>CMC decided to see if Anon's balls are bigger than Big Mac's
>Scootaloo and Applebloom argue whether or not their brotherly-figure is better
>Sweetie Belle currently has several tissues stuck up to her bloody nostrils 

>"Hello and Good Morning!"
>"My name is Sheer Brilliance"
>The camera pans to a spectacled unicorn mare with a sky blue coat and orange mane
>She fiddles with the camera before clearing her throat
>"Erhm... My Name is Sheer Brilliance and today I'm going to present to you my thesis for Alien Sexual Anatomy"
>"Now you might be asking 'Alien Sexual Anatomy? Isn't that a bit too far out there and a bit crude for your taste?'"
>"Even I thought so to. But, I have recently discovered an opportunity of a life time!"
>She turns to the side and brings up a newspaper with her magic to the front of the camera
>"' 'Alien living in Ponyville', 'Hairless Ape welcomed to the land of Equestria by Princess Twilight Sparkle.' "
>The paper floats down revealing her excited face
>"This is my new chance of finding out how other species other than our own world repopulate!"
>Brilliance fixes her glances and coughs
>"B-But I can assure you this isn't some ploy to get into some alien pants. I have been an avid fan of aliens in my childhood."
>"I looked up to Princess Luna's stars and thought of them as worlds farther than our own."
>"Thinking of how other ponies, or even somethings even live."
>She stares at the camera with a surefire look
>"I picked sexual anatomy because it's a subject never been taken by other researchers."
>"Usually it's just 'culture, eating habits, or any other boring topics of the like."
>"But Sexual Anatomy? Ooh that's a spicy topic any pony would want to pick up."
>"Plus, it could lead some insight on some of the rumors I've been hearing about the subject."
>She looks to the left and right before whispering closely 
>"Apparently the mares on his world wear bras."
>The unicorn steps back
>"Right so... I've been packing up for the train for Ponyville."
>"I got my notebook, crystal etcher, contracts in case I don't want to get sued, food, clothes, everything I need."
>"Alright I think that's all that I need to say for my first log in my thesis."
>"Next time, I'll be on Ponyville interviewing all the locals that know our subject."
>"Hopefully it gives me on insight on how to approach the alien and hope fully get a hooves-on-"
>She shakes her flustered head
>"u-up close and personal interview with him."
>"Anyway... This is Sheer Brilliance signing off."

>The next video cuts to the camera under the face chin of Sheer Brilliance
>"So uh... Here we are. Ponyville"
>The camera turns towards the station with very few ponies coming and going
>"Very rustic. Not that's a bad thing, just not what I'm used to."
>"The next step would be looking for the hotel I'm staying for the next few days."
>Sheer Brilliance stops for a second and looks around
>"Maybe I should ask around..."
>The camera mare trots towards a nearby tall red pony
>"Excuse me ma'am?"
>"Pardon?"
>The video feed jumbles as the tall mare turns out to be a stallion
>"Oh! Uh! Sorry Sir! I'm just looking for a hotel called 'Cozy Camper?"
>The red stallion's brow furrows a bit before happily responding
>"Sure! Just head thataway and turn at the second street corner and ya'll find yerself there in a jiffy."
>Sheer Brilliance audibly sighs in relief 
>"This way right?"
>"Eeyup"
>"Cool! Thanks!"
>"No problemo."
>The stallion picks up a basket of apples and trots away
>"Huh... At least the colts here are different."
>The camera slowly but subtly starts zooming in on the stallion's behind-
>"HEY!"
>The camera turns to see a furious stetson wearing mare trotting towards Brilliance
>"Ya'll think ya can ogle mah brother and git away with it!?"
>"No! I-I mean! I was just asking for d-directions!"
>"Oh ya'll need directions alright, for whats up and down when ahm thru with ya!"
>"No no no WAIT-"
>The video cuts again, now in a modest room with Sheer Brilliance peeking through the peep hole 
>The mare was breathing heavily before sliding down the door
>"Okay. I think *sigh* I lost her."
>Sheer Brilliance takes a deep breath before approaching the camera
>"As- *audible swallow* -you can see. The first day of the research almost went horribly bad."
>She takes another deep breath to calm herself
>"But who's to say anatomy was easy amiright?"
>The mare chuckles to herself
>"Anyway. Tomorrow marks the first official day of research. I'll be interviewing folks here at Ponyville about the alien to get a feel for how to approach him"
>"This is Sheer Brilliance signing off."
>She reaches up for the camera to turn it off
>But not before her heavy whispers reach the camera's mic
>"Celestia's sun I need to lose weight..."

>The camera turns on to the view of a busy street
>"Hello... This is Sheer Brilliance with the first official day of research for 'Alien Sexual Anatomy.' "
>"My first stop is the Carousel Botique, where the subject buys their clothing."
>Sheer Brilliance turns the camera towards her face, excited
>"Wish me luck."
>She cleared her throat and attempted to knock on the door
>Only for a little white filly to open it first
>"Oh! Excuse me miss."
>"No no! It's okay. I just uh... I'm just going to talk to the owner of the Carousel Botique?"
>"You mean my sister? Sure I'll get her."
>Sheer Brilliance waited for the filly to go back to the shop.
>She waited for a moment about to ask if she was gonna get her sister until the filly started screaming
>"BIG SIS YOU HAVE A CUSTOMER! ALSO I'M GOING TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!"
>The cacophony of crashing and angry meowing emit from the inside
>"J-Just a minute."
>The filly, not caring about what happened inside, pranced away and left the boutique
>The camera pans towards the open doorway
>Sheer Brilliance sighs and enters the building
>Rows of pony mannequins draped with various patterns of cloth are littered around the interior
>A white mare with purple mane reveals herself from the cover brushing her mane 
>"Sometimes I wish Sweetie Belle would just learn about- Ah. Welcome to the Carousel Boutique!"
>The seamstress noticed the small camera pointed at her
>"Ah! You must be from the Frame Perfect Monthly for my long awaited interview?"
>The colty mare posed with a sofa magically appearing behind her to catch her fall with a spotlight lighting the center
>"Er... Not exactly. I'm Sheer Brilliance and I wanted to have an interview with you since you make clothes for a certain alien."
>The mare stops her posing and the sofa and spotlight disappear
>"Oh. Well if introductions are in order, allow me to introduce myself as Rarity. I'm also the only known tailor for the only human in Equestria!"
>The sound of scribbling could be heard right near the mic
>"Okay Rarity, I umm I apologize if this sudden actually. It looks like you're a bit busy with all this."
>The camera pans towards the mess of a shop
>"No no no. It's fine darling. Follow me to the dining room. I'll fix us up some tea and we can talk about Anonymous."
>"An-non-ee-moous... So that's the subject's name."
>Sheer Brilliance whispers to herself as she follows the mare now known as Rarity
>The video cuts towards a table with Rarity positioned at the center
>Her name and title flashes on the side
>"So Ms. Rarity-"
>"Just Rarity is fine please. It makes me feel like I'm older and we are in casual setting."
>"Okay so Rarity, tell me how you met the subject Anonymous?"

>Rarity hovered a tea cup to her lips for a sip before speaking
>"Well darling, It was around 2:34 pm where I was taking inventory and preparing for the upcoming Fall Fashion Season when the door opened to my good friend Twilight."
>"However, behind her was a creature unlike I've ever seen before."
>Setting the tea aside, she continued
>"It was a lanky minotaur, but with no horns or tail to begin with. He introduced himself as Anonymous."
>"Though the first thing I noticed was the awful, soot-covered clothing he was wearing!"
>The sound of scribbling notes could be heard
>"He was covered in soot?"
>Rarity suddenly leaned forward and slammed her hooves on to the table
>"Yes! It was awful! No stallion will ever be caught dead with so much as a stain on their neckerchief!"
>The unicorn huffed at the memory and continued, sitting upright again
>"In any case, Twilight explained tome the situation. Apparently she was experimenting on dimensional travel with the mirror and accidentally summoned the poor thing."
>"As the bearer of Generosity, I offered to sew clothes for dear Anonymous. But not before scolding Ms. Sparkle for dragging the colt's garments through the ringer."
>More scribbling
>"So what was it like sewing clothes for an extra terrestrial."
>Rarity gave her an odd look but continued
>"It was not that difficult in retrospect darling. All I needed was some references to Anonymous' measurements and some spare minotaur clothing."
>"Uh huh. No problems whatsoever?"
>The unicorn gave a smug grin
>"Of course."
>"But what about his er- anatomy down below?"
>Rarity took a sip and answered without a beat
>"Already taken care of. I took in to account his size with my keen eye and field tested the undergarments by yours truly."
>There was a pang of silence after
>"Alrighty then... Well uh thank you Ms. Rarity for the interview. It was... quite informative."
>"None to worry darling! It was the least I could do."
>With that, the video ends.
>It cuts to the next scene of a colorful cake shop 
>"Mare, all this walking is making me hungry."

>-Extra-
>Rarity bids the unicorn farewell and returns to the shop
>Fixing all the mess with a single flick of her horn she comes across the near finished briefs of a certain alien
>She grabs a piece with her magic and wears it, giving her a butt an extra wiggle in front of the mirror
>"Hmm. Should probably add more elasticity to the waistband for a good grip. Ooh! And make the fabric it more compact to hug those extra goodies."

>"This is Sheer Brilliance reporting in for my scheduled lunch as I continue my research on the subject Anonymous."
>The camera opens to unicorn stuffing her face with a gigantic cupcake with blueberry filling
>"This fine establishment where I am now is Ground Zero."
>Brilliance turns the camera to the ceiling revealing a 5 pointed squiggly star-shaped hole that was hastily covered with two by fours
>"Sugar Cube, the dessert shop, was where Anonymous, the human, landed here."
>She wipes her face to clear the crumbs on her muzzle
>"At least that's what the papers have said."
>"Right now, I'm going to interview one the subject's first contacts, Pinkamena Pie."
>"THAT'S MY NAME! Don't wear it out."
>"GAH!"
>Sheer Brilliance near flipped her dessert when a pink earth pony shoving her face on to the camera
>"Is this a camera? Am I on TV?! HI MOM, HI DAD, HI MAUD, HI LIMESTONE, HI MARBLE-"
>A hoof places itself on the noisy mares's mouth
>"Ms. Pie! I mean, Ms. Pie, I'm sorry if I bother you but-"
>Pinkie pulls away and shakes the mare's hoof
>"Daw! Don't be sorry Sheery! If someone calls my name I can't help but show up! Though I prefer to be called Pinkie Pie. It's what my friends call me! And everyone's my friend here."
>"Well okay then-"
>*gasp* "You must be new to Ponyville! I should throw you a welcome party here! Even Nonny liked it when I threw him a party.
>"No, please, I don't need a party. But I want to talk to you about-
>"Actually you remind me of my friend Twilight! She's such a good friend. She's even a princess of Friendship .Could you imagine that?!
>"PINKIE!"
>The party pony stopped bouncing around the booth and sits on the opposite side of Sheer Brilliance
>"Yes?"
>The unicorn takes a deep breath
>"I just want to interview you about Anonymous. It's for my research."
>Pinkie leans forward with a raised brow
>"You mean Nonny? Current talk of the town Nonny? My bestest alien friend besides my other 5 bestest friends Nonny? Currently reigning top 3 best smiles to protect of Equestria and rising Anonymous?
>With each new title, the earth mare was getting closer and up at the unicorn's face. Her one eye pointed down at her nervous customer
>"Y-Yes that Nonny."
>Pinkie zips back at her seat like rubber and lets out a big smile
>"Okie dokie lokie! What do you want to talk about?"
>Sheer Brilliance wipes her forehead in relief and fixes herself
>"I want you to talk about you handled your first contact with Anonymous the alien."
>With a pen and paper, she was ready to write down everything this mare has to offer

>Pinkie was on a roll
>While skating around the parlor, she took several orders and threw them in the air
>Each dessert landed perfectly on each table filled with happy stallions
>"Such agility!"
>"Such strength!"
>"Bear my children Pinkie!"
>She salutes the stallions before spotting a depressed Caramel
>"Oh me oh my! If only there was a pink mare that could make me smile."
>Pinkie landed on the table and pulled out Caramel's order from her hair
>"BEHOLD! You're pumpkin spiced frappe with extra sprinkles and coffee bits on the side my good colt."
>The stallion let out a gasp before blushing up a storm
>"Oh Pinkie Pie! You always know a way to a stallion's heart."
>"You know me Caramel! Say how about you tip me the usual."
>The stallion presented his rump towards the mare and the latter gave it a mighty slap
>"Ah~!"

>Sheer Brilliance could only sit still, slack-jawed at what monstrosity she wrote on her notepad
>"And then, several stallions suddenly stood up and fought just to tip me. Of course, I wasn't gonna allow a fight to occur so I requested each and every stallion there to form a line and-"
>"How about we just fast forward to the time Anonymous entered."
>Pinkie visibly deflated
>"But I was going to gonna talk about how I beat the Equestrian record for most booty slaps per minute."
>"Please, Pinkie? I just... can't put this in."
>Pinkie Pie reflates herself by blowing into her hair and continued

>Suddenly there was fire
>The whole ceiling lit up and upon there descended an creature unlike any another
>He landed on the ground with his fist down 
>The alien stood tall and looked around, flames still burning on his back
>"To where may I find sustenance to fill my needs?"
>All the ponies in the room gasped and looked around, thinking of something they could do to appease the mysterious creature
>All but one
>Pinkie Pie, the brave mare, stepped forward and presented a giant cupcake
>It was the Tuesday Jello Special, with frosting replaced with red jello jiggling top of it
>The creature picked up the food and smeared all over his face
>The fire on his back slowly extinguished
>He had a smile on his face and and knelt down on the brave earth pony
>"What is your name?"
>"Pinkie Pie! The number one party mare of Ponyville!"
>The alien laughed and pulled her up to his shoulder
>"The name suits you! Everyone, give it up for our number one party pony, Pinkie Pie!"
>"Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie!"
>Everypony clapped

>"-And that's how I met Nonny! The end."
>Pinkie let out a squee just from the memory
>Sheer Brilliance could only scratch her forehead with the pencil's eraser while looking down at her notes
>"So let's see if I can interpret this right, Anonymous crashed down from the ceiling, he was on fire, and you used your Tuesday Jello Special-"
>"-You should try it! We have it every Tuesday. It says so in its name."
>"-to put out the flames while he was on fire, then he introduced himself you."
>The unicorn looks up from her notes 
>"Is this correct?"
>"Yep!"
>Pinkie emphasizes the 'p'
>"Great!"
>Sheer Brilliance began to pack up her stuff
>"This has been an insightful interview butIhaveplacestogossightstoseeandI'msorryforleavingsosoonokaybye!"
>Wit that, she dashes out of the Sugar Cube Corner
>"What is wrong with this town?"


>-Extra-
>"Bye Sheers! It was nice knowing you!"
>At the same time, Caramel entered the parlor with a grumpy look
>Pinkie Pie noticed and trotted behind him
>"BUENOS DIAS, CARAMEL!"
>The stallion lets out a screech when he felt a firm slap on his rear
>He looks angrily at Pinkie and fires a quick buck with his legs, earning the mare a sunken face
>"B-Baka!"

>The camera cuts to a street in Ponyville 
>"Okay, so far we have a good idea on the subject's first contact with Ponykind."
>"Given the information given to us by 'eccentric' eyewitnesses. I have a good idea on how to approach Anonymous for tomorrow's goal-"
>"YOU!"
>She turns to see a furious stetson-wearing pony wielding a crossbow
>"Ohhh shoot."
>"GET BACK HERE YOU BROTHER-PEEPING VARMINT!"
>The camera shakes as Sheer Brilliance runs away from the crazy mare.
>A bolt zips past the camera making her scream
>"I didn't mean to peep on your brother!"
>The angry mare only yells back as a response and already shoots another bolt, nearly missing the researcher
>"Eep!"
>Brilliance turns the corner between two houses and finds herself back to a deadend blocked by a fence 
>Using her wits, she pulls a trashcan with her magic and uses it as a foothold to climb up
>"Oh no you don't you pervert!"
>The projectile lands near inches to Brilliance's leg as she hoists herself up
>When she is finally at the top of the fence, her horn glows and rolls the trashcan towards her pursuer 
>The mare was surprised at what the unicorn did and in response bucked oncoming obstacle
>The impact causes it to spew out the rest of its remains and on to the earth pony
>"Awwh! Ahh! Gross!"
>Leaving the crazy pony sputtering out the muck, Sheer Brilliance lands at the other side of the fence and scurries off
>Her heavy breathing is audible as she takes a rest on the nearby edge of the woods.
>"I think- *cough* I think I lost her."
>She plops her plot on to the ground and wipes away the sweat on her forehead.
>"Is Ponyville really this crazy? How does one even survive here?"
>"It can be a bit much but I consider it home."
>"AHHH!"
>"EEEP!"
>She turns towards the new voice and finds a yellow pegasus shaking and hiding away from Sheer Brilliance with her wings.
>Taking a good look at her, the mare doesn't look too threatening
>Yet
>"Oh uh, sorry for scaring you miss! I'm just a bit jumpy after some crazy mare was hunting me down. My n-name is Sheer Brilliance by the way! Unicorn researcher from Canterlot!"
>She extends a hoof to the quivering pony 
>The pegasus lets one eye peek from her wings before approaching her slowly and taking her hoof.
>"F-Fluttershy"

>The scene cuts to Sheer Brilliance walking with Fluttershy
>"Wow, being a researcher must be pretty fun."
>"It is! You get to travel all over Equestria and beyond! Though I guess being a caretaker for critters isn't too different from my profession."
>The pegasus tries to smile but bows her head when the camera starts focusing on her
>Sheer Brilliance notices this 
>"Oh uh, sorry if recording you is making you uncomfortable."
>"It kind of is. Could you kindly turn it away."
>The unicorn turns the camera away leaving it only seeing the ground they walk on
>"So, what kind of research are you doing?"
>Sheer Brilliance chuckles with pride
>"The first of its kind! I'm doing research on a never before seen creature that landed on Equestrian soil."
>"Really what's it like?"
>"It's a confirmed he! The specimen is something of a oddity within our books so I wanted to be the first."
>Fluttershy was silent at first before speaking
>"Would this specimen be Anon?"
>"Oh do you know him?"
>"I do, I'm one of the people who showed him around Ponyville alongside Twilight."
>Sheer Brilliance was ecstatic
>"That means you can tell me all about him!"
>"Oh that's a good idea! We could share each other's information about him?"
>The pegasus was looking into Anonymous? Strange but just another opportunity about her research.
>They arrive at Fluttershy's cabin as the mare fiddles with her keys to open the door
>"I think I could share you some of my notes here. Oh! Do you mind if I take some notes about your testimony about the alien?"
>"I don't mind at all."
>Fluttershy opens the door and lets Sheer Brilliance in
>It was a quaint little cabin suited for a mare living alone
>"Is it okay if I record your notes?"
>"Sure, my 'notes' are over here."
>The camera finally pans up to reveal a corner of the room draped with a red velvet cloth
>"Is this it?"
>"Yes, here let me pull the dust cover."
>She pulls the drapes with her mouth revealing a site Sheer Brilliance wished she'd never see
>It was a shrine
>A shrine dedicated to Anonymous
>Photos from the view just a few yards away from the unaware alien
>Jars of hair, nails, and ...other fluids
>Scrapped letters filled with hearts written with a red crayon
>In the middle was a group photo cutout leaving Anonymous and Fluttershy as the two remaining
>"What the buck..."
>"Language."
>Sheer Brilliance hears a click from the only exit

>Turning around, Fluttershy is at the door staring daggers at the camera's owner
>"So, you think you know sooo much about Anon."
>The pegasus takes a step forward
>"Uhhm... Fluttershy what are you doing?"
>Fluttershy takes a deep breath
>"What I am doing is a service to my future colfriend."
>Suddenly all manner of critters emerged from the furniture. Each baring their teeth, claws, and any other dangerous body part that could poke hard
>Sheer Brilliance gulps at what she had gotten into
>"You see, all manner of 'maress-uh' tried to take Anon away from me. And they all end up the same way."
>"Y-You kill them?!"
>That put's Fluttershy to a halt
>"Kill? No, I just knock them out and send them on a one-way trip to Timbucktu."
>"Oh."
>The unicorn breathes a sigh of relief
>"But that's not a bad idea actually. Bring her to me my pretties!"
>Fluttershy lets out a wicked laugh as all the critters moved to pounce on Sheer
>Suddenly Sheer Brilliance a war cry
>But it was more like a howling changeling with a voice-crack 
>All of the knick-knacks containing the shrine of Anon floated up and was thrown against the small army like a gatling gun
>"NO! NOT MY COLLECTION! CATCH THEM ALL!"
>The critters tried their best to catch as many jars and photos as possible
>But it was too late, a jar of nails was smashed onto the floor sending Fluttershy in a crazed frenzy
>"NOT THE NAIL JAR! It took me weeks to engrave every date I took them from the trash!"
>The screen cuts to see an image of chaos as Fluttershy and her animals all try to recover the Anon collection
>Suddenly the scene zooms in on the pegasus before fading to black

>Sheer Brilliance threw a jar out of the window and climbed out
>She lands hard on the grass floor and books it to the nearest tree line
>The unicorn made sure she wasn't being followed 
>But she ran as far away from this crazy place as possible
>Good thing Unicorn school taught her basic self-defense using magic
>By the time she was tired of running, she was somewhere unfamiliar to her
>She realized she was in the middle of nowhere, at night
>"Oh great. Just great. Well it looks like I'm in a bit of a pickle her folks- Wait where is it?"
>Her camera is missing. Why is it missing?!
>It was around her neck and then-
>She threw it at the crazy pegasus
>The unicorn took a deep breath
>"CURSE YOU UNICORN SCHOOL OF DEFENSE MAGIC!"
>She let out all her frustrations from that outburst
>But now what?
>"I mean, it can't get any worse can it?"
>The sound of thunder echoed through the night sky, and a heavy downpour emerged
>Sheer Brilliance clicked her tongue and looked down
>No food, no water, no camera
>Stuck in the middle of nowhere
>"Well at least there's one thing to do."
>She lied down and silently cried on the wet grass
>Stupid town, stupid pony towns, stupid thesis, stupid STUPID STUPID!
>Sheer Brilliance decides to let nature take its course and just swallow her whole
>The unicorn cried her heart out, letting tiredness put her to sleep
>Unaware that a creature was approaching her

>Sheer Brilliance woke to the sight of Celestia's sun peering down on her
>Is this Elysium?
>If it is, why is her nose clogged up and her throat hoarse?
>She sat up and coughed on the blanket on her before realizing where she is
>She was at someone's home.
>But it was quite uncanny, everything looked like it was bigger than most ponies
>Tartarus, even the bed she was laying on looked like it could accommodate a herd 
>Where is she?
>The door opened up to the sight of some sort of bipedal monster
>Unicorn School of Magic Defense Secret Art: Throw the nearest furniture!
"Shitting fuck!"
>The creature's tray of food was knocked out from his hand with a clock, which led the hot soup pouring down on to the floor
>The utensils clattered on to the floor as the weird bipedal monster- wait biped?
>Sheer Brilliance eyes widened at the entity before her who was jumping around and nursing his burnt foot
>"Y-You're Anon!"
>Anon had to sit down to a nearby chair as he rubbed on his burning foot before looking at her with a raised brow
"Yeah, and I'm glad you're awake. Didn't expect the warm welcome though."
>Oops.