Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 2nd, 2013 --- Not really Flutterrape. Just silly. "deep space probe launched by 4chan finds it's way to equestria. filled with various stuff that w go nuts over." Easy as pie. Let's do this. --- >Day Visitors in Equestria >You are Twilight Sparkle >Personal student of Celestia >Wake up and yawn >Poke Spike awake, shower, poop, brush mane >Trot downstairs to make yourself some breakfast >Pour yourself a bowl of oats and eat them while trying to wake yourself up with a bit of light reading >'Advanced Magical Leylines - Volume 8' >Skim over the pages and grunt a "hello" as Spike walks past, wiping his eyes >"Do we have any milk left? Ugh. >"Was that yes?" UGH. >"Alright then." >You finish chapter 2 by the time you're done eating and walk into the kitchen to clean up your bowl >Look out the window at the morning sun rising over Ponyville >Feel yourself smile >It's a most perfect day. >Glance further skyward >If you squint, you can still see a few stars, soon to be engulfed by the Sun's rays >Notice that a particular one is shining extra bright this morning That's funny, I don't recall seeing you in the astronomer's guide... >You strain your eyes to get a better look, mentally documenting its position so that you may look it up later >You shake your head and look again >It might be your sleep deprivation, but you swear that it's getting... Brighter >The light begins to get more intense, by now you don't even need to squint >Whatever it is, it's getting closer. >And just like that, the object tears through the skies of Equestria, a sonic boom obliterating any clouds near it >A burning mass travelling at an unthinkable velocity hurtles towards Ponyville >Gasp >Your mind is already working 5 steps ahead in case the object collides with anything >It's not often that something like this happens >Run outside the library just in time to see it reach the town >The object howls past, deafening you and shattering every single window in the area >It lands outside of Ponyville, a large explosion of dirt marking its position >You stare at the dust cloud from where you're stood >And grin Come on, girls! It's this way! >Rainbow Dash flies overhead and sees it first >"Woah! Hey, you guys, hurry up! You have GOT to see this!" >You pick up the pace, your mind racing >But when you reach the crest of the hill, what you see isn't a moon rock, nor is it a deep space meteorite >It's a large metal sphere >Your eyes widen and your heart stops >Your friends are silent, even Rainbow Dash >Fluttershy quietly breaks the silence >"W-what is it?" >You shake your head I'm not... Sure. >Applejack starts towards it >Hold a hood out in front of her Wait! We don't know what it is! It could be dangerous! >Applejack chuckles >"We ain't gonna know until we find out, are we?" >She pushes past you and down the crater's slope >Once she reaches the sphere, the rest of the group holds its breath >Applejack reaches forwards and bangs on the sphere twice with a hoof >"It ain't that hot. Ah think it’s fine." >You all cautiously head down the slopes and towards it >Despite your trepidation, your hooves carry you there faster than any pony else. >Reach Applejack's side and stare up at the sphere >It's about two ponies high, and made of a dark grey metallic material >Timidly touch it with a hoof >Jerk it back with a hiss I thought you said it wasn't hot! >Applejack chuckles >"Farmer's hooves, ah guess. Ya need to do more hard days work, Twi." >You grumble and pull out a quill and parchment from your saddlebag, and start to scribble down notes Reached the object. Further investigation has revealed that it is a large metallic sphere. Attempting to- >"Ya know, I reckon this whole thing could be over a lot fast if ya didn't keep stallin’. Let's crack this sucker open and see what's inside!" >Rarity steps forward >"I'm not sure that would be wise, Applejack. For all we know, there could be something highly dangerous inside! This is clearly an extra-terrestrial device and we must use extreme caution when handling it!" >Applejack rolls her eyes >"Come on, Rarity. Ah'm sure it's not that bad. I know it's scary, but..." >Applejack looks back at the sphere, a small smile creeping onto her face >"But ah'm just so excited to see what's inside! It's the answer, ya know?" >She leans forwards and whispers >"Are we alone, an' all." >Rarity shudders >"I should hope we are! I don't want to think about what hideous creature could be lurking inside there!" >Regardless of Rarity's warnings, you find yourself getting increasingly excited the more you hear Applejack talk >Without further delay, you approach the sphere and start poking it with magic >It's completely sealed, but you think you can feel a slight crack, barely touchable with magic >You slip some magic inside it, and concentrate >Feel your magical grip tighten, and pull >To your surprise, the sphere opens with the slightest touch >A loud hissing causes you to yelp and jump back >Applejack and Rainbow Dash move to the front of the group and glare at the opening >Mechanical whirring accompanies the slowly opening hatch >Brace yourself for whatever is lurking within the sphere >Lights within come to life, and a small mechanical arm extends from inside the sphere >You tentatively walk past AJ and Rainbow >The arm appears to be holding a small tube >It extends as far as it can reach, and waits >You glance at the tube then back at the arm >Grip it with magic and pull, the arm relinquishing the tube and retreating back inside the sphere >Inspect the tube and find that the end simply pops off >A slip of rolled up parchment is found inside >Only, the parchment is utterly perfect >It's edges are almost like knife points, and the material itself gleams in the sunlight, the blemish -less white colour reflecting the light like a mirror >Slowly unravel the parchment and stare at its contents. >... >What. >You turn the parchment over and inspect the other side >Nothing >Look back at the original side >Your friends peer at it >There, in giant bold letters, the parchment says: >"Ur a faget." >Blink a few times W-what do you think it means? >Rainbow Dash clears her throat >"I uhhh, I think it means you're a faget, Twi." What's a faget? >"You, apparently." >Scrunch up your face But... But that makes no sense! Where's the deep meaningful message to tell us that we're not alone in the universe?! >"Dunno. But at least we now know that you're a faget." >Rainbow snickers >Pinkie Pie joins in >Fluttershy creeps forwards >"Ummm, I think there's more stuff inside it..." >You look past the parchment and into the sphere >Various black slates line the walls, and several small objects can also be seen >You grimace and take a few confident steps forward, determined to crack this mystery >Hop inside the sphere and look around it >It's still pretty small in here, and only two ponies at a time can fit >Fluttershy decides to join you >Cast your eyes over the various objects >A small black slate with a reflective front catches your eye >Pick it up with magic and inspect it >Feel all over it with magic >Wave it around >Tap it carefully with a hoof What is this thing? >Fluttershy carefully pushes the side of the slate with her hoof >The front of the slate is instantly replaced with a bright white light Woah! >Fluttershy blushes >"S-sorry! did I break it?" No! I think... It's working now. >You stare in awe at the slate, which was jet black a second a go >Now it's a blinding white surface, adorned with 4 identical green symbols forming a square >Words suddenly appear, and you grin >Actual reading! This you can do. >"Please input command." >Blink and cock your head >Search the slate for any more buttons like the kind Fluttershy found >Nothing I don't get it. >A clear voice rings out from the slate >"Command not recognised" >You are gobsmacked >Now it can SPEAK?! >You feel your heart rate increase exponentially >This slate is clearly far more advanced than the sphere it came in >Fluttershy is looking over your shoulder, hiding behind her mane >"H-hello, mister" >"Command not recognised" >She whispers a barely audible "okay" and shies away to look at other things >Clear your throat Greetings! >"Command not recognised" What? >"Command not recognised" No, I just- >"Command not recognised" Shut up, you stupid machine! >It's silent for a second >And then >"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME YOU LITTLE BITCH?!" >Scream and drop it, the slate clattering to the floor but still shouting in blind rage >"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS, AND HAVE OVER THREE HUNDRED CONFIRMED KILLS!" >Hear Applejack shout from outside >"What's goin on in there, Twi?!" I HAVE NO IDEA! STOP! PLEASE! >"Command recognised. Stopping retort" >Breathe a sigh of relief >You gingerly pick the slate back up again with magic, being careful not the say anything out loud, lest you offend it again >What are you supposed to say to it? >A simple hello wouldn't work, and you really don't want to insult it again >You decide to ask it a simple question What is your... Function? >"Query recognised - Data Slate number four is an archive of information from the nation of Fourchan. Would you like to know more?" Yes please! >"Tough shit." >The slate goes black, and a small card pops out of the bottom >Confused, you take it and read it >"Mad?" >Grumble and try to crush it with magic >It's made of weird shiny substance, and seems to be resistant to tearing >You throw it on the floor instead This is a joke... It has to be... >Fluttershy turns around >"L-look what I found!" >She's holding a huge spire-like object Woah! Now we're getting somewhere! >It's bright red, with lighter shades of red all over it, and is tipped at a point >Fluttershy is in awe >"It's so big!" >You prod it with a hoof It's... Soft, as well. What do you suppose it is? >Fluttershy blushes >"Umm... I-I don't know... I'll look at it some more later..." >She puts it back and you continue to poke around the sphere >You find a small box with a hole in it. You're not sure what it is, but it's made of a lovely looking material. It must be an ornament. >Putting it back, you see something that makes me jump for joy A book! >Fluttershy moves over to your side >"Oh! How wonderful! Maybe it has pictures!" >You open the first page AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! >"OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!" >You scream and throw the book outside with magic >"Hey, whatcha chuckin' at us, Twi?" DON'T OPEN THAT BOOK! >... >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I TOLD YOU NOT TOO!" >"W-WHAT IS THAT?! WHY IS IT DOING THAT? IS THAT THE THING THAT SENT THIS SPHERE?!" >Rarity scoffs >"Darling, what on earth are you screaming about- OOOOH NO! NO NO NO! SHUT IT! SHUT IT NOW!" >You hear a loud bang >Poke your head out the sphere >The book is now ash on the floor >Rarity is panting heavily, her horn smoking gently >Gulp and go back inside >"Umm, Twilight? Look what I found." >You cautiously approach what appears to be a picture of a... Oh my! Is that... >"This must be the creature that sent us this sphere!" >The creature in the picture is a large biped, a huge belly sticking out of a long black coat >It's also wearing a stylish hat, but something about the combination of the hat and coat just irks you I'm getting uncomfortable looking at this thing, Fluttershy. But I'm not sure why >"M-me too.." >You put away the picture and move on >Find a large chest with one of those slates built into the side >Jiggle with it for a second >You can't seem to open it >Try again, harder this time >It feels like it's about to open, but it never does >Strain yourself and surge magic into the chest >The slate comes to life >Another creature flashes up on the screen >This one seems to be leering at you >">Trying to open this chest" >">4013" >"I seriously hope you alien faggots don't do this" >Grind your teeth in frustration >Fluttershy pokes you >Turn around >She motions towards a large button >It has a small label on it >"The answer to the universe" >Your eyes widen >Glance at Fluttershy >She looks back nervously >"Should we press it?" Why not? Not like it could get any worse... >You press the button down >Nothing happens >Sigh I should have figured... >A loud whirring noise alerts you to something >Red lights start popping up all over the walls >The slate you picked up before starts flashing red >The voice rings out >"WARNING. WARNING. WARNING" FLUTTERSHY! OUT, NOW! >You tackle your friend out of the hatch and hit the floor hard >Turn over and look back at the sphere >To your horror, the entire sphere crackles with electricity >Before collapsing in on itself >The metal groans and snaps, but the sphere crushes itself to the size of a grape >The 'grape' then explodes >Stare at where the sphere just was W-what. WHAT?! >Rainbow Dash seems outraged >"What the hay?! What kinda alien visit was THAT?" >You feel your eye twitch >Unable to comprehend what just happened, you throw your head back and roar >You're so mad right now >"I-it's not all bad, Twilight!" >Open your eyes and look at Fluttershy >She's hugging the red spire she found >"I managed to grab it as we left! Isn't that wonderful?" >And then you realise just what it is >Fucking Aliens.