEFT" >You all duck left through the maze of alleyways, the sounds of barking dogs and police ponies following your every turn >"THERE'S THE TRAIN! GO GO GO!" >You look down at Sweetie Belle, who looks exhausted from all the running >She starts to slow down >Pick her up under one arm and steady your hat with a hand as you bolt towards the train station >Now on open ground, you hear the police dogs growling and snapping, getting ever closer LYRA I DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT THIS TIME >Lyra shouts over her shoulder >"OF COURSE WE WILL! IT'S JUST A BIT FARTHER!" >The train in the distance lets out a whistle and starts to pull away from the station FUCKING HELL WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO CHASE IT? >You practically fly onto the station, your chest burning and legs propelling you forwards as fast as humanly possible >The last train carriage leaves the station >You all jump on the tracks after it and run like your lives depended on it >Reach out a hand as the carriage gets closer to you >Almost... >ALMOST! >Trip up on a railway sleeper >Tumble head over heels forwards, Sweetie Belle torn from your grasp >Lyra screams and looks around, panicked >She looks back at the station >The cops have followed you onto the tracks and are closing in >There's nowhere to go, your only way out just left you behind >Lyra turns to you, anger in her eyes >"ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN, ANON!" >A police pony tackles her and you pass out from exhaustion >A loud bang awakens you >Groggily come to and sit up slowly >Look around the cell >Lyra is sat against the wall opposite to you, whistling a sad tune >Dog is snoozing at your feet on the bed >Sweetie Belle is playing with two pebbles she found lying around >She looks up at you, eyes full of innocence >"Hiya, Anon! Looks like the cops got us, huh?" Eeyup. Are you ok? >"I'm fine! The nice police stallion tried to take me to his candy room but I said I wasn't hungry, so he threw me in here with you!" >Rub your eyes and look towards Lyra >She glares at you What? >"For something that was made to hunt things on flatlands, you're slow as hell." Maybe it was my plan to get caught! >"Was it?" ...No. But that's not important right now. How do we get out of here? >"We don't. There's a guard outside, and I don't think they're going to let the three most notorious homeless folk in Equestria back on the streets." Three? What about Dog? >"He's a dog, Anon." >Dog wakes up and woofs at her before going back to sleep >Someone bangs on the cell door >"Hey! Are you guys plotting in there?" >You all say "No" in unison >Except Dog >He's a dog. >Dogs can't speak, reader. >"Okay then. Good." >He goes back to singing pop music. Badly. >Sigh Right, guys. Gather round. We need to plot. >Lyra groans >"It's hopeless, Anon! They aren't gonna be dealt with that easily! The police force of Las Pegasus is famous for its high security prisons! Once we get transported there, there's no way out." >Rest your chin on a hand and muse to yourself Soo... We're to just sit here and wait for transportation? >"I guess... Yeah." >Lyra sits back and pulls knees up to her chest >You weren't even aware that ponies could bend that way >Whatever >You scratch Dog's head and think of more ways to break out >A slight jingle can be heard >Look around >The jingle stopped >Look back at the wall >The jingle starts again >Annoyed, you scan the room again >See Sweetie Belle with her back to you Sweetie? Is that you? >She turns around, a massive ring of keys in her hooves >"Yeah?" >Gawp at her Where the fuck did you get those? >"Oh! Well that nice stallion, the one with the candy room, he offered me keys! I said no anyway but I think he forgot to take them back." >She giggles >"Jokes on him! These things are so fun to play with!" >She puts them in her mouth, covering them with filly-slobber >You slowly turn to face Lyra >She's shaking her head in disbelief >She clears her throat >"So uhh, Anyone else know their way around a police station?” >Sirens blare and shouting fills the building >"RIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHTRIGHT" >You, carrying Sweetie Belle on your shoulders, who is having an extreme amount of fun at the commotion, shoulder charge your way through a door, Dog and Lyra following suit WHERE NOW? >"FUCK, I DON'T KNOW! THE WINDOW!" ARE YOU INSANE? >"YES!" >Lyra throws herself out of the glass window, adding several more cuts and slashes to her battle-scarred coat >You throw Dog out after her, hold Sweetie close to your chest, and jump through >You fall two stories and land in a dumpster >The trash comforts your fall >Glance left >A pickle is poking out of a bin liner Ooo! >Stuff it in your mouth and climb out of the dumpster >Sweetie Belle trills in your ear >"That was so much fun! Let’s do it again!" HELL NAW. >Lyra frantically looks left and right >"Uu-h I-I Don't... Shit!" THAT WAY! >You point down a random street, and your party runs full speed in that direction >Ponies duck out of your way and scrunch up their faces at the sight of you >You don't really care >The party stops running for a second, you pant heavily and Lyra collapses to the floor >Dog just pants, his tongue hanging out of one side of his mouth >Sweetie Belle giggles, her voice cracking every few seconds >Lyra gasps and speaks up >"What... What now?" N-not sure. Are there any trains running at this time? >"No, not this time of day... I think we're trapped here, and it's only a matter of time until the cops start combing the place for us" >Straighten up and smile >Lyra gives you a queer look >"You ok, Anon?" >You chuckle and place your hands on your hips Oh yes, Lyra. I am. Because I've found our way out of here. >She raises an eyebrow and follows your gaze >"You can't be serious." I am. >Grin malevolently at the massive air-boat docking at a nearby station We're going to steal the Wingenburg. >Somehow you manage to evade detection until night fall >Pegasi soar over head, shining torches down alleyways and empty streets >You press yourself against a wall while a beam of light passes in front of you >Shoot a glance at Lyra >She's doing the same, a determined look on her face >Sweetie Belle is behind her, sniffing her hoof and recoiling from the smell >Dog is chasing his tail, oblivious to the danger >You motion for them to follow, and sprint across the street towards the air-boat docking station >Las Pegasus takes crime very seriously. For a city built on the gambling trade and prostitution, the crime rate is actually the lowest in Equestria. >As a result, a few homeless escapees put the city under martial law. >You didn't really understand why >But at least no hapless citizens will get in your way >Another flashlight bearing pegasi squadron passes over head >They miss you >The docking station is in front of you now, and your goal is ever nearer >A shitload of cops are stood outside it though Really? >Lyra appears at your side >"What's up?" All these ponies. How are we going to get in? >Lyra strokes her chin with a hoof >"Hmmmm... Maybe if we..." FUCKING RUUUUN! >A police baton is thrown after you, but it narrowly misses, flies past your head, hits the button controls at the end and opens the entrance to the air-boat >You hear the sergeant screaming at the pony that threw the baton >The wind threatens to blow you off the top of the station >These things are built incredibly high, almost 50 stories upwards. >The Wingenburg innocently floats, held ashore with a single length of rope >You jump onto the deck, Sweetie Belle, Dog and Lyra landing after you >You draw your hobo knife and start hacking away at the mooring rope >Lyra kicks open the doors to the control room and starts hitting every button and pulling every lever >Dog growls at the police ponies, who are running across the landing pad towards the air-boat >"GET OFF THE BOAT, MONKEY. WE WON'T HURT YOU IF YOU CO-OPERATE" >You hear Lyra cheer as the whole boat lurches >You smile at the sergeant and cut through the last thread of rope >The boat pulls away from the edge of the docking station SO LONG, FUCKERS! >The sergeant spreads his wings Ah. Shit. >The boat picks up speed, riding the heavy winds >Las Pegasus rushes past below and above you, several floating cloud buildings getting destroyed by the air-boat >Clouds are a horrible building material >The sound of cloud buildings being bashed around (because somehow, clouds make loud 'crashing' noises when struck) alerts the roaming pegasi squads LYRA? >"I GOT THE AIR-BOAT WORKING! WOO HOO!" YEAH, THAT'S REALLY COOL AND ALL. BUT WE HAVE LIKE, A THOUSAND PISSED POLICE PEGASUS PONIES INCOMING! >She sticks her head out the cabin window >Her grin is practically slapped off at the sight of the swarm of pegasi dressed in navy blue uniforms flying after the boat >She ducks back into the cabin and begins slamming every button she can see >You run into the control room and join her >You hear Sweetie Belle on the deck >"Hiya, Mister!" >SHIT. >Run back out and see a cop trying to take away Sweetie Belle >Dog jumps on him and mauls his wings, blood and feathers getting everywhere while the cop screams in pain, only making Dog's attack more violent >Another pony lands on the deck and lunges at you >Kick him in the face and throw him back off the boat LYRA FOR FUCKS SAKE, DO SOMETHING! >Lyra roars in frustration >She then sees a large red button next to the steering wheel >'Nitro' >"Well now that's just ridiculous" >She presses it >You almost get launched off the boat from the force of the acceleration >You draw your knife again and stab it into the wooden deck >It acts as an anchor as you pull Dog and Sweetie Belle close to you >The police eat your air-dust as the boat soars through the skies of Equestria >But you still manage to smile >You escaped >Lyra once more appears from the cabin >"You all ok?" Yeah, we're fine. What did you do? >"Nitro" Don't be stupid, air-boats don't have nitro. >The boat drifts silently through the night >You sit, with your legs dangling off the edge of the boat, watching the landscape pass beneath you >The cool breeze whistles past you, and you take a moment to bask in the beauty of this picturesque landscape, knowing that you are the witness of one of God's most beautiful creatio- FUCK I'm hungry. >Sweetie Belle moans >"Aaaanooon. When can we eat?" Don't worry, Sweetie, we'll get food soon. Right, Lyra? >Lyra puts on a smile >"Of course we will! We're on an air boat. Gotta be food somewhere aboard." >You all go below deck to search for something to eat >All you find is some peanuts and a stick of beef jerky >Half of you don't even eat beef jerky >So you and Lyra chow down on the cow meat while Dog and Sweetie eat the peanuts. >You sleep on some rags you found lying around the boat, while using Lyra's plush, warm, furry belly as a pillow >Luxury >Wake up >Realise the first problem of the day >You can't feel your limbs >Begin shivering profusely >Bury your face in Lyra's belly some more >She snorts in her sleep and kicks her rear leg >Shiver once more and grumble as you stand up >Nudge Lyra with a foot >She doesn't wake up >Prod her face >She doesn't wake up Oh my god! Look at all those rich ponies carrying musical instruments! >She wakes up, swearing profusely >"FUCKIN' UPPER CLASS- Oh. Hi." Hey. Damage report: It's fucking cold >Lyra shudders >"Huh. So it is." >You both ascend to the deck and look out >A white landscape greets you >Mountains covered in ice and black rock dot the area Where the hell...? >Lyra titters >"Should have known the wind would blow us here. Always does this time of the season" >She turns to you >"Looks like I know where we're going next!" >Raise an eyebrow Go on? >Lyra calls for Sweetie Belle >A few moments later a groggy looking and incredibly sleepy filly is carried onto the deck by Dog >She falls off his back and stares blankly at you while Dog gives her a morning bath >He takes good care of her, that mutt. >Sweetie croaks a few words >"Where are we going?" >Lyra strikes a dramatic pose >"We're going to the Crystal Empire!" >Oh shit. >You laugh nervously Are uhh, are you sure? >Lyra blinks a few times >"Of course! What, you doubt my aerial navigation abilities?" >She closes one eye and turns her head so she can glare extra hard with her open eye N-no, I just think that it's a bad place to set up. It's uhh, Upper class, you know. >She cocks her head >"Upper class. The Crystal Empire. Are you for real, Anonymous?" You mean it isn't? >"It's fancy, yeah. But the entire city has turned into a hub of commerce, culture and tourism. Ponies from all over are there. Not bad for a city that only showed up 2 years ago." >You turn and look towards the shining light in the distance Is that it? >"Yup. It's got a barrier around it to prevent an invasion forces. It's a neutral zone, you see." >Nod >Your eyes widen Uhh. Lyra? >"Yeah?" Would an air-boat be stopped by the barrier? >"Of course! Something this big would be torn apart by- OH." HOW THE FUCK DO YOU STEER THIS THING?! >"I HAVE NO IDEA, WHERE THE HELL IS THE WHEEL? I WAS USING IT YESTERDAY!" WHO THE FUCK LOSES A STEERING WHEEL? >You run outside and look at the approaching city >The light blue barrier pulses slightly >Gulp >Straighten your hat >Mutter a quick prayer to Hobo Jesus >Walk over and pick up Sweetie Belle and Dog under each arm >"Hiya, Anon! Are we going to the Crystal Empire! That's so cool!" Yeah. Cool. >You clear your throat and scream like a bitch as the air-boat collides with the barrier >The smell of sulphur, smoke, and peaches fills your nostrils as you watch the boat get violently torn apart around you >You hit the deck and pull your friends close to you >Lyra screams from the cabin >Wood and splinters fly everywhere >The balloon holding the boat afloat is incinerated >You hear tortured metal groan and strain >The entire vessel slows down as it barges its way into the barrier >You hear Lyra shout from the cabin >"WE'RE GOING DOWN!" I FUCKING NOTICED! >Sweetie screams in your ear and Dog whines as you watch the city and the ground rush up to the air-boat >The boat hits the ground with a thunderous crash, yet more shattered wood being launched in all directions >You are propelled forwards and in through the cabin door with Sweetie Belle and Dog still under your arms >You slam into Lyra and carry her with you >Smash through the window at the front of the cabin, Sweetie and Dog getting wrenched from your grasp >Fly out and crumple into the ground >Stand up amongst the smouldering wreckage >Adjust your hat >Look around at the carnage and ruined earth scarred with fire and huge planks of razor sharp wood Ehh, I've seen worse. >Nudge Lyra >She grumbles and gets up >She looks around, like you did, an unimpressed face seemingly judging everything around her >"I was beginning to like that boat." >A growl alerts you to the presence of Dog dragging Sweetie out of some wreckage >She coughs and hacks up a piece wood >Then she bounces up to you and starts squeaking >"THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" >Pat her on the head That'll do, pig. That'll do. >Also pat Dog >Then you realise just where you are Oh god. >Lyra scowls >"What's with you, Anon? You scared of this place or something?" N-no, not at all. >She narrows her eyes, but before she can say anything you all hear a shout >"Over here! Secure the perimeter!" >Lyra groans >"Ugh. Peacekeepers. Come on, Anon. Let’s get out of here." >You, Lyra, Sweetie and Dog skedaddle away from the scene before a group of guards in bright pink armour show up >A few minutes later you've found a lovely alley way to hide in. >The Crystal Empire was originally a beautiful utopia, but the multiculturalism and multiple nations living in the city added a whole new ring around the seeming perfect centre, where all the crystal buildings are >So basically, the Empire is part shanty town >Just how you like it. >You root through a bin and pull out a half-eaten sandwich >Chew on it and toss your comrades some other food >Lyra gets a banana covered in sludge >Sweetie Belle gets an apple with an unusually large worm in it >Dog gets a full roast chicken with seasoning and a salad to go with it >All made out of cardboard >You dig into your meals and plan your next moves So. How do we get out of here? >Sweetie Belle seems confused >"Why do we wanna leave? This place is great!" >Dog barks in approval and starts eating the cardboard salad Well, it's like, in the middle of a frozen wasteland! We'll freeze to death! >The barrier around the city has also given it a tropical climate. It's like sitting on a beach >You nervously tug at your collar and readjust your hat >Lyra is about to berate you when a loud trumpet blares >"Announcing the arrival of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to the Zebra quarter!" >OH. >SHIT. >You hurl yourself inside a bin and slam the lid over you >Outside you hear the muffled voices of Sweetie and Lyra >Sunlight hits you in the face as you see your minty comrade glaring at you >"ANON. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" >You chuckle nervously Me? Nothing at all, my dear. Nice Cadence we're having, eh? >Lyra bites her lower lip and charges up a "FUCK" >Sweetie jumps into the bin with you and on your lap >Dog follows her >Getting mighty cramped in this bin now >"Come oooon, Anon! I wanna say hi to Cadence! I was at her wedding and everything!" >She pouts >You squirm >Lyra pushes her face closer to yours >"What's really going on, Anon?" >You gulp and begin to speak >Day 4-months-after-the-first-part-of-the-story in Equestria >Be Anon >In Manehatten >Rooting through garbage as usual >Pull out a dildo the size of your forearm Who throws away something like this? >Chuck it over your shoulder >Dog catches it and starts chewing on it >You push your arm as deep as you can, thinking of something Sweetie might want to eat >Close your hand around something >Pull >Out comes brown paper bag >Raise an eyebrow >Open it >A school lunch >An entire school lunch in pristine condition >Grin and stuff it in your jacket >Sweetie is gonna be thrilled >You dive back in to find something for Lyra when something catches your eye >Walk past Dog, still gnawing on the tip of the rubber dick >Poke your head out of the alleyway and tip your hat up slightly >A group of ponies are cheering and shouting >See two ponies walk down the street, smiling and chatting to everyone they can see >One of them is a tall white unicorn stallion, the other is a pink... Alicorn? Woah. Rare. >You watch the two walk up to an important looking building >The stallion kisses the alicorn and heads inside >The alicorn sighs and watches as the mob of mares follows the stallion inside >She turns and looks straight at you >You put on your best "Rabid Hobo" look and sneer at her >To your absolute horror, she flies over, a massive smile on her face >She stops just before you and her horn flashes >Her body seems to shine for a second, before you can see straight through her, then her body takes on a texture like oil when exposed to sunlight, and then it is normal again >She trots the final distance up to you >"Hello there." >You just stare at her >"My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. But you can call me Cadence!" >Royalty. >Oh shit, Anon. Get the fuck out of there. They'll never stop hunting you if she frames you for something. >Instead, Cadence trots past you >You watch as a group of ponies passes the alleyway, looks down it straight at Cadence, and carries on walking >Cadence giggles >"Oh don't worry. No pony else can see me." >She walks up and pushes your back against a wall >"Just you." >You laugh nervously Well, uhh. Princess, my name is Anon and it was lovely to meet you. If you don't mind, I have some important business to attend to." >"I see..." >She looks at Dog, who is licking the tip of the dildo >Fucking hell, Dog. >"You seem... Very busy." >Start feeling hot under the collar I-... Look, I don't want any trouble, yeah? I know you royals think you can mess around with us commoners, but you won't get the better of me! >Cadence simply smiles >"Oh, Anon. Don't you know who I am?" >Twitch nervously >"My name is Cadence. The Princess of Love." >She pushes you against the wall again and presses her hooves against your chest >"And I always get what I want." >To a person looking into the alleyway at that moment, they would see a homeless man squirming madly against thin air, his lips in a very strange position >To you, you're being molested by a princess who seemingly has a thing for the homeless >Cadence pulls back and licks her lips >"Oh gods I love that taste" >She breathes in deeply through her nose >"And that SMELL! Oh gods you're driving me CRAZY, ANON!" >You clear your throat >Straighten up >Adjust your hat >And headbutt her DOG! RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS! >Dog picks up the dildo in his mouth and bolts after you as you try to lose her in the intricate alleyways of Manehatten >You look up and see her gliding overhead, smiling down at you >"I see you, handsome!" >You can't fathom why this is happening >You dive down an alley that leads to a warehouse you've hidden in several times >Dog follows you through the door and you slam it shut, bolting it and pushing several boxes in front of it >Pant and listen closely >Silence Ok, Dog. I think we lost her. >In some cruel joke that was planned, Cadence then crashes through the roof, hitting the floor on all fours with a sound like 10 ton weight hitting the ground, and causing a small crater around her >She looks at you and smiles >You see a bead of sweat drop off her face >"My, oh my. You sure are a fast one, Anon!" >She walks towards you, laughing all the while >Dog spits out the dildo and growls, standing between you and her >Cadence laughs and rips open a nearby box, stuffing him inside with magic and bolting it shut >She then picks up the dildo with a faint blue aura >"Oh Anon. Didn’t you hear?" >She slowly makes her way forwards, laughing softly and spinning the dildo in the air like a drill >"I always get what I want." >Lyra stares at you >Sweetie Belle stares at you >Dog whimpers from the recounting of the tale So yeah. Can we please leave? >You crawl out of the bin then lift Dog and Sweetie out >Your ass is tingling from the memories of your trauma >Lyra pesters you some more >"So uhh, what kind of stuff did you do?" I don't want to talk about it, Lyra. The last thing she said was "Come visit me some time.". And I don't intend to visit shit. >Lyra suddenly pulls you into a hug. And by that you mean she grabs onto your leg. >"Why didn't you tell me?" >You take off your hat, hold it to your chest and hold back tears Hobo pride. >Place the hat back on your head and straighten up Now let’s get the fuck outta here. >"Oh no you don't." >God please no >Slowly turn around >A tall pony shimmers in the light and fades into vision >Princess Cadence >A regiment of peacekeepers block off the exits and surround you from the roof tops >A nearby dustbin falls over and a peacekeeper crawls out, his horn charged with magic and a banana peel on his head >He opens his mouth, dislocates his jaw, and another peacekeeper climbs out of him, looking equally as serious >You slowly raise your hands >Lyra growls >Dog growls harder >Sweetie Belle cheers >"Hiya, Princess Cadence!" >Wake up with a pounding headache >You're in a fancy looking room, adorned with mirrors and... clean things >Your arm tingles from memories of past cleanliness >Slide off the bed you're led on and make for the window >Look down at the 100ft drop >You're in the Crystal Citadel >Shit. >Stride over to the door and try it >Locked >Look around for any other exits >There are none >You're trapped, and hobos can't fly >You walk back to the window and sit down cross-legged before it, gazing out at the city and sighing in resignation >You hope your friends are okay... >Be Lyra "Fisticuffs" Heartstrings >PhD >Wake up to the sound of shouting >You open one eye and survey your new surroundings >Bars greet you >Both eyes shoot open >Sit bolt upright >You're in a cell >But not just any cell >Run to the bars and look out >You're in a prison >You hear a chuckle to the right >Turn to see a Diamond Dog watching you from his own bed >"Looks like you're my new cell mate... Come'ere, darlin'. I don't bite. Too hard." >He grins toothily >You crack your neck and narrow your eyes, flashbacks of past prison experiences coming to mind >The diamond dog stands up >He towers over you >Meh. Size is just another advantage for you >You take a quick moment to look back outside at the prison >It's massive, rows of cells stretch forever >Where the hell are you? Underground? >Look back at the dog >Spit to the side >Whistle and stand up on your hind legs, bringing your front hooves up to a fighting stance Here, boy. >The diamond dog roars and lunges for you >Be Sweetie Belle >Hear gentle music >Slowly open your eyes and look around at the garishly pink room >Smiling faces and suns and love hearts and all things pretty adorn absolutely everything from the walls to the pencils >You cringe >This doesn't look fun at all >A face moves into your view >A bright yellow stallion with a light brown mane beams at you >"Hey there, little one! Welcome to Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals!" >OH SWEET HOBO JESUS >YOU'RE IN AN ORPHANAGE >The stallion smiles even harder >"My name is Randy Hooves! We're gonna be such good friends while you're here!" >Scream externally >The darkest recesses of your mind stir >Faint images flare in and out of your consciousness >Slowly rouse from your deep sleep >You are the one they call Dog >And you are in a rather strange scenario >The baying of other hounds assaults your ears >You pay it no mind >Time is wasting, and you need to plan your escape from your no doubt "inescapable fortress" >You had predicted that this would happen, Anonymous foolishly told his tale whilst the enemy got into position >But it is not Anonymous you are concerned about, he can look after himself >Sweetie Belle. >Dear sweet Sweetie Belle. >You must save her from the fate she has most likely met >You sit and patiently look out of the cage you are in >The other dogs scream and shout at each other in incoherent rage and excitement >You watch, taking in your surroundings >There are two exits to this room, and the table in the far corner appears to have a row of keys on hooks above it >You look back at the scene before you >A fat looking dog is shouting at you >You ignore him >Though he may be your brother through genus, he is beneath you in all other ways. >You do not worry for your own well being >You will soon show these dogs, and the ponies that captured you, that you are far more capable of their complete obliteration than they can possibly comprehend >Lick your crotch !highlight!--- !highlight!Part 3 !highlight!--- >You are Anon >Pace up and down your 'room'. Getting more and more anxious with each second "Ahh, cool it, Anon. You're just trapped in the castle owned by your worst nightmare." >Freeze >Run over to the door and start pulling on the handle for all you're worth >Ain't movin' captain. >Pace again, with renewed vigour. >Princess Cadence >Oh how she's haunted your thoughts since Manehatten >She's everything you hate >Rich, powerful, clean, popular, has a hot stallion husband. >Okay, maybe not the last one. But the other 4 things are still pretty deplorable >Oh why did it have to be you? >You fight back a cry of frustration >Someone knocks on the door >Tense up >SHE'S HERE TO FINISH THE JOB >Frantically look around for a place to hide >Run over to the bed >Drag yourself under it, squeezing as hard as you can >Manage to fit and peer out from under the bed sheet draped over the front, hiding you from view >Another few knocks, louder this time >You stay silent and wait >The pony unlocks and lets herself in >Seems to be a maid >She appears taken aback at the empty room >She looks over her shoulder >Then cautiously enters and begins cleaning >You watch her intently >She goes around dusting and humming a tune to herself >Eventually she gets to the bed, that is creased from you lying on it >She pauses >Mutters something >And pokes her head under the bed "How did you-" >"You left a large dirty smear on the carpet. Do you EVER clean yourself?" >Oh she did NOT just ask that >Crawl out from under the bed with much effort >Stand up and glare at the pony >She glares back >She's a plump looking thing. Reminds you of that fat baker back in Ponyville >God damn the ass on that po- >Getting sidetracked. She insulted your filth I'll have you know that I'm a hobo and th- >"That's something to be proud of? Please. Get a job and have a bath, you filthy mongrel." >Gawp at her HOW DARE YOU! I'LL KILL YOU! >"With what? This?" >She levitates your hobo knife in front of you >How the fuck "Wh-" >"You really don't know what kind of ponies are employed as royal servants, do you?" >She jumps up and performs a spinning kick straight to your chest >It happens so fast you don't have time to think, and fly backwards, bounce off the springy bed mattress then hit the floor on the other side >Sit up and stare at the 'maid' >"I did 15 years in the Canterlot Covert Ops. If you try to escape, I'll break you and drag you back. If you talk back to me, I'll break you and you don't get supper." Jokes on you, faggot. I don't eat supper >"No supper for you then." "FUCK YOU, HORSE!" >She laughs and walks towards the door >"Consider me the warden, 'Anonymous'. Cadence wants you protected and I'll be damned if I'm going to fail her" >With that she exits the room and locks the door behind her >She even took your knife >Mother fucker >You drag yourself back onto the bed and lie on your back, staring at the ceiling "Great." >Hours go by as you bang your head against the walls of the bedroom >Nothing is happening. >Why is nothing happening? >Are you going mad? >Does she want you to go mad so that she can subdue you more easily? >Diabolical. >You groan and fall backwards onto the large soft double bed >Lie there for an hour >Sit up and look at the clock >It was actually 15 seconds, not an hour. "THIS IS BULLSHIT." >Stomp over to the window and look down at the city again >Watch the crystal ponies strut around with their designer merchandise and expensive hooficures >Their very existence is an insult to the hard working lower class. >You should start a revolution when you get out of here >But that might take effort >And effort sucks >You ponder the implications of a society gone mad while you watch the citizens below go about their lives >Nothing interesting is going on down there, even though you can still see the smouldering wreckage of the Wingenburg >Crane your neck to look at the base of the citadel >You're a long way up. And your chances of escape are looking slim. >The lock on your door is pulled back >Step away from the window and grimace as the door opens >'The Warden' walks in >She smirks and levitates your knife, taunting you >"You know, I was thinking of donating this." >Could be worse. At least some poor kid somewhere will get a new knife to help him survive on the str- >"To the royal kitchens" >Scramble at her, with the full intention to turn her head into gak >She nimbly dodges you and laughs >"The Princess said I could have some fun with you. She'll be here tomorrow to do whatever she wants with you. So I think I'll play around with you a bit." >She waggles the knife >"Here boy! Come get the knife!" "You cannot even fathom how much I hate you." >"Oh, I think I can. It just makes me want to taunt you even more." >She laughs and floats the knife closer to you, pulling it back when you swipe for it >You dread to think what sick tortures your friends are going through right now. >You are Lyra "Stabbington" Heartstrings >PhD >The Diamond Dog reels backwards, nursing his jaw >"Y-You'll pay for that, you little mule!" >Crack your neck "Here doggy, Ol' Lyra has a treat for you." >The dog lunges towards you, blind fury in his eyes >Leap to the side and buck him in the kneecap >A sickening crack echoes around the cell >The inmates watching you howl in excitement at the sudden brutal entertainment >The dog whimpers and fights back tears as he clutches his broken knee joint >Grip his fur with some magic and yank his face towards yours "The next time you try and fuck with me, I'll break your other leg. Got it?" >He nods, an unmistakable fear in his eyes >Drop him and leave him to nurse his leg >Crawl back to your bed and lie down, your hooves behind your head "So. Where are we?" >"My leg..." "Yes yes, I'm sure it hurts. Now where are we?" >"Prison, you m-moron. Where else would you be?" >Roll over and glare at him >He cowers under your gaze "I gathered that I'm in prison, you stupid mutt. I mean WHICH prison. Are we in the Crystal Bastion? The Royal Dungeons? Shawflank Prison? WHERE?" >"Sh-Shawflank..." "And where abouts is that in relation to the Crystal Empire?" >"Just on the outskirts of the c-city... Did you really have to break my knee?" "Yes." >"Bitch" "What's that? Break your other one?" >"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!" "Good. Now what's your name, mutt?" >"Y-yeller" "I don't care. From now on you're Mutt. Understand?" >"..." "Well?" >"Y-yes." "Good boy." >Shawflank Prison. >You've heard tales about this place >They say that no one ever escapes >Those that go in never come out >You follow the line of inmates into the cafeteria >To your relief, sunlight streams in through the windows >That is, the barred windows >Protected by an iron grate >And most likely infused with an anti-magic barrier >Ponies are pretty intense when it comes to locking things up >Celestia herself sent her own sister to the -moon- for a thousand years >Watch in amusement as Mutt gets carried towards the medical quarter via stretcher >He glares daggers at you as he passes, the stone-faced guards carrying him paying you no mind >Snicker >Feel a push from behind and step closer to the food counter >Grab a tray and lock eyes with the cook >He looks like he's trying to hate you to death >Point at some grey mush "That, please" >He gives you a rotten carrot and a glass of water >Then gives you a shit eating grin "You're real funny, fat-ass." >Take your food away with a huff and go to find the most secluded table to sit at >The moment you sit down, you are surrounded by the largest minotaurs you've ever seen >The biggest and meanest of which smiles down at you >He slowly reaches forwards and plucks your carrot off the tray >Then eats it >"Thanks" "No problem. Though you might want to give me some room. I've fucked bigger cows than you." >"And you might not want to run your mouth off so much, little one." >Little one >This fuckin' bovine. >Stand up >The minotaur and his friends rise with you >"You may want to consider your next move carefully, little one." "I already have. I reckon I can tear out that shit nose ring of yours before your faggot friends can stop me" >You jump up on the table and hurl yourself at him, screaming at the top of your lungs >You are Sweetie Belle >And this place is... Creepy. >You stare at the foals >The foals stare at you >Try to remember what Anon taught you >"Remember, the brown apples are still good eating, but if you see one that's glowing a sickly green, stay away. I ate one of those once. Grew an extra limb offa my stomach. Had to cut it off with my knife before it got too powerful" >Shake your head >That wasn't it >"Oh yeah, and if you get trapped in an orphanage, watch your back. Nothing in this world is more dangerous and terrifying than a group of kids with nothing to lose" >What else did he tell you? >"Sweetie, stop eating that. You don't know where it's been. ... Oh, the trashcan? Okay then. Eat up." >You giggle >Anon was so funny >A small brown foal steps forward, holding a teddy bear >He's even smaller than you >It's so cute! "Hi! I'm Sweetie Belle!" >The foal's eyes grow, filled to the brim with silent wonder >He slowly lowers his teddy bear and smiles at you >Smile back >A new friend, perhaps? >"YOU TEKKIN THA FUKKIN PISS, MATE?" >Squeal in shock >The foal turns to the others >"Who the FUCK does this little twat think she is, yeah?" >One of the fillies, wearing copious amounts of make up, smacks her lips and waves a hoof around in a Z shape while moving her head around in a circle >"Terry. Terry I fink she's fuckin' around wit chu" >'Terry' turns back to you >"I fink she is as well." >He prods you in the chest >"You avin' a fuckin' giggle?" "N-No? I j-just want to be friends..." >Terry laughs, hard >As do his friends >"Y-you wanna be friends?!" >He prances around, imitating your voice poorly >"Ooooh laa dee daa, I'm a pretty pink pony and I want to be friends! Oh won't that be ever so magical!" >He bats his eyelids to seal the deal "Um, but I'm not pink-" >"SHUT IT." >You whimper >Terry turns to his friends >"What do we do wiv 'er?" >The filly wearing make up smacks her lips again >"I say you fuckin' deck 'er, Terry. She's like, totes givin' me evils." >Terry looks over his shoulder at you >"Oy, you givin' my bird evils? Mate, I will fuckin' wreck you if you're givin' my bird evils." I-I'm not doing anything! I swear! >Terry glares at you >His eyes narrow so much you half expect his mane to catch fire and for him to pummel you in a fit of rage >Instead, his eyes go back to normal, he picks up his teddy bear again and punches you in the shoulder >"Aight, fair do's. I'm Terry" >He points at the make-up Filly, another colt with no teeth, and an incredibly overweight colt wearing a Wonderbolt's badge >"That's Coomy, my bird. That's Gummy, and that's Big Jim." >You giggle "I had a friend who had a pet alligator named Gummy!" >Terry slaps you >"Don't be a twat, Sweets. Gummy's gum disease ain't funny." "...Sorry..." >The foals walk back to their beds, Terry motions to the other 4 empty beds >"Pick whichever one you want, yeah? Just don't fuck me off and we'll get along fine." >"Tell 'er to not fuck around wiv me too, Terry." >"Oh, and don't fuck around wiv Coomy. She's in a bad mood today." "W-why?" >"OH MY GOD SWEETIE YOU CAN'T JUST ASK ME WHY I'M IN A BAD MOOD, INNIT!" "I-I'm sorry, C-co-" >"Ran out of make-up and I was like 'Oh my Celestia' so I asked Terry for some more, yeah? But he said he couldn't keep nickin' stuff from the staff so I told him I wouldn't suck him off for like, a week if he didn't do it, right? So he says he can just get some other bird to suck him off and I was like 'OH MY CELESTIA I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT' so I said I wasn't gonna talk to 'im for the rest of the day but I luv 'im, ya know? So I said soz and we both fucked and made up." >She smiles at you >"Ya get me?" "Uhhh... Yeah?" >You wonder where Dog got to. >You are Dog. >Survey the area one last time >All the other hounds are asleep in their metal prisons >One would think that you too are incarcerated, but to suggest such a thing would be a mockery of your skills >You lick a paw and slip it through the bars, then reach for the lock >Concentrate as you slide a long sharp claw in the keyhole >It finds a snag >Tweak it around, your face locked in a state of extreme focus >Hear a gentle click >The door silently opens and you hop out of your cage >Hit the floor with the grace of a cat and stalk along the sides of the room, enveloped in shadow >It reminds you of days gone by, when you were a mere pup. >Dark and miserable times, where every waking second was a battle for survival >But you did it. You surpassed the competition and you alone stood victorious among your enemies >With the techniques you learned, none could stand before your might >Pause for a second to scratch an annoying itch on your head >Continue on to the door, monologuing to yourself in your head the whole time >The fools that hold you here left the door at the end of the hall open. >No doubt they underestimated your vast array of prison-breaking strategies >Nudge open the door and skulk into the next room >A pony is leant back in a chair, his rear hooves resting on a desk >He's fast asleep >Asleep, and vulnerable >You toy with the idea of culling him in his slumber >It wouldn't be too difficult. A bite to the jugular, then move over slightly and crush his windpipe. He would be dead in seconds. >Alas, Sweetie Belle's gentle nature has rubbed off on you. >Instead, you sneak past him and move on >These ponies can hardly call themselves prison guards. They don't even have any roaming death squads patrolling the perimeter >A severe fundamental flaw in their plans >Push open several other doors until you reach what appears to be a store room >It's pitch black, so you wait for your eyes to adjust to the all encompassing darkness around you >A nearby box is lying on it's side, it's contents all over the floor before you >Sniff at it >Canine food >You test a piece >Tastes like beef and pork both at the same time >It shall do >You stock up on as much reserve food and energy as you can for the coming journey. >Lady luck has smiled upon you this day >To an outside watcher, "stocking up on reserves" means stuffing your face with whatever is in sight, your tail wagging madly as you cram as many crunchy nuggets in your maw as possible >But an outside watcher does not know of the strategic value of an over-abundance of rations >You, on the other paw, do. >Once your meal is finished, you look around the room, your eyes having fully adapted to the dark >You notice something you hadn't seen before >A small beam of moonlight coming from behind a pile of boxes >You jump up on them and carefully nudge the top-most package over >A window greets you >If you had lips, you would be smiling >But a good tail wag shall suffice in order to convey your immense satisfaction at finding an escape route >You push the box off the top of the pile, no longer caring for an noise made >Nothing can stop you now >The window is, thankfully, unlocked. A risky gamble, given your sudden brash actions, but a worthy risk nonetheless. >It's small. But you can fit. >A lifetime of starvation and scavenging can do that >Push your frame through the opening and tumble out of the other side >Land in a pile of rubbish bins >Ahh, the sweet scent of home fills your nostrils >As well as the scent of everything in a 100 meter radius >Comes with being a dog, really. >You bask in the glory of victory for a while, enjoying the- HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A CAT >Your ears perk up and you go stiff >T'was not a cat >You sincerely hope that no one saw you succumb to such a primitive reaction to the slightest noise. >Damnable genetics. >With the entire Crystal Empire around you, and the animal pound all but a memory, you set off in search of Sweetie Belle. >The others can come afterwards. It's what they would have wanted. >You get to work, snuffling the various roads and pathways through the rapidly degrading sections of the city, marking the transition from middle-class to shanty-town >A great deal of smells and sounds fill your ears, and you struggle to tune them out >You're searching for a certain scent >Your scent, that is. You don't give Sweetie Belle morning baths for nothing >It works like a homing beacon, all you need to do is... >Hello? >Turn down a corner >Look at the alleyway before you for a moment >It seems familiar somehow >... >You look out at the street, thinking >Glance back at the alley, the cogs in your mind turning slowly >Ahh, now you remember. >This was the alley you all hid down >The pound wasn't far from it at all >But if this is where you all hid, then this is where you were captured >Your tail starts to wag >And if this is where you were captured then- >Scamper over to an overturned bin >Sniff hard >And there it is. >Sweetie Belle >But where has she gone? >You walk around in circles for a brief moment, trying to get a lock on the filly's (or rather, your) scent >Ah ha! >You suppress a joyous bark, as such an action might well give your position away to any spies lurking in the shadows >But your excitement is too much to bear, and you take off running in the direction of the smell >Streets and buildings fly past you in a blur, the odd drunkard stumbling around proving no challenge to avoid in your mad dash to your beloved filly >You just hope that you can reach her in time >You are Sweetie Belle >Slowly open your eyes, the morning sunlight searing into your eyelids forcing them shut again >Groan and roll over, trying to open them again >Finally do so >Sit up and yawn, looking around the room >A small scrap of paper is on your mattress next to you >Read it >"Pper 2 smal. lft msg on Jim" >Look over to the sleeping giant that is Big Jim >His heavy snores reverberate throughout the otherwise empty room >His entire back shows a message >"Went downstairs to eat. Wake up the big guy as well while you're at it, yeah? Coomy says hi. She also says you look cute when you sleep" >Shudder at the idea of the makeup drenched filly watching you while you sleep >Hop off the mattress and stretch >Walk around Jim's bed to the front of him >Gently prod his leg "Big Jim?" >He snorts >Poke him again "B-big Ji- EEK!" >He grabs you in his sleep and holds you close like he would with a soft toy >You struggle to move >Nothing doing. You're stuck >Feel your stomach growl >Darn. >Sweetie Belle's scent is getting stronger >You stop and pant as you watch the sun rise above a nearby mountain peak >Your legs ache from chasing the scent all over the empire for what seemed like hours. >It must have already been early, because it doesn't appear to be too long since you started running that the sun began to appear >But your search is almost at an end. You can feel it. >Run down another street >The scent abruptly ends >What? You can't have lost it! >Look around, sniffing the air frantically >Find it again >Turn to face a large imposing building, secluded from others, but still heavily degraded >"Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals" >Blink >You wish you could read. But the trail seems to end here. >Run to the side of the building and start poking around for entry points >A window, a crack in the wall, an open door? Anything? >A full perimeter sweep concludes that this place is a veritable fortress, and nothing is getting in >Or out. >Poor Sweetie Belle. >Walk around the building again, sniffing the ground and whining >Notice a large bush with an odd smell coming from it >Smells like... Rust? >Dive into the bush and paw away any leaves >To your amazement, you find a grate >Look at the aged metal >Then back up at the building >Your tail starts wagging >Be Sweetie Belle >Terry, Coomy and Gummy all walk through the door, Gummy still sucking on a piece of toast >They all stare at you, trapped in the clutches of the sleeping giant >Terry raises an eyebrow >"Fuckin' 'ell, Belle. That didn't take long." "It's not what it looks like!" >Terry snorts >"Yeah, sure. By the way, Randy was lookin' for ya'. He probably wants to molest you or some shit" >Your heart sinks "W-would he really do that?" >"Nah mate. Randy's cool. JIM. WAKE THE FUCK UP." >Jim snorts and stirs >"Huh, what? Oh. Hello Sweetie." "Hiya, Jim" >Jim buries his muzzle in your mane >You freeze and tense up, your eyes wide in shock >Jim whispers in your ear >"You smell great" "Uh. Ehehehe. Great! Umm. G-gotta go!" >You wriggle free, Jim relinquishing you from his grasp >Run to the door >Look back >Jim is grinning at you >Shudder >Run downstairs in search of Randy >This place is like a maze >You can't find anyone. Not even other colts or fillies >Before you decide to turn back, a large yellow blob moves into view >Take a step back and look up >Randy is smiling down at you >"Hiiiiii theeeeeeere!" >Well that's creepy. "Y-you wanted to see me?" >"Oh yeah! Yeah! Come right in!" >He motions towards the doorway he just stepped out of >Walk through it and into what you assume is Randy's office >He closes the door >It creeps back open >"Eehehe, silly door doesn't shut properly, haha!" >He turns to you, still smiling that creepy smile >"No matter" >He licks his lips >You view him with caution "Sooo... What did you want with me?" >"I'm going to molest you!" >Ahh poop. Terry was right. >The grate took some work, but you managed to squeeze through one of the more rusted parts via sheer willpower and anorexia >It appears to lead underground towards the building Sweetie is in. But you can't imagine where it would come out at >Needless to say, you must be prepared for any encounter >There's no telling what horrors might lurk within that foul place >Run along the dirty tunnel >There are no torches or lights to lead the way, so once more you have become one with the blackness >You think you might see a dim radiance lying at the end >Getting closer confirms your suspicions >A small set of steps leads up to large wooden trap door >You scale them, and pray that it is unlocked >Randy clasps a hoof over your mouth >You squirm and try to scream, but he's far stronger than he looks >"Now now, Sweetie! This can feel good for you too, okie dokie?" >Randy laughs nervously and licks his lips >"I just want some of that..." >He presses a hoof against your flank >"Hot filly ass." >You are filled with terror and have no idea what to do other than to struggle as hard as you can >Randy moves his hoof towards your fillyparts, nervously laughing the whole time, accompanied by a crazed look in his eye >"There we are..." >The moment his hoof makes contact with your parts, a section of wood in the corner of the office is lifted open >A large shaggy dog crawls out, looking tired but vigilant >Randy stops dead >You stare in shock >The dog looks at you, then at Randy's hoof, then at Randy >He bares his teeth and growls >THE ENEMY HAS BEEN SIGHTED >UNLEASH HELL. >With the attacker frozen in place, you waste no time in descending on him in a maelstrom of tooth and claw >Sweetie Belle screams and moves out of the way as you barrel into the pony trying to touch her >His howls of pain shatter the peace and quiet throughout the building, but you show no remorse for those that would dare touch your filly >The whole time, the filly in question is sat huddled up in a corner, covering her eyes with her hooves >Good. You wouldn't want her to see this >You tighten your grip around the pony's throat >"P-PLEASE! NO!" >Clamp down and crush his windpipe. >His body spasms and several waves of blood surge up his throat as he drowns on his own life source >Step back and watch him die >His eyes roll into the back of his head and his legs stop twitching >Then there is silence >Look towards Sweetie Belle, still shaking with fear >Walk to her and sit down >Then roll over and wag your tail >She giggles and rubs your belly with a hoof >"Hehe, good doggy." >Hurr hurrr hurr. Belly rub good. >Damnable instincts >You nuzzle your little one and lick her, removing any trace of that horrid scent she had developed all over herself >Sometimes you wonder how she does it >Once she is clean, you lie down in front of her, and she climbs onto your back, leaning forwards and clutching your body >Head back towards the hole in the office floor and vanish into the inky blackness beneath the earth, leaving the bloodied corpse for all to see. "So, what you in for?" >The pony with an eyepatch shifts uneasily under your gaze >"Lawyer fucked me" >Nod slowly "Yeah, I can believe that. But what are you actually in for?" >"I stole a candy bar from a stall" "At your age?" >"Yeah..." >Damn. These Crystal Ponies will lock you up for anything >You are Lyra "Seventy Hooves" Heartstrings once more >You're sporting a large black eye, several huge cuts all over your body, and a fractured rib >The cafeteria fight went down much better than expected >It took the leader's friends 2 seconds to drag you off him after you tore out his nose ring >All 3 of them are now in the med bay, no doubt chatting with Mutt. >You got your food rights revoked >You're only allowed breakfast now. No lunch or dinner >Jokes on them, this is like a hotel to you. And you once went 19 months without food or water >You might have been exaggerating, but it still sounds cool when you say it out loud >It's morning now, though. So you're enjoying your breakfast >A piece of cabbage covered in spit, courtesy of the cook. >Meh, you've had worse. >Chow down on it and wink at the cook, who was watching with glee from behind the counter >His smile falters when he sees how much you're enjoying it >Good. >Turn to your eyepatch-bearing companion "So what does a mare have to do to get some free stuff around here?" >He shrugs >"Dunno about 'free'. But there's a guy in here that has a knack for sneaking small items in, if you can pay him" "What's he called?" >"Red" "Really?" >"Nah. It's Smugglin' Smalls." "Where can I find him?" >"He's locked up in the warden's office." "Really?" >"Nah. He's sitting right behind you" >Turn around in your seat >A cheery looking pony is waving at you >"Hello!" >Stare at him >Sigh >Move your tray over to his table, grunting your goodbyes at eyepatchy "Name's Lyra" >"I know that, silly! My name is Smuggling Smalls! But you can call me Smuggling Smalls!" >Nod slowly >"What's your name?" "It's Ly- wait, what?" >Eyepatchy leans back >"I forgot to mention, he has severe short-term memory loss." "Ahh, bollocks" >Turn back to Smalls >"What's wrong, friend?" "Look, can you get me any item I ask for?" >"Sure I can! I'll need to know your name and cell number though!" "Lyra, and cell E-Nine." >"Alrighty then! And what items do you want?" >Look over your shoulder for any snooping ponies >Scan the rest of the room >No one seems to be watching >Pull Smalls closer, whispering "I need you to get me a rock hammer." >"A rock hammer? Whatever for?" "So I can tunnel my way out of here, of course. I reckon if I chip away little by little, I should be out of here in like, ten years" >"Tunnelling, eh? You'll need a rock hammer for that" "Oh for fuck's sake..." >"What's your name again?" >Groan and facehoof "Get. Me. A. Rock. Hammer." >"Okie dokie! I'll need payment first!" >Look over your shoulder again >Back to Smalls "What kind of payment?" >His eyes focus and he locks gazes with you >A serious look crosses his face >"I need you..." >Lean closer >"To tell me your name and cell number" >Let out an exasperated sigh >"Oh, and also a blowjob." >What. >Stare at him, shocked >Which is rare, since hardly anything shocks you anymore. "But... What?" >"Pretty mare like you can probably use those lips well. How about you meet me in the prison yard later on and we sort something out?" >You nod thoughtfully "Alrighty, hows about this." >He raises an eyebrow >Grab his neck with magic and pull him towards you >Also grab his food knife >Place the knife straight up on the table and hover his head over it so that his eye is about an inch away from the tip of the blade "You get me my rock hammer, or I'll give you a lobotomy. Got it?" >He stammers and nods furiously >"Y-y-yes! Of course! I'll just need your name and cell number!" >The small, fat warden/cleaning pony dances around your room, singing to herself and waving your knife around >Like the desperate hobo you are, you follow her, panting >She stops and looks at you with a huge grin on her face as you collapse to the floor and wheeze >"Oh come on! You've only been chasing me for thirty minutes!" "How... Are you... Still going..." >She cocks her head >"Why wouldn't I be?" "You're fat as hell... And so small..." >She glares at you >"Watch your tongue, ape." "You'll have to pry it from my cold dead body before I do that" >She spins your precious rusty knife around >"It might just come to that, were I not under orders to keep you alive and locked up." "Where hell is that revolting princess anyway?" >"She's out in the city visiting various districts, and if you insult her again, I really shall remove your tongue. She said 'alive'. Not 'unharmed'." >Gulp >The Warden smiles >"Chin up, monkey boy. She's probably just going to talk to you." "I doubt it." >"Yeah, me too. She's most likely going to rape you to death." >Gawk at her "And you're completely okay with that?" >"Ehh, she does a good job keeping the Empire safe. Why not let her have some fun?" "She has a husband!" >"He's away on duty fighting a changeling horde coming from the west. A mare has needs, ape." >She checks a clock on the wall >"She'll be back in about 3 hours. So I intend to have as much fun as I can with you until she's gone" "What fun is there to be found in making someone run around like some kid of... PET?!" >"I have a serious domination fetish" >What. >She retains a completely sincere look, and doesn't break eye contact with you "So you..." >"Yes." "This whole time..." >"Yes." "That's disgusting even by my standards." >"Yeah well, I don't care. Now come and get your knife." "Hell no" >She waves it around in front of your face >"Come on! Come and get the knife!" "No. You can keep it" >You feel yourself tearing up "You've... Tainted it." >"It's a knife, you overgrown chimp" "IT'S LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!" >"Are you SURE you don't want to chase me around? I was getting close as well..." "STOP SAYING... Euugh-- WORDS!" >She giggles, her plump form bouncing slightly >"Nope. I'm going to keep this knife and do terrible terrible things to it after you're gone." "Stop it." >"I might use the handle to-" "STOP IT." >"Maybe even get the blade replaced" "YOU HARLOT!" >"I think I might just colour it pink as well" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH" >You give in and chase that fat fuck around the room as fast as you can >As expected, even when fuelled by rage she bounces around like some kind of perverted rubber ball, deftly dodging your every move and taunting you the whole time >"YOUR ANGER ONLY MAKES ME MOISTER!" >You and Sweetie Belle emerge from the tunnel and enter the now beaming sunlight >A warm and delicate breeze rolls through, and causes Sweetie, who is still perched atop you, to sigh >"This place is great! It's too bad that Anon and Lyra aren't here though..." >She makes a point. Lyra and Anon are still nowhere to be found, and you have no leads. It's been too long since you were at the place where you were captured, and the trail has no doubt gone cold by now. Scents don't linger for too long, and it was lucky you found Sweetie's in the first place >Still, you owe it to your pack to find them again >Lyra will no doubt be trapped in a complex designed to house dangerous ponies such as herself. Such a fortress will be even harder to penetrate than the building you just liberated Sweetie from >The filly in question giggles as her stomach grumbles >"Can we get something to eat, Dog? I'm kinda hungry." >Indeed. Sustenance comes first, and you wouldn't want your filly to go hungry after all that you have been through >Lick your lips and huff, setting off at a brisk trot in the direction of the nearest and strongest scent >Walk through the increasingly more crowded streets on the way to some form of food source >You would normally just swipe some sausages from a meat stand, since there are quite a few griffins located around this shanty town >But for some bizarre reason, Sweetie doesn't eat meat. >Lyra does. So why not Sweetie? >Regardless, you trudge on in search for something more green to give to your little one >Eventually you find a bin with a half eaten apple in it >Wait for Sweetie to jump off your back and scramble into the bin >She sits in the rubbish and chews on her apple, looking adorable. >Rest your head on the floor and close your eyes for a second >Hear a rustling nearby >Open one eye and look around >A newspaper flutters by, and gets stuck between a drainpipe and a wall >Cock your head and squint at it >Either your eyes are playing tricks on you, or... >You stand up and bark >Sweetie's head appears over the edge of the bin >"What is it, boy?" >Run over to the paper and grip it with your mouth, bringing it back to Sweetie and putting it in the bin with her >She smooths it out and looks at it >"Crystal Empire celebrates hottest day yet? What's that got to do with anything, Dog?" >Bark at her and whine >She looks beneath the main headline and gasps >"Ohmygosh! Dangerous bandits captured! Hey, Dog! That's us!" >You rear up on your hind legs and drape your head over the side of the bin >In black and white, a photograph of you, Anonymous, Lyra and Sweetie Belle are shown being carted off >You're all unconscious, and appear to have darts stuck in your necks >That explains the sudden fade to black you experienced >Sweetie Belle reads the article aloud >"Even the arrival of her highness Princess Cadence was not enough to prevent dangerous vagabonds from causing trouble, but her highness was vigilant and prevented them from hurting any more innocent ponies." >She huffs >"Even I could write a better article than this... I wrote for the school paper once!" >She continues >"Found with the troublemakers was a young filly, supposedly kidnapped, who has been placed in the Happy Smiles Home for Lost Foals until a family can be found for her" >She looks at you >"It wasn't -that- bad. Just a bit too creepy for my tastes" >You lick her face >She giggles and wipes the drool off herself before reading the last extract >"The infamous and elusive Anonymous has been taken into royal custody, and the nefarious criminal Lyra "Roadhouse" Heartstrings has been safely locked up in Shawflank Prison for the rest of her days. Truly it is a glorious day for the Crystal Empire" >Sweetie puts down the paper >"Well. At least we know where they are now." >Stare at the ceiling of your cell >Whistle a simple tune as you count sheep, trying to pass the time >"Yo, if that bitch tries to start with me, I'll fuck her up!" "I HEARD THAT" >"...Sorry!" >Fucking inmates >It's been like, 3 hours since you told that scum bag to get your hammer >You have no idea how long it will take, but you're getting impatient. >Getting out of here is only half the job, you still have to get Sweetie Belle, Anon and Dog to safety once you get out >Sigh >Hell of a task ahead of you >Hear a tapping on the bars to your cell >Look over >An old pony pushing a cart is trying to get your attention >"B-book service?" >Grunt and get up off the bed, walking up to the bars and glaring at the old guy "Did I ask for a book?" >"N-no, but I think you'd like this one, miss" >He passes you a copy of "Craftspony's Tools and Tricks of the Trade" through the bars >Raise an eyebrow as you look at the front cover >Look back up >The old pony has already moved on, and is calling out for book service to anyone who might care >Walk back to your bed and sit on it, your back resting against the wall >Open the book >To your surprise, all the pages are glued together, and the inside has been hollowed out >A small hammer rests inside >Smile to yourself "Well I'll be..." >You are Anonymous >You're fucking done >Sit with your knees pulled up against your chest >The knife prods the side of your face >"Come on, do something funny" "Fuck off, horse" >She pouts, her face still managing to display an air of malevolence >"You're no fun!" "I said, fuck off. Go clean something if you have to be here" >She jabs you with the knife, much harder this time >You feel the very tip sink into your cheek >Wince >Feel a drop of blood slide down your unshaven face >"Next time, I won't be gentle. In fact, I might-" >She stops talking abruptly >You don't care. >... >Alright, you do >Look up at her >She's looking to the side, a solemn look on her face >The little pony turns back to face you >"Well. Would you look at the time" >Grudgingly look at the clock >... "Oh god no" >The warden turns to leave, taking your knife with her "Y-you can't leave! I'll be fun! I promise!" >"I'm afraid I have to, monkey boy. Good luck. You'll need it." >She exits the room and shuts the door behind her, locking it >You start to tremble in fear >It's high noon. >Cadence has returned to the castle.