Gotta put my shit here now because the cunnies at pastebin are up to their usual tricks. https://pastebin.com/u/Cloudruler

1. Dash's Empty Sky
 
https://youtu.be/owcAyvGvtzM
 
>Imagine the view from atop a cloud in the sky, of green fields turned gold in the sunset's rays, expanding outwards in all directions.
>The world is warm, the clouds are scattered pillows in the distance, and the air holds calm and still in harmony with the land.
>Rainbow can be anywhere, do anything. 
>She could close her eyes and beat her wings, and still have no fear of obstacles, no fear of mountains, buildings, or other Pegasi. 
>It's just her and the sky. She dives and twirls, reaches the heavens and grazes the Earth, moves as slow as the clouds around her and as fast as the shooting stars.
>The sky darkens; the comforting golden glow of the departing Sun is giving way, inch by inch, to the vast expanse of the great unknown. An endless black ocean, full of faraway twinkling lights which beckon to the intrepid young Pegasus to explore further, to go above and beyond the field, beyond the highest heights and the deepest depths of the wide world.
>She goes faster, whirring at speeds matched by none, when an explosion of prismatic light emits from her. It challenges the majesty of the stars, paints the world with every colour, sends waves through the sea of grass and into your veins.
>Because you're there, too. Only you, and her, and all the beauty of the universe.
 
 
 
2. Cuddle-slut Spitfire
 
>Rainbow Dash and the other cadets just finished practice for the day, and are now heading in for a hot shower.
>As usual, Spitfire rests leaned against the wall next to the locker room entrance, watching her Wonderbolt hopefuls come trotting up in their tight, rear-less uniforms. All sweaty and coated with rainwater from the clouds, the fabric of their outfits clings to their lithe bodies. 
>Spitfire says nothing, just holding a smirk as the young mares and stallions pass her, blushing under her gaze. Rainbow comes to pass too, but an orange hoof stops her.
"Hold up there, Dash."
>Rainbow Dash stands aside as the others pile into the locker room; when they're inside, Spitfire closes the door, leaving just her and Dash alone in the hall.
>Rainbow stamps her hoof and straightens herself to attention.
"At ease, kid. You were pretty good out there."
>"Thank you, Ma'am!"
"No, thank you. You keep up the pace you're at, and you'll be a Wonderbolt in no time."
>"I will do my best, Ma'am!"
>Spitfire leans close, whispering into her ear.
"I know you will, and you know what I'm going to do to you once you make the team...."
>Rainbow's wings involuntarily flap at her sides as Spitfire lets a hoof wander up to Dash's cheek. The hoof slowly traces along her neck and down to the base of her wing; Rainbow feels her cheeks burning hot red at her mentor's touch.
>Spitfire's face leans in even closer, and Rainbow Dash feels the warm breath from her mouth as she whispers once again into her ear.
"I am going cuddle you... Hard."
>A squeak escapes Rainbow's mouth. Spitfire reaches up and nips the very tip of her ear, causing the flustered cadet to very obviously shudder.
>With that, Spitfire starts heading away, letting herself brush into Rainbow's outstretched wings on the way.
>But before she leaves Rainbow to her shower, her tail whips out and catches Dash's flank. She yelps and stumbles forward a bit.
>Spitfire chuckles at her subordinate.
"Keep up the good work, Dash. And I may just toss you a good preening after one of these practices. Would you like that?"
>Rainbow looks back at her, nodding furiously.
>"Y-yes Ma'am!"
"Go clean yourself up, kid."
Fin.
 
 
 
3. Rainbow Dash the Hotdog Baron
 
>Rainbow Dash sits on her bun-shaped throne inside her ariel hotdog fortress as it's grounded in Manehatten, delivering her award-winning Dash Dogs to the hungry ponies. She's wearing an expensive, silvery suit with tiny shapes of wieners and buns imprinted on it, as well a a monocle because why not. All around in her control room, other Pegasi minions are working on the controls of the massive flying machine. Her chief lieutenant steps forward and strikes a salute, making the little plastic hotdog attached on a spring to his hat jiggle little.
>"Aye, Admiral! The feds are here!"
>A dozen golden chariots surround the massive flying fortress, and several Unicorn and Earth pony guards pile off them. At their head, the rest of the mane six step forward, with Twilight wielding a megaphone.
>"THE GIG IS UP, RAINBOW DASH! WE KNOW WHY YOUR HOTDOGS-"
"Dash Dogs!"
>"-DASH DOGS ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY DELICIOUS! YOU'RE ENHANCING THEM WITH CHEMICAL X!"
>Rainbow hovers in the doorway of her fortress; her pet tortoise, Tank, also dressed as a hotdog, glides to her side. She idly strokes his chin while looking bored at the many guards.
"I'm afraid you're right, old friend! By now, nearly everypony in Equestria has been exposed to my delicious Dash Dogs and their sensational main ingredient! Come next year, nearly every foal born will have traces of the chemical in their blood, and then every single Pegasus that tries to enter the Wonderbolts will test POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
>Twilight groans.
>"IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT!? JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF THE WONDERBOLTS!?"
"Ohohohooo, no Twilight! I'm doing this because I'm the Element of Loyalty!"
>The bridge leading to her doorway begins to rise.
"Loyalty to EVIIILL! HAHAHAHAHAAA!"
>"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! STOP HER! STOP HER!!!"
>The guards charge the bridge, quickly making ground on the maniacal prismatic Pegasus.
>But rather than run, Dash simply waves to some of her underlings.
>A pair of hotdog dressed Pegasi leap to her side brandishing automatic rifles.
"Hope you boys weren't planning to catch me on... AN EMPTY STOMACH!"
>The two Pegasi fire their rifles, pelting the charging guards with a salvo of scalding hot Dash Wieners, dripping with grease and special Dash Sauce for added Awesomeness. 
>The guards make a hasty retreat, and the flying fortress lifts off the ground.
>The girls watch as their former friend drifts upwards into the sky, leaning out the doorway of her fortress, cackling like a psychopath.
"HAHA! SO LONG, MY LITTLE LOSERS! NEXT STOP, THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE. AND THEN... THE WOOOORLD!"
 
Fin.
 
 
 
4. Commander 5
 
>You are the renowned space warrior, Commander 5, also known as Anon.
>You're piloting your large, purple starfighter as you zip between collapsing buildings and enemy fire.
>Your home planet of Harmonia has come under attack by the disgusting and degenerate hordes of the Changeling Empire. Their clone soldiers pilot unsightly organic flying machines, shooting rods of compressed acidic materials into their enemies, dissolving and burning anything they come in contact with.
>It's a strange thing, to be fighting bugs that fly bugs, but you cannot dwell on such things while flying at reckless speeds in your premier fighting vessel.
>This champion air-and-space capable craft was specially built for you. It utilizes the fighting capabilities of a main battle tank and the maneuverability and speed of even the fastest fighters. Your plasma mega-cannon stretches out over your cockpit, flaring a deep violet as it charges its payload. 
>At your sides, two massive wings pivot and shift at their own accord, perfectly judging the world around you, dodging every menacing hail of acidic bullets shot at you.
>This mega machine is dubbed the "Twilight Sparkle".
>…You don't know why, either. Like it really matters.
>Inside of your helmet, the kind and mellow voice of the ship's computer brain speaks up.
>"Proceed 10 km East to confront the main invasion force… You know, if that's okay with you…."
"Yes it is, Flutter, proceeding to target."
>"Thank you for listening to me."
 
>A squad of Changeling bugships are tailing you, missing only by the slightest margins. You'll have to lose these shit-kickers and fast.
>You fire you main weapon at the skyscraper directly in front of you. It blasts a hole clean through and your ship's wings contract, making you just small enough to fit.
>Behind, you seen one of the Changelings try to follow you through the hole, but his ship lacks your ship's intelligence and his wings hit the walls of the hole, tearing them off entirely.
>The others went around, though. They'll need to be dealt with, and what better way to deal with them than your loyal companion, the Pegasus Missile?
>You bring up your rear screen and paint the targets behind you. Then you flick up a switch on your control panel and you hear the scratchy voice of the weapons system confirm your command.
>"Targets locked! Pegasus Missile ENGAGE!"
>A cyan coloured blur shoots out from under you, speeding far faster than your ship. After it reaches a distance, it doubles back and heads straight for you, playing chicken with its owner. Before the missile reaches you however, it shifts just slightly, and heads straight for the enemies behind you.
>A satisfying BOOM is heard and tremors run through your hands as your missile blows the Changelings all to Hell.
 
>The city is mostly destroyed, but you fight on overhead. Enemy ships swarm all around as you continue firing and flying in defence of your homeland.
>But the enemies are not the only problem.
>Your fuel screen flashes orange, and a strange, Southern voice invades your ears.
>"Anon! Return to base for refuelling! Only 10% fuel remains!"
"Dammit! I can't!"
>"Ya GOTTA!"
"I CAN'T! Not while the city is still under attack!"
>That's when the largest of the bugships appears before you. A massive chitinous battle cruiser with streaks of web-like strands hanging from its crown.
>Queen Chrysalis' flagship.
>A rogue frequency connects to your communicator... It's her.
>"SO IF IT ISN'T THE AMAZING COMMANDER 5! I KNEW I WOULD DRAW YOU OUT WITH AN ATTACK ON YOUR PATHETIC HOME PLANET!"
"You witch! You've drawn me out, alright, but you made the mistake of revealing yourself as well! Now you'll DIE!"
>You press down on your trigger and fire a violet beam of energy from your cannon straight at her ship's organic hull.
>It hardly even moves.
>"HAHA! FOOL! YOUR PUNY WEAPONS CANNOT HARM MY SUPERIOR BIOLOGIC WARMACHINE! NOW DIE!"
>Chrysalis fires her own main weapon. A ray of sickly green light pierces through your ship, and the cultured voice of your damage reporter program meets your ears.
>"Oh NO! That ruffian has breached our fuel tank! We're going DOWN!"
>The Southern voice joins in as well.
>"Fuel's at 8%, 4%! 0%!! Ah told ya to return t'base!"
>Flutter speaks up as well.
>"Now, now, Anon tried his best. We can find it in our hearts to forgive him, even though we're all about to be destroyed."
>With that, all three voices join into a metallic scream a your ship plummets to the Earth.
 
>You remove your battered helmet as you sit in your wrecked vessel. Above, you see the ship of Queen Chrysalis lowering to finish you off.
>All systems have malfunctioned, the power is gone, and you're sure you've broken something... Here comes death.
>But then, somehow, your weapons screen lights up. Not the usual blue, but instead it displays a bright pink.
"What is this?"
>A bubbly voice emanates from the panel itself.
>"HEYA COMMANDER! Are you okay?"
"Umm... I'm alive, that counts for something, right?"
>"That's GREAT! Because I've got a BIG surprise for you!"
>You lean over to get a better look at your weapon options. Only one works; it's labelled "PARTY CANNON".
>"Oh! Use me! USE ME!"
"Alright, alright!"
>Chrysalis' ship is almost level with you now, and her main weapon is beginning to glow once again to finally end your long military career.
>You press the switch, and a hatch at the front of your fighter opens up. A barrels pokes out and aims itself at the enemy.
>Where the fuck did this come from?
>"No time to ask questions! Fire me, silly!"
>You hope to god this works....
"Party's over, Space Bitch."
>You press the trigger.
>An explosion of glitter and confetti fires from the cannon, obscuring your view of Chrysalis' ship.
>But when it clears, you see a mangled mess before you, of confetti, and glitter, and candy and chitin and oozing green substance.
>CHRYSALIS HAS BEEN DEFEATED!
>You smile at your panel. You wish she could know how much you owed-
>"awe, you don't owe me nothing, Anon. Just promise you'll fix my friends up?"
>....
"...Yeah, whatever you want. I wouldn't be half the soldier I am without this ship. I'll never let you guys down!"
>"That's what I wanna hear, Nonny! Now let's get patched up and PARTY!"
 
Fin.
 
 
 
5. Painslut Dash
 
Prompt:<
>"A-are you ok Anon?"
"I told you, just leave me alone Rainbow Dash, I need time to myself."
>"Please, I want to help you Anon, I'll do anything to make you feel better."
"Nothing you could do would help right now, I just need my alone time."
>"No, no I'm not doing that! Anon, I can't stand having to see you just sit alone like this! I know you're angry, let me help!"
"Oh really? And how exactly are you gonna help me cool off Rainbow?"
>"It's your work isn't it, that's what's stressing you out right?"
"You didn't answer the question Rainbow."
>"Cause if it's your work-"
"It's EVERYTHING OK!? Just.. Go.."
>"No, you need to blow off some steam, I can help you. I want you to hit me ok? Just, just beat me until you wear yourself out."
"Are you insane? Rainbow Dash I'm not gonna do that to you."
>"You're pissed off right? Come on, hit me, hit me good and hard."
"Rainbow, knock it off."
>"No! Hit me, hit me you stupid idiot!" 
>Tears start streaming down from her eyes.
>"Don't you understand how worried I've been about you? Don't you understand how much it kills me to watch you do this to yourself? I just want to help you dammit!">
 
"Rainbow, just... Calm your tits, will you? You know I'd never take my anger out on you."
>You don't turn around, but you can hear her wordlessly scuffling with something.
"I'm just having a bad time, alright? It's... Gonna pass. It always passes in the end, doesn't it?"
>You hear a zipper, and the securing of straps.
"So no, Rainbow. I'm not going to hit you... I could never hit you. But... Could you just... Stay here with me a bit? Y'know... Just hang out or something?"
>"Mmmrf?"
"Dash?"
>You turn around. Rainbow is clad in a skin-tight, black latex bodysuit. Her hooves are held in leather straps, as well as her wings. Two long tubes are protruding from her nostrils and her mouth is covered by a zipper.
>You simply sigh and unzip her mouth.
"What the fuck, Dash?"
>"So... Wait, you DON'T want to hurt me?"
"No!"
>"Not even a little?"
"NEVER!"
>"... What if I made you REEEALLLY angry and you jus-"
"That's it!"
>You stand and pick up the restrained Pegasus in your arms. She jerks a bit, but her straps hold her limbs firm.
"I am NOT hurting you, you sick little pony! You're taking a nice, warm bubble bath!"
>"WHAT? NO!"
"Stop me then, motherfucker!"
>"Awe come on, at least choke me a bit!"
"NO! Love and attention is all you get, you little shit!"
>"NOOO!"
 
Fin.
 
 
 
6. PTSD Anon
 
Prompt:<
>All guards talking about their war "traumas" regarding tripping in public or watching blood.
>Sudently Anon the Lord protector of the crown comes in.
>They asked him if he has a story about when he was a soldier in his world.
>He doesn't want to talk about it at first, but at the end he speaks.>
 
>Anon takes a puff of his pipe... And remembers.
>His eyes are cold as ice, staring out, somewhere beyond the gathering of military ponies, beyond Canterlot's protective walls, beyond the farms and fields and beyond the wilds of the Everfree Forest and infinitely beyond even that.
"You lucky bastards don't know the true face of terror...."
>The youngest guard in the group scoffs.
>"Yeah, we've got it sooo easy around here, right Anon? Why don't you enlighten us?"
>Another older guard with grey splotches from age now sprouting on his pristine white coat speaks up.
>"Anon, need I remind you of the time I had a filly steal my helmet and forced me to chase her for three city blocks? I doubt you're going to top that."
>You let out another puff of smoke; under your coat, a shiver runs down your spine.
"You want to know terror?"
>They lean in close.
"In the time when I was on Earth... It was... The middle of Summer...."
>The guards' hooves shuffle uneasily, not entirely wanting to hear it to the end, yet too mesmerized by the story to escape.
"I was taking a walk, when...."
>Suddenly, as if shaken out of your trance, your cold eyes fix on that young stallion; he's visibly trembling, despite his best efforts to maintain a mask of confidence.
>"W-w-when what?"
" A WASP!!!"
>You shoot straight up from your seat, startling the ponies so hard that their legs lock up and they all topple in a heap.
>Even the oldest and most experienced of them openly weeps, looking back at you with mixes of pity and fear.
>The youngest is balled up on the ground; his head rests on the lap of another guard doing his best to comfort his green comrade, despite his own body shaking like a leaf.
>"Can't be... I--it cant b-be!"
>You feel a single tear role down your own cheek, looking over the frightened guards, knowing none of them may ever know the true terror and pain you'd felt so long ago.
>You take another puff of your pipe and leave alone.
 
"War is hell...."
 
PT:2
 
>You attend the annual Veterans' Day event outside the Royal Palace.
>Princess Celestia is giving a heartfelt speech dedicated to her fearless guards. Behind her, a tall, flat-sided structure is covered with a black tarp.
>"My brave stallions, my most loyal subjects, my sister and I have been thinking of a way to truly express our gratitude for your years of service... And I believe we have found a way!"
>A pair of guard ponies step forth and take both sides of the tarp in their mouths.
>"To commemorate another year of your unwavering loyalty, we have commissioned the finest team of artists in all of Equestria to immortalize the sacrifices made by all of you, every day. From the first guards over a thousand years ago, to the next generation of heroes ready to protect the prosperity of Equestria, we humbly present you with... 'The Fallen Soldier'!"
>The tarp is pulled away, unmasking a gigantic golden plaque depicting the entrance to the Royal Palace. In front of the door are two guard stallions; one of which is leaning heavily on his spear with a tired look on his face, and the other has apparently passed out and lay collapsed on the ground, fast asleep.
 
>Needless to say, the sisters have truly outdone themselves. 
>The crowd of veterans and young soldiers lights up; everypony cheers and tosses their helmets in the air.
>You swell with patriotic pride and find that you can do nothing but salute that fallen soldier, as tears sprout from your eyes.
 
Fin.
 
 
 
7. Taste the Rainbow
 
>Realize Rainbow tastes like skittles.
>Begin giving her little nibbles and licks on her neck and ears when she’s least expecting it.
>She fucking hates you for it.
>Always tries to avoid you, but whenever she comes into town, you’ll ambush her and scoop her up before she can fly away.
>One day, you discover that Pinkie tastes like cupcake [spoiler]who knew[/spoiler].
>You stop pursuing Dash altogether, start spending your time giving raspberries to Pinkie’s belly and licking her face.
>She thinks you’re really fucking [spoiler]fun[/spoiler].
>Dash often flies by Sugarcube Corner and sees you through Pinkie’s window, cuddling her and kissing her all over.
>Gets super jealous about it. 
 
>”Hey Anon! ANON!”
>Uh oh, she’s finally looking for payback, is she?
>But when you turn, you see an ecstatic, prismatic Pegasus pony flying toward you with some kind of package.
>”LOOK! LOOK!”
“What? What is it you’ve got, there?”
>Dash presents you a pinkish, unopened bag of skittles.
“Oh, sweet, no way. Thanks, Rainbow!”
>You move to take the bag, but she pulls away.
>”Mm-mm!”
“Well, what the hell?”
>Dash’s smile grows massive, and she offers a hoof to you with an expecting look in her eyes.
>You don’t get it, but you cautiously take the hoof in your hand.
“Um, okay? Now what?”
>She giggles.
>”Lick it, silly!”
“What? No thanks.”
>And now she frowns.
>”Whaddya mean ‘NO’!? COME ON!”
>Now she’s pushing her hoof at your face, but you get a grip of her shoulders and keep her at a respectable distance.
>”C’mon, Anon! Taste my hoof, you freak! I know you like it, ya weirdo!”
“Rainbow Dash, I’m not into skittles so much anymore.”
>”Why? Why don’t you ever lick ME anymore!?”
>You shove her away and the two of you share a short moment of awkward silence.
“Well…”
>”…?”
“…I’m kind of on a diet.”
>Rainbow’s mouth hangs open, just staring at you in confusion.
>”…WWWWHAT? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!? YOU STILL LICK PINKIE JUST FINE!”
“Yeah, but it’s not a sugar diet.”
>You give her a shit-eating grin.
“I’m on a ‘no basic bitches’ diet.”
>Rainbow takes a second to get it, but when she does….
>She zips straight into your stomach, winding you.
>You clutch one hand to your stomach, and wipe through the air with the other; Rainbow flutters just out of reach like a mosquito, before lunging again, this time trying to stick her hoof in your mouth.
>”TRY IT! TRY IT!”
“NO! GET LOST, DASH!”
>You regain your lost breaths and throw her into the dirt, shouting at her all the while.
“Let me tell you something, Dash! Cupcakes are fucking classics!”
>Rainbow just lays in the dirty ground, tearing up.
“But you? SKITTLES? A man gets tired of the same thing over and over!”
>She sniffles and looks up at you.
>”But… But you used to love my skittles!”
>You sigh.
“Dash, Dash, Dash. Babe, that was just… You were just….”
>How do you put this lightly?
“You were just flavor of the month. Don’t you see?”
>That was pretty light.
>But Dash disagrees as she starts bawling her eyes out.
>God dammit. Even though you want her to just get out of your business… A sad pony is a sad pony.
“Hey, now….”
>You step over to her and put a hand on her back.
“There’s plenty of guys out there that enjoy the taste of skittles, girl.”
>You pick up her bag of skittles that she’d brought along.
“I mean, they still make them, don’t they? Must mean there’s a market for them”
>Wait a tick….
>You examine the bag. This is different….
>You assumed the pink colouring was for crotchtit cancer or some shit, but NO!
“DESSERT FLAVOURED SKITTLES!?”
>You tear open the bag, but Rainbow jumps into your arms.
>”NO! ME! MEEE!”
“I’m trying to enjoy a treat, Dash!”
>”No! sniff, you don’t understand! I taste like dessert skittles!”
“Bullshit. That can’t be how this works.”
>”It IS how it works!”
“Rainbow, you have the colours of the originals; that’s why you taste like original skittles! This would make sense if you ate nothing but these skittles for months, or maybe painted yourself to be the new colours or….”
>You know what?
>It still doesn’t fucking make sense.
>But Dash won’t give up. She extends a hoof to you again, hopeful.
>”Please, just… Try?”
“…Fiiine.”
>You take the hoof up to your lips and give it a lick.
>…. Interesting.
“C’mere.”
>You lift the Pegasus up and stick your face into the side of her neck.
>She shudders and squirms as you breathe her in, and nibble her soft skin under the candy fur.
>”Aah~ Oh-ooh, Anon… I… I’ve missed this….”
>Whatever. But you’ve got to admit… She’s changed.
>The flavour swirls and dances in your mouth.
>Key lime pie, and orange crème, strawberry sorbet, milkshakes and blueberry tarts come together in harmony.
>Delicious….
>But, what shall you tell her?
>You lower the pony back to the ground.
>She’s looking up at you with the most hopeful eyes.
“Well… I must admit, Dash. Your flavour has definitely improved.”
>She shoots into the air and twirls.
>”YES!”
“Calm down, now. I have to give you my final verdict.”
>Once again, Rainbow lands on the ground and sits, listening intently.
“So, after careful thought and consideration…”
>”Yes?”
“I’ve come to the rating…”
>”Uhuh?”
>You stick out all your fingers.
“10/10!”
>Rainbow pumps her hoof in glee.
“It’s okay.”
>And now she’s confused.
“Overall, thumbs up or thumbs down?”
>You dramatically hold out your fist. 
>Dash cranes her neck in anticipation.
“I give you….”
>She’s biting her lip….
“The bird!”
>You flip her off.
>…She doesn’t get it.
>”Wait, so, is that good or bad?”
“Let’s just say, that’s middle of the road.”
>”uuhh….”
“Because it’s the middle finger, right?”
>”But Anon, you’ve only got one thumb to a hand. How is that finger the middle?”
>You growl and flip her off with the other hand.
“Okay, Dash. Now I’m gonna have to give you TWO birds.”
>”Well isn’t that good?”
“No it’s shit.”
>”How can you have TWO middles? Isn’t that a single thumb’s worth?”
“GET THE-“
>You sprint forward and reach for her, but Dash is already up and speeding away from your attack.
“-FUCK OUTTA HERE!”
 
Fin.
 
8. Lyra Gets a Human
 
>"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"
>You walk slowly down the road towards your new home, a wide grin on your face as you watch your new pony hop up and down.
>Lyra Heartstrings, she's named. And she's been waiting a long time for you.
>As soon as the Human Initiative started, poor Lyra was among the very first to sign up for her human.
>She loved humans, she somehow knew of them even before the princesses. 
>Maybe she fell on her head at some point, or there's some secret pony cartoon starring humans that you don't know about.
>Either way, she waited eagerly for a response from Cadence - surely, being in the first batch to apply would mean she'd be the first to get her waifu.
>Instead, time just kept on passing, and the others all got paired up and lived happily ever after, and she just kept waiting.
>It had been nearly a year since the program started, and Lyra had given up hope.
>There was nothing she wanted more than to love someone, and be loved, ESPECIALLY by a human.
>She was certain nopony was more thrilled about the prospect of meeting humans than her.
>And yet she was never matched.
>Until now, until you.
>She'd poured this all on you the second you got off the train, then spent another moment or two sputtering apologies for being weird.
>You just laughed and booped her nose, and she squealed and hugged you tight with all four of her hooves.
>You don't know why, but as soon as you saw her hopping up and down in the back of the crowd of ponies at the station, you were overcome with a great sensation.
>Of belonging, or comfort, or something. A great feeling that you had just, for the first time, laid eyes on the other half of your life.
>The other half of your heart.
>"Hey Bon Bon! BON BON!"
>She's waving frantically to another pony that must be her friend.
>Bon Bon just smiles and waves back, before seeming to notice the big human standing next to her for the first time.
>Then she gasps and breaks into a trot top join the two of you.
>"Oh, you got your human finally! Good for you, Lyra!"
>Lyra rushes over and hugs her.
>"I KNOW! Do you see him?"
>She looks again at you and nods.
>"I see him."
>Lyra thrusts a hoof out, pointing at you, her other leg still tight around Bon Bon's shoulders.
>"DO YOU SEE HIM THOUGH!?"
>Bon Bon's brow furrows just a moment, but she regains her composure and giggles.
>"Yes, yes, I see him, Lyra. And he looks like quite the keeper, too!"
>Lyra and races back over and weaves herself between your legs.
>"Oh, he is SUCH A KEEPER!"
>You wave to her friend.
"Hello, I'm Anonymous. It's good to meet you."
>"Nice to meet you too, Anonymous. I'm Bon Bon. I don't think I have to tell you that my Lyra's been waiting for you for a long time."
>You laugh.
"Oh, she told me all about that."
>"We can call him 'Anon' for short! That's-"
>Lyra cuts herself off midsentence and tugs at your pant leg.
>"Is-is it okay if I call you Anon?"
"Okay, then can I call you sweetheart?"
>"Sweetheart...."
>Lyra's cheeks turn pink and her pupils dilate just a bit.
>Inside her eyes, you swear you could see little hearts.
>You've only known her for about half an hour and she already just makes you want to fucking melt.
>Bon Bon just stands there, awkwardly watching her friend bury her face into the side of your pant leg.
>You both share a glance; she cocks an eyebrow and shrugs.
>This is how she's always been. An excitable, eccentric little thing.
>You feel a tight tug on your pants again, and you look down to see Lyra's got a grip of your clothes in her teeth.
>Her eyes are closed and she's kind of making a small whimpering noise.
>Worry overtakes you, and you lean down and place a hand lightly on the back of her neck.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?"
>She returns to her senses at your touch and smiles back at you. Little tears look to be forming in her eyes.
>"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... Do that. It's just -- I'm just...."
>She takes a moment to gather her words.
>"...I'm just so, SO happy we're matched!"
>You smile back at her, take up one of her hooves, and gently lead her out from beneath you.
"You are a strange little unicorn, Lyra."
>That was meant to be cute, but instead, her smile drops and so does her gaze.
>She quickly rubs the back of her head with a hoof.
>"Oh... I... I didn't mean to be strange... I swear I'm more normal than this."
>Oh, is that a weak spot?
>Shit, whoops.
>Nothing you can't fix, though.
>You just laugh and cup her head in your hands.
"Well, I certainly hope not. Because you are just my kind of strange."
>At that, she beams again.
"Now, how about you take your human to his new home?"
>You let go of her face and absent-mindedly pat the side of her cutiemark.
>Oh yeah, that's her butt.
>Lyra's cheeks turn red at her touch, and you worry that you might have gone too far with that.
>But instead, she bites her lip and turns to Bon Bon with this great, goofy smile.
>Bon Bon rolls her eyes.
>"Aaalright, you two... Try not to wake the whole town up, tonight."
>She gives one last hug to Lyra and walks off.
 
FIN.
 
9. Booping Behind Her Back.
 
>"Excuse you."
"Huh?"
>You are Anon, and you just booped your good friend Applejack on the snootz.
>But then you hear some commotion and turn your head to your right.
>There stands Rainbow Dash, wings flared out, tuft fully extended, and the pissiest look in pony history plastered on her face.
>"EXCUSE YOU."
>Huh...
>You look at AJ, but she's still got her eyes closed in bliss as she presses her nose against your finger.
>But she's obviously heard Rainbow, because her brow slowly furrows.
>"Mind yerself, RD... Ah'm enjoyin' a boop right now..."
>That gains a furious growl from her friend, who stomps over to both of you.
>"Is that so? With MY stallion, and MY finger?"
>AJ opens her eyes and prepares to retort, only to be met nose-to-nose by Dash.
>Rainbow stares daggers into her as she forces AJ backwards.
>"Sorry, AJ. Boop-buffet's CLOSED!"
>Once the country horse has been sufficiently pressed back, Rainbow assumes her friend's previously spot and glares up at you.
>Your finger has been stupidly extended outward this entire time. And despite her obvious anger, Dash does not waste a second before pressing her own nose against it while she reprimands you.
>"And YOU! You little loose lance..."
>She's like 3 feet tall.
>"How DARE you be tossing your fingers around my friends!"
>You can feel a bit of heat in your face as she shouts at you.
"Dash, what are you-"
>She thrusts a hoof at you accusingly.
>"DOON'T you interrupt me! You knew what you were doing!"
>You remove your finger from her face and shrug. AJ has been standing back all this time, watching.
"She asked me to do it."
>RD flares again and whirls back around to AJ.
>"You WHAT!?"
>AJ arches her back like a threatened cat.
>"Wha- Now hold on there one second! Ah don't know what y'all had goin' on, but Ah had no idea!"
>RD scoffs and steps toward her.
>"Am I really supposed to believe you didn't know about us? You didn't smell me on his hands? You didn't FEEL my nose-juice on his fingertips?"
 
"Rainbow, I wash my hands-"
>She just points at you again, not even breaking eye contact with Applejack.
>"SHUSH!"
>AJ seems to take offense to this as much as you do. She puffs herself out and steps forward again.
>"Don't you talk to him like that, RD! Anon's Mah friend too! Now maybe reason this poor stal's looking beyond you fer comfort is because ya treat him like a DOG!"
>…
>You feel a drop of sweat run down your cheek as a dark silence consumes the situation.
>Rainbow's stare seems to pass straight through AJ's head. AJ stares back resolutely.
>RD mutters, her voice hollow.
>"...You just keep running that muzzle, mud-pounder..."
>AJ snorts steam.
>"Same to you, air-head."
>"Oh yeah, barn animal?"
>"Yeah, buzzard!"
>The two glare, both kicking dust up with their hooves as they look ready to charge.
>"... Hay-Head!"
>"Fast-Gas!"
>"APPLE-PFFT-FACE!"
>Oh, she's mad....
>The silence returns, and you watch them maintain their glare.
>This goes on for a little while, before you feel sigh and move to step between them.
"alright, girls. Let's-"
>>"AAAARGH!"
>They leap together and clash in a mess of fur, feathers, and cowboy hats.
>Well, one cowboy hat.
>Regardless, these two aren't fucking around.
>Enough dust is kicked up as they drop on the soil that you lose sight of them.
>But they sound like a couple of alley cats... Well, beating the shit out each other.
>Oh boy...
>They roll out of their dust cloud, locked around each other like they're 69'ing.
>Rainbow's got AJ's tail in a head-lock, while AJ's got one of Rainbow's hind legs in a similar fashion.
>What's she gonna do with it?
>She bites down hard on her ankle, forcing a yelp out of her.
>Rainbow pays her back by twisting her head around and chomping on AJ's plump flank, making AJ groan in pain.
"Girls, that's enough!"
>Rainbow's the first the reply, cutting off her deadly gnawing on Applejack's butt to shout at you.
>"NO WAY, ANON! You can have her back when I'm -Rrg - DONE!"
 
>She violently twists AJ's tail to the side.
>If that was a neck, she would have snapped it.
>Instead it didn't do anything at all.
>AJ responds next.
>"Stay away, 'Non! I'mma teach this feather-brained bluejay some MANNERS!"
"No! Stop it, dammit!"
>You jump into the fray like a UFC ref and start the difficult process of untangling these little shits.
>They don't help one bit, but you manage to snag both by the scruffs of their necks and tear them away from each other.
"That's IT! It's over!"
>They take a minute to realize they're not fighting anymore, but they finally settle down for a second.
>But they still hate each other.
>Rainbow points at AJ.
>"She's a colt-nabber!"
>AJ points back.
>"Well SHE'S a colt-kicker!"
"Neither of you are EITHER! Now shut the fuck up for a second!"
>You give them a good shake to knock the rest of the fight out of them.
>Then you, very cautiously, let go and stand back up.
>They eye each other warily, but sit up without incident.
>You sigh.
"Okay, I just want to know what's going on here. In plain Eng-Ponish…"
>You point at Dash, who's pawing the ground sullenly.
"Rainbow, you first."
>She looks up at you with obvious hurt in her eyes.
>"Anon... What you were doing with her..."
>She looks back down again, still pawing.
>"I-I dunno, I just... I really thought you were better than that, to boop other ponies behind my back... And... I never thought it would be with my friend...."
>You're frozen.
>AJ speaks up next. There's a gentle tone in her voice, too.
>"RD? Look... Ah'm tellin' you, Ah never knew. Ah always liked Anon, and he never mentioned anything about y'all bein' an item."
>She approaches her and places a hoof on her shoulder.
>"Ah'm bein' honest, Dashie. Ya know Ah am. Ah'd never wanna hurt you, or any of the gals like that."
>That's touching.
>Rainbow looks up at her.
>"You're... Not lying?"
>AJ nods reassuringly.
>"Ah'm not, sugarcube. Can we just move on?"
>Dash searches her face for a second, then nods too.
 
>And they hug it out.
"Aaw..."
>You smile. Your work here is done.
>Until they break the hug and turn their attention to you.
>"And you..."
>Rainbow begins, spitting venom.
>"You... You've been running around town... Booping ponies while I'm out working."
>What?
"What?"
>"I thought what we had was special, Anon! You said you liked my nose the BEST!"
>What is this shit? You were just doing what the mares wanted. Applejack certainly enjoyed it.
"Rainbow - I don't know what the issue is!"
>"Horseapples!"
>AJ shouts alongside her.
>"Ya said I was SPECIAL!"
"Yeah! You're special!"
>You gesture at them both.
"You're both... Very special friends!"
>>"FRIENDS!?"
>They both act shocked.
>Is this going well, or...
"Y-yeah. You guys are my best pals, and... I prefer booping your noses way more than the other ponies I do that to."
>They're both quiet.
"...Happy?"
>Rainbow bites her lip, holding back tears. She casts one forlorn glance at AJ before disappearing into the sky.
"... What's with you two?"
>Applejack spits.
>"Ain't nothin' wrong on this end, Anon."
>Your confusion is broken long enough to realize she's insulting you.
"Yeah? Well, if that's how you want to be, then don't ask me to come over and-"
>"Yer a ssSNAKE!"
>With that, she turns and trots off, leaving you alone on the dirt road.
>…At least you thought you were alone, until you turn and see the restaurant patio filled with ponies right behind you.
>The mares all begin laughing.
 
FIN.
 
10. Radio Pinkie Pie
 
>The electric crackling of the two-way radio next to your bed jolted you out of your near-sleep state.
>You curse the world and grab it.
"Ugh, who's fucking with this fucking thing right?"
>Silence, but you can assume who's over there.
>You gave the other half of your two-way radio set to the girls to pass around as they saw fit. They were just tickled pink at the idea of being in near constant contact with you - so long as you were in range.
>But the current holder didn't need to be "tickled" pink.
>"Bzzzt - I can't say hello until you say 'over', Anon! Over!"
>You pinch the bridge of your nose and sit up in bed.
"Pzzt - Come in, Pinkie, come in... This is Anon, uh... How copy?"
>You don't know shit about radio robot speak aside from what you'd heard in movies, and the old radio set you had was probably only working because of some residual magic or some shit.
>Whatever the case, her cheery voice returns through the graininess of the failing device, sounding quite unburdened by mortal concerns, such as sleep.
>"Bzzt - I copy VERY how, Anon! Yes, this is Pinkie Pie, calling from the Sugarcube Corner, over!"
"Pzzt - Yep, I'm reading you loud and clear, Pinkie. I'm also letting you know it's currently three in the-"
>You cover the receiver.
"-FUCKING MORNING! FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!"
>You clear your throat and uncover the receiver.
"Ahem, currently three in the morning on my end, Pinkie. Unless your clock says something different, I'm gonna need to keep this brief, over."
>There was a moment of silence for you to cherish, listening to the sounds of the night.
>"Bzzt - Affirmative, Anon! I just checked my upstairs AND downstairs clock and they both said three AM! Over!"
>...Uhuh?
"Pzzt - Yes, Pinkie, it definitely is three AM right now, was there something you needed to say to me?"
>You rest the radio down again, before cursing and raising it back up.
"Pzzt - Over?"
>You were a fool to think this walkie-talkie would in any way be a good idea.
 
>In your defense, the other five ponies were cool about it.
>Twilight hit you up with some neat random facts whenever she found something interesting in her studies, sort of like the little facts that used to pop up in that "Blind Date" show you watched back in the stone-age.
>Applejack would frequently accept calls to help you fix something in your house, since she knew pretty much everything there is to know about redneck science.
>Rainbow Dash would beguile you with tails of her great adventures and outings with the Wonderbolts, and also make some embarrassing noises whenever she knew you had the radio in a public place.
>Fluttershy was a sweetheart and was often too afraid to use the thing, but you've rung her up more than once just to say hello and ask all about her day.
>You may even have... Well, told her a bedtime story or two.
>But Pinkie Pie.
>That thrice-cursed Pink Pony doesn't live in the same dimension as courtesy.
>She will hit you up throughout the day just so she can say the radio words, and she uses the fucking thing even when you're standing right next to her.
>It's just another big game to her, and you were happy to play along during the day, since it made her happy. But the night is off limits, and EVERYPONY but her seems to get that.
>Her voice crackles back on again.
>"Bzzt - ... Whatcha doin'?"
"Mother-"
>You make sure you're not making contact whenever you swear.
"MotherFUCKER!"
>You sigh again and lift the radio.
"I'm doing just fine, Pinkie. I'm just trying to fall asleep right now, okay? We can talk in the morning."
>Another pause.
>Please just understand....
>"Bzzt - Awe, is Nonny tired? Over?"
"Pzzt - yep, Pinkie, Nonny is VERY tired right now and wants to go to bed, over."
>"Bzzt - Awe, well okay, I hope you have a nice sleep, over!"
>You smile, this is going well for once.
"Pzzt - Thanks, Pinkie. I'll call you first thing in the morning, okay? We'll do breakfast. Over and Out."
 
>You place the radio back on your end table and lay back in bed.
>Despite the interruption, you shortly find yourself drifting into sweet dreams of friends and summer day-
>"Bzzt  Anon?"
>Your eyes snap open.
>"Bzzt - Anon, come in, over!"
>You grit your teeth and glare at the offending apparatus.
>"Bzzt - Nonny? Nonnia? Nonner? Nonners?"
"Fucking gonna fucking kill something..."
>"Bzzt - Aaaanonanonanonanonaaaa-"
>You lunge at the radio with such ferocity that you bang your elbow on the side of the end table, causing you to curse even more wildly.
"FUCKING FUUCK! FUCKING IDIOT GIVES A FUCKING RADIO TO A BUNCH OF FUCKIN CAFFEINATED FUCKING HORSES!"
>You thrust the radio into your own face.
"Pzzt - WHAT!?"
>Silence, aside form your heavy breathing.
>"Bzzt - ... *sniff* Anon, are you okay?"
"Pzzt - NO!"
>"Bzzt - What? What's wrong!?"
"Pzzt - I CAN'T SLEEP!"
>"Bzzt- YOU CAN'T SLEEP!?"
"Pzzt - NO!"
>"Bzzt - OHMYGOSHI'LLBERIGHTOVER!"
>Wait what?
"Pzzt - NO! NO!"
>"Bzzt - WHAT? BUT I WANNA HEELP!"
"Pzzt - You know what would help, Pinkie, Over?"
>"Bzzt - I DO know what would help, Anon, over!"
"Pzzt - That was a rhetorical question, Pinkie. What would help is if you stopped calling me in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!"
>"Bzzt - Well how can I stop calling you when you haven't said GOODNIGHT yet!?"
>You slap your face.
"Pzzt - Is THAT what this is all about, Pinks!? You want me to say goodnight?"
>"Bzzt - Yeah! I can't sleep until I know my good friend Anon wishes me a good night's sleep!"
>You kinda wish her a good pillow to put over her head right now....
>But you can't say that. After all, she's just an excellent friend when she doesn't have control of the radio.
"Pzzt - Pinkie Pie, come in, Pinkie, Over."
 
>She responds immediately in her cheery voice, as if you two didn't just have a late-night shouting match.
>"Bzzt - This is Pinkie Pie, reporting from her bed atop Sugarcube Corner, Over!"
"Pzzt - Okay, Pinkie, are you listening, Over?"
>"Bzzt - Listening loooud and clear, Anon, Over!"
>You lean into the receiver, speaking gently.
"Pzzt - Pinkie Pie, this is Anon, just wishing you a goood night's sleep. I hope you have the comfiest bed, the warmest blankets, and the sweetest dreams, how copy?"
>"Bzzt - Copy that, Nonny! I wish you just the plushiest pillows and the quietest quarters, Over!"
>Riiight...
"Pzzt - Okay then, thank you very much Panko, I'll see you in the morning, Over and Out."
>"Bzzt - Over and Out to you, too, silly-pants! Goodnight, goodnight, goodniiight!"
>Her last farewell is playing out as you place the radio back on the end table and lay again in bliss.
>Despite her flaws, you love that little party bug, and you find yourself smiling at the though of her waiting on her bed for you to wish her goodnight.
>...
[spoiler]>"Bzzt - -IVE THAT BACK, GUMMY! THAT'S MY RADIO!"[/spoiler]
 
Fin.

11. Anon's Hypnospa

>Six ponies lay on their backs on the luxurious sofa of your new hypno spa. 
>You have a pretty easy job. After the hefty investment in the enchanted blindfolds and the cost of renting and renovating this building, all you really do is provide a relaxing atmosphere and keep an eye on your clients as they zonk out by the hour. 
>Twilight was the first of this group to come in some weeks ago, unconvinced of your methods. Then she proselytized to the rest of her friends to give it a try. 
>She is in an advanced state of relaxation, mouth slightly agape in a dull smile, legs gently kicking with the babbling of your small indoor fountain. 
>None of them make a noise, aside from the occasional sigh or whimper, as the spells attached to their blindfolds usher another caressing tingle through their bodies. 
>But their time is nearly up, so you leave your seat and float to the closest pone. 
"Rarity…". 
>She barely reacts as you place your palms on her white cheeks. 
>"Nnnnnhmm…". 
"Time to wake up, Rarity." 
>You whisper into each ear. 
"Time to wake up." 
>On to the next one, Fluttershy has her hooves resting on herself in a lazy embrace. 
>"...m' a good pony…". 
>You smile, 
"Yes, you are… Time to wake up, Fluttershy." 
>You whisper into her other ear as well and she blushes and sinks into a tighter embrace. 
>Pinkie Pie grins widely and reaches with outstretched legs to the air, captivated in some soothing dream. 
"Time to wake up, Pinkie Pie." 
>She trembles and lets out the faintest giggle, 
>"... Pie…". 
>Applejack's belly rises and falls with deep breaths. Her face is blank, save for a healthy blush that turns her cheeks pink. 
>You don't have any say over the dreams ponies have, but your enchantments ensure they're good dreams. 
"Time to wake up, Applejack…" 
>She shutters and gives a lazy buck with her hind legs as you whisper again in the other ear. 

>Rainbow Dash has been entertaining to watch; she kicked and galloped and flapped her wings for the first half of the session, both fitfully struggling against the spell she paid for, and entranced in some vision that no doubt involved a race. 
>Now she's still with her wings fully outstretched, her tongue lolls out the side of her mouth. 
"Time to wake up, Rainbow Dash." 
>She makes some sort of vaguely smug scoff and pumps her legs in another phantom sprint which quickly dies off to relaxation again. 
>Finally, Twilight remains. She's totally splayed out in her trance in a spread eagle fashion, smiling under the comforting heft of her thick blindfold as it smooths out aches in her mind that could not have been reached otherwise. 
>You cup her face as you did the others, giving her an extra stroke on her plush lavender face. She blushes and pushes her cheek into your palm. 
"You little angel…" 
>you whisper, and she trembles. 
"Time to wake up, Twilight Sparkle." 
>You hover to the other ear, 
"Time to wake up." 
>You always give your clients another fifteen minutes of aftercare to make sure they're perfectly lucid before they depart. Ponies are often quite affectionate immediately after a session, to the point of clinginess. 
>Your current clients lay in a pile, intertwined with tails flopped out the sides of their horse stack. You quietly sanitize the discarded blindfolds and set them on a rack to dry, ready for the next customers. Then you help yourself to a hoof from the pile of ponies and slowly roll and press it in your hands. 
>Ponies can experience sleepy limbs after a session, so a good massage helps limber them up. >As you go through them, hoof by hoof, they begin to wake up, looking around the softly lit room and yawning.
>You provide some tiny refreshments and hot towels if ponies want them. Your guests help themselves and are finally ready to leave for the day. As they stand in your lobby, the six ponies are still silent, aside from the odd comment about how relaxed they are.
“Wonderful client as always, Twilight. I hope to see you again soon.”
>Twilight smiles dreamily.
>”Oh, I’ll certainly be back.”
>The others nod their heads too, seemingly satisfied with their stay.

Fin.