Originally uploaded to Pastebin: April 26th, 2014
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>The air in the room is heavy with the smell of sweat, booze and fear.
>Such is usually the case with game night at Twilight Sparkle's house.
>"Okay! Sooo I was thinking we could do something different tonight!"
>The unicorn beams at her guests.
>They stare back, trepidation in their eyes.
>You just lean back in your chair and gulp down as much beer as you can.
>Rainbow Dash clears her throat and raises a hoof.
>"So we're not playing 'diary re-enactments' again?"
>Twilight waves a dismissive hoof.
>"Pfft, no, of course not! That would be milking an idea to death."
>Rarity and Rainbow Dash sigh in relief and give each other a happy look.
>Twilight places a box on the table.
>You can't see what's on it from this angle, so you shuffle forwards and crane your neck, the dim light making the box's name tough to decipher.
"Hang on, is that--."
>"We're going to play Dungeons and Dragons!"
"Oh god."

>"Okay okay, so has everyone made their characters?"
>You all nod.
>"Right, so, roll call! Applejack, who are you?"
>Applejack glances at her paper again.
>"Ah'm Treeshatter, Earth Pony Brute."
>Twilight 'ooohs'.
>"And what are her stats, Appleja--"
>"His."
>"...What?"
>Everyone does a double take and slowly turns their heads towards Applejack.
>You think she's going red but you can't tell from the dim lighting.
>"A-ah decided to make mah character a stallion. Ah wanna play as a stallion."
>...
"Heh."
>Twilight laughs nervously.
>"O-Okay then! Umm, so what are his stats?"
>"Ah put everything inta' strength."
>"...Seriously?"
>"All of it."
>"No dex or constitution?"
>"Nnnope."
>You can't stop smirking.
>This is gonna be fun.
>Twilight clears her throat and moves on.
>"Rarity! Who's your character?"
>Rarity, looking very pleased with herself, stands up to speak; pride evident in her voice.
>"I am Sheckel!"
>Spray beer all over the table and start laughing your ass off.
>Twilight, not skipping a beat, levitates a cloth over and starts wiping up whilst motioning for Rarity to continue.
>"She is a unicorn Thief who is wily and uses her charm to win over her competition!"
>Rarity sits down again, still smiling.
>"My character has most of her points in dexterity, but I have attributed the rest of my points to intelligence!"
>Twilight grins.
>"Great! That'll come in handy for sure!"
>She turns to Rainbow Dash.
>"Rainbow? Wanna go next?"
>Dash sniffs and takes a sip of her cider before shuffling her chair forwards.
>"Uhhh, sure, my character is Rainbow Flash. Pegasus, Fighter."
>Your mouth starts curving upwards again.
>"She's the fastest flyer in... What's this world called again?"
>Twilight perks up.
>"Oh! The gameworld is called Gamrea."
>"'Kay, so she's the fastest flyer in Gamrea, and she has all her points in dexterity and cunnilingus."
"BAHAHAH--"
>You lose your shit again.
>Twilight blushes.
>"Umm, that's 'comeliness', Rainbow, it means attractiveness."
>Rainbow winks at Twilight.
>"You know it, Twi~"
>Everyone turns to Pinkie Pie, who looks positively delighted with whatever she's gone and created.
>"Okayokayokay so guess what -I- made?!"
"What did you make, Pinks?"
>"I made my character Y'll-Shrazon! She's a half-zebra Warlock with points in intelligence, wisdom and constitution! I'm planning on making her a tanky spellcaster using various forms of blood magic to bolster my defences and help the team by passively applying buffs as well as summoning demons to aid us if we need an extra hoof!"
>...
>Everyone stares at her.
"Fucking hell."
>Twilight cocks her head.
>"Pinkie... Have you played this game before?"
>"Nope!"
>...
>"Uhh, okay then. You just keep doing your thing, Pinkie."
>The ponies turn to Fluttershy.
>She shifts uncomfortably as she looks at her paper then at her friends.
>"mycharacterisafpss..."
"Speak up, Fluttershy, come on."
>"M-my character is a pegasus... Cleric..."
>Twilight nods slowly.
>"Okay, and what else?"
>"S-she's called Twinklefly..."
>Everyone nods in agreement.
>"That's a nice name, darling!"
>"Ah reckon this is good so far."
>Fluttershy continues.
>"Um, and uhh, she's put all her points into charisma."
>...
"What."
>Twilight seems disheartened.
>"Every single point, Fluttershy?"
>"Yes."
>"O-oh, okay then."
>After a while, everyone looks at you.
>Crack your knuckles and lean forward.
"So I'm going old-school up in this, I'm playing Thane, a Minotaur Paladin. I put my points into Strength, Constitution and Intelligence; I've decided to go for a well-rounded character that can manage most situations."
>All the ponies seem pleased that the number of players who actually know what the fuck to do has gone up to 2.
>Fluttershy pokes you.
>"D-don't you mean a human paladin?"
"Nope. Minotaur."
>"I think you should play a human..."
"Minotaur."
>"Twilight can you please change Anon's character to a human?"
>Twilight begins flipping through her rulebook.
>"No humans, Fluttershy, sorry."
>Fluttershy slumps back in her chair and sighs.
>"Okay..."
>Twilight smiles at her friends.
>"So, with our characters ready, we can begin!"
>She giggles.
>"Let's play dungeons and dragons!"
>' You find yourselves in a grassy field overlooking a small town to the south. You are all perfectly healthy and wearing basic equipment. You can go north, south or east. '
>The players all look towards each other.
"Alright, so we should head to town and see if we can make something happen."
>Pinkie nods eagerly.
>"We need to get geared up and find magical items so that we can make ourselves stronger for any bad things that might happen! I'm gonna need some mana potions, Rarity will want vanishing powder, Anon will probably want a mace and shield, Applejack will want a warhammer, Rainbow Dash a pair of swords and Fluttershy will need make-up!"
"Make-up?"
>"She's put all her points into charisma! That means that she's virtually useless in most combat situations!"
>Pinkie doesn't lose her smile as Fluttershy trembles.
"Uhh, I guess we'll head to town then."
>' You all proceed into the town to the south - Horsetown - there are street vendors peddling their goods in the lightly crowded streets. To the east is a tavern; to the west a chapel; to the south the town hall and to the north is back where you came from. '
>Rarity speaks up.
>"Oh! I want to speak to one of the vendors, can I do that?"
>Twilight nods.
>"Marvellous! I want to talk to one right now!"
>You all agree.
>' Sheckel strolls confidently up to the nearest vendor, who is selling magical potions and other mysterious goods. How do you proceed? '
>"I would like to buy some of that 'vanishing powder' that Pinkie mentioned."
>' The vendor looks you up and down, wary of one such as yourself-- '
>Rarity seems taken aback.
>"One such as myself? What do you mean?"
"Well you're a thief, Rarity; you look shifty by default."
>"Well then! I shall extend an olive branch and ask him nicely for the vanishing powder again in exchange for some of my gold!"
>' The vendor names his price for one small bag of vanishing powder - 10 gold. You do not have 10 gold. '
>"What?!"
>Pinkie giggles.
>"We've just started, silly!"
>Rarity seems flustered.
>"Well what can I do?"
"I dunno, what would a -thief- do?"
>Rarity develops a smile.
>"I move to rob him blind!"
>' You move behind the vendor whilst he isn't looking, your natural sneakiness keeping you hidden, roll for pickpocket. '
>Rarity rolls her dice.
>20.
>...
"What the fuck."
>Rarity taps her front hooves nervously.
>"Is... Is that good?"
>You hold your head in your hands and let out an exasperated sigh.
"It's gonna be one of those games."
>' You, uhh... You literally steal the clothes off the vendor's body without him noticing; his shop, wares and earnings for the day are all placed inside your inventory; He doesn't suspect a thing. '
>Rarity's jaw drops.
>Applejack seems angry.
>"Now hold on just a minute, ya tellin' me that Rarity just robbed that poor pony of everythin' he had?!"
>' Yes, that's what happened. Rarity now has fifteen sacks of vanishing powder, twenty five mana potions, twenty five health potions, a vial of everlasting light, nine hundred gold and some worn dirty clothes. '
>...
>"...Can I sell the clothes?"
>Fucking Rarity.

>' With your party geared up and pockets lined with gold that isn't yours, your party proceeds from the marketplace and you find yourself in a dark alleyway. Shady looking characters lurk in the shadows, watching you constantly. Fluttershy, it's your turn. '
>Fluttershy smiles.
>"Roll to seduce."
>Rainbow Dash chokes on her cider.
>You raise an eyebrow.
"What?"
>' O...Kay? Roll to seduce who? '
>"Thane."
>Everyone around the table stares at Fluttershy, who smiles sweetly at you.
>Turn to Twilight.
"This can't be allowed."
>' It kinda is, actually... Uh, roll, I guess. '
>Fluttershy rolls.
>It's a 1.
>"D-darn it."
>' Twinklefly fails miserably to seduce the minotaur, who glares down at her in contempt. Rainbow Dash, your roll. '
>"Yeah, did you say there were shifty ponies around?"
>' I did. '
>"I ROLL TO KILL ONE OF THEM!"
"WHAT."
>' Rainbow I don't-- '
>She's already thrown down a die.
>11.
>' ...Rainbow Flash lunges at the nearest cloaked figure, driving her blade into his throat and killing him instantly. His dying gurgles alert his friends, who move in to attack you; there are seven cloaked ponies around you holding knives and wearing leather armour, what do you do? '
>Applejack taps the table.
>"Ah wanna kick 'em."
>' Which one? '
>"All of 'em. At once."
>' Applejack, that's impossible, you can't-- '
>"Ah roll to kick all of them at once."
>She throws down a die.
>19.
>Twilight sighs.
>' Your kick is so powerful that when it connects with the first pony it elicits a shockwave, erupting outwards and shattering the bones of every other pony in the alleyway, those closest to the blast are killed instantly. Treeshatter takes six points of damage and his party each take one point of damage. All that remains of the shadowy figures is red goo. '
>Applejack leans back in her chair and gulps down some cider.
>"That's how we do it in Gamrea."
>Twilight shakes her head.
>' With the figures all dead and Treeshatter suffering from fractured legs, you all proceed to the end of the alleyway where you find a black door that the figures were obviously trying to protect. Do you enter? '
>Pinkie nods.
>"I wanna get my mojo on! Let's do it!"
>' You all enter through the door, Y'll-Shrazon taking the lead as you descend the old cracked steps into the depths of the hideout. At the bottom you see a light shining from another door, do you proceed? '
"Do it."
>' Pushing open the door, you all march in to see a ring of hooded ponies; they are chanting dark magics and appear to be trying to summon a demon-- '
>"OOOH! That sounds like FUN!"
>' Pinkie-- '
>"I wanna help them summon the demon!"
"Pinkie please--"
>"Aaand roll!"
>Pinkie rolls her die.
>A fucking 20.
"Oh sweet Christ."
>Twilight gulps.
>' With Y'll-Shrazon's innate ability to manipulate demons, as well as her class, her assistance accelerates the ritual; the cultists are confused at first, but accept her help. Within seconds, the ground in the centre of the ring cracks open and a Hellbeast crawls out, as tall as the ceiling and with skin as black as night, his veins are like molten magma and his breath smells of sulphur; the room seems to grow darker with his very presence. Y'll-Shrazon has successfully summoned a Greater Demon, it is level twenty and has four thousand health points. '
>"Horray! I wanna call him Gumball!"
>' Y'll-Shrazon is not a high enough level to tame the demon, and the cultists are not prepared for a beast of its size or power. The beast is uncontrollable and attacks! '
"Oh shit."
>Rainbow Dash laughs.
>"That's more like it! I roll to slice his knees!"
>' You want to try and hinder his movements? '
>"Yeah yeah, sure."
>She rolls.
>6.
>' Rainbow Flash darts ahead, easily dodging the slow swings of the demon thanks to her dexterity; her attacks against the demon are ineffective because of her low strength stat and the demon's thick hide, which reduces damage from light attacks by five. Rainbow Flash is forced to retreat. '
>Rainbow pouts.
>"That's a load of horseapples..."
>' Fluttershy, your turn. '
>"I-I roll to seduce."
>Snort.
"What, the demon?"
>"No; you."
>...
>She rolls her die.
>15.
"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT."
>Rainbow breaks into laughter.
>' Twinklefly's sexy curves and silver tongue are enough to attract the attention of Thane, who develops a deep-set feeling of devotion to her. Thane now has plus five strength when defending Twinklefly in combat while Twinklefly gains plus five constitution from being defended by him. '
"Oh. Great. Thanks, Twilight."
>She shrugs helplessly.
>Applejack coughs.
>"Ah roll to kick 'em."
>' You can't. Your legs are literally broken. '
>"Oh... Can ah heal 'em?"
>' Sure can, you can use a health potion, but it takes one turn to take effect. '
>Applejack shrugs.
>"Guess ah'll do that then."
>' Treeshatter sits down with a large red vial and begins drinking, removing him from combat. Rarity, go. '
>"I want to use my vanishing powder!"
>' Alright then, you are invisible for three turns; what do you do now? '
>"I want to rob him blind!"
>' Rarity it's a demon from the blackest hells, I don't think it's carrying gold. '
>"No no, darling, you misunderstand. I want to literally rob his eyes. I want to make him blind."
>Everyone stares at Rarity.
"Fuck that's clever."
>Twilight smiles
>' You know what, okay. Go ahead. '
>Rarity gets a 20.
"Did you load that die, Rarity?"
>"Of course not darling, it's just how I roll~"
>Twilight rubs her temples.
>' Sheckel uses her supernatural thievery to steal the eyes right out of the demon's skull. She now has four demonic eyeballs in her inventory. The beast is writhing around in pain and swinging in random directions. '
>Twilight rolls a quick die out of view of everyone.
>' One of the beast's blows hits Treeshatter as he was drinking his potion. '
>Applejack blinks.
>"What happens?"
>Twilight takes a moment to write some things down and mutter to herself.
>' ...Your legs are broken. Again. '
>"CONSARNET."
>' Anon. Go. '
"Aight, so I want to cast Divine Hammer."
>Twilight nods.
>' Good choice. Roll for it. '
>Just as you roll, Fluttershy reaches under the table and stokes your leg.
>This causes you to jump and instead launch the die into the air.
"The fuck, Fluttershy?"
>"B-but our characters are together now!"
>Before you can respond, the die lands in her mane.
>She squeaks.
>Grumble and lean over.
>She takes this opportunity to hug you and nuzzle your chest.
>Rarity coos at this.
>Look down at the die resting in her mane.
>16.
"Sixteen."
>Twilight nods in confirmation.
>' Because the party in is combat, Twinklefly is in danger; Thane gains a strength bonus on his attack rolls because of his unwavering devotion to her and strikes the demon down with his mace, the beast takes bonus damage due to a type disadvantage. It takes one hundred and four damage. '
>Whistle, impressed.
>' The demon now has three thousand eight hundred and ninety six health left. '
"Fucks sake."
>Drink down the rest of your beer, chuck it aside and move your chair forward.
"This is gonna take a while."

>' You all emerge from the hideout battered but victorious. Thane is carrying Treeshatter, whose legs are all still broken beyond repair. Sheckel possesses six demonic eyeballs, a demonic left arm, a demonic left foot, a demonic heart, a demonic brain, a demonic set of kidneys and a demonic skull. Rainbow Flash has one health point left, Y'll-Shrazon's inventory contains a manual on summoning demons, Twinklefly still dominates Thane's mind. '
>Fluttershy's hoof travels towards your crotch beneath the table.
>Slap it away.
>' You can leave town or you can proceed to the town hall to tell the mayor of the cultists' actions. What do you do? '
"Go to the town hall, I guess."
>Look around the table.
>Everyone is in agreement.
>' You all proceed to the town hall. Upon entering you are greeted by the mayor, who is wary of Sheckel. '
>"What kind of outfit is he wearing?"
>' He's uhh, wearing fine ornate robes, a fitting choice of wear for the leader of the town. '
>"I roll to steal them."
>20.
>' Sheckel swipes the mayor's clothes and deposits them in her inventory; the mayor is none the wiser. '
>Rarity giggles happily.
"That's some bullshit, Rarity."
>"Now now, darling, don't be jealous of my skills~"
>' You all tell the mayor of your exploits. He seems skeptical and asks for proof. Rarity, you can choose to show him some of you, uhh, 'loot'.'
>Rarity just smiles at Twilight.
>' ...Sheckel dumps her satchel full of demon limbs and other bodyparts at the mayor's hooves. He accepts this as evidence enough. He rewards you with four hundred gold and a magic sword that deals increased damage to undead beings. '
>Rainbow Dash groans.
>"Can we please go and kill something? This is getting boring!"
>Twilight huffs.
>' Dungeons and Dragons requires a lot of patience, Rainbow! We need to build up the characters and-- '
>"Screw this, I roll to kill the mayor."
>She throws down her die.
>17
>Twilight twitches.
>' R... Rainbow Flash rips out the throat of the mayor right then and there for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. '
>Rainbow Dash smirks.
>"See? Now it's way more interesting!"
>' Rainbow you can't just kill everything because you feel bored! '
>"Why not? Been working out pretty great so far, besides, that guy was probably a demon or something."
>Twilight averts her gaze and shuffles her papers.
>' Y-you didn't know that... '
>Dash lets out a laugh.
>"Oh wow, was he actually a demon as well!? I am -so- -AWESOME-!"
>' YOU ARE NOT AWESOME! YOU'RE RUINING GAME NIGHT!"
>"Are mah legs unbroken yet?"
>' NO! '
>"Could I please have that four hundred gold, darling?"
>' YOU HAVE OVER A THOUSAND GOLD, RARITY, YOU HAVE ENOUGH. '
>"I roll to seduce Anon!"
>' YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THAT, FLUTTERSHY. '
>"B-but I want to consummate our love!"
>"Why are mah legs still broken?"
>' I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, APPLEJACK! '
>"I roll to kill Applejack!"
>' GOD DAMMIT, RAINBOW DASH. '
>"If Rainbow dies could I please have her loot?"
>' SHUT UP, RARITY. '
>Fluttershy rolls a die
>20 
>"O-oh my, I think we need to start a family now, Anon!"
>She lunges at you and knocks you off your chair.
>Wrestle and struggle, rolling around the floor and trying to pry the pegasus off you whilst your friends scream at each other.
>' I SPENT A WEEK MAKING THIS GAME WORLD! '
>"YOUR GAME WORLD SUCKS, TWI; THERE ISN'T ENOUGH ACTION! WHERE ARE THE DRAGONS?!"
>' WE WERE GETTING TO THEM BEFORE YOU KILLED THE MAYOR! '
>"Ah still don't understand why all mah legs are broken!"
>"I roll to summon a demon! No no no, SIX demons! I wanna make six demons appear!"
"GET OFF ME, FLUTTERSHY."
>"N-no! You're mine! The game said so!"
>You throw her off you, but she tackles you again before you can get to your feet, sticking her tongue in your mouth and moaning.
>Rarity reaches over and takes your character sheet, as well as Fluttershy's.
>"I roll to loot these."
>She rolls a die to herself.
>"Oh look, a twenty~"
>She stuffs them in her saddlebag.
>Whilst all this is happening, Rainbow and Twilight are stood off to the side screaming.
>Applejack has leant back, pulled her hat over her eyes and gone to sleep, somehow.
>Pinkie Pie is still playing the game on her own.
>For the next hour you roll around on the floor with Fluttershy, Rarity slowly steals everything off the table, Applejack snores, Rainbow and Twilight bellow at each other and Pinkie Pie sits in a corner with a single die, playing out the campaign by herself.

>Panting, you stand up.
>Fluttershy is groaning and struggling to move.
>You try to straighten up, legs wobbling.
>The room is trashed.
>Everything is missing off the table.
>The front door is wide open.
>Pinkie is asleep in the corner with a rulebook on her head.
>Applejack is missing.
>Rainbow and Twilight retreated to Twilight's bedroom to scream at each other some more.
>"O-oh god, Rainbow YES!~"
>Rainbow's winning.
>You look down at your hands, then at the front door.
>Walk past the table, pluck your jacket off the chair and stroll out, whistling.

>Another successful game night.

The End.